Forgive don't Forget
by Dayreadernitewriter
Summary: (AU)"Because I love you!" I yell at the top of my lungs as I close the distance between us my voice cracking with raw emotion. "I love you…so much. So much…that I couldn't fathom, I can't fathom anyone hurting you…and he did that…in so many ways...I didn't want to tell you like this…" My breathing is increasing significantly. "But you need to know…even if it's the last thing...
1. Last Call

**AN: This is an MA (mature adult) story. I repeat...an MA story. You've been warned.  
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**Chapter 1** **– Last Call**

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**Tris's POV:**

I let out a deep sigh as I finally see the time 1:30 AM on the oversized digital clock hung for the whole bar to see. It's a good 4 feet wide and 3 feet high. Tori hung it there because she was tired of having to kick people out at "last call." She refuses to hire another bouncer and Al definitely needs help. I smile to myself thinking how ridiculous the whole clock thing is because no matter the time, assholes still try to get drinks long past last call.

As a bartender I see men who may be good-looking on a normal day, but now just look like sloppy drunks: suit jackets thrown over barstools (always several forgotten by the end of the night), wrinkled shirts usually with the top two buttons undone, severely loosened ties, mussed hair, droopy eyes and slurring words. _Real hot. _The bar draws a plethora of businessmen during the week on account of its location near The Loop. They actually think that their chosen profession will make us serve them after last call.

The male customers tend to fawn all over Christina, not that I blame them. She's tall with legs that don't quit, dark-skinned and has silky black hair. Her make-up looks professionally done and her ability to flirt is staggering. In addition, a friggin' plastic surgeon would be jealous of her breasts, but they are real. _Bitch. _But she's my best friend and I couldn't possibly ask for a better one. She is always trying to build me up about my looks. It's borderline comical when she tells me "all guys need is a handful," referencing my small breasts. To be honest, I'm short: 5"3", skinny, pale, and have minimal curves. When I say minimal, I mean I have hips, only to the extent that they are a part of a woman's basic anatomy. My eyes are a boring grey. _Seriously who has grey eyes?_ At least I have long eyelashes, so I suppose I have that going for me. _Because all men want a girl with great eyelashes, right?_ And I guess my hair is ok, it's pretty thick so I know I won't be balding when I'm 80…assuming I make it to 80. Looking over my shoulder for my past to catch up to me is a common occurrence…fear is my MO.

"Last call," I hear from Tori as she stands on the bar seemingly being ignored.

Lynn, one of our cocktail waitress, stops serving and as she walks to the back of the bar, some drunk-ass grabs her around the waist roughly, pulling her to him and asks where she thinks she's going. I push a button under the bar and Al comes plowing over within seconds and tosses the guy out all the while he is screaming, "Do you know who I am? I'll sue your ass!" _Well, there's another suit jacket we can donate to Good Will. I hope it's Gucci. _

Lynn looks at me and says, "If only they knew I was a fucking lesbian."

"I don't think that would help your cause."

She laughs, which is a rare occurrence for Lynn. The hair on her right side is chin-length and the other side is spiked but she pulls it off well. She's short like me, but has curves and lean muscular arms from the pull-up bar she obsessively uses in her closet. Men seem to love her, probably because she looks like she could kick their ass and their semi-sadistic nature comes out in full force.

"Trissy…" says a sing-songy voice…._Christina_. "You know it's Thursday, right?"

"Yessssss…."

"10 dollar pitchers at Callahans! Come on! You HAVE to come with me! I need my wing man…or woman…whatever," she says semi-convincingly.

"I'm out," I say. I really just want to go home, put on my t-shirt and sweats and pass out watching Friends re-runs. _God I suck._

"What can I do to convince you?" she pushes. _Not a damn thing._ "I know! I won't ask you to go shopping or get a mani-pedi for 1 whole week?"

"Bye Chris…." I say, walking away.

"Fine then I'll ask Lynn. The worst wing woman ever!" She yells after me as Lynn passes her and mumbles a curt but blunt, "Fuck you."

I count my tips in the back room and give an extra 20% to the bar back for taking over my closing duties. And go outside to hop on the next bus….a large hand clamps on my shoulder and I reel around panicked. I look into kind, concerned eyes…..Al.

"Ya know Tris you really shouldn't be heading home alone at 2:00 am."

"Thanks Al, but I really can take care of myself….It's just the bus. The El…that's a different story," I said, trying to convince myself of that fact. To be honest, I don't really feel safe…anywhere. I just hate how weak it makes me feel. On a lesser note, I don't like inconveniencing people.

"See ya, Al."

"Yeah okay. Bye Tris."

Al always stares a little too long. He probably thinks I'm fragile.

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**Four's POV:**

I'm staring out the window into the expanse that is Lake Michigan. It's beyond late and all I can see on the lake are the dots from the lights on the boats and blackness. This is the only time that I feel at ease working on the 85th floor of a skyscraper. The floor to ceiling windows do nothing for my crippling fear of heights during the day.

My eyes start to wander around my office. I can only describe it as "swanky." _I seriously cannot think of a manly adjective right now. _I've never taken much notice of décor in my personal space, which is kind of humorous because I'm an architect so detail is kind of my thing. I see that the colors of the walls in my office complement the artwork that was already here when I started this job 1 month ago. I was told the art was from a gallery in Bucktown. I've heard it's a great area so maybe I'll visit it sometime. But with whom? I can't exactly take Zeke to an art gallery and enjoy flavored coffee at a boutique coffee shop. _Or can I? Jesus I need to get out of here….._

As I walk down the hall I peer into the support staff offices and I see pictures and little personal touches that adorn the desks and walls: pictures, flowers and potpourri, to name a few. I should really do that, I briefly ponder….but I know I won't; bringing my personal shit into my office…not my style. Then I laugh to myself, _as if I had personal shit._ My apartment looks like my office.

As I exit the building I decide to forgo the company driver and take the Blue Line to clear my head. I cross Randolph and just as I make it to the other side I hear sirens go off as a cop car does a u-turn and pulls over right as I stop on the sidewalk. Not even bothering to turn around, I take a deep cleansing breath, bracing myself for whatever the hell the problem is.

"Hey dickhead! I've pulled people over for less than jaywalking!" _Zeke. _

He hops out of the car and I round on him smacking him upside the head. "You scared the shit out of me! What the hell is wrong with you?!" I yell.

"Whoa man! Keep your anger in check my friend because _we_ need to make it to the bar before last call! Now hop into my sweet ride."

Not at all in the mood to argue I glare at him and get in the car. "May I inquire which bar we are in fact going to?" I ask. "It's 1:30. Last call is actually…..right now, genius."

"Do not ever underestimate the power of the uniform!" Zeke quips before he turns the sirens on to move traffic. "We are going to Hangars."

"I really don't want to be one of those douche bags who thinks he deserves a drink after last call," I comment.

"Well then let me be the douchebag! I'm the cop. Everyone thinks we are douchebags," Zeke says laughing.

"Well they aren't far off," I mumble

"Hey, what the hell has your panties in a twist? When was the last time you got laid? Wait, what was her name again…Nita?" he asserts.

"Which one of those 3 questions do you actually want an answer to?" I ask annoyed.

My date-turned-into-one-night-stand with one of my associates (_big mistake) _is something I would rather forget. Nita is what most men would consider incredibly sexy. She knows it and she uses it to her advantage. She has an olive complexion and long black hair. Her body has the curvature that most men get hard over just by seeing her walk down the hall. She is always done up with a little too much makeup for my taste and her eyes are…_What the hell color are her eyes? Huh, never noticed._ Nita set her sites on me from day 1. I have to admit I was flattered, seeing that all my colleagues fawned over her. It was masculating…I'm a guy. But I don't take kindly to women who look at me like I'm their prey. Yet I relented and agreed to dinner after several nights of her stopping by my office well after hours. Frankly it was making me uncomfortable. I could just see the sexual harassment papers being filed.

At dinner I found out that Nita was self-absorbed, selfish, rudely sarcastic and she even told me not to tip the server 20% because "that girl looks like she belongs in a shelter, not in a 4 star restaurant." At that point I was 3 single malts in and she yanked me, literally, to the bar at the restaurant because I needed to "loosen up." What I really needed was to erase her face so I tried to do that…with 5 Hendrick's and tonic.

Turns out the two of us did "loosen up"…twice. _Ugh._ She woke up with black makeup all under her eyes and smelling like whiskey and some horrendous perfume. I ran to the bathroom and vomited.

"Four! Hello! Earth to Four!" Zeke says.

"Oh yeah….what?" I said shaking my head trying to rid myself of that whole experience.

"So do we need to get you a girl or what?" He asks.

"Nope. Not interested at this time," I deadpan. "Now pull over, you're going to miss the bar." Zeke pulls right up onto the curb. _Idiot._

"Yeah well, you never really _are_ interested," he replies.

He's right. I haven't had a girlfriend in…..well, years. Several dates with the same girl here and there, but I scare them off pretty quick because I'm moody as fuck.

We arrive at the bar at 1:45 thanks to Zeke's sirens. Right when we go to walk in, a humpty dumpty looking bouncer tosses a guy out on his ass. The guy has the balls to scream the name of the firm he works for threatening to sue for harassment. He's probably a temp. I do feel bad for the guy when he starts to walk away without his coat mumbling something about Gucci.

Before Zeke and I enter the bar something catches my eye. I see a flash of blond hair and a petite hand giving a slight wave to someone in the doorway. As the bus pulls away I lock eyes with her…briefly.


	2. Crossing Paths

**A/N: ** **Now that I have introduced both characters I would like to note that I am not channeling Veronica Roth's version of these guys as you will find out in later chapters. I suppose some have similar characteristics... The hot, broody, guy... The insecure beauty... Crazy BFs... etc. Aside from that...they're fairly my own. **

**WARNING:** This chapter illustrates some physical and sexual abuse. It is an important part of what makes Tris who she is. If this is a trigger for you, please don't read it.

**Chapter 2:** **Crossing Paths**

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**Tris's POV:**

_Held up against the wall, feet dangling, with 2 strong hands around my throat. Black spots and then relief. Funny how one can find relief during pain. Waking up in a puddle of was what was hopefully silent tears. Can't walk on my ankle. Probably from when I was dropped. _

These are my dreams….so vivid….probably because they were a reality.

I remember back when I lived in Wisconsin, my mom would always say how nice I looked in turtlenecks. _If she only knew. _That was mom, always trying to instill humble behavior on us kids; from how we dress, to how we should only project our emotions inward.

"If we are to project outward, always make sure it is only to benefit someone else," she would say.

I challenged her once by saying, "What if that which benefits someone else, has negative consequences?" referring to the many times I was forced into submission to "benefit" the sexual needs of my boyfriend. This conversation was my desperate and incredibly vague way of trying to reach out for help…..I think I even subconsciously pulled on my turtleneck, maybe hoping she would see the expanse of bruises in the shape of fingers around my neck.

"Well, now that is in God's hands isn't it?" _God has some seriously screwed up hands if that's the case. _That was my mother's response to so many things.

"So, I'm making chicken pot pie for dinner. I know it's Eric's favorite. He hasn't come around lately. Have you been fighting?" She asked. There was something about the way she asked me that day and the way she was looking at me that I couldn't put my finger on.

I think I always resented my mom for her supposed naivety. I always heard other kids say they didn't know how their mom "just knew" when they had done something stupid…usually something trivial like stealing magazines. They spoke as if their mothers had some sixth sense and just had a feeling when something was off with her kids.

Why did my mom not have this same trait? Or did she and she wasn't brave enough to say anything? She was the wife of a highly respected pastor after all and nothing would taint a reputation like parents who "raised a daughter to tolerate abuse." How weak would that make them look? I need to push these thoughts out of my mind. They loved me and here I am tainting my memories of them.

I remember saying, "No everything is fine. He has just been busy at the farm."

It was harvest after all so I knew my mom would buy that excuse. He truly had been gone early in the morning until very late just about every night.

His family owned the largest farm in Dane County, and were very wealthy. He bought into the farm at the age of 19 and soon became independently wealthy at too young of an age in my opinion. Although he didn't actually run the farm. He just reaped the financial benefits on account of his family charging the actual farmers who worked the land for their livelihood way too much money to rent and farm the land.

So, what he was doing at all hours of the night? I had my speculations. Even though they weren't really speculations. He always wanted me at his house when he got home and he reeked of cheap perfume. Those were the worst nights. The ones when I knew he had been with someone else, yet he still wanted to have sex with me. Probably out of some twisted guilt he had. At that point in our relationship I _hated _having sex with him. I always said to myself things like "I let him," or "I didn' t exactly say no….." Now that I have come to terms with it, holding my legs together and telling him "I don't want to" is the same thing as saying "no."

_Why the hell am I thinking about this? Oh yeah..because I'm still secretly punishing myself for doing….hmmmmm let's see…..nothing about it. Aside from packing a bag and getting the hell out of dodge!_

I heard a loud pounding on my apartment door and a very obnoxious sounding Christina screeching my name. _Our neighbors must hate her._

"I'm coming! I'm coming! Damn!" I yelled. I opened the door to a very flustered looking Christina.

"Good God! I got stuck walking behind some lady pushing a stroller with 3 kids in it! Took up the whole sidewalk….then she decided to fucking window shop! I almost kicked her." _Knowing Christina, she probably would have._

"Uh…glad you didn't." I said while counting the 7 shopping bags she was lugging into our apartment. "And where exactly are your keys?"

"Right where I left them!" She pointed at the key hanger on the wall. I can't even tell you how many times that girl has left her keys at home. Christina is going to Westwood College pursuing a degree in fashion. She shops for the both of us….although I only end up wearing maybe 10% of what she buys me. "Why did it take you so long to answer the door?"

"I was taking a nap," I said.

She gives me her pity look…she knows I only sleep when I absolutely have to because I have nightmares. Christina knows everything about my past….she is the only one who has read my journals. The pity look is my cue to get out of here. "Hey Chris"…I yell over my shoulder as I walk into my room, "I'm going for a run and then I may stop at The Studio to do a quick walk-in class."

"Hey crazy pants! Why do you do that shit? You do know it's a 5 mile run there?" _I'm well aware. "_You dance your tight little butt off and then run back? You are truly sadistic." _Really shitty choice of words Chris. _"Oh hey! BT dubs….I switched shifts with Myra so you and I have the same schedule tonight. Then we can go out after our shift, yeah? Oh man! Tori looked pissed because….let's be honest…. I'm a way better bartender than Myra, particularly around the opposite sex. Plus it doesn't help that her boyfriend sits at the bar and watches her for her ENTIRE shift….but anyway I just told her…" _I'm just going to let her think I'm listening._

"Oh hey Chris?" I interjected.

"Did you seriously just cut me off mid-sentence?" She asked in mocked surprise.

"No. I cut you off mid-rant." I laugh. "Anyway, there was a cop car outside of the bar last night. Whoever drove it pulled up on the curb like an asshole. Was everything okay?"

"Ha! You saw that, huh? Yeah, one of the local cops came in with a friend and thought that because he was a "_man in uniform"_ he should be served. I mean he actually said "_man in uniform" _as if he's in the Army or the Marines! So I called him out on that one and said I wasn't going to serve them," she explained.

"Okay. I was just wondering if I missed anything exciting."

Last night looking out the bus window I saw 2 men get out of the police car and stop to laugh at the guy who was still throwing a fit about being kicked out of the bar. The darker-skinned police officer went barreling into the bar while the other man turned and locked eyes with me. I remember the eyes. Even through the tinted windows of the bus I could see they were an unusual color. A strange comforting feeling came over me and it stayed with me the whole ride home. It was a welcomed change.

"No, you didn't really miss anything. I mean Tori did come out and served them because she knew the cop. His name was Zeke…..I think." She pondered that for a moment and then moved on. "He was really funny…totally outgoing. His friend was a little weird though. At first I was like mouth-open drooling because he was fucking hot…like hot hot…but then he ordered a shot of whiskey, tossed it back and just stood there."

"Did you see what his eyes looked like….like the color maybe?" I asked chewing on my nails. _What the hell kind of question is that?_

Christina raised her right eyebrow at me. "Can't….say….I….did?"

"Okay sooooo…. " Christina is still giving me the "what the fuck?" look. "I'm going to go….." I said sliding into my room to change into my shin length yoga pants, sports bra and T-shirt. It's an outfit that is equally great for running and dancing. I slide on my Brooks running shoes and yell to Christina that I will see her at work. She comes running out of the bathroom and asks what I'm wearing tonight. _Oh yeah, it is cutting it close between work-out and work time._

"Christina," she looks at me with expectant eyes. _She so knows what I'm about to ask her._ "Ugh…yes pick out an outfit for me….please, please, I beg you to make it something "I" would wear!"

"Oh your gonna wear it all right!" She yells as I slam the door. _I'm screwed._

I break out into a nice jog and make it to the studio in pretty good time….not as fast as usual because I'm not in as much of a time crunch seeing as I am going to take a cab to work rather than run home after class.

I walk in the door and hear the tinkling of the bell signaling to Rita that there is a new arrival.

"Beatrice!" (Although she pronounces it _Beh ah trees!) _ My darling little niña! Ven ven ven mija!" She yells in her adorable Puerto Rican accent.

I walk in the door and scootch to the back of the class so my back is facing the front window.

"No, no, no darling! You come up front to show our new dancers how it's done!" As she says "how it's done" she shakes her shoulders Samba style. _She's hilarious. _

When she says, "new dancers," she means dancers who have never done this particular choreography. This studio is known for its walk in classes and its clientele are seasoned or professional dancers.

I like to call myself "seasoned." I never had any interest in being a professional dancer. I was told back in middle school that I have a natural talent and I was on the competitive dance team through high school. We won Nationals in Hip Hop and Jazz for 4 years straight. When I dance I feel like I am in control. I can loose myself for a while…reality always hits afterwards, but at least for that time I feel confident and alive.

"No, I'm fine here…..really." Actually, I'm not. I'm so close to the front window that I may as well be dancing on the fucking sidewalk. "Ok…maybe I'll just move up a few rows."

"Mija, no matter! Today we do things different!" _Different? _"Ok! Ok! Rita needs 3 voluntarios! Beatrice…you are numero 1 darling." _Shit. _

"Uh? Which song today?' I ask needing to know if I should wear shoes or not.

She looks at me and narrows her eyes. "Your audition song, niña….." She says with a devilish grin.

When I first came to the studio, Rita didn't believe I could dance. There were about 15 other dancers in the room on that day and she said, "You wanna hang with the big dogs you gotta piss on the big trees!" _Is she for real? _She must have read the confusion on my face because she said with an accompanying eye roll, "Dance! Dance! Show us your talent if you really think you have some….." So, I did. And she uses my routine in class to this day.

I slowly trudge to the middle of the one-room studio after I change my shoes and ask if I have time to stretch. She looks and me plainly and says, "You're late. No." I give her an eye roll.

"Don't act like you don't love this darling!" Rita acknowledges with a smile. _She's right._

I make eye contact with 2 other dancers who I know have done this one before and they join me on the floor. The idea is that the part of the song to which the routine is choreographed, plays on loop and basically the dancers watch until they feel they know the routine and then they jump in when the choreography starts over. This goes on for about 7 minutes and then we switch songs.

I nod at Rita to cue the music When it starts, I look over at Marlene, the dancer to my right, and then the dancer to my left (whose name escapes me) , while saying 5, 6, 7, 8… **(the song: Work Bitch, Britney Spears)**

There is a part in the routine where we have to do a 180 degree turn in a hip opening squat position while seductively rolling our hips._ The only time I am ever comfortable doing this. _And out of the corner of my eye I catch someone watching. It's not uncommon for people to look in the window. It is kind of a sight. But the studio is off the beaten path so pretty much only the neighborhood people pass by and just glance briefly. The 2nd time we go through the choreography I feel heat starting to creep up on the back of my neck…and not from exertion. We perform the 180 degree turn, this time, 3 more dancers jump in and disrupt my view, but I still see someone…a man…he's tall. The 3rd time, 5 more dancers jump in, the hairs on the back of my neck are creeping up now. Some of the dancers go in front of me so when we turn around towards the window, my view isn't totally obstructed. I feel like this man is just watching _me_. _What?_ There are 12 other _professional_ dancers doing this with me. _He's not watching me. Idiot. _The rest of the class jumps in, my back is on fire right now because I can now see the guy watching. I can see him through the reflection in the floor to ceiling mirror in the front of the room now that there aren't any people leaning against it. I watch him through the mirror for the last 2 run-throughs. His face is obscured because of the setting sun shining into the window of the studio. I have a feeling he is very handsome. Why I feel like he is watching me…..I don't know.

"OK my little ones! Finito. Hydrate! Hydrate! Hydrate!" Rita screeches.

I walk casually over to the window after I grab my water and towel, but there's no one in sight.

* * *

**Four's POV:**

The lunches at ALG Architects, Inc. are actually pretty amazing. They put a full on spread in the break-out room. In addition to fresh pastries, bagels and muffins in the morning, we also have our own coffee barista. Or as the men in the office like to call her, "the coffee bitch." _Pricks._ Lunch today doesn't disappoint: smoked salmon with fresh lemon and capers, warm rolls and steamed vegetables in hollandaise sauce, and a side of feta risotto to top it off.

I eat with some of the other guys, who I don't really care for. They are all pretty arrogant…but then again people have said the same thing about me. I find it funny because I don't socialize much, so I don't know where they come up with this shit. The thought had crossed my mind that they probably think I'm aloof…which is sort of accurate.

Honestly, I have my good friends, who I would take a bullet for, but aside from that I go to work and do my job (which I'm pretty good at I have to say…._shit maybe I am arrogant_). It's not like I admit that to anyone else. I was hired, or "hijacked" as I was later informed, unbeknownst to me, from my last job and given the position of 1 of 10 senior architects. Supposedly, they saw my design work in the new buildings they were adding onto for Loyola University. I was only at my former employers for 4 months when I got the call. I immediately thought, _Marcus. _This new job was almost too good to be true and Marcus, my father, has major connections in all aspects of the business world. God forbid the infamous Marcus Eaton's son doesn't work at the top architectural firm in the Midwest. So when Amar, my new boss and the co-owner of literally one of the top architectural firms in the United States called me, I had my suspicions. However, upon Amar interviewing me, which was more of a formality than anything, I could tell he was genuine and truly didn't give a shit about my father. In fact, he went so far as to call my dad an arrogant asshole. _That sealed the deal._ Anyone that can't stand Marcus is a friend of mine. Amar told me he had been watching me, as he does all up and coming architects starting from when they are still in university. He said I showed promise all the way back from my internship work from UIC. Which was really just rehabbing an abandoned home towards the South side of the city. Anyway, that was also how I knew I had earned this job: Amar had a file on me documenting every project I ever worked on and detailed descriptions of how well I worked with the foreman on these projects….crazy.

"Hey Four. Smoked salmon, huh? Nice." Said my friend Will. Will is a junior architect. He's a couple years younger than me and really talented. He will hopefully be next in line for a senior position. He and Amar are the only guys I like. Will has been a good friend and we have common sentiments about our associates. It helps that him and Zeke have become friends as well, so we see plenty of each other outside of work. "Hey man. Seriously don't leave unless I give you the all clear." Will whispers.

"Huh? Why?" I gracefully respond.

"Nita is standing by the door and she looks like she is ready to accost you. Did you ever officially tell her you aren't interested?" Will asks while trying to sound like we are having a light conversation.

"I didn't think I had to. I would have assumed it was apparent when I left the bathroom after puking my guts out and told her this was a mistake!" I whispered exasperated.

"Well, I see your point but she seems like the type of girl who doesn't understand hints…." Will calmly explains.

"Hint?! You think that was a fucking _hint_?" I said with my head in my hands. _I mean I know I don't have a way with words but come on!_

"Look all I'm saying is that she is looking at you like you are sex on a platter right now." He laughs.

"How the hell do I get out of here?" I beg.

"Leave it to me." Will says. "First, are we going out tonight with Zeke and Uriah? I want to hit up Hangars. There is a super hot bartender there who I have been trying to get the guts to ask out….but I didn't want to seem like a tool box. I see how the guys look and talk to her: like she's a conquest. She acts like she likes it but then I see her roll her eyes as she faces away from them. I have a feeling they get a lot of that there."

"I will do whatever the hell you want as long as you get me the fuck out of here." I sigh. "But hey, tell her what you just told me…she'll go out with you."

"Thanks man. Now follow my lead."

I follow Will with my head down and just as he passes Nita, he "accidentally" tips over her feta risotto and it spills down the front of her dress. I duck past them and Will gives me a quick fist bump. I look back and see just about every male exec offering to help her wipe the front of her way –too-exposed chest. _Gross._

I decide not to head back into work, with Nita on a roll I really don't have any desire to be there. Plus, the project I'm working on is almost finished; I'm actually ahead of the deadline. So, I decide to go for a run. Normally I would go to the gym to let off steam, but today I signal one of the company drivers and ask him to take me to my apartment so I can change and then ask him to drop me off on the corner of North Avenue and Paulina. I like to run in areas I normally don't frequent….less chance of running into people I know. I hate being disrupted when I run.

The driver, (_I really need to get his name_) parks in front of my building and I explain to the doorman that I will be right back down so please let my driver wait. The ridiculous amount of one-way streets in this town makes it hard to just "go around the block" without taking a 20 minute detour. I change out of my suit and tie and into my basketball shorts and t-shirt. I have thought about purchasing actual running shorts; they're just shorter right? Until one guy wore them at the gym and Zeke commented, "If you ever buy "junk shorts" I will never let you live it down." I have to admit, the guy looked like d-bag.

I run down the stairs instead of taking then elevator because in reality it takes less time. I thanked the doorman who gave me an "Of course Mr. Eaton." Sometimes I fucking hate my last name.

I have the driver, whose name I still don't know, drop me off on the corner of North Avenue and Paulina. He asks me if I need him to wait and I think about it but decline the offer to which he responds that he is just going to be sitting in front of our office building, so he may as well just wait for me because then at least he can take me home. _Nice guy._ "Ok man, sounds good thanks." We agree on where to meet in 1 hour and then he departs.

I jog slowly for about 1/10 of a mile to warm up my muscles, then I stop and stretch. I start up my slow jog again increasing speed as I go. I'm a decent runner and have long legs so my pace is good and I easily get 5 miles in in about 30 minutes. Not wanting to stop and enjoying the music through my ear buds I keep going.

Then the song "Sail" by AWOLNATION comes on. I always liked the song; it's loud and powerful sounding, like the kind of song that drowns out everything around you, but I never really listened to the lyrics. It's making me think of my childhood. My father was cruel, verbally and emotionally abusive, he used to beat my mother. I hated him for that…no I hate him for that…with every fiber of my being. He used to lock me in the broom closet while he beat her so I couldn't do anything about it. That was the worst kind of torture. I would have rather been the one being beaten. I remember screaming once, "Stop it! Stop it! Hit me please! Hit me! Not her! Not mommy!" Her scream resonates in my dreams every nigh. _I fucking hate sleeping. _I have no clue why he never laid a finger on me.

_God damnit! _The whole purpose of running is to clear my head and it is now having the opposite effect. So I stop and rest my hands on my knees with my head down breathing heavily and sweating. I stand up and start pacing. Then I suddenly realize I have no idea where the hell I am. _Fucking great. _

I am in a neighborhood, not the nicest, but with quaint 1 story houses, obviously built in the early 50s. I see a lot of Puerto Rican flags. _Did I run all the way to Humboldt Park? Yes, yes, I did._ I start to drag myself to the nearest business area. When I find it I sit on a bench to collect my thoughts. I decide to stretch my legs a little because my quads are on fire. I call whatever my drivers name is and tell him where I am, now that I see street signs, and describe to him some of the stores.

_I should just ask someone... I speak Spanish pretty well..._

"Yeah, I'm right across from a place called The Studio? It looks like some kind of little dance aerobics place. Thanks man, I'll see you in a bit," I relay to what's-his-name.

Out of the corner of my eye I see a flash of blondish hair run into the aerobics studio... _She looks like she might speak English!_ ...so I jog across the street to see if I can catch her, hoping she'll give me a better explanation of where the hell I am. But by the time I get there she's lost in a crowd of people and all I hear is the screeching of a very excited Hispanic woman.

_ Was I seriously just chasing some girl across a street to make sure I'm aware of my location? I don't talk to strangers on a good day! In fact, I avoid them at all costs! What the hell is wrong with me?_

I breathe out a long sigh and sit on the bench next to the door. I have a fairly decent view of the little aerobics place and watch as the screeching woman laughs and is seemingly trying to coerce someone into volunteering. The woman smirks and then goes over to the floor length mirror while three women line up on the floor-the middle one is slightly in front.

I then realize _that_ is the girl I saw run in. I can't see her face on account of many things-my side view of the studio, her proximity in the room, the tinted windows toward the top and mostly the glare of the sun. _How the hell do I know it's her?_ _Gotta be the hair… Is it blond? It changes... Who the hell cares? God, she has a nice ass. _

I shake my head laughing at my one-track mind as the music starts. I recognize the song… _Britney Spears sings it, I think... Does she really sing? Anyway, not really my kind of music, but okay..._

The three women start walking seductively toward the mirror in the back of the room and then… _W__hoa… Damn..._ This is definitely not a "little aerobics studio." The girl in the middle is obviously the superior dancer. She's short-petite may be the better word… Her hair is thick and long enough that I can see it when she whips it around although her face is obscured. _God, she has a nice ass-What?!_

There's a point in the routine where they turn toward the window and grind suggestively… _M__otherfucker! Still can't see her face... _then same part of the song starts over again and a few more dancers jump in behind her. They are all really, really, good-as in _professional_ good.

I'm now standing...leaning on the building...peeking around the door...feeling like a creeper. _And there goes the suggestive grinding...again. Damn, she's flexible._

But now I see less of her...which sucks ass...because more people jump in-almost every damned dancer! But just my luck because a few move in front of her, closer to the mirror so I can still be creepy.

Her head tilts toward me briefly. _Shit! Did she see me?_

Now I notice that I am full-on standing and watching, upright, no qualms, apparently, through the window as the last of the class has jumped in. _Yep. More suggestive grinding. _ This time, I know she's looking at me because she cranes her neck to look around the other dancers. _How does she not fuck up? _But the glare on the window is so bright that all I can see is her neck turned toward me.

Just then I hear a loud honk and nearly jump out of my skin. What's-his-face is here. Taking one quick look in the window I see the floor has been cleared and she's nowhere to be found. _What the hell am I doing anyway?_

I jump in the back seat of the car and sigh. "Hey thanks a lot for doing this. I don't think we've been properly introduced. I'm Four."

**The songs Four is listening to while running are: "No Church in the Wild (Kanye West and Jay-Z), Original Don (Major Lazer), Sing (Ed Sheeran), Power (Kanye West). And the most important, Sail (AWOLNATION).**

**If you want to see the choreography for the dance you can youtube "Work Bitch Britney Spears Dance, David Danville"**


	3. Introductions

**Chapter 3** \- **Introductions**

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

_"God that felt good!"_ I think to myself as I head into the bar after my dance class.

"Hi Al!" I say cheerily as I pass him by. I look behind me and start walking backwards, "Why are you here so early? It's only 4:30!"

"To protect and serve!" He says jokingly. Sometimes Al can be funny.

"Hiya Tori! " I chirped to the owner of our beloved establishment. _Ha! What's wrong with me?_ "Why is Al here already?"

"Well….if my deductive reasoning is as good as I think it is. I would say it has something to do with you." She says knowingly.

"Ok…..I'll bite. What exactly have you deduced?" I asked jokingly.

She leans her hip on the counter after heaving a case of whiskey to the floor. "Well, it's Friday night and the girl he has been _secretly_ (She says this in mock air quotation marks) in love with for the last 2 years is working. Friday, also happens to be the worst night in this particular establishment because of it's attraction to men with too much time and money on their hands. Ergo….he is here…for you. He must have seen that you have the early shift tonight."

"Seriously, Al is not _secretly _(I return her air quotes) in love with me. He just has a good heart. He would do the same thing for Christina, Lynn…hell even Myra! And by the way isn't it his job to keep the clientele under control?"

"Tris you are so damn cute when you are oblivious," she says as she pinches my cheek. "Which means you are cute fairly often!" she adds over her shoulder as she takes a new case of scotch out to the front.

I follow her with half a case of rum which I can barely carry. I'm about to pitch a fit about me not being oblivious when she turns to me, hand on her hip and says "Are you gonna get ready for work or what? You are NOT wearing yoga pants and cross trainers in my bar. And shower while you're at it."

"Fine. " I sulk. "I'll be back in a few."

Tori looks at me like there is an apology waiting to fall out of her mouth, but she immediately puts her tough girl persona back on and nods her head in the direction of the lounge. Tori really is a good person behind her façade. She has to hide that part of her because she is a bar owner and that is a male dominated role in this city. Tori is thin as a rail with a dark complexion and stunning brown eyes. Her right arm has a tattoo running up the length of it and she wears her semi-long hair messy and twisted into small strands. She is always wearing black and as thin as she is, she seriously looks like she could kick some ass.

I walk, slightly defeated because of the whole "oblivious" comment, to the employee lounge. I open my locker and pull out my spare work outfit and set it on the bench. I grab a towel and head into the shower.

Tori insists that we keep spare clothes here. When she bought the bar she had a full bathroom installed; shower and all. As bar employees, we have all had mass amounts of boose spilled on us and most of us have been puked on. Hell, Al was even urinated on when he wouldn't allow an incoherently drunk man passage into the bar. It also comes in handy on days like today.

I take a quick shower because I only have about 10 minutes left until my shift starts. I don't wear much make-up and my hair has a little natural wave to it so I don't usually do much to it.

Christina says I rock the "I-don't-give-a-shit-what-I -look-like look." I'm still not sure if that's a compliment and besides she's only partially right. It's not that I don't give a shit, I just don't see the point in making myself uncomfortable with a ton on make-up (it's feels weird on my face). And, I don't have a nice enough body to get away with skin tight revealing outfits….with my narrow hips, small breasts, etc.

"Shit!" I say out loud. I left my clothes in the lounge on the bench. I grab my towel, but Tori didn't exactly invest in great towels so mine just barely wraps around me. If I don't hold on to the top and bottom at the same time, one could easily see about an inch of skin. They pretty much function as hand towels for Al. I sneak out of the bathroom quickly and run over to grab my clothes. I made it! At least I thought I did. I dropped my shirt on the way and had to bend down to get it, all while holding the top right side of the towel with my left hand, exposing the bottom half of the profile of my body, from right under my breast, all the way to the floor. Suddenly I hear a shatter coming from the kitchenette area and the smell of coffee radiates. "Oh my God! Al!" _Shit, shit, shit._

I scurry, I literally scurried, back into the bathroom and slammed the door leaning against it. _Ok, he didn't really SEE anything, right? Just the side of my body….although I was crouching down. Who knows? What the fuck? He looked like a deer in headlights! _I actually feel kind of bad for him.

I need to compose myself. _Deep breathes, deep breathes Tris. _When I feel as though I have regained my composure I dress quickly. I put on my black skinny jeans and white form fitting T-shirt and put on my simple silver post earrings. I quickly line the inside of my lower eyelids with black eyeliner and a small amount to the outside corners of my eyes. Christina says this makes my eyes look striking…I think it makes my eyes look like they have eyeliner on them. And for good measure I put on a little bit of pale pink long lasting lipstick. I wear my ridiculously uncomfortable 4-inch heels that I have to wear because of my height. It's hard to be a bartender if you can't reach the other side of the bar. I toss my hair up in a messy bun and pull my hair tight. Yep, I'm satisfied.

I walk out to the bar and say hi to our new bar back Drew. He's nice, seems to be a hard worker, a little bit of a follower but an okay guy.

It is Happy Hour at Hangars from 4:00-6:00 on Fridays. I actually don't mind the happy hour crowd. It consists of mostly people who are just glad to have the weekend off and have met up with friends for a few cocktails and our free appetizer bar. Most are people who also work in The Loop but they are usually what I suppose would be called the "support staff": administrative assistants, clerks, runners, temps, etc.

I overhear them talk about their employers and laugh to myself. I lean against the bar and listen to a girl who claims she is a coffee barista at one of the architectural firms. At least I think that's what I heard. _Cause who doesn't need a damn coffee barista, yeah? _She was saying how the men in her office call her "the coffee bitch" behind her back. And she is laughing her ass off because she spits in their lattes when they aren't looking. But she does say that there are a couple of nice guys that work on her floor and she describes one as the "most exquisite man she has ever seen." _Yep! And I bet he knows it._

Out of the corner of my eye I see Christina walk in as Tori seethes, "You're late."

"I was picking out an outfit for Tris to wear tonight. You know how fussy she can be?!" Christina says while rolling her eyes at Tori. "Dude. I'm 5 minutes late." She whispers to me. "But you are going to LOVE what I have for you to wear!"

"The clothes can wait!" Then I pull her aside so we are not in view of the bar entrance and I relay the story about Al in the lounge to her.

"Oh….MY…GOD! That is fucking hysterical! Like pee in your pants hysterical!"

"I'm glad you take pleasure in my pain," I deadpan.

"Pain? Please. You just made that man's life. Think of it as charity! ….And that…is how you turn lemons into lemonade baby! God I'm good! Feel better now?"

"No." I say blankly.

"Okay, okay.….go make some cocktails! I'll be right back." Of course, she slaps my ass as she goes in back.

After Happy Hour is over I help our bus boy clear the serving trays away and wipe down the tables before the next wave comes in. His name is Juan Carlos and he always seems surprised when I try to help him. He speaks minimal English and I speak minimal Spanish so we get along fine and mostly just laugh at our lost in translation moments.

"Gracias bella!" He says as he brings a tray to the back. I just smile back at him and blush because I know he just referred to me as beautiful. _So sweet yet so full of shit._

Lynn brings her tray up and sets it at the end of the bar. "Well, let the shit show begin! And keep the damn customers out of my _area_!" As she says this she circles her arms in an exaggerated motion over the small counter at the end of the bar and then does the same to the floor.

"What did you say?" I ask innocently. To which she repeats the same sentence and the same gestures. As she does this I slowly turn the music louder from the volume control under the bar. "I'm really sorry Lynn! What did you say again?" She rolls her eyes and repeats the same thing again and I turn the music up more. "Seriously Lynn! You need to talk louder!" Then she gets it. I brace myself for the insult. And I get it.

"You're a bitch." Then she walks away. But I know she's not mad. I just like to fuck with her.

Tori comes barreling out from her office. _Oh shit._ "Tris! Seriously? Does the clock say 8:00?"

"Nope". 8:00 is the appointed turn-the-music-up time.

"Then turn the damn music down!" Then she turns around and smirks, "Glad you showered." Her version of an apology from earlier.

I hear Christina laughing. "Ya know Tris…sometimes you CAN be funny!"

"It's been known to happen!" I say smiling.

More customers are trickling in now that the business day is officially over. Lynn and Molly, the other cocktail waitress who I don't really care for, start handing out appetizer menus to people who ask for them and we slowly start to get more and more customers at the bar.

When 8:00 rolls around Christina turns the music up. The song $100 bill by Jay-Z comes on. A bunch of men by the door start high-fiving and pumping their fists in the air when they hear the song…as if it's their anthem. I hear a guy behind me say to his friend, "I wonder what she would do for a _$100 bill_?" _Real clever…assholes. _I look over at Christina pouring drinks because I know they are talking about her. I just need to keep her away from this side of the bar.

I turn around and give them a side-ways glance while one of them holds his rocks glass up to me, signaling he wants a refill. This would be his 4th Jim Beam on the rocks.

"Not so much ice this time, sweetheart," he says with a wink.

I turn around to pour his drink and I just look up and sigh at his bullshit term of endearment. I serve him his drink with my small fake smile and then ask if he wants to open a tab. He's been paying cash all night. I grab his Master Card and swipe it, charging him for 3 bourbons instead of 1. By the end of the night he won't know the difference.

_God my fucking feet are killing me. _I quickly walk past the end of the bar, take a quick right and lean against the wall slipping my heels off. I sigh in relief and look over my shoulder to make sure all customers are taken care of. _So much better._ Then I put them back on. _So much worse. _

I see a customer waving his arms in the air at me so I attempt to not limp my way down there….unsuccessfully. Then I feel heat on the side of my head. The kind you get when you know someone is watching you. I look to my right and see a man with dark blue eyes staring at me. He's standing behind and to the right of the bourbon guy. We lock eyes and for a minute I can't hear anything…or do anything. _He's gorgeous, he's gorgeous, he's gorgeous._ _Why am I staring? Stop staring! Stop staring! _I see a flash of something in his eyes. Anger? Annoyance? He's probably been waiting and he's pissed.

I'm jolted out of my reverie by the customer I was en route to help. He is yelling, "Babe! Babe! 8 more Heinies please!" I walk over to the guy calling me babe and I remind him again that my name is Tris.

To which he replies "Oooo feisty!"

I signal to Drew to get another case of Heinekin off the ice in the back and I pull my trusty bottle opener out of the back pocket of my jeans and open 8 bottles and slide them all to him. "$80.00," I say. "Do you want me to add these to your tab?"

The guy nods his head as he takes a large swig of his beer. I take a chance and glance quickly back to where I saw those dark blue eyes. I find him easily enough and see that he is checking out Christina with narrowed eyes. _Of course. _ A wave of disappointment suddenly overcomes me. _Why? All we did was make eye contact. _I quickly shake it off because I just need to get through this shift. I'm done in an hour.

I go to help the next customer and I see that he is trying to politely fit in between two occupied bar stools. _He's not from around here._

"I'm sorry if this sounds rude," he yells a little too loudly. "But did you just charge that guy $10 a beer?!"

"Yep!" I laugh.

"Oh. Were you purposely up-charging him?"

This elicits another laugh out of me. "Nope!"

"Oh."

"You're not from around here are you?" I ask even though I already know the answer.

"Uh….no," he says looking embarrassed.

"Where are you from?" I inquire

"I live in Wautoma…..Wisconsin?" He says shaking his head thinking I have no clue where that is.

"I'll tell you what. You come find me for drinks tonight, okay?" Then I reach under the bar to our own personal mini-fridge and pull out a beer. "Spotted Cow?"

He looks at me incredulously. "How do you sell Spotted Cow here? The New Glaurus brewery won't allow sales in Illinois? Hey where are you-?"

I see out of the corner of my eye Mr.-dark-blue-eyes-only-interested-in-Christina seating himself in the vacated seat next to my fellow Wisconsinite. He has a very intimidating presence. I can tell that by the way the Wisconsinite leans slightly away from him that he feels the same.

"Spotted Cow or not?" I cut him of before he can ask me where I'm from.

"Sure….um…but just one."

"Okay. $2.50," I say.

"$2.50?"

"$2.50," I repeat knowing what a bottle of beer costs in central Wisconsin.

He gives me a knowing look. "Well can I at least buy you a beer then?"

I just laugh and pull up another Spotted Cow from our mini-fridge tossing it in the air from my left hand to my right while swiftly uncapping the bottle. "Nope. I drink for free." We cheers and I take a swig of my favorite beer. The guy smiles and then walks off giving me a farewell glance over his shoulder. I smile to myself and take another drink.

"Hi," I hear a deep voice say.

It's him. He is wearing a white button down collared shirt with the top 2 buttons undone. He has his fingers linked together flat on the bar and he is leaning over them toward me with his shoulders shrugged up to his ears as if he wants to tell me a secret. His shirt is taut against his biceps. _Damn._

"Hi," I lean in slightly toward him….tentatively. "Uh…what can I getcha?"

He smiles slightly and shakes his head a little, "How about your name?"

I look into his eyes and I could see that he genuinely wanted to know my name. He wasn't asking my name in some weird trying-to-be-smooth way.

"Tris….my name is Tris." _Am I trying to reassure myself of my name?_

"Hi Tris."

"Hi." _Should I ask him his name?_

"Four! Hey Four! What's up playa?!" A younger guy at the end of the bar is waving his arms in the air seemingly at my eye candy.

"Is that your friend?" I ask.

He purses his lips and shakes his head, "Unfortunately, yes. That's my best friend's brother. He's kind of a bonehead."

"Do people still use the word bonehead?" I joke.

He smirks. "Well, they do now!" He laughs while looking down at the bar. He seems like he doesn't know what else to say.

"Why was he calling you Four? Is that your name? Or a nickname?"

He looks up at me seriously, "It's both."

I pause. He apparently doesn't want to continue this conversation. "Oooooo Keeeeey…..Can I get you something to drink?"

He breathes out heavy through his nose. "Sure. Jack and coke, please."

"Comin' right up." I say without any enthusiasm in my voice.

He opens his mouth like he's about to say something when a guy rudely pushes his way between Four and the occupied barstool next to him.

"Hey! Can I get a drink or what? It's like the fuckin' Hunger Games at this bar! Every man for himself apparently!" Four has his head down and cocked to the right with his lips in a straight line as if he's trying to control his actions.

"Well then may the odds be ever in your favor!" I say as I raise my beer and chug it down then toss it half way down the bar into the recycling.

"Boo ya!" I hear Christina yell.

The guy gives me a nasty look and then walks away while I say quietly "fucknut."

"Do people still use the word fucknut?" Four asks plainly with the cutest damn smirk I have ever seen on a face in my life.

"You heard me say that?"

"I read your lips," he said sincerely. _Holy shit. _My heart is beating like a racehorse. He slowly moved his stare from my eyes to my lips before shaking his head and chuckling to himself.

I suddenly realized that I had stopped breathing. Until I feel someone's hot breathe whisper something in my ear. I jumped about a foot in the air.

"Huh? Al! Uh….what?" I stutter

"Oh! Sorry Tris. Hey, can I talk to you?" I give Four a side-glance and see that he is staring at me.

"Sure, Al. Right now?" I asked tentatively.

"If that's ok. Christina said she would watch this end." I look over at Christina as she gives me a wink wink with a head nod. _Bitch._

He puts his hand on the small of my back, which I'm not at all comfortable with and leads me into the hallway.

"Hey. I just really need to apologize to you about earlier…ya know…in the lounge—"

"No, Al. It's fine. Let's not make this any more uncomfortable than it already—"

"I uh, I really didn't see anything. Well, I mean I saw some some things, but—"

"Al. Just—" He puts his hand on the wall next to me and leans into it making me feel a little trapped.

"I didn't know what to do and I didn't want to scare you and you were in this tiny towel and….oh God, what am I saying?"

"I don't know at this point." I say just shaking my head and staring at the floor.

"Tris…..Tris….it's just that….I—"

"Al! Stop! I'm embarrassed, you're embarrassed. Can we move on, please?!"

"Yeah, sure Tris." He gives me a small smile and then walks away.

My cheeks are on fire as I go back around the corner and spot Christina. I shoot daggers at her face with my eyes while she laughs and blows me kisses. Before I go back to tending bar I grab a bottle of scotch from the case that Tori put on the floor. I don't even know what kind it is. I put about an inch and a half worth in a rocks glass and toss it back.

"Are you fucking shitting me?! Did you just shoot my Bunnahabhain scotch?!" yells Tori from half-way down the bar. _Oops._ "That is a 25 year old bottle of scotch! A $385 bottle of scotch! You do not SHOOT 25 year old…aged…scotch!"

My shoulders are scrunched up to my ears and my eyes partially closed when I squeak out, "I'll pay for it."

"No need," she says all of a sudden very calm as she saunters away. "I would rather you owe me a favor….." _Great._

I turn around and see Four with his head down and his shoulders shaking. I walk closer.

"Are you laughing at me?!"

"I am indeed laughing…..at you. Did you even know what you were putting down your throat?" _Well, I know I want to put you down my throat. Wait what?_

"Ha, well….no. Not really." I find myself smiling at him. He stops laughing and looks at me and just grins.

"Tris! A little help please!" Lynn yells from the crowd. She is surrounded by a group of people and she is trying to balance 2 trays full of Jaegar bombs. I nod my head and walk over to help pass them out so they don't bowl Lynn over.

As I walk back, the disgusting bourbon guy who called me "sweetheart" grabs my waist and slurs, "What do I need to do to get you to get me to get me to your number?" _Huh?_ I point behind him and as he looks over his shoulder I ever so lightly tip the bottom of his glass up so it spills all down the front of his shirt, and then I walk around the bar back to my post.

Four is just looking at me and with a shy smile and a smirk he asks, "Do you want to hang out later?"

* * *

**Four's POV:**

_God that was fucking terrible! _I think this to myself as I enter my apartment. I went running to clear my head and all it did was leave me in a fog. _Should I just go for another run?_ No. My muscles are already aching with lactic acid build up. I need to stretch, eat and get some fluids into me. _Like a Jack and Coke. Although, I'm pretty sure water is the better alternative at this point. _

I found out the ALG driver's name is Bud and that he is a tattoo artist in Lincoln Park. Driving is his part-time gig. He saw the flames of the tattoo on my back that creep up my neck and he asked about it. I had absolutely no desire to start that shit show of a saga so I just brushed it off and promised him that if I was, indeed, interested in any more ink, I would check out his shop. I probably said that just to get him off my back but, hell, you never know.

I get up to my apartment and go right for the fridge. I grab a bottle of water and start to get the ingredients together to make a protein shake when my phone vibrates. I check out the caller idea and see _Marcus;_ the man I despise more than anyone in the world.

He calls about once a month. I never pick up. He leaves a voicemail and I can tell by the jovial friendly way he is speaking, that other people must be within earshot and he is calling to keep up with appearances. My father is aware of how I feel about him. I made that very plain when I moved out at 18 years of age.

I left not a word unsaid the day I left his house. I knew he wouldn't physically retaliate. I am the last Eaton. The bloodline of a very influential name ends with me. That is the only reason I can come up with as to why he had no problem frequently beating my mother into an unconscious state, but leaving me untouched.

The few times my mother stood up to him was usually in my defense. Marcus locked me in the broom closet for 24 hours after my bike was stolen when I was in 6th grade. I overheard him scream to my mother as she was begging him to let me out that she was lucky I was a boy, because if I had been a girl he would have had no problem hanging me by my hair over the banister.

When Marcus let me out of the closet the next afternoon, I had soiled myself and vomited; not so much from fear, though that was part of it, but more from the images I conjured in my head of the torture my mother was going through. He just looked at me and said, "Clean up your mess" and walked away.

Zeke's family, the Pedrads, took me in. They are the closest I have to family now. It was a big change for me, yet a welcome one. I went from living in Winnetka, in a 5 million dollar mansion, to a 3 bedroom modest home in Highland Park. It was the best decision I have ever made. They are the only people who know my story.

I almost delete the message Marcus left me, but I have to admit I am always a little curious. This one was asking how my job was going and if I have any "pretty little lady" in my life. _Shut the fuck up._ He doesn't really care about any of that.

I can hear laughter in the room after he asked that bullshit question. I guarantee Marcus had been telling his associates "how proud he is of his son," and he "can't wait for me to find the right girl." The "right girl." Who would be the "right girl" in his eyes? Not that I give a shit about even finding the right girl because of my own personal fear that I have yet to truly acknowledge.

After I polish off my protein shake, I hop in the shower and let the hot water soothe the ache in my muscles. I brace my hands against the cool shower wall and hang my head between my shoulders while the water from the rain shower cascades down my neck and back and gluts. I think of how I should really try a massage sometime as I try to rub the tension out of my shoulders and neck. The problem is, I don't really love people touching me; at least not for long periods of time.

That is probably why the whole relationship thing has never worked out. I'm not a big hand holder, public displays of affection aren't a part of my repertoire, and cuddling after sex feels like an obligation. Whether a quick fuck or a girlfriend, I usually wait until they fall asleep and then stealthily pull my arm out from under their heads or whatever position and face away from them, counting the minutes until it's socially acceptable for me to high tail it the hell out of there. _God I'm a dick._

My mind continues to wander while I'm in the shower. There is a bench that runs the length of the shower. It's actually wide enough for me to sleep on if I wanted to. I turn the shower temp way up and then lay back on the bench, trying to let the steam relax me. I close my eyes and am met with a wide pair of eyes staring back at me from the bus outside of Hangars. My eyes shoot open surprised at how quickly the memory of those eyes came to the forefront of my mind. My heart is racing. _Jesus._ I sigh loudly and close my eyes again concentrating on the beads of sweat from the steam that are dripping down my brow and my sides and my thighs. It's oddly soothing and I finally feel myself relaxing. I feel myself start to doze, which wasn't my intention.

_Blond hair? It changes color depending on the light I think? Tight, calf-length, yoga pants clinging to a perfectly round, fit, ass that could easily fit both of my hands perfectly. A bare, toned mid-riff flexing in synch to music. Breasts that fill out a sports bra with a small amount of cleavage peaking over the top leaving the perfect amount still to the imagination._

I sit up quickly realizing that I am completely hard. Hey maybe jerking off will finally clear my head. _ N_o _pun intended._

I wake to a call from Zeke. I still have a towel partially wrapped low around my waist. I remember lying down briefly on my bed semi-sated after my shower. I must have passed out.

"Zeke," I say plainly.

"What's up man? Hey, Uri's going to meet us at Hangars's tonight around 8:00. I'll pick your ass up at 7:15. Am I swinging by Will's too?"

"Call him yourself."

"Man, you WILL NOT be in a foul-ass mood tonight! I need to get my drink on! Shauna may meet us out too after she closes the gym and you do remember what she told you last time we all hung out, right?" He asks.

"How could I forget? Apparently 'she loves me dearly, but she will slap the shit out of me if I keep down-pouring on her parade'."

"Yeah. And you know she'll do it! My woman's hardcore," he says with pride.

He's right. Shauna is ballsy enough to slap me and she runs the gym that Zeke and I belong to so she is pretty fit.

I smile and give a short laugh, "Yeah, okay I got it. I'll be all sunshine and rainbows tonight."

"Seriously dude. I've known you for 15 years. You will never be all sunshine nor all rainbows. However, you are in a funk my man!"

"It's just….I don't know. I honestly don't know! Let's drop this shit and just go out. I'll meet you downstairs at 7:15," I say.

"All right man see you in about 45. And you should try to get laid tonight…you know, for good measure."

"No comment," I reply.

After I hang up the phone, I see that I received a text. _Nita….delete._ Didn't even read it.

I drop my towel and head over to my closet. I grab a pair of tailored non-pleated black pants and black shoes. I pick out a simple white button-down shirt. _Boxers or boxer briefs? No junk shows necessary so boxer briefs. _ _Belt? Nope. _ After getting dressed I wet down my hair and run my fingers through it. I left the first 3 buttons on my shirt un-done, but think better of it and leave just 2 unbuttoned. _ Should I shave? …Meh._

I head over to the fridge and grab a Blue Moon and sit on the couch flipping through the channels trying to find the tail end of the Hawks game. I haven't made it to a game yet this season. They're favored to win The Stanley this year. _That would be fucking awesome._ I find the game. They're playing Detroit. _I hate the Red Wings._ The Blackhawks and Redwings play a grinding 1-1 game all the way to overtime, where Boston gets a prime power play opportunity. Then Jonathan Toews steals the puck at center ice and deposits the game-winning goal in Boston's net. _I fucking love Toews!_

I see that it's time to head downstairs. It's September and fairly warm still so I don't bother to grab a jacket. I go down and wait for Zeke.

"How are you tonight, Mr. Eaton?" asks the doorman. _Ugh._

"You're name is Gregory, right?" I ask attempting to be nice even though I've been told my nice voice is still not nice.

"Yes, Mr. Eaton."

"How about you just call me Four." It's a question but I don't phrase it as one.

"Of course, sir."

I feel like I should explain but then Zeke pulls up in his cruiser.

"Are you on duty?" I ask while giving Gregory a slight wave. "Just don't turn the damn sirens on because I don't think I can take that."

"Nope. Not on duty. Shauna dropped me off at the station this morning so I don't have a vehicle and the Captain said I could use the cruiser. You have to admit it comes in handy!"

I laugh at past encounters where Zeke's cop car did get us out of some serious shit.

"Are we picking up Will?" I ask.

"Nah. He's meeting us there. Said he was running behind…ironing his jeans or something?" Zeke says.

"Yeah. He's been talking about one of the bartenders at Hangars for a while now. He wants to ask her out but doesn't want to come across as just another guy who is trying to hit on her."

"She must be hot if he's nervous and late because he's ironing his damn jeans!" Zeke laughs.

"Honestly man, now that I think about it he's never described her to me. Or if he has, I wasn't paying attention."

"Which is entirely possible," Zeke says

"Yes. " I sigh. "The way my head has been lately that sadly may be the case."

Zeke doesn't say anything, which I'm thankful for. Normally, he would suggest I get laid. I have taken that sage advice before and it has brought me about 45 minutes of distraction and a brief relief of stress. But that's about it.

We pull up to the bar. Well, actually Zeke pulls up on the curb again.

"Zeke. If the Captain finds out you are doing that shit, she _will_ suspend you."

"All right, all right! I'll go park this bad boy. You go see if you can get us a few seats at the bar."

"Got it. See you in there," I say as I exit the car.

I walk towards the bar entrance as Humpty Dumpty says, "What? Did you just get sprung?" _Yes. Because a cop would be personally escorting me to a bar if I had just gotten released from jail. Not the brightest bulb._ I get the feeling he doesn't like me.

"No," I state as I brush past him into the bar.

Now that I'm going to spend some actual time here rather than just getting a quick drink before closing, I take in the atmosphere a little more. It's a pretty classy place. It's one large room with an incredibly high ceiling. It looks like it used to be a warehouse. It's kind of industrial but softened by some of the decor. There are grey concrete walls with an exposed ceiling so as to see all the ductwork and piping, which is all painted black. Small chandelier style lighting fixtures adorn the walls surrounding the entire room with several large ones hanging from the ceiling throughout the rest. There is a stage that is not being used.

I've heard this place has pretty good entertainment on Saturday nights and then turns into a club of sorts around 10:00. The bar itself is lit from underneath by soft violet lighting as are the bottles of liquor that line the entire bar. There is a huge digital clock high up on the wall that looks totally bizarre and out of place.

The volume of the music turns up significantly and the song _$100 Bill _starts playing. As if on cue every jackass within a 2-foot radius of me starts bobbing their heads and waving their hands in the air. "This fucking song is my mantra!" someone says. _Wow._

I shake my head and move toward the bar but don't see any seats so I continue on almost to the end where I can see that two seats will probably be vacated soon, one of the guys is putting his jacket on and tilts his head towards the door at his buddy who's not quite done with his drink yet. I figure I'll just wait behind them until they're done.

You can tell the guys that are to my left are hammered. I'm kind of standing in a shadow behind them on account of how the lighting in the bar is set up. They aren't exactly speaking quietly and I overhear one of them say, "I wonder what she would do for a $100 bill?" _Real classy….dick._

Apparently I feel like it's all right for me to check out whoever is in their line of sight. I see they are talking about the female bartender who is facing away from them. _Okay, I get it._ Of course I also feel like it's okay for me to properly check her out from top to bottom. Medium height, light brown almost blond hair pulled up into a high tangled messy whatever, some tendrils are hanging out. Fitted white cotton T-shirt (I also see that she is wearing a black bra underneath her shirt) that falls slightly past the thin belt she wears with her black skinny jeans; just enough so that as she reaches for a bottle, I see about an inch of creamy exposed skin at her right hip. I secretly wish she would bend down to pick something up because I have a feeling her shirt would ride up even more. _Great…butt. _She is also wearing heels. She is super petite in the best way possible. Wow, I'm being shockingly observant and just about as creepy as the guys in front of me.

She turns her head towards the other end of the bar seemingly towards the other bartender who I can't see. I crane my neck to try to see her face but she is too far to the right of me. _She had to have heard what they just said about her._

As she turns and walks left I see the most perfect profile I have ever had the pleasure of laying my eyes on. A sloped petite nose and lips that jut out just enough that I, even without seeing her straight on, can already tell I want to make out with. She glances this way and I instinctively back up even more into the shadows so she doesn't see that I'm staring at her as if she's a sideshow attraction.

She sees that one the assholes in front of me wants another refill. _Did he just call her sweetheart? _So she turns around and grabs a new rocks glass and spins it in her hand. _If she can do that with a rocks glass I wonder what else she can do with her hands. What the fuck? Stop it. _She briefly stops, looks up at the ceiling and gives her head a slight shake and her shoulders sag as if she had just sighed. _Pretty sure she heard the 'sweetheart' thing._

"Damn. She may be a hot piece a ass but if she keeps addin that much ice to ma glass I'm gonna have ta punish her," I hear the drunk-ass slur to his friend a little more quietly this time.

"Yeah. That's _if _she'll go home with you," his friend says laughing. _Is he seriously fucking laughing at that?_

"Oh don worry 'bout that."

I'm just about to say something but no words come to me because I am looking at the most beautiful face I have ever seen. I am glued to the spot and couldn't move even if I wanted to. I silently thank God I am in the shadows right now because who knows what my face looks like. She is exquisite.

She gives them a closed-mouth smile that looks almost rehearsed; the smile doesn't make it to her eyes. _Speaking of eyes…holy shit. _They look familiar. She is asking them if they want to start a tab and they agree. I watch her go to the computer screen. She swipes their card and…_did she just charge him for three bourbons instead of one?_ I assume they have been paying cash for most of the night because of the unnecessary stack of large bills sitting on the bar in front of them. _That's completely awesome. So passive aggressive, yet so awesome._

"Ha!" I laugh out loud. This causes the 2 guys to turn their heads to look at me. I glare at them and stand up straighter with my arms crossed trying to communicate without words that I've been listening to what they've been saying. They immediately turn around and look straight ahead.

I'm pulled out of my momentary distraction when I see that my gorgeous eye candy is nowhere to be found. I look right and then left and I spot her leaning on the wall just around the corner. _Did she shrink?_

She is easily about 4 inches shorter than she was not even one minute ago. I look to the floor to see if there is a step down and then I spot her heels in her hands. She is switching her weight from her left foot to her right. _She has cute feet. Huh?_ She seems to breathe out a sigh of relief and she hangs her head to the floor. Her feet must be killing her. _I would massage the shit out of those feet. _I see her slip them back on as she purses her lips and closes her eyes. _Why do women torture themselves? Although heels can be kinda hot._

Then I realize, she probably can't reach the high bottles of booze nor reach far enough over the bar to hand customers who aren't sitting at the bar their drinks, especially since there seems to be a low countertop running through half of her section separating her from the bar.

A wave of disappointment hits me like a blow to the gut. This is the bartender that Will likes. I am so tempted to ignore that fact and try to beat him to the punch. But the more loyal part of me seems to be winning out and conceding to the fact that this is his shot, and he has liked her for a while. I'm so disappointed that I don't even notice that I have locked eyes with her. It's like her piercing grey eyes are looking straight through me and can read every emotion on my face. _Oh my God. I probably look like a total asshole. _I especially know that I did when she looks away from me shaking her head slightly as if to wipe me from her brain. I was both angry and annoyed at the thought of her and Will, a bad combination on my face I would imagine.

She walks hastily toward the other end of the bar and says something in obvious annoyance to the guy she is about to serve and then rolls her eyes when she assumes he isn't looking. _What the hell did he say to her? _She swiftly grabs a handful of Heinekins, pulls her bottle opener out of the back pocket of her perfectly fitting jeans and expertly opens the bottles. It probably only takes her 1 second per bottle. She slides them over the bar and swipes the caps into the garbage with her left hand while quickly spinning the bottle opener in her right hand and sliding it back into her back pocket. _Hard not to look at her ass when she does shit like that. _

I see Will out of the corner of my eye and try to wave him over. _May as well get this over with._ But he doesn't see me. He is ordering drinks from the other bartender. I look closer and see that he already has a drink in hand, he is having a conversation with her and he seems enthralled. _Is that the one he likes?_ Judging by the way he is looking at her, I would say definitely yes. I appraise her briefly, not checking her out, just seeing why Will finds her hot. She's attractive. But judging by her flirty laugh and the way she is leaning over the bar a little too much and sticking her butt out while putting all weight on one hip, I would say she knows she is attractive. Good for him. _Great for me!_

I go to look over at my crush and she must have been looking at me because she turned away quickly, completely facing away from me, but I can see her reflection in the mirror. She has her head down and I see a definite look of disappointment on her face and her cheeks are flushed. _Did she feel the same connection I did? If that's a remote possibility then she just saw me checking out the other bartender. Fuck. That's a stretch though. _

I see her just shake her head and go to move on to the next customer. _Yep. She was definitely upset about something else and is just trying to shake it off. Wait, did I just quote Taylor Swift?_

I go back to standing in the shadow, apparently still feeling the need to be creepy, and observe a smaller guy trying to scoot in between two occupied barstools. It's actually kind of comical. Most people would just barrel their way in. He looks like he is yelling at her, like really yelling. But then I see a kind smile move across her face. _Now that's a smile. _"Damn."_ Did I say 'damn' out loud? Damn. _

Now she is laughing and I can hear that he is asking her if she purposely up-charged the guy who ordered the Heinekins. _He's probably not from around here. Although, I wouldn't put it past her. _

She is still laughing, but not really at him. It's more of a laugh of understanding. I can see that he looks a little embarrassed though because he is shaking his head and looking down. Another wave of disappointment hits me when I hear her tell him to "come find me for drinks tonight." I shake my head. _Am I seriously conceding…to _this_ guy? _

The seat to the left of him vacates and I decide that this is my chance. I slide into the barstool as she pulls a random brand of beer that I've never seen before out from under the bar and sets it in front of him. I see out of the corner of my eye that he is staring at her as if she is an angel. _I totally get it man…but "fuck you."_ _Did I say that out loud? _He is definitely leaning away from me.

"Spotted Cow or not?" She asks him mid-sentence. _That's a beer?_

"Sure….um…but just one."

"Okay," she says. "$2.50." _She doesn't even see me. Wait, $2.50?_

"$2.50?" he asks with the same what-the-fuckness that I'm feeling.

"$2.50," she repeats knowingly. She is looking at him sweetly and with a sense of understanding and compassion. _There is definitely something between these two. I don't think this has ever happened to me…like ever. Shit. Apparently I am arrogant while simultaneously quoting Taylor Swift…again._

This guy has me beat, especially when he goes for the gold (kind of) and asks to buy her a beer. _Amateur. She's the bartender. She drinks for free._

She laughs at him. _Good. _ And then another bottle appears which she tosses from one hand to the next and before I can blink she has the bottle opener out _(when the hell did she do that?)_ and the beer uncapped.

"Nope. I drink for free." _Told you so…Fuck, am I 5?_ She clinks her bottle with his as a cheers and she smiles shyly. _Classic girl flirting move._

I almost attempt to exit but he's leaving. _He walked away…from her?!_

_Do it now!_ "Hi," I say leaning in like a high school boy. I just really want to be near her.

I notice how her fitted white shirt pulls against her breasts and it makes me forget what I was going to say.

"Hi," she replies. She minimally mirrored my lean-in move. "Uh…what can I getcha?"

I know she just wants to get me a drink and move on but I'm not giving up yet.

All I can do is smile and gather up a little courage.

"How about your name?" _Too corny?_

She warily looks into my eyes as if she is sizing me up, which is completely fair, because I have been doing the same thing…on loop…for the last 20 minutes.

"Tris…my name is Tris." _Awesome name. Is she nervous too?_

"Hi Tris."

"Hi," and then she says nothing as if she wants to end the conversation.

"Four! Hey Four!" _Fuckin' Uriah._ "What's up playa?!" _Tell me he did NOT just call me 'playa.' _

"Is that your friend?" she asks un-phased. _Thank God._

"Unfortunately, yes." _He can be a fucking embarrassment. _"That's my best friend's brother. He's kind of a bonehead." _What…did…I…just…say?_

She catches on quickly, "Do people still use the word bonehead?" _No. No they don't._

"Well, they do now!" I laugh out loud at myself, but proceed to look down at the bar because I am now officially at a loss for words.

Thankfully she continues the conversation. "Why was he calling you Four?" _Shit._ "Is that your name? Or a nickname?"

She didn't say it and laugh as if it's a dumb name. She didn't ask, "Isn't that a number?" She was just simply curious as if she really wondered what the story is. I was stunned.

"It's both," I say with total honesty as I stare at her. I have never told anyone that it's both. I have my token answer: "It's my name." That usually stops all joking and insincere questioning.

She just looks back at me with a blank expression. "Oooooo Keeeeey…..Can I get you something to drink?"

_I fucked up._ I know, right there, my answer was perceived as devoid of emotion. I sigh heavily with a closed mouth as to hide my frustration. "Sure. Jack and coke, please."

"Comin' right up," she answers now devoid of emotion. _Is that what I sounded like? Say something idiot._

I try to say something to make up for it when a guy comes up behind me saying to me quietly, "The other one wouldn't serve me but this little bitch will." My fists are clenched and I so want to punch him in the side of the head so that he looses his equilibrium and then I can continue to pummel him….. _Relax Tobias. You do not want her to think you are a psycho. _I look down at the barstool to my right and bite the inside of my lips willing this asshole to leave…immediately.

"Hey! Can I get a drink or what? It's like the fuckin' Hunger Games at this bar! Every man for himself apparently."

_I am going to District 13 you to the face….. "_Well then many the odds be ever in your favor!" Tris sing songs loudly as she raises her beer, downs it and sinks it into the garbage half-way down the bar. _I'm going to marry this girl._

I hear the other bartender say something that Will seems to think is pretty funny but I can't keep my eyes off Tris. I don't even know if the Hunger Games d-bag is still standing there, but I have a feeling he isn't.

Seeing as she just chugged half a beer, Tris wipes her mouth with the back of her hand, which looks totally bad-ass and sexy and then licks her lips to rewet them while mouthing the word "fucknut."

"Do people still use the word fucknut?" I say using her words against her with as small of a smile as I can muster.

She smiles genuinely. "You heard me say that?"

"I read your lips." _And I could stare at them all day and my mouth wants to take a nap on them and… _I shake my head and laugh inwardly as I realize I am actually staring at her lips.

A large figure looms behind her and leans down to whisper something in her ear and before I can warn her she practically jumps out of her skin. _Humpty Dumpty._

"Huh? Al! Uh…what?" She seems flustered. I love thinking that I may have flustered her. _By the way Al….fuck you._

"Oh! Sorry Tris." _No you're not. _"Hey, can I talk to you?" he asks as I stare at Tris who seems obviously uncomfortable as she glances back at me.

"Sure, Al. Right now?" I can tell that she is trying to get out of this. Al is staring me down.

"If that's ok. Christina said she would watch this end." Tris glares down at the other bartender whose name is apparently Christina. I'm guessing this is a conversation Tris has been trying to avoid.

Al obviously likes her as more than a friend by the way he is inching his way to block her view of me. He leads her toward the hall with his hand on the small of her back….which I hate. It seems she doesn't like it at all either considering her body language, which upsets me even more. _Why? I don't even know this girl! _She is inching away from him and moving forward quickly. He looks over his shoulder and gives me what I assume is his version of a death glare? It's amusing.

I have a pretty clear view of them from where I'm sitting. She is facing me and he has his back to me. He is talking and it seems like she keeps interrupting him as he's trying to talk. _She's stubborn. _ He has is hand up against the wall right next to her head and he is leaning in to her. My face is starting to heat up. Now she is just shaking her head and staring at the ground, which seemed to help her resolve.

"Al! Stop!...," is all I hear and I see Al turn around with his head hanging low. But as he lumbers past me he stops for a split second and narrows his eyes. I return the expression and I see a flicker of fear in his eyes. He keeps walking.

I really couldn't give two shits about Al so I search out Tris again wanting to get her attention however someone else seems to have caught it. Her cheeks are bright red_. Anger? Embarrassment? I can't tell. _She is giving the Tris version of the death glare to the other bartender and it's actually pretty impressive. But, the other one doesn't seem to care; just laughing and blowing air kisses. I wonder how close they are. They seem to have a similar relationship to Zeke and I.

Tris grabs a bottle of booze out of a wooden case on the floor. She doesn't seem to care what it is…just that she wants to drink it. She looks like she would even drink formaldehyde at this point. Tris spins a rocks glass in her hand. I wonder if she is even aware that she does that. She pours a good inch and a half of liquor in the glass. _Wait…is that? That's ….She is not going to….yep, she did it. She did. _

"Are you fucking shitting me?!" Yells a woman halfway down the bar. _Her boss? _ "Did you just shoot my Bunnahabhain scotch?!" _That happened. _ "That is a 25 year old bottle of Scotch!" _Yep. _"A $385 bottle of scotch!" _Certainly is. "_You do not SHOOT 25 year old…aged…scotch!" _Under no circumstances._

The look on Tris's face is completely priceless. She looks like she was bracing for impact as she peeps, "I'll pay for it."

Her boss walks by her and says something that makes Tris roll her eyes. I can't hold it in anymore. I hang my head and start laughing harder than I have in a very long time.

"Are you laughing at me?!" She asks incredulously while laughing a little herself.

"I am indeed laughing…..at you. Did you even know what you were putting down your throat?" _I said that didn't I?_

"Ha, well…no. Not really." She is smiling at me, a for real smile. And it is like a bright light on my face. She bites her lower lip and I swear I want to take her right here on this bar….now. I stop laughing abruptly and just grin at the thought.

"Tris! A little help please!" _These 10 second conversations are killing me._ Tris walks into the crowd toward one of the cocktail waitresses. I recognize her as Shauna's sister Lynn. I didn't know she worked here. Lynn looks like she is about to be bombarded by people grabbing for the trays full of shots. Tris slides gracefully in between people and swiftly takes one of the trays from Lynn and aids in passing them out. I see drunk bourbon guy in the crowd and I hope she is able to dodge him but he seems to be seeking her out. He cuts someone off and grabs her waist from behind pulling her to him whispering something in her ear. I am off my chair and almost to the crowd when I see her smile way too sweetly to be genuine, and point over his shoulder. He's wasted so he looks and as he turns she tips the edge of his glass gently enough for her to seem blameless but hard enough for it to spill all down his shirt. _She's fucking awesome._ I slide back in my seat before she can see me; not wanting to seem like a caveman.

I just look at her and ask, "Do you want to hang out later?"


	4. Perceptions

**Chapter 4** **– Perceptions**

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

"Um…." My throat is so dry. I swallow like I have a hairball and just say, "Well yeah. We're going out after our shift. I'm sure it would fine if you tagged along. I mean not that you're the 'tag along' type."

"The what?" He asks smiling. _I could lose myself in the sexiness of that smile._

"You know…like someone who has nothing better to do, so they just jump on the band wagon and 'tag along'."

"Tag along on the band wagon? Are you a country singer?" _He's funny. Huh….doesn't look like the funny type._

"Okay, ha..ha..ha.. " I say as I pour him another Jack and Coke while putting some Jack aside for myself. "All I mean is that I would imagine women….I mean people (_idiot!) _tag along with you….not vice versa. "

"Well, I'm not that outgoing so I don't usually have people tagging along," he says shyly.

_His smile is so damned cute! Agh! _I toss back the Jack Daniels in my glass out of pure nerves.

"So….." he adds after a moment, looking very uncomfortable.…_Oh my God, I've been staring at his lips. _"I can tag along?"

"Yep," I say as I notice him looking down the bar right at Christina.

She is facing away from us leaning onto the end of the bar, giving us a great shot of her ass.

"Is she going to want to tag along too?" he asks pointing at Christina.

_"_Yeah we were thinking about heading to…" Did he ask me to hang out, knowing that Christina would most likely join us?_ Well played._

"Heading to….?" he asks while trying to make eye contact.

I think I have had my fill of staring contests and awkward conversations_._ I am not going to be the girl he decides he needs to befriend in order to get the other one's attention.

I look him in the eye with as blank of an expression as I can conjure. "We usually head to The West after work on Fridays. Her name is Christina."

I am biting the inside of my cheek raw. I don't know why_. He showed minimal interest in the first place._ _Get back to work Tris. _

I see three new customers sitting at the bar: two guys and a girl, and the Bourbon guys have been replaced as well. I look at the clock. 8:40. _20 minutes left Tris. _

"You guys ready to order?" I ask the three people who just sat down.

"Yeah, two Blue Moons and….what do you want babe?" He asks who I assume is his girlfriend.

"Ummmmmm…..I don't know…" Then she addresses me. "How about you just make me something fruity?"

"Sure, no problem."

I grab three Blue Moons out of the cooler, uncap them and slide them over the bar while adding a slice of orange to the girl's beer.

"Something fruity for you."

The two guys laugh, but she doesn't. She elbows her boyfriend in the side for laughing too much and gives me a nasty look.

"Did you want something else?" I ask her. _She's really pretty, in a sex kitten kind of way._

"Not if you're making it." she answers coldly.

"Fair enough," I say as if I care who makes her a damned drink.

The guy who seems to be kind of a 3rd wheel gestures for me to lean over the bar and as I do he takes one of the tendrils of my hair that had fallen out and tucks it behind my ear.

"Thanks," I say as I feel my cheeks warm.

"Wait. Don't go yet!" he says in mock desperation. Then he tucks another one behind my ear.

"You know that was actually pretty funny," he says. "I'm Matthew."

He holds out his hand to shake mine but we are too close and he hits me in the boob. His look of mortification is priceless and I can't help but laugh.

"Wow." I say. "Is that how you greet everyone?"

"Yes. I'm from Awkwardville." he says without missing a beat. "It's a small town outside the city of What-The-Fuck-Did-I-Just-Do ." _2 funny guys in one night. I like the other one better. Why? _

"I'm Tris. Nice to meet you." I say as I hold my hand out for another try.

"This is David," he says and gestures to his friend who has a pissed off expression on his face as he looks down the bar at the girl who was sitting with them, but who now has her arms wrapped around Four. "And that is Nita."

"Hmph." I say. _Get the fuck away from him. _ "She seems…..friendly."

I watch her as she is attempting to insert herself between the bar and Four. She maneuvers herself in between his legs as he sits completely upright and stiff. _Is he uncomfortable?_

I grab her beer and walk down to them and hand it to her. She yanks it from my hands sloshing it all over my arms and then gives me an "Oops…sorry…."

"Your boyfriend looks pretty unhappy." I tell her while making Four a refill. I see some bills on the counter. _Was he leaving? Why do I care?_

"Well, then it's a good thing he's not my boyfriend…right, Four?" She is addressing Four while looking at me.

"I have no interest either way," he says flatly while trying to make eye contact with me. _Do not look at him!_

"You were certainly interested when you had me pinned to the bed …let's see…when was it…" _This just keeps getting better and better._

"Nita," he says in a warning-like tone.

He is interrupted by David, her not-boyfriend, who despite her protests, pulls her away from Four looking not too happy…as if Four was asking for Nita's attention. _Hell, maybe he was. He obviously had "asked" for attention before._

"Uh..., Tris. I'm sorry. She and I, really—"

"Not my business." I say as I give him a small close-mouthed smile and attempt to walk away.

He grabs my wrist and looks at me intently. "Can we still hang out after your shift?"

He is literally looking at me like there is no one else in the room. My heart rate accelerates. _God, this guy is good. He's a fucking professional. _I break off the stare when I feel a shiver go through my body. I am not interested in being a buffer between him and Christina. He is welcome to come out with us afterwards, but I'm keeping my distance.

"Sure," I say nonchalantly. "Just meet us at the end of the bar in about 20 minutes. I'll introduce you to Christina and we'll head out from there."

Then I walk away. I did notice he had a confused look on his face. _He knows I'm on to him._

I see that the other two customers who took the Bourbon guys' seats had already been taken care of by Lynn. So I head back over to David, Nita _(yuck)_ and Matthew. When I approach, David is leading Nita away but Matthew is still there. I hand him another Blue Moon.

"This one's on the house, you probably deserve it after spending time with her," I say honestly.

"Yeah. She pretty much sucks. But, David is really into her so I'm being a supportive friend."

"Ha! I know all about being the "supportive friend," I say using air quotes.

Christina must have heard that because she chimes in, "Ain't that the truth! Tris here…best wing-woman ever!"

I roll my eyes. "Sad but true," I say.

"I don't think it's sad," Matthew says pondering. "It's endearing. The both of us…we are endearing!" _He's sweet._

"Tris! 15 red-headed sluts please!" Lynn yells from her station.

"Is that your latest preference?" I yell back.

"You're fucking hilarious! Make the damned shots so we can get the hell out of here!"

I smile at her as she flicks me off.

The song "_Beg for It," _by Iggy Azalea comes on and Christina throws a lime at my face laughing.

"What?!" I say even though I know what she wants.

"Come on! You taught me and said I was good! " she pleads.

In the blink of an eye she is passing me a shot of Jack Daniels.

"God! Fine! But, not full out, keep your lower body movements compact and not facing customers. No level changes and no hip thrusting!" I laugh as I take the shot. _I'm a sucker. _

Christina loves this song so I taught her a very simplified version of the choreography we use at The Studio. No upper body and very controlled lower body so we can do it together at the bar and still make drinks. It's things like this that make this job bearable. Also, the customers are usually so caught up in themselves that they don't even notice we are doing it.

"Yeeeeeeeeeeee!" She shrieks as she starts the song over on her TouchTunes App.

"Oh my God, Chris…..5,6,7,8."

_(Pulled up lookin' picture perfect baby…..high price, but I'm worth it baby)_

As I'm getting the ingredients out for the shots, Christina asks (as we both heel toe hip swishes to the left in synch), "So what's up with Mr. Dark-and-Mysterious? That was the guy that was in here the other night by the way. The one who took a shot and then just stood there the rest of the time." _Huh._

I turn to look at him and notice that he is staring.

"Well, you'll find out soon enough. He wants to hang out after our shift is over," I say.

"Really?! That's awesome! That guy I've been talking to tonight," she says as she points over her shoulder (as we both do a minimal left, right, double left bounce on our toes) "wants to join us too! He's sooooo cute…and puppy dog eyes to boot." _Good. Some competition for Mr. Sex-on-a-Stick._

"And Lynn said something about her sister wanting to meet up with us at some point too. Shana? Shannon? Shauna?" I ponder.

"Shauna. Definitely Shauna." Christina replies as we finish out our little routine with two left and then two right super subtle booty shakes. "And did you know she manages the gym?"

Christina and I take yoga classes at a gym called Dauntless. After I finally had the guts to tell her about Eric she also made me take self-defense classes there as well. They were amazing and made me actually feel powerful for once in my life.

"No, I didn't. But, I've probably seen her there."

"Lynn is giving you the stink eye…better deliver those shots," Christina says while giving an evil little wave to Lynn. "I'm closing out and going to freshen up. I'll see you in back."

"Sounds good," I answer as I load the shots onto a tray and walk down to the end of the bar to pass them off to Lynn.

"Shauna is meeting us at The West in ½ hour so hurry up," Lynn says once I hand her the tray. "Hey Four," she says as she walks away.

"Lynn," He responds. "Well, this was meant to be." _Fucking love his voice._

"And why do you say that? Because from my perspective, you had this all planned out," I say bluntly. _I really didn't want to do this._

He furrows his eyebrows. "What exactly do you think I had planned out? Because from _my_ perspective, I seem to have no clue what the hell I'm doing," he says as he looks down the bar.

"She went back to the lounge to change," I answer his unspoken question.

"Who did?" he asks.

"Christina."

"Okay, well…..great. Are you going to do the same?" he asks me impatiently. "Wait! Not that you need to…I mean, you look great. Your hair, your pants—"

"My pants?"

_He is bright fucking red! _"Yeah…well. Apparently, the best compliment I can come up with tonight is that your hair and your pants are great."

"Well, I've never been one to inspire compliments."

"Fuck." He huffs. "Ok. What I really want to say is….." He leans toward me and I can't physically stop by body from migrating toward him as well.

I take in his amazing scent. My pheromones are blazing. He brushes the right side of his lips against my right ear, "…you're perfect."

I back away reluctantly. As amazing as that was…..I'm confused. Is he sincere or just that good? I feel like that was 100% sincerity. But, what the hell did Tori call me? _Oblivious. _I do the math. He is the most perfect man I have ever seen. _He should be with Helen of Troy for God's sake. _ How could he ever be interested in me? _He's not._

"Look. Can I be honest?" I ask abruptly.

"That would be appreciated."

"So you _do_ appreciate honesty?

"Yesssss….."

"Well, I would have appreciated you being more honest with me about why it is you really asked me to hang out tonight," I boldly say.

"Did you think there was any other motive than to get to know you?" He asks.

"Yes."

"Then, please clue me in on my motive." He looks like he's getting mad.

"You talk to me. I get excited because you have beautiful eyes, and your sexy, and have this voice…ugh! And then I see you looking down the bar at Christina. So, I figure, okay I get it. Then you start having these weird semi-awkward conversations and (_Mouth vomit! Mouth vomit!) _it's really endearing—"

"Geez…you're way better at the compliment thing then I am…"

I pause because I now know that I am acting like a fool and taking this way too seriously. I can feel tears forming from embarrassment. _I can't believe I told him he had beautiful eyes, is sexy, has a nice voice, is endearing….God. _

"Just grow a pair and ask her out before that guy with the puppy dog eyes does. You don't need to go through me!" Then I turn on my heel and book it to the lounge straight past Christina and Lynn and into the bathroom.

I let a couple tears spill over to relieve the pressure building behind me eyes.

"You okay, Trissy?" Christina tentatively asks through the door. She must have followed me.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just have something in my eye."

She pauses. "You're lying…but whatever. We're heading out front. See you out there, then maybe you'll tell me what's wrong."

I don't answer.

* * *

**Four's POV:**

I just sit there and watch her reaction with bated breath. She looks unsure.

"Um…" she says as she swallows thickly. _Mind out of the gutter. Mind out of the gutter. _"Well yeah." _Awesome. _"We're going out after our shift." _We. Bummer._ "I'm sure it would be fine if you tagged along. " _It would be 'fine'? _"I mean not that you're the tag along type."

"The what?" I ask. She seems nervous.

"You know…like someone who has nothing better to do, so they just jump on the band wagon and tag along."

"Tag along on the band wagon?" _She's adorable. _"Are you a country singer?" I ask.

"Okay, ha..ha..ha." she says as she pours me another Jack and Coke_. _

She really is an excellent bartender. It's the perfect balance of the two ingredients. I didn't ask for a refill though._ Is she pouring me another because she likes me? Or does she do that for all customers?_

"All I mean is that I would imagine women…I mean people…tag along with you…not vice versa." _What about women? She thinks I'm a player. Fucking Uriah!_

"Well, I'm not that outgoing so I don't usually have people tagging along," I say. _Maybe she would prefer someone more social._

_Wait? Did she just drink Jack straight up? When did she even pour that? I wasn't lying when I said I would take her on the bar…right now. I'm twitching in my pants._

"So….I can tag along?" _Got words out. Good. _

I look down the bar to see what Will is up to. He seems to be hitting it off with Christina. _Way to go buddy._

"Yep."

"Is she going to want to tag along too? I ask pointing towards Christina.

"Yeah we were thinking about heading to…." _Good. At least then maybe the four of us can hang out. Now how to go about ditching Uriah…_

While I'm pondering the ways to bury Uriah's body, I see that Tris has paused almost in realization of something.

_What was the last thing we were talking about?….oh yeah. _

"Heading to…?" Tris is not making eye contact with me. _She actually looks kind of pissed._

"We usually head to The West after work on Fridays," she says with a mass amount of indifference.

Her beautiful grey-blue eyes look almost blank. She then quickly follows that with, "Her name is Christina." And then she walks away. _I already knew her name. What the hell just happened?_

Let's review. Initially she seemed nervous to talk to me which I took as a good sign. She was pouring me drinks without even asking me: a sign she feels comfortable. _Did I ask Christina's name? No. I already knew her name because I overheard it._ Maybe I was too fucking busy imagining myself being an exhibitionist with Tris on the bar….._holy shit did I say something out loud?_

I look down the bar trying to catch her eye, or at least get some sort of a sign of emotion on her face, but she is taking their drink order. Tris pulls out and uncaps three Blue Moons and adds an orange on the lip of one of them. She has an amused look on her face and the customers seem to be laughing at something she said. _What I wouldn't give to hear that laugh again._

Then I watch as a guy signals her to come closer and I can feel my cheeks heating up again. He tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear and she looks down timidly. _Good. Maybe she didn't like it._ But then the guy puts his hands up and beckons her again to tuck another strand of hair behind her other ear. _Apparently she was okay with it. _He reaches, in an apparent attempt to shake her hand, but touches his fingers to her breast. _Well played man. You are 3 inches away from her face and you go to shake her hand and "miss"? I need to get the fuck out of here. _

I toss some bills on the counter and get up to leave. _I don't understand why this girl, who I don't even know, is having this effect on me._ I turn around and a hand on my chest pushes me back onto the barstool. _Fucking Nita. _

_"_You've been staring at her for so long you didn't even notice me," Nita pouts. "Are you trying to make me jealous?"

I glance down the bar hoping Tris doesn't see the shit show that I know is about to go down. _Why do I care if she sees? I was leaving anyway._ But I see that she is still talking to Mr. Handsy and she seems to be having an engaging conversation with him. _Fuck it._

I attempt to push past Nita, but she has her hands on my upper thighs and she pushes me down on the barstool again. I really do not want to make a scene so I try to stay calm.

"Did you need something?" I ask. _Wrong question._

"I'm pretty sure you know what I need." she purrs as she migrates her hands from my thighs slowly up to my chest and wraps her arms around me.

I keep my arms at my sides but I don't push her away because I don't want to draw unnecessary attention. My bar stool is scooted out in my earlier attempt to leave so she easily slides in between myself and the bar. _This is my out._ I attempt to flee again but she grabs my cock and I clamp my legs shut and sit up straight to stop her. That sent the wrong message. She gets a look of excitement on her face but I quickly grab her wrist and yank it aside, probably too roughly, but I need her to understand that there is no way in hell anything will happen between us.

Seeing that the universe hates me, Tris appears. She thrusts a Blue Moon at Nita with that same blank look on her face. Nita grabs it and purposefully spills it on Tris's arms while saying, "Oops…sorry…" _She sucks so bad._

Tris doesn't even flinch at that. She starts to pour me another drink. _I fuckin' love that! _"Your boyfriend looks pretty unhappy."

"Well, then it's a good thing he's not my boyfriend…right, Four?" She is looking at Tris while she says this.

I give her my most honest answer. "I have no interest either way."

I feel the need for Tris to know this since she is standing right here possibly trying to intercept Nita. I attempt to make eye contact with her beautiful piercing eyes…to no avail.

"You were certainly interested when you had me pinned to the bed _(Abort! Abort_!)…let's see…when was it…"

"Nita," I say angrily. _I'm officially fucked. _And I hate the look of sadness and disappointment on Tris's face.

The guy whom she must be here with is pulling her away as she pouts saying, "I'm not ready to go yet!"

He is looking at me as if I asked for this. I don't blame him. I would be none to happy if I were seeing this situation from his vantage point. I try to communicate with my eyes that this is not my doing. _I can only imagine what Tris is thinking. _

Immediately after they leave I try to get some words out in explanation to which she says, "Not my business," accompanied by a fake smile.

As she tries to walk away I grasp her wrist in my hand. She looks at me stubbornly for a moment, but then her face softens and time stops for the second time tonight. My heart starts to beat faster and faster. My hand is pulsing where I am holding her small wrist and I know she feels it too because I can feel her shiver slightly.

"Can we still hang out after your shift?"

Five minutes ago I was ready to leave and not look back, now I feel like I am begging to be able to stay.

"Sure," she deadpans. "Just meet us at the end of the bar in about 20 minutes. I'll introduce you to Christina and we'll head out from there." _That was way too easy. Apparently she really wants me to meet Christina._

She abruptly walks away…too abruptly. _Hmm._ She goes back over to the innocent boob-grabber and hands him a beer the same way she has been pouring me refills: without even asking. _Why am I jealous of that? _They seem to be having a comfortable and lively conversation. Way more comfortable than her and I have had tonight. _That blows._

Christina chimes in and all I hear is "….best wing-woman ever!" Tris looks down and doesn't seem to love that comment. _I don't love that comment._ But she laughs it off and goes back to talking to the boob grabber.

Lynn yells, "Tris! 15-red-headed sluts please!" _I think that's a shot_.

"Is that your latest preference?" she yells back. _She's funny. Sexy, sweet and funny. She's a god-damned trifecta._

"You're fucking hilarious! Make the damned shots so we can get the hell out of here!" Lynn yells again while flicking Tris off.

She just smiles at that. _I love how she just lets things roll off her back._

So they are friends with Lynn, who is Shauna's sister, Shauna is dating Zeke, Zeke is my best friend. Will likes Christina, who seems to be good friends with Tris, and I like Tris._ This is kind of perfect. God I hope she likes me back._

I watch Tris take another shot. _I've never been jealous of a shot glass before._

She seems to be giving Christina some kind of instruction while Christina shrieks._ You _sure_ about this one Will?_ Will is laughing at her so he must be.

The two of them start doing this small dance in perfect synch. You wouldn't even notice they were doing it unless you were really paying attention, and I seem to be doing a crazy amount of that this evening.

The slight way she is swinging her hips and moving her ass is seriously affecting my groin, making my pants increasingly uncomfortable. I sit up quickly to relieve some pressure. _Is this the song, "Beg for It?" Pretty sure there isn't a more ironic song. _

I see inappropriate boob guy is watching her as intently as I am and he just sat up as quickly as I did. _I hate him and don't even know him. _But I catch her looking my way briefly and not his so I feel slightly relieved.

Christina points over her shoulder at Will and smiles widely at Tris. The two girls keep chatting while Tris efficiently get the shots ready for Lynn. How she can dance, have a conversation and pour shots without missing a beat is beyond me.

"What the fuck Tris…." Lynn mumbles. Then Tris appears with the tray of shots.

"Shauna is meeting us at The West in ½ hour so hurry up." _Lynn has always seemed like kind of a bitch._ "Hey Four," she says as if she has just noticed me.

"Lynn."

I pause for a second hoping I can get Tris's attention. "Well, this was meant to be."

"And why do you say that? Because from my perspective, you had this all planned out." _Is she serious?_

While trying to process this I ask," What exactly do you think I had planned out?" _Seriously, I'm so fucking confused right now. _"Because from _my_ perspective, I seem to have no clue what the hell I'm doing." _And that is embarrassingly the God's honest truth._

"She went back to the lounge to change."

"Who did?" _Seriously who?_

"Christina." _Great. One down one to go._

"Okay, well…..great. Are you going to do the same?" I ask impatiently. _Because I can't wait to make out, I mean hang out with you._ "Wait!" _Fuck! "_ Not that you need to…I mean, you look great. Your hair, your pants—"

"My pants?" _Someone please get me a gun. And am I on fire?_

"Yeah…well. Apparently, the best compliment I can come up with tonight is that your hair and your pants are great."

"Well, I've never been one to inspire compliments." _I DID NOT mean it that way. And that can't be true. _

"Fuck." _Honesty._ "Ok. What I really want to say is….."

I lean toward her and she mirrors my movement. I can't help but take in her amazing scent. I've never wanted to kiss someone so badly. Her lips are perfection.

I brush the right side of my lips against her right ear because I just can't fucking help myself and I whisper, "…you're perfect."

She slowly backs away and looks at me, seemingly pondering what I just said.

"Look. Can I be honest?" she asks abruptly. _Oh shit._

"That would be appreciated."

"So you _do_ appreciate honesty?

"Yesssss…." _Who doesn't?_

"Well, I would have appreciated you being more honest with me about why it is you really asked me to hang out tonight," she says boldly.

"Did you think there was any other motive than to get to know you?" I ask.

"Yes." _What's happening?_

"Then, please clue me in on my motive." I'm getting kind of pissed.

"You talk to me. I get excited because you have beautiful eyes, and your sexy, and have this voice…ugh! And then I see you looking down the bar at Christina. So, I figure, okay I get it. " _Get what? _"Then you start having these weird semi-awkward conversations and it's really endearing—"

"Geez…you're way better at the compliment thing than I am…" _Thank God she thought that was endearing._

And now she's not talking. She looks seriously upset and I don't like it one bit. _Can I please hop over the bar and kiss the frown off your face?_

"Just grow a pair and ask her out before that guy with the puppy dog eyes does. You don't need to go through me!" Then she turns on her heel and she's gone.

I'm frozen to the bar stool trying to take in what she just said. Ask who out? How could she think I was interested in anyone but her? Have I talked to another soul tonight? Checked out another girl…_.Oh fuck. _Puppy dog eyes is Will and "her" is Christina.

And it all comes together. I remember how she seemed upset after I looked down the bar at Will. _Not at Christina!_ Then after I asked her to hang out, I immediately asked if Christina was coming for Will's sake. _You fucking idiot! _ She thinks I am going through her to get to Christina.

_So she does like me…..Oh man I am going to have so much fun with this tonight!_


	5. Waves

**Chapter 5** **– Waves**

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

_I'm going to murder you in your sleep Christina!_ I'm rummaging through the bag of clothes she brought me hoping to find an alternative to the short tight black skirt that barely hits my mid thigh. At least the shirt is something I would wear. It's a button down white, flowy, sleeveless shirt. It's semi-see through but there's not much to see so whatever.

I sigh heavily to myself as I put on the skirt, shirt and my black patent leather flats. _Thank God I brought them!_ I splash some cold water on my face and wash off my arms thanks to that whore bag who dumped beer on me. _What the hell was her name? Something dumb._

I don't need to pinch my cheeks to add color; I'm embarrassed enough as it is. I re-line the inside of my lower eyelids. Thank God I held back the tears fairly well_. At least my eyes aren't red._ That is a skill I had to perfect many times over the years.

I shake my hair out of the tangled bun and surprisingly it looks pretty good….I guess I'll rock the messy look tonight. One last look in the mirror, a deep breath and I'm out the door.

_Now how do I ignore the man I am secretly pining over even though he sleeps with sluts and has taken an interest in my best friend? I'll do what I do best….roll with it._

I walk out to the front of the bar and hand 10% of my tips to Drew and then walk over and give Juan Carlos $20.00 as well. We technically don't have to tip-out the bus boys but Juan Carlos is trying to save up enough money to get citizenship for his wife who is still back in Mexico.

I spot Christina and Lynn with the group of guys we are hanging out with tonight. Four is standing next to Christina and he looks fucking amazing. _Fitted non-pleated black pants. Come on!_ I purposely go stand on the other side of her.

"Okay Miss Tris. This is Zeke, the cop that came in here trying to snag drinks past last call last night," says Christina starting to introduce me.

"Yep. I saw you park like a dumb-ass through the bus window," I say in response.

"Yes ma'am that was all me!" he says proudly as I laugh.

"And this is my brother-" Zeke starts but he is quickly interrupted.

"Uriah, at your beck and call!" Uriah says as he grabs my hand and brings it up to his mouth kissing it while looking at me straight in the eyes. _He's a charmer…and kinda cute._

I see Four stand up straight and breathe out heavily. _What is his fucking problem?_

"Oh and Tris this is Will!" Christina says with an excited smile on her face. _ She likes him. Good._

"Nice to meet you Will," I say as I shake his hand.

"And you already know Four," she says.

"Yep," I say. "And apparently you do too? I was telling Four I would introduce you two but he seems to have beat me to it." _Obviously very eager to meet her._

"Yeah well I took care of that. I figured since Christina agreed to let us come out with you girls tonight, she would at least want to know everyone's names," Will explains.

"Wait. So you two already know each other?" I ask Will referencing him and Four.

"Yes. Will and I happen to be friends," Four says with an amused smirk even though I was clearly talking to Will. _What's so damned funny? And are you seriously going for the girl your friend obviously likes? What a dick._

"Happen to be friends?" Will asks. "That didn't just happen. It has taken significant effort on my behalf!"

Will looks at me conspiratorially and says quietly, "Four is kind of a tough nut to crack."

"Hmph." I don't know what else to say.

Lynn jumps in, "Come on. Shauna is already at the club."

"Oh shit," Zeke says.

"Yeah. You're fucked," Lynn quips.

"Or not," Uriah quickly states while winking at me. I laugh at that.

"I've got the cruiser so I can fit four people," Zeke states. "Will, did you drive?"

"Yeah. We can all hop in my SUV. But Zeke, you will not be driving a police cruiser after drinking five rum and cokes," Will states plainly.

"Agreed," Four states rocking back and forth on his toes. _Why do I notice everything about him?_

"That is an excellent point! Where'd you park William?" Zeke asks jovially.

"Around back. It's gonna be a tight squeeze! Hope you girls don't mind sitting on laps?" Wills says as if he is unsure how we will feel about this. _He's really sweet._

"Fine by me!" Christina says excitedly. _Well, Will's driving so here's your chance Four._

When we get to the car, I see that it's a Jeep Liberty. I observe the look of disappointment on Christina's face when she realizes that there is a center console so she cannot cuddle up next to Will. But, she settles for immediately hopping in the front seat.

"I'm not sitting on anyone's fucking lap. One of you assholes sit on the floor in the back," Lynn says as she hops in the back seat. Zeke quickly takes the middle seat followed by Four who then looks at me expectantly. _Yeah as if that's going to happen._

Before I can decline Uriah chimes in and rubs his hands together, "Miss Tris and I in the back!"

I walk around back as Will pops the hatch. As I open it I hear a scuffle and a semi-but-not-really-hushed, "What the fuck man?"

I try to crawl in the back of the Jeep but I realize how short my skirt is (_fucking Christina!) _and that it is riding up to about 2 inches below my butt cheeks. I hear a sharp intake of breath as I quickly hop down. _Great. Now Uriah has pretty much seen my ass._

"Uriah, can you like grab my waist and toss me in or something?" I say laughing at how ridiculous that sounds.

"Nope! Apparently I can't!" I hear Uriah say from the front as a pair of strong arms gently cradle me under my knees and back.

"But I can," a deep voice whispers in my ear. _Oh good God. Can I get a recording of that voice? Wait, what's happening?_

Four gently sets me in the back of the Jeep leaning me against the interior wall of the vehicle.

"Um….thanks," I mutter trying not to look at him…..and failing….epically.

"My pleasure, Tris," he says smirking. _Stop being so fucking cute…Now!_

I sit with my legs curled up and to the side as Four climbs in. _Nope, not working. _I quickly switch them to the other side while keeping my knees and ankles together as to not completely expose myself. _Also not working. _Four has positioned himself facing me, leaning on the opposite wall with his legs pulled up to his chest. He has an incredibly amused look on his face while he watches me try to sit without flashing my panties.

_He thinks this is funny? _I shoot my legs out straight and just about hit him in the junk.

"Oh fuck!" He says under his breath and then it's my turn to look amused. So amused that I apparently don't notice that both of my knees are now upright and Four has a full frontal shot of what's under my skirt.

"Shit! Oh my God!" I snap my knees shut and he covers his eyes with his hands, but not before I saw his eyes widen and his mouth hang open. (_He saw my panties! My red panties! Hell he practically saw my vagina!)_

"You may want to close your ankles, too. You know, just to be safe…." He says with his eyes still covered and trying not to laugh.

"Damnit!" I pull my ankles together and now I can't help but laugh a little as I watch him peak in between his fingers and shake his head.

"Nope. Didn't help," he states matter of factly.

"What the hell is going on back there?" Uriah says in a very agitated voice.

"Just getting acquainted," Four says while waggling his eyebrows at me.

_You have no idea how acquainted I want to get with you._

"I have an idea," he says as he scoots closer to me so I am between his legs with my toes almost touching his groin. He immediately sits up straighter. "Do you trust me? I promise I won't look."

I nod my head because I can't fucking help myself.

"Are you flexible?" He whispers. _Jesus._

Again I nod my head because I can't fucking help myself.

He keeps his eyes locked on mine as he gently takes my left foot and lifts it while straightening my leg in air. He then takes my right foot and does the same still keeping his eyes trained on mine. He joins my ankles together and slowly _(sooooooo slowly)_ spins me on my tailbone so I am now facing away from him. He gently tucks my knees up to my chest before placing my feet on the floor. I am now seated fully between his legs. His right hand and his left hand are still holding my ankles and I can feel him breathing heavy against my back. He let's go of my ankles and scoots back toward the interior wall of the car. The loss of his touch leaves me feeling cold and I feel like he purposely backed away from me. _He was only trying to help. Nothing more than that. _

We sit there in silence for a couple of minutes. I am sitting up straight as a board as to not make him uncomfortable. _Why am I worried about his comfort level? I know he would be more "comfortable" if Christina were here instead of me. _I steal a look over my shoulder and see that he is staring out the window and rubbing the back of his neck.

"I fucking love this song! " Christina turns up the music to a semi-obnoxious level as Will smiles at her and rolls down their windows.

**Song: Waves (Robin Shulz radio edit) by Mr. Probz **

Without warning I am thrown back into Four and he instinctively wraps his arms around me holding me to him.

"Sorry guys! Pothole!" Will yells back to us.

Neither of us say anything. I can't explain why I don't try to move.

"You guys okay?" Christina shouts.

"We're fine!" We both say in unison. I feel him smile against the side of my head.

"I fucking love this song too," he says in my ear as he stills his head next to mine. I nod my head in agreement because that is all I'm physically capable of doing at the moment.

He releases me out of his hold and drags his palms down the sides of my arms to rest on my hips. We stay like this for a minute and I still make no attempt to move. Not one ounce of my body wants to not be near him. He slowly pulls my hips towards him and I gladly let him. He doesn't move an inch as if he's silently asking me if this is okay. _And hell yes it is._ I arch my back slightly which makes my lower back grind into him just a little and he breathes in sharply. I can feel him harden on my lower back. I don't mind one bit. He exhales deeply as he rests his bare lips on my exposed left shoulder. We stay completely unmoving like this. I become suddenly aware of my hands and I realize that I had previously braced myself by grabbing onto his knees, however now both of my arms are completely wrapped around his lean strong legs. He starts to slowly, almost imperceptibly move his hands down my thighs and he stops at the hem of my skirt. Again we both stay like this: communicating with our bodies. My fingertips start to very, very slowly trail up his inner thighs. _His legs…there are no words_. At the same moment he starts to move the tips of his fingers teasingly under the hem of my already riding up dangerously high skirt en route to my inner thighs. My heart is beating out of my chest. I can feel him now rock hard against my back and my panties are soaked. I still my hands and he does the same.

"You guys are awfully quiet back there!" Christina yells over the music.

Uriah glances back at us right after Four had lifted his head so from Uriah's perspective it just looks like we are crammed in the back of the SUV. Neither of us have moved our hands. I take in the music and the feel of the wind whipping my hair around us.

_I'm slowly drifting away (drifting away)_

_Wave after wave, wave after wave_

_I'm slowly drifting (drifting away)_

_And it feels like I'm drowning_

_Pulling against the stream_

In unison, we each start to search each other out again. He leans back slightly which helps me wrap my arms tighter around his legs granting me closer access to where he is swollen and throbbing. _God I want to hold him. _I can practically feel him pulsing next to my hands as they cradle his cock without touching it. The new angle also allows him to push his fingers closer to the apex of my thighs. _Fuck, I want his fingers inside me so bad right now_. I graze my fingers lightly over the bulge in his pants and I feel him rest his forehead on the back of my head. This is so fucking erotic I feel like I am melting. His fingers graze the sides of my panties in between my legs and I know he can feel how wet I am as his leg muscles flex in response.

"Do you guys want me to let you out here?" Will asks as he puts on the brakes in front of the club.

I shoot straight up which throws Four's head back against the window. It causes a deep grunt from the back of his throat and even though it's from pain, it still sounds incredibly sexy.

"Sure! Yes! Here….I will…yep, I will get off…I mean out….here," _What was I doing? What was I doing? Fuck, what am I saying? _

Christina is looking at me like I am nuts. I rise up on my knees and pull my skirt down as Uriah walks around to open the hatch to let us out. I look back at Four with a small smile but all I see is a worried look on his face. _Regret._ _Of course._

"Whoa Tris! Let me help you there before you flash the crowd. Not that I would complain," Uriah jokes while swooping me up bridal style and lightly putting me on the ground. "You comin' Four?"

"Uh….No. I'll go with Will."

"Okay…. Are you stayin' in the back?" Uriah asks. I am facing away in humiliation.

"…..Yes."

"Ok man. You're fuckin' weird sometimes," Uriah says as he shuts the door.

I make one last ditch attempt to make eye contact with Four, but all I see is his head hanging between his shoulders. _Great. I am so stupid!_

As Will's Jeep starts to pull away I announce, "Uriah! I'm going to let you buy me a drink." I need to focus on something else and Uriah seems like the type of person who can easily provide distraction.

"Happy to oblige m'lady!" He says as he bows. Then he just laughs and leads me in by my waist. "What're we drinkin'?"

"Nothing fruity..." I snark under my breath.

"What?" Asks Uriah as he bends his head to meet mine.

"Nothing. How about a Jack and Coke?"

"Your wish is my command! First round is on me guys." Uriah announces to Zeke and Christina.

"Zeke, raises an eyebrow. "Who the hell are you and what did you do with my idiot brother?"

"We have new lady friends here!" he says smiling.

Then I hear him say to Zeke in what I assume is Uriah's idea of a quiet voice, "Just let me do my thing!"

"Yeah. Well, just steer clear of Christina. Will has a thing for her. And I think Four would beat your ass as well," Zeke says not quietly at all. _Zeke must know that Four likes her too. _

Christina has already made her way to an empty area in the corner with four couches set up in a square and a table in the middle. It's perfect because we can all talk while still hearing the music and it has a perfect view of the dance floor. _Sweet. Now that I know I'm going to be ridiculously uncomfortable tonight, at least I can dance while still keeping my eye on Christina. I really need to keep her on the right path with Will. _

Uriah starts to order when the server comes by.

"The lady would like a Jack and Coke," he tells her gesturing to me. "And I'll have a Bud Light. Zeke? Christina?"

"Cranberry and vodka, please!" Christina answers.

"Leinenkugel for me," says Zeke.

"We should get a drink for Four and Will." I suggest. _Or at least Will._

I here Uriah huff.

"Can you make that two Jack and Cokes, please?" I ask the server. _Why am I doing this?_

"Chris, what has Will been drinking tonight?"

"Heinekin."

The server hears this and nods her head.

"Where the hell have you been?!" A pretty girl with brown hair comes to our table glaring at Zeke. And who the hell are they?" She asks accusingly still staring at Zeke.

He tries to answer and she says, "I have been sitting at that table….that big ass table over there for the last 45 minutes! 9:00 came and went but no Zeke! And then you and Uriah show up with two randoms!?"

"Relax crazy pants," Lynn interjects sauntering over and taking her seat. "My shift ended at 9:00 therefore we couldn't get here _at_ 9:00. You obviously don't check your fucking text messages. This is Christina and Tris, my friends from work. And before you get any crazier. Will likes Christina, (_Never seen Chris blush before_) so she's pretty much not even an option. " _But apparently I am….._

"Oh," the poor girl who I assume is Shauna looks pretty mortified.

"Well. Hi, nice to meet you both." She shakes both of our hands and I try to give her an understanding smile.

Uriah seats himself next to me on the small couch and rests his arm on the back of the couch behind me. "So Tris, tell me about yourself. All I know is that you are a bartender at Hangars, you are beautiful and there is obviously a hell of a lot more to you than-"

"Sir, your card has been declined," the server interjects looking at Uriah who looks like he wants to bury himself in a hole.

"It's okay Uriah." I say as I try to stifle a laugh. I dig through my wallet for my Visa. "You can pay the next time we go out."

"Oh! So you're here with Uriah?" Shauna asks as I go to hand the server my Visa saying, "This round is on me."

I turn to look at Uriah and I see that he is sprawled out on the floor and Four has taken his place.

"No, she's not," Four says addressing Shauna.

"And, no it isn't," Four says while handing his card to the server and returning mine to me. _Am I missing something? _

"May I open a tab?" he asks as he leans his head back to look up at the server. She just stares at him for a moment. Now I notice how cute she is. "Please?" he asks after a significant pause on her behalf.

"Oh….sorry. Sure. I'll be right back. Right away." She walks away flustered. _I get it girl….but fuck you._

"That happens all the time," Shauna says to me. _I can only imagine._

"$10 bucks says she'll pass you her number before the night is over," she now says to Four who isn't answering.

"What? Got nothin' to say to that Four?" asks Uriah, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "The problem is we already _know _she will slip him her number. The man probably has piles of them cluttering up his apartment! The real question is…._how_ she will go about this! Let's talk strategy….."

"Uriah," Four deadpans. _His face is red again._

"No, seriously! It could be the classic slip-her-card-under-his-drink-move, or maybe the seductive-slide-it-between-the-buttons-on–his-shirt-strategy. Oh yeah! And the leave-her-number-on-his-receipt is one of my favorites." _Oh my God! This happens enough for them to be placing bets on it? _I realize that I am sitting up as if I am tied to a rail and my cheeks are burning.

"Those are some of my favorites too!" Shauna says laughing. Four is definitely not laughing and Zeke must sense it.

"Uri, Shauna. We get it," he says.

Shauna must understand, but Uriah doesn't stop there. It's as if he's goading him…..

"No...no...wait," Uriah says slowly and deliberately. "My absolute favorite. The grab-his-dick-with-one-hand-while-placing-the-card-in-his-pants-pocket-with-the-other-" _I can't listen to this anymore. _

I quickly get up and walk past Christina and point to the dance floor so she knows where I am. "I'll be there in a bit! Shake it girl!" she shouts.

_ I don't know why, but I just hate the idea of women throwing themselves at him. None of these feelings are warranted. We had a moment in the back of an SUV…an unbelievably hot moment. I mean look at him! Who wouldn't? I felt like there was more to it. But judging by the look on his face…Shit I didn't stick around to grab my drink and I need it tonight._

I beeline it to the bar. I almost order my I-need-to-get-hammered-drink. _Gotta watch out for Christina tonight. _Instead I order a Jack and Coke. For some reason I can drink those all night and be fine. The bartender smiles warmly at me.

"This ones on me," the man to my left says.

"No, that's really alright," I say. But then I pause. "Shit! I actually left my wallet at my table…so I guess I will take you up on that," I reconsider now looking at him. _Super cute. He is no Four. But super cute. Tall, blonde hair, nice smile. _

"I'm Edward. You're Tris right?" he asks. _How the hell does he know me?_

"Yeah… Apparently we have met?"

"Well not officially. I used to date Myra."

"Oh yeah! You're the stalker boyfriend who sits at the bar for her entire shift," I quip while taking a drink.

"Ha! I suppose so."

"Why do you always do that by the way?" I ask really wanting to know.

"I think you mean why _did_ I always do that…I suspected she was cheating on me and I needed to make sure I was right. Turns out I was. She's sleeping with the bar-back."

"Drew?" I ask. "Sorry, that sucks. If it makes you feel better…he's kinda _meh._"

"Well, no that doesn't make me feel better." _Oh Jeez. Why would it? I really have a way with words. "_It's really okay. It was kind of my "out" if you know what I mean. I knew we weren't meant to be. Plus, there was someone else I had my eye on," he says intently.

"Well, then there you go. Did you ask her out?" I take another drink.

"Not yet. But I think I may have my chance sooner than later…."

"Well, what's holding you back?" I ask.

He pauses and looks at me. "Hey, do you want to dance by chance?" he says leaning closer.

He's cute, seems nice and definitely a very welcome distraction.

"Sure," I say as I take one last drink. He stands up and takes my hand to pull me out on the dance floor.

We start dancing and he's actually really good.

"I'm at the point where I don't know if I love this song or if I hate this song," he says referring to the song _Blurred Lines_ that is playing.

I laugh. "I totally know what you mean! Well, it's halfway over and at least it's the remix!"

"Yeah, I suppose!" he says smiling. _Again, cute smile. Still not Four…..damnit Tris!_

He grabs my hand and spins me into him and then out again. We both start laughing. _Seriously who dances like this in a club? _Then he spins me into him again and wraps his arm around my waist, holding my hand out in tango position. I'm still laughing because I expect him to start doing the tango but he holds me to him tightly and starts dancing very slowly. I am absolutely not comfortable with this and I start to lean away from him, but his upper body follows me. I stiffen up and turn my head to the side. Feelings of not being in control start to fill my mind and I start to panic. I start to push him away and he just pulls me closer mouthing the words to the song in my ear.

_You're a good girl_

_Can't let it get past me_

_You're far from plastic_

_Talk about getting blasted_

_I hate these blurred lines_

_I know you want it_

_I know you want it_

_I know you want it_

_But you're a good girl_

_The way you grab me_

_Must wanna get nasty_

_Go ahead, get at me_

I now realize that my skirt has risen up quite a bit and his left hand starts to drift.

I suddenly flashback to two years ago, being held tightly while Eric is whispering in my ear how he loves me and wants me to show him how much I love him as his hands start to force down my sleep shorts and panties at the same time.

My legs start to give out when I suddenly feel a strong arm wrap around my rib cage steadying me. Edward's arms are no longer around me as I see his left arm contort in front of me which makes his upper body follow and he goes down, hard, to the floor. Edward stands up immediately and yells, "What's your fucking problem man?" as I turn around and see Four through my foggy vision standing there giving Edward a look that says "I'm about to crush you with my bare hands." Four grabs the bottom of my skirt and pulls it down to where it should be.

_I'm so dizzy. _Edward looks like he's about to piss his pants as Four rounds on him and yells something as he shoves Edward back almost knocking him down. _Breathe Tris just breathe. _Four shoves him again, yelling more. _Maybe if I close one eye. _Four grabs him by the collar, more yelling. _Maybe both eyes._ Edward is on the ground. _I just feel so tired…._

* * *

**Four's POV:**

I'm standing right by the entrance to the bar staring at my feet still mentally kicking myself for missing the signs with Tris. I still don't totally grasp how she could think I have _no_ interest in her. She was definitely the only person I talked to and I was so fucking tongue-tied and nervous. _Isn't that how people act when they like someone? I guess I have no idea….._

I don't think Tris has any clue about the effect she has on people. The amount of men staring at her and making comments is staggering. Her beauty is effortless. Not to mention her firm body and perfectly proportioned ass that I could literally bite into. _Wow Tobias._

"Four. Four. Four!"

"Huh? Sorry. What?" I ask in response to Will.

"You're going to rub a hole in the back of your head. Stop it. And this is Christina. She has agreed to accompany us tonight," Will says gallantly.

"Actually, I think _you_ are accompanying _us_…but if it makes you feel better to take credit, then by all means," Christina says while smiling at Will. "Nice to meet you Four."

"You too. "

"I saw you talking to Trissy quite a bit tonight." _That nickname does not suit her. _

"Yeah….well I was trying," I say rubbing the back of my neck….again apparently.

'Did something happen by the way?" Christina asks. "She ran right past me and into the bathroom. She said nothing was wrong but that girl can't lie worth shit!" Christina is sizing me up.

"I think we had a bit of a…miscommunication," I say. But before I can elaborate, Tris comes walking calmly out from the back looking gorgeous with her hair cascading over her shoulders and a skirt that shows off every inch of leg a man would want to see. She hands the bar-back some cash, which he pockets and doesn't even say anything and then she walks over to a bus boy who is clearing a table and she hands him some cash as well.

'What is she doing?" I ask Christina pointing at Tris.

"Oh. Tris is such a softy. That's Juan Carlos and she tips him out because he is trying to get his wife citizenship or something. I'm not really sure…"

I just nod my head and think of how amazing she is. Juan Carlos stares after her in awe.

She sees our group and goes and stands on the other side of Christina even though I am closer and there is room next to me. _She did that on purpose._

Christina starts the introductions beginning with Zeke.

"Okay Miss Tris." _An equally dumb nick name_. "This is Zeke, the cop that came in here trying to snag drinks past last call last night."

"Yep. I saw you park like a dumb-ass through the bus window," she responds. A realization hits me: _She was the girl I saw through the bus window. Wow…._

"Yes ma'am that was all me!" Zeke says idiotically.

"And this is my brother-" _Speaking of idiots._

"Uriah, at your beck and call!" he says like an asshole totally interrupting Zeke. He grabs her beautiful soft hand and kisses it all the while making overly flirtatious eye contact. She doesn't protest…not one bit. _Breathe Tobias._

Thank God Christina jumps in and introduces Will excitedly. _She likes him. Good._

"Nice to meet you Will," Tris says shaking his hand.

Christina addresses Tris while gesturing to me, "And you already know Four."

She looks at me coldly and says, "Yep," to Christina. "And apparently you do too? I was telling Four I would introduce you two but he seems to have beat me to it." _Not exactly true._

Will interjects, "Yeah well I took care of that. I figured since Christina agreed to let us come out with you girls tonight, she would at least want to know everyone's names."

"Wait." _Her face is priceless._ "So you two already know each other?" I almost laugh out loud.

"Yes. Will and I happen to be friends." I can't help but crack a small smile because I can practically see the gears turning in her head.

"Happen to be friends? That didn't just happen. It has taken significant effort on my behalf!"

Will's right. I can be a dick at first. I still don't know why he made such an effort to befriend me.

He whispers something to her and she gives a stifled response. _What the hell did he say?_

I see Lynn listening to her voicemail and as she hangs up her phone she says, "Come on. Shauna is already at the club." _Zeke is fucked._

"Oh shit," Zeke says.

"Yeah. You're fucked."

"Or not, "Uriah comments to Tris, which makes her laugh. _I really wish I could make her laugh. _

I know that Zeke is going to offer to drive us in his police cruiser because he rarely thinks things through….and he does not disappoint.

All I can think about is how to make sure Tris and I are in the same car. Actually, I'd be fine as long as she isn't alone with Uriah, who clearly has taken an interest in her.

"…..Zeke, you will not be driving a police cruiser after drinking five rum and cokes." I catch the tail end of their conversation.

I am bouncing on my toes from impatience and all I can say is, "Agreed."

Zeke must be drunk because he says all too happily, "That is an excellent point! Where'd you park William?" _Did he just say William?_

Apparently Will is going to drive us all in his Jeep Liberty and there is definitely not enough room.

Will asks the girls if they don't mind sitting on laps. _He's a really good guy._

"Fine by me!" Says Christina.

I need to strategize. It would make the most sense for me to sit in front with Will because I am the tallest and that would leave more room in the back for people to fit. However, Tris could easily end up on Uriah's lap and that is just not going to fucking happen. And what if Christina hops on my lap to be closer to Will. _Fuck._

Christina solves my problem when she hops in the front seat and I'm cut another break when Lynn makes the announcement that she isn't "sitting on anyone's fucking lap" and suggests that one of us "assholes sit on the floor in the back." _Now how to get Tris on my lap…or Zeke's I suppose…I know Lynn wouldn't mind either…just not Uriah's. I need to get Uriah to sit in back. _I see Zeke get in the middle right after Lynn _(perfect)_ and I quickly follow immediately turning my attention to Tris so I can have her securely on my lap. But, the look of "_let me tell you what's _not_ going to happen"_ that I see on her face tells me otherwise. _I hate that she thinks I am going through her to get to Christina._ I need to show her that I am only interested in her.

"Miss Tris and I in the back!" _Fucking Uriah…and don't call her that!_

I jump out of the car and grab Uriah by the back of his shirt collar and toss him to the side. "What the fuck man?" He chokes out. _I'll sort of apologize later._

I walk around to the back to see Tris trying to crawl into the back of the Jeep and I can't help but take a in a quick breath because in front of me I see 2 bare perfect legs and almost a hint of the best butt ever. She jumps down quickly enough so my cock didn't have the opportunity to get hard. _Thank God._

"Uriah, can you like grab my waist and toss me in or something?" She says laughing at herself because it is pretty ridiculous. _She thinks I'm Uriah._

"Nope! Apparently I can't!"

_On cue Tobias. _"But I can." I gently pick her up with one arm behind her back and the other under her knees. She feels perfect in my arms, like it's where she belongs. And I can tell she doesn't mind that it's me.

I set her down in the back of the jeep against the wall and she shyly says thank you glancing up at me every few seconds.

"My pleasure, Tris," I say honestly.

As I climb in the Jeep I can see she is struggling with how to sit appropriately in a skirt that short. She hasn't looked entirely comfortable since she changed and I have a feeling that her skirt, as amazingly sexy as it looks on her perfect body, wasn't her doing. I sit myself directly across from her with my knees up. I can't help but smile at how cute she looks as her cheeks turn pink and she tries to keep her knees and ankles together while moving her knees to the other side of her body.

She makes eye contact with me and can see that I'm trying to hold back a laugh.

She straightens her legs without any warning and comes within a centimeter of kicking me in the nuts with her feet. "Oh fuck!" I say quickly under my breath but definitely loud enough for her to here. She has a self-satisfied look on her face. _She did that shit on purpose!_

I almost start laughing. But I can't. All I can see is a perfect crotch shot of Tris in red panties.

"Shit! Oh my God!" she says in a stifled shriek. She obviously had no idea the visual she was just giving me. She closes her knees quickly as I put my hands up to cover my eyes. However, the image is burned into my brain. Covering my eyes is not helping my dick so I try to sit up straighter. I remove my hands from my eyes thinking it is safe to look and then immediately cover them again because I can _still _see her panties! _Please God Tris close your fucking ankles! _

"You may want to close your ankles, too. You know, just to be safe…."

I hear a light laugh as I peak between my fingers. She is watching me and smiling with her ankles now closed. _She seems to be enjoying my torment!_

"Nope. Didn't help," I say truthfully.

"What the hell is going on back there?" _None of your god damned business Uriah._

But I answer in jest, "Just getting acquainted." She gives me a knowing look. _God…_

This is a problem that needs to be solved immediately because I cannot take anymore of Tris's red panties staring at my cock.

"I have an idea." I scoot closer to her and then realize that that was a _terrible_ idea so I sit up even straighter if that is possible. _Focus Tobias. _"Do you trust me? I promise I won't look." _Please keep that promise!_

She nods her head.

"Are you flexible?" I ask quietly.

She nods her head. _Jesus._

I train my eyes on her piercing grey ones and seek out her left foot and lift it up and straighten her leg up in the air. _Jesus. _I take her right foot and lift it up and straighten her leg in the air. _Jesus. _My throat is so dry from breathing with my mouth open. Yet somehow I am still concentrating on her eyes. She seems okay with this. I carefully pull her ankles together and spin her slowly so her skirt doesn't get twisted. She is facing away from me and my legs are framing her body as I bend her legs back in and lower her feet to the floor. I keep hold of her ankles and have no desire to let go.

It suddenly hits me how uncomfortable this is probably making her, especially judging by her silence. I reluctantly let go of her ankles and scoot back a far enough distance to hopefully ease her discomfort. I glance at her and she is sitting up as straight as an arrow. _Fuck._ I look out the window thinking of ways to apologize.

"I fucking love this song!" yells Christina as the volume gets louder. Will smiles and laughs. They must have rolled the windows down because I feel the warm gusts of air rush through the car.

Tris suddenly launches backwards into my arms and I grab onto her, probably more than I should but I can't help myself. _I don't know what happened but I don't want to let go._

"Sorry guys! Pothole!" Will shouts.

My body refuses to move and surprisingly she isn't trying to either. We just stay as we are, almost in our own world as her hair swirls around us and the music plays loudly.

"You guys okay?"

"We're fine!" We say at exactly the same time. _She likes this._ I smile and I realize how close my face is to hers.

"I fucking love this song too," I say as I lean my head closer. _Because it has now taken on a whole new meaning._

She nods her head in agreement.

I should let her go. I release my arms but keep my hands on her. Her arms are so smooth and she smells so amazing. I drag my hands down so they take purchase on her hips. Neither of us move. _God._ I pull her closer to me by her hips because I need to feel her body. She acquiesces but I don't want to push it so I just hold her like this. This is enough.

She puts pressure on her lower back right into my groin and I know it was on purpose based on how her back arches. I take a deep breath trying to control myself because I'm getting hard. I know she feels it. She still doesn't move. I can see her bite her bottom lip, which stirs up so much heat inside of me. I lightly touch the creamy exposed skin of her shoulder with my lips. I want to know what her skin tastes like. _God I want to know what _she_ tastes like. _She wraps her arms around the outside of my legs and a shiver goes through my whole body as she rests her hands on my inner thighs. My hands must have a mind of their own at this point because they seem to be moving down her thighs but stop short as they hit the hem of her skirt. My brain processes how high her skirt is hiked up and what is just inches below my fingers. _God I want to touch her._ But this is enough. At least I need her to know that this _can_ be enough. Neither of us move.

My cock is throbbing and I find myself fiddling with the hem of her skirt at the same time she is dragging her fingertips to where I want them so badly right now. My fingers are now resting under her skirt on her inner thighs. We both stop.

Christina yells something and I remove my lips from Tris's shoulder and lift my head. But I really don't give a shit what Christina said.

Uriah turns around briefly and narrows his eyes at me, I couldn't possibly care less because I am exactly where I want to be and she is exactly where I want her to be.

The music adds an amazing element because the melody of the song is so smooth. It reminds me of how soft the skin is on Tris's inner thighs. _Fuck._

Somehow, it is completely beyond me, we start to explore each other completely in synch. I lean back on the wheel well slightly to provide us with better access to each other. She embraces this and wraps her arms tighter around my legs while bringing her fingers so so close to my bulging cock. I return the sentiment by pushing the tips of my fingers millimeters away from where her panties cover the place I want to be most. I can feel the heat radiating out from under them and it is taking every ounce of restraint I have to not plunge my fingers into the depths of her. She brushes her fingers over my sack and I almost loose my load right there. I rest my forehead on the back of her head and breathe in her amazing scent to distract myself. But I still need to feel if she wants me as much as I want her. I brush my fingers along the edges of her soaked panties and I have my answer.

"Do you guys want me to let you out here?" The back of my head smacks into the window behind me and I am jolted back to reality.

Tris is sitting up rail straight and is sputtering out some sort of nonsense while I am trying to regain my senses. _What the hell was I thinking? I like this girl…like really like this girl. And I go for what's between her legs before I even kiss her? Who does that?! _ Shame is taking over every part of me.

Tris turns around to look at me and I don't even know what to say. I don't even hear what Uriah is saying to her only that he lifts her out of the vehicle the same way I put her in. _How fucking fitting is that?_

"You comin' Four?" Uriah is looking at me.

"Uh…No. I'll go with Will." I try to look at Tris but I see that she is facing away from me. _I'm so so so stupid._

"Okay…..Are you stayin' in the back?" Uriah asks with one of his eyebrows quirked.

"….Yes." _Because I am still recovering from my enormous boner._

I don't even know what Uriah says before he shuts the door. _I am so sorry Tris._

I lean up against the interior wall of the Jeep as I see Uriah leading Tris in with one arm around her waist.

_"That was supposed to be me….." _I groan.

"What was?" _Yep. Definitely didn't mean to say that out loud._

I don't answer.

"You like her," Will states.

I don't answer.

"You do know I have a rearview mirror, right?"

This gets my attention and I immediately snap my head and make eye contact with him through his rearview mirror. I groan and put my head in my hands.

"Relax, I didn't see anything. Well, not really. But I have my suspicions."

"Can we please talk about something else?" I plead.

"You can talk about whatever you want. I'm going to talk about you and Tris," Will says smiling.

"Persistent," I say.

"You know I am! If I wasn't we wouldn't be friends. In fact, I would probably think you were kind of a son of a bitch."

I just shake my heads and chuckle.

"I like her, man. I definitely….like her," I say honestly.

"Yet here you are sitting in the back of my Jeep. And she is inside with Uriah."

"I am recovering!" I say as my face heats up.

Apparently Will thinks this is hysterical because he continues to laugh as he parks the car and is still laughing as he helps me out of the back.

"All _better_ now?" Will asks with raised eyebrows.

"Real fuckin' funny." _It actually is pretty funny. _"So do you think Uriah likes her?" I ask.

"I think Uriah likes beautiful women who are available," Will says smiling at me.

I look at him seriously thinking about how women do love Uriah. He's a good-looking guy; cocky, out-going, charming….._shit._ "We've gotta get in there," I say as I pick up speed.

We walk into The West. I've never been here before, but I've heard great things. It has a relaxed atmosphere: maroon couches, mahogany tables and dark walls. People are pretty much dressed however they want. All of the songs they play are remixes so even if you don't like the original, you may like the alternative. The acoustics are perfect so you can talk at one end of the room and the music doesn't drown you out.

Will and I stand there and look towards the bar. I see Lynn ordering a drink but I don't see the others. Knowing Lynn she will not be ordering for anyone but herself and I wouldn't put it past her to actually hang by herself for most of the night.

"I'm gonna find a bathroom. Can you get me a Heinekin?" Will asks.

I nod my head still searching out our group. I spot them on some couches in the corner. Tris is sitting on the edge of a couch elbows on her knees. Her hair is draped over her right shoulder leaving her left shoulder exposed. My lips vibrate at the physical memory of resting them on that soft skin.

I walk toward the couches and stand about 10 feet away behind Tris. I just want to watch her. _What's with the voyeurism?_

I have to stifle a laugh when a very pissed off Shauna comes marching over to stand right next to Zeke. Shauna is awesome. She keeps us all in check and is fiercely loyal. There is not a better match for Zeke. Speaking of which, not many women can render him speechless, as she is doing right now.

"…9:00 came and went but no Zeke! And then you and Uriah show up with two randoms!?"

I just about go to interject when Lynn languidly walks in front of her sister telling her to, "Relax crazy pants." I can't really hear her because she is angling away from me but when she turns her head, I hear her say, "Will likes Christina, so she's pretty much not even an option."

_Which means everyone thinks Tris is an option…..this needs to stop…..Tris needs to be with me and there is no other option. Scratch that. I sound like a Neanderthal. She may not even see me as an option anymore based on my man-whore performance. I was ready to go down on her like it was my job in the back of a fucking Jeep Liberty! We've never even held hands! What is her last name? Favorite color? Ice cream flavor? Phone number?..._

Shauna looks embarrassed and can tell by Tris's profile that she is giving her a forgiving smile.

_Uriah…_ "So, Tris, tell me about yourself…." _Get your fucking arm away from her. …"_you are beautiful and…."

The server walks past me. "Sir, your card has been declined." I literally double over in silent laughter.

"It's okay Uriah." _At least Tris is trying not to laugh…..I actually feel bad for him. _"You can pay the next time we go out." _Next time?!_

All I here from Shauna is, "…you're here with Uriah?" and I see Tris pass the server her credit card saying, "This round is on me."

_Okay, let me tell you what's not happening….._

I grab Uriah by the back of his collar for the second time tonight and toss him on the floor (_I'll sort of apologize later)_ and I literally jump over the back of the couch and sit in his place.

"No, she's not," I say answering Shauna's question. _Shauna is looking at me like I'm insane._ "And no it isn't," I then say to the server while I grab Tris's card and replace it with my own. I hand Tris's card back to her and ask the server if I can open a tab. _Tris will not be paying for drinks tonight._

The server isn't responding. _Oh God I know that look. Please just answer me. _"Please?" I ask not knowing if I am asking her to answer me or to open a tab.

I steal a glance at Tris and I see her seriously staring down the server; looking her up and down. I don't even know what the server says because I am too worried about Tris's reaction. But she seems to have walked away and has my card. _Whew! Dodged that bullet. _

"That happens all the time," Shauna says addressing Tris…..specifically.

"$10 bucks says she'll pass you her number before the night is over." I say nothing because I really need Shauna to get the hint and shut the fuck up.

"What? Got nothin' to say to that Four?" I look at Uriah and realize by the tone of his voice that this is payback. Yet he continues on about not needing to bet because it's basically a sure thing.

What sucks is that he's right…this shit happens all the time. There have been times, I will admit, when getting a girl's number (usually more than just her number) without having to work for it has been let's say _momentarily advantageous _but regrettable the next day.

"Uriah," I say in warning but he keeps talking. Now he is crossing the line. He is listing off a handful of the ways girls have slipped me their information. I can't even look at Tris. But I see out of the corner of my eye that she is now sitting very straight and she is staring off as if deep in thought.

Shauna has not gotten the hint yet and she is laughing along with Uriah. I make eye contact with Zeke and slightly shake my head. He knows me well enough to get the message that this conversation needs to end immediately.

"Uri, Shauna. We get it," he states especially looking at Uriah because he knows Shauna will get the hint. And she does. Uriah probably does too, but it doesn't stop him. _Payback._

I know what's coming next. Out of all the ways girls have passed me their numbers this was the worst: I had been ignoring a girl's attempts at drunk flirtation all night and as we were leaving she grabbed my cock roughly so I couldn't walk away and slipped her number in my pocket with her free hand. Uriah and Zeke thought it was hilarious.

Uriah knows that this will piss me off to no end. He obviously wants me to explode in front of Tris. _Control yourself Tobias._

"…..The grab-his-dick-with-one-hand-while-placing-the-card-in-his-pants-pocket-with-the-other-."

Tris stands abruptly and walks away before he can even finish his sentence.

I stand up, "Hey Tris! Wait…." But she doesn't seem to hear me.

"Just let her go man! She needed to know what she's getting herself into." Uriah says while shaking his head and looking pleased with himself.

I have my fists straight at my sides with white knuckles and Zeke immediately jumps up and gets in Uriah's face before I do and Shauna grabs me by the elbow and leads me away to calm me down. _Thank God they are here. _

"Whoa! What's going _on _with you? Shauna asked surprised.

"Uriah's a fucking prick."

"Huh. Because what I witnessed is both of you acting like pricks. You fucking threw him off a couch Four. If he did that to you, you would have wiped the floor with his ass." _Good point. _"Is it that girl? Tris?"

I growl under my breath and answer, "Yes."

"Oh my God!" She screams surprised.

"What?"

"Well, Uriah hits on randoms all the time -"

"She's not a random."

"But you don't. So you must be actually interested in her."

I sigh loudly, "Yes. I certainly am interested." I pause, "Anyway I'm going to grab her drink and go find her."

"Okaaaaaay."

"Shauna."

"I'm sorry I'm just excited! I hope she likes you, too." _Probably fucked that up._

We walk back to the table and I make brief eye contact with Uriah. He is pouting. I go and sit down next to him.

"Do you like Tris?" I ask looking him straight in the eyes.

"Yes," he answers.

"No. Do you _like _Tris?" I ask again looking him straight in the eyes.

"Four, damn! Yes, she's hot. Why wouldn't I? What is with you?!" _He doesn't get it._

"Uriah. Let me be clear. I want to get to know her. I want to take her out on a date…and pay. I may want to actually _date _her. Do you want any of that?" I ask with 100% sincerity.

"Well….I don't know…we've barely talked…I mean she's hot."

"That's it? That's all you've got?"

"Uri! Listen to yourself!" Shauna chimes in. "Tris may not be the type of girl your into."

"Fine." he acquiesces. "I'll even make sure to let her down easy…..you're welcome, dick." he says looking at me.

"Sorry Uriah. You won't be letting Trissy down at all. She only has eyes for Mr. Tall, Dark and Broody over here!" Christina pipes up referring to me.

I sit back for a moment thinking about that. "You sure?"

"Positive! I can read that girl's face better than 50 Shades of Grey!" _Close your mouth Will. _"She is absolutely ga-ga over you."

It's officially admission time. "I think she got the idea into her head that I like…you."

"Haha! Oh my God! That is so Tris. She is one of the most perceptive people I know. Except….when it comes to herself. That girl has no idea how amazing she is….." she trails off.

_I need to take care of this. _

"Is this her drink?" I ask while standing and grabbing for what I can only assume is a Jack and Coke; that seems to be her booze of choice.

"Yes. Actually those are both of yours," Christina says.

"Thanks Zeke," I nod to him after getting mine as well.

"For what?"

"Getting me a drink…"

"Nope. Wasn't me," he says as he sits back and puts his arm around Shauna.

"Tris got it for you. Now go fucking find her before I do!" Uriah huffs out. _She got me a drink…even after what happened in the back of the Jeep? _

With that, I'm up and at the bar…..just in time to see her laughing at some guy as he pulls her onto the dance floor. _Why? Why? Why? Damnit!_

I watch them intently as they start dancing. He is leading her in some kind of ballroom like dance and she is smiling like she is really having fun. I actually smile to myself at this because….well probably because I just love to see her smile. _And I desperately wish I was the one making her do it. _

_Fucking Blurred Line bullshit song….._

I slowly walk. hands in my pockets, head down like a five year old and sit heavily down on the couch tipping back my drink and taking a sip of Tris's.

"Christina? Christina? What's wrong?" Will asks looking at her.

She has a very worried look on her face and it's almost as if she doesn't even hear Will. I follow her line of sight and it lands on Tris.

The guy is tall and has his arms wrapped around her…tightly…dancing seductively. I immediately tense up. _I understand my reaction but why does Christina looks so worried?_ Christina starts to slowly stand up as if trying to decide if she should intervene. I look back at Tris and I see her leaning away from him in a very obvious way but he leans with her and seems to hold on tighter. She turns her head to the side and squeezes her eyes shut and he seems to be mouthing the words to the song in her ear. _Any idiot who has heard that song knows exactly what he is saying._ One of my last true memories of the scene is of his hand pulling her skirt up and the look of pure fright and then nothingness on her face as she starts to slump in his arms.

I have no memory of getting to the dance floor. But suddenly there I am. She is practically lax in my right arm. One wrist lock counter-clockwise and he is down.

"What's your fucking problem man?" _Now I'm awake._

Tris seems steady but her skirt is hiked up almost to her ass so I pull it down without even thinking.

I charge at the guy pushing him in the chest with one hand as he steps back and almost looses his balance. "What makes you think for one fucking second that she liked that?!

I'm happy to help him with what he couldn't achieve so I shove him again, hard with both hands. "Was it when she tried to lean away from you?!

It's like the parting of the Red Sea on the dance floor but somehow he grabs someone's shoulder to steady himself. I grab his collar and squeeze it with my fist. "Or was it when she tried to push you away?!" I throw him to the ground…hard.

I feel two sets of strong arms pulling my own arms behind my back and turning me away while I struggle briefly.

Then there is Tris…unconscious on the floor.


	6. Xanax

**Warning \- Descriptions of domestic violence and implied sexual abuse**

**Chapter 6 – Xanax**

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

_Sleep has never felt better. A hard cold floor that feels so good against my burning cheeks. Don't care about anything….at all._

_Cold floor gone. Strong arms and I'm swaying. Smells like heaven._

_I'm slowly drifting away (drifting away)_

_Wave after wave, wave after wave_

_I'm slowly drifting (drifting away)_

_And it feels like I'm drowning_

_Pulling against the stream_

_Strong arms? No more. And now it's cold. _

_Concrete wall. Legs splayed out in front of me. Burning sensation between my legs._

_I'm blinking my eyes trying to concentrate on what he is saying. He is walking back and forth and back and forth shaking._

_"Are you even FUCKING listening to me?"_

_I try to respond, but there are two of him so I don't know which one is talking._

_"Why do you do this?! You MAKE me do this to you! Do you think I want to be this man? I love you! I FUCKING love you! Can't you even LOVE me BACK? LOOK AT ME DAMNIT!"_

_My head is warm. Am I sick? I touch my forehead and my hand is covered in red. Is that blood? It's kind of pretty…_

_And now I'm up. 2 hands crushing my shoulders and now I am the one shaking or something is shaking me…..my tongue is throbbing._

_"I HATE you! I HATE you! I HATE you!" Screams of rage in my face._

THERE IS A FINE LINE BETWEEN LOVE AND HATE …. _Where have I heard that saying before._

_And now I am down again…hard. My back end is on fire…..am I on fire? _

_He is by my side. "I'm so sorry, baby. I don't really hate you." He is so sad….so very sad. Blood shot pale blue eyes…..so sad._

_"You just drive me crazy. I want to show you how much I love you. FUCK!"_

_He is pacing again. Back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. _

_A deep calming voice….I love it so much…._

_I'm slowly drifting away (drifting away)_

_Wave after wave, wave after wave_

"Tris?... Tris?..."

_Again a deep soft whisper in my ear_. _Beautiful dark blue eyes. I run my fingers down them. A warm smile. _

"Hi," he says softly. _Can we just stay like this?_

"Hi."

I am slowly being sat upright. Everything is perfect.

_Wait. _"Where is he?! Is he?! Please, please, please!"

I touch my forehead. Nothing is there but the ghost of a past injury….and then I vomit.

* * *

**Four's POV:**

I no longer give a shit about him. All I see is _her_ crumpled on the floor. _Did nobody fucking catch her? Why didn't **I** catch her? _

Christina rushes over and lands on her knees. "Tris! Tris! Beatrice! Damn it. Someone help me….fuck-"

But I am already right there lifting her up as gently as I can.

"She may have hit her head on the floor. Tell the bartender to get a cold rag and some ice," I say to Zeke who immediately runs off.

"Christina, has this happened before?"

"Ummmmm…well…"

"Christina." I say between my teeth as curtly as possible.

I need to know if this is a response to a physical injury or an emotional response to trauma. The self-defense certification classes are flooding back to me.

"Yes. Yes. She has anxiety in certain…..about….things."

"Okay. What you need to do is—"

"I've got this Four. Just get her to the bathroom."

As we are rushing her to the ladies room a girl snidely says, "Drunk ass," as we pass by.

Before I can say anything, Christina turns and grabs the girl by the front of her shirt and pulls her to within an inch of her face. "Do you know her story?!"

The girl shakes her head wide-eyed.

"Then shut…the…fuck…up," she elicits with fire in her eyes, letting go of her shirt and roughly pushing her back. _Remind me not to fuck with Christina._

Zeke comes running over, Shauna and Lynn in tow, with a cold rag, a compress and a cup of ice.

"The bartender wants to call 9-11," Zeke says.

"No. She'll be fine," Christina retorts stubbornly.

"Are you—"

"I said she'll be fine! This isn't our first rodeo! Now put her on the floor, Four."

"Christina, she really shouldn't sit—"

"Just fucking do it!" _I am reminded not to fuck with Christina._

I set Tris down on the floor and lean her up against the concrete wall per Christina's instructions. Her legs are splayed out in front of her and she is leaning on Christina's shoulder while she holds the compress up to her head. I see her eyes flutter briefly.

"Four, get out." Shauna pushes me back and locks the bathroom door behind me.

"She's gonna be fine man," Zeke says trying to make eye contact. "She just got a little shaken up. And who knows…maybe she didn't eat dinner or something…"

"No. It's something else. The look on her face when that guy was…_fuck…. _I don't know_._"

"Chris?" Lynn is knocking on the door. "Ya gonna fill us in? How the hell is she?" _Lynn you are so eloquent._

"She's….She's….she'll be fine. Just give her another minute!" Christina yells through the door.

_Another minute? People who faint usually come to **within** a minute. I've had it._

"Christina. Christina. Christina!"

"Go away, Four! I'm handling it!"

"Oh fuck…." I hear Zeke say as I step back with my right foot and deliver a swift front kick to the right of the door handle leading to the lock's untimely demise.

The girls scream as I rush in and see Tris still slumped against the wall breathing heavily and sweating profusely. I want to scream at Christina. _Every dumb-ass knows that you need blood to flow to the head when dealing with a fainting victim. _But I need to concentrate on Tris. I kneel down and gently pick her up. Christina is yelling at me but I don't give a fuck. I lay Tris on my lap cradling her head in the crook of my elbow with my arms under her knees. This is the second time tonight I have held her like this. I like these circumstances much less. Lowering my elbow to the ground, I keep her knees elevated trying to comfort her while returning blood flow to her head.

I whisper in her ear quiet enough for only her and I to hear:

_I'm slowly drifting away (drifting away)_

_Wave after wave, wave after wave_

"Tris?... Tris?..." I say gently.

She opens her beautiful blue-grey eyes and stares straight at me smiling lazily as if she were dreaming. She takes her soft fingertips and runs them over my eyes as I smile. _She is so beautiful._

"Hi," I try to say softly but I think it comes out more shakily. _Can we just stay like this?_

"Hi."

I think it's safe to sit her up. Until….

"Where is he?! Is he?! Please, please, please!" She screams as she looks around with an expression I can only describe as sheer panic.

Tris puts her hand to her forehead as if she is searching for something. A look of confusion appears on her face….right before she throws up on me.

* * *

**The car ride home: Four's POV**

"Christina, she's acting insane. Did she take something?" I ask as Tris is singing "Waves" in my ear with her arms wrapped around me. I have my right arm resting on the back of the seat.

"I may have slipped her two Xanax…" she says sheepishly.

"You _may _have? Are you fucking telling me that you gave a girl who probably weighs 110 lbs. soaking wet, who had alcohol in her system, and who had just vomited the contents of her stomach….two mother fucking Xanax?"

"Yes…I am telling you that."

"Four? Four. Four? Four. Is it a question or an answer? A nickname or a real name? Four….Four. I like it! I like you. "

"I like you too Tris."

"But…I don't like it…when people lie to me," she says wagging her finger at me with one eye closed.

"I've never lied to you," I say.

"Ha! Well…at least you're funny!...and hot…and holy shit you are so awkward! I just love it….." she trails off as she yawns.

"Glad you love it."

"And I love your hands….uhhh…" she says. _Oh please tell me this isn't going where I think it is. _"I just wanted them inside-" I clamp my right hand over her mouth so she can't get the words out.

Will let's out a choked laugh. Tris pulls my hand away and laughs.

"What? Got nothin' to say to that Four?" _Oh, I have plenty to say about that! "_Oh my God…I totally just quoted Uriah!" she exclaims as she laughs at herself. "Oh! I just looooove Uriah!" _Yeah. Uriah's the fucking best. "_He's just so…funny and….he said I'm beautiful…I just remembered that! That was really nice….." she mumbles trailing off and looking out the window like she is sad. _I said you're perfect. I win! Me!_

"Well, he's right."

She turns to look at me.

"Don't….say…things…ya…don't…mean," she says poking me in the arm with each word. "I know you like Christina! I mean…do you think I'm fucking stuuuuupid or something?" _No, just completely misguided._

"Ugh…Tris!" Christina says laying her head back on the seat headrest.

"Ugh…Tris? Two Xanax, Christina…Two Xanax!" I reply exasperated.

Tris doesn't hear any of this. She unbuckles her seat belt and leans over me to wrap both her arms around Christina from behind.

"I don't blame you Four! She has the best tits ever!" she comments loudly while cupping Christina's breasts.

I am holding onto her hips trying to steady her. Her ass is inches away from my face. _Fuck. _Will is glancing back and forth between the road and Tris's hands. I choke out a laugh.

"You know you do have a rear-view mirror, right?" I quip quoting him from earlier in the night.

He turns red and shakes his head.

"Okay…down girl. Why don't you help her sit down Four?" Christina suggests to me, talking to me like I'm a five-year-old.

"It's okay Chrissy I can take a hint!" Then she turns to me and whispers, "she doesn't bat for both teams," as if it's our own little secret.

Trying to sit back down Tris lands on my lap.

"This fucking skirt! Don't move Four," she says seriously. _As if I could….or would?_

She leans back into me, rises up her hips and pulls her skirt up…all the way to her red panties and sits back down on my lap. I close my eyes and try to picture anything not Tris. It doesn't work.

"Tris! Oh my God!" Christina says covering her mouth trying not to laugh as I scoot her quickly off my lap and adjust my pants.

She wraps her arms around me again and she whispers, "I don't swing that way either….sorry."

"No need to apologize."

"You've probably been with girls that swing all kinds of ways: up, down, side to side—"

"Actually, I haven't."

"Yeah okay!" she emits sarcastically as she stares at my lips and bites her lower one. _She is so fucking sexy even when she's hopped up on pills. _She raises her hands and puts one on either side of my head and stares into my eyes. _Do not kiss her. Do not kiss her. _Then she whispers, "I'm imagining what kissing you would be like…and it's fucking amazing." _She is killing me._

After she lets go she gives me a serious look then scoots away from me and stares out the window. I see a tear escape down her right cheek. _Why? _

"Tris? You okay babe?" Christina asks.

"Yep. Tris is always okay. That's my default mode. Fuck. It's what I tell everyone, right? That I'm okay. I mean…even after Eric would….but, yep! I'm okay!"

"Who's Eric?" Will asks before Christina can get the word 'don't' out of her mouth.

She looks to the back seat worried.

"Hmmmm….my psycho ex-boyfriend," she answers nodding her head matter-of-factly. "Yep….he…..he…" She looks over at me as another tear cascades down her face, "But I'm okay."

Laying her head on the window she closes her eyes. I decide to scoot closer to her, taking her in my arms to let her head rest on my chest. I breathe in the scent of her hair and I kiss the top of her head.

"I puked on you."

"Yes. You did."

* * *

**Saturday morning: The next day**

**Tris's POV:**

I wake up and look at the clock. 10:00 am. _No fucking way._ _No nightmares_? I actually slept in. _I'm still so fucking tired._ Slowly I get out of bed and pull on my robe leaving it undone. I don't even bother to put pants on. It's just Christina and I, and she walks around naked half the time anyway. I make a quick trip to the bathroom, brushing my teeth as I pee. Then I walk out to the family room and I see her quickly grab her phone and start typing away.

"Morning," she says.

"Yes, it is," I quip as I sit on the couch.

Christina is staring at me.

"What?"

"Are…you…okay?" she asks.

_What the hell kind of question is that? Holy shit._

_-Jeep Liberty_

_-number whores_

_-dancing with Edward_

_-vomiting…_

"Oh….my….God….."

"Tris, don't freak out –"

"How do I _not_ freak the fuck out?!"

"Step one. What _do_ you remember?"

"Okay. Breathe….Breathe. I was dancing with Edward."

"You knew him?"

"Shush!...He started to get…I started-"

"Tris you don't have to say anything. I saw it. He was groping the shit out of you. I can only imagine how you felt –"

"And then…Four…."

"I have never seen a man run that fast before. He took that bastard down before I could even get to my feet!"

"I don't remember much. Just….feeling trapped with Edward….and all of a sudden Four was there and Edward was on the floor. The rest is kind of a blur."

"Well," Christina says straightening up. "Shall I fill in the blanks?"

"Please do," I say sitting indian-style on the couch.

"Mr. Gropey McGroperton was all over you…like lifting your skirt up and whispering in your ear and shit-"

"I will kill you if you ever make me wear that skirt again."

"Yep. And then Four must have seen me looking at you or something because…well he actually looked kinda pissed at first…like jealous pissed—"

"Jealous?"

"Yep. Anyway, you just about fainted and Four caught you with one arm and fucking disabled what's-his-name with the other. It was pretty impressive. Four's kind of a badass. And oh my God…he even pulled your skirt down."

"This happened?"

"Yes it did. Anyway, Four shoved him like 3 times…hard and I mean _hard, _yelling shit like "what makes you think she liked that!?" It was like out of a movie. So then, Edward goes down and before Four could do any more damage Zeke and Uriah grabbed him."

"Wow."

"I'm not done…..You fucking fainted on the dance floor."

"I got that much Chris." _God._

"The look on Four's face when he saw you on the floor…..OMG….But I got to you first. Ha Ha!"

"Was it a race?" _Dumbass._

"He ended up picking you up and bringing you into the bathroom. He wanted to help more, but…." Christina trails off.

"But?"

"I was being stubborn?...It's just…we've been here before and I thought I could handle it. But this time was different, Tris. You didn't just faint. I don't know what was going on in your head but you were sweating and shaking…like you do in your sleep sometimes-"

"I remember." _Damn….I remember._

"You do?"

_I hate admitting this shit. _"I had a flashback about the first time Eric forced me to have sex with him. Dancing with Edward…how he was holding me…must have triggered something."

"Oh God Tris."

"Well. You've read that journal entry so can we move on?"

She's giving me the kicked puppy look. _I want to wipe it off her face._

"Yeah okay….long of the short of it….Four kicked the door in-"

"He _what?_ Why? Why would he do that?"

She shakes her head. "You are so fucking blind. He cares about you! He cradled, literally cradled you, on his lap. He was whispering something in your ear….no idea what….and then you woke up and touched his face, which I thought was weird but whatev. The look on Shauna'a face was priceless. I don't think anyone has ever seen him act like that….like anyone…ever. I know you barely know each other but you guys seem to have some kind of connection."

"Huh." _I feel it. Does he?_

"I tried everything to get you to wake up: I laid you on the ground and elevated your feet…hell, I even smacked you…not hard, but a smack none-the-less. You were like out…of…it. So, I sat you back up to make you less comfortable….You only woke up after Four was holding you. And then you tweaked and-"

"puked."

"On him….like on him on him…like down his shirt and pants and shoes—"

"Okay, okay, I get it!" _Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. _"So, I won't be seeing him anytime soon."

"Well actually—"

"Wait. Why can't I remember anything else?"

"Don't hate me."

"Don't _make_ me hate you."

"This might make you hate me."

"Christina….what…..happened?"

"I made you take 2 ibuprofen as we were getting you cleaned up."

"Thank you for that by the way-"

"Except they weren't ibuprofen….they were Xanax."

I swallow. "That's 4 milligrams."

"Is it? That's doesn't sound like much…."

"I can barely tolerate 1 milligram," I deadpan. "You could…have…killed…me."

_Knock, Knock, Knock._

"Well….you would have _tolerated _plenty last night let me tell you!" _Was that a sexual innuendo? "_You were hilarious! You said some embarrassing shit…but Four was so patient with you, he-"

"What the fuck did you just say?"

"You…were…hilarious?"

_Knock, Knock, Knock._

"Four. You said _Four!" _My voice is escalating. "He saw me like that?!"

"By the way I've never seen someone less affected after being yakked on. He was so focused and worried about you. All he did was ask for the cold compress! Shauna had to physically push him out the door so he would change his clothes."

"Yeah, yeah…that part is burned into my memory." I groan with my head in my hands. "The last thing I remember is Shauna giving me her camisole and being very confused about mouth wash….."

"Yep! You were dead set on drinking it!"

_Knock, Knock, Knock._

"So, I was high as a fucking Kite! Fuck! HOW MUCH DID FOUR SEE?"

"Who?"

"Christina."

"Will you answer the damned door?!"

"Ugh!" I throw open the door.

The cutest…man….ever is standing is front of me. Basketball shorts, perfectly fitting white T-shirt, sufficiently messy dark brown hair, holding a carrier of coffee and pastries…..and he is _not_ trying to hide the fact that he is looking over my entire body because I am in an open robe, camisole and _panties_! _Can't a girl get a fucking break?_

"Everything," Four answers for Christina as he grins.

"Shit!" I slam the door in his face and run into my room.

* * *

**Four's POV:**

I wake up early Saturday morning. Sleep was seriously evading me last night. I couldn't stop thinking about Tris. Her reaction to that asshole on the dance floor, seeing her sweating and shaking slumped against the bathroom wall, her waking up and looking into my eyes…

Then Christina with her fucking Xanax. She probably could have killed her. _I Googled that shit!_ She may be a protective friend, but she doesn't have the market cornered for wise decisions.

I can't help but think about the things Tris was saying in the car. I know she was out of her mind, but I think there was truth there. I know she likes me…she made that very clear. She also made it very clear that she doesn't think_ I_ like _her_…or worse that I lied about it.

Apparently she didn't mind the back of the Jeep incident: "_And I love your hands….uhhh…I just wanted them inside-" Fuck. Morning wood is bad enough...this is now borderline painful. _

I look at my phone for a text I may have missed. Christina promised me she would text me the minute Tris wakes up.

* * *

**Flashback to the night before:**

After she falls asleep in my arms in the car, I carry her up to the apartment and set her in the bathroom to shower.

She is mumbling to herself in the bathroom when we here a crash. Christina goes running in there and leaves the door open behind her. Apparently Tris had knocked the metal shampoo holder off the wall. I seriously try not to look. _Trying, trying, failing_. I'm pretty sure Will does, too. She is standing there with the shower curtain wide open as if she hadn't even made an attempt to close it….in her fucking red panties and black bra. _Damn those red panties!_

"Fuck, Tris! Why are you showering with your underwear on?!" Christina says exasperated as Tris waves at me. _It was so cute, but so not okay on my part._

Christina notices Tris's wave and slams the door shut behind her.

We hear through the door, "Chrissy….I want _Four_ to take my panties off!" _So this is what Medieval torture feels like…._

I just about swallow my tongue as Will laughs out loud.

"I'm sure he would love to," Christina says. _Fuck, you have no idea._

"Nope…nope…nope. He would love to take yours off! What am I saying? You don't even wear them half the time."

Now Will just about swallows his tongue. Even if he had I don't think I would give a shit. It is all I can do to not rip Christina out of that bathroom, lock the door, and rip those red panties off with my teeth.

Will and I can't even make eye contact because we know that Christina is literally washing Tris's naked body…I know where my mind is taking me…and I imagine Will's is on the same track.

"I told Four you don't bat for both teams but—." Tris is laughing hysterically.

"Tris, stop talking."

I steal a glance at Will and he is angling away from me.

When Christina comes out with Tris, she has her in a little nothing of a robe with a towel wrapped around her head.

"You're still here!" She launches herself at me and sits on my lap. _Yep. She is naked under this robe. Her sexy tight body….naked, under this robe. Get up! Get up! _

_"_No, no, no, nope. Let's get you ready for bed." Christina grabs her by her shoulders and practically lifts her off of me.

"Okay. Come on Four!" Tris says waving her hand to follow them. _Coming!_

"No, princess. Not gonna happen," Christina responds loud enough for me to hear as I sit back down.

"I know…it'll never ever happen."

This rubs me the wrong way…so to speak.

I must have been sitting there lost in my own dirty mind because suddenly Christina is standing in front of me with her hands on her hips. "Dude….Four!"

"Yes? What?"

"Can I trust you to go in there? She's asking for you and she won't shut up."

I must have paused for too long because she turns to walk away shaking her head.

"Christina stop. Yes. I would never…ever…take advantage. You can trust me."

No matter where my mind wanders, I know I would never act on it.

"Ok. You have 5 minutes."

I walk into Tris's room. It smells like her. Like lemongrass and something I can't quite put my finger on. Christina has brushed out her long hair and it is lying neatly on her pillow. She is so fucking beautiful.

"Hi," she says as she smiles shyly.

"Hi." I sit on the edge of her bed.

"I'm sleepy," she says yawning.

"I bet," I say quietly, laughing a little.

"Can I just have one kiss?" she asks with her eyes partially closed. "So I know what you feel like…"

"No," I say shaking my head. _Yes! Yes! Yes!_

"I didn't think so," she says closing her eyes on purpose this time. "It's okay." I can tell she is trying to not open her eyes because there are tears building up on her luscious long lashes. _She is killing me._

"Tris, open your eyes," I say softly.

She just shakes her head.

I lean down and whisper in her ear, "I want to kiss you when I can look into your perfect eyes and tell you, without saying a word, how much I want you and only you. I want that moment. But this is not that moment."

Her breath hitches as the tears that had built up on her lashes spill down her cheeks. I know she probably won't remember this….but I will. I kiss her lightly on the forehead and walk out of her room shutting the door quietly behind me.

"Ready Will?"

"Sure. Can I call you tomorrow?" he asks Christina.

"Definitely."

I walk over slowly and stand in front of Christina with my arms crossed. "Give me your phone."

Grabbing it off the side table, she hands it to me looking nervous. I put my number in her contacts.

"You _will _text me when she wakes up in the morning."

**End Flashback.**

* * *

_Okay, I'm up._ I already had to stroke myself to completion last night….there was absolutely no way around that. But I refuse to be one of those guys who can't even get through a morning without it. I need to occupy my time because I don't think Tris will be up for awhile. I plan on heading to the gym later on today. But there's no rule against working out twice. So, I decide to go for a quick run.

I find myself at the lake. I think my subconscious brings me here sometimes. Sitting on a ledge by the water my mind always wanders to the same thing: my mother. I was 9 when she passed away. One day she was here and the next day she wasn't. There was no warning…no saying good-bye. _Not going to think about that right now._

She loved the water. We would come here and feed the ducks. It's funny how something as simple as that never really gets old. Even now, I wish I had some bread.

After she died, I couldn't even look at the lake. It took me three years to come back and sit on our bench. The only reason I did it was because Zeke's mom dragged me. It was the right thing to do. I think it did provide some closure at the time; at least enough for my 12 year old brain.

These days, I have other things to worry about. Sooner or later I'm going to have to deal with Marcus. The voicemail he left me about having any "pretty little lady" in my life resonates in the back of my mind. _What a fucking off the wall question! _As if he's ever going to meet, let alone get to know the person I end up with…..if I end up with anyone. _I hope it's Tris. Fuck…time to go Tobias. _

I run back to my apartment and take a quick cold shower. _Just a shower. _I throw on some comfortable clothes and then head to my favorite hideaway to wait for Christina's text. _She better fucking text me._

Two blocks down and a left down a small side street and I am at my destination. There is no sign or marker whatsoever indicating there is a business aside from the word "coffee" written in permanent marker on the top right side of the door. As I walk in the bell above the door rings and an older woman peeks her head around the corner checking for unwanted guests.

"Good morning, Gertie."

"Yes….I suppose it is," she answers. "The usual?" _What does Tris like? Hopefully coffee….who doesn't like coffee? _

"Yes, for now. But then I will need two to go. And are the scones ready?"

"Of course they are ready," she snaps. "Why two coffees?"

"I'm bringing one to a friend."

"Don't you dare tell-"

"I wouldn't dream of it. Not yet anyway."

She pauses wondering if giving me two coffees instead of one is a good idea.

"It's a good thing you're handsome..." she says in her version of a complement.

"Only because it gets me amazing coffee," I say in my version of a complement. "Do you mind if I hang out for awhile? I'm waiting for a text."

She rolls her eyes. "A text. Hmph. Folding chairs are in the corner."

I wait for Christina's text for about 20 minutes until…..

**Christina:** She just walked out of her room

**Me:** On my way. Does she like coffee?

**Christina:** Who doesn't? Get me one!

**Me:** Only if you take it with 2 Xanax. What's your address again?

**Christina:** 4509 Parkland, Unit 2.

**Me:** Thx

I grab mine and Tris's coffees, snag two chocolate chip scones from Gertie, pay and head to Tris and Christina's place. My stomach is doing flip flops. _What the hell? I am not used to this shit!_

I was too preoccupied with Tris to notice much about their apartment last night, but now I can take it all in. It's in Bucktown, but far away enough from the cafes and shops to still feel like it is in a neighborhood. Their place is actually a house and they occupy the 2nd floor. It's nice. Quaint. It makes my apartment building feel cold and isolated.

I walk up to the door and just as I'm about to knock I hear a heated discussion between Tris and Christina. I hesitate and almost walk away to give them a few minutes. _Fuck no. _

I knock three times. _They are talking pretty loud._

"Well….you would have _tolerated _plenty last night let me tell you!"_ That's accurate. "_You were hilarious!" _Not really. "_You said some embarrassing shit…" _Again accurate "_but Four was so patient with you, he-"

"What the fuck did you just say?" _Oh…shit._

"You…were…hilarious? _Nice try Christina._

I knock again.

"Four. You said _Four!_ He saw me like that?!" _I saw a lot of you like that._

Now I just hear mumbling. _Do they even hear me?_

So I knock…..again.

"So, I was high as a Kite! Fuck! HOW MUCH DID FOUR SEE?"

The door flings open. _Is she going to yell at me? _And I see the best sight I have seen in a very very long time. The most adorable face ever…cheeks turning pinker by the second, bed head, which she somehow pulls it off as sexy_, _little silky shirt thing, hard nipples…_fuck _…panties. _Again with the panties? Thank God I'm holding the bag of scones over my junk._

"Everything," I answer for Christina.

"Shit!" She slams the door on me and I hear pounding little footsteps across the apartment.

I can't help but laugh. She looked truly horrified and is probably coming to the realization that I heard the tail end of their conversation.

I knock again….three slow knocks. Christina comes to the door.

"I'll only let you in if you brought me coffee."

"You don't deserve my coffee," I say as I brush past her.

She gives me a girly, "Uh!" and looks at me as if I was kidding. _Do I look like that kind of guy?_

"Fine," she says annoyed. "Good luck getting _her_ to come out," she says as she breezes past me and sits at the kitchen table.

I nod my head once, slip my shoes off, and walk down the hall to Tris's room. I set the coffee and scones down on the floor and knock softly on the door. No answer.

"Tris?" Still nothing. "You know it's nothing I haven't seen before," I joke. _Too soon?_

"Not full on panty shot!" she yells through the door. _If she only knew._

"Ha!" Christina laughs loudly from the kitchen. Then quieter and to herself, "She has no fuckin' clue…"

_This place is too damn small._

"I like them. The red ones were nice, too. But, yellow is equally as nice on you."

"Pleeeeeeeeaaaasssse, stoooooop…" I can tell she is whining into her pillow.

"I will if you let me in. I have the best coffee and scones you have ever had in your life."

I wait.

"Hmm…..fine!" _That didn't take much._

"What?! I was betting on at least a half hour!" Christina yells.

Tris opens the door and immediately turns around and plops down on her bed. She is in sweatpants and a sweatshirt and still looks sexy. _How?_ I quickly grab the coffee and the scones and set them down on the nightstand. Seating myself cross-legged in front of her on the floor and I hand her the coffee.

"Shit! How do you take your coffee? I didn't even think—"

"Black." _Awesome._

She takes a sip. "Oh my God…this is the most amazing…..mmmmmmm…" Pausing and briefly turning pink she says "I can only imagine how that sounded," before taking another sip.

"Sounded pretty amazing to me."

"Seriously, where did you get this from?" she asks right after kicking me. She looks at the generic To Go cups and paper bags that Gertie uses.

"That….is a secret."

"A secret?"

"Indeed. You literally have to prove your undying love for coffee before I can include you."

"You're serious?"

"Very serious."

She raises an eyebrow and shrugs. "Fine. Be difficult."

"Me? Difficult? You're the one who locked yourself in your room pouting," I point out to her between sips.

"You saw me in my underwear! It's embarrassing!"

"You looked amazing!" That earns me a pillow to the face. "I'm being serious!"

We both laugh for a minute and then she gets quiet.

"Yes, Tris?" I can see she is trying to form words in her head.

"Why are you here?!"she blurts out.

"Because I was hoping to catch you in your underwear again. Turns out I was in luck." I am rewarded for that comment with a blank stare. "Okay. I'm here for several reasons apart from panties, coffee and scones. I feel like I misled you last night."

The blank stare I was getting has now turned into sadness and then acceptance all in one fell swoop.

"Wait. That's not what I meant...You're getting this mixed up….or I am. Not really sure right now…."

"Four. Just spit it out."

I uncross my legs and sit up on my knees so we are eye level. Everything about her face radiates beauty.

"I know we don't know each other very well….at all. But I would really really love to change that. I like you. I think you are fascinating and beautiful and funny and by the way equally as awkward as me—"

"I never said you were awkward—"

"You have said it twice now."

"I said you were 'semi-awkward' at the bar and it's because I was frustrated!"

"You also said it to me in the car ride home…..and you included the adjectives 'funny' and 'hot' as well."

She groans and throws her face into her pillow.

"May I finish?"

"Please!" she exclaims with a muffled voice.

I reach over and rest my hand on Tris's hair and she faces me lying on her pillow.

"Did you know you asked me if I would kiss you last night?"

She shakes her head no.

"You did. But I said no."

She is staring at me with questioning eyes.

"I told you that I want to kiss you when I can look into your perfect eyes and tell you, without saying a word, how much I want you and only you. I told you that I want to wait until that moment comes."

I have been slowly inching my face closer to hers intentionally. She bites her bottom lip and I can hardly take it anymore, but I have formulated a strategy and I need to stick to it. No more Jeep Liberty incidents. _Yet._ I can still enjoy this, right here, just as it is. I slide my left hand down her hair and trail it down her spine to rest it on her lower back. There is a small bit of skin between the hem of her sweatshirt and sweatpants that I am drawing small circles on. Her skin is so damn smooth. I rest my chin on the bed right beside her pillow. We are breathing the same air.

"Are you ready for that moment?" I ask her very softly. I am so close to her lips.

She slides the tip of her tongue out to wet her perfect lips. _Don't…do…that._

"Mmm hmm," she says staring at me with her piercing eyes.

"Good," I murmur as I lean in about a millimeter before I hop to my feet. "How about tonight?"

She sits up wide-eyed, mouth open in a big O. It's fucking priceless! _I'm so awesome!_ Until I see her standing up with a shy look and she seems upset. _Fuck. I didn't want to hurt her feelings. _Walking over to me she looks down at her feet. I put my index finger under her chin because she needs to look at me. Reluctantly, Tris looks into my eyes. Then she grabs me by the back of the neck with both hands pulling me to her. My lips collide with hers forcefully. _What the fuck? Screw it this is awesome!_

After she gets her point across the kiss slows down and turns sweet, just my lips on hers as she runs both her hands up into my hair and I wind my right arm around her while resting my left hand on her waist pulling her into me. I have never kissed anyone like this before. Slowly…relishing every taste and texture. Kissing other girls was always a means to an end. Kissing Tris….fuck. I could do this all day. We pull apart and rest our foreheads together, staying in the same position, breathing heavily. I put my lips to her forehead and smile like an idiot. So much for _my _moment. But, I have to say I think this one was probably better because _she _wanted it.

I look down into her eyes and we both seem to realize we haven't moved. We are still holding each other closely. I see a change in her eyes as she pulls my head close again. This kiss is deeper and her tongue finds mine. _God she's good at this! _She pulls at the roots of my hair and I groan which just spurs her on because she snakes one of her arms to rest on my lower back pulling me closer to her. I think she wants to feel how much I want her and I know I don't disappoint...there is no hiding it. I move my left hand to slide my fingertips down the elastic of her sweatpants as I back her into the wall. She breathes in quickly as her back meets it and she hitches her right leg up so I can take better purchase of her ass_, _which is fucking amazing by the way. I massage her butt cheek with my hand and she sighs in my mouth.

"Dude!" Chistina is standing there with her mouth agape as we both turn our heads to look at her.

It's an understandable response. I _am_ holding her best friend up against a wall by her ass cheek. _So worth it._ Tris looks at me and bites her lip with a coy little smile.

"Sorry Chris," she says as her eyes are still on mine.

I whisper to her, "You are so _not_ sorry."

"Not one bit," she whispers back while leaning up to kiss me lightly again. "So what were you saying about tonight?"


	7. a 180

**Warning****: Description of sexual abuse**

**Chapter 7 – 180°**

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I'm sitting on my bed with what I'm sure can only be described as a "shit-eating grin" on my face. I don't even notice Christina standing there until she clears her throat, trying to make me aware of her presence.

"So…" she says leaning against the door jam in my room checking out her fingernails. She is trying to be nonchalant, but that is so not her style so she really sucks at it.

"Yes, Christina?" I inquire, quirking an eyebrow at her. She glances up at me and then down at her nails again.

"Okay fine! First, you are convinced he doesn't even like you and then I walk in on him pinning you to a wall!"

"Who?" I ask using her words against her.

She looks at me with her hands on her hips. "Tris."

"Christina."

"Look, I just don't want you to move too fast. You've been through…stuff and—"

"Do you honestly think I don't know that?"

She stares at me. "No," she says as she starts to walk away.

"Chris wait!"

She turns around and looks at me with her arms crossed. "Look, Tris, I think he's a good guy…hell, he could even be _the_ guy." I can feel my cheeks heat up at that. "I just know that you fainted and had a flashback last night after a guy groped you on the dance floor—"

"I was there."

"Lose the sarcasm, Tris." She pauses again looking at her nails. She is trying to be delicate in her wording, which is actually pretty funny because I know she is going to fail. "So…what if you freak out mid-fuck?!" _And there it is._

"Really Christina? We haven't even hung out just the two of us!"

"Don't get huffy with me. I_ know_ you were fooling around in the back of the Jeep last night—"

"What? How do you—"

"—And you couldn't keep your hands off him during the car ride home… You sat on his lap in your underwear…straight up panties! And then in our apartment—"

"Chris, what do you want me to say? And there is _no way_ I would have done that!"

"I want you to tell me you will _slow_ down. At least until he knows what went on with you and Eric. Tell me Tris, what would you do if you guys were fooling around and he pinned your arms over your head? Or held you down by your hips?"

**Flashback: **

Eric had been so amazing to me for the last week. He made me dinner almost every night. He even took me out dancing last night. I feel sure, now, that he is truly sorry.

Eric and I sex for the first time last week. It wasn't beautiful, it wasn't romantic, it was rushed and I didn't want to. But, we had been together for four months and I think I _do_ love him so it only made sense. Also, after my panties and sleep shorts were pushed down and gathered around my ankles I didn't feel like I had the right to protest. I did allow it to get that far. Plus, he was drunk and didn't really have full control over his actions. So how could I blame him?

Apparently I wasn't any good at it. Eric said at one point, "Fuck, I may as well just get myself off." I wished he would have.

He was so angry with me afterwards. He could tell I wasn't into it. That was putting it lightly. He said it was emasculating that he couldn't "get me off." I didn't even know a girl _could_. I was confused by his anger because I always thought it was just over after the guy finishes. I'll have to learn to fake it.

He felt _so_ guilty the next day after he saw my head injury. I know he didn't do it on purpose. Well he did push me off the couch after it was over. But he didn't know my head was going to hit the corner of the table.

I promised myself that next time I will be more into it. I should _want_ to have sex with my boyfriend and I should make him feel good about being with me. Hopefully he won't be drunk, I'm sure that is why he was so rough with me.

Right now we are sitting on that same couch watching a movie. It is kind of fitting…like a do over. But I pulled a double at the restaurant and then walked home so I could take some pictures of the tiger lilies blooming from the bridge. I can feel myself drifting off…

The next thing I know is Eric is pushing me down on the couch. I must have fallen asleep.

"Hey…I'm really tired…I worked a double and—"

"Maybe if you wouldn't walk home, you wouldn't be so damn tired," he says while sucking on my neck.

I put my hands on his cheeks to make him look me in the eyes. "I was thinking maybe we can do this again when we can make it special. You know, to make up for the other night."

"Make up for the other night?" He raises himself up on one elbow and looks at me with anger.

"Well, yeah. I mean, it wasn't great for either of us….and I think if we just—"

"What the hell did you just say?"

"Oh…well no…don't be upset….I'm just trying to make you—"

"What? You think it's _my _fault that you're a lousy lay?'

I don't say anything. This is not going as planned.

"I'll prove to you that it wasn't _my_ fault."

He grabs my wrists roughly and yanks them over my head. I briefly scream out because of the pain it brought to my shoulders. He squeezes my wrists together to hold them both in one hand. I try to wriggle free but he is strong and I am bearing most of his weight. With one hand he rips my shorts and underwear down and I have a brief window of escape when he rises off me to get them over my ankles. But when I bring my legs up he slams his knee down on my crotch and I groan in pain. Spreading my legs with his knee he unbuttons his jeans with his free hand yanking them and his boxers down to his mid thighs. He grips my hip to hold me down as he thrusts into me roughly. But I'm not aroused so, getting frustrated he starts to belittle me: calling me stiff, and frigid, just to name a few. The worst part is that my body starts to betray me, making it easier for him. This spurs him on.

"Yeah, I knew I could prove it to you. I know you like this. It's just too bad I have to do all the work. Don't worry we'll change that," he practically spits in my ear.

I lose all track of time and space. Then with a few final grunts he looks up, shudders and empties himself into me. Two beads of sweat drip off his face onto my forehead and he laughs as he gets up.

"Told you it wasn't my fault," he says coldly as he zips his jeans and walks out of the room.

I am unable to move. I feel disgusting as his seed drips out of me onto the couch and tears drip out of my eyes. He didn't even bother to use protection and I don't even know if I'm his first or not.

I am worthless.

**End Flashback**

"Tris, you just gave me a look of horror. And that, my dear one, is exactly my point! Because of your past experiences, you have a negative take on things that can be pretty amazing."

"How is being pinned down by your wrists and or hips 'pretty amazing'?"

"How have we never had this conversation before?" Christina asks incredulously.

"Sex hasn't been my top priority ever since…ever."

"That fucking man ruined you…" she comments looking down and shaking her head.

"Did you…seriously…just say that to me?"

She looks at me in horror realizing what she just said as I get up with tears about to spill over. _I need to get the hell out of here._

"Tris! Seriously that was so shitty of me to say! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" she pleads grabbing my wrist as I pull it away. "Hear me out! Please."

"I'm not ruined!"

"I know."

"Then what the fuck, Christina?!"

She takes deep breath again, trying to be delicate with her words. "I just meant that because of him, you have a warped sense of intimacy. You don't know what truly amazing sex is, especially when it's with someone who cares for you. He robbed that from you." She shakes her head again. "Things like your partner holding you tightly against them or holding your wrists over your head can be fucking awesome and it just happens in the heat of the moment. It's actually really hot…like a mix of dominance…the good kind…and passion….just yum—"

"Christina."

She frowns. "Now that I think about it, maybe you're not as far gone as I thought." _She has such a way with words. _"I mean you certainly don't seem inhibited with Four…I had to hold you back like a freak on a leash last night!"

"Oh my God….Christina…." I say in my super whiney voice.

"And he _did_ have you up against the wall by your cute butt….so maybe….I don't know. What makes him different?"

I sigh, shaking my head. "I don't know. When we kissed, I felt like my body was being hit with an electrical pulse or something. I literally could not get enough…and we were just kissing." Flopping down onto the chair, I add, "He's seems pretty great, too. He is actually really funny in a cute sarcastic kind of way and sooooo sweet."

"Yeah….no." she says shaking her head.

I laugh. "Never mind."

"Look. Get to know him and if he earns your trust…tell him. He seems like a good guy, aside from his assholic tendencies when it comes to coffee."

"Huh? I think he is very generous with his coffee….and his scones."

"And maybe someday that will be code for something…" she adds with a wink wink nod nod.

I smack her as I walk by while silently hoping to God she is right.

"So," I say loudly while making us some tea. "Are we heading to the gym this afternoon still? This whole having Saturdays off thing…I could get used to it."

"Yeah! As if Tori would let you," she replies. She's right. "Ummmm…I wouldn't mind yoga at 3:00. You've done the advanced class before, right?"

"Yep. It's my favorite."

"And George has a cute butt."

"George…is gay."

"I know. But that does not mean he doesn't have a cute butt," Christina says sitting at the table with me.

"Does Tori know you think her brother has a cute butt?"

"Probably. That girl is a mind reader! Or…she has a camera in our apartment," Christina quips laughing.

"Wouldn't put it past her. By the way, apparently I owe her a favor."

"Oh God! Why?"

"I was pissed because Al cornered me. Thanks for that by the way—"

"He's so in love with you."

"Anyway! I took a shot of a $385 bottle of scotch."

She almost spits her tea out. "That's awesome! Is that why she yelled at you?"

"Yep."

"Well, now you're screwed. " She gets up from the table. "I'm going to work on some sketches and then we'll head out around 2:30?"

"Sounds good. I'm going to take some more shots from the deck."

I grab my camera and climb out onto my "deck", if you can call it that. It's like my own special space. I love it, especially at night. The roof extends over it and I have strands of tiny amber colored lights strung underneath it. Sitting out there at night makes me feel safe which is totally illogical seeing that I live in fear almost daily of Eric finding out where I live, and the balcony is totally exposed.

If I look straight ahead, I can see some of the cafes and shops. But I also have a great view of the street over my shoulder to the right, and some great trees to my left. I pull out my Polaroid PDC, one of the worst digital cameras ever made, and look through the view-finder for anything that catches my eye. I take my time and ponder some focal oints. After however long I end up taking some quick shots of birds and a kid tying his laces. But then I see a bright red orchid on my neighbor's deck and I zoom in, which is a problem with this camera because it tends to make things blurrier than I like them. But with the brightness of the flower and the worn brick background it may be just what I need. My neighbor sits down at the metal table the flower is on and puts his feet up to smoke a cigarette. _Damn._ But I take the shot anyway.

When I look at the image it actually is kind of cool. It is sufficiently shitty and I actually love the subtle look of my neighbor behind the flower. You wouldn't even know he's there unless you look hard. I head inside and print out the picture on my crappy printer. Then I lay it out on my desk to inspect it. Yep, it is perfect and I can't wait to work on it.

"Tris! Are you ready?"

"Shit!" It's like I get lost in my own world sometimes. "Give me 2 minutes!"

I toss on my "yoga wear" as Chris and I call it. It is basically just black fitted-calf yoga pants and a brown built in bra tank top. Christina is in a black sports bra and tiger yoga pants. A tiger's face literally covers one of her pant legs. They are her favorite…I think she looks nuts.

Grabbing my keys I toss Christina hers. "Let's go PETA!" I say as I slap her butt.

"You know _someone's_ birthday is coming up and I'm sure _she_ would love some yoga pants with a Cheetah's face on them!"

* * *

**AN:**

**For Christina's yoga pants, search: Om Shanti Clothing Tiger Half Skin Performance Legging**

**For Tris's outfit, search: LuluLemon In the Flow Tank**

* * *

**Four's POV:**

"What is your deal man?" Zeke asks as he puts his hands down and takes off his sparring gloves.

"What?!" I ask, but the grin on my face gives away everything. _I can't fucking help it._

"We just taught a self-defense class and you were _smiling_ the whole time….not cool man." _Hadn't thought about that. _"And now I am sufficiently kicking the shit out of you…which _never_ happens."

Zeke has gotten two good hits in. Not an ass kicking in my book but if it makes him feel better then great.

"Come on," I gesture as I put my hands up and deliver a jab to his left shoulder insinuating that I'm not going to stop just because he isn't wearing gloves.

"Damn! Cheap shot asshole!"

"Whatever. Are we doing this or should I fight Shauna again?" I know this will get Zeke going.

"If that ever happens again—"

"You'll what?" I ask in challenge as he puts his gloves back on.

He doesn't answer, but he does go for the jab as well which I block. What I said must have really messed with him because even Zeke knows not to trade one punch for the other. Always use your brain and look for an opportunity, otherwise sparring is just mindless Fight Club. _But it is a bad ass movie._

"Ok, I'm sorry. The only reason I got in the ring with Shauna is because she begged me. She's a strong girl and I knew she could handle it. She's fast and you _know_ speed trumps power…in most cases."

"I think the key words are 'in most cases'," he remarks as he goes in for a successful upper cut. "You're a fucking prodigy."

I take a quick breath and stand up being light on my feet and quickly closing the distance between us. I give him a diagonal knee strike, knocking the wind out of him. "What…did you want me to go easy on her? She would have flipped her shit if she knew I had. Plus, _you_ wouldn't teach her. Who else would you rather take your place?"

"She doesn't need to learn this shit!"

"That's not your call to make. And you know I would _never_ hurt Shauna. I gave her what she could take, no more no less."

He tries to go in for the fake jab, thinking I would block him. But I read his body language and deliver a round house kick knowing he won't follow through with his punch.

Jumping up quickly he grabs his side in recovery while bouncing in a circle, trying to stay light footed.

"Put yourself in my shoes man. I don't even want to imagine the pain you would cause _me_ if I put _your _girl in the ring with me."

I stay alert, but this does give me pause. I don't want to be sexist, but if I knew Tris was in the ring with Zeke… _What?! Tris? She's not even my girlfriend! So, not the same thing._

Zeke provides me with a right hook to the face. _So much for staying alert. _

"Ah ha ha ha! Seriously? You didn't see my righty coming? What is wrong with— Did you get laid?!...I can't believe it took me so long! It must have been off the chain because I have never seen you this distracted my friend."

"What? No! Why do people think it is impossible for me to be in a good mood?!" I take advantage of his rant about my sex life and give him a back fist to the face. It's kind of an insulting move if the receiver doesn't block it, which he doesn't.

Out of the corner of my eye I see George, Amar's partner, wave at me briefly. I nod once while taking Zeke's ankle and twisting it as he tries to deliver a side-kick to my rib cage. George just laughs and shakes his head. He must have a class today. We would probably be friends if he wasn't my boss's- _Is that_ _Tris?….. She goes to this gym? How fucking awesome is this?_

I remind myself I am still sparring. Zeke must have gotten up quickly because I have to move my head to the side dodging his right hook and twist my body away from him in a 360 so now I'm facing him again. George has started the class and I see Tris's profile. She sitting cross-legged with her eyes closed. _Great. Now I'm jealous of a yoga mat._ Zeke is close so he grabs my shoulders going in for a knee strike, which I block with an X block. My vision was momentarily blurred so I try to regain my composure as we circle each other. When I get to the correct vantage point I see Tris's beautiful ass in the air. She has her hands planted on the ground and she moves into a plank. She lowers herself by her triceps to within an inch of the floor then fluidly glides her upper body forward while her perfect tits graze the yoga mat and she arches her back-

"Oof." And I'm down.

"Yeeeeesssssss! It is possible! The mighty Four has been taken down!" Zeke is bellowing this loud enough for the whole gym to hear, including the yoga class that now has their full attention trained on Zeke who is patting me on the back like he's trying to console me. "Raise your hand if you saw that! Did you see that? Did you see that?" he asks random strangers around the gym who seem to all be nodding their heads. _How many people watch us?_

I need to redeem myself especially since I'm 99% sure Tris is watching. Zeke is being an arrogant ass and is facing away from me dancing with his boxing gloves in the air. In one fell swoop I am on the balls of my feet. I sweep my right leg under him and land him flat on his back while subsequently pinning him down. He looks at me in shock and then starts laughing and so do I as I help him up.

"Yeah, so I deserved that."

"Indeed," I say as we take our gloves off and I pat him roughly on the back.

"What the hell were you looking—?" Zeke stops as he looks in the direction of the yoga class. "Oh snap!"

"Stop it." I say walking towards the bags.

"You were checking out Tris! That's why you've been smiling like a dumb ass! Did you even know she works out here?" Then his face gets serious. "Is she okay by the way?"

"Yes."

"That's all I'm going to get out of you isn't it?"

"Yes."

"So did you ask her out?"

I drain my bottle of water and pause. "Yes."

"That's great man! She seems pretty awesome. I didn't talk to her much but she was really cool with Shauna when Shauna was being Shauna."

I nod my head twice in understanding.

"Uri was sure all up in her shit!" Zeke says laughing and then stops when he sees my face. "Hey man, Uriah likes anything that walks, talks and has big tities! Although I wouldn't say Tris has big—" He must see my face again because he stops…again.

I start punching the shit out of bag, trying so so hard not to turn around and watch Tris…but fuck I really want to turn around and watch Tris. Of course, I give in. She is in some sort of fucked up side lunge where her arm is wrapped under her leg and her other hand is pulling her wrist behind her back. I have to quirk my head to see how that actually works. I see that Zeke is doing the same thing. As small as she is, she is actually really strong. Her right leg is at a 90 degree angle and bearing almost all her weight. My cock jerks slightly as I watch her butt flex as she adjusts her lunge. I can't tear my eyes away.

"That's hot," Zeke comments nodding his head in approval.

Right as I'm about to smack the back of his head, Shauna chimes in, "Well that's just fucking great Zeke."

"In here…I said _it's_ hot in here."

"You're fucked," I say out of the side of my mouth.

"Or not," he coughs back.

"Shut up, both of you. Zeke, we'll talk later. Four, I need you to teach a class. It starts in 20 minutes."

"Why?"

"Apparently there was a new guy the owner fucking hired behind my back. Edward something? Sarah at the front desk said he walked into the gym, took one look at the two of you and ran."

"Well, I _am_ pretty intimidating," Zeke says.

"Good. Then you _both _can teach the class, and you get to be the guinea pig. And by the way," she pulls Zeke to her by his shirt collar and whispers angrily, "You owe me—" I don't catch the tail end but the look on his face went from fear to a manly grin.

"Oh, I can definitely accommodate you on that!"

"You better….twice," she says as she saunters away.

I'm envious of the easy banter between the two of them.

"My girlfriend is boss! She literally caught me checking out another chick…sorry Four but it _was _hot…" I nod my head slowly. "And my punishment is sexual favors!"

I shake my head and go back to the punching bag, after seeing that Tris's class is over with. _Damn, I wanted to catch her on her way out._

I take my shirt off because now that I've cooled off a bit, my damp shirt is just uncomfortable. I figure I'll work the punching bag for 10 more minutes then head to the locker room to shower quickly before the self-defense class starts.

I think about Tris. We are supposed to go out for drinks tonight. I thought about planning a full-out date with dinner and whatever else people do on dates. But I don't want to scare her off so I just suggested some drnks at a pub by my place. _She seemed to like that idea…right? What if she did want an actual date? Am I being too eager? I saw her last night, brought her coffee this morning and now we are going out tonight? Isn't there some dating rule like wait three days to call or some shit? God I fucking suck at this._

I need to shower.

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

George walks into the class in his loose fitting pants and tight black tank top. He is a really good-looking guy and he always has a smile on his face. He has a very nurturing quality to him. I really like him.

"See, I told you. Cute butt," Chistina says to me…not quietly.

"Thank you, Christina," George answers.

"You are welcome!" _How does she never get embarrassed? My cheeks are burning for her for Christ's sake._

"Everyone let us please begin in the lotus position. Is anyone new here?" No one answers.

"Excellent." His voice is so soothing and he speaks slowly…the perfect yoga voice. "Sit up straight, shoulders down and back, it helps to angle your chin down slightly to give us some extra space in the spine. Yoga is all about creating space. Only nose breathing throughout the practice. Please practice the breath of fire people. Direct your exhale to the back of your esophagus, almost as if you are exhaling through a closed mouth."

I am now in my own little happy place: envisioning myself sitting on Four's lap right now. _What? Stop. Breath of fire. Breath of fire._

"Very nice, very nice."

"Relax your shoulders, Tris," he says to me softly. _I'm trying damn it._

"Okay class…..Please place your hands shoulder width apart on the floor in front of you with your knees under your hips…Very good… Now lift your buttocks' into the air. We are transitioning into a downward dog position. This will be the first asana in our warm-up sun salutation. Excellent….Please only nose-breathing."

"No wandering eyes Christina," he says softly to her this time. I huff out a laugh through my nose.

"More advanced students can push down on their heels thus stretching out your soleus which gets very tight on us all. Really get into your shoulders class by extending your chest to the floor."

My mind wanders again. _A very naked Four is standing behind me and— _Boom! A loud slam echoes throughout the gym.

"Yeeeeesssssss! It is possible! The mighty Four has been taken down!"

Everyone in the class looks to our left and falls out of their downward dog positions.

"Is that Zeke? …and Four? They have memberships here?" Christina asks.

Four is on the floor of the sparring ring lying on his side. _Poor guy….he must not be very good at that._

Zeke is yelling loud enough for everyone to hear. "Raise your hand if you saw that! Did you see that? Did you see that?" _He's acting like kind of a jerk._

"Now that's something you don't see everyday," George says. "However, the aftermath will be interesting."

I'm not sure what he means until Four effortlessly gets his feet under him and sweeps his leg under Zeke's. Zeke goes down like a hammer and Four subsequently pins him to the mat.

"That's hot."

I just nod my head slowly at Christina's comment staring at how Four's muscles flex as he helps Zeke up laughing congenially. _He has the sexiest smile. _My stomach flutters as I watch him.

"And that class, is called Karma," George says shaking his head and laughing.

Zeke turns his attention toward the class and I quickly look straight ahead hoping they don't see us. I really don't want Four seeing me in any of the compromising positions this class offers. _That would be so damn embarrassing…._

"Did they see us?" I whisper to Christina.

"I don't think so. They are walking to the punching bags."

"Okay class. Please focus inward." _Like that's gonna happen. _"Let's continue on with our sun salutation. We have some lost-time to make up for so we are going to go through the entire salutation. Would anyone like further instruction?" No one answers.

"Wonderful. We will perform three salutations. Please resume the downward dog position. Now walk or jump between your hands and lift your chest up with your fingertips touching the ground and breathe in…and exhale with your head extending to the Earth…Arms to the side to a standing position and extend them overhead…Breathe in and exhale into a swan dive to the floor…Inhale looking up arching your back…and exhale into a jump or step back into plank position and hold. Exhale…vinyasa, lower slowly an inch from the Earth elbows by your ribcage and hold. Inhale….move like water flowing to an up-dog position and hold. Exhale….back into a downward dog position. Please continues flowing at your own pace for the next 5 minutes."

George plays soothing music for the next few minutes while we all perform our salutations at our own pace. I am sweating buckets by the end and my arms are on fire.

"Now moving into our lunge series. Right foot between your hands and left foot flat rise up into the warrior position and hold." _Shit!_ I have to face the gym. _Good. He is facing away from me. Wow! He is beating the hell out of that punching bag. _

I'm so thankful that Four hasn't turned around by the time we move onto our right legs. At least now he won't know it's me because I am facing away from him. Not that he would notice me anyway…I tend to blend in.

After we get through our lunge series, George invites us all to join him in the meditation room for the last ten minutes of class. I scoot out of there with a quick glance in their direction. I see Shauna whispering something in Zeke's ear and Four has a grin on his face and is looking down. _So fucking cute…..grrrr. _

"Did you just growl?" Christina interrupts my apparently not-so-inner monologue.

"What?! No."

"Yes you did."

"Whatever. Let's skip the meditation. Sit in the steam room instead?"

"Love it!"

"Great. Shit, I left my IPod. Meet you in there?"

"Yep."

I go back and grab my IPod from the corner of the yoga room and try to stealthily make my way back without being noticed. _Mission accomplished-…Jesus….._ I see a now shirtless Four, working the punching bag. He has black flames tattooed up the right and left side of his entire back, with some sort of symbols in a vertical line up his spine. His muscles flex as he hits the bag and it makes the flames look as if they are alive and moving. _That is the sexiest thing I have ever seen in my life._

"Isn't that about the sexiest thing you have ever seen?"

"Shit!...George. I…" I swallow thickly.

"Just don't tell my boyfriend. He is actually one of his employees."

"Well, I don't know your boyfriend. But, I wouldn't anyway." _Here is my chance._ "So, you know him well?"

"No, not really. I'm not sure anyone really does, aside from a few close friends. He has always been very kind to me. Amar, that's my boyfriend, says he is incredibly talented."

"At what?"

"My apologies. Amar owns ALG Architects. Four, that's _his_ name," George nods in Four's direction, "is a Senior architect. Quite up and coming I would say."

"Huh."

"I'll see you next week Tris?"

"Yeah, next Saturday unless Tori makes me work."

"Of course."

George softly bows his head and walks back into the meditation room. I steal one more glance at Four who is wiping his forehead off with a towel. It looks like he is about to come this way so I turn quickly and run smack into someone.

"Oops! I'm sorry!" Whoever I ran into makes no move to respond, but looks familiar.

"Saw you staring. Not sure you're his type."

"I wasn't staring…I'm sorry have we met?" _Who is this girl? Smokey eye makeup.(does she know she's at the gym?)...long wavy dark brown hair, a body that men drool over…_

She widens her eyes almost in disbelief that I don't recognize her. "I was _with_ Four at Hangar's last night. Did you really think your little trick with the Blue Moon was funny?"

_Nita the whore._ I remember her saying that Four had her pinned down to the bed. _That image…really…fucking…sucks._ He _should_ be with someone who is comfortable with things like that….not her…but someone.

She must read the look on my face. "Well, when you only have so much to work with," she says snidely looking me up and down, "I suppose you have to rely on things like that to get any attention."

I brush past her knowing she's right.

* * *

**Four's POV:**

I take my time getting to class, hoping to catch site of Tris. I actually mingle, pretending to be using my phone by the girls' locker room, which elicits a weird look from George.

I decide to shoot her a quick text.

**Me:** Still up for drinks tonight? I don't think they have Bunnahabhain at the Pub. Is that a deal-breaker?

_Sometimes I can be funny. _I wait for a minute, but no response and I have to get to class. Putting my phone on vibrate I go over to the mats. When I set my gym bag down and walk over to the group, I see there are only six today. Zeke is already in full padding, ready to be the fake attacker, which means I am the one who has to show them technique. This is one of the few times I am okay with this amount of physical contact. I like knowing that I am empowering women to defend themselves. On a subconscious level it assuages some of my guilt for never being able to help my mother in this way. It's an irrational guilt. I know I was a child at the time.

I appraise the group in front of me: All women this time, one small brunette (the small ones are usually the best because they are fast, unless they are timid), two girls with medium build, they seem to be friends, two women in their 40s, (but who knows? I suck with age), and…Nita. _Fucking fabulous. _I pretend she's not even there.

"Okay. Welcome to Basic Strategies of Self Defense...my name is Four. _And now I pause for the same bullshit question. _

"Like the number?" one of the girl's with medium build asks.

"Exactly like the number." _Moving right along._

"That's so sexy," the girl's friend says thinking I didn't hear it.

"Do you think being attacked is sexy?" I ask walking toward her slowly with my arms crossed.

"Um…no."

"Rule number one." I move on as if that exchange never took place. "Prevention is the best self-defense. Attackers, whatever their objectives, are looking for unsuspecting, vulnerable targets. Be aware of your surroundings, walk and park in well-lit areas, keep your keys in hand as you approach you car, vary your route and times of travel." I pause and look each student, skipping Nita. "Apart from avoiding confrontation, if you can defuse a situation, such as talking someone down or getting away by handing over your purse or whatever they want, do that. Nothing you own is worth more than your life."

"My Michael Kors just might be…" says the same girl who said I was sexy. _There's always one with fucked up candor._

"If you don't value your life, I don't value your presence in my class. You can get…out…now." _Hopefully she will shut the fuck up now._

_Moving on. "_If violence is unavoidable however, to really defend yourself, you'll want to know ahead of time how to fight back effectively…particularly against someone bigger or stronger than you. I will now demonstrate some basic self-defense techniques that can keep you safe. Zeke."

I motion him forward, (_He looks fucking ridiculous),_ and I demonstrate some basic strategies: getting loud and pushing back, the most effective body parts to hit, and how to maximize damage.

"Now, let's hope a situation never escalates to this level. But if it does, the following are physical strategies you must master. These are moves for getting out of or defending against attackers."

This is where I have to come into intense physical contact with the class. I am not looking forward to crazy candor girl nor Nita. The others seem truly engaged so I start with them seeing as the first demonstrations will take more time. It turns out the petite brunette was timid, but she caught on quickly and she was fast and a determined student. She reminds me of Tris. _Hmmmmmm Tris...Fucking focus. _

Crazy candors girl's friend isn't really motivated. I move on quickly from her and overheard her whisper, "What?! You dragged me here once you saw he was teaching the class. I wanted to do Pilates!"

The two older women seem very invested. I get the feeling one is here in support, which I always encourage. I see something in the eyes of the other. I think it's fear, so I lower my voice and soften my demeanor, which seems to help.

Zeke is walking around for the women to practice their skills on. I barely help Crazy Candor, now that I know her motivation.

Then, there's Nita. I also show her the basics quickly with minimal contact. Until I have to instruct her on how to get out of a bear hug. There is really no way around this one. I put my arms around her from behind trying to keep as much space between us as possible. When I go to pull away she grabs me and pulls me into her so that I'm practically spooning her.

"What happens if an attacker gets this close?" she asks moving her lipstick-covered lips toward my ear. I instantly jerk my head away from her and back away. She turns and looks at me. "What?" she says innocently. "Don't you think I need to know that?"

The other students in the class are looking at us. I need to maintain professionalism. "Zeke," this student would like to know how to escape a strong hold from behind. I give a head nod and walk away fucking pissed.

The rest of the class seems to go smoothly.

"Ok class, excellent job. If you would like to take a more advanced class you can sign up at the front—"

"Can you show us one more strategy?" Nita asks way louder than necessary. "I mean, what should we do if the attacker has us _pinned_ to the floor or _something _else?" she says suggestively. _Classy._

"That is a strategy that is geared more toward our Defense Against Sexual Assault class."

I see the older woman who had fear in her eyes shift uncomfortably and she is wringing her hands. "Can you just demonstrate briefly?" she asks looking at me seriously in the eyes.

I nod my head once and then ask the dumbest question….in the history of ever. "Can I get a volunteer to demonstrate?"

Crazy Candor bursts forward but Nita grabs her by the back of her sports bra and swiftly takes her place. _Shit. Shit. Shit._

I look to Zeke pleading with my eyes for him to take my place. He just shakes his head and puts his hands in the air backing away while averting his eyes to Shauna who is giving him a "you-better-fucking-not" look.

I look intently at the woman who seems to really want, or maybe need, the demonstration. "Basically if the attacker has you pinned on the floor, you can do what is called 'ridging' to prevent your attacker from being in control and hopefully roll them off of you." I take a deep breath. "Nita, please lay on the floor."

After she does this I crawl on top of her in a table-top position making sure no body parts are touching and not looking at her face. "You want to try to prevent the attacker from straddling you and putting their full weight on your body by thrusting your hips up in the air." At this, Nita does just that. Her lower body is now in full contact with mine as she thrusts her hips up and holds them there. _What the fuck! _

"Lower your hips Nita….now."

"Sorry, I didn't think you would mind." I hear snickers from dumb ass #1 and #2.

"Now let's say I do indeed have her pinned." I don't demonstrate this exactly. "If I go in for a blow—"

"Mmmm hmmmm." she says so only I can hear. _I fucking hate this girl._

"-she can grab my wrist with both hands and hopefully yank it to the side, subsequently taking control and rolling out from under me. Now I'm not going to demonstrate—"

"Please…please demonstrate," says the woman still wringing her hands, and shifting her weight from one foot to the next.

I take a deep breath and nod again. I look Nita in the eye and whisper, "Please, for her sake, take this seriously."

"Oh I do take this….very seriously," she says intentionally biting her bottom lip as to make it seems sexy. _Repulsive._

I straddle her quickly and lightly deliver a fake punch. She correctly grasps my wrists and pulls it to the side while I intentionally let her roll me over to escape. However, she doesn't escape. She straddles me, gripping my hips tightly with her thighs while grabbing onto my shoulders and pushing her boobs in my face. _Damn her! _I lift my forearms and grab her waist, rolling her off of me while subsequently straddling her again and pinning her wrists down. She has a shocked look on her face that then turns into a self-satisfying grin. I stand up slowly, purposely pushing off her wrists with the weight of my body. I stare down at her, trying to convey to her how disgusted I am.

"And that class, is why you immediately escape after rolling your attacker off of you. Thank you for providing such a excellent example of what to…never…ever…do…again."

With that, I walk off the mat glancing to my right to see Tris standing there with a look on her face of sadness and disappointment. _No…please….no. _We lock eyes for what seems like an eternity. I refuse to look away…So she does it for the both of us with a last glance of utter defeat over her shoulder she leaves. I don't go after her because I have absolutely no idea what to say. I can only imagine how that looked from her point of view. I should have just recommended that woman attend the Defense against Sexual Assault class. _Fuck. _I can't even blame Nita. It's not like I was held at gunpoint.

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

Christina took off early because Tori called her in to work, so I was by myself. I had just received a text from Four. _It's so fucking cute!_

**Four:** Still up for drinks tonight? I don't think they have Bunnahabhain at the pub. Is that a deal-breaker?

**Me:** No Bunnahabhain? So we're slummin' it tonight? I'll think about it…lemme get back to you.

_I'm funny. _I walk around the corner hoping maybe Four is still here. I see that he is teaching a class. _It's self-defense…that's sort of awesome._ He is speaking in such a commanding authoritative voice. _So hot. _Disappointment takes over me as I see that Nita is in the class. I make eye contact with her. She is staring me down as she asks, "Can you show us one more strategy? I mean, what should we do if the attacker has us _pinned_ to the floor or _something _else?" she definitely wanted me to hear that. I really hope Four doesn't fall for that.

"That is a strategy for a class that is geared more toward our Defense Against Sexual Assault class." _Thank God._

"Can you just demonstrate briefly?" Asks a woman who is facing away from me.

He nods his head and then asks for a volunteer. _You idiot! _Of course Nita practically takes down another girl to get to him.

"Basically if the attacker has you pinned to the floor, you can do what called "ridging" to prevent your attacker from being in control and hopefully roll them off of you. Nita, please lay on the floor."

In no time he crawls on top of her holding himself up on all fours_. _"You want to try to prevent the attacker from straddling you and putting their full weight on your body by thrusting your hips up in the air."

Nita does exactly as instructed. If they didn't have clothes on, he would pretty much be inside her right now. My face is on fire and a monstrous wave of both jealousy and sadness course through me. He patiently asks her to lower her hips so they can move on to the next step and she says something that makes a couple of the girls laugh. Apparently none of this makes him uncomfortable because he continues on.

"Now let's say I do indeed have her pinned, if I go in for a blow—" he pauses briefly. _New image! Her mouth on his penis! "_She can grab my wrist with both hands and hopefully yank it to the side, subsequently taking control and rolling out from under me. Now I'm not going to demonstrate—" _Thank God because I can't take much more of this. _

The woman with her back to me asks him to demonstrate.

He nods and looks deep into Nita's eyes as they share a moment whispering something to each other. She smiles knowingly. I go to walk away and then stop dead in my tracks. _I need him to know that I was here, that I saw….so that it ends…now. No need to defend or deny anything on his part. _

I turn just as he straddles her and fakes a punch. They obviously work in sink and she ends up on top of him with her perfect breasts right in his face. Again, if they weren't wearing clothes he would be inside her. Then he takes the dominant stance and rolls on top of her pinning her wrists down." He stares down at her and she seems to be smiling coyly. My eyes are burning from willing back the tears. He gets up and looks at her for a few more seconds.

"And that, class, is why you immediately escape after rolling your attacker off of you. Thank you for providing such a excellent example of what to…never…ever…do…again."

He walks off the mat with his head down, then, glances toward me and stops. He just stares at me. I can't read the look in his eyes. As if it's a contest he doesn't look away...So I do and walk out. He doesn't even try to stop me.


	8. Another 180

**Chapter 8 – Another 180**

* * *

**Four's POV:**

I get my phone out of my bag. I have to at least text Tris. I see that she had texted me from earlier and I smile. I have smiled more in the last 24 hours than in my whole life.

**Me:** So. Are you still possibly thinking about having drinks with me?

**Tris:** No.

**Me:** Whatever you saw in that class was not what it looked like.

**Tris:** Ok.

**Me:** Ok you'll still have drinks?

**Tris:** No.

_What the fuck do I say now? _I pace back and forth running my hands through my hair getting weird looks from George again while I ponder my response. I feel a light tap on my shoulder and for a split second I think it's Tris. But it's the woman who requested I demonstrate the advanced move. She is standing there with tears in her eyes.

"I don't know how to thank you. It was so obvious how uncomfortable you were with that….._girl_." I don't say anything. "I just…anyway…thank you."

"My mother was abused." _What the hell? Where did that come from?_

Now it's her turn to look at me. She nods her head as the tears spill.

"Do you have a cell phone?"

She nods her head.

"May I?" I ask extending my hand out for her to give me her phone. She has two kids with their arms around each other as her screen saver. _Damn. _I put my number in it. "Call or text me and we can arrange private lessons, no charge. If you're interested we can meet here once a week or at your convenience."

"Thank….thank you," she says incredulously as more tears spill over.

I nod my head once and walk away. I need to text Tris.

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

_Did…that….just happen? God I am such a fucking idiot! Of course it was too good to be true. The signs were there, Tris! Nita was all over him last night…that couldn't have been completely unwarranted, right? Who would turn her away? Probably no man…ever. _

My phone vibrates, alerting me that I have received a text from Four. _Delete it. Delete it. Delete it._ But I don't.

**Four:** So…are you still possibly thinking about having drinks with me? _Is that a joke?_

**Me:** No.

**Four:** Whatever you saw in the class was not what it looked like.

**Me:** Ok. _Whatever._

**Four:** Ok you'll still have drinks? _Again, is that a joke?_

**Me:** No.

I wait for some kind of response. Nothing. What was I hoping for? Him to beg me just so I can turn him down? I sigh heavily and look back towards the gym. Does he do this shit often and just get away with it? I already know girls would wait in line for him to even glance their way….I would bet my life that no girl has ever given him a piece of her mind. Well, I'm not going to be one of those girls. I stomp back into the gym.

I see him pacing back and forth like a lunatic. _Did I upset him that much? _I look to George who is at the front desk and he looks equally as confused. I'm about to walk up to Four and raise hell when a woman shyly taps him on the shoulder. Four reels around quickly and then sighs and gives her a what-the-fuck-can-I-help-_you_-with look. I hide behind a plant like a child. _Geez Tris. What is this man doing to you?_

She seems to be crying. "I don't know how to thank you. It was so obvious how uncomfortable you were with that….._girl_. I just…anyway…thank you."

_What? It wasn't obvious to me! He looked perfectly comfortable. Was I wrong? He was half way across the gym…._

"My mother was abused." My heart drops to the bottom of my stomach at this admission. Something flashes in his eyes…as if he can't believe he just said that. But he keeps an intent stare on her.

She nods her head. She is definitely crying. _He knew. The reason she wanted him to demonstrate. He knew. _

"Do you have a cell phone?"

I assume he puts his number in her phone. "Call or text me and we can arrange private lessons, no charge. If you're interested we can meet here once a week or at your convenience." _I could love this man. Holy shit Tris._

She gives him a tearful thank you then he walks right past me to talk to George as I scoot around the corner. He sits behind the counter and runs his hands over his face.

"She won't go out with me," he groans into his hands.

"Huh? Who?" says George.

Four doesn't say anything.

"Or you can make random comments and act like an asshole," George says smiling.

I stifle a laugh.

"Tris," he breathes out. "She saw me demonstrating self-defense with Nita. I didn't even want to do it. I shouldn't have."

"I saw your class. That looked…compromising. Tris huh?"

"Yes."

"She was in my class today."

"Yes…..she was."

"She's very good. Tight core and incredibly flexible. Very fluid movements as well as—"

Four groans and puts his head in his hands. "Do you seriously think I didn't notice that? She's fucking gorgeous and she has no idea…none at all. And she's funny and smart and…fuck I don't know…" _Seriously?_

"And now she won't go out with you?"

"No, she certainly will not."

"What are you going to do about that?"

"I don't know."

I peek around the corner. His hair is all mussed from running his hands through it. _He is so cute! _George sees me. _Shit!..._I make a texting motion to George hoping he understands me.

"Maybe you should just text her?"

Four doesn't answer.

"Or pout like a little bitch," George says calmly which earns him a scowl from Four.

"The last word she texted me was 'no.' And my response to that should be?"

"Did you say please?"

"Are you fucking serious?"

"Yes."

"You think I should text her the word…..'please'?"

"She already thinks you're a prick, half the time you act like a prick, so you really have nothing to lose," George says as he enters information into a computer.

He exhales loudly and types on his phone. Mine vibrates.

**Four:** Please?

**Me:** Ok

The look on his face is priceless. He sits up as straight as an arrow as his face breaks out into a huge grin and he fist pumps several times in the air.

"Sup, Tris?" Zeke asks as he passes me by. I freeze. So does Four. George just shakes his head and walks around the counter.

"I told you. Just say please."

Zeke looks thoroughly confused as he looks from me to Four and back to me. "Great yoga moves by the way," he comments as he walks away.

Four just shakes his head and gives me the cutest smirk as he looks down at his phone.

My phone vibrates.

**Four:** Are you sure?

He slowly starts walking towards me and I return the movement.

**Me:** Yes.

Closer…..

**Four:** Cause I can always cancel….

Closer….

**Me:** Well, if you want to….

Closer….

**Four:** Nope.

"Hi," he says quietly as he reaches me standing so close I can smell his scent.

"Hi," I reply as he rests his forehead on mine and puts his hands on my hips. I am looking right at his glorious chest where I am resting my hands. He breathes in heavily and I can feel his muscles contract against my palms.

"I'm sorry," he says softly. It wasn't—"

"Stop. I know." I say looking up into his deep dark blue eyes. He furrows his brow in slight confusion. He doesn't know I overheard the conversation he had with the woman from his class. He just nods slightly and leans down and places his lips on mine tenderly.

I reciprocate with equal care as I move my hands up to his shoulders. _I love how this man tastes. _He runs his hands up and down my sides as I go up on my tip toes to deepen the kiss grabbing the back of his neck with my right hand. We kiss as if no one exists. When we pull apart he tugs on the hem of my shirt and snaps it back into place.

"Love the yoga clothes, by the way."

"Why thank you. Loved you with your shirt off." _Did I just say that?_

He quirks his eyebrow at me. "Were you checking me out Tris-…. Wait, what _is_ your last name anyway?"

_It's funny how something so significant can be so insignificant._

"Prior. My name is Tris Prior." _That's at least part of my name. _"And yours?"

"Eaton," he says uncomfortably. _Does he not like his last name? "_So….tonight?"

"Yes…tonight?" My phone vibrates.

**Tori:** I'm cashing in on my favor.

**Me:** Okay….

**Tori:** That new DJ is going to be an hour late tonight. I need entertainment to keep people at the bar until he gets here.

**Me:** Okay….

**Tori:** Call your dance people. _You _are the entertainment.

**Me:** I have a date.

**Tori:** Not anymore.

**Me:** I hate you.

**Me:** What time?

**Tori:** 10:00. Bring your date. You can both drink on the house.

**Me:** Great…..

**Tori:** You're welcome.

"Ummmmm…..can we alter the circumstances of our plans tonight?" _Please say yes!_

"I feel like I need more information than that."

"Remember when I drank the Bunnahabhain?"

"One of the funniest things I have ever seen."

I give a closed mouth laugh. "Well because of that, my boss says I owe her a favor."

"A favor?"

"She is making me work tonight." A look of disappointment crosses his face. _Good! _"But only for an hour and not until later."

"Well, what time do you work?"

"10:00-11:00. The bar has some up-and-coming DJ playing tonight and there are a lot of people coming just to see him. But now he's going to be an hour late so Tori needs some….help…..coordinating entertainment."

"Entertainment."

"Yes. But she says to bring you and we can drink for free?" I say trying to make the raw deal sound more enticing.

"Tris, I would buy a bottle of Bunnahabhain if that means I get to spend time with _you_," he says while looking away and rubbing the back of his neck. _Does he do that when he's nervous? _

"Wow. Um…I may take you up on that…although I think your money could be better spent."

"True…hopefully on you?" He says smirking as he pulls me close by my hips and leans in to kiss me again. I see Nita walking towards the front desk. _Is she everywhere? _The territorial feline in me rears its head and I meet his lips with passion while running my fingers up his chest. I move them over his shoulders and through his hair holding him to me as I probe my tongue in his mouth. He groans in my mouth loud enough for only the two of us to hear as our tongues touch. He holds me to him firmly by the small of my back with one arm and the other between my shoulder blades. Both of our bodies are completely flush. I actually forget about Nita.

We pull away when we hear a "Hmph," and watch Nita walk away swaying her hips with intention.

Four looks at me with a questioning look. "Was that for our benefit or hers?"

I shrug my shoulders, "What can I say? I have a mean streak." He smiles at me and shakes his head.

"So, meanie, do I have to wait until 10:00 to see you?" _Definitely not._

"First of all, don't come until 11:00. And no…how about some more of that amazing coffee?"

"No. You haven't earned that yet." _Seriously?_

I cross my arms and tap my foot and he gets the hint. "Patience is a virtue," he says quietly while softly touching his lips to my cheek. _Hmmmmmmmmmmm….. _"How about a quick bite to eat around the corner? Duke's diner?"

"I love that place. How have we never met before?"

"Maybe this is how it was meant to be?"

_Meant to be…I like the sound of that._

* * *

**Four's POV:**

_This girl. _I don't even know what else to say. I just had the best dinner of my life at a fucking diner. First off, she ordered breakfast for dinner, which is awesome. Second, we didn't even talk about anything deep or symbolic. It was more mindless chatter and bantering each other back and forth. We do have a lot of things to make fun of each other for: awkward moments, Jeep Liberties, over eager women, over eager men (I had to point that out to her). I told her I was checking her out when Zeke took me down….she turned pink and completely changed the subject, asking if I had noticed Christina's pants. _I don't give two shits about Christina's pants. _She seriously doesn't see herself how others do. It's both endearing and infuriating.

I've spent my whole life avoiding small talk and idle chat and I think she probably has too. Yet somehow we brought it out of each other for three and a half hours. We kept it surface level, intentionally or not, and I was happy with that. I want to know about her, but I want to take my time, to savor every bit of information. She is definitely guarded; something we have in common. And I know she has a strained past seeing as she spoke minimally about it.

I only know that she is from Kittridge, Wisconsin, and has been in Chicago for 2 years. Her Dad was a pastor and her parents died in a car accident when she was 20. She has a brother, but didn't say anything about him beyond that.

About me, she knows I had lived in Winnetka for most of my life, that I am an only child and that my mother died when I was nine. She also knows I moved in with Zeke when I turned 18.

It was as if we could sense in each other when to stop asking questions. It was amazing. _She_ is amazing.

I can't believe I have to wait until 11:00 to see her again. _What is happening to me?_ Maybe I could sit at the bar while she "coordinates the entertainment." _What the hell does that even mean? _No. I decide I'm not going to go and be the creepy boyfriend who—_What? Boyfriend? What?_

Then I remember that Tris had mentioned that Christina is working, so maybe Will would want to be creepy with me? It's worth a shot.

I give Will a call to see if he's up for it. "Christina didn't call me back today, so I don't know if I should…" _Are we women? What are they doing to us?_

"Look, drinks on me. I'm supposed to meet Tris and I don't want to go early and sit by myself looking like a dumbass."

"Then just go when you are _supposed_ to meet her."

I pause because he is right. What's the difference between 10:00 and 11:00? _None._

"Alright I'm in." Apparently Will wants to see Christina more than he is letting on.

"Sounds good. Meet you there at 10:00?"

**10:30**

I meet Will in front of the bar. We're both running about a half hour late.

"Sorry man! Damned cabs," Will says.

"Same here. Let's head in."

"Zeke and Shauna are here, too. Apparently Shauna loves this DJ."

I make eye contact with Al as he side steps to stand right in front of me, puffing his chest.

"Yes?" I inquire with a semi-unintentional laugh.

"There's a cover tonight."

"Okay."

He doesn't move as I look at him expectantly.

"_How_...much?"

"$10." He still doesn't move, yet accompanies his weirdness with the kitten version of a murderous glare.

I hand him $10 and give him my version of a look of pity-which is basically me just staring at him because those are indeed my true feelings. He backs away which is...thrilling...and Will and I finally gain entrance. _What a fool..._

"He likes Tris," Will states plainly after we pass him.

"Yeah... I got that."

When we walk in my eyes are instantly drawn to the stage, which I had no idea even existed, because there is a group of male dancers in street clothes performing in synch to the music. _They are really fucking good!_

"Whoa," Will says. "Is it weird that I can't keep my eyes off a bunch of dudes?"

"Yes." _But I totally get it._

Youtube - (** Beyonce - Get Me Bodied - WilldaBeast Adams Choreography - by DirectorBrazil)**

I spot Christina serving drinks behind the bar and nod my head at her when she looks my way while Will hangs back.

"Did you bring me coffee?" She smiles until she sees Will behind me.

"Thanks for the call," she tells him with her hands on her hips.

"Huh? I did call you."

"Mmmmmm…..no ya didn't."

"I did! You have that awful orchestra ring-back tone! I left a message!"

"I don't have a ring-back tone! Let me see your phone."

He hands it over to her with a smug expression of satisfaction.

"So…..I entered the wrong number in your phone," she says as her cheeks turn red. I wouldn't have thought Christina to be the type to get embarrassed. And Will isn't the type to hold onto shit so they start chatting instantly. I would milk that for all it's worth if that were Tris. It's pretty amazing that she can bring out the playful side of me. _Playful…yep I said it._

"You just missed Tris. She should be back up in a minute," Christina says as she gives a quick head nod to whatever is behind me. "What can I getcha? By the way, she would shit if she knew you were here!" _Why? _

I look over my shoulder to see what she was nodding at while also wondering why Tris would be mad. _Did I fuck up already?_ All I see is the stage and a very captivated audience. There is another group up there now dancing to the same song.

"Do you make as good of a Jack and Coke as Tris does? Because if not, I'll just wait."

"If you're going to wait a half-hour just so _Tris_ can make you a drink then get away from my bar!"

"You just said she'll be back up in a minute."

Christina looks at me as if I'm an idiot and then smiles as if something apparently clicks in her lofty head.

I raise my eyebrows in annoyance. "Am I missing something?"

"You're about to," she says nodding again towards whatever is over my shoulder.

I sigh and turn my head, still not sure what the hell she is talking about and all I see are three new dancers sauntering toward the front of the stage. I graze over them with my eyes and do a double take as the rest of my body turns to align with my craning neck. Tris is the lead dancer in the middle. She's fucking amazing…ridiculously…disturbingly...amazing. The other two are great dancers, but she is…captivating. I can't keep my eyes off her.

* * *

Youtube - (**Beyonce' - Upgrade U | WilldaBeast Adams | Beyonce' Series pt.1 |**)

* * *

"Close your mouth, Four," Christina says handing me my drink. "Tori says you drink for free tonight. Hey did you know she is George's sister? How is it that we've never—"

_I have no fucking idea what she's saying..._

Tris exits the stage as the choreographed part of the song starts over and some guy comes out to do a solo. I turn around slowly and look at Christina. "She can do that?! Why didn't she…? We talked for hours today!"

"She gets embarrassed!"

"Why? She's really talented." Will says.

"I know right?! She says she 'just dances for her,' not for other people. Honestly, I can't even believe she is up there. I guess it was either that or pay for a dumb bottle of Scotch. All those dancers are from this place in Humboldt Park called The Studio. Some are professionals." _The Studio? Fuck…..that was her. _"She lets me go to her class to watch sometimes!"

She's on stage again for round four of the choreography but she's in back. _And she shouldn't be!_ She's so fucking sexy. Many of the female dancers are in weird pants and crop tops, but Tris is in black pants that show off her perfect ass, and a grey wide-necked sweatshirt that falls off her left shoulder. Something about the off the shoulder look….._damn_. And her gorgeous thick hair is down…_damn._

"Hey Four?"

"Huh?"

"Did you just want an IV for the night? You took that drink down in two gulps! Here," she says while she grabs a shot glass. "Put a lip lock on that. You're gonna need it if you're gonna watch Tris."

"Will?" she asks with a flirty smile, offering to pour him one.

"Sure."

"Oh, hell, me too!" She pours three shots of Gentleman's Jack. "Might as well drink the good stuff!"

Will is looking at her as if she is the best thing he has ever laid eyes on as she babbles on...and on...

"Thanks," I interject as I take the shot. "But, why am I 'gonna need it'?" I ask using air quotes.

"Well, first of all, we need to catch up to Tris. She's three shots in and I sent her back with a fifth of Jack. She was so fucking nervous-wiping her hands on her pants over and over. I thought she might puke!... But she's been awesome! Give her a little liquid courage and that girl'll do just about anything! ..Don't get any ideas Four!" _How could I not get ideas from that? _"Aside from that, some of the dances are…" she trails off looking over my shoulder.

"Are...what?"

"Oh nothin'! Just keep drinking. Unless you're an angry drunk…then stop drinking…now." _Am I an angry drunk? I don't really want to be drunk in front of Tris anyway._

I turn my eyes back to the stage as another song comes on with Tris center stage and three male dancers behind her. I am mesmerized…again. It should probably bother me that she has three dudes that could easily be checking out her sweet ass the whole time...but they seem to be as much in their own world as she is. _And now she is on the floor…and…_

* * *

YouTube - (**JoJo Gomez - LOSE CONTROL)**

* * *

"Four?"

I clear my throat. "What?" I ask tearing my eyes away…not loving that part of the routine but also trying to hide my arousal.

"Here." Christina hands me another drink. "For the record, she hates that rolling on the floor seduction stuff."

"Hmm." I can't exactly respond because...I'm drinking...

"Watch her face next time, she won't even look at the crowd."

I don't say anything but I must have finished my drink because it's empty.

"Are you Four?"

I turn at the sound of stern female voice. "I am."

"I'm Tori. You know my brother."

"Yes."

We stare at each other for minute until Christina butts in.

"This is awesome. Two of the most personable people I know having a staring contest—"

"Thanks for letting me borrow Tris," Tori says interrupting Christina.

"Well, she's not mine to lend out, so I didn't have much to do with it."

She looks at me with an expression that matches the tone of her voice. "Hmm." She then directs her attention to Christina. "I like him."

"Wow." Christina says as she watches Tori walk away. "I've never heard Tori say anything that nice about anyone."

"What can I say? I'm charming."

Will snorts out a laugh as I turn my attention back to the stage to watch Tris who is again leading another routine. (Fuck…she is hot.) She doesn't have the face of seduction like some of the other dancers do-it's almost like she zones out the audience. And Christina is right-at the end of the routine she does look uncomfortable when she- (Ugh. I didn't need to see that...)

* * *

Youtube_ \- (_**Where Have You Been - JOJO GOMEZ**)

* * *

I turn toward the bar as Christina passes me another shot of Jack which I pound…immediately. Okay, I am officially starting to relax-

"Holy shit! Was that Tris?!" _Fucking, Uriah._

"Yes, Uri. It...was," I say very very poignantly while giving him my best facial stare-down. _It's like a verbal beat-down...with my face. I'm pretty good at it..._

"Zeke and Shauna here, yet?" He tosses a pretzel in the air trying to catch it in his mouth, but it lands in his eye. _Idiot..._

"Dunno... Zeke said they were—"

"Four! Oh, my God! Did you see Tris up there?!" Shauna screams as she drags Zeke behind her.

"Yep," I say popping the p loudly as I look over my shoulder again.

This time another group is up and I'm pleased to pronounce that Christina has passed me another Jack and Coke.

"Tris's done after this next number," she says as she points to the stage. _Thank God. _

I don't know whether to throw Tris over my shoulder and ravage her in a broom closet or be my pissy moody self. _Maybe both? _

"Who…is…._that?" _

I follow Uriah's line of sight up to the stage not giving a shit who he's talking about because Tris is dancing again. _I can't wait to make out with her…and put my hands on her butt._

"Which one?" Christina asks.

"The one…in…front."

"That's Marlene! She's awesome. Want me to introduce you?" Christina suggests...suggestively.

"No. I've got this!" Uriah states, with way too much confidence, rubbing his hands together. _Attention span of a five-year-old._

* * *

Youtube - (**Lose My Breath- Jasmine Rafael Choreography**)

* * *

"The Dj is here. You can go tell Tris to shut it down." Tori says to Christina. "And tell the dancers they can stay….drinks on the house. No top shelf!"

"Got it boss!" Christina says sarcastically saluting Tori.

"Oh and Myra did decide showing up would be worthwhile, so you can be done for the night."

"Yeeeeeeeekkkkk! Thank you Tori!" she says hugging her, which causes Tori to pretty much just stand there. _Damn Will. Are you sure about this?_

Christina heads to the side stage. She says something to the dancers, which makes them cheer and high five. Then I see my beautiful, sexy, sweaty, Tris, who is now holding an empty fifth of Jack, widen her eyes as Christina whispers what I can only assume is something about me. _How can I be upset? Look at her adorable face! _She walks with her head down, sticking close to the wall and I laugh out loud as I see her barrel into Lynn before she heads into the back.

"Four?"

"Yep." _That is such a weird word. Why don't we just say, 'yes'?_

"Dude are you laughing at yourself?" Zeke asks.

"Nope." _Again a weird word. Why don't we just say, 'no'? _"Tris is just…..awesome. We talked for like ten hours this afternoon."

"Ten hours, huh?" _What? He doesn't believe me?_

"He's hammered," Christina says.

"Pssshhhh! Nope."

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

Ok. Even I have to admit that was pretty fun. Once I got past the whole "holy-shit-I'm-dancing-in-front-of-a-live-audience-thing." _Thank God for booze!_

I see Christina rush over to us. "Tori says drinks on the house for the rest of the night for all dancers!" Cheers erupt.

I'm so glad this worked out. I can't believe the turnout! And they aren't even getting paid. Marlene said they are just happy for the exposure. _Saweet!_

"Trissy."

"Chrissy." _Why is she looking at me weird?_

"So, Four has been here for the last half hour."

I don't say a word. _No….way…did she just say 'last half hour'. _My feet seem to have a mind of their own because suddenly I slam into Lynn and then I'm in the lounge sitting on the couch. After about who the hell knows how long, Christina comes and crouches down in front of where I'm staring at the floor.

"He has to hate me."

"No. He definitely doesn't hate you. I was feeding him Jack Daniels and he seems….just fine…right now."

"I almost walked out on him today because of Nita the bitch self-defensing him—"

"I don't know what any of that means."

"—and then he sees me rolling on the floor and practically grinding on Kevin. And you know what's funny?"

"Not really."

"Kevin is gay….and so is his boyfriend."

"Oooookaaaaayyyy. Four isn't mad. Tris…look at me. I think he might even have been jerking off under the bar judging by the way he was watching you."

"Really? That's would be so sweet of him….he is really sweet…"

"Okay. I'm going to get you a cup of coffee…both of you…although he doesn't deserve one from me. You take a cold shower."

"Okay."

I take the shortest shower ever on the face of the Earth. Now that I know Four isn't mad at me, I need to go make out with him.

* * *

**Four's POV:**

"Christina. This could be the worst coffee ever….in the history of ever. Is this paybacks? This is paybacks. I knew it!"

"I love drunk Four!" Shauna laughs.

"I am not drunk Four." _Fuck, I might be._ _Shit. _I down the cup of sludge Christina gave me and shake my head to regain my senses. "Where is my Tris?"

"_You're_ Tris?" _She looks crabby._

"Yep….nope. She is not _my _Tris. You know what I mean. This coffee sucks by the way."

"Zeke, is he a dick even when he's drunk?"

"He's just fuckin' with you, Christina!"

"No…way. I learned last night not to do such things—"

"Four, stop waggling your finger at me."

"You were a really good friend to her last night. So so dumb…but still a good friend— What's with the angry face?" _Did I say something wrong?_

"I love drunk Four!" Shauna says again. "Zeke! Come on! Let's dry hump on the dance floor!"

"I love drunk Shauna," Zeke says to us all as he goes after her onto the dance floor.

"I can't be drunk Four. Tris will hate me and I already almost fucked up today-oof!"

"Hi handsome!"

The cutest sexiest thing just landed right on my lap. I wrap my arms around her lithe little body and give her a hug to last a lifetime! I breathe in her hair. It's damp. She just showered…naked.

"Do you hate me?" She gives me a pouty lip, which, of course, I immediately take between my teeth because who wouldn't? She takes my face in between her hands and sticks her tongue in my mouth, which I reciprocate because who wouldn't?

"Hey! Both of you!"

"What?" We both say at the same time. _It's fucking hysterical. _

"Tori is coming. If she finds out I got both of you hammered, she's gonna kill me. Tris, sit up straight. Four, hands at your side." _Please don't sit up straight….. fuck._

Tris is laughing...so damn hard and it is not helping my situation because it is making her whole body shake.

"You're laughing at _me_ aren't you?" I say as I bury my head in her neck.

"I'm laughing at our pre-_dick_-ament….." _I could love this girl._

"Tris." _Tori should really smile more._

"Yes, Tori….Oh this is—"

"Yeah, we met...You deserve this," she says as she puts a bag in front of us on the bar. "You saved my ass tonight." Then she walks away.

Tris looks at me and quirks her eyebrow. _I just love her face. _She opens the bag and pulls out the remainder of the bottle of Bunnahabhain scotch. _We..are…going…to…drink…this. _Tris, opens her mouth in the shape of an "O" and as much as I want to put that mouth to good use, we have things to discuss.

"Should we drink it?" _She's a fucking mind reader!_

Christina taps Tris on the shoulder and says, "How about you finish your coffee?"

"That is an excellent idea!" Tris says as she pours scotch into each of our coffees. "Bottoms up, handsome!"

"Tris, I actually kind of love you like this!" She says. "Is this paybacks?"

"No…" she says as she takes a drink."Paybacks would be if I made _you_ hold my hair back while I puked on _your_ shoes."

"Wow, Christina!" Will says as she smacks Tris on the arm.

"Christina you really do make an excellent cup of coffee!" I say as I down the last of it and wrap my arms around Tris.

Tris adds, "Well, not as good as your coffee….and your scones, too. Mmmmmmm…..maybe we can make that code for something one day?" My cock just sprung back into action.

Christina and Tris both start laughing as if they have some inside joke. Then Tris makes eye contact with me and bites her bottom lip. _Fuck, what I wouldn't give to be a mind-reader. I chose the wrong profession. _She then breathes deep and exhales through her gorgeous lips and shakes her head. Her hair is almost dry now and it hangs over her right shoulder, exposing her left. _I should lick it._

"Ahhem….so, Christina….wanna dance?" Will asks.

I think they down their drinks and go dance but I'm not really sure because I have locked eyes with the sexiest thing to ever sit on my lap. "You are not making this easy on me, I say as I raise my hips."

"I feel your pain…literally." She whispers, "I'm in the same boat by the way" she says as she pushes her warmth down on my leg. I hold her there tightening my arms around her waist. She takes in a quick breath and loosens my hands a little. _Shit. Was I hurting her? _Then she quickly gets up and shakes her head as if to clear it and leans over the bar waving at the bar-back and giggling while grabbing us two rocks glasses. I lean over to bite her ass but she sits down too quickly. _Damnit! So close._

She pours us both full glasses of the scotch. She raises her glass, "What should we toast to?"

"Our first date?"

"Is this your idea of a date?" She asks as we both take a drink without actually cheering.

"Fuck. No. I don't know."

"Four, I'm kidding!" She says laughing. "Who needs formal dates? I know I don't. Not when I have a 25 year old bottle of scotch and am sitting on the lap of the most gorgeous man I've ever seen. I hit the fucking jackpot! I just…don't…get…why?" She takes another drink and licks her lips. "Out of all the girls…..and then I was dry humping the stage….and Kevin…"

"Yeah...I hated that by the way." I take a large gulp of the drink.

"I knew it….I'm so sorry. I was so pissed today about the whole Nita self-defensing you….and then on stage I….I did _not _want to…I'm a hypocrite."

"Yeah, maybe a little..."

I think she wanted me to disagree with her. "But Kevin is gay!….and….well, you and Nita obviously….you know…and probably other stuff—"

"Tris wait…." I say seriously and let out a deep breath. "Kevin is gay?"

"Ugh! Here drink the rest of this," she says as she pushes the glass up to my mouth while finishing hers as well. Then she looks at me with her sex goddess eyes and asks sweetly, "Will you please dance with me?" She grabs the bottle and pulls me out onto the floor.

"Yeah! I love drunk Four!" Shauna yells over the music.

"And drunk Tris!" Christina yells.

_Am I that drunk? Is she? _I take my hands off her butt cheeks as she looks up at me and then takes my hands and puts them back. _Apparently we are._

* * *

**The cab ride home**

**Christina's POV:**

"We will not be swimming…naked… in Lake Michigan tonight!" I say….again. Will is laughing hysterically. He said she has never seen Four legitimately have a good time….drunk or otherwise.

"Christina. We promise not to take our clothes off in order to get naked….but that will make skinny-dipping a lot more difficult!" Tris is a drunken mess and Four is right there with her.

"It's the truth. We won't take our clothes off when we skinny dip. I puh-romise!" he says as he bites Tris's ear and she goes to straddle him.

"Tris sit down," I order.

"Whadoyathink I'm tryin' to do?" She says as he grabs her ass cheeks.

I equally have never seen Tris loosen up this much…drunk or otherwise.

"Safety first Tris." Four says as he tries to strap them both in with the seat belt. _God help me. _

I lean over the back seat to talk to Will who is in the front passenger seat. "I can take care of her. But what are we going to do with him?"

"Well, I can try to take him—"

"No way! He's comin' home with me….to our house…..right?" She looks him in the eye grabbing him by both cheeks. _Like he's going to say no!_

He does give her a serious look for a minute…as if he realizes something…but he says. "Can the scotch come with us?" They both laugh again as if it's the funniest thing they have heard all night.

I look at Will. "Can you get him home?"

"Probably not…he's a stubborn ass on a good day…"

"Speaking of his ass…." Tris says as she puts her hands down the back of his pants.

"I can stay too if you want, just to help out. I'll sleep on the couch."

"That would be great. Thank you Will." _I could love this man._

* * *

**The morning after**

**Four's POV:**

I wake up to the scent of lemon grass wafting on my face. I take a deep breath in through my nose. _What the hell?_ Long silky hair splayed across my face. I immediately recognize the scent as Tris and I am momentarily relieved. _Wait, Tris?_ I go to sit up and I am semi-weighted down by a body…..passed out, straddling me. _No, no, no, no, no. Please tell me we did not have drunken sex. Especially not the pass out mid-fuck kind….. _But when I take inventory, I am relieved that we are both fully clothed. I move her thick wavy knotted hair to the side before I choke on it and take a calming breath to relieve myself of the panic attack I almost just had. The splitting headache has just hit me like a ton of bricks. I here a groan in my ear and feel a cute little face nuzzle into my neck and then sigh contently. Then I feel a tickle on my neck from eyelashes fluttering open and Tris slowly turns her head, makes brief eye contact with me and sits up straight still clutching the bottle of scotch. It has about an inch left in it. I'm pretty sure the same thoughts that went through my head are now going through hers. Especially when she starts to pat herself down making certain she is indeed fully clothed, then looking down at me making sure I am as well. With her feeling herself up and down and then looking at me, I can feel desire start to churn, so I slowly roll her off me.

"Oh my God. I totally thought we had sex for a minute there," she says lying down and sighing exactly like I did.

"Yeah. Me too. Thank God we didn't. That would have sucked."

She turns her head and looks at me slowly, "No. God that's not what I meant. It would have been the opposite of sucked. I would….just really like to have remembered it."

She laughs and nods her head in understanding. "What the hell happened last night? I mean, the last thing I really remember was….dancing with you…a lot of it."

Bits and pieces start to come back to me: grinding as if we were at a high school dance, drinking out of the bottle, carrying Tris over my shoulder out of the bar. Then I remember when we got back to the apartment. I need a minute.

"Hey. Do you have an extra toothbrush I can borrow?"

"Borrow?"

"Ha! Yeah well….ok, have?" I say rubbing the back of my neck. I need to collect my thoughts.

"Sure. Right top drawer in the bathroom."

I head into the bathroom, piss and brush my teeth. _Ugh scotch breath….. _Then I sit on the toilet and run my hands through my hair. I remember things getting very heated last night, mostly over the clothes action that would have inevitably led to more had we not passed out. However, I'm pretty sure I had my hands all over her body under her shirt, but I don't remember what it felt like or anything, just that it happened. I hate it.

I walk back out to her room and I see Will passed out on the couch. At least one of us was a gentleman. _Damnit._ She is still in the same place on her bed looking shy and beautiful. She excuses herself to use the bathroom and I sit on her bed with my head in my hands until she comes back in, closes the door and sits down with her back against the headboard and knees pulled up to her chest.

"Was it that bad?" she asks.

"Was what that bad?"

"You just look really upset and I know I don't fully remember what happened, but I didn't think it was so….I don't know. Don't feel like you have to stay," she finally gets out.

"Tris, no. Don't misinterpret why I'm upset. I'm upset with myself. I feel like I took advantage of you. You were drunk—"

"So were you—"

"Yes, but I should have been the one to stop—"

"It takes two, Four." When I don't respond she says emphatically, "Look, I know what coercion looks like and it doesn't look like this." She has that guarded look on her face so I don't push her to explain.

I need to gather my thoughts. I move next to her and lean up against the headboard sliding the fingers of my right hand in between those of her left. "I don't want this to be just a physical thing. I want to know you and I want you to know me." I pause and swallow. "Can I ask you something?"

She nods her head.

"Are you wearing a bra?"

She shakes her head no.

"I'm pretty sure that's because I took it off." Her cheeks are turning pink. "And I have barely a fraction of a memory of doing it, let alone remembering how amazing you felt against my hands, because I'm certain you did, or how good it was hopefully making you feel."

She smiles softly. "You're amazing you know that?"

"No. I just want _us_ to be amazing, assuming there is an _us."_

"Oh there is definitely an _us," s_he says as she leans over and places her sweet lips on mine. _Yes!_

"I was hoping that was the case," I say against her mouth as I place my left hand up to cradle her face.

It is a slow kiss. We are taking our time because we have it. Soon we are scooting our bodies down to lie on our sides still kissing leisurely. I am lightly skimming my fingers up and down her sides as she rests her hand on my neck and then moves it up to run her fingers back and forth through my hair.

I whisper through kisses, "See this is what I'm talking about. How you feel under my fingertips…I want to remember this."

"Me too," she replies with our lips so close we many as well still be kissing. _Can we multitask?_ "There are...things we need to...know about each other. Yesterday, at the diner, I could feel the walls going up if a conversation started to flow in a direction you weren't comfortable with... And I know I do the same."

She pauses and backs her head up looking me square in the eyes. "There are...um...things you need to know... I'm just not ready to tell you...yet. And I think you feel the same...?"

I don't say anything because she pretty much just said exactly what I was thinking. So I just nod and keep looking in her striking eyes. "I won't pressure you."

"I won't either."

"Since we aren't pressuring each other, can I ask if it would be okay if we did things like this?" I slowly kiss right below her ear.

"Mmmm hmmm."

"Or this?" I lightly kiss and run my tongue along her neck as she sighs. _I take that as a yes._

"What about this?" I graze my hands over her shirt down the sides of her breasts as she shudders. _Another yes._ Then I pull her close to me by her lower back as she lifts her head up to meet my lips pushing me onto my back.

"So then what about this?" she asks as she lightly licks my bottom lip with her warm wet tongue.

I nod my head.

"Or how do you feel about this?" She moves her head slowly down to my neck drawing circles with her tongue. I am completely hard right now and loving every torturous minute.

I push on her lower back to bring her closer to me and then move my hand right below her ass and press her thigh onto my hard length. "How do _you_ think I feel about that?"

She smiles against my neck and looks up at me. "Now _that_ is something _I_ want to remember."


	9. Dumbass

**WARNING: Graphic depiction of sexual abuse**

**Chapter 9 –Dumb Ass**

* * *

**Tris's POV: Tuesday  
**

It's so strange. I feel like my life, not my whole life, but the part that warms my soul has changed in one weekend. I had always hoped I would have that feeling that everyone talks about: warmth, butterflies, excitement, need, want. I never felt that with Eric. I thought I had, but it was _not _like this.

It's Tuesday morning. I'm thinking to myself how strange it is to miss someone you just met four days ago. I smile to myself thinking about Sunday.

I felt guilty for not going to visit Caleb. Apparently I wasn't feeling guilty enough. Four and I spent the day together on Sunday; just lazing around with Christina and Will. He and Will left the apartment after drinking three bottles of water and taking four Ibuprofen, and came back with coffee and cheeseburgers: the perfect hangover food.

Four didn't have a change of clothes so I offered to wash his, really hoping he would stay. He paused and looked at me, a smirk playing on his lips, "Do you really want me to stay or are just trying to get me in my underwear as paybacks?"

"Well, I _do _want you to stay and I certainly don't_ mind _that you will be in your underwear. What kind of underwear are we talking about anyway?" I said looking into his eyes and unzipping his jeans. I looked down briefly and could see his growing erection. Although, unconfirmed, I think he is _definitely _well endowed.

"Hmm…boxers? Not my favorite, but at least you can walk around the apartment in them."

"His mouth hangs open…not your favorite?! I didn't say that when I saw your underwear…._three times…" _

"What do you mean three-?"

"Hey, I've been meaning to ask you…Do you always shower in your bra and panties?"

It was my turn for my mouth to hang open. I knew that happened…but I did _not_ know that he saw it.

"You know I pretty much hate that you saw me like that," I said in all seriousness. "I would have liked for the first time you see me partially naked to be under different circumstances."

He pulled me in for a hug. "Does that mean there _may be _those kinds of circumstances in the future?"

"We'll see," I said pushing him away trying to be flirty, which I'm pretty sure I sucked at.

I pulled a men's T-shirt out of my drawer and tossed it to him. It was my brother Caleb's and somehow it ended up with my stuff when I moved to Chicago.

"I'll put your clothes in the washer whenever you're ready."

I had only seen his shirtless back…not his shirtless front. He just kind of stood there, holding the T-shirt. Apparently that was my cue to exit. _Damn!_

We watched all of the X-men movies. He was pretty much in his boxers and Caleb's T-shirt all day. It was driving me crazy. We were curled up on the couch under a blanket, teasing each other the whole time. I was wearing sleep shorts and he would trail his fingers up my inner thighs side to side, each time getting higher and higher but making no actual contact. He knew he was driving me crazy. My cheeks were on fire and he reached over to put his hand on my racing heart in confirmation of my excitement. The smug look on his face was slightly infuriating. _Cocky bastard. No pun intended. _I figured two could play at that game so I slid my hand under the elastic of his boxers and rested it there, my fingers playing with the trail of course hair that resides there. I could feel the subtle movement of him twitching and pulsing based on the movement of the fabric of his boxers so I knew I achieved my goal. I moved my fingers closer and closer until they just about ghosted over his shaft and then I would pull away quickly, smiling equally as smugly I'm sure.

Throughout the day on Monday we texted back and forth. He usually works from 7:00-5:00. But he said his job is project-driven so as long as he gets his work done and is present at all meetings, he can come and go as he pleases. But, right now he is working on designing an addition to The Museum of Science and Industry so he is working longer hours.

**Monday **

(8:00) **Four:** Hi.

(9:30) **Me:** Lol. Hi.

(9:40) **Four:** Thought you reconsidered "us." It took you a whole hour and a half to text me back.

(9:45) **Me:** Wow! Impatient. I went for a run! Then took a shower thinking about "us" the whole time.

(9:47) **Four:** Speechless…thanks for the boner BTW….and I have a meeting in 5 minutes.

(9:50) **Me:** Oops. :)

_When did I get so bold? This is so unlike me! Maybe this is the new me? I like the new me._

"Trissy! I'm heading to class. Wish me luck!...Hey…someone left…are you fucking kidding me!?"

"What are you screeching about?" I say pulling on my robe and meeting her at the door.

She is holding a drink carrier with two cups of coffee. I recognize the generic 2-go cup, as it is the same one Four hand-delivered to me last Saturday. It has my name on it in perfect all caps penmanship: an architect's handwriting. There is another cup of coffee with Christina's name on it, in a Styrofoam cup with the Mobil gas station logo on it. Also, there is a single scone…with my name on the bag.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" Christina practically yells….again.

I try so hard to stifle a laugh that I actually end up choking.

"Hey. At least he brought you coffee this time! That's a step up, right?" I quickly grab my delicious beverage out of the holder before she can. But the bitch takes the scone and runs down the stairs laughing hysterically. She's out the door before I can even yell after her. I lock the door behind her and text Four a picture of the coffee along with a message.

**Me:** I feel cheated.

**Four:** Why? _Wow. That was quick._

**Me:** Because I didn't get to see your handsome face. Is it weird that I miss you? Sorry if it is.

**Four:** I was hoping you would say that.

Then I hear a quiet knock on the door. _Of course Christina leaves her keys again. _I open the door and before I can even get a word out a strong pair of arms lifts me by the backs of my thighs. How this didn't cause a massive panic attack, I cannot explain. As if by some reflexive action, I wrap my legs around his waist as he crashes his lips to mine. He practically runs with me clinging to him and sets me on the counter while ravaging my neck, then across my collar bone and back up to claim my lips. With his strong hands he unwraps my legs from around his waist and places them gently on the counter, spreading them so he can fit himself closer to me. I grab his ass with both of my hands and grind myself against him. Before I can do anything else he abruptly pulls away.

"I really needed that!" He says over his shoulder as he sprints out the door. "Nice panties by the way!" And then he is gone…and I am alone, legs spread, on the counter…in my underwear.

My phone vibrates on the counter. Breathing heavily I look at the screen.

**Four:** I missed you too. _This man is going to be the death of me._

* * *

**Four's POV:**

Leaving Tris, on the counter, panting, legs spread, in black panties…was excruciating. I was just planning on giving her a sweet good morning kiss, just so I could see her beautiful face and then be on my way. My lifting her up was a split second decision, but when she wrapped her small firm legs around me I was a goner. That woman has no idea what she does to me. Thank God I got the hell out of there.

I'm pretty sure that if I wasn't walking down a busy street, I would be skipping to work. I was so friggin' happy to read the text that said she missed me. I thought that _I _was crazy: missing someone after only knowing them for a short amount of time. It doesn't feel like a short amount of time, however.

Sunday was one of the best days I've had in a long time, aside from the fact that she handed me some random dude's shirt. That took me awhile to get past and I'm not sure I'm totally past it yet. But apart from that, it was a perfect day. It felt so good to just spend time with someone, no pretenses. I spent the day in my boxers (_and some random fucker's T-shirt)_ with Tris being a cock tease under the blanket for God's sake! I realize I wasn't helping matters on my end. It really did take every ounce of restraint to not bury my fingers in her. I could practically feel the humid dampness seeping through her panties.

"Sir? Are you getting on?"

"Oh….yeah." _Thank you random stranger trying to get on the bus behind me._

* * *

When I get to work I head into the high-rise office building, waving to Bud who is sitting outside in the company car.

"You going for another run today?" He asks smiling sarcastically.

"If I do, I'll let you know." I wouldn't mind "getting lost" again if it means I can catch Tris at The Studio. Actually, I don't need "to get lost" to accidentally run into Tris. All I have to do is shoot her a text or call, and I can find out exactly where she is or what her plans are. _How fucking cool is that? _

Before I know it, literally before I know it, I am getting off the elevator. I stand there in shock for a minute. I was thinking so intently about Tris that the fact that I was going up to the 85th floor in a small box didn't even cross my mind.

Soon enough I find myself in my office and I sit at the round table I use to review blueprints. I spread out the long list of requests that the museum board had wanted included in the new addition.

When I told Tris about the project she seemed really excited: she seemed to be was soaking in every detail of what I was saying. Even when I started to ramble on, forgetting that I was talking to someone who isn't in the field of architecture, she would stop and ask me questions.

**Flashback to Sunday:**

"My problem is, I can't decide if I should include ashlar on the façade—"

"What's ashlar?"

"Shit sorry. It's a masonry term. It basically means large concrete blocks."

"Don't be sorry. I like to learn. And it's what you love to do, so I'm interested. Now continue."

**End Flashback**

The biggest challenge with this project is going to be their requests for energy efficiency. Although over 100 years old, The Museum of Science and Industry is continuously reinventing itself. It has a highly efficient central cooling plant and ventilation system which preserves the integrity of the museum. The age, structure and daily function of the building make the design of a new addition particularly daunting. Hopefully, with careful planning and analysis, my team and I can come up with an excellent design.

I pour over the requests for two hours and have some extremely preliminary ideas, but enough to satisfy me for now. It's 10:00. I decide I need a cup of coffee so I head to the breakout room and order an Americano from our coffee barista.

"Mr. Eaton?" _God, don't call me that._

"Just call me Four."

"Really? Your name is…Four?"

I don't say anything. It's usually better that I don't.

"I saw you at Hangar's the other night. Do you go there often? I've just…never seen you there before so—"

"I will probably be spending a lot of time there in the future. Thanks for the coffee." I check the cup to make sure her number isn't on it. _Thank God. _Then I nod my head once and walk away.

My phone vibrates. A text from Tris. _Yes! _It's a picture of a blurry red flower, a plant maybe, sitting on a table. Behind it, I recognize exposed brick.

**Tris:** My latest masterpiece.

**Me:** I would love to comment, but you wouldn't show me any of your work, so I don't know what the hell you are going to do with that.

**Tris:** Just wait…..

**Me:** How long are you going to make me wait?

**Tris:** Not sure. How long are you willing to wait? I kind of like to tease you...so, it could be awhile. _God._

**Me:** Stop it.

**Tris:** What? You asked! Gotta go, bye!

**Me:** Not…cool.

_This girl is going to be the death of me._

* * *

**Tris's POV: Thursday  
**

I'm so tired. Well at least I have some excuse, it_ is_ 12:00 am on Thursday, which technically means it's Friday. This week has been crawling by at a snail's pace. My weeks usually go by fairly fast. I'm good at keeping myself busy. It's a skill I have perfected over the last two years: the art of distraction. I can't ever sleep-in late because my torturous mind doesn't allow it, (except when I woke up passed out on top of Four), so I immediately get up to work out in the mornings. Often times I'll go to The Studio in the afternoons, or I'll work on my photos. Sometimes I visit Caleb. I should probably free up more time for that.

The words "time flies" often frequent my lips. What the hell is different about this week? That is exactly what I need to keep in mind. This week is no different! _Except for the fact that I have barely heard from Four since Tuesday morning. _

After our last text, I heard nothing at all from him for the rest of the day on Tuesday. Maybe he was busy? He is starting a new project, which his awesome. The Museum of Science and Industry! They have the best photography exhibits.

Although he was incredibly modest, I can tell he is kind of a big deal. How did George describe him? "Very up and coming?" Fuck, he's gorgeous, smart, modest and sweet (well, he is to me.) _Why does he like _me_? Does he still?_

Maybe I've been too bold with my innuendos? Because, honestly, I'm all talk. I have minimal experience.

There was my first boyfriend, Robert. I had known him since we were kids. I was friends with his sister Susan and our parents were friends also. We "dated" for seven months my senior year in high school. But we were more like friends who had awkward make-out sessions. It never really progressed beyond some over the clothes action until prom night when we had "sorta" sex. It didn't hurt like other girls said it would and he was so nervous that he came after about one minute. I don't even think he actually popped my cherry. _What kind of an expression is that anyway?_ The next week I broke it off with him and I think he was relieved although he felt so guilty because he didn't want me to think he used me for sex. I just kept thinking: _"Dude, I'm breaking it off with you…not the other way around!"_ But, that's just Robert. He was such a nice guy. He even sent me post break-up flowers.

Then, there was Eric. It was very painful our first time, for many reasons. I bled like crazy and he was super pissed about it because I stained his couch.

I've never even truly experienced foreplay with anyone, at least not for my own pleasure. Robert didn't know what the hell he was doing and Eric only ever probed me to see if I was ready for him…half the time I wasn't. However, Eric had no problem holding my hand around his dick to get him off. He said my soft hands were amazing but other than that I "didn't know what the fuck I was doing." Same with oral sex, I have never experienced it on my end but Eric had no problem forcing me.

**Flashback: **

It's late and I'm sitting by myself at Eric's watching the Hawk's game. My parent's aren't keen on sports and Eric had asked very nicely if I would be there when he got home from the grain elevator. He came barreling into the house reeking of beer and practically staggering his way to the couch.

"Hi baby. I missed you so much today," he says giving me a sloppy kiss. "Did you miss me? Tell me you missed me."

"I missed you."

"Jesus…can you be a little more….fucking….convincing?" He is so drunk that he is pausing between words, as if he is losing track of his thoughts.

I didn't really miss him. Lately I've just missed companionship, since Susan left for college.

_Assist by Kane, Hossa sinks it! 3-2 Hawks!_

"What the fuck, Beatrice!"

"Oh sorry, I've just been really into the game and it's triple—"

His mouth collides with mine. "Well then let me provide…..a….uh….an appropriate distraction." He grabs me by my shoulders and pushes me onto my knees on the floor while he stays seated on the couch.

"Wh...what are you doing?"

"Trying something new."

I push his hands off me and stand up but he leans up and quickly but gently puts his hands on my hips. This causes me to pause because of the gentle nature of it.

"Sorry baby…I'm sorry. I just…your so sexy…I want your mouth on my cock so bad!"

"Not tonight…and way to use your words by the way."

"What? You can't handle dirty talk?"

"Not when you're like this!" I hiss at him.

"Ha! Like what?…What? Your pissed because I _want_ my girlfriend?" His voice is rising.

"You don't want _me_! You want me to….to…."

"Suck me off, yes! You can say it Beatrice!...Say it." He cuffs my hips with his hands, hard and pulls me to my knees again now holding me down by my shoulders. "Say it…now!"

I shake my head no and he boxes my right ear. I completely lose my equilibrium and a wave of nausea hits me.

"Fucking say it!" he screams in fury. "Say, 'I want to suck you off baby'!"

I'm sobbing, but I know there is no stopping him at this point.

"I…..want….to…..", and I shake my head again out of stubbornness but also out of humiliation.

He boxes my left ear. Then he grabs my face and pushes it down to where he is hard through his jeans.

"Talk to it….say, 'I want to suck you off baby'." This time he doesn't scream it. He says it with evil intention.

"I want to suck you off…baby."

"Now do it."

I stay still.

"Fucking do it!"

I still don't move.

"Fine, let me…..a…a…assist you." He says this while he rubs my face on the outside of his pants. Then he grabs me by my hair and forces his pants down, pulling his shaft out from the peek hole in his boxers.

It makes me sick how aroused he gets whenever I'm under duress. His tip is already wet from excitement.

"Open your mouth…don't you…don't you…bite me," he says through excited breaths. "I will throw your brother in the corn elevator….everyone will think it's an accident." He shoves himself into my mouth all they way to the back of my throat and I gag, swallowing down the vomit.

He lifts his hips and holds my head into his groin. "Oh…fuck, baby. Now let's slow down…I need to last. God…."

Tears are streaming down my face but I just need this to be over with so I do my best to please him.

"Slow down…Slow down…Beatrice…fuck….slow down…argh….argh, argh, argh, argh." I go to pull away because I know what's about to happen but he holds my head to him and he spurts his liquid down the back of my throat. I have no choice but to swallow it, but half of it drips down my face.

He finally lets go of my hair and buries his face in the crook of his elbow and groans. "I fucking told you to slow down….."

_All I can think about is Caleb at the bottom of the grain elevator._

**End Flashback**

Reliving those horrendous memories is the worst kind of torture. For the first year I was in Chicago, I couldn't even think about anything to do with sex without having a breakdown. I couldn't, and still can't, afford therapy because my HMO insurance plan only covers four sessions and the rest would be out of pocket with only a 10% discount.

So I made the decision to tell Christina. She cried almost the whole time. Then, being the good strong friend she is, she said, "If your bullshit insurance won't cover therapy _we_ have to do something." I loved that she said_ we. _Suddenly I wasn't alone. She suggested I write down my experiences.

"No. No way," I said.

"Tris, it doesn't have to be a play-by-play. Just, write down what you told me. No need to relive every detail."

So I did it. I cried when I was done because the fucking thing took up 20 pages of notebook paper. What the hell was wrong with me? Who allows that? Why did I stay? These were questions I screamed at Christina between sobs.

She grabbed me by my shoulders and shook me back to reality. "Stop torturing yourself! Who knows why anybody does anything? You're here now. That is what matters. You got dealt a shitty hand but you are here and you are strong and you know this will never happen again." Then she pushed me back a little. "Now let's go shopping." _I love that girl._

Recently, I feel myself healing even more: opening up and being ready for new experiences.

I wish I knew why I haven't heard from Four. I know he's busy and I worked 5:00-close on Tuesday. When I close during the week I don't get home until around 1:30 am. _But, not even a quick text? Maybe I should have texted him?_

It took every ounce of me to do just that on Wednesday afternoon.

(2:00) **Me:** Hope you are having a good day.

(5:05) **Four:** U 2 _That's it? And three hours later? Couldn't even spell the words?_

I heard not a peep from him during the day today. The rational side of me is saying that it's not a big deal. _So you haven't heard from him in 2 days? So what? This whole situation is still new, right? Breathe in breathe out Tris._

I really want to get out of here at 1:00, so I start getting my closing work done early: refilling napkins, mixers, switching out bottles if necessary, wiping everything down.

Thursdays are the best and worst days to work. We definitely make the most in tips. The clientele is mainly men who love to flash their money. Dealing with jerks all night really sucks. They seem to want one last hurrah before they have to go and spend the weekend with their families. Women don't tip other women very well so that's why Fridays and Saturdays, monetarily, aren't as great.

But time wise Thursdays are great. The realization that there is indeed another work day left in the week seems to hit the customers at about 12:00. By 12:30 the bar tends to clear out and I can get out of here at a decent time. That is not the case for Fridays and Saturdays.

I see Al at the end of the bar eating Jimmy John's. I'm starving. _God what I wouldn't give for- _

"Sorry Tris. I would have gotten you one, but it was kind of last minute. I know it's your favorite," Al says while looking at me amused.

"Oh no Al, it's fine." _It's totally not fine. _

He starts laughing at himself. "Al, are you drunk? What the hell are you laughing at?"

"Oh nothin'….just thinkin'…" He pauses before he stands up, crumpling up the wrapper and leaving it on the bar. _Thanks a lot dick._ "Nothing you need to worry about, Tris…." Then he walks to the lounge. _Okay weirdo._

I sigh deeply and then turn around to switch out some Captain Morgan and Dewar's. _Scotch…..hmmmmm. _

"You know," says a deep velvety voice. "If you didn't want to see me anymore you could have just told me."

* * *

**Four's POV: Thursday  
**

_What the hell? _I feel like an arrogant dickhead even thinking this, but I have never had a woman ignore me. At least not since high school. I have _wanted _women to ignore me…but it hasn't actually happened. _Is this Karma?_

I have barely heard from Tris since Tuesday morning. I've been wracking my brain on what I did wrong. I know I was crazy busy for the rest of Tuesday. I was in meetings with our drafters to wrap up a couple other projects we were on the tail-end of.

I also spent a lot of time bouncing ideas off of Amar about the museum. He got so excited about it that we ended up working straight through until 6:00. He says he really misses working on the creative end of projects and has been getting tired of the management side of things. He needs a partner.

We also spent a good amount of time talking about Tris. Of course George just _had _to tell him the whole story of what went on at the gym: self-defense with Nita, Tris taking off and then hiding behind a plant. _She's so cute! She can literally fit behind a plant._

I tend to get lost in my work, which I thought Tris would understand seeing how wrapped up she told me she gets when she is working with her photos. I was really disappointed that she wouldn't show me her work. She said she keeps it hidden in a secret location. _What?_ And she used my own words against me saying that I hadn't "earned it" yet. Maybe I should take her to Gertie's. _If she still even likes me._ The fact that I may have to woo her with coffee makes me nauseous.

I know Tori makes the employees keep their phones in the back so they don't "fuck with them when they're on the clock." So I shot her a quick text figuring she'll get it later.

(6:01) **Me:** I know you're at work. Just saying hi. Sorry I didn't text you earlier. Crazy busy day.

**Me:** Forgot to ask. How was your day?

**Me:** As if you can respond…. _God I'm dumb._

(10:00) **Me:** When you get off work, call or text me.

**Me:** If you want.

No response. I figured she probably got home from work late and didn't want to wake me.

Romantic gestures have eluded me my whole life yet somehow with Tris they seem to be making up for lost time because the first thing I did Wednesday morning is call a florist in Bucktown and have a bouquet of tiger lilies delivered to her. I know she got them because I asked the florist to call me if there was a confirmed signature; there was. They were received at 9:00 am. I was surprised I didn't get a text or an immediate call judging by how she texted me the minute she got the coffee I dropped off (before our fucking amazing yet totally sexually frustrating make out session.)

Finally I get the most generic text anyone can possibly send.

**Tris:** Hope you're having a good day. _Thanks for the flowers? I can't believe you remembered they are my favorite? I miss you like crazy even though it's only been a day?_

I was actually kind of pissed_. I DON'T SEND FLOWERS….EVER. _So I decide to be me and be stubborn: I don't respond. However the guilt of not responding was eating at me so by 5:00 I send back a semi-passive aggressive response.

(5:00) **Me:** U 2

I didn't even spell it. And that was probably the worst thing to do because then the guilt of my response was eating at me.

(7:00) **Me: **Sorry for the rude text. Did you get the flowers? :)

I didn't really expect her to respond right away. But I know she does randomly check her phone when Tori isn't looking so I still hold out on hope; too no avail. _Maybe text messages annoy her? Maybe she wants an actual phone call? If I don't hear from her by 11:00, I will call. _

I called her at 11:00. I really didn't want her to answer for some dumb fucking reason. I wanted to leave a message and then have the ball be officially in her court.

**Voicemail:** "Uh hey. This is Four…in case you didn't know it was me. Just calling to check in and…that's it…..uh….gimme a call. See ya. Thanks. Bye."

_Check in? See ya. Thanks. Bye….?_

So here I am, sitting in my office, staring at the lights on the boats. It is exactly 24 hours after I left that message. Still no word.

Earlier tonight Will stopped by my office to check on how the preliminaries are going for the museum. He just wouldn't shut the fuck up about Christina.

"I just really think she's fun! She's easy going albeit a little dramatic—"

"Did she mention flowers?"

"Flowers?"

"Yes, flowers." I pause and sigh. "I sent Tris flowers yesterday and haven't heard from her about them…I've barely heard from her at all." I say sounding defeated and probably slightly pathetic.

"No she didn't. But I saw some flowers on their kitchen table when I dropped Christina off last night. They were orange and—"

"Tiger lilies. Tris's favorite." Will must sense my desire to speak no more on this topic because he quickly bids me goodnight and gets the fuck out.

Having skipped dinner I'm completely starving. Jimmy Johns sounds fantastic so I order it figuring I will take it off the delivery person's hands on my way out of the building.

**Flashback:**

Tris and I were asking each other random "get to know you" questions at the diner. I had suggested, for the purpose of efficiency, to get the who-gives-a-crap questions out of the way. She was on board. After several "What's your favorite color? Actor? Pie flavor? Holiday?" I ask her what her favorite sandwich is.

"Sandwich?"

"Sandwich."

"Didn't see that one coming…ok…Jimmy John's, #5 with mayo."

"The Vito," I say grinning.

"Very good. You know your Jimmy John's!"

"It happens to be my favorite as well."

Her eyes twinkled a little as she smiled slightly at this commonality. _She's gorgeous._

**End Flashback**

"Yeah I need to place an order…"

"One #5 with mayo delivered to the ALG building on Randolph….I'll just meet the delivery person out front."

"Four."

"Yes, like the number."

"I also need the same order but can you deliver it to Hangar's Bar? It's on—yes."

"Tris Prior."

"Shit. I think it's P-r-i-o-r."

"Can you write something on the wrapper?"

"You heard me."

"Just write '_Love, Four.'_ Please spell out the number."

"Yes. Spell…out…the…number."

"One more thing. Can you text me upon delivery?"

"You heard me."

"Thanks. I'll pay cash."

After I hang up the phone, I run both of my hands over my face and into my hair several times before sighing and getting up to put my work in order for the next day. I send Amar an email saying I worked late so I'll be in later in the morning than usual. By the time I get downstairs the Jimmy John's guy is here.

"Hey man, I thought it was a little weird that you wanted me to text you so I just delivered the other sandwich first. I gave it to some big dude and he said he'd take care of it."

"Thank you," I say as I hand him cash.

I see Bud sitting in the company car.

"Hey Bud. Why are you still here? It's 12:45."

"I have to pick my girlfriend up from work, she owns a bar but doesn't like me to hang out while they're closing. Says I'm distracting….and not the good kind. So, I figured I'd see if there were any more stragglers I could drive home…turns out—"

"What bar?"

"Oh. Hangar's."

"Of course."

"What?"

"Nothing. Can you take me there?"

"Okay. Don't do this for my benefit—"

"I'm not," I say as I get in the passenger seat. It just feels weird sitting in the back. "So Tori, huh?"

"You know her?"

"Kind of. I know George from Dauntless Gym and I actually just met Tori for the first time last weekend."

"Huh. Are you meeting anyone there?"

"Not exactly."

We ride in silence for the rest of the trip. When we get there, no one is at the door and the place is just about empty. Bud disappears immediately upon entry, probably trying to hide from Tori. I see Tris and my heart rate picks up and my throat feels dry. This was a bad idea. She has a fitted white tank top on and black skinny jeans. Her long blondish hair is braided down her back, which exposes her gorgeous neckline and flawless pale skin. I want to rush up behind her and wrap my arms around her perfect slim waist. But not being sure if she even wants to see me makes me hold back. Which is a good thing because I spot the sandwich wrapper on the bar top. _Well, that just…..just sucks._ _But at least now I know. And she should know that I know. _

I don't know how I got there but suddenly I'm standing behind her.

"You know if you didn't want to see me anymore you could have just told me."

She reels around and looks at me. Several emotions play across her face, starting with happiness and maybe relief. Then it quickly turns to anger and confusion. Not the emotions I was expecting.

"What? You didn't—"

"I didn't what? Didn't text you? Call you? Send you flowers? Have fucking dinner delivered to you?" With that last question I grab the Jimmy John's wrapper and toss it at her.

"What the hell, Four?! I received _no _texts, aside from your oh so eloquent _U 2_….I mean come on….you couldn't even take the time to spell the damned words? Calls? What calls? Flowers? Dinner?...That was Al's dinner you jack-ass!" She says loudly as she chucks the wrapper at me, which I catch swiftly and throw it back at her. _Totally immature but it felt great._

"Wait." Something clicks. "Give me that wrapper."

"No."

"Just, give me the damned wrapper."

"No." _Fucking stubborn woman._

I launch myself over the bar and land right next to her. She tries to pretend that it didn't shock the shit out of her. But I know it did because she jumped about 10 feet in the air. She keeps her arms crossed and is looking at me with annoyed raised eyebrows. Her crossed arms cause her cleavage to be pushed together and up making her modest shirt…well…not very modest and completely distracting.

I place my left hand on her hip. I try to play it off like I need to do that for balance as I bend down to pick up the sandwich wrapper, but it was just because I wanted to touch her. She doesn't move away. _Good._

"Open it."

"No." _Christ woman!_

"Mmmmmmm…Please?" I say, gritting it out through my teeth.

I am awarded with a smirk that she tries to hide. I know she's remembering our texting situation from the gym.

She yanks it out of my hands in a huff and spreads it on the bar top.

Right there, in Jimmy John's employee scribble: "_Love, Four"_

She sucks in a breath and looks at me with guilt and happiness. Then she swiftly loops her fingers in my belt loops and pulls me to her roughly. _Grrrrrrrrr._

"Why the hell are you having dinner delivered to Al?" She says with mock jealousy.

I lean down and say quietly, "I didn't. I wanted your gorgeous lips to be wrapped around that sandwich." _Among other things_ "But we have bigger problems."

"Wait. Why didn't I get any of your texts or calls?"

"That's the bigger problem. Where's Al?" I ask.

"I don't know. In back?"

"Is your phone back there?"

"Yeah. It's in my locker-Oh my God! No way! Al?" She walks away briefly and comes back. "Okay he's sitting on the bench in there. He didn't see me. Call me and let's see what happens."

"Should I leave a message?"

She looks at me weird. "If you want….?"

"I want." I say as I pull her close by the small of her back while finding her in my contacts list.

I don't like that her callback message is just the computerized voice of her phone number: I love hearing her voice.

"Hey Tris…I was just thinking about you and really wanted to hear your voice…I missed you like crazy this week…even if you didn't miss me…" Then I hang up. I have a feeling she missed me….but I really want to hear her say it.

"You just want to hear me say it don't you?" _Yep! _"Well then let me acquiesce to your wants—"

"Please don't word it like that—"

"I missed you," She whispers right next to my ear and then pulls away quickly to dart around the corner to confirm our suspicions. _Don't go! Fuck._

But I really want to bust (_a cap in)_ Al, so I follow her. We stand in the shadows of the hallway as her phone dings signaling that the Voicemail has gone through.

* * *

**Al's POV:**

He couldn't do better than Jimmy John's? What an amateur. Tris is the best thing since sliced bread and he has a sandwich delivered? Alright, it actually makes sense when I think about it like that.

_Ding! _

_"_Again? Damn!" I hate this part of myself: the sneaky mean side. It's really not me at all. I don't know what it is about Tris….I just want to take her, fold her up, and put her in my pocket for safe-keeping. I wish she could just see that!

_Ding!_

Shoot. A missed call and a voicemail. I sigh. It's about 1:00. It has to be Five. _What kind of dumb name is that?_

I need to save her from this guy. He walks into a room and it's like time stops for every woman and he just walks right by them as if they are nothing. Plus the look on his face screams I'm an a-hole.

Ok I'll admit it. The guy scares the bejesus out of me. His face alone says "I will lay you out if you look at me wrong." He is not right for her. I don't want him to hurt her.

_Just get it over with Al. He's not good for her. _I look right and left. No one is back here. I'm super stealthy so I open up her locker with one hand and grab the phone with the other.

_Do I listen to the Voicemail? _My conscience almost got the better of me.

**Voicemail:** "Hey Tris…I was just thinking about you and really wanted to hear your voice…I missed you like crazy this week…even if you didn't miss me…" _She cannot hear this message._

_Delete._

_Delete from Deleted Messages._

_Delete from Recent Calls._

Thank God I was in the right place at the right time because that would have really-.

"Al!"

"Tris!...I was just…I heard your phone go off so I was going to bring it to you…but then something happened and the screen went blank!"_ Good thinking Al!_

"Al?! I saw you check my voicemail! On speaker phone you dumb-shit!" Someone just laughed in the hallway but I don't see anyone.

"Yeah Tris…I've been meaning to tell you that you should have a passcode on your—"

"Never thought I needed one Al! I thought we were friends! Why the hell would you do that? Have you been doing this all week?...Give me my fucking phone and leave me the hell alone."

"Tris….." I take her wrist so she can't walk away, but then immediately let go when I see her face. "I don't like him."

"_You_ don't have to!"

"He's an a-hole."

"Al! Who says a-hole? If you're going to insult someone…at least commit!" I hear another laugh in the hallway behind her so I try to look over her shoulder but she moves her sweet little body in my way; now she is standing close to me. _Is this my chance to prove to her that I want her?  
_

I have wanted to do this for so long so I'm sure I'm a little over eager and unintentionally forceful but I need to put every ounce of feeling I have for her into this. _She_ needs to feel everything. I grab her shoulders and pull her in close so she can't escape as I move my mouth quickly down to hers. I miss the first time, but then quickly go back for the second holding her more tightly.

It all happened so fast. I'm on the floor in an insane amount of pain. Where is it coming from? Tris is shaking and screaming with tears running down her face.

I hear a deep menacing voice in my ear, "If you ever touch her again. I…will…end…you."

Then Tori helping me up. "Al…..you are a total…dumb ass."


	10. Firsts

**Chapter 10 - Firsts**

* * *

**Four's POV:**

I rush in to grab that rotten piece of trash in order to stomp out his existence. His humpty dumpty piece of shit hands were forcing her into submission and I saw red. Then with one spiked stiletto into his foot, a palm heel to the chin and a knee to the groin…he was on the ground. Tris reacted faster than I did! I looked at her in utter shock and astonishment. I knew Tris was strong for her size, but that was incredible. It was pure adrenaline come to life: exactly what I teach my students in class. I was expecting a look of self-satisfaction or anger on her face…but I saw the same look in her eyes as the other night at The West: pure panic.

Her chest is heaving uncontrollably and I see beads if sweat start to pool on her forehead. She starts out by screaming streams of words, almost unintelligible, and definitely not making sense: "Don't, this can't, I won't, please, not here, again, this isn't." She says all of these words in between ragged breaths. I immediately forget him and go to her placing my hands gently on her shoulders as to not scare her because she is not in her right mind. I get my face right in front of hers.

"Tris, Tris…Tris. Look at me. It's okay. You're okay. Hey…hey, look into my eyes. Can I see your beautiful eyes, please?"

She looks up and focuses on me as tears spill down her soft cheeks. I wipe them away with my thumbs as she clutches at my shirt and buries her face in my chest sobbing. Then suddenly she stops, stands up straight and goes to her locker. She undoes her braid and shakes out her thick luscious locks and changes her shoes.

"You ready?" She says as she brushes past me kicking Al in the ankle as she goes.

I nod my head twice. Then I bend down to Al's ear as Tori and Bud rush in and say very clearly, "If you ever touch her again. I…will…end…you."

I make eye contact with Tori because I know she heard me. She just nods.

"Bud? Can you get them home?"

"Yeah, sure babe. I'll be back in a bit."

We walk in silence to the car.

* * *

_**Tris's POV:**

I can't believe Al. People have told me how he feels about me. I always denied it but probably knew it all along. Not being raised to accept complements nor ever hearing any is probably why I'm so "oblivious."

Four must think I'm a crazy person. I know I took Al down. But everything went blurry for a minute afterwards. It was like I was stuck between two worlds, one trying to bring me down and the other trying to lift me up. The latter won out. I remember hearing my name spoken in my favorite voice over and over, then a request to look at him. His eyes brought me back.

He has been holding my hand the whole car ride, tracing small figure eights over my knuckles. He hasn't said a word. I know he is waiting for me to.

"So, I know self-defense."

He looks as me and smirks. "Clearly."

"So….let's just hope Nita never runs into _me_ in a dark alley."

"Yeah….well, I actually wouldn't mind seeing you take her down," says laughing lightly.

"Ok guys." Bud says as he pulls up to the curb outside my house. "Four, am I taking you home too?"

Four looks at me. "Ummm—"

"Can you stay with me?" My cheeks are on fire but I know Christina is out with Will and I don't want to be alone.

He grins. "Of course."

"See you tomorrow Bud."

"Sure thing. Bye Tris. And hey…for the record, Al is a fuckin' idiot."

I nod my head and walk into the house. "How do you know Bud?"

"He's is one of our company drivers."

"Oh. I thought he owns a tattoo parlor."

"Apparently he does. He was quite interested in my tattoos."

I unlock the door and he follows me in. "Why haven't you asked me about my tattoos?...I mean, you told me you saw me working the bags so I know you've seen them."

I throw my purse over a chair and then slump down on the couch. He takes off his suit jacket and loosens his tie and sits down gently next to me. I just realize how hot he looks in a suit. _Sigh….._

"I wanted to on Sunday. But from what I saw across the gym those tattoos are no joke. I assumed there was some significance behind them and that you would tell me about them someday." _Someday? A future?_

He nods his head at this. "Did you want to see them?...You don't have to—"

"I want to."

He shakes his head looking down at his hands. "Good because I would really like to tell you about them….Is it too bold of me to ask if we can go in your room? I really don't feel like giving the same explanation to Christina-Hey! You _did_ get my flowers!" he says in a semi-annoyed voice.

"Those are from you?"

"Who did you think they were from? Didn't you sign for them?"

"No. They were here when I got back from the gym on Wednesday. I just assumed they were for Christina. I have barely seen her all week."

"Tris, why do you always assume nothing good can ever possibly be about you?...It's exasperating." He runs his hands through his hair and shakes his head as he goes over to the flowers and pulls out the card that was hidden in the leaves and hands it to me.

I look at the little card and open it slowly.

**_Love, Four_**

"You told me tiger lilies are your favorite."

I nod my head looking at the card. "Thank you," I say quietly. "No one has ever sent me 'just because' flowers before."

"Well, I have never sent..._any_...flowers before, so…"

I walk over to him and give him a soft kiss on the cheek. "They're beautiful. I just…thank you."

"Your welcome." _He looks upset._

"So…..can I see your tattoos?"

He gives me a shy smile and grabs my hand pulling me behind him into my bedroom. I sit down on my bed as he takes off his tie and sits down next to me unbuttoning his shirt. He turns away from me and his back muscles flex as he moves to take his shirt off._ Shit..._

His back is stunning. There are more flames than I originally thought. And the five symbols that I saw from across the gym are intricate and beautiful. This man is like my own personal work of art. _My own?_

I run the tips of both of my fingers down his spine, tracing the symbols. He shivers and his breath hitches.

"Tell me," I say still trailing my fingers but now working my way up the flames.

He clears his throat and then swallows. "They symbolize everything I strive to be; almost everything my father isn't."

I don't say anything and wait for him to continue.

"He is coward, he is selfish, he is a liar, and he is cruel. Therefore I know I need to be brave, selfless, honest, and kind." He points to each symbol as he describes them. "But I am a work in progress and I fail to fulfill my ideals often," he says laughing lightly.

"What about this one?" I touch lightly the one he hadn't mentioned yet.

"That is to remind me to be smart. Not so much intellectually, just smart about my decisions, because I know how much one person's choices can impact another."

"It's seriously amazing Four—"

"Can you not call me that?" He turns around and looks at me intently.

"Okay." I say softly. "What would you prefer?"

"Tobias. That's my real name…..I never use it. It reminds me of my father, it was his father's name so my father forced my mother to pass the name on to me."

"Tobias." _I love it._

"It sounds amazing on your lips. Almost healing…I'm sorry…." he says rubbing the back of his neck and looking anywhere but at me.

"Don't be. I'm glad. Thank you for trusting me…..Why does everyone else call you Four?"

"When I moved in with Zeke, I was a real bastard for awhile," he says sighing. "It was a tough time for me. His mom, Hana, had had enough. She took me aside and handed me a pen and paper and told me to write down the four most important things a person should be, and that when I'm done, that better be the person she sees from now on. She is not a woman to argue with." He chuckles at the memory. "I wrote down: Brave, selfless, honest and kind."

"Just like your tattoo."

"Exactly like my tattoo. That moment kind of changed my life. I wanted to be different. So I told Zeke, Uriah and Hana to call me Four from now on. I was not going to be Tobias Eaton anymore."

I just now realize that he hasn't been making eye contact with me. I reach up and touch his cheek to turn his head toward me. He turns his head and kisses my fingers lightly bringing them down from his face.

"Thank you for telling me that."

"You have no idea how good it feels to tell someone that….to tell _you_ that."

Just then I realize how difficult it was for him to open up to me about that. And even though it was hard, he still did it, and said it felt good. He deserves to know about me…maybe not everything yet…but a start.

"Four…sorry…Tobias. You deserve an explanation about tonight—"

"Tris, no. There is nothing to explain. He had absolutely no right—"

"No, I know….it's not about Al. I mean, that _did_ start it but it's not exactly what I'm referring to." He nods his head as I kick off my shoes and move to sit back against the headboard. He takes of his shoes and sits next to me.

"You're intuitive. You know that my reaction to being groped on a dance floor or forced to kiss someone is a little more…let's say _reactive…_than most."

He nods his head.

"I was in an abusive relationship." He stops nodding his head as his eyes snap up to meet mine and all color drains from his face. "I'm sorry. Is this too much to take in? I totally get it—"

"No!" It's like he doesn't know what else to say. Finally he does. "I want to know your story….even if I hate it…it's about you, so I want to know." He takes my hand in his and starts playing with my fingers.

"His name is Eric. He is from my hometown. We dated for about a year and a half. His family is very well known in pretty much all of Wisconsin. I couldn't believe he was interested in me when we first got together. I considered myself so "lucky." About three months in, I found an empty bottle of Lithium. I wanted to talk to him about it, to let him know I was here if he needed me. But, when I approached him he was very defensive so I dropped it."

I look at Tobias. He is listening intently, but not making eye contact; just drawing circles on my palm. So I continue. "The next week I brought it up again. I was worried that, if he indeed had Bi-polar, he wasn't taking his meds. That was the first time he slapped me."

Four stops drawing circles and just holds my hand tightly. My heart rate is starting to pick up and I know my palms are starting to sweat.

"Um…I should have been done right then and there…but he was off his meds and at the time I didn't want to abandon him for something I thought he had no control over….um…so I stayed." I swallow thickly. "It was….it only got worse….Tobias I promise….I'm not that person anymore. I don't know—"

"Tris. Please stop."

I look at him probably with a look of confusion on my face.

"You're breathing heavy and starting to sweat." To prove his point he runs his fingers over my forehead and they come back wet.

"Oh…Sorry—"

"Don't say sorry!" he says fiercely. "Don't ever say sorry to me about that."

I look down at my hands thinking about how I have no idea how to tell him the extent of the abuse. How to tell him what happened without him treating me like a china doll or worse…pitying me.

"Tell me the rest when you're ready, because Tris….look at me….you're not ready."

I nod my head as I fight back tears. "Okay."

"C'mere," he says pulling me to him so I'm resting my head on his chest. "When you're ready," he says soothingly while running his hands through my hair. "When you're ready," he says again while lightly kissing me on the forehead. He keeps saying it almost as if he's singing me a lullaby. I've never been held like this by a man. His arms are so strong and comforting the way they are wrapped around me. It's like he would protect me from anything.

The warm feeling that is infiltrating my lower body is a very familiar feeling when I'm around Tobias. Especially right now since he started lightly running his right fingers up and down my side while still holding me securely with his left. He's doing it in a soothing way; he is obviously very conscious of the way I'm feeling right now. But the hidden part of me is starting to feel a need for him.

Making the first move is so opposite of me. _No…not any more. _I pull away from him and look into his handsome chiseled face and my eyes roam down over his perfect upper torso. He is lean and muscular and just fucking gorgeous. I raise myself up slowly so I'm sitting up on my knees. I unbutton the top button of my jeans with my eyes trained on the comforter between us because I'm too nervous to look him in the eye. But soon I find that I can't help myself so I briefly glance up and him and what I see gives me confidence. He is staring at me like I am best thing he has ever seen. Maybe that's just my interpretation, but either way it makes me feel amazing. I see him twitch in his pants out of the corner of my eye as he starts to harden.

Without taking my eyes off of his, because somehow I am now drawing strength from them, I unzip my jeans, slowly. He is gripping the comforter with both hands as if he is trying to physically hold himself back. I really wish he wouldn't. I walk forward a little on my knees and I can see his chest moving up and down as he tries to breathe through his nose. He purses his lips in a straight line as I take his fingers and gently wrap them in my own urging him towards me. He gets the hint.

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I wasn't asking for this. I just wanted her to feel comforted and loved. _Loved? _But here she is: the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, who was just moments ago letting me inside her head even through obvious discomfort, is now undressing right in front of me. _How am I so lucky?_

I had such a mix of emotions hearing her talk about her abuse. I had suspected that she had been in an abusive relationship, but was denying it because I wasn't sure I could handle it. I'm still not sure I can. I saw how hard it was for her to even tell me the brief amount that she did. I have a feeling there is so much more. I had to stop her before both she and/or I lost it. It makes me physically ill to imagine anyone hurting her. It was bad enough watching Al tonight. I felt like time stood still.

When she wriggled out of my arms, I felt cold and I thought I had overstepped; whether from my words or from the way I was holding her to me. Apparently I was way off.

I could tell she was nervous because her fingers were trembling as she unbuttoned her pants. She also wouldn't look at me and I wanted her to so badly. I needed to see on her face how she was feeling, because I was nervous as hell even though I had no intention of taking things to far tonight. I just wanted her to feel cherished. I know I have never made a woman feel that way before, just as no woman has ever made me feel that way before.

She is looking at me now, her eyes roaming my body and never in my life have I felt self-conscious up until this moment. Physically, I'm a confident guy, but this is Tris. However, by the look in her eyes, I don't disappoint. _Thank God!_

From somewhere she seems to gain some confidence because she locks eyes with me, as she unzips her pants. I want to look down so badly, but I am lost in her eyes. They are piercing with what I can only describe as lust. The expression on her face alone is making me throb in my now uncomfortably tight pants. Flat front pants leave little to the imagination and little room in general. Right now I really hate them. I know she can see how engorged I am as she walks toward me on her knees encouraging me to come to her with one touch of her small soft hands. That is all I need.

I practically launch myself at her and wrap my arms around her small frame that seems to fit perfectly in my own. I slide one hand down to grab her perfect ass underneath her pants but over her panties as to not scare her or move too fast.

I kiss her slowly and deeply, pulling her to me as we crash down on her soft comforter that smells deliciously of her scent: my new favorite perfume. She is worshipping my upper body as she keeps moving her hands seductively up and down, driving me crazy every time she brushes over my nipples.

I feel her taught nipples through her bra as she pulls me closer. The need to feel her bare against my chest is almost overwhelming but I need her permission. I run my hands up under shirt over her bare back feeling her smooth skin. She hitches her left leg up over my hips and applies pressure onto my hard cock. _Fuck. _I take this to mean that what I am doing is okay. I also return the movement by adding pressure to her lower back trying to communicate to her that that feels fucking awesome even though I would like nothing more than to spring free from the confines of my pants. With my other hand I seek out what's under her shirt. I rest my hand in between her two perfect mounds and then slowly move the tips of my right hand over one of the hardened buds and squeeze ever so gently, testing out the waters. Her breath hitches twice as I move the lacey fabric aside to pull her nipple free and run the heel of my palm over it, making it harden even more. She breathes out a quiet, "shit." _God I love that. _And then she fucking apologizes!

"Please don't say sorry for that _ever._ Hearing you say that…._God, _Tris."

"Okay good," She breathes out. "Cause…you may be…hearing…a lot….of…."

She doesn't finish because I am unsnapping her bra and both of my hands are cupping her breasts underneath the now loose garment. They fill my hands the perfect amount. I run my thumbs over her nipples which makes her groan in my mouth. I want to see her so bad. She must get the hint because she sits up and crosses her arms, grabbing the hem of her tank top and pulling it off along with her bra. Her hair cascades over her shoulders covering her breasts. I prop myself up on my elbow and brush her hair off her right shoulder running my fingers along her collar bone to do the same with her left. I still haven't looked at her exposed torso. I back up slightly and take her all in. She is more exquisite than I thought. Her breasts are the pure image of perfection. Her hardened nipples are slightly pointing upward ready for my mouth to take them.

"Tris….you are…" I just shake my head.

She is visibly trembling from what I hope is just nerves, not fear. I slowly move my way over to her, putting my right hand on her lower back and my left hand cradling the back of her neck, laying her down.

I'm in pain and I think she can sense it because she grabs my belt and undoes it swiftly then starts on the button and zipper. The newfound freedom feels so good already that I go right back to her breasts because I literally can't keep my hands off of them. She immediately looses track of what she was doing. She laughs lightly as I finish the job.

"I love that I can distract you like that."

"Me, too," she says as she now assists me in pushing my pants down with her feet as I quickly remove my socks.

I immediately pull her body on top of me so that I can feel her tits on my chest. She reaches down and grabs my shaft, which was totally unexpected…but _Jesus_. Her hard nips graze my chest as she starts to gently work me. Even over my boxer briefs her hands feel amazing. I lose track of time for a minute and breathe heavy in her mouth, which causes her to smile. She loves that she can do that to me as much as I love that I can do that to her.

"Tris….you need to….st…" I'm going to lose it real fast if I don't make my move so I take my fingers and start to rub between her legs over her pants. This makes her stop. _Thank God._

"May I?" I ask referring to my desire to remove her pants. I need her to tell me that this is okay.

She nods with her bottom lip between her teeth. _Fucking love it when she does that. _

"Please…" she breathes out. _She actually said please._

I pull her pants down swiftly seeing that she had already done some of the work and immediately start working her over her panties. _She did say please. _

"You are so wet."

"Sorry…" she gets out. _SORRY?_

"Tris," I say practically scolding her. "Do you know how much of a turn-on that is?" I ask as I take her nipple in my mouth.

She shakes her head no while grabbing the back of my head holding it to her breast firmly. _Fuck yes._ I circle my tongue around her and suck hard for a second before letting go.

She is bucking her hips as I tease her over her underwear. I take that as a sign that she's ready for me. I move her panties to the side just to make sure however. I run the pads of my fingers over her mound as she groans and pulls her underwear down on her own as if she can't wait any longer and to be honest neither can I.

I can't see much from this angle, but from where I am and what I feel so far, she definitely takes care of herself. _It's so hot_. My mind wanders for a brief moment imagining what she tastes like, and it makes me more eager than I already am. But I know I have to take this slow...

I run my fingers up and down her wet folds before circling her clit. She sucks in a heavy breath and widens her eyes as if that is a totally foreign sensation. It almost makes me nervous to be honest.

"Does that feel good?" I ask as I make my rounds around her clit again which makes her buck her hips again. She seems embarrassed at her reactions.

"God….yes."

"Good. Is this okay, too?" I ask in her ear as I carefully enter her with my middle finger.

"She throws her head back and covers her face with the crook of her elbow." No response necessary.

I slowly pump my finger in and out, over and over while flicking her bud with my thumb.

Just when I think she can't take it anymore I insert my index finger and she clenches down on them. _God-damn she is so tight…I can only imagine what she would feel like wrapped around my dick. Not now Tobias. I_ almost come right then and there until I see her. He arm is no longer over her face, she has closed her legs and she is still wrapped tight around my fingers, as if she is frozen there.

"Tris? Did I do something wrong?" _Well that's never fucking happened. And it just had to happen with Tris? The girl I want to please more than anyone! _"I can stop," I say as I slowly pull my fingers out as not to affect her further.

She just shakes her head. It looks like she is holding her breath.

"Tris? God…I'm so sorry…I don't know what to—"

"Please stop talking for a minute."

Then the tears come. I have no fucking clue what is going on or what to do.

"I've never...it felt so good…I didn't know how to…fuck, this is humiliating!"

I get it. _My God. _"Tris? Have you ever had an orgasm before?"

More tears. "No…It's so fucking embarrassing …."

"Jesus Tris. It should _not_ be embarrassing for you. But it should be for whomever you were with." _It fucking sucks that I have to think about _that_ right now._

"Tris, can I ask you something?"

"Yeah," she says looking up at the ceiling with her arms covering her upper body. She looks so uncomfortable now. I fucking hate it.

"Would you like me to give you an orgasm?" _Now those are words I never thought I would have to say to a girl. Please say yes!_

She doesn't say anything for a moment and I have literally stopped breathing. Then finally she nods her head trying to hold back the tears.

"Tris, you can cry." I say, wanting her to feel comfortable again. "I need to know how you are feeling, don't be shy. It's just you and me."

Right then I notice the door is open.

"Chris says she's not coming home tonight." _Mind reader._

"Are you ready?"

She takes my head in her hands and runs her fingers up through my hair. "Yes. But can you talk to me?" she asks shyly.

_Fuck…yes._ There is a primal part of me that is thrilled beyond belief that I have the honor of giving Tris Prior her first orgasm. But this is so not about me.

"Will you answer me?"

"I'll try."

_Good enough._ I wrap both of my hands around her gorgeous tits and massage them with her nipples between my knuckles. I hold them there and go back and forth sucking on them until they each reach the peak of hardened perfection. She groans loudly.

"God, I love that," I say. At least I get a small smile from her gorgeous lips.

She is starting to lift her hips: my invitation. I need to make sure she is ready…my sucking her tits must have done it because again she is soaked. I run my fingers from the bottom of her lips to her nub and back again until I can tell she needs more.

"Are you ready?"

She bites her lip and nods her head several times. I am more than happy to acquiesce. I enter both fingers this time wanting to test her reaction. She sucks in a deep breathe with a whispered "fuck." I'm careful however and I make sure to watch her face for any discomfort. No evidence of that. So I enter her deeper and change the angle to hit the spot that I'm fairly certain will drive her crazy.

"You feel amazing on my fingers Tris...o wet and tight. I might just come right along with you," I say as I realize I have been rubbing my shaft up and down her taut legs this whole time. She has me wound up so tight. _That would be a first…but this is a night for firsts. And if she can do this to me without touching me…fuck._

He face is scrunched up and she is clenching around my fingers again and not in the good way. I feel like she is trying to hold back.

"Baby, it's okay. Talk to me. I need to know if this is making you feel good. Please tell me."

After a few deep breathes she says, "It's amazing. I just don't know how…it's just so much…."

"Just let go. Look at me and just let go."

She locks eyes with me as I slowly nod my head. Out and in with my two fingers while my thumb takes care of her clit, out and in, I can feel her relax and then tighten; the good kind.

She's holding her breath. "Just keep looking at me. It's okay... I love watching you."

I know she is right there. With one careful curl of my middle finger, she arrives.

"Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God…fuck…Tobias."

I can see her orgasm wrack through her body thus rendering her speechless as she rocks her upper body slightly back and forth. I feel warm liquid on my fingers as the waves move through her body and her walls contract and vibrate around my fingers as I continue to move the pad of my finger over that same spot helping her ride out her orgasm. It is by far the most amazing sight I have ever seen and it brings me over the edge. Apparently I had started to stroke myself at some point because I finish with a rather intense orgasm myself as I let out a rough breath.

We both collapse on our backs with my fingers still inside her. I am reluctant to remove them. I look over at her as tears escape from the corners of her eyes. And fuck, my eyes are starting to water. _Hold…that…shit…back._

I carefully pull my reluctant fingers out of her.

She stays on her back and turns her head to look at me. "That was….I don't know what to say…I'm not exactly coherent. Did you….?"

"Ha. I certainly did. And might I add…that is a first…fuck you turn me on." I pause. "So, that felt okay? I mean—"

"Are you shitting me? That was the best thing I've ever felt in my life." _Excellent! Up top Tobias!_

"You looked...amazing. I've never really, uh...watched. Fuck, never mind. It was just really, yeah..."

Her cheeks turn bright pink, her hair is messy over her head and her eyes are glossy and sated. I just realized her breasts are still totally exposed and it starts to arouse me again. _How does she do this to me?_

"Uh...thanks," she says smiling adorably. "Looking in your eyes really…helped me. Next time I'll do better, I..."

"Fuck, Tris. Did you seriously just say 'next time I'll do better?' I was the one who was supposed to be pleasing _you_! _I_ need to do better next time." I run my hands over my face out of exasperation at her, myself and whomever she's been with that hadn't taken care of her needs. I fucking hate thinking about her with anyone else in the first place! But at the same time I'm so happy I got to be the first one to do it. _I'm going to fucking ravage her if I ever get the chance to make lo-have sex with her._

"No! Tobias. Don't. You made me feel so comfortable when I was at what was probably one of the most emotionally vulnerable points in my life. And it felt…..incredible…like I-wish-it-wasn't-4:00-in-the-morning-incredible."

She turns pink again. _She's so cute._ But exhaustion is slowly creeping in so I pull her close to me and reach over and switch off the lamp. I breathe in her scent which seems to lull me to sleep.

"I love…how you smell…." I kiss the top of her head once as she nuzzles in my neck and I fall into the best sleep I have had in years.


	11. Close Calls

**Chapter 11 – Close Calls**

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I woke up in the same position I fell asleep in: wrapped protectively in the arms of the man I am falling for. At this point I don't care if it's only been a week. No two relationships are alike. And there is something in my soul that is telling me this is right.

I take a deep breath of pure Tobias before I slide out of his arms. I realize that I fell asleep naked and I know it sounds strange, but I'm really proud of myself for that. In the past I was never without a T-shirt and would rarely fall asleep without underwear on. I constantly hid myself from Eric. He never made me feel beautiful. That is so not the case with Tobias. But I'm not at the point where I can comfortably walk around naked, so I grab his dress shirt and fasten a few buttons and head to the bathroom. But not before I take a quick glance over my shoulder at his perfect torso, tousled bed head and gorgeous face. I just can't believe he is here….in _my _bed…still.

When I get into the bathroom the awful part of my brain migrates to the "how-many-times-has-he-done-this" question. He seemed perfectly comfortable staying here. Is he used to post hook-up sleepovers? But last night wasn't a hook-up…I know it. He was too attentive and he seemed just as emotionally invested as I was. _Or maybe he's just _that _good?_ No, I'm not going to let myself think like that.

I look in the mirror at my ridiculous bed head_. Is this what I looked like last night?_ My cheeks heat up at the embarrassment I felt for not knowing how to have an orgasm. It's not so much as not knowing how, it's more like not knowing how to react. There were just so many amazing sensations and then the pressure building up in my lower abdomen. I felt like I was going to implode.

Christina told me that with her first orgasm, she didn't know what hit her. I smile to myself thinking that because of Tobias, I was able to feel _everything. _He read my body like a book. I remember the look in his eyes of pure adoration as he was coaxing me along, making me feel like my reactions were good, _more _than good. And how he didn't stop even as I was coming down from my peak. Christina had also told me that the worst thing is when a guy knows you are having an orgasm and stops, thinking his job is done. "Dude that shit can last for a good 10-15 seconds if the guy knows what he's doing!" I remember her saying.

Seeing his reaction was a ridiculous turn-on as well. Knowing that he was getting himself off just from watching me. _Fuck. I'm wet just thinking about that._

_Shit! How long have I been in here?_ I quickly go to the bathroom and brush my teeth. Then I quietly tip toe my way into the kitchen. I want to crawl back into bed with him so bad, but the nice part of me wins out and I go to make some coffee for the two of us because I'm sure he needs to get to work at some point. _But he did work really late last night so maybe…._

"Waking up without you in bed with me was fairly disappointing. And I was hoping this day would start off on a better foot."

"Shit!" I say slightly jumping in the air. _Why does he do that to me?!_

I don't know nor do I care how long I stare or what my face looks like because leaning against the wall in my hallway is 6'3" of manly perfection. His tan, lean, muscles end at the perfect V before dipping below his tight black boxer briefs.

He sees me looking at his underwear. "Yeah, well. You said boxers weren't your favorite so…."

I swallow. _That man could pull off underwear made out of a plastic garbage bag._

"Plus, I couldn't find my shirt," he says smirking.

"Yeah…it was the first thing I saw. So I went for it. Hope you don't mind…"

"Mind?" he says walking toward me. "Seeing you, Tris Prior, in one of my shirts is the sexiest thing I have ever laid eyes on." He pulls me to him softly giving me a kiss on the cheek and whispering in my ear, "and I love the bed head."

"Crap!" I say trying to smooth it down. _I forgot to brush it!_

"I'm 100% serious. You rock the sexy bedhead."

"You're an idiot and a liar. You are betraying your tattoo," I say turning around to get back to the coffee but also trying to hide my pink cheeks.

"Really?" He says coming up behind me and pressing his erection into my back. "Do you think I'm lying now?"

I groan and turn around pulling him down for a kiss. _Damn he is a good kisser._ I put my hands on his glorious chest and push him into the wall next to the fridge not breaking the kiss. Then I trail my hands down his amazing abs and run my fingers teasingly down his hardened length.

He gives me a deep, "Mmmmmm….." as I grasp him through his briefs. _He is…wow._

"_Love me like you do…love, love, love me like you do…touch me like…_Whoa! What's up guys?...Wait!" She says as she briefly squeezes her eyes shut. "Please…just don't answer that." _Fucking Christina!_

I spin around and the hem of my, or actually his, shirt catches on his hard-on and twists around my body riding up.

"Tris! You did not tell me it was no-panty-Friday! Rude!" she says heading back into her bedroom. "I just need to grab my books and I'll be on my way!"

Tobias rests his forehead on the back of my head as I stand there unmoving in shock along with him. Then he starts shaking. _Is he okay? He's laughing!_

"That is _not_ funny! I'm never going to hear the end of this!" I whisper annoyed.

"I think no-panty-Friday is my new favorite day of the week," he whispers back nibbling on my ear, then moving down and kissing me on my neck.

I am still flush against his cock.

"Well, who says it has to be Fridays? It could be Mondays…" I say slowly grinding into him. "Tuesdays…" I say moving right and left…"

"Tris."

"Wednesdays…." I say grabbing his hand and placing it on my breast beneath my/his shirt.

"Mmmmmm…" he grits out as if he's being tortured.

"Thursdays…" I say taking his other hand and putting it between my legs where he automatically takes my clit between two fingers as if by a natural reflex.

"We've already covered Fridays….."

"Yeah?" he gets out after swallowing hard. "And what about Saturdays?" he says now rubbing himself up and down my back."

"Yep…" I breathe out as he works me faster. "Fuck…Sundays…..?"

"Early or late shift tonight?" Christina asks breezing into the kitchen as Tobias turns around and starts rummaging through what I'm pretty sure he thought was the pantry.

"Late."

She looks at me and gives me a thumbs-up mouthing the words "nice ass." I quickly move to cover him but I can't help but give her an excited nod.

"Me too! Yay! See ya at 8:00…..Oh and Four? That's the broom closet. Byeee!" She slams the door behind her and continues singing all the way down the stairs.

He whips me around throwing me over his shoulders and rushing us into my bedroom while saying through gritted teeth, "You just had to have a roommate didn't you?" He tosses me on the bed as I giggle. "I meet this amazing perfect woman who I want all to myself….all the time….even though I was pretty sure she wasn't interested for a couple days_…_and she has to have a roommate."

He turns and shuts and locks the door. "And not just any roommate…." He says as he returns to me and expertly unbuttons my/his shirt, "Christina….had to be Christina!"

Before I can say anything in return his mouth is on my breast while he massages and twists the nipple of my other. I inhale quickly.

"And by the way…..do you _always_ have to be such a tease?" He says while he runs his tongue along my collarbone. "I think you know at this point that it…is…torture." He says the last three words in between soft kisses.

"You're one to talk…." I say through heaving breaths. "How about I _not _tease you then?"

And with that I push him off me and onto his back as I climb on top and straddle his abdomen while running my fingers up into his hair, kissing him deeply. I tug on the roots gently which he seems to love because he wraps his arms around my ribcage and pulls me to him. My forearms are resting on either side of his head as I pull back briefly to look into his eyes. They are so soulful.

"Hi," I say with a stupid smile on my face.

"Hi," he returns with an equally goofy smile.

I start to move myself backwards on top of his incredibly erect member. He takes my hips as I move my wetness back and forth over his briefs.

"You said you weren't going to torture me….." he whines. "Fuck…if you don't stop….I won't be able…to…ah….control myself."

I still myself. I know what he means but I want to hear him say it so I just look at him with fake innocent curiosity. "What are you talking about Tobias?"

"You know what I'm talking about….fuck…" Even though he told me to stop he is still slightly moving underneath me.

"It's…different…." He says as I bite his nipple, which he surprisingly seems to like. I'm involuntarily move my hips only centimeters back and forth. "...with you...we're different…I don't….want this to be…"

"…..I know…..mmmm…me neither."

"Fuck...I want to be inside you….so bad right now….you have no idea—"

"Trust me…." I say with labored breath. "I do." _Ugh..._ With that I slide myself off of him and remove his boxer briefs lifting the elastic over his hard member setting him free. I finally get to see what can only be described as the most impressive penis ever. It twitches in need as I stare at it.

"Tris…you're making me nervous…." he says laughing but genuine at the same time.

"Sorry…you're just amazing…" He actually looks relieved. _Has he seen himself?_

I curiously take my index finger and lightly touch the dripping wetness on the tip and drag it all the way to the hilt, which makes him throw his head back on the pillow. I straddle his right thigh and firmly but gently wrap my fingers around his throbbing cock and move my fist up and down in a slow steady motion using his dripping need as lubrication.

"Your hands…..uh…..so damn…fuck, Tris."

I feel his arousal grow even more along with my own as I grind against his muscular leg. He reaches around me and grabs my ass cheek squeezing and massaging as I start to incrementally move myself back and forth. I watch his face as he sucks in and bites down on his bottom lip.

I slowly tease his tip with my left hand, just trying it out all the while still gliding my right hand up and down his sizable length. His hips jerk up in response.

"Damn..." he says under his breath. Hearing that I'm pleasing him is almost giving me an equal amount of pleasure. _God, I want to take him in my mouth. _But, I'm too nervous. I'm not sure I was ever very good at it and this is Tobias so I want it to be perfect.

"Shit," I say unintentionally as his right leg flexes under my drenched center. I know he heard me because his right hands seeks me out as he starts rubbing my nub so slowly I lose track of what I'm doing momentarily. _God….he needs to stop…._ I'm sliding myself up and down his leg when I notice he's up on his elbows watching me. He darts his eyes between where I'm stroking him and where he's pleasing me. He has his tongue pressed between his lips.

"You doing that alone is about to…get….me….off," he says laboriously as his jaw goes slack and he slumps back down on the pillows.

This brings me back to my task...this is about him. I'm so wet against his leg that I slick my hand up and use it as lubrication. I rise up on my knees and grab his bulge with both of my hands, slowly working in tandem. Because of the extra lubrication he quickly puts both of his palms in the "hands up" position and then lowers them and grips the comforter. I love that I can do that to him. He is growing under my hands as my bottom hand pumps him up and down and I twist my top hand.

"Fuck, I'm so close…..shit, Tris..."

He grows even more than I thought possible, his abdominals flex involuntarily and I quickly move the sheet over him as he shivers and releases over my hands. I slowly and softly stroke him a couple more times before letting go and wiping my hands clean on the sheet.

I crawl up to him to give him a quick kiss but I don't even get the chance because he quickly sits up, props me on my knees, and wraps an arm around my ass and urgently buries his talented fingers into me. He doesn't move them in and out like last time, but keeps them inside moving his fingertips back and forth in quick ministrations while taking my left breast in his mouth. I hold the hand that's inside me in place and the back of his head and moan louder than I ever have in my life.

"Don't stop, don't stop, don't stop….God….oh my God….oh….oh…oh…." Then no words comes to me as waves of pleasure shoot through me one after another. Tobias moves his fingers in an out as I come back down to Earth, only stopping right before I collapse onto his torso.

"Well fuck….me…." Tobias says heavily.

"I almost did," I reply in a nasal voice because my face is buried in his chest.

He laughs loudly. "Why yes you did." He takes a couple labored breaths. "May I be honest?" _Oh no…I did something wrong._

"A hand job is good…but nothing a guy can't do himself." _I'm gonna cry._ "But whatever the hell you did there…I have no idea because I just about blacked out…was beyond what I could…ever…do…myself." _Whoop! Whoop!_

"Yay!" _Yep, I said it._

"God you are so adorable," he says as he wraps both arms around me and holds me so he can look down at my face.

We just stare at each other smiling like idiots. But I really need to say something.

"Thank you for what you said about us waiting to have sex."

He nods his head and looks at me seriously. "I meant it."

"I agree with what I _think_ you were trying to say…?"

"What? You didn't understand my incoherent babble?"

"I think I got the jist," I say laughing lightly.

He swallows and I watch his adams apple bob up and down. _Why is that so sexy?_ "I just kind of adore you and I don't want to just fuck after knowing you for a week. Shit! Not that it would be like that if we did…I mean I feel like I've known you a lot longer…but…" He runs his hand over his face sighing heavily.

"Tobias. Slow down and stop trying to be so careful with your words around me. Just be you…tell me what's on your mind and I'll let you know if it pisses me off."

"Wow," he says with a partial grin as his eyebrows scrunch together. "Can't say a girl has ever said that to me."

"Well….you're welcome."

"Okay then. Here goes. I know it's been a week but I don't give a shit because it feels like a lot longer I really really like you and want to have sex with you constantly because I'm a guy but I want it to be perfect and not just because you vagina happens to be right by my penis."

"Oh my God!" I say covering my face in my hands laughing.

"What the hell? You said stop being careful with my words!"

"'Your vagina happens to be right by my penis?' Who says that?"

He leans up on his elbow and looks down at me. "Fine. I want it to be perfect and not just because your hot wet pussy is right by my rock hard cock…better?" he says as he lays down on his back with his hands behind his head smiling smugly.

"Much better. And kinda hot." I say now smiling smugly myself. _Apparently I like dirty Tobias._

"Duly…noted."

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

Now _that _was an awesome morning. Waking up with Tris not curled up next to me was, as I told her, disappointing. I loved having her in my arms all night, well definitely not all night seeing as we went to bed at 4:00 am. We will need to change that.

But then seeing her wearing nothing but my dress shirt barely buttoned with her gorgeous messy hair and sleepy sexy eyes. Fuck I wish I had a photographic memory because that image could get me off for a lifetime. And now I'm smiling like a dumbass because I hopefully will get to see her like that many times over…no need for the photographic memory.

And then the feeling of her hands, both of them, wrapped around my cock with her own wetness as lubrication. My dick is starting to stir just thinking about it. The feeling of her pussy grinding on my leg while I fondled her. _I need to sit down. _Hand jobs are usually fine, but nothing I can't achieve on my own: a means to an end. But fuck, if giving a hand job were an Olympic event, Tris would be the all around gold medal winner. _Not that I would be cool with that.  
_

We were so close to having sex and Jesus I wanted to, and I think she did too. That's what scares me. I can't resist her.

In my experience, and that's not saying much, relationships don't seem to last long if you rush into the physical aspect of things. Although, Zeke and Shauna got together when Zeke went to Dauntless Gym after-hours to interview for the Self-Defense instructor position. He said he had her up against the wall in the men's locker room by the end of the interview and here they are two years later. He stopped by my place that night with a sixer of beer saying, "Four my man…I just met the woman of my dreams!" He's still so whipped. _As If I'm one to talk….fuck. _ Shauna has a slightly different (but not by much) version of how that night went but either way they are still together and Zeke has even mentioned proposing.

I need to make a decision. Hands off for a while? Yes. That's the right thing to do. Decision made.

"Hey Bud," I say as I give him a head-nod and go to walk in the building.

"Uh…Four?"

I turn around and walk over to his window. "The Jimmy John's delivery guy was here looking for you so I said I would make sure you…got…this."

He hands me a Jimmy John's sandwich with a note scribbled on it.

_I'm jealous of this sandwich. Love, Tris_

Decision un-made.

* * *

I text Tris at 5:00 seeing if she has plans for dinner. She works the late shift tonight but I'm hoping she may want to get a quick bite before she starts.

**Tris:** I would love that.

**Me:** Do you want to meet now? I know you don't have a lot of time.

**Tris:** I'm visiting my brother right now and then I was going to take some shots at Navy Pier. Want to meet me there?

**Me:** Sounds great.

**Me:** Can't wait to see you.

**Tris:** Me neither!

**Tris:** Was the ! too much?

**Me:** No….I almost added one myself.

She's visiting her brother? She didn't tell me he lives in the city. She didn't really tell me anything about him, aside from his existence. _Who am I to talk?_ Hopefully she'll tell me and then I will know more of her story.

An hour later I find her sitting cross-legged on a bench right by the Ferris Wheel. She looks so peaceful looking out over the water towards the Chicago skyline. I just stand back to watch her. She is wearing cut off jean shorts and I can tell by the way they are hiked up, that they are very short and a faded Black Hawks hoodie. _She's a Hawks fan?_ Her hair is up in a tangled bun but she also wears a thin headband that wraps around her whole head.

She lifts her camera and seems to be using it more as binoculars rather than for it's original purpose. But I see her pressing the shutter button every now and then as well. I can't wait for her to show me some of her work. She puts the camera down and smiles down at her hands seemingly happy with whatever she just did. She must sense my presence because she quickly turns her head to the right and gives me that Tris smile: the one that warms my soul.

"Hi."

"Hi," I say as I sit down next to her and give her a soft kiss on the cheek, putting my arm around the back of the bench.

"You know that could have been the best sandwich I have ever had. But my imagination _was_ running away with me. Thank you for the visual."

"My pleasure…no pun intended," she says laughing.

"So photography at Navy Pier?"

"I know. Total cliché right?

"I wasn't going to say anything."

"This is one of the best places in the city to people watch. This place draws people from all over the world believe it or not. It certainly brought me here."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, the Ferris Wheel is how I ended up in Chicago…I would have left Kittridge either way, but this is why I chose Chicago."

"Really?" I ask, relishing in the fact that I'm learning about her.

"The only trip my parents ever took us on was to Chicago. My dad's congregation pooled money together and forced him to take us on a 2 night "vacation." Which only consisted of walking around the city and my dad commenting on overconsumption, indulgence and commercialization." She laughs to herself and sighs in remembrance. "I remember looking up at the Ferris Wheel and being so angry because he dragged us out here just to explain to us how frivolous it was to pay to ride this 'piece of metal'." And how many people we could help by saving the money it would cost to ride it."

She stops and seems to be thinking.

"Sorry, but I don't understand how that brought you to move here."

"In accordance with my rebellious nature, I told myself that I not only would ride this ferris wheel someday, but I would move to Chicago, out of spite at that time, and live a life of overconsumption, indulgence and commercialization."

I have to laugh at that. That is so Tris: to do the opposite of what people tell her.

"I also told myself that if I ever had kids, I would never make them feel guilty for wanting to indulge in what makes them happy. I don't want to raise them to be selfish, just to know that enjoying life makes you a better person, not a worse person. Does that make sense?"

"Yes."

I can see Tris as a mom. I bet she would be great at it. A little Tris going round and round on The Ferris Wheel. _They would _not_ get me up on that thing…wait what?_

"You okay?" She asks me. I can only imagine what my face looked like. "TMI?"

"No, it's fine," I say smiling. _Why am I smiling like that? Subject change!_ "Well if the Ferris Wheel brought you to Chicago, then it's the best thing the city ever did," I say wrapping my arms around her. I look down at her face and see a wide grin.

"What about you?"

"Well, as you know I lived in Highland Park at the time when I was supposed to be leaving for school. I decided to apply to UIC knowing full well I wouldn't get in. Hana said I should at least try. I sent in the most half-assed application essay in the history of that school; yet somehow I got in and was magically offered a full-ride scholarship."

"Wow. To UIC? What do you mean magically?"

"Funny thing is, my grades in high school sucked because I didn't give a shit about…well anything back then. So this all made absolutely no sense. But, I'm not a total idiot so—"

"Well, let's talk about that one—"

"May I finish?" I say jokingly. "So I did some digging and found out my father, I'd rather call him Marcus by the way…"

She nods at this.

"He donated a large sum of money to The University of Illinois at Chicago and started a scholarship fund. And who do you think was the first "winner"?"

She breathes in for a second. "This might be the wrong thing to say but that sounds generous….like crazy generous…I don't understand. I thought there was no love lost between you and your father."

"There isn't." I don't know what else to say about that at this point.

"Okay." _Okay? No 'why'? No 'what happened between you two'?_

"Thank you for not asking why."

She smiles looking out at the water. "You'll tell me….someday."

She can tell there's a bit of an uncomfortable silence. "So you took him up on his "offer"?"

"At first….no….I was emphatically _not_ going to do that." I sigh deeply.

"Hana," Tris says quietly.

I chuckle. "Yes….she said that there are so many kids that would trade places with me in a heartbeat if it gave them a chance to better their futures. And that I shouldn't waste this opportunity because I'm a stubborn ass. That I need to use this as my fighting chance: to make myself better, work harder, earn my way. Who cares if it's Marcus's money. Use it for good…which is something he doesn't. I'm paraphrasing," I say slightly smiling. "It was more of a rant on her behalf and me just scowling and sulking."

"I think I would really like her."

"She would love you. You're stubborn."

"Yeah. You're one to talk. Two stubborn people….what do you think will happen when we have our first fight?"

"Hopefully lots of make-up sex…like lots…I'm talking—"

"So…should we start fighting now?" She whispers leaning over sucking lightly on the sensitive spot behind my ear and running her right hand up my thigh. I still her hand as she laughs lightly.

"Stop that please…." I grit out between my teeth.

"You're the who mentioned sex."

"I know. But I'm an idiot, as you have mentioned…I still fully intend to control myself, to some extent, around you." I say as I move my arm that is resting behind her on the bench around her shoulders.

She smiles shyly as she says, "I actually kind of love that about you. I mean that you are even thinking that way." She take a deep breath. "Why _are_ you thinking that way?"

I shake my head at myself because I am going to give her the most honest answer I can. "I am not able to put that into words yet." I rub the back of my neck and look away really not wanting to see her reaction to my vague yet not vague at all response.

"I'm not either," she says softly.

We both sit in companionable silence for a few minutes.

"So, you probably want to know about my brother."

"If you're ready to tell me."

"He lives at The Kerrington Center for Mental Health and Substance Abuse."

"He lives there?"

"He is a full-time resident there: a patient. Although he frequently asks when he gets to come home."

"I assume he's not?"

"Not in the near future….if ever."

She looks off onto the horizon over Lake Michigan. I know she just needs a minute to put her thoughts into words.

"My parents died in a car accident as you know. We think a deer ran in front of the car. It's the only explanation that makes sense to anyone seeing as my dad was a ridiculously careful driver. When they found the car, my dad had driven head-on into a tree." She takes a deep forced breath as I instinctually take her hand and start subconsciously picking her fingers up one by one in my hand and then putting them down one by one.

"The coroner said the air bags never deployed, and if they had, my parents would have probably survived."

"I'm sorry Tris." There is nothing else to say.

"My brother had purchased a car off a used car lot knowing there was a recall on the airbags. My dad wouldn't let him drive it until he took the car to the mechanic to have it checked out. Caleb had a date with his girlfriend Susan a couple nights after he bought the car and he lied and told my dad he had the airbags checked. The next day my dad and mom took Caleb's car to run errands…." The tears that had long since gathered on her long lashes spilled over. Just tears…almost like the physical reaction to sadness but not the emotional. _I wonder why?_

"Caleb never forgave himself…I blamed him for a long time too…I feel like I'm part of the reason he lives at Kerrington."

"Why?" I say tracing circles around each of her knuckles.

She ignores my question, not being ready to answer it yet. "He started drinking….heavily…then got into drugs. Six months after my parents died a neighbor found him on my parent's kitchen floor barely alive from a heroine overdose." Now there is emotion behind her tears.

"I left for Chicago the day after my parents' funeral and haven't been back since…..I wasn't there for him…I was too caught up in my own shit….."

I take a stray hair and tuck it behind her ear. I've never wanted to take someone's pain away so bad in my life, even more than my mother's. From what I know of Tris, she is not looking for consolation. She just needs to know she isn't alone. So I pull her close and just let the tears fall. I kiss her forehead and run my right hand up and down her arm. She shivers so I pull her into my chest and rest my chin on her head.

"Now he only has me, the one who wasn't there for him," she says in a muffled voice against my chest.

"Tris, anyone that has _you_ is the luckiest person on the planet."

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

"Mmm Hmm…okay."

"I just don't know, it was some kind of whiskey….it had a lime in it…whatever the mixer was it was sweet…but not too sweet…there may have been Jager in it."

I'm listening while this girl is trying to describe to me a drink she had here last week, made by a bartender, who wasn't me.

"I'm pretty sure no bartender on the planet would put whiskey and Jager in a cocktail. Why don't you tell me what you like and I'll make you something," I say impatiently.

"Awesome! Okay I like whiskey and Jager." _Fuck...me._

I make her a whiskey sour and give her a shot of Jager on the side.

"Thank you! Sorry, you probably hate serving people like me."

"Trust me, I've served worse. You want me to put it on your table's tab?"

"Ummm…" she looks over at her table trying to get someone's attention. A shorter dark-haired man waves his hand in the air encircling the whole table signaling that all drinks will go on his tab. "Yes! Yay! That's my boss….he's awesome…."

I nod my head as if I care. _  
_

"About once a month he takes the support staff here for happy hour and he stays and hangs out with us and everything. He says he wouldn't have a successful company without us. How cool is that?"

"Very cool."

"I'm Lauren by the way. You're here almost every Friday, right?"

"Yep," I say wiping down the bar top.

She looks at me expectantly. "I'm Tris…sorry."

"It's okay." She has been taking inventory of the crowded bar since she got here.

"Looking for someone?"

"Oh! Wow, I was that obvious?"

"Yes."

"Just a guy that I like. He comes here often."

"Oh." _I really don't care._

She leans over to me like she's telling me a secret. "When he found out that I come here on Fridays he made it very clear to me that he plans on coming here a lot in the future."

"Sounds like a bright future."

"I'm a coffee barista in his office and the last time I served him I _know_ he wanted me to slip him my number because he checked his cup to see if I had…anyway, I don't see him. Thanks Tris!" _And off she goes!_

"Another life story?" Lynn asks from her station.

I just shrug not very interested. Probably because I'm emotionally drained from pouring my heart out this afternoon. But at the same time I feel lighter than I have in years. Christina knows about Caleb, but I've never confided in her that it's partially my fault he's in a mental health facility. She would just say, "It's not your fault," "Don't beat yourself up," "You didn't know that would happen." They would be all the appropriate and rational things to say.

Only someone with true regrets of their own would know that no amount of consolation can fix those kinds of wounds. Tobias must have regrets. He knew that all I needed was for someone to be there…not to say a damn word…just listen to me. He held me like I've never been held before. Almost as if he was trying to take on some of my pain as his own: to alleviate some of the burden.

"Tris! Geez! 4 Hendricks and tonic, 4 Bombays and tonic, 4 Tanquerays and tonic, all with double limes!" Lynn says loudly with annoyance.

"Just give them all Tanqueray," Tori says in passing." She's right, people rarely notice.

"So you and Four, huh?" Lynn asks.

"Do you really want to know or are you feigning interest?"

"Feigning interest."

"That's what I thought."

"Just for the record. He's a good guy."

"Wow. How did that taste coming out of your mouth?"

"Like semen." I choke on my Jack and Coke.

"Christ Lynn! I have a high tolerance for vile comments but I think that just took the cake!"

"Hey…I like what I like!" She is laughing at my expense as she walks away.

I've been trying really hard not to think about Tobias, knowing I won't be seeing him tonight and now all I can think about it what he tastes like! _Can't say anything like that has ever crossed my mind before!_

Glancing to my right I see an irate Christina stomping toward me. "Why did I have to find out..._just now..._about _AL..._from Tori?!" Christina is literally in my face.

"Because I've barely seen you!"

"A call? A text?"

"You did _not _just say a text!...How would I word it? Let's see...'Hey, someone I considered a good friend tried to accost me in the lounge! YOLO!'"

She takes a deep breath calming down surprisingly fast for how upset she was. "Fine, I'm just surprised and then I heard how you reacted…." She starts making a Belvidere and tonic.

"How did I react?" I ask as I see a guy at the end of the bar tip his empty bottle of Blue Moon at me.

"You know damn well how you reacted."

"$24 bucks boys!" She says smiling flirtatiously at the two men as she hands them her drinks.

"Well, the self-defense classes you made me take when I moved here came in very handy."

"Again, you know that's not what I'm talking about."

"Well, if you know so well then I don't have to fucking tell you." I say angrily in her ear as I bring a Blue Moon down to the guy at the end of the bar.

"Tris, right?"

"Huh? Yes…."

"You don't remember me?

"Sorry…I see a lot—"

"Yeah, yeah. Apparently I didn't make a good enough impression. I'll take responsibility…..Matthew, I touched your boob."

"Oh my God…yes. You're right that was a terrible impression." I know my cheeks are turning bright red.

"I would have thought more memorable….Unless that happens often."

"I'm sorry…I was pretty distracted that night. And…no…it doesn't." That last comment annoyed me.

"Sorry, that came out weird or wrong or both."

I stare at him for a second. He's cute, in a Mark Ruffalo kind of way. _He's no Tobias_.

"Did you need anything else?"

"Yes…let's see…he grabs the drink specials menu." I look down the bar. Everyone seems to be taken care of.

"I would like….a date," he states matter-of-factly. I just stare, darting my eyes to the left and the right seeing if by chance he is talking to someone else.

"With me?" I ask incredulously.

He raises his eyebrows. "Yes….unless there is another beautiful bartender who I've accidentally made it to second base with. If that's the case—"

"I'm seeing some-….I mean." I slightly shake my head. _It's more than that, right? _"I have a—"

"Boyfriend," says my favorite deep melodic voice scooting in the bar stool next to Matthew. "She has a boyfriend," Tobias says making eye contact with me and not breaking it.

I probably have the stupidest grin on my face ever…in my life…ever.

"I can finish my own sentences you know."

"I just thought you needed some assistance…you looked a little hesitant," he says with a smirk.

"No hesitation here," I say as I grab his collar and pull him toward me for a quick kiss, which he returns and then smiles against my mouth. (_I love that!) A_s both pull away, we realize we aren't quite done yet. Now we are both smiling as our lips meet for another kiss, this one lasts a little longer but is still sweet. We try pull away again, but go back for more with fervor as his tongue finds mine and I climb up on the counter that separates me from the bar on my knees. _Were alone right? May as well take advantage!_ I run my fingers up through his hair and hold him to me. He returns the gesture by running one hand up the back of my neck taking a hand-full of my hair. I groan because that makes my panties wet. His other hand makes it's way down my back and grabs my right butt cheek firmly.

"Yeah! Get some!" yells Christina as the whole bar starts whistling and laughing.

Tobias and I look at each other as he lowers his amazing mouth down to my ear

"So apparently we aren't alone…I think we may have a serious problem with exhibitionism in our future."

"I look forward to that."

He shakes his head as he pulls me in for another kiss.


	12. Challenges

**AN: Part of this was hard to write because the dialogue is rough and leaves a lot to the imagination. I was in tears writing it. A reviewer wanted to know why the abuse had to be so graphic. Well...simply stated, abuse is graphic, it's not a buzz word, it's something people actually experience. **

**Chapter 12 - Challenges**

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

_You did what?!_

_I_ said_ I signed Tobias up for art camp._

_How much did that cost me? What a fucking waste._

_Our son is incredibly talented and Marcus…we can afford it—_

I_ can afford it!_ I_ can! What the hell do you do to contribute? _

_Well, if you would….let me sell…my…some of my art—_

_Art? You call that sloppy paint splatter shit art? That trash will not be associated with the Eaton name._

_A gallery owner saw my work at one of our…our dinner parties… what was her name? Dale….dahlia….um…_

_You can't even remember her fucking name? How many pills did you take today Evelyn? Evelyn? Do you even fucking hear me?!_

_I'm in pain Marcus! Every damn day I'm in pain! Because of you! Look at me! Here! Here! Here! _

_So much pain that you have to drown yourself in pills? You think that's pain?! You're so fucking weak you disgust me. You always have been. You're even making our son weak!_

_I'm raising him to be everything you are not! So you can just GO…TO…HELL…you sonofabitch!_

I wake up in a cold sweat, coughing and practically convulsing. I realize that I've probably been yelling because my throat is on fire. I press the heel of my palms into my eye sockets trying to push the memory to the back of my brain. The sadistic part of me wants to keep the memory: her standing up to Marcus, also because they are the last words I ever heard my mother say.

I get up and pace the room back and forth and back and forth running my hands through my hair. I sit back down on the bed and look at the clock. 6:30 am. _Fuck._ I didn't stay at the bar with Tris last night because I needed sleep from going to bed at 4:00 am the night before. If I had stayed I might have a beautiful woman in my arms right now. But then she would have been witness to this shit storm.

I lay back down knowing I won't be able to sleep but my body is aching with the physical need for it. I look at the clock 6:33.

Tris mentioned that she is never able to sleep in. Except for the two times she woke up with me in bed with her. My heart swelled about two sizes. Now that I think about it…I had dreamless sleep as well.

I decide to take a risk and call her. She answers on the first ring. _Yes!_

"Good morning….handsome." She sounds like she has a cold.

"Good morning beautiful."

"I'm glad you called. I've…um…been laying here for the last half hour."

"Wish I was there," I sigh.

"Me too," she says. Then I hear too much silence.

"Are you there?" Now I can hear her comforter rustle as she moves. "Mmm hmm."

"Hey can I call you right back?"

"…sure."

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

_"Today was my parent's fucking funeral and you show up hammered out of your mind?!"_

_"I'm sorry! Okay?"_

_"No. Not okay! Why did you even come?"_

_"Because you fucking broke up with me over the phone and I needed to see you….you can't leave me…you….can't…ever…leave me."_

_"Eric. I have made excuses for you for so long because I thought I loved you and I know you struggle with…things…"_

_"Don't you fucking bring that up!...Wait….you…_thought_ you loved me? You thought?!_

_"Ye…yes."_

_"You do love me. I know you do."_

_"Get away from me."_

_"I know you do….I can be better…just let me show you…come upstairs with me…I'll go as slow as you want."_

_"Get your disgusting hands off me…now!...AGH!"_

_"How do my disgusting hands feel across your face?"_

_"Get the fuck away from me!"_

_"Ah! You bitch!"_

_"Agh…ow!"_

_"You think you can run away? How do my disgusting hands feel wrapped around your hair?"_

_"Mmmmhmph!"_

_"Oh? You want me to take you right here?! Wow…kinky Beatrice! Bent over the table?"_

_"Ahhhhh…..please….please…."_

_"Did you just say please?"_

_"Uh uh….no, no, no, no….."_

_"How do my disgusting hands feel inside you? No don't answer that…nope not yet…wait for it…wait for it…there we go…wow, they must feel pretty good."_

_"Ahhh….haaa…haa…stop, stop, stop."_

_"What about my dick? Is it disgusting?...Not gonna answer? Now, don't go limp on me now…stand up! Stay…the…fuck…right…there… Right...there... ... ... ...Jesus...Don't move, baby...Fuck... ... ... ...Yeah... Right, there... ... ... ...Shit... ... ...No, no, no...There ya go...Good job... Good job... ... ... ... Damn... ... ... ...I'm... ... ...Fuck.. ... ..."  
_

_"Well, well, well, Beatrice! Now who's the disgusting one?"_

_..._

I wake up with my pillow soaked from tears and I'm sobbing uncontrollably. It's days like these when I'm glad Christina isn't here. She would just come running in here and no one needs to see this shit.

I haven't had a nightmare about that night in almost six months. It was the last straw. Eric raped me. From what I know now, the other times counted as well, but somehow I made excuses for those times. This time it was, in my stupid mind at the time, official.

After Eric went upstairs. I was bleeding profusely down my neck from where he slammed the side of my head into the kitchen table along with a dislocated shoulder. I was used to that so I put my hand on the wall behind me and slowly started walking my fingers up until the excruciating pain of popping it back into the socket hit me. I grabbed $1000 of cash where I knew he had hidden it along with my purse and was out the door. I didn't even bring my cell phone. I wrote Susan a quick note and left it in her mailbox and that was it. The worst night of my life…also the best. _Does that even make sense?_

Currently, my body will not let me get out of bed so I stare at the ceiling desperate for my thoughts to wander elsewhere.

_Ding Ding. _I look at my phone….Tobias…I answer without even thinking about what I sound like.

"Good morning….handsome." I sniffle. _Hopefully he just thinks I'm congested._

"Good morning beautiful." _There is no other voice I would rather hear._

"I'm glad you called. I've…um…been laying here for the last half hour." Happy tears start to drip out of my eyes.

"Wish I was there," he says softly.

"Me too." I have to cover the phone with my hand and turn away so her doesn't hear the crying I'm trying to choke back.

"Are you there?" I sit up a little hoping that will help. "Mmm hmm."

"Hey can I call you right back?"

_Please no….. _"…sure."

A half hour of torture goes by, now I do wish Christina were here. It would just be nice for someone to be in the apartment, as weird as that sounds.

Thank God I hear shuffling at the door. I can tell it's Christina doing the walk of shame as she stumbles in mumbling something about "coffee and bullshit and are you fucking kidding me?" _She totally tripped over my shoes again! _So I roll over and wrap my body around the pillow that Tobias slept on. I've pretty much been clutching it all night because it still has his heavenly scent. Suddenly I am enveloped in warm strong arms. I turn my head quickly and look into a set of deep blue eyes, Tobias's eyes, briefly before he buries his forehead in the back of my neck and takes a deep breath.

"That's better," he says.

All I can do is nod because the tears are starting to fall…again. "So much better," I finally get out.

* * *

**Christina's POV:**

What am I doing? What am I doing? I just slept with Will! Will! The guy who I told myself I _wasn't_ going to sleep with right away because I really really like him. But damnit! It was amazing! He was so attentive and concerned about _me_, rather than himself. Don't get me wrong….I did not leave him dissatisfied. _Not in my nature! (Not that it hasn't happened…but that was on purpose.)_

I hope we didn't fuck things up! I did tell him I would text him when I got home. I try to find my phone in my purse but I just about trip on a crack in the sidewalk. These damn shoes! Maybe Tris is on to something with her whole "sensible shoes" thing.

Thank God I haven't run into anyone I know! I probably look like death warmed over. Why didn't I stay and shower and have some coffee like he offered? Because I'm a dumb ass who thinks this is all too good to be true and I'll probably sabotage it?

"Shit!" I say under my breath as I duck behind a bush.

"You're taller than Tris so you don't hide behind plants as well." _Fucking Four!_

"Whatever that means. And….uh…I wasn't hiding."

"You absolutely were."

"Ugh! Why are you leaving? Not that I have a problem with that."

"You are mistaken. Unlike you, I am _not_ doing the walk of shame, quite the opposite in fact."

I just stare at him because he's being a dick. If only he knew how much I like Will.

He takes a deep breath. "Can you just let me in…in case she's fallen back asleep—"

"She hasn't."

"How do you know?"

"Because she barely sleeps…or she is scared to go back to sleep when she wakes up at the ass crack of dawn…either way she barely sleeps."

He looks seriously upset by this.

"May I come in?...please?"

"Yeah, sure," I say after a long pause.

He follows me up the stairs. I unlock the door and let us both in.

"You owe me coffee…the good kind! Not the bullshit Mobil crap!"

He shrugs not looking at me while taking off his pants right there in the middle of the living room.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I ask whispering loudly.

He either doesn't hear me or doesn't give a shit because he immediately crawls right into Tris's bed without even closing the door behind him and wraps his arms around her.

She looks back at him as he holds her tight. _If that were any other man he would have a heel buried in his balls right now._

I stand there for a minute just watching them and feeling happy for Tris…envious but happy. I've gotta text Will.

**Me:** Sorry I left.

**Will:** Me, too.

**Me:** Are you still in bed?

**Will:** Yes….feeling lonely…in my cold…empty…bed.

**Me:** I'll be there in 20.

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

"Geez! Have you guys even moved?!"

I wake up to a squawking Christina, but my eyes are so heavy that I don't even bother opening them. I just hold on tighter to the woman I am falling for and bury my head in her hair. She is facing away from me. My right arm is under her neck and my left is wrapped around her waist holding her to my body and at this moment I don't plan on letting her go. If my body is like a puzzle, then she was the missing piece.

"Hey! It's 4:00. That's a nine hour nap you two!"

"Nine hours of heaven," Tris says to me groggily.

"Mmmm," I realize I don't have a voice.

"Hey! I would come in and rip the covers off you but Four…your pants are in the middle of our living room. So I don't know what's happening under there-

"She needs to stop…" I whine in Tris's ear.

"-Will and I are getting together with Zeke and Shauna…Four, you're coming too. Tris? Tris?...Don't ignore me! Uriah wants you to call Marlene to hang out and then we can 'run into' you guys."

"If I agree will you go away?"

"Yes."

"Then yes."

"Is that okay?" She whispers to me.

"Mmmm."

Tris's bedroom door slams and I am suddenly awake. By some automatic response to privacy my dick is realizing that it is extremely close to where it thinks its permanent residence should be.

Tris groans and arches her back into me.

"Well, that doesn't help," I say returning her groan.

"Fine, I'll stop."

My left hand, by it's own volition pulls her lower abdomen to me as she tries to move away.

"No."

She stifles a laugh, which is interrupted by me walking my fingers down between her legs.

"Are you sure you want to go down this road?" She asks. I can tell her heart rate is increasing as I flick the tips of my fingers on her clit over her panties. "I'm only asking because—" She sucks in a quick breath and I bet my life she is biting her lower lip. "—well my wet hot pussy _is_ right next to your rock hard cock."

"You just had to say that didn't you?" I ask in frustration as I still my hand.

"Especially if I arch my back like this….the angle would be _really _perfect—" I put my hand on her hip and back away preventing further contact. But as if by reflex my right hand clutches her right breast. _Come on! It was like she was offering it to me! Fuck she's not wearing a bra. Damn it but thank you! _

She rolls over and looks at me. This is the first time I have seen her face since she briefly looked at me with red tear-filled eyes this morning.

After I heard her voice on the phone I knew I had to see her, to touch her, to be with her. I had every intention of telling her about my nightmare, to share a part of myself, a memory, that no one in the world knows aside from me. But the look of fear and desperation on her face, then utter relief was too much. All I wanted to do, all I could do was wrap my arms around her perfect form and cling to her.

She is inches away from my face and I soak in her wide eyes that search out mine. She looks at me as if she were trying to memorize the pattern of my irises.

"You have a little brown fleck in your right eye," she says while toying with the ends of my hair.

"I do?"

"You didn't know that?"

"I don't really look into my own eyes. And apparently no one else has either…."

"Is it odd that I kind of love that I'm the first one who has?"

I laugh because I was secretly hoping that I had that honor with her. "No, not at all."

"Did you know I saw you standing outside Hangar's the night before I met you? I was on the bus and we made eye contact. At least I thought we did…" she trails off as if she imagined it. "I couldn't even tell what color your eyes were, but something about them drew me in…..weird, huh?"

"No….not weird," I say as I draw her to me and start to trace circles on her back. "I saw you too."

"You did?"

"Yes. And I had actually already made the connection that it was your beautiful eyes that I saw."

"Why haven't you told me that yet?"

I shrug. "I keep secrets."

"Oh."

"But I don't want to keep them from you."

She just nods into my chest. "I don't want to either."

"But you know I'm not quite there yet, right?"

"Ne neither."

"Do you want to know why I called you this morning? Aside from wanting to hear your voice?"

I can feel her smile against my chest as she nods.

"I had a nightmare about the night before my mother died." She doesn't say anything. _Good._ "I was in my room, it was late and her and Marcus were arguing. Their fights were usually pretty one-sided but my mother must have been feeling particularly brave."

I take a very deep breath as she snakes both of her hands behind my head and runs her fingers up and down through the hair on the back of my neck. Having her holding me like this is giving me strength.

"My mother signed me up for an art design camp, and that's how it started. It was basically my dad berating her for not making financial contributions to the household…even though Marcus had more money than God. And saying she didn't have a say in what they spend money on, referring to my art camp." I just shake my head and clear my throat taking a break.

She takes her right hand and rests it over my heart. It wasn't until that moment that I realized how fast it was racing. I lay mine on top of it. I don't know how long we lay like that.

"So you were interested in design even back then?"

"Yes." I swallow. "My mom was an artist, not that Marcus ever recognized her as being one. She must have seen something in me because she encouraged it."

I stop again. Tris moves her head away from me and stares. "You don't have to go on if you don't—"

"Yes I do."

She keeps staring and furrows her eyebrows.

"It's just…..hard." I sigh rubbing my hand over my face. "But I want you to know…The details aren't clear because I was nine and listening through my bedroom door… He was yelling at her for taking pills. I had no idea she was. I remember her taking a lot of naps and being in her pajamas more and more often. As I got older, looking back, it makes sense. Marcus called her weak and said that she was making me weak. Funny thing is, I never thought of myself as weak until I heard him say it." _I'm probably looking pathetic and defeated right now. _"That must have set her off because the last thing I ever heard my mother say was, 'I'm raising him to be everything you are not. So you can just go to hell you son of a bitch.'" I close my eyes. "So basically, the fight that probably ended my mother started because of me and ended because of me." I will back the tears because I can feel them coming on. I haven't cried since my mother's funeral.

"One of our housekeepers found her the next afternoon. It wasn't unlike my mother to sleep in so no one checked on her. They say she probably died in her sleep: respiratory failure from an opiate overdose."

"Tobias." She doesn't say anything she just gently pushes me down onto my back and lays full out on top of me. She rests the left side of her face on my chest as she cradles the back of my head with her left palm and runs her fingers through my scalp with her right hand. My right thigh is between her legs. I give a sigh of relief as I wrap my arms around her small frame.

"Thank you for telling me that."

I nod my head. We lay like that for who knows how long. I trace my fingers up and down her spine just loving how she feels sprawled across my body. I start to doze again.

"Tobias?"

"Mmm hmm?"

"I'm about to gnaw my arm off from hunger."

I think about that for a minute and look at the clock just as my stomach rumbles almost painfully. It's 5:00. "Well, let me tell you what's not happening. At least not to your dominant arm because…well."

She smacks me on the shoulder and then whispers, "I used both hands in case you forgot." _As if I could? _

Quickly my hands find her perfect ass and I press her onto my insta-boner. She bites my earlobe and kisses me full on and passionately. Then she quickly jumps off me, not quick enough because I grab the back of her panties so I get a nice butt crack shot and then snap them back into place as she squeaks.

"Have I told you that I have a slight obsession with your cute butt?" I ask as she rummages through her dresser looking for pants. I love it that she sleeps in just panties.

"You didn't have to. Your hands are on it every chance you get. I don't think you even know your doing it half the time." She laughs.

"Yeah, they seem to have a mind of their own around you." I jump out of bed and grab her from behind twisting her around to face me and put both my hands on her sweet ass.

She raises an eyebrow. "Better?"

"Not yet….." I say as I slide my hands under her underwear. "Yes…that's better."

"Good." She pulls me down for a long glorious kiss that makes me forget all about food, because now I'm only hungry for her. I leave one hand on its second favorite place and then have to make a quick decision on where to put the other. _First favorite place or _other_ second favorite place. _I settle for _other_ second favorite place: under her shirt on her boob. I take her nipple in between my thumb and index finger and twist it back and forth teasingly.

She groans in my mouth….loudly. _I love that shit! _Then I remember Christina is here so I pull back and look and her as we both laugh. "Sorry," she says sheepishly.

"I'm gonna make you dinner," she says as she backs away and looks down at my briefs that have expanded significantly. She stares and sighs.

"What's on your mind, Tris?" I ask casually even though I want to know so fucking bad. Then she turns the most adorable shade of pink and scurries out the door.

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

God, I've never wanted to give a guy head…ever. But, I was ready to rip Tobias's boxer briefs off with my teeth and suck him off until—

"Trissy?"

"Huh! Shit! What?!" I say as I slip off the edge of the chair.

Christina is looking at me with a raised eyebrow and then practically falls over laughing. "Whatcha thinkin' 'bout Tris?" she asks waggling her eyebrows.

"Don't ask questions you already know the answer to and please don't give me a lecture. We haven't done much and I will tell—"

"I slept with Will."

I look at her dumbfounded. "Whoa. What happened to 'waiting cause I really really like him'? No judgment by the way…..I swear…none…at…all."

"I couldn't help it!"

"Were you drunk?"

"No! What the hell Tris?!"

"Do you really blame me for asking you that?"

She must be thinking about her track record because she pauses briefly. "No."

"So….I don't need details—"

"Oh I don't mind—"

"I know, I know…trust me." _She would tell me everything if I would let her. _"But, how did you feel afterwards? Did you regret it?"

"Yes."

"Oh." _Shit. If Christina regrets it with Will…would I regret it with Tobias?_

"Then I saw you and Four and I realized I was being ridiculous."

"I am so not following you."

"I did the unnecessary-walk-of-shame and when I got home Four was just getting to our house. I let him in and he literally jumped out of his pants to get into bed with you…not for any other reason than to just be with you. I realized that I want that….so I went back to Will's and jumped back into bed with him. We didn't even have sex again."

I raise my eyebrow. She's a terrible liar.

"Okay…well, not until this afternoon…it was great. We talked, hung out, ordered pizza..." She sighs staring off at nothing. "Anyway…..so, you and Four?"

"Me and Four." She stares at me…for a while. "Ugh! He knows I was in an abusive relationship. That's all I could get out at the time. He also knows about Caleb…okay?"

"Progress."

"Chris…I really really like him. I want to tell him…everything. But, it's just so much to take in and I don't want him to look at me differently."

"Would you let him read your journal?"

I don't say anything.

"Do you trust him?"

"Yes."

"But not enough to let him read it?"

"It's not about trust. I'm ashamed. It makes me look weak. I stayed. I made the decision."

"You also made the decision to leave."

I nod my head. "What if he can't take it?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…I know the entries aren't graphic. But, what if he can't get past certain things?"

She just nods her head and stares at the floor.

Time to change the subject. "Marlene is meeting us at Callahan's at 8:00. Why are we doing this again?"

"Uriah, it turns out, is a total chicken shit! Apparently the other night when you and Four were humping on the dance floor—"

"Hey! I heard we weren't alone in that."

"Yeah. Zeke and Shauna were pretty bad, too. Anyway, epic fail on Uriah's behalf as far as trying to hit on Marlene. She was not having it! It was actually kind of priceless. Long story short…Uriah talked Zeke into talking to Will into talking to me into talking to you to get Marlene to meet us out. If she knew Uriah was going to be there, she probably wouldn't come."

"I have no idea what you just said."

"There is one thing though."

"What?"

"Well, we aren't supposed to make it too 'couple-ly.'"

"What does that even mean?"

"Marlene will never buy it if we pair off!"

"I can't believe I am letting you drag me into this—"

"Will said Four was totally on board….'anything to get Uriah away from Tris.'" She tries to say the last part in her best brooding Tobias impression. It's not half bad.

"So….I'm supposed to pretend that Four and I aren't together? And you and Will aren't together, either?"

"Right."

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

We're sitting at Callahan's waiting for Tris, Christina and Marlene to get here. I'm not sure how I feel about pretending Tris and I aren't together. I'm going along with it for two reasons. First, because I did act like an ass toward Uriah that first night we all hung out, so I'm trying to make up for that. And second, and more importantly, if this officially deters him from Tris then I am all for it.

"She's the the hottest girl I've ever seen bro!" Uriah says emphatically to Zeke.

"You said the same thing about Tris the other night!" Zeke says laughing like an asshole. _Not this again._

"When the fuck did you say that?" I ask with more force than intended.

"Two night ago!" Shauna exalts laughing.

I look at Uriah because I want to level him.

"What? I can't compliment your girl?" He takes his chances and leans closer to me. "She coulda been my girl ya know?...But I conceded…"

"Can I kill your brother?" I look towards Zeke for permission as I order two Jack and Cokes. _Seriously…can I?_

"Relax, Four. And don't order Tris a drink…. You're friends tonight remember?_... _Anyway, she has absolutely no interest in Uri… I've never seen you like this with a girl before."

"She's amazing," I state plainly. _And now all I can do is sit back with a dumb ass smile on my face._

"A man of many words!" Zeke says sarcastically. Then he directs his attention to Uriah again. "Seriously Uri. You keep saying Marian's hot—"

"Marleeeeeeene…. Fuck, Zeke!"

"Whatever, little brother!" Zeke is completely calling her by a different name on purpose. "But what else is it about her? You _are_ making Four and Will play 'single' tonight—"

"Play single? Please!" Uriah interjects. "You all aren't married!"

"I think it would be kinda fun," Shauna says looking up to the ceiling thinking out loud. "To just pretend like we're friends and then by the end of the night we could 'hook up'? What do you think Zeke?"

"Baby, I am in! We can—"

"No. No. No! Marlene already knows you two are together-"

"This is fucking ridiculous," I say. "How bad did you tank with Marleena?"

"Marleeeeene!" Then he pauses. "I told her that her dancing reminded me of a show I saw once."

We all stop and look at him knowing exactly where this is going.

"Which….show?" Shauna asks slowly.

"The Pussy Cat Lounge Midnight Special." _Guarantee you he thought she would think that's a compliment. _"What?! It was a compliment!"

"You practically called her a stripper, you moron!" Shauna retorts.

"Exotic dancer."

"Synonymous."

"I don't need your big words, Four!"

"Apparently you do. And now because of your idiocy, I have to pretend to be 'just friends' with my girlfriend."

"It's gonna be pretty funny actually. I can't wait to just sit back and watch The Four Show," Shauna comments, leaning back in her chair and putting her arms behind her head in mock relaxation.

Zeke starts laughing along with her.

"What the hell does that mean?"

"I can't wait to see how you act if, scratch that, _when_ she gets hit on. I know I haven't known her long, but men do seem to love them some Tris! She's got that whole I'm-cute-and-sexy-at-the-same-time thing going on...it's like catnip for dudes!" _Not a damn thing funny about any of this. _

"Shauna, can we not make Four's head explode before Marteenie gets here?"

"Marleeeeeene!"

"Ow! I needed that ear drum," Will says as he sits down next to Uriah with a beer. "They're here by the way. Their cab pulled up right as I was walking in."

I look at Uriah as he sits up straight as a rail, not even looking towards the door. I don't think I've ever seen him nervous to talk to a girl. I don't really remember what the hell Marlene looks like because I was half-wasted thanks to Christina, but if she peaked Uriah's interest she must be good-looking.

"Uriah, you look like you have a 10 foot pole up you ass."

"You look like that every day."

"Yeah, well it suits me."

He laughs at this.

"Uriah, if you legitimately like this girl, do not…hit…on…her."

He is still looking straight ahead bouncing his leg nervously on the floor. But I see him glance at me out of the corner of his eye. He nods his head and takes a deep breath. I don't even know if that's good advice…..

"Heyeeeeee guys!" squawks Christina as she rushes over to us. "What are you all doing here?" I stare straight ahead with Uriah. I know Tris is hanging back, letting it be the Christina show for a minute.

"$10 pitchers!" Shauna states.

"Well everyone this is our friend-"

"Wait wait wait! You were at Hangar's the other night…..Marleeda, right?" Zeke says standing up to shake her hand.

"Actually, it's Marlene."

"Oh shit! Sorry Mary-lene."

"I'm gonna beat his ass," Uriah says angrily under his breath.

"Marlene, you remember Shauna?"

"Yes! But do you remember me?" she asks.

"Hey…she's funny!" I say quietly while elbowing Uriah.

"The handsome one here is Will." I can see out of the corner of my eye Christina clapping Will on the shoulder as he reaches down and brushes his hand up her leg inconspicuously. _Well played_.

She laughs lightly while quickly glaring at him. "Oh yeah, and that's Four," I turn my head and nod at her. _Tan, blond, medium build, dressed normal…. Nice, Uri. _

"And then….wait…._Ur-i-ah_? I didn't know you'd be here!" _Subtle. _"Mar? You've met Uriah, right?"

"Oh. Yeah, hi."

"Hi," he says still not turning around. I kick him in the shin and he grunts. Then he takes a breath and turns around…..and says nothing.

I look around for Tris and then I spot her walking toward us. Shauna called it. She epitomizes the phrase "cute-and-sexy-at-the-same-time." Although I have about 50 more flattering adjectives I can add to that list.

She is wearing flat sandals that strap up her ankles, white short shorts that perfectly accentuate her strong lean legs and a black, long-sleeved, wide-necked Henley shirt that hugs her slim waist and pulls to accentuate her chest perfectly. As she walks past a table I already see a guy glance at her ass. I can't blame the guy. In some weird way, I fucking love that I have a hot girlfriend to call my own. I'm kind of a caveman. As long as no guy looks at her for more than five seconds max, and only once, I'm cool with it. _That's reasonable, right?_

"Hi guys," she waves to everyone.

"Hey Tris! Don't you look cute and sexy tonight!" Shauna says as she winks at me. I see Zeke laughing at my expense. _Thanks guys._

Tris just looks down at her outfit, shrugs and mumbles a thanks as she lightly squeezes Shauna's shoulder. I love that she gets along so well with my friends. I would love for her to call them her friends, too.

"So? Wow…you guys are all here. Imagine that!" _She is a terrible liar._

I flag down the bartender to get Tris a drink, "Jack and Coke—"

"I'll get this one girls!" Christina says nudging me. _Oh right…friends. _"Marlene?"

"Bud Light, please."

As Christina orders the drinks I notice that Uriah isn't talking. "So Marlene?" I turn around in my bar stool. "How do you know Tris and Christina?" _I hate small talk._

"Well, I dance with Tris at The Studio. And I met Christina through her." She has completely inserted herself between me and Uriah and is facing me. _Shit._

I lean back a little and glance at Tris who is standing there stoic.

"Yeah, Uriah and I saw you dance the other night-"

"Yeah, Uriah made that pretty clear. But I didn't know _you_ were watching me." She looks at me eagerly. _Wrong thing to say._

"Well, I was actually a little distracted by—"

"So did we meet the other night?" I notice that Uriah is sucking his drink down. "I was a little drunk but I feel like I would have remembered _you_." She touches my chest as she says this.

"No."

Tris has walked away and is standing by Christina who is handing her her drink. I kick Uriah again.

"Ow!" He clears his throat. "So how long have you been a dancer?" he asks, his voice cracking.

"Since I was 5," she turns toward the bartender who is handing her a drink.

"Four, let me buy you a drink," she offers.

"No, I'm good." Then I look down and see that I have an empty glass.

"Oh come on! He'll have a refill," she says to the bartender. Then she leans down to make eye contact with me. "On me."

"Uriah needs one, too," I point out.

"Oh? Uriah?" She looks at him.

"Sure, thanks."

She signals to the bartender.

"So…_Four_? What's with the number?" She says leaning over the bar and towards me. I see Tris look over at me out of the corner of my eye and shake her head a little but before I catch her attention she turns away from me and continues to stand next to Christina, talking to a group of people. Will is watching them with a worried look as he gets up and wanders over there.

The same guy who checked out her ass as she was walking in signals to his friend as they walk over to them and says something in Tris's ear to which she just shakes her head.

"Four?"

"Huh? Do you know who Tris is talking to?"

Uriah just takes a huge swig of his beer, ignoring me.

Marlene answers, looking over her shoulder. "No. Figures though. Guys love her."

"Hmm."

"She has that unattainable vibe." _Because she is!_

I stand up to go over there, but Marlene drags me down. "You didn't answer my question—"

"Yeah, Four! Please stay!" Uriah says sarcastically. _I wasn't asking for this!_

"What's with the number?" Marlene has again turned her back on Uriah and is grabbing me by the shoulders to completely face her. I can now see Tris over her shoulder as she is getting another drink and a shot of Jack from the bartender, who proceeds to shake his head and nods at her pointing to himself. _He just gave her free drinks! _She looks at me and sees Marlene gripping my shoulders. A defeated look comes across her face and she takes the shot and turns her back to me.

I get up again. "Hey, where are you going?" Marlene says winking at me.

"To go talk to Tris."

"Why?" She asks with wide eyes.

"Because she's my girlfriend!"

"Oh, yeah I know," she says as she shrugs. _What the fuck?_

"What?"

"Uriah! How long was it going to take for you to talk to me? You chicken shit!"

We both look at her dumbfounded.

"I should be insulted that you all think I would fall for this!"

"Four…go get your girlfriend before the daggers she's been shooting at me actually _do_ kill me!"

I just stand there for a minute as she turns and starts to chastise Uriah who is just looking at her with utter confusion and then total happiness.

I smile and shake my head and then quickly, I think I make it in two strides, I'm at Tris's side.

"Hi," I whisper in her ear as I wrap my arms around her from behind. She immediately stiffens and I get a dirty look from a guy in the group her and Christina are talking to. She doesn't answer me. "I know you heard me, but I'll say it again…hi."

"Hmm."

"Is something wrong?"

She wriggles out of my grasp. _Ugh. _"We're just friends…remember?"

The guy is still looking at me warily.

"What if I don't want to be just friends?" I say as I kiss behind her ear. She flinches away from me.

"You seemed to take to the idea just fine."

"And what makes you think that?" I say as I run the tips of my fingers lightly up the outside of her thighs, playing with the hem of her shorts.

I feel her shiver. _There we go._ "Can we please go talk somewhere?"

"No."

"I said please."

"Don't care."

The guy who has been staring asks if she wants another drink. I don't blame him. He probably thinks I'm some asshole who is harassing her.

"Yes," she says.

"No," I say at the same time.

Tris just laughs lightly at him and then turns around and looks at me with wide pissed off eyes. "You sure took this shit to the next level."

"Why do you always assume the worst? You left and observed from afar. Do you _really _think I would be interested in Marlene?"

She pauses and then gives me a stubborn, "Yes," with her arms crossed and her chin held high.

"Please come talk to me or I will drag your stubborn ass out of here."

"No."

I take a deep breath through my nose. "Fine." With that I throw her over my shoulder and bring her towards the back where I hope there is less noise. But there really isn't less noise, if anything, the music seems to get louder.

Tris is throwing a fit and slapping me on the back while everyone else in our group looks stunned and then starts laughing hysterically.

"It's not fucking funny!" Tris partially yells and then partially laughs.

I throw open the first door I find. "Get the fuck out," I say to the bar back who drops everything he is holding and runs out of the storage room.

I literally toss Tris on a folding table and quickly lock the door behind us.

"Why do you have to be so mean!?" she accuses narrowing her eyes at me. _She's so hot when she's pissed._

"Mean?" I say quickly rushing over to her as I lean down to the right side of her neck and start running my tongue down it, sucking hard when I get to her collar bone. "Your friend, Marlene, is mean."

"It didn't look like you thought she was so mean," she says tilting her neck to give me more access. _Perfect._

"Marlene…caught on to Uriah's bullshit plan," I say as I make my way up kissing the left side of her neck with more urgency. "She has _absolutely _no interest in me." I lean over her farther as she catches herself with her elbows. "Just as I have absolutely no interest in her," I say as I kiss her fully on the mouth and bring my right hand up under the left hand side of her shorts. "And I fucking hate it that you think I would be," I say as I move her underwear to the side.

"Hey…_God…_it got you in here…._ah_…didn't it?"

"So you're saying….it was…worth it?" I ask massaging her soaking folds and circling her nub as she twitches her hips.

"I don't know yet…_"_

"Is that a challenge?" I ask as I sink my fingers into her tightness.

She groans as I start to diligently move my fingers in and out. "I'll take that as a yes… Was that a yes?"

She nods her head and moans again as I rub her clit with my thumb. _Excellent._

I make quick work of her shorts and panties and grab both of her ankles propping them up on the edge of the table. I bring my face level between her legs and as much as I would love to savor this…we are in a storage room…in a bar. _And she is letting me do this to her? What the fuck…this is so awesome! _I dive right in.

She immediately grabs onto my hair for dear life and I can't help but laugh, which must do something amazing because she moans loudly and then covers her mouth. She arches her back and I can see her chest heave as I move in and out of her.

"Tris, you taste…indescribable…." _It's so fucking true._

"Holy…shit…Tobias..." _God I just had to wear jeans tonight!_

Someone knocks on the door and we both stop and turn around for a split second. _Fuck, I am not stopping. _I turn back to her and continue.

"Oh thank God..I….._fuck... _I thought you were going to stop."

"Not a chance…I'm enjoying this way too much," I say as I put pressure on her most sensitive area, which makes her hips buck. "But we should probably hurry," I say as she twitches again from the pressure. I wrap my left arm under her leg and over her wound up tight abdomen to hold her down. She immediately tenses up and pulls my hand away. I look up at her.

"Sorry," she says panting.

"You okay? Did I hurt you?"

"Do it again."

"Kay." I hold her down again…not quite so tightly and draw tiny circles on her clit as I lick her folds and insert one finger quickly and deeply, then two fingers quickly and deeply back and forth. I think she's close so I take her nub and suck hard. She absolutely comes undone right there as she throbs around my fingers. I continue to do my job enjoying the show so much that I have to think of killing puppies to calm myself down. When I know she has exhausted her orgasm, I run my thumb along my lower lip relishing how she tastes and lean up on the table hovering over her.

I've only gone down on a girl once that I remember…and the other time I was drunk and I don't even want to think about that person right now. I wasn't ever concerned, at least not to an extent, about whomever I was with. But with Tris…I pray to God I made her happy.

"That was…unbelievable."

"Did I complete my challenge?" I know I look completely smug.

"Yessssss," she says as she puts her arm over her face. Then she sits up and gives me the best smile ever. "Is it weird if I say, 'thank you'?"

I laugh as I help her up. "Not weird to me. And you are beyond welcome." I hand her her pants and underwear as we hear another knock on the door.

"Shit! How do I look?"

"Sexy as hell."

"I'm serious!"

"You look like a guy just went down on you like it's his job… I _am_ willing to quit my day job if that position is—"

"You're an idiot," she says smiling as she pulls me into her for a quick kiss. Someone knocks on the door again louder. "And I'm an idiot, too. I'm sorry about thinking you were into Marlene."

"It's okay. I would have gone nuts if the rolls were reversed." She quirks an eyebrow at me while I attempt to smooth down her hair. "So, if they ever are, my expectations will be pretty high," I say referring to the outcome of our misunderstanding.

"You probably won't have to wait that long."


	13. Setbacks

**AN: Thank you for the amazing reviews everyone! Super motivating!**

**Chapter 13 - Setbacks**

* * *

**Tris's POV: Monday  
**

I love running in the mornings. And I'm in such a good mood even though it's Monday. I feel like I could run for miles. But I find that sticking to a good five miles makes me feel the best. Soon I find myself with my leg propped up on a park bench, stretching my ham strings taking in the cool albeit humid early morning June weather.

My mind wanders to my favorite place….Tobias.

After we exited the storage room, I made a bee-line for the bathroom. I heard Zeke laughing like an asshole through the bathroom door and Tobias giving him a strong "shut the fuck up." That did not deter Zeke, however. We totally deserved it.

Tobias was right, I definitely looked like he just went down on me like it was his job….and it should be. My cheeks were flushed, my eyes glassy, my underwear damp and uncomfortable, and my hair looked like a spider monkey styled it. I did the best I could to compose myself before I departed. I slowly went and sat down next to Tobias as he handed me my drink.

"You're welcome," Marlene said.

**Flashback:**

"We are never going to live that down," I say whining as I wrap my arms around Tobias's neck and he pulls me close lightly gripping my shirt and bunching up around my waist.

"You're right. It wasn't worth it. Terrible experience. I'm truly sorry. I ruined your night," he says while kissing my neck and walking me backwards into my room.

He gently lays me on the bed and hovers over me but I quickly push him off of me and straddle his hips kissing him with intention. I've been thinking about this all night. _Please do it right! Please! _I reach down and start to unbuckle his belt, but he grabs my wrist.

"No," he says.

"But I….you don't want—ok…I'm sorry." I roll off of him in utter embarrassment. _He doesn't want me to. Am I so transparent that my inexperience literally causes him to not want a damned blow job?_

"No, no, no! This is not about me _not_ _wanting _anything….trust…me."

I'm staring at the ceiling. "From my perspective it is."

"Well again…for the second time tonight…you're wrong," he says frustrated. Then he sighs. "I'm sorry. I actually _can_ see why you would think that. " He turns on his side and props himself up on his elbow. "I wanted to please _you_ tonight…I don't think you understand how fucking amazing it is for me to see you like that. I didn't do it because I want you to return the favor….even if I made a joke about it. I really wanted it to be about you."

I see sincerity in his eyes.

"Okay…that's very thoughtful. But now _I _want this to be about _you_." I start kissing his neck, drawing circles with my tongue behind his ear and running my right hand up through his hair, dragging my nails through his scalp. I run my tongue along his jawline and then make my way up to his amazing soft lips giving him tender slow kisses until he finally opens his mouth and runs both of his hands through my hair sighing deeply into my mouth.

"I seriously cannot resist your lips," he growls between kisses.

"Good," I say as I start rubbing my right palm teasingly up and down his length. I love how easily I can arouse him. "Hopefully not just on your mouth." I kiss him teasingly now while quickly undoing his belt buckle.

He groans as I kiss down his chest and take his nipple between my teeth. I look down at his groin, "These look really uncomfortable….are they?" I ask referring to his jeans that look about two sizes too small.

He swallows. "No….they're fine…fit perfectly." He states quickly as he sits up straight with a look of pain on his face.

I follow him up. "Seriously? You're going to stop me from giving you a—"

"Yes...trust me….I can't believe this is actually happening, either." He stands up slowly and turns around backing away slowly with his hands in front of him. "Now I am going to take a cold shower and you are going to stay…right there…"

"Or I could join—" He runs to the bathroom and locks the door…leaving me on my bed.

I huff out in frustration. I'm mad because I don't like being told what to do. But at the same time I am shocked. I just can't believe that he honestly wanted it to be about me. This is brand new territory. I am in awe of this man.

I am in bed half asleep when he gets out of the shower. He turns the lights off and I here a rustling sound. I open my left eye and see that he has collected every throw pillow in the room and proceeds to build a wall between the two of us.

"Tobias….what the hell are you doing?"

"I don't trust you." _He shouldn't. _"It's either this or I sleep on the couch…and I would really rather not sleep on the couch, listening to Will and Christina fucking all night."

"You're just jealous." _I know I am._

"That I am."

"You know, I'm starting to reconsider this whole waiting thing."

He lies down under the covers and looks at me. "I'm not."

"How are you not?"

"Because I think there are things you need to tell me."

There are many things I need to tell him.

"I'm right aren't I?"

All I can do is nod.

"Tonight, in the storage room, you pushed my arm away when I was trying to hold you down. At first, I thought it was because I was hurting you, but I'm starting to think there is more to it."

A lone tear escapes. He must see it or sense it because he reaches over the throw pillows and wipes it away.

"Why did you want me to do it again?" he asks in a soothing voice while tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

I swallow. "I needed to make a new memory…I wanted to make a new memory…with you."

He takes my hand and kisses the back of it, then holds it tightly between us resting our arms on the pillows. I weave my fingers in between his and smile.

**End flashback**

When we woke up the next morning we were, again, in the same position we fell asleep in. Thinking about it now, how the night ended was actually kind of perfect. If we had gone further he may not have had the opportunity to ask me why I froze up in the storage room. At least now he probably knows that my experiences with Eric went beyond physical abuse. That's a step. Maybe now he won't be blindsided when I do tell him my story. But how much do I tell him? Everything? Cliff notes? I still don't think I will be able to tell him with words. I could try….but I know I won't be able to get it out without breaking down. But maybe him seeing me raw like that isn't such a terrible thing?

I continue stretching and then I briefly sit on the bench enjoying the early September morning sun. My mind wanders to the day in the gym when I overheard Tobias tell that woman that his mother was abused. He still hasn't come out and told me that she was. I really only know about the circumstances of her death, and the implied verbal abuse toward her from his father. Should I ask him? No. He's like me. He'll tell me when he's ready.

* * *

**Tobias's POV: Tuesday  
**

Note to self: Never…ever…turn Tris down when she is offering me head on a silver platter. In my head, the one that is supported by my neck, it was the right thing to do. I didn't want her to think she had to reciprocate…but then when I found out she _wanted_ to…damn it. I still made the right choice. She's special. Words consistently fail me so I need to show her that she's special. But honestly, five more seconds of her teasing and I would have given in…there would have been no turning back. I'm slightly ashamed that I had to jerk off in her shower, but only slightly.

I'm glad I asked her about why she briefly reacted the way she did in the storage closet. _I still can't believe that happened! We're awesome. _I suspect her reaction to that was from something beyond physical abuse. She told me she was trying to replace a memory. A memory of her being held down while—

I get up and start pacing, feeling nauseous.

"Knock! Knock!"

I turn around to see Nita leaning on the entryway into my office. _Not helping the nausea._

"Did you need something?" I say barely looking at her.

"Business or pleasure?" she asks shutting the door behind her.

"It's only ever going to be business with you Nita."

"Well, 'getting down to business' does seem to be your thing so-"

"Is there a reason you continue to bring that up? Do you feel proud? Because I don't. We were drunk and we had sex. End of story. We have nothing more than a professional relationship now."

"So you felt no connection at all? I'm sorry…I just thought maybe you did," she says walking back towards the door.

"I'm sorry. But no…I didn't. And I barely remember the night."

"You don't remember any of it?" _I have vague recollections._

I say nothing. _How do I get her the hell out of here?!_

"So you don't remember having amazing sex….twice…among other things that were equally pleasurable to both of us?" she asks as she peeks through the window.

"If I tell you I remember, will it get you out of my office?"

"Sure."

"I remember."

"Remember what?" _Jesus!_

I whisper so no one within a one foot radius can hear us. "I remember having amazing sex…twice…among other things that were equally pleasurable to both of us."

"Okay…excited to work with you on the museum project, Four!"

"Can't wait."

I go to shut the door behind her but I am met with a pair of wide bewildered blue grey eyes that are immediately cast down within a millisecond. _This isn't happening._

"I just wanted to bring you lunch…I…I...geez...ha…I thought I would surprise you…I should have called…I'm sorry." She won't even look at me. _Say something, Tobias!_

"Tris—"

"I went to Duke's and picked up-...I hope it's…uh…okay. I just got what you ordered last time—"

"Please listen—"

"You said how much you loved breakfast for dinner…well I guess it's lunch…does that…that still counts, right?...so I hope that's okay." She shoves the bags into my hands throwing me off balance and turns to leave.

After righting myself I put the bags on the table behind me and run after her.

"Tris… Shit…Tris…slow down."

"No, I need to go… I just wanted to…." she shakes her head back and forth picking up speed.

She reaches the elevators and impatiently pushes the button over and over in rapid succession.

"Tris, she saw you coming down the hall. Damn it! The only way I could get her to leave was—"

"So, you work with Nita, huh?"

_Apparently I failed to mention that. _"Yes."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. You were saying?" She presses the button over and over again looking at the numbers above the elevator while bouncing on her toes with impatience.

"The only way I could get her to leave was—"

"No need to repeat it."

"It's meaningless anyway. She wouldn't leave until I told her I remembered—" The elevator door opens and she walks in, quickly followed by me. "—whatever happened that night."

She glances at me but trains her eyes on the slow decent of numbers as we go down.

"Fuck! I barely know what happened!"

"It's not my business." She seems to have calmed down slightly.

"Tris? Please look at me." She does but it's a blank stare. "Think about it. Did it sound like I meant what I was saying? She goaded me because she saw you coming—"

"Tobias, stop talking."

So I do. _It's fucking hot in here._

"I just need to process this."

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

I slump down the wall not understanding why I'm sweating buckets.

"Are you okay? Tobias? I'm not mad….I mean I'm fucking livid…but at the situa-…Tobias?"

Then my subconscious must smack me in the face as I become consciously aware that I am in a moving box. Nerves, anger, fear and frustration collide all at one time.

"Hey…look at me." I zone in on her beautiful face. "Are you claustrophobic?"

75, 74, 73, 72….

I nod my head.

"Okay." She takes my hand and places it on her chest. "Feel my chest rise and fall?"

All I can do is nod my head again. She is getting blurry.

"Now try to match it. Keep your hand there."

"No problem," I try to joke as she loosens my tie, takes off my glasses and unbuttons the top two buttons of my shirt.

"Better?"

67, 66, 65, 64….

I shake my head no because the walls are getting smaller. We are not going to fit in this room.

"Hmm." She leans down by my face, "The thing is, I know from intense personal experience that you seemed perfectly okay with small spaces on Saturday night."

She straddles me and holds both of my hands flush to her breasts. _She has the best tits._

57, 56, 55, 54…

When you tossed me on the table, I was actually pretty pissed because…well, you threw me onto a folding table….but I got over it pretty quickly if you remember. Especially when you put your fingers right here," she says as she moves back and touches herself. "Do you remember? Do you remember how I felt against your fingers?"

I nod my head as I look down to where she is touching herself. _Fuck. _I swallow as she takes the sides of my face in her sweet softs hands and runs them up through my hair while she rests her forehead on mine. My heart is starting to race…but the good kind.

"But who knew that, for me at least, the best was yet to come….no pun intended."

We both laugh lightly at that. "The feeling of your tongue inside me was like nothing I've ever felt before."

I'm salivating at the memory…and so hard right now. I can barely stand it. She knows it because she adds pressure slightly and moves her hips an inch back and forth as I grip her in assistance.

"I wanted to close my legs like a vice around your head just to keep you there…and it almost happened…until you added your fingers and then I came literally all over your—"

Ding Ding! The elevator door starts to slowly open on the first floor. _The only time I wanted to stay on an elevator..._

She quickly whispers in my ear. "I didn't tell you this before, but thank you for making my first time fucking unreal." _Her first time? What the…?_

"Hi Bud!" she says as she reaches up and pushes the button for the basement level. She is still straddling me. "We're gonna go down one more level!"

"Wise choice," he says.

As the door is closing she stands up and reaches down to help me up laughing a little. She is flushed as she composes herself and I do the same…except it takes me a little longer. As the door opens she takes a deep breath of dank basement air and walks out. I follow her and grasp her hand, pulling her back to me while turning her around to face me. I see sadness that she is desperately trying to hide.

"Tris….you…are…there aren't enough superlatives to describe—"

"So, you wear glasses? They look nice on you." Leave it to Tris to deflect compliments.

"You just got me through one of my biggest fears by talking dirty to me in—"

"Yeah, well…it's not hard to relive the truth…I've learned that…" she says smiling slightly and looking around at nothing in particular. _Wow._

"You know…what I said to Nita in my office….fuck…I would be out of my mind if I ever heard you say that to someone."

She nods her head still not looking at me. "I know you didn't mean it...I could tell by the tone in your voice. But, she said it, and it was probably true—"

"I disagree."

"-and now I'm picturing you two having amazing sex….twice…among other things that make me want to vomit….shit_…_if _I'm_ reacting this way…how am I supposed to tell you…?"

Her eyes are starting to well up with tears that she is obviously trying to hold back. _I hate this….I fucking hate this so much._

"Tell me what?" I know what she's referring to.

She shakes her head with her arms crossed looking at the ground…losing the battle with her tears. _Please look at me…please._

"It'll change…everything."

She suddenly straightens up, quickly wipes away her tears, takes a deep breath and gives her head one last shake as if she trying to erase everything. This is a practiced habit, I can tell. _She doesn't have to do that with me….tell her that!_

"Okay…well…I'll text you later. I'm gonna run to the gym…I'm not mad, okay?" She starts jogging up the stairs. Just then I notice she is in her running shorts and a tank top. _She is literally going to run to the gym…It's 10 miles away!_

"Wait…Tris!" I bound up the stairs taking them two at a time. She must have started sprinting after the first turn because she is out the door before I catch up enough to grab her wrist. _She's fucking fast! _She pulls it away from me nearly throwing herself off balance.

"I told you I'm not fucking mad, Four!" _Well that's convincing._

I hope she only called me Four because we are in public…but there doesn't seem to be anyone around…either way I hate it. I watch her quickly cross Randolph and then she's gone.

Every expletive in the book is running on loop as I torturously take the elevator back up to my floor. I crouch down on the floor and press my palms into my eyes before realizing I probably look like a crazy person. I stand up and button my shirt, fix my tie, put my glasses back on and mess with my hair to make it look normal. The elevator stops on floor 47 and two other people get on. The rest of the ride I stand closest to the door and close my eyes concentrating on breathing through my nose.

I walk into my office and close the door gently behind me trying to stay professional. But the second I'm in there I sit against the wall wracking my brains with how to make this okay.

"Fuck!" I say louder than I should. I know they heard me in the hall.

I know it wasn't my fault and so does she. But, damn, if I heard her whisper in a guys ear, "I remember having amazing sex…twice…among other things that were equally pleasurable to both of us," I don't even know what I would do. _Murder him?_

I look up and see the bags of lunch she brought me. I have absolutely no appetite, but I feel bad throwing it away when she obviously went out of her way to get it. I see two lunches…she was planning to stay and eat with me. I lay my head in the crook of my elbow on the table and give a loud, "uhhhhhhhhh…." _I sound like a whiney bitch._

"You sound like a whiny bitch."

I sit up to see Amar leaning on my door frame.

"You know your boyfriend said the same thing to me a couple weeks ago?"

"Great minds...you look terrible," he comments frowning at me.

"Thank you."

"Are you sick?"

"Define sick."

"Cold, cough, elevated temperature…are we really doing this?"

"I'm not that kind of sick."

"Oh…the other kind. Care to share?"

"No."

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

The run to Dauntless was awesome for the first maybe four miles. Then dehydration and lack of food started to kick in. My now unclear head started wandering to places I was trying to avoid. I can't believe I even make it to the gym.

"What's up, Tris?!"

"Oh. Hey Zeke," I say as I slump down almost delirious after running who the hell knows how far.

"Shit!" he says as he hops up. "You look like your gonna pass out! Don't…don't pass out."

"Shauna! Toss me a protein bar!...Damn woman! Fine….pleeeeease?"

Shauna must get him one because he hands it to me along with his water.

"Eat slow or you'll puke."

"Thanks."

"So, I take it you ran here?"

"Yep."

"How far?"

"I'm not sure."

"Okay…..where did you start from?"

"The ALG building."

"Do _not_ tell me you ran 10 miles to get here!"

"Okay," I say taking small sips of the water.

"Who did?" Shauna asks jogging over.

"Our friend the genius here….It's 90 degrees out with 90% humidity! Did you even stop for a drink?"

I shrug. "It felt good."

"That's something Four would do…and come to think about it…something Four would say," Shauna says shaking her head.

"Hmm." _I really don't want to think about anything Four _does _right now. _

"I'm surprised he didn't have Bud drive you," she adds.

"I didn't give him the chance to offer…thanks for the bar and the water…I definitely needed it," I say as I clap Zeke on the shoulder and stand up.

I look around the gym at my options. _Yoga…not aggressive enough. Treadmill…hell no. Cycling class…not until 3:00. Body Pump…annoying instructor. Weights…not enough of a distraction. Sparing…not really my thing. Krav Maga….it's been a year…hmmm. _

Then I see Zeke walk across the gym to a group of people as Shauna comes and stands next to me.

"Is that a self-defense class?"

"Sort of. It's the women's Urban Krav Maga class. I'm supposed to be co-instructor but I'm the only manager here right now so I can't teach. He's doing it on his own."

_Huh._ "Does he need help?"

"Are you certified?"

"No, but I could help him demonstrate without actually teaching."

"Demonstrate? This is an intense class…are you sure you—"

"I'm in an intense…mood," I say with venom. "Sorry," I add a few moments later.

"Hey…no problem here! I like intense Tris!...Zeke! Tris is gonna help."

He looks my way and shakes his head. "Oh…hell no! Death is not on my wish list."

"What are you talking about?" I yell to him.

"Four…will…murder…me!"

Shauna and I walk over to him to talk quieter because we seem to drawing some attention.

"It's not like you're sparing….geez Zeke—"

"We may as well be! This is some serious shit! And I will be…in serious shit!"

"You listen to me," I say as I grab Zeke by his shirt collar. "I…need…this," I seethe. Then I let go of his shirt and smile sweetly smoothing it out. "Now let me 'help' you?" I say making quotations with my fingertips.

"You scare me Tris."

I ignore him and slide under the ropes and into the ring. I will do anything to not think about Tobias having his hands all over Nita while having mind-blowing sex. They are probably two of the most gorgeous people I have ever seen. Of course they had amazing sex! And then I pictured him between her legs with her perfect Brazilian wax and I actually did puke in my mouth while running. I'm totally okay with Tobias having previous encounters. But when I heard the words come out of his mouth, even if he was semi-coerced, it just put a whole different spin on things. And if this is how I react based on an offhand comment, how is Tobias going to react if I let him read my journal?

"Fucked…I am so fucked…" I hear Zeke say under his breath as he enters the ring. "Welcome to Krav Maga! This is some serious biz-niss! It is a revolutionary self-defense program…." he trails off and looks up. "Shauna?! Do I have to say all this shit? This is their 5th class!"

"We are legally bound…just do it Zeke!"

Everyone laughs including me.

He rolls his eyes and puts on a serious face. "You'll learn quick counter-attacks and brutal offensive techniques. Thus making this class the ideal fighting style for dangerous and unexpected situations." _Is this really Zeke talking?_ "It is based on instinctive movements allowing you to be extremely effective at defending yourself in the shortest possible time. You will learn to defend against common chokes, grabs, and strikes. Along with offensive techniques such as punches, elbows, knees and kicks." Then he smiles. "Okay enough of this bullshit….let's fight!" _And he's back._

"Starting with front kicks. In Krav Maga the idea is to end shit quickly. Put your weight on your back leg to give your front kick more power. Aim for the nut sack, abs, knee, head or neck and then follow up with an elbow strike or punch into the back of the neck."

"Tris here is going to be my _helper._" He says helper so condescendingly that I practically see red and before he knows it I deliver a swift front kick to his abdomen followed by an elbow strike to the back of his neck as he's doubled over.

The class looks shocked…so does Zeke. All I say is, "Oops…..too helpful?"

"Nope…ah hah…that was great…okay. Excellent demonstration…."

He gets the point fairly quickly that this isn't my first rodeo. He nonchalantly walks over to the wall to put his padding on. Out of the corner of my eye I see Shauna doubled over from laughter. I know I have a huge grin on my face. This is totally what I needed. I need to not think about Nita on all fours with Tobias behind—_damnit_!

Coming back into the ring Zeke announces the next demonstration. "Stepping side kick! This is a great move to close the distance quickly and hit the guy next to you. If the dude's on your right, cross your left leg over your right, shift the weight into your left leg and twisting you hips a little, kick with your right heel. Get the asshole in the knee, abs, thigh or shin….unless you can get a good junk shot in there…don't even think about it Tris…" he feigns fear as he backs away covering his groin. I demonstrate it, delivering a kick to his unpadded shin. _I couldn't help myself._

"Aaaagghhh!" Zeke says hopping on one foot holding his shin and glaring at me. "See everyone? …..extremely…effective."

Then he looks at me pursing his lips. "Tris…corner of the ring…now." Serious Zeke is back.

"What?" I ask when we get there.

"You've done…this before…" he states still recovering.

"Many times over."

Christina made me take self-defense when we moved in together and I got addicted. It made me feel powerful, a completely foreign sensation at the time. I went so often that I kept moving up levels until my instructor recommended Krav Maga. I got the shit kicked out of me…nothing I couldn't handle based on previous experience. But I am nothing if not persistent so I kept getting the shit kicked out of me until I slowly got stronger. I am now very, very competent.

I thought it would make me less scared to be able to take care of myself physically, and to some extent it does. But the irrational side of fear is always there lurking in the back of my mind.

**Flashback: 1 year 6 monthes ago**

My phone rings. It's Susan.

"Hello?"

"Beatrice?"

"Hi Susan."

"Hello…..um….I know it's been awhile…I'm sorry."

"Is it Caleb?"

"Not this time…..um…there was a note left in my mailbox…for you."

"Read it."

"I will always love you…and I will always find you." –E

"Burn it."

**End flashback**

"I can't fucking believe I am even suggesting this but…do you wanna go full out?"

"Really?"

"This is this class's 5th session. They could use a real simulation. Plus, you're a midget and it would be great to show this class that size doesn't always matter…at least not in this case if you know what I mean," he says with a wink. "Yeah Zeke….I get it." _Idiot._

"Tris." He holds me by my shoulders. "…I need to know if you can handle this."

"I ran sims with my old instructor. I can do it." _It's been awhile…_

"You….woman…are full of surprises," he says laughing and shaking his head. "Four's at work?"

"Last time I checked." _It very well may be the last time I check on him at work. Fuck you Nita the whore.  
_

"Tris."

"What Zeke?!"

"This…never…happened."

"Great….can we just do this?" _I need to not think!_

Zeke goes through the moves we will be demonstrating. A couple will be tough and I think I may take a hit or two.

"Ok people! You have been running through this shit for five weeks now. I think it's time you see the real deal."

Everyone turns silent. I know they are looking at my size versus Zeke's. "It turns out this lovely lady is quite the ass-kicker," he says as he endearingly puts his arm around me.

"Yeah! Go Tris!" Shauna screams.

Zeke looks at me and I nod.

"Ok guys, we're doing this in real-time...rear horizontal elbow strike." Zeke comes at me from behind as I quickly bring my arms parallel to the ground, jerk my elbow back just above shoulder level while quickly pivoting my hips and kneeing him in the side. I know I'll have bruises on the backs of my arms.

"Good. Now uppercut elbow." I bend my knees slightly and execute an upward elbow strike into his neck.

He chokes and the class looks surprised, but Zeke just smiles at me.

"Uppercut punch." I target his chin, bend my knees and twist my hips as my fist hits his padded jaw throwing him backwards.

"The rest of these are defensive moves so I am going to attack Tris and you watch how she handles it." He pauses almost as if he is going to change his mind.

"Don't kill me Four…don't kill me Four…" I hear him say under his breath.

Then he looks at me. "Head butt defense." He comes at me, hard with his head as I raise my elbow parallel to the ground and block his face while simultaneously punching his head with my free hand. My arm makes contact with my head from the force of his attack and it hurts. But the idea is to avoid skull to skull contact so it was successful. Zeke looks a little concerned but I just glare at him trying to communicate to him that I'm fine.

"Defense against lower body grab." Zeke grabs me hard from behind, and I struggle for a moment before realizing he's too close for a rear kick. So I go for a weaker defense and deliver a rear elbow strike then I follow up with my rear kick.

The class and Zeke all clap at that one.

"You ready for the big dog Trissy?"

"Bring it Zekey."

"Defense against a rear bear hug." Zeke lunges at me and lifts me off the ground from behind. I kick out in panic mode for a second not anticipating him to lift me off the ground. Adrenaline kicks in and I wrap my left leg around his to stabilize myself and strike backwards into his knee with my heel while thrusting my head backwards quickly.

I land on my knees. _Fuck that hurt. _Then grab the back of my head trying to identify the searing pain. Upon looking at Zeke, I figure it out. He has a bloody lip because I hit him in the teeth with the back of my skull.

A loud crash resounds through the warehouse and Shauna goes running to the front. I look back at Zeke and we both shrug.

The class is watching with rapt attention.

"You okay? You got a little something…." I say pointing sarcastically at his lip, although the back of my head is throbbing.

"Yeah, yeah! Last move midget. Sucker punch defense block."

Something comes at us out of the corner of my eye….it's like everything happens in slow motion …I know the straight punch is coming and I know I'm supposed to use an outside block with a simultaneous knee to the kidney then possibly another punch…but everything goes black.

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I do actually get a little work done after Amar gets the hint that I will not be talking. My job is a great distraction. The preliminary sketches for the addition are turning out well. I'm meeting with the drafters tomorrow to explain the prints.

"See you at the meeting tomorrow, Four! 9:00, right?" Nita sing songs as she sways past my door.

I ignore her existence. _Fuck!_ Why, out of all the junior architects, does Nita have to be the one assigned to this project? Maybe I can talk to Amar? No. Totally unprofessional. What would I say? "I had drunken sloppy sex with one of my junior associates and now she won't leave me alone and it's making things really hard for my girlfriend and I?" Not happening.

I get up and start pacing, now thinking about Tris. I still can't believe I have found someone who has this effect on me. I have always been able to channel my emotions, and I have also been able to tune other people's emotions out. But with her, it's like I internalize her feelings. I love it and hate it at the same time.

"Four. You are pacing your office like a rabid dog. Go and take care of what ever is making you 'sick,'" Amar says peaking his head in my door and then walking away.

Hopefully Tris is still at the gym.

* * *

I have Bud drive me to Dauntless. It was one of the more awkward car rides I have ever taken knowing what he bore witness to this afternoon.

"So Bud…for the record…Tris and I weren't—"

"No need to explain."

"Good."

* * *

When we pull up to the gym I give Bud an awkward head nod in thanks and go inside.

George is sitting behind the desk and his eyes briefly widen in surprise when he sees me. It makes sense because it's 2:30 on a Tuesday. This is Zeke's day to teach and I'm never in here at this time anyway.

"Is Tris here?"

"Hello, Four."

"Hi."

No response.

"George?"

"Hmm?" he asks while going through the class schedules.

"Is Tris here?"

"Why yes…yes she is." _Good. Now what do I do?_

"She ran here, didn't she?" I ask hoping maybe she decided to take a cab at least part of the way.

"That is what I was told."

I nod my head.

"I was also told that she nearly passed out from exhaustion."

"I believe that," I grit out. _I'm almost angry with her. It's 90 degrees out. Who runs 10 miles…to a gym?_

"That's something you would do." _Shit._

I hear Shauna laugh loudly as I look towards the interior of the gym. "Is Shauna co-instructing today?"

"No."

I feel bad for Zeke, that's a tough class to teach without help.

"Is Tris taking a class?" I ask leaning over the counter casually.

"In a way…yes."

_Whatever that means. "_I'm gonna go change. Don't let her leave….please."

"I don't think that will be a problem."

I like George, but sometimes I just don't understand what the hell goes on in his mind.

"Aaaagghhh!" I hear Zeke yell. He's letting one of his students demonstrate again…so dumb.

I quickly go to my locker and change into my basketball shorts, grey T-shirt and cross trainers. Maybe Tris and I can workout together for a while. If can get her in the ring…she can take some of her aggression out on me. _That would be fucking hot._ Assuming aggression will solve things….it usually doesn't.

_What class is she taking anyway? _

_Yoga…George is at the front desk. Cycling class…not until 3:00. Body Pump…she hates that instructor. Krav Maga….he wouldn't…._

I can see the sparing ring through the glass windows of the cycling room. My eyes focus on Zeke grabbing Tris aggressively from behind as she briefly struggles. I turn around and bolt through the hallways. I try to take a short cut through the locker room but I get caught up in a crowd as one of the trainers is giving a tour of the facility. I'm pretty sure I take several people down as I bust through the group.

"She really is doing quite well…giving Zeke quite a run for his money!" George says loudly as I rush by the desk. This causes me to slow down for a minute and briefly observe. _Zeke? WHAT THE FUCK?_

I see Tris fall hard right onto her knees then grab the back of her head in injury. My eyes widen and my knuckles flex and before I can even think I go crashing into the glass doors. They shake loudly.

"They're locked."

"Well fucking open them!"

"They just waxed the floor."

"What the hell was that?!" Shauna comes running through the office. "Four? Four…stop! Four! Four!...

But it's too late because I have launched myself over the desk running through the office to get into the warehouse. Shauna yells some unintelligible bullshit behind me. But all I can do is get to Tris. I slide under the ropes ready to take Zeke down in one punch to the back of the head when I briefly catch Tris's glance….right before Zeke's fist connects with the side of her face. She goes down….hard, landing on her side.

I land on my knees next to her. She is completely unconscious as I listen for even breathing at her chest.

"Tris? Tris?... What the fuck is wrong with you?!" I turn my head and shout at Zeke. He is standing there in shock.

"She was…she didn't…why didn't she…" His eyes widen as if just processing the damage he inflicted on my girlfriend.

"Zeke! What happened? Oh my God! Is she okay?...go get the medic!" Shauna yells.

Tris starts to loll her head as her eyes flutter open.

"Jesus," I say as I hang my head. "Tris? Hi baby." I whisper softly. Her eyes are wildly moving right to left and it's scaring the shit out of me. "Hey, hey…calm down…focus…can you see me?"

"I don't need to…I can smell you….ow…" she says as she brings her hand up to her face.

I hear Zeke try to repress a laugh at her absurd comment. I turn my head and he looks at me with wide eyes because he knows what's coming. I charge at him burying my shoulder into his abdomen and wrapping both of my arms around his middle throwing us both into the ropes of the ring.

Screams erupt and everyone seems to part. Shauna is hollering something again as I back up and connect my fist with Zeke's face. He falls against the ropes.

Quicker than my brain can process, I land on my side…hard and unexpected. Shauna had swept my ankles. I'm fast, but she's at my neck with her weight on her forearm holding me down before I can even attempt to get up.

"You lay another hand on him and I will…" She pauses. "Revoke your gym membership."

I momentarily fix my eyes on her before we both start laughing.

"I can take care of myself woman…." Zeke bellows holding the heel of his hand against the growing bruise on his face.

I turn my head to find Tris, and I see that the medic has helped her up and is walking her to the trainers' room.

"Four, man, it was an accident. I don't know why she didn't block—"

"Why was she even in the ring with you? Krav Maga? You're a fucking dumb ass!"

I see Zeke shaking his head. "You underestimate your woman."

Then he turns his attention to Shauna. "Now I on the other hand, do not…baby that was hot!...Totally unnecessary….but real hot—"

"Unnecessary? Four was going to bury you!...Right, Four?"

"Already knew where I would hide the body."

I stand up and grab Zeke's hand to help him up. "Just tell me one thing….was that you getting even with me for sparing with Shauna?"

"It better not have been!" Shauna says with annoyance.

"Seriously…no. I did not want Tris in that ring. Then I saw how good she was and I knew she could take it! I don't know why she didn't block my punch…she knew what was coming…we went over the moves before hand. I swear…I would never hurt Tris."

"Fuck," I say sighing, knowing full well that I was the reason she got sucker punched in the face.

I literally drag my feet to the training room. If I had a tail, it would be between my legs right now.

Her cheek is resting on the hand of a trainer I've never met before as he gently applies a cold compress to her other severely bruised cheek. They are talking quietly and he says something that makes her laugh and give him a shy smile. I know that look: Tris laughing off a compliment in deflection but then acknowledging it as to not be rude. He's flirting with her. _And he is really close to her face…_

"Hey. I've got it." I loudly pull up a chair and grab the compress out of his hand.

"But she's still—"

"Is anything broken?"

"No…"

"Then I've got it and you…can…go."

He walks out of the room pouting as I turn to her and cradle the side of her face with my hand, which is where it belongs and gingerly hold the compress to her cheek.

"You're a caveman."

"Yes…a very very sorry…caveman."

"This isn't Zeke's fault. I knew what—"

"It's mine."

She looks at me with her sweet wide eyes and I melt momentarily just loving being this close to her.

"I jumped into the ring like an asshole and distracted you….I'm so so sorry."

She doesn't say anything for a moment.

"I'm not sure I'm the one you should be apologizing to."

I'm a little confused seeing as she is the one with the busted face. "Then…who?"

"You didn't know I was accomplished at Krav Maga." _Accomplished?_ "So I can see why you reacted the way you did. Did you underestimate me? Yes. But understandably so. What's your excuse for cold-cocking Zeke? Do you really think that little of him? That he would knowingly put me in danger?" She sighs. "He was so worried that you would be furious that he almost wouldn't even let me _in _the ring at all…you need to apologize to him." _Bossy._

As if on cue…Zeke and Shauna come in to grab a compress for Zeke's face. She holds it up for him but he takes it out of her hands and applies it himself.

"Tris says I'm a caveman."

"Ain't that the truth…you both are by the way," Shauna retorts.

"She also says I owe you an apology," I direct my attention to Zeke.

"No…you don't. I lost my shit the one time you had Shauna in the ring. I could not fathom how and or why you thought it was a good idea. But now I realize that I had severely underestimated my lady…and my best friend…" he says putting an arm around her and giving me air knuckles.

"I know you would never hurt Tris."

"And I know you would never hurt Shauna."

"Did you guys want to hug….or something?" Shauna asks looking back and forth between the two of us after a moment of awkward silence.

"Cavemen don't hug," we say in unison.

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I've been quiet. Even joking around in the training room, I didn't participate much in the banter. I can tell Tobias is basically at a loss.

"So, did you want to get a bite to eat or—"

"No. I'm tired. Thanks though. Maybe later this week or…" I'm kicking the toe of my shoes on the ground so I don't have to make eye contact.

"Or….?"

"…or some other time."

He grabs the tips of my fingers with his and starts fumbling with them. I think he's looking down too.

"How can I make this better?"

"I don't think you can."

He stays silent shifting his weight from his right foot to his left.

"It's not about what you said, or what Nita got you to say…I mean, not directly."

He clears his throat and I look up at him but he keeps his eyes trained on our laced fingers.

"The images that that conjured up are…not pleasant …I actually threw up a little with one in particular," I say laughing lightly.

"Well, I actually did throw up afterwards if it makes you feel better." _It actually does._

"But I'll get past it."

He looks up at me quickly and grins widely, pulling me to him, but I reluctantly tense up. He furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

"But you…I don't think you will…get past it."

"I'm beyond past it. I hope I never think about—"

"I'm not talking about Nita," I say curtly. "You won't get past…what happened with Eric…I know you won't."

"You _don't_ know that."

"I know that I couldn't even look at your face earlier because I kept picturing your lips on hers! Fuck…I still do! I can't even begin to imagine how you would look at me if I were to…tell you...everything."

"Well, Tris, I can't imagine it either because you haven't…told me…anything," he says coldly.

He's right.

"Look, I'm sorry…I don't want to push you…but can you give me a little credit? Please don't assume that everything is going to change for the worse. What if it changes for the better? Brings us closer?" He links our fingers again. I feel his other hand lift my chin and look I momentarily get lost in his ocean eyes. "I've had to get past a lot in my life. I'm an expert," he says with a sad smirk.

"An expert, huh?" I give him a small smile.

"Yes," he says as he rests his chin on my head wrapping his arms around me. My face is buried in his chest. I can smell his body wash and whatever else it is that makes me crazy. I breathe him in as I run my hands up the back of his shirt and rest them there.

He laughs lightly and must realize what I'm doing. "Do you know what you said to me when you got up from your nap after Zeke decked you?"

I look up at him. "Very funny. No, what did I say?"

"I asked if you can see me and you said you didn't need to…you can smell me..."

"No, I didn't," I say as I push him a little.

"You absolutely did….then Zeke laughed…and I went into caveman mode again." He pulls me into his side and starts leading me to the bus stop.

"That part I remember."

He sits down on the bench and pulls me onto his lap. "So…are we okay?"

"Yeah…we are," I say giving his head a sweet kiss.

"You made me…very…nervous there for a minute."

"I'm sorry."

He shrugs. "Just a minor setback….actually this whole day was one big setback!"

I laugh as his phone buzzes in his pocket. I see the muscles in his jaw twitch as he looks at the caller id.

"Everything okay?"

"Yes," he states as he swiftly puts his phone back in his pocket. "No more setbacks. Let's go get some food."

No more setbacks…. Please let that be true.


	14. Distracted

**Chapter 14: Distracted**

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I'm lying on my couch with a pounding headache and a serious sense of regret. My mind is literally shouting at me right now. In addition to his voicemail replaying in my head:

_Tobias. This is your father. One of my business associates is on the Board of Directors of the Museum of Science and Industry and he informed me that you are heading up the design of the new addition. You are doing the Eaton name proud. I think we should get together…maybe have lunch one of these days. I'm hoping to put some of our..ahem…past issues to rest. I'll have my secretary set something up._

He'll have his secretary set something up? What an arrogant ass.

I haven't spoken to my father in years. The last time we exchanged words I was 21. My college roommate's mother had passed away when he was young as well. He was telling me how he has her engagement ring for when he finds the girl he wants to marry. It wasn't that I wanted my mother's engagement ring in particular, at that point in my life I was never getting married; it was more that I had _nothing_ of my mother's to hold onto.

So I went to Marcus's house in search of something, anything, that had been hers. Marcus was there.

**Flashback:**

_So the prodigal son returns. Come to rob me?_

_No Marcus, I'm doing just fine on my own._

_You can thank me later._

_I never asked for that scholarship._

_Yet you had no problem accepting it_

_No, I had a big problem accepting it. I made the decision because I wanted to use your dirty shitty money for something good. Don't think for a second that I don't know where you invest your capital gains. How is Mr. Blagoyevich doing by the way? _

_Why you ungrateful piece of shit for a son. Dirty money? You have no idea what you're-_

_I know all about your business involvements._

_Who the hell—_

_Is there anything left of hers?_

_Whose?_

_Are you really going to make me answer that question?_

_I threw everything out along with her memory._

**End Flashback.**

I try to sit up and I groan in sudden remembrance of how I treated Tris.

Sitting on the bench with her, just moments after I thought she was going to break up with me, I noticed a missed call from Marcus. Could a shittier day become shittier? Apparently the answer is yes.

I was distracted when we had dinner. I knew Marcus had left a voicemail at that point and I was having an internal debate as to whether or not I should check it or delete it. I'm sure Tris knew something was up, but she didn't say anything because she's patient and amazing and probably assumed that I _would_ eventually tell her. She seemed to be trying to make congenial small talk, which is something we both hate. I should have just told her the truth. But I didn't. She wouldn't even let me escort her home afterwards.

**Flashback:**

"Soooo, how was your burger?" Tris implores.

"It was good. How was yours?"

"Good." _What the hell did he want? _

(silence)

"So, it's supposed to rain tomorrow."

"Oh, really?" _He just called a couple weeks ago._

"Yeah, so I'll probably take a class at The Studio instead of go for a run. I think my body may just kill me if I make it run anymore-"

"Haha. Yeah it might." _Why is he calling me…again?_

(silence)

"I work the early shift at the bar though tomorrow night so I'll hopefully be home around 8:00, plus Wednesdays aren't very busy-"

"That's good_." I have a bad feeling about this._

(silence)

"Are you going to work late tomorrow night?"

"Tomorrow is Wednesday, right?"

"As I just said…"

"We'll see. I'm not really sure."

(silence)

"Okay…well, I should probably go. Dinner's on me." She quickly throws way more cash than necessary on the table, obviously desperate to leave.

"No, Tris I would really rather—"

"Tobias it's fine, I want to. I want…" _I should just check the voicemail. _"I want…okay well, I guess I'll just see you later."

"What?...Sorry…yeah." _Shit she's leaving. _"Wait. Can I take you home?"

"No…it's fine…I'm fine. I'll just take the bus…I don't mind…"

"I can go with you."

"No need. I'm fine."

"I know I don't need to—"

"It's pulling up. So….see you."

"Yeah. Hey, I'm sorry I was—" _And there she goes. You are truly a moron._

**End Flashback**

She either thinks I'm a total ass or she is completely confused…probably both. I know I would be. She literally heard me whisper in Nita's ear that I remember having amazing sex with her, and she wasn't even fucking angry about that. Then I almost have a nervous breakdown in the elevator, which I have yet to give her an explanation. Then because of me, she runs 10 miles in 90 degree weather just to end up getting punched in the face.

I know she was considering breaking it off between us but I talked her out of it and then I proceeded to act distracted, aloof and completely disinterested, among other choice descriptions I'm sure.

After she left I sat back down at the table and decided to check the voicemail. That pretty much shut me down for the rest of the night. I came home and opened a bottle of scotch. How much of it I drank I can't say because I don't see the bottle anywhere. All I know is that I am lying on my couch with my phone in hand. I check it with one eye open for the time. _The screen is so fucking bright…. _6:30. I also see that I had sent several barely intelligible texts to Tris:

(10:49) **Me:** Sorry anit dinr

(12:35) **Tris:** What?

(1:14) **Me:** Ur si beatfl. Im an ashol…mk,

(2:00) **Tris:** Are you okay?

(2:12) **Me:** That a goos qistion,

3 missed calls from Tris

(2:20) **Tris:** I'm sending Zeke over to check on you.

_Was Zeke here? _Trying to sit up again I find a note on the table.

_Nice job asshole. – Z_

I groan loudly…again…running my hands over my face not knowing what the fuck to do. A sound comparable to several cracks of lightning resounds throughout my apartment.

"Make it stop…" I whine into the couch cushion.

My brain is obviously trying to murder me. Finally there is a brief pause…and then it starts up again. I sit up in hopes that it will clear my mind. All it does is make my pounding headache migrate to the back of my head. The awful cracking is now more urgent. Something registers in my brain: someone is knocking on my door. This is the one and only time I wish Zeke would just use his damned key.

"What the fuck…." I mumble as I stand and stumble briefly making my way through my apartment to the door. S_eriously this shit needs to stop! _But it doesn't.

"Jesus Christ! I'm coming you fucking idiot!" I say as I open the door and come face to face with a very very pissed off Tris.

"Oh I'm a fucking idiot?!"

My brain is working at a snail's pace so I can't even get words out as she pushes past me and walks into my apartment.

"_Fuck_….no…I thought you were Zeke," I say in a daze. _Is she really here?_

She must head straight for the kitchen because I hear a bottle of pills hit the counter. I shuffle after her to find her grumbling something to herself, while rummaging through my cabinets. "Never been to your apartment before and it gets to be under these fucking circumstances?" She pours me a glass of water and hands me four ibuprofen. "Take them!"

Apparently I was standing there for too long so I quickly toss them back and drink the whole glass of water.

"Tris…I'm sorry. I don't know what to say—"

"You never know what to say!" she yells as she practically stomps to the table and takes a cheeseburger and fries out of a bag. "Maybe you should first try…I don't know…using words! You know…those things that come out of your mouth in response to thought."

"I'm sorry…" and then I trail off as she just stares at me with her wide, albeit livid, gorgeous eyes. I notice her bruise has slightly faded. And I think to myself how I kind of love that I can evoke such emotion in her.

"Fuck, Tobias!" she says as she slams a steaming Styrofoam cup of coffee on the table. _Okay I take that back._ It splashes all over her hands as she yelps and rushes into the kitchen to hold her hand under the cold water from the tap.

I quickly follow after her not knowing how to help other than what she is already doing herself. Her hand is bright red where the coffee spilled over. Suddenly the synapses in my brain start firing and I grab a paper towel and fill it with ice for her to hold on her hand.

"Are you okay?" I ask softly. I can see she is holding back tears, probably from a mix of the scalding coffee and anger.

"Nothing I can't handle," she says plainly as she takes the ice from my hands and shakes her head to clear it. "Just…go eat."

I sigh and go sit at the table. I can see she got me my favorite hangover food: a barbecue ranch burger from Tony G's. She stays in the kitchen for a while as I take in the awkward silence.

"Tris…come sit out here please." For a minute I don't think she will. Then I hear a reluctant sigh and she comes and plops herself down loudly in the chair across from me.

"You worried me," she states plainly.

"I didn't mean to."

"Drunk texts? Barely understood those! Drinking alone? I called you three times. You weren't even coherent enough to hear my phone calls. Zeke found you face down and passed out on your living room floor with ¾ of a bottle of scotch gone."

She pauses and I'm not sure if she's finished. From what I know about Tris, she'll need to get it all out before I am allowed to speak. Turns out I'm right.

"No more setbacks? What the hell happened to that? Why did you even want to go to dinner? I may as well not even have been there! I didn't realize my company was that much of an inconvenience!" _Please lower your voice…_

" I wanted you there…I just got distracted."

"Distracted."

"Yes."

She's sitting there staring at me…making me crazy because she looks so alive that I just want to wrap her in my arms and do things to her that would make her head spin and angry at the same time because of how she is challenging me. I need space. She needs to give me space.

Her face softens...briefly. "Tobias…I'm not one to push…you know that…but you did a total 180...in my presence. Not 20 minutes before that, you gave me a speech about giving you a chance, a chance for me to tell you things I've barely told anybody. Then you pull this shit?!"

"Apparently that's exactly what I did," I say bluntly as I throw my napkin on the table in frustration.

She is staring at me in disbelief. Then she gets up and slowly walks over to me. "Well, I'm not going to stick around long enough for you to do it again," she grits out quietly as she turns on her heel to walk away.

_She is so not leaving. _ I reach out instinctively and grab her arm before she can even get one foot away from me. "You're not leaving."

She looks down at her arm with a wide-eyed panicked expression for just a second. I don't loosen my grip. I want her to learn that when I hold her tight, it is out of emotion and connection, not out of control and malice. Thank God it works. She gets the defiant look on her face that I've grown to love and will probably in the future hate at times. I know I'm the one who is driving her to leave by shutting her out, but I don't fucking care at this moment because the fire in her eyes is doing things to me that I can't put into words.

"Let…me…go."

"No," I grunt out as I pull her to me passionately and our lips come crashing together with equal intensity. The chair I was sitting on goes crashing onto the floor as I kick it out of the way and lift her by her thighs to set her on the table. She immediately wraps her arms around my neck holding me to her while she explores my mouth with her soft tongue. This leaves my hands free to roam where they please and of course they migrate to her ass, which I roughly grab with both of my hands pulling her to my groin.

"You are so fucking hot when you're pissed."

She groans into my mouth as I press her harder onto my erection. "You are such a stubborn ass… I kind of hate you right now," she says as she slides her hands under the waistband of my pants and starts caressing my dick.

"Shit….if it makes you do _that_…I will be as stubborn as you want."

Wrong thing to say.

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

Not sleeping for most of the night isn't unusual for me. However, this time it isn't the nightmares that are keeping me up; it's because I'm worried about Tobias. _Damn him!_

He was completely distant at dinner last night. I may as well not even have been there. It was a complete 180 from when we left the bus stop. I felt like such an idiot: making stupid small talk, which I hate. I literally had to lower my head to get him to look at me. I swear there were more silent awkward moments than actual words spoken, at least on his behalf. I so wanted to know what was wrong.

He had said I made him nervous when I sort of almost broke it off with him. I felt like he was sincere when he asked me to give him a chance: a chance to let him in. Did he change his mind and realize he may not be able to handle my baggage?

I felt like so stupid at the restaurant. I just needed to get the hell out of there. It was perfect timing because the Blue Line was pulling up outside. I took it to the next stop and then ran the rest of the way home.

Oddly enough, I felt better afterward. At least that's what I thought until I found myself crying in the shower. I just kept telling myself that in the end it will be good, because I won't have to tell him about my past: no more worries about him looking at me differently because it will be over anyway. "Over." That word alone was enough to make me lose it.

I wasn't ready to talk to Christina about it yet so I got ready in my room quickly and sat out on the deck, working on my picture of the orchid until it was time to go to work. I breezed past her bidding her good luck on her final presentation and was out the door.

The bar was surprisingly busy for a Tuesday night. We have the least expensive drink specials on Mondays and Tuesdays so it's never really slow, but definitely not this busy. It was great because it took my mind off of Tobias…until I checked my phone right before closing.

(10:49) **Tobias:** Sorry anit dinr _What? _

The only word that registered is "sorry." Did he accidentally send it? I was curious and probably a little desperate so I respond.

(12:35) **Me:** What?

I put my phone on vibrate in my back pocket, even though Tori hates that, just in case he texts. _God, I'm pathetic. _Then I quickly finished with closing and catch the 1:10 Blue Line. I hate taking the bus at night. My phone buzzed.

(1:14) **Tobias:** Ur si beatfl. Im an ashol…mk, _What the hell?_

And then it clicked. He was totally drunk. Great. It was 1:15 so I was trying to think of who the hell he was with? Christina was supposed to be out with Will, Marlene and Uriah. So I assumed he was with Zeke until I remembered Zeke mentioning once that he is always on duty on Tuesday nights. I tried to shrug it off thinking maybe Tobias had friends I don't know about. But something was nagging at me.

(2:00) **Me:** Are you okay?

Then I waited…for what felt like an eternity.

(2:12) **Tobias:** That a goos qistion,

I deciphered that to mean, "That's a good question." I got the sinking feeling he was alone and completely intoxicated. Something was wrong and I had a feeling that it had to do with whatever the hell his problem was this afternoon.

_He's a grown man. He doesn't need you to check on him. He makes his own decisions._ I kept repeating that mantra over and over in my head. It didn't work. I called him three times in a row.

The worst possible situations kept playing out in my head: he was so drunk that he hit his head on something and died, or he suffered from asphyxia after vomiting, or various other horrifying situations.

I could have gone and checked on him, but I didn't have a key and if he wasn't answering my calls, he may not have heard the door. Plus it just didn't feel right for me to be there if he was in that state. I'd never even been in his apartment before.

So, I did the next best thing.

_Hi, yes, is Officer Pedrad on duty?_

_Yes, please._

_This is Tris._

_Hi Zeke. _

_I'm not sure. I think Four is really drunk and I'm pretty sure he's alone. I was wondering if you could go check on him. _

_I have no idea what he's saying in his texts and now he isn't answering my calls. Do you have a key? _

_Thanks Zeke. Can you call me and let me know?_

I figured I would text him one last time to let him know Zeke was coming, even if he doesn't get it.

Another eternity went by until Zeke called informing me that he found Tobias passed out on his floor. He had probably rolled off the couch. There was ¾ of a bottle of scotch drank and he was clutching his phone like a lifeline.

I thanked Zeke profusely and rolled over and willed sleep to take over my body. Of course it didn't. What would make him drink himself into a stupor? Something had to have happened. What the hell did I say? Maybe it wasn't me…

I dozed in and out of a very very light sleep until I couldn't take it any longer. And now here I am…at 5:45 am…still worried about Tobias. _Screw it!_ I'm going over there.

I quickly throw on my yoga pants and a zip-up running hoodie, grab a bottle of Ibuprofen and go to hail a cab.

As I'm looking out the window at the rising sun, I think about his work day and the fact that he has a big meeting today. Of course the selfless part of me rears its head and decides it wants to make a pit stop at Tony G's along the way. I remember him saying his favorite hangover food is a barbecue ranch burger. _Why am I doing this?_ _Because this man makes you do really dumb things!_

By the time I get to his apartment it is 6:30. Thank God his doorman is understanding, or this may have all been for nothing. If he's passed out he is not going to hear any quiet knocking so I go for the gold and pound on the door as hard as my small knuckles can handle. Nothing. _Deep breath Tris. _I try again with even more fervor. Nothing. Now I am officially second-guessing why the hell I'm even here. _He drank himself until he was comatose! Why is that my problem? Because you're falling in love with the guy!...Damnit!_ One more try…and this time with serious persistence.

I hear stumbling through the apartment and my heart leaps out of nervous anticipation.

Loud and clear through the door I hear, "Jesus Christ! I'm coming you fucking idiot!" _Oh hell…no! _And now I'm irrationally pissed the fuck off.

Tobias opens the door looking like a train hit him and glaring at me like he wanted to level me. He squeezes his eyes shut and blinks a couple times as I push past him.

"Oh, I'm a fucking idiot?!" I find my way to the kitchen and glance back as he looks from me to the door and back at me again.

"_Fuck_….no, I thought you were Zeke," he says as he practically does the drunken electric slide toward me.

That makes sense so I bring my anger down a notch and deftly open the bottle of ibuprofen, taking out four pills.

"If I had fucking been here before I would know where the damned glasses are," I mumble to myself as I finally find one.

However my anger starts to flare up again as I realize that he is indeed fine and I was up worrying about him all night for nothing. _He's the one who was an ass at the restaurant. What am I even doing here?_

"Never been to your apartment before and it gets to be under these circumstances," I state irritably as I pass him the glass of water and pills.

He stands there dumbfounded. "Take them!" I exclaim a little too forcefully.

He does and drinks the whole glass of water as I look him up and down. He is still in the same clothes he wore to the gym, his hair is tousled and his eyes look heavy and blood shot. But he is still the most gorgeous thing I have ever seen.

"Tris…I'm sorry. I don't know what to say—" And then I lose it….

"You never know what to say!" I'm definitely yelling because I have heard that come out of his mouth too many times. "Maybe you should first try…I don't know…using words! You know…those things that come out of your mouth in response to thought." _God I sound like a total bitch._

"I'm sorry…" I wait for a moment hoping he will finish that thought, but his mind seems to have wandered and I am losing the battle with my irrational side.

"Fuck, Tobias!" Unexpectedly my hands are hit with a cold sensation and then the burn sinks in: I had spilled coffee all over my hands. I don't even recall taking it out of the holder.

Racing to the kitchen sink I plunge my hands under the cold water of the faucet, which only makes it feel worse at first. Then the temporary relief of the cold water takes over. _Why am I here? _

Tobias follows me into the kitchen but I have no idea what he's doing because I'm too engrossed in my own self-deprecating thoughts. I briefly take my hands out of the water and my left hand immediately starts to burn again. Tears sting my eyes for more reasons than just the scalding coffee.

I hear my favorite soft voice right by my ear. "Are you okay?"

_Time to collect yourself Tris. _"Nothing I can't handle. Just…go eat."

I need to think this scenario through. Honesty. It's the only thing that makes sense. I need to tell him how I feel and he can do whatever he wants with it. I'm upset and it's okay for him to know that.

"Tris…come sit out here please."

I close my eyes briefly and go sit across from him holding the ice on my hand.

"You worried me."

"I didn't mean to."

_Honesty. _"Drunk texts? Barely understood those! Drinking alone? I called you three times. You weren't even coherent enough to hear my phone calls. Zeke found you face down, passed out on your living room floor with ¾ of a bottle of scotch gone." _Collect your thoughts Tris._ "No more setbacks? What the hell happened to that? Why did you even want to go to dinner? I may as well not even have been there! I didn't realize my company was that much of an inconvenience!" _Okay…honesty and anger?_

Tobias seems alert now that he has some food in him. He speaks slowly as if he's calculating his words. "I wanted you there…I just got distracted."

"Distracted."

"Yes."

_Is that it? _I'm staring at him steadily waiting for him to elaborate. I don't feel like I ask for a lot from him as far as spilling his guts, but I was there, I was a part of it. It hurts that he won't tell me.

"Tobias…I'm not one to push…you know that…but you did a total 180...in my presence. Not 20 minutes before that you gave me a speech about giving you a chance, a chance for me to tell you things I've barely told anybody. Then you pull this shit?" _Honesty._

"Apparently that's exactly what I did." He says this with such frank satisfaction that my head practically spins off its axis. I don't need this.

"Well, I'm not going to stick around long enough for you to do it again," I say quietly so my voice won't waver before turning to head out the door.

"You're not leaving." He has a grip on my arm that sends a shot of terror through me in remembrance of times past. Then I look into his eyes and see just Tobias. Not the vicious look Eric used to give me. My fear dissipates and my anger at the situation returns. I stare back into Tobias's eyes again and I see something burning behind them: a mix of frustration and lust. _How screwed up is it that I want to take out my irritation on his gorgeous body?_

"Let…me…go."

"No." And suddenly we are one: pulled together like magnets. We kiss each other with equal fervor seemingly taking our emotions out on each other in a more primal way. Something crashes and suddenly my ice is all over the place as his strong hands grip the backs of my legs and he plants me on the table. My arms by their own volition pull him to me as I map out the contours of his mouth and amazing lips. I feel his steady hands on my backside as he pulls me to him hard and I can feel the warm pressure of his straining member against my now incredibly heated core.

"You are so fucking hot when you're pissed," he says gruffly as he pulls me harder into him.

It's such an unexpected turn-on when he talks to me like that, coupled with the fact that I can feel him pulsing against me. _Damn him!_

"You are such a stubborn ass… I kind of hate you right now." I put my hands down his shorts and start to caress his shaft because even though I'm pissed, I want him so bad.

"Shit….if it makes you do _that_…I will be as stubborn as you want."

And then it hits me. We are doing this to avoid discussion of a problem…what could eventually be a big problem. I push him off me forcefully.

He looks bewildered and then worried. "Shit. Did I cross the line? I thought you were fine with—"

"Shut up, Tobias…I was!"

He stifles a laugh and I punch him in the shoulder.

"Ow! Geez…I'm sorry. You're just so fiery and cute when you 'kinda hate me.'"

"Can you please listen to me?" I say seriously.

He sighs and comes closer to me. "Okay…yes," he says looking at my legs and fumbling with the hem of my running shirt.

"I have absolutely no problem arguing and making up…like this…"

"Me neither…," he says as he leans in and places a soft seductive kiss on my neck.

"But I feel like…hmmm…" I run my hands up his back as he tips me back towards the table again. _Focus! _I grab his face with both my hands. "Tobias, you shut down on me and I blamed myself for the whole day. You drank yourself stupid and I was worried sick. Now you won't tell me why. That is a problem."

"It has nothing to do with you," he says abruptly backing away.

"Fine. All I can do is believe you on that."

"Thank you."

"But I still want to know what it was about."

"Tris—"

"We both decided to give each other time to really open up about what went on…you know…in our pasts…and I meant that. But I won't stand around while you put me through the ringer with your mood swings—"

"Tris!" he exclaims as he runs his hands through his hair. "You have no idea—"

"That's because you won't tell me!" I yell. "Is this going to be a habit? Everything is good and then you go into lock down?"

"Probably."

I stop and try to make eye contact with him but he stares stonily at the floor.

"That's it?...Probably?..." I give him a long awkward moment to respond before I nod my head and look up at the ceiling, taking a deep breath. _Time to go, Tris. _I make my way quickly to the door before he can see my tears.

"Marcus called," he deadpans.

I stop in my tracks feeling a brief stab of guilt for coercing him into revealing that to me. But when I turn to look at him I see relief on his face.

"And you're right…about everything…It's not fair for me to shut down and expect you to be okay with that…I'm sorry."

I walk over to him, it seems to take me forever to get there, and take his face in my hands and slowly press my lips to his for a sweet kiss. "Thank you…not for telling me I'm right…but for telling my why you're upset."

"Sit down," he says softly.

This time I sit in the chair next to him. His face looks stricken. Like he's having an internal battle with himself. Taking his hand in mine, I squeeze it lightly to hopefully comfort him and to let him know I'm not leaving.

"Marcus was physically and verbally abusive to my mother." He looks up at my face trying to gage my reaction. _Don't react. Don't react. This is not about you. _But I can feel my palms start to sweat in response. He must sense it because he then takes my right hand, flips it over and starts tracing soothing circles on it. _Shit…I'm the one who should be comforting him. _

I nod my head in hopes that he will continue. "Just about anything would set him off: her taking me to the lake without telling him, buying clothes that he felt were too expensive, spending time with friends he didn't approve of…He would lock me in the broom closet so I wouldn't interfere…I could hear everything…and my imagining what he was doing was probably worse than it actually was…" He stops and swallows, then purses his lips.

I slide my hand out of his and rest them both on his right thigh.

"Normally it would stop when my mom stopped reacting or became unconscious."

My face is on fire_. Breathe, breathe._

"He wouldn't let me out of the closet until she woke up…one time I think I was in there for 24 hours." He runs his hands over his face several times before he rests his forehead in his palms. "Thus my severe case of claustrophobia." He stops after this and doesn't continue.

After several minutes of this I get up and take his hand pulling him up. I lead him into what I'm hoping is his bedroom and I lie down on my side pulling him with me gently. He is on his back and I arrange myself so I am resting my head in the crook of his shoulder. Slowly I card my fingers through his hair trying to relax him. Every now and then I rest my hand on his heart to see if it has slowed down and when it finally has, I drape my arm across his middle. He turns toward me and pulls me close resting his forehead on mine.

"He never hurt me though…not physically or even verbally…emotionally, yes…never showing me an ounce of love…but…" he takes a breath. "I can't believe I never did anything…or told anyone."

"Tobias—"

"Don't say it's not my fault."

"I wasn't going to."

He clears his throat.

"Even if I believe it…it's not going to help you…How we-…people handle abuse is irrational. The only way you will be able to forgive yourself is if you acknowledge that."

"Tris…I'm sorry…part of the reason I didn't want to tell you is because I assumed it might…I mean I didn't want to-"

It's at that moment that I realize tears are streaming down my face. But I'm not crying in remembrance of my experiences.

"Tobias, I'm not crying for me….I'm not even crying for you."

"Okay…."

"I'm crying for the nine year old boy that had to experience that."

He gets out an incredulous laugh. "You're amazing you know that?"

"Why?"

"Because you don't feel sorry for _me_."

"You're a 25 year old, educated, successful man. You have friends who care about you deeply. You have an amazing heart. What you have been through has only made who you are: the man that I…want to be with. Why would I feel sorry for you?"

He doesn't say anything for an undetermined amount of time. He just holds me to him like if he let go he may lose me forever. My arm is cradled up under his and I'm running my hand up and down his back with my thigh between his legs.

"You are the only person in 16 years that has rendered me speechless." I feel a tear fall into my hair but I don't say anything. I know how he feels about people seeing him cry…even if it is just me.

We keep lying there in companionable silence. I eventually start to drift off from lack of sleep when he says in my ear, "I just feel so bad."

"Tobias, it's okay, I reacted the same way when I heard from—"

"Because I know I smell like rancid scotch."

We both start laughing loudly because it's actually true…although I hadn't really noticed until now.

"I need to brush my teeth and take a shower."

"Okay…hey I kind of jumped out of bed without doing anything…obviously," I say pointing to my knotted bun and sleep deprived eyes…do you have an extra toothbrush by chance? Maybe a comb? Some soap?"

He laughs lightly and pulls me on top of him. "I have all of those things but for the record I think you look beautiful…seeing you in the morning is one of my favorite sights…except when I thought you were Zeke. That was disturbing."

"Yeah…you called me a fucking idiot if I recall…"

He groans as I roll off of him and stand up to stretch. "I'm so sorry….that was extremely shitty," he says whining into his pillow.

"I'm kidding…but don't think I won't use it against you."

"I would be disappointed if you didn't," he says as he swats my butt and goes into the bathroom.

It's funny to me how the two of us can switch gears so quickly. I'm learning more and more about our relationship every day. I need to stop second-guessing it.

I peek into the bathroom and see that he had already turned the shower on and has his shirt off. I notice that his tattoo curls slightly around his rib cage. It seems to just enhance his sublime abs and chest. He slips out of his basketball shorts and I swear my mouth goes completely dry. That man in tight black boxer briefs is enough to make any girl come on the spot. His slightly olive skin tone is maddeningly sexy as well. He starts to brush his teeth and he catches me looking at him in the mirror.

"Whatcha lookin' at Tris?" He says with a mouthful of toothpaste. _Yep! Still fucking sexy with toothpaste in his mouth!_

"Nothin'," I say as I try to act nonchalant and go over and lean on the bathroom door. Then I look at my face in the mirror and see that my cheeks are pink...a dead giveaway.

Tobias shakes his head and chuckles slightly as he wipes his mouth on a towel I am now envious of. _Arrogant…but the sexy kind._

I clear my throat. "So, you said you do have an extra toothbrush?"

"Mmm hmm….toothbrush, comb, no brush cause my hair's too short, and I really only have hand soap….sorry." _Spare toothbrushes? Hmm…._

"Spare toothbrush, huh?" I ask absently checking out my cuticles but glancing up at him nonetheless.

He looks at me a little annoyed. "Actually, that _one_ spare toothbrush was for me. You're the first girl that has ever even stepped foot in my apartment."

"Oh." _Y__ay!_

"Yep," he says adding emphasis on the p. _Is he mad?_

I pull the toothbrush out of the box and start to brush, and as the minty foam infiltrates my mouth and I look in the mirror at the reflection of his taught ass as I see him step out of his briefs and into the shower. _Jesus. _An immediate need to be close to him, for our bodies to be flush overcomes me. I spit out my toothpaste and look at my exhausted face in the mirror. I should be embarrassed by my dark circles and crazy bed-head bun. But I am too overcome by need to give a shit.

I know what I want to do. _Just do it. Be brave._

I turn towards the shower and I can hear him sigh from the feeling of the hot water hitting his body. I unzip my hoodie, just now realizing I don't have a bra on and step out of my yoga pants and underwear, kicking them to the side. His back is to me as I quietly open the door and step inside, quickly wrapping my arms around his mid section.

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

Are you fucking kidding me? She's asking me about spare toothbrushes when she arbitrarily handed me some guy's stray shirt out of her own dresser! _Let it go Tobias. You were a total prick to her and she actually forgave you. Move on._

Tris is definitely not wearing a bra under her hoodie. It's a running jacket and it, as all her clothes seem to do, hugs her in all the right places. Her nipples hardened as I pulled her to me when she was on the table_. I'm partially hard just at the thought._

I sigh loudly as the hot water spills over my head because I really wish she were in here with me. But, my self-control would be seriously put to the test…and I have a feeling I would fail that test.

Without warning a small, firm, nude body presses itself against my backside. I suck in a deep breath through my mouth as Tris wraps her arms around my waist.

"I was just thinking about you," I say quietly as I place my hands on hers. I can feel her breasts rub against my back as she reaches around me to grab the soap.

"I was thinking about you, too….I figured hangovers can make you a little uncoordinated…I was worried. Did you want some help?" _As if she has to ask…._

"Mmmm…..let me think…my answer is a definite yes."

"Good," she says sounding pleased with herself and maybe a little relieved. Why the hell she would think I wouldn't want her hot little naked body in here is completely beyond me.

I try to turn around needing to see her entire body because I really haven't ever had the pleasure. I've had a view…but I need some serious full frontal.

"Nope, stay right there. I'm only here to help…you know, with the _hard_ to reach places."

Even though my reach is just fine, I hope that means what I think it does.

I can hear her running the soap back and forth between her hands and I really wish my dick was that soap right now. She begins massaging her hands up and down my back, paying extra attention to the tension in my shoulders. Her hands are strong and seductive and I involuntarily hang my head as I release a deep moan.

"You need a massage."

"Tris…it's really hard for me to think of anyone else touching me besides you right now."

She laughs lightly as she takes the shower hose, turns up the temperature slightly and runs it up and down my back. "Well that's good to know."

She replaces the nozzle and starts tracing the lines of my tattoo with her strong fingers. "Do you have any idea how much I love this tattoo?"

"You know...you're the only person I've explained it to. Zeke and Uriah are convinced it's hieroglyphics."

"So what..do you…tell…other…people?" She softly kisses each symbol in between words and my breathing becomes more labored.

"I tell them that it is none of their concern."

She giggles a little at this and it's so damned cute. "You are so _not_ nice sometimes…you do know that one of your tattoos symbolizes kindness, right?"

"You are not one…ah…to talk." That was a hard sentence for me to get out because she is massaging the heels of her palms up the backs of my legs and over my buttocks.

"I have no idea what you are talking about," she says innocently.

My legs muscles flex by their own volition. "Relax Tobias…." she soothes. I love my name rolling off her lips.

"Let's see…you upcharge people who piss you off, or "accidentally" spill drinks on them…you made out with me passionately just to piss off—"

"Say her name and I will stick this bar of soap in your god-damned mouth."

"Thank you for proving my…mmmm….point." She massages my hip flexor muscles as she presses up against my back, moving her tight firm hands down the front of my thighs and back up again running each of her thumbs right next to my super erect wood. "Jesus Tris…"

"What?" She asks feigning innocence for the second time as she maneuvers her hands to roam up my abs and over my chest. Now she is brushing her nipples teasingly on my back.

"You are _so_ doing that on purpose….and you are slowly killing me in the process."

"Well, we can't let that happen," she says in her mock serious tone as she grabs my waist and turns me toward her, reaching up to weave her fingers in my hair and kissing me with passion. I get completely lost in her lips until I realize my very erect penis is flush with her lower abdomen and what I wouldn't give to lift her up and thrust into her right now. "You…are…not…helping. You don't want to know what is going through my mind right now."

"It can't be far from what is going through mine," she says as she looks down and traces her index finger in a small circle around the tip of my length. "You feel a little wound up," she comments as I grunt. "Can I take care of that for you?"

The only thing I am physically capable of doing is nodding my head as she pushes me into a seated position on the shower bench.

This is my chance to look at her amazing body as a whole. As she begins to lower herself onto her knees I hold her arms gently coaxing her to stand in front of me. I begin my gaze at her perfect legs, slowly moving up to her splendid center, my eyes of course make a pit stop there as I salivate. I can see her hands shake out of nervousness so I move up her expertly toned abs and onto her perfect handful of breasts with their pink tips erect and ready for my mouth. Her chest is heaving as a blush spreads over it.

"Tobias, please—"

"You're so perfect…I can't even believe you're mine." I realize that my hands are still holding her as if she's a work of art. I slowly bring them to her waist and walk her towards me taking a nipple into my mouth as she grabs my hair and holds me to her with an appreciative moan. I reach between her legs run my index finger from the back of her warm soft folds to the front feeling her wetness spread onto my finger. "Jesus, I want you in my mouth."

"Me first," she says with a bated breath released through her lips as she gets on her knees. She is staring at my throbbing and twitching cock as if she is strategizing. Her lower lip is between her teeth as she idly drags her small hands up my thighs. A drop of condensation trails down her right breast. I brush it off lightly with my thumb as she glances up at me smiling shyly out of the side of her mouth. _She is such a turn-on._

My heart is beating out of my chest in anticipation. She holds my member in one hand as she runs her tongue up the left side from base to tip, rolling it over the top and down the other side. My abs contract at the contact and I let out a guttural groan from deep inside my chest.

I clear my throat and look up at the ceiling wondering what I did right to deserve this girl as she takes me more firmly in her hand and puts my head in her warm mouth sucking off my dripping need.

"Damn…," I say through gritted teeth as she licks her lips to go back for more. That just about does it for me. _I swear I could lose it right now._

Her lips close tightly around my cock and she slowly moves her head down and up while working the bottom of me tightly in a continuous motion.

I clutch the edge of the bench with my left hand and run my fingers through her thick hair gripping the roots lightly. She moans from the back of her throat and the vibration is almost too much.

Surprisingly she locks eyes with me as she travels up and down. She smiles slightly and whips her tongue around the crown of my cock before she seals her wet swollen lips around me and goes down again. _She's enjoying this. Shit…that's awesome. Holy fuck… Deep breaths…_

I lean my head back against the warm tile of the shower and close my eyes trying to hold out longer but I know it's a losing battle.

"Fuck, Tris…your mouth feels….ah, ah, ah…so good." She hums in understanding as she bobs her head and my hips twitch up in response to the reverberations.

The pressure in my groin is borderline painful in the best way imaginable and just as I didn't think I could get any harder or this could get any better she deep throats me and sucks hard on her way back up. I feel a sudden heat spread as she does it again and I immediately let go of her hair.

"Holy shit, Tris…I'm gonna… I..." I grunt out as I empty myself in her mouth. _Jesus…she swallowed_. _H__oly fuck._

She slows down until I'm finished then pulls away licking her lips and looking up at me expectantly. I just shake my head back and forth against the tile wall.

"Speechless, again, speechless."

* * *

Tris's POV:

I can't believe how much I loved doing that. It helps that he has the best penis ever. I could definitely tell I was pleasing him, but to what extent I'm not sure. Every guy likes a blowjob, right? Good or bad. I lick my lips. He tasted salty and warm and surprisingly not at all unpleasant. He looked shocked that I swallowed. I hadn't planned on it…but I also hadn't not planned on it.

I look up at him waiting for him to say something…anything….

"Speechless, again, speechless."

"Like…a good speechless?"

"Ha!" He gets out between heavy breaths. "Like a you-just-blew-my-mind speechless. I mean…fuck, Tris… I've never… That was… Why the hell didn't I let you…do that the other night? I'm a dumbass," he chastises moving his head back and forth on the shower wall.

_Oh thank God!_

"I was nervous…that I wouldn't be very good at it," I say shyly.

"Are you serious? Wait… You haven't ever—"

"Not like this."

He swallows and stares blankly at the shower wall in understanding.

I rise up slowly and sit next to him on the wide shower bench, a little self-conscious of my nakedness. "Hey," I say turning his head toward me. "I wanted to…I really, really, wanted to. Okay?"

He nods his head slowly and looks me in the eyes as if he's going to say something profound and meaningful. "I understand. Because I really really want to do this," he says as he swiftly puts an arm under my back and neck, laying me down on the bench. He kisses me tenderly and then kneels on the shower floor so he is at a 90-degree angle to me.

He is cradling my left cheek coaxing me to look at him. "Do you know you are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen?"

I don't say anything because I have no idea how to respond to a compliment like that. All I can do is try to convey my thanks with my eyes, and it's still only to be polite. He shakes his head and chuckles.

"I will get you to believe that someday." _Someday…I love that._

He kisses me again with more fervor as he runs his fingers through my hair with his left hand and moves his right delicately up my left side, tracing circles around my nipple with his thumb when he reaches my breast. He moves lower, giving me soft wet kisses down my neck and chest. He lifts his head and looks me up and down, which makes me nervous as hell, so I close my legs and bring my knees up slightly.

I have a love hate relationship with how he worships my body and right now the hate side is winning.

Tobias purses his lips and furrows his eyebrows. "Hmmmm….nope…not gonna work for me…or you for that matter."

I laugh at that as he moves up to my ear. "Is this better?" I must have relaxed my legs because he is circling his palm as low on my abdomen as possible before actually touching my clit.

I feel better with him closer to my face and looking into my eyes. "Yes," I respond softly while letting out a shakey breath.

"I only ever want to do what your comfortable with. You need to talk to me Tris." He is whispering this to me softly and seductively, as if sharing a secret with me.

"I'm just not used to…_God_…being looked at…that way." He is still rubbing soft circles but he has lowered his palm so he is closer to my center.

He nods his head. "You deserve to be looked at that way…every day, Tris. And I'm determined to be the one to do it," he whispers with a smirk.

I stare at him in awe. I am falling head over heels for this man. "I would love that."

I know I have tears in my eyes but I don't even care because no one has ever spoken to me so tenderly. If letting my emotion show is the price, then I will gladly pay it.

"Is what I'm doing okay?"

"Mmmm hmmm," I hum as I open my legs for him.

Now he is cupping my core and slowly dragging his middle finger up my folds.

"So wet for me…assuming that's for me," he quips with a soft chuckle.

"_Shit_...it is…trust me," I sigh out.

He inserts his middle finger and probes me in and out slowly before adding a second. I moan….loudly.

My hips jerk up in response as he circles my nub with his thumb. He smiles and shakes his head as he lowers it to my abdomen to place sweet kisses all over it.

"I never understood the purpose of this huge bench," he remarks. "But now I realize it's fucking genius. You're like my own personal feast."

"Well then feast away," I respond with a tentative laugh. It amazes me how this man suddenly gives me confidence I never thought I would have.

That seems to be all he needed to hear because before I know it he is on the bench with his head between my legs and his tongue lapping at my desire.

"Jesus Christ, Tobias, that feels so…" I grab onto the roots of his hair tightly.

"Ouch," he says laughing.

"Shit, sorry."

"Don't be. Apparently I'm doing something right."

"OhmyGod…..yes," I pant as he dives back in now taking my clit in between his teeth moving his tongue back and forth over it. He takes my knees and spreads my legs wider granting himself deeper access as he delves in with his tongue again.

"You taste incredible baby…I fucking love this."

I'm feeling bold so I lift my head to watch him. I am hit by a jolt of warmth as I experience what a huge turn on that is. He makes eye contact with me and I lay my head back down in embarrassment.

"Hey…I think it's fucking hot that you want to watch…I wish I could…" he remarks making eye contact with me while reinserting his two fingers. I squeeze my eyes shut as I moan because the pressure is starting to build more and more.

Suddenly he stops. I open an eye and see that he is up on his knees now and fully hard staring territorially between my legs.

"Tris…can we...? You need to…move now… _F__uck_."

I lean up onto my elbows as he tries to pull his fingers out of me but I hold them there by his wrist because I am so so close and completely unwilling to break contact.

"Don't stop…please don't stop," I pant out as I take his hard dick and start stroking it with my right hand while bearing my weight with my left elbow.

He crawls on all fours practically on top of me, resting his forehead on my shoulder and rocking himself back and forth meeting my strokes with his thrusts.

"God Tobias I am so close…"

"I can feel you baby…ah…ah…fuck…"

I pick up speed and he plunges deeper while swirling the tips of his fingers to reach my G-spot, which he hits several times with intensity.

"Ah, ah…God…don't stop…please don't stop," electricity radiates throughout my body as I hit my peak. Tobias tries to keep me there as long as possible while still rocking himself and grunting against my shoulder. I shudder as I come down off my high and realize that I have gripped his shaft hard but he doesn't seem to mind one bit, if anything he's harder as I stroke him faster with my renewed grip. I palm his sack with my other hand squeezing gently.

He moans, spurting warm liquid right onto my stomach as I loosen my grip to slowly finish him off.

I move my elbow out from under me and lay on my back and he follows collapsing on top of me momentarily before rolling onto his side. I turn my head slowly and look at him.

"This is…by far…the best shower…I've ever had."

"Mmmmm hmmmm…and this bench is my new favorite place," I say with a smile that I'm pretty sure won't leave my face for the rest of the day.

"Yes…I will only look upon it with fondness now." He laughs, "Babe?"

"Mmm hmm?" _I adore that he calls me that._

"You're turn for a shower….you're covered in semen."

I look down and start laughing hysterically at the frank and technical nature of his comment. I love his dry sense of humor, especially when he follows it with that adorable smirk.

"But there is one problem…."

"Yesssss?"

"I only have soap."

"What?!"

"I don't need shampoo! My hair is short and soap works just fine!"

"You are such a guy."

"I am….thank you for noticing that."

"You make it hard not to," I say as I swipe my finger up his softened length and quickly get up. "So I will wash my hair with a bar of soap and brush it out with a comb. I may be here for hours."

He follows me up and starts to lather up the soap, proceeding to run his soapy fingers through my hair trying not to knot it. "I would love it if you were still here when I get home."

"Maybe I will be."


	15. Selfies

**AN: Wow everyone! I love the reviews! Seriously...amazing.**

**Chapter 15 – Selfies**

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I stretch my arms up over my head and roll over onto my stomach smiling into the pillow. I literally just woke up in a king sized bed of pure Tobias. _Why the hell does he need a bed this big? Do you know how many amazing things we could do in a bed this big? Good God…I need to get out of here. _

Tobias left three hours ago to present his preliminary sketches to his drafting team. He wants me to stay so I can be here when he gets home. I told him I might. I want to…but my sense of independence might take over…we'll see.

I'm wearing one of his t-shirts that I have absolutely no intention of giving back. I pull it up over my face and take a deep breath. It only smells faintly of him because it's clean…but still, it's his.

I sigh and slap my hands at my sides on the down comforter trying to will myself to get up. But because I have a mean streak, I take a selfie of me just waking up…wanting to make him jealous of the extra three hours of sleep I just got. _He deserves it…assshole._

Guilt hits me like a lightning bolt at that thought. I remember him letting me listen to the voicemail from Marcus…and how he was trying to hide his shaking hands from me. I sigh deeply for even thinking he's an asshole…even if he indeed _can_ be an asshole.

My wandering mind takes me back to the shower. Seeing his face strained from pleasure…pleasure that I was providing…was… _i__s there a word? _Now I completely understand why he was getting himself off the first time his fingers were inside me.

I put the crook of my elbow over my face and groan because I really really really wish he were here.

"Fuck…." I whisper to myself in frustration as the need for him between my legs is making my panties seriously uncomfortable.

I wiggle my hips and adjust the lace waistband, which causes a friction that doesn't help one bit. My throat becomes dry as I remember how he puts the perfect amount of pressure on my clitoris, moving his wet thumb back and forth in succession. I realize that I am adding my own pressure on my lower abdomen and I squeeze my thighs together to try to assuage some of my desire_. Not helping! _

A thought crosses my mind….it's something I've rarely done…and when I have…meh. But I realize suddenly that I'm already half-way there just by thinking about him. Especially when he said he wishes he could watch himself go down on me. I've never watched porn, but if I could watch Tobias in action (only on me)…I would.

"_Fuck…." _I say to myself for a different reason this time as a familiar wet heat hits my fingertips. I moan to myself as my index finger brushes my clit. I close my eyes…tight…envisioning Tobias looking up at me from in between my legs and smirking because he knows he is doing a good job.

I can feel his tongue flitting over my cleft faster and faster as heat spreads into my cheeks. My hips twitch and he laughs lightly while holding my hips down gently with his hands. "Tris…he moans against me…you have the best—"

My orgasm hits me quick and white heat flashes through my lower body as I climax rapidly. It ends a little too quickly…Tobias is _way _better at this….

Reality smacks me in the face.

"Oh my God! Did I really just do that?" I say completely out loud covering my red hot face in my hands as if someone were watching me. I am laughing like an idiot.

I'm actually proud of myself. _Who am I?_

Then an evil genius idea crosses my mind as I grab my phone and take another selfie….

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

_"__Fuck yeah! I rocked that meeting!"_ I think to myself as Amar claps me on the shoulder and gives me a sturdy "Well done my friend." _Whoa Tobias…bring it down._

I put my normal face back on. I've internally coined the term my "non-Tris face,": minimal emotion, non-conversational, basically totally off-putting.

"Thank you. You were quite the asset yourself."

"Must you always be so humble? They were _your_ preliminaries and you explained the implementations to perfection along with accepting our drafters suggestions….not your average architect I would say."

"Well I have an excellent mentor." It's true. I couldn't ask for a better boss.

"That you do. See? I'm not quite as humble." He looks over his shoulder briefly. "Speaking of not humble—"

"Excuse me, Amar," Nita says attempting to scoot in between us. "Four? Can I talk to you?" She is standing way too close to my completely necessary personal space.

"Yes," I answer as I and cross my arms. Amar makes no attempt to walk away and honestly if he does, I may just grab his hand. _Let the rumor mill churn!_

I raise my eyebrows at her prompting her to speak.

"It's personal," she says quietly.

"Then no." _Now get the fuck away._

She narrows her eyes at me. "Then I will just stop by your office later….bye…." She taps me on the shoulder as she walks by.

"I take it you slept with her?"

"Unfortunately."

"Hmm."

"Is there a policy against that because trust me—"

"No, no…nothing like that. I would lose all of my interns and much of my staff if that were the case….I've just never heard a man say they 'unfortunately' slept with Nita."

I don't respond.

"Just be careful. I'm fairly certain she has venom in her veins," Amar warns as he starts walking backwards towards his corner office.

"Thank you for the very belated warning."

"I'm always here for you. Excellent progress on the addition…we'll reconvene Monday?"

I nod my head in agreement and turn toward my office as my phone buzzes in my pocket.

I pull it out and see that Tris texted me a picture of herself. She must have just woken up because she only has one beautiful sleepy eye open, her hair is splayed across the bed and she is still in my T-shirt with one bare shoulder hanging out. _Sexiest thing ever….why am I here again? _Attached to the picture is a text.

**Tris:** Before...

_Before what?_

"Hey Four! How'd the meeting go?" Will asks rolling on his chair out of his office.

My phone buzzes again and I check it as I answer him. "Very productive. I'm starving…do you want to head down to—" No more words come out because my mouth is suddenly bone dry.

On my phone, staring back at me is a very sated-looking Tris. I know that look: cheeks flushed, eyes glossed over, bottom lip swollen, serious sexy bed head. And attached to this gem is another text.

**Tris:** After…

_Did she just…?…no fucking way…in…my…bed. Holy—_

"Four? Hey, where the hell are you going man? I'm starving too!"

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

Yes…that just happened. Beatrice Prior just sent a post-orgasm selfie. This may be one of the things I actually tell Christina. She's been telling me to do this for month. Although not in Tobias's bed…nor taking a selfie…maybe I'll leave those parts out…

_Text me back! _What if he's still meeting with the drafters? What if he can't concentrate now? Did I totally screw up? I'm dying to see or hear his response.

My phone buzzes. I grab it and hold it to my chest squeezing my eyes shut out of nervousness.

**Tobias:** Did you….just do…what I think you did?

**Me:** What do…you think…I did?

**Tobias:** You're going to make me say it?

**Me:** Or type it since you didn't call me.

**Tobias:** Just thinking about you right now is hard enough let alone hearing your sexy voice. I don't keep extra pants at work!

_Wait for it..._

**Tobias:** So…..?

_Wait for it..._

**Tobias:** Seriously!?

**Me:** What?

**Tobias:** Don't "what?" me all cute and innocent. Did you….for real… get yourself off…in my bed?

**Me:** That happened.

**Tobias:** I don't think you have an inkling of how fucking hot that is.

**Me:** Glad you approve.

**Tobias:** Understatement.

**Tris:** Where do you keep your extra sheets?

**Tobias:** Don't…you…dare.

About and hour later I still find myself at Tobias's place. I notice that it looks like a damn hotel room. There are no pictures up except for some crappy knock off prints. I bet it was pre-furnished. Even the books on the shelf I could never imagine him reading: Pride and Prejudice, Wuthering Heights, Love and War, Anne of Green Gables. He has a beautiful balcony with nothing on it. Doesn't he use it? I would live out there if I had this view. The whole place is just missing…well, him. There is no Tobias at all. He should have darker color on his walls…navy or even a black accent wall with some photography of buildings. He's an architect for God's sake!

I think about offering some of my pictures. He'd probably feel obligated to hang them.

Although Chistina says they're unlike anything she's ever seen before and she can't believe I don't sell them. I've actually thought about it more and more lately. How amazing would it be to actually pursue a passion and make money at it? Tobias does it. But he's brilliant and educated and well, braver than me.

Should I pursue a higher education? I had always thought I would…but to be honest, I have no desire anymore.

Turns out my sense of independence does _not_ take over and I _am _planning on being at Tobias's apartment when he gets home from work. I called Myra to see if she would switch shifts, which she gladly did because who the hell likes working the late shift on a Wednesday? I usually loathe it, but I want to make dinner for Tobias and I.

I used to cook often with my mom. I stop briefly and sigh at the memory while making my way out the door to go to Whole Foods.

When I arrive, I browse the isles remembering that Tobias has minimal food in his kitchen. I figure I may as well buy a few things so that if I am there again, which I hope I will be, I can make him something. If not, then he at least has some for himself. So I buy some staples for the freezer: fish, chicken, ground beef, some steaks. I toss some seasonings in the basket. Then some packaged food: rice, pasta, along with other things. I really hope I'm not overstepping. _Stop second guessing yourself!_

_Okay, what should I make tonight? _I pause and think of my mom's chicken and rice casserole. It's amazing and one of my favorites. Sometimes I miss her so much. Something always holds me back from crying though and can't quite put my finger on what.

After getting all of the ingredients for the casserole and some vegetables my phone buzzes. _Kerrington Center for Mental Health and Substance Abuse _shows up on the caller ID.

"Oh no," I whisper to myself bracing for the worst. If Caleb wanted to talk to me he would have called from his room number. This is a call from the facility.

"Hello?" I answer, my voice breaking in the process.

"Yes, is this Beatrice Prior?"

"Yes."

"You're brother had another attempted suicide incident."

"I'll be there in 45 minutes."

"Thank you. You are the only one he says he will talk to."

"Okay. Thank you."

"My pleasure." _Did he really just say "my pleasure?"_

"Shit!" I say to myself for completely selfish reasons, one of them being that I won't be at Tobias's when he gets home.

This is Caleb's 5th suicide attempt. I love my brother but being his next of kin is…. _Inconvenient? Trying? Annoying? Nice job Tris!_

I've spent the last hour here though so I'm still going to drop the food off at Tobias's. I pay and grab my reusable bags getting ready for my trek to the bus stop. _I love living in the city, but grocery shopping is a bitch!_ Then I see Kitchen Outfitters and an idea hits me…

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I still can't get over the awesomeness of my girlfriend. I know I have had the dumbest smile on my face and literally have not been able to leave my office all day…nor get up from my desk for that matter. Plus, I'm torturing myself my looking at before and after shots pretty much all day.

I want Tris to tell me about her past in her own time. And I still have no intention of taking our relationship to the next level until she does. But, my fear is that the carnal side of me will take over if given the opportunity. I was ready to push myself inside her minutes after her giving me head. _That's some serious stamina! Shit. _However I can honestly say that it's not just her body that I'm attracted to….it's her as a whole. She's like a magnet to me. _And there's the dumb smile again…_

"Excuse me…Mr. Eaton?"

"Mmmm? Oh…hi Lauren. Honestly, please call me Four."

"I know…I just wanted to make sure you meant it when you said it the other day."

"I did indeed….mean it."

"Um…wow. I don't think I've ever seen you smile."

"Well, it's a natural response to being happy." _Or when your smoking hot girlfriend pleases herself in your bed and sends you a fuckin' picture._

"Happy? Ok…so um…just wanted to see if you wanted a coffee."

"Sure, that would be great thanks. 16 ounce Amer—"

"Americano…I remember…I'll be right back."

I smile as I see that I just received a text from Tris and I give Lauren an obligatory nod. I think she may have been trying to flirt with me, but I really don't care seeing as I now have a legitimate rationale to my disinterest. My smile quickly dissipates when I see the reason for the text.

**Tris:** I got a call from Kerrington. There is something going on with Caleb. Don't want to explain by text. But I won't be at home when you get home.

**Tris:** I mean at your apartment. Lol. Awkward.

**Me:** Not awkward.

_I actually loved it. Now what do I say? I suck at this shit!_

**Me:** Let me know if you need anything.

_Good job._

**Tris:** I will thank you.

**Me:** Text me when you're done.

_"__When you're done?!" It's not like she's running errands you asshole!_

**Me:** I just realized how shitty that sounded.

**Tris:** It really did.

I groan and lay my head on my desk.

**Tris:** But you read my mind. It sounded shittier in a text though. You win.

**Me:** Phew.

**Tris:** I just got here so I'll talk to you soon.

**Me:** Okay.

I spend the next 10 minutes or so wondering if I should have been more forthcoming and offered to meet Tris at Kerrington. She did, after all, bulldoze her way into my apartment this morning when she was worried about me. Am I doing the right thing? She likes her space and I've never met Caleb so I think I am.

I have a totally inappropriate smile on my face thinking about our texting banter and how Tris can be just as much of a jerk as me, thank God. But whatever the situation with Caleb, it must be bad and I should _not_ be smiling.

"Wow. Happy again? That's a record!" Lauren says all too cheerily.

I don't reply because I'm no longer in the mood to tolerate anyone's personality.

"Thanks." I acknowledge as she hands me the coffee.

"You're welcome!"

I start texting Zeke to see if he wants to meet at the gym. I think I probably owe him an apology. _I hate apologizing to him! How many times have I cleaned up his messes?_

I still feel Lauren's presence in my office so I try to communicate, "What the fuck else do you want?_"_ without saying it. _See? Working on kindness._

"Um…see you tomorrow."

"Yes."

After she leaves I check the cup for her number and it's not there. _Good._

"Four?"

"What." It's a statement not a question.

"Geez man. Want me to come back?" Will asks with annoyance.

"No, not at all…sorry."

"Yeah well, whatever. I just talked to Christina. Do you know what's going on with Tris? Christina's worried…like really worried."

I'm not sure how much of this information is classified so I don't answer at first.

"Stop staring me down. I already know about Caleb," he says impatiently as I look at him with raised eyebrows. "Sorry."

"I'm not trying to be rude, I am just trying to respect Tris's serious issue about privacy."

"I know. It's fine. I get it. All Christina told me is that Tris called the bar to switch shifts for the night and that Tris could barely even get words out. The only thing she said was she was at…um….Kerrington."

I sigh loudly. "Fuck…she texted me about 10 minutes ago saying she was heading into the facility. She said she didn't want to explain it over text. That's all I know." _Should I call? Text? Totally leave her to her own devices?_

"Okay thanks. I'll tell Chris."

"Now what should _I _do?"

"Hell if I know."

"Thanks."

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I walk in the door of the facility. There are several entrances all equipped to accommodate for a different disability. It's actually a little confusing. I usually opt for the door where you can either push it open manually or hit the button to open it for you. _Why am I thinking about entrances? To deflect…right._

"Hi. I'm Tris…um Beatrice Prior. I'm here to see—"

"Caleb's sister?"

"Yes."

"Hi, I'm Dr. Reynolds," asserts a very pretty blond girl in a doctor's jacket equipped with a clip board. "I'm the new resident psychologist here and I've been working with Caleb."

"Great," I deadpan.

"However he wants nothing to do with _me_ right now, so I'm glad you're here, although not under these circumstances. I'm sorry if that seemed uncouth." _Uncouth? Who the hell talks like that? _

"What happened?" I ask as we walk down the hallway toward the psychiatric wing rather than to the residences like usual.

"He had a visitor last night."

"Who?"

"Someone named Susan—"

"Hmmph."

"You know her?"

"Tell me what happened."

"I am actually the one who found him this morning. He had a string from a hooded sweatshirt tied around his neck," she swallows. _She's definitely new at this._ "And he had been slowly trying to asphyxiate himself…all night."

I take a deep breath as the visual sets in.

She pauses and stares at me. "My assessment is that he wanted a slow death. He was punishing himself."

I nod my head at that. In the last three years Caleb has tried to hang himself with a bed sheet, jumped off a 20 foot high shelving unit head first, run out in the middle of oncoming traffic and even tried a methadone overdose. He told me he thought it would be poetic irony, "a heroine addict dies of a methadone overdose." There was nothing poetic about it to me.

Caleb's lack of the desire to live was crushing to me at first: I couldn't fathom losing another member of my family. He couldn't even try to live for me?

After his 4th attempt, I saw how truly miserable he was. Now a small part of me hopes he succeeds, only to put him out of his misery. Maybe he would find peace? Is that how it works? All I know is that this is not a life for him. He lives with debilitating guilt every day.

He suffered brain trauma from his heroine overdose. It's as if the overdose stripped him of everything that made Caleb good. He now lives in his own world of torture and remorse.

I used to try to remind him of happier days. I could see in his eyes that he remembered, but then he would get confused and upset. His doctors felt it would be best for him to do most of the talking and for me to follow along as best I could, trying to keep things light. _Yeah okay._

"He's in there. I'll be right out here if—"

"I'll be fine."

Sitting on a leather couch in the corner of a dim room is my shell of a brother. The boy who used to have a smile that would make the girls in my class swoon, had kind eyes the color of his birthstone: a peardot, and the most contagious laugh ever, now has none of those things. Well, apart from his eyes...but they are always bloodshot now.

"You came."

"You thought I wouldn't?"

"I had hoped I wouldn't be here to see it."

I sit down on the middle of the couch. "Disappointed?"

"Very."

I sigh….never knowing what to say to him.

"You need to know something."

"What's that?" I inquire trying to sound like I don't know anything.

"Susan was here."

"Mmm hmm."

"She told me why you don't speak anymore."

I don't move a single muscle.

"Beatrice…Beatrice…Beatrice damnit look at me!" he screams throwing the TV remote across the room.

Two nurses come rushing in along with Dr. Reynolds and I stand up quickly to stop them.

"I'm fine! He's fine…really….please."

They look at each other uncertainly but then back out of the room, Dr. Reynolds glancing over her shoulder at us.

I sit down slowly again.

"You never told me he beat you…why…didn't…you…tell…me? I could have protected you….I'm your fucking brother!"

"What did Susan say?"

"Oh that dumb bitch wouldn't stop talking!"

The old Caleb would never think to call Susan a dumb bitch, no matter how accurate of a statement that now is. He was in love with her for years.

"She said she was 'confessing'," he says with mock laughter. "That she's held onto this 'guilt' for years! Fuck her!" Then his face goes colder than usual. "She said she knew the whole time….she knew…. um… was…" he squints his eyes trying to grasp at his last thought.

"Why can't I remember his god-damned name?!"

"Eric."

"Yeah…..sorry."

"Don't be. If I could forget his name I would."

"One of the benefits of being crazy."

"You're not crazy."

"That's like saying you're not fucking stupid."

"What?" I say turning my head incredulously at his sudden cruelty.

"You stayed with him...so obviously—"

"Stop it."

"Hey don't worry! Turns out you're in good company! I was too stupid to notice, you were too stupid to leave and Susan and our parents were too stupid to do anything about it!"

"What did you just say?" _I can't breath. _

"I don't fucking know…which part?"

"Mom and Dad—"

"Don't bring them up…why do you always talk about them?!"

"I …don't. But you…just did." My chest feels like it's caving in while Caleb looks at me with confusion. He has trouble keeping up with his own thoughts. "Did they…know? Did they know about….about…Eric?"

"Eric was my dickhead of a boss. I fucking hated that guy. Why did you ever like him?"

He has completely switched gears and the room is starting to spin. I stumble out of my chair making my way to the hall not even looking back at Caleb who is still laughing on the couch. Someone or something catches me under my arm as I lean over and retch on the floor.

"I didn't much care for those shoes anyway," Dr. Reynolds says as I try to focus.

"Oh my God I'm so sorry," I say as if it's one sentence.

"Can we sit and talk briefly?" She is talking to me as if my world isn't spinning on end and I didn't just puke on her shoes.

I nod my head as she motions to one of the nurses to clean up after me. I try to give them an "I'm sorry" look but Dr. Reynolds just says, "It's their job."

"I guess…."

She walk me into a small visitor's room and then I think she leaves. Somehow I have my phone and see that it's 4:00. A small slice of lucidity hits me and I realize I may not be to work on time…if this is the state I'm in. Is this how Caleb feels all the time? In and out of a fog…feeling like you're underwater and desperately need air.

Apparently I call the bar.

"Chris."

"Hey! I was thinking we should head over to Callahan's again after out shift. Maybe just us girls? I just thought that—"

"I may be late for work."

"Okay?"

"Uh…..can you ask Myra..to stay if I can't-" I cover up the phone and take deep breathes before the hysterics start to hit me.

"I guess. Why can't you do it? Where are you anyway? You were no where to be found this morning—"

"I'm at Kerrington."

"Is Caleb okay?"

I really really don't want her to hear me cry right now because I know she will freak out and make me explain.

"He's…"A semi-animalistic sob comes out of nowhere before I can cover my phone.

"Oh my God, Tris. I can come over there…I'll be there in—"

"No." Now at least I can cover the phone. Dr. Reynolds walks in and gives me a sympathetic look and takes the phone from me.

"Hello, this is Dr. Reynolds. With whom am I speaking?"

"Rest assured Tris is in good hands. Caleb is stable. She will provide you with further details when her composure is more appropriate for conversation."

"I'm sure you are—"

"I will pass the message on and your comment on my candor is duly noted."

"Yes, good-bye." She hands me the phone with raised eyebrows and an annoyed look. I don't even want to know what Christina said to her.

"Thanks," I mutter.

"She's quite the character."

"Yes."

"She said, and I quote, 'you better fucking tell her to call me!...And you sound like you have a stick up your ass.'"

"Yeah. She's...dramatic."

Dr. Reynolds moves on quickly as if she had never spoken to Christina. "Shall we talk about you or Caleb? You are mutually inclusive so it would be fine to start with either—"

"Do you always talk like that?"

"Yes."

"Caleb. I would rather talk about Caleb."

"Very well. Caleb had been improving as of late. May I ask what his relationship is with Susan Black?"

"She was his girlfriend for three years and….was…my best friend."

"Past tense?"

"Very."

"I checked the log and she used to visit frequently. But that seems to have dwindled."

Susan used to text me every time she was coming to visit Caleb. After he woke up from his coma he had very warped memories and no desire to see her. However when he did, it left him confused and semi-violent. After about a year of therapy, his disdain for her decreased to a minimal tolerance. Her visits became less and less.

"Is there a question in there?"

"No." She pauses probably in frustration at my evasiveness. _I don't even fucking know this girl! She has to be 25? How is she even a doctor?_

"I've never seen Caleb so disturbed as he was this morning after he awoke from his—"

"Nap?"

"Not the word I would use." She pauses. "He kept saying…" She looks at her notes. "'I never knew,' 'she never told me,' 'they knew, they knew, they knew'. He repeated this for about an hour until he became more lucid and was then asking for you. Can you explain any of that to me?"

"I'm not the patient."

"I'm trying to help understand why your brother attempted suicide after he had been doing well for the last six months."

"Why does Caleb do anything?"

"That…is…the conclusion…I am trying…to come to," she retorts, accentuating her words.

I sigh because I know she is trying to help him. And talking about him is distracting me from…things…so I should be more helpful.

"I would imagine Caleb was upset when Susan informed him that she knew I was being abused by my boyfriend and did nothing about it."

She swallows thickly and an expression of pity comes across her face. _Wipe that look of your damn face! _"Did Caleb know you were in an..,um-"

"Abusive relationship…no he didn't but apparently he does now. It sounds to me like he blames himself for not seeing it."

"I agree."

"He shouldn't…I stayed…that's on me not him," I disclose looking at the wall to my right.

"I agree."

I laugh because that's an uncommon yet refreshing response. I was expecting your basic, 'it's not your fault, don't blame yourself'…blah, blah, blah.

"Sorry," she says sheepishly. "I just mean that it definitely isn't his fault."

"I agree."

She smiles slightly as I use her own words.

"Did you know Susan was aware of your abuse?"

_Do I want to open this can of worms knowing where it will lead?_ "I found out two weeks after I came to Chicago."

**Flashback**

My phone dings on the nightstand. It's Susan. _Thank God! I really miss home._

"Hey!" I say excitedly.

"Hi."

"How are you? How is Caleb?"

"Oh…Caleb? He's having a tough time. But I'm not calling about him."

"Okay…how are you then? How is the—"

"Beatrice he's looking for you. He's looking everywhere for you. Out of the state and everything," she says nervously.

Why would Susan think that's strange? As far as she knows I up and left my long-term boyfriend the day after my parents' funeral without explanation. Of course he's looking for me.

"Okay. Please don't tell him where I am. It's just because I need space and—"

"I would never tell him…ever…you just stay safe."

"Okay….thanks," I say warily.

"Beatrice?"

"Yeah?"

"You should change your name. I overheard him in the office calling people, I don't know who, looking for Beatrice Prior. Your name is too recognizable—"

"Susan."

She doesn't respond.

"Susan."

"Yes?" she says almost imperceptibly.

"Tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"You…know…what."

Again she doesn't respond.

"Did you know?...DID YOU KNOW!?" I cry into the phone.

"Yes…okay yes!"

Now it's my turn to be silent.

"Look…you know me. I'm not good at anything! I'm not like you! There are NO JOBS here. He's my boss and my dad farms his land!"

"Don't ever…talk…to me…again."

**End Flashback**

"That's…awful."

I don't respond to that obvious remark as she quickly checks a text message.

"I'm sorry Beatrice. I can see you are visibly upset—"

"Visibly?"

"Well yes—"

"And auditorily, and physically, and mentally, and socially and emotionally—"

"No need to be sarcastic."

"Do I look like I'm being sarcastic? Visibly upset? You're a damned psychologist! People don't just get visibly upset. Are you sure this is the job for you?"

"You really don't need to take your apparent frustration out on me."

"Apparent? There it is again!" I'm definitely taking it out on her. As much as she kind of sucks, she doesn't deserve my anger.

"As there anything you would like to talk about with me?

"God…please don't psychologize me—"

"If that were indeed a verb…trust me…you would be the last person I would psychologize." _Damned smart people. _"Again, I'm trying to understand your brother." She sighs. "There was one other thing he said."

She pauses for way too long than is socially acceptable.

"Well?..."

"He kept saying 'they got what they deserved. He said that…" she looks down at her clip board, "10 times. Do you know what he meant by that?"

Suddenly the air is sucked out of the room again. My throat feels like a vacuum. Yet somehow I find words. "He told me today, that my parents knew." _There it is…it's out there…and now it's real. _I'm not exactly sure what happens next except that I eventually find myself in a puddle of tears on the table with Cara's arm around me awkwardly patting my back.

"I'm sorry…I say as I try to compose myself. I'm usually better at handling traumatic information."

"Don't apologize. But I have to be honest. I'm not very good at the whole comfort thing. Particularly when someone is hysterical."

"Yeah, I can tell. I'm not either…I need to go. Is Caleb-?"

"He's fine for now. I'll call you with an update later on this evening."

"Thank you…and I'm sorry…for being such a bitch."

"Apology accepted. I work in a mental institution. I've heard it all."

"Okay….so bye," I say awkwardly.

"Oh and say hi to my brother for me."

"Huh?"

"Will Reynolds. He found out you were here from his supposed girlfriend …the girl with the colorful words to whom I spoke… and he texted me."

"You're not going to—"

"You are Caleb's Health Care Proxy so doctor patient confidentiality prohibits it. As far as I'm concerned we only discussed issues surrounding Caleb's mental health issues…and those stay between us."

I nod my head in thanks and walk out the door. This time I choose the revolving one…kind of symbolic.

* * *

**Zeke's POV:**

Man, I love Four like a brother. But he can be a real piece of shit. Ater Tris called the station I got myself to his apartment in ten minutes flat…the power of the siren.

I'm the soul owner of a spare key to my best friend's apartment. After the mishap of having an after-hours party while he was out of town, I promised the man I would only use it for emergency purposes. Not sure if that qualified…but fuck it, Tris called.

I walked in to him face down on the floor, holding his phone.

"Four? Four?...Fuck….Tobias!...Damn!" I shook him…way too many times.

"Gedoffme…."

I hadn't seen him like that in years.

"Are you solo? Tell me you do not have female companionship! I am not getting in the middle of that shit…and Shauna _will _kill you…..come on." I rolled him on his back and tried to sit him up.

He groaned, "….thefuck….."

"Your girlfriend called the damn police station. You better have a decent reason for pulling this shit again…." I tried to get my head under his arm to help him up but I took a hard elbow to the jaw instead.

"Grrrrrrr…I hate you so much sometimes. Get the fuck up." I stood behind him and wrapped my arms under his to stand him up when I saw the bottle of scotch. _Marcus._

"….she'sssssso….fuckinloveher…"

"Yeah, we all know…little help here man….you are one heavy son of a-shit!" I just about had him until he pushed off the floor with his heels and we both landed on our backs.

I stared at the ceiling trying to think of all the times he had cleaned up my messes. That is the only damned reason I was still there…aside from the probable concussion on the back of my skull.

"…..uhhhhh…..jus…go...leeme…lone.."

"Get off me!" I yelled as I strained to push myself and him up again. "This is about your stupid piece of shit father….I know it. Now I'm getting your ass on…this…couch." That took every ounce of strength to get out. "And…you…will…help me!"

That must have registered with him somewhere in his brain because he let me help him onto the couch by supporting some of his weight. He sat there straining to keep his eyes open.

"Damnit! Why do you punish yourself like this? He's…not…worth it."

"…fuckin…hate…him."

I took a deep breath and shook my head. "Okay…come on, lie down man." I propped his head up on the couch cushions and took the bottle of scotch and put it in the liquor cabinet. "I've gotta call your girl."

"…fuckin…love…her…though…" He rolled his head side to side. "She…lemme...eat…herout…ina…closet." _Oh snap. _I always try to get information out of him…but that shit just felt wrong!

"Okay…time to go."

"…shegetsme….budI….fuckt...idup."

"If you fucked up that bad…she would not have called me." I got up to turn the lights off and then I saw a side view of my face that now had a big ass bruise from his elbow strike.

"Sonofabitch!" I said angrily under my breath.

So, I couldn't help my damn self and I left him a note:

_Nice job asshole._ –Z

I laugh to myself at that…even though it was kind of a dick move. I'm at the gym working out my frustration about my best friend: taking it out on the bags. He usually shuts his stubborn mouth after he talks to Marcus, but that shit isn't happening today. He _will _talk to me.

"Zekey! Don't get blood on the bags!"

_She did not just call me Zekey in front of the whole gym._ I hear her awesome high pitched laugh and decide not to tell her what I'm really thinking. _I love that woman._

"Yeah Zekey…no blood on the bags," I hear Four say with an awkward laugh afterwards: his version of guilt.

"Hey."

"Hey." He starts punching the bag next to me.

"You're an asshole."

"So I've been told."

"Short version?"

"Do you have to ask?"

"You were out of your mind hammered, you elbowed me in the face, practically gave me a concussion, told me you hate Marcus but love your girlfriend because she let you eat her out in a closet, so I put you to bed and left."

"There are so many things wrong with all of that."

I look over at him and I don't think I've ever seen his face so red…even after I punched Tris in the face. He hits the bag hard and fast several times.

"Short version?" he asks still punching the bag with serious strength.

"Hell yes."

"Marcus called and wanted to have lunch, so I drank heavily, I'm sorry that I kicked your ass—"

"That is _not_ what happened—"

I can't _believe_ I told you I love my girlfriend because I went down on her in a closet and thank you for putting me to bed. Are we good?"

"Yeah."

"Wanna spar?"

"Let's do this."

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

Tris isn't answering my texts, which is unlike her so I'm betting that she is still at the facility. It's kind of killing me right now.

I was in need of a serious distraction. Zeke can usually provide that for me so I met him at the gym in hopes of taking my frustration out on the bags or on him if we spar while fitting in an apology that I was sure I owed him. I achieved both without having to spill my guts too much. I still can't believe what I said to him last night. I hadn't even fully admitted to myself that I love her. No need to now…it's out there and I'm now fully aware. And dear God I hope she never finds out what I said to Zeke about the storage closet.

"Mr. Eaton," says the doorman as he nods his head and I shake my head in annoyance.

I had the pleasure of talking to Marcus's secretary today. I almost hung up on her until I thought better of it. That is something Marcus would have done. She was only doing her job. I declined her attempt at setting up lunch and immediately left for the gym.

I approach my apartment door. _Something smells amazing….._ _is she here? _I literally bound into my apartment.

"Tris?" No one answers and part of me is thankful that she didn't witness my ridiculous entrance.

Something definitely still smells amazing. _What the hell?_ Walking toward the kitchen and I spy a slow cooker plugged into the wall with some sort of concoction bubbling inside of it. _Do I even own a slow cooker? _There is a note:

_My handsome boyfriend,_

_I was planning on making you dinner…this was the best I could do. See you soon!_

_Love, Tris_

She's so awesome. I open the lid. It's some kind of chicken, rice casserole that I want to seriously devour right now. I write Tris a note instead:

_My sexy girlfriend,_

_I'm not eating without you. It's going in the fridge for when we can eat it together._

_Love, Tobias_

_P.S. Did you buy me a slow cooker?_

I take a picture of the note and text it to her hoping to make her smile when she gets it.

It's 6:00 now. Three hours after she went to Kerrington. I suddenly realize that I'm starving. I go to the fridge and grab some milk for a protein shake and I do a double take. Not only did my kick-ass girlfriend make me dinner, but she grocery shopped for me as well. I see orange juice, more milk, eggs, butter, basic condiments, cheese, deli meats among many other things that one would normally keep in a refrigerator. I open the freezer and see that is pretty stocked as well. _Damn…she's amazing._

My phone buzzes. I rush over to it only to see that it is Will.

**Will:** Just wanted to let you know that Tris is okay.

**Me:** How do you know? _How the fuck does he know?!_

**Will:** When I found out Caleb was at Kerrington, I texted my sister. She is the resident psychologist there.

**Me:** What happened?

**Will:** She wouldn't tell me anything except that Tris left about an hour ago.

**Me:** Thanks for letting me know.

**Will:** Sure thing.

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I leave the clinic and hail a cab to Navy Pier. I sit on a bench and then immediately stand up to hail another cab to take me home. Too many memories of my parents resonate around that pier.

I get home and head straight to the deck with my camera and get to work trying to distract myself when my phone buzzes. Tobias. _Shit! _He has to be worried. Apparently, I was so caught up in my own self-pity that I couldn't even text him. _I'm pathetic._

He wrote me a cute note back and sent me the pic:

_My sexy girlfriend,_

_I'm not eating without you. It's going in the fridge for when we can eat it together._

_Love, Tobias_

_P.S. Did you buy me a slow cooker?_

I immediately realize what is in the slow cooker and I break down in tears. My mother's chicken and rice casserole. But the gesture on Tobias's behalf is so sweet that I can't bear to tell him to throw it out. So the only thing I send him back is:

**Me:** Yes, I did.

**Tobias:** Just checking.

I laugh to myself because he knows that I will tell him what happened with Caleb on my own terms. I decide to call him.

"Hello?" answers my favorite voice.

"Hi."

"Hey. You okay?"

"No."

"I'm coming over." _Yes! Please be here in five minutes! _

"No, please don't…I have to be at work in an hour and a half and by the time you get here I will pretty much have to leave."

"Then I'll come by the bar."

"Tobias—"

"What? I'm worried."

"If you come to the bar I'll…..fuck, I hate this…I'm so sick of crying…"

"You know you can cry in front of me."

"I know…..but that doesn't make me hate it less…." I sound all nasally and gross. "If you come to the bar, I'll want to talk to you and…."

"Babe, it's okay. I just hate hearing you like this."

"Mmm hmm."

I can hear him sigh loudly. "Can you just tell me if Caleb is okay?"

"Yeah, he's fine now."

"Okay. Please promise you'll call me if you need me?"

"Yeah…I will."

"I wish I could see you tonight…I miss you." He laughs. _I love his laugh..._ "Sometimes I forget how crazy I sound. I just saw you this morning…"

"It doesn't sound crazy to me...Can I call you after work tonight? It'll be late—"

"Do you really think you have to ask that question?"

"Thanks." _And I love you._

* * *

I arrive at work at 8:00 and dodge Al who I still have not spoken too since he tried to make out with me and I kicked his ass in the employee lounge. I need to address that at some point. I then run almost head first into a very pissed off Myra. "A little notice next time would be nice."

"I'm sorry…I had a family emergency…and I'm only 10 minutes late."

"Never heard you talk about any family before," she says as if she's accusing me of lying.

"Well, that's because you and I don't really talk…ever."

"You're welcome," she says as she passes me.

"Tris!" _Oh no…._ "What the hell!? Why didn't you call? Is Caleb okay? Are you okay? What happened?"

Of course I start to tear up.

"No, no, no…no crying…I'm sorry. Just….go in the lounge and I'll be there in a sec. One second…I swear!" She dashes back to Tori's office as I go straight to the bathroom to air-dry my tears. _Hey…maybe I'll get some sympathy tips!_

"Well the upside of all this…" quips Christina as she returns and stands behind me. "Sympathy tips. Bring on the tears baby!"

I start laughing, like actual laughing because she read my mind and because she isn't babying me.

"Short version?" she asks. _How much should I tell her now? I haven't even processed it all yet._

"Super short," I reply.

"Got it."

"Caleb attempted suicide again."

"I had a feeling…how this time?"

"Death by asphyxiation…from a hoodie string."

"Geez."

"Susan apparently came to see him last night and told him about Eric and about how she knew the whole time."

"I can only imagine how that went over."

"He blames himself for not seeing it sooner, and that he didn't protect me. At least that's what I got from him when he was making sense…of course then he turned cruel and…."

"And…." _Can't tell her now._

"So Dr. Reynolds hates you…."

"Ugh! Oh my God….Cara! I had no clue she was Will's sister!...She sounds like she has a stick up her ass."

"I think she might. If it makes you feel better," I add shaking my head to clear it. "I think she hates me too."

"It doesn't. You're not dating her brother."

"No….I'm not," I say putting my hair half up and smirking, thinking about Tobias.

"What's that about? That face? What was that face?!"

"Time to get to work!"

"You are so going to tell me," she says through gritted teeth as she pulls on my arm.

"Ow!"

"Did you sleep with him?" She almost looks angry.

"What the hell? No…..and so what if I had?!"

"I'm sorry…I just…you know how I worry. Have you told him—"

"I will…I am."

We head out front.

"So apparently we have some catching up to do….I feel like I haven't seen you in forever."

"Yeah, I know."

"You're totally going to skimp on the details, aren't you?"

"Yes….but there are some things I'm willing to share…"

"Yeeeeeeee!" she screeches. _Jesus._

"Are you leaving?"

"Yeah, right! As if Tori would let me leave during the playoffs."

"Thank God." I was seriously worried after I saw Myra walk out the door. I cannot deal with drunk Hawks fans...plus I really want to watch the game, and if I'm too busy….

_What the hell? _I just realized how easily I had forgotten, for lack of a better word, about Caleb and the events of today, no matter how briefly. Of course they come flooding back suddenly…and the empty feeling of betrayal seeps back in.

"You okay?" Christina asks breezing by.

I sniff and nod my head and turn to serve my first customer.

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

Tris's call scared the shit out of me. I fell asleep watching the Hawks game. _Did they fucking win?_

"Did they win?" I ask groggily stretching on my couch.

"Haha. Hello to you, too…Do you really want to know the answer?"

"Apparently not."

"Damned Cedric Paquette. Lightning ahead 3-2."

"I hate that he's so awesome," I say stretching again.

"Totally…but he had major help from Hedman. Sadly…Cumiskey took a puck between the legs. Hangar's was pretty quiet after that."

"I knew you liked the Hawks…but you really know hockey…it's actually really hot."

"I was one of the few Blackhawks fans in Kittridge. Mostly Minnesota fans up there."

"Hmmm." _I can't stand the Wild…kicked em' out of the playoffs this year though. "_How was work?"

"Many obnoxious customers tonight." I know she doesn't love her job and I also know exactly what she means when she says 'obnoxious customers.'

"Hmmph.

"Nothing I can't handle. Chris and I make a good team."

"For your information the next play-off game that you have to work, I…will…be…there."

"Okay caveman," she says laughing. _It's so true._

"I must protect my woman."

She laughs lightly and then is silent. I know she wants to tell me about Caleb but I'm not going to ask her.

"He attempted suicide last night. That was his 5th time."

"Shit….Tris—"

"Just don't say anything yet…okay?" she asks me with a wavering voice.

"Okay."

"My best friend from high school visited him last night. She was also his ex-girlfriend and in some fucked up mission of relieving herself of guilt, she told my mentally unstable brother that I was in an abusive relationship with his boss."

I pause unsure of what to do.

"Okay say something otherwise this is just weird."

"Okay sorry….um…Eric was Caleb's boss?"

"Yes."

"And Caleb never knew about—"

"No…he didn't. But he sure as hell does now…and he is too messed up to understand it. He blamed himself for not protecting me, so he tried to strangle himself with….it's all because of me…." She's crying and there is nothing I can do about it. _Fuck._

"Can I ask you something?"

"Mmm hmm," she says as I hear her sniffle. _I hate it._

"You said Susan was trying to relieve herself of guilt? How would telling Caleb do that?...I'm sorry…I'm just trying to understand—"

"Susan knew."

"So you had told her?"

"No. I found out two weeks after I left that she had known the whole time. She never talked to me about it or told anyone about it…but I can't really blame her can I? I did the same fucking thing. At least she had an excuse. Eric was her boss." _I hate Susan._

"So she told Caleb that she had known?"

"Yes…..but that's not the worst of it." _Shit there's more?_

"Okay."

I hear nothing but total silence and I can tell she is covering up the speaker on her phone.

Finally I hear what can only be described as a strangled whisper. "My parents knew." _What…the…hell….._

There are nothing but obscenities and outright anger running through my head right now, it's so bad that I say…nothing…

But finally something comes to mind. "Tris." Dead silence…she is covering up the phone again. "I'm coming over…right now—"

"No."

"Don't tell me no. I want to see you…now. I'm walking out the door—"

"I won't let you in."

"Why?!" I ask in exasperation.

"Because I need a distraction and I don't want to use you as my distraction!" she grits out.

"Distraction? I'm lost…and I'm putting my shoes on."

"Ugh! You can't come over because I want to have sex with you so bad that I probably wouldn't let you get past the door jam! We'd literally be fucking in the door…of my apartment…pants down to your ankles and everything!"

"Ummmm…" I'm hard.

"I don't want our first time to be because I need a distraction from….this…from all of today's shit."

I'm staring at the wall one shoe on one shoe off visualizing myself taking Tris up against the wide open door…pants at my ankles.

"Tobias?!"

"Will you promise me something?"

She sighs. "Maybe…."

"Not good enough."

"Fine…what?!"

"Can we….do that sometime?"

Total silence and then I hear a stifled laugh that gets louder. _I love her laugh so much._

"Okay…yes."

"Do you promise?"

"I promise."

"Awesome."

"Oh my God….seriously…how do you get me to laugh so easily?"

"It's part of my charm," I say smirking to myself. _I am so not charming._

"Subject change please."_  
_

"Okay…what the hell are you doing right now? I hear a lot of…I don't know…static?"

"I'm putting my PJs on….otherwise known as your T-shirt."

"Oh." The thought of Tris in my Tshirt…no bra…panties…hard again.

"What are _you_ doing right now?" _Did she say that in her sexy voice? Shit I missed it._

"Heading off to bed myself."

"Hmm...what a coincidence." _Oh yeah…I heard it._

"Not really…it's 2:00 am."

"Okay then I'll just talk to you tomorrow…you're probably tired." _Not anymore!_

"It's weird…all of a sudden, I'm wide awake."

"That is so strange."

"I think I may just crawl into bed though. We can keep talking if you want…or not…totally up to you." _Please keep talking..._

"I can chat for awhile."

I hear the rustling of her covers and practically trip out of my sleep pants to crawl into bed. Her scent hits me in the face like a Mack truck and I groan way louder than I intended to.

"Are you okay?" she asks giggling. _She totally knows._

"My bed smells like you and I fucking love it."

"I bet it smells _a lot_ like me."

I make myself comfortable thinking that I'm laying right in the spot where my girlfriend came…on her own.

"Yes….deliciously like you."

"I can't believe I did that by the way."

"Not a usual occurrence?"

"Definitely not, I mean I have sort of…but this time I had a visual…so it was…different."

"A visual?"

"Mmm hmm." I can picture her biting her bottom lip as she says that.

"Continue."

"I was thinking of taking you…you know…um…in my mouth in the shower…" _Dear God. _"and how much I loved watching your face as I did."

"Ahem…Mmm hmm," I sort of say as I take off my boxers.

"Whatcha doin' Tobias?"

"Getting naked while my fucking hot girlfriend tortures me. What are _you_ doing Tris?"

"Pushing my red panties to the side because they are suddenly really really wet."

"I'm putting you on speaker."

"Beat you to it."

"So…this morning…just out of curiosity…for the record…what did you do while you were lying here thinking about me…you know…in your mouth."

I hear her breath out heavily. "I started touching myself…" Another deep breath on her end.

"And what are you doing right _now_?"

"Slowly running the tips of my fingers over my most sensitive spot. I know you know where that is..."

"Right at the top of your pussy." _Jesus are we doing this?_

"What are _you_ doing right now?" she implores.

"Stroking myself with my right hand…slowly….because I really want this to last."

"What are you thinking about?"

"That's a good…ah…question. Right now I'm thinking about how much I love running my tongue up and down your wet swollen lips."

"Jesus, Tobias…."

"But I think I want to take it a step further if you don't…uh…mind."

"Me….too."

"Yeah?" I say raggedly. Tell me."

"Like…I can't wait to know what it feels like to be wrapped tight around your long hard cock."

I groan, "Shit….mmmm…you know I'm gonna…go slow at first: relishing every bend and curve inside you."

"God…I can't wait…I wish these were your fingers inside me right now."

"I can almost feel you tightening around them right now….shit….I'm so god-damned hard for you…keep talking to me baby…I fucking love your voice."

"If I were there I would be pumping you faster right now…is that what…..…you're doing?"

"I just tightened my fist around my dick just like you do and…fuck I'm close…Tris…"

"God, Tobias…..I can't…talk….ohmygodohmygod…ah…..ah…" I still my hand and just listen to her as she peaks and then her breathing slows. _She kills me..._

I quickly pick up the pace knowing what does it for me but this is way better because I know she's listening to me and it turns her on.

"Jesus…" My imagination carries me over the edge and I climax thinking about the last time I came in her mouth. Then slow down and stop, wiping my hand on the sheets.

"Tris?" I barely breathe out.

"Yeah?" She returns sounding the same.

"Did we really just do that?"

"We definitely did….oh my God, we totally did." Her voice is muffled and I picture her covering up her face in embarrassment. Which is so hilarious to me because she can be so damn bold.

"Is it weird that I want to high-five you right now?"

"No. I just hi-fived myself," she says giggling.

We chat idly for about 10 more minutes until we slow down and both start to doze off.

"Night, Tris." _I love you._

"Good night, Tobias."

Five minutes later my phone buzzes. Tris sent me another selfie.


	16. Reactions

Holy awesome reviews! Thank you so much! It makes writing so worthwhile and is always very motivating.

**Chapter 16 – Reactions**

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I wake up to my phone alarm going off.

"What the…?" I sit up and rub my eyes.

This is the first time in as long as I can remember that it was apparently a necessity to even set my phone alarm. The only times I seem to sleep well are when I'm in Tobias's arms. Apart from that I always wake up well before my phone goes off.

I hear Christina making coffee in the kitchen so I shuffle out there and sit at the table still rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. I smile to myself thinking about my and Tobias's 'conversation' last night. My lower abdomen warms just thinking about him.

"Wow…you actually slept in…relatively speaking," Christina states with her scratchy morning voice.

"Yeah," I say while yawning and stretching my arms over my head. "I can't believe it."

"Sweet hair, too."

"Thank you. You know…Four says my bed-head is sexy," I say waggling my eyebrows while I seat myself at the table.

"He's lying," she deadpans.

"He totally is. Look at this shit," I say as my fingers get stuck in my tangles. I quickly toss it up in a harried ponytail. "Did you just get home?" I inquire.

"Ugh…yesssss….." she moans hanging her head between her shoulders.

I don't know why she always stays at Will's. I know he makes a good living so his apartment is probably way nicer, but I think it has more to do with me.

"You know Will _can _stay here, too. I have earplugs."

"Very funny."

"You know I wasn't trying to be funny…it's accurate…you're a total screamer."

"I will not apologize for that!"

"You shouldn't! I'm just saying he can stay here and I don't mind."

She gets a conspiring look on her face as she rests her hands on the table leaning toward me, "I'm trying to break him in a little. He's totally not a dirty-talker but I think he's warming up to the idea. Last night he actually said that he wanted to su—"

"Ayeayeaye!"

"Oh come on! If I can't tell you this who can I?"

"Maybe some things you should just…keep between the two of you?"

"Ugh! Have some fun Prior!" she pours two cups of coffee and sits down across from me. "Speaking of fun..."

"Oh no!...I know that look…you aren't getting anything out of—"

"What if you just give me yes or no answers?...Come on! Four won't mind! You know he's telling Zeke everything!" _Is he? Shit. I hadn't thought of that. I hope not._

"Okay fine. But only yes or no questions and I'm not promising I'll answer every one."

"Whoop! Whoop! Okay….hmmmmm…. Did he go down on you in the storage closet?"

"Yes."

"I knew it! We were all betting…Marlene said you were fucking but I knew better. Whatta bitch by the way! Can you believe she did that? Poor Uriah!"

"Well, I was perfectly happy with how the night ended," I remark slyly.

"I bet!" She says giggling like she's still in high school.

This is something Susan and I never did. First of all, we were dating each others' siblings, but even if we weren't, Susan was way too up tight. When she told me she kissed Caleb after dating for eight months, she actually whispered it in my ear and there was no one else in the damn house.

"Hmmmm….Have you given him head?"

"Yes."

She gapes at me is disbelief. "Seriously?"

"I said yes, didn't I?"

My face reddens and I'm not sure if it's because I'm angry that Christina can't believe _Tris Prior _would do something like that or because I'm having shower flashbacks. _Whoa! Definitely the latter:_

_Tobias moving my long hair to the side so he can watch, but also for stability….his hips twitching trying to hold off and control himself from thrusting…I can just feel his legs flexing involuntarily every time I pulled my mouth up-_

"I just would have thought that would have been…difficult for you."

"Well…ahem….it wasn't…with him it's like everything is happening for the first time." I sigh really wanting to finish my thoughts but then I check out Christina's face.

"Chris…are you crying?"

"No!...Well, maybe just a couple happy tears. I never thought you would get to this point. Well, I figured someday it would happen…but I honestly thought it would be a struggle."

"There have been a couple times that were…uncomfortable…but…." I trail off looking down at my hands remembering the concern on his face when I froze up after him holding my hips in place.

"But….."

"Yes or no questions!"

"Yeah, yeah okay...Is Four his real name?"

"No."

"Do you know what his real name is?"

"Yes."

"Will you tell me?"

"No."

"Is he hung like horse?" she asks a little too excitedly.

_Yes! _"Pass."

"He has to be! I mean look at him! Plus you look like a tomato so I know the answer is yes...Hmmm...Does he talk dirty?"

_"Right now I'm thinking about how much I love running my tongue up and down your wet swollen lips….."_

"Yes…"

"Do you?" _Damnit._

_"I can't wait to know what it feels like to be wrapped tight around your long hard cock..."_

"Yes."

Christina looks dumbfounded. "Okay. Who are you and what did you do with my best friend?!"

I run my finger along the top of my coffee mug thinking about how to respond.

"He makes me feel…confident."

"Well he fucking worships you," she states matter of factly.

"He doesn't worship me! Geez…"

"You should see the way that boy looks at you! And, I'm pretty sure he has a serious jealous streak so beware," she says jokingly.

"He definitely seems to…but there's nothing to be jealous of with me. Guys don't exactly look my way—"

"Whatever you say Tris."

"They…don't."

"Whatever you say…Tris," she adds with an eye-roll.

We sit in semi-annoyed silence for a moment until Christina can't stand it anymore.

"So I know you were holding back something from me last night. Want to tell me what it was?"

"Not really," I say shrugging. "But I will."

She pulls her feet up on the chair and blows on her coffee. "Okay…"

"Turns out my parents knew that Eric was abusive….to what extent I don't know. But apparently they knew."

"Oh my God, Tris."

"Yep," I reply nodding my head slowly but not making eye contact. "Susan told Caleb."

"Why…why didn't they…I don't know, intervene?"

"As of right now, I don't know. I think I'm going to talk to Susan."

"I hate her for what she did to you."

I exhale loudly. "She's weak. She always has been."

We sit there sipping our coffee both lost in our individual thoughts. _Time to stop thinking._

"My turn to ask you yes or no questions!"

"I don't have a problem giving details—"

"I know, but I have a problem listening to them!"

"You can be such a prude."

"Whatever—"

I'm interrupted by my phone ringing. _The Kerrington Center for Mental Health and Substance Abuse _comes up on the caller ID.

"Shit. It's about Caleb."

Christina nods her head in understanding as I get up and go sit on my bed.

"Hello?"

"Hello Beatrice. This is Dr. Reynolds."

"Hello."

"I'm sorry I didn't call you last night." _I forgot anyway._

"It's fine. How's Caleb today?"

"He has spoken little but seems to be less disconcerted than yesterday."

"Okay. Is there a next step or-?"

"I am most comfortable with just watching him right now. He will not be moving back to the residences for quite some time."

"When should I visit?"

"Possibly one week? I'm not confident whether a visit from you would be a step forward or a step backward at this point."

"Thank you for the call."

"My pleasure." _Seriously….who says that?!_

Afterwards I hang up and sit on my bed, staring at the floor thinking about…nothing at all.

"How's Caleb?" Christina inquires leaning on my bedroom door.

"Uh…fine, I guess. Dr. Reynolds says I probably shouldn't see him for about a week."

"Dr. Reynolds….hmph," Christina mutters looking down at her hands in embarrassment.

I snort to myself trying to cover up the laugh that is bubbling up about the conversation Christina had with Will's sister.

"It's not fucking funny!"

"It is…completely…funny!" I get out with tears practically burning my eyes. "You usually go out of your way to avoid meeting a guy's family-"

"I do not!"

"You told that guy Shawn your grandma died so you didn't have to have dinner with his mother!"

"So this is karma?" she asks completely annoyed.

"Not unless you are Hindu...I think you're in the clear."

She sits on my bed and looks at me intently. "I think I might be….I think I love him." _Did I hear her correctly?_

"Really? Like the real thing?...or the he's-hot-and-really-nice-so-I-think-I-love-him kind?"

"I think this is the real thing…."

"Chris…that is…I'm really happy for you. Do you think he feels the same?"

"I hope so."

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

My alarm goes off at 6:00. I obviously passed out right after I got off the phone with Tris because I'm holding my phone and I'm still naked. I recheck my last text message from her….rosy cheeks, crazy hair, glazed over eyes. _So hot. _The other one is better because it was lighter out_. I should make it my screen saver…. _

I think to myself that I need to start waking up to her actual face rather than to a picture of her face. I would sleep in the same bed as Tris every night if I trusted myself. It kind of makes me feel like an asshole: I can't sleep in the same bed as her unless we have sex first? _I'm a dick._

I get up to shower feeling totally shitty and really really hoping Tris doesn't see this situation like that. Seeing that fucking bench as I turn on the shower envisioning my girlfriend laid out for me doesn't help how crappy I feel. It only makes me want to jerk off…which I just did last night…having phone sex with Tris. _Still not helping! _I take a very very fast shower just to get away from the bench because it's staring at me.

I wrap a towel around my waist and head to the kitchen, shivering as rogue droplets of water slide down my back. It's getting cooler out, I'm going to have to start turning the heat on. Or I could just cuddle up in my bed with Tris…which, apparently I cannot do!

I venture to the kitchen to grab the milk and then I see the fully stocked fridge again. _Why is she so damned thoughtful? _

"I'll bet she even bought me cereal," I say under my breath as I open the cabinets. "Yep, she remembered my fucking favorite…Lucky Charms!_" _I have never felt so guilty about pouring a bowl of cereal. _But they're so damn good….yum._

I eat while watching highlights of last night's game on my tablet. Tris loving hockey is so fucking cool. ALG has a box at the United Center and I know all I would have to do is mention the word Stanley to Amar and I would have immediate seats. They're tied with Tampa right now…we'll see how Monday night goes. Tris works Monday night….so at least I know what my plans are for the game.

My phone lights up on the counter and I smile as I see Tris's name on the texting bubble.

**Tris:** I slept great but would have rather had you here.

_Me too….but apparently I won't because I can't control my dick._

**Me:** I prefer that as well.

**Tris:** I feel bad. I don't want you to think I don't want to. It's just really hard to keep my hands off you.

_Relief! Sweet relief!_

**Me:** Feeling 100 Xs better…you have no idea.

**Tris:** About?

**Me:** I was feeling like a jerk because I didn't want you to think I can't be intimate with you without having sex.

**Tris:** Intimate? You sound like my Adult Living teacher in high school.

**Me:** Reworded: I hate the fact that I feel like I can't sleep in the same bed as you without wanting to pound you. It makes me feel like an asshole. Better?

**Tris:** Much. You're not an asshole and there are many ways to be intimate without sleeping in the same bed….That is why they make storage closets, showers and phones.

_She's the best…we totally did all of that!_

**Me:** So you can use that word and I can't?...and you make an excellent point.

**Tris:** How about we both avoid it? And thank you.

**Tris:** I'm going for a run and then to Dauntless. Talk to you later?

**Me:** Do I get to see you tonight? You work early?

**Tris:** Yeah, I work until 9:00. Come over afterwards?

**Me:** I'll pick you up.

**Tris:** Can't wait…I miss you.

**Tris:** I almost added some emojis FYI.

**Me:** I miss you too.

**Me:** What the hell is an emoji?

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I run to Dauntless…literally, thankful for the end-of-September weather finally starting to provide less humidity. _What the hell am I saying? It was 90% humidity two days ago. I live in the Midwest. It'll probably snow tomorrow._

"Good morning Tris. Laughing at yourself again?" George asks in his soothing voice.

_Do I do that a lot? _"I guess so."

"You do that a lot. You have a very expressive face. I would imagine it betrays you often."

"It doesn't usually work to my advantage," I mumble as I think of several times when I tried to lie and had ultimately failed. The worst being when I was trying to lie to Eric.

"What time is it? Am I late?"

"No. I'm just walking in now. I will see you in there."

I run to the locker room and change out of my running clothes and into my yoga wear. I'm still sweating when I get there and spread out my mat.

"Tris!...Tris!" I hear someone whispering my name a couple rows over.

I look over and see that it's Marlene. I give her a nasty look as a small punishment for hitting on my boyfriend the other night but then I follow it up with a quick smile. She points next to her at an empty spot so I quickly move my mat next to hers.

George catches my eye and shakes his head. I know he hates it when people talk during his class. He assumes Marlene and I practicing next to each other is a recipe for disaster. He's probably right.

"I didn't know you had a membership here."

"Yeah. I came here with Uriah the other day and loved it. It's pretty bad ass. I can run on a treadmill and watch the hotties spar at the same time!"

The set-up is what initially drew me to this place as well. The interior is like a huge warehouse but then there are windowed rooms where they teach classes surrounding it.

"Any hottie in particular?" I ask probing for information as George dims the lights and asks us to sit in child's pose.

"Why yes as a matter of fact….." she whispers smiling. "He's training someone right now."

"Uriah works here?"

"He's a personal trainer," she reveals smiling. "It's really hot. We work out together almost every day. He says he's going to teach me how to spar! Yay!"

"Marlene…please control yourself and work on your nose breathing," George remarks to the whole class.

Marlene loves staying fit as much as I do. Probably for different reasons. Maybe not though….my reasons used to be for safety but maybe they aren't anymore…

"I would love to learn that…." I say quietly. "Maybe Uriah would teach me?"

"That would be fun! We could spar against each other!"

"Shhhhh….."

Marlene and I spend the rest of the class providing each other with small snippets of conversation, but we reel it in by the end so George doesn't seem too pissed. Afterwards we both walk into the gym and spot Uriah and Shauna.

"Hi baby!" Marlene singsongs happily as she launches herself at Uriah.

"Well hellooooo m'lady!" he answers as he swings her around.

Shauna leans over and asks out of the side of her mouth, "Did he really just say 'm'lady'?"

"I believe so."

"Wow," Shauna adds putting emphasis on the last W.

"Hey Shauna? Don't you think Uriah should teach me how to spar?" Marlene asks.

I glance at Uriah and see that he looks a little worried. It's actually kind of cute.

"Absolutely. I have been asking Max to open up a sparing class for women. I think he is actually considering it now."

"Would we only be sparring against women?" I ask hoping that's not the case.

"Would you want to go against a dude?" Uriah asks with a condescending laugh. "I mean...come on little miss Tris!" he adds playfully punching my arm.

Shauna shakes her head. "Uri…you have no clue what you're talking about. Tris is…kind of a bad ass."

"Pshhhh."

I narrow my eyes at Uriah but turn my attention to Shauna. "As much as I would love to back you up Shauna…I've never spared before. But I would love to take a class!"

She starts laughing to herself. "You know Four tried to teach me how to spar…." she trails off still laughing.

"Really? What do you mean 'tried'?"

"Well….Zeke walked into the gym as we were training. Four gave me an uppercut to the ribcage and Zeke kinda…tweaked."

"Oh my God. What did Zeke do?"

"Very similar to what Four did when Zeke punched you in the face. But Zeke was completely unsuccessful. Don't tell him I told you that."

"I won't…I promise," I say internally smirking at the situation.

"Four would shit if he knew you were taking sparring classes, especially if you end up with a male opponent!"

"Yeah, well it's not really his call is it?" I snark hoping she knows it wasn't aimed at her.

"Nope! But good luck finding a male opponent if you ever get the chance…especially if people know _you two_ are dating."

"What?! Why?!"

"Well, Four has kind of a reputation around here for being a little unapproachable and intimidating, plus he's the best fighter in the gym. Seriously it's like watching the fucking terminator. When he spars, the whole place kind of stops and watches."

"So, what the hell does that have to do with me?"

"He would beat the piss outta anyone who came within an inch of hurting you. He has a temper by the way..."

"Yeah, I figured that…"

I must have a worried look on my face because Shauna immediately says, "Not like a crazy person temper, just…I don't know I've seen him snap before. He doesn't take it out on other people or anything…pretty much just on himself: beating the bags until his knuckles are bloody, running until his legs give out, basically beating the hell out of my gym. I'm not entirely sure, but I think he's been through some tough times."

I don't want this conversation to lead into what I know about his past. So I just shrug my shoulders and bounce on my toes.

"He's been different lately. It's because if you, ya know. He's been better, happier…..he smiles…it's weird."

I pause for a minute smiling to myself, secretly loving that I have that effect on him.

"It's so strange to me because I don't see him as intimidating or unapproachable or any of those things. From the beginning he was falling all over his words, he never knew what to say and it was so damned cute. He has done the most thoughtful things too. And I don't know...it's just easy with him. He's so…haha…I'll just shut up now because you look really confused."

"I've just never heard anyone talk about him that way. All the other girls he was with just talked about him on a surface level: 'he's talented, successful, gorgeous.' It always kind of drove me crazy because there really is so much more to him, ya know?"

The thought of him with other girls makes me crazy…I think I may be equally as jealous as him, I just contain it better.

"Soooo….other girls? Lots of other girls I would imagine…." I comment awkwardly looking down at my shoes.

"Ummmm…."

"You don't have to say a word in response to that…" I can feel heat spread to my cheeks.

"Well…funny enough. Not really. I mean I won't lie and tell you he hasn't had a few one-nighters-"

"Yeah, I really don't—"

"But they were mostly Zeke pushing women at him or if he was in one of his moods and needed a 'distraction'."

"Hmm."

"But never any real girlfriends, a few possibilities, but nothing serious."

I sigh and add, "I'm not purposely trying to be nosy. I just….well…it's really fucking hard watching women throw themselves at him."

"Yeah, I would hate that too. And I'm not gonna lie, it happens….a lot."

I just shake my head and look at my feet.

"But Tris?" She leans her head down trying to catch my eyes.

"Hmm?"

"He hates it. It makes him uncomfortable and he almost always 'declines the offer.' Well now, I'm certain he will always decline the offer."

I smile at that until a thought crosses my mind. Shauna must notice.

"What?" she probes.

"Well…I don't know…he's phenomenal and I'm….not. I just don't get it. We don't make sense."

"Really? Not from my view but if you want to be self-deprecating and torture yourself with those thoughts be my guest! Let me know if you want me to put you on the list for the sparing club!" Then she turns and walks toward the front desk.

I love that Shauna can be completely blunt and completely endearing at the same time.

"Sign me up...and Shauna?"

She turns and looks at me.

"Thanks."

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I'm sitting at my table in my office, pouring over some of the revisions one of my drafters sent me. I haven't officially met him yet because he was out of town so we had to conference call him in at the meeting yesterday. But I emailed him the prelims and he produced renderings in record time. There are many more errors than I prefer on account of his turnover rate, but hopefully he'll learn that speed doesn't necessarily produce great work. With all that said, I'm still impressed.

"Helllooooo! Just thought I would stop by and see if you wanted a little…afternoon delight…." says a high-pitched she-male sounding voice accompanied by a dark hairy leg seductively wrapping itself around my partially opened door.

"No thanks. Not really into dudes. Try Amar...corner office."

"Not my type!" I hear Amar yell from his office.

"Aw man! How'd you know it was me?" Zeke says laughing loudly and inappropriately as he saunters in with a pizza box.

"Lucky guess. Why are you here? Don't you work?"

"Nice to see you too, dick. I was teaching CPR at the station today, and now I'm done. I brought you lunch…unless you don't want Lou—"

"Put the Malnati's down…now. I'm starving," I say laughing. "Thanks by the way...sorry, I just got wrapped up in work."

"Yeah, you get seriously lost in that shit."

"It's not shit—"

"Hi Four! I saw that you have a guest…can I get you two…"

I've caught Lauren lurking by my door several times today. So I turned my chair towards the window because it was annoying the shit out of me. Unless I'm imagining things…which I'm not…she's interested.

"Lauren?"

She has stopped talking and is staring at me. _Stop…it…now._

She swallows and shakes her head. "Wow! Glasses…you wear them…really well…I mean…well, you really wear them."

"I do wear them."

I can see Zeke smirk out of the corner of my eye.

"They look..wow—"

"Lauren, this is my friend Zeke, Zeke this is Lauren, she's our coffee barrista. Would you like anything….Zeke?"

"No, I'm all good thanks!"

"Oh okay. What about you Four? 16 ounce Amer—"

"I'm fine thank you."

"Okey-dokey. I'll check back later." She turns to leave and takes a quick glance through the window as she walks past.

_Here it comes._ "Someone likes nerds with glasses!" _Not as bad as I thought. _"Pretty sure she wants you to take her from behind though…Americano style…" _And there it is._

I ignore him, tossing my glasses onto my desk and open the pizza box.

"Plates? Forks? Napkins?" I ask trying to change the subject.

"Nope. Man style," Zeke says diving into the deep dish pizza and taking a bite, getting sauce on his pants and the chair.

"Fuck, Zeke. Come on!" I bark out as I get up to scrounge what I can from my desk drawer.

"You're welcome by the way," he says with a mouthful as I hand him some napkins.

"Yeah….thanks."

"So our girls are out to lunch together."

"Really?" I say taking a slice of pizza. _Wow….that's fucking awesome._

"Is it weird that I think that's fucking awesome?"

"Slightly," I say shrugging nonchalantly.

"You're smiling like a fool. You know you love it!"

He's right. I love the fact that Tris is becoming friends with my friends.

"I am personally shocked that you would find anyone that would last more than 2 weeks…at least not anyone of substance," he comments.

"Substance? Should we inventory your track record?"

"It is definitely more impressive than yours on sheer number alone—"

"But were aren't talking quantity, we are talking quality." _Who the hell am I kidding!_

"So you've dated quality women?" he says with raised eyebrows and a mouthful of pizza.

His timing is impeccable.

"Hello Four. Whose your friend?" Nita purrs as she saunters into my office propping her breasts up under her crossed arms.

"Zeke," I state.

"The infamous Zeke?" she asks as if I've been telling her about him for years. "I'm Nita." _Brace yourself Tobias._

Zeke nearly chokes on his pizza as he tries to collect himself. "Nice to..ahem, ahem….meet…you," he finally says giving her an all too enthusiastic head nod.

"You, too," she says laughing lightly at the all too common response men have in her presence.

"What do you want?" I ask bluntly.

"To discuss that personal matter with you." She is looking down at her shoes pretending to be shy.

"What is it?" I ask plainly.

"Well, I'm not sure it's appropriate to discuss in front of our friend."

"_My_ friend knows _all _about you. What…do…you…want?"

Zeke is looking back and forth between us.

"I'm sorry about the way I treated Tricia….you and I are going to be working closely…and I want us to be friends."

I ball up my napkin and lean my elbows on the table. I lower my voice and look her square in the eyes. "Let me make this very plain. Her name is Tris. You and I will be working together but not as close as you might think. We are not friends nor will we ever be friends. We are colleagues and that is the extent of our relationship. Did you need anything else?"

She smiles slyly and shakes her head looking at her leopard print heels, "Nope."

"Excellent. Please close the door behind you."

She laughs lightly in annoyance and exits the room. I have the sinking feeling that I just added fuel to a fire.

"That was cold," Zeke says shaking his head.

"So my intention was clear?"

"Crystal my man…but damn! That girl is quite the specimen. You hit that and didn't go back for more?!"

I lean back in my chair not feeling a need to respond to a question he knows the answer to.

"Yeah, yeah…clam up on me…fine. I know you _love _your woman," he says adding emphasis to the word love. "And I must say, she is incredible."

I again don't feel the need to respond to something so obvious.

"And anyway, Shauna would hate Miss Flaunt-her-assets, and I cannot have that. On the other hand, your little Trissy—"

"Don't fuckin' call her that."

"—my woman adores."

"Does Shauna adore it when you call her your 'woman'?"

"Nah! She's used to it by now."

"Whatever you say…."

We grab another slice and eat quietly for awhile…too quietly. Something is up with him.

"What's on your mind Zeke?"

He leans back in his chair and swallows the last bit of pizza in his mouth crossing his hands over his stomach.

"How much does she know?"

"About what?" I'm playing dumb really not wanting to have this conversation.

"Don't be an ass." He knows me well enough to realize I won't respond unless he asks me the right questions. "Does she know about Marcus and your mom?"

"She knows he abused my mother for as long as I can remember."

"Does she know how your mom died?"

I try to take a cleansing breath but it ends up coming out wavering and awkward.

"She is aware of the circumstances."

"Let me make this easier…What doesn't she know?"

I sigh and run my hands through my hair. "She doesn't know about the miscarriages nor about the inheritance structure."

"Inheritance structure?"

"Marcus's lawyer contacted me last year informing me that the terms of the Trust have changed."

For once Zeke is letting me talk.

"It turns out that when Marcus dies I get nothing. I was disappointed because I was ready to donate every dime of that money."

"Well, at least you'll never have to see any of it. That's good news right?"

"For me, sure. But if I ever happen to have children, it becomes a whole new ball game…with Marcus right at the center."

"You didn't ever want kids anyway…so who gives a shit?"

I run my hands through my hair and stand up abruptly to go sit behind my desk.

"You're right, I didn't." I clear my throat. "Thanks for the pizza man. I've got a lot of work to do. Lunch is on me next time."

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

_I can't wait to see Tobias! I can't wait to see Tobias!_ _Am I 16? God Tris! _I bounce from customer to customer serving drinks like a champion. I even slap Al on the butt as I pass. _Oops awkward. _

I know I only just saw Tobias yesterday morning…but it feels like forever. At least this shift is half-way over and it's been busy so it should go by fast.

"Did you sit on a rainbow or something?" Christina asks quirking an eyebrow. "You're much more…colorful than usual…I like it!"

"Nope! Just my same old happy-go-lucky self!"

"Yeah…okay…"

"What?!" I ask almost offended. "Am I always a downer or something?"

"Not at all. You just don't usually act like a leprechaun," she says laughing.

All that comment does is remind me how much Tobias loves Lucky Charms. _I wonder if he found them in his cabinet… I would love to eat Lucky Charms with him in the mornings if we ever actually…_

"Christina," I suddenly verbalize.

"That'll be $18.00…tab?...We don't take Diners Cards…thanks." She turns away from the customer and looks at me, "What?"

"I'm going to let him read it…my journal…I'm going to hand it over and I don't know…"

"Okay…good….this is…good. Is this good? Are you nervous? I'm nervous. How are you gonna do it—"

"Chris. Now I'm nervous." I say with an accelerated heart rate. This could change everything…but this could change everything for…the better. _Yes! The better! _

I make seven Irish Car Bombs as we strategize.

"Okay….so let's think," Christina says as she hands her customer the change. "Are you going to warn him? Or just hand it over?"

I look up to the ceiling with my hands on my hips. "I don't want to blindside him, but I don't want an awkward build-up either."

"We have Beefeater, Bombay, Tanqueray and Hendricks….okay. 5 limes? Seriously?" She shakes her head and looks at me to continue the conversation as she makes the drink. "Does he even know you have a journal?"

"No. And I don't know if it would be better him hearing it from me or reading it. But I know that I am completely unable to get the words out. So this is the only option…for me at least."

She nods her head in thought as I see Will sit down on a bar stool behind her. _Well that's the end of this conversation._

She must see my eyes shift because she looks over her shoulder and bounds over throwing her arms around him across the bar. I look after them envious for a minute until strong arms wrap around me from behind and I feel a warm familiar breath on my neck saying quietly, "Why so sad?"

Butterflies infiltrate every orifice of my stomach as I turn around to look up into the most exquisite deep blue eyes ever. He still has me securely in his arms although one hand has migrated into my back jeans pocket.

"Not sad anymore," I say as I run my hands up his back and into his hair pulling him to me. But he pulls away quickly and I'm pretty sure I give him my best pouty face. He looks left and right and suddenly I'm being lifted by the backs of my thighs and carried into the hallway. He presses me up against the wall as I wrap my legs around his waist. He snakes his left arm around my hips and runs his right hand up through my hair making me look at him.

"Hi," he says in a whisper.

"Hi."

We are both smiling until our smiles fade and a sense of desperation seems to take over as our lips meld together passionately, our tongues seeking each other out. He tightens his grip on my hair pulling my head to the side as his soft lips make contact with my neck fervently. I open my eyes to see people peeking their heads at us down the hall so I pull away making it his turn to pout.

"Not enough privacy," I say breathily as I unwrap my legs and pull him back to the lounge. We get there in record time and I shove him into the bathroom. I barely even get the chance to shut the door behind me before he lifts me up and sets me on the sink.

"Back to where I left off. I think I was right about…yep…here."

"No…you were a little…um…to the left…"

"Oh…my apologies…let me back track."

I laugh until I feel his left hand slide up under the back of my white shirt. His warm fingers make my breath hitch and goose bumps spread down my arms.

I push his suit jacket off his shoulders needing to feel his strong frame under my fingertips, which causes him to remove his hands from me to shake the jacket off. But this is so not enough for me so I quickly loosen up his tie before getting immediately distracted by his glorious lips on mine as he kisses me slowly and seductively. I whimper into his mouth as he makes no move to touch me anywhere else except where his hands are already resting on my hips. He must sense my disappointment because he smiles into my mouth.

"Sorry. I just can't get enough of your lips and I don't want to get sidetracked by your other equally as appealing parts."

"I'm a firm believer in multi-tasking so—"

"Tris! Get off your boyfriend and get the fuck out here!" Tori yells through the door.

Tobias rests his forehead on my shoulder and groans.

"Back to work…." I say sighing. "But hey…"

He lifts his head and looks deep in my eyes. "I think I'm ready to share some things with you….tonight maybe?"

He looks at me seriously and nods his head in understanding before kissing me sweetly on the lips and lifting me off the sink by my waist as if I weigh nothing.

"No pressure…okay?" he says his voice wavering. _Is he nervous? _He clears his throat and starts to fix his tie in the mirror smiling as he gives me a sidelong glance.

"I know…thank you." _I adore this man._ "See you out front."

I walk out to the bar and see that Christina is swamped. _Oops. _

"Sorry, sorry, sorry!" I chirp as I sweep in.

"Hey…I'll remember that the next time I want to have a quickie with Will!"

"Me, too!" Will chimes in.

"You know that wasn't—"

"Just make an Amaretto Stone Sour, a Cranberry and Makers-"

"Yuck...really?"

"An Old-fashioned and a Cucumber Martini please….yes, I gave you the hard drink order."

I grumble to myself, knowing I have no right to be frustrated….unless it's sexually frustrated. Speaking of sexually frustrated I am now getting a full on view of Tobias in a navy blue tailored suit. I've never really had the chance to just stand back and admire his perfect form in his work attire. If my mouth wasn't closed I would be drooling.

"Jesus…he pulls that off well," Tori says in passing.

"Haha….yes…" I say nervously.

He is so gorgeous. What the _hell _does he see in _me_? I briefly glance around him as he catches almost every female eye I can see. A twinge of some strange emotion hits me. Not jealousy because he shows them no attention. Not anger…how can I blame them? He doesn't have a ring on.

"Tris! Put the claws away. You look like a crazy person," Christina whispers forcefully.

"What?!"

"You are both so alike! You should see the looks he gives any guy who even takes a second glance at you."

"Look at his face right now…quick!"

I glance over at Tobias and see that he has a steel cold look on his face that even gives me the chills.

"Now follow his line of sight," Christina adds as she makes a Captain and Diet.

I turn my head in the direction he is staring and make eye contact with a blond 20-something guy who tips his beer in cheers at…_me?_ I look at Christina.

"He was _not _looking at me," she states clearly.

I peek over at Tobias and see him down his drink. He knows I saw that guy raise his drink at me. I've had about enough of this and it's only been 5 minutes. So I march down to him and Will at the end of the bar and lean over grabbing his tie. I pull him to me and kiss him full on and hard on the mouth. He freezes in surprise at first before he settles into the kiss, returning the passion. After a sufficient amount of time I pull away and look at him.

"I feel better now," I comment.

"Funny thing, I do too."

I can't resist so I follow up with one more kiss lightly biting his bottom lip as I pull away. He sits back and purses his lips shaking his head at me. I know he can't resist it when I do that. He mouths the words, "not nice."

As I quickly make him another drink, I glance around and see a few disappointed catty eye rolls. I don't blame them, I all but marked my territory. I laugh to myself and slide Tobias his drink. He raises his glass to the guy that raised his beer at me. The guy doesn't return the gesture and looks down at the bar.

"You're mean," I mouth to him.

"If you continue that make-out shit I will not let him occupy a bar stool," Tori says in my ear. "And he does not drink for free!"

"Okay, okay…I'm sorry," I say with a fake sheepish grin.

"Yeah...real sorry."

The rest of the shift goes by quickly, with Will and Tobias talking and laughing. I love seeing him relax with people other than me. We catch each other's eyes ever so often and he winks or smirks at me. I have to literally bounce on my toes to make the butterflies go away as I pour 6 shots of Makers: one for myself of course, and I quietly slip one to Christina who is standing next to me, and then Will and Tobias not making eye contact. I pass the other two to the customers.

"Tell me you did not just charge these nice people for our shots," Tobias remarks.

"Like I would do that!" _I absolutely would…but I didn't…this time. _"I'm done in 10 minutes...okay?"

"Okay babe," he says smiling sweetly.

_I love it! I love it! I love it!_

"Hey…you're gonna let him read it tonight aren't you?" Christina asks when we're out of earshot, although it's more of a statement than a question.

"What makes you think that?"

"You've been jittery all night and you can't stop looking at him. You're not telling him just so you can sleep with him are you?"

"No!...I mean it is part of the reason…but it is more than that, I promise. I want him to know. I trust him. And he deserves to know."

"He deserves to know everything?"

"Everything?"

"You know what I mean by everything."

I sigh knowing exactly what she means. "Yes. Everything."

"Okay." She nods narrowing her eyes at me. "I'll stay at Will's tonight. Will you let me know how it goes?"

"Of course."

She gives me a brief hug. "Why don't you just go? There's not much left to do, plus Myra and the new bartender Molly just got here."

"Okay." I take a deep breath. "Thanks."

I head to the lounge and grab my stuff and take another deep cleansing breath before walking out to the bar.

"Ready?" I ask quietly as I place my hand between Tobias's strong shoulder blades.

He turns and smiles warmly at me. "Absolutely. Take it easy, Will."

"See ya," Will answers while staring at Christina.

"He's quite smitten," Tobias says as he drapes his arm over my shoulder. "I can relate."

I just smile and shake my head as I look up at him. He seems to be momentarily lost in his own thoughts.

We get out to the parking lot and I see that for once he drove.

"Nice car," I say with wide eyes referring to his silver Lexus RC.

"It serves its purpose," he comments as if we aren't about to drive in the most upscale car I've ever been in.

Our financial differences had never really crossed my mind until now. I know he makes a good living. I think I've underestimated how good of a living. I absolutely love that he never mentions it. That's a rare quality.

The car ride to my apartment is a little awkward. I think we are both anticipating the impending conversation. I start to bounce my leg up and down and he puts his hand on my thigh to calm me. He knows I'm nervous and I return the gesture with a small smile of thanks. Until I start bouncing my other leg.

He chuckles softly, "You know…I have to use my other hand to drive."

"Sorry," I mumble.

"Tris…do not apologize," he chastises.

I feel the physical manifestations of my old insecurities and weaknesses coming through: apologizing for no reason, jitters, mumbling, not wanting to make eye contact. _Stop it. This is Tobias. He can handle it._

He parks in one of the spots in front of our apartment. They are both for me and Christina but neither of us have vehicles so they are almost always open.

"Uh, thanks for driving," I say faintly.

He laughs lightly and shakes his head, taking my hand in his and giving it a light squeeze. My heart rate slows for a brief time. Until we get into the apartment…now I don't know what the hell to do.

"So….can I get you something to drink?"

"Tris? Why don't I get _you_ something to drink. Do you have tea?"

"Um…yes. Thank you," I say in my small voice. "It's in the corner cabinet…sugar is up there too…I'm gonna freshen up…I smell like bar."

"I always like how you smell," he says with his back turned to me reaching into the cabinet for the Chamomile. _Good choice…very good choice._

"Okay…so I'm yeah…"

I slink into the bathroom and shut the door behind me sliding down to the floor with my face in my hands. _Be brave, Tris. Be brave. He told you about his mother and father…he understands. It will be fine. _

I wash my face with cold water which does nothing to help with the redness. I brush my teeth with difficulty because my hands are shaking. I grab the sides of the sink and look at my pathetic self in the mirror. The person who I felt was getting stronger is now starting to show signs of weakness and defeat. _This is not happening! _I grip the sides of the sink until my knuckles are white and then I push back hard trying to rid myself of this ridiculous fear. I straighten my back, shake my head and walk out of the bathroom.

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

She is visibly nervous. It's actually freaking me out a little. The strong-willed stubborn woman I have come to know and love is slowing turning into a person I've never met. It doesn't change my feelings in the least..if anything my protective instincts are on high alert.

She's been in the bathroom for awhile and I don't hear any noises so I am just imagining her avoiding the implied conversation we are going to have. _Is it that bad?_ I suppose I've never fully grasped, or never had the chance to fully grasp, the extent of what she went through. _Shit. You can handle this Tobias. She needs you._

I make my way into her room and set the tea on her nightstand. Something on her desk in the corner catches my eye and I wander over to it. A painting? Or a photograph? All I can make out is a black and white blurred photograph. I see a table, a door, brick maybe? And a red orchid that is almost painted on. It's amazing. Then it clicks that this is the picture she sent me that I had no clue what the hell she was going to do with. The contrast of the black and white photograph with the clear image of the orchid is stunning. I have never seen anything like it.

"What do you think?" Tris asks with a small timid voice that doesn't suit her one bit.

"I think it's….incredible. How did you do that?"

She laughs lightly and seems to loosen up a bit. "It's really not that hard. I print out a copy of a picture, this one I obviously did in black and white. Then using whatever medium I want, I bring out the parts of the picture I like the best. This one I actually used marker…which is really tedious because it messes up the photo paper if you do it too slowly…I don't know. It's just a hobby."

"Just a hobby, huh? You never thought about doing anything else with it?" _I don't believe her for a second._

"Well, briefly….but—"

"But what?"

"I'm nervous. I don't think it's good enough to sell or anything."

"Well, you're wrong. Where are the rest?" I put my hands behind my back pretending to peruse the room.

"The rest?"

"I know you have more…you said you keep them in a secret location."

She starts backing toward her closet. _Gotcha._

"They're in your closet aren't they?"

"What?"

"In…your…closet…."

She's backing closer to her closet. I sweep her up and toss her on her bed and swiftly open the closet doors to find…nothing.

She starts laughing. _Finally she's back. _"What did you think you'd find in there?"

"Fine…don't show me but I really wish you would."

She narrows her piercing eyes at me assessing if I'm being genuine.

"Okay…here…look."

She moves her clothes to the side. They smell amazingly like her and I take a deep breath. I see a small door in the back of the closet. It's only about 4 feet high.

"I found this when I moved in. It's for storage or who the hell knows what. This house is over 100 years old."

We crawl through the door into an entirely different room. I can actually stand upright in it almost with out touching the ceiling. I start to immediately get dizzy and break into a cold sweat because the room is not big and there are no windows or possibility of escape.

"Hey, hey…it's okay, babe. We don't have to be in here—"

"I want to be," I say sternly more to myself than to her. "Just please um…take—" before I get the words out she is holding my hand tightly and slowly walking me toward the other end of the room. _This isn't getting better…_

She senses my rising anxiety because once we get there she wraps her arms around my middle resting her ear on my chest.

"Is this better?" I can feel her voice reverberating through my chest.

"No...sorry."

"Tobias….do not apologize," she deadpans using my words against me.

I laugh a little before she makes her assessment. "Your eyes are closed aren't they?"

"Mmm hmm," I grunt out.

"Can you open them?" she asks softly.

I sigh and open my eyes. I had momentarily forgotten why we were in this fucking room.

"What do you see?"

"Wow…." I whisper. I rest my chin on her head and breath in her calming scent. There are probably over three-dozen photographs of all shapes and sizes, beautifully decorated to bring out their most interesting assets.

"Well?" she whispers.

I swallow. "Um…I see a picture of a barn…I think…"

"Mmm hmm," she hums tracing circles around each of my tattoos.

"What else?"

"There's a tree…a fruit tree?"

"It's an apple tree…what do you like best about the photo?"

I clear my throat. "The light...There's a yellow light…I can barely see it…coming out the square window at the top. The rest of the photo is sepia…but I still see the yellow light."

"That's the barn at my old house."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I used to sit up in that room and work on my pictures. It was like my own private…I don't know, escape maybe?"

"Maybe someday I can see it?" _That may be the dumbest thing I've ever said. Why the hell would she want to go back there?_

"I would love that…someday."

I wrap my arms around her and look at some more of her pictures: tiger lillies with the leaves painted black, a large bridge with red water flowing underneath it, a man helping a woman up off the street but the only aspect emphasized is the joining of their hands, sunsets, the beach, the Ferris Wheel at Navy Pier in black and white.

"Are you okay now?"

I nod my head. "Thank you." _How does she do that?_

"Mmm hmm…let's go," she takes my hand and leads me out of the small room.

I can feel her palm get sweaty by the time we settle ourselves on her bed with our tea. She stares into her cup.

"It helps if you drink it."

She smiles slightly, setting it aside. "So, I can't tell you about everything with Eric."

Mixed emotions cross my face I'm sure because a part of me is relieved that I don't have to hear it but another part of me is frustrated that she won't tell me. I want to help her, but I can't if she won't let me.

"No, you don't get it. I can't _tell_ you. But I wrote it all down."

She pulls a notebook out of her nightstand drawer and clutches it to herself. "I couldn't afford therapy when I moved here. So this was my version of it. It was Christina's idea." She drops the notebook into her lap and wipes her palms on her knees. "Writing it was awful. Reading it back to myself was torture. Now when I read it...it's like I'm reading the words of a stranger…Tobias, I'm not that person anymore….I can't believe I…" she trails off and turns her head over her shoulder.

I take one of her hands in mine wishing I could pull the pain out through her palm. "Do you want…me…to read it?" I swallow thickly.

She shakes her head no.

"Okay—"

"But you need to. It's a part of me…a part you should know about. You should read it…if you feel comfortable…you should." I can feel her pulse racing as one of my fingers traces lines on her wrist. "Do you want…to?"

"I want you…and if this journal is part of you, then yes, I want to read it."

"Tobias. Please if you can't handle it…just stop. I'll understand….I promise…I—"

"Tris. Please calm down. Do you think I'm going to judge you?"

"No...I'm worried about how it will affect…us."

"You can trust me."

She stares at me with her beautiful alert eyes. I take in her vulnerability. I ponder how were this anyone else I would have head for the hills. But with her…I want to shelter her from the world, although I know full well she would never let me.

She nods her head and hands me the yellow notebook letting out an incredibly shaky breath trying to calm herself.

"I'm just going to sit out here if that's okay?" She's using her small voice again and I fucking hate it.

I nod my head as I watch her put on a sweatshirt. I have to make sure she doesn't stay out there too long. It's only 50 degrees. She takes her picture of the orchid and a shading pencil and climbs through her window out onto a deck I didn't even know was there. I see strands of dim lights illuminate where her small frame sits.

I look at the front of the notebook, it has no title, not that it would I suppose. I'm nervous. What if she's right about my reaction? No one has ever put their trust in me like this. _Do not fuck this up Tobias._

I take a deep breath and open to the first entry.

**Entry 1** \- _(Found an empty bottle of Lithium last week. I tried to talk to him about it but he got pissed and threw a beer bottle, breaking the window. I dropped it. I brought it up again the next week and he smacked me across the face saying it was none of my business. I ran out the door not intending to ever go back.. He called my house crying…..)_

Picturing anyone laying a finger on her makes my stomach churn but picturing a grown man smacking her. It's pathetic on his end and it makes me fucking crazy.

**Entry 2** \- _(He came home from the bar drunk. I was out with Susan that night and he didn't know where I was. He accused me of being out with Robert. He called me a worthless gutter slut and threw me into a wall…)_

I know my breathing is increasing but it feels like my chest can't accommodate for it.

**Entry 3** \- _(We went to the movies and I just wanted to go home afterwards. But he pulled the car over to the side of the road and started kissing me..forcefully. I pushed him off me and got out of the car to walk home. He dragged me back into the car by my hair and I smacked my head on the car as he threw me in…)_

It's really cold in this room but I'm sweating. _Take a break Tobias! _I put the notebook down trying to push the images out of my mind. But all I can see are bandages and very briefly a flash of my mother putting make-up on to cover bruises. _This is not about you! She was strong for you...now you be strong for her!_

**Entry 4** \- _(….tripped the kick stand on my bike as I was still on it….pulled me across the yard by my arm….dislocating my shoulder…doctor….)_

It's hard to keep my thoughts clear. _What is happening?_ I look out the window and see the light surrounding Tris like a golden halo.

**Entry 5 - **_(…had sex for the first time…forced….didn't want to…pushed me off the couch….didn't know until I felt blood on my head…)_

"Sonofabitch!" I grit out between my teeth rage seething through my veins. I get up and walk around the room. I need to concentrate on the floor. Circles on the floor. _He fucking….. I can't….. _

**Entry 6** \- _(…held my wrists over my head….I said I didn't want to…no condom…threatened to kill my brother…)_

**Entry 7** \- _(…so ashamed….hit me upside the head….)_

**Entry 8** \- _(…came home drunk…smelled like perfume….forced me to go down on him…held the back of my head…)_

_No, no, no, no, no…..I'm going to….I will end him. _My shirt is wet and so is my face. Tears? Sweat? _I don't fucking care._

**Entry 9** \- _(….hit…)_

**Entry 10** \- _(….forced….)_

**Entry 11**\- _(….found out….didn't tell him….)_

**Entry 12** \- _(…pushed down the stairs…relieved I didn't have to...with him…)_

**Entry 13** \- _(….dislocated shoulder again…)_

**Entry 14** \- _(...)_

**Entry 15** \- _(...)_

**Entry 16** \- _(...)_

**Entry 17** \- _(...mom and dad's funeral…slammed my head on…bent me over the table…raped me…)_

In a daze I slowly put down the journal noticing how the pages are wrinkled and dried, probably from tears: her tears. Running my fingers over them I realize that some are probably mine. I turn my head acknowledging that I have some serious tunnel vision. I see her sitting there, serenely through the window slowly moving her shading pencil over her picture. _How can she be so calm with everything that happened in the last…how long...20 minutes? She trusted me. She hoped I could handle this. She was wrong. She's amazing and I don't deserve her._

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

_Slow strokes…small strokes…back and forth. Slow strokes…small strokes…back and forth. Slow strokes…small strokes…back and forth._

I find myself finally relaxing into a rhythm. It's happening, I just handed him a piece of my soul. _He'll be fine. It's who you were not who you are. He won't see you as weak. _

I check my watch. It's been a little over an hour. I looked over my shoulder about 10 minutes after he started and he was pacing, running his hands through his hair. This made me nervous until I saw him calm himself and sit down to start reading again. That gave me a boost of confidence because I knew he was handling it. He had a moment, then calmed down and moved on….way better than I would have done. I kept working not sure how far along he had gotten. I looked over my shoulder after maybe another 20 minutes and I saw that he wasn't sitting there anymore. He didn't leave the journal behind so maybe he went into the TV room to take a breather out of my line of sight. I don't blame him.

I close my eyes trying to calm myself again. _Inhale four seconds, hold your breath four seconds, exhale seven seconds. Inhale 1, 2, 3, 4. Hold 1, 2, 3, 4. Exhale 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7….repeat…_

"Ow!" I yelp out loud as the side of my head hits the wrought iron grate. "Shit…that fuckin' hurt…." I groan holding the side of my face. _That's gonna leave a mark._

I hear a single bird chirp as I try to get my bearings. I must have fallen asleep on the deck. There is frost on the wrought iron and suddenly I realize I'm shivering uncontrollably. The journal…Tobias was reading it. _Why the hell would he leave me out here?_ _Did he fall asleep? _I crawl through the window falling hard onto the floor from my frozen joints.

"Tobias?" I eek out with chattering teeth.

No answer. I walk to the bathroom and he isn't there. I don't even know why I bother checking the kitchen because I can see it clearly from the bathroom, but I do anyway.

"Tobias?"

I go and sit on my bed. I see the journal on the floor, the pages are severely more crumpled than before. Some pages are almost ripped out. It is lying open on the last entry. I pick it up with my shaking fingers…the page is damp.

My heart sinks to the bottom of my gut. He's gone. He left. I get up slowly and painfully. My toes are on fire from the shocking warmth of the apartment. I need to get to the bathroom. The air…it feels like I'm walking through silly putty. I see my face in the mirror. Three purple grate marks line the side of my face. It's kind of fitting: I open myself up to show someone my scars and what do I get in return? Bruises. Scars and bruises, both emotional and physical, both past and present.

I walk out of the bathroom and I hear some sort of guttural sob. I find out quickly enough that it's me. I feel my knees slam onto the old hardwood floor of my apartment and my throat starts to ache from over exertion.

However much time passes, I don't know.


	17. Answers

**AN: **I am blown away by the reviews...thank you! Thank you! They made me write faster! And I cried writing this...if you're a mom...phew!

**Chapter 17 – Answers**

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

_What the hell did I do?_ _What the hell did I do? __What the hell did I do? _I don't even know why that question continues to infiltrate my brain when I know exactly what I did. I walked out on the girl I love, she put her full faith and trust in me and I cast it aside and left. Why did I do that? Because I'm weak. Because I've pushed all emotions to the back of my mind for so long that it's become a fucking reflex. Because I can't handle the pain that I have internalized: her pain. The things that piece of shit made her do._..._

"_….forced me to go down on him…held the back of my head…"_

I lurch to the bathroom. At least this time I make it to the toilet before I vomit from the images. I've been throwing up whiskey most of the night. Why I kept drinking it, I can't say. _Why the fuck do I do anything? I left my girlfriend on a god-damned fire escape…alone! _How long did she stay out there until she realized I was gone? 10 minutes? An hour?_ Oh God…what is she was out there for longer….._

I can picture her beautiful petite face turning around looking over her shoulder nervously biting on her lower lip, tears brimming from nerves. I see her straighten her spine and shake her head, trying to collect herself, silently repeating, as she tends to do when she is nervous, that everything will be fine: _"I can trust him…he can handle it…this won't change things."_ Even though I was already gone at that point, I would imagine she hadn't realized it and kept working on her art.

"Fuck!" I yell even though my throat is on fire as I pound my fist several times into the tile floor willing it to shatter to pieces. Seeing that it doesn't I sit against the wall and throw my head back in punishment.

I glance at the shower. _I never would have let her….if I had known…. _My hands turn cold and clammy imagining tears running down her face as she was forced onto her knees by...him. When we were talking in the shower she said how she wasn't sure she was any good at... _Fuck, now I can't even think about the words._ She implied it was different with me. Only now do I understand the extent of that comparison.

I realize why she never wanted to tell me about the abuse. She knew it would change things. She's partially right. I would never have let things get that far in the shower. I probably wouldn't have tossed her on the table in the storage closet and I absolutely would not have held her hips down. _What the hell went through her head when I did that? Last night if I had stayed she probably would have told me...but now...she'll never trust me._

I try to get to my feet but I feel myself getting dizzy. The air in my apartment is so thick. I know it's all in my head. The air isn't actually thick, my heart isn't being compressed by a vice and my lungs are not being denied oxygen. They are all manifestations of my guilt. I decide to stay on the floor until I can get my bearings.

I hardly remember getting home last night. Leaving Tris's apartment was like an out-of-body experience. It was as if I was watching myself slowly put the notebook on the bed after reading as much as my feeble mind could take. I can see the blank stare on my face as I look at Tris's profile out the window. At that point I knew I was going to leave. It was too much. Too much of both of our pasts being brought into the present. It was everything I had been avoiding since my mother died. Tris had been beaten, belittled, threatened…and raped. I see tears of anger drip off my chin as my top teeth bite into my bottom lip. But part of me was still fighting: _Don't leave...don't you even think about leaving her. You weak bastard! Do you know what this will do to her? _I watch myself get up off the bed without even looking back at her and walk out the door.

I don't remember getting home. My body must have been on some sort of bizarre autopilot. The second my apartment door closed behind me, the connection was made and it all came flooding back. I immediately turned around and ran back down the stairs to the confusion of my doorman. He referred me as Mr. Eaton and I was taken immediately back to Marcus pushing my mother down the stairs, just like Eric did to Tris. Then I threw up in the lobby, the first of three consecutive times throughout the night.

Not being able to sleep isn't all too uncommon for me. But the torturous visions my alert mind was providing me with were beyond anything I had ever experienced. Drinking heavily wasn't helping because I couldn't keep anything down. Finally I pushed every memory I had to the back of my mind and against my better judgement, seeing as I did have some alcohol in my system, I took two Ambien and passed out enjoying a dreamless sleep. _Enjoying a dreamless sleep? Do you think Tris had a fucking dreamless sleep? I can't even think about the nightmares I brought to the surface! I...did that to her._

It's now 10:00 am. Thank God I have no meetings today. I texted Amar that I'm sick…and that is completely accurate. I am fucking sick to my god-damned stomach at my selfish actions…I left her…I fucking left her.

Can I make this better?_ There is no way to make this better._ She is so slow to trust and I broke that…I broke us. I smack the back of my head against the bathroom wall again as a stray tear makes it's way down my face. I wipe it away in anger. I don't get to cry about this, not about something that was my fault. _My fucking fault!_

I stand up, ignoring the searing pain in my heart and the dizziness in my head and run my hands through my hair over and over. My scalp is actually starting to hurt, and the pacing back and forth isn't helping the dizziness.

I need to see her.

* * *

**Christina's POV:**

I walk in the apartment door at 8:00 to total silence.

"Tris?" She's a super light sleeper so that call alone would have woken her…she's not here.

The conversation either didn't happen or it went well because they obviously went somewhere together. Maybe for breakfast or coffee? I know Four's work schedule can be pretty flexible so they probably got a bite to eat. I can't wait to talk to her. _I need me some details!_

I head straight for the coffee. I have some crazy amazing design ideas in my head right now and I need to keep them. _Stay alert! _I start to make the coffee, singing to myself loudly since no one's here.

"Cause girl you're perfect….you're always worth it…and you deserve it….the way you work it…Cause girl you er, rer, rer, rer, rer, rerend it…._shit_…girl you er, rer, rer, rer, rer, rerend…bam bam bam…bam…yeah—"

I see a note on the counter and I clap my hands in rapid succession and bounce on my toes ready for some details. I get briefly distracted as I hear her phone buzz on her nightstand.

"Haha! Yes! Miss responsible leaves her phone right on her nightstand!" _I'm filing this one away for a rainy day...  
_

I step in something wet and she a shattered coffee mug on the floor. I pick up her phone and see that she has 17 missed calls and 9 voicemails from some guy named Tobias, and 19 text messages from the same guy.

"Who the hell is Tobias?!"

_I need to know...no I'm dying to know! She doesn't have a passcode on her phone...She'll just have to get over the breach in privacy. What if something happened?! Okay Chris just do it!_

**Voicemail:**

_**#1** Tris….I…fuck…._

Apparently, Four is actually Tobias. _Huh. Shit! What happened?_

_**#2** Hey…uh…please call me…_

_**#3** Tris. I'm so sorry…just..call me…_

_**#4** Damnit!_

He definitely threw his phone…hard.

_**#5** I know you hate me...I hate me…please just call me back…_

_**#6** Babe…call me…call me, please….I'm sorry….you're amazing and I fucked up…so bad….call me._

_**#7** I need to see you…if you never want to talk to me again, I'll understand…but just let me say…something…please. Call me._

_**#8** I'm coming over…I'll break down the fucking door if I have to!_

_**#9** I'm sorry…I won't break down your door…that was shitty...Fuck!_

"What the hell did you do, Four!?"

**Text Messages:**

**Tobias:** Hey. I know you hate me...but please answer my calls.

**Tobias:** Can you at least text me back?

**Tobias:** But a call would be way better...

**Tobias:** What of I added an emoji?

**Tobias:** I was so wrong…I never should have left.

"He fucking left?!" _Please tell me that is not what happened._

**Tobias:** Can I please at least explain?

**Tobias:** I

**Tobias:** am

**Tobias:** not

**Tobias:** going

**Tobias:** to

**Tobias:** stop

**Tobias:** texting

**Tobias:** and

**Tobias:** calling

**Tobias:** I know I fucked up…I'm begging you…please text me back.

**Tobias:** At least tell me that you are okay.

**Tobias:** Tris Prior fucking text me back!

**Tobias:** I'm _not_ sorry for that last text!

"Jesus Christ, Four…." I mumble walking back in the kitchen having no idea what to think.

I spot the note on the counter and I rush over to it.

_Chris – _

_He read it. He left. I have to go take care of something. _

_\- Tris_

"That fucking asshole!" I grit through very clenched teeth.

I hear a soft knock on the door...I know exactly who it is. I'm going to torture him for a while. I hear another soft knock and then Tris's phone rings. I deny the call and set the phone down loudly on the counter so he hears me.

"Tris? Tris, I can hear you through the door. Will you let me in?"

I hear him sigh loudly.

"Please?" He laughs a little after he says this. _Tell me he is not laughing! _"Okay….Tris. I know I left…and I'm so sorry…can I please…explain myself?"

He bangs on the door once in obvious frustration. Then nothing but silence until her text message alert goes off.

**Tobias:** Let me in.

**Me:** No.

"Tris," he says more sternly through the door. "I was out of my mind…can I please…see you?"

**Me:** No.

"Damn it! I will break down this god-damned door!...and then I'll fix it."

I sit in silence for a moment before getting up to look through the peek hole. I can see him pacing like a mental patient. _Sorry Caleb._

"He's gonna lose his shit," I say under my breath.

He walks down the hall to a place out of my point of view. I hear a crash and a clunk clunk clunk down the stairs.

"What…the…hell?"

I've had enough, so I unlock the door loud enough for him to hear and take a small step back.

"Tris? May…I…please….come…in?"

I open the door swiftly, take one step forward and slap him across the face…hard.

"Ow!" he stumbles backwards. "What the fuck!?"

"You deserved that!...and more!" I say stomping my way into the kitchen.

He marches past me into Tris's room and stops, probably seeing the smashed coffee mug. I hear him sit on her bed for a minute mumbling to himself before he practically storms back into the kitchen.

"Where is she?!" he says angrily touching the side of his face that has a satisfying red hand print on it.

"Fuck if I know!" I say throwing the note at him.

He glances up at me tentatively before reaching down to grab it. I assess his appearance as he reads it. He looks terrible and the look of pain and remorse on his face softens me a little.

"Apparently you have her phone?" he says rubbing his eyes.

"Obviously. What the hell did you do?"

"I…." He sags his shoulders and doesn't say another word.

"Look…I know everything about that girl. She wouldn't leave her phone unless she meant to and she has never…ever gone off the radar so you, Four, better tell me right now what the hell happened."

"She gave me her journals to read," he states simply crossing his arms looking at me with narrowed eyes.

"Four…I do not have time to play 20 questions with you…I need to find my best friend."

He sighs and looks down at the floor. "I started to read them, and I don't know what happened…I couldn't take it…what he did to her-"

"_You _couldn't take it? Are you fucking kidding me? _You _didn't have to take anything!"

"Christina. There is more to this than you know—"

"Enlighten me."

He pauses. "No."

"Leave…now," I say with utmost sincerity as I turn around to start making coffee.

However he makes no move to do so.

"My father was physically abusive to my mother."

I look at him over my shoulder. I've never heard Four sound…vulnerable.

"Now that's all you need to know!" he practically shouts pointing at me. _That definitely sucks…..but it's not an excuse._

"So what you're telling me is that while Tris is letting you into the most private, emotional part of her…you were projecting your own shit? Do you even know what it took for her to show you that-?"

"You don't think I know that!?" he yells running his hands through his hair and down his face. _He looks like hell._

"She trusts no one...sometimes I don't think she even trusts me..." I add quietly.

He looks down at the floor utterly defeated.

"After this week…with Caleb, her parents, and then you pull this bullshit…" I comment shaking my head also staring at the floor. I realize I'm twisting the knife, but it's true nonetheless.

"I love her."

"Yeah, I know."

It's true. Anyone with half a brain could see that.

We stand in the kitchen both lost in our own worlds of thought.

"How much _did _you read?"

"As much as I could take," he answers without emotion. "Will you…um…let me know if she is okay? If you find her."

"Yeah, sure. But that's all I'll do. No details, no messages."

He nods his head once and turns for the door.

"Four."

He turns his head looking over his shoulder.

"Did you read the one about the baby?"

He turns the rest of his body and looks at me with a sadness that one rarely sees on a grown man as he shakes his head no.

"She would want you to." I usher him back in and he follows. "Now this way if you freak out and leave, she won't have to be here to see it." _I hope I'm doing the right thing._

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

It takes about three hours to get from Chicago to Kittridge by car. However, not having that luxury I have to take the Amtrak to Madison. But the earliest train departs at 10:30 so I had to kill some major time this morning while still keeping my composure. Wandering the streets of Chicago, running through every detail of the past two days was not the brightest idea. _Why didn't I go to the gym?! And run the risk of seeing the man whom I now refer to as Four...no way in hell...at least not anymore._

I couldn't stay in the apartment. I figured Christina would be home between 7:00 and 8:00. I didn't want to explain what happened…not yet. The thought did cross my mind that Four would come back. The pathetic and desperate side of me actually waited for him. He doesn't sleep well so I figured he would be awake…but then I came to the realization that he would have already showed up if he wanted to. He wasn't coming.

_Why did I let him read it!? Because you trusted him? Or because I'm a glutton for punishment? _The voice in the back of my brain that nags at me and I usually ignore was probably screaming at me to not tell him. _He has his own issues and he doesn't need to shoulder yours!_ I knew it would change everything…and it did.

_"I want you…and if this journal is part of you, then yes, I want to read it."_

_"Tobias. Please if you can't handle it…just stop. I'll understand….I promise…I—"_

_"Tris. Please calm down. Do you think I'm going to judge you?" _

_"No...I'm worried about how it will affect…us."_

_"You can trust me."_

"Such fucking bullshit!" A sobbed as I knocked my full mug of coffee onto the hard floor shattering it and burning my hand in the process.

The journal flew onto the floor with it soaking up the coffee and I realized I must have been holding it. I wanted to throw it out the damned window…but I didn't. I need it. So I smoothed out the partially ripped pages and dried it off putting it neatly back in my nightstand drawer. I got dressed, grabbed my bag and walked out, purposely leaving my phone behind. I think I was half expecting to see Four's car when I walked outside. If he was disturbed enough to leave without telling me, I had assumed he wouldn't have been able to drive. Apparently his decision to leave was completely intentional and he was cognizant enough_. I hate him._

"Next stop…Madison-South….The next stop…is…Madison-South," the automated voice states over the train speakers. Thank God I was able to sit in the back of the car by myself. At first I kept my sunglasses on because they covered up some of my tears and they prevented me from constantly rubbing my eyes. But, they started to give me a headache so I took them off.

I'm in Beatrice mode now: looking over my shoulder, slouched over, fidgety. Maybe this is the person I was the whole time and I was just pretending to be stronger to convince myself running away was the right decision.

I sling my bag over my shoulder and put my sunglasses back on. Madison is a big city but it is the closest hub of transportation to Kittridge and I do not want to be recognized. I make my way over to the bus terminal, praying that no one is planning on visiting my hometown today. Thankfully I am alone. The one and only bus that actually passes through the town from Madison is the 4:00 on Friday. Getting back here will be an issue. I am apparently not being very forward thinking at the moment.

"1 ticket for Kittridge, please." I ask the older man behind the plexi-glass window as I slide cash into the slot.

"Well I'll be! I haven't sold a ticket for the Kittridge stop in…let's see…" He takes his glasses off and starts to polish the lenses. "Seven months? It's still there right?" He asks laughing at his stupid humor.

"Last time I checked."

He starts chuckling, "Right up Route 12 but you may have to tell the driver where to stop! She's new….here you go miss. You have a great weekend!" He looks down at his crossword puzzle squinting his eyes as he absentmindedly hands me my ticket.

"Thanks," I mumble because I hate friendly people right now.

I sit and wait for the two hours it takes for the departure time really wishing I had my phone. But I would be too tempted to use it. _I wonder if Tob...Four called. _I highly doubt he would call. It's funny to me how I spent so much damned time second guessing his feelings and then when I finally stop…this happens.

The memories start to flood my mind and I can't seem to stop them.

The first time we met at the bar…

_"Fuck… Ok…What I really want to say is…you're perfect." _

The first time we kissed…

_"__I told you that I want to kiss you when I can look into your perfect eyes and tell you, without saying a word, how much I want you and only you. I told you that I want to wait until that moment comes." _

There were other signs as well. Signs that proved the opposite.

He wouldn't tell me things…

_"Tris! You have no idea—"_

_"That's because you won't tell me! Is this going to be a habit? Everything is good and then you go into lock down?"_

_"Probably."_

Nita…

_"__I remember having amazing sex…twice…among other things that were equally pleasurable to both of us."_

I brush away a tear as the realization hits me in the gut that Nita will share a memory with him…that I never will. I put my sunglasses back on as I feel another tear sliding down my cheek. I decide to close my eyes and breath in and out through my nose. It helps a little…a very little.

I wander the station for awhile unable to sit there any longer. I buy a hat and keep my sunglasses on, probably looking like a total idiot but I'm bored as hell and still don't want to be recognized.

Finally the bus comes. I board, slump down in my seat...and I'm on my way to my home town.

"Miss? Miss? Excuse me!"

"Huh?! Yeah? Oh…sorry!" I must have fallen asleep…a dreamless sleep thank God…literally nothing.

"Is this the right place? There ain't nothin' here but a church!"

"Yep…this is it…thank you." I know I'm going to have to walk about two miles to get to my destination.

"Where you really goin'?"

"To the cemetery down the road."

"I'll take you."

"You really don't have to—"

"You see anyone else on this bus?"

I shake my head no.

"Then sit down…I'm ahead of schedule anyway."

"Okay…thank you."

As she turns the bus around in the church parking lot I look longingly through the window. _First Congregational._ There is a plaque dedicated to my parents under a tree in the back. I doubt I'll ever bring myself to see it.

"You stayin' here? You ain't dressed like you from round here. What do they call them things? 'Skinny pants'?"

"Skinny jeans," I say laughing lightly trying not to offend.

_Shit!_ I'm wearing distressed skinny jeans, a faux cashmere scooped-neck sweater that's thin enough to see my black bra, orange flats. I look like a walking advertisement for Urban Outfitters whereas I need to more Burlington Coat Factory. I'm really going to have to make this a quick visit.

"And no. I'm just here for a quick visit."

"My brother lives in the next town just South a here."

"That's nice."

"Mmm hmm. He drives truck. Gonna be comin' right through here in 'bout an hour or so on his way to Milwaukee."

"Great." _Don't care. Actually I do! _"So….does he ever pick up hitch hikers…..?"

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I see Shauna stomping over to me from across the gym.

"Fuck," I say under my breath.

"Four!" she says in her mad voice.

"Can I…help you…with something?" I say almost completely out of breath.

"Leave."

"What?" I say as I bend over and rest my hands on my knees.

"You heard me! You've been here for four god-damned hours. You beat the hell out of Uriah when you sparred-"

"Which...you loved."

"-and you nearly gave my new trainer a concussion!"

"That…was an accident."

"Look…I tolerate your mood swings. But this is ridiculous—"

"I just saved your ass when what's-his-face didn't show up!"

"You almost got my ass fired! You were supposed to be teaching self-defense…you scared the hell out of those poor people! Did you notice how none of them volunteered?..and on top of that you overheated one of the treadmills and you see this bag here?"

"Yes."

"It's covered in blood you dickhead!"

"Fine…bye," I say as I walk to the locker room with my head down, ripping off the blood-soaked tape wrapped around my knuckles. I really don't want to talk to anyone right now.

"Hello Four," George says softly walking bye.

I grunt in hello.

"As cheerful as always."

As I pass him I remember that I told Amar I was sick today. _Shit!_

"George," I pant out trying to get his attention. "…I'm sorry. It's been…" I shake my head at a loss for words. "I told Amar I was sick today. I'm not asking you to lie but could you just not mention—"

"There are many definitions of the word sick…and today it seems that yours lies outside the realm of your physical well-being. Have a nice evening."

"Thanks….uh…you too."

I walk with a bit of a limp from a blister forming on my right foot and grab a towel, heading over to my locker. I check my phone and see that I have a text from Christina. My heart starts racing faster than it was when I was burning up the treadmill.

**Christina:** She called in sick for work tonight.

**Me:** Will you tell me anything else?

**Christina:** No.

**Christina:** Because I don't know anything else.

**Me:** Thanks.

**Me:** Seriously…thank you.

I take a deep breath and exhale hard just out of sheer relief that she is okay. I sit on the bench in the locker room and rest my elbows on my knees with my head in my hands. _Where the hell is she? _A part of me was hoping she would show up at Dauntless knowing how she uses exercise as a distraction just like I do. And now that I'm thinking more clearly I kick myself for not looking for her at The Studio or at Navy Pier. _It's not too late. But what if I find her?  
_

This morning I just went in guns blazing ready to take on whatever she was going to give me. Now, hours later I'm more rational...relatively speaking. This may very well be the worst time to talk to her…. I decide against actively looking for her. She has to come home at some point. I'll go by later tonight, maybe she'll want to talk then. _What if she doesn't let me in? I'll climb the damned fire escape. Good one!_

And now I'm thinking about the place that I fucking left her last night. She looked so damned beautiful sitting out there working on her photograph. I knew she was nervous, but she almost seemed to have a look of relief on her face. She did it…she was brave…she let me in…and I crushed her.

"Son of a bitch!" I yell as I kick the locker scaring the hell out of the guy getting dressed behind me. Not that I care.

I need a shower and there is no way in hell I am taking one in mine so I settle for the gym facilities. They're small and the pressure sucks, but this is definitely the better alternative. As I let the water run over my shoulders my mind wanders….

_"You have a little brown fleck in your right eye."_

_"I do?"_

_"You didn't know that?"_

_"I don't really look into my own eyes. And apparently no one else has either…."_

_"Is it odd that I kind of love that I'm the first one who has?"_

_"No, not at all."_

I take a deep breath and suck in a shit ton of water so I have a coughing fit for a minute. The tightness in my chest makes me remember how I felt when Tris almost broke things off with me.

_"__But you…I don't think you will…get past it."_

_"__I'm beyond past it. I hope I never think about—"_

_"__I'm not talking about Nita. You won't get past…what happened with Eric…I know you won't."_

_"__You don't know that."_

_"__I know that I couldn't even look at your face earlier because I kept picturing your lips on hers! Fuck…I still do! I can't even begin to imagine how you would look at me if I were to…tell you...everything."_

_"__Well, Tris, I can't imagine it either because you haven't…told me…anything. Look, I'm sorry…I don't want to push you…but can you give me a little credit? Please don't assume that everything is going to change for the worse. What if it changes for the better? Brings us closer? I've had to get past a lot in my life. I'm an expert." _

My head is under the water so I can't tell for sure, but I think there is more than warm water running down my face.

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I stand and stare at the two headstones I've never laid eyes on before this moment. While I would imagine most people would sit or kneel, I can't bring myself to get that physically close to them. What comes out of my mouth surprises the hell out of me.

"I knew….I knew deep down that something wasn't right. I just never wanted to admit that my parents, who loved me unconditionally, would let that shit go!"

If my mom were here, she would say, "kinder words Beatrice."

"Well, fuck you mom….and fuck you dad."

"I'm not sure that's entirely appropriate," says a soft sullen voice. _Susan._

I turn and look at her blankly, not giving a shit what she thinks is appropriate.

"How are you Beatrice?"

"You told Caleb," I say turning my stare back to my parents' headstones. "_In Loving Memory"_…_not anymore._

"I had to. I needed to. I couldn't take it any—"

"He tried to kill himself that night."

I look back at her as she covers her mouth with both hands and sucks in a breath.

"Yep. How is your conscience now?"

"Beatr—"

"What did you think was going to happen, Susan?!...he's a damned mental patient…he lives at an institution…and you drop a bomb like that on him? What kind of person are you?!...Don't answer that."

I shake my head staring at my mother's headstone.

"You said you needed to talk to me….what….what about?" she asks in the mousiest voice ever.

"How much did you know?" I give her the coldest stare I'm capable of.

"About what?"

"Don't be stupid," I spit out.

"You don't have to treat me like—"

"Yes I do!" I shout. "How…much?"

She stares down at the grass, kicking her toes at nothign. "I overheard him talking to Peter in his office…he was crying because he thought he was going to lose you. I kept listening and that is when I heard him tell Peter that he knows he has a problem and that he, well sometimes he would…Beatrice, he knew what he was doing was wrong!"

"I'm going to pretend you didn't just _fucking_ say that to me."

"Is it some obnoxious Chicago thing to swear that much?" she asks with sass.

"Yes…now keep talking."

This time she looks me straight in the eye. "I started to see your bruises…and I noticed a pattern. When Eric would come into work hung over or angry…those were the days you would never pick up your phone and I wouldn't hear from you for days. Then when you lost the baby, I just knew—"

"That's enough," I deadpan not wanting to think about a single detail more on that topic.

I lift my chin and swallow. "Why didn't my parents do anything?"

"Well…let's not throw stones Beatrice, you didn't exactly do anything either," she snarks.

I don't react to this because I've said that to myself so many times that I'm immune. It's time to be blunt...and cruel.

"Did you know he forced himself on me?"

"What?! No….I…"

"Yep…many times! How do you think I got pregnant?"

"Unprotected sex….I don't—"

"Damn right. He threw me on the couch…ripped my pants down…held my wrists over my head…and went to town!...Oh here's a good one. He pushed me down on me knees and stuck his dick in my mouth….held the back of my head until he finished—"

"Please—"

"Oh I'm sorry…'dick' probably isn't in your vocabulary…but how about 'rape'? Like when he slammed my head onto the dining room table and held it there! Right on the table while he-"

"Stop! Stop! Just stop! Please!" she screams in agony. _Good. _

I let her weep for a few moments and say nothing.

"I didn't…they didn't….I'm sure they didn't….know...that..." She takes a deep wavering breath. "I'm the one who told your mother. I was scared of losing my job and my dad and brother losing their farms….I figured she would do something! I told her after you left the hospital."

"Did she know about….him…the bab—"

"No."

I hear the noise from the planters in the distance, as I remember watching Caleb plant seed from my perch on the old cedar fence.

"She only knew for about a month…she thought it had stopped…so did I."

"Yeah well…there was a brief intermission on account of causing the stillbirth of our son." I stare off pushing back the crushing agony coming forth.

"Beatrice?"

"Susan, I'm right here. Stop saying my damned name."

"The Monroe's are…they can do a lot of damage…they've ruined lives. They've taken people's farms and paid off city council members. They slaughtered 50 of Robert's hogs when they thought he cheated them at poker...and they made _him _pay for the damages all the while they still collected the insurance for the loss in livestock!"

I don't say anything. Eric's family could have financially ruined mine, and all it would take was one word from Eric's father and my dad's pastoral career would have been finished.

I've heard enough.

"I need to be alone. Thank you for meeting me."

"You're…welcome. Will you let me know how Caleb is—"

"Don't come visit him...ever...again."

She nods her head and walks toward her car as I focus on my parents' headstones one last time.

"I pray every night that someday you will forgive me."

Now it's my turn to nod my head. _Whatever helps you sleep at night Susan. _

I watch her car pull away as a cool breeze hits my face. I briefly bend down and run my fingers over each of my parents' names. I don't know if I can forgive them yet. I reluctantly get up and close my eyes for a moment. I know what's coming next.

I slowly get up and walk over to an oak tree. It's the closest one to my parents' burial plots. I always thought it was morbid that they had them picked out. But when it came time to bury Timothy, I was happy to know he would eventually end up by my parents. Sooner than expected apparently.

I kneel down about 3 feet away from the base of the tree. I had embedded a rock from our farm into the ground and I'm thankful it's still there. Some grass has over grown on top of it so I pull it back a little. I had carved the best "T" I could in the rock…I remember it took hours. Eric doesn't know I did this…he thinks Timothy was cremated like many stillborn babies.

**Flashback:**

"How are you doing Miss Prior?" asks the young nurse as she peeks her head in the door of my hospital room.

"I'm…um…fine, thank you."

"Let me know if you need anything."

"I will…..actually, wait. After the D &amp; E, what happens…what will they do with…with him?"

"They take him to be cremated unless you request otherwise."

"Request otherwise?"

"Yes. We can have him sent to the morgue where they would prep him for a burial. You would need to contact a funeral home for the transport…" she trails off as tears start to fall down her cheeks. "I'm so sorry that sounds so technical. It's just the way I have to talk or…I….put it this way…I've been in this bed for the same reason."

"I'm sorry…."

"Geez Louise…don't be sorry...I'm the one who should be sorry." She takes my hand. "May I say something?"

"Um...yes..." I answer playing with the IV cords.

"You seem, very detached. Do you want to speak with one of our therapists or—"

"No…thank you."

"Are you sure there's no one I can call?"

"Yes…so the burial? That costs money right?"

"It is….expensive," she says wiping another tear.

"Cremation just doesn't feel….."

"It doesn't feel right," she completes nodding her head. "It didn't for me...either..."

"Yeah. But I guess I don't have a choice….so do I have to sign something or….?"

She looks at me intently and quickly stands up to shut the hospital door. "If you had a choice, without worrying about the money….what would you do?"

"I would…bury….I would bury him," I admit resolutely.

She sighs and reached over, giving my hand a small squeeze. "You'll be discharged tomorrow. Why don't you let me wheel you out when you do."

"Ooookay…but that doesn't—"

"Just….let _me _wheel you out."

**End Flashback**

I remember the nurse whose name I don't remember wheeling me out and telling me I forgot my backpack. I hadn't brought a backpack. Inside was a shoebox…

I trace the tips of my fingers over the letter T several times before I stop and close my eyes.

"Hi Timothy…I haven't been here in three years…it doesn't mean I don't think about you…because I do. I see three year old boys running in the park and I think of you…I see oak trees and I think of you…I see tiger lilies and I think of you." Tears of guilt come cascading down my face. "The last time I was here there was something I didn't…tell you….I didn't tell you...I didn't tell...I didn't tell you that I love you….I didn't…I wasn't…I didn't know I loved you…but I did…I may not have wanted you…but I did love you…very very much. I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so so sorry."

I'm clutching at my own shoulders because there is no one here to hold onto, as I finally, three years letter, let myself grieve for my son.

**Peter's POV:**

_I friggin' love my new truck!_ I think this to myself as I do wheelies in the church parking lot. _Thank you Eric for giving me a totally undeserved raise! _

I have all the windows open on my brand new Ford F150 as I roar out of the parking lot onto Route 12. I'm cruising at 60 in a 30. I wave at the police cruiser as I pass by. I know he won't even come after me. _Not with Monroe Agriculture decals all over this bitch!_ I ponder ripping up some cemetery plots when I see…

"Is that…Beatrice Prior?...No shit."

I pull up to the other side of the grounds keeper's truck and quietly get out ducking behind the old beater. I pull out my IPhone 6+ and zoom in taking a couple shots. _No one around here has an Iphone 6+! Thank you again Eric! _I take a quick look…it is definitely her. A way hotter version, too. _What the hell is she doing?_

I get back in my truck and call Eric.

"Dude, Beatrice is here."

"Like here…in Kittridge. I'm watching her right—"

"Dude chill! I don't fucking know!"

"What do you want me to do? Sedate her?"

"If she sees me she'll freak….Wait, where'd she go?"

"Hang on!"

"I think she just got into one of your trucks!"

"I can't see the driver. But it's one of the grain carriers."

"Yeah, I'll follow and get the license plate."


	18. Never

**Chapter 18 – Never**

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I waited in front of Tris's house for three hours until I decided to call it a night. It's now 12:00 and I'm exhausted. I pull off my shirt and jeans and throw them on the floor next to my bed, which I never do because I'm kind of a neat freak…okay I'm a total neat freak. I flop face down onto my pillows as an agonizing combination of warmth and contraction hits me in the chest because my bed still smells faintly of Tris. I'm tempted to go sleep on the couch so I don't ruin it with my own.

My phone rings. I don't think I've ever jumped faster for a call. Christina's name comes up on the caller ID.

"Hello?!"

"Relax I still haven't heard from her." My racing heart plummets.

"Oh…okay. Um….what's up then?"

"I'm calling in reference to your _other_ problem."

"My other problem?"

"Zeke."

"Fuck…what did he do?"

"He's shmammered and I can't get a hold of Shauna or Uriah to come get him. Will is here but he refuses to leave and I'm not going to torture a poor cab driver."

"Shit….I'll come get him."

"Great." She abruptly hangs up. _She's so polite. _

Hangar's is an upscale bar but I am not dressing up. I throw on my sweats and a hoodie…until I pass my full-length mirror and actually look at myself for the first time today. _Jesus Tobias…._ I decide on a nice pair of fitted dark jeans, a button down cream-colored shirt and a casual dress coat. I walk into the bathroom and splash cold water on my face trying to wake up some of the blood flow, and add Visine to my eyes. My hair looks insane from running my hands through it thousands of times today so I wet it down and do what I can, which isn't much. But I don't care much.

I make it down in the elevator. The one in my building is big so it doesn't bother me as much.

"Have a good evening Mr.—"

"It's Four."

"—Four." _He must be doing that shit on purpose!_

I arrive at Hangar's praying for a good parking space. I drive around for another 15 minutes until I find one and it's still a couple block away. _Fucking Chicago on a Friday night bullshit…_

Walking up to the door I spot Al. _Son of a bitch…. _

"$20.00 cover."

"$20.00 cover?"

"Gee! I didn't think you had ears. Wow." _He really needs to work on the insults._

"Whatever, Al…here." I hand him a 20.

"I.D.?"

"Seriously…we're doing this?"

"It's my job."

I hand him my drivers license.

"Nice picture. You look like….like a…-"

I rip my license out of his hand and walk right past him before he can finish his thought, which is most likely going to be totally ridiculous.

Usually when Zeke is intoxicated there is absolutely no mistaking his abhorrent laughing and banter…even in a packed bar on a Friday night. But, when I walk in I hear…nothing Zeke-ish. I see Christina is the only bartender and as flirtatious and confident as she usually is, this time she looks almost frantic as customers are yelling their drinks orders at her. No wonder she wanted Zeke out of here.

I spot Will sitting at the bar with an expression of anger that I've never seen on him.

"Hey man. Are you alright?" I ask coming up behind him.

"Oh hell yeah! I just love to sit back and watch my girlfriend get berated by drunken assholes when there is nothing I can fucking do about it."

"Why is she the only bartender? Where's Myra?"

"She refused to cover for Tris tonight and Tori says the new one isn't ready for a Friday night yet. I actually went behind the bar to help her…but Tori booted me."

"Why the hell isn't she helping?! Or Lynn?"

"Lynn busted her ankle, so Tori is cocktailing."

I look at Christina as she holds her finger out to shush one customer, while another is yelling their drink order at her. She nods her head and makes her way towards us when someone throws their straw at her. "You're done," she says not losing her cool.

"Fuck you!" yells the guy as I look sideways at Will. He is halfway out of his chair until Christina glares at him.

"Will! Sit your ass down! I love you but let me do my god-damned job!" Christina's eyes widen and I see Will's mouth hang open as he sits down slowly.

"Did she just say 'I love you'?" Will asks not breaking eye contact with a very worried-looking Christina.

"Indeed."

"Do I say it back...or like wait til later...cause she's looking at me like she might just die, and I would rather that not happen..."

"Fuck if I know."

"I should smile."

"Yeah...do that."

I look over at him as he grins widely at her, she must think this is an acceptable response because her face goes back to her normally dark complexion and she turns away giving a solid "No fuck you!" back to the tool box customer and whips his credit card like a frisbee into the the crowded bar. "Good luck!" she says blowing a kiss at him as everyone around her laughs...getting the customers to calm down and cut her a break.

"Yeah...so I really wanted to be the one to tell _her_ that."

"Well...at least you'll still get the chance."

Will gives me a confused look but before I give him the opportunity to grill me I ask, "Where the hell is Zeke?"

He takes a large drink and puts his now empty rocks glass down in a mix of happiness and frustration. "Shauna picked him up."

I huff out a breath in aggravation as I turn to the guy nursing his drink standing next to me. "Please….move." He quickly moves to the right and I scoot next to Will, leaning my elbows on the bar hanging my head.

"He was totally ripped—"

"This I know, because I'm here to pick him up," I groan.

"Four!" Christina yells down the bar. "Don't need ya!"

I give her my best sarcastic smile. I want to comment so badly but I really need her on my side right now. Before I would even be able to say anything she slides a Jack and Coke my way.

I grab my wallet and start to open it. "It's on me!" she yells.

I raise my glass at her and take a drink turning my body towards Will in an attempt to make more room because the guy next to me is way too close.

"Four?"

I don't know how it happened, but Lauren appeared out of thin air and has squeezed her frame in between Will and I. She is completely pressed up against me. I immediately put my hands on her shoulders and lean back.

"Lauren."

"Finally….I get to see you outside of work!" she says with an all too high-pitched voice as she bounces on her toes rubbing up against me. _Please get away from me._

"Chris! Oh my God! Where's Myra? Shit!"

I freeze. I would recognize that voice anywhere. It all happens so fast. The bar is packed. As much as I would like to, I literally would have to pick Lauren up and throw her, subsequently knocking all patrons over like bowling pins in order to get out of this impending disaster.

I see Tris's petite form appear from under the removable bar top and we make immediate eye contact. At this moment I hate how we can sense each others' presence. Any other person and I'm pretty sure she would have breezed right by.

Her eyes flit from me to Lauren and back to me. A look of confusion crosses her face and then sadness. I immediately remove my hands from Lauren's shoulders and rest them at my sides. Tris doesn't break eye contact with me for one second as she takes a band off her wrist and puts her thick hair up in a messy bun. She also looks more drained than I have ever seen her…it doesn't make her any less beautiful.

She turns her attention to the idiot pressing herself against me.

"Hi Lauren!" She says with all too much enthusiasm for my Tris. She's never that nice.

"Oh hi Tris! _Apparently they know each other... "_...Are you okay? You look…I don't know—"

"Tired? Emotionally exhausted? Haggard? Rode hard and put away wet? No pun intended…right Four?" _Hear we go…. _

"Oh! You two know each—"

_"_Whiskey sour and a shot of Jaegar?" Tris interrupts.

"That would be great…you remembered! You're the best!"

"Yeah…I'm just the best!" she says with the utmost bitter sarcasm that Lauren seems to not pick up on at all. _She is truly missing brain cells._

She lines up three rocks glasses and puts ice in two of them. Then turns and grabs a bottle of Beam and Jack simultaneously pouring the two liquids in the glasses without even looking, along with an extra shot of Jack in the third rocks glass. She tosses each bottle from one hand to the next and back on the shelf. Immediately grabbing the Coke dispenser she fills the rest of my drink and pushes it at me with extra force.

"So Lauren…" she says as she puts sugar and lemon juice into her cocktail. "Some bartenders put egg whites in their whiskey sours…but only the classy ones…and I'm not that classy…right Four?"

"Tris."

"I like how you do it!"

"Oh you're just so sweet. You deserve two cherries!" she says smiling widely as she plops another cherry in Lauren's drink. "Isn't she sweet?" she asks not looking at me.

I don't respond as she pours Lauren's shot of Jaegar.

Lauren signals Tris closer to her and Tris leans in the best she can. I inhale her lemongrass scent and it just makes me fucking sad, rather than the usual calming sensation. But as I apprise her I can see she doesn't have heels on so she can't lean in that far, Lauren has to talk louder and I overhear what Lauren says to her: "This is the guy!" _I'm the guy?_

Tris stands back on both feet and shakes her head looking at her hands and biting her lower lip…hard.

Then she picks up the rocks glass with Jack in it and says with glossed-over eyes, "Well cheers to that!" They clink glasses and take their shots and Tris quickly pours herself another and throws it back.

"Drinks on you Four?" she asks while she grabs my wallet that is still on the bar and pulls out my credit card.

When I don't respond she looks at Lauren. "You better get used to that!" _She's pulling out the big guns. _

She runs my credit card and I have the pleasure of watching her charge me for three Jack and Cokes, three Whiskey Sours and four shots of Jaegar.

"Tris…can—"

She practically sprints down the bar before I can say another word.

"Is she high?" Will asks half joking half serious.

"No."

"Well, I think she's totally awesome! So friendly!..so anyway, Four….."

I couldn't care less about what Lauren is saying because I am trying too hard to hear Tris and Christina's conversation.

"Where the hell were you?! I was worried sick! _We _were worried sick," she adds pointing at me. _Thank you Christina! I will get you Gertie's coffee every day until the end of time!_

Tris says something in Christina's ear.

"You did what?! Why would you do that?!"

They continue to argue back and forth for a bit.

"What if he finds—"

"He won't!..Now drop it!"

Christina throws her hands up in the air in frustration and they both move on to other customers.

_What did she do?_

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

Trying not to cry is proving more and more difficult. Why the hell is he even here? Is it because he thought I would be here or because he found out I wouldn't be? Probably the latter seeing how I found him and Lauren. _Way to twist the knife._

I finish opening the four Summer Shandy's and I open one for myself. This is our last shipment of that blend until next summer. I take half of it down.

I have felt Four's eyes on me for the last half hour. _What the fuck? Just stop torturing me…please…._ I can see their drinks are gone.

"Just so you know…I'm not serving them…and you need to talk to him!" Christina bluntly tells me practically pushing me toward the end of the bar.

"….so I'm sorry I didn't say anything before," is all I catch from Lauren.

"What?" Four says in what looks like…annoyance.

"….you didn't hear any of that?"

"I…was…distracted," he says staring at me.

"I bet you were!" I say pointing at how Lauren is flush with him. I have to admit he doesn't seem to be pleased that she is. "What else can I get you two?"

"I would like a conversation…please," he conveys with his eyes boring into me.

"I would have _loved _a conversation, but things don't always happen the way you want them to. Lauren?"

"I'll take another—"

"Tris. If you don't at least let me explain—"

"So Lauren tell me about yourself! Where did you grow up? Family? Friends?"

"Oh okay! I'm from here. My parents are really great! I see them all the time. I have a sister and a brother and two nieces. I don't know…I'm pretty normal!"

"What about you?" she asks looking at me with sincere interest. _This poor girl...she sucks._

"Oh trust me…you don't want to know about me…right Four?"

"Tris…that is so not—"

"Lauren. Any major emotional issues?"

"Uh...not that I can think of….well, I am strangely attached to my cat. She's so stinkin' cute. I have a picture if-"

"You guys are perfect for each other!"

"Thank you! Tris you are so nice-"

"I…have…a…girlfriend," he grits out. _How can he even say that?_

"You do?" Lauren asks.

"No you don't." I assert at the same time.

Four looks from me to Lauren and back to me…for the second time tonight.

"Yes I do-!" he retorts with anger pointing at me before Lauren interrupts him.

"But you always look at your coffee cup to see if I've left you my number…." _Well…that's just….great…_

He groans and runs his hands through his hair looking extremely frustrated as he glances up at me.

"And when we made the connection that we both come here on Friday nights you said that you plan on coming here a lot in the future—"

"Lauren stop talking," he says sternly.

I walk away not wanting to hear another word of this.

"Last call!" Tori yells pointing at that fucking dumb clock.

As the customers rush the bar she pulls me aside. "Are you okay? Why are you here?" I've never heard Tori sound concerned…and I must be communicating that on my face.

I feel the tears welling up again. She lets go of my arm and straightens up. "You just sounded…really weird on the phone. Are you okay?"

I shake my head in quick movements back and forth communicating that my answer is 'no.'

"Can you finish here?"

"Mmm hmm. I say straightening up and wiping under my eyes with the back of my hands."

"Don't do that Tris! You'll get premature wrinkles!" Christina screams trying to make me laugh as I move on to help the 50 or so people smashed up against the bar.

I can feel heat on the side of my face and I can't help myself so I look at Four. His stern look softens as he gives me a soft half smile that makes my heart light on fire. He mouths the words, "I'm sorry." I can see that Lauren is gone and the side of his face is really really red. I notice Will has his head buried in the crook of his elbow on the bar as he laughs hysterically. _That bitch fucking slapped my boy- ! Well…he deserves it!_

"Hey! Hey!" The guy in front of me yanks roughly on the front of my sweater. I take his wrist and both of my hands and twist hard giving him a serious indian burn and then hit the button under the bar.

"What the fuck! Do you know how much money I've spent here tonight?"

I answer, "No," as Al pushes his way through the crowd. I point to the guy and Al has him in an immediate death grip and pulls him to the door, while the asshole screams some sort of ridiculous obscenities.

I glance in Four's direction as he white knuckles his glass and looks down avoiding eye contact with me. Will claps him on the back and seems to be trying to calm him down. Could this man be any more confusing_? I don't want confusing! I wish he would just leave…._

4 Long Islands, 1 Effen Black Cherry and Coke, 9 Pomagratinis _(fucking bachelorette parties)_, 2 Mojitos, 3 Seven and Sevens, 1 PBR _(why even drink beer?)_, and a Vodka Collins later….and I am done.

Christina and I do a quick high five and Tori taps me on the shoulder. "Go home. I'll take care of your closing duties. Next bus comes in 5 minutes…so hurry."

"Are you sure—"

"Just leave."

"Okay….." I turn and start to walk toward the back. "Thanks." I know she won't respond.

I turn to Christina. "Will I see you at home?"

"Um…I was thinking—"

"It's fine. Stay at Will's. We'll talk tomorrow…I guess."

She looks at me with a torn expression and I am desperately hoping she changes her mind. I know this is going to be a rough night for me.

"Okay…please call me if you need…anything…" she says guiltily.

"Okay."

I glance in Four's direction because I'm an idiot and I see he isn't there anymore. Will gives me a sympathetic smile as I turn and walk away needing to catch the next bus also not needing him to see me cry.

I have to literally run after the bus screaming at the top of my lungs like a psycho until it finally stops.

"Sweetheart you are lucky I'm in a good mood," the driver says as I flash my Ventra card in front of the scanner.

"Yep…I'm just the luckiest person ever," I mumble to myself.

I sit down in front because all of my old fears have come back in full force since I came back to town. I can't believe I got in a Monroe Agriculture truck. I was still sitting under the tree when Eugene, the bus driver's brother pulled up. I had to collect myself quickly and was so busy doing that, that I didn't even see the logo on the truck. Eugene and I spoke casually for awhile. I think the only detail I really gave him was that I was from Kittridge and I now live in Chicago and work as a bartender. He said he had a lot of friends in Chicago so we chatted about local hot spots and activities…mostly touristy things on his behalf.

"Shit!" I say under my breath as I realize that I had told him that the bar is in The Loop. _Still, that's pretty vague….right?_

**Flashback:**

"Well, I think Chicago is one of the best cities! I have had many a good time there," Eugene says chuckling to himself.

"Yeah. It's pretty great. Most people are really down-to-Earth and friendly."

"That's the Mid-West for ya! Ain't it great? And them Chicagoans love to party! You all have block parties every weekend durin' the summer…close down the whole road and everything…just come one come all and drink our beer! You all crazy!"

I think to myself how much I take my city for granted.

"What kinda bar you work at?"

"Um…it's actually not one I would personally choose to spend time at. It's kind of, I don't know…uppity?"

"One of them classy joints?"

"I guess. It's in The Loop so—"

"Nuff said!" He laughs jovially. "Nuff said….lotsa money thrown around there!"

"Yeah," I say sighing as I think about how I met whom I thought was the man of my dreams at that 'classy joint'. Meeting him _there_…that should have been my first clue.

"Money does crazy things to people…my boss…he wealthy as the Olsen Twins and boy he is…somethin' else…"

I am totally unsuccessful at stifling my laugh at his unexpected Olsen Twin reference.

"Yep. The Monroe family has quite the reputation around Dade County…and prob'ly farther than that!" he says laughing as the blood in my veins runs cold.

"You…drive truck for Monroe Ag?"

"Yes ma'am I do! And I jus keep my mouth shut and do my job pretendin' I don't see nuthin'. There ain't no jobs round there right now. But they bad news…bad, bad news."

**End Flashback**

The bus comes to a quick halt on Damen Avenue. I hop out and walk quickly with my head down silently kicking myself for how stupid I was for so many reasons I have lost count. I feel a panic attack come on even though I clearly see my house in sight. I practically sprint to the front door and run up the stairs tripping over large pieces of dry wall.

"Ow! What the hell—"

"I punched a hole in your wall this morning," says a low voice. "Sorry."

I see Four sitting on the floor with his back against my apartment door. His knees are up and he is resting his forearms on the tops of them. _Why do I notice everything about him?! And stop being so damned handsome even when you look like shit!  
_

"What are you doing here?" _Why am I so glad he's here? You hate him...remember?  
_

"I needed to see you," he says plainly.

"You just saw me. Now leave." _  
_

"No."

"Move…now."

He gets up to give me room to open the door. I can feel his body heat and it makes my eyes well up thinking that I won't be feeling that heat on _my_ body anymore.

I open the door and quickly try to slam it on him, knowing I will be completely unsuccessful. It's like slamming the door on the Incredible Hulk. But in my attempt he pushes the door open throwing me to the floor.

"Uhhhh…" comes out of me as I feel the searing pain of landing on my tailbone spasm through my spine.

"Jesus!...Are you okay?" he asks with serious worry on his face. "I didn't mean to…" He tries to help me up...but it's more like he tries to pick me up.

"Don't! I'm not a damned infant!"

He immediately let's go and runs his right hand down his face as I push myself onto my heels and stand up rubbing my tailbone, willing the pain away.

I walk into my bedroom and throw my bag in the corner. Trying to get him to leave is going to be a useless argument. He's too fucking stubborn. Might as well pretend he isn't here, maybe he'll get the hint and go away. _Is that really what I want?_

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

_That was a nightmare! I forced myself into her apartment and threw her onto the floor! What...the...hell?!_

I really want to follow her into her room, grab her by shoulders and not let go until she listens to me. But I don't for two reasons: 1. I'm not sure I'm welcome in her own private space and 2.) I can't stand being in the room where I betrayed her. So I stay in the TV room…standing like an idiot.

She walks out of her room and straight into the bathroom, turning the shower on. I sit down on the couch and take in the torture of hearing everything she's doing in there. I hear her unzip her jeans pulling them down and tossing them in the corner and I immediately envision her slim legs peaking out under her loose knit fitted sweater that falls just below her ass and hugs it perfectly. Then I hear her take her sweater off, imagining her crossing her arms to lift it over her head, exposing her toned abdomen and perfect breasts. She is wearing a black bra. I could see it through her sweater tonight. The sweater that is looser on her when it was when she arrived at the bar because of the jack-ass who grabbed her. _How am I going to handle that shit in the future- the future? Let's be honest, we most likely don't have one-_

My thoughts are completely interrupted by the worst torture so far as I hear her unhook her bra and toss it to the side, then slide her legs out of her panties. I have seen her completely nude before so no need for my imagination to get carried away…she was even more gorgeous than I thought anyway. Aside from my immediate arousal a feeling of sadness spreads through me as I think I may never have the chance to embrace her body like that again. I'm not even referring to sex…just the feeling of her bare warm self against me. I hear the screech of metal against curtain rod as she pulls it away enough for her small body to climb over the tub ledge. I can see the perfection of her bare bottom. I can hear her soaping up her thick hair as she massages her scalp. She exhales deeply through her nose as she rinses out the shampoo and then adds conditioner. I thought the worst torture would be her sliding out of her undergarments, but I was so wrong. Hearing her add her body wash onto her hands and running her hands down her form is physically debilitating. I actually cover my ears until she emerges in…just a mother-fuckin' towel. Her damp hair is cascading down her back and she is devoid of make-up, which I prefer. _Christ…she is…fucking killing me._

Sitting on the couch I have a clear view into her room as she drops her towel and there is no way I can tear my eyes away from her especially when I get an entire side profile as she chooses which panties to wear out of her drawer. I know my mouth is hanging open and I don't give a fuck. She slides on a pair of light blue lace panties and a whatever the hell those things are called…camisals, -sels, -soles? Then she walks right past me into the kitchen and starts making tea….in her underwear and cami-thing. It's cold so I can see goose bumps on the backs of her legs. _I could help warm her up if she would let me. I don't deserve that though. _As the kettle starts to boil she walks over and turns the thermostat up, which happens to be right across the small room. _I can't take it!_

"Tris?" I choke out.

She ignores me.

"Tris?" I say slightly more collected as I have now torn my eyes away from her butt.

She's still ignoring me so I adjust myself and walk with determination to the kitchen.

"I'm not leaving until we talk."

"So…_now _you decide to not _leave _until we talk?"

"Apparently, yes. And I know…that's….awful. Tris, I don't even know…" I pause as I get a closer side look at her face. "What's wrong with your face?"

She looks at me with fury…._ Oh shit…_

"No…not like that! I love your face…but you have bruises. What happened?"

She laughs to herself as she pours boiling water over her tea. "That's what happens when you fall asleep on a fire escape…and no one is there to wake you up…you fall over and land on wrought iron."

All I can do is stand there and stare. _I _did that to her.

"How long…were you out there?" I ask slowly.

"Why do you fucking-?"

"How long were you out there?!" I yell loudly, my fingers digging into my palms.

"5:00 am."

My blood is cold and I'm shaking. "That's….seven…hours. I left you on a fucking fire escape for seven hours!"

"Trust me…the pain of frosted over toes is nothing compared to the pain I fucking felt when I figured out you left!" she screams. _  
_

Really not wanting to destroy her belongings, I choose the next logical solution. I throw open the door to the hallway and slam it behind me walking over to my familiar spot on the wall and punch the undamaged spot of drywall right next to it.

"God damn it!" I roar.

Then I hear a click. She locked me out. _Tobias you're a fucking dip shit!_

"Tris. Let me in….Tris. I will kick in this door…you know I will!"

"I'm not dealing with your bullshit temper!" she shouts through the door.

I collect myself for a moment. That probably scared the hell out of her. "I'm sorry if I scared you—"

"You didn't scare me!" _Or not… _ "I've just…had it…please…." _She's crying...no..._ "I can't…take anymore…"

The hardest thing for that woman to admit is that she can't handle things. _Now I am definitely not leaving….but what the fuck do I do? _I can hear it in her voice. She is not going to let me in.

Suddenly a previous idea hits me: the fire escape. I exit the stairs hoping she thinks I left and sneak around to the other side of the house praying there is a ladder. _Success!_ There is. I start to climb it now hoping the window is unlocked. That would be totally unlike her, but I am not beneath breaking it so I start to climb anyway. I'm trying to be as quiet as I can but this thing is rickety as fuck. When I make it up there, all I see is a yoga mat and the bars that I'm sure she smacked her gorgeous freezing face on. _ You have fucked up...epically!_

I crouch down and peek in through the window to see that she has turned the light off in her room except for the one on her nightstand. She is curled up into a ball on her side facing away from me. But I can see from the slight shaking of her shoulders that she is crying. _I hate this…I fucking hate that I did this._

I'm praying to God that the window is unlocked as I slowly put the heel of my palms under the top frame of the window and lift. _ Success again! Move quick Tobias!_ I push the window up all the way and launch myself in because she could easily slam the window on my head if she were quick enough.

She screams at what I would imagine is the top of her lungs as I yell for a totally different reason…pain being at the forefront.

She grabs at her heart with her hands and then collects herself and wipes under her eyes.

"Get…out!" She yells.

"No! I'm going to say this!"

"I don't wanna hear shit from—"

"Well you're going to! I'm sorry! I hate everything about what I did to you…you trusted me…and I broke it…I fucking broke it…"

She crosses her arms slightly calmer. "What…happened?"

I sigh breathing out through my mouth. "I read the first, I don't know, two entries and I just…things went fuzzy. I tried to calm down and keep reading…and that worked momentarily. But…then I…just thinking about what you went through. What he forced you to….Tris, I…."

"I knew this would happen," she says with a sad and resigned expression. "Well, I didn't expect you to leave...but I knew you wouldn't be able to handle it…that you would treat me different—"

"I don't plan on treating you different—"

"Well, don't plan on anything between us Four!"

"Don't...call me that."

"I have to—"

"Why?!"

"Because I need to….disconnect from—"

"From what? Me?! Us?! Look Tris…I fucked up…so bad…you were right, okay? It was so much worse than I thought…what you had to endure… and I ran out…it wasn't rational…I hate that I did that to you!"

"_You_ hate it? I climbed into my apartment at 5:00 am and you were gone!? What the hell did you do for seven god-damned hours Tob…Four?" _Did she almost say Tobias?_

"I thought about you…nothing but you...I had to literally sedate myself. I thought about… how much I screwed everything up…for the last 30 hours I have thought of nothing…but…you."

"Then why did you leave?!" she practically shrieks.

"Because I fucking love you!?" I yell at the top of my lungs as I close the distance between us my voice cracking with raw emotion. "I love you…so much. So much…that I couldn't fathom, I can't fathom anyone hurting you…and he did that…in so many ways...I didn't want to tell you like this…" My breathing is increasing significantly. "But you need to know…even if it's the last thing I say to you. It should be….I love you...that's what...it should be."

She stares at me with disbelief in her eyes. I sense the change in her body language immediately.

"I don't want it be the last thing you say to me..." she breathes as a tear slides down her cheek.

"It doesn't have to be...please..." I choke out as I wipe her tear away with my thumb. I reach both hands out tentatively and tug on the hem of whatever she's wearing. She doesn't push me away. I tug a little harder pulling her to me. I can't fucking believe it but she wraps her arms around my neck as I look down at her. I lean in and place my lips on hers. She doesn't pull away. It's almost as if a spark ignites a blazing fire as suddenly our lips move against each other with more passion than I've ever experienced. I wrap my arms around her waist and lift her, my lips not leaving hers for a second as I walk us, scratch that, run us backwards to her bed. As the backs of my knees hit her bed I sit down and she straddles me grabbing each side of my face tightly with her soft hands.

I pull my head back and look into her emotionally drained but nonetheless stunning eyes. "I'm so sorry. I'll never—"

She interrupts me with a sweet kiss. And then rests her forehead on mine. "I love you."

"Tris…you don't have to say that just because—"

"Just shut-up," she says with a small smile and her eyes closed. "I've known for awhile. I love you and…just don't leave me…like that again…please—"

"Never."

She opens her eyes as she bites her lower lip and nods her head. _I would die a happy man right now… _ Then she brings her soft lips onto mine kissing me so softly it's almost torture. _But maybe not _right _this second… _I attempt to meet her advances with equal softness…unsuccessfully because suddenly everything shifts. Urgency, want, need, love, lust all come colliding together as we cling to each other. Her hands find their way up under my shirt as she runs to heel of her smooth hands up my abdominals and to my chest signaling that the shirt must go. I begrudgingly remove my hands from where they love to go by their own volition: right to her ass. And I pull my shirt off throwing it to who the fuck cares where. She adds pressure to my groin as I return the gesture by practically ripping off her top. I knew she wasn't wearing a bra, but fuck it's so hot when all I have to do is take her top off and her tits are immediately all mine. Our lips are practically locked together and have developed a perfect passionate rhythm all on their own. I swear my mouth was made for this woman.

She runs her fingers up though my hair and pulls on it. I think she loves doing that as much as I love when she does. It's like she's claiming me as her own and she has no intention of letting go. I cup her breasts lightly at first, but my hands need more so I start to massage then and I squeeze what I would have thought to have been too hard (I couldn't help it) but she moans in my mouth so I think I'm in the clear.

She must sense the pain I'm in because she slightly lifts her hips but all it ends up doing is teasing my sensitive groin.

"God…" I say. _I need to get out of these things._

And because she seems to be a mind reader she gets off my lap and rises up on her knees. Her breasts are eye level with me, but the excruciating need in my pants wins out over taking advantage of that situation as I stand. She bites her lip running her eyes up and down my torso. I'm confident in my physique but every time she looks at me like that I still get nervous. Apparently I don't need to be…..

She grabs my belt and pulls me roughly to her unbuckling it and unzipping my pants faster than I have even done myself. They are at my ankles even faster as I step out of them and my socks capturing her lips as I pull them off. We are both left in our underwear and I pull back and just stare at my own Monet for a moment as she is still up on her knees in her lace panties. She seems okay with it this time. But I don't want to push my luck so I look at her face.

She says in practically a whisper, "I….will you….? Can we…I want to….um…" I'm being patient (trying soooo fucking hard!) because I need to hear her say it.

I run my knuckles down the sides of the breasts, over her rib cage, to her waist and over the soft curve of her hips and back up again. She closes her eyes seeming to enjoy the sensation and she sighs through parted lips.

"Will you make love to me?" she asks quietly and shyly with her eyes closed. _YES! YES! YES! But….no, no, no, no….Tobias you fucking idiot! You know what? I'll just pull out! People do it all the time! Nope...not safe for many reasons...shit! _

I take both sides of her face with my hands and kiss her softly as she opens her eyes, looking at me expectantly.

"Yes…I absolutely would love nothing more in the whole fucking world…but I am completely…unprepared…" I take her small fingers in my hands and look down at them. "I wasn't exactly expecting—"

"Well….I'm on birth control and I've been…to the doctor so—"

"I've never not used protection."

And there it is. I softly cuff her hips and pull her to me wrapping my left arm under hers and around her waist while my other hand slides under her underwear cupping her perfect butt cheek.

I can already feel the dampness of her panties on the tips of my fingers and I am so tempted to keep reaching and insert my fingers into her folds from this position. _Save it for another time Tobias._

She reaches down and teases the hem of my boxers. _Damnit! She doesn't like boxers! _

"Sorry about the boxers," I say quietly nibbling on her left ear. "Like I said….not really expecting—mmmmgghhhh." I can't finish my sentence because she slides her hand down and starts stroking me in the way that only Tris Prior can.

"Mmmm? Yeah, I think we'll be okay." Still moving her lithe hands back and forth over my shaft she pushes my boxers down with her free hand.

"Ha…you are a fan of multi-tasking….." I breathe out as I shimmy out of my underwear. "Good thing I am too…"

She sucks in a quick breath as I deftly dive under the waist band of her underwear cupping her core and teasing her lips with my middle fingers, while pushing her panties down with my other hand. Once they are at her knees and with my fingers still inside her wet heat I support her back and neck and lay her out on the bed.

"Are we totally alone tonight?" I ask as I kiss her urgently down her neck pushing her panties all the way off with my feet. _Now that's talent!_

"Mmm hmmm….Chris is staying at…" She groans as I rub my thumb over her nub. "…Will's."

"Excellent….because I plan on doing…incredible…things with you…tonight. Hopefully several times." I say kissing down her abs as she flexes them involuntarily. "And I would…much prefer…to hear…everything."

"Every….thing?"

"Mmm hmmm….like what when I do this…." I insert my index finger deep inside of her and I hear her breath hitch. "or…what you do when I do this…" I slowly pull out my finger and accompany it with my middle finger on the way back in pushing on her clit with my thumb.

Her hips twitch as she rewards me with a slight, "Ah…"

I move my body between her legs and hitch her right leg over my shoulder. "But this I've never done so I'm curious…" I blow on her warmth and I feel her leg flex hard on my shoulder. I lick a delicious strip up her wetness and do the same thing again. This time she gives me the added bonus of a deep moan. "Better…." I say.

I take in a moment to surround my senses with everything Tris, hearing the noises she makes from labored breathing, my sight line right from her exquisite pussy to her firm core and her perfectly hardened nipples. I wish I had another mouth. But I don't so I have to bring my hand up to feel her budding nipple as it hardens even more under my teasing fingertips. I inhale her scent deeply, which makes me excruciatingly hard so I have to stop even though I know the best worst pain is to come as I take her in my mouth.

I dive my tongue…deep because I'm overeager as fuck as she groans….very loudly. I pull back and shake my head in awe that I can actually make her do that.

"Jesus…don't stop…" she whines as she tugs on the roots of my hair pulling me to her center.

"Sorry-" It's the only word I can get out because my face is buried in her.

I work her with my tongue as she twitches and moans, I watch her as she runs her hands through her hair seemingly not knowing what to do with them. I reach both of my arms up under her legs and take her hands in mine. I nip her clit gently between my teeth and flick my tongue as she tightens her grip on my fingers. I feel her desire on my tongue in full force and I swear I would come if she even touched my dick right now. This is going to take some serious resolve.

My want to be inside of her is taking over my entire being but I need to make sure I take care of her at least once just in case…God forbid…I don't last long enough when it counts the most.

I can already sense her build-up as she tenses her core and whimpers slightly. My favorite thing to watch is about to happen and I cannot absolutely cannot lose it right now so I literally have to close my eyes as I insert my index finger moving it over the spot that makes her come undone.

I hear her take deep breathes and moan as she contracts around my fingers.

"Jesus…." I say under my breath as sweat beads on my forehead from being so fucking turned on by just the sound of her enjoyment.

"Oh, God….yes, please, right there don't stop don't stop…" She tightens hard around me as I carry on slowing down only when I know she is finished.

I swallow and groan, "Baby I almost fucking lost it...God, it is so hot when you do that." I say crawling up to her and kissing her lightly on the cheek unsure if she would want to kiss me after I just went down on her. I was apparently way off because she pulls me to her hard and kisses me passionately on the mouth. She pushes me onto my back and crawls on top settling her heat on my shaft.

She rests her forehead on mine and closes her eyes. "Tobias?"

"Yeah?" I barely get that out because I can feel her pulsing against my cock that has never been harder in it's existence.

"Don't treat me…differently…please…just—"

"Tris." I say turning her head and kissing her on the cheek. "I will absolutely treat you differently…because you are different…and because I love you. And I have every intention of making love to you…not just having sex with you."

She nods her head quickly as I can feel her wetness pool over me. I'm not sure she even knows she's doing it but she is incrementally moving herself back and forth over me and I think I may die right here.

This needs to happen now. I sit up quickly supporting her by her lower back and lift her hips, adjusting myself so we are lined up perfectly.

"Baby, look at me."

She meets my eyes as I begin to guide her down and we share a moment that I'll never forget until the day I die. She inhales a deep breath of what I hope is pleasure as she sinks down onto me. Once I am fully inside her she clings to me and I wrap her in my arms with equal desperation.

I have to say I have never felt anything like this. Now I know. This is what people talk about. It's not just an inconceivable concept to me anymore…

"Jesus," I grunt out with a dry mouth. It's as if I'm physically incapable of moving my jaw to close my mouth.

She lifts her head and nods in agreement as I can see my expression mirrored in hers. She starts to rock her hips back and forth inch by inch. I'm so deep inside her and the sensation is indescribable. Being buried to the hilt as she flexes around my cock every time she moves her hips will…get…me…off….immediately. I cannot let that happen. So I take her by the waist and start to guide her up slowly and then down slowly. Now that she is more pliant she slides down me easily. She makes the best noises each time I'm fully inside her and to be honest I don't even know what the fuck is coming out of my mouth, only that they aren't words.

I want to explore every inch of her but I am already close. I need more control so I quickly flip us so I'm on top but still inside her. I pull out so my tip is just about outside of her and then I thrust back into her, not enjoying the brief loss of contact.

"Oh my God!" she pretty much yells as I pull out and repeat the process, being rewarded with equally pleasing words from my fucking amazing girlfriend each time. Thank God Christina isn't here because my girl is not quiet...and I am sooooo okay with that. I can feel every inch of her inner walls. I need more of her..now. I wrap my right arm under her back holding her to me as I kiss her soft lips while finding a rhythm that suits us both. She is so tight and I am so hard. This is fucking heaven on Earth. I close my eyes and clench my jaw as we continue this in perfect synch with each other. Pure love and pleasure at the same time. I begin to feel the inevitable build up but I'm willing myself to hold out longer for her.

"Oh my God…Tobias…I can't even…"

"I know, I know, I know…baby…I'm…fuck…."

I feel the first signs of her release…that moment when her walls start to flutter around me. I pull out slowly and then bury myself to the hilt rocking my hips up and feeling everything that is inside of her.

She digs her fingers into my back as I rock back and forth inside her in quick tight movements. We both start to sweat from exertion. I feel her tits slide against my chest as I move back and forth on top of her.

"Tris….I'm so close… God damnit…" I rest my forehead on her shoulder because I know there is no holding out anymore. My thrusts are uncontrollably urgent and thank God I feel her contract…hard…like excruciatingly amazingly hard around me as she looses all speech and I follow releasing myself inside her with all-consuming vigor. All I can do is rock my body against her while she holds onto my hips for dear life as we use each other to ride out our climaxes. I have never come so hard in my life.

I look at her face in disbelief before I collapse on top of her with her arms wrapped around me. I'm still inside her. With anyone else I would pull out immediately, thankful for the very pleasurable distraction but that's it. But right now, with Tris, pulling out is the last thing I want to do. But as her insides flutter from the aftershocks of her orgasm I realize how sensitive I am and that I'm probably crushing her so I roll off of her onto my back.

"Oh…don't go…." she whines.

"Trust me…..I didn't want to." I turn my head to look at her. "Tris…that was…I knew it would be amazing…but that was…." _I need to catch my breath._

"Fucking mind-blowing….."

"Holy shit …yes."

"I love you…." she huffs out.

"Yeah?"

"Haha…yeah."

"I love you, too...so much."


	19. The Afterparty

**AN: for readers who don't like to read about sexy time...this chapter is not for you. Just...yep...**

**Who needed a break from angst? This girl!**

**The reviews have been...I have no words...which is odd if you think about it... Lordy...keep 'em comin'!**

**Chapter 19 – The Afterparty**

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I close the bathroom door behind me and as much as I would love to scream and bounce up and down like an idiot...I can't. Well, I probably could judging by the dumb-happy look on Tobias's face. He may just feel the same.

I sigh and grin putting my hands on my flushed cheeks as I look in the mirror. Beatrice no longer looks back at me. _Thank God!_ She will always be a part of me…but yesterday in the bathroom mirror at the train station, she was back in full force. I knew it because of my apprehension at looking at myself in the mirror.

"You do know what that's for, right?" asked the woman standing behind me in the bathroom as I looked tentatively from the sink to my reflection. I ignored her and walked out.

But the girl I see now has rosy cheeks, bright eyes and a smile that will not leave. Although my hair looks nuts. Having amazing sex with thick damp hair…whoa! _It was amazing sex...right?_

I have Tobias's shirt on so I pull the collar over my nose and take a breath. _Ugh…yum. _

I can't comment on anyone else's experience on being with their boyfriend for the first time…but mine was….

**Flashback:**

"Because I fucking love you!?" he yells louder than I've ever heard him.

He loves me….I believe him…I can see it very plainly and painfully written all over his face. I already know that I love _him_, I just wasn't sure if he felt exactly the same. I knew for sure that his feelings were strong, but I wasn't confident enough to realize that he was right where I was the whole time.

It's as if my mind takes me back to last night. How would I have felt if I had to read his inner most thoughts: how he felt as a little boy, listening to what his mother was going through? I can only imagine how I sounded when Eric was beating me. I couldn't imagine how a child would react to hearing that happen to his mother and not being able to do anything about it. Did he flashback to being locked in closet screaming for her?

I wonder if that's what would have happened to my bab- to Timothy if hadn't...I still can't think of the actual words. And that's when it really hits me. If I had been the one to read Tobias's journal…it would have killed me. To have to think of him like that along with all the memories of mine it would conjure up. It would have been torturous.

I knew it would be hard for Tobias. But I was more concerned about how things would change between us, or how it would change the way he sees me rather than on how it would truly affect him.

He's suddenly within reach…not close enough to touch…but within arms length and I'm dying to be in those strong arms.

"I love you…so much. So much…that I couldn't fathom, I can't fathom anyone hurting you…and he did that…in so many ways...I didn't want to tell you like this…"

He pauses and scratches the back of his neck as his face turns a shade of red. Then he swallows and straightens up, now talking quieter.

"But you need to know…even if it's the last thing I say to you. It should be….I love you...that's what...it should be."

"I don't want it be the last thing you say to me..."

And I mean that with every ounce of me. We still have many things left unsaid and I can't imagine not being able to do that.

"It doesn't have to be...please..."

He swallows and seems to be struggling with his words as he reaches out and brushes away a tear on my cheek with his thumb. I didn't even realize it was there. He reaches his hands out seemingly testing the waters. I assumed he was going to try to pull me to him but to my disappointment he doesn't. I try to make eye contact with him but he is staring at his hands fumbling with the hem of my camisole. He pulls on it urging me to meet him halfway. I think he's nervous that I won't.

Deciding I can't take the non-contact anymore I wrap my arms around him and for the first time in what feels like forever…even though it's only been a day…I feel safe. It just hits me how much I needed him there at the cemetery.

Tobias looks at me with shock that doesn't seem to last long as he slowly rests his lips on mine, not kissing me, just for the touch alone. Until lightning strikes and whatever pent up passion we both had comes pouring out. Before my mind can even register the movement I'm straddling him on my bed holding onto his face as if willing him to not ever pull away from me again, until he shakes his head free and lands his deep blue eyes on mine. They look tired and blood shot, but they hold no less appeal to me. They are so soulful.

"I'm so sorry. I'll never—"

I kiss his warm lips softly.

"I love you." _That pretty much just came out…but it is nonetheless true._

"Tris…you don't have to say that just because—"

"Just shut-up."

I close my eyes trying to gather my thoughts.

"I've known for awhile. I love you and…just don't leave me…like that again…please—"

"Never."

I believe him.

His lips look so enticing to me and I just want to savor them briefly….and apparently I mean very very briefly because my attempted soft kiss turns practically carnal as every ounce of me and seemingly him are thrown together in a jumble of emotion. My hands find their way immediately under his shirt, although his, per usual, are on my butt before anything. I don't know what happens to his shirt except that it is suddenly off and I feel him grow hard underneath me. I love the feeling of that so much as I push my weight down on his groin. A cross between a grunt and a growl comes out of him as he rips my cami off...literally. Almost as if I caught him by surprise a very satisfied grin crosses his face as our lips lands on each other and his hands immediately cradle my breasts. As I run my fingers up through his dark brown hair pulling on the roots it causes him to tighten his hands, which creates such heightened sensitivity that I can barely stand it.

He keeps trying to sit up straighter and I feel his groin bulging beneath me so I try to lighten some of my weight because I can't imagine that feels great.

"God…" he says in a gravelly voice. _I need to get this man out of his pants…now._

Rising to my knees he follows me up and I take in the glorious site of him. He is lean, not bulky and over-powering. But he still looks like he could kick some serious ass. The definition in his exquisite torso makes me lose my mind as I rip his belt of, then undo and push his pants down.

He takes my face in both of his hands and attaches his lips to mine joining our tongues in ardent passion until he pushes me away momentarily looking me up and down. I hate it a little less this time. His apparent lust for me is actually turning me on as I feel a serious dewy sensation between my legs. I have an intense need for this man but I'm not sure how to communicate that to him without sounding like an idiot.

"I….will you….? Can we…I want to….um…"

He moves his knuckles down my sides feigning patience but it feels so tender and good. _He wants me to say it. _

"Will you make love to me?" I ask so softly that I wonder if he heard me. _He isn't answering me. Why isn't he answering me?! Oh God….. _

He kisses me softly and I open my eyes to a look of serious disappointment on his face.

"Yes…I absolutely would love nothing more in the whole fucking world…but I am completely…unprepared…"

He looks remorseful and pretty much completely adorable. But this may be a non-issue. _Please…please…please…_

"I wasn't exactly expecting—"

"Well….I'm on birth control and I've been…to the doctor so—"

"I've never not used protection." _Hallelujah! _

A part of me is sad that I didn't get to share my first experience without a barrier with him but as he slides his hand down the back of my underwear I'm suddenly completely over it. I find myself moving the hem of his boxers so I can take the part of his anatomy that I'm craving in hand.

"Sorry about the boxers," _Seriously? That's what he's thinking right now?_ "Like I said….not really expecting—mmmmgghhhh."

I don't let him get another word out as I wrap my hand around his amazingly hard member caressing it up and down.

"Mmmm? Yeah, I think we'll be okay," I say with complete sincerity. _We will be _more _than okay._

I continue with my movements, not having any intention of letting go, as I push his boxers down with my other hand. He says something but I have no clue what it is because he's cupping my core while running his fingers up and down my wetness. Suddenly I'm on my back with my panties at my ankles as he continues his ministrations. _Jesus this man is…oh God. _

"Are we totally alone tonight?"

He is driving me bat shit crazy while his wet soft lips make their way eagerly down my neck. _What the hell did he just say? Oh yeah…._

"Mmm hmmm….Chris is staying at…" _Holy hell_… "…Will's."

"Excellent….because I plan on doing…incredible…things with you…tonight. Hopefully several times." _He better be right…because seriously it's about fucking time! _"And I would…much prefer…to hear…everything."

"Every….thing?"

"Mmm hmmm….like what happens when I do this…."

He plunges his finger into the depths of me and I'm fairly certain I elicit some sort of noise.

"Or…what you do when I do this…"

He repeats the process with two fingers and I feel glorious pressure on my throbbing bud. I jerk up in response as he moves his broad torso between my legs propping one over his shoulder.

"But this I've never done so I'm curious…"

I feel warm breath on my wet heat and my body tenses at the agonizing teasing. _Stop doing that—ohmygod! _He runs his tongue over me this time before repeating the action.

"Better…." _I don't even want to know what I just did._

He stops what he's doing. _Don't you know I'm about to explode?! _But then he at least relieves some of my tension by touching my breast. That is until he runs the tips of his fingers over my already taught nipple. _Definitely worse! _He breathes me in, which is a surprising turn on: knowing he is enjoying pleasing me. I briefly revel in that thought before—_God…._he forces his tongue inside me and some kind of noise must come out of my mouth because he stops and gets a shit-eating grin on his face….. _Is he kidding?_

"Jesus…don't stop…"

I pretty much shove his face right into me, feeling guilty for about ¼ of a second. _This feels fucking amazing….it's like I can't get enough of this man….. _ The pressure that is becoming more and more familiar to me is starting to build as he moves in and out of me, spending a particularly longer amount of time on my sensitive cleft. It feels so good that I'm practically frustrated if that makes any amount of sense. He grabs my hands, which grounds me and helps me contain…whatever it is I'm feeling.

I look down at Tobias. He has his eyes closed tight and is grinding his groin against the bed as if he's trying to hold back from something, while I'm trying to desperately let go.

He strategically probes his finger deeply inside me at the perfect angle and I fall right over the edge as heat pulses through me. All I know is that I'm practically begging him not to stop and he doesn't until my breathing slows and he thinks I'm fulfilled. _But I'm totally not…._

He moans and then says, "Baby I almost fucking lost it...God it is so hot when you do that."

He brings his strong frame next to me and I can see his erection alert and at attention between his legs. I am so ready for this man to have his way with me and he better give it to me and not treat me like an invalid or I WILL LOSE IT! I grab him by the back of the neck pulling him to my mouth as a look of surprise crosses his face. I actually surprise myself a little as I taste myself on his tongue. It's different but not at all bothersome. I push him with as much force as I can…which in comparison to him is nothing, but he seems to get the point as he immediately grabs my waist settling me so the underside of his cock is perfectly positioned between my wet labia.

All it would take is sliding myself forward, an arch of my hips and some backwards movement and I could drive him into me...and I'm pretty confident he wouldn't stop me. But, I need to say this. I bring my forehead to his not wanting to look into his eyes in case I see pity in them.

"Tobias?"

"Yeah?" He answers with a labored voice.

This has to be torture for him.

"Don't treat me…differently…please…just—"

"Tris, I will absolutely treat you differently." I'm just about to flip out until he immediately explains himself. "Because you are different…and because I love you. And I have every intention of making love to you…not just having sex with you." _I don't...even know…._

Before I can say a damned word, we are sitting upright with me on his lap, his hard shaft rubbing upward against my clitoris and I think I might die right there. By the look on his face he is as desperate for this as me. I rise up with him aiding me in lining up our bodies by adjusting himself and my hips. _Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God…what if I'm terrible at this? What if he—_

"Baby look at me."

I lock eyes with him as he slowly immerses himself in me. We keep eye contact the whole time as his jaw goes slack and my mind goes numb from emotion and pleasure colliding. I immediately clutch at him needing him to ground me like before because it's just…so much. I feel like I'm squeezing him like a vice but he doesn't communicate that to me in the slightest.

All I hear is a guttural "Jesus," come out of his mouth. _That's good right? It sounded…fuck…good._

I'm moving my hips back and forth as he hits a spot so deep that I could come…like really hard…right now. I look at him hoping he is experiencing what I am…and I think he is. The look of awe he gives me says a lot. Thank God he starts lifting me up, a couple more small movements and that would have been it. I feel my insides have acclimated to his size so I can glide up and down easier…plus I'm so wet for him that it would be impossible not to. The noises of pleasure coming from Tobias are not helping my resolve as I hear unfinished expletives and grunts of satisfaction coming from deep inside his chest. He deftly flips us somehow still keeping his self inside me and then he excruciatingly slowly pulls almost all the way out. It briefly holds me off until he pushes his girth inside me with the best kind of force. I know I yell out and I'm briefly embarrassed until I see him bite his lower lip trying to hide a smile of satisfaction. I kind of love how cocky it makes him when he knows he's making me happy. _Is happy even the right word?_ He repeats the glorious move over and over and gets a similar reaction out of me each time. The look of labored pleasure, if I'm reading it correctly, on his face is such a turn-on. I literally feel every pulsing inch of him, even more so when snakes his arm beneath me to pull me closer and kisses me lovingly.

We seem to find a pattern that just fits. I'm meeting his deep thrust with my hips in synch with his. We aren't making intense noises of pleasure any more as we look into each other eyes. It's more than that. This has to be where the expression 'making love' truly comes from. I feel him get harder inside me as my insides begin to betray me…I don't want this to end.

"Oh my God…Tobias…I can't even…"

"I know, I know, I know…baby…I'm…fuck…."

He gets me right to the summit as he pulls out and then drives into me. I claw into his back as he holds himself inside me making shallow solid thrusts. I can feel every jut and valley of his abs as he slides over me. _God, he's so fucking hot._

"Tris….I'm so close…god-damnit…"

He lays is head on my shoulder almost in defeat as his erratic thrusts coerce me over the edge. An indescribable wave of pure bliss and adrenaline pummels my core. My whole body goes rigid and all I can do is hold Tobias inside me for what feels like forever as my body is flooded with euphoric swells. He then tenses and shudders with a throaty moan as he sways inside me, slowing down as we both descend. Stilling himself we make eye contact. He gives me a look of incredulity as he gives in and falls on top of me breathing heavily while I match his breathing.

It's an amazing feeling of protection with him lying on top of me. He is still inside me and I'm not ready to let go of this amazing experience we've shared.

"Oh…don't go…." I whimper like a puppy as he rolls onto his back.

"Trust me…..I didn't want to."

He puts the crook of his arm over his face briefly before he brings it down and turns to me smiling.

"Tris…that was…I knew it would be amazing…but that was…."

"Fucking mind-blowing….." _At least for me…_

"Holy shit …yes."

"I love you…."

I say it because it's all there is to say right now.

"Yeah?"

"Haha…yeah."

"I love you, too...so much."

**End Flashback:**

A knock on the door and the hairbrush that I apparently was holding goes flying through the air and a cross between a squeak and a screech comes out of me.

"What the hell are you doing in there?" Tobias says laughing through the door. "Did you fall asleep? Not that I blame you…I know I wore you—"

I fling the door open and look at him. He's grinning like an idiot and looks so happy and cute: like drunk Tobias but better.

"I was just thinking about one of the most amazing things I've ever experienced…" I say coyly as I run my fingertips down his shoulders.

"Oh really?" he asks putting his hands on my bare ass pulling me close.

"Mmm hmm….my first bite of deep dish pizza….sooooo yummmmm…." I moan escaping his grip and running toward the kitchen.

I don't make it far as he grabs the sleeve of my shirt. It slides off my right shoulder easily because…well…when we found it, there were no longer buttons on it. I yelp and dart into the kitchen as he swoops me up setting me on the counter. I have one arm in and one arm out, or in Tobias's mind, one boob in and one boob out.

"I'm sorry…what were you saying about deep dish pizza?" he asks as he attaches his lips onto my left nipple.

"Um…" I say swallowing thickly. "It's thick, delicious and basically the best thing…uh…I've ever put in my mouth."

He stops and looks me in the eye giving me his best pouty face.

"The best thing?"

"Okay…2nd best thing."

He grins nodding his head proudly as he goes for my neck.

"Ballpark hotdog at Wrigley…" I say quickly hopping off the counter sprinting to my room as he grabs for my other sleeve successfully removing the shirt and sweeping my legs as I jump on the bed.

I land hard on my back laughing as he hovers over me going for my neck again.

"You're…not…nice…" he says between what are most likely some serious hickeys. _Christina's going to have a fucking field day. _"And…you are seriously mistaken…"

"Really?" I ask reaching for his boxers. "Then please correct me…"

He backs up quickly so he's out of my reach.

"The hotdogs at Mr. A's are so much better," he says shaking is head and shrugging his shoulders.

"You do know it's all about the….experience, right?" I ask scooting my naked self toward him.

"Nope….please explain. Experience? I'm not following…" he inquires in mock confusion backing off the bed.

"Yes, well…sometimes certain things…taste better…because of where you are…" I explain slowly now sitting on the edge of the bed with my legs spread a little wider than socially acceptable.

I sway my knees out and in as his eyes flit over what lies between them and mine land on his visibly hard penis.

"Or what you're doing…whom you're with…even the weather can be a contributing factor," I say matter-of-factly as I still my knees in the out position.

"Really… um…the weather?" he says as he swallows.

"Yep," I say as I walk myself on my knees toward him. "Like…"

I put my fingers in the fly of his tented boxers running the tips of them in a circle over the slippery tip of his shaft.

"If it's….wet…out."

"Ha…uh, um…is wet a good thing….ah….?" he asks as I lift his boxer shorts over his cock and pull them down.

I circle my tongue around the outside of the top of his sizable length.

"What do you think?"

"_God_…yep….good," he says as he closes his eyes and I take him a little deeper in my mouth…not all the way…just enough to drive him crazy as he takes a deep breath through his nose.

I support his cock lightly with my left hand while I maintain my subtle pressure but suck him further into my mouth. His boxers are at his ankles so he steps his right foot out of them to widen his stance…probably so he doesn't fall over. I choke out a quick laugh at the image of him pitching over.

"What the hell is…funny about…this?" he whines. "…Uhhhh….don't answer that," he adds in a husky voice.

I lightly massage his sack as he tenses up his legs, which he shouldn't have done because I instinctively let go of him and run my hands up and down his lean muscular thighs. I have to adjust the angle now seeing as I'm not supporting him with my hand and as I draw him deeper he rests his hands on the back of my head as he slightly moves his hips guiding himself in and out of my mouth. Then he immediately removes his hands and backs up, pulling himself out.

"I'm sorry…I didn't mean to put my hands…to hold you there….I hope I didn't—"

"Are you fucking kidding me?!"

When he doesn't answer I stand up and look at him with…I don't even know what kind of expression. I hate this. I hate that he feels like he has to be careful with me. I hate that he thinks I equate anything he and I do to Eric. I hate it…so much.

"Tris…okay…you're obviously pissed—"

I grab his wrist and yank him toward me with all the aggravated strength I have. He goes for my waist but I turn my torso and push him down on the bed by his shoulders.

"Stay there!" I say as I kneel down and take a deep breath trying to calm myself so I don't take out my anger on his dick.

"Please don't hurt me—_holyshitthat'samazing…_" he says as I lick a hard wet stripe up his length with my tongue following it down with my hand, repeating the process before I envelope his entire shaft and lower my head down hard and fast….then slowly up.

I can taste his want on my tongue so I know I have him right where I want him.I take his right hand and put it on the back of my head and look up at him as I keep sucking him off. He is barely even resting his hand on my head so I swirl my tongue around his tip once, twice and by the third time he sucks in a deep breath and tugs on my hair by the roots, which I love, and finally seems to relax. He puts a light pressure on the back of my head as I delve into a rhythm that I can see is literally making his toes curl.

"Fuck…." he whispers as I feel him swell in my mouth. "Tris….I want to be inside you…"

I give him a stubborn, "Mmm mmm," as a no even though I would seriously like nothing more because I'm so turned on.

"Mmm _hmm!_" he grunts forcefully with extra emphasis on the 'hmm' in mocking response to mine as he finds the perfect moment when my lips are at the peak of his shaft to lift me up settling me on his lap as he drives into me.

A groaning sound comes from somewhere deep inside him as he pushes his forehead into my shoulder.

"You feel fucking amazing….I made the right choice…" he says as he starts to aid me in grinding my hips back and forth causing some serious friction where I need it most.

All I can do at the moment is cling to his torso and just feel…everything. The tight to and fro motion that makes my insides contract every time his cock grazes over some deep uncertain place inside me.

"Babe, babe, babe…I…fuck…every time you….do that…."

"Do…what?"

"Tighten around me...ah,ah…you have no idea…"

He looks pained but continues to move me over him.

"So…that's good…yeah?" I ask as I feel the burden of desire building up in full force suddenly.

"….but I'm so close….and I want you to—"

"Then don't stop…."

My breaths grow faster and coarser.

"Fuck Tobias…."

This must give him some last ditch resolve as he roughly cuffs my hips and drives into me once, twice, and on the third deepest time I angle my hips and come to an unbelievably swift climax as he clenches his jaw and grits out something incoherent roughly holding me too him as I spasm around him and his legs flex. All we can do is rock our upper bodies back and forth as the inevitable decrescendo of our climaxes ebbs through our bodies.

"You did make the right choice," I say in a breathy voice that I barely get out.

"….I concur."

He wraps his arms around my back and falls backwards on the bed still inside me. We stay like that as I feel him go soft. He runs his fingers up and down my spine breathing deep. I could fall asleep like this but…well, better not. As I try to roll onto my side he holds me tight to him.

"No," he says like a petulant child.

I flex my internal muscles and he sucks in a sudden breath and let's go flopping both his arms out in a T as I roll onto one of them. _Right arm? Left arm? I can't even tell._ He follows me soon after rolling onto his side and pulling me to him. I run my fingers up and down his chest as his heart rate slowly goes back to normal and the sheen of sweat dissipates.

"Thank you for…."

He pauses and sighs deeply.

"For what?" I ask expecting a sexual remark.

"For…trusting me…after I broke it."

I nod my head. There is so much we need to talk about…..but I feel myself drifting off. When I try to open my eyes again, I barely see that the side lamp is off and the comforter is pulled up around me. I feel strong fingers carding through my hair and an even stronger heart beat lulling me to sleep.

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I look over at her as we walk down a cobblestone street on a summer's afternoon. I play with her soft fingers as I look at her profile. She has a content smile on her face as she twists the tiger lily in her hand looking down into it like a kaleidoscope. I take in the 17th century masonry and wish we had lived in simpler times where computers and graphics didn't screw everything up.

"Tobias? Where the hell did you just go?"

"Hmmm? Sorry…just thinking…."

"I agree…the architecture is unbelievable. How did they do it without, I don't know, blue prints or graphics?"

"How is it that you always read my mind?"

"Because, I'm your wife…"

I wake with a start as I appraise the situation. I don't need to for long as I figure out I am exactly where I want to be. My favorite person is facing away from me but still wrapped in my protective arms. Last night comes flooding back into my mind and my face heats up not out of lust, well let's be honest I always lust after this girl, but in this case it's out of happiness.I close my eyes and pull her tight to me, thankful for not having morning wood because I really don't want to wake her by stabbing her in the back with my erect penis. I want to savor this time.

I draw in her amazing scent which is now also a mixture of mine. The possessive part of me, which I have to admit is stronger than in most males I'm coming to find out, fucking loves it. As if leaving my scent on Tris will deter all men from coming within a five foot radius of her. Because that is a problem…men love my girlfriend. That is something to address another day and I just may need some therapy I decide. _After all of the shit you've been through you decide you need therapy for _that_?_

Pondering my current state I realize I awoke from a dreamless sleep. Yet something else in my mind registers that that is not the case at all: I woke from a nightmareless sleep. Have I been equating dreams to nightmares all this time?

My face heats up again as I remember what I dreamed about: walking hand in hand with Tris...my wife. How do I feel about that? I can't imagine ever loving anyone else like I love her….so—

"Morning handsome…." Tris says arching her very naked torso to stretch before she turns to me.

"Hi beautiful," I reply holding her to me by her lower torso as she moves her right knee between mine.

I feel an immediate need for her. I reach over her and grab my phone. It's 8:00.

"What time does your obnoxious roommate usually get home?" I ask biting the top of her ear lobe.

"Mmmm….depends…what day is it?"

"I believe it to be Saturday….." I say as I move down behind her ear. "Why? Do you think you time traveled?"

She moves her left hand down my side to my ass pulling herself closer to me, which isn't as close as before seeing as I have a huge boner right now.

"Well…" she sighs into my mouth. _No morning breath? Shit..do I?_

She kisses me full on with equal need. _Doesn't seem to bother her if I do…._

"I had great sex with my boyfriend last night—"

"Great?" I ask surely with an annoyed face. _Is she serious? There was nothing 'great' about that!_

"Okay fine….It was _pretty_ great…." she says smiling sarcastically as she crawls on top of me grinding her now wet self over my dick. _She should never fuck with me about that! Ever! Ever ever! _"Why? What would you call it?"

"You want to hear me say it don't you?" I ask as I pull her chest toward me taking a nipple in between my teeth, teasing it with my tongue. "Would that turn you on?"

She immediately blushes as I feel her skin heat up under my mouth.

"It does doesn't it?" I say flicking at her clit with my index finger. "I know you won't answer me cause you're too damned shy, which is funny to me…." I grit out as I coax her to rise up onto her knees taking my cock in my hand putting it in perfect alignment with where we need each other most. "….because you have no problem sending me sexy selfies and teasing the fuck out of me on many other occasions."

She is squirming and biting the shit out of her lower lip as I hold her hips with a tight grip not allowing her to sink onto me…it's agony.

"But when it comes to telling me what you like or how you like it…"

I literally have to grunt this out as I let her descend about an inch.

"…you get all bashful and cute."

I sink her down another throbbing inch.

"You need to seriously get over that shit," I say clearly meaning it as I settle her slowly all the way down as she gasps loudly. _So….fucking….tight…._

"Do you even know how good you feel?" I ask really wanting an answer.

She is turning red again, but I know she is turned on as I feel her warm up even more where I am sheathed and throbbing inside her. She shakes her head as if she is unsure.

"Well, then tell me…how do _I_ feel inside you?"

She makes eye contact as her eyes gloss over unwilling to tell me.

"You're not going to tell me are you?"

I can see it in her eyes that she is frustrated as she is still staring at me trying to move her hips that I'm holding in place like a vice.

"Fine…I'll…let it go this time…but…." _What the hell was I saying? Oh yeah…_ "I'm expecting serious details in the future…but for now…I'll fill in the….blanks."

I let go of her hips as she sighs out and closes her eyes biting her lower lip moving her hips back and forth. I can feel her clit brush up against my skin as she changes the angle to what works best for her. It just pushes me deeper inside her as some fucked up noise comes out of my mouth.

"You felt so warm and fucking tight the first time I was inside you…and well….because it was…you….it was even more….God, right there baby…amazing."

"I…didn't know if I would be…"

I know she won't finish that sentence and I can see the emotion in her eyes out of both pleasure and timidity so I do for her.

"….good?"

She nods looking past my head concentrating on the pillow while still dragging her slick walls around my cock. _She really has no clue...holy shit right there..._

"Babe…Tris, look at me now."

I don't think I can take this much longer, thank God she does look at me.

"I've never experienced anything like….that. You were fucking…unreal."

That must do it because I can already feel her getting close. In this case I'm envious of how much emotion alone plays into a woman's orgasm…just telling her that she's cherished gets her close. _What the hell am I talking about…I'm just about there myself….this shit doesn't happen to me….Thank God because it's something I want to share with her and only her._

"I love you so much," she says quivering on the inside and outside and looking up to the ceiling. "Fuck…I'm gonna come so hard."

"Yeah baby? Me too…shit….tell me…talk to me…."

"I feel like...like...like I'm gonna explode…."

"Do you want to go faster? Harder?"

"Faster."

The hottest thing ever is that she has taken control and leans over me putting her tits right in my face. No need for me to surge up into her because she adds the perfect amount of hard pressure for the both of us as she increases her speed and I see a sheen of sweat on her chest. I think I recite every swear in the dictionary as she rides me blowing my fucking mind. I could come like this very second. _Please hold off Tobias._ I'm breathing out through my very tightened jaw when suddenly her insides clamp around me as she closes her eyes tight and bends her head so her chin is touching her collar bone.

"Jesus…baby you're so fucking huge...ohmygodohmyhodohmydgod…"

My eyes go wide because I literally just heard the Jackpot, seriously the best thing a guy can hear…in the history of ever…and it came out of Tris…as she was having an orgasm.

"Fuck!" I yell with a clenched jaw as I'm hit hard by what feels like a two by four inch board to the gut in the best way possible if that makes any semblance of sense, as she continues to ride me into oblivion. I'm pretty sure I empty every ounce of myself into her and it's the longest lasting climax I've ever had.

Her eyes go wide this time as she falls on top of me in a sweaty heap of pure sexiness after we have both returned to this planet…well at least me….I honestly have no fucking clue where I went.

"Jesus, Tris….may I be totally candid?"

"…..uh-huh…"

"You just fucked the shit out of me."

"Oh good…." She says in breathy relief.

I'm so glad my girl likes bluntness because I don't know how to be any other way. When we first met and I was tip-toeing around everything I said, I mostly fucked up all conversation.

She sits up with me still inside her as I suck in a quick breath in sensitive semi-pain. She pretty much dive bombs her body onto the bed next to me as we both laugh. Her mop of adorable hair is covering her so I push it aside looking at her sated face. She gives me the one eye and a closed-mouth smile that is so adorably cute. I take a moment to just stare at the brightest thing in my life. _I am absolutely in love with this girl._

"Wow Tris! Nice tush! Right William?!" _Fucking Christina!_

My head shoots up and I instinctively cover Tris's ass with my right hand as Christina leans on the door frame with Will standing behind her with his eyes covered. I quickly check out my lower extremities to find that I am securely under the comforter.

"Will?! Doesn't she have a nice butt?"

"Mmm hmm….great butt," Will answers with his eyes still covered.

Tris screeches something ridiculous as she sits up quickly, now revealing her naked upper-half.

"And an equally nice rack! Told you Trissy….all they need is a handful. Right Will?"

"No comment."

"Get the fuck out!" I yell as Tris continues to babble something incredible and tries to cover herself with her small arms.

I've seen her try to pull this off before and she is rarely successful.

"Shut the fucking door, Christina!" she finally screams.

"Fine, fine, fine…." she chastises clicking her tongue as she closes the door behind her, but not before sticking her head in again. "Hey, did you guys want to do breakfast?"

"Yeah, I'm starving!" Will yells from behind her as Christina snickers closing the door.

Tris is sitting up straight as a board. I can only imagine the hilarious look on her face.

My face starts to briefly heat up as it hits me that Will definitely saw my girlfriend's ass and possibly her tits. He's a guy…he totally peeked. Maybe not…I know I don't have much interest in anyone else's tits except Tris's. _Okay…way to talk yourself out of a beat down._

"Will just saw my ass."

"It's a great ass."

"And my boobs."

"Equally as great."

"Are you hungry?" she asks looking at me over her shoulder.

"Starving." _I love her so fucking much…._


	20. Screwed

**This chapter was...difficult...and some of you may not love it! **

**But anyway! I can't get enough of the reviews...seriously thank you. I makes writing so worth it!**

**Chapter 20 - Screwed**

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

Breakfast was interesting. Seeing Will and Tobias's faces heating up for very different reasons was proving to be entertaining.

"Oh Jesus Christ!" Christina exclaims. "Would you two just relax!...Will, I know you saw Tris's booty and you probably even peeked at her cute tits—"

"Nope, nope, nope….I saw no cute tits—sorry Tris…boobs, breasts….what is the correct word here?" Wills asks nervously as I see Tobias narrow his eyes.

"There is no correct word," Tobias deadpans.

"—and it's fine! I know you love me, baby. You made that very, very clear last—"

"So Chris?" I ask trying to change the subject. "_Please_ tell me you're working Monday…"

"I'm working Monday! Pretty sure Tori only trusts you and I to work during the play-offs. What time does the game start?"

"7:00," Tobias and Will say at the same time.

I see Will lean over and say something to Tobias, probably an apology, which is totally unnecessary. Tobias claps him on the back and gives him a nod while leaning back and stretching in his chair. He had to borrow Will's undershirt to wear under his jacket because his other shirt is now sans buttons. Will isn't as built as Tobias, so when he stretches the T-shirt pulls taut over his chest.

"Close your mouth Tris….and by the way you smell like sex!" Christina says in her loud whisper.

I look over at my boyfriend who has a smug smirk that he is trying to hide. _Such a guy._

"Anyway….breakfast is on me today guys! My sincerest apologies…I swear…"

"Will it's fine….we should have had the door closed. She's the one who decided it was conversation time!" I emit pointing to a very self-satisfied Christina.

Christina leans over the table, "Speaking of conversation, I've been meaning to ask you…did you also get attacked by a vampire last night?"

Tobias chokes on his coffee and I ball up my napkin throwing it at him. "There will be paybacks Four!" His jaw twitches after I call him that. "Mr. I'm-a-brilliant-architect-whom-everyone-looks-up-to may just have to wear a turtle neck to work one of these days….."

**Flashback:**

"Sis! You _do_ know it's June right?" Caleb asks running up behind me as I come out of the barn.

"Yeah."

"Then what's with the turtle neck?!" he asks pulling on the collar of it.

I flinch away quickly smacking his hand. "I was cold this morning, okay?" I blurt out remembering the deep finger nail scrape marks I left on myself trying to claw Eric's hands off of me.

"Hey, so mom wanted me to tell you a 'secret admirer' left a dozen roses on our door step."

"Hmm."

Caleb laughs. "How bad did he screw up this time?"

"No more than usual," I comment dryly while staring at the apple tree in blossom.

"I thought you hated roses? I know he's my boss but he's a total jerk-off. Especially if he can't remember you're favorite flowers. Susan's are carnations…at least that's what she tells me, probably because she knows I can't afford—"

**End Flashback**

"Do, do, do, do, do, do, do…do, do, do, do, doo….duh, do, do, do, do, do….Ya gonna finish that thought Trissy? Or should I go through the Jeopardy theme song again?" Christina asks with raised eyebrows.

"Oh…sorry," I say with an absentminded smile. "What was I saying?" I ask laughing as if I had a ditsy moment.

I can feel my hands get sweaty as I wipe them on my jeans and my forehead feels cold as the breeze from the restaurant door blows on the slight sheen of perspiration on my forehead. Tobias grabs my hand under the table and my heart, that I now just realize was racing, starts to slow down.

"Well, I would proudly wear a turtle neck to work," he says trying to deflect the attention from me as he leans over and says in my ear, "especially if it was because your sexy lips were on my neck."

I smile slightly as he gives me a chaste kiss on the cheek. He keeps my hand in his and runs his thumb over my knuckles knowing something is wrong.

Will takes a bite of his omelette and laughs quietly. "So Four….what the hell happened with Lauren? She throws herself at you and then she slaps you?"

"Oh yes…_Four_," I say enunciating his nickname and squeezing his hand tightly, "do tell."

As much as I hated what I saw with him and Lauren last night, I am curious even if it will piss me off…..I'm also happy the attention is off of me.

Tobias clears his throat in obvious discomfort as he looks at me.

"Okay _Trissy…" _he says while squeezing the top of my knee, which I hate almost as much as that stupid nickname rolling off his tongue. "Maybe you can add in your two cents on this situation since apparently you 'knew all about it', according to Lauren."

Putting my hands up in explanation I say, "All I know is she came into the bar a couple weeks back talking about a _guy_ she liked, who made it very clear _he_ would be at Hangars a lot in the future, knowing she was going to be there often. She also informed me that she knew _he_ liked her because _he_ kept checking his coffee cup to see if she left her number." I take a long drink of my now cold coffee before I add, "Then I saw her all tits-in-your-face last night."

"She was _not _all 'tits-in-my-face'—"

"Yes she was," Christina interrupts.

"Agreed," concurs Will.

"Well…maybe I don't notice anyone else's boobs except _Trissy's_," he adds squeezing my knee again knowing I hate the nickname.

I love this side of my boyfriend, the one who can just _be _with people without putting on his 'Four' face.

"Can we please get this story over with?" I sit back in my chair and cross my arms.

Tobias smirks at me and puts his arm around the back of my chair addressing only me. "I did tell Lauren I will be at Hangar's often….to see _you_….not her. I also do frequently check my coffee cup to make sure she _doesn't _leave me her number…"

"Yeah…that shit happens all the time," Will adds with a mouthful of pancakes as Christina kicks him. "Ow! Sorry…"

I see Tobias rubbing the back of his neck as he sighs. I know he doesn't like the fact that women fawn over him, but it doesn't make it any less easier on me knowing I'll have to be present for it.

"But that still doesn't explain why she slapped you," Will says pointing his fork at Tobias.

"Geez…." he whines running his hands over his face. "Word for word?"

"Word…for…word."

"Fuck," he says under his breath. "Fine. I said I would be more interested in dating her cat than in dating her."

I snort out a laugh at his blatant assholic remark. He can seriously be such a dick.

"You crushed that poor girl!" Christina blares in stupid Lauren's defense.

"I don't know why she was so offended…just because I prefer Tris's pussy to hers," he says shrugging.

My cheeks are now on fire, Will starts laughing hysterically and Christina drops her fork and guffaws at him.

"Did you…just say something funny and totally vile?" she asks with disbelief after regaining her composure.

"I told you babe….he's actually really funny! Just not often…."

"Yeah…don't have high expectations," Tobias says pointing at Christina while rubbing my back.

My face is buried in my hands as I shake my head.

"Aw Tris…don't worry….now we all know you have a great ass, tits and snatch!" says Christina while laughing at my expense.

"Can we please stop talking about my…parts?...and that is the worst word ever!"

"Which _one_?" she asks goading me.

"You know which one!"

"She won't say it," Tobias says with a confident shrug of his shoulders. _H__e goading me too!_

"I can say it…..I just—"

"Nope. You won't. I _know _you won't," Tobias says raising his eyes suggestively. _Just because I'm getting used to the whole dirty talk...screw it!_

I take down my last dredge of coffee, stand up and say to the whole diner. "Apparently…I have a very nice snatch!"

This earns me loud laughing from Christina and Will, several whoops from customers and an "I'll bet you do!" from some guy as I sit down.

Tobias turns his head and glares at the guy who said it while I smack him lightly on the back of the head and say, "Stop it," in his ear giving his neck a quick kiss on the way down.

"What?" he asks as he leans over. "I won't apologize for not loving other men envisioning how glorious your—"

I put my fingers over his lips. "Enough of that word!"

"Okay enough of the comic relief," says our tired-looking server. "More coffee?"

I got to move my cup over to her but Tobias covers it with his hand saying, "She's good." _Well that was annoying._

The server makes eye contact with me while I glare at Tobias. "Honey? I'll let you answer for yourself now," she says getting down to eye level with me.

"Tris…trust me." His eyes flicker briefly at his use of the word 'trust.' "You don't want more coffee."

"_Okay!_ It seems as if I don't _want _any more coffee," I retort, which seems to pacify her as she fills Will and Christina's cup.

"So….shall we?" Tobias asks nodding toward the door, not really waiting for me to answer as he pulls my chair out.

"I guess _so_!" I remark in annoyance saluting Will and Christina.

"Thank for picking up breakfast Will. I had a $1000 bar tab last night, so I'm kinda tapped out right now."

Christina snickers under her breath as I turn pretending not to hear that comment, knowing that I was charging him for everyone's drinks sitting around him until close. He rushes after me grabbing my waist and pulling me back to him while walking us in tandem out of the restaurant whispering in my ear, "As I said last night, you're…not…nice."

"You just looked like you were enjoying yourself so much with happy-tits that I figured you wouldn't mind a few rounds on the house! You know…didn't you want to celebrate?" I comment sarcastically as he pushes the door open for the both of us.

"Ow!" I say as he sucks a hickey right onto my neck pulling me to him roughly as he leans against the brick of the building.

"I'm only truly happy when your tits are rubbing up against me…as you well know." I cross my arms and stare at him being unnecessarily stubborn. "You know me well enough to know that I was _not_ happy with that situation last night," he says with sincerity as he kisses my forehead still holding me tight to him by the waist.

"Imagine it from my perspective," I say with equal sincerity.

"Yeah…I would rather not," he replies tucking a stray stand of hair behind my ear kissing me sweetly on the cheek. "I'm sorry…I know we were joking in the restaurant, but that must have really been…"

I don't add anything as I really don't want to add onto his guilt. He pauses putting his hand under my chin so I'll look at him.

"Where did you go yesterday?….I may not deserve to know…but I hope you'll tell me anyway."

I nod my head communicating that I will but now is not the time.

He takes my hand. "Now onto the reason I would not let you have more of that awful shit they call coffee."

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

We take the bus to my neighborhood…if that's what you would call it. It's just a bunch of high rises and expensive restaurants. It pretty much sucks that Tris lives in Bucktown and I live in the South Loop. It's not even all that far distance-wise, but Chicago traffic is a total bitch. Living here makes the commute to work for me easier, but not the commute to Tris's. And at this moment I'm incredibly focused on her, seeing how royally I fucked up the other night. I still can't believe she forgave me for completely stomping all over her trust. I'm going to have to ask her why.

She leans up against me on the bus as I put my arm around her shoulders. Who knew that I would ever be in the situation to actually show affection towards someone in public. But with Tris, I honestly can barely stand it if I'm not touching her somehow when she's near. I wonder if she feels the same…she seems to.

At the restaurant something was suddenly off with her…it was like she went somewhere else mid-sentence. I think I know where, hopefully she'll tell me. When I took her hand under the table she seemed to immediately calm down. As much as I hate that she is easily triggered (if that is what it was)…I love that I can instantly calm her.

As the bus comes to a stop I say quietly, "We're here."

"And where exactly is here?" she asks as I take her hand and help her off the bus. "I mean I know where we are, but _why _are we 'here'?"

"Patience….is a virtue."

"You sound like my mother," she remarks. _Shit! I didn't mean—_

"Relax...I'm the one who brought her up," she says squeezing my hand. _Phew._

I nod my head and give her a small smile, which she returns. "It's about a block this way," I point with both of our hands, not wanting to let go.

"_What_…is?"

"So…the Hawks game on Monday night? Game 3…you pumped!?" I say with exaggerated excitement…although I _am_ pretty pumped.

"Way to deflect! And in answer to your question, yes, I am excited. But….I have to work, and the closer we get to the Stanley, the rowdier the crowd."

I don't answer because I hate her job and she knows it. I wish she would try to sell some of her art. _Maybe someday she could…I don't know...open a gallery? Is that what they're called? There is open space on Lake Shore Drive. Incredibly expensive but I could help her out…assuming she would let me…she probably wouldn't. She could maybe move closer…or move- whoa….enough Tobias._

"Well I will be there, just so you know,….for every play-off game."

She sighs and shakes her head. "You're gonna hate it….and there is nothing you can do. That's why we have Al. "

"I know…I saw how he got to save the day when that guy grabbed your sweater—"

"Did you just say 'got to save the day'? It's not a competition, Tobias," she says annoyed.

_Fuck, she's right._ "Sorry, I know. I just know how he feels about you and I can't help but think that _I_ should be the one who gets to grab guys and throw them out…not just the observer."

"I guess."

"Do you not want me there?" I ask quietly as I look away pretending that wouldn't crush me if she said she didn't.

"No. I love having you there…but why torture yourself? Customers say and do some pretty nasty things…sometimes I don't even know why I work there."

I don't answer because I know exactly why she works there. It's one of the best bars in the city to be a bartender. She probably makes a pretty good living. I guess I don't really know. That's a conversation for another day perhaps because we are here.

"And we have arrived at our destination," I say guiding her down the alley.

"Wait. Is this where I find out that you have actually been strategically plotting my murder for the last month? You _were _looking at me kinda funny that first night..."

"First off, I don't usually think that far ahead," _(that's not entirely true anymore)_ "and second, I was looking at you funny because I thought you were gorgeous and I wanted to throw you onto the bar and ravage you."

"Well, in response," she says pushing me up against the building sliding her hands up my chest which is where her hands tend to go most often. "I hope that first comment isn't entirely true," she says quietly not looking at me. "And second, even though I was convinced you were into Christina—"

"Impossible."

"I probably would have let you ravage me…well, maybe not on the bar. But, we have ample other 'private places'."

"Really?" I ask pulling her close to me roughly by her belt loops. "Can I see them sometime?" I implore kissing her behind her ear.

"I will gladly give you a tour…" She pulls me down to her and runs her tongue along my bottom lip. _Jesus….I need to get my girl home._

"What are you doing, Four?!...Who is this little thing?" Gertie is sticking her head out of the door glaring at me. _Fuck, how long has she been there? Does she have a damned camera out here…I'll bet she does._

I clear my throat. "This is my girlfriend, Tris."

"_Tris_?" she spits out. "What is with you Americans and your stupid nicknames?" She waves her hands and going back inside.

"What…the…hell?" Tris says under her breath as I adjust myself and take her hand leading her into Gertie's little shop. "Is she gonna murder me?" she whispers.

"I hope not."

I lead Tris in with my hand on her lower back which I love and I know she does too because she grins every time. I don't think she has a clue how many things I notice about her.

"What…is…that…smell?" she says as she closes her eyes inhaling deeply. "No….is this where you get that fucking amazing coffee?"

I nod my head as I see Gertie smile in pride but then she frowns as she sees that she's been caught.

"This one has a mouth on her, huh? Are you very sure you're not from Chicago?"

"What does she mean 'this one'?" Tris looks at me accusingly with semi-sarcasm, semi-serious attitude. "How many have had to 'earn' this?"

"Tris…I assure you. You are the only person I've ever brought here…both male and female." _What's with that? I know she's been with other T-shirt wearing dudes…who obviously sucked in bed, seeing as they couldn't get her- gah!_

"And how do you know I'm not from Chicago?" Tris asks Gertie curiously.

"You're less annoying accent."

Tris purses her lips. _Here we go. _"You're French, right?"

Gertie flits her fingers. "Obviously."

"I can tell by your _very _annoying accent." _Shit Tris! I really want to keep coming here!_

Gertie stares at her as I reflect on the fiery attitude of my girlfriend, then she narrows her eyes and says, " I like her. She can drink my coffee."

I sigh out the deep breath I was holding as Gertie goes to the back to make the coffee. I grab Tris by the waist pulling her to me. "You almost lost me my coffee rights, jerk."

"She was making fun of your annoying accent!"

"I do not _have_ an annoying accent," I say in defense, "so, no she wasn't!"

"All people from Chicago say they don't have an accent!" comments Gertie handing us our coffees. "Although in your case gorgeous, you do_ not_ have this accent. But you come from money so you wouldn't!"

I stiffen at this reference as Tris glances my way intercepting, "So, we haven't been properly introduced. You already know my annoying name….and yours would be?"

"Gertrude." She pronounces it in French: _Jher-trood._ "But you may call me Gertie."

"Not annoying at all," Tris says under her breath as I pinch her in the side to shut her up.

"No cream, no sugar, no foo foo shots…so don't ask me! Folding table is in the corner. Handsome, you come get the chairs in back."

"Oui, mademoiselle," I say in my totally shitty French accent.

"'Mademoiselle'…such a flirt!" _Not really._ I look back at Tris who is smiling to her self and shaking her head while uncapping both of our coffees.

"She's a spit fire," Gertie says as if it's a secret.

"That she is," I say lifting up the folding chairs.

"You're in love with her...I can see it on your face!"

"That I am," I say plainly with a small grin as Gertie smiles back until she catches herself.

I open the chairs and sit down across from Tris as she hands me my coffee.

"So, what's up with this place? Why the secret location? How does she stay in business? Where does she get—"

"Did you want me to answer any of those questions?" I ask raising my eyebrows.

She narrows her beautiful eyes at me. "Sorry for being curious…jerk."

I laugh and try to explain. "She's a widow and her husband was a millionaire coffee importer. They have no children so she inherited everything. She's actually very business savvy."

"Seriously?" Tris says with doubt in her voice.

"Yes I certainly am! I have a degree is International Business mon cherie. I saw your real estate plummeting all the way from my balcony in Paris. What did you call it? The 'Global' Financial Crisis? Americans….so arrogant."

"Do you hear yourself when you talk?" Tris implores with excessive sarcasm.

"Anyway," I quickly interject before my coffee rights are stripped. "She bought low…waited out the market…and sold high. Gertie here actually owns my building and several others."

"It's _my _building."

"My mistake. And she also happens to be my neighbor."

"Why did you pick Chicago?" Tris asks with now genuine interest. "If you're from Paris….why not New York or—"

"Did I say I'm from Paris?" Gertie interrupts.

"Well, no…"

"I'm from Nice."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"I do my research!" Gertie says waving her hands in the air as she so often does. "Chicago is very much like Nice: very diverse, with a good bit of industry, tourism, stunning architecture and museums like none other! My Four here would love love love it! And many how do you say it 'culture hubs?' Very much like these neighborhoods of Wicker Park or Bucktown. Now…stop asking me questions and drink my damned coffee…I need a cigarette," Gertie flails her hands in the air and disappears in the back.

"I've never heard her talk that much. She really does like you….hmmm, who would have thought?" I say shaking my head.

"Wow! You really think highly of me…."

"It's not you," I say laughing and playing with her soft fingers on the table. "Well, it may be a little of you—" She pulls her hand away feigning offense. "Gertie's...difficult," I whisper, "and you're not exactly shy when people are rude. Well, at least not when it comes to standing up to coffee Nazis."

"I heard that! You're lucky you're gorgeous!" Gertie yells from the back.

"She thinks very highly of your looks, not that I blame her," Tris says running a finger down my jaw. "Should I be jealous?" she whispers leaning in to me.

"If I were into wealthy French widows in their 70s, then yes you may have something to worry about…." I give her a soft slow kiss on her cheek.

'Well then tell me…what are you into?" she asks moving her hands up my legs causing some serious arousal on my behalf as she brushes her thumbs over my groin.

"My apartment is right around the corner…I could show you if you want. No roommate…sound-proof walls…if you're interested." _Please say yes..._

"Tempting…but I'd rather finish my coffee," she says as she takes a sip holding back a teasing smile. _Liar..._

Pretending to be patient, I steeple my fingers together resting my chin on them, momentarily looking her over. I know I'll literally only have a moment until she gets embarrassed. She dons running shorts, a sweatshirt and tennis shoes. Her wavy hair is falling over her shoulders and she wears not an ounce of make-up. She is…I don't even know…incredible. On others it would look so plain.

"You….are…staring, Tobias."

"I'm allowed." She gives me a closed-mouth smile and her cheeks warm a little. "What? Why are you blushing, Tris….?"

"I don't know what you're talking about…." she says looking past me.

"There are only two situations when your cheeks turn pink: One: when someone complements you because you don't know how to accept one. Two: when you are thinking about….other things."

"Other things?"

"Yep."

"Such as…"

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

Getting to his building was pure agony. Now that I know what amazing sex feels like, I'm pretty sure I'm never going to get enough…particularly with this man. He pretty much dragged me half of the way until he made me jump up on his back and runs us the last block into his building.

When we get in the elevator there is another couple in there with us, but it doesn't stop Tobias from pulling me to him from behind and creeping his hands up under my sweatshirt, running his thumbs under my breasts. The couple is standing in front of us so they don't see anything, but they probably hear my hitched breath and small giggle and possibly his slight growl as I tease him with the tips of my fingers where he is engorged. As they get off on the next floor he continues his searching by reaching around my waist and forcing his hands under the waistband of my shorts into my underwear to tease me. I know he feels how wet I am as he sucks in a deep breath and his cock twitches into my back.

Suddenly I'm feeling bold, so I reach my arm behind me pulling on his neck saying, "That's all for you."

"Mmm hmm," is all he says as he removes his hand and bounces on his toes watching the numbers go up. "Fuck," he says under his breath as he rests his forehead on the top of my head. "I want you so bad right now…this is pure torment."

"Patience is a virtue," I say as I turn around and unbutton the top button of his jeans undoing to zipper partially, this time forcing my fingers into the front of his jeans.

"Mmmmm….must you do that right now, Tris…..shit."

The elevator dings on his floor as he throws me over his shoulders running to his door, which is thankfully only at the end of the hall. He unceremoniously puts me down as he fumbles with his keys trying to find the right one, I'm not helping one bit as I undo his zipper all the way and start to stroke him fast in his pants. He stops and leans his hands against the door breathing heavy until he turns and lifts me by the backs of my thighs pushing me hard against the door and kissing my neck.

"We're are going to have sex right here…I don't even fucking care," he breathes out as he reaches up under my shorts quickly testing my wetness with his fingers as we both groan. He sets me down momentarily and roughly pushes my shorts down. The elevator dings as we make eye contact with each other with wide eyes. His pants are still on, albeit unzipped, so he stands in front of me trying to hold them up and find the correct key while his neighbor gets off the elevator. Whoever it is, is of course walking toward us.

"Hello, Four!" says an elderly woman.

"Mrs. Brown," he says addressing her politely. "….Shit, shit, shit," he emits under his breath as I'm desperately trying to contain both my embarrassment and my laughter. He finally gets the correct key in the hole as we practically fall into his apartment.

"Who's your friend—"

She definitely did not get to finish that sentence as Tobias slams the door behind us and lifts me off the floor setting me down only long enough to pull off my running shorts and kick them out of the way as I unbuckle his jeans pushing them and his boxers down to his ankles with my feet.

"Where were we? Right here I think?" he asks huskily as he lifts me off the floor pressing me into the door in the small entryway as he accosts my neck with his lips. I'm still wearing my panties but they're small and lacey so he moves them aside with his adept fingers quickly before he drives himself into me.

"Oh fuck…Tobias," I breathe out as he thrusts deep inside me with a throaty groan each time. Soundproof or not there is no way people in the hallway can't hear us as the door bangs loudly over and over with each heave of Tobias strong legs.

"I...fucking...love you….God you feel so good."

"Just please...don't stop…"

"Not a chance…because I'm going to keep fucking you… until you come twice," he says as he reaches down and rubs his thumb back and forth over my clit as I reach down and hold his hand there.

"Shit….do that faster."

He increases the speed of his thumb as he thrust into me hard and holds me there rocking his hips in tight movements…he must have felt that I was close because that puts me over the edge and I bite into his shoulder and wrap my legs around his waist tight rocking my hips against his as he holds me there while I climax around him.

"Shit…I can feel every inch of you baby…how do you _do_ that?" he grits out between clenched teeth. I don't answer because I physically can't and because I don't know.

"One down," he says in obvious restraint as he side steps out of his jeans and shoes and quickly slides us down the door onto the floor so I'm straddling his lap. I brace myself on his shoulders and plant my feet on the floor as I rise up and down over his cock. Sitting on him like this provides a totally different angle, it's like I can just enjoy the feeling, without it being powerful enough to reach my peak. He is resting his hands on my hips. I'm super sensitive in the best way possible and still feeling the slight shocks going through my body and I know he does too as he bites down on his lip and closes his eyes each time it happens.

"Damn….why would you think you wouldn't be any….good….at….this?"

"Because I was told that."

It just came out. I was being honest. But the look on Tobias's face of confusion and then blatant anger is slightly shocking. _Please don't think about Eric…please, please, please. _He clenches his jaws and roughly smoothes my hair out of my face before taking my face in his hands and studying my irises. Then faster than I can even process we are off the floor and he is carrying me into his room. He still has anger written all over his face and I don't know what to do.

He puts me on the bed with urgency not breaking bodily contact for one second as he kisses me hard and full on the lips. He pushes his left arm up under my back holding me to him almost as if he were to loosen his grip I would disappear.

My body and mind are at odds because physically I am incredibly responsive to his insistent need for me, but the emotional side of me feels like he is using me as a distraction. I know exactly what's going on in his head: he's trying not to be careful with me knowing how much I hate it but the bigger part of him, that seems to be consuming him at the moment, is trying to forget whatever situation I have projected into his mind. We are so much alike in how we use physical tasks as distractions from our mental states, and that is exactly where he is right now. But it still feels amazing…because it is coming from a place of love even if he doesn't know it.

He brings his right hand down between my legs to move my underwear but pulls too hard and rips them before pushing himself inside me hard with an emotional moan. I'm not even sure he knows that he did it as he props himself up on his elbow and rests his forehead on his hand that I can see out of the corner of my eye is in a white knuckled fist and starts thrusting. Instinctively I wrap my arms around his torso trying to move my hips in tandem with his, wanting desperately to enjoy his protective closeness.

But I soon notice that he isn't looking at me, he's still holding me close but he seems disengaged. I can't keep up with his movements anymore as he increases his speed. The sounds coming out of him don't hold emotion, they are more just physical responses to pleasure. It reminds me of Eric. I should probably stop him and I know he would if I tried. My cheeks are starting to heat up as some fucked up emotion of being pissed at myself for saying something in reference to Eric, and at the fact that Tobias seems to be using my body so he doesn't have to think about it. At this point, I may as well not even be here as he removes his hand from my back and puts it on my hip squeezing it with his eyes shut as I notice beads of sweat on his forehead. I feel him engorge inside me and roughly move his hips in fits and starts as he nears his release. A tear slides from the outside of my eye and trails down to its final resting place in my ear, and then another. _Why do tears only come out of one eye sometimes?_ I make no move to wipe it away, not that I could anyway because I'm frozen in place. Suddenly he open his eyes and something seems to connect. The sudden look of shock and regret that comes across his face is enough for the tears to come out of my other eye. Not being able to control his physical response his hips convulse as he climaxes. I'm unable to tear my eyes away from his face as he looks away from me almost in shame as a strangled noise comes out of him that sounds like pain. He immediately stills himself inside me where as before he would take a moment to enjoy his peak...we both would.

He closes his eyes and completely turns his head away from me as he removes his hand from my hip, which I think may be bruised, and places his hand on the side of my face. Still with his eyes closed he must feel my tears because he moves his thumb along the trail they left behind as he lands his forehead again on his fisted hand.

I lay still, not knowing what to do or say nor how to feel as conflicting emotions are pummeling me. I had made it very clear that I don't want him to baby me or treat me differently just because of what happened with Eric but I also don't want to be used as a fucking blow up doll. Currently the anger is winning out as I push him off me and roll onto my side sitting up on the bed. I take a deep breath and stand up feeling grateful that my sweatshirt is big enough that it covers my lower body. Why I feel suddenly self-conscious I don't know. But as I stand my underwear that are now just a loose piece of fabric because they had been completely ripped in half at the crotch, slide down to my ankles as I stare at them.

**Flashback:**

I count to 60 slowly knowing that if Eric hasn't moved by the time I reach that number, he has officially passed out for the night. Thankful that I reach that magical number, I disentangle myself from Eric's limp arms and heavy legs that were pinning me in place and swing my legs over the bed letting out a shaky breath. As I stand I feel something tickle the sides of my legs and land at my ankles. My underwear that he had savagely ripped off lay in one long strip of fabric at my feet as liquid drips down my thigh.

**End flashback:**

I quickly go to step out of them but I'm still in my running shoes and end up tripping and landing hard on my knees, which hurts surprisingly more than expected seeing that I caught some of my weight on my hands, then I remember the bruises on my knees from falling on them the other morning. I cry out in a mix of pure embarrassment, pain and relived memories as my palms go clammy and my forehead breaks out in a cold sweat. _Please make it to the bathroom please please please__!_

I don't how I make it there but I do as I retch into the toilet. My hair which was annoyingly hanging over my face like a curtain is suddenly out of my face thankfully as I continue to vomit the contents of my stomach. My throat is burning by the time I'm done and the cool tile of the floor looks so appealing as I'm lowered onto it suddenly using it as a pillow…albeit a little bit of a painful pillow. Something soft and cool covers my forehead providing much needed relief just as much as the soothing voice in my ear and the comforting pressure around my waist. I know it's Tobias. There's no one in the world that calms me the way he does…even as memories of laying on the bathroom floor back in Eric's house infiltrate my head. They don't seem to reach fruition the way they used to. I don't know how long I'm there, but the bathroom floor isn't as comfortable as it was as my skin starts to get cold and shivers take over.

I can feeling Tobias lifting me off the floor as I cling to him and I settle on his lap inhaling the soothing thickness of steam as it calms my throbbing throat.

"I love you," is repeated like a mantra in my ear as I nod my head in agreement. I know he loves me as much as I love him. "You're burning up. May I take your sweatshirt off…I promise I won't…touch you…I—"

"Take it off," I say feeling guilty that he even feels like he has to ask as the tears start to fall.

He lifts it over my head and then I can feel his fingers run down my back and stop at my bra strap but not unhooking it.

"Please…take it off…"

"Okay, " he whispers in my ear as carefully unhooks it and lets it fall off my shoulders and rest on my lap. He doesn't make any move to pull it off further, so I rip it off frustrated at myself.

I smell the scent of my shampoo as he starts massaging my scalp. "You bought my shampoo…"

I wasn't sure if he heard me until he hums, "Mmm hmm," as he lathers up the ends and then rinses the shampoo out as the water cascades down my shoulders.

"Tobias, I'm sorry…I know you were just. I ruined it….I—"

"Tris. I know I don't have the right to ask anything of you right now, but I'm going to do it anyway. Can you please stop…just stop…?"

"Stop what?"

But he doesn't answer as I feel his hands run up and down my back and lovingly over my shoulders and down my sides to soap up my legs. I lean back into him as he runs his hands over the top of my chest. I reach up to grab his hands to run them down my front but he immediately pulls them away resting his hands on my shoulders and his forehead on the back of my head.

"I'm sorry…I can't…." he whispers roughly.

I shake my head and rest my forehead in my hands knowing how badly I screwed up. I told him not to treat me like an invalid and when he tried his hardest not to, I do exactly as he expected. I literally fulfilled one of his fears…one I told him to never worry about.

He pulls me to him and wraps me in his arms one around my abdomen and one around my upper chest as I realize he's still in his boxers.

"Why are you in your fucking boxers?" I know how awful that sounded, but it's only in anger at myself for him feeling like he can't be in here with his entire body close to mine. I crave it so badly right now.

He doesn't respond and I know the only time he doesn't respond to people is when he doesn't feel it necessary, so I know I have my answer. I still need more of him though so I turn my body to the side moving my legs over his and rest the side of my face on his chest, putting my hand over his heart that is beating too fast. He lifts his leg up so as much of our bodies as is possible in this position are touching as he runs his fingers up and down my arm.

"I love you," I say, "so much—"

"I asked you to stop and I meant it," he says sternly pulling me closer if that's possible. I think I feel him shaking his head.

The next thing I remember is a T-shirt being pulled over my head and then I'm laid down on the best smelling bed….then nothing.

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

Jesus she feels…seriously how am I going to hold off for her to come twice? _What were you thinking Tobias?_ _This girl turns you on more than any girl ever came close to and you really think you can do that?_ That is going to take some serious practice. With any other girl, I could get her there two maybe three times, which they seemed to find very surprising. _Stop stroking your ego! _Although _not_ thinking about how she feels wrapped tight around my dick sending shock waves through my core seems to be briefly helping my stamina. _Well, until now!_

I hold her hips as she moves up and down vertically and just watching her face is fucking awesome. She didn't even flinch when I told her I was going to "keep fucking her…," I actually surprised myself because I was always pretty mute with other girls. Momentarily I feel guilty about thinking about other girls, but I'm really not thinking about _them_: I'm thinking about her and how she is superior; how being with her is superior. My bottom lip hurts as I realize I have been biting it as she spasms around me slightly.

"Damn….why would you think you wouldn't be any….good….at….this?" _I truly don't get it…_

"Because I was told that." _WHAT?! _

The deer in headlights look she gives me tells me everything I need to know….that son of a bitch told her that…made the strongest person I know feel inferior…again. I see it in her eyes as I quickly push the hair out of her face that she wishes she hadn't said a word and that if we stop now, she will feel inferior all over again. I won't make her feel that ever again.

Pulling out isn't as agonizing as usual because I got sidetracked thinking about one of the worst things…honestly there _are_ even worse things. _Do not think about any of that!_

I set her on the bed quickly and cover her lithe form with my own feeding a need in myself that can only be sated by feeling her body on mine. I want to consume myself with everything _her_ as I pull her to me trying to concentrate on how her lips feel on mine. They always feel amazing but something is tugging at the back of my mind that needs to leave immediately. I feel her hot and wet against my thigh so she is definitely still aroused. _That's good. She would hate it if I were to…what? Go slow? What is the right thing to do? God she feels unreal but what if she is thinking about him right now. Do not throw up in your mouth! Would she not want me to go harder and faster? Or would she want me to so she gets over a bad memory? Just…do it!_

I push her panties aside roughly because I need to be inside her…just to feel that she is okay and gauge her response. I moan as I plunge into her to the hilt and she immediately tightens around me. _Was that in a good way? Stop thinking about that! That is not what she would want!_

_Get over yourself and fuck your girlfriend! No…That is not what you do. You do not just fuck her._ Her arms are around me but all of a sudden I can't look in her eyes because can't believe what just went through my mind. We are moving together in a rhythm…but something is off. _Ignore it…ignore it…it still feels great. There's that damned word again! Fuck….but it's true. Did she have 'great' sex with him….damnit….Just have sex with her…put that bullshit aside! Just have sex with this chick like you've always done and shut out the world. She still feels good…like really good…concentrate on how good she feels….how good you feel…nothing else. This girl feels amazing…this sex is amazing….Think about…nothing else….she is warm and…this feels…fuck I need to move faster…and harder…I'm close…I'm gonna…_.

I open my eyes briefly and...reality.

Tris. The look on her face. _O__h...no.._.

I feel my impending climax that I have no fucking control over as I fall over the edge in the worst way…ever. I can't even look at her as the physical primal part of being male takes over. I don't even deserve to come inside her-to leave a part of me behind.

It's even worse as I realize the extent of my grip on her hips as she breathes out a short pained sigh as I let go. I want to look at her so bad. _You do not get to make eye contact with her!_ I touch the side of her face to make sure this is real and not some fucked up nightmare. Turns out she is there as I can feel the side of her face is wet from a tear. I know I don't deserve the right to still be inside her but I can't bring myself to pull out as my head crashes down on my very tightly fisted hand. _Jesus, what were you doing!?  
_

She pushes me off her with seeming indifference as she sits up and scoots to the edge of the bed. All I can do is watch her, I can't even sit up. She takes a deep breath and stands up. It's as if time stops as a pair of shredded panties slides down her slim legs as she follows them down with her eyes frozen to the spot and stands there for an undetermined amount of time.

_Holy shit I did that, holy shit I did that, holy shit I did that._ I don't even remember it. _How much of myself did I force on her?!_ Before I can even reflect on that she desperately tries to step out of them but she trips and falls right to her knees with a yelp of pain. I spring out of bed to help her up but I don't get to her in time as she practically hurls herself into the bathroom and vomits.

The only times she throws up is out of fear…we've had this conversation….she doesn't even throw up after drinking heavily.

Rushing to her I can see that pieces of her hair are sticking to her sweat-covered forehead. I gingerly, trying so hard not to scare her, pull her hair out of her face and hold it at the nape of her neck as she releases what's in her stomach several times. After I feel like she's done, there can't possibly be anything else in there, I put my hand on her forehead to find that she is burning up.

"Shit!" I need to cool her off but I don't want to leave her. This could be a horrible idea. I carefully take her by the shoulders and lay her on the floor but she goes down harder than I thought and semi-smacks her cheek on the floor. I suck in a deep breath and hold it in as punishment. She sighs out a shakey breath but the cool tile floor does seem to help her. I bolt to the kitchen to grab a rag and run it under the cold water, adding some ice cubes to it.

When I come back she is quietly murmuring to herself as she runs her fingers along the grout on the grey tile floor. A piece of me dies when I see I didn't even have the fucking courtesy to take her damned shoes off before I had my way with her. I slide off her shoes and socks and notice that she looks paler than usual which is incredibly disconcerting. Lightly I place the cooling cloth on her forehead and she brings her hand up to place it on mine.

"This bathroom floor is better," she says quietly. I don't know if she's addressing me or not. But the idea that she has been in this situation enough times to equate one bathroom floor as better than another is…beyond. I find myself lying next to her on the bathroom floor propping my left arm up on my elbow to hold the cold compress and placing my other arm protectively around her waist even though I'm the one who did this to her.

_Is this what Eric did? Treat her like dirt and then think he had the right to be the one to comfort her. Is that why she stayed with him? I don't even want to know the answer to that._

We stay on the floor and I absentmindedly run my fingers up and down her legs not evening registering how high my hands are going until I feel her lack of underwear and it all comes flashing back that I forced them off of her…hard enough to practically shred them. As if we are sharing a memory, she starts to shiver and the sudden drop of body heat makes me nervous. Maybe it's not sudden? We are on a tile floor and she has a cold compress on her head and I have no clue how long we've been lying here.

I pull away from her and I hear a slight whimper that gives me a small flash of hope that she wanted me to be there with her. I quickly look her over and see that although she made it to the toilet, she could still use a shower.

_How the fuck do I do this? I don't get to see her naked…I don't._ _But if I put her to bed and she wakes up a mess she is going to be embarrassed…not that she should…but she will._

I decide to do something that's probably dumb but not as dumb as what I decided to do when I screwed her earlier. As vile as that sounds… that's what it was. It was almost as if she wasn't there. She could have been anyone. I treated her…like she was anyone.

I walk into the shower that could now be my undoing and turn on the rain water shower head, letting the bathroom steam up. I come to the realization that I am naked. As much as I hate the idea I quickly walk back to the bed to put my boxers on. _ Where the hell are they?_ It hits me that I had enough mind to take off my own underwear as I remember nicely stepping out of them and my shoes at the front door. _But hers...nope...I had to rip them off. Shoes...nope...couldn't help her take them off._ Shaking my head I walk swiftly to the front door and put them back on because I don't have any right to be anywhere near this woman naked.

Back in the bathroom, I lift her off the floor and my heart skips a beat as she wraps her arms around my neck. I sit us down on the bench and she leans into me resting her head on my shoulder as I hold her tight in my arms. She takes a deep breath of the steam through her mouth. Her throat has to be on fire.

"I love you, Tris." I don't know how many times I say it as I hold her to me. It still feels like it will never be enough. She is nodding her head so at least I know she hears me…I don't know why she would believe me though.

Sweat is beading on her forehead and helping her shower isn't going to work well with a hooded sweatshirt on. "You're burning up. May I take your sweatshirt off?…I promise I won't…touch you…I—"

"Take it off," she says with a thick voice as she starts to help me by crossing her arms to lift it up. I basically do as I'm told and then by reflex I go to unsnap her bra, before realizing my blunder.

"Please…take it off…"

"Okay, " I say under my breath as I unhook it and let it go. I'm not going any further than that. She surprises me by tearing it off the rest of the way and throwing it onto the shower floor as she rests her chin on her chest shaking her head in seeming defeat.

I want to make this go away for her…so bad. The memories that I stirred up. Eric is the root of it, but I played a big part today. _I will kill him if I ever come into contact with him._

I reach over and turn the diverter on so the warm water also comes out of the hand held shower head. She puts her chin up to the ceiling and sighs out my name along with some other words that my mind isn't willing to accept as water cascades down the creamy whiteness of her shoulders. I can't help myself and I briefly touch my lips to her left shoulder like I did that first night in the back of the Jeep. I reach back and put what I hope is a sufficient amount of shampoo in my hand as I massage it into her scalp.

"You bought my shampoo…" she says with a small smile on her face.

I stopped at the store the first chance I got after the first time we took a shower together, horrified that she had to use a bar of soap to wash her hair. I remember laughing with her as I watched her try to get the tangles out with a comb. It took a good 45 minutes. Thinking of that memory makes my throat tight so all I can get out is a, "Mmm hmm."

Then she starts talking. "Tobias, I'm sorry…I know you were just…"

All I heard is "I'm sorry," and probably some bullshit excuse she's making for me.

"Tris. I know I don't have the right to ask anything of you right now, but I'm going to do it anyway. Can you please stop…just stop…?" I can't emotionally handle an apology from her right now…because all it does is make me feel like him.

"Stop what?"

She knows what I mean…and she also knows I won't say it.

Her hair seems rinsed out enough…I think. So I take the body wash that I also bought and start massaging it into her back and shoulders, not because she needs it: she's rinsed off enough by now, but because I'm selfish and _I_ need it. She hangs her head and braces herself on my legs as she sighs out my name in a question. I'm not answering her as my hands have a mind of their own and move down her sides to the insides of her smooth legs trying to wash away whatever filth I have left on her. She leans her frame back into me as I run my fingers over her chest avoiding her breasts, not even allowing myself to look at them. I feel her hands on mine as she guides them down her entire torso but I pull back immediately as I feel the swells on her chest. I still my hands on her shoulders and lean into her for a moment as my throat constricts again.

"I'm sorry…I can't…." I won't. Even though I know she's frustrated as she leans into her hands.

I'm not ready to let go of her yet so I try to consume her with my body without touching any of the places that I don't deserve to be.

"Why are you in your fucking boxers?" she spits out in a brief surge of anger. I don't answer her…again. It seems that the Tobias that doesn't know how to use words is back.

Suddenly she swings her legs over mine and rests her wet head and hand over my racing heart. I move my leg up to cradle her body in mine as I try to comfort her…but it's mutually beneficial.

Her throat constricts before she gets out the word, "I love you…so much—"

"I asked you to stop and I meant it," I chastise angry at myself for sounding so harsh. I pull her closer hoping she knows that I didn't mean what I said completely…I just can't hear her voice right now.

We both must semi-pass out because my feet slide out from underneath me as I almost plummet us off the side of the bench. Our toes are pruned and water-logged as I pick up the girl I love and walk her out of the shower, sitting her wet form on my bed. Towel drying her body avoiding all the places I desire and truly love because they are her and she has shared them with me is painful. It seems like the emotions of the past two days have officially set in as she seems barely coherent. I slide a T-shirt on her, pull back the covers and tuck her in. I don't tell her I love her because I don't want to hear her bullshit response. So all I do is watch her as she takes a deep breath and nuzzles into one of my pillows.

I sit there resting my chin on my folded hands until I can't take it anymore and I run my fingers from her temple down to her jaw bone giving her one last soft kiss on the cheek. Then I change into a T-shirt and sleep pants, close the remote black-out curtains in the apartment and go out to the couch.

Sleep must take over me easily because the next thing I know, I'm dreaming. I take in the smell of lemongrass and whatever else it is that makes her scent special, and wrap my arms around my missing puzzle piece, holding her tight.

"Tobias? I know you don't want to hear it, but I don't fucking care. I love you and you're a stubborn ass." _Music to my dreaming ears._


	21. Deserved

**AN:** I wrote about 8000 words of this chapter and then went back and deleted the whole thing and started from scratch because I found that it wasn't in synch with the rest of the chapters, nor the voice I have given the protagonists. I got stuck in the conundrum of writing as to not offend, rather than as to stay true to the story. When I wrote the last chapter, it was supposed to cause readers to pause. It blurs lines, it makes you think 'what's right?' 'what's wrong?' If it upset you...made you think...made you stop and think..then I succeeded.

**Chapter 21 – Deserved  
**

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I know I'm awake but I'm trying desperately to hold onto my dream: I am holding Tris in my arms, our feet tangled beneath the blanket, I can feel her hair brushing my nose as I breathe in and out. She arches her back and takes my hand, lacing our fingers so mine are covering hers and bringing them up to cradle them both to her chest. I can feel the valley between her breasts as I tighten my grip fitting the fronts of my knees closer to the backs of hers. I know I can't hold on long because I'm not used to this dream shit. Sitting up like I got struck by lightning is more my style. Time to wake up to my real life version of a nightmare.

I sit up quickly, swinging my legs onto the floor as something particularly heavy blocks my way. I push it out of the way annoyed at whatever if was as I try to navigate my brain out of the purgatory between sleep and wake. A thud and a groaning noise is all I hear as I shake my head trying to clear it. I reach over to the table fumbling for the window shade remote. _What the hell is happening?_ I finally find it and open them pressing the button several unnecessary times.

"Tobias…..you have to stop doing that shit…." says a very very welcome whiny voice. A small body lies face down on the hard floor right between the coffee table and the couch.

"Jesus…Tris? When did you….? Shit, here…." I babble as I try to help her up.

She looks insane with her hair in serious knots. S_he's never gonna get that shit out. _Insane but nonetheless beautiful as she rubs the shoulder that she landed on while I sit her back down. Then it registers that I pushed her off the couch. _What was she doing there anyway? So apparently I wasn't having the best dream ever…I was having the best reality ever…. _

"Fuck, are you okay? I can't believe you were….when did you come out here? _Why _did you come out here?"

"Is there a 'sorry for pushing you off the couch' somewhere in there?" she asks with as wide of eyes as her beautiful blues can accomplish at whatever the hell time it is.

"Yes."

She looks at me expectantly.

"I mean…yes…I'm sorry…really sorry."

Then I feel a totally unexpected slap across my face.

"You don't get to just sleep on the couch Tobias!"

I'm stunned into silence covering my stinging cheek with my hand as she storms into the kitchen. _I'm so fucking confused…._ Returning with two glasses of water, she forces one into my hand. _Does she even know she does nice things for me when she's pissed?_

"Third time in a week," I say to myself. _I think I may have Zeke beat for that record._

I set the water on the table and cross my arms leaning back on the couch in stubborn defiance.

"It's water Tobias…drink it!"

She should be mad at me…but not for sleeping on the damned couch! She is not going to win this impending argument. I need to make her understand.

"Why would you _want _me to sleep in the same bed as you?...and that fucking hurt!"

"Good! Because it hurt when I woke up and you…weren't…there!" She points to the bedroom enunciating the last words.

"I was giving you….I don't know….space!"

"You think I _want _space from you? What makes you think that I _ever_ want space from you?!"

"Jesus Christ Tris…I treated you like—"

"Like what?" she challenges, crossing her arms.

"Fuck…don't make me say it," I moan holding my head in my hands.

"No. Tell me."

"No."

"Tell me!"

"I treated you like him… like Eric!" _There…I said it…it's out there._

"No you didn't!" _I knew she would say that!_ _"_Do you think he would have done half of the things you did to help me? Do you think he would have washed vomit out of my hair? And held me while I cried in the shower? And by the way fuck you for not wanting to touch me—"

"That's exactly what I did God damnit! I fucked you! I screwed the hell out of you! And you know what? I didn't care enough to even think twice. Did that feel good to you?!"

"I—"

"Did you like it?" I ask standing up now.

She doesn't respond, nor does she look at me.

"Did you fucking like it?!" I yell.

"No," she chokes out. _Good._

"Cause I sure as hell did! Tris…I fucking forgot you were even there." _Not exactly true._ "I treated you like any other girl I've fucked in the past! I didn't give a shit about you!" _Why are you saying this? _

"Thanks for the visual!" she yells right back at me through tears. "Cause I needed more of that shit! It's bad enough I have a clear image of you and Nita—"

"Yep! I fucked her just like I fucked you." _Jesus Tobias….you are truly a piece of work. _

Her bottom lip is shaking until she captures it in her teeth. I'm staring at her as she stares right back. That should have been like a knife to the gut for her, but she looks shockingly….relieved. _She fucking sees right through me…I was too obvious._

"Just…like…her?" she seethes with now clenched teeth. _Nope…not like her…not at all._

I don't answer even though everything I just said is total bullshit. I didn't fuck her just like any other girl. I wanted to consume myself in her….I know right where I went wrong: when I tried to push all memories and thoughts aside.

"You equate…me…to her?"

"Don't put words in my mouth," I snap.

"Or any other girl? I was just like them?"

"No…_you _weren't like them. I treated you—"

"Why?"

"Why what?!" I ask throwing my hands up in the air.

"Why did you treat me…like them?" She looks away closing her eyes as if trying to will away the visual of me with other women.

"I don't know," I growl.

"Yes….you do….and so do I….but I'm not the one who should explain it!" she asserts very very loudly while poking me in the chest hard.

I cross my arms and turn my body away from her walking slowly to the sliding glass door_. I hate this fucking view._

"Were you upset that Eric was the one who told me I wasn't any good in bed?" she demands with attitude.

I have to swallow the bile that's building up even thinking about him.

"That didn't bother you?! Didn't phase you?! Tobias….if you shut down on me I will leave!"

I stop and lean my forehead against the cool door trying to regain my thoughts. "Don't leave….just give me….a minute." _It's in my head….form words! Make words! Any language will do right now! _

After however long Tris states, "Times up Tobias, now—"

"I hate him…And the fact that he said that to you…or that he did….anything to you…"

She nods her head…I think…I can only see her out of the corner of my eye as I turn my head.

"But I didn't want to treat you like you're weak."

I look back out the window at my shitty view. This the part where she starts making excuses for my behavior.

"So you used me as a distraction instead….like killing two birds with one stone: I don't feel like an invalid and you can stop thinking about Eric."

I close my eyes not expecting her to word it that way. It still sounds awful, but it sounds real and not as totally abhorrent as it had been playing out in my brain.

"I didn't mean for it….to be like that…"

"I know that you idiot!"

I turn and look at her as she walks in a small circle.

"This is so stupid!" she says as she covers her forehead with the palm of her hand. "This whole thing could have been avoided if we had just talked to each other…..but we're both too god-damned stubborn…at least you are!"

I glare at the implication that I am more stubborn than she is.

"You weren't exactly in the 'talking' place Tris! And I don't blame you….I pushed too hard and I pretty much feel like I forced myself—"

"What?!" _That's her explosive face._

"Um….forced myself on…you?"

"Really?! Is that a damned joke?!" she shouts coming toward me. "Do you think I don't know what that feels like? You don't think I wouldn't have stopped you—"

"No I don't think you would have!"

I'm pretty sure that one hurt, but I meant it. I know deep down I would never ever force myself her. But, if that ever was_ her_ interpretation…I truly don't think she would stop things from getting too far. Last night was proof from my point of view.

She opens her mouth like she's about to let the gates of hell open and it makes me want to curl up in a ball and roll myself out onto the balcony. But she says nothing. I realize I had been closing my eyes so I peak at her with one eye and see that she is biting her bottom lip and tapping her foot incessantly on the floor.

"You're right." _That looked like it hurt._

"Huh?"

"Jesus….really? I have to say it twice? I was watching you and thinking about how I was feeling so disconnected from you. The thought crossed my mind that I should stop you…but I didn't…and I should have."

"I would have stopped…I swear to God I—"

"Yeah, yeah…I know! Can we both take ownership here? This is exhausting! And can we please talk instead of scream? Don't get me wrong you're really sexy when your trying to pull your hair out but—"

"Please don't joke right now," I say running my hands through my hair as she guides me to sit on the couch.

"Tobias?...Tobias! Look at me," she says as she grabs my chin, making me look at her. "I have something I need to say."

"Hmm."

"I asked too much of you. I expected you to take on this….information…and made you promise to not treat me differently….That was so wrong. Tobias, nothing you did was out of malice…right?"

I don't answer.

"When you were carrying me to your bed what were you thinking?"

"I don't know…." I whine putting my head in my hands again.

"Were you thinking, 'I'm going to fuck this girl just like every other?'"

"God…no," I say throwing my torso onto the back of the couch running my hand over my face.

"Then tell me….Tobias, please? It's important."

She lies down on the couch with her legs over my lap, resting her head on a throw pillow, not looking particularly comfortable but waiting patiently for my response nonetheless. I breathe in and out trying to reflect on what the hell was going through my mind.

_"…__.that son of a bitch told her that…made the strongest person I know feel inferior… I won't make her feel that ever again."_

"I was thinking that he made you feel inferior…and you…just fucking aren't…I told myself I won't make you feel like that…ever."

She pulls me down next to her and I resist for a moment knowing full well that my resistance is futile. Relinquishing control I lie facing her, by back to the back of the couch, so our bodies are flush with each other. Then taking my arm, she puts it around her waist and I instinctively pull her close to me.

"Okay. Then after you laid me on the bed, you were holding onto me for dear life. What were you thinking?"

_"__I set her on the bed quickly and cover her lithe form with my own feeding a need in myself that can only be sated by feeling her body on mine. I want to consume myself with everything her as I pull her to me trying to concentrate on how her lips feel on mine."_

"I just….wanted you…close to me," I say shaking my head because when I say it out loud it make me sound like a total pussy. But apparently not to her. "I wanted to be with you…to hold you close…to do everything he never did."

"But then I wasn't….close anymore…right?" she coaxes quietly while drawing circles on my chest.

I shake my head and purse my lips ready to think about the worst.

"_She would hate it if I were to…what? Go slow? What is the right thing to do? God she feels unreal but what if she is thinking about him right now. Do not throw up in your mouth! Would she not want me to go harder and faster? Or would she want me to so she gets over a bad memory? Just…do it!"_

"I was worried about how to….what if something I did would…shit, I don't know…"

Vocalization is proving exceedingly difficult.

"Then I became your distraction…like any other girl…right?"

Then I think about the absolute worst:

_Stop thinking about that! That is not what she would want!_ _Get over yourself and fuck your girlfriend! No…That is not what you do. You do not just fuck her._ Her arms are around me but all of a sudden I can't look in her eyes because can't believe what just went through my mind. We are moving together in a rhythm…but something is off. _Ignore it…ignore it…it still feels great. There's that damned word again! Fuck….but it's true. Did she have 'great' sex with him….damnit….Just have sex with her…put that bullshit aside! Just have sex with this chick like you've always done and shut out the world…" _

"Yes...and that is so not okay."

She clears her throat probably hating the idea that I felt that way about her. But eventually she does respond.

"You're right. It's not."

Her blatant honesty…sucks.

"Tobias, the look on your face when you realized it….men who force themselves on women don't look like that. Don't get me wrong I had some mixed emotions…the words 'blow up doll' may have crossed my mind…"

I pause and think about that for a second. "If they make 'Tris' blow-up dolls then I am _in_…. because those nights that you work late…."

She doesn't respond. _Fuck…too soon? _Then she starts laughing….really hard.

"Good God….having these conversations is draining….I needed that so bad….I would totally buy a 'Tobias' blow-up doll. Based on your performance this morning...it may be a better alternative." _Too soon! I hate that I didn't….just….damnit!_

"Fuck. I will make it right…and I'm not talking about sex. I…this whole thing is bigger than that."

She nods her head in agreement. _Good…I said something right…and I meant it._

"Can I ask you something?" I implore not sure if I want to know her answer.

"Mmm hmm."

"I ripped your underwear off and…I can't even begin to tell you how sorry—"

"You think that bothered me?" _No question necessary apparently._

"You hurled yourself into the bathroom and…hurled."

Stifling a brief laugh she admits seriously, "That was from a memory I would rather forget…and now I _do_ have one to replace it with. Not an ideal one…so you'll have to make up for that sometime."

"I can….absolutely do that. But not to your red ones…those are my favorites," I joke holding her close. "Good memories with those panties. So warn me or something…okay?"

"Okay," she giggles and I know exactly what she's thinking about: Jeep Liberties.

We stop talking for a minute until she asks, "Did you hold my hair back...when I was-"

I nod my head.

"You would do the same for me," I whisper as we both laugh. "But then I tried to lay you on the bathroom floor…but I dropped you."

"Yeah…pretty sure I felt that," she says as she sweetly kisses the indentation between my clavicles. "Then what did you do?"

"I held an ice pack to your head."

"What else?"

"Um…."

"Tobias…it's just you and I here. What…else?"

"I…laid on the floor with you. And I didn't answer you right away just now because…well… I felt like I didn't have the right to...lay there with you." I pause for a moment. "You're going to hate this but, I wondered if that was what he did: treated you like…how he did…and then tried to…I don't know…comfort you. The thought crossed my mind that that was why…why you stayed with him."

I scrunch my face waiting for the repercussions of that admission. I can feel her stiffen slightly, but I gently kiss her forehead and she immediately relaxes.

"I don't know why I stayed."

I'm about to say another thing I think she will hate…because I know I would..scratch that..I know I do.

"Sometime you are going to have to address that issue…and maybe a few others…."

She hears me but doesn't respond. She knows what I'm insinuating.

"Ditto," she retorts. _Fuck!_

_Brief deflection_…"You remember the bathroom floor? You didn't seem exactly coherent—"

"I always know when you're near. It sounds weird, I know."

"Nope…not weird," I say as I kiss her forehead, which I can't seem to stop doing right now. "Can I ask you something?"

"Mmm hmm."

"You said my bathroom floor was better….what did that mean?"

"Better than Eric's."

I swallow hard not wanting her to sense my discomfort even though I already pretty much knew her answer.

"Hey, it's okay to not be okay with that. Don't hide it from me. No more hiding things."

"I wasn't trying to—"

"You literally tried to swallow your reaction. You hit me in the face with your adam's apple."

I laugh through my nose at that image.

"I guess I don't want you to see my reactions because I'm afraid you will stop telling me…things."

She sighs and I can feel her warm breath on my neck.

"Can we please stop underestimating each other?"

"I'll do my best. I can't help wanting to protect you from things that may hurt you though. I have a tendency to want to shelter you…even from me."

"Well stop it."

"You're so damned bossy…" I sigh out.

"Well…the thing is…I needed you this morning…you 'sheltering' me from you really sucked when I woke up."

"Yeah. I felt that…on my face."

"Sorry…." she says sweetly even though I can feel her smiling against my neck.

"When I woke up and you were on the couch with me…I thought I was dreaming….Fuck...I'm the sappiest bastard ever…"

"Your secret's safe with me….and you definitely aren't…ask…well, anyone." _True._

We lay there for however long. She moves her knee in between my legs as I run my hands up and down her spine, giving her soft kisses on her head ever so often.

When I think she's drifted off and I'm about to she asks, "Why wouldn't you…touch me…in the shower?" She clears her throat before continuing, "And then you were in your damned boxers…"

It seems like she has been thinking how to word that question for quite some time. My answer is easy and straightforward.

"I didn't want to scare you anymore than you already were. And Tris…with you…being intimate…yes, I said intimate…is something I feel I should earn…it shouldn't be assumed. I felt like I didn't deserve that…at that time."

"And now? Do you think you deserve it?"

"Not yet."

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I wake up in Tobias's arms and they are around me tighter then usual. That's probably what woke me. That and my bladder feels like it's going to explode and I'm parched. I reluctantly disentangle myself from him and go to the kitchen to grab a glass of water.

"Friggin' starving," I say to myself as I look at the clock on his microwave. 8:00 pm. _Jesus we're going to be up all night...assuming I'm staying here tonight.  
_

Tobias has it in his head that he now has to earn back his sexual privileges. He probably thinks he'll be tempted if I stay here or if he stays at my place, so I have a feeling that won't be happening. I sigh loudly at the thought. Part of me feels like it's a step back, but a bigger part of me feels like it's a step forward in a way. We talked until we both fell asleep…

We decided to tell each other about some of the good experiences of our youth. He spent a lot of time at the lake, went to summer camps; with Marcus's approval of course. That's where he met Zeke and Uriah. He played LaCrosse and soccer in high school. _Sexy as hell. _Aside from sports, he hated school. It was a private school and apparently the kids were assholes.

I asked him if that was the pot calling the kettle black. He didn't love that comment. _Oops. _I know he recognize how he comes across…even if it isn't an accurate depiction of him deep down. He reserves that side for certain people.

He had a lot of good memories with the Pedrads. Hana Pedrad, I found out, was a close friend of Tobias's mother, whose name I learned was Evelyn. Marcus hated that of course and when he found out they were spending time together he hit Evelyn across the face and pinned her arm behind her back right in front of seven-year-old Tobias, forbidding her from "associating with lower class gutter trash."

The look on Tobias's face was heart wrenching, hearing it from his perspective, which is that of a seven year old:

_"__It's the only time he hit her in front of me. It's kind of fuzzy but I remember coming home from Zeke's and I had ice cream on my shirt. Maybe he knew we were at the Pedrads'….I don't know. Now that I can put a word with it…the look on his face was rage. All I remember is rage on my Fath- Marcus's face and I thought he was going to hit me. I remember hoping he would, for once, hit me. I pictured my mom running out the door. That's how dumb I was…I actually thought my mother would run away to save herself if Marcus went after me... Anyway, I opened my eyes as my mother was trying to regain her balance before he wrenched her arm behind her back. I didn't see him hit her, but I heard it and that's worse. The things I heard….fuck Tris…that's all I have are sounds. I embody the idea of "imagination running away with you."_

I down the entire glass of water and wipe my eyes. Tobias would hate it if he saw me cry for him…even if it is for young Tobias. He's still a part of him.

Trying not to think of seven-year-old Tobias makes me think of 20-year-old me. The subject did come up of where I was the other day when I went AWOL...

**Flashback:**

"Okay, now that you've officially insulted me….not that you weren't right, you either owe me an apology or another story," Tobias explains as we sit up on his bed with the TV on mute.

We tried to watch a movie but he said my nakedness under his shirt was causing him physical pain so I put it on mute and put my running shorts back on before crawling back up on his bed.

"I would much rather tell you a story than apologize for being right," I say with certainty.

"We'll see about that….by the way you going commando…still not helping…." he comments dryly crossing his arms and clearing his voice.

He stares off probably remembering the reason it's necessary. I don't know what else I can say to him about that. He didn't set me off, the memory of Eric did. On a messed up level I'm thankful Tobias tore my underwear because now at least when I think of ripped panties, I can remember this situation, which still sucks but it isn't torture. And at the moment he ripped them, I didn't even care. I was too caught up in thinking about what he was thinking. He still doesn't believe me though.

"Tobias—"

"So back to that story," he deviates while running his hands through his hair. "When your prick of a boyfriend left you on a fire escape to freeze to death, where did you go the next day?"

_Oh yeah that. _I close my eyes and take a breath. "I went home….not really home….but Kittridge. I went to Kittridge."

"Okay….why?" he inquires staring at me intensely.

"I needed to see Susan….and I'd never been back to my parents' grave site since the day of the funeral," I admit while carelessly playing with the corner of the bed pillow.

"Okay…am I allowed to ask questions?"

"Yes….Tobias….please just…you can always ask me questions. Sometimes it may take me awhile to answer…but I will…answer them."

It frustrates me that he even has to ask me that question...but on the same token I understand. _There is seriously something wrong with me!_

"Why didn't you just call Susan? I mean I don't think it's bad you went back…I just wish you hadn't gone…alone. It's my—"

"But I did," I retort before taking a deep breath. "I needed to look her in the eyes and find out why….they all…." _Why can't I finish that sentence?  
_

"Did you? Did she tell you?"

"From what I could get out of her, none of them knew the extent of it. Apparently my mom was going to do something, but then Eric went on hiatus…so they thought…..they thought it stopped."

"What the fuck does 'went on hiatus' mean?" he asks venomously.

We are sitting indian-style on the bed with our hands almost touching. I look up at him but he doesn't try to meet my gaze. I know his tone wasn't directed at me, but I still hate it.

"He stopped…for about a month he…stopped."

"Tris? Are you okay? Do you want to take a break—"

"No."

I look down at my hands and notice they are shaking. I'm nervous to tell him the reason Eric_ did_ stop.

"Did you get to the part in my journal where I got pregnant?" I blurt out.

He shakes his head no, still not making eye contact.

"Well…I did….I didn't tell him….he found out because he heard me talking on the phone to Susan about it."

Tobias clears his throat and looks at me with sad eyes, but not surprised eyes and interjects before I can say anything else. "I didn't initially get to that part, but I went to your place the next morning. Christina…said you'd want me to know…she said you never talk about it with her, so maybe you would with me. I honestly didn't think I'd get the chance," he confesses as he takes my fingers in his.

I nod my head in agreement with Christina's decision. A twinge of happiness also hits me with the new found knowledge that Tobias did come back the next day.

"But she only showed me one passage….it was the one where he threw you down…the…stairs…and then you found out you…miscarried."

Those words probably tasted like pain coming out of his mouth.

"Yeah, well they don't really call it that when you're 20 weeks along. By then, it's a still birth."

The color drains out of his olive complexioned face. I know why: in my journal I referred to it as a miscarriage because it was easier for me to distance myself. I didn't physically have to write the word 'birth.' This is brand new information for him. He stays shockingly silent.

"Eric lost it when he found out….he said I betrayed him…accused me of wanting to keep his kid away from him…Then it was like a switch flipped inside him…he accused me of cheating because 'why would I hide a kid from him unless it wasn't his?' He was out of his mind drunk and…"

"How did he not know?" he asks bluntly. "How could he not….? I don't know how to word this—"

"He never saw me….without—"

"Never?"

"It wasn't a necessity."

The awkward look of pain and relief crosses his face knowing that Eric never laid his sleazy eyes on me fully nude but also infuriated at the lack of respect. In Eric's case it was a mix of both, I never felt comfortable being naked in front of him and he never seemed to care…consensual sex or not.

"Hmmph."

"So I woke up bleeding profusely the next morning…"

I hear Tobias whisper some profanities so quietly that I have no idea what he said. I pause briefly to appraise him…he wants to say something….but he doesn't.

"I knew what had happened…I think I knew it the minute I became conscious—"

"Jesus, Tris."

"Are you—"

"Am I what!?" he says running his hands down his face in pure exasperation at my impending question.

"Okay?"

"Oh my God…." He looks at me with an incredulous stare. "Come here." Keeping his hands in mine he lays us on the pillows. "Wait…this one's mine," he declares making me lift my head so he can have the one I slept on last night. He gives me a small shy smirk.

"That _is_ better," I say as I enjoy my 'Tobias' pillow.

"It certainly is."

Grabbing my right hand with his left he prompts me to go on. I nod my head and take a moment to remember where I left off.

"I had Susan take me to the ER in the next town over and turns out….the placenta detached….." _And there it is….countdown until I lose it._ "The doctor gave me the choice to have a D &amp; E, you don't even want to know what that stands for, or to actually deliver..."

"Like….go into…."

"Labor."

He tucks a stray stand of hair behind my ear as he shakes his head. He trails his fingers down my cheek as if he is ready to catch the tears that he knows are going to fall.

"I couldn't do that…I didn't want to see it….him. Tobias….I didn't even cry…..I…" the inevitable tears of shame come out in full force. "I didn't want him."

"It's okay….baby…it's okay. You were in an…impossible—"

"No it wasn't…it wasn't impossible…I made it….I did it."

He breathes out a frustrated breath between clenched teeth but he knows there is no changing my mind.

"I didn't figure out until I left the hospital that I did…love him…Jesus Tobias I took him home in a fucking shoe box…in a backpack…like used gym shoes!"

"Tris…."

He pulls me into him as I sob for the second time this week in grievance over the baby boy that I didn't want, yet loved nonetheless.

Time passes and I calm down a little while he idly he runs his fingers over my forehead and plays with the fly away strands of my hair. I wonder if he even knows he does things like that.

"You don't have to answer this…..but….what did you do with….with the baby—"

"Timothy…I named him…Timothy." I take a deep breath for what feels like the hundredth time. "I buried him…by my parents' graves….the first time I told him I love him was…yesterday—"

"I should've been there….I am….fuck…"

"I needed to do that by myself…so no you shouldn't have."

And now he knows…..everything.

"I love you," he affirms quickly because there is nothing else to say.

"I love you, too."

**End Flashback.**

"Good morning, beautiful….well, it's not really morning but…" murmurs a soft deep voice in my ear as I then feel warm lips trail down my neck, while strong arms wrap around my waist. _Loss…of….speech….imminent. _"What's on your mind…I swear I've been watching you for like five minutes and you haven't moved."

Tobias turns me around to face him and walks himself backward with me in tow to lean on the counter.

"Nothing….just, nothing."

"That's your I'm-not-going-to-tell-you-what-I'm-thinking' face….fine…"

He drops his hands and starts to walk away and just when he's out of arms reach and I feel a huge void he grabs my wrist and pulls me into him tickling my sides as I squeak and laugh like a two-year-old.

"Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!" I scream while laughing and trying to escape an iron grip rear bear hug.

I hate being tickled but I can't stop squealing like a pig. S_hit! _

"Okay fine! Please please stop!"

"Tell me then," he says with his lips suddenly resting on my exposed shoulder.

"I was just thinking about our conversation earlier, about the bab-…Timothy and….that's it…that really is it."

"Okay," he says resting his chin now on my shoulder with his hands on my hips. "I know we kind of moved off topic quickly after that so I didn't get the chance to thank you for telling me."

"You're welcome. It felt good…Thank you for telling me about your mom…."

"You're welcome. It felt good."

I laugh at his lack of creativity of response.

"Beatrice Prior?" He states my full name like a question. _What the….._

"Did you really just call me that?" I demand craning my neck to look at his amused face.

"Yes."

"Okay….yes Tobias James Eaton?"

"What the hell?! You one-upped me! How do you know my middle name?"

"Al saw it on your driver's license and tried a pathetic attempt to make fun of your perfectly normal middle name to me."

"How did he even try to accomplish that—"

"How did you know my full name? I've never told you!" I think that came out more nervous than I thought.

"The night you fainted on the dance floor," he explains, resting his chin on my shoulder again, playing with my fingers. "Christina yelled out your full name. I pay attention…..at least I used to think I paid attention—"

I cover my face with my hands and ask him in a begging voice, "Please stop bringing that up. We have to move on from that….please?"

He pulls my hands down from my face.

"Okay, I'll try." _Yeah right._

Moving on….yuck, why the Beatrice?"

"I was just trying it out. I wanted to sound formal because I have a formal question for you."

"Really? Oooookay…."

"Beatrice….?" He lingers on the last syllable implying I need to fill in the blanks.

"Natalie."

"Beatrice Natalie Prior….will you go on a date with me tonight?"

I laugh out loud at his ridiculous formality. "Why yes…I would love to….but…"

"But what?!"

"Well…we'd have to go back to my place because I have nothing to wear and it's already 8:15….What did you have in mind anyway?"

"Plenty of time….and I was thinking we just do something fun…maybe not an official date—"

"I hate those."

"Thank God! Let's go to your place and then head to the pier…We can get a quick bite and…..well, do you like games….?" _Hell yes!_

"Yes! I'm competitive by nature," I say matter-of-factly.

"As am I….this could be epic or a deal breaker….we may no longer be a couple by the end of the night…." He spins me to face him as his hands migrate to my butt.

"That would make me…very sad," I say with a fake pouty lip. "You'll just have to let me win!" I exclaim jumping up and wrapping my legs around his waist.

"Not a chance!" he grunts out catching me and sweetly capturing my neck with his lips. "You would hate it anyway," he continues as he turns and sets me on the counter moving his lips lightly to mine.

_God…his lips!_ "That's true…." I briefly get out before I move my lips in a rhythm with his for several pleasurable moments. "So….I'll just have to kick your ass fair and square—"

"Yeah okay—"

"But what to do with your poor bruised ego?"

"Nothing…because there will be no injuries to my admittedly huge ego. At least not when it comes to games…"

"You know you should have a huge ego about other things," I say as I run my index finger on the outside of his boxers over his almost immediate arousal at my light touch.

"Yeah…you said something about that…when was it?...Not important…what was it exactly? It's on the tip of my tongue…."

"The tip of your tongue? Really?"

I grab the sides of his face surprising him and giving him a huge passionate French kiss. It was meant to be funny, but it quickly moves beyond humor. Returning the passion, Tobias fists the back of my hair pulling me closer to him while snaking his other arm around my lower back. But as quickly as he was in my arms, he pulls away equally so.

"Mmmm…if you were aiming for the tip of my tongue…you seriously missed," he jokes even though I know he's deflecting.

He's been all about the loving caresses, which are amazing….but beyond that…nothing. I know why and I am trying with all of my might for it to not bother me.

"I think I hit the bulls-eye but okay," I say sighing loudly and hopping off the counter with annoyance.

"Tris…."

"It's fine," I say flatly just realizing I still haven't gone to the bathroom. I walk there quickly and shut the door behind me to relieve my bladder trying not to picture the events of last night that played out right in this spot. When I'm done I quickly get up and sigh. _Moving on. _I hear Tobias swear under his breath and I can just picture him running his hands through his hair. He does that when he doesn't know what the hell do to. It's like an adorable problem-solving mechanism. It makes his dark brown hair stand up straight and it's so cute.

Speaking of hair… I am now looking at myself in the mirror and…

"Tobias James Eaton!" I yell throwing the bathroom door open.

"What?! You can't just call me that anytime you know—"

"My hair!"

"What? I….like it!" he says laughing under his breath.

"How long have I looked like a belong in an asylum?!"

"Not that long," he says shrugging as I smack him on the arm. "Ouch! Stop slapping me…you have deceivingly strong hands," he proclaims grabbing my wrist and pulling me to him.

"So you've implied," I say raising my eyebrows insinuatingly. I know he won't take the bait. "Anyway…you can't just let me…!"

"Let you what? Look like you? You have crazy hair in the mornings….or evenings it turns out…." I roll my eyes as he kisses me softly on the lips. "It's endearing and I love it," he say smoothing my hair down my back and tucking it behind my ears. "I love you," he whispers against my lips as he kisses me a little deeper. I sigh and return the kiss even though I know I want more than just a kiss. He pulls away too quickly again.

"I'm sorry….I didn't exactly brush your hair last night and I sort of didn't think to buy conditioner," he admits sheepishly. "But….."

He takes two long strides past me into the bathroom and opens the drawer that had the extra toothbrush in it and pulls out a hair brush.

"Although it was incredibly entertaining watching you try to get the tangles out of your gorgeous mane the other morning—"

"Mane?"

"Fine….you're gorgeous thick wavy locks."

"Better."

"It looked painful so…."

He hands me the hair brush.

"Thank you," I say quietly remembering how he lovingly washed my hair last night in the shower with the shampoo he bought for me as well.

"Mmm hmm," he brushes the backside of his knuckles down my cheek bone as he captures my glancing eyes in his own. He gives me a small closed mouth smile that actually does reach his eyes. Sometimes it's the little things that say the most…..

* * *

Tell me what you think everyone!


	22. Excuses

**Chapter 22 - Excuses**

* * *

**Tobias POV:**

I snort out an unintentional laugh as Tris looks over at me from the passenger seat with raised eyebrows.

"Sorry…just thinking about your mane."

Turns out her hair was equally as difficult to brush out if not more this time because in addition to her falling asleep with un-brushed hair without conditioner, I did a shitty job of rinsing out the shampoo. She brushed her hair all the way through my taking a shower and getting ready. I was seriously hoping she would join me in the shower…but relieved that she didn't.

She watched me get ready…the whole time…intently…with that look in her eyes, which makes me want to absolutely devour her. I'm pretty sure she was doing it purposefully to torture me as I was standing there in just a low-slung towel putting after-shave on. She knew I had the same thing on my mind but I was_ not_ giving in. I could almost hear her heart rate pick up as she sat on my bed watching me. I know mine would have been if I had to watch her get ready in only a towel, knowing that there was nothing but_ her_ beneath said towel.

My face heats up as a tightness starts to take over my groin that I need to control.

"Yeah….40 minutes. It's an improvement over last time."

"True….sorry about that by the way," I say reaching for her hand and squeezing it.

She squeezes mine back as we pull into the parking garage. Normally I wouldn't drive because I'd like to have a few drinks…but I want to be in my right sober mind tonight. I want Tris to stay the night and I know how my dick takes over my body when I'm drunk around this girl….or sober. _Fuck._

She smirks and shakes her head while pulling her hand out of mine. I must make some sort of wussy frowny face because she smirks again and says, "I just need to text Christina to tell her I won't be home til…late…"

"Oh."

"Why the face?" Apparently I made a face.

"Well….I just thought you may want to stay at my place tonight. Sorry…I didn't mean to assume…"

"Really?!"

"Yes Tris….really. Why would you think I wouldn't?"

"Because I know you don't want to-….It's fine…. Okay good."

"I don't think 'want' is an accurate verb."

She huffs out some expletive under her breath but still grins slightly as she amends the text she is sending Christina.

I know she's frustrated and I completely understand. I'm personally at war with myself right now. On one hand, the way I was the last time we were together was inexcusable and I don't deserve to be with her again until I earn back some of her trust. _Did I even lose her trust?_ But the bigger part of me is starting to consider that my proposed abstinence from her may have the opposite effect. We love each other….being with her isn't about just sex…it's a proclamation. _There has to be a win win here somewhere!_

I put the car in park and run to the other side to open her door but she beats me to it.

"God Tris!" I say with frustration. "Chivalry is not dead…we're on a date remember?"

"Sorry," she giggles. "I thought this was 2015….Enough of the look!" _Another look? _"That was really sweet…I'll let you have your moment next time."

"You'll _let _me have my moment?" I ask in jest as I put her in a light headlock messing up her hair.

"Stop!" she whines laughing. "I didn't bring the brush."

She pushes me away and smiles staring at me for a moment before closing the gap quickly and wrapping her arms around my neck, pressing her body flush with mine. She kisses me excruciatingly slowly and sweetly. My arms seem to always close around her like a venus fly trap and that is exactly what happens again as I return the kiss and lift her off her feet slightly. Soon our tongues are in each others' mouths adjusting to the rhythm that is just…ours.

Sometimes I wonder what we look like when we are kissing. I kind of want to see it…I want to see how her mouth moves against mine. I get to observe her so much normally…this is one of the times that I can't.

A car beeps it's horn and rushes around us.

"Shit! Haha! I kind of…forgot we were in the middle of a parking garage,"

"I just about always forget where we are when my lips are on yours," I remark with a smile. I go in for one chaste kiss and an ass grab and we are on our way.

She shakes her hair out and slides her phone deftly in her back pocket. Her hair always looks so simple and sexy. She has that amazing cross between straight and curly hair so she never really has to style it…it always just looks shiny and gorgeous as it cascades down her shoulders. She is wearing a brown bomber jacket, a tight black T-shirt underneath, dark jeans and dark brown boots. I notice she doesn't carry a purse much either.

We stop at a hotdog stand and I lift my eyebrows at her as she dares to ask the vendor for ketchup on her hotdog. He glares at her and hands her one packet.

"What?! I'm from Wisconsin! We put ketchup on our damned hotdogs! Get over yourself!" she exclaims throwing cash at him.

The vendor puts his hands in the air backing away slightly as I mumble a quick apology to him, grab my hotdog and go to catch up with her.

"I just love doing that…" she says shaking her head to herself and chuckling.

"What? Pissing people off?….That poor guy didn't know what hit him. You know why you're scary?"

"Why?" she says still laughing at herself. "Because you play the sweet and innocent little girl card but you're actually more like a tiger ready to pounce."

"Hey, it worked didn't it?"

"What did?!"

"_I…_got to pay for dinner!" she says as she skips away toward the arcade.

_What the fuck! _"Hey! This is _my_ date! Do not hijack…my date!" I say jogging across the street after her. "Jerk," I say in her ear as I pull her swiftly into my side.

"I am a millennial woman…what can I say?...Now don't act like a caveman and eat your hotdog," she retorts giving me a quick peck on the cheek and settling herself on a bench ripping the ketchup packet open.

"And by the way putting ketchup on hotdogs is not exclusive to Wisconsin…Remember,_ I'm _from Winnetka…outside of Chicago. We put ketchup on our hotdogs as well. I just choose not to upset the natives!"

"Should I go apologize?" she asks with a fake guilty grin.

"No…I think you may have made his night. Sassy chicks are hot," I comment taking a bite out of my hotdog that I kind of wish had ketchup on it now.

"I wouldn't exactly call myself a sassy chick—"

"Well, maybe you don't know yourself as well as you think." _Doh!_

She narrows her eyes at me.

"Sorry if that sounded…awful."

"No. It's true. I've been asking myself that question a lot since I met you."

"Me? Really? I don't quite know how to feel about that," I say taking another bite and putting my arm around her shoulder. "Please explain how _I'm_ making you doubt your self knowledge."

"I don't know…I guess I've been braver…doing things that are normally out of character. I think Christina doesn't even recognize me anymore."

"Yeah…I think Zeke and Shauna feel the same about me. Apparently I'm funnier and happier." I roll my eyes at the annoying implication. "Will says he always knew I had it in me."

"He's a good guy….never would have put him with Christina….but then again I thought I would die as a 'crazy cat lady'…I wouldn't have put myself with anyone." She quirks her head thinking about that for a second. _What is she thinking? _

"Well…you know how I feel about cats so….you're welcome," I retort with a smug smirk knowing _I_ prevented her from becoming a 'crazy cat lady' and now the two of us can have a cat free life….. _Whoa Tobias….bring it down a notch._

"Poor Lauren," Tris saying laughing in remembrance of my totally offensive cat comment to brainless Lauren. Popping the last bite of hotdog in her mouth she adds, "You know she's gonna spit in your coffee….better stick to Gertie's."

"That would give Gertie way too much pleasure…I'll just have to have Will or Amar get my coffee."

"She probably _would_ fall for that. She doesn't seem to be the brightest bulb in the box."

"Yet again…not nice," I say leaning in and kissing the last bit of ketchup off the side of her mouth lingering longer than is necessary. _Who am I to talk?_

"Thank you," she says laughing lightly and looking into my eyes for longer than is necessary as well. "Sooooo…" she says rubbing the palms of her hands on her legs. She does that when she's nervous. _Why is she nervous?_ "What do you want to play first?"

"Come on," I say as I grab her hand. "Let's go find something we both want to play."

As it turns out, Tris is equally not much of a fan of video games. So we went for the virtual and hands on classics. We tied each other at ski ball….fine, I can handle that. She beat me at virtual golf….fucking embarrassing. However…she got her ass handed to her at the virtual shooting range…while calling me every expletive in the book. But the best was when we beat two separate groups of guys at darts. She was shockingly good at it. _It was so….damn hot._

By the time we were ready to head out to go get a couple beers we see kids playing Just Dance 2015 on a huge projector. Tris, by nature, wanders over to watch for a bit while I go grab the beers. I watch her face contort from the small beer stand and see that she's biting on her bottom lip. _Something is bothering her._ When I make it back over there her cheeks have turned a couple significant shades redder then normal.

"You okay?" I ask nudging her.

"This group of high school pricks are berating these younger kids."

I stand back and observe for a few dances and yes…she is spot on. There are probably about seven or eight kids thinking they have cornered the market on dance abilities. They are all betting their tickets casually against each other but each time it's a kid's turn they don't know, they verbally assault them.

Currently there is an 11 or 12-year-old-looking kid dancing a solo and the lead dickhead yells, "You suck ass!"

At that I can see that Tris can handle no more. I grab onto my innocent looking tiger's hand to reign her in…but probably more so because _I _would like to be the one to put the fear of God in them and I know I can. Also, these kids seem like total jerk offs and if they laid into my girlfriend for speaking her mind, I will lay them out. This won't end well for anyone…we need to leave. She squeezes my hand as she looks up at me and smiles sweetly…too sweetly. _Oh fuck what's happening? _

"Excuse me….I'm sorry…hello?" She waves to the ringleader dick boy trying to get his attention. Her tone of voice and how she fidgets nervously is disconcerting…she's too good at it.

"What?" the kid asks in a tone of voice that makes me want to rip out his vocal chords.

Tris immediately presses her hand fiercely on my tattoo that symbolizes kindness while I let out a pissed off breath. _How did she know _exactly _where it was?_

"Well….I've never seen this game. So you just do what they do on screen? Like copy them or something?"

"Yeah." He looks her up and down seemingly sizing her up with his perverted high school brain. Although right now she doesn't look like my Tris so I'm not sure what's on his mind.

She looks down and kicks an imaginary rock.

"Is there a line? Do I have to sign up? What do I do? Sorry…I've just never played before. I've never seen anything like this! How does it work? Where are the controls?...Sorry…I'm just nervous…."

"Yeah okay lady…whatever." _Lady? You little mother fucker- _

"So can I play? We just got here…are you any good? I just want to try it… "

We've watched this guy dance twice and he is pretty amazing, but my bet's still on her.

"Huh. Okay sure sounds great…ya know what? I'll even let you pick the song," he says lightly taking her hand. _Don't fucking touch her. _Leading her to the dance space, he waggles his eyebrows signaling his friends to bet against Tris.

She quickly looks back at me and tosses me her tickets, nodding her head at the kid who just finished and is standing there with a defeated look on his face.

"Hey kid! Hey! Take all these tickets and bet those big kids that she's gonna win," I say in my best kid friendly voice trying to get down to his level. I actually don't mind kids.

"All of them? On her? She looks like she sucks." _Except this one. _I bite my tongue at that remark. "Look kid…I'm doing you a favor. You want paybacks for that cocksucker on the dance floor?" _Shit is this how you talk to a 12-year-old?_

"Yeah…He's a dick." _Apparently so._

"Then go over to his friends and bet on her…you won't regret it. They're my tickets so what have you got to lose?"

"I guess so…. You're a weird dude." _Grrrrr…._

The little shit walks over to the group of high schoolers who are observing Tris, while she pretends she doesn't know what the hell she's doing as they laugh at her expense. I have to stand back and cross my arms to control their movements. The dumb asses immediately take the younger kid's bets and I even see him double down on one. Everyone's attention turns to the floor as Senior Dick Brain asks Tris way to loudly, "What song would you like to dance too?"

He starts to move his hand, swiping through the options.

Tris taps her finger on her cheek. "Mmmmm….Chris Brown….no….Oh! _Let it Go!_ _Frozen_….I just love that movie!" she exclaims bouncing on her toes. "But…nah! Rihanna? Who's Rihanna?"

"This bitch doesn't even know who Rihanna is!" one of the girls in front of me snarks to another. But I don't care because now I'm just enjoying the show that Tris is putting on.

"Wait! Wait!...Lady Gaga! Yes! _Bad Romance_…"

"Great choice," he says smugly as he moves his hand over the virtual icon.

"No silly! Not that one….the official choreography version…." she quips with a quick shrug as she removes her boots and throws her jacket to the side.

He stops and stares for a moment as he seems to have the first inkling that he has royally fucked up. "The official choreography…."

"Yes!" She exalts happily, putting her hair up in a quick pony tail exposing about an inch and a half of bare midriff, which his eyes are immediately drawn too…as are mine. _Can't blame him… _"Why? Is that a hard one or something?"

"Um…."

"Just fucking do it, Sascha!" yells the girl in front of me. "Get this cougar bitch out of here…" she snidely comments in her friend's ear as she catches my eye and gives me a fake coy smile.

"Hi," she says pretending to be shy.

I nod my head and look past her as she whispers some high school girl nonsense in her friend's ear.

Asshole #1 has selected the song as I see him looking sideways at her waiting for it to start. The song starts out slow as anyone who has heard it knows. Then right off the bat it is completely apparent that Tris hustled the shit out of this douche bag. She is handing him his ass on a silver platter. He isn't awful…you can tell he has tried this song a few times. But Tris is near professional.

In all honesty, it's the weirdest dance I've ever seen but she is beyond hot when she does it. Her jeans are low rise so you can see the barest hint of the lining of her panties when she does certain moves. My penis really wants to know what she looks like in those panties. _Why? So you can go ahead and rip them off?_

I shake my head at that thought as I watch Tris's opponent become exponentially out of breath and distracted as he starts to become more interested in watching her than in the actual dance, which leads to his utter demise in the competition as she smokes him with a 5 star score of 9,997 to his 3 star whatever the hell he got.

I look over at the kid raking in his winnings from the others. He catches my glance and gives me a nod in thanks_. He speaks my language._

I walk over to congratulate my girlfriend on her passive aggressive win as the d-bag is asking her for a rematch and seriously checking out her ass as she balances on one leg trying to get one of her boots on.

"Nope. Just thought I'd give it a try. Turns out I wasn't so bad."

"So bad? Yo!…You were amaze balls! How_ old_ are you anyway?"

"I'm really old…like 23 years old."

"Oh. Well why don't you still hang out for a while—"

"Hey!" I say in my most intimidating Four voice. The kid jumps about 10 feet in the air as Tris stifles a laugh. I glare at him and he steps back, losing all color in his dumb fucking face. "I need to get my old lady home. She has to take her back pills."

I don't think he heard a word I said because he backs away tripping off the mat as I rip Tris's jacket out of his hands. Turning to her I hold it up in my best gallant effort, aiding her in putting it on.

"Now who's mean?" she says as she leans up and kisses me on the cheek. "I think that poor kid peed his pants."

"He was about to ask you to 'hang out'. That's high school guy code for—"

"I don't need to know about high school guy code….Anyway, look at these little lovelies checking you out," she says pointing to the two girls who were standing in front of me. They immediately look away and laugh but the braver of the two turns back around and gives me a flirty smile.

"Alright, alright. Come on cougar…let's get you home to get those back pills," I suggest slinging my arm around her shoulder. _Home? _

"Did you just call me a cougar? Don't I have to be a certain age to be considered a cougar?" she asks smacking me hard in the chest.

"Not according to those 'little lovelies'," I add, gesturing at the girls who are still watching us as we turn to walk away.

"They called me a cougar?!" she asks looking offended.

"They certainly did."

"Those little bitches—"

"Why? Because they were threatened by your womanly beauty?" I ask pulling her to the side quickly because I suddenly feel the need for both of my arms to be around her.

She lets out a sigh as I slide both of my hands into the back pockets of her jeans and pull her into me firmly. As much as I want to slide them down to feel her backside bare against my palms, I don't. She runs her hands along the back hemline of my jeans and up under my jacket and shirt as she goes up on her toes to kiss me. For a moment I don't bring my head down to meet her because her eyes are closed and selfishly I want to see her gorgeous irises first. Soon enough she realizes my hesitance.

She opens her eyes and darts them right and left. "You're not even gonna meet me half way?"

"I wanted to look into your eyes first."

"Oh…um—"

"Stop being shy and look at me please."

She does so and looks up at me through her thick eyelashes. I lean down to meet her lips with a soft kiss now having the image of her incredible vulnerable eyes imprinted on the backs of my eyelids. I run my tongue along her bottom lip which makes her shiver as she grabs the back of my neck with one hand to pull me closer allowing me total access to her mouth, which I basically devour. We continue like this for who the hell cares how long…just making out like…ironically….teenagers. But way classier I would like to think. We pull away when someone clears their voice…apparently we had migrated dangerously close to one of the video games and someone wanted to play it.

"It really sucks on my end that I can't get enough of you," she says softly as we walk away.

"Well…it sucks even more for me," I say as I pull her to me from behind so she can feel my finally softening erection.

"Hmm."

"What do you mean, 'Hmm'?"

"Nothing….are you ready to go home….or…your place? Sorry…not trying to 'hijack' your date…." she comments laughing nervously.

_She thinks this is one-sided. How is that possible? Could she not_ feel_ how much I want her? Maybe it's about more than that….._

"Sure," I say lacing our fingers together. "Wanna go home?…back to my place, I mean?"

She nods her head and gives me a small smile as I lead her out the revolving door with my hand on the small of her back where we both like it. She is quiet on the car ride home.

"You alright?"

"Mmm hmm," she hums a little too high-pitched to make it believable. I'll ignore it for now.

"You were seriously amazing tonight. I thought you were going to lose it when that idiot was bullying that kid."

"Yeah…I think I would have if you hadn't been there," she says looking at her hands.

"Me? Seriously? Because you don't want to know what was going through my head."

"Well…I feel a little better at least…" she says laughing lightly. "I actually thought about your tattoos and what they mean to you and how you are always trying to strive for improvement."

"Well….thank you, and I'm glad I could at least help you. It seems, as of late, they don't seem to be helping me much." I laugh in jest until I see that she doesn't think it's funny.

"Tobias…please give yourself some credit. I was pretty reckless too this week. I didn't need to go back to Kittridge….anyone who drove by could have seen me—"

"But _I _drove you to be in that situation."

"I'm a grown woman, Tobias, and I am perfectly capable of making my own decisions," she retorts in frustration.

"I know. I wasn't implying you weren't," I respond quietly, grabbing her hand.

I wasn't implying weakness but leave it to Tris to interpret it as such. She nods her head staring at the road. Something that I hadn't thought of before crosses my mind.

"Babe?"

"Yeah?"

"Why would it have been so bad if someone you knew saw you? You're not with him anymore, he doesn't hold any power over you, you got out of there. Are you…I don't know…embarrassed—"

"No."

We sit in silence for about five minutes. I know this because I watch the minutes tick by.

"Eric is….dangerous. Susan called me two weeks after I left and told me that he was looking for me out of state and using whatever resources he has to find me." _Dangerous?_ "She told me to change my name because Beatrice is too recognizable. I couldn't bear to change it too much, I felt like it would be disrespecting my parents….legally it's still Beatrice, but that's it. I don't feel like Beatrice anymore….I'm not her anymore."

I swallow thickly trying to remain calm. I knew Eric was crazy, obviously, but dangerous? This is brand new information.

"But you haven't heard from him in three years now, right?"

She looks out the window. "Um…no _I _haven't heard from him." _She's holding something back….I know it._

"You mentioned resources? What kind of resources does he have?" I'm afraid of this answer.

"His family is one of the most influential farming families in the Midwest, probably in the U.S. His uncle, is on the Regulatory Board for the USDA, his father is on the board of the NFA for God's sake….sorry, that stands for National Futures—"

"Association…yes, I'm very familiar."

"How? No offense, but farming and hedging your crops doesn't quite seem to be your forte."

"Marcus is heavily invested in the world of commodities…put it that way. He could speculate on the market for a living and still do just fine. I try my best to keep track of his business practices…to steer clear of them and make sure he steers clear of me."

I feel her pulse speed up and I'm pretty sure mine is too.

"Who are they? Their business name."

"Monroe Agriculture."

_Fuck..._ "I've heard of them." _More than I want to know. _

Her hand is getting sweaty.

"Tris? You should—"

"Let's talk about something else," she snaps.

I take a deep breath and push her a little. "That family—"

"I know all about _that _family….now enough for now…okay?" She lets go of my hand and wipes her palms on her jeans. _To…be….continued…_

"Sorry," I say even though I don't know why.

That is one fucked up family business. They are famous for withholding crop yields to benefit people who speculate on the commodities market…people like my father. It's basically legalized insider trading...but it is ethically revolting. And now with the new knowledge that the uncle is on the Regulatory Board of the USDA, it makes sense how they got away with it for as long as they have. I know Marcus has to know him. _Well isn't this the perfect fucking storm?_

Pulling into the parking garage I try to be chivalrous again and open the door for her, but she beats me to it…again.

"Seriously? Was that on purpose this time?" I ask annoyed and a little defeated.

"Sort of…sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me all of a sudden…." she trails off shaking her head avoiding my stare. _I do._

"Come on," I take both of her hands in mine and walk backwards.

"Why are you walking backwards?"

"Now there is no need to take my eyes off my gorgeous girlfriend."

Her cheeks get the shade of pink that I love…probably because I'm the one evoking the emotion.

She does end up smiling, albeit closed-mouth and shy. I lead her backwards purposely looking her up and down enjoying myself thoroughly. I can't see much of her curves because of her damned jacket, so I have to leave a lot to my imagination…which isn't really my imagination because I've seen her naked several times. I don't think I'll ever get enough of that view. We get to the elevator and I pull her in by her belt loops and envelope her. Resting her cheek on my chest,_ she_ runs her hands into my back pockets this time.

"You've got a great butt, did you know that?" she asks looking up at me resting her chin on my chest.

"I don't really check myself out, but coming from someone with the most exquisite behind I've ever laid eyes on…thank you."

"You know….you don't _have_ to one up me on the complements all the time."

"I don't say them because I _have_ to," I reply softly kissing behind her ear.

She smells so good. I can't help myself as I run my tongue along her ear lobe then I begin kissing my way softly, with no intention in mind except loving the closeness of her, down her neck as she moves her head back and sighs giving me extra room. I can taste the salt on her skin from the small sheen of sweat she may have built up from dancing. She is being unusually stoic. I'm okay with that…I love knowing that she responds to my touch even if she isn't totally returning the gesture. The goose bumps on her stomach as I run the tips of my fingers over the millimeter of exposed skin between her T-shirt and jeans says a lot. She stands a little more upright suddenly and I notice her absentmindedly tapping her right toes and I pull back quickly to see her eyes closed.

"Tris?"

"Yeah?" she breathes out trying to sound casual.

"Am I…?" I cock my head to the side. "You okay?"

"Mmm hmm!" _Way too much high pitch for that to be an honest answer._

The door dings to my floor and we get out as she walks as casually as she can at the moment to my door and leans against the wall, waiting for me to open it. _Does she really think I don't know when something is on her mind? _Upon opening the door, per usual, I let her enter first.

"Wine?" I ask trying to keep my voice light and sweet. _Impossible. _

She mumbles something to herself but then remarks, "Sounds great!" with serious sarcasm.

I stop by the wet bar to grab a wine bottle opener, red wine and two glasses, following her to the couch. As I pour the wine, I decide to jump in head first. "What's on your mind—"

"You can't be the one to just decide not to have sex! It's both of us. And I don't know about you…but I feel like with you and I…it's not just sex…it's…well…I love you and it makes me feel loved. And it's important…fuck…okay? That's all…I said it." She leans over and grabs the glass out of my hand taking what I would describe as more of a gulp than a drink before she continues. "We've come a long way with this. You've been the most patient, respectful and logical person—"

"What I did was none of those things."

"What I mean is…you waited to sleep with me when you didn't have to. You wouldn't allow me to give you head…I mean what kind of guy abstains from a fucking blow job, Tobias?" _That is an excellent point._ "And then when we were together I felt…love. Every time…"

"Not…every time."

"But what you did after….that was love, right?"

I sigh and take an equally huge gulp of wine, trying not to think about it. "You need to stop making excuses for me," I comment sternly sitting back on the couch with my glass.

"Okay…I will." _That was way too easy…_ She takes another large drink of her wine. "Do you want to watch a movie?"

"Sure…."

"Take another go at American Hustle?"

"Sounds good….."

"Great," she says as she tops off our wine glasses and grabs the bottle heading into my room. I sit there for a minute confused but pretty happy with myself that she may actually be listening to me.

The bottle of wine is just about gone so I grab another one on my way, turning off all the lights behind me. She is lounging on my bed, which is one of the best sights. I love that she feels comfortable here…even though she probably shouldn't based on certain events. _I need to move past this….Can I?_

"May I borrow one of your t-shirts?" she asks. _Why so formal?_

"I love you in my t-shirts. They're in here." I show her, opening the bottom drawer of my dresser, handing her one I know she'll like. "Now you don't have to ask anymore."

"Thank you," she says politely as she takes it from me kissing me lightly on the cheek and heading into the bathroom.

I stand where I am for a moment after she closes the door thinking that it sucks that she won't change in front of me. It's probably better on my end but it still sucks. I know she's insecure and I feel like I've brought that back in full force: my hands off approach may be backfiring. _Fuck! It's not because I don't want you Tris! Trust me….It's not!_

"Jesus, Tobias," I mumble under my breath as I take off my jacket, jeans and socks, putting on my sleep pants. I stretch out on the bed pulling back the covers and turn the movie on, trying to find the place we left off. At the time, I was too distracted by Tris laying with her arms wrapped around me, naked under my T-shirt, to pay attention to the movie. Her leg was draped over my waist and I could literally smell every delectable part of her. My mouth was salivating. Trying my best to focus on Christian Bale's character was my only relief….and even that stopped working after awhile.

"Hey," Tris says shyly as she crosses her arms over her chest and walks around to the opposite side of the bed to sit. Most of the time she crawls right over me, (which allows me to go in for the two-handed butt grab), or push me to the side (not my favorite, but it shows her bossiness, which_ is_ one of my favorites) or pretty much just lay by me in our favorite, at least my favorite, position: her head in the crook of my arm and her leg and arm slung over my body. But this time she scoots in and sits nicely on top of the covers with her legs stretched out and ankles crossed, arms still over her chest. "Ready?" she asks.

"Sure," I say sighing as I start at the part where we left off. Amy Adams and Tris have similar builds and I can't help but picture Tris in some of the low cut, braless outfits her character wears in the movie. Thank God Tris isn't next to me naked right now. Fuck she's barely next to me at all.

Christian Bale shows up on screen in a bathing suit as we both say, "Geesh," at the same time and laugh making eye contact.

She gives me her adorable smirk as I gesture for her to come closer to me. She relents and scoots nearer, lying down next to me and making herself comfortable in my favorite position. _Yes!_ She sighs out and nuzzles into my shoulder while I kiss the top of her head taking in the sweet smell of her hair. My fingers trail along her shoulder blades and they are briefly set ablaze when I feel no bra straps on the shoulder that hangs out through the stretched out collar of my old shirt. She says she likes the old ones because they smell the most like me….but right now I wish I had given her a new one.

I'm seriously trying to control my penis right now as I tighten my abdomen and concentrate on Christian Bale. It seems to help and I actually do start to get into the movie.

I don't usually have knowledge of what my hands do when I'm near her: they move of their own accord. And this time they are skimming up and down her vertebrae…and the only reason I know that is because by the time I get to her sacrum, there is no elastic waistband, no hemline, no anything to point to any coverage of any kind under my shirt. _Tris is naked….in my T-shirt….again…..fuck…. _

I move my fingers back up her spine and back and forth over her shoulder again…now being reminded, again, that she is sans brassiere. Not aiding things at all, my sexy girlfriend brings her leg up a little higher and I know that all I would have to do is give one swift move and I could touch her warm folds that are probably exposed but out of my line of sight. I know this because I find myself craning my neck to get a view.

I sigh out because there is no holding back the fact that I'm getting hard…very hard. She keeps watching the movie and as if it's the normal thing to do, she starts to run the tips of her fingers up and down my length.

"Fuck," I say under my breath.

"Mmm?"

I don't answer. She moves her fingers lower and traces circled over my sack and it takes some serious concentration for my hips to not jerk up…but I can't help the physical response that my cock rewards her with as it twitches in anticipation. My eyes grow wide as I realize my fingers have drifted down to her hip bone and are fumbling with the hem of her shirt exposing her entire soft white outline of her lower half. I can't see her but I can feel her dampening the thin material of my linen pants. _It's done. I'm a goner._

She totally knows she has won as she grabs the remote from my left hand, muting the TV, then gets up and stands at the foot of the bed.

"I'm tired of making excuses for you as to why you won't make love to me, Tobias." _She used my words against me…and I don't even care!_

With that she slowly pulls my T-shirt down dragging it slowly over her nakedness. It falls right to the floor. The neck was so worn that her small frame literally fit right through the neckline.

She crawls on all fours and hovers over me a moment before straddling both my thighs and running her hands up my chest, prompting me to remove my shirt. It's a fucking lost cause at this point so I take it off without argument and lie back down letting her take control, as she seems to really want to do right now. She wastes no time at all as she pulls my pants down and lifts my briefs up over my hard-on and down my legs where I assist her in kicking them off.

I watch her face as she smirks appraising my length. Her staring at my dick, naked and smiling is both a serious turn-on and nerve-wracking as hell. Finally she leans down and with her stupidly soft lips she kisses the wet tip of me and then sucks off my anticipatory desire.

"Shit, baby…"

Obviously loving my reaction she flits her tongue several times over my most sensitive area again while quickly sucking me off. This feels so good but it is torment at the same time as pangs of eagerness course through my veins. I can't help myself as I reach down between her legs just to test her readiness and holy shit she does not disappoint.

"God…that is so sexy," I say as I remove my eager finger from her silky wetness. I see her legs quivering from need as I relish in the residual dampness left over on my fingers signifying her want for me.

"I think I need you…like now," she breathes out.

Not needing to hear another word I pull her on top but before I can do anything else she rolls off of me trying to pull me with her. Memories of last night come flooding back of me, just basically, going to town on her: using sex as a distraction…not fulfilling her needs at all. I follow her lead but make no move further.

"Tobias…I need this…you need this. Please…" Her lust-filled eyes are pleading with me.

She takes my right hand linking our fingers and kisses my knuckles softly. Then something surprising, never breaking eye contact she takes my index finger in between her legs and guides it up and down her warm aroused lips.

"Please?" she asks one more time.

Whereas before I was starting to go soft just from the image of last night….that is so not the case now as she pushes my finger inside of her guiding it in and out according to what feels best. I bring in my middle finger to join in the rhythm. I can feel everything on my strong digits but she is in complete control over them. It's fucking unreal and something we will definitely be doing again in the future…but right now…I need more of her. I relinquish my fingers from her grasp and move to lower my torso between her legs just to relish the scent of her need and to satiate my taste buds. I lick a stripe up her silken heat, letting her want infiltrate my mouth.

She sucks in a deep breath. It's just foreplay and a tease but I know she loves it so I do it again, this time leaving a chaste kiss on her clit that leaves her knees shaking.

"Tobias…please."

I know what she wants and I now have serious determination in me. So I slowly, keeping as much bodily contact as possible, place myself in the proper position on top of her.

"I love you….and I'm going to make this right…okay?"

"I know," she says shaking her head quickly and swallowing.

Never taking my eyes off of her I enter her slowly from tip all the way to hilt letting her acclimate on the way as we both suck in deep breaths from the pressure and pleasure of it. I stay there looking in her eyes not even being able to put coherent thoughts to how good it feels to be inside her like this. The physical needs in both of us kicks in as I involuntarily start moving around inside her, feeling her walls with the tip of my shaft.

"God…Tobias."

I hope to please this girl like never before, and to start…I need to get her off as soon as possible. Because I know round two for her is going to be a serious challenge for me.

I stay sheathed inside of her and thrust tightly over and over arching my hips up to lightly touch the spot that is unique to her. It takes a minute to find especially since I'm so fucking distracted by how tight and hot she feels. But I know by the look on her face and the tension in her core that I've got it as I prop myself up on my palms and hit it over and over and over until she wraps her legs around my waist and digs her nails into my buttocks.

"Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, fuck…don't stop, please, please, please…" _Don't come Tobias…please, please, please!_

Her hips snap up by their own volition as her insides constrict around me. I watch as her eyes glaze over and her back arches slightly._ Best…thing…ever._ I feel the flames start to spread through my abdomen so I immediately slow down taking grunting breaths. I know I didn't totally aid her in riding out her orgasm…but I will…I swear I will…this next time.

We make eye contact as she smiles. I smile back but furrow my eyebrows as my breathing is pretty labored. Plus she is so swollen around me now from her peak that the sensation is almost unbearable. All I would have to do is _think_ about coming right now and it would happen. _Should I? Fuck no! Shit this has to at least happen one more time for her! Do your fucking job Tobias!_

I'm hit with a searing sensation of resolve as I sit us both up and wrap her legs around me. Just then it hits me that my lips haven't been on hers at all…not one fucking time. _You dick! _I pull her as close to me as possible and accost her with my lips while smoothing the hair out her face and down her back. She wraps her arms around me pressing her smooth breasts against my chest while starting to move her hips back and forth grinding herself on me. The crescent-shaped pattern of her movements let me feel her clit move over the skin right above my shaft as her arousal literally drips over me. This may be bold but I can't fucking help myself as I reach in and rub her nub with my finger gathering her wetness. She looks at me as I lick it off my fingers.

"God….I don't know why. But that was fucking hot…." she barely gets out as she increases her speed. The taste of her on my tongue and the fact that she thought that was hot makes me crazy. _Three times…not gonna happen tonight…but I'm nothing if not goal-oriented towards future endeavors.  
_

I lean back on my elbows as she unwraps her legs from my waist, now straddling me full on. She is even more wet from her last release and she swells around my dick now as an after effect.

"Jesus, baby…you feel…so good," I say.

She starts to move more verticle instead of horizontal so I'm not as deep…but fuck…who needs that when she is wet and tight and wrapped around me.

I close my eyes for a moment enjoying the visual in my head along with the physical pleasure this amazing woman is giving me. I look at her as she worries her lip.

"Is…this okay?" she asks.

"Fuck…yes…." I exhale out.

"Good….your eyes…were closed." She leans forward and rests her forehead on mine and her hands next to my head.

"Sorry…just….thinking about…how…fucking phenomenal you feel."

She smiles at this as I reach up and put her nipples between my fingers teasing them into harder buds before sucking one into my mouth making her moan.

"I love your tits, babe. They're perfect…made for me…I'm sure of it."

A slight wave resonates through her core again signaling that she is starting to get close again. _Awesome! But this feels too good to end..._

Changing angles again, Tris thrusts herself down onto me to the hilt. _Jesus….I'm not gonna make it….I know it…. _Against my better judgement, I grab her hips tightly, willing her to _keep fucking doing that. _

"Did you like that?" _Did she just ask what I like?!_

"Yes," I grunt through clenched teeth as she does it over and over and over. "Tris….Tris…."

She buries me inside her one last time as if that's all she needed and I feel everything. I am at my deepest as she rocks against me in quick movements contracting intensely over my about ready to explode cock. She's moaning and I'm swearing as we make last minute eye contact before she goes completely over the edge. I grab her thighs with a last ditch attempt at helping her ride it out, but I don't even think it matters as I feel my insides light on fire right before I spill inside of her fast and hard. She rocks her spasming core against me still making soft whimpering noises before she lays her sweaty self out over my chest. I wrap my arms around her holding her to me like a vice, while trying to catch air in my lungs.

"I love you, Tobias James Eaton. No more excuses…..okay?"

I close my eyes and nod my head. "...Okay."

* * *

**If anyone has questions about the US Commodities Markets. PM me! I can explain it in better detail.**


	23. Drunk

**Quick note: Anyone not from the Midwest in the U.S., there is a reference to a game called "Bags." (That's what we call it where I live) It's also known as Baggo or Corn hole. You basically just throw bean bags into a hole and drink heavily. We are simple people! **

**Also anyone who doesn't speak English as their first language...let me know anytime you are confused by an expression, wording, etc.**

**Chapter 23 - Drunk**

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I'm walking up the stairs feeling guilty for pretty much walking out on Tobias. He's probably still passed out after the I-didn't-even-bother-counting-how-many-bottles-of-wine we drank last night. All I know is that there were many an empty bottle, one broken glass and much spilled wine on the sheets and the off-white area rug on his bedroom floor. He was lying face down with the sheet that only covered half of his body. I had to stop to admire his cute butt in his boxer briefs before I left. _Yum... _

My phone dings sooner than expected. I knew this was coming….

**Tobias:** What…the…hell? Did you seriously leave?

**Me:** Yes

**Tobias:** May I ask why?

**Me:** Yes

**Tobias:** WHY?!

At the perfect moment I arrive back at Tobias's apartment and pound on the door loudly, hoping he'll think it's Zeke. I hear him stumbling and swearing through the apartment, which says something because the walls are supposedly soundproof. Upon opening the door he appears with one eye open, mussed hair and sleep pants that are riding dangerously low. _Ugh._

"Coffee and scones!" I announce with enthusiasm…probably too much for 8:00 am.

He just stares for a moment, then gets his goofy grin that doesn't come out often and opens the door for me to walk past him.

"I thought you left….as in left, left….not cool. Was that paybacks for me sleeping on the couch?" he asks groggily as he shuffles into the kitchen wrapping his arms around me from behind resting his forehead on my shoulder.

I roll my eyes at the implication. _But, yes it was. _

"Because if it was….message received loud and clear. That was…unpleasant."

I smile to myself kind of wishing I could have seen the look on his adorable face.

"So anyway…." I deflect. "I went to Gertie's and she actually served me….I was pretty impressed."

"_I'm_ pretty impressed," he comments reaching above my head to grab some plates. He gives me a quick kiss on the top of my head and takes the scones to the breakfast bar that resides between the kitchen and the dining room.

Getting coffee wasn't as easy as I thought. Gertie almost didn't let me in because I wasn't with _her_ Four. At one point I almost said "look lady he's _my _Four." But I really really wanted coffee so I held my tongue. Upon her finally agreeing to serve me I came upon a realization. She's probably lonely and on some level she may find a kindred spirit in Tobias. He can scare someone by looking at them sideways and is seriously lacking in social graces sometimes….They aren't too dissimilar on that level. Although Gertie seems to be somewhat of a cautionary tale: the effects of social isolation. While Tobias, despite what he's been through, has thrived. He's the strongest person I know.

I still have to give credit where credit is due. Thank God Tobias had friends like Zeke…and even Uriah, who I know drives him crazy, but he still loves him like a brother. I wonder what would have happened to him without them? It's funny how the people in our lives shape us…change us. I can't wait to meet Hana. _Hopefully I'll get to meet her? I always assume too much._

"Yeah well…she was definitely disappointed when _her _Four wasn't with me," I reveal as I sit on the stool he's holding out for me. _He really is a gentleman._

He chuckles and shakes his head as he settle himself in the stool next to me. I take him in for a second as he stares ahead and takes a sip of his coffee. The flames of his tattoo expand and contract around his rib cage as he breathes….and then, well, I seem to forget to breathe. His dark hair is tousled from bed head and he has his super sexy morning stubble. Before I can divert my attention elsewhere he turns is head toward me and gives me a smirk.

"You okay?" he inquires with a light laugh.

"Me? Oh…fine. Just….." _Why can't I just say, like any normal girlfriend, 'I was admiring how handsome you are.'? Probably because what I _really_ want to say is 'Your so fucking hot why the hell do you want to be with me?'._

"Just..."

"So how much wine do you think we drank last night?" _Diversion at it's best!_

He shakes his head smiling slightly. "I have no idea…I didn't get the chance to count the bottles this morning after you abandoned me."

"I didn't abandon you…You were sleeping like the dead—"

"Not an excuse," he maintains jokingly until something changes in his demeanor and he immediately tenses his jaw.

"What's up?" I ask, lightly turning his cheek to face me.

"I'm just not really one who should be bringing up abandonment….after I…." he softly brushes my hand away and stares straight ahead.

"Tobias. I forgave you…now move on!" I say with mild exasperation.

Cocking his head he swivels his stool to face me, pulling me off mine swiftly and between his legs, resting his hands on my hips. He makes immediate eye contact with me.

"No," he says straightforward and quietly.

"What the hell do you mean 'no'?"

"I will not be moving on from that."

"You have to."

"I absolutely do not have to," he expresses with equal calm and intent.

"Well….how do you expect—"

"Would you be able to? To move on? To forget you did that to me as if it never happened?….If I opened up a piece of my soul to you and then you turned around and left without a word…" _Probably….not…._

I don't say anything, which is pretty much horrible.

"Your lack of response speaks volumes," he comments seriously. "You wouldn't."

"Well…I would like to_ think_ I would..." _Yeah...but you wouldn't._

This time he doesn't respond because…no need. He knows it would be just as hard for me. Easier to forgive others than to forgive yourself.

Smiling at me sadly for a moment he then goes in for the subject change. "So…seems as if you owe me a wine glass…"

"_I_ owe you a wine glass?"

"Yes," he says frankly. "You insisted on practicing drunk self-defense."

"Well….you _let _me practice drunk self-defense….if you call that practicing. Don't go so easy on me-"

"_Let _you? Do you hear yourself? Last time I checked nobody _let _you do anything…you're kind of….unstoppable." Pulling me even closer he whispers in my ear, "Especially last night…." _Me?_

I finally got him to make love to me last night….and it was incredible… 'Skills' don't even begin to explain this man. It's actually funny because he almost seems to second guess himself at times: he gets an adorable concerned look on his face as if he's asking himself if he's doing something right.

Just from the way Nita the bitch had talked about him in _their_ experiences, _(__'Their'…Please let the vomit subside), _I figured he was no slouch. I got that impression a couple times already:

_"You were certainly interested when you had me pinned to the bed…" _

_"…__remember having amazing sex…twice…among other things that were equally pleasurable to both of us…"_

Strangely enough, thinking of them doesn't make me _jealous_ anymore. I don't think there was anything real between them, at least that's what Tobias claims. But, it still makes my stomach churn. I can only imagine the sickness he feels about Eric and I.

But last night, it was just him and I: no intrusive past experiences. We were in our own bubble for lack of a better word. _Really Tris? Bubble?_ He was so focused on me and I was so focused on him that something just seemed to click.

"Especially last night? Apparently I _was_ stoppable because….well…"

"Tris…," he scolds.

"Tobias….," I mock scold him back, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"I am not opposed to drunk sex with my incredible girlfriend…trust me…trust me, trust me. I just didn't feel…after what happened yesterday…I want to be in my right mind when we're together…for awhile."

I take a brief second to think about that. "I get it….thank you…but for the record I was drunk…not hammered."

"You weren't thanking me last night…and what exactly is the difference?" he inquires holding up a piece of his scone and placing it in my mouth.

"Remember when we woke up and thought we had sex?...That was hammered…" I answer with a mouthful of scone as he takes the lid off my coffee and hands it to me.

"Tris...you're reasoning is…total bullshit…"

I throw a piece of scone at him.

"Well….I have to admit…you may be giving me a little bit of a complex," I add with a pout.

Tilting his head he brushes my hair off my shoulder and runs the backs of his fingers down my neck.

"How? May I ask?"

"Well…you do hold out on me...a lot…." I mumble with a purposefully shy smile as I 'absentmindedly' run my fingertips up and down his thighs.

"For good reason."

"I know…but sometimes it feels like…you don't want me…."

I know fully well this isn't true. As much as I don't understand it, he seems to want me…a lot.

Looking me straight in the eyes, he hands me my coffee cup again and we both take a sip at the same time. Then politely, he takes it from my hand and places it on the counter next to his, returning his eyes to mine as he appraises my face.

"Hmm. You think I don't want you?"

"I don't know…._some_times…" I elicit, while drawing small circles on his thighs.

"Interesting. Would I do this to someone I don't want?"

He swiftly lifts me by my waist setting me on the breakfast bar and moves his torso between my legs, bringing his lips to mine kissing me slowly and sweetly. He has both of his hands on the counter framing my body as our mouths start moving more passionately. He leans in further and further until I have to catch myself on my palms and eventually my elbows. When air becomes an issue he pulls away, looking into my eyes prompting me to respond to his question.

I just shrug my shoulders. "Maybe."

"Hmm. What about this?" he questions moving his lithe fingers up to the top button of the shirt I'm wearing, undoing it along with the others in sequence. For every button he undoes, he leaves a soft kiss in its wake. He makes eye contact with me again with a different kind of look in his eyes after he glances at my chest. I'm wearing the most see through bra I have.

"Ummm…."

"What about this?" He pushes the shirt off my shoulders while sliding his hands under my back and lifting me up to face him. Not taking his eyes off mine he runs the outside of his knuckles over my sensitive nipples up and down. "Would I do this?"

I swallow thickly unable to answer as he takes my now extremely hard nipples and twists them between his fingers still not breaking eye contact. _God…._

"Not going to answer?"

He purses his lips and deftly reaches around and unhooks my bra with one hand. Sliding the now loose straps down my arms, he leaves a trail of goose bumps in his wake, still keeping eye contact. He softly takes one of my hands and holds it as he pulls it through the strap and then softly places my hand on the counter, doing the same with my other hand.

"I'm not sure I would be all that interested in doing this to someone I don't want," he comments quietly, this time breaking eye contact to take my right breast in his mouth.

I let out a very shaky breath as my hand immediately arrives at the back of his head holding him in perfect place.

"Nope." He grabs my hand and rests it on the counter, covering it with his own and then does the same with my other hand.

Something between a whimper and a whine comes out of my mouth as he repeats the process with my other breast. The slight loss of control is making my insides churn…in a good way…a really, really good way.

"Have I proved myself yet?...You still aren't answering me…so maybe it's _me _you don't want….I'll just have to find out." At that he quickly leans me back supporting me with one strong arm and undoing the button and zipper of my jeans. He dives beneath my panties with his index finger running the tip of it from bottom to top of my very wet center. With an incredibly smug look on his face he adds, "I think I'm in the clear...Am I?"

"Mmm hmm…."

"What baby?" he asks as he brings his mouth to my ear keeping the tip of his finger sedentary as I wriggle, begging him entrance.

"Yes….fuck…" I whisper back. _Why am I whispering?_

Moving his finger a little deeper inside me but still sedentary he looks me in the eyes again softly taking my free hand and placing it on his hard erection.

"So…what do you think now? Do you think I want you?"

I wrap my fingers around it as he backs up allowing me complete access as I guide it through the peep-hole in his sleep pants.

"Now I do," I admit softy, still not at all comfortable with the whole talking thing…but loving it that he is.

It's his turn to suck in a quick breath as I start to stroke him bringing my other hand into the mix and smiling at his reaction as he hardens more under my hands.

"…and you did the whole time…." he grits out as he finally slides his finger inside me, moving it slowly in and out.

"Uh…huh…"

He rocks himself back and forth slightly along with me. "Did you….really think….I didn't know that?"

I swirl my palm around the point of his shaft and tighten my grip on the way down.

"Jesus…Tris—"

"Knock! Knock! Knock! Wassup? Sunday funday in the house! Holy shit—"

"What the fuck!" Tobias yells at a very shell-shocked Zeke and Uriah while yanking me toward him.

"Damn! We' re sorry….really sorry man!...I mean—"

My face is buried in Tobias's chest while a piece of my soul dies from embarrassment….again. I feel one of Tobias's hands drift as he adjusts himself back into his sleep pants and all I see are flashes of Uriah's shocked face on the backs of my scrunched tight eyelids.

"We didn't see…much…I swear man…You're door was open!" Zeke squeeks out, trying to rationalize the situation.

"When you come to my home…you _knock_…you fucking _knock_…you jackasses!"

"We said 'knock knock'," Uriah quips, now laughing.

"Get out!" Tobias roars.

"Told ya she would have great little tities…" Uriah comments to his brother in his 'quiet' voice. _No..._

I'm pretty sure Tobias sees red because suddenly he is gone and lunging at Uriah. Zeke blocks him but Tobias still got him by the shirt collar as he whips him onto the floor.

"Okay! Okay! That was a dick move! Don't kill me!" Uriah yells while still laughing on the floor with his hands covering his face.

Grabbing my shirt to cover myself, I hop off the bar trying to also cover up the fact that my jeans are totally unzipped as Tobias delivers a swift smack up the side of Uriah's head.

"You're a fuckin' idiot…you know that?!"

"Ow! Damnit!" Uriah screeches. "Yes! You've mentioned it several times!"

I make it to the bedroom without drawing too much attention as I quickly try to put my shirt back on suddenly realizing that it is on inside out and my bra is on the damned counter.

Through the door I hear arguing: "Give that to me you piece of—." Ridiculous raucous laughing on behalf of the Pedrad brothers follows soon after.

I sit myself in the bed facing away from the door, trying to put my body image issues aside. _Two more people have seen your boobs….that's three of Tobias's friends. Maybe I'll just shoot a centerfold! Then at least I won't have to _hear_ shitty comments about my small chest._

I barely hear Tobias come in until the bed moves next to me and he rests his hand on the small of my back.

"I'm so sorry—"

"It's not your fault," I say with a small smile as my face heats up.

"We're sorry Trissy!" two deep voices sing from the other room in unison.

"Why…are…you…still here?!" Tobias yells through gritted teeth.

"Birthday bar hopping? Cubs game…dick!"

"I'm a dick?! Fuck you Uriah!" He shakes his head bringing his attention back to me. "Shit…." he says under his breath.

"It's fine."

"I completely forgot."

"It's okay, really."

He looks at me trying to figure out if I'm lying or not. The only time I'm good at lying is when I'm telling people I'm fine.

"I would rather be with you today…" he remarks taking my hand in his, fiddling with my knuckles.

I nod my head.

"I can't believe Uriah—"

"You can't?"

"You know that was his version of a compliment—"

"Yeah…well." _I don't really know what else to say to that._

I deep sigh exits his lips as he pulls me to him, which I'm not comfortable with. It's not because it's him…I could be held by him all day long…it's because of the reason behind the comfort.

I lightly shrug him off trying to make it seem casual as I stand up and spot my bra lying on the bed. I briefly glance at him as a confused and defeated look crosses his face. Giving him a quick smile, I make my way into the bathroom to put it on.

Completely avoiding my torso in the mirror, I fix my shirt, put my bra on and then toss my hair up quickly. I have to splash cold water on my face to bring the temperature down. Now that it's safe, I look at myself in the mirror. _I'm so plain._

The rest of the situation is actually pretty funny. I would have laughed my ass off if I had found Christina and Will in that compromising situation. And it's not even that I care what Uriah, in particular, thinks…at all. The confirmation of my inner thoughts about myself is what sucks. _Well._..g_et over it, Tris._

I exit the bathroom and see that Tobias is dressed…looking fucking hot as usual in jeans, a vintage Cubs T-shirt and Birkenstocks. _Sigh….._

"So….have fun today!" I say fake cheerily.

"Tris…I'm sorry…Hana got us these tickets awhile ago for Zeke's birthday—"

"It's fine!"

I _am _disappointed, but only because I'm selfish. He should spend time with his friends.

"I'll miss you," he says pulling me close and tipping my chin up to look at him.

"Me, too."

"What are you going to do today? Can I call you—"

"Are you seriously about to ask me if you can call me?"

A small smile appears on his face. "You know me…never assume."

"Please call me?"

"Okay….I love you," he says as he lowers his soft lips to mine moving me closer by adding pressure on my lower back. His hand really does fit perfectly right there.

I meet his lips and run my left hand up through his hair, trying to control my other hand by resting it on his shoulder knowing I won't be able to let him go if I have both of my arms wrapped around him. I almost lose my control when he runs his hand up the back of my neck holding me completely flush to him. I reluctantly pull away. The right side of his mouth slightly smirks as he shakes his head.

"I could kiss you all day." _You have no idea…._

I pull away giving him a kiss on the cheek and he holds my hand until I'm far enough away that just our fingers are touching.

"Bye," I wave over my shoulder as I walk quickly through the living room, trying to avoid awkward moments, but Uriah quickly follows.

"Tris! Tris! Wait….I'm sorry. You know I say dumb shit. It was a compliment….your…ya know…" He circles his hands over his chest as I raise my eyebrows at him sliding my shoes on.

"Um…."

"Uriah!" Zeke whisper-shouts from where he is sitting on the counter, looking from us to Tobias's room.

"I mean…yeah, they aren't…you know Marlene's are…yeesh…" He makes large circles around his chest with an approving smile.

"Ur-i-ah! Shut up! Shut the fuck up!" Zeke whisper-shouts again nervously looking towards the bedroom.

"And yours are…" He now makes _small_ circles around his chest as my face heats up 100 degrees. "But that's not bad! Four loves em'!"

"Oh my God," I emit under my breath as I put my other shoe on.

"Not that he told me!.…I would just…I mean they're nice…very…." He puts his hands in a lifting motion. _Get me out of here!_

"Uriah!" Tobias roars. "What the fuck did you just say to her—"

His voice is the last thing I officially hear aside from muffled yelling behind the door as I rush to the elevator pushing the button several times to no avail. I know Tobias is going to come out here so I run to the stairwell and pull the slow-close door shut quickly behind me and race down the stairs. He yells my name after I'm a few floors down but I keep going until I'm on the ground floor. It hits me that he may take the elevator down to meet me. _Please don't! Please don't! _But, rushing through the lobby, I don't see him. _Thank God! _

"Have an excellent day Miss Prior," the doorman says holding the door open for me.

"Uh…thanks…" Walking backwards I ask, "How did you know my name?"

"Mr. Eaton added you to his list of allowed visitors."

"Oh…." I smile to myself.

"It's a small list. Your only the second lovely woman on it! He must think very highly of you!" _Second….woman…._

"Um…yeah thank you."

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

_Why I didn't go after her down the stairs I have no clue. She wouldn't be able to outrun me!_

"Gregory?" _I hate talking to this guy._

"Mr. Eaton?" _Hate it even more._

"Did the woman I added to my visitor's list—"

"Miss Prior?"

"Yes. Has she passed through yet?"

"Yes Mr. Eaton."

Grumbling to myself I push through the front door of my building and look down the sidewalk to the direction of the El. _Why didn't you offer to drive her?! The El sucks! _But she's nowhere to be found. Upon making my way back into the building, I decide to take the stairs this time. I think about Tris and the look on her face as I sat next to her on the bed. I don't even think that she was mad that we were _interrupted _and found in a very compromising position. Knowing her, she probably found humor in it. _Damnit Uriah!_ Even though in his own twisted immature mind he was probably complementing her, I know her brain only picked up on what _she_ would perceive as negative. The girl who would rather cover herself up rather than let my eyes linger on her for too long…the one who still isn't totally comfortable being completely naked around me...now feels..._Shit! Is she well-endowed? No. Do I want her to be? No! She's fucking perfect. Damned Uriah!_

I need to have a serious talk with the 14-year-old-23-year-old.

Walking into my apartment I storm at him with a look that I'm pretty sure makes Uriah prefer to jump off the balcony rather than deal with me. Then I stop inches from his face.

"You are 23 years old, Uriah. You do…not…talk about women that way. Particularly _my _girlfriend, to whom I'm slightly partial—"

"I said she had nice tities!"

"First of all…you're a grown man…don't use the word 'tities'….second of all, I believe you used the word 'little'. What do you think is the _only _word she heard out of that whole shit show of a performance?"

"There's only one?"

"And whatever you said to her before she ran out the door like a bat out of hell...Fuck! I don't even want to know—"

"No…you don't," Zeke interjects.

"It was enough for her to run down 16 flights of stairs! She wouldn't even change her clothes in front of me! Uri…that girl has absolutely no idea how beautiful she is among many other more _important_ aspects of herself. All she sees are flaws. Do you know why?"

"She's pretty smokin'…so no I have no idea!" he says laughing while he backs up and crosses his arms over his chest. _That's all he heard_?

I grab him by the collar. "Because nobody…ever….told her."

The humorous and sarcastic face that is Uriah softens a little as it registers. Hana was the ultimate champion for her boys…myself included. It's probably the only reason, aside from the brief time I can remember with my mother, that I have self worth.

Tris's parents on the other hand, felt strongly that any sort of commendation would cause narcissism. They never attended her dance competitions because they weren't going to support an activity where rewards are handed out. I believe her father said something to the effect of, "If you are going to dance…do it to bring happiness to others…not to achieve a prize."

"Uri," Zeke butts in taking a bite out of an apple that he helped himself to. "He's telling you to grow the fuck up."

"Whatever," Uriah retorts. But I can tell by the look on his face that he gets it.

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

"He said what?!" Christina shrieks as I relay the events of the morning.

"Not gonna repeat it," I say increasing my MPH on the treadmill.

"First of all…they walked in on you…hil-ars!...second of all…what an asshole!"

"Who's an asshole?" Shauna asks sauntering over to us writing something down on her clipboard.

"Uriah," Christina and say in unison.

"Yep….So apparently the boys went to see the Cubs lose."

"Hey! This could be their year!" Christina adds sarcastically, hopping off her treadmill.

"Yeah okay…." I comment under my breath.

"Don't mind her Shauna…she's a Brewer's fan."

"Oh I don't care! I only go to Cubs games for the hotdogs and beer."

"Then how are you _not _a Brewer's fan? We are literally named after a beer!" I ask emphatically as I stop my treadmill and hop off. "And…indoor field…no rain delays."

"Wow Tris! Baseball and hockey? Impressive…." Shauna nods her head approvingly. _Yep…I'm so impressive._

"Did I hear the words hotdogs and beer?" George says in his soothing voice as he suddenly appears out of nowhere. _How does he do that?_

"You definitely did!" Shauna answers.

"I am on my way to indulge in awful baseball myself. Care to join me ladies?"

"You have extra tickets?" Christina asks stretching out her hamstrings.

"Many as a matter-of-fact. ALG has a box and Amar allows me open season to whomever I choose. I choose you….unless you are otherwise occupied."

"Can we invite 2 more people?" Christina digs as I smack her for being rude. "Ow! What? Will and Marlene!"

"Christina's right! How funny would it be for all of us to show up with box seats?…Let alone in ALG's?!...Can't wait to see Four's face. Let's hope it's his 'Tris' face!" _Huh?_

"His what-?"

"Aw come on Trissy!" Christina whines with her hands in prayer position. She must see the expression on my face.

"I don't know. I don't want to butt in on their 'guy' time..."

"Tris…seriously. They would love it! You should have heard Uri talking on the phone to Marlene this morning. All 'I'll miss you,' and 'I'll text you when we're done,' and 'I'll come right over.'...it's nuts! Zeke and I were dying!"

I briefly remember the look on Tobias's face when he realized he forgot about the game and what he said.

_"I would rather be with you today…"_

"It's not like we'll see them until after the game anyway…so we wouldn't be butting in if that's what you're _really _worried about," Shauna adds. "They're seats are a few rows up from 3rd base. Come on Tris!"

"Amar is picking me up fairly soon. You are welcome to accompany us, otherwise call your guests and your tickets will be at the front gate." Bowing to us, George exits as quickly and smoothly as he arrived.

Christina turns to me. "So miss Tris? Are you in?"

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

Spending a good portion of the day barhopping with Zeke and Uriah was not at the top of my list of awesome things to do today. I was hoping to lounge around with Tris. However, we are having a really good time. But damnit...she keeps showing up at the forefront of my thoughts. And I am finding that alcohol is only making it worse.

I know this week is going to be crazy for me with trying to get the museum plans ready to present to the Board of Directors. And unfortunately, Tris is completely and totally distracting. It's not even in just a physical aspect...although she _is_ like my own personal siren...I just want to _be _with her. Bringing work home will not be an option because I'm going to want her there. _Would she even would want that? She's pretty damned independent._

At least she mentioned she wants to start focusing more on her photos...one in particular, but she won't give me any details beyond that. I think it's fucking fantastic. Telling her I want to show some of them to Amar made her very nervous. I have to admit I am tempted to show him behind her back...but I won't. She's just so ridiculously talented and he has so many connections. I know without a doubt that people would buy them.

I decide to text her.

"Put your damned phone away! This is my birthday fiesta!" _Grrrrr…._

"Fine," I say flatly as I slide it back in my pocket. _Fucker._

Then the strangest site I have seen in a long time occurs: Uriah arrives at the table with a round of beers.

"Did you..._pay_ for these?" Zeke inquires sincerely.

"Yes," he responds looking back and forth between the two of us. "What?!"

"You're never that considerate," I state with confusion.

Staying silent for a moment, he looks out the bar window tapping the edge of his fingers on the table to the beat of the music.

"Uriah!" Zeke and I exclaim at the same moment.

"Fine!" he says smacking his hands down on the table. "Marlene may have…pointed that out to me. Now drop it!"

Zeke and I both look at each other and then burst out in serious laughter.

"There may be hope for my idiot brother yet!" Zeke announces clapping Uriah on the shoulder.

"Fuck you man!" Uriah says with a grin, probably thinking about Marlene. "And what the hell?!" he exclaims to Zeke who is now checking his phone with a shocked look on his face. "You're allowed to check your phone?!"

"Huh? Uh…." He swallows thickly.

I know that look. I've seen it on his face a million times: when he walked in on Shauna changing into her bathing suit after they first started dating, when she dressed up for Halloween as a french maid and basically any time she's wearing anything revealing.

"What's up Zeke?" I ask with a serious grin, taking a sip of my beer.

"Who?"

"That wouldn't be a _birthday_ text would it?"

"A what?!—"

"From mom? Ha ha! She actually _calls_ me on my bir—"

"No!...No! No! No!...no, no, no, no...no!"

"Why the hostility?...Where the hell are _you_ going?!" Uriah yells after Zeke as he heads out to the patio trying to text rapidly on his phone as he drops it repeatedly. He seems to give up and decides to actually call instead.

"Am I missing something?"

"Yes."

"What?!"

"I believe someone sent your brother a _special_ picture," I say tipping my beer bottle toward Zeke. He is leaning his head in the crook of his elbow on the brick wall of the patio while he talks.

"Who? Mom? She never sends me _special_ pictures! What the hell?! It's cause he's the oldest! Does she send you special pics?"

"No. She absolutely…does…not," I say almost choking on my beer as Zeke walks back in.

"Four shots of alcohol please!" he yells to the bartender who raises her eyebrows at him. He doesn't notice because he's resting his head in his hands waiting for the shots.

"Jack," I answer the bartender as she looks at me with questioning eyes.

"Gentleman's Jack for _you_," she comments with a sly look as she pours the upgraded version of Jack Daniels in a separate shot glass. _No._

"No...thank you," I state with purpose as I turn my attention, if you call what I gave her 'attention,' back to Zeke.

"Four," he looks me in the eye as I lean back in my chair with a shit-eating grin on my face. "Shut the fuck up."

"Didn't say a word," I say shaking my head back and forth slowly. "But now that you mention it…you do look a little _blue._"

"Not funny."

"Oh it's funny."

"Blue?! What?!" _Really Uriah?_

"Uri? We should play Bags. Make sure Zeke gets the _blue_ _sacks_." I nod to Uriah as people start clearing off the patio opening up a spot for us at the nearest Bags set.

"Sacks? Who calls them sacks?...Dude what am I missing?"

"Everything."

He obviously didn't hear me as he continues on his rant. "And I don't wanna play bags….you always make me partner with people who royally suck. Let's just go to the damned ball game!"

I see Zeke still shaking his head in shock as he takes one of the shots and then brings the other three to the table.

"How are ya Ezekiel?"

"Well since apparently this shit is out in the open—"

"You would tell us anyway..." I say under my breath.

"That woman…" Zeke is shaking his head in awe.

"What?! What'd she send you?!" _Here it comes..._

"All I'm gonna say is…. _butt-naked_….the rest is between her and I my friends!"

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

We arrive at the ALG box and are immediately greeted by Marlene. "Thank God you're here! I don't know anyone!…and they all seem, really…sophisticated," she whispers loudly.

"Well…we can change that!"

"Chris! This is Will and Four's work—"

She pulls me aside. "First of all…I already know his name is Tobias, so now when you call him Four it just sounds…weird—"

"How do you—"

"Nevermind. Anyway, I am who I am and Will loves me for it! Now let _me_ be _me_." _Well that shut me right up._ "And BTW…_you_ need to be _you_…don't get all Beatrice on me because of something Uriah the dumb shit said. Got it?"

I give nothing but a pissed off look. _I may not be exactly that girl anymore...but I was for 20 years...she's still me in a way...  
_

"Fine….don't answer me…but you know I'm right!"

With that she breezes right into the boxed section grabbing a beer off the counter on her way in and locks arms with Will, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. He immediately starts introducing her to people. I wish I was more like Christina sometimes: exuding confidence, funny, beautiful. _Beatrice!_ _Shit. Chris is__ right…and I hate it._

I walk in now seeing that Shauna and Marlene had entered and took their seats. George is chatting with Christina and Will. Slowly making my way into the room I grab a beer, taking in the scene. We are definitely the more casually dressed of the group, but not to the extent where we look like total outsiders. I catch Christina's eye as she nods me over to them but I have to move back sharply as the dessert cart scoots in front of me.

"You're an observer too I see."

I turn my head toward the voice. A man dressed as casually as me stands back, taking in the scene. He has a smaller build, dark hair and olive skin. He looks familiar.

"Yeah…I guess. I'm kind of intruding on the party."

"A party crasher?"

"Well…not exactly…George Wu invited me?" _Why am I making that sound like a question?_ "Sorry…I don't know if you know him…but—"

"I do know him."

"Oh….good." _Good?_

"And how do you know him?"

"He's my yoga instructor and my…um…boyfriend (_I swear I'll never get used to saying that_) works for his boyfriend. Is that the right word?"

"Yes, I believe so. Does that word make you _uncomfortable_?" _Weird question. Why the hell would it?_

"Not at all…I just always thought they were more than that…sorry." _Why are you sorry?_ "Why? Does that word make _you _uncomfortable?"

He gives me a small smile. "Quite the contrary."

"Okaaayyy."

"So who would your boyfriend be?"

"Four…Eaton," I say laughing quietly at how weird his nickname sounds with his last name.

"Strange name. Even more so when you add in his last name…."

"He…prefers…it," I deadpan making myself very clear.

"Indeed," he remarks smirking. _Who the hell is this guy? Should I ask him his name?_ "I prefer his real name."

"How do _you _know his real name?"

"I read it on his job application."

"Do you work in HR or something?"

"HR is a good portion of my job…under-rated…but a good portion nonetheless."

"Okay…"

"Well…into the lion's den I go. It was a pleasure to meet you, Tris."

"You…too. Wait, how did you know—" I don't get to finish my sentence because he has already made his way to the front of the crowded box. Tobias must have told him….

Making eye contact with an eager Christina I begin to walk toward her as someone cuts me off out of absolutely nowhere spilling red wine all down my T-shirt.

"Oh no! I'm just so sorry!"

I stand there with wine dripping down my shirt and starting from the floor up I see perfect tan legs, short blue skirt, white button down shirt pulling very taut at her sizable cleavage, silky wavy brown hair and a drop dead gorgeous face…that I fucking hate.

"Here let me help you!"

I stand there stunned while she attempts to wipe the front of my shirt off.

"I'm…fine," I say between clenched teeth as I grab a handful of napkins off the counter drying off my arms.

"Trini, right? Four's _little girl_…friend? I'm not sure exactly…he doesn't say much about you so—"

"It's Tris."

"Oh…I'm sorry. Like I said…he doesn't mention you often," she remarks as she grabs another plastic cup of wine from a server.

"Tris? Holy shit you klutz! Who the hell drinks red wine at a Cubs game anyway?"

I take a rather large drink of my beer. "Nita does," I answer gesturing to her with my beer. "Christina…this is…Nita."

"Ech…."

"I'm sorry what was that?"

"Oh don't mind her," I say leaning in. "She's just an exceptionally good judge of character. Excuse us."

"Of course…oh and I'll be sure to keep Four _on task_ this week…seeing as we'll probably be working late." _Working late together…awesome. _

I take another large drink of my beer and lean in. "I would really appreciate that, thank you Nita. Oh and can you throw this away for me?" I sink my half empty beer can into her full cup of wine not evening turning around to look at her face.

Christina is not even _trying_ to contain her laughter as we sit next to Shauna and Marlene. Shauna is trying to find the guys with her binoculars.

"I don't think they're here yet! What the hell, Zeke? It's the 3rd inning! $100 says they took him to a strip club!"

Shauna must see the look on my face. Our relationship is too new for that not to totally piss me off.

"No no! Trust me…it would be Uriah's idea—"

"What!?" Marlene exalts.

"-and Zeke would just go with it…but Four would probably just pout in the corner….I mean he would have to because the strippers practically beg to give him a lap dance. I even heard a girl offer him one for free!" Shauna laughs to herself and takes a drink of her beer while Marlene and I stare at her like she's insane.

I imagine Tobias sitting at a table in a corner being approached by scantily clad servers and strippers begging him for lap dances. Even though Shauna says he would pout…it doesn't mean he wouldn't watch the show. _Would I even have a reason to be mad? It's just watching…right? Watching women who are actually sexy with curves and boobs…Shit I don't blame him!_

I quietly try to ask Shauna. "Do you…really think they—"

"What were you doing at a strip club?" Christina asks with genuine interest.

"Birthday present for Zeke! I let him watch me get a lap dance….it was actually kind of hot because _he_ thought it was so hot….ya know?"

"No…I don't," Marlene says sitting back and crossing her arms.

"Can I get you girls anything—"

"Shots," Marlene and I say at the same time.

"Mar…Uriah is totally into you…relax!"

"Easy for you to say! Your non-flirtatious and devoted boyfriend is here…not at a fucking strip club!"

"What kind of shots?!" I just realize we never specified.

"Jack," I say as Marlene says, "Tequila."

"A double," we add at the same time again.

"Lighten up girls!"

"Shauna, how does it not bother you that Zeke goes to strip clubs?!" Marlene asks in awe.

"Those girls have nothing on me!...And Zeke knows it…I make sure he does…" She's laughing as if it's an inside joke. "That and girls don't throw themselves at him so I really have nothing to worry about!" I know she's referring to Tobias.

"Yeah…well…I do apparently."

"Tris...insecurity is _not _becoming on you," Shauna adds flippantly.

She turns her attention to me. "Look...Four is….I don't know….Zeke says the moment he laid eyes on you it was like a switch flipped or something. I think before, he was just going through the motions of life…but now he smiles, laughs,-"

"Yep! I've seen it!" Christina adds proudly.

"Well that's just great…what about me?!" Marlene looks like she's ready to spit nails.

"Christ! Uri won't shut the hell up about you! Literally...he comes to work and I have to tell him to 'shut up'!"

I see Christina looking through the binoculars. "This whole conversation is a moot point because they just sat down."

"Doesn't mean they didn't go to a strip club," Marlene mumbles as the server bring our shots.

"Anything else ladies?" she asks as Marlene and I immediately down one of our shots.

"Well… this lady is covered….," a man's voice says as he passes me a drink over my shoulder. "Jack and Coke right? That's what you always pour yourself at the bar?"

I turn around and see Matthew.

"Oh…hi," I say sheepishly being reminded of our last conversation at the bar.

He looks at me expectantly. "Yes…sorry…thank you." I say turning around to pretend to watch the game.

The seat next to me is now occupied. "You _can _talk to me. I promise I won't ask you out. You made it _very _clear you have a boyfriend."

"I know I can." I feel Christina giving me sideways glances.

He leans over and says in my ear, "Well, that's good because I don't know anyone here."

I clear my throat. _Well this is awkward. May as well say…something. _"Well, I don't know anyone really. We're party crashers," I tilt my head toward the girls. Marlene and Shauna are arguing and Christina immediately jumps in.

"I'm Christina," she reaches over and shakes his hand.

"Yes…the other beautiful bartender."

"Yep!"

He leans back in his seat stretching and mumbling loud enough for me to hear, "The lesser beautiful one."

"Wha—"

"What?...Sorry did I say that out loud?"

I turn my head and give him a dirty look as he looks forward with a grin on his face. We sit in unnerving silence for a minute.

"So…we may as well make small talk because this is just…awkward. Where are you from? Definitely not Chicago."

"Where are _you _from? I ask turning to him, not really caring but not wanting to answer his question. I may have fucked up.

"Yes! She does want to talk to me!"

This actually makes me grin as I turn towards the game and shake my head.

"I'm from Baraboo."

"Great."

"That's in Wiscon—"

"Yep." _I know right where that is…now go away._

He sits back with his hands behind his head for a moment and doesn't say anything. _Good._

"Hey…" he nudges me in the ribs lightly.

"What!?"

"Do they have any non-alcoholic drinks?"

"Probably."

"Do you think they have mixers?"

"I'm sure they have soda!"

"Soda, huh?"

"Yes."

"Great."

"I think I want a water…but they were all out."

I don't respond.

"Where do you think I could get some water?"

"Ask a server."

"I kind of want some now—"

'Then go find a damned bubbler!"

"A bubbler? Like a drinking fountain?"

"Obviously—"

"You're from Wisconsin."

"What? How do you—"

"Soda…instead of pop. Bubbler…instead of drinking fountain?"

I try to hide a smile, but it is kind of funny.

"She smiles too! Jackpot! Yes! And the crowd goes wild!" Now I really do start laughing as I toss back one of my shots because I can't help it.

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

We sit in our seats, which are pretty good…right behind 3rd. Even though the Cubs are going to get smoked, it's still fun to watch…or just drink beer and make fun of Uriah.

"Ya'll ain't right…." Uriah says shaking his head. He still looks a little pale.

"What the hell did I do? I am most definitely…not at fault in this…situation!" Zeke is smashed...no thanks to me and Uriah.

"You…well you were there…and now I have this image! It will not leave my brain!"

"What brain?"

"Shut the fuck up Four!"

"Easy Uri…" Zeke says squinting.

"Was that paybacks? Making me think of mom butt-nak- Aw man!"

I can't help but laugh again. The look on Uriah's face was one I will never forget: First he spit out his drink, then a mix of utter shock and disgust invaded his face...and well, then he almost puked. I did feel a little guilty...after I almost pissed myself laughing. Zeke had no fucking idea what was happening. I have apologized several times...of course not meaning it at all.

"Just picture Marlene…butt-naked…and get over it!...Me on the other hand…I don't have to picture it." Zeke looks at his phone and kisses it for the 100th time. "That woman has no idea what's comin' tonight! Ahoooo! Ahoooo!" _Definitely n__ot you Zeke..._

"Do you have plans to turn into a werewolf?"

"Not tonight Four!...not tonight..."

Zeke probably won't be worth anything tonight…me on the other hand… _Assume nothing you jackass! _I'm definitely sufficiently buzzed and have another beer coming…but I'm done after that. I have every intention of seeing my girlfriend and being drunk _cannot _be on the docket for tonight. _Again.._._Assume nothing you jackass!_

I pull my phone out to try to covertly text her…again…

"Nope! Nope! Nope! We are not texting…our women!"

"You've been texting Shauna all fucking day." I'm starting to get pissed.

"Not anymore! I'm playin' hard ta get!" It only makes sense until his phone buzzes and he immediately checks it.

"You are so whipped!" Uriah shouts at Zeke. It doesn't seem to register.

"Ha! You couldn't even utter a sentence in Marlene's presence the first night...and we all hear the way you talk to her on the phone you dumb ass—"

"When?! What?!"

"You do realize the bathroom stalls at the gym aren't soundproof, right?" _Idiot._

He mumbles something probably ridiculous and his phone must buzz because he stealthily checks it and smiles like an idiot.

"Yep! Not whipped at all."

"Jealous?" _Abso-fuckin-lutely._

"Hey! Shauna says to look in the ALG box..."

"So does Marlene…."

"Why?!" I asked pissed off and pouting.

"I can't…see…shit…" Zeke is swaying as he stands trying to see the box…in completely the wrong side of the field. The box is too far away anyway…there is no way any of us would be able to see it let alone drunk Zeke.

"Can I brow…these?" Zeke asks as he literally takes the binoculars out of the guy's hand in front of us.

"Four…where's it?"

"My suggestion would be to try the one with the huge ass ALG Architects advertisement under it."

"Oh yeah!..Where's zat?"

"Jesus….there," I grumble pointing to the box across the way from us.

"A…L…G. I see it! Hey baby!" he screams waving his hands like an idiot in the air.

"Gimme those!" Uriah rips them out of Zeke's hand.

"Hey can I have those back—"

"Not yet," Uriah states plainly to the owner of the binoculars. "Hey there's my lady! She looks pissed…shit…did I _do_ something?" He is directing his question at me as I shrug it off not giving a shit. "Does she look pissed to you? Seriously you have to _tell_ me!"

"Damnit...gimme those... " I grit out as I grab the binoculars.

"Now can I have those back—"

"No," I deadpan answering binocular guy's question as I focus on the box. I see Marlene, who looks pissed, Shauna, who is waving like a maniac, Christina, who is completely turned around giving Will what looks to be a drunk hug and then….Tris...my Tris, smiling and laughing. I think I get a dumb smile on my face because hopefully now I'll get to see her and because I love seeing her smile. Particularly when I'm the one putting it on her face…which I really want to make out with right now. _Okay maybe I am drunk. _Christina stands up and shakes Amar's hand as Will introduces them. _Oh...sorry Will... __So who is Tris laughing at? What the…._

"Get the fuck up!" I practically yell almost knocking the beer vendor in the face.

"Why?" Zeke and Uriah ask at the same time.

"Just do it!"

"Whoa! I know that face!" Zeke is having a fit of unnecessary hysterical laughing.

"Get up now."

"Where we goin'?"

"ALG box…get your shit together...right fucking now."

"We don't have tickets—"

"Now," I practically growl.

"Geez Louis! Can we 'least drink our beerz?"

I grab the beers off the vendor's tray and toss him a $20? $50? $100 bill? _Who the fuck cares! _All I hear is, "Wow! Thanks man!"

"Pound them."

"You don have ta tell…me….twice," Zeke slurs.

"Me neither!"

I drink the beer in about 15 seconds flat. _What about that was smart? Nothing...not a damned thing. Fuck it. _All I can see is my Tris laughing and smiling with the boob grabber…the guy who asked her out at the bar.

I book it up the stairs as Uriah and Zeke are still finishing their beers.

"Yo! Wait up!"

"What he said!"

Bribing the ticket-checker-person wasn't too difficult. _Don't even know what I gave 'em!_ We walk into the box and immediately see Shauna who launches herself at Zeke.

"Woman I can't wait ta getchoo home…."

"Four!" Shauna whines. "You got him drunk…."

"I absolutely did…."

"I can still _pre_form baby…I promise…les go home…."

"Yeah…I'm sure your _pre_formance will be mind-blowing….Let's go…" she sighs. "And Uri…go calm down your irrational girlfriend."

He leans in and asks with sincerity and confusion, "What did I do?"

"I may have told her that you guys may have gone to a strip club and that it was most likely your idea…." She looks only semi-guilty.

"You did what?!" Pretty sure we yelled that at the same time. _Great…Tris thinks I was at a strip club…_

That's the last thing I hear as I make my way into the room and spot Tris sitting in the same spot as before…alone. I pretty much recognize everyone but I'm oftentimes unapproachable and I have no clue what my face looks like right now. Probably pretty bad because I get a lot of sideways glances, no hellos.

At least so I hoped. "Hi Four." Nita rests her hand on my shoulder as I briefly glance at her and brush her hand off continuing on.

I can tell by the sudden slump in Tris's shoulders that she has just sighed. Her hair is pulled half up and part of it falls over her right shoulder and the other part down her back. She shakes her head slightly as my phone buzzes in my pocket.

**Tris:** Are you mad at me by chance?

**Me:** Should I be?

_You sound like an asshole. She was only talking to him…and smiling…and laughing…fuck._

I can tell by the way her head jerks back that she is taken aback by my reply.

**Tris:** I don think so. But if I did simething I wish you sould just tell me.

**Tris: **And then tell me u didnt go 2 a strop club...

_Too many spelling errors…. Great…she's drunk and having a great time with him…._

**Me:** Why would you think you did anything?

**Me: **No strop club.

She sighs again.

**Tris:** Shaua and Marlene have been gretting tests all day from Zeke and Uriah and I havn't heard from you…sorry.. Call or text me later…ok?

She added the 'ok?' after a bit of pondering. _Uriah was texting Marlene? That little fucker... _And only _my_ Tris would apologize for asking an honest question.

**Tris: **Thanx 4 not goin to a strip club

I slide in the seat behind her quietly. The smell of her hits me hard and it warms my insides more than the alcohol. I see her typing again but I don't receive anything. Peeking over her shoulder I see the words, 'I miss you'…right before she slowly deletes them. _Why didn't she send it? _

Out of the corner of my eye I see what's-his-face making his way over with two drinks…that is until he sees me. I must give him a what-the-fuck-do-you-think-you're-doing glare…whatever that looks like, because he immediately backs away and goes back into the lounge.

She's typing again….but still nothing. I lean over and see that she wrote the same thing…but is just staring at the screen…not sending it. Of course without even thinking I reach in and brush her hair off her shoulder and whisper, "I missed you too."

She whips her head around and a huge smile spreads across her face….my favorite smile…and I made her do it. _Yes!_

"You're here!" she exudes as I jump over the seat and sit right next to her.

"I am here….and guess what?"

"What?"

"I missed you."

"You already said that," she says leaning her head on my shoulder lacing our fingers together.

"It was worth saying twice."

Wrapping my arm around her shoulder she looks up at me.

"I thought you were mad at me...and that you went to a strip club." I get the cutest pouty lip ever from her which of course I lean in and bite, which makes her laugh. _Yes! I made her laugh! Ha!_

"Nope. Zeke wouldn't let me text….but I really wanted to….I tried….mmmm….several times—"

I am unable to finish neither that sentence nor that thought because Tris lands her sexy lips on mine and runs her left hand up through my hair pulling me closer. My right hand insta-grabs her hip and I definitely try to pull her onto my lap because her straddling me is the best…thing…ever. Well…that's not entirely true.

"Ow! These damned seats!" she squeaks as she quickly jumps up and lands on my lap to continue kissing me...very thoroughly I might add. _Best kisser ever!_ She's definitely not straddling me and I don't think we could work that out in all honesty so I'll settle. I grab her shirt to pull her closer and realize it's wet.

"Why are you wet?!" Our lips popped as I pulled way.

She leans into my ear and whispers, "You really don't know the answer to that?" leaving a soft seductive kiss right under my ear lobe which immediately starts to get me hard just thinking about her damp panties.

Grabbing her leg I push her into my lap just enough for her to feel me as she slightly moves her hips is response. I tickle her rib cage, "Are you trying to torture me?"

"Stop it! You started it," she says laughing and wrapping her arms around my neck.

"No…I believe you started it with making me picture your sexy wet panties when you knew damn well that wasn't what I meant…now answer me…why are you—" I look at her shirt, "—covered in red wine?"

"You're sex-on-a-stick co-worker…who apparently you are going to be spending a lot of time with—_accidentally _spilled her wine all down my shirt." She stares off into the field with a look on her face that I can't read.

"Oh…sorry…she really fuckin'—"

"Not another word…because…I…don't…care."

"Really?"

"Well not at the moment!" she emits as she hiccups. "I'm in my favorite spot!" Then leaning down to whisper in my ear, "well almost my favorite spot."

"Really…and what's your favorite spot?" I ask grazing her left tit with my thumb. _Can I please take you shirt off? Bad idea..._

"Put it this way…it's probably a good thing these arm rests are here because I would have you, buried, so deep inside me—"

"Are you hammered?"

"Wow!…okay…no."

"We're leaving."

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

Having been drinking all afternoon, I am sufficiently buzzed…well, maybe a little more than that.

I'm giving Tobias soft kisses behind his earlobe as my hand trails from his chest down to his cock that looks so enticing right now. _Yum..._

He grabs my wrist. "Tris Prior…do you promise you aren't super drunk?"

"I will even pinky promise!" I answer cheerfully as I run my pinky over the outside of his swollen jeans. "But I may be…a little drunk…not the time travel kind…" I add as I run my hand up his chest to pull him towards me.

He takes a deep breath as his abs flex. "I don't know…what the hell that means."

"It's when you blackout and don't know how some ho ended up in your bed!" The cabbie yells back to us. "At least in my experience…." he comments more to himself.

"So no time traveling?" Tobias reiterates as he pulls me to him by my lower back with one hand and runs his other hand up through my hair making me look at him.

"Well….I'm not a ho and you are ending up in _my _bed…."

"You're not funny."

"Well…I'm a little—"

"Do you promise?"

"Do _you _promise?"

"I'm not drunk—"

"Tobias."

"Okay…I'm a little drunk."

"Pinky promise."

"Pinky promise." Then we both start laughing like idiots.

"Ya'll crazy…I would be hittin' that—"

"I do…not…hit…that," Tobias interrupts the crazy cabbie in his 'scary' voice.

"Well then you got a good one there missy! Not many dudes like that!"

"I already knew that." I say this just between the two of us in his ear. I know he doesn't always agree so it's important he hears it.

He turns his head to face me. "I love you ya know. ..Do you know how I know?"

"How?" I ask seriously interested as I put both my legs over his lap.

"Because I would have rather gotten drunk with you than with my best friends."

"Now that's love!" The cabbie yells as he pulls up in front of the house.

Tobias throws an undetermined amount of cash at him before he pulls me out and throws me over his shoulders.

"Have a nice evening!" I yell waving at him.

"I will! I bet you will too!"

"Oh you definitely will," Tobias adds as he runs us up the stairs. _Yes!_

He sets me down and looks at me. "Keys."

"Why do we need a key?"

"Because they are used to open doors…this one in particular," he adds, bouncing on his toes impatiently.

I dip my fingers into the hem of his jeans and pull him to me hard. "What if I want you right here….like right now?" I ask as I lean against the wall undoing the top button and then the zipper grasping him as he hardens more under my touch. I latch onto his neck biting the soft skin before pulling away and taking a deep inhale of him while still stroking him the best I can with his stupid jeans on. "God you always smell sooooo good…it's fucking distracting…."

"Fuck….Tris…." he whines. But he doesn't complain that much as he swiftly unzips my jeans and starts returning the favor by teasing me on the outside of my panties. "Keys," he demands still caressing me. _Why am I wearing underwear? Why? Why?_

"What?" I ask as I circle the top of his shaft with my thumb.

"Mmh…you heard me….keys or I'll stop."

"Well….I won't," I say as I pull his pants down to his knees.

"Jesus…" he grunts as I pull him out through the peek-hole in his briefs. "Why do you have to be so….shit….stubborn?"

"Isn't that part of why you love me?" I say as I lick a very wet stripe up his length.

"No…comment," he says as his legs tense from me repeating the action. "I would love to…have hot sex with my…girlfriend….ah….without interruption."

"You fucking better…but right now," I say as I swirl my tongue around him. "I want to give you…a wet hot blow job." _I never talk like this!_

He groans as I take him fully in my mouth and his hips snap up. I start a rotation between both of my hands and my mouth as his breathing increases. After a bit he rests his hands on my shoulders and tightens his grip each time I do something he _really _likes.

"God you're amazing..." he moans as I look up to see his jaw go slack.

I feel his hand on the back of my head briefly but he quickly releases it and I look up to see him run it down his face in frustration at himself. He must see me looking at him.

"Sorry…I just…I can't—"

"Mmm hmm," I hum trying to understand. I suck hard trying to distract whatever is going through his mind and it must work because he sucks in a deep breath and then grows harder in my mouth.

Trying something new I cradle his sack in my hand lightly massaging him. His hips snap up again and I hear a bump on the wall as he puts his head against it. I'm squirming a little as I am completely turned on by my pleasing him. As much as I love this…my need for him is growing significantly. Tightening my grip and twisting my free hand I speed up for several seconds while still fondling him.

"Jesus babe…fuck…I'm right there…you don't have to…"

I tighten my lips as his muscles flex and he grunts, "Uh...uh...uh..," emptying himself as I slow my pace and take in all of him. When I'm done I pull away and look up at him and see him still gripping the wall as he shakes his head.

"Yeeeaaahhh…that was…"

"Great?" I ask smiling as I stand up and grab the keys out of my pocket, unlock the door quickly and run inside leaving him against the wall.

I hear him quickly get out of his jeans as he slams the door and slides the chain barring anyone from coming in. He chases after me and grabs me from behind.

"Great? Not even fucking close," he says practically growling in my ear. "I'm really beginning to hate that word." He kisses my neck and starts to undo my pants, walking us toward the couch.

When the zipper is down he sinks his fingers under my panties resting them right where my need is most exposed and groans.

He removes his fingers as a pouty noise comes out of me. "Just checking...I fucking love that…by the way," he whispers resting his chin on my shoulder and looking down at my body as he slowly slides my jeans and underwear down. "Damned shirts always blocking my view," he comments as he tries to lift my shirt over my head. I tense up as a brief wave of self-consciousness hits me. "Please?" he asks.

I nod my head as he gently takes it off looking over my shoulder again. I shrink my shoulders and arms in. _Stop it Beatrice! This is supposed to be hot semi-drunk sex with your sexy as hell boyfriend. _He sighs and turns me around sitting me on the couch as he kneels in front of me pulling my jeans and underwear off completely.

"Tris Prior you are beautiful," he says kissing my left leg softly moving it to the side, "and perfect," he adds moving my right leg to the side. He is now seated between my legs. "This conversation will be continued later because I am completely distracted right now."

Smiling her runs his tongue along his bottom lip looking right between my legs. I don't even get another thought out as he delves deep into me. I was already so turned on when I gave him head and it came back in full force when he spread my legs. I am breathing heavy and my cheeks heat up swiftly as he probes me deep with his tongue and finger at the same time. He is _not_ going to have to do this for very long. He pushes on my clit at that same time and I flex my legs around his head tightly. Once I realize what I did and release him we both start laughing.

"I guess you liked that?" he says smiling and shaking his head.

"Yeah…file that one away please! But I like this more…" I pull him up on the couch as I quickly straddle him. "Remember my favorite position?" I ask lining up his amazing cock right where I want him.

"Yeah…" he heavily breathes out flopping his hands on the couch.

"No arm rests this time," I add as I brace myself on the back of the couch and immerse myself incrementally over his shaft. He makes the best face when I do that. As if there is no better feeling in the world than when he is buried in me.

My insides tense as a reflex to how deep he is as he quickly grabs hold of my outer arms sucking in a deep breath.

"Are you okay?" I barely get out.

"You have no clue what that feels like because there are no words to describe it."

I tighten my core again and lean my forehead against his as I realize it feels really good to me as well. Tightening myself around his girth does something amazing to my insides. As I do it a third time he grabs my hips in urgency and starts moving me back and forth. I know he wants to go faster but he is holding himself back.

"God…baby thank God you went down on me…" He snakes both his arms under mine pushing them up my back until they rest on my shoulders. Then he starts pulling me down as he thrusts into me with tight movements.

"Oh my God…Tobias…." I say in a cross between a moan and a whine. I am fully aware that I am going to come ridiculously fast with him doing _that _in this position. _I don't want to…I don't want to...I don't...okay yes I do...yes I do...yes I..._

"Is that your favorite spot babe?" He bites his lower lip and let's out an involuntary grunt.

All I can do is nod my head and hope to God he won't try to get me to talk because I fucking can't. He must see it on my face as he speeds up and now moves my hips back and forth at the same time.

I seem to lose all motor control because it's as if I can no longer participate: all I can do is grab onto the back of his neck and squeeze my eyes shut as I hold on for dear life hoping this never ends but anticipating the finish nonetheless. It hits me like lightning to my stomach as I'm pretty sure I just about scream in…what the hell is that? Pleasure? Not even close! It seems to last forever as Tobias grabs my hips gritting something out between his teeth.

I finally have words as I begin to so slowly come down.

"Oh…God…oh God…Oh…" _Okay not great words. _I suck in one last shaky breath and let it out equally as shaky.

"Holy fuck baby…" he says as he cradles me close to him.

"Huh?" Is all I'm capable of saying as he deftly lays me on the couch slowly entering me again. He starts a slow rhythmic movement as he brushes the stray hairs out of my face. _Amazing..._

"I'm usually…second-guessing myself about…whether or not I'm doing my…job properly…but that time…I am 100% sure I did."

"You could tell?"

"Baby...the _neighbors_ could tell" he says with a compassionate smile as my face heats up even more in embarrassment. ".…and I'm gonna do it again…and hopefully…again…but no promises on that last one."

_I love "a little drunk" sex!_

* * *

**Marcus's POV:  
**

Keeping tabs on my son has proven difficult in the past. Well...nothing is too difficult for me...hell...maybe I didn't care enough about the ungrateful bastard to put my full effort into it. Imagine if I had? He would have been under my thumb until the day I die. _The day I die..._

I have come across some information that may help my...how do I put it?...cause... We live in a small world...a small, small world.

Receiving a call from my mid-western cash cow, Joseph Monroe, isn't out of the ordinary. However, the call from his sociopath of a son (_I would have shot that kid in the head like a lame horse if he was mine)_ proved...enticing. How he came across the information that his little girlfriend is pathetically hiding out in my city I don't know nor do I care. However, the government inside contact he promises to provide me with if I locate her..._that_ I do care about.

My phone rings as I take the last sip of scotch.

_Yes?_

_Interesting. And what might her name be?_

_Tris Prior...yes...thank you Gregory, we'll be in touch._

As I suspected, my son, Tobias James Eaton is dating Beatrice Prior. The last Eaton is coupling with piss-ant Wisconsin trailer trash.

* * *

**AN:** Let me know if you liked it!


	24. Research

**Chapter 24 - Research**

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

_Does the overall design of the addition keep with the design of the primary?….Yes…I fucking hope so. Are we obscuring any significant features of the building?….No…But if we are you have permission to fire my incompetent ass. Tobias…Tobias….Where the hell is that note? Here it is: 'the sloping topography to the south end of the structure doesn't allow for the modifications your new team member sent me'…What modifications? I didn't approve that…fuck. Email him! How have I not met this 'new team member' guy yet? Onto the roof lines….side additions are such bullshit…but couldn't avoid it. Damned reservoir in the back! Actually it's pretty cool….people get married out there…How cool would that be? Right in front of one of my designs…Oh man Tobias-_

"I have walked by this office a total of five times today and your head has been in the same position…until now. Penny for your thoughts? And I think I may hire a resident chiropractor just for your own personal use."

I sit back and stretch my arms over my head as Amar comes and seats himself in the chair across from me. "My thoughts would cost you well over a penny and I've never been to a chiropractor," I comment laughing lightly. "What time is it?"

"It is 4:00."

"Shit…." I mumble in disbelief. I have barely moved from this desk in eight hours.

"Have you eaten today?"

"No. Not unless you count coffee."

"I do not."

"Lauren my dear?" Amar leans out my door. "Would you mind bringing my friend Four here a sandwich from your station? Any kind will do at this point..." _No!_

He turns his chair back around and looks at me with raised eyebrows. "She didn't seem too thrilled with my request."

"Well…she's probably not too thrilled with me…."

He sits back waiting for an explanation.

"We had a miscommunication."

"Oh yes….you seem to have a lot of those," he remarks laughing, but then stops as he sees I am not.

"I'm sorry…did I offend?"

"No…sometimes the truth hurts though."

"Indeed."

Suddenly I get hit in the head by a flying sandwich. "Oops...sorry," Lauren states flatly.

"Look on the bright side," Amar says stifling a laugh after she leaves. "At least it was wrapped."

"Yeah, I guess. Lauren um….misinterpreted some of my actions…and then I had to let her down….not so easily."

"Ah!" He nods in understanding. "Because you are of course dating the lovely Tris Prior."

An immediate image of her pops into my head. The sleepy look in her half open blue-grey sated eyes as I had to leave her this morning, not before making love one more time of course. _Not my best performance because of time constraints….but I think I took care of her…unless she's a really good faker…shit!_ Either way her scent still seems to linger in my conscience.

"I am," I say nodding my head with a grin on my face. "I'm sure you know of her through George, but did you get to meet her at the game?"

"I did get that chance…yes…however, no formal introductions were made. I wanted to leave that up to you." _Shit was she drunk?! Not that he would care….right?_

"Um..ha…" I sit more upright in my chair. "Was she…did you-?"

"When I spoke to her she was perfectly sober and just being a quiet observer…you on the other hand…not sober and quite the participant when you arrived."

_I don't know what to say so I'll just shake my head like an idiot._

"Four my friend! Nothing makes me happier than seeing my employees having a good time. You in particular, seeing as a smile doesn't often appear on your face."

"Yeah—"

"But it certainly did when you saw Miss Prior…she's quite beautiful. I would say inside and out. I'm an excellent judge of character."

He appraises me for a moment.

"I agree…" I would love to elaborate: to tell him she's also strong, vivacious, loyal, self-deprecating, funny, stubborn, smart, talented….to tell him all about her. But I prefer to reserve those words right now. Maybe sometime I will. "…she is."

"Enough said," he adds before I feel like I have to say anything else. "I don't suppose I could talk you into a quick bite….you probably shouldn't eat that sandwich. Lauren has been known to take revenge out on people's commodities….can't say I blame her."

"Me neither…and a quick bite would be great."

"Wonderful!" This will be the perfect opportunity to meet your new associate….he is just moving his things in down the hall. "I'll call in an order. Sushi?"

"Sure. I just want to go over a few revisions."

"We'll rendezvous in a half hour? My office."

"Great, thanks Amar."

I take my glasses off and rub my eyes. I haven't checked my phone all day and I had it on silent from the meeting this morning. _Shit._

I have three texts from Tris. One is from this morning. _Damnit. I hate it when she takes too long to text me back and look at me!_

**(9:12) Tris: **Morning handsome. That's all!

I sigh…loving that she texts me for no other reason than to say good morning. _And then you don't respond….. _The other is from this afternoon. _Shit...again._

**(2:24) Tris: **Ran into our friend!

A picture message is attached with her and the little kid from the arcade.

**(2:30) Tris: **He got his little brother a birthday gift with all the tickets he won! He was in the same clothes as the other night so I don't think he could have afforded it otherwise. Everything happens for a reason….I love you…hope you don't _work too late_ tonight.

I laugh for a moment at her not so subtle way of saying she hopes I'm not working late with Nita. It sucks that I probably am. I don't think she's really jealous anymore. Nita and I never had what Tris and I do…Nita and I never had anything so to speak. But I would imagine Tris has mixed emotions on it. _I would go fucking ape shit!_

I am seriously trying to reign my jealous side in. I've thought about it in depth and have come to the conclusion that aside from my innate caveman personality traits, it stems from my fear of losing her to someone better: someone who makes her laugh and smile more…someone who hasn't betrayed her…

_I need to text her back..._

**Me: **In full disclosure…(BTW you are not as subtle as you think, I can practically see the look on your face…which is a bonus because I do love your face)…I will probably be working late. I would rather be spending it with you. I would add an emoji…but I can't bring myself to do it.

_Was that nice enough? Sweet enough? Ugh…I am so not sweet! Just trying to make up for my shitty texting during the day…Should I call her? _

Looking at the clock, I see that it's 4:30. She is definitely getting ready for work. _Why is Tori making her work a double? _I know she is going to be exhausted after work and frankly so am I. I probably won't see her much this week. _That…sucks…_

_Focus!_

I look over the prints in front of me for the 1000th time, making more notes. I am only partially satisfied but I know I need to walk away so I can give it fresh eyes. _I'll probably have some of the junior associates check it out…that means Nita. Why does she have to be good at her job?!_

Clearing my head of all thought, I head down to Amar's office.

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I was so excited to run into that kid as I was taking photos by the lake. (I really want to make one for Tobias…it's a risk considering the memories of his mother it may invoke.) I found out the kid's name is Oscar. Tobias said he was kind of a little jerk, but he redeemed himself in the end. (I can only imagine how that conversation went…with Tobias's natural charm.)

There is no way Oscar would have been able to afford a gift if he hadn't traded our tickets for a decent prize, which was probably something shitty anyway based on the quality of prizes the arcade has to offer. I wanted to just give him some cash so badly, but I could tell he was too proud by nature so I didn't. But he did accept my offer of a slushy and a pretzel. And by the look on his face you would have thought he found a pot of gold under a rainbow. I counted my blessings on my way home.

I haven't heard from Tobias all day. I'm starting to feel a sense of dependence on him and it's unnerving. Christina thinks it's a good thing...that leaning on people is healthy...maybe she's right.

I'm not upset with him for not texting me back, more at myself for checking my phone so often to see if he _had_ texted me back. Maybe I didn't check _that_ often: I ran to The Studio and did a class…I thought about him most of the time when I was running...but not at all during class! I thought about him when I was taking pictures, but that was because I'm working on a project for him. Otherwise, I know I would have been in my own world.

He gets lost in his work and so do I. That is, if you call my photos 'work'. Maybe it's just a silly hobby. It probably is…that's the American way…it doesn't count unless you get paid for it. Tobias insists that I could, but I can't even imagine getting paid for something I love doing.

At least when I'm at the bar tonight, I'll be too caught up in fighting off drunk Hawks fans to think about…well, anything. Tobias made such a big deal about wanting to be there. It is kind of nice when he comes…but distracting at the same time. I know he gets frustrated by how Christina and I are treated, particularly by men. But he also underestimates us. Maybe the fans will be so caught up in the game that it'll be a good night. _Game 4….hmmm…doubt it…especially of we lose…oh God._

"You ready baby girl?! We'll probably already be late…it's 4:30! Ugh! I hate the fucking play-offs….Kane better be on his game tonight. But hey all I really want is to see Patrick Sharp with his shirt off…then I'll be all good…"

Christina keeps talking but she loses me as I get a text.

**(4:30) Tobias:** In full disclosure…(BTW you are not as subtle as you think, I can practically see the look on your face…which is a bonus because I do love your face)…I will probably be working late. I would rather be spending it with you. I would add an emoji…but I can't bring myself to do it.

_Working late…bummer…but probably for the best. Surprising though…he was so adamant about being there._ _And I wasn't _trying _to be subtle. But…he loves my face… _He can be so sweet…even if he thinks he isn't. He underestimates himself.

"TRIS PRIOR….I'm leaving!"

"Coming!" I put my change of clothes in my bag to replace the others in my locker and toss Christina her keys, which of course she had left on the counter. "Geez Chris! You're late…well, always! Why the rush?"

"I'm trying to be better, okay? And Will is insisting on being there and I need to have a discussion with him about taking it easy tonight…you should do the same with Four. As much as I love Will there…it's hard to do my job. And it's affecting my tips! I know that sounds shitty…"

"Since when do you care how shitty you sound?"

"What the…? Good point."

"Anyway _Tobias, _now that you know his name, jerk,—"

"I'm not sorry for checking your phone. And by the way…that boy was out of his mind that day!"

"-is working late. But, I know what you mean. I'm not quite the flirt that you are—"

"You'd get better tips if you were—"

"-but I'm just so aware of him when he's there…it's hard to concentrate."

"I can't believe _Four's _not coming! Mister I-will-maim-anyone-who-lays-a-finger-on-my-woman."

"He is _not_ that bad!"

"Will said he looked like he was gonna murder that Matthew guy at the game-"

"Shit! I didn't know he saw him!"

"Yep! Poor guy tried to bring you a drink and Four…well…he basically just looked at him…and you know that's all he needs to do. It's kinda sexy…"

I give her a sideways glance. "Oh good God Tris! He is soooo not my type! Plus…I'm…in…love!" she sing-songs skipping a little.

"Anyway…" I give her another sideways glance as she laughs at me. "Matthew and I were just talking! But he did say a couple things that were…I don't know—"

"Spill…now."

"He said I was…"

"Yes…"

I swallow. "Um…beautiful and...said other things that made me fairly uncomfortable." I say the last part quickly so hopefully she won't grill me anymore.

"Does he know you're dating Four?" _It worked..._

"He knows I have a boyfriend…didn't seem to bother him much."

"Yeah well…I think your boyfriend took care of that!"

"Good," I say. We walk a bit further in silence.

"You are ya know," she adds.

"What?"

"Beautiful."

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

By the time dinner is delivered it's 5:30 and I am starving. _Starving? Seriously? _ I feel like an ass for even thinking that when the kid by the pier comes into my mind. I'm about to eat as if I'm at a buffet… _F__uck._

"Thought you were hungry my friend."

"Oh…I am. I was just thinking about…." I shake my head slightly because the last thing I want to do is insult my boss. _I'm trying really hard to be better at that!_

"I would say by the look on your face you were thinking about something profound."

Then I ponder one of the reasons Amar said he hired me: he was surprised by my directness. So here goes. "I feel like we're assholes because we're about to gorge ourselves on sushi and there are families who can't even afford clothes for their children."

Amar puts his chopsticks down slowly and sits back and crosses his arms over his chest narrowing his eyes at me for what feels like an eternity...a very long...eternity. _Shit…._

"I'm looking for someone to be my business partner. Are you interested?" _What's happening?_

"Me?"

"You."

"Um." I literally choke that out.

"I am incredibly observant…as are you…probably too much for our own good. But because of that I am able to say the following: I have been looking for four qualities in a partner: Loyal…you may not have many friends, but you would walk through fire for the ones you have; honest…as you _obviously_ are; hardworking….as you prove over and over; and compassionate… "

"I don't think I've ever been called compassionate."

"It doesn't always show itself in obvious ways…in fact I believe the truly compassionate don't show it much at all." He takes a bite of his sashimi and seems to think about what he is going to say next, while I sit there like a fool. "Pardon me…but I overheard a conversation you had with your friend…Zeke…I believe that's his name?" I wait for him to continue having no idea where this is going. "Again, my apologies for eavesdropping, but I believe it is for your benefit now. You said you received a call from your piece-of-shit father's lawyer, and that you were disappointed that the terms of the trust had been changed because now you won't be getting anything—"

"It's not what you think—"

"Please…let me finish." He laughs lightly. "The source of your disappointment was not from the fact that you weren't going to receive the money for personal gain: you were disappointed because you weren't able to donate it and that now the responsibility of inheriting millions will lie with your children…assuming you have them." I still say nothing because I'm stunned. "One more thing. This is on a very personal level and I _am_ overstepping. George overheard you offer to teach self-defense for free to a woman who you suspected was being abused."

I completely avert my eyes from him. "What else did George hear?"

"Everything."

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

_Holy hell! There did not use to be this many hockey fans! I'm all about the Hawks but in my head 'fair-weather fan' is the worst term on the planet!_

The first two hours of work were as expected: busy as hell. Christina talked to Will for a half-hour longer than she said she would. Thank God for Juan Carlos because Drew was worthless, Lynn and Molly were slammed, and Tori was nowhere to be found. I tried shooting imaginary bullets at Christina with my eyes but it wasn't working. Communicating with Juan Carlos was challenging at first, but we ended up developing a system where I would let him handle the beers: I set out the most common ones and held up the bottle saying the name out loud as the customers ordered them until he caught on and I didn't have to point to the bottles anymore. He also helped keep the bar clean which is a task all on it's own and not his job. Drew should be fired.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Christina yells galloping over.

"Muchas gracias…esta bien…uh…Christina esta here?" I say in my bullshit Spanish.

"Okay bella…is okay...bye bye." _I have to remember to tip him out well tonight….really well…he worked his ass off._

I give him a small smile in thanks and then turn my attention and anger to Christina.

"I think I was a little too honest with Will….and he got a little upset…oops."

"What the hell did you say?!" I ask, frustrated as hell at her, as a customer orders a double Crown and Diet.

"That when he's here...I don't make as many tips because I can't be as flirty..."

I stare at her with my mouth agape as I pour the customer a triple. "You're an idiot."

"Yeah that was pretty bad. But then I followed it up by saying, 'this the only job I have! And I'm paying for school! And it won't be forever!'…you know yada yada…"

"Great….now bartend before those guys jump over the bar….it's pregame."

"Sorry" I say to the guy who ordered the drink, "…my friend is an idiot and distracted me…want an extra glass with some diet in it?"

"I guess…just don't charge me extra…" he retorts.

"I wouldn't dream of it…." _Asshole..._

The pregame show always bores me, so I concentrate on as many customers as I can before the game starts because I know I'll be distracted. _They better win this game..._

Right in front of me a man sits in the seat that was just vacated. It is pretty much the most coveted seat in the bar, right in front of the biggest wide screen we have.

"Well, that was luck," I say smiling. _I know my smile never quite reaches my eyes._

"I don't believe in luck." _Whatever…_

"Do you believe you'll have a drink?"

He narrows his eyes at me. "What's your best scotch?" _That expression…._

A small smile crosses my face as I remember Tobias and I drinking almost a whole bottle of our best scotch. "Did I say something funny?"

"Not yet. We have Bunnahabhain 25."

He laughs condescendingly. "That will have to do. Three fingers neat."

I nod my head and grab the key to unlock the high end liquors. _Is he for real? 'That will have to do.' _Heading to the other end of the bar to get the new bottle, I pour him his beverage glancing at him a couple times. _Whatever._

I check the screen and see that The Lightning chose to rest their injured goalie Ben Bishop in favor of rookie Andrei Vasilevskiy. _Interesting choice…they're gonna have to tighten the hell out of their defense. _

I pass the guy his drink. "$90.00."

"You seem incredibly distracted."

"That's because I am. $90.00."

He slides me a hundred and I give him a five and five singles back, which he laughs at.

"Did I say something funny?" I ask using his dumb words against him. _And his response will be…_

"Not yet," he answers smiling snidely. _As predicted…_

I shake my head at this incredibly weird exchange. He's not exactly rude…just arrogant and really straightforward (_kind of the way Tobias comes across sometimes)_ and he doesn't seem at all interested in the game.

A couple girls flag me over and order vodkas and cranberry with Belvidere. _Total waste of a good vodka. _"So if we give you like a couple extra dollars…can you serve us faster?"

"No. $24.00." I'm rewarded with an eye roll.

"You're being extra bitchy tonight…lighten up Trissy!" Christina says as I move past her.

She's totally right. I need a drink. I quickly pour myself a shot of Crown because the Jack is too far away.

"Do you always drink on the job?" asks the strange man as he watches me toss back the shot.

"Yes."

"Hmmm."

I walk away and I can feel his eyes on me as I continue to help customers and watch the game.

I was right, the Lightening only allowed two shots. The first period was scoreless and the natives are getting restless. Well, half aren't natives and are just jumping on the Stanley Cup bandwagon. _Ha!...Bandwagon… _I'm reminded of one of the first conversations I had with Tobias:

_"Um….Well yeah. We're going out after our shift. I'm sure it would fine if you tagged along. I mean not that you're the 'tag along' type."_

_"The what?" _

_"You know…like someone who has nothing better to do, so they just jump on the band wagon and 'tag along'."_

_"Tag along on the band wagon? Are you a country singer?" _That was the first time I thought he was funny.

"Distracted again?"

"What? Yeah…Did you need anything?" _Why are you still here...you are not...watching...the game!  
_

"Not…yet." He says it strange…as if he's going to ask for more than a drink. _God…not another pervert. Can't wait to see how this one ends._

I move my way down the bar again, serving 2 Heinekins, 3 Shandy's, and then trying to explain to customers why we don't have a _wide_ variety of IPAs. (_This is not that kind of bar!) _Then 8 Cosmopolitans, 1 Old fashioned, I lose track of how many gin and vodka mixers….about 1000. Everyone is ordering for their friends and it is getting crazy.

"Hey! Take it outside!" I hear Christina yell as I see two guys violently pushing each other. One of them takes a lime off his drink and throws it at her. I see Will's face turn red so I quickly walk down there and make him another cocktail.

"This one's on me…this is part of the job…okay?"

"Yeah…well, it fucking sucks. Where the hell is Four anyway?"

"He said he's working late...you didn't know?"

"No...that's weird…he was so adamant about-"

We both look as we hear glass break right by us. A broken bottle flies right in front of my face...I can practically read the label it was so close. _That would have sucked..._ Apparently the fight had escalated before Al could do anything. But I see him drag one of the guys away kicking and screaming. I turn back to Will to continue our quick exchange but all he gives me is a wide-eyed expression of panic. Warmth runs down my face as I stumble backwards.

**Flashback:**

"Bea? Bea? Shit!…I was angry…you make me so god-damned angry! I swear I was aiming at the wall…"

I feel warmth coming down my face over my eyes as the floor comes closer and closer...

**End Flashback:**

"Tris? Tris?"

"Mmm hmm?"

"Will! Take her in back! Sit her down…do _not_ leave her side!"

"Tris? Will's gonna take care of you…I've got things covered…okay?...Drew! Go find Tori!"

"Okay…Come on. Let's go get you cleaned up." At some point we get to the back because now I'm sitting on the couch as Will holds a wet paper towel up to my head. "Tris? Um…the cut's kind of deep…does it hurt?"

"I can't feel a thing."

"Um…did you hit your head or something? You seem…I don't know…"

"No."

"Do you want me to walk you to the bathroom so you can take a look?"

I nod my head as he helps me up and we walk slowly to the bathroom. Looking at my head, I see a very old but very familiar site. This time I can feel it coming…

"Will?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm gonna-…" Then I throw up in the sink. Will is saying something but whatever. The sink is on and I splash water on my face, which feels amazing on my cheeks but searing on my forehead. I look at myself in the mirror as I grab a paper towel and wipe my mouth.

This time it's strange: All I see is myself with a cut on my head from a beer bottle, not the image from before.

"Tris? I don't really know what to do right now…."

I turn to look at a very pale-looking Will, who looks like _he's_ going to vomit. I shake my head and lean on the sink.

"How about a band-aid? They're in the cabinet to the right of the kitchen sink."

"Yes…okay…I can do that."

I look in the mirror again just to make sure. Same sight…same memory…sliced face by an asshole at the bar. I take a breath as I allow my brain to make the connection. Eric hit me in the head with a beer bottle…that happened. That is not what happened this time. It's a new memory…a shitty one…but new. It's not a replacement…just new.

I shake my head again as I realize how much of that I've actually been doing lately…and the reason behind it, the person behind it.

"Here you go….there aren't any big ones. Want me to help you—"

"No…I've got it. Go tell Christina I'll be out in a minute."

"Uh…are you sure?"

"Positive…thanks Will."

"You're welcome…sorry I wasn't much help—"

"Will you were great. Now go."

"Okay." He looks over his shoulder twice just to make sure before he goes out to the bar.

I wipe off the dried blood which pulls at the cut as my eyes water in pain. Gingerly I apply three band-aids, which seems to help. I hear the bar erupt in cheers. _I can't leave Christina during a playoff game_... _Back to work I go._

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I quickly cut off the conversation between Amar and I concerning the exchange that George overheard. I am not ready to go there with anyone aside from Tris right now. The Pedrad family knows, of course, but I never talk about it. We continued to converse for about an hour but then left the conversation off with him giving me time to think about his offer as his partner. _Holy shit. Amar's business partner? Me? I'm fully aware that I'm good at my job, but to own a company? An architectural firm? One of the best in the country? Fuck…me…_

I need some serious time to process this but I promised Amar I would come back to his office in a half-hour. He wants to introduce me to my new junior architect…and I'm supposed to bring the plans.

I check my phone, it's 7:30 and there is no text back from Tris. At least that assuages some of my guilt about me being a shitty texter. She must be busy at work. _On a Monday? _I decide to send her one anyway.

**Me:** Hope work is going well. I have some interesting news to share with you. I should be home by 9:00. Love you!

_Shit! Should I have written 'I love you'? 'Love you' should be okay…I did follow it with an exclamation point, which is weird…._

Going over the plans one more time, I make note of the elevation and grading changes and add a reminder that I need to contact the builder. These plans still need to be sent to the county…and seeing that it is Cook County, this could take….who the hell knows how long.

My eyes are sore by the time I'm done and I'm so fucking tired, but I want to meet this new guy so I drag my ass to Amar's office. I see Nita and Amar, and the new guy has his back turned to me. I immediately avert my eyes from Nita as she begins to lean over the desk at me.

"Four! You timing as usual is impeccable," Amar praises. "I want to introduce you to your new associate, Matthew."

He turns around to reach his hand out (_Oh hell no….) _and stops it mid-air. I'm staring at the guy who 'accidentally' touched my girlfriend's breast, asked her out and spent the majority of the Cubs game laughing and having a fucking great time with her. I hadn't talked about him with her yet, we got distracted several times last night…and this morning. _Still haven't made it to three! It's her fault...she's so fucking...mmmm._

I can't help the smug (albeit a little frustrated at the not making Tris orgasm three times) smile on my face thinking about that as I grab his hand, meeting him more than half way, shaking it in a rather firm grip.

"Matthew…" I elicit with a semi-sarcastic tone.

"Yeeaaahhh…nice to meet you…formally."

"Oh was I mistaken? I wasn't aware you two had become acquainted!" Amar exudes, clapping Matthew on the shoulder.

"_We _haven't."

"Ha! Um…." He pulls his hand away as I cross my arms. "So…your work is…amazing…the design for the Commerce Memorial Building…wow."

I don't respond.

"Yes." Amar jumps in for me. "He is quite the prodigy—"

"No. I just work hard."

"Yes…_very_ hard." _Shut the fuck up Nita._

Matthew regains some of his composure. "Well, I'm a very hard-worker as well. Looking forward to working with you…"

Amar must sense the tension in the air as he immediately jumps in. "Shall we look at the plans people?"

I nod my head and roll the rubber band off smoothing them out on the table. _Maintain professionalism. "_As you all know the board is asking for an extremely energy efficient addition to the facility, which has now proven more difficult as the grading of the land has changed. The board has refused the request to cut down trees so our solar panel design would have to be reconstructed and I wasn't thrilled with the idea to begin with. I think we can do better. I have a suggestion in mind but I'm curious to see what my team will bring forward. I'll give you guys a day to think about it—"

"Cool roofs and heat islands," Matthew suggests. _Too fast…just like before…his work was expedited but sloppy._

"What makes you say that?" I inquire.

"Well, on warm summer days, a city can be 6 to 8°F warmer than its surrounding areas. It's called the urban heat island. Cool roof materials, pavements, and plant-life can reduce the heat island effect, save energy and reduce smog formation. It's a win win…saves energy and money."

"Have you ever experienced Chicago in the winter? Particularly when a building is literally off of Lake Michigan?"

"No…."

"Your plans would work for three months out of the year…Matthew."

"I guess I hadn't thought about that…"

"I concur."

"Nita...any thoughts?"

"_I_ don't know."

"You don't know?" I repeat plainly.

"No. I'm not an expert on energy efficiency…at least not to the extent that the board is asking us to be."

"Exactly."

Amar laughs lightly behind us, I learned this trick from him. Being a senior architect also means training or at least challenging the junior architects.

"We are in over our heads and it's important that we recognize that and reach out for help when needed because ultimately the ALG name is on the line. Nita…there is a company called ETA…call them for a consult tomorrow."

"_Sure thing_ Four…" _Can't she just speak to me in a normal tone?_

"Matthew…you sent modifications to our topographer without consulting me. Let's not make that a repeat performance."

"It was more of a suggestion—"

"Please direct _all_ further suggestions to me." _Hope he read between the lines on that one._

"Got it."

"That's it for tonight. Stop by my office in the morning Matthew so we can discuss the modifications…further explaining why you run things by _me_ first. Nita, get back to me once you have contacted the appropriate personnel, and we can set up a meeting. This will be your responsibility now."

Matthew looks defeated, which wasn't 100% of my intention, yet a good portion, and Nita strolls out of there like a prized horse. _Tris would make a horse joke about her… _

"Four?" Matthew inquires tentatively.

"Yes."

"I'm sorry…I didn't know _you _were her boyfriend…"

"Why would you be _sorry_?" Now I really am curious. As annoyed as I am that he's the guy I have to work with, when he asked her out at the bar, he didn't know she had a boyfriend. _Unless…_ "You asked a beautiful woman out on a date, who you weren't aware was with someone. Is that accurate?"

"Well…"

"Did you ask…her out…again?"

"I may have…at the game yesterday…"

"You…_may_ have?"

I hear Amar try to snort back a laugh…even though he's pretending not to listen.

"No…I absolutely did…a few times."

I stare at him...

"She said no! But then she would think something I said was funny _(Don't lose your shit Tobias...)_…so I asked again…and she turned me down...again, like faster than any girl has ever turned me down…she didn't even want me to bring her another drink—"

"Yet you did anyway."

"I'm nothing if not persistent," he says lightly as if this is a fucking joke.

Amar clears his throat and must give him some sort of look, probably in warning.

"Look man, she really likes you—"

"No you look, _man_, you will not _persist _anymore…and _'like' _isn't the appropriate verb."

He swallows and nods his head.

"Now please do your _job_ so we can have a productive and professional relationship."

I glance at Amar who prompts me to say something _nice_. _Ugh!_

"So far, you have produced good work…slow your pace and I would imagine it will be even better."

"Will do." He puts his hands in his pockets and leaves.

"Well done. I would have been tempted to dismember him," Amar comments as my eyes follow Matthew down the hall.

"I was."

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

At 6:40 of the second period, Toewes scores the first goal of the game. The bar lights up in screams, shouts and whistles _(shit…bring on the shots…)._

"Fucking love Toewes!" I say louder than intended right in front of creepy guy.

"I have to give you credit young lady…apart from your foul mouth…you do have a very strong work ethic. You were sliced in the head by a broken beer bottle, yet here you are."

Ignoring the foul mouth comment…because he's right, I say, "Gotta pay the bills…"

"You do nothing else for employ—"

"Care for anything else?"

"May I finish?"

"You think you need my permission?"

"You're attitude is unbecoming…and no, I don't need your permission for anything."

I shake my head not wanting to deal with uppity bullshitters and move on.

"10 Jager Bombs!" which is accompanied by, "8 shots of Patrón!" added with "2 cherry McGillicuddy's (_puke_), 3 lemon drops, 5 Irish car bombs," and "Hey! Yo! Do you have Louis XIII?"

I start them in the order that I hear them, grabbing all the bottles I need: Jagermeister, Patrón, Cherry McGillicuddy's, Absolut, Guiness, Baileys, Jamesons. Then the mixers: Red Bull, limes, salt, lemons, sugar...and all appropriate glassware...10 rocks glasses, 18 shot glasses, and napkins.

"No Louis XIII!" I turn around and yell to...whoever.

"What the fuck?! This place is supposed to high end!" she slurs-screams. _Oh...her.._

"Try the Trump!" I say shaking my head sarcastically at the socialite bimbo. _$2000 bottle of Cognac…Tori would shit…_

Suddenly my back is hit with something wet and the bar patrons who observed this, loudly suck in their breaths. I turn around slowly to look at the fucking bitch who just threw her drink at me.

"Trump that!" she says laughing and trying to high-five her friends who deny her. _Okay..._

I take the soda water dispenser and shoot it right at her, soaking her her bull-shit probably straight-off-the-runway dress.

"You…bitch!" she screams as Al tries to pull her away, escorting her out. Christina must have pushed the button.

"Soda water will take that right out!…Oh, wait…it is soda water…you'll be fine!" I shout after her.

"Yeah baby!" Christina yells as I make eye contact with Will's stoic face.

That amazing and rare event calmed my section of the bar, while still rattling me as I almost forget the order. I remember the 10 Jager bombs no problem as I quickly make them and add it to their tab. "How many Patrón?" I yell to whoever ordered it. No one answers so I repeat myself until finally someone yells "eight." I make them but forget the salt as they very loudly inform me. I end up just lining a bunch of shot glasses up and screaming out, "Who wants what?" as their orders start coming back to me.

One of the lemon drop girls yells, "That vodka was awful!"

"It's a lemon drop...you aren't supposed to taste the vodka...and you didn't tell me otherwise," I say leaning my hands on the bar and hanging my head between my shoulders. I never show emotion when I'm bartending…this is a rare exception.

"Well it was terrible. Can we have three more…with Effen?"

"No problem." I pour them the shots.

"$60.00."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes."

"You weren't supposed to charge us!"

"Did you ask for Effen the first time?"

"Well..noooo."

"Did you ask for a free round the second time?"

"No."

"$60.00." _I'm so not getting a tip from these chicks…but they're idiots so whatever._

"I'm not paying for that!"

"Then get out of my bar before I have you thrown out. See that big guy by the door?"

"Yeah…"

"He's my friend."

"Fine by us...We'll leave!" Her friends roll their eyes and one of them mouths an apology and leaves me $5.00. _There's always a nice one._

I return her smile but still say a high-pitched, "Byee!"

We make an amazing profit off of shots so I don't think Tori would care about the loss. If she had her way she would bounce bitches like that before they even get in the door.

I look and see that The Lightning scored and we are two minutes into the third period.

"When did they score?!" I ask anyone who is listening.

"Not sure there are many things I care less about tonight," answers the seriously odd gentleman.

"Why are you here during a play off game anyway? You obviously have no interest."

"Research," he says as he gets up. He throws me a $100 bill as a tip (_What the fuck?) _and looks me right in the eyes for the first time: deep blue, thoughtful...but cold. _Could that be…?_

He must see some sign of recognition on my face as he sneers at me. "Tell my son...I say hello."

I spend the rest of the night in a daze…trying my best to work hard. I don't have a spare moment to text Tobias. The Hawks win thank God. I can't even begin to explain what this job is like when dealing with angry Hawks fans. I don't even know how it happened...I think Vermette scored.

Will offers to take me home and I am beyond grateful. I check my phone quickly and see that Tobias did text me:

**Tobias:** Hope work is going well. I have some interesting news to share with you. I should be home by 9:00. Love you!

_Me too…. Should I tell him about his father? Yes…Tris! Absolutely….yes…_

"Hey Will? Can you just take me to Four's?" I ask as I hand Juan Carlos the $100 bill Marcus gave me, not wanting to even touch his money. He just looks at me unable to speak as I smile at him and pat him on the back_. I wonder what $100 is to him? It must be a lot because he still hasn't moved. I need to count my blessings…again._

"Sure no problem. I'll go get the car."

As Christina and I are waiting I decide to call Tobias because he's probably asleep and his text alert may not wake him_. I wonder why he didn't text me when he got home…oh well…he must be exhausted. Shit…I'm exhausted. _The phone goes right to Voice Mail. _That's weird…he always puts his phone on the charger connected to his alarm clock. Well….apparently not always…_

I leave him a message:

"Hi…it's me…I had an interesting night…kind of a shitty night actually so I would love to see you. I know you've had a busy day so...I don't know...I'm just going to come over and knock on your door anyway. I love you…bye."

"You ready?" Christina asks.

"Yep...Are you still in trouble?"

"Yeah…I think so. I don't know what to do."

"Maybe practice better candor when you talk to him?"

She sighs. "Yeahhhh…I'm…learning still."

"Aren't we all…"

"Hey…are you okay? Earlier…the beer bottle…you looked—"

"I'm fine…just a little shaken up." _The only way I'll really feel better is in Tobias's arms._

"Okay…you really want to see him, don't you?" She winks at me knowingly.

"Yes."

Thankfully the car ride there is close to the bar because it is total silence…at least until Will asks, "How's your head Tris?"

"Oh…it hurts but I'll be fine. Thanks for all your help Will." _Actually it hurts like hell!_

"I wasn't much help."

"You were."

More silence…..

"Want us to come up with you?" Christina offers as we pull up to the building.

"No…I'll be fine. You're not on the visitor list anyway and I'm not sure they'll let you up there at this time of night."

"Okay…text or call if you need me…"

"I will…" _Geez I'll be fine!_

I walk past the night doorman who doesn't seem to give a shit who I am, (apparently I'm wrong about the security), and take the elevator up to the 16th floor. I try to call one more time when I get there before I knock like a maniac. He's a pretty light sleeper, like me, so waking him should be no problem.

Straight to voice mail again.

"It's me…Tris…again. I don't know why I'm leaving a message if your phone is dead but…I'm standing outside your place. Ok…that's it." _Dumbest message ever…._

_Oh well…I hope I don't wake the neighbors…_

I knock at a normal decibel first…nothing. Then a little louder….nothing. _Ok, here goes… _I pound on the door as if my fist were a hammer…..still nothing. He definitely should have woken up by this point. _What if he's not home? He said he would be home around 9:00….It's 1:45 am!_

I'm worried so I go down to the front desk.

"Hi…sorry to um…wake you."

"You didn't."

"Okay. Has Mr. Eaton come home tonight?"

"I've been here since 8:00…no sign of him."

"Okay…thanks."

"Mmm hmm."

_Well…now what? Would he still be working? He would have texted or called…. Or maybe his phone died and he didn't have a charger? In a building like that...no one has an Iphone charger? I could call Tori and ask Bud if he knows if he left…. Jesus Tris…don't be that stalker girlfriend!_

Just as I almost decide to hail a cab and run around to the outside of the ALG building to count the windows, seeing if his light is still on…I concede. I try very hard not to think of the worst: if he's in trouble or if he is working late with…. _Stop it!_

Then a thought crosses my mind: It would be so like him to surprise me and be waiting at my apartment either by the front door or even the fire escape. A flash of excitement hits me as I rush to the El.

The El, at 2:00 am, scares the hell out of me, but the bus schedule is scarce as are cabs at this time of night. The El however, maintains a constant schedule. I keep my head down as I board. It is always an incredibly shady crowd and small little blue-eyed blond-haired me is basically a walking target to get mugged. In fact it has happened to me…twice. But I've learned not to carry a purse and I'm wearing a light jacket so hopefully I'm not a target. Of course…there are other things to be a target for…._shit, shit, shit. _I continue to keep my head down for most of the ride, kicking myself for not texting Christina.

Finally the Damen stop is ahead and I literally jump off the train car to get to the street, which is equally as deserted aside from a few dog walkers and the leftover incredibly intoxicated Hawks fans. The usually bustling neighborhood looks eerie at night. I run the two blocks, with my head wound, (if you can even call it that), pinching with each stride, to our house. A wave of excitement hits me and I practically yell Tobias's name as I bound up the stairs….to nothing. Still holding out on hope I throw the deadbolt and run into my room, unlocking the fire escape…to nothing.

Sitting on my bed for a moment I decide to text him…I don't know why.

**Me:** I hope you're okay…Goodnight.

Now I try to collect my thoughts as I realize how hungry I am, but they are in such a jumble: I sliced my forehead, which is stinging so bad I can hardly see straight._ I should go check it_. An entire beer was thrown on me, awful customers, Loius VIII, Effen, Marcus…research? Why would he give a shit about me? ….Tobias...2:30 am… I need my pillow...smells like him and it makes me sad...

* * *

I'm watching it happen….it's not happening to me…

_"So how's the man who claims he popped your cherry…?"_

_"Um...Robert? He's fine. Susan brought him to the movie with us…he is her brother you know…"_

_"I'm just wondering why I had to hear it from Peter that he was with you."_

_"Because I didn't think it was a big deal…I didn't even know he was going."_

_"How often do you lie to me?"_

_"You think I lie to you?"_

_"Oh…you keep secrets that's for sure…"_

_"If I do it's only because I don't want you to get mad—"_

_"Mad?! Does this look like me not getting mad?...How do you think it makes me feel that you are sitting in a nice dark private theater with your ex-boyfriend-"_

_"I didn't even sit by him!"_

_"What did you say? You're gonna lie...again?_

_"Okay fine! I sat next to him...but we barely talked..."_

_"Are you fucking kidding me right now?!...Peter was in the god-damned theater!...Saw you talking and laughing…fuck! You lying bitch!"_

Now I feel her pain…not knowing what the strange feeling is…dizziness and pressure…then warm liquid down over her eyes…trying to keep them open…

_"Bea? Bea? Shit!….I was angry…you make me so god-damned angry! I swear I was aiming at the wall…"_

She hits the floor…hard…and I feel the bruise form on her cheek…and the goose egg sliced open….blood pooling into her eye that when she wakes up will be stuck closed…

I need to wake up before he sees me...Wake up Tris!…Wake yourself up!….Please wake up…wake up…wake up…wake up…Why can't I wake up….please….please…

* * *

**I love reading the reviews! You guys are all awesome! So pumped for this story!**


	25. Tucked in

**AN: An even longer chapter...who knew!...sometimes I forget it's 2:00 am and I should stop...  
**

**Quick note:** I wasn't sure if I should even address this, but seeing the story revolves around a beyond sensitive issue, I decided I would.

I received some concerned PMs in reference to a guest review that I had approved. (I have the permission of the three PMers to say this.) It was a review in response to the chapter "Waves", where the extent of Tris's abuse hadn't been fully revealed yet so I will give the reviewer minimal benefit of the doubt. The jist of the review: Tris is a **"push over with no back who back down so easily that she's has no control at all even over herself you just destroyed the defiant selfless tough smart girl that Veronica Roth created and turned her into this weak conceding Careless who hates unnecessary eembarrassment..." **

This obviously took me a while to decode...but I eventually figured it out and posted the review. The fact that I posted the guest review (because I _can_ filter those), upset some readers who it turns out had been through similar situations as Tris. They took serious offense because they internalized the comment as the reviewer thus calling them weak...seeing as they identify to a great extent with Tris. They were a little confused and maybe a little upset with me as to why I would post this review. I explained to the PMers, who were incredibly gracious, my take on posting negative reviews: everyone has their opinions no matter how much of a dumb as they are, so they deserve to be heard...and thus made fun of for their ignorance...JK not really kidding. In seriousness, I implore reviewers to take care in their wording, apart from their horrendous grammar. This story treads on sensitive ground.

I can't tell you how much I love the reviews! I have some non-fanfic/non-Divergent readers and some dudes! I'll try to keep you interested...

**Rated - MA for dirty mouths and wake-up sex**

**Chapter 25 – Tucked in**

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I wake up with the sorest neck I've ever had in my life. I loll my head right and left and open my eyes, darting up to a sitting position. I'm on the couch in my office.

"What the fuck?!" I say under my breath, still half asleep rubbing my eyes. _Where the hell are my glasses?_ There is minimal light creeping into the room, but enough to see that my phone is on the table. I grab for it quickly but it slides out of my grasp and onto the floor. I groan getting up off the couch to grab it. _Jesus…I hope Tris isn't off work yet…I'm gonna feel like the biggest shmuck… _

I click the top of the phone but nothing happens. _I know I was low on battery but…. _Without thinking twice I hold my finger down and hear the familiar sound signaling that my phone is powering on. I never turn my phone off unless I am trying to cut myself off from humanity, which has happened occasionally. _But not tonight! _While waiting for it to turn on I stumble my way to the light switch but stop half way across the room as I see light between the heavy vertical blinds. _Nooo….. _I, still stumbling, make my way over and push them out of the way roughly. _I don't even know how to open these things…or close them! _All I see is the bright sun already up and continuing to rise over Lake Michigan. _Nooo…. _I back up slowly trying to take in the situation as my phone dings that it is on and ready. The room is now dark again because, as stated: I don't know how to fucking open or close the blinds! In two strides I'm at the light switch and then grabbing for my phone. _FUCK! _It's 8:00. _AM! _

I'm at a complete loss as a million things go through my head…namely…that I have unnecessarily worried Tris. I look around the room to try to piece things together before my panic attack ensues: the door was closed, the lights were off, the blinds were drawn, my _phone_ was off and my glasses? _Where the hell are they?_ I see the case on my desk…and upon checking, they are indeed in them. Yet the most disturbing part is the blanket that was covering me_. _

_I know I laid on the couch for a minute to rest my burning eyes last night...I laid my glasses on the table...I checked my phone…It said 8:48…I was going to text Tris….okay…I fell asleep…it's possible…I was up til late the night before and early…really early if I recall correctly…and I do….the next morning. Call your girlfriend! Call your girlfriend!_

I dial Tris straight away and it goes right to voice mail. She's usually good at plugging her phone in unless she's distracted…usually by me…or exhausted, which is possible but Monday shifts are usually slow.

Checking my phone quickly I see two missed calls and voice mails from her, and 1 text message. _Okay not so bad….if she were freaking out, there would be many more messages…that's what I would have done…_

I check the text first because it's the easiest to access:

**(2:34) Tris:** I hope you're okay…Goodnight. _Shit! I did worry her…. 2:30 am? No!_

Onto the voice mails:

**(1:15) **_"Hi…it's me…I had an interesting night…kind of a shitty night actually so I would love to see you. I know you've had a busy day so...I don't know...I'm just going to come over and knock on your door anyway. I love you…bye."_

_Do…not…tell…me…she…_

**(1:45) **_"It's me…Tris…again. I don't know why I'm leaving a message if your phone is dead but…I'm standing outside your place. Ok…that's it." _

_Standing…alone…outside…my apartment? Call Christina…now!_

I look her up in my contacts…just as my phone dies… _Mother…fucker… _It also hits me that on account of technology making us all dumber, I don't have any numbers memorized. _Will! Find Will! _I dial his office number…no answer. Rushing to the door, I'm just about to open it when I realize that I cannot go out there looking like…this. I bolt into the bathroom thanking Amar in my head for giving me an amazing office with an en suite. _I should keep more stuff here….I practically have a hotel room for an office! Are you seriously thinking about this shit now?_

I splash cold water on my face and wet down my ridiculous hair all while pulling out the ironing board and iron. Practically ripping my shoes off to get out of my pants, I start to iron them before it is even heated up.

A quick knock on my door and a head peeks in.

"Four? Whoa!" _Will…thank God…_

"Shut the door! Shut the fucking door!" I whisper shout as Will does as instructed, locking it behind him.

"You should really utilize these things…locks…they are…quite something. As are you…what the hell are you doing?"

"I was getting ready to see you!"

I get a wide-eyed expression from him.

"Not like that! Fuck! I fell asleep and couldn't go out into the office looking like…this!"

"Yes…I would not recommend that," he quips pointing to me with my shirt and socks on…no pants.

"Very funny…now call your girlfriend," I demand ironing my pants like a mad man. _Why did I never learn how to do this?!_

"Why?"

"Because my phone is dead."

"We aren't…communicating through words….right now. Things just got rough at the—"

"Don't care…Call your girlfriend. I need to talk to Tris." I practically trip as I put my feet in my pant legs.

"Tris's phone is dead, Christina tried to call her twice…and thanks a lot asshole."

_Will doesn't swear much…_ "I'm sorry…that sucks that things got 'rough'…That just sounds weird when I say it—"

"They didn't get 'rough' between _us_…I mean later it did…which was awesome—"

"Will," I interrupt almost ripping the buttons off my shirt to iron it.

"Didn't she stay at your place last night? Call your land line!"

"Does it look like _I _stayed at my place last night?" _I may as well be talking to Zeke…_

"Ohhhh….shittttt…I'm sure she's fine!" he says in a fake don't-worry-about-a-thing voice. _He's back pedaling…why is he back pedaling?_ "She would have called or texted…after we dropped her off…" he trails off quickly and quietly.

"You didn't wait?! 2:00 am in Chicago and you don't wait?" I yell way louder than necessary. _Thank God she texted me at 2:30…she's fine…just mad…right?_

"Four…you live in the South Loop…come on. She probably cabbed it home and went straight to bed—"

"Nope. She took the El."

"Who takes the El at 2:00 am? And how do _you _know?" he asks incredulously.

"Stubborn women who don't look out for their own well-being. And because I just know."

"Okay if you say so. Anyway, she probably did just go right to bed. She looked wrecked. I swear being a bartender sucks when it's _not _the play-offs, but when it is—"

"What?!"

"Which part didn't you get—"

"The play-offs…it was the play-offs…I told her I'd go…I was—"

"How did you forget the _play-offs_?!" He asks as if this is the bigger issue. Before Tris, it definitely would have been. "Four…it was better that you weren't there because you would have lost it…" he trails off and swallows as if he regrets what he just said.

"…Why?" I ask distinctly as I stop with one arm in my shirt and one arm out.

"Don't you have a big meeting in 10 minutes? You should probably—"

"...Tell me." My jaw is clenched way tighter than it should be.

"Some chick threw a drink at her…all down her back." _Okay…that sucks…but it's not as bad as I thought. I don't know what I thought. _"But Tris hosed her down with soda water! It was awesome…." I actually start laughing at that. She doesn't take shit from many people.

"But there was some weird older dude who sat there all night and just stared at her…" I pause and look at him. "Why are you looking at me like that…?"

"You just told me some weird older dude sat there all night checking out my girlfriend and you expect me to _not_ look at you like…however I was looking at you?"

"I didn't say 'checking her out'. He nursed his scotch all night….that expensive stuff you and Tris got hammered on (_ah_..._memories…_)…It was weird. He was just observing her until suddenly he up and left."

"I really hate their job…." I comment in frustration as I finish buttoning my shirt.

"Yeah well…I hate to point this out…but _you_ are the one who fell asleep because of your job last night…so you may not be one to talk….Tris probably hates _your_ job right now."

I sigh and look around, knowing he's right. "I don't know what the fuck happened…" I say gesturing to my office.

"Did you sleep here on purpose? What's with the blanket?"

"No. I mean I definitely fell asleep…but I woke up and my glasses were off, the blinds were drawn, the lights were off….shit my phone was even turned off! Last I remember...it was in my hand! Will, I was covered up with a blanket!"

"It's like…someone put you to bed…"

We stand there making awkward sidelong glances at that creepy thought. I rest my chin on my fisted hand in the thinking position, taking in the scene again. Something clicks…for both of us… Will is the first to get the words out.

"You don't think—"

"I absolutely…do…think…."

"That's messed up."

"She's messed up."

"Yeah…but…isn't that crossing the line…I know she wants you to screw her brains out—"

"Will."

"Sorry…it just came out. Christina's rubbing off on me."

I stare at the couch as a truly distressing image of Nita closing the blinds, carefully taking my glasses off and literally tucking me in crosses my mind. It was malicious…she turned my phone off so I wouldn't hear any texts or calls...but still fucking weird….

"Do you think she like…watched you sleep? Or kissed you on the cheek—"

"Jesus Christ. Thank you William."

"Sorry…again. What are you going to do? About everything?"

"I can't skip this meeting…" I say running my hand through my hair for probably the 100th time. "The whole museum board is going to be there. I need you to keep trying to call Tris." I pause thinking about other options. "Can you call Dauntless and The Studio?... I know I sound insane…but something just feels…I don't know…off. She would call the office even if she was mad…She'd hang up on me, but she'd still call just to see that I'm alive. Fuck… I hate this. I'm gonna be worthless—"

"She would hate it if she knew _she_ was the reason you botched the meeting…you better fucking go!"

"You really do sound like your girlfriend…." I comment, tucking my shirt in.

"Yeah…it's kinda cool how she brings out a different side—"

"Gimme your tie."

"Seriously?"

"Mine looks like shit."

Ripping his tie off he mumbles something about how I don't keep anything here and if he had this office…_blah blah blah…_

"How do I look?"

"Uh…your hair…is disturbing. Don't you keep any toiletries here?"

"Is that a made up word? What the fuck is a toiletry?"

"How do you _not_ know what a toiletry—"

"Will!"

"Hair gel, toothpaste, soap….bathroom stuff!"

"Oh….No, I don't."

"Okay just…um wet it down…more," he says as I go to the bathroom and see that my hair is indeed…fucked. I must have been running my hands through it like crazy. I fix it the best I can.

"Now?"

"You look like you're going for the semi-messy scruffy look….it's good."

"I can't believe I'm having a conversation with you about my look," I mutter. "Okay…keep trying to get a hold of Tris and we can't let Nita know that this had any _major _effect on me. Got it?"

"My lips are sealed."

"And clean up my office."

"What?!"

"It can't look like I slept here! Do it. I'm your boss?" I add with a pleading look. I hate pulling the boss card with Will….

"Pulling the boss card, huh?"

"I owe you!" I whisper as I hastily exit the room immediately switching into Four mode as I nod to the people I pass by.

Coming upon the conference room, I spot Nita leaning in the doorframe. Her skirt is shorter than appropriate in my opinion and her breasts are fairly exposed and pushed up to just about her collarbone. _Not….attractive. _In fact, if I didn't think I would have some sort of harassment suit filed, I would tell her she needs to dress more professionally.

"Morning Four. Sleep well last night?" _What would be my normal response?_

"How I slept is not your concern."

"Hmm. Well, I was _concerned_ last night when I saw you passed out on your couch. I hope I didn't…overstep…you just looked so peaceful (_she was watching me sleep…that's…fucked up…_) and I know how hard we'll be working this week—"

"You have crossed the line of professionalism too many times. I will report you to HR if you pull any more stunts like that."

"I was just trying to help—"

"You don't have a helpful bone in your body."

She actually smirks at the mention of her body coming out of my mouth.

"You would know….and feel free to report me," she quips over her shoulder as she saunters away. _Why not just walk normal? _But she's right. What would I say?_ "A colleague saw that I was sleeping and covered me with a blanket, and side note...I slept with her."  
_

I again, compose myself and walk into the room with my Four face.

The meeting ends up being excruciatingly long. However, it went great…better than great _(There's that fucking word again…I don't mind it in this context….as much.); _only because I allowed my team to talk most of the time. The board would direct their main questions to me and I would field them to the associate whom is working closest on that aspect. Although all decisions go through me, and my ideas and concepts are the backbone, my team does the brunt of the shit work: the small details, the drafting, the endless printing of blue print after blue print. So this is their time to shine. _Who are you kidding? The only reason you didn't talk more was because you were worried about your girlfriend! _

At 11:00 my phone buzzes. Normally I would never check a text during a meeting, but I'm hanging back while one of my drafters fields a question.

It's a text from Will.

**Will:** Christina got home around 9:00 and Tris was fine. She was still sleeping and Chris didn't want to wake her. Feel better?

**Me:** No. Did Christina check on her?

**Will:** I didn't think to ask?

**Me:** Find out.

**Will:** Chris is in class and her phone is off.

Amar glances at me from the other side of the room with a what's-up look on his face. I just purse my lips and shake my head. _How do I explain this? "It was 9:00 and Tris was still sleeping?" _I can't tell Amar that she rarely sleeps past 6:00 unless she's with me because she has debilitating nightmares of abuse.

_Maybe she was just up all night worrying and finally fell asleep? Shit...If _her_ phone went to voicemail all night and _she_ never came home I would be out of my mind!… Why didn't she just call the office?!_

"I'm sorry, Mr. Eaton?"

"Hmm? Yes?" I clear my throat. "Please…call me Four."

"Of course... My name is Johanna Reyes and I'm curious as to how this is going to disturb the lake."

"We consult with The Chicago Plan Commission."

"Can you clarify their purpose?"

"They review and hold public hearings on development projects within the proximity of the city's Lake Michigan shoreline in accordance with the Lake Michigan and Chicago Lakefront Protection Ordinance."

"And what exactly is the ordinance?"

"It recognizes that the city's Lake Michigan shoreline possesses special environmental, recreational, cultural, historical, community and aesthetic interests and values that require protection and preservation."

"I personally am more concerned with the environmental impact. Can we have some more specifics at the next meeting as to how you plan to preserve the ecological integrity of the lake?" _It's the Chicago shoreline….there is no ecological integrity._

"Certainly."

"That will be much appreciated. Do we have any more questions?"

She has a tamed superiority about her that demands respect…and she gets it. Not one board member has a higher role than the other. However, she still seems to be the leader. It's fascinating.

The rest of the board seems happy with our progress as we all get handshakes and gracious smiles on the way out. _Speaking of on the way out…._

"Amar….I need to—"

"Mr…Four?"

"Yes, Ms. Reyes. Can I help—"

"It's been lovely to see you Ms. Reyes!" Nita emits with ass-kissing cheer in her voice.

"Miss Juarez…." Joanna nods in acknowledgement as she briefly tilts her head watching Nita saunter away.

I clear my voice. "As I was saying Ms. Reyes—"

"It's just Johanna."

"Of course."

"I don't really give a shit about the ecological integrity of the lake…only because there isn't any…at least not here. Frankly, I just wanted to see how prepared you were..and it turns out you were very prepared. That was a perfectly vague yet straightforward answer." _Oooookay..._ "You see, the board of directors just wants to hear that you have confidence in our project. They really don't give a rat's ass about specifics. You did well."

"Thank you." _Now I need to leave!_

"You approve of my protégé!" Amar states proudly. "How are you Johanna my dear?" he asks as they embrace.

"I'm well, thank you. It's always a pleasure to see you Amar."

"How long has it been?" he inquires with genuine interest.

"At least a year…seeing as I missed the last meeting..." _Well this is just a fuckin' reunion! _

I take a cleansing breath that Amar seems to notice.

"Well…I'm off. Four I'm sure you have other business to attend to? Good-bye Johanna!"

"Yes Amar and thank you," she says bowing her head in acknowledgement.

"Have an excellent day Johanna." I nod my head and turn on my heels ready to bust it to the elevator. _I hate that thing—_

"And how, may I ask, is your father doing these days?"

I immediately stop in my tracks and look over my shoulder. "I don't know."

"Is that so?"

I turn the rest of the way around, looking her in the eye. "Yes." _So she's the one…_

She seems to look right through me. "I'll see you soon Four."

Not even bothering to say good-bye as I have an extremely bitter taste in my mouth I head for the elevator again as Will shouts at me from down the hall.

"Four!" _Good God! _"How'd the meeting go?"

"Good. I'll talk to you later."

"Wait. I'll ride down with you…I need to tell you something." _Good…I could use the distraction._

On a ridiculous stroke of luck, the elevator door opens. _Never thought I'd be excited to get on one of these…._

"What's up?" I ask as I bounce nervously on my toes.

"Don't freak….but…"

I glance at him several times trying to communicate to him to finish his god-damned sentence!

"Will…speak."

"I didn't tell you this before the meeting because I didn't want you to freak out and then screw up the whole thing."

"Thank you for underestimating me."

"Yeah…I don't think I did…"

"Okay...enlighten me."

"So…last night…there was a bar fight and…"

"What…happened?" I ask enunciating my words clearly in hopes this isn't going where I think it is.

"Some guy threw a broken beer bottle and it…cut Tris's forehead."

"How bad?" _I can't believe I got those words out as my blood pressure is about to put me into coronary heart failure._

"Like the bleed down your face bad."

"Fuck—"

"I got her in back and tried to help but she was really out of it…."_ Oh God no…_ "I took her to the bathroom and she threw up in the sink."

"Sonofabitch!" I yell kicking the door of the elevator subsequently denting it_. Idiot! It better still open…._

"That was an even worse reaction than I expected-"

"Will?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't ever keep that kind of information from me again." I am trying to hold my temper even though I want to punch him.

"I'm sorry. I was trying to do the right thing—"

"You didn't."

"She insisted she was fine! She just looked confused…but then she went back to work and seemed alright…so I thought she was—"

"She…kept working?" I say in as stable of a voice as I can muster. _WHAT the hell Tris!?_

"The place was slammed…there was no way Christina could have—"

"Will…I need you to stop talking now."

He stays silent while I pray to God to give me the ability to teleport. Just now I realize _I _haven't tried calling since this morning. _Maybe her phone isn't dead anymore! _Dialing quickly, I notice that Will is staring at the ground with his hands in his pockets.

Straight to voice mail. I leave her a message unworthy of her time…but it's a message nonetheless:

"I'm worried. Call me."

I call her back and leave her an extra message: _Fuck….this is going to be embarrassing…._

"I love you."

Will snorts out a laugh as I stare at him. "Jesus Four…relax…I would have done the same thing." I just shake my head and look away bouncing on my toes. "Can you tell me what's going on?" he asks quietly.

"No."

The elevator lands on the first floor and I bolt out the door leaving Will behind. I know I'll have to apologize later for being a total prick, but there was no way eloquence was going to come out of my mouth in that elevator.

_Tell me Bud is here….tell me Bud is here….no sign of him! Fuck! Quickest route….find a cab. Thank God I work on Randolph! _

Even with the look of I-will-leave-devastation-in-my-wake, I somehow get a cab. There are two kinds of cabbies in Chicago: the talkers and the non-talkers. I am blessed with a non-talker and I repay the favor by leaving him a sizable tip.

Bolting to her door I momentarily compose myself. _What if she is purposely ignoring my calls and then I go and scare the shit out of her by busting down her door? Damnit what if she isn't even here? _Taking a deep breath I knock what I hope is normally, but is probably a little more urgent than normal. I don't hear anything. I knock louder…nothing.

"Tris? Tris?!" This time I pound the best I can without breaking the door. "Tris?!" I shout. I know she can hear me, assuming she's home. Even if she was in the shower, I'm fairly certain she could still hear me_. Maybe she's purposely not letting me in...Nope, she would want the satisfaction of screaming at me through the door, in which case I would just go around to the…. Fire escape!_

Suddenly I'm there...and I don't even know how…and climbing up the rusted fire escape ladder. Every rung I get to, several pieces of rust fall onto the weed-infiltrated pavement below. _If I keep this up…one of these days this thing won't be here…then what will I do? _Breathing deep I heave myself up onto the safety of the platform. Thank God this is only a two-story house because I'm not sure how high I would have been able to climb. _Yes you do…you'd climb 85 flights for this girl._

Making my way the short distance to the window I look in. There she is…sleeping…still. I try to open the window…but, per my strict instructions from when I easily climbed through her window before, she has it securely locked. I pull out my phone….12:30. _Not ok…she is…not okay. _The fucking sun is glinting off the window so I have to put both my hands on the sides of my eyes to see inside. She is lying on her bed in her work clothes with her phone in her hand. She had to have passed out! I knock on the window roughly and she twitches a little and opens her eyes….but then they close slowly again. Her forehead is…._What…the…fuck?! _

"Tris!? Tris!? Wake up!" I'm pounding on the window as I look in again and I can see that she is straining to keep her eyes open, she shifts a little and her hand moves but then…nothing.

_What am I breaking down? The door or the window? Window? I would have to bust the glass…not the best option. Door…they have a pull chain. So if I bust the lock, at least they can keep the door locked from the inside if they're home, until it can be fixed. _

My subconscious must be working faster than my conscious mind because I am already halfway around the house by the time my brain catches up with my body.

One swift kick to the right of the doorknob of the rather rickety piece of shit door and I'm rushing into her room.

She is lying on her right side facing away from me and I can see everything through the back of her white shirt because it is drenched in sweat. I rest my left hand on her arm and immediately pull back because her skin is on fire.

"Tris? Shit! Babe…wake up!" I yell frantically. Rolling her onto her back, I quickly take inventory. Her normally stray hairs are plastered to the side of her face, her skin is a good two shades paler than usual, or maybe it looks that way because of the dark circles under her eyes. Her normally pink soft lips are completely dry and her forehead is…completely swollen. _What are those? Band-aids? _

She makes a deep groaning sound as I go into emergency mode. _Water…she looks dehydrated as hell._ I rush to the kitchen, grabbing a glass and filling it with water. It splashes everywhere as I run back into her room. I sit her up and lean her against me holding the glass of water up to her mouth.

"Tris? You need to drink this." She groans again as I tilt her back and put a little in her mouth. This doesn't go over well at first as she chokes…but then the innate physical need of hydration kicks in and she swallows it.

"Good job, baby. We're gonna have some more, okay?" I pour a little more and this time she doesn't choke. She actually swallows as her tongue darts out to lick her parched lips, which dry almost as suddenly as she wet them. _When was the last time she drank water?_ I repeat the process several more times waiting about a minute in between sips. She'll vomit if she drinks too fast.

Finally some semblance of recognition comes out when she clears her throat like she wants to say something. But she doesn't and falls back asleep in my arms. Looking her over I can't help but linger on the gash on her forehead. _That is not just a 'cut'!_ _Okay…what to do first? Bring her fever down. She's gonna hate this…._ I lay her back down on the bed and run some lukewarm water in the tub. Going back in her room I see that she is shivering, which is why she's going to hate this. Cold sweat is the body's natural reaction to try to bring down a fever, but it seems like her body is losing the battle.…putting her in any water that isn't hot is going to be excruciating.

I strip her down to her underwear faster than I have…ever….and that is saying something. Then, sitting her up, I lean her against me again while I pull her arms through her drenched white T-shirt, trying to get it over her head while avoiding the swollen mess on her forehead. _Why did no one do ANYTHING about that? That's a secondary action…concentrate on the fever. _

I strip down to my briefs….probably faster than she has ever taken them off…which is saying something, and lift her up bridal style. She rouses a little and looks up at me with a small incoherent smile.

"Hi, baby," I say softly. She returns my words with a small sigh from the back of her throat. _That's good…very good._ "Tris….you're going to fucking hate this…but we need to cool you off…we'll go nice and slow…"

I step into the tub that currently is a little less than half-full of room temperature water and sit down. She sucks a deep breath in when the water hits her lower body as I turn her so her back leans against me. That had to have felt like being poked by thousands of needles.

"I know, I know…it'll feel good in a minute." I kiss the top of her head and talk to her trying to calm her down as I can feel her heart rate racing. I am making an excruciating effort to not look at her forehead because it is causing me serious anxiety.

I lean us back further after I feel like she has acclimated to the water. She sucks in another breath and her eyes open in small slits as she lifts her neck slightly, tensing up.

"I'm sorry…" I say shaking my head.

She rests her head back on my chest and nods her head a little as I sink us back a little deeper and deeper, until we are fully submerged. Her breathing has regulated and I feel her shift a little over my chest.

"Tris?"

"Mmm."

"How do you feel?"

She swallows dryly_. She needs more water…_ "Cold…"

"I know it feels cold….but it's only because your so hot….I mean that literally and figuratively." _How lucid is she?_

A tiny close-mouthed laugh comes out. _More than I thought._

We lie there for awhile and I smile to myself as I realize I had started humming to her as I rest my lips on the back of her head. Not something I would do….ever. I want to run my fingers through her hair but by the looks of the slice to her forehead…that's not going to be happening for a while.

I see her moving her toes in the water and glance down to see her eyes totally open. I swallow thickly as a brief wave of relief comes over me…very brief…because her teeth are starting to chatter. _That's my cue. _I rearrange her and lift her out of the tub, mentally kicking myself for not thinking about towels. Stepping out of the tub, soaking wet, I grab the corner of whatever towel is hanging behind the door as the towel holder comes crashing down.

"Fuck!...Sorry about that," I grunt out trying not to slip on the hardwood floor.

"Mmm hmm," she hums in acceptance of my apology as I sit her wet body on the edge of the bed and quickly pat her down as she shivers. Resting the towel around her shoulders I go to her dresser and pull out one of my T-shirts. _How many has she taken?! _ I laugh to myself thinking how awesome that actually is. Walking back, I kneel in front of her and pull the towel off her shoulders as she makes eye contact with me. She brings her hand up to my cheek and rests it there briefly. "You're here," she says meekly. "I was…"

"Hi baby," I whisper as I turn my head and kiss her hand removing it from my face. I keep my eyes on hers as I reach around and unclasp her bra pulling it forward off her shoulders. I see her self-consciously hunch in her shoulder blades as I pull the shirt down gingerly over her head. I absolutely love her body, but I have no idea how to make her love her body. She pulls her own arms through as I remember she needs underwear. I've always wanted to see exactly what she has in that drawer but now…well...my motivation is just a little different. I try to pick out a pair of soft cottony ones. Some look_ amazingly_…not so comfortable. I pick out a pair and kneel in front of her, noticing she has already taken her wet ones off and tossed them aside.

"I was…worried," she says groggily as she swallows again.

I take each of her small feet and, one at a time, gently put them in the proper leg hole and slide them up her smooth legs, then helping her stand I gently pull them up into the appropriate spot. Her legs are really really warm still_, _but she isn't burning up anymore.

"I fell asleep at work," I say quickly, not knowing how or if to explain the Nita situation. "C'mere," I gently command leading her to her side of the bed (_Her side_…_?_) as I assist her to sit down.

"How do you feel?" I turn her cheek to face me and tuck her hair behind her ears.

"I'm awake…so…"

"Okay….here…" I hand her the glass of water, which she drinks greedily. "Slow down, slow down…" I chuckle. "We do not want that coming back up."

"Yeah…you've had enough of that," she says as she lies down again. Reaching up to brush the stray hairs I missed, she winces as her palm touches her forehead.

"Fuck…Tris, you _have_ to let me look at that."

"I cut my head….some guy…" She shakes her head obviously not wanting to tell me the whole story.

"Yeah…Will told me. Can I take a look?"

She nods her head in acceptance as I pull back the soaked through band aids.

"Ah…oh my God that burns…"

"Do you have a medicine cabinet or…um…a first aid kit?"

"How…how bad is it?"

"I don't know babe….it's pretty swollen (_understatement_)….we may have to take you—"

"No….I'll do it. I'm not going to the…." Trying to get up must make her dizzy because she immediately lies back down and closes her eyes. We sit quietly for a moment as I hold her hand softly in mine.

"There's a first aid kit under the bathroom sink….otherwise we have extra…stuff if…."

"Okay," I say softly squeezing her hand once.

Making my way to the bathroom, I crouch down and open the small vanity cabinet and find a first aid kit right in the front. _Thank God it's in the front! Why do girls have so much stuff? _I open it to make sure it has all the necessities: antiseptic, bandages, tape, antibiotic cream. _Liquid stitches…I had to use those at camp once._ Assuming this is where they keep their towels, I open the small linen closet behind their bathroom door (_Success!_) and take out two along with some wash cloths. Then I'm off to the kitchen for some warm water.

When I arrive back at her room her eyes are closed again but I can tell she's awake.

"Hey…" I whisper smiling to myself at how much I love this girl.

"Mmm hmm."

"Are you okay?"

"Dizzy."

"Yeah… So why don't you tell me what happened while I take a look…" I turn her cheek to face me as she opens her sleepy eyes. _Always….so….beautiful._

"Well…two guys were arguing….and Christina yelled at them to...take it…outside…" She takes a deep breath through her nose as I squeeze water from a syringe into the slice in her head….the pink water runs into the towel as I hold it up against the side of her head.

"Sorry baby…" I mumble.

"Mmm mmm…."

"Please continue."

"One of them threw a lime at her….and I thought Will was….gonna lose it…" This time she doesn't suck in a breath as I clean it out, but a stray tear of pain follows the water down. "So I walked over to talk to him and next thing I knew…flying broken beer bottle across my forehead….I didn't even know it happened…" _Fucking kill whoever did this…_

"Just one more time…." I say as even tempered as I can as I cautiously squirt one more douse of warm water. She closes her eyes as I do it and takes another cleansing breath.

_What the hell is that?_

"Tris…shit…you still have glass in your head…Will said he fucking helped you!"

"He did…well…he tried…."

"He didn't try hard enough! Jesus!"

"Tobias….please…I'll get it out—"

"Lie down…just lie down." I compose myself and keep talking. "You're still really really warm and I don't think a wound that may be well on it's way to infection is helping. Can we please just go to Immediate Care or something—"

"No…and you know why." _Memories…Timothy…._

I nod my head and pull the lamp closer… _I bet this was on all night and she didn't even know it._

"Okay…close your eyes and relax your forehead." I wipe down the tweezers with antiseptic wipes and carefully pull out a small shard of glass that was stuck. She keeps her forehead perfectly relaxed as she clenches her jaw and another stray tear drips out of her eye. "I'm sorry, baby…" I say softly again as she swallows. The glass from the bottle was brown so I can see there is only one piece left and it's fairly large. "One more…okay?"

"Mmm hmm."

This one must really hurt because a pained sound comes out of the back of her throat as her head starts to bleed.

"Is it bleeding?"

"Yep," I answer curtly, now frustrated at everybody including myself for her being in this situation.

"Good…bleeding is good…"

"Yeah…I know…." _Because I've taken classes in first aid in emergency situations! __Why the hell do you know that? _I hate to think about the reason. I wonder how many times she's had to cover shit like this up…. "I'm gonna rinse it out one more time…I don't think it's as deep as I thought…the glass was just irritating it…"

One more painful rinse on her behalf and then I dry off her still warm forehead. I put a small amount of liquid stitches on to reduce scarring with her watching me intently the whole time.

"How did I get so lucky?" she asks.

"Hmmph."

"You just took a cold bath _with _me and pulled glass out of my head without even flinching. Did you even know you are still in your wet underwear? Not that I'm complaining—"

"So you're lucky because I'm good in an emergency situation?"

"I wouldn't call it an—"

"It was. Tris you were probably pushing 105 degrees…you were barely lucid….completely dehydrated….What did you have for dinner last night?"

"Crown."

"That's not funny."

"It's not a joke. I'm sorry! The bar was insane…I got back from the pier late and rushed to get ready—"

"When was the last time you ate?"

"Yesterday before I worked out."

"When…did you…work out?"

She averts her eyes and says quietly, "I ran to The Studio at 10:00…."

"Tris! And I'm guessing you didn't drink any water?"

She purses her lips and I have my answer. "And then you threw up….Will told me…"

Now she closes her eyes and I soften my tone. "Did you...have a...?"

She nods her head yes.

"It was different…this time. I mean, I briefly remembered what happened…but then it went away and I realized quicker than I ever have that it was just a memory—"

"And then you went back to work," I state plainly with added aggravation, not even letting her finish her sentence.

"I couldn't leave Christina!" she exclaims defensively.

"Okay, okay…calm down….I'm sorry...I just worry. You always try to take care of everyone else. But can you please just take care of you?! What if I hadn't shown up? Tris…it's 1:00….you're bedroom lamp was still on and you were in your work clothes…passed out on top of the covers…!"

She ponders what I say for a moment, probably only for my benefit and then totally dodges my rant. "It was like I couldn't wake up…my body wouldn't let me—"

"Yeah…that's a physical response to not eating, drinking, exhaustion, infected head wounds—"

"I know, I know…I'm—"

"You have to take better care of yourself…" I say seriously as I clear away all the medical supplies and walk to the bathroom.

I hang the towel rack back up behind the door feeling frustrated that I wasn't here to help her and also that she doesn't seem to want to help herself. She runs herself into the ground.

Remembering that Ibuprofen has been my lifesaver several times in this apartment I grab it out of her vanity mirror before I go into the kitchen for water and ice. _I'm being…really harsh right now…lighten things up…_

"You know…if I have to move in here…I will," I threaten as I place ice in a cold rag and hold it up to her face trying to cool her cheeks down. "Christina can sublet to me….she has a nice room…way better view…I can dig it."

"Oh…you want to be my 'roommate'?"

"Yes…so I can keep an eye on you…you know, make sure you eat, drink and sleep."

"No conjugal visits."

"Roommates definitely have those!" _We would have lots of those!_

"Christina and I don't….did you and Zeke?! Didn't you live tog—"

"No, no, no, no…not into dudes. Just smart, stubborn, beautiful women who don't care about their own well-being."

"Tobias…you were so exhausted that you fell asleep at your office…I can just see you with your head down on your desk, sexy glasses still on, lights bright and shining…(_That's not…accurate…) _You're the lightest sleeper! How exhausted were you that you fell asleep at work and didn't wake up until….I can't talk about this right now…..my head is starting to spin…."

She mumbles something about being a hypocrite while reaching for the Ibuprofen.

I land my hand on the bottle. "Not until we put food in your stomach."

She sighs closing her eyes. "Okay….I know it sounds crazy….but I'm not hungry…at all."

"I'm going to make you some toast—"

"Tobias…you don't have to—"

"Tris."

"Fine."

I walk into the kitchen feeling guilty because I was actually thankful that her head was spinning so I wouldn't have to continue the conversation about the circumstances of last night. I know I won't exactly lie about it…but I may omit some information. I don't want her to worry about Nita the psycho.

It spot the toaster on top of the small fridge and put two slices of bread from the pantry in it. I briefly think back as to how I found Tris: a heap of sweat, shivering, incoherent, physical exhaustion taking over to the point that she couldn't wake up. _God I hope she didn't have nightmares… _But I know she did. And here I am chastising her when she in fact _did _come to my apartment last night. All of this could have been avoided if _I_ hadn't worked myself into physical exhaustion. I _am_ a very very light sleeper and the fact that Nita was even in that room should have woken me….

I am _definitely _a hypocrite.

Resting my hands on the counter, I take a deep breath thinking about how much I have to tell her: Amar offering me to be his partner, Johanna Reyes knowing my father, Nita….maybe. But right now she needs to rest and get better. _Keep the conversation light._

I quickly butter her and I a piece of toast (trying not to be a hypocrite), clean up and go back into her room.

"I figured seeing as I haven't served you breakfast in bed…yet…this will have to do…"

She sits herself up quickly as I lean in to help her…it must make her dizzy because her eyes widen slightly as her pupils dilate.

"Babe…I'm here to help…please let me," I say as I kiss her on the head, setting the plate in front of her and then propping a pillow behind her back.

"I know. I'm just not used to…" she looks like she is about to say something but thinks better of it. "Thank you."

"You're welcome….thank _you_," I say as I lounge on the other side of the bed. _My side?_

"Why are you thanking me?"

"Take a bite of toast and I'll tell you." She takes the smallest bite humanly possible just to be stubborn as I sit there and be just as stubborn right back.

"Ugh…fine," she retorts, taking a normal human bite. "Now…why are _you_ thanking _me_?"

"For _letting _me take care of you."

"Mmmm…I haven't had much choice if I recall correctly…I was in a near comatose state—" she pauses mid-sentence as I think about what brought on her last comatose state. "Tobias don't look at me like that….I don't want to have to tip toe around things…" She swallows thickly again.

"Here…" I reach over her and hand her her water. I'm rewarded with an eye roll because it would have been easier for her to grab it herself. "I don't want you to tip toe around things…I _need_ to be reminded about how much of a dick I was…" I'm not joking even if I say it in jest.

She takes my hands in hers and looks at me sweetly. Her cheeks are about three shades pinker than when she blushes, her hair is piled on top of her head in some fucked-up concoction of a pony tail, she looks exhausted, but is still the best thing I have ever laid eyes on.

"Someday I'll get you to forgive yourself…" _Good luck babe!_

"Funny you say that because I have my own list of someday-I'll-get-you-tos." I take a bite of my toast raising my eyebrows coaxing her to do the same.

Rolling her eyes yet again, she also takes a bite as I get her four Ibuprofen.

"Thank you…."

I nod my head taking her in again…I can't get enough of her even when she's sick.

"Ummmm….what are you going to do with the rest of your day? You probably have a lot of work—"

"If you're under the misconception that I'm leaving then you are seriously mistaken."

"What about your job? Oh my God how did your meeting go?" she asks quickly as she yawns. "And I still don't understand how _you_ of all people fell asleep at your office…you wake up if there are pigeons at your window..."

_Redirect! Redirect!_ "That's not entirely true…I sleep amazing when you're in my bed…or I in yours…just more privacy at my place."

"As long as we don't forget to lock the doors…" she trails off rubbing her eyes.

"Fucking Uriah….Tris you can't—"

"Soooo?" she interjects taking one more bite of toast, seemingly forcing it down. "What is your interesting news?" she asks trying to keep her eyes alert.

She is trying so hard to be engaged in this conversation but I'm losing her…fast. I want to tell her about everything..._almost_ everything...when she has a clear head so she can help me sort it all out. _Plus I'm just fucking excited and I want her to be...involved...?_

"It can wait…please sleep."

"What are you going to do?"

"Go through your medicine cabinet and underwear drawer."

"Okay…sorry about the tampons and birth control….and pick out some good ones for me."

"I don't mind and don't worry…I will…." _She doesn't even get her period…how does all that shit work? And my favorite panties on her are…well…when she's wearing none. That is so fucking hot…. _She rolls on her side as I lean over her and switch off the lamp, but as I go to get up she grabs my arm and pulls it around her. I've wanted to hold her like this since the moment I got here. "Baby, I don't want to warm you up anymore than you already are."

"Tobias, you're freezing." Now that I think about it…I definitely am. I'm still in my damp boxer briefs. "You should start…I don't know…."

"What?" I say as I lay on top of the covers fitting my body perfectly behind hers. I don't have any intention of sleeping and I don't want to rustle the covers when I get up.

"Nothing…"

"Tell me." I say as I quickly lift my head to check her forehead. _Swelling has definitely gone down._

"I don't know…we always have these issues of changing clothes….maybe you could keep some stuff here."

"Like more than a collection of my t-shirts?"

She doesn't answer…it was harder for her to get those words out than I thought. "Tris…I'm kidding. I could use another pair of underwear and it would definitely come in handy right now. It only makes sense." _And I love the idea!_ _Why can't I just tell her that?_

"Yeah…It does…Okay." _Going…going…_ "Thank you…I love…you…" _Gone…_

"I love you too…always." Okay that last part just kind of came out….that's how I know it's real...and a part of me really hopes she heard it.

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I wake up to a dark room. I'm still feeling tired, but so much better. I look over to see what time it is: 9:00. _I've been asleep for eight hours?_ Sitting up quickly I look over and see no sign of Tobias. I switch on the lamp and am presented with three Ibuprofen and a glass of water with a note next to it:

_Take these…now. I'm on the couch binge watching Star Wars….I love you now go back to bed. -T_

Flopping back down I reflect for a minute before I act on my plan of intentionally going against Tobias's orders to sit with him on the couch…

I have absolutely no memory of falling asleep last night, if that's what you call it, all I remember is being really worried about Tobias.

I had the most bizarre dreams I've ever experienced. They were a jumble of past and future and I was an observer not a participant, which is a totally new experience for me. They are all so mixed together now that I can't even single them out.

I never in a million years thought I would say this…but the most awful dreams were the ones I was interpreting as the future. As if my worst nightmares were being realized…in my nightmares. My weaknesses from my past came back in full force in my future. Is that my new biggest fear? The strength I've been _feeling_ by looking my past in the face instead of burying it in a journal and by openly sharing a part of myself….What if that's all it is: a _feeling_?

In my dream it was. The one I can remember clearest, is the last one I had: my wedding day. I was marrying Tobias, but I was dreading it. I realized why as I saw myself look at myself in the mirror right before I was to walk down the aisle. I was wearing a sleeve-length flowy cottony dress with babies breath in my hair….I barely wanted to look at myself in the mirror and when I did…I was wringing my hands and biting my bottom lip like there was no tomorrow. Tobias was about to marry the weakest version of myself and I couldn't bear it. I wanted to wake up so badly…to avoid the embarrassment and humiliation of seeing his disappointed face as I walk down the aisle. Susan knocked on the door to tell me it's time….she knocked loudly…louder than I would have expected….but I didn't respond. Then, a loud knock on the window and I saw Tobias looking in at me with his hands trying to block the light so he can see in. I willed the girl who is not me to look away…_Do not let him see you like that!_…I was so relieved when he went away….

The lines between dream and reality became extremely blurred when I was in his arms…this time my weaker version was looking at _me_ and smiling… I felt a cool foreign liquid suddenly hit the back of my throat and I momentarily felt like I couldn't breath until I heard the only voice that has ever been able to make things better for me: Tobias's. I don't even know what he said…just that _he _said it. And that my body felt like fire and ice….and then that fucking tub…but I was with him…

I hear angry muffled voices through the door….but I'm too far gone to care…

* * *

**Christina's POV:**

I get off the bus thinking about how much I hate public transportation. I know I need a car but I have to finish school first and I do not want student loan debt to drown me. I wish Will understood this. Four doesn't grill Tris! Although she is a way better bartender so she doesn't need to flirt as much…Four would die if she did! _Ha! Holy shit he would take down the whole bar! _

I sigh to myself as I slowly walk up our stairs…to see our door practically hanging off the hinges with the chain drawn. _Oh my God! Oh my God!_

"Tris?! Tris?! Oh my God!" I frantically push on the door to see in as far as I can. Four is laying on the couch but he doesn't even get his lazy ass up. "What the hell happened to the fucking door? Let me in!"

Still not moving, he pauses the TV. "Oh hello Christina…I'm sorry….I had to make the snap decision of whether or not to break in through the window or through the door…I chose the most responsible option…speaking of responsible—"

"What are you talking about?! Let me in!"

Suddenly he's off the couch and at the door…still not letting me in. "Tris was in here…burning up with fever…not just a high temp…she was a fucking inferno!" He unlatches the chain swiftly and storms away.

"Is she okay?"

"Oh now you give a shit?" he snarks from across the room.

"What are you talking about? Of course I do!"

"You didn't this morning!"

"She was fine this morning—"

"Really? Tris? Passed out with her work clothes on, lamp on, phone dead, 9:00 am? Does _any_ of that sound like her?" _No…not when you put it like that…_

"Answer me! Is...she...okay?"

"No thanks to you."

"Dude! Will said you fell asleep at the office so when I got home I just assumed she was up all night worrying about _your _dumb ass and then she finally fell asleep…and I do not wake that girl when she's asleep…ever! And what the fuck?! You fell asleep at work? Until 8:00 am? _Really_? Something does not add up here! And Will wouldn't give me any more details….and what the _fuck_ did you say to him by the way? Whatever it was—"

"Can I please get a damned word in?!" _Why do people always interrupt me?_

"Fine."

He runs his hands down his face as he talks and paces. "Christina…you should have seen her…she was barely conscious….and I'm sure she was having nightmares-"

"Most likely."

"-and I think she had a flashback at the bar-"

"I believe so."

"-but I don't want to push her to tell me…not that I gave her a chance—"

"Four…Four…shit…sit down! This is not a cage and you are not an animal." He stop and looks at me like I'm an idiot. "Don't look at me like that! Sit down!" Finally he does it. "First of all…nobody _pushes _her…if she wants you to know something…she'll tell you…otherwise she's on lock-down."

He runs his hand down his face again and sighs shaking his head.

"Something you have in common?" I wait for him to agree or disagree or say something…anything... "How do you two even have conversations by the way? Do you just stare at each other and try to read each others' minds?"

"No."

"Well then you must just have like lotsa sex to pass the time because otherwise…I don't know….." He's giving me that look again. "What?!"

"Is that a joke?"

"Only a little…" But I do seriously wonder sometimes. Tris keeps secrets, he seems like the type to keep secrets. Do they just play 'guess my secret'? I don't get it.

"Let me tell you something…Christina…" I stop for a second because he looks a little freaky right now. "She is the only person that I have ever shared things with on my own terms, because I chose too…and because I choose her…and because she chooses me. Do you understand me?" _Whoa Nelly!_

"Yeah...I was just making sure. She definitely chooses you…and I choose you too." _Yay!_

"Well…I'll just thank my lucky stars for that."

"You should! But I have to tell you one thing…or several." We've had heart-to-hearts before…but they've been under serious time constraints…now I have my shot. "She may be strong-willed, stubborn, feisty, independent, loyal—

"How is it that you think I don't know this?"

"Lemme finish!" _Geez! _"She's the best judge of character I know…probably because she's dealt with shitty people for so long that she can spot one a mile away. She will almost always know when you're lying…it's like some crazy sixth sense stuff…not like the movie…like "I see dead people" and shit—"

"Christina….why are you telling me this? Get to the fucking point…" he groans resting his elbows on his knees with his hands in his hair. _Why doesn't he like to talk?_

"I'm telling you this because I love that girl and you are bringing stuff out in her…good stuff… that I never could and I really really don't want you to fuck it up! I can't pick up those pieces again!"

"You're not seriously comparing me to—"

"Hell…to the no! He's all kinds of fucked up! I can't believe she only went as far as Chicago!...Can I please get back to my point?"

"Please…do….that." _He looks…incredibly…upset…_

"Okay…lemme think…"

"Jesus…"

"Yes…okay…What was I saying?"

"Fuck...me..." he says under his breath as if I can't hear him. _What a grouch!_ "...Something about she's great at reading people and a bunch of other shit I already knew-"

"Yes! The only time she is totally blind is when something's about her…she doesn't see herself how others do...it's almost like she thinks she's un-loveable…well…she_ thought _she was…thanks for that by the way! For serious! But it's not just on the inside…She's so critical of herself...like physically…thanks for that _Eric_! You don't even want to know the shit he said to her! Maybe you already do...?"

He snaps his eyes up to mine and leans his elbows on the table shaking his head. _It's like he feels her pain…I wonder if she does the same? _"I _don't_ know…it wasn't in her...at least I don't think it was in…I don't know _what_ the fuck he said to her…"

"Well…it's not in the journal because in the-world-according-to-Tris…verbal abuse doesn't count as real abuse. I told her that's bullshit!…But yeah she's _her _so she didn't care what I said. I had to get her very drunk for her to tell me even _some_ of the things he said, and I don't even think they were the worst….I had to get her tequila drunk…"

"Tequila drunk?"

"…Yeah… she only drinks it for one reason…to get herself plastered...basically to forget about things. She hasn't done it in awhile. The last time was when her dumb friend Susan called…like a year ago…I don't even know what she said…but it was enough for Tris to drink herself into—

"Christina…I need to know what he said to her…I…there is nothing more I want than to make her feel…fuck…just tell me…" _How does this man communicate?_

"I can't quote him or anything but I know he said things like 'Why am I with a girl that has the body of a 12-year-old?'. He would literally tell her to eat more because he heard a woman's chest is the first place they gain weight! What a prick! I mean yeah she's not like super curvy and shit…but come on…great butt am I right?"

_He is completely lost in his own thoughts…so I'll just keep going…._

"And her tits are perfectly proportioned! What else did he say…oh yeah…,'If she would try harder…she could be pretty…,"_Why are his eyes closed?!_ "Which…" I slap him on the leg. "Hey! I'm talking to you!...Isn't she beautiful by the why? Girl doesn't have to do anything to herself! But let me tell you…I have dolled that girl up…I pretty much had to hold her down…but whoa!"

"What? Whoa what?" I smile, happy that I now have his attention. I think I always did…but…

"How do I say this?" I pause as I blow my hair out of my face "It's weird…she doesn't look more beautiful…just _striking_….It's those eyes! Sexy as hell! Anyway…you're the jealous type so I'll at least be courteous and make sure you aren't around when we hit the town!"

"Yeah….let's talk about what you _will not _do."

"Hey she's the jealous type, too. It doesn't help that people constantly tell her how women fall at your feet—"

"Enough."

"Geez…sorry." _Apparently he means business…._

"I just don't know what to say…to that…I hate it…"

"I know." I really can tell that he doesn't love it. He's a rare commodity: for a guy that looks like he jumped off the Hugo Boss billboard (I would know, I've seen him in his boxers) he's not a conceited asshole. That makes me think of Will… _He could be a Tommy Boy model, like the scene where they are in their shorts, polos and loafers getting ready to go sailing…sooooo cute…I just want to make out with him every day…ohhhh…now I miss him…_

"Anyway…I'm tired…I didn't want to sleep until I knew she was okay. Do you mind if I stay here tonight?" He can be ridiculously unnecessarily thoughtful….sometimes.

"Do you think she would want it any other way?"

"I hope not…I'll pay to fix the door by the way…"

"Okay!" Little does he know the super was going to replace the rickety thing anyway.

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

_"__Good night Four," says a seductive voice in my ear as I feel semi-familiar unwelcome lips on my cheek, leaving behind a waxy film and the scent of way too strong perfume. Opening my eyes, I see Nita in nothing but one of _my _T-shirts leaning on my desk. "Sorry baby…did I wake you?" It's no longer the over-sexualized voice, but the sweet voice of Tris as she laughs at me. I am so confused…Why am I at the fucking office again? Tell me I did not fall asleep…again! There is a blanket on me…thick, inviting and familiar….I look up and Nita is gone thank God! Small soft hands making their way up my chest grazing my nipples making me instantly hard as I feel light pressure on my groin. Hands running up through my hair and tugging on it…_

"Sorry to wake you handsome…." _Don't….be…. _I open my eyes to my girlfriend…who is back to a semi-normal temperature, grinding herself on top of me.

"If you ever apologize for waking me like this….I will—"

"You'll what?" she inquires sucking gently behind my ear lobes.

"I have no idea…." She laughs as she flips her hair to one side grinning down at me. I can see the creamy skin of her profile illuminated in the moonlight through the window. One of her shoulders is hanging out of the neckline of my T-shirt. She is the most splendid thing I've ever seen.

"I'm feeling….so…much…better," she says between soft seductive kisses down my neck.

"I can tell," I say as I wrap my arms around her frame and take her lips as my own. She tightens her grip on my hair as our mouths move against each other eagerly. I get completely lost in the softness of her lips and the way her tongue teases the tip of mine as she slightly pulls away.

"Mmm mmmm…I'm not done with your lips yet….it's been almost 48 hours since I got to do this," I say as I run my hand up through her hair and pull her to me while my other hand moves stealthily to it's second favorite place…her ass…which I now discover is completely bare. I groan, because that is so fucking hot, as she stifles a laugh.

"Remember….I have a roommate…" she says as she raises herself up and hovers over me on all fours. My t-shirt hangs off of her and I have a perfect view of her through the neckline.

"You are the one who needs to remember that…" I reply as I run my fingers up her may-as-well-be-naked torso, stopping at her breasts. "...not just for your obnoxious roommate…but for your poor neighbors," I add reminding her of how amazingly loud she was after the Cubs game the other day. One of my prouder moments…

I watch her face as she closes her eyes. As self-conscious as she is of her breasts, they are her most sensitive area and she loves my hands on them…I know this for a fact and I plan on exploiting this….right now. I swiftly sit up catching her slightly off guard and hold her hips as she almost goes tumbling backwards.

"Where do you think you're going?" I ask laughing.

"For a minute there, I thought I was getting launched off the bed…."

"Nope…you're right where you're supposed to be…" I remark softly as I gently tug on the hem of her T-shirt, urging her to let me remove it. I see her briefly glance at the amount of light the moon is providing as a surge of self-consciousness goes through her. I want her to be comfortable but I also want to see her _so badly_. But all I can do is make eye contact with her, communicating what I want….but also making it known that I won't if she doesn't. She didn't want me to remove her bra after the Cubs game…I knew that without her even having to tell me and I wasn't going to push her then…just as I won't now. She nods her head ever so slightly, but not enough to convince me.

Where as she was up on her knees, I now pull her onto my lap. I can feel the warmth of her through my briefs. _Fuck.._.

"We can leave it on…okay?" I say as I run my hands up under the shirt and take both of her _perfect _breasts in my hands twisting her nipples lightly between my index fingers and thumbs as she lets out a shaky breath.

"Thank you….I just…I'm sorry—"

"Tris?"

"Yeah?"

"Does this feel good?" I ask as I add more pressure to her hard nipples.

"Yeah….yes…."

"That's all I want…to make you feel good."

Whereas she wasn't looking me in the eyes…she suddenly does…she almost looks sad for a minute and if I'm reading her expression correctly…it's a look of failure. She thinks she's disappointing me.

"It's the least I can do…you know…" I add as I remove one of my hands from her breast and trail it down her abs to rest on her clit. My thumb glides over it easily. "…seeing how good you make me feel…" My severely uncomfortable briefs are dampening from her desire as she moves her hips forward granting me further access to her as she rests her forehead on mine. She may not want me to see her with her shirt off right now but I can see other equally as awesome things as I look down and watch my thumb rub small circles over her sensitive cleft. I move my eyes up and see that she's watching too…which is fucking awesome. As much as I need to get the hell out of my briefs, I'm loving this…I can literally _see_ how much she wants me as the moon catches her want in the perfect light. With my other hand I slowly push my index finger inside her, watching it disappear and holding it there for a moment with my eyes closed wanting to feel every part of her for a moment. She twitches her hips in anticipation, which adds pressure to my cock and I'm pretty sure I moan…something. So I slowly remove my glistening finger and repeat the process as she becomes even wetter than before.

Glancing up again, even though our foreheads are joined, I can still tell she's watching as she bites her lower lip and her breathing amps up significantly. My thumb works her continuously as I pick up speed and pressure but my finger still moves in and out slowly, relishing how she feels against it…I feel like I should try get her right to the edge…but I think she's loving this as much as I am…

"Are you good babe?"

"Uh huh…that's perfect…"

"You look…amazing…"

"It feel's….amazing…you have the best…fingers…" _Oh my God get me out of these things! _I harden more than before…which I would have thought to be impossible…just hearing her say that. "But…"

"Yeah?" I grit out.

"I really want to feel the even_ better_ part of you..." _Hopefully she's referring to my dick…_

I'm immediately on top of her as she is urgently pulling me free of my briefs and kicking them to the end of the bed. _Pretty sure she was… _And because I am way more worked up than I thought, I push into her swiftly. _Shit!_

"Sorry…" I say with a shaky breath.

Thankfully she had instinctively wrapped her legs around my waist and seems to be holding me inside her.

"Tobias…don't you ever apologize…for that…." she says laughing until her breath hitches as I start making involuntary shallow thrusts.

"Okay…" I answer still uneasy but being inside her is my own version of heaven so I quickly stave off my misapprehension and wrap my arm around her lower back, beginning to move my hips with hers in perfect synch. Bearing my weight on my other arm, I lavish her lips and cheeks with small soft kisses realizing sooner than expected that I need to hold off a little. I pull out and tease her with the top of my shaft…which is equally as teasing to me. It's a love hate relationship...and it ends up doing absolutely nothing to help my resolve.

She pushes one of her hands up my back and grips the back of my neck as I enter her again kissing her over and over while I move all around inside her…exploring every inch with my most sensitive place.

"Oh my God…" she moans…not quietly…

"Tris…" I whisper in her ear trying to reign her in….but hating that I have to because her noises are so fucking hot.

"Then stop…doing…that…" she moans again…not seeming to care.

"Not a chance in hell…" Especially not when I feel her flex around me each and every time I hit that perfect place…no fucking way….

She sucks in a deep breath and grabs onto my ass as I arch my hips up into her deeply…and then slowly retreat, "God Tobias…you're incredible…" _Stop saying that! But keep saying that!_

"You make it…fuck…easy on me…cause you're so god-damned tight and…" I can't say anything else… because I feel her begin to pulse around me….I bite my lip hard as I continue what seems to be doing it for her (and me) all while glancing at her face in hopes of enjoying just a flicker of my favorite moment because I know it's only going to happen once this time. _Sorry baby…I'll do better next time… I should totally try to hold her off….nope can't! _Her eyes squeeze shut and her jaw goes slack as I arch into her at the same time as she swells tightly around my cock…and that's all I get as I push into her frantically chasing my own involuntary end of amazingness with radiating pulses of warmth from me into her. Her legs are still wrapped tight around me as the tidal wave goes through us…back and forth as if we are crashing waves…until it begins to slowly subside. Upon making sure she's done, my arms pretty much give out.

I know she won't unwrap her legs because she loves me inside of her…the feeling is completely mutual…so I have to roll over as she holds on like a spider monkey and giggles.

She lifts her head and looks down at me biting her lower lip. "You're so fucking adorable," I say as I smooth her hair out of her face and down her back.

"So…are…you…" she answers back between soft kisses. "Especially with that goofy grin on your face." _What the hell is she talking about?_

"That's my man face."

"That is the opposite of your man face."

"No…that is my macho…I-just-made-my-woman-come face."

"Well…that may be your I-just-made-my-woman-come face…and you definitely did…" _(Imaginary high five!) "..._but I would not describe it as macho."

I must give her some weird look.

"But it's my favorite face on your face, if that makes sense…" I must give her another weird look. "I love seeing you relaxed and happy…it's my favorite version of you…you're smile is the best thing ever….and maybe I especially like it because I helped put it there…" _No one has ever told me they like my smile…_

I laugh at the image…. "Okay…okay…fine….as long as _you_ like it…"

"I …love…it…and I find it very, very sexy….," she whispers in my ear as she places luscious slow kisses on my neck. _Round 2!_

"You said goofy…goofy is not sexy…"

"Tobias…on you…everything is sexy…"

"You're on me…do I look sexy right now?" I ask waggling my eye-brows which makes her laugh as I suck in a breath between my teeth because her tight core is sending jolts of electricity right to my dick.

She gets the hint and rolls off of me onto her back taking a deep relaxing breath.

"Thank you for today…I didn't mean to be ungrateful."

"You're welcome…I like taking care of you…when you let me. I'm so sorry I wasn't home last night…" _Why…did you bring…that…up?_

"Yeah, I can't believe you fell asleep at work…."

"Well….I have a couch and I laid down to rest my eyes and…next thing I know..."

I glance at her quickly as I see her narrow her eyebrows. _Am I lying? Or just omitting? Is it the same?_

"What time do you have to be at work?" _Phew…_

"Between 7:00 and 8:00…since I left after the meeting today." I glance at the clock….12:00 am…not as bad as I thought. "I have the alarm set for 6:00."

"That's good…I want to get up to run—"

"Tris."

"You will _not_ stop me from running and I've been asleep for almost 24 hours."

"Just please eat and drink water."

"I will!" she says between clenched teeth. "Hey…I know it's late but you said you had interesting news to tell me…"

"Amar offered me a partner position with him." _That was…blunt…_

"What?!...That's amazing!" She gets up and kneels in front of me beaming with…pride….? _Not a familiar emotion to me…_

"Yeah. I just...I still can't fucking believe it…"

"What did you tell him?!"

"That I'd let him know…"

She narrows her eyes at me. "You were dying to say yes weren't you?"

"Hell yes! But…I had to keep my professionalism in check."

"Yeah…don't show emotion…people hate that…" she remarks rolling her eyes.

"No…Amar knows I was excited," I add poking her in the stomach in retaliation. "He's…let's just say…perceptive. It was just a lot to process…You were the first person I thought of…"

"Really?" she asks tracing small figure-eights on my stomach.

"Really." I stay silent for a moment, internalizing her expression.

"Are ya gonna tell me why?"

"Apart from being completely stoked to tell you about it…I wanted to talk to you…first…" _Out with it Tobias! _"It could make my life really crazy for awhile…and I don't look at it as just _my_ life anymore." _Okay…I said it!_

She doesn't respond. _Damn._

"…Sorry, if that freaks you out—"

"It doesn't….I…I love it." Taking my hand she smiles shyly out the side of her mouth. "I'm just so excited and proud and a millions things I can't explain to you!"

I shake my head in awe of her excitement on my behalf. "You're amazing." _For being proud of me…and supportive…and forgiving…and…_

"Pretty sure…right now…you're the amazing one." _Sigh…_

"Hey, you said you had an interesting night, too….was it anything besides your boyfriend forgetting it was the play-offs, getting a drink thrown at you and a beer bottle slicing you across the forehead?"

She pauses and something briefly flickers across her face. "You know…just a weird night…" _Hmmm…_

"Are you sure?"

She nods her head and gives me a closed-mouth smile. "Mmm hmm….sorry…I'm just…so happy for you. You're brilliant and you deserve this…"

She gets under the covers again and nuzzles up next to me…I softly kiss the top of her head as I run my fingers through her silky hair. I usually wait to sleep until I can hear her breathing even out, loving that she fell asleep comforted by me. But this time I can't hold out any longer and I drift off first...

* * *

**Reviews please! They keep me on track! There is so much ahead!**


	26. Best Day

**AN: **Readers! Your reviews are so well-thought out...I can't thank you enough! It's so awesome when I get suggestions about plot and concerns about characters. Love that you love it!

**guest reviewer Profesrdouchebag: **I want to say...thank you...but I'm not sure how to respond

**guest reviewer Greg: **I'm sorry I stole your wife

**Mangomar: **Always Hilarz!

**Soxgirl58: **great review

**Rated MA - for unnecessary swearing and office and bathroom sex**

**Chapter 26 – Best Day**

* * *

**Tris's POV:  
**

I wake up to the sounds of birds chirping and neighborhood kids laughing. The morning summer sun is streaming through my bedroom window as I let out an unnecessarily loud and drawn out yawn while stretching my arms over my head before I pause in thought. _Am I in a fucking Nicholas Sparks novel? Who wakes up like this? _Gathering my thoughts I look to my right and drop my arm down to the spot my boyfriend is supposed to be occupying…but isn't. A paper rustles under my hand as I grab it and squint to read the way-too-perfect handwriting:

_Have fun on your "not-6:00-am" run! Text me when you're up. I love you don't be mad…. –T_

"Bastard," I mumble under my breath looking at the clock. 8:00. "Oh my God!"

"What?!" Christina yells from the kitchen. I look and see that my bedroom door is open and she is sitting at the table drinking coffee.

"It's 8:00!"

"Accurate," she says nodding her head, flipping through Vanity Fair. She makes a disgusted face before commenting on how much better she could do than some whichever designer.

I stretch my arms and arch my back again. "I slept amaaaaaazzzzziiiiinnnnggggg!"

"You slept for a day-and-a-half, recovering from a fever….or….could it be the wake-up sex?!"

I snap my head up. _Oops!_

"Don't you dare _ever _say anything to me about being loud! Christ what were you guys doing to each other?! Talk about into it! Do you two know there _are_ other people on this planet with ears?!"

I bury my head in my pillow in embarrassment, remembering Tobias and I reminding each other to be quiet. _We have to work on that!_

"Aw Trissy… I just put my ear buds in and thought about my boyfriend…and then, well—"

"Yep… I got it… Okay!" I get up quickly really not needing to hear any more Christina masturbation stories.

"Come on! It's not like I was thinking about _you two_… Well, I guess you were kind of my inspiration…but what I was really thinking about was when Will—"

"Chris."

"What? Want some coffee?"

I laugh at how quickly she changes gears as I nod my head and make my way to the small table. Lately, I'm noticing how small _everything_ is in our apartment. This table is a perfect example: it fits two people. But I love our place….and I adore our neighborhood… _I wonder if Christina ever thinks about getting a bigger apartment?_ Tobias's isn't large by any means…it probably only beats ours by 200 square feet, but the layout is way better. In our place everything revolves around the living room area and kitchen, so you can pretty much see everything if you are sitting on the couch. _Oh well…first world problems…._

"You thought I was changing the subject…"

"I was hoping…" I groan petulantly.

"I'm stealthy like that!...And I think, being your best friend, I deserve some details."

"Deserve them? Or just flat out want them?" I huff as I plop down in the other seat with my cup of coffee.

"I totally just want them!"

"I highly doubt I will answer all your questions seeing as I have a _respect _for my and Tobias's privacy….but you can try."

Sometimes I really do just want to tell her everything because I'm so damned excited that I could burst! _What would he tell Zeke that I would be okay with?_

"Oh my God! My chance has arrived! Sweet baby Jesus!" _She's friggin' jumping around like a meerkat hopped up on crack…. _"Where do I even star?… Okay… Soooo…" She smacks her hands on the table and leans in. "Is he like…endowed?" _No need for the pretend hand job motion Chris..._

I purse my lips so bad wanting to scream out, "_HELL YES!" _ "First of all...no need for the hand puppetry... I know what a penis looks like. And second...what do _you_ think?"

"Judging by the look on your face and his overall appearance and stature…I would say he's impressive," she says plainly as she finally sits back down.

"Hmm," I quip lightly shrugging my shoulders.

"Well there's my answer!...I'm pretty happy with Will myself…" _Yeah…I don't need to know that…_

"Okay….is he good at _things._...?" She leans forward as if there is someone else in the room and she is trying to be covert.

"_Things?_" I match her gesture.

"Ya know…" She wiggles her fingers and licks her lips.

"Oh my God Christina…." She stares at me with eyes wide waiting for my answer… "Fine…yes. Incredible. " _And so many other adjectives…._

"Okay! Now we're getting somewhere! Soooo…. I know you won't give me details about this but…how is he? Ya know? Like getcha off every time? Hit or miss? More…than…once at a time?"

I bite my lip wanting to tell her that he almost always rewards me with two and is actually pissed at himself when he doesn't…and that his life goal seems to be _at least _three and he says it's my fault he hasn't achieved it yet. And as much as I appreciate the sentiment it also makes me feel like he has easily achieved it with other girls and I don't love that image….but I am working to move past it.

I take a deep breath…. "More than once…often times….okay that's enough!"

"Often times?! Don't leave! I need percentages!?"

I close my door behind me as I feel my insides start to flutter at just the thought of him giving me an orgasm. How sad is it that I probably _could _get off just by thinking about how his gluts flex when he thrusts into me and….. _Stooooooopppppp….._

"Stop what?!" _I said that out loud? _"I'm still standing at the door ya know!"

Turning red I open the door and start to get my running clothes on, facing away from her quickly so she doesn't notice my elevated temperature.

"I promised him I would make sure you eat." _Geez… _"Don't roll your eyes at me…. You're the one who put him on high overprotective alert."

Sighing loudly, I reply to her, defeated, "I know… I suck as a human… Does everyone feel better now?"

"Not really…."

"Okay what do I need to do?" I ask pulling on my shorts.

"Well…_he _said—"

"_He _said?"

"Correct….That he would like you to have lunch with him at the office today….like I said…overprotective alert: he's making sure you eat."

"It's not like I don't eat!"

"I know that... He's just worried… I don't blame him!"

"Okay…I'm going for a run!" I announce pulling a T-shirt over my head. _I'm so not in the mood for a lecture._

"Run an extra mile for me…I'm swamped."

"You know you push yourself just as hard as me….Miss I'm-going-to-school-and-working-full-time. If anything…you work harder."

"Ah yes! But, I also play harder! Stress relief and all that!" She flits me away with her hands and I take advantage of my window of escape.

"Yeah okay…bye bye…" I chirp as I grab my Ipod and dart out the door.

Upon arriving at the sidewalk, I take into account the semi-debilitating humidity and how Christina didn't do her job by making sure I ate. So I reluctantly jog to the nearest coffee shop, _Grounds_, and get a water and a whole grain bagel.

Sitting down at a small table I think about how amazing it is that Tobias was offered a partner position. I remember George referring to him as "quite up-and-coming", but I hadn't realized the extent of his value.

_How unreal is it that he wanted to actually consult with me before he made his decision? Of course I would support him and be thrilled for him! On the same token, it makes me nervous because that company gets a lot of press and if we do end up together…._ I shake my head at the way-too-forward-thinking notion. _We've only been together…what has it been? A little over a month? _It doesn't feel like it. It feels like he has always been somewhere in the back of my mind or heart: a missing piece or something. And now that I have him…I feel more whole than ever._ I'm insane and sappy and this is not a Lifetime movie Tris! _

I scarf down my bagel and gulp down the water, which was a poor choice because now I'll have to take it slow so I don't get an upset stomach.

_Oh well…Pandora here I come! _I scroll through my artist stations and come across one that reminds me of Caleb. When we were in high school, Caleb developed this weird obsession with 90s music. He used to sing the song "Semi-charmed Life" by Third Eye Blind at the top of his lungs and to purposely drive me crazy, he would botch all the lyrics. Feeling momentarily sentimental I search the group and select the station, being momentarily disappointed that "Closing Time" by Semisonic comes on instead. _Oh well…I remember the song…it's catchy…and off I go! This song reminds me of the bar…yech. But it shouldn't because it's actually about the birth of whatever-the-lead-singer's-name-is's kid. That reminds me of things I would rather forget for now…..cleansing breath….beautiful day…humid as hell…lunch with Tobias….what should I bring?...Nothing?...hope to not run into dirty whores…would be nice to see Will…hope Tobias didn't ram his head into a wall… _I briefly zone out thinking about nothing else in particular until a new song comes on, still not the one I want, but good. _Who sings this fucking song? It's on the tip of my tongue….think about it….Everclear!_

_Father of mine_

_Tell me how do you sleep_

_With the children you abandoned_

_And the wife I saw you beat_

_I will never be safe_

_I will never be sane…_

I don't even know when it happened but I find myself stopped in the middle of the sidewalk on Damen as I internalize the words to this fucking stupid song as I quickly pause it. It's really not a stupid song, it is just hitting too close to home right now as guilt hits me for not telling Tobias that his disgusting father was "doing research" on me for two hours. _I need to tell him..._ But I can't help thinking about how much just hearing one stupid voice mail from Marcus set Tobias off on a serious drinking binge. _How bad would he torture himself if he knew I was the one Marcus was….I don't know…targeting? And when do I tell him?_ This week has been eventful enough so far…and with the museum addition on his plate and his possible partnership… _It'll ruin everything. It doesn't matter…he's a grown man…he can handle it…he has to handle it. You're gonna tell him! You're…gonna…tell….him! _

Apparently I had started running again. Upon coming to the full realization, I un-pause the song….

_Now I am a grown man_

_With a child of my own_

_And I swear I'm not going to let her know_

_All the pain I have known…_

Then I stop running again while a million other thoughts come to the forefront of my mind….

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

Apparently the whole "_Text me when you're up_…" part of the note alluded my girlfriend because I received no such text and it's now 10:00. _What the hell Tris?I break down a door, get in a cold tub…WITH YOU….and pull glass out of your head because you won't let me take you to Immediate Care…not that I blame you…But you can't even text me? Shit…what if she's running a fever again….did Christina have class this morning? Fuck…. I'm just gonna call her…_

I grab my phone and then feel like a total ass because I had apparently missed a text from her about 45 minutes ago. While one second ago I was near fuming, now I am just about unable to process thought because I am staring at a picture of Tris's wet legs as she stands in the shower. The picture starts as high as possible without actually seeing her nude. I know this because I try desperately to zoom in…but….nothing….all sexy leg. I would have thought I had swallowed my tongue but I feel a dull pain as I realize I am actually biting it.

**Tris:** Morning handsome…sorry I didn't text you when I woke up….don't be mad….

_I want those legs wrapped around me immediately so I can take you up against that wall…right there…that one! But…I…am…frustrated….with…you!_

**Me:** Nice toes.

**Tris:** (Sad emoji) You're mad….

**Me:** Just worried. Send me a naked selfie and I'll feel better.

**Me:** Please?

**Tris:** Well since you asked nicely…..

_Is she fucking serious? Touchdown! Homerun! Gooooolllllll! Wait…this could actually be a very very bad idea…. But I'm so in!_

I receive a picture of her standing full frontal naked in the completely fogged up bathroom mirror. _Sonofabitch!_

**Me:** That was utterly disappointing…..

**Tris:** I will…make it up to you?

**Me:** I will…be looking forward to that? Can you be more specific?

Humming the jeopardy tune in my head, I wait for her response. Another picture: her bed with light blue yoga pants laid out, …_love em…they show off her ass… _a Blackhawks T-shirt,…_my baby loves hockey…awesome… _a light pink lacey bra,…._I want to see her boobs so bad…._socks, running shoes… _S__o what?_

**Me:** Am I missing something?

**Tris:** Yes….and I will be too…See you at lunch! 12:00? I'm bringing Jimmy John's. (winking smiley face emoji)

_What the?….. oh that's so awesome….._

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I'm practically skipping into the ALG building as I sip a large root beer and swing the Jimmy John's bag in circles. I have our favorite sandwiches, salt and vinegar potato chips, pickles and a warm chocolate chip cookie to share. _He cannot get on me for not eating! _

"Hiya Bud!" I wave as I pass him by.

"Tris…" he nods giving me a weird look before going back to his phone. I get it…I'm not the super smiley happy type. _Sometimes I wish I were._ _Oh well! I am today! _

I have decided that I _am _going to tell Tobias about Marcus…and I have decided that I'm going to do it Friday night after I get off work. Then he'll have the weekend to process things_. I think he's hanging out with Zeke on Friday…Crap! I need him to be sober…or maybe not totally…a couple drinks actually may not be a bad idea. But he definitely cannot be drunk!_

He is so amped up about the museum addition that I can't bear to take his focus, nor his excitement, away from him, especially with him missing half of the day yesterday. _Sorry babe_. I need to tell him when he has a couple days to process. And I also have to figure out a good way to tell him. He tends to make rash decisions in emotional moments…and he still doesn't talk about his father enough for me to know exactly how he will react. _Maybe it won't be as bad as I think…_

The ding of the elevator signals that I have arrived at the 85th floor and if it weren't for the nudge of the person behind me, I may have missed it. Smiling in thanks I just about stumble out of the elevator. The last time I was in this hallway, I was busting a move to get the hell out of here. _H__opefully this lunch will go much better._. I walk down the hall and spot Will sitting at a cubicle.

"Hey Will!"

"Wow! You're looking very chipper today. Is everything alright?"

"Um…yeah…I was just saying—" _Do I always have resting bitch face or something?_

"No no no! That came out wrong...you just usually are more subdued….not in a bad way!"

"Okay…well…how are you?"

"Four's pissed at me."

I groan in frustration at my overprotective boyfriend.

"Well, I _did _let him go through a three and a half hour meeting without telling him you suffered from a head injury…and then apparently I left glass embedded in your head…"

"What did he say?"

"That I'm irresponsible….among other choice words."

"Care to share those 'choice words'?"

"Not….really."

"Will… I'm sorry…he had no right to—"

"It's fine…He does have a point: If he had kept information like that from me, I would have cold-cocked him…assuming I had no regard for my own life."

"Well…I would have _hated_ knowing he screwed up a meeting because I'm an idiot…"

"Yeah…well…when I filled him in he just about busted the elevator door."

"Jesus…okay…I need to talk to him."

"He's in his office."

"Thanks…I'll talk to you later. Are you going to be at the bar tomorrow night?"

"I don't know if Chris wants me there…apparently flirting is more important—"

"Will….it's not…reading between the lines I would say it's about her feeling like you don't trust her….just think about it."

"Hmmph…okay. I'll…try…."

I give him a small sympathetic smile and pat him on the shoulder as I make my way to Tobias's office amping myself up to give him a piece of my mind. He doesn't get to treat his friends this way on my behalf. I approach his office and am slightly distracted as I suddenly realize I haven't officially been in his office. _Is that weird? _I can see him through the blinds hunched over about five different sets of plans and a million post-it notes, scribbling furiously with his token mechanical pencil. I observe him for a bit. I can see on his face that his mind is working in a thousand different directions. He smirks slightly out the side of his mouth as he goes over some lines he had just drawn in his other utensil of choice red: a fine-tipped red pen. _He is so brilliant…how is he with me? And could he be hotter? _He has his suit coat over the back seat of the chair, and is wearing a white collared shirt with a narrow navy tie that matches the coat. And…those…glasses_… .I wonder how he feels about office sex? Geez Tris….you teased him enough with the no panties text this morning….he's a professional!_

"Knock knock!" I chirp as I peak my head in the door. _Where the hell did he go? _ "Tob-…Four? Huh…." I walk slowly into the office and put the food on his desk, not wanting to disturb the table. Suddenly hands cuff my hips and turn me around while a pair of very familiar, commanding, ardent lips attack my own.

After sucking in a deep breath in surprise I immediately melt into his strong needy embrace as he pulls me into him with one arm and cups his hand around the back of my neck running his thumb along my jaw seductively.

"How did you know I was here?" I ask pulling my head away slightly but keeping every other ounce of bodily contact.

"Don't know…I kind of just…felt your presence…turns out I was right…" he remarks as he continues to graze his lips with mine. "I fucking hate it when you call me Four…." he whispers in a petulant voice that he somehow pulls off as endearing as he kisses me on the side of my mouth.

"Well apart…from this being your…work." I swallow thickly as he runs his thumbs down my sides grazing my breasts and taking soft purchase on my waist. " I heard you were…acting….like him." Even though I want to give him a serious peace of my mind I will not be taking my hands off this man as I pull him to me by his tie and kiss him full on and strong on the mouth running my free hand up through his hair as he immediately returns the urgency by holding me to him tightly. He pulls away momentarily as the look of straight up desire and need reflect off his gorgeous face.

"You don't seem very upset," he remarks with a smug smirk on his face.

"Oh don't worry…I plan on giving you a piece of—"

"A piece? Oh I would love a _piece_ from my smokin' hot girlfriend," he says as he accosts my neck with his amazing lips as I groan in pleasure because he hits that perfect place that makes me crazy for him.

"Right here?...In you're office?...Are you sure that's…..um….appropriate…." I release him and back away slightly. "…Four?"

"Nope totally inappropriate," he says coming closer to me as I back away. "You called me Four again," he comments with a semi-amused look on his face. "Don't."

"Or what?" I ask as I keep backing away. "Doesn't everyone around here call you that? Don't they all call you…_Four?_"

He stops and puts his hands on his hips shaking his head before walking abruptly to the door. He pauses as he looks over at me before subsequently locking it and rushing back to me landing his lips on mine again and backing me into the wall. He cages my head between his forearms and kisses me sweetly for a moment running his tongue lightly along my bottom lip as I rest my hands on his taught abs. _God I want his shirt off._ "They definitely do….all call me that…but they aren't special."

"I'm special?"

"Oh you're very special….and you know you are…." he comments softly as he pulls my yoga pants away from my stomach so he can look down into them. He loses focus of what he's saying momentarily as it registers that I was not kidding in my text that I am indeed wearing no panties.

"Fuck…that's so hot," he says as he slowly let's the elastic go back into place and swallows. His face is totally flushed and he looks fucking adorable as he loosens his tie.

"You should show me how special I am…." I suggest as I pull his lower half closer to me, pleased that I can feel his erection even if he isn't flush against me. "….unless there would be nothing special about that…." _Like if this wasn't the first time he had his way with a girl in his office…._

"Oh trust me it would be incredibly special," he says in reassurance as I start to slowly unbuckle his belt, hoping to God he let's me. I look up at him and see that he is intently looking at me where my legs are parted as I lean against the wall. A sudden surge of boldness hits me and I pull away from my belt-opening efforts.

"Did you want to see?"

He looks up in total surprise at my question as he nods his head quickly. Before I lose my nerve I step out of my running shoes and pull my yoga pants down, tossing them to the side while standing with my legs a little further apart than necessary. His lips are parted and he bites his bottom lip as he looks down at my center. I see a sporadic twitch through his pants as he just continues to stare.

He lowers himself slowly onto his knees and runs his knuckles up and down the inside of my thighs, still not taking his eyes off of where I am literally throbbing for him. Taking a deep breath through his nose he brings his face right between my legs, lightly kissing me there once and then going back in and licking a stripe with his warm tongue. _Oh my that's heaven…_

"Mmm hmmm….definitely special," he says softly almost to himself as he licks his lips. I watch him intently as he runs his thumbs up my thighs and grazes each right over the apex of my thighs, brushing against my folds several times back and forth as I whimper. I'm fairly certain my legs are going to give out…especially when he uses his thumbs to spread my wetness and teases my clit drawing circles with his tongue.

"Fuck…Tobias…I'm gonna fall…" My shaky legs, which I have to admit are pretty strong, just about give out as he stands up catching me around my waist with one arm. He sets me down slowly making soft sweet eye contact as he smiles out of the side of his mouth proud that he literally made me weak in the knees. My eyes quickly go right to his lips and then back up to his eyes as I see that the sweet glint that was there has now been replaced by an emotion that is reflected in my own.

Seeing as I already had started on his belt, the rest was easy as it came undone rapidly, along with his pants. Needing him immediately I pull his briefs off as he kicks out of them grabbing me by the backs of my thighs, which I wrap around him. He drives into me with a grunt of pleasure so deep from the back of his throat it almost sounded painful as he holds me there for a minute shaking his head. I am already just about quaking around him at the sensation.

"I swear…thank God you are so fucking wet…this is…"

I start to move my hips quickly because I just fucking _need _him…hard…now.

"Oh my God…Tobias…I can't take it…please just fuck me."

His eyes go double wide as I surprise him by my boldness again. But he immediately satiates my needs as he plows into me hard and then pulls out slow and then hard and then slow…it feels so fucking good…but his hands are occupied by holding me up so I move my own down to add pressure to my clit… I think he just about swallowed his tongue as he stops and watches me.

"Baby…" I whine. "Please don't stop…" He shakes his head as if he just woke up from a trance as he starts thrusting up into me at my favorite angle.

"Fuck…that was just…so sexy…."

I keep at my job and he keeps at his burying himself into me with deep grunts and moans as our bodies pound against the wall roughly. He starts to hit the spot and I know he can tell as he bites his lip and scrunches his eyebrows in concentration.

"Ah…ah…ah…Jesus Tobias…"

"I want to watch you come…hard…baby….God I love you…you're so fucking beautiful…"

How I don't snap his far-reaching cock in two I don't know because my stomach tenses up like a spring as I clench my teeth trying not to scream. I lose all feeling in my body except my core until the spring snaps and electricity spreads through me like lightning. I feel warmth as he engorges and unloads inside me with several drawn out thrusts and moans. I cling to him until I can feel his last shudder and he does the same still rocking into me slightly, making sure I'm finished. He lets out one last shaky breath and then turns us so his back is against the wall as he slides down, resting his head on my shoulder.

"That was…." _I don't even know…._

"Special," he breathes out heavily with his head still on my shoulder.

"Yeah."

"And I mean it….you are….this was," he lifts his head and looks at me with lazy eyes, disheveled hair and a sexy sheen of sweat on his forehead from exertion. _Thank God I'm light because that can't be easy…. _That was his way of reassuring me that he hasn't had hot office sex with anyone else. _Insecurity is not attractive Tris! He loves you….Geez…. _He tucks my stray strands of hair behind my ears and softly places his hands on my cheeks pulling me in for a sweet slow kiss, lingering for just a moment on my lips before smiling shyly. "I'm a guy… I shouldn't love kissing you so much… Honestly babe, sometimes I think I would be just as happy doing that than doing this." He gestures toward where we are still joined as I look at him with raised eyebrows. "Okay…well…that's why I said 'sometimes'…. So please don't get any ideas."

"You said it…I didn't," I joke as we both laugh. "But I get it…" I say as I close the gap one more time. "I literally dream about your lips on mine." I give him the softest kiss I'm capable of, partially so I can relish the moment and partially to tease him a little as I feel him twitch inside me with a slight reignited fire and groan at the physical sensitivity. I laugh and raise up on my knees to sit next to him against the wall as the 2 pictures that were to the right and left of us come crashing down to the floor scaring the hell out of both of us. I quickly look over at him and see that both of his eyes are scrunched tight. I try to hold it in but I can't fucking help myself as I start to laugh. It ends up coming out in fits and snorts …_real hot Tris… _as I try so hard to stop myself.

"Thank God they're shitty knock-offs," he comments as he gets up, pulling his pants with him and zipping them. He leans down and gives me a soft kiss on the cheek telling me he loves me and to hold on a second, then he walks over to a bathroom. _This is a really nice office….I can see why he fell asleep here…. _He returns with a warm damp towel and hands it to me smiling sheepishly. "Not very romantic…sorry." He rubs the back of his neck as if I would be offended by the sweet gesture.

"Maybe not….but very sweet…" I grin back at him accepting another chaste kiss on the cheek as he retreats to the bathroom.

I can hear him laughing at himself as he takes in his appearance. _I love his laugh… _

I clean myself up and pull on my pants taking a look at the mass of cracked glass that riddles the inside of the frames of the…

"Oh my God…." I lift up the photograph he referred to as a 'shitty knock-off,' and stare at it with my mouth completely agape.

He walks out of the bathroom and stops at his desk picking up the sandwiches. "You know…we can totally make these visits a daily thing. My productivity would sky rocket," he emits laughing lightly again. "…Tris? What's up?...Don't feel bad cause I sure as hell don't—"

"Tobias."

"What?"

"Do you have any idea what these are?!"

"Shitty photographs that fell down after I took you up against a wall?"

"Actually my friend they are Ruth Glint originals," says a friendly even-toned voice.

I look quickly toward the door while my face heats up faster than a steam engine and I see the odd man I met at the Cubs game. My eyes flit to Tobias who is leaning on his desk with his back to whoever the hell that guy is. He has his eyes closed and lips between his teeth.

"Hello Amar," he grits out in a monotone voice. _Amar?!_

"Four..." he pats him on the shoulder as he makes his way toward me.

"We haven't officially met." He is smiling warmly at me obviously waiting for Tobias to introduce us. I glance over Amar's shoulder to see Tobias still with the same look on his face.

"Um….hi…I'm—"

"Tris, Tris…this is my girlfriend, Tris….Tris, Amar…Amar, Tris."

"It's a pleasure to meet you…officially…Tris," he remarks, shaking my hand.

"You, too. I'm so sorry about…"

He picks up one of the photographs and appraises it. "It looks like the glass is just cracked. The photos have been sealed…I surely wouldn't have only glass over something so valuable."

"Okay…I'm…we're…um…still sorry—"

"My dear. There are so few things in this world that put a smile on his face," he tips his head behind him at the still stoic Tobias. "I heard him laughing in here and I thought my ears were betraying me. Please…don't apologize for that."

I see Amar look over his shoulder at a trying-so-hard-not-to-grin Tobias as his face now turns several shades of red.

"So you approve of my taste in photography?"

"Oh my God yes….these are…I can't believe you have the originals! Tobi-…Four… How did you not know? Especially with your mom being an artist!" I say shaking my head with my hands on my hips. "Amar these are—"

I look over at Tobias who is now staring at me with a look I can't read. Maybe a cross between surprise and confusion? A little bit of anger?

Amar turns to Tobias. "You're mother was an artist? I had no idea…that's quite amazing…I would love to see some of her work..." _Fuck…shit…fuck….shit…._

Tobias clears his throat. "Tris…you can call me Tobias in front of Amar."

"Okay." I say swallowing and looking away from his penetrating stare, knowing he was looking at me like that because of my cavalier reference to his mother. I can still feel his eyes burning a hole in the side of my face.

Amar must sense the tension as he addresses me again. "You have quite an eye for art."

"I…love…photography. Ruth Glint….I mean look at how she totally ditches the technical aspects and focuses on the composition. Her photos practically look like daguerreotypes. I don't get it! She was…phenomenal…" I glance back at Tobias who seems like he is at war between wanting to listen to our conversation and think about whatever else is on his completely unreadable mind. I realize everyone is quiet as I quickly focus my attention back to Amar. "Oh shit…I mean….sorry. You may have wanted to get a word in there someplace…"

"Actually I was quite enjoying your brief rant. There aren't many young people who even know what a daguerreotype is…and I concur…she was brilliant. And a close acquaintance of mine."

"Are you serious?!"

"Indeed….May I ask where you attended college?"

I groan internally at the embarrassing admission I have to make in the face of two brilliant architects. "Umm….I…I…wanted to… I _always _thought I would…but—"

"Not to worry…I don't have any sort of higher education."

"Really?" Tobias asks in almost disbelief. I know he didn't mean it, but it is a little insulting that he thinks people can't be successful without a college degree. _Although he didn't mean it insulting in the least...it hurt a little coming from him…even if I kind of agree. _ He must sense it by the expression on my face as he gives me an ashamed look and opens his mouth to say something, but doesn't get the chance as Amar jumps in.

"Really." He looks at Tobias seriously. "I find that drive, intelligence and sensibility have much more to do with success than a degree….obviously."

"I wasn't trying to insinuate that either of you—"

"It's fine," I say nodding my head. I mean it, but it did come out curtly.

"You meant no offense, my friend. It _is_ a rather unbelievable situation. Oddly enough, _George_ has a master's degree in international business from Stanford…and he is a yoga instructor," he says chuckling. "How lucky are both of us that we get to do what we love and are compensated for it."

Tobias makes apologetic eye contact with me, followed by a smug smirk and I know what is coming next as I glare at him.

"Speaking of which…Tris is quite the talented artist herself…wouldn't it be _wonderful _if she were compensated for doing what _she_ loves."

"Well…talented is a stretch…_Four._"

"You two obviously know how to get under each other's skin…no pun intended…" Amar laughs under his breath at the reference as Tobias and I both turn red again. "Four…you have to learn to lighten up if our partnership is to be a success. I'm assuming you've told your talented girlfriend about my offer…" Tobias nods as Amar turns his attention briefly to me. "I'll be expecting some of your work on my desk on Monday. I hope you can take honesty…because it's all I'm capable of…enjoy your afternoon my young friends…" He exits the room as quickly as he arrived and Tobias and I are left making awkward glances at each other.

"I'm sorry—"

"I didn't mean—" we both say at the same time.

"C'mere," he gestures to me as I walk slowly to where he is leaning on his desk. He wraps his arms around my back looking me in the eyes. "I wasn't saying that college degrees have anything to do with…intelligence or knowledge….or—"

"I know. I was just as surprised as you to find out that someone as successful as him is without a degree."

"Fuck. Tris…even _that _sounds horrible. I can't believe that even came out of me…I can't bear you to think that I don't believe you can be successful without one. I was more surprised because _he_ never told me…Honestly, I respect and admire him _more _now."

I nod my head in understanding. "And Tobias…I didn't mean to bring your mother up so casually…You were upset and I don't blame you…" I shake my head and run my hands up and down his arms, resting them around his neck.

"You thought I was upset?"

"That was all I could chalk it up to…"

"No…" he chuckles. "I wasn't upset. It was actually really great hearing someone talk about her as if she existed. Referring to her as an artist…it just…it caught me off guard, but she would have loved it if that were a legacy she left behind. But…fucking Marcus crushed that…" He drops his arms and rests them on his legs looking down at the floor.

"Well…maybe if you talked about her more? I feel like bringing up your parents is kind of an off limits topic—"

"I don't mean it to be." _Let's not get on the topic of Marcus…._

"I know. So…maybe sometime you can tell me more about her?"

"Yeah…I will…I promise." He rests his hand on my cheek and pulls me in for a soft kiss that makes my insides melt. "I love you…now can we eat? … I've worked up an appetite—"

"Four, Tris…I'll be expecting you both in the ALG box at the United Center tomorrow night. You know…in case the Blackhawks take the Stanley. The cup is supposed to be in the building… ta ta!"

I stare at Tobias who is staring right back with a smirk on his face. "Did he just….?"

"…invite us to the play-off game where the Blackhawks could win the Stanley Cup….yes, I believe he did."

"Did he say box seats?"

"He did."

"Holy shit!" I practically scream like a little girl and jump up and down as Tobias grins at my excitement. "Why aren't you more excited?!" I ask incredulously. At that he grabs my hand and quickly pulls me into the bathroom locking the door behind us.

He looks at me and yells practically at the top of his lungs, "Holy fuck!" as he grabs me by the waist and spins me around. I have to cling to him as fits of hysterical laughter come out of me. I have never seen him this excited and I…love…it. He sets me down as we both still bounce on our toes in elation….until…I look up at his face and I don't know what the hell takes over both of us simultaneously as I literally jump on him, crashing my lips to his as he devours mine. I bear all of my weight on his shoulders allowing him to shove his hands down the back of my yoga pants, subsequently whipping them down to my ankles at mach speed while backing me up and setting me on the sink roughly. This man makes me insta-wet and he groans at the discovery as he starts to finger me quickly. I try my best to get him out of his pants but I fucking can't because he is already curling the tip of his finger upward in rapid succession as my head starts to spin from the sensation.

"Seriously…" I run my hands down over my head because ….well, I don't really know…. "ohmyGodohmyGodohmyGod…."

Suddenly I feel more stimulus as he works me with two fingers quickly doing the same thing…all it takes is small circles on my clit with his thumb and I am just about there and digging my fingers into his back clinging to him on the inside as well as the outside as he probes me over and over matching my heavy breathing with his own. He stills his digits deep inside me as I move my hips because all I really need at that point is him inside me as my walls flutter over and over on his fingers. He moans resting his head on my shoulder. When I come to, the only words I'm capable of are. "Holy shit you are so…." _Yeah…that's all I got…_

"Baby…when you come on my fingers…I could easily come right there with you."

"That easy?" I say with seriously erratic breaths.

"That easy."

"Well you aren't going to get off that easily…literally and figuratively…" I say with way more confidence than I actually have as I push him away from me yanking my pants off my ankles. I am becoming quite the expert at getting this man out of his pants, even when he is as hard as he his right now. Finishing what I started before, I release his belt and free him from his pants, pushing them down to his ankles while he stumbles backwards. When the backs of his knees hit the toilet seat I run my hands under his briefs down his ass, his breath hitches as I make my way to the front dragging my fingernails the whole way until I arrive at his amazing cock and begin to stroke him with one hand while pulling his briefs up over his huge erection with my other. He hisses out about three or four expletives in a row as I continue working him with both my hands.

"Baby…I'm gonna…"

"Not yet you aren't…." I get out as I push him down on the seat and straddle him, still standing. He takes a deep breath through his nose as he runs his hands up my sides gripping my waist and trying to sink me down on top of him. "Mmm mmm…my job," I say as I flex my legs tight around his, stopping him. He looks up at me and I can feel the tip of his cock twitch as he loosens his grip on my waist, breathing heavily through his mouth. He is so erect that I don't even need to line up our bodies. All I have to do is brace myself on his shoulders and sway my hips until he is right at my entrance. This is going to be easy because I'm pretty sure I'm dripping all over him and I am so open and ready from my previous two orgasms. I lower myself about an inch and still myself, then another inch and still myself, then other…and so on. His grip tightens on my waist each time and I am rewarded with a moan every time I sink down further. Once he is fully sheathed inside me he rests his head on my shoulder mumbling something. I catch the word 'incredible' and that's it. I lose myself for a moment thinking about how amazingly sensitive I am and wondering if I feel different to him. Coming to my senses, my physical need had already taken over and I had started to rock against him. I watch his face as it contorts and he grabs my hips assisting me. I immediately push his hands off me as he freezes and looks at me worried. "My job," I reassure, continuing to rock against him as his amazing penis grazes my inner walls. _Fucking unreal…._ He rests his hands at his sides and nods his head with a shaky, "okay," but then adds a gritted out "Jesus" as I change the angle to get him deeper and start to increase my speed.

Every move I make seems to be sending shock waves through my pliant insides. _This isn't going to last long for me….damnit….but oh my God…._ Tobias closes his eyes and runs his hands through his hair not seeming to know what to do with them...so he rests them on the back of his head as his jaw goes slack.

"Fucking….amazing…my God Tris…"

I already feel that impending sense of the end coming way too soon as I change the angle and now brace my hands on the back of toilet rubbing my clit on his skin and riding him hard and fast. Suddenly his arms are around me holding me close and he thrusts up into me and I thrust down.

"Oh my…God…fuck me baby…" he grits out as I seat myself as deeply as possible grabbing him by the back of his neck. I move my hips in quick fits as his amazingly hard shaft adds pressure over and over and over my G-spot. Swelling inside me he thrusts his hips up moaning something and I come completely undone as an upsurge of warmth envelopes my insides bringing my whole being to peak and holding it there as I feel like I'm teetering back and forth in pleasure until I fall over and come down swaying like a leaf.

I don't know how long it takes for me to start breathing normally, but once I do, I realize I am still holding onto the back of his neck and he has his arms still wrapped tightly around me.

"Tris?"

"Yeah?"

"Best day ever."

"Yeah?"

"First, I get to fuck my amazing girlfriend…up against a wall…in my office….then… I find out I get to take my amazing girlfriend…to a Stanley cup play-off game…then…my amazing girlfriend fucks me…on a toilet…."

We are still clinging to each other as we start laughing at the ridiculousness of that last part until he slightly pulls back in an attempt to lean his elbows on the back of the toilet…we hear a sudden flush….as Tobias pitches over the side of the toilet taking me with him….

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

If it were socially acceptable for a dude to skip, I would. I think this to myself as I head into Dauntless to meet Zeke. I'm so fucking stoked for the damned game and pumped full of whatever that post sex shit that Tris talks about that I may even let him kick my ass. He would love that and I'm feeling incredibly generous!

That girl is….the best thing…ever. First of all, she brought me Jimmy John's…which by itself…fucking rocks. Speaking of fucking, she shows up panti-less and let's me take her up against a wall, meets my boss in an incredibly awkward situation, which she handles like a champ along with seriously impressing him…so much so that he invites us to a play-off game…_the _play-off game. She somehow gets me to jump around like a lunatic in the bathroom and rocks my world on the damned toilet. _Jesus…I'm getting worked up again just thinking about her. She has no idea what she does to me….no…idea… _

My thoughts are momentarily ruined as a pang of guilt hits me because, as much as I would love to have lunch with Tris everyday, I knew Nita would be at a meeting with the ETA. _Dodged that bullet. _But Tris did have a few comments:

"This office is a hotel room", "still can't believe you fell asleep", "is that a pull-out couch?", "I bet people have a lot of fun in these offices…"

They definitely do…it is not exactly an uncommon occurrence for an unnamed guest to sneak in after hours_. _I know the right thing to do would be to just tell her that Nita, by whom I am now officially creeped out, tucked me in like a stalker weirdo. But, I'm going to be working nights with that chick and I don't want Tris to worry. _Maybe she wouldn't? Are you underestimating her?_ If I knew my new associate Matthew were going to be at the bar every night with Tris, I would be…an unknown adjective… And they didn't even sleep together! I need to think this situation through….later. _I'm too friggin' happy right now!_

"Four…."

"George…"

We exchange congenial nods…mine may be too congenial…and I head back to the locker room to get ready thinking about awesome things the whole time….

Heading out to the ring I see Zeke is already geared up.

"Dude. Did you just skip?"

"What? No!"

"If that wasn't a skip it was a seriously fucked-up hop on one leg."

"Well then that's what it was."

"Why are you... What is that? Smirking?"

"Why are you checking out my mouth? Can we just box already?!"

"Yeah…okay….whatever…"

Being light on our feet we start to circle each other and I wait patiently for the impending interrogation…but not before quickly rotating my body and getting in a cross-body punch.

"So," he starts as he tries to go in for a jab. Dumbest punch ever…he is obviously not taking this seriously.

"So."

"Details."

"Vague."

"Don't 'vague' me! You know exactly what I mean by—" I deliver another cross body punch seeing as he isn't anticipating any of my moves. "—details. It's your woman…I know it is…that look…did you tap that ass today?"

"_Tap that ass_?! What the fuck is wrong with you?!" I ask enraged that he would even refer to my girlfriend as "that ass." So I roughly round house kick him in the side.

"Ow! Shit! I knew that would get you!"

"You sound like you're idiot brother."

"I'm just fuckin' with you…speaking of which…"

"You're an asshole."

Although, I can't help but laugh at his persistence. And some fucked up part of being a guy makes me want to brag about our sex life: her exhibitionist tendencies, phone sex, office sex, bathroom sex, how I've literally made her scream on several occasions, how she gives the best head ever in the history of the world and she likes it, how she seems to like to watch…which I hope to explore….

"Four! Four! Fuck man! I don't even have the heart to knock you the fuck out when you have that rare ass look on your face!" He stops and throws his gloves in the corner. "Do tell… Do tell…" he says fake soothingly as he places his hand on my shoulder, which I immediately shrug off. "Come…on! I tell you everything—"

"And I wish you wouldn't. I have to actually look at Shauna…you _do_ know that?!"

Zeke is the king of TMI and I know way too much. "Does she even fucking know how much you tell me…?" I inquire looking over my shoulder seeing if she's around.

He shrugs his shoulders. "Probably... Honestly man…I don't think she gives a shit!"

"Well Tris…would give a shit." _Maybe….how much does she tell Christina? Hopefully only the good stuff! _ I can't see Tris sharing our most private and meaningful moments…but I wouldn't put it past her to relinquish some information to Christina.

"You're gonna tell me something aren't you? You have a smug-ass smile on your face….I knew I could get something out of you! Halle-fuckin-lejah!"

"Stop...doing that."

After he contains his ridiculous display of excitement, which contained jumping jacks, push-ups and his version of the moon walk he hops out of the ring and runs to a bench along the wall patting the spot next to him gently. _What an asshole. _I follow with my head down and sit next to him, resting my elbows on my knees. I wave once to Shauna as she walks across the gym to the office.

"Ground rules."

"Aw…come on man—"

"Ground….rules." He crosses his arms pouting. "There will be no details—"

"How the fuck do you expect me to—"

"No…_major…_details," I amend because I can't help it.

"Alright, alright, alright….lemme ponder this for un momento…" he says rubbing his hands together and looking at the ceiling. "Okay…this is an important one….has she sucked your dick—"

"Zeke."

"—and if she has…how was it?"

"Why do _these _questions matter to you?"

"I need to make sure my main man is well-attended to!"

"Your main man is _very_ well-attended to," I answer with a stoic face even if '_very_ well-attended to' is an understatement.

"Oh man! You must be!" Apparently my face wasn't stoic. "Okay…okay…is she a screamer?"

I clear my throat and give him a sharp, "Mmm hmm!"

"Whoo hoo! No shit?! Who knew?!...Alright…The first time you fucked…. Was it as expected? Sub par? Better than expected?"

I pause for a moment and think about my answer. "I wouldn't know."

"Were you fucked up?!...No!... Was it the night you two were plastered from all that nasty ass scotch?!"

"No you dip shit! It's because we didn't _fuck…_our first time."

He thinks about that for longer than he thinks about…anything...and then nods his head. "I feel you…I do. I never had that…you know…moment with Shauna."

I nod my head and stare at the ground thinking about that memory and feeling momentarily overwhelmed that I have it:

_"Don't treat me…differently…please…just—"_

_"Tris. I will absolutely treat you differently…because you are different…and because I love you. And I have every intention of making love to you…not just having sex with you."_

"So then….the first time you…you…ya know…." I stare at him in mock confusion and amusement as he fumbles over the words he is to chicken shit to say out loud.

"I _don't_ know. What _are_ you talking about?" I ask my voice dripping with sarcasm.

"You're gonna make me say it."

"Say what?"

"You fucking know what." I shrug and lean back onto the wall. "Fine….the first timeyoumadelove…."

"What? I didn't quite catch that?"

"Four! Guys do _not_ talk like this!"

"You're a grown man in a committed relationship…talking to your best friend…don't be such a pussy. Now….the first time I _made love _to my girlfriend…." I take a drink of water and a deep breath. "It was beyond what I had expected."

I wait patiently for him to respond but all I see is an immature smirk.

"Jesus Zeke! You're telling me all you and Shauna do is fuck?"

I have to wait patiently…again…for his answer. "No….well sometimes…but…."

"But…."

"But it's still love…yeah, yeah, fine, enough….you're right…I'm a pussy who can't emotionalize for shit!"

"Is that a word?"

"It is a word… Its definition being: 'to make emotional.'" George says softly, appearing out of nowhere and glides by us with his hands behind his back.

"Cool…cause I thought I pulled it out of my ass…. How the fuck long was he standing there?" Zeke asks quietly out of the side of his mouth.

"Don't know. Don't care. I'm gonna hit the bags because you were fucking worthless out there," I comment as I quickly walk to the bags. I start walking with my head down as I see Nita emerge from the locker room.

"No no no! Wait! So is she freaky?! I bet she is...it's always the quiet ones! Well…except for Shauna…who is not quiet on any level! You know what I'm sayin'?!"

"Ezekiel!" Shauna screeches from across the facility in reference to Zeke's admission to the whole gym.

"Fuck…shit...I'm out!" I watch and laugh as he runs like a pansy after Shauna who has stormed into the office.

* * *

**Nita's POV:**

I always like to be strategic when I choose which machine to use at the gym. There are two treadmills and an elliptical where the lighting is just perfect: it lands on my body in just the right angle so when my ass flexes it only makes it look hotter than it actually is…it's basically like trying to beat perfection. So I am pleased to see Four (whose name I found out from my father, is actually Tobias)… '_Four' is so much sexier… _working the bags fairly close to my targeted treadmill.

I walk slowly and watch his strong, sexy, tan arms flex and strain as he hits the punching bag. I close my eyes briefly thinking about him hovering over me on my bed and reflect back to the feeling of his arms wrapped tight around me. Although I have to use my imagination because his arms were never wrapped around me at all…but I have a strong mind and an even stronger imagination.

_Maybe someday they will be wrapped around me….. _

Flashback:

"Juanita…may I have a word?"

"Sure Daddy! I was just going to the club but I always have a minute for you!"

"Gracias princesa."

"Marcus Eaton informed me there is an opening at ALG Architects. They are in search of a new Jr. Associate. Would you be interested?"

"Well… of course…but I just got hired at—"

"Darling, you are brilliant. You can do better. I'm assuming you wouldn't have signed a contract without clearing it through me first, anyway?" _No...why would I do anything without your approval...?_

"Of course not, Daddy."

"Then why don't you just apply…see what happens…."

"Okay! I will."

"Darling…. The owner….Amar Ghadi….doesn't think kindly of me. So you may not want to disclose anything about the family business."

"I wouldn't dream of it anyway. Thank you Daddy! Well I'm off!"

"Have a productive day."

**End Flasback:**

Turns out Amar was smarter than I thought. He must do some serious checks on his applicants before interviewing them. He knew about my father even if he didn't come out and say it. I absolutely cannot stand Amar. He thinks he's all high and mighty. But I'm sure his _ethics_, prevented him from not hiring me…I can just hear him say, "Children don't always follow in the footsteps of their parents"…."Everyone deserves a chance to blaze their own trail"…etc., etc.,….such nonsense crap.

What a bullshit stroke of luck (just thinking about the word stroke around Four makes my thong worthless) that my father recommended me to apply. He serious underestimates me…it's part of the 'daddy's girl' façade I put on in front of him. He honestly thought I didn't sniff out an ulterior motive.

The second I found out that Four _Eaton _is a new Senior Architect I put it all together. Marcus Eaton is one of my father's closest friends and 'associates.' Dear old Daddy has always wanted to make his business dealings _seem _more legitimate and Marcus is a _respected _businessman obsessed with money, power and legacy. What a perfect coupling we would make. I can see the headlines: "_Mobster goes legit…daughter of mob boss Carlos Juares marries son of business tycoon Marcus Eaton_…"

Although I get the feeling, upon overhearing many conversations, that my father is holding something over Marcus's head. What kind of legacy would Marcus Eaton leave behind if it was riddled with seemingly former mob ties? Just thinking of the word legacy...yech...legacy means grandchildren. _Please don't puke in your mouth Nita! Kids! Do you know what that does to a woman's body? Although probably not mine...I'm in the 1%...I would probably be that cute pregnant girl that looks like she has a basketball under her shirt and gets like no stretchmarks... Or we could get a surrogate? Same DNA! Four and I could just pay for our own human incubator! But too many people would talk...I don't know...all we need is one...Don't they schedule these things now? I could have a C-section so I don't ruin my little kitty cat... Once it's out I wouldn't have to do much. That's what au pairs are for!_

Putting everyone aside. I knew I wanted this man anyway from the moment I saw him. He looked me up and down like everyone does, including women, and immediately looked the other way, feigning disinterest. It took more effort on my part than I have ever had to exert to get him to take me out on a date, but that's because he's smart and knows how to play the game. On our date, he was so interested in everything about me that he didn't even feel as if he had to contribute anything about himself. That was fine with me because I didn't really care: his father is an arrogant ass and his mother was a pill-popper who probably committed suicide…tacky. _How embarrassing…._

Thanks to his appreciation for good gin he loosened up very fast…and then even more so at my apartment afterwards. His reluctance to go down on me, and the limited amount of time he spent, just showed his inexperience and it was so endearing. And then when I woke him up with his amazing cock in my mouth, he looked at me with shocked eyes and groaned in pleasure all while trying to stop me…it was so sweet that he was thinking about my enjoyment, making sure I was only doing it because I wanted to. Even sweeter when he pulled me off of him mid-blow job so I wouldn't have to finish and drove into me with sheer force and determination…ugh…so hot. _Swoon. _

"Hi Four…" I say in my sexy voice, which I'm pretty sure drives him crazy seeing that he won't even make eye contact with me to reveal anything.

"Nita." His voice is so deep, calm and sexy. If I could rip his voicebox out and make it my alarm clock I would… _Okay kitten…calm down…. _

I have a finely tuned engine to keep up with: my body. So I start with a slow jog making sure I have perfect posture to accentuate my abs and breasts. I'm sure Four will be looking….he's a guy and they pretty much can't help themselves. Just as I can't seem to help myself with him…. _Sigh_.

"Whoops…sorry! That was loud..." I definitely sighed out loud as Four looks at me sideways, shaking his head. _He thinks I'm funny._

Walking in on him passed out the other night…_ugh…_ If I wasn't trying so hard to be more professional (because it seems that's what he likes) I would have woken him up with his cock in my mouth again. But I definitely made a wiser decision by darkening the room and covering him with a blanket I found in the closet. I lifted his glasses off….they were half off anyway…and put them away in their case. I also carefully took his phone out of his hand and turned it off, so as not to disturb him with unwelcome calls. He looked so peaceful after I covered him up. So I kissed him softly on the cheek and then the forehead and then his other cheek.

He smirked and mumbled, "Good-night baby." Well, that sealed the deal! He puts on such a show around others…I get it, it's work and he's professional._ Maybe I should quit…._ Anyway, after I watched him for a bit I couldn't help myself and took a quick picture of his perfectly relaxed, God-like face…_Fuck I hope we end up together...we would be like Paris and Helen of Troy….- Where did he go?_

I practically trip off the treadmill as I turn around to see him jogging toward some people at the front entrance. I love watching him… His calf muscles flexing and his ass in those sexy basketball shorts…

I hear a squeak and an annoying tinkling of a laugh as I see him sneak up behind someone and wrap his arms around them wiping his sweaty forehead on the back of their neck. _Who the hell is that? Ew! That nothing chick Trisha…._

I watch their exchange, taking extremely detailed mental notes as she smacks him on the chest and leans into him. He kisses the top of her head and rests his chin on it. _She's so fucking short… _I recognize Zeke and then the loud bubbly girl as the manager of the gym.

"…in front of the whole gym! Fucking asshole!" the manager yells loudly. Trisha laughs and the manager says something as she points her finger at her, seemingly trying to deflect attention as Zeke backs slowly away from Four.

"Oh my God! What did you tell him?!" She turns around and looks at Four as he pulls her into an embrace with her covering her face and gives Zeke the finger while mouthing something that makes Zeke cower jokingly behind the manager. _That guy is ridiculous..._

_Why am I watching so intently?! Why the fuck do I care about their little exchange?! Because I have no friends and secretly wish I did…. No...not really...  
_

With one final middle finger to Zeke Four pulls Trisha behind him over to the yoga rooms as I move closer and stand behind a beam.

"He's a dick…I swear to God I didn't tell him—"

"It's fine…I tell Christina…stuff…" _She's so shy and mousy…._

He gets a hot ass smile on his face. "Really? Like what?" He asks as he waggles his eyebrows pulling her to him by her waist.

She has to actually get on her fucking tip toes to reach his ear…whatever the hell she says makes his eyes go wide and he bites down on his lip. _What is she telling him? _Whatever it is she backs up quickly as he grabs for her, catching her by her yoga tank.

"You cannot walk away after that! Storage closet…now…I know how much you—"

"Stop it." He let's go as her shirt snaps back into place. "Ow! Jackass!"

"Am I wrong?" He asks as he grabs her from behind and wraps his arms around her childlike form burying his face in her neck.

"I'm going to class—"

"I'm gonna watch…the whole time."

"You will not watch…"

_Their playful exchange makes me want to puke! Thank God men don't treat me like I'm a doll they can throw around…. Storage closets? The only time you'll find me in a storage closet is if I'm firing a maid!_

He turns her around like a porcelain doll and whispers something in her ear that makes her pasty complexion turn red as he kisses her softly on the cheek with his sexy as hell lips. I'm observing so closely that I actually feel the ghost of his lips on my cheek. Then he pulls away and looks at her in a way I've never seen on his face. _It looks…weird._

She smiles annoyingly and goes up on her toes again and I close my eyes as I picture my lips in her place kissing him softly. Not really my style but whatever. They whisper something else dumb to each other as she goes into the yoga room.

I watch him watch her get settled. He has the cutest smile on his face as he shakes his head at her and she mouths for him to go away as she goes up into the downward dog position. _I am so much more flexible than she is…._

"Four! Four! Dude! I'm hungry!"

I watch him mumble something under his breath as he turns away from the yoga room, looking once more over his shoulder and then catching my eye, staring at me intently. I can feel the sexual tension in his gaze. Now that's my Four: stoic, intense, sexy narrowed eyes. He may be playful around her…but I can tell he can be his true self around me.

"See you later at the office…Four…late night again…" I remark as I walk away with my best walk. I look over my shoulder to see him staring at me. _He's totally checking me out. Yes!_

_Now what do I do about Trisha? Nothing! I know Marcus already has something in the works..._

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

Well….work wasn't too bad tonight. It was slower with tomorrow being the possible 4th win in the series for the Blackhawks…it's almost like the town is resting up. Speaking of resting up…I'm exhausted, which makes no sense seeing as I slept for a day and half.

I make my way slowly through the front doors of Tobias's building and give the night doorman a small smile before I text Tobias that I'm on my way up.

"Miss Prior?"

"Mmm? Yeah?"

"Mr…Four requested I give this to you," he says lazily as he pushes a small box toward me. It's white, small and unwrapped.

"Okay…thanks…" I respond as I take the box and walk toward the elevators. It's 1:30 so they open immediately and I do the same with the box as I walk in. Inside it, is a key with the Blackhawks logo on it along with a note. I feel a smile spread across my face so big and fast that it would probably smack the person next to me in the face…if there was anyone next to me. Taking out the note, it reads:

_You already have the key to my heart…thought maybe you'd want one for my apartment…. Please say yes! –T_

I giggle out loud at his blatant attempt at being cheesy….it was awful…. _But oh how I love it!_

It seems to take forever to get to his apartment but when I finally do, I unlock the door for the first time with _my _key and quietly close it behind me, leaving my shoes to the side by the entryway. _We should really start doing that at Chris's and my place. _

This time I have packed a bag so I quietly change into my PJs in the living room and sneak into his bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face. I wash my face with the pump hand soap because I have yet to remember to bring my own…_Damnit._ When I open the drawer to grab my toothbrush (he keeps nothing on his bathroom sink) I am surprised by what I find: right next to my brush that he sweetly bought for me and toothbrush is my brand of face wash, eye-liner, lip tint, and hair bands. "Aw…." I give an immediate pouty face and I think how fucking awesome that is: he made me a drawer and went out of his way to put my things in it. He _definitely _went out of his way…. _I love this man…._

I need to be in his arms immediately so I turn off the bathroom light and swiftly slide under the covers where I know he has been waiting for me because he has his strong arm out for my to lay on. I nuzzle into his neck and take a deep breath of his sexy scent as I drap my arm and leg over him and he pulls me close.

"Hi," he says in his soft groggy, sexy voice.

"Hi."

"How'd you get in?"

"The door man gave me a key…he should be fired."

"Hmmm…."

I laugh envisioning the cute pouty face he's making. "I love it….I love you….thank you."

"So you're accepting my proposal?" We both stay silent for a moment as that wording sinks in. "Ummm….ha…I meant…I mean I…maybe—"

"I accept your key….and your bathroom drawer...thank you so much...for all of it." I had to interrupt that shit immediately before he says something he doesn't mean out of syntactical obligation.

He clears his throat but I can feel him smiling proudly as his chin grazes my head. "Was my cheesiness the worst?"

"Definitely."

"I'm the worst."

"You are the worst," I agree in jest. "…in the best way."

"How is it that you can make me feel good by saying shitty things?" he asks pinching my side as I twitch and laugh. "So….did you get off work tomorrow night?"

I take a deep breath and sigh, trying to trick him into thinking I didn't.

"You don't really think I'm gonna fall for that do you?"

"Apparently not…."

"I can tell when you're lying even before you lie."

"Whatever….jerk." I say as I poke him in the side. "And yes! Tori said she would cover for me after I told her about the whole glass-in-my-head thing and made her feel like shit for not being there."

"That's my girl….make people feel like an ass so she can get her way."

"Are you kidding? When do I do that?"

"I am indeed…kidding," he says absentmindedly twining out fingers together. "However, you _can _be a force to be reckoned with and I would imagine you were pulling out all the stops…not letting anything get in the way of you and the possible Stanley Cup."

"Hmph."

"You know…It's getting harder and harder to fall asleep without you in my protective embrace."

"Not true. You fell asleep just fine in your office without me in your so-called 'protective embrace'."

I wait for him to laugh or make some sort of comment. _I didn't mean to make him feel bad. _"Tobias, I was kidding…" I say looking up and turning his face to kiss him softly on the lips, lingering just a little longer than necessary.

"I know…I love you," he says in my ear as he runs his fingers through my hair lulling me to sleep. "Best day ever."

"Best…day…ever."

* * *

**I know readers don't love the fact that Tobias had a sex-life BT (before Tris), but try to read between the lines and see that his perspective on their experience was very different! Yes...Nita sucks/she's a bitch/she's annoying/she's psycho...but she's integral to the story! Sorry!**

**Please Review!**


	27. Life's Too Short

**AN:**

**I know I have several readers who loved that I made Tris a dancer so this is an AN for you: I picture Tris as kind of a Nika Kljun.**

Check her out on Youtube!

**Chapter 27 – Life's Too Short**

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

Falling asleep last night proved…difficult, not out of physical discomfort: I was exactly where I was supposed to be, running my fingers through Tris's hair as she clings to my torso. But the conversation, as brief as it was, about my sleeping at the office, left me with guilt that feels like a rock in my gut. At some point in the night Tris rolled over onto her side and I usually end up rolling with her and holding her to me. But for some reason this time I just stayed on my back, thinking.

I tried to soothe my conscience by telling myself that I really hadn't lied to her. I had just left out information… I'd tried to put myself in Tris's shoes and…shit….I would understand her not wanting to tell me…because I'm _me. _But, with that said, I would still _need _to know and the right thing to do would be for her to tell me….and she would…because she's the better person. _That's it! Decision made!_ I was going to tell her….when she won't be as threatened by it. She would definitely be pissed that I didn't tell her sooner. But that is a price I am willing to pay if it avoids her being worried about stalker Nita while we are working in such close proximity.

_Speaking of which, there is more to Nita than I thought… _When I saw her at the gym, she actually spurred me on as I took out my anger at the situation on the bags_. _Then after enjoying my playful five minutes with Tris, I caught Nita's eye and she looked…not quite right. I can't explain it… She walked away saying something but I was too lost in thought trying to analyze the situation. She was absolutely watching our every move because when I spotted her she was literally hiding behind a beam, not even 10 feet away from us.

_I swear if this chick fucks things up between Tris and I_… _Why did this have to happen when I am in the midst of one of the biggest projects I have ever done? Why did this have to happen when I'm going to be working late almost every night with a crazy person, who I had shitty drunk sex with among other things I'd rather not remember?_

I need to discuss this situation with Amar. Maybe when we have that partner discussion… After all, he deserves full disclosure if a partnership is to work. _Full disclosure if a partnership is to work… Does that apply to my personal life? Does it still count as full disclosure if you hold out with the full intention of eventually disclosing? Am I fucking everything up? Yeah….I really have to talk to Amar…_

I've already showered, shaved and am just about ready for work as I sit on the ottoman and just watch Tris sleep soundly. Her hair is draped over her pillow and she has rolled over to my side, clutching mine. _I love that…_

She recently told me that the very first time she slept in my arms was the first time in three years she hadn't woken up from a panic-inducing nightmare. As much as I hate that those thoughts ever invaded her beautiful mind, I love the fact that _I _am supposedly the one who literally chases her nightmares away. I would like to think that I'm helping her move past the horrific events that she…. _Fuck, I swear I will murder that man and not even try to hide the fucking body… _

I loosen my tie as my face starts to heat up. Swallowing thickly, I watch her for just a few more choice moments, deep in thought about what both of us have been through…and how much she has helped me. I haven't dreamed about my mother's screams in weeks.

I hold my breath as an option that I used to push to the side at every possible suggestion enters my brain_. Why am I considering this now? Because I see a future with this incredible woman, and other…smaller people…may be involved. Because I am not capable….and I won't be capable until I figure shit out in my head. I won't talk about my father, I rarely mention my mother and I'm fucking scared as shit about things…that may happen to…smaller people…. FUCK! I need….therapy…..damnit…_

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

_A soft kiss on my cheek that lingers. Then a slight hint of the sexiest aftershave ever…the kind that makes me feel like there's a sparkler in my stomach…and another sweet kiss on my other cheek. A soft deep whisper in my ear… Is it possible for whispers to smell like mint? Mmmmm…..yep…it's possible…_

I blink my eyes as it takes a moment to register the buzzing noise that is my phone alarm.

"Shit!" I whisper. _Why am I whispering? _ I know Tobias is already gone if I slept until my alarm goes off. That means it's 7:00. I hate that I didn't get to say good-bye… _And there's the pouty lip again…._

I don't even know why I set the alarm anymore. I _used_ to set it for 6:00 AM as to wake me from my nightmares. I would so often sleep through them out of physical exhaustion from a late night of closing. I've been surviving on four to five hours of sleep per night for about three years. Maybe it's time I…aimed higher? I haven't had a true nightmare in weeks. Apart from the very strange ones I had when I was sick…. But they were so different….

I sigh to myself and stare at the ceiling. _Well now what do I do? Last time I was in this situation…. Nah! Now that I have the real thing, it's lost its appeal. I could stay in this Tobias smelling bed for….ever…. Okay I gotta get up…_

I shuffle toward the bathroom, rubbing my eyes. The scent of his soap and aftershave is still heady and it makes my cheeks heat up just thinking about the water from the shower running down his back and gluts. _Gah…Tris! _Shaking my head I begin my morning routine: go to the bathroom, wash my face, and brush my teeth and hair.

Now that I am _supposed _to get into the habit of taking care of myself better, I make my way into the kitchen to… _To what? You're not going to raid his fridge! _ I'm not sure how much I like waking up in a place where things aren't my own. It's one thing when Tobias is here, but when he's not, I feel like I'm trespassing or something.

Or maybe it's because nothing about this apartment is _him. _It's stale and formal and…I fucking hate it. Every wall is white, the furniture is a mahogany color, there is even glass on top of the tables. The whole place looks like a suite at The Hilton. I know he's a neat freak but this takes things to a whole new level. I never craved clutter or _tchotchkes …ugh!... _more in my life. Maybe if I sneak a few things in here or there he won't think I'm nuts.

_The kitchen is small so it needs to be a lighter color but the living room is big enough where we could put some dark wall paper up as an accent wall and then paint the others light grey. But the place still needs some color… Tobias color… I'll have to think about that one… Tris…you…are…insane! He gives you a key and you redecorate! You crazy bitch! I need…coffee…damnit…._

For some reason I don't feel bad rummaging through his cabinets in search of a coffee maker. I wouldn't have to rummage through anything if he would actually keep things on his counter. _Geez…he must hate my place… _Turns out I am unsuccessful at finding a coffee maker. _Okay….not the end of the world…weird….but not the end of the world. Gertie's here I come! Please serve me…_

Going back into his room I make the bed, but not before smelling his pillow one more time, and then change out of my PJs. I go to shove them in my bag but then I stop in my tracks and decide to change course, folding them up as small as possible in hopes of sneaking them into one of his drawers. I go for his T-shirt drawer, wanting to hide them at the bottom. But instead of his perfectly folded shirts, I find an empty drawer with a note:

_Seeing as you have "gotten into my drawers" so many times… I figured I may as well give you your own…_

_I love you… -T_

_P.S. Am I the worst?_

"You are the worst…." I say to myself, smiling like an idiot. "…in the best way."

I sigh and stand up to leave, taking one last glance to make sure everything is in order. I grab _my _key and slide it onto my key chain as an idea pops into my head…..

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

This day can't go by slower. It's not that I'm bored, I have plenty to do… I'm just so fucking excited for this game that I've literally been counting down all day—

_"__It's the final countdown!….do do do do…do do do do do….do do do do….do do do do do do—…._No? Not into it?" Matthew is peeking into my office.

"Not into it," I deadpan in answer to his question about his awful Rocky soundtrack impression.

"Sorry…" He steps into my office as if the floor was made of glass. "Look, I heard you're going to the game and….I was…just trying to be…"

I stare at him really wanting to know what the hell is up with this guy. _We are not friends! _

"So…yeah…I don't really know what to say when you look at me…like that…"

"You can start by telling me why you didn't come by my office so we could discuss protocol on the proper channels you are to go through before making requests and suggestions to our builders."

"Well….this is not an excuse, but it was my second day and Amar was showing me the ropes and introducing me to _everyone. _I can't believe you have a coffee barista… Wow—"

"_We _have a coffee barista… You work here too."

"Yes…I do." He puts his hands in his pockets and looks awkwardly at the ground. "So-"

"Sit down."

"Okay." I don't think I've ever seen someone sit in a chair so fast before. It was almost funny…

"You did well with the board of directors. For a project you were thrown in the middle of, you handled yourself appropriately."

"Appropriately?"

"Yes."

"That sounds—"

"Appropriate."

"Yes…appropriate."

"Did someone say appropriate?" Nita leans on the door frame of my office with her hand on her hip that is sticking out way too far.

"Not you…." I mumble.

"Not you…" Matthew….also mumbles...at the same time.

We make eye contact and I can't help but laugh at our shared opinion. A look of relief comes across is face as he laughs lightly with me. _He really thinks I hate him…_

"What's so funny you two?" she asks as she comes in and seats herself comfortably at the table, which is strange because there is an extra chair in front of my desk, right next to Matthew. It's not until she crosses her legs and shows an exorbitant amount of outer thigh that I realize why she chose that as her location.

"Ahem….Nita…." _Yes Matthew…play into her little game…give her all the attention she wants….dumbass… _"Did you do something different to your hair?" _What? Her hair? _

She looks at him, taken aback, as I check out her hair. I don't really ever notice her hair, but it doesn't seem…different. And then his meaning sinks in…. _Sarcasm…I get it…_

"There's a chair right here for you…" Matthew gestures toward the empty chair as she uncrosses her legs and walks over, sitting down with her back as straight as an arrow. I have to bite the inside of my cheek as to not laugh out loud.

I clear my throat and try to stifle one last laugh before I start. "Okay. I need an update on your progress. Matthew, you first."

"Me?"

_Does that question even deserve a response?_

"Okay…. Well, I was going over the elevation and grading changes and I'm not sure I agree with the topographer on the slope. I think your original design was great" …_There's that fucking word again …_ "It's more doable than she thinks it is. This is an awesome site. Why would we want to grade it flat? I say let's grade it to provide a variety of experiences in using the building."

"A variety of experiences?"

"I don't know… I hate museums. That last part just…sounded good…."

"It was good. The perfect kind of vague bullshit the board wants to hear…." I think back to my exchange with Johanna Reyes. "...so I've been told… File that one away for the next meeting."

"Yes sir!"

"So, you think we need a second opinion on topography? And don't ever salute me again."

"Yes sir…."

"Matthew."

"Yes Four…? Um… All I know is how the building meets the ground is, especially in this case, an important part of the exterior design… You said yourself this addition needs to blend… Why not blend it into the topography?"

It's a great idea. I personally wanted to build the addition into the slope. He may even have a better design than my original.

"Okay. I'll call around to get a different topographer to provide us with a second opinion. You draw up some preliminaries. Have them here by 9:00 A.M. Monday."

"Really?!" I raise my eyebrows at him for about the fifth time in this short amount of time he's been here. "...Yes…yes…I will do that…have them here…9:00…Monday."

I redirect my attention to Nita who has been boring a hole in my head with her stare this whole time. "How did your meeting with ETA go?"

"Great! I gave them the plans and explained what the board of directors wants. My father knows Johanna Reyes very well so I have—"

"I don't care who your father knows."

"Well then we have something else in common…" _What is that supposed to mean?_

"Nita, please continue."

"They're going to review it and I offered for you and I to meet them at their facility in Rolling—"

"No. We pay them. They come to us. Set up at meeting for next week. More towards the end because if Matthew's ideas are any good, it could be a game-changer and we'll need time to resubmit to the drafters—"

"Speaking of game-changers…" Amar steps in. _How does he do that? Do he and George practice that shit? _"I am inviting _all _associates to the game tonight with a plus one."

"Shut the front door!" _Oh…..Matthew…._

"Matthew my boy… I know you're new here. But in this office we say 'shut the fuck up,'" Amar quips leaning toward him.

"Nita? Will you be joining us for the game?"

"What game?" _Crickets….heard in the city of Chicago…._

"Blackhawks…. Basketball…. Great sport!…." Matthew says nodding at Nita and winking. _He's so awkward but I'm starting to like him. He wants your girlfriend…you can't like him…._

"Well then I'm in! I can bring a date?" she inquires glancing at me several times.

"Please do my dear," Amar answers.

"I…will…" she says slowly pronouncing her words while making creepy eye contact with me. "Okay gentleman….." She rises slowly and makes her way toward the door. "Let me know if you need anything else…Four…"

"We'll see you at Soldier Field!" Matthew waves at her as she quirks her head in thought.

After Nita gets a good enough distance away from my office door I lean back in my chair and look at Matthew, noticing that Amar hasn't said a word yet either.

"Basketball? See you at Soldier Field?" _That was actually hilarious._

"Oh yeah… I can't stand her… Awful human… Society's downfall… She's like a smart Kardashian…"

Amar, who still hasn't said anything, is obviously looking for me to front this.

"Nita is…many things. But you still have to work with her so please keep your discontent on a professional level."

"Sorry. She's just been jacking my friend, David, around for a while now and it's getting old… She'll probably bring him tonight…. You know she is completely obsessed with you, right? I mean—"

"Matthew…. Professional level." I interrupt before he continues to tell me shit I already know.

"Right…." He nods his head slowly and gets up. "I'll see you guys tonight. Go Bulls!... Not funny?... Okay…see…you...tonight…that was repetitive…"

Amar closes the door behind him and sits in front of my desk shaking his head and resting his chin on his steepled fingers. "Our new friend Matthew is…."

"Incredibly awkward."

"To the utmost degree… Do you feel I made a mistake in hiring him?"

I take a deep breath trying to put aside my issues with him. "No… I'll think he'll be an asset…. Anyway who the hell am I to talk about social issues?"

"Self deprecation is not becoming. You have come a long way…particularly since Miss Prior came into your life." I must be grinning like a fool because Amar starts laughing at me. However, he quickly changes topics. "Matthew seems to have a certain disdain for Nita…"

"Agreed."

"As do you."

"Agreed."

"Is there anything you would care to share?"

I toss my glasses onto my desk and scrub my face with my hands thinking about how to answer that. "Put it this way. A line has not been officially crossed...relatively speaking…but I'm afraid it might."

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I can't help but keep humming the most annoyingly catchy tune in the world as I'm on my way to The Studio: Chelsea Dagger by The Fratelli's. It's the self-proclaimed Blackhawks' goal song and…where on a normal day I can't stand it….today I fucking love it.

_"__Duh duh da duh, duh da duh, duh da duh da duh da, duh duh da duh, duh da duh, duh da duh da duh da—"_

I'm interrupted by my phone buzzing. It's Christina. She _never _calls…only texts...

"Hello?"

"Oh my God! Trissy! Trissy! Trissy! Trissy!—"

"What?!"

"Amar invited Will to the Hawks game, too! I get to go with! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" It feels like my ear just got shot with an elephant dart but I can't help but be excited too.

"Can you get off work?! I mean how is Tori going to—"

"Amar extended the invite to her and Bud! And you're gonna lose your shit when you hear this….."

"I'll try not to."

"She's closing…the…bar… and reopening after the game! Eeeeeeeeeeee! ...Per my suggestion of course! Ima go an brush ma shoulders off for that one!"

"How the hell did you talk her into _that_?!"

"She loves the Hawks! And I told her she's not going to lose customers… The location of the bar is too perfect! I also called Marlene to see if she could round up some dancers for free entertainment after the game but I haven't…" …_blah blah blah_… "….but I'm praying to God she can because not having to pay for entertainment…" …_blah blah blah… "..._ sold Tori on closing the bar and…" …_blah blah blah_… "So will you?... Tris!"

"What? Will I what?"

"Are you listening to a damned word I'm saying?!"

"Some of them…"

"Ugh! Are you at The Studio yet?"

"Just got here."

"I promised Tori free entertainment! Talk to Marlene….? Maybe round up some dancers?"

"You _do _know these people dance for a living, right?"

"They did it last time!"

"Yeah well….half of them have been hired since then-"

"Pleeeaaassse…..! Tori said it's the only way should would close the bar!... Don't you want _meeeeeeeeee_ to go tonight?"

"Marlene is meeting me here so I'll ask…. But these are professionals!... I don't know maybe some of the hip hop dancers'll show up…." _What the hell….?_

"Tris?...Tris? Are you there? Helloooo?"

Seeing as I have already arrived at The Studio, I notice that my regular group isn't here….

"Ummm…I gotta call you back…." I hang up the phone before I even hear a response from her as I urgently look around for Marlene before Rita corners me.

"Dah-ling! Mi amor! Ven ven!"

"Um…."

"Are my eyes driving me to go crazy?!"

"Tris!" Marlene spots me immediately upon entrance. "Did you know we were taking the Strip Tease class?!... Oh my Goddddd! Uri's gonna flip! I'm gonna text him to come watch…."

"Don't…..you….dare!" I practically growl as I rip the phone out of Marlene's hand as the realization hits me of what I'm about to be dragged into.

"Rita? What happened to the lyrical hip hop class?!" I grit out trying to remain calm, knowing Rita likes to take advantage of my timidity.

"I change schedule! It's on the door!"

"Great!" I say with complete mock enthusiasm because I really need her to think that I'm not going to get the fuck out of here at my first opportunity. She narrows her eyes before walking away. _She can smell fear…._

"Tris… I see that look. Come on! It'll be fun! Four's not gonna care!"

"First of all… He will definitely…care." I say with sincerity as I see about five guys roaming the room. "But more importantly…I care! This is not my thing! I am _not _sexy…and not comfortable—"

"Grab your chairs mis amigas! Vamos! Vamos!"

"Tell me she did not just say _chairs_!" I elicit not so quietly in Marlene'e ear.

"Well…. Do you see any poles?! What else are _we _gonna use? Come on!... You can use these moves on Four….," she encourages, bobbing her eyebrows. This actually does make me pause, thinking about how much he would probably love it. He's always trying to get me to _talk_ more and be more confident… _No way in hell…. I would never be able to do that…_

"I see the look on your face! Your gonna stay!"

"Only if you'll round up a group to perform at Hangars after the Hawks game tonight…..for free…?"

"Oh that'll be easy! _..._Hey! Any of you guys want to put on a show at Hangars tonight?!" I tried to give Marlene a good elbow in the side before she extended the invite to….whatever kind of dancers these are. Almost the whole class whoops and cheers and I even hear a couple "hell yeahs!" in there.

"For free!" I jump in, in hopes of deterring some of them. Tori would kill me if I turned the bar into a strip club. However it deterred….no one.

"Okay dah-lings! Let's get started!" Rita claps her hands in rapid succession to start the class. "Grab a partner ladies!"

I see that a couple other guys have filed in as I back away. _Okay let's talk about what I'm _not_ going to do…._

"Be-ah-trees! Relax! My boys here are gay as May 1st! No one needs to lose an eye in my class!"

"I think she means 'gay as the first day of May'," says a guy walking over to me who I recognize as Kevin from one of my classes. _Thank God… _"Need a partner?"

"Hey Kevin…. Sure… This is sooooo not me… So don't have high expectations."

"Oh, I have no expectations. I was here for lyrical hip hop, but now Rita won't let me leave," Kevin comments sitting in the chair I dragged over. "But hey… Thanks for letting us dance at Hangars tonight. Great exposure for hip hop dancers."

"Can you…please bring friends?" I ask quietly. "I'm not sure some of these dancers are…"

"I'll bring my crew… They'll be stoked."

"Thanks. And anyway… No need to thank me … Can't take credit," I say as I stand and straddle him watching the lead dancer go through the 8-counts. Rita chose the song _I'm a Slave for You _by Britney Spears.

"Well then thanks Marlene!" he yells over to her as she puts her left leg over her partners shoulder and does a back walkover off the chair. I do the same but I'm fairly certain she pulls it off with much more grace.

"Can't take credit...either…sorry," she grits out as she snakes her way back up to her partner's lap and sticks her ass up in the air swaying it back and forth "….Thank Christina…."

Suddenly Kevin sucks in a deep breath and I realize why as I look behind me and see that my strategically placed heal just about smashed his balls. "Oh shit… Sorry!"

Marlene snickers as she continues the 8-count.

"Um…yeah. I know I said I had no expectations, but can I at least expect to leave with my testicles in working order?"

"I'll try my best…but…no…guarantees," I say with exertion. I am now facing away from him and bracing myself on his thighs while trying to make tri-cep dips look sexy. _Jesus this is actually really hard!_

"Okay dah-lings! …Again! Again!…. This time add in your own 8-count! Be sexy…. Antonio stop texting!"

"Thank you for not texting…." I say quietly to Kevin while standing behind him and running my hands down his chest.

"Not a chance. I'm actually really diggin' this!" I can feel my eyes go wide for a second. "Ha ha… Not for that reason. Don't worry… I'm gay as May 1st, remember?"

"Yeah. Sorry…"

"I'm just…taking notes… You're actually really good."

"Oh…." I say giving him a quick wink. "I got it." I can hear the 8-count solo coming up so I take a risk for Kevin and mix it up a little by sitting on his lap with my legs to the side as I recline over his lap bringing my right leg with me into a heel stretch. "Are you flexible?"

"No. But Jonathan is…. I'm filing that one away."

"Whoa Tris!" Marlene spouts as she starts in on the next 8-count while I recover, laughing at myself.

"Be-ah-TREES! I'm loving you…just loving you!"

"Why does she always call you that?" Kevin inquires.

"Oh… Just a Puerto Rican…um…term of endearment… I think…." _Real nice Tris… _

The truth is, I met Rita before I got the call from Susan to change my name. And when I asked Rita to call me Tris she said, "Es un nombre estupido. No! No! and No!"

I take a moment to think about Susan now that Rita is changing the song. That was almost the last time I ever talked to Susan on the phone. The final time was when she was informing me of Eric's note in her mailbox. I can literally hear his menacing hiss as he says the words:

_I will always love you…and I will always find you. –E._

I've never told Tobias about that note. I remember him asking me about the last time I 'heard' (if that's what you call that night) from Eric:

_"But you haven't heard from him in three years now, right?"_

_"Um… No_ I _haven't heard from him." _

I wasn't lying. _I _hadn't heard from him. It's better he doesn't know anyway.

"Tris? You alright?" Kevin has his hand resting on my arm. I wonder how long it's been there.

"Oh…yeah… Sorry. Just thinking about the game tonight!" My enthusiastic voice is…ridiculous.

"So is the rest of the town. Even the gays are into hockey these days." I laugh lightly at the comment and then shake my head to rid it of any more unwelcomed thoughts.

The rest of class goes by smoothly. It gets harder to chit-chat because my core feels like it's going to melt off and my limbs feel like jelly. The last song is particularly uncomfortable but Rita insists. I groan when I heard the beginning of _Partition_ by Beyoncé come on. I pretty much just picture Kevin as Tobias for the whole song, which apparently works because I get a "Damn girl!" out of Kevin and a "Wowza!" out of Marlene.

_Huh. Maybe someday I _will_ give Tobias a lap dance…. Probably not… but maybe…_

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I roll up my 1000th copy of the plans, having made some small notations of my own in reference to Matthew's ideas. Putting them in an ice tube, I throw the strap of that along with my leather messenger bag over my shoulder. _Time for the inevitable…._

I see Will sitting at his cubicle. He has no idea that he'll be getting an office like mine soon. Amar filled me in that Will is in line to take my position. Amar is all but assuming I'm going to accept his offer…and…well…he's right.

"So…" I say leaning over the top of his cube, "…to quote my girlfriend, I 'have no right to act like an explosive prick on her behalf,'…and I'm supposed to apologize."

"Wow. … An 'explosive prick'…"

"Yeah. I don't think she thought that one through…" I chuckle.

"So... You're apologizing because Tris _told you to_."

"What?!... No!"

He raises his eyebrows at me.

"Okay…she _may _have pointed out the error of my ways_. _So…I'm….sorry." _That…hurt…_ He looks at me, not buying anything I'm saying. "I know that sounded insincere, but here's the deal…Tris was burning up with fever and I thank God I got there at all. Just…don't keep that kind of shit from me again. I could have helped her a lot sooner… You would punch me in the face if I held that particular information from you…"

"Well… I would have seriously considered it…"

"But…I _was _a jerk," I sigh out in frustration. "And I'm sorry for that."

"That's not what Tris called you."

"Fine. Apparently…I'm an 'explosive prick'."

"You really can be."

I nod my head in agreement. "So are we good?"

"Yeah. We're good... Hey! Christina worked her magic!"

"Um…. Good for you…?" _Jesus..why do I keep having these conversations?_

"No! Not like that! I mean she has…and it was awe-"

"Nope."

"Haha…sorry… Anyway, she got Tori to close the bar tonight because Amar invited Tori to the game."

"Why Tori?... I mean I'm glad Christina can go to the game but…"

"She's his boyfriend's sister. You didn't know that? I've personally never met George so…."

"Shit…no, I just forgot… I think Christina mentioned it once but I was drunk and watching Tris hump another guy on the stage so…"

"Yep… I remember drunk Four. Things went downhill real fast for you two. Or uphill! Can we see him again sometime? It was pretty hilarious. You're never that funny."

"I'm sure he'll come out again…" _They talk about it like I have a fucking alter ego!_

"It's like your alter ego!" _Yeah…._

"So… Should we meet at the girls' place and go together?" I offer.

"Sure… Are you leaving now? I'll walk with you…"

"Sweet." _Why did he just give me another weird look?_

Will grabs his stuff and we head to the elevator and wait. _Fuck this shit… Fuck this shit… Fuck this shit…_

"So… I never thought we'd be saying things like 'Should we meet at the girls' place?' and 'I'll walk with you."

I laugh a little and shake my head. "Yep."

Then he leans over and asks, "Is it weird that I kinda like it?"

"Um… Which part?"

"Dude… The girls' part! Well… I don't mind walking with you either. You know… When you're not being an explosive prick…"

"Great."

"And I've never heard you use the word 'sweet'."

"Well…" I laugh, mostly at myself. "I've been doing a lot of things lately that I thought I would never do."

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

Christina has been playing Chelsea Dagger on loop for the last hour as she gets ready for the game. I've been diligently working on my photo for Tobias for almost the whole time. I have to admit…it's probably the best one I've ever done and I cannot wait to give it to him. I really hope it will bring him joy and not pain. I strategize to myself on how to give it to him, while I go back and add one final occlusion to the deep blue in his eyes…. He's a gorgeous man, but this picture brings something out in him that makes it more than just a gorgeous face. I couple of tears have actually slid down my cheeks every time I add another detail. It probably holds meaning to me because it was a picture he didn't know I took (I actually have a few) after a very meaningful conversation.

"Hi boys! Yay! You're here! I'm so pump—"

"Is Tris is her room?" _Jesus Tobias…. _I shake my head to myself thinking about how rude he can be.

"Nice to see you too...Four…"

I'm pretty sure she mumbled something like 'fucking asshole,' before she quickly moved on to her more precious target…and then all I hear are squeals and a chair falling over with a congenial laugh following after…

"Hi beautiful—"

"Shit! Get out! Get out! Get out!" I was so fucking lost in thought that I completely forgot I have the entire project laid out in front of me.

"Are you ser—"

I slam the door in his face as I hear incessant laughter come out of Christina.

"I'm sorry!" I yell. "Just give me a…a minute!"

"I'm counting." And then he literally does start counting down from 60. _Idiot…_ I open the storage access door in my closet and prop it, then rush back and as carefully as possible, I move the photograph into my little gallery. I take a deep breath and head back out into my room. "If I fucking ruin that I'm gonna absolutely shit a—"

"Now that's hot!" Tobias jokes, scaring the hell out of me as he wraps me in a tight embrace and lifts me off the ground.

"Don't go in there!"

"Are you kidding? You'd have to drug me to get me to go back in there…. Why can't you keep your art somewhere-"

"Where?" I ask knowing very well that he wouldn't have a better idea.

"My place. The guest bedroom can be your gallery…?" He laughs and rubs the back of his neck, looking away from me. _"_...speaking of….my place…." He's smiling all cute as he fumbles with the front of my jersey pulling it out so he can inspect it as he shakes his head and grins. _I love that he loves the Hawks as much as I do…. _"There was new _item _in my apartment…."

"Mmmm…. Santa came…really early…huh?" I ask quietly, assessing if what I did was okay as I wrap my arms around his neck.

"He must have… He also must have sent extra elves to set up my awesome new Cuisinart coffee maker…" he comments as he kisses me on the forehead. "But…fail on Santa's behalf…no coffee to go with the coffee maker…"

"Well… fail of epic proportion on_ your _behalf for not knowing where to look!" I fist the neck of his jersey pulling him teasingly close to my lips. "Any self-respecting person who drinks amazing coffee knows…." I kiss him lightly on the lips. "…that you keep the beans in the freezer so they don't mold…" I keep giving him small sweet kisses as I talk to him and I'm so close that I can feel his heart rate pick up. "Seeing as you're the…grab-and-go type…I bet Santa assumed…you weren't going to make coffee…everyday…so he kindly put it in the freezer for you…."

"This sounds like a Mrs. Claus thing…. " He swallows before he continues. "Santa probably doesn't…think things through as much…"

"Or maybe an elf?" I suggest as he backs towards my bedroom door pulling me with him and closing it softly. I hear voices of protest but they seem really far away.

"Like a really sexy, blond elf…" He gently takes the top of my ear lobe between his teeth. "…who has a great butt…" He moves his hands slowly down my back and rests them on my ass, pulling me into him. "…and is perfect for me in every way…"

"Who the fuck is this elf bitch?!" I say laughing right before my breath catches because his hand moved swiftly up under my jersey and is teasing one of my nipples through my bra. He is resting his forehead on the top of my head and whereas he was partially hard before…now he is fully erect. He groans as I grind my pelvis against him and my nipple gets immediately hard.

"I want your tits in my mouth…" he whines into my hair as I laugh. "Please? I'll be quick…I swear…." He runs his hands up my bare back and fumbles with the clasp of my bra, looking into my eyes for permission. _I don't understand... Guys love big boobs and I don't have them!_

"Uh…. guys? We've gotta go…." says a very uncomfortable sounding Will as Christina yells, "Let 'em have some fun!"

Tobias breathes out through pursed lips so it makes the noise sound more like a horse than a human as he bends down and cups each of my breasts with his hands. "I miss you," he comments kissing my right breast softly. "And I miss you, too," he says doing the same to my left. It makes my heart melt in the dumbest way possible. He comes back up eye level looking at me proudly.

"You are….something special…"

"Just trying to keep in touch… It's been awhile…"

"In _touch_?"

"Did you see what I did there?"

"Yes," I say laughing at how relaxed he is. "I did. Now let's go—"

"Wait," he looks deep into my eyes flitting from one to the other before cupping my face and slotting his lips against mine. I smile into his kiss and rest my right hand on his heart and run my other up to cup the back of his neck. We move slowly and purposefully in that this kiss is for no other reason than to show love and affection. They're my favorite kind. He pulls away when Christina bangs on the door. Then he rolls his eyes and takes my hand leading me out.

"Hey… You two don't look like you just screwed…." Christina comments with a confused look on her face.

"Really? That's weird." Tobias replies dryly as he grabs my hand. "Ready?"

"Wait! Smile you two!"

Surprisingly, he grabs me from behind and wraps his arms around my waist as he brings his face down closer to mine and we both smile.

"Wow Four! Great smile!"

"Why thank you Christina," he bows his head as he grins.

"You were a dick when you first got here. What the hell happened? Not that I'm complaining!"

"I screwed my girlfriend. Doesn't take much…. Right, Trissy?" he asks over his shoulder as he opens the door and I duck under his arm to walk through.

"Right..._Toby…_" I whisper under my breath just enough for him to hear as I look back and see him with his mouth open in a oh-no-you-didn't look.

"Don't call me that," he says flatly, chasing me down the stairs, smacking me on the butt as he catches up to me. We link hands and I can't help but think how instinctual that is, we just reach for each other whenever we're near.

"Guys? Are we taking the bus? I figured we weren't driving—"

Before Will can even get his sentence out a stretch SUV pulls up and George sticks his head out. "Good evening. Will you be joining us?"

"Hell yeah!" Christina yells as Will's eyes go wide at her reaction. "Oh stop it! George knows me!"

He just shakes his head and smirks. "Did you set this up?" he addresses Tobias as we crawl in the vehicle.

"No."

"I did my friend!" Amar chimes in as Will closes the door behind us. I spot Tori and Bud in the back and I wave to them, actually getting a small smile out of Tori.

"Well thank you. We definitely appreciate it," Will comments graciously.

"The whole idea of this night is to show my employees how much _they _are appreciated Will…. So let's be done with the thank yous for the evening shall we?"

"Well, Tris and I are reaping the benefits of our man candies' employment." _God Christina…_ "So, on behalf of both of us, I will give you a blanket _thank you_. Enough to cover the whole evening!"

I give Amar a warm smile in agreement as he nods his head in acceptance and we settle in and the driver pulls away from the curb.

"Icey cold beverage my friends?" A raucous positive response comes from everyone as Amar starts passing beers out to all of us.

"Schlitz?! Amar you are truly hopeless…." George shakes his head as we all raise our eyebrows at his awful taste in beer.

"I will not apologize. I like what I like and it reminds me of home!" _I wonder where he's from… No matter… I am not drinking this shit._

"To the Hawks!" Amar raises his beer and cheers all of us as the chauffeur turns on Chelsea Dagger and we all chit-chat and sing along at the parts we know. Even Tori bounces a little in her seat.

I watch Tobias interact with Will and George and my heart warms at how he smiles and laughs at something George said as Will claps him on the shoulder. George actually looked a little taken aback, which is funny. I also see Amar watching their exchange and grinning. We make eye contact and give each other a knowing look.

"What…is…up with Four?!" Christina whispers poking me in the side. "Oh and I heard you call him 'Toby'… Good one!"

"I think he's just happy—"

"Or drunk."

"Chris… I know you don't see it much, but this is the side of him that I'm most familiar with."

"Hmmph. I'm not sold. Still waiting for the ball to drop."

"And it might." I reply in reference to his mood swings. "But then I will pick it up and hand it back to him…just like he would do for me…"

"….Tris…that may be the cheesiest thing you have ever said!"

"Did someone say cheesy?" Tobias leans over.

"You're girlfriend just said something that sounded like it was straight out of a Hallmark movie."

"Wait… Does that make _you_ the worst?.. I thought _I _was the worst!"

I laugh. "You are the worst!"

He leans in and looks at me close. "But in the best way?"

I reward him with a close mouth smile and a soft kiss on the cheek, but I linger for a moment, whispering. "By the way… I found my other drawer…. Santa may have left you another item…" _There… I said it! _My cheeks heat up as I remember trying on some lingerie at Macy's today. I couldn't bring myself to go crazy, but it still took everything in me to buy something simple but sexier than I would normally wear…and it has a push up bra!

I look back at his face and I don't think it registers. He probably thinks I bought some sweats, yoga pants or who the hell knows.

"So you found _your _drawer?" _Yeah…he didn't pick up on it. Then maybe he can find it on his own…. That may be even more fun!_

"I did... And now that I have my own drawer… Should I _not _get into yours?"

"No. No. No. That is not—"

"Because I can always find…other ways…to..._ya know_…"

He thinks about that for a moment as he rests his chin on his hands. Then he turns and looks at me. "Can I watch?" He asks with a devilish grin as he winks.

My cheeks immediately flush as I imagine him watching me pleasure myself and I do feel a little turned on by it but I can't tell him because I'm a wimp so I just shrug my shoulders and purse my lips like an idiot!

He rests his arm around my shoulder pulling me closer to him. "That wasn't a no….."

"Nope…it wasn't," I say quickly before I lose my nerve. He sits up straighter and clears his throat but before he can say anything else we are interrupted by Christina who has pulled out her extra long selfie stick and yells for everyone to say "Tampa sucks!" Which of course we all do as she snaps the picture and then yells to the chauffeur to start Chelsea Dagger….again…

I look over at Tobias who looks a little flushed. "I fuckin' love you…" he says laughing just enough for the both of us to hear.

I lean my head on his shoulder. "I fuckin' love you too."

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I know I said yesterday was the best day ever…and I meant it at the time. But, this could be a close second or maybe even a tie for first. Everything is good with Will and I, Christina isn't annoying me, I got to have a quick make-out session with Tris, …_almost got her boobs in my mouth… damnit!... _she all but said I could watch her get off, …._I am holding her too that… _I am watching the Hawks, who are winning, from box seats and so far…no sign of Nita. And to be honest, I'm in such a good mood that I don't think there are many things that could ruin it!

I look over at Tris who is talking to Amar very animatedly. She's wearing black skinny jeans, black shoes (_I think she calls them flats_?), and an over-sized Jonathan Toews jersey. I laugh to myself thinking how I've never heard that girl have anxiety over what to wear until our phone conversation today when she had to decide whether or not to wear her Patrick Kane or Jonathan Toews jersey. I'm glad she went with Toews because now we match. _Oh…. Tobias, Tobias, Tobias…. _Her shiny, wavy hair is splayed over her shoulders as she leans over the rail and smiles in awe.

"Four! Hey…Four!" _Matthew… _

"Matthew," I nod as I rock back on my heels.

"Just …wanted to say… hi. Hey! How about Keith? Stopped by Bishop…went around Paquette like he wasn't even there and bam! Scored with 2:47 left in the second period—"

"Matthew… I've been here the whole time."

"Right…. But when he went around Cedric Paquette and put the rebound off Bishop into the net. Third goal of the play-offs! Duncan Keith is my man!... Okay I lied about that last part."

"That he's your man?"

"Yes…. Well….Only because I'm a Wild fan. Otherwise he could definitely be my man." _Does he even hear himself? He's your associate. Make conversation…_

"Ahem. So…you're a Wild fan?"

He looks at me as if the president just addressed him. "Oh… me?" _Seriously? _"Um…yeah! I'm from Baraboo… a lot of Minnesota fans… some Hawks fans too though."

"Is that a made up place?" I ask trying to joke lightly. _I hate this shit…._

"Ha! You can be funny…." He takes a sip of his beer and looks at me as I wait for his answer. "Oh! Sorry…no. It's real…real Wisconsin." _Great…. Something he and Tris have in common…but she probably didn't tell him. _"Yeah… Tris is from Wisconsin, too! Something we have in com—"

The look on my face must cause him some serious hesitation. _And it fucking should._

"Not that her and I having things in common is good…or bad… It's more like nothing! And I'm going to get a drink now."

"Good-bye."

Will comes and stands next to me and we talk about the game for a while until I hear my girlfriend screech as Tampa gets a penalty, knowing this will set the Hawks up for a power play.

"Wow! Tris really knows hockey."

"Yes," I say, staring at her beaming face as she high fives Bud, and nodding proudly.

"Pretty sure Christina just likes Patrick Sharp," Will comments, laughing as he catches her eye and winks.

Speaking of catching someone's eye, mine flit over the diverse boxes across the United Center and linger on one in particular: Eaton Fund, Inc. I haven't heard from Marcus since his secretary had tried to set up a lunch a couple weeks ago and I'm thankful that he seems to have gotten the clue. But, the more logical part of my brain knows that is wishful thinking.

At least there's no way Marcus would be at a hockey game. That box is all for show: to say that Eaton Fund, Inc. supports Chicago. _That company is such a front… Hedge Fund cliché bullshit…_ I can recite him in my head… I know exactly what Marcus thinks of hockey: he'd "never stoop so low as to watch a bunch of Neanderthals wrestle with sticks on the ice." That box is filled with nothing but money-grubbing, ass-kissing, socialites and their trying-to-break-into-the-industry counterparts.

"Hi handsome," a warm voice and an even warmer body slinks up under my arm so it is resting securely over her shoulder.

"Hi beautiful," I respond kissing her head. "Having fun?" _Like I need to ask…._

"This is….just…." She is beaming as she looks down at the ice and shakes her head. "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" She suddenly jumps up and down and kisses me on the cheek over and over.

On the last jump I wrap my arms around her shoulders so she is off the ground and at face level with me. I don't kiss her, I just look at her: the person who I know in my gut was made just for me. I take a moment to internalize that thought that has always been in the back of my mind that I am at this random moment finally acknowledging. I put her down slowly and run the back of my right knuckles down the side of her face as I ghost my mouth over her forehead telling her that I love her. She turns her head and rests her cheek over my heart that has probably picked up a few paces because of my rambling mind. I don't hear it but I feel the hum of her voice on my chest telling me she loves me too as she slings her arms around my waist holding us together.

* * *

**Marcus's POV:**

The incessant sound of thousands upon thousands of Neanderthals screaming, "We want the cup! We want the cup!" is enough to make me want to gouge out my eardrums with a butter knife. My eyes skirt the crowd below as I can't help but think of thousands of rabid dogs in search of flesh. Most men seem to be sporting inappropriately long beards or other types of unruly facial hair. Thank God my son has more class than that, as I can see through my binoculars. Unfortunately, I can't say the same about his taste in women, seeing the small girl he has his arms wrapped around.

"Marcus…. Not going to be the social butterfly tonight?" asks a heavily accented deep voice next to me.

"Carlos, there is no one here I have any interest in. You know that."

"It would behoove you to play the part a little better, particularly with some of _my _guests."

"Hmm. You're lucky your guests are even here."

"You're lucky you're breathing."

"I am incredibly tired of your idle threats. You'll get what you want out of our little arrangement, but I can only take things so far. I can't make my son have lunch with me let alone fall in love with your over-eager daughter."

I have known Carlos Juares for 20 years. We were friends at one point… At least, the closest thing I would consider a friend to be. He and I had something in common: patience. I could sense our common thread from the day I met him. Sometimes, waiting things out is the best way to achieve your goal: waiting for the proper financial opportunity, waiting for the market to hit just right, waiting for the next hurricane in order to gobble up cheap real estate, or the next drought to capitalize off another country's farming incompetence. But his thirst for easy power won him over in the end and I saw our common thread unravel. We became mere acquaintances. Yet, somehow he was always near: showing up at fundraisers, parties, in the corner of restaurants raising his glass to Evelyn and I. She always seemed uncomfortable and awkward around him and her rudeness was infuriating. _My fault for marrying beneath me. _

I went many years without hearing from Carlos: until the day of Evelyn's funeral. Upon leaving my insipid son in the limo as to avoid further embarrassment from his horrendous bawling, I ran headfirst into Carlos. There was something lurking behind his eyes that day as he shook my hand harder than usual and hugged me too tight, his breath smelling as if he had used tequila as mouth wash. I still remember his gritted out words. "I feel your pain…my _friend._" Why he would say that still alludes me to this day. He barely knew her. And I wouldn't call what I felt _pain_… She provided me with what I wanted: a son. Beyond that…well...her ultimate demise wasn't exactly a surprise. Frankly it was the opposite of that.

Then, approximately five years ago, I received an invitation for a lunch date from Carlos. As it turns out, for the first time, one of my more lucrative plans had been uncovered. The money I was funneling from the Eaton Foundation into my off-shore accounts, that was supposed to be aiding in humanitarian efforts for a Mexican village in Michoacan, happened to be the same village in which Carlos was raised. Upon visiting, he saw with his own eyes that the money was being used…elsewhere. Since then, Carlos has been threatening me with this information, saying he will expose me and much other nonsense and frankly I am getting rather annoyed. I realize what he's capable of…but he's never followed through so my doubts have been proven as of late. _This stupid plan of his…. It's ridiculous…_

"Marcus…. I am getting so very tired of you…. Do you really think my threats are idle? What was your former business partner's name? Miguel never asked before depositing his body in the icy waters of the Lake during our salmon fishing trip last fall. You should really join us next time. The haul we brought in! So much better than farmed salmon…." He chuckles lightly at the memory.

The mention of Thomas's existence rocks me as I recall the phone call I received from his wife informing me that Thomas died of hypothermia from the freezing waters of Lake Michigan. It was a debilitating shock, one that I could never wrap my brain around….until now. _Carlos murdered him…._

"…You think this arrangement is all about Juanita….. I am shocked at your naivety….. This is about _vengeance…._"

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

"Holy fucking shit!" I scream as Kane sinks the puck into the Lightning's net thanks to a pass from Brad Richards. _Shoulda worn my Patrick Kane jersey… Damnit!_

The rest of the box erupts in cheers as I'm grabbed by the waist and shaken like a rag doll by Tobias. "That's it! They just fucking won!" I yell as he sets me down.

"You don't know that yet!" Will yells back.

"I can feel it!"

The rest of the game goes by so fast as we watch The Lightning fade into the boards. Home rink advantage sucks and I actually feel bad for them because they really are a phenomenal team.

I jump on Tobias back as the final horn sounds and he spins in circles as we all pretty much freak out. Amar does his own version of the chicken dance and George pretends to meditate in the middle of the crowd as a joke. I see Christina scream, "Take it off! Take it off!" in reference to Patrick Sharp's shirt, as Will laughs at her antics and she smiles and hugs him.

"You called it baby!" Tobias yells as he swings me around and kisses me full on and hard on the mouth in front of everyone as people whistle at us. He doesn't seem to care one bit…. And I know I don't as I wrap my legs around him and pretty much accost his face as one of his hands moves down to my butt.

"Okay…okay! Down girl!" Christina says literally pulling me off of him as Tobias and I laugh at each other.

"To Hangars! Drinks on me!" Amar yells as we all cheer. Just then I realize I haven't even been drinking…. I know Tobias has I can taste beer in his mouth… _Yum…his mouth…. _Plus, he would never make out with me in front of his work associates unless he was at least buzzed.

We all watch the presentation of the Cup as Jonathan Toews holds it over his head smiling and cheering. Then in an incredibly classy move, he immediately hands it off to Kimmo Timonen, who is retiring and just experienced his first Stanley win.

"He was a bad-ass defenseman for The Flyers," Tobias comments as I nod my head cursing the blood clots he developed because I was actually really pumped to see what he could do for the Hawks this season.

"Well…I was pissed that I didn't wear my Kane jersey…but now I'm glad I wore Toews."

"For that reason and….because we match," he comments as I look up at him and grin.

"Sorry. I thought about that earlier and just had to share it. It's totally unmanly and corny but I don't really give a fuck right now."

"Because your drunk."

"Yes."

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I carry Tris into the bar over my shoulders as she shrieks and tries to reach under my jeans to give me a wedgie. So I easily smack her hand away and swing her around to carry her bridal style into the bar, setting her on top of it. She starts talking to Christina as I take in the scene. There is a group of people on the dance floor dressed like… Well, _not_ like they came from a Hawks game. I recognize a few of them as the dancers from the night Tori needed free entertainment. There aren't many people here right now and I'm afraid Tori is going to make Tris and Christina bartend, so I turn to monopolize as much of her attention as I can as the music starts to play. _Where the hell did she go?_

"She went to the bathroom. But she'll be back and freaking out in about five seconds."

"What?! Why?! What's wrong—"

"Five…four…three…two…one…"

Suddenly I see Tris barrel out from the back smacking Christina's hand in a high-five as she passes, while Christina yells, "Go get 'em girl!"

"She fucking loves this song," Christina comments to me as I watch Tris stand on the outskirts of the circle of dancers, bouncing on her toes. I recognize the song as that one by Beyoncé that I truly do not understand. In the same format as last time, the song starts over and the next group jumps in, this one including Tris and Marlene.

My eyes go wide as I watch her and it feels like I have blinders on for a minute as I successfully envision Tris performing this incredibly provocative dance just for me.

"Our women are…hot…." I feel the weight of what I can only assume is Uriah's arm around my shoulder and I think I nod my head. The other dancers start humping the floor and I'm happy to see that Tris makes up her own choreography and stays on her feet for that part of the song. I'm a possessive jerk and don't love people watching her do that…and I secretly love that she doesn't like it either. On the other hand, it surprises me that she did her own thing because it definitely drew more attention to her and she got quite the applause as she gave a closed mouth shy, yet proud, smile. The next group comes up and she partly scurries, partly skips over to me, giving me a sweet kiss on the cheek as I pull her into my side.

"That was fun," she breathes out as she gives me a sheepish smile.

"It's _very _fun watching you—"

"Hella fun!"

"Shut up Uri." _Now back to my sexy girlfriend… _"You should definitely consider doing that for me…and only me sometime…" I whisper in her ear as I leave a kiss right behind it.

"Well, actually I was—"

"Be-ah-trees! Please report to the dance floor! I believe you get to do the honors on this one!"

She makes quick eye contact with me as some guy says her full name in a Hispanic-sounding accent. She widens her eyes and looks around as I tighten my grip on her waist, not to hold her there, but just to ground her.

"Hey," I say in her ear again. "He said it weird. People will just think it's some fucked up nickname. It's okay."

She nods her head quickly and lightly taps my hand to release her as the music starts. Then she runs out to the floor so he doesn't repeat it.

"What the hell did that guy call her?" Uriah asks.

"Be-ah-trees," Marlene answers. "It's like some Puerto Rican lingo or something…. I don't know."

I shrug my shoulders trying to look casual as if it matters little to me and Uriah seems to buy it as he turns his bar stool around, watching Marlene head to the dance floor.

"Tris choreographed this routine boys!" She gives Uriah a wink and blows him a kiss. He gets the dumbest look on his face.

"What?!"

"Nice face."

"Get a fuckin' mirror, jackass." _Dick._

Feeling like I got punched in the face because the truth hurts, I turn my attention to my favorite person in the room as some song that sounds like jump-roping and clappy shit starts. I can definitely tell she choreographed this routine because it's fast, ..._my girl has serious stamina …ugh… , _creative and more modest, but nonetheless sexy… …_ugh again…_

"Tris made up that dance?!"

"Yes… But dude...learn the proper semantics….—"

"The _what_?"

"Learn the lingo. She _choreographed _it."

"_Choreographed_…. Okay, okay…. I can try to remember that…. What else?"

"What else what?"

"I need to pretend that I listen to Marlene when she talks! And she talks about dance all the time!"

"You don't listen?!"

"She doesn't listen to me when I talk about BMI, compound exercises and plateaus."

"Wow." I watch my amazing girlfriend dance like a fucking rock star and think about how shitty it would be if we tuned each other out constantly. "What _do _you talk about?"

"I don't know! Other shit…. Anyway…lingo me!"

"Fuck, Uri…. Okay Tris's favorite class is _lyrical_ hip hop."

"What the fuck does _lyrical _mean?"

"You interpret the _lyrics _of the song into the choreography."

"So they like explain the song to each other while they dance?"

"What? No… Jesus. Just watch your girlfriend!"

I can tell out of the corner of my eye that he is truly trying to figure out what the hell I'm talking about. _Lost cause… _

He nods his head. "Okay, okay…I get it. Watch and learn my friend!" _Okay Uri…_

The next 8-count begins and Tris and Marlene make their way towards us but Tori grabs Tris by the bicep and drags her behind the bar. _Shit!_

"Did you watch us?!" Marlene bounds toward Uriah, landing on his lap.

"Yes… It amazes me how well you communicate the meaning of a song through dance… You did it beautifully…. You are truly amazing." He gently takes her hand and brings it up to his lips as I glance at Tris while she stifles a laugh behind the bar. _That is sooooo not what I said…. And I was sooooo not talking about this song….._

"Uri…The _meaning? _That song is about rolling joints and getting high in clubs and sex and whatever….! And you think that's _beautiful?_"

"What?! No! I mean…maybe? I know _you're _beautiful!"

"Is that what you thought I was _communicating_?"

"Four said—"

"Four did _not _say that!" I interrupt before I get slapped.

"You looked so good with the lyrical lyrics and shit out there. Ridin' that horse and….woooo damn!" _What an idiot…._

I see a drink slide down the bar and land right in front of me as Tris winks and tosses her hair up in a ponytail. I wink back and give her a sad lip, which she returns.

"Sorry Four. I was out of options," Tori says as she drags Christina behind the bar, practically kicking and screaming.

"Such bullshit." Will huffs out a breath and sits in the stool next to me. "Oh well… At least they got to go to the game."

"Yep." My mood has still been seriously deflated.

"And…Amar says we don't have to be in until after lunch tomorrow as long as we answer all work-related calls."

"I'll probably still go in. The less time I spend working late with Nita...the better," I comment taking a drink.

"Yeah… No kidding."

"You're an idiot! And you don't listen to a word I say if you don't even know what an 8-count is!" Will and I both turns our heads to watch a very pissed-off Marlene stomp away to the stage.

"What the fuck, Four?!" Uriah yells through gritted teeth.

"What the hell did I do?"

"You and your lyrical hip hopping bullshit!"

"I was trying to give you talking points!"

"What does that even _mean_?"

"And I wasn't referring to _that _song. Don't take your shit out on me, asshole!"

"Ahhhhh! And it turns out…she _does _listen to me! She even recited back my last circuit along with the specific muscles it targets…."

At this point Uriah has his head rolling back and forth on the bar as Christina slides a Heinekin down and it smacks him in the head.

"Two points! Up top!" Tris high fives her in passing as I watch her grab two Spotted Cows out of the mini fridge …_I have yet to try that beer!... _and bring them to…_Matthew. _ She swiftly opens up the two beers, slides her bottle opener in her back pocket and cheers him, taking a drink. _Breathe in, breathe out…_

I take a rather large gulp of my drink as I watch Tris move on to the next customer and start on several martinis. I observe her in awe at how fast she makes them and I have no fucking clue how she keeps them all straight. I watch her feet as she dances to the music, still not spilling one drop even as she swipes their card with her left hand and puts it blindly in front of the proper customer. She turns and hands them their drinks and then pours the Spotted Cow she just opened into the sink. _Must have been bad?_

"Dude. Go talk to her. Seriously, I can't listen to you anymore!" I hear Christina say to Uriah as she rolls her eyes and hands Will another drink. "There is something wrong with that boy," she mumbles under her breath as he skulks away. "Has he _ever _had a girlfriend?"

"Not really," I answer. _He has actually been a total man-whore for most of his life._

"That's….odd."

"Why? I've never really had someone I would feel comfortable calling an official girlfriend."

"Ever?"

"Four's incredible." Will leans back and lifts his drink. "Opportunities abounded! Yet he showed complete indifference. Well…let's be honest…not _complete _indifference. I mean—"

"Until Tris." I say to him through clenched teeth as Tris walks over for a moment. _It's pretty accurate anyway…. I was fairly indifferent until Tris… but that wasn't where Will was going with that._

"Wow Four! You're not half bad at the boyfriend thing for a semi-first timer."

"She makes it easy on me," I say as I take Tris's small fingers and grin at her.

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

Aside from chaste kisses and stolen glances I haven't been able to talk to Tobias for the last two hours. Even the seconds are going by slow as I glance up at the clock and see that 12:59 is moving at a snail's pace. Finally 1:00 hits and Al walks in and starts herding the customers out. Christina stands on the bar and makes an announcement.

"Dancers and friends of ALG Inc. are invited to stay….and _play_…."

"Play…what?" I follow her as she saunters down the bar and grabs random glasses to wash.

"You know what."

"Why do you do this shit?!"

"Because it's fun! I don't know what's gotten into Tori…but she was all for it! Something about life being too short or whatever—"

"Christina!" I grab her by the shoulders. "Tell me we are keeping our clothes on this time…"

"We are keeping our clothes on this time."

"You're lying."

"It wouldn't be Strip Candor or Dauntless if we kept our clothes on!"

"What the fuck did you just say?" Tobias butts in, almost choking on his drink.

"Strip Candor or Dauntless! Although it should probably just be called Strip Dauntless because no one really picks Candor…. Yeeeee! It's so fun! Fill 'em up Trissy… They're gonna need it."

I swallow my vomit as the nerves of playing this stupid game hit me. I pretty much never pick Candor and I tend to be too embarrassed to complete a dauntless challenge.

"We should just leave….." Tobias says shrugging and turning around to face away from me. "I know how much you hate to lose…." _What the fuck did he just say?_

I pour him a double and push the drink at him a little harder then necessary as it sloshes onto the bar. He peeks at me over his shoulder as he says something quietly to Will that makes him laugh.

"Fuck this," I say to myself as I turn to face away from them and drum my fingers on the counter in front of the open bottles of liquor. The last time I played I was drunk and I ended up in my underwear and T-shirt before Christina pulled the plug. Now I have my dumb boyfriend trying to goad me into playing. "Fine…_Four_!" I say with my hands on my hips as he turns in his bar stool looking at me comically. "As long as you're cool with everyone here seeing me naked... Then I'm all in! Ya know what? I may as well just start now because you can imagine how good I'm going to be at this!" I look him right in the eyes as I unbutton my jeans and practically trip out of them, subsequently throwing them at him. _This never would have happened if I wasn't wearing a jersey that went down to a couple inches above my knee..._

"Whoa Tris! Yes!" Shauna yells as she bellies up to the bar.

"Did she just take her pants off?!" Zeke asks Tobias out of the side of his mouth.

"Mmm hmm."

"You did this!" I say to him pointing at my bare legs.

"No. _You _definitely did that," he retorts pointing at my legs as well.

"Is this part of the game? Cause I'm in!" Shauna starts to unbuckle her jeans as Zeke quirks his head to watch her.

"No. I just always end up practically naked so I figured I'd get a head start. And Four wants to play so bad so I figured I'd get the ball rolling."

Tobias looks at me with an expression of frustration, as it seems to kick in why this game is a terrible idea for me. But seeing as I'm an idiot and had to take this shit to the next level… I'm officially stuck!

"Oh my God Tris! Remember the last time we played you ended up in nothing but a T-shirt?" Marlene is doubling over in laughter as Tobias's eyebrows seem to permanently knit together. "Why are your pants off? Have we started?! Uri! Uri!...Come on!" _Apparently they aren't fighting anymore?_

"I'm comin' baby!"

"That's what _she_ said," George says smoothly appearing out of nowhere as he reaches in and grabs a bottle off the bar before disappearing again. _What the hell?_

Tobias and I make eye contact and laugh at George's out-of-character joke as he peeks over the bar at my bare legs and smirks.

"Okay everyone! Pay attention to me!" Christina is on stage as she explains the rules. The dancers have all left, aside from Marlene so it really is a small crowd of people that I know and I feel a tad better. "We have an even number so we will be competing in pairs! The pair with the most clothes on at the end of the game…and who knows when that'll be, right guys?..."

"Ow ow!" Shauna yells and Zeke makes a werewolf noise. I think I may be the only truly sober person here. I haven't felt like drinking much since I had Crown Royale for dinner the other night.

"…wins…. this!" She holds up a Blackhawks jersey that has a signature on it as we all squint to see whose it is.

"It's Jim Cornelison." Tori says loudly. "Bud knows him from the shop."

"Sweet," Tobias and I say at the same time as we make eye contact communicating that we _will _win that jersey. Jim Cornelison has been singing the National Anthem for the Hawks for the last 20 years. He's kind of a legend and I would love that jersey.

"Okay! Pair off! And since I'm the owner I get to chose first! ...So…..Georgie…Candor or Dauntless?"

"Dauntless, of course."

"Sure….?"

"Yes, with 100% certainty."

"Act out all of the lyrics to the song _Strokin' _by Clarence Carter."

"With pleasure…literally."

"No Georgie! No!" Amar yells covering his face as the music starts playing and George, who is strangely familiar with the words starts pretending to masturbate and gyrate to the lyrics:

When I start makin' love, I don't just make love

I be strokin', that's what I be doin', huh

I be strokin'

I stroke it to the east and I stroke it to the west

And I stroke it to the _man_ that I love the best

I be strokin'….

I think my heart just about stops from laughter and that image will be burned in my memory.

The game continues on with Zeke having to remain perfectly still for one minute as Uriah attempts to get him to move by whatever means he can think of…. Epic fail when Uriah licks his face and Zeke goes ape shit, thus having to remove his shirt. Tobias has to slow dance with Zeke to the song _I will Always Love You _while leaning on his shoulder and having his hands on his ass. They laugh so hard that I can't believe they stay upright. Christina has to put lipstick on Will without using her hands. Shauna has to answer all questions for the next three rounds as if she were Skooby Doo…. And eventually it comes to Amar's turn.

"Alright…. Uriah my boy! Candor or Dauntless?!"

"Psshhhh! Dauntless baby!"

"I was hoping you'd say that! Miss Tris! Will you please put a handful of ice in a nice plastic bag for Uriah…."

I do as instructed as Amar continues. "Now Mr. Pedrad, have a seat right there on that bar stool and ice your bare balls for five minutes."

If it's possible for Uriah's face to turn pale I'm pretty sure it did as we all laugh and Tobias and Zeke high five and seem to just about piss their pants.

"My apologies Marlene! He may be out of commission for the rest of the night!"

"No I won't baby!" He says as he steps out of his pants and shoves the ice pack down the back of his briefs sitting on the bar stool. "It's all part of the game…all part of the game….mother fucker!" He shrieks in a shrill voice. "...It's all part of the game…..wooo sahhhh….wooooo sahhhh."

I hand him a shot of Jack that he throws back as he keeps talking to himself and Marlene rubs his legs. "Not helping! Not helping! Just pick someone Mar…please God! JUST PICK SOMEONE!"

She slowly turns and faces me as I raise my eyebrows. _Oh fuck….._

"Be-ah-trees! Be-ah-trees!" My eyes flit to Tobias as he tries to calm me with his stare at the mention of my full name. "Candor or Dauntless?"

I take a deep breath. "Daunt…less…" I whine._  
_

"Give someone a lap dance….to _Partition _by Beyoncé… You know the choreography…. Wowza!" She gives me a wink wink as I glance at Four who is looking at me questioningly. _"_It can't be Four…"_ Damnit! _I make eye contact with Christina and she gets the hint that I will be grinding on her on a chair. "Wait, wait, wait…. I'm not done yet! It can't be anyone who's into dudes! Sorry George! Sorry Amar!"

I take a deep breath in decision. _Do I do this? _I look at Tobias who has a worried look on his face. _Is he worried we won't get the jersey or worried I'll give another guy a lap dance? _My eyes flit from Zeke to Uriah to Will to Al to Bud. _Tobias would flip his shit if I gave Al or Uriah a lap dance… Tori wouldn't appreciate it if I gave Bud one… Shauna probably wouldn't care about Zeke so he is the most logical choice. Why am I even considering this?_

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

_Damnit! I really wanted that jersey! She won't do it. Which I'm totally cool with because I do not want her humping any other dude—What the fuck, Tris?! Where is she going? No she isn't…. Yep. It's happening. I'm pissed. I should be pissed, right? This better be some surface level humpage. I can't watch. _

I turn around in my bar stool and face Christina, who is behind the bar as I see a shot glass full of something brown in front of me. She gives me a look of pity as I toss the shot back. I nod my head and run my hands down my face that seems to be spiking a fever. I look up at Christina as I huff out a breath through my nose. Her eyes go wide and she starts to bust up laughing.

"What's so god-damned funny?!"

"Turn around asshole," she deadpans.

I shake my head and glance over my shoulder… _Double take…nope triple take… _My bad-ass, smart, hotter than fuck girlfriend has Lynn…on a chair…on stage.

"That is hot," I say under my breath as I hear Uriah and Zeke say the same thing and I am trying to trick myself into believing I was imagining it.

I hear a window rolling up, which I assume is part of the song as I watch Tris walk to the back of the chair, then the most seductive song I've ever heard comes on. She runs her index finger around Lynn's neck and then her hands down her arms before she makes her way to the front and straddles Lynn with her flexible legs spread wide. She pulls the hair band out her pony tail and whips her hair around as she puts her ankle over Lynn's shoulder and does a fucking back walkover into the splits. _Holy shit I'm hard and I don't know what to do. _I glance to my right and left and I honestly don't care that my friends' eyes are glued to my girlfriend. I hear Christina and Shauna laugh and clap as Tris completes several hip swerves and ass shakes while grinding on Lynn. People are making whooping noises…I think. Tris looks so fucking hot in her Blackhawks jersey and I don't even care that she has already given everyone several pantie shots… _She's wearing the red ones_….. She turns to face the crowd and spreads her legs pulling her jersey down as she bites her bottom lip and winks at me. The stage is close enough that everyone can tell she is making eyes with me. She moves off the chair into the horizontal splits on stage and crawls out of them smoothly.

Don't even remember doing it, but I'm off my stool, on the stage and lifting her up. Cheers, hollers, clapping… I hear laughing in my ear and rough sucking on my neck as some shit crashes to the floor and my back is up against the wall.

"Closet…to the…right here." Something hard hits me in the ass...hopefully a door knob…donkey kick and it's open…donkey kick and it's closed.

Now it's all about her….

"That was the hottest….fucking…thing…ever…" I wrench her jersey up and grab her panties moving my fingers over her wet hot lips as she groans in my mouth and bites my lip.

"Yeah…Lynn…she's pretty hot—"

"Fuck Lynn…. _You_….I don't even know what to say…"

"Then show me."

My mouth is so dry but I swallow anyway as I look around and see a folding table. I hoist her up by her ass and, pretty much trip over empty boxes and a step stool. Yet somehow I get her to the table as she tries, unsuccessfully, to get my belt off. She must be as worked up as me as she matches my heaving breaths and let's out a frustrated whine. So I assist her. Her amazing hands are immediately on my dick and stroking me hard and fast as soon as my briefs are at my ankles.

"Fuck…Tris…" This only spurs her on and I do not have the resiliency to stop her as she starts to use both hands. _Why can't I be like Sting and have magical tantric powers?_ I look down to watch and I can see that her legs are spread fairly wide and she is so fucking wet… Yet again, I don't know how I got there, but suddenly I am between her legs and diving in deep, tasting every bit of her sweet flavor as she pretty much rips my hair out of the follicles. _I could do this forever…_

"No, no, no, no….I don'twannacome…Idon'twanna….itfeelsso…ohmyGod…..I'mgonna…" _Yeah this didn't take long…fuck she was as turned on as I was… _I don't have to see it because I can imagine the look on her face and I can feel her tighten on my tongue so I switch to my fingers and take her clit between my teeth as she whines for me to stop while begging me to keep going…I choose the latter. Her legs flex and she rocks herself against me over and over until I can feel the slight swell of her lips and I pull away proud as fuck as I see the look of holy-shit-he-just-went-to-town-on-me on her face.

"Don't look so fucking smug," she grits as she grabs my jersey pulling me to her. "I had a little something to do with this too." She yanks my jersey up and I assist her in whipping it off because it is only gonna get in the way.

"Oh you are definitely the reason I am in this position…right now," I say as I pull her to me by her hips. She catches herself on her elbows and looks up at me biting her lip.

"I was thinking about you the whole time." She runs one of her feet up my chest and rests her ankle on my shoulder as I turn my face to kiss the soft skin over her taut calf muscles.

"Really?" I breathe out as I line myself up with her entrance. _Holy shit she's talking…like really talking…_

"Mmm hmm. That whole thing was for you…and only…you."

"Fuck…you have no idea what you do to me…" I rock into her slowly and shallowly once, twice and then fully to the hilt fast on the third time. My throat aches so I know I made some kind of noise. "God…you feel so good…lay back baby."

She lays herself out over the table and as much as I want to take off that jersey. Fucking her in a Hawks jersey is pretty hot. Keeping her ankle on my shoulder she props her other heel over my arm on the edge of the table as I grip her hips and sink into her slow keeping total eye contact, then I pull out and sink in a little faster, then I pull out and sink in even faster keeping up this pace until I'm thrusting into her with total vigor. My jaw is aching from clenching it and I am so turned on by her noises and hearing the table slam against the wall. She drops her leg down and runs her hands through her hair, which I know she does when she's close but not ready enough to let go. I totally get it, so I pull out. As she whines from the loss I pull her up to standing and turn her gently so she's facing away from me keeping my arm securely over her stomach. I suck and kiss her neck as my brain catches up to the fact that my plan won't work because she's too damned short and I'm too damned tall. Then, the gates of heaven open up and I see the step stool I tripped over. Running my hands up her torso and cupping her perfect breasts I do get momentarily distracted, but then back to reality and I toe the step stool over to us and urge her onto it. She is literally at the perfect height. I kiss her on the back of the neck and guide her over the table carefully, keeping my arm wrapped around her waist and my other arm caressing her bare back under her jersey.

"You okay?" I ask as I lean over her and kiss her neck. She let's out a shaky breath and utters a confident, "Yeah," as I line myself up and enter her feeling how swollen she is. She groans…loudly…as do I. _This angle….fuck…. _"Baby…tight isn't even the word…" It's true because after orgasm #1, she feels different. I don't even have to move my cock around inside her in order to feel everything.

"That'samazing…" she huffs out because we've never done it in this position so it feels new.

"Yeah," It's all I'm capable of saying.

I move in and out and she heaves forward and backward in sync with me. I close my eyes and just enjoy how she feels as she rocks against me when the front of my thighs hit the backs of hers over and over. Soon I find myself gripping her hips and standing up straight as the burden of an orgasm builds up in my gut.

"Tob…i….as…" she whines my name and starts bucking her hips faster so I acquiesce to her body language and drive into her hard and fast, which does me no favors.

"Tris…I'm close…like…close, close…fuck…"

That totally puts her over the edge as she suddenly stops, sucking in a huge breath and I can just see her mouth go slack as I feel her abs tighten under my fingers and her insides contract around my cock. I drive into her one last time and move my hips just enough to hit her G-spot over and over and make her come really...really hard… I know because I can fucking feel it and it makes my knees go weak as the room goes fuzzy. I swear I can feel the pleasure shoot through my body all the way to my fingertips as I bend over her and cage her with my arms, unloading inside her.

We keep pitching back and forth until our bodies regain their normal rhythm. I rest my forehead on the back of her neck that is pebbled with sweat as my arms wrap softly around her waist. I kiss her right there, gently, as many times as I can get in before I have to pull away.

I steady her by her hips as she tries to right herself and almost falls over. She looks woozy as she sits down on the table and I feel the same as I rest both of my hands on either side of her thighs, and lean my head onto her shoulder.

"That was…." we say at the same time.

I roll my head back and forth over her shoulder.

"No words…"

"No fucking words…"

* * *

**Tori's POV:**

Loud banging and obscene noises are coming from the storage room as Juan Carlos walks by and picks up his jacket that he left behind.

"I wouldn't go in there," I say laughing lightly, which I rarely do.

He gives me a jovial laugh in return and waves good-bye. Normally I would be pissed about two people fucking in my storage closet. _But life's too short…_

* * *

You guys are all seriously awesome! Thank you so much! You may hate me soon…but I think you'll get over it….

Shorter chapters to come...maybe...


	28. Stupid

**AN:** Took so long to update because FFN's traffic stats have been down since last Sunday morning. That means I'm not able to see if people are reading the story... So I've been putting off posting the chapter...This is happening to other authors as well and FFN has not responded to any inquiries. So...feel free to flood their help desk and maybe they'll at least acknowledge the problem!

We are still able to see Reviews and PMs.

**Rated - MA (you know why if you've been reading the story)**

**Chapter 28 – Stupid**

* * *

**Marcus's POV:**

Sleep has never in my life evaded me. But here I find myself pacing the empty halls of my home, nursing scotch and prompting my conscience to put aside all feeling. I may have done some things that I have considered…regrettable…but my conscience has never had enough power over me to rob me of slumber! The conversation with Carlos may as well be scrawled behind my eyelids:

**Flashback:**

"Vengeance? For whom?" I scoff as I try to find my son through my binoculars again.

"_Evelyn." _His growls the name and his voice sounds like ice.

"I beg your pardon?!"

"You will be begging for much more than my pardon if you fail to make this work."

"What do your daughter and my son have to do with Evelyn? And you barely knew her. Carlos you are being absurd…."

Suddenly, I am ripped off balance as Carlos grips me by my collar. His seething voice, dripping with hatred is spitting in my ear. "I…_loved_…her. I…_worshipped_…her. You thought, after all those years, that she was yours. No…. She was _mine. _You drove her soul into the depths of her own personal hell and I will reward you dearly for that…"

I almost lose my equilibrium as he lets go forcefully. _Regain your composure. He's lying anyway. _"So… _You _were having an affair with Evelyn?... Impossible."

"As impossible as the fact that the morning she was found…._dead..." _He swallows forcefully. "...my limo was waiting for her and your son outside? Had she been acting strange that week? Stronger? More defiant? I would bet some of her belongings were missing before you decided to throw the rest out like trash!" _It was fitting…._

However, he's right. A significant amount of jewelry was gone along with clothes. I fired all the maids assuming thievery after Evelyn's passing.

Suddenly, my heart rate is almost uncontrollable. "You…were having an affair…with my _wife?_" I roar, very thankful for the screaming of inebriated imbeciles.

"No… That vile word doesn't do it _justice!_" I swear I can see his teeth grinding.

"And what were you two planning to do anyway? Go off and raise a happy mafia family? With a son whose not even _yours? _Evelyn would never stoop to raise our son to be a part of that—"

"I would have raised that boy as my own and loved him as my own! Because he was a part of _her_!"

"Well now, if you haven't noticed, that ship had sailed 16 years ago! So, tell me… What _do_ you want Carlos?"

He pauses for several second and reaches down to take a slow slip of his scotch before closing his eyes and exhaling deeply. "To torture you..."

**End Flashback:**

_"__To torture you…", "To torture you…", "To torture you…", "To torture you…" _

His voice feels like venom running through my veins. I have to compose myself for a moment as my forehead breaks out in a cold sweat for the second time in the last hour.

Several weeks ago, upon an invitation for a lunch at Everest, I let my curiosity get the better of me and accepted Carlos's invitation.

The situation with The Eaton Foundation and his village had been put to rest as I had relinquished the funds and put them in their 'intended' place. And since then Carlos and I had even collaborated on some business dealings within the confines of Chicago politics, with his assurance that our interests were, from an outsider's perspective, completely independent: the Eaton name cannot go near the Juares name. With that deal I had advised him on several issues but in the end game, I had to distance myself: Governor Blagoyevich's indictment could have been my undoing. I had assumed Carlos and I had let bygones be bygones. How wrong I was.

Before I could even look at the restaurant's bourbon selection, Carlos began spouting out his ridiculous plan to _couple _our offspring. After hearing his rant, I honestly considered Carlos to be unstable…along with his daughter. He had been aware of my son's disdain for me… Why he would think _I _have any influence on Tobias was beyond me and the even more foolish aspect of the plan would be that I would go along with it willingly. The Eaton name tied in with mafia filth is asinine.

He almost seemed pleased by my utter distaste at the idea…. It was as if it only solidified his purpose...

Then the threats started pouring in. He has all the proof in the world to put me under, yet I have en equal amount of information on him. However, I am no fool: exposing Carlos in retaliation to his exposing me, would bring me nothing but _personal_ satisfaction…. But not enough to make prison worth a dime.

By the end of the conversation I had agreed to perform my due diligence and research my son's relational patterns, and at the time, he had none. This seemed to please Carlos to no end and sooner than I could have expected, his overzealous daughter was working side-be-side with my son at ALG Architects. Tobias was, of course, in the superior position.

It was rather unfortunate for young Miss Prior. She couldn't have come along at a less opportune time. I actually empathized with the twit. I hadn't even planned on informing Carlos of her existence until divine intervention occurred in the form of a phone call from Eric Monroe.

**Flashback:**

I'm sitting in my office pouring over the 32% dive in the Chinese stock market. "Fucking China. Of course…allow the market to run up! Then rush to the rescue when prices begin to fall! You can't have it both ways you stupid—"

I'm interrupted by my office phone.

"Marcus Eaton."

"This is Eric Monroe."

"Am I supposed to know you?"

"Joseph Monroe's son."

"Oh…yes. Why are you calling? I prefer to do business through your father."

"I have an opportunity for you."

"I doubt that."

"You've been doing business with my family for 20 years and my father has provided you with crop reports even before the FDA releases them…. Am I correct?"

"I will not be discussing these matters with you, nor over the phone." _Because it's completely fucking illegal you trifling idiot!_

"You've been giving my father a significant commission for this 'premature' information."

"Son get to the point! I am a busy man!"

"How would you feel about _not_ having to pay that commission? Having a more direct line? In exchange for help with a certain _acquisition_… I'm told you have connections…."

"Call me on my cell."

**End Flashback**

As it happens, Beatrice Prior was Eric's 'acquisition.' The name sounded familiar. I ran it through my head over and over until it hit me…. Gregory, the door man in my son's building had informed me of a female visitor who had becoming more and more frequent to my son's apartment: Tris Prior.

_Could it be that easy? Was this really meant to be? Beatrice Prior…my…son's…girlfriend…_ I could turn Beatrice over to Eric, thus freeing my son from a ridiculous relationship, acquiring government contacts and appeasing Carlos.

I had complete certainty that _nothing _would come of Juanita and Tobias. My son may hate _me_, but I know him well enough to know that a petulant woman like Juanita is below his radar. Frankly, from what I have seen of Miss Prior during my three-hour observation, she is closer to Tobias's level than that spoiled sycophant Juanita. I can say she is hard-working, smart and quick-witted. But it ends there. She is still completely unsuitable.

Upon several further correspondences with Eric Monroe, I had come to the conclusion that Eric has psychotic tendencies and I was beyond hesitant to deal with him in any way shape or form. His erratic outbursts, rants and sometimes incoherent babbling in reference to Miss Prior had caused me serious pause. My current plan was to appease Carlos…put on a show…pretend to go along with his game, yet deny Eric his information. _And I seriously thought to call Kitttridge Animal Control._

However, I am now piecing together a puzzle that seems to have been in the making for years. Apparently my and Carlos's common thread hadn't unraveled: he has been very very patient.

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I open my eyes and, as a reflex, I try to move, but I'm unable because my and Tobias's bodies are a tangled mess of legs and arms. He stirs at my subtle attempt at movement and then he tries to do the same.

"Is this a joke?" he mumbles as he searches for my hand like he usually does. He has his eyes closed and makes a blind pit stop at my leftt breast. "Sorry… Thought that was a hand."

I giggle like a little girl: my least attractive laugh. "Such a liar."

"That I am," he says in a yawn as he finds my hand and laces it with his own. "How did we end up in this predicament?"

"I just remember getting home and passing out on the bed." I feel my cheeks turn red at the mention of his apartment as 'home' and I think I see him smirk. _I hope…. _We're still in our jerseys and I'm wearing a pair of his boxers because—

"I can't…._believe…_I ripped your red panties…" he groans. "You were supposed to warn me…"

"Yeah… That was not going to happen…. I was way too…" _Just say that you were way too turned on by imagining Lynn was him and you were ready to hump him on the stage if he gave you the opportunity!_

"I'm waiting…for you to finish that sentence…."

"…tired…from all the dancing… Too tired to get the words out."

"Tired huh? Not how I remember it," he says bringing my hand up to his mouth and giving me sweet kisses on my knuckles.

"So you remember it?"

He turns his head to look at me with a confused look.

"Just checking to see how drunk you were."

"Not drunk enough to forget that! ...Any of it." He stares at the ceiling for a minute shaking his head. "How did I get so lucky?"

"Last night? I thought you weren't drunk enough to forget?" I joke.

"You know what I mean, smart ass. How did I end up with such an amazing woman?" _Is he turning red? He said "end up"… _"Especially when you climbed to the top of the shelf unit like a monkey to get my jersey."

"Anything for a Toews jersey… Who do you think won the Cornelison jersey?" We sneaked out the side alley door in order to avoid any interrogations.

"I don't even care…." He laughs trying to untangle his legs by gently moving mine.

"Not at all?...Ow…" My ankle hurts like a bitch from being stuck under his calf.

"Sorry… Nope, not at all. Every second I spent with you…worth 1000 Cornelison jerseys…"

I raise my eyebrows at his ridiculous comment.

"Did you like that one?" he asks in his sexy morning voice as he pulls me on top of him.

"Yes… I liked it…" I say softly as I kiss him equally as softly. "And I kinda like you, too…." I run my fingers up the sides of his head into his hair but he reaches his hands up and grabs mine.

"You _kinda _like me?... Cause I was _kinda _hoping you were as crazy about me as I am about you…"

"You know I am." I squeeze his hands back and just hold them there looking at his soulful eyes. I take a mental snap shot.

"What?" he asks softly, almost whispering.

"Just…you. I love you."

He grins and pulls his hands away wrapping them around my frame, pulling me in for a deep slow kiss. I know what I want at this very moment and I know he wants the same as I can feel him harden beneath me. I press my center to him as he adds pressure onto my lower back and groans from the friction. Then the buzz of his phone alarm goes off and he groans again…but not the good kind.

"I've gotta go…. I'm sorry."

"I thought Amar gave you until noon…" I say still adding pressure to his groin.

"Mmmmm…. He did. But I don't want to stay late tonight nor go in tomorrow. I would rather spend that time with you." _He has a point…. Damnit._

"Okay." I sigh rolling off him.

"I'm sorry, baby," he crawls over me and purposely drags his erection over my stomach trying to hold back a laugh.

"Oh my God you're an idiot!" I say as I grab the waistline of his briefs and snap them as he gets off the bed.

"But you love me! I've heard you say it!" he yells as I hear him turn the shower on to warm up the water.

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

_I hate that shit!_ Letting the shower water run down my back, I think to myself how much I want to make slow, sweet love to Tris right now. I feel like we haven't just had time to take it easy in a while. Don't get me wrong, I am not opposed to storage closets (in fact, they seem to find us), offices, bathrooms (those seem to find us, too), couches or morning quickies… _Huge fan of all of that!_ I just feel like we haven't had a chance to just be together without time restraints. _I can't believe I still haven't been able to make her come three times! Holding off for two is practically painful for me….in an amazingly awesome way—_

"Hi handsome."

My greatest distraction has just wrapped her naked body around me with her hands immediately en route to my already hard cock.

"Wow…" she comments. I suck in a breath as she runs her two index fingers down my length. "What were _you_ thinking about?" she asks laughing.

When she laughs I can feel her nipples move against my back and just as I get ready to turn around and take advantage of her naked breasts, I am halted by two soft strong hands moving with solid purpose up and down my shaft. She teases the sensitive tip with her thumb and my hips flex at the sensation.

"Mmmmm…..Tris…" I groan because it feels so good but also because I have to get ready for work... But it's a losing battle. _Fuck…. She's on her knees…and…my dick's in her mouth. Jeeeessssssuuuuussss….._

The sensation of the hot water running down my back and her sucking me off is fucking incredible. I have to put my hands on the wall in front of me so I don't lose my balance.

"Oh God baby…you don't have to…" _But please don't stop._

"Mmmm hmmmm…." It's like she times it perfectly. She hums as I hit the back of her throat and holy shit…. My hips buck into her and she pulls her mouth away and smiles up at me with her eyes. Her gorgeous baby blues, my cock in her mouth and my perfect view of her from her tits to her pussy… _Fuck…. I have to close my eyes or this will end…now. Which is probably good but….shit… _Now she is cupping my balls and running her tongue rapidly on the underside of my shaft.

"Holy fuck Tris…"

Involuntarily one of my hands goes to the back of her head and my fingers thread in her thick hair. Then a flash of her handwriting in her journal, the ink smeared from past tears that had been shed flashes in my mind and I immediately put it back on the wall. _I can't… I just…can't… _I close my eyes so I don't have to see her reaction.

She pulls out slow, swirls her tongue and fists me with her hand, then moves it back down following with her soft wet lips. My mouth goes dry because I'm fairly certain it's hanging open, as she continues that perfect pattern.

All too soon she starts to pick up speed as I moan. Her strong hand with her soft lips and then the trifecta as she expertly massages my sack.

I feel it. The warm twinge of pressure in my groin. I don't try to hold off because…let's face it…this is a pretty selfish act and I don't have to. _I'm sorry babe…_

"Tris…Tris…I'm…."

She hums and then it spreads quickly as I hit the back of her throat once more and release into her mouth probably grunting some sort of bullshit…. Who the hell knows….

She slows down and then drags her lips off me slowly, wiping her mouth with her thumb and smiling proudly at herself. As she stands up, she slowly trails soft wet kisses up my abs and chest until one final one on my cheek. My hands are still braced on the wall as I try to recover.

"Tris…." is all I can breath out as I release my hands from the wall and bring them immediately to her slim waist because her pink nipples are calling my name. Plus…. Well, I love paybacks…

"Nope. That was all about you!" She quickly slips away and out of the shower. I'm still recovering from the number she just did on my dick so I was too slow on the uptake.

"Where are you going? You're not gonna shower with me?!"

"Nope… After you leave!"

"Why?!" I yell as I hear her open _her _bathroom drawer and rummage through it.

"Because you'll be tempted to return the favor!" I can imagine her brushing her long hair with her ponytail holder between her teeth ready to be used.

"I'll wash your hair…? I'm getting better you know!" I say as I grab her body wash and relather. It's _way_ better than my soap. "You know….most girls—"

"Tell me you did not just say _most girls—_"

"Stop it. You know what I mean."

"Oh hey! Remember that one time you wouldn't let me go down on you…?" she asks sarcastically.

"Yes…one of my biggest regrets!" _Not true…but she won't want to hear that… _" Learn from my mistakes babe!"

"You'll just have to think about how to repay me all…day…long…" I turn to grab my towel and see that she has appeared at the shower door...still naked, but then she turns around immediately and scurries away as I try to grab for her.

I'm so glad she is at least _starting_ to get comfortable letting me see her naked again. Although my view was still pretty obstructed. It still amazes me how one stupid comment from _Uriah _of all people could have such an effect on her confidence. Either way, this has been a definite step in the right direction.

A new goal pops into my head: _Naked Saturdays… Someday…it…will…happen…_

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

While Tobias finishes getting ready for work I make us some scrambled eggs and toast. He walks out of the bedroom and I do a double-take and just about lose my balance as I see him. I…have…never seen him first thing in the morning on his way to work because I am either still sleeping or he leaves from my place. And frankly, I don't know how I am still upright. _Holy hell of hotness… How did I….Why is he with…. What…the…fuck…?_

"Trisssss? You okay?" He's smirking at me so he totally knows I'm a hot mess of please-take-me-right-now.

"Mmm hmm! Yep… I'm just. Well…. You look very…nice….in that incredibly well-fitting suit."

He laughs quietly and scratches the back of his neck. _How do I make him nervous? _

"Uh…thanks. And thank you for breakfast. This is…I like this…having you here." He shakes his head and looks down at his feet.

"Why? So I can make you breakfast?" I ask in jest.

He laughs again. "Nope. Ha….sorry…if that's how it sounded..."

I walk over and grab the hand that is rubbing the back of his neck and kiss it, then lean up and take a deep breath through my nose of his after shave, leaving a kiss in my wake. I look into his eyes and probably grin or smile or make some dumb face before I turn around and hand him a paper towel with two pieces of toast and eggs in between.

"I know you have to get to work….so now you can take this to go!" I say more chipper than I intend to, trying to mask the fact that I wish we could eat together.

He smiles down at me after taking the food and rests his forehead on mine. "Thank you." Then he kisses my head and leans over to grab his messenger bag and some tube thing. "You work late tonight?"

"Yeah… I'm closing."

"Okay, maybe we'll stop by the bar later."

"Sounds great." I smile as he leans in and kisses me slowly, twining his left hand with my right.

He pulls away and laughs lightly. "Bye…"

"Bye…. Wait…what?!"

"Nothing…" Then he shuts the door behind him. I wish I knew what goes through that man's head sometimes.

I turn back around and head to the kitchen to eat my breakfast, smiling to myself at how easy things are between Tobias and I now. Based on our pasts, it was a rocky beginning, but things seem to finally have smoothed out. I probably wouldn't appreciate it as much if things had just come easy. I don't really roll that way. I appreciate the things I have worked hardest at the most: making my body and spirit strong when it was weak, making friends when I thought I couldn't, fleeing a relationship I felt trapped in, forgiving Tobias when I felt betrayed… _Now if only I could forgive myself…_

_Geez I really wish I had some….coffee! _Tobias, type A freak of nature, actually put his new coffeemaker away so I forgot I had even bought one. _It's a damned coffee maker! It stays on the counter! _So, because I am kind of a jerk, I search the cabinets until I find it. I have to drag a chair over in order to get it out without dropping it. _Did he forget I'm short?_ As a thanks, I nicely set it up in the corner again. This time leaving two mugs out with two napkins underneath them…just to piss him off. _Tee hee!_

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I guarantee Tris wishes she were a minder-reader. And if she were, she would find out that as I was leaving I was thinking about what it would be like to kiss her good-bye every morning... But then I had to get the hell out of there before I wouldn't be able to bring myself to leave her…

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

"Heyyyyyy Trisssss!" Shauna yells across the gym as I try to blend in with the grey concrete of the wall. "You're wearing blue ya dumb ass… I can see you!"

_Ugh! _I walk slowly over to her just as I hear a shrill laugh. "Oh my God Tris!" _Marlene._

"Oh no no no! You _know _you aren't getting away from me!" Christina shrieks from the locker room.

"Sauna! In 5 minutes!" Shauna orders. "George… You all good for about 45 minutes?"

"Of course…"

I pretend this whole scene isn't happening and put my ear buds in and hop on the treadmill, that is until Shauna grabs me around the waist and her and Marlene drag me into the locker room.

"Get naked!" Shauna orders as she tosses a towel at me.

This is exactly the reason I avoid the steam room. Each and every time, Christina sits there all tits out and I have a towel wrapped tightly around me.

"She won't do it," Christina comments which actually kind of pisses me off.

"Tris… Detoxification is the whole purpose of a sauna… You need to let out the sweat!" Marlene adds. "Hey…I always keep my undies on if it makes you feel better!"

_Is it weird that it actually does?_

"Well, I plan on being naked as a jay bird!"

"Me too!...Come one Miss Tris… You need to wave your freak flag!" _Christina says the weirdest shit..._

"Yeah…" Shauna waggles her eyebrows at me. "…like last night!"

I breathe in and out through my nose and start to undress, facing my locker, leaving my underwear on and making no _naked _promises.

"Yessss!" I can just imagine Christina pumping her fist in the air.

We all undress and wrap ourselves in towels, making our way to the women's sauna. Once there, Christina immediately drops trou and lays her towel down, reclining onto it and letting out a deep breathe. Shauna does the same except she lies on her stomach. Marlene sits next to me on her towel, naked from the waist up. I never thought I would be in the position to look like a fool because I _wasn't _naked. _My how my life has changed!_ That's when I notice that all three girls are staring at me.

"Fine!" I drop my towel to my waist and squeeze my eyes shut. I can feel my whole body flush and I thank God we are in the sauna so at least I have something to chalk it up to.

"They're nice!" Shauna comments.

"Told ya!"

"Are my boobs a common topic around you guys? Shit…."

"Super perky! I say you're lucky…" Marlene quips.

"Why?!" I ask incredulously.

"Look… Anyone's boobs can look great in a good bra… But truly nice tits look great without one. And you, my dear, are blessed…"

"Ha! Told ya! A handful!"

"Yep! I mean…Zeke loves mine…" Shauna comments as she sits up. "And I do too…but they could be a little… I don't know…higher?" She lifts her boobs up as I check out her chest and tilt my head sideways.

"What are you talking about?! I would kill for yours!"

"Mine aren't much bigger than yours Tris!" _Hmmm….I guess Marlene's actually aren't._ "Oh and Uriah told me what he said to you… I gave him a piece of my mind. He really _did _mean it as a compliment…"

"He _told _you?!" I'm shocked Uriah would admit that.

"Oh trust me, I wasn't thrilled that he saw your 'great little tities,'…" I roll my eyes at the memory. "…but the whole thing is pretty funny if you think about it!"

"Maybe someday I'll find it funny," I huff out.

"It's funny," all three of them say at the same time.

"Can we put the attention on someone else—"

"No," they all say in unison again.

"So…. Uh… Four's not the type of guy to…well…rush the stage, hijack a girl during a lesbian lap dance and then bump uglies in a closet…. Assuming that's what you did—"

"Oh….my….God….Shauna…." I whine into my hands as Christina and Marlene laugh hysterically.

"Hey don't worry Shauna! Tris isn't the type of girl to _give_ a lesbian lap dance and allow herself to be hijacked to go bump uglies in a closet…"

"Well…apparently I am now!"

"I know and I fuckin' love it!" Christina practically shouts.

"Did you guys see the look on poor Four's face?! I almost passed him a napkin to wipe the drool off his mouth!" Marlene adds laughing.

"Yep… Pretty sure I saw a boner…."

"Chris! Do not…check out his penis…._ever_."

"Hard not to Tris! Get it?...Don't roll your eyes at me…. You're the one who implied he has a—"

"Christina." I grit out.

"Hey you know I'm perfectly happy with William's perfect penis!"

"I love Zeke's…. Big fan!"

Silence… As we look at Marlene to chime in. She is inspecting her cuticles a little too closely…especially since her nails appear to be perfectly manicured.

"No…way." Shauna whispers.

"Hmm?"

"You and Uri….?... Uriah. Uriah Pedrad. You haven't…?"

"Don't get all judgey!" Marlene exclaims.

"Oh man!" Christina adds.

"I'm not being judgey! I'm just…shocked…."

"We're…waiting… Shauna! Look…I know Uriah has made his rounds…too many times in my opinion…and I am _not _going to be just a round!"

Shauna ponders this earth shattering (at least to her) news.

"I think it's great," I say as I bump her shoulder. "Why rush? Is he going somewhere?" I ask lightly.

"That's what I need to make sure of."

I nod in understanding, while in my head being very grateful I don't have those same worries….

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

Thus far my day has been productive, which is fucking shocking because it has been a bitch to _not _think about repaying the favor for Tris. Yet somehow I was able to take some sort of initiative: I did get a last minute topographer to come out and survey the site for the museum addition this afternoon and Matthew is going with me—

"Hey boss!" Matthew pokes his smiling-way-too-widely face in my office.

"Matthew. Just call me Four."

"Sure thing….um…so I finished those plans and I figured I'd bring them to you now—"

"No."

"No?"

"No."

"…Can I ask why?"

"Take a seat," I gesture to a chair across the table from me.

"Okay…."

I intertwine my fingers and lean in. "Are you _sure _you want me to look at this?"

"Ye—"

"An idea you just came up with yesterday."

"Ye—"

"I'm assuming you were under a bit of a time crunch seeing as you went to the Hawks game last night."

"Ye—"

"So…are you _sure _you want to show me this now?"

"Ye—"

"Even though I gave you until 9:00 AM Monday to do it and to do it right. Are you _sure _you want to show me this now?"

Finally he seems to get it. "Okay. I'll take a look at it with fresh eyes this weekend," he says, defeated.

"Matthew. I've seen your work…You're good. But you could be _really _good. Don't rush your work to impress. This is a tough firm to get into, Amar only hires the best and he hired _you. _Now do your job and do it right. Have it to me by 9:00 AM on Monday."

"Got it…boss…Four." He stands up to leave but before he goes he turns around and addresses me one more time. "You know you make me nervous as fuck, right?"

"I can see that."

"But it's not because of your incredibly intimidating presence…okay maybe it is a little...or more than a little. But it's more because you're practically a creative architectural genius at the age of 25 and I have no idea what the hell to say to you half the time and when I think of something I sound like a complete asshole."

I just look at him because what the fuck do I say to that?

"So anyway….I just really respect you and I'm pretty damn honored to be working with you."

I push my chair back and stand up. "Meet me downstairs at 2:00 and we'll head over to the job site."

"Okay." He heads for the door again. _Fuck… I'm just as bad as Tris at taking a compliment._

"Matthew?" He turns briefly. "Thanks."

"Sure thing…_Four_." He bows his head in accentuation of my name.

I grin at the way he is _finally _starting to address me as he closes the door behind him. I actually do kind of like the guy. He's certainly not an asshole…pretty sure he one-upped me on that one… He's honest, he _can_ be funny and he is a good architect. And he can't stand Nita either—

"Four?" _Fuck…really?_

"Yes Nita?" I don't even turn to look at her as I walk back to my plans spread out on the table.

"I set up the meeting with ETA for next Wednesday. Does that work?"

I pull out my phone to see if I have any other meetings scheduled. "That'll work fine."

"Okay. How was the game last night?"

"Good."

"I couldn't find a date…. So, I just stayed home…."

I nod my head and sit down, putting on my glasses.

"So… You hate me, right?" _Pretty much 100% yes._

"No."

"But you don't _like _me?"

I don't answer her ridiculous question, I just glance up at her as I look over my red marks making sure I didn't fuck up.

"What can I do?...You know…to make you like me?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?" she asks in trying-to-sound-sad voice.

"Must I repeat it?"

"I just…We have to work together and it would be easier if—"

"I don't need to like you to work with you. Did you need anything else? I have a call to make." _I have no such call to make._

"No. Sorry to bother you," she says quietly and walks out the door, closing it behind her.

"Fuckin' crazy ass—"

Suddenly my text alert buzzes. It's a group text from Zeke to me, Uriah and Will.

**Zeke:** Our women are in the sauna…butt-naked…together.

_No way in hell Tris would do that. Not gonna respond._

**Will:** From where did you acquire this information?

_Valid question…_

**Zeke:** Shauna sent me a butt-naked picture.

_Sounds like Shauna…_

**Zeke:** It said "Shauna in the sauna." My woman's funny as shit!

_Hilarious…_

**Zeke:** Tris took the picture.

_What?!_

**Me:** Is Tris naked?!

**Zeke:** Lol! I knew that would get you. Not naked…just topless. Shauna sent me a picture.

_No fucking way…_

**Will:** I can guarantee you that Chris is naked.

**Zeke:** Wanna see it?

**Me:** Yes…dick!

_Shit! _Before I get the chance to text Zeke that this is a for-my-eyes-only picture, I receive a picture of Tris's bare back in the sauna and she is flicking off the camera. It's obviously a coerced picture, but it's pretty funny….plus her back is sexy as-

**Uriah:** That's hot!

**Me:** Delete that shit.

_Saved it to my phone._

**Uriah:** Got any more?

**Me:** Fuck you.

**Zeke:** No more. What time tonight?

**Will:** I'm up for happy hour. 4:00 at Riley's Pub?

**Zeke:** 5:00

**Uriah:** 4:30

**Me:** 5:30

**Zeke:** Four. Can you take one mother-fuckin day off from working out?

**Me:** Yes…yesterday. See you at 5:30.

They keep texting back and forth but I don't even check. Working out is my second best stress reliever…it used to be my first…. I smile to myself at the thought of Tris. And then I start thinking of her topless in the sauna. I honestly can't believe she did it and I can't fucking wait to ask her about it. Apparently I'm not the only one who brings out a more confident side of her.

I laugh at myself because I know I should be thinking more like Zeke: how hot it is that our girlfriends are naked in the sauna together. However, the more mature side of me is actually winning out right now as I think of how great it is that they are all friends. I never really saw myself as having a group of friends. I always had Zeke and Uri, Shauna by default and Will an added bonus…but that's it. My life is kind of awesome right now…

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

"It's finished! I did it! I did it! I did it!" I'm literally doing the happy dance as I look down at the finally dried picture I made for Tobias.

"Did what?! Did what?! Did what?!" Christina is mimicking my voice and my movements from the TV room.

"Wanna see it?"

"Yes you idiot! I've been begging you for two weeks!"

"Okay…" I hesitate for a second as she rolls her eyes and breezes right past me.

"Oh my God….Tris…it's amazing…" She has her hand on her chest as she looks down at it. "Is that…Four?"

"Yeah."

"He looks…I don't know…haunting almost…kind of other-worldly…"

"Huh… That's actually a really cool way to put it." Even if she didn't mean it, her words are actually perfect. He _is_ haunted by thoughts of his mother, and at that moment he was off in his own world…as he so often is.

"Thanks." She looks proud of herself. "It's fantastic, Tris…really. Why the other picture? What do you call that… Justa-"

"Juxtaposition. Yeah...um… He used to go the lake a lot…to feed the ducks. So…I thought he may appreciate the memory…"

"Four? Feeding the ducks?" She looks at me like I'm nuts.

"Well…with his mom when he was a kid." _TMI?_

"Oh…cool. Have you met his parents?" _Ummmmm….._

"His mom passed away when he was nine and I haven't exactly met his father. They don't speak…ever."

"What does that mean? You 'haven't exactly met his father'?"

"I've seen him before." _Please let that be enough for now._

"How did his mom die?" _Can't skirt around this one…_

"A drug overdose…. Pain killers."

"Oh my God. That's….awful. I had no idea. I don't think Will knows that…"

"Please don't tell him. Tobias barely talks about it. I'm not even sure how happy he would be if he knew I told you."

"These luscious lips are sealed!"

You wouldn't think by listening to Christina that she would be able to keep secrets….but surprisingly enough…she can. I wish I could tell her more, but it's not my story. I wonder if Tobias has ever let small tokens of information about me slip. Sometimes it's necessary.

"So, when are you going to give it to him?"

"Monday," I say lightly walking toward my desk.

"Why did you say that weird? 'Monday'." She's mocking my trying-to-keep-it-light voice.

"Amar wants me to bring in some of my work. Tobias has him under the delusion that this shit is…I don't know…worth something—"

"That's because it is you foolio."

"Anyway… I was going to give it to him after Amar leaves. You know to deflect the tension away from me! Is that shitty?"

"That you are using a picture you made for Four as a deflection of possible but unlikely embarrassment? Yes. It's a little shitty."

"Okay…. Monday night then. I work early… so hopefully I'll see him that night."

"Monday night. I like it. Make it special or something…"

"Hmmm. I'll have to think of something."

"Hey I haven't checked out the Anne Frank gallery in awhile! Can I take a look?"

"Anne Frank… Really?"

"What?! I got tired of Underground Railroad."

"Okay…yes…" I answer, laughing. "You know you don't have to ask." She moves my clothes to the side and opens the door, disappearing into the storage space. "Hey! Who won the jersey anyway?"

"Tori won it by default because the dares only got worse after that and we were all very close to naked….including her!" she says loudly. "So…she called it and kept the jersey. What is up with Tori lately? She's been awesome! Hey Tris….I love the creepy one with the clown… It's so _Devil in the White City…. _Can't wait for that fuckin' movie… Did you know they cast Leonardo to be that Holmes guy? And…."

My mind sticks on Christina's comment about Tori. She gave me a $385 bottle of scotch, she's been letting a lot of people drink for free lately, she was nowhere to be found at the last play-off game when I sliced my head open, she _apologized _and let me take off work on the night of a possible Stanley win, she _closed _the bar so she could go, she let us stay and drink for free until everyone was almost naked…even her. "Life's too short"… she said that to Christina.

"Christina…." She's still babbling… "Christina!"

"What?! Ow…shit! Why would they make this door so small—"

"Tori's sick again."

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

After receiving a call on my cell from the woman I offered free self-defense classes to, I immediately left work. I was honest with Amar, seeing as George had already heard the conversation I had with her, and he was more than understanding. Having to go into work for a couple hours tomorrow won't be ideal…but compared to the situation I feel this woman is in…it's absolutely nothing.

I found out her name is Claire and she so far hasn't told me much more about herself except for the fact that she's 43 and has two kids. The long sleeved shirt and sweatpants she wears, the way she flinches at quick distinct movement and how her eyes go out of focus in certain situations is telling enough: she's being abused.

We've been working on the basic moves for about ½ hour and she obviously gets it…but she doesn't really get _it. _

"Let's take a break."

"No, I really don't have a lot of time and I don't want to take up yours…"

"Claire. Let's take a break."

"Okay." Then she mumbles under her breath, "can't argue with that" or something and then follows me to a bench.

"Your problem is timidity."

She takes a deep breath. "I know," she says quietly.

"You're weak. You have no muscle. Physically you're pretty worthless."

"I know. I just need to find time to work-out… I'm sorry if I—"

"This whole lesson is pointless unless you actually buck up and put some damned effort into this!"

"Well…I'm here!... Isn't that a start—"

"Why am I even wasting my time with you?! Do you have any idea how many things I have on my plate right now?!"

"I guess not… Why did you even meet me here—"

"It's fucking Friday night!... And yet here I am trying to help you when I could be doing a thousand other things 25 year old guys—"

"Well then go do it! I don't need anymore shit than I already have to deal with! I knew this was a bad idea. Kiss my ass!" _And there she is…. _She gets up and starts to storm away.

"Better," I say loud enough for her to hear me as she stops at the door. "Okay, breaks over. Let's go again." She walks slowly over to me as I look her in the eyes. "Are you pissed at me?"

"Yes. You're an asshole."

"I'm aware. Now let's go again."

The rest of the lesson goes much better.

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I get to work at 7:45 and head to the back to freshen up. I was at the lake and took some awesomely shitty shots of kids playing dangerously close to the edge of the pier. For a minute I actually said to myself, "Where the hell are their parents?" And then I laughed at the motherly shit that came out of my mouth.

The photo session took longer than I thought it did so I had to resort to not going home to change. And, of course, just my luck, I have to steal into Christina's locker and put on one of her tight white tank top shirts that exposes about an inch and a half of skin above the waist-line of my already low-riding black shorts. I have no problem wearing short shorts, my legs are one of the few things I'm actually not afraid to show, as long as my shirt is a decent length, which this one isn't. I look at myself in the mirror. _Fuck…I look like…Christina…. Oh well…roll with it!_

I quickly line my eyes with eye-liner, put my hair in a side braid and add some lip tint. Then I make my way quickly to Tori's office.

"Hey."

"What's up? Why are you dressed like Christina?"

"Um…got caught up…had to borrow her… Is this a shirt?"

"Mmmm…whatever… You'll get better tips—"

"Are you sick again?" _Bandaid..._

She averts her eyes from me and looks down at whatever she has in front of her.

"Why would you ask me that?"

"So you_ are_."

"Yes."

"How long have you known?"

"About a month... Any more questions?"

"Is it bad?"

"Well… I was in remission and it fucking came back so what do you think?" she snarks.

"Has it spread?"

She swallows. "No. It's local so I guess I have that going for me…"

"I thought they removed it?"

"Well Tris, it's in my fucking lungs so it's not that easy… Just go serve some damned drinks!"

My eyes are burning as I try to hold back the tears. Then I turn and leave, unnecessarily slamming the door behind me. I really shouldn't have done that. I'm not the one with lung cancer.

Tori is "one of the lucky 20%", as she calls it, who got lung cancer from a means other than smoking. They suspect radon exposure was a contributing factor mixed with a predisposition.

She's the first person I met when I came to Chicago and she hired me knowing I had absolutely no experience at serving drinks and also with the knowledge that I had no desire to tell her where the hell I'm from. She took a big risk and I will always be grateful. I make more money than I ever would have in Kittridge, I met Christina, among other friends…and shit I even met Tobias here…. _Hold it in Tris._

I go and stand behind the bar. "Hey Tris…oh uh…you look—"

"Hi Al. Please don't finish that sentence. I know I look like a fool."

"Yeah…. That's not what I was going to say…. But uh…speaking of things to say…uh…Tris I'm sorry for everything I was an idiot and a total jerk who took advantage of a situation and it was awful and I'm awful and a total idiot—"

"Al…. Stop. It's okay."

"You're sure?"

"I'm sure. Can we be done with this now?"

"Yeah…definitely." He embraces me in a tight hug of relief, which he's never done, as I pat him awkwardly on the back. He pulls away quickly and looks all around him… He literally turns a complete 360 degrees. "Four's not here is he?"

"No," I answer biting my cheek as not to laugh. "Maybe later, though."

"Okay… Don't tell him this but he scares the hell out of me."

"Your secret's safe with me Al."

"Good. Because I really need him to think I can kick his butt… Ya know…it's my job and all." _Oh Al…. Poor Al…._

"Yeah."

"Hey Tris." Lynn interrupts as she passes by, which makes Al go away thank God. "Just so you know… I've had better!"

"Oh…really?! Next time I'll have to pull out the big guns!"

"I always knew you were a dyke at heart!" she yells as Christina comes walking toward me.

"Who's a dyke at heart? Me?...I've thought about it…but…eh…"

"Why do you always butt into conversations at the worst moments?"

"It's part of my charm! …Whoa!... You look fuckin' hot! Is that my shirt?"

"Enough. And is that what you call this thing?"

"You'll double your tips with the men…. But you may lose tips with the women. It's the cost of being hot!"

"Hot… Yeah… If a 14-year-old in 10-year-old clothing is hot…" I say under my breath so Chistina can't hear. _Alright…I'll upgrade myself to a 15-year-old… Progress…_

"Bye Molllllllyyyyy!" Christina yells sarcastically as Molly breezes by us both, not saying good-bye. "Tori needs to do better than that chick…." Christina pauses and looks at her hands. "So…is it back?"

"Yes."

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I ended up getting to Riley's at 6:00 to the chagrin of my friends. But I wasn't about to tell them why. Uriah being a trainer, would want to know details, and Zeke being my partner in teaching the self-defense classes, would also have questions. So I just say I lost track of time.

"Why did you order me three beers?"

"I was being a gentleman. _ We_ are already three beers in!" Zeke answers.

"I need to eat." _Drinking on an empty stomach after working out... Not gonna be a hypocrite._

"We already ate."

"Not talking about you… I'm talking about…me," I say in between sips.

"Are you gonna be a grouch? Because if you are, you can go sit your ass in that lonely corner right over there."

"Good idea... It might be better company…talking to that wall."

"Hey…. Uriah and I haven't even gotten two words in and you're already thinking about sitting in a corner?" Will asks.

"Yes."

"Can I get you something?" The server strolls up to our table and asks.

"Food…. He needs food… Any food," Zeke answers for me while checking his phone.

I just shake my head. "Can I just get a grilled chicken sand—"

"Four?"

I look up at our server. Medium build, short brown hair, cute. It turns out to be the only girl who I would have considered a girlfriend before Tris. I slept with her on the first date…very telling. We did end up going out about five times, but in the end I was just…me, and lost interest for no particular reason. "Oh hey… How are you?"

_She's going in for the hug…okay this is happening… _I raise myself half-way out of my chair and give her the awkward half-assed hug. I hear Uriah snicker, knowing how much I hate that shit.

"Hiya Zeke!...and it's Uriah right?"

"Yes ma'am!"

"How's it goin' Kirsten?" Zeke asks.

"Can't complain. Since no one's introducing me… I'm Kirsten." She reaches over the table to shake Will's hand.

"Oh… Sorry," I mumble out.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Will."

"Hi Will. So… How have you been?" she asks me as I take a huge sip out of my beer, emptying it.

"…Good. How about you?" I respond to be polite.

"Same. Still teaching…just got my Masters degree in Education. CPS doesn't pay shit so I get to work here on the weekends. Yay!" she says sarcastically.

"How do you know Four?" Will asks. _Gah!_

"Oh we went out a few times…but then I don't know…we kinda both lost interest. No offense Four… Sorry if that sounded rude…"

"None taken." _Way less awkward than I thought…_

"_You _lost interest?" Uriah asks, as if it's impossible.

"Well… After a while we didn't have much to talk about…so yeah…" _That's accurate… Not quite how I remember it but…_

"You're awesome!" Uriah exclaims. "Would you like to join us?"

"Uriah… Jesus…." I move onto my second beer out of nerves.

"Yeah, yeah… I remember how the ladies loved ya Four…. Guess I'm an original! I'll getcha that chicken sandwich. Sweet potato fries, right?"

"Yes please!" I yell over my shoulder as I prepare myself for the onslaught of assholic-ness that's about to happen.

"That…was…the best thing I've heard since Shauna called me...naked in the sauna!"

"Why….is it so hard to believe that a woman would lose interest in me? And anyway…we lost interest in each other…"

"Mmmm hmmm…. She dumped you didn't she?" Uriah asks.

"No." We never really got to the point where that conversation was even necessary. The phone calls just got fewer and farther between and things fizzled. She was actually interesting and funny and nice…but I never felt the desire to pursue anything….she was always just kind of available…. She must have felt the same way about me. _Sweet! So for once I'm not a total dick!_

"Damnit! Damnit! Damnit!" Zeke suddenly grunts between his teeth.

"Was that English?" Will asks.

"Shauna in the sauna…Shauna in the sauna…Shauna in the sauna…" He is rolling his forehead back and forth on the table as we all take a minute and seem to stare off. _Tris sitting there with beads of sweat trickling down her chest as one drop gets caught right on her nipple…. She laughs and wipes it off with the tips of her soft fingers…_

"Um…guys? Okay…yeah… Here's your sandwich Four."

"Oh… Uh thanks…" Kirsten winks at me and walks away. "So what's your problem?" I ask Zeke as I straighten my aching cock.

"Shauna…is…torturing…me."

"How?" Will asks.

"She's having her lady issues so I will be blue-ballin' it for another…" _Why is he counting on his fingers? _

"Strengthen those forearms oh brother of mine!"

"Not the same…not the same…" he trails off staring at nothing.

"Um… So how long does all that last?" I ask a little uncomfortable talking to a bunch of dudes about this. "..like a couple days?"

"What? Hell no! Shauna is seven days straight! Damnit…you're a lucky son of a bitch. Tris? A couple days?"

"Well—"

"I'm in the same boat my friend!" Will claps Zeke on the shoulder. "That sauna text did me in!" Then he leans in, seemingly to tell us a secret. "I heard that chicks get it at the same time…like when they're good friends." _Well then why hasn't Tris- _

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard! Total bullshit." Zeke adds.

"It's just what I've heard!"

"Where would you even _hear _something like that?!"

"I have a sister!" _Right now I wish I had a sister. _

"Does Chris turn into a raging inferno of tears and anger, too?"

"Nah… Just really bad stomach cramps. She popped Midol and then felt better…"

"Yeah… That shit doesn't work for Shauna… We've tried everything… Advil, Motrin, Nuprin, Aleve… even aromatherapy! " _Do they even know Uriah and I are here? And why don't I know this shit? Why doesn't Tris—_

"So…ahem… How often does…this all happen?" I just now realize that I'm circling the lower half of my body with my hands, so I occupy them by chugging my beer.

Zeke looks as me as if I'm a total ignorant dumb ass, while he sips his beer and then wipes his mouth. "Once a month…. How the hell do you not know this!?"

"Well…That's what I thought but… Tris doesn't or hasn't had lady…stuff…"

"Are you sure?" Will asks with a confused expression.

"Very…sure." We may not have slept together right away, but we definitely did _many _other things and I would have been made very aware if that particular issue had to be tackled.

"How long have you been together?"

"Uh…shit….five or six weeks?" _Seems like so much longer…_

"Yeah. That shit should have happened by now." _But…it….hasn't…. _"Did you wrap it up?" _I need more beer._

"No."

"What?! Tell me you were not stupid enough to just pull out!" Zeke exalts. _The thought did cross my mind…_

"No! She's on…birth control…" _At least she said she was…_

"You sure? You've seen her take it?" _Ummmm….._

"She wouldn't lie…dick! And I've seen it in their little vanity thing…"

"Can you believe how much shit they have in there?!" Will asks as I shake my head glancing at him in agreement.

I take a deep calming breath. "So, Christina and Shauna are on it? On the…on birth control?"

"Yes."

"Yep."

"And they've both had their…lady things?" _Stop doing that with your hands! More beer…._

"Yes."

"Yep."

"And….it…the…for sure comes once a month?"

"Absolutely."

"Definitely."

"Uri…?" _My last hope…_

"What?" He looks over my shoulder as if he recognizes someone. All three of us do the same, but the only person we see is Kirsten who looks at me with her eyebrows raised and shakes her head looking down at her notepad.

"Marlene. Has she…" _Please say no… And that she's on birth control too…. And that it's perfectly normal._

_"_I'm…not…sure…"

"How the fuck are you not…" I look at Zeke's eyes go wide. _What? Why is no one concerned about me?! _"You and Marlene? You haven't…"

"…boned?" Will finishes Zeke's sentence, who seems to be speechless.

"We're waiting…. Now leave me alone fuck nugget!"

Zeke stands up, pulls his chair out and walks around it several times all while saying, "Holy shit! Holy shit! Hooooooly shiiiiit!"

"I hate you so much sometimes…." Uriah says under his breath obviously embarrassed…which he shouldn't be.

I'm distracted from my wandering thoughts momentarily and turn my attention to the first mature thing Uriah has done since I've know him.

"Not your idea I take it?"

"Nope," he retorts curtly. "She thinks she's just another chick…" He takes a drink and purses his lips. "And she's not… So here I am!"

"I think it's cool, Uriah," Will said. "Honestly…the first time Christina and I slept together I was afraid I made a huge mistake and fucked everything up."

Uriah glances at Will as if to communicate that he's listening.

"I _didn't _want her to think she was just another girl….so I get it." _Me too…. _

As they keep talking and Zeke keeps laughing, I continue to think… _Tris__ said she had some interesting news to tell me in her voicemail, but then she didn't tell me… Why? Probably because she didn't want to ruin the moment after I told her about my possible partnership. She got sick the other day. Doesn't that happen? She has been sleeping a lot more than normal. Doesn't that happen too? Has she been drinking? She didn't drink in the limo, I didn't see her drink a drop of alcohol the whole time at the game, I watched her pour her favorite beer into the sink at the bar…. No way... She wouldn't keep that from me… Then again, when would she have told me? She knows I would need time to process that shit! Listen to me… I just referred to my possible unborn child as "that shit!"_

I flag Kirsten over, probably looking like a fucking asshole. "Can I get a double Hendrick's and tonic?"

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I have been pulling my 'shirt' down at every possible opportunity. Especially after this one customer, who has been sitting here for two hours, literally said, "Keep it ridin' high baby!" However, Christina was right… My tips have doubled among the men. I have been very attentive to the women so they haven't dwindled too much on that front.

It's coming up on 1:30 and no sign of Tobias yet. I really want to tell him about Marcus tonight but if it gets too late then I'll probably just head home or…I don't know…the two of us never really made plans. _I need to stop assuming we'll see each other every night…._

A guy busts his way in between two occupied bar stools. I nod my head to signal that I see him as I lean over to take his order. Christina smacks me on the butt and I go lurching forward knocking over two beers and spilling them all over the bar.

"Sorry Trissy!"

"Yeah right…." I turn my attention back to the guy and apologize for my obnoxious friend's rudeness as I clean up her mess.

"It's all good." He looks at the customers whose beers were spilled. "What were you guys drinking?... It's on me—"

"No... They're on the house…thanks though. What can I getcha?" I ask as I turn away and reach into the cooler and replace their Coronas. He doesn't answer so I look over my shoulder.

"Wow! You're….uh…great with that bottle opener." _Okay…thanks…_

"Thanks. Did you need a drink?"

"So the real reason I was going to replace these lovely gentleman's beverages was because I wasn't actually coming up to the bar to get a drink… So this whole thing could have been avoided—"

"Okay." I move down to the guy who has been there for way too long. "It's almost last call… Need another?"

"Yes! Please!" I probably shouldn't have offered but he has been an overly generous tipper all night. It's usually the tell-tale sign of a creeper so Christina and I have been keeping an eye on him and we already told Al to watch him. I mix him up a Beam and water and he hands me a $20 bill, telling me to keep the change.

"Thanks," I say with a small smile.

"Ya know that guy's been mumbling about you all night!" yells the guy who didn't want a drink as I just about walk past him.

I stop and shrug my shoulders, grabbing my water bottle off the counter. I would love some Single Barrel right now but I haven't had dinner and I am not going to do a repeat performance ending with a cold tub and a high fever.

"You didn't let me finish my sentence…from before."

"I didn't?"

"No… You ran off to help the drunk mumbler… Don't go home with him by the way…"

"I won't." _Idiot._

"Come have coffee with me instead." _Huh? _"Why are you looking at me like I'm speaking Chinese?" He looks at me sideways and laughs.

"Zàijiàn." _One of two words I know in Chinese. _

"You're funny!" He says shaking his finger at me. I look him over for no reason in particular other than I am finishing my water and he standing in front of me. Late 20s, lean build, dark brown hair, wire-rimmed glasses, trendy dresser…. _He looks familiar…he's probably been in here before…._

"Thanks. You sure you're good? It's almost last call."

"Yep… I'll just wait…"

I nod my head as I look down the bar. Everyone seems to be taken care of, so I start to take down the top shelf liquors but they are on…well…on the top shelf, so I have to reach up on my tip toes to get them.

"Hey beautiful…nice butt…" I smile to myself, knowing exactly who that is. I turn around and see a very disheveled looking Tobias leaning sideways on the bar. His hair is all mussed up and his eyes glossed over. _Shit… He's drunk…_

"Hi handsome… How ya doin?" I ask jokingly because I know full well he is doing _just fine. _I smile as I hear Zeke's loud laughter somewhere in the bar.

"You have the _best _smile….ever…in the history of smiles on the Earth."

"Thank you. Can I get you something? Water? Coffee?"

"I will have a Hendrick's and tonic."

"We're drinking gin tonight?"

"Nope… _I'm _drinking gin tonight… you… I'm not sure…but I'm gonna guess…are probably not drinking at all…."

"That's true. Time to start taking better care of myself!" I comment because of his insistence that I do so.

He doesn't agree with me, he just runs his hand down his face and stares at the bar top. I pour him a water and slide it in front of him as he looks up at me with sad eyes.

"Are you okay?"

He laughs sarcastically and looks up at the ceiling. "…Are _you_?"

"Yeah…."

"Tris! Missy Trissy!" Zeke barrels over and slumps his arm over Tobias.

"Don't fucking call her that."

"This….is _not_ Drunk Four. Tris… Let me introduce you to Asshole Drunk Four. Asshole Drunk Four…meet your saint of a girlfriend whose gonna get your drunk ass home because I am too drunk to get your drunk ass home. Peace out mother fucker!" _And there he goes… Please take him with you!_

"Christina?! " I nod toward Zeke who is zig-zagging his way toward the door.

"Will's got a cab. They're ham-boned…. I'm not dealing with that shit tonight! You should send him along too!"

"Four?" I place my hand on his face to get his attention. "Did you want to go home now or do you want me—"

"_Home?…._ Now that could be problematic… Co-habitation…not something we currently do… And don't fucking call me Four…" _Yeah…he doesn't get to talk to me like that._

I lean in to him. "Hey! I only called you _Four _because there are many _other_ people around… And as far as co-habitation…I'm aware! Why don't you go home with Zeke—"

"No."

I just shake my head and go back to trying to get the top-shelf bottles. _Great…. I get to take care of Asshole Drunk Tobias… I'll deal… He took care of me the other night…._

"You look unnecessarily hot tonight… What's with the outfit?"

"Unnecessarily hot?... I don't even know what to say to that!" I yell over my shoulder.

"You're gorgeous…and…you don't need….to dress—"

"Well, I think she looks great." _Oh…shit… _"Did you need help with that?" I turn around to the guy that wanted me to go to coffee and I nonchalantly say that I'm fine as I see Tobias turn to look at him.

"You…don't get to look—"

"Drink your water for me please?" I say as sweetly and curtly as possible.

"Nice face…" Then he turns his attention to the coffee guy again. "She's never that nice… Lemme translate, 'Shut the fuck up, don't be a dick and drink your water….''

"You know each other?"

"Inside and out!... See what I did there baby?"

"Yes," I say, incredibly annoyed. "Why don't I call you a cab—"

"No. I'm gonna fucking wait for you!... That came out…angry….sorry…"

"Hmmph."

I walk over to Christina who is looking at me with raised eyebrows. "Send his ass home."

"He'll just make more of a scene."

"You mean more than that?" She points to Tobias as he lifts the creepy mumbler guy out of his chair and throws him to the floor.

"Shit!"

"Tris wait—"

"Four! Four stop! Al! Al!" Al comes plowing through the crowd and his eyes go wide as he sees Tobias land a punch right to the guy's face.

"Al!...Al!" He still does nothing. "Four! Stop!" I scream as loud as I can as he lands another punch.

"Let him go…" The coffee guy says as if he sees this shit everyday. "You should have heard what that weird guy said about you…"

"Tobias James Eaton! You fucking caveman piece of shit! Get off him!" Right as Tobias goes in for another punch I give him a swift side-kick with all my strength to the rib cage and then hop away quickly. This throws him off balance as he glances my way and I give him the dirtiest look I'm capable of. At this point Al finally decides to step in, but he doesn't go for Tobias, he gets the creepy guy up off the floor and starts walking him to door. The guy was way to stunned to even argue. "You're an asshole!" I yell as he grabs his side and grunts standing up.

"You kicked me!?" It's like he didn't know if that was a question or a statement.

"Get him out of here Tris!" Tori yells from her office.

"Tori he's—"

"Get him the _hell _out of here!"

"Al!" I see him ducking toward the door. "Al don't be a pussy and just watch him for a minute!"

"I'll sit here with him," says the random coffee guy. "Oh and…that piece of garbage bar fly called you an 'ankle-grabbing cum dumpster' once he found out you had a boyfriend… So you may want to go easy on him… "

"Thanks…." _Okay that's pretty bad…. _"I'm Tris by the way."

"Yeah. I figured that out when you started calling him 'Four.' I'm David. We've actually met briefly. I was here with Matthew awhile ago…you gave the girl I was with a Blue Moon when she asked for something fruity…."

"Oh….haha…yeah. Nita…. She's precious…."

"That's one way to put it... So Matthew wasn't kidding when he said Four was intimidating… " He points to Tobias as Tobias yanks his arm out of Al's hand as Al tries to help him sit at a table.

"His bark is bigger than his bite."

"Yeah… I think his bite is equally as big as his bark…"

I take a deep breath and turn to go get my stuff.

"Oh hey… Uh… I asked you for coffee…"

"Yeah…" I say as I turn around narrowing my eyes at him.

"Well… I didn't know you were 'Tris,' and Matthew kind of had a thing for you so…"

"I get it… It's no big deal. You'll watch him for a minute?" I point to Tobias who is now looking at me with an unreadable expression.

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

Tris is not talking to me…at all.

"_Why _are you ignoring me?"

"How am I supposed to have a conversation with a person who is muttering bullshit nonsense under his breath?"

"I'm not bull-shitting…nonsense….under…" _She doesn't get it… _

I try, I seriously try my hardest, to explain what happened. Although I myself am a little hazy on the details. _I think I'm pretty drunk… What the hell did that disgusting human say about her? Why can't I remember?_

"Come on….Tobias…get out…of the…" _Whoa…we got here fast…. What was I saying? _

"Do you even know…? What that piece of shit…"

"Mr. Eaton… Let me help you sir—"

"Don't _fucking _call me that."

"Four. Stop it."

_I hate it when she calls me that… _"And _you _don't fucking call me _that_… It sounds stupid when you say it…" _That sounded so much better in my head… _

"Miss Prior? Do you need further assistance—"

"No. We're fine, thank you."

"Yep! Were just fine!" _How is anything fine?_

She's ignoring me again….and then she's gone….

"Tobias! Get off the damned elevator!"

"Why did you leave me in here?"

"Jesus…. What the hell… Fucking Zeke… Gin…" _Blah…blah…blah…_

"Now who's mumbling bullshit?" _Ha! I'm funny…._

_Why do I feel like she's mad at me? Shouldn't I be mad? She definitely keeps secrets… She would tell me though! Because she's amazing…and a good person… I'm a fucking terrible person! She should be with someone who is way less fucked up. Then again…we kind of have that in common… Someday I'm gonna see Eric on the street…I will take his chin in my left hand and the back of his head with my right...and give his neck a quick snap and watch his dead body drop onto the sidewalk just long enough so I can kick his corpse and keep walking... _

"Can you at least undress yourself?" _My bed is pretty awesome. Especially because she's in it so often these days…. _"Jesus… Can you even hear me?"

"Yes... I can…"

"You _can_ undress?" _No need….. Perfectly fine just like this…_

"I'm good…. Hey… Sit by me…."

"I'm gonna get you some water and Ibuprofen. Did you eat dinner?"

"Mmmm…..yes. Kirsten brought me a sandwich." _Did I eat it?_

"First name basis with the server by the end of the night? Impressive." _She's proud of me… See? I can be social!_

"No… Kirsten's my exish-girlfriend. We never quite made it to the you-and-me level….Ya know?" _Cuz no one ever could even come close…._

_Why the face? _"Glad you didn't _quite _make it there."

"Me too…" _… I need my pants off…. I love her so much…She's awesome at everything… She's the best… Eggs…photos…painting…dancing…listening…blow jobs…talking…sex…."... ... ..._And it never woulda happened_….. … … … _". "…. ... ... in the morning I was outta there…but with you I never want to leave…". " …. ... ... ... …half the time Zeke just got me drunk, okay well maybe not half the time…" …... ... ..."

"Tobias… Please stop talking…I can't take much more of this—"

"Baby…no one…you're better than anyone… This one chick… seriously just laid there….that is soooooo not you…. ... ..."... ...just love you…..don't understand…. ...the first time with you bccchhhewwwww, mind…blown…. Jesus…"... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

"Sit up." _Huh? I'm up! I'm… Wasn't I up?_

"You're back."

"I'm back." _That is her 'not happy' voice…._

"Did you take my pants off?"

"Yes…" _Why is she talking so quiet?_

"You're the best…."

"So you keep saying…. Apparently I'm the best at everything, Tobias… Thank you for those very vivid details of past experiences… Please take this." _Is she crying?_

I sit up. _Apparently I wasn't up… I was talking wasn't I? God I'm fucking hammered…and not the good kind… How much did I drink? _She hands me four Ibuprofen. _She's the best… _"Are you okay? You look mad…"

"We'll talk about it tomorrow. I'm going home."

"Or we'll talk _now_… Shit… Don't leave. What the fuck?!"

"You just gave me detailed information about your past conquests…you're fucking lucky I'm still here you asshole!" _Is she okay?_

"…come on…I didn't tell you…." _Fuck… Did I? _"Come on Tris….I know you've been with other guys!...and I hate it because I'm a jealous, possessive jerk… But, _you_ gave me some random mother fuckers t-shirt!… Which sucked….but I wasn't mad at you—"

"Tobias."

"What?" _She's upset_… "But….I _was_ the first one to give you an org—"

"Tobias!" _So loud…. _"I'm glad you're so fucking proud of yourself for granting me my first orgasm...I suppose I should be _honored—"_

"That's not what I meant—"

"And…" _She's not looking at me… Is she gonna talk…? I think I may have done something wrong here… _ "I hadn't been with anyone else since Eric… That was Caleb's t-shirt…" _Oh fuck….I'm sorry…I'm sorry…I'm sorry… Please tell me I said that out loud! _"You know… For someone so smart…you are so stupid…" _Oh no…her beautiful face…_

"Tris…I'm sorry…please don't cry… I'm admittedly…very drunk…"

"And stop saying I'm keeping secrets!" _I said that? "_ Do you really think I'm going to fucking tell you anything right now?! In fact…I kind of hate you right—"

"Are you pregnant?" _There's no way I said that out loud…_

"What?!" _Oh no…. _ "No! Why would you even—"

"Oh thank God! Baby I'm not sure there could be a worse thing…. I mean for you and I…especially for _you_… fuck…" _Is she gonna say anything? She looks sad… Why isn't she relieved she's not having a small person with me? I would be the worst dad ever… It makes me…incredibly sad… Cause someday I would have…liked…loved…She's gone again…. Probably doing something…. I don't know…. She's the best… _

* * *

No major Tobias backlash please. Do any of you have that drink that makes you awful? Say dumb shit that only makes sense in your own mind? Mine is Tequila! (Which happens to be Tris's, too...so just wait for that one!) Well...Tobias's is gin. It's like his Krytonite...

Got a couple inquiries about opening a Tumblr account to post notes and updates and snippets... Tumblr's not really my thing...I've read some really nasty things other people have written on there and I'm just not a fan. I suppose people could say nasty things here to though... I would be more inclined to do a Facebook page where I'm able to reign in the assholes. But even that feels weird...I don't know...

One more thing...remember I can't respond if you post as a guest!


	29. Lies

**AN:** Traffic Stats down or not! I'll keep writing! Realized it when I submitted the last chapter and dove right into this one. Thank you Grey17...Always great advice from you!

I'll have an obnoxiously long AN at the end of the chapter because I have guest reviewer questions to address and other shit!

**Rated: MA (cussin' and swearin')**

**Chapter 29 – Lies**

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

There are more thoughts going through my sleep-deprived mind than I care to acknowledge. I had absolutely no problem falling asleep when I finally crawled into my bed last night. Anger alone fueled my hate fire and pushed me over the edge into a solid two hours of uninterrupted dreamless sleep. So….I slept from 3:00 AM until 5:00 AM._ Awesome._

Since 5:00, I have been desperately trying to organize my thoughts. I had at least narrowed them down to two categories: anger and sadness. However, the more minutes that tick by, the more the two categories collide. Now they have just intertwined and actually meshed together into a clusterfuck of bullshit emotion from which I can't escape.

He was drunk. I don't give a shit about that. He was drinking gin, which he apparently can't handle, and it turns him into a blubbering mess of incoherence and TMI. I can actually relate to that. I don't even care that he was being kind of a dick. It gave me an excuse to give him a side-kick to the ribs, and I have wanted to do that on a couple occasions.

**Flashback:**

"Can you at least undress yourself?" He is staring at his comforter as if it's going to have a conversation with him. "Jesus… Can you even hear me?"

"Yes... I can…" he says softly. _Geesh..._

"You can _undress_?"

"I'm good…. Hey… Sit by me…." He's patting the bed like he wants to have a heart-to-heart and guess what I'm not in the mood for….?

"I'm gonna get you some water and Ibuprofen. Did you eat dinner?" _Because you'd be a fucking hypocrite if you didn't…._

"Mmmm…..yes. Kirsten brought me a sandwich." _Kirsten better be the fucking server!_

"First name basis with the server by the end of the night? Impressive."

"No… Kirsten's my exish-girlfriend. We never quite made it to the you-and-me level….Ya know?"

"Well, Tobias…Glad you didn't_ quite_ make it there…. So you were hanging out with your ex-girlfriend all night—"

"Me too…" _He would be so pissed! What a dick!_

I finally have him lying on his back as I try to get him out of his jeans. They, of course, fit him perfectly, so they are near impossible to get off without his assistance, and I'm not getting any of that right now as he continues to chit-chat.

"_I_ will not try to have sex with you…but if _you_ try….I will not….absolutely _not_….turn you down—"

"I'm not going to try."

"…. Please?..." he whines.

"No."

"…..Good call…." He actually gives me a thumbs up. "…I would be a huge disappointment….Hey….hey…_You_ are a good call…. I should know cuz I've made some pretty bad ones…." _Oh, here we go…_ "….pretty sure you think I've just _fucked_ the whole world…"

"I would find that very hard to believe."

"….Maybe…. But I haven't…. whether you believe it or not…."

"Okay… Tobias, lift your ass in the air…please!"

"Why don't you lift _your_ gorgeous ass in the air… Ha!...Been there done that, right baby?... That was so awesome…. You're so awesome… I've never done it like that before… Have you?... Don't tell me…. I don't even want to_ think_ about any other guy touching you…. But I know it's happened…and I can't be mad…. And I…."

He's running his hands down his face. "Tobias?"

"…for five minutes….I forgot about what he… fuck!...What happened to…you… I think I'm…really drunk…"

"Yes, you are… Agh!" I finally got his jeans at his ankles, and I landed right on my tailbone. "Mother fucker…." He doesn't even flinch.

Rubbing my ass, I go into the kitchen to pour several glasses of water to keep on the nightstand, all while listening to him list off all of the things I'm amazing at: Apparently, I make the best eggs, I am an excellent photographer, painter, dancer, listener, oh yeah…and I give great head…, talking is also one of my strengths, and I have superior sexual abilities… I know this because he actually starts providing me with comparisons as I put the glasses on his nightstand.

"No, no, no…Tris, Tris, Tris… if Zeke hadn't left me at that party, _drunk_….I would never have had sex with that girl! But I was 21 and drunk…..and Zeke left me there—"

"Yep… I bet you just couldn't control yourself—"

"Exactly! I mean…she seemed nice… She was definitely hot… Not _beautiful_ like you… No fuckin' way!... and she just kind of attacked me…and well…I was drunk, and Zeke left me….and it never woulda happened otherwise…."

"That's great. Now move." I try to push him over so I can take the comforter off, but he just grabs me around the waist and takes me with him.

"I like holding you like this…. I've never liked holding anybody like this… Ever… In the mornings, I was outta there! But with you I never want to leave…."

"I'm glad…. Now I'm getting up, and you are going to bed." I wriggle out of our spooning position and can't help but laugh at the look on his face: it's as if his most prized possession magically disappeared out of his grasp.

Suddenly he changes his tune, which he has done about ten times tonight. "Hey…. I think you're keepin' secrets from me….and it makes me…sad…that you won't tell me shit…" He looks at me through one eye. "…you're mad…."

"Tobias. I'm not mad. But I will be."

"…No…I _hate_ mad Tris…" He sighs out a loud breath and runs his hands through his hair. "Fuck… That's such bullshit… I could never hate you…quite the opposite actually… like forever the opposite… Sorry, I was being a dick…. Shit half the time with other girls Zeke just got me drunk…" _Is he seriously going to start this shit again?_ "…okay well, maybe not half the time…I suppose I have to take some credit…"

"_Credit?_ Tobias…please stop talking… I can't take much more of this—"

"Baby…no one… You're better than _anyone_… This one chick… seriously just laid there….that is soooooo not you…."

It's kind of fucked up that I actually feel sorry for the poor girl he is referring to as "this one chick who just lied there".

"I shouldn't have said that about her… Her name was Lindsey… I just love you….. You don't understand…"

"I understand, and you need to shut up now."

"…The first time with…first time with you…bccchhhewwwww…mind…blown…. Jesus…"

"Glad I lived up to your high standards."_ Dick!_

I know he's beyond drunk, but I am seriously done with this, and there is no need for me to subject myself to hearing this shit. I decide to make sure he goes to sleep and then go home.

I look down at him and see he is now half way between Mumbleville and Passed-out-town. The last thing I hear him say at that point is something about me keeping secrets again… Damnit! Does he know about Marcus? I watch him for a moment… He usually looks peaceful when he sleeps, but the look on his face is different. It's like his expression froze in the middle of a worrisome thought.

I stand up and open the sliding door to walk out onto the balcony, looking out into the dark night of the city. It's obvious he cannot handle gin. _I wonder how much he drank…Hendrick's is pretty smooth, so maybe his drinks were just really strong? And why Zeke would let him…actually more like why Will would let him drink that much… It doesn't make sense…_

I briefly smile to myself wondering what I would say to him when I'm drunk on Tequila. The first time I drank it was with Christina… It started with Tequila and lime on the rocks and evolved to tequila shots. She said I was a raging bitch from hell. _I still would like to have seen that…_

It hits me how tired I actually am, and I decide to head home. It's going to seriously piss Tobias off when he wakes up and finds me not here, but I think I've succumbed to enough for one night. However, I wouldn't put it past him to get up, still drunk, and leave to try to find me. _I'll leave him a note._

Rubbing my eyes, I look down at my idiot boyfriend. How does he still look handsome? I go to cover him up, which actually consists of me flopping the comforter over him, so it's more like a sleeping bag. Then I see I never gave him the Ibuprofen. _Fuck!...Why do I give a shit?_

"Sit up." I try my best to pull him upright by his shoulders, but it's really more of a prompting on my end. He looks at me, very confused.

"You're back."

"I'm back."

"Did you take my pants off?"

"Yes…" I say under my breath because who the fuck else would have done it?

"You're the best…."

"So you keep saying…. Apparently I'm the best at everything, Tobias… Thank you for those very vivid details of past experiences… Please take this." _What's with the tears? This is affecting me more than I thought!_

I place the Ibuprofen in his hand and look away. "Are you okay? You seem mad…"

"We'll talk about it tomorrow. I'm going home."

"Or we'll talk _now_… Shit… Don't leave. What the_ fuck_?!" _He does not get to be angry with ME!_

"You just gave me detailed information about your past conquests… You're fucking lucky I'm still here you _asshole_!"

He gives me the pssshhhh-whatever look. "…Come on…I didn't tell you…." Then he scratches the back of his neck and squints his stupid gorgeous eyes. "Come on Tris….I know you've been with other guys!"

_Tell me he is not going there!_

"...and I hate it because I'm a jealous, possessive jerk… But, _you_ gave me some random motherfucker's t-shirt!"

_Fuck…you…_

"… Which sucked….but I wasn't mad at you—"

"Tobias."

"What?... But….I _was_ the first one to give you an org—"

"Tobias!" I yell. _ARE YOU KIDDING ME?_ "I'm glad you're so_ fucking_ proud of yourself for granting me my first orgasm...I suppose I should be _honored_—"

"That's not what I meant—"

"And…" My heart is racing in anger….and embarrassment… _Why? Why is my inexperience embarrassing? And I felt like that was a moment he and I shared… not some stupid check mark he can put on his bucket list. 'Make Tris Prior come…check!' And then to bring up me with other guys?_ "I hadn't been with anyone else since Eric… That was Caleb's t-shirt…" _I can't even look at him… Why? He didn't know… But how didn't he know?_ "You know…for someone so smart…you are so stupid…"

"Tris…I'm sorry… Please don't cry… I'm admittedly…very drunk…" He tries to grab for my hand, but tips over onto his side instead, catching himself on his elbow.

"Oh, now you admit it?!" He's not looking at me anymore._ Does he even hear me?_ "And stop saying I'm keeping secrets! Do you really think I'm going to fucking tell you anything right now?! In fact…I kind of hate you right—"

"Are you pregnant?" _AM I…..? AM I….?_

"What?! No! Why would you even—"

"Oh thank God! Baby, I'm not sure there could be a worse thing…. I mean for you and I…especially for _you_… fuck…"

**End Flashback**

_Especially for me…._ The look on his face was one of pure relief. Relief that he wouldn't have to go through what is apparently his own version of hell with me of all people…. Because I am way too fucked up to be a mother…

I wipe the tears from my stubborn eyes that won't seem to give me a fucking break for the last hour and throw the blankets off of me. I go and splash cold water on my face and toss my hair up in a messy bun without even brushing it. Bracing myself on the sink, I check out my eyes and see the major dark circles under them. _Hell! I've looked worse! Way worse in fact! Why am I laughing?_

* * *

**Zeke's POV:**

_My bed is so fucking hard…_. I reach over to sling my arm over Shauna, cuz it's kind of my thing and I smack it into something hard and solid.

"What the fuck?" _Holy shit, I'm in trouble! Holy shit, I'm in trouble! Holy shit, I'm in trouble!_ I'm on Will's kitchen floor.

_Reverse! Rewind! Replay!_

Once I saw Four get into the gin last night I knew it was on!… He only drinks that shit when he wants to party. And when I say party, I mean get totally fucked up and pass out. But I do not remember drinking that much! I was three brews in when Four showed up crabby as fuck…. No surprises there. We talked about periods and girl problems…which are apparently my problems now… _Shauna what have you done to me?!_ Then I bought a round of shots to toast my idiot brother on his chastity with his new girl… _Then what? Jack and Cokes…. Damned strong Jack and Cokes…. Dancing…. With Will…. Damn…. Four pouting like a motherfucker at the table… Did he even pay for a round? Or were they magically appearing? Kirsten…a lot of Kirsten… And a lot of talking..._

I sit up… It's really more like pushing my body up, bearing all weight on my arms. "Will? Will! William!? Get the fuck up!" I see him asleep at the kitchen table with one arm hanging off.

"Huh! Oh…Oh…Oh God… That hurts…."

"What the fuck!? Why did you make me stay here! Shauna is going to have my ass pinned to the wall!"

"I didn't… I don't…. I need water…."

"Will you two shut up! I need some Zs! Damn!" I hear Uriah yell from another room.

Will gets up and does the classic slam-into-the-wall-for-balance, as he tries to find my dumb ass brother.

"Why are _you_ in _my_ bed?... And _I'm_ not?..."

"Couldn't get you off the table…and couldn't get Zeke off the floor. Guess who was the _responsible_ one last night?!... This guy?!"

I stumble my severely hungover ass to Will's room and watch Sr. Fuck Face doing the Dougie with his upper body.

"Dude! Are those my pajamas?!"

"Yes. And who the _fuck_ do you think you are? Hugh Hefner? Who wears this shit?!"

"Apparently you do!"

"It is quite comfortable I must say…."

"What…the…_fuck_…Uri?!"

"Relax… I texted Shauna last night. But you're probably still in the shit house..."

"Did we go to Hangar's? We did, right?" Will looks like he's about to piss himself. "What happened? What did Christina say? Oh, shit!"

"It's not what Christina said…it's what _you_ said! Something musta pissed her off good! She put your ass in a cab … and she put _your_ ass in a cab…and she tried to put Four's ass in a cab… I followed like a good little boy!"

"Four stayed at the bar?"

"Yep… Fuck…poor Tris…"

Will leans his head on the wall. "How did we get so drunk?"

"That Kirsten chick kept pouring doubles and then refilling your drinks without asking…. I caught on after I saw her paying extra attention to our moody-as-fuck-brother-from-another-mother."

"They didn't…" _Tell me they did not fuck in a storage closet…_

"Nah! She was all talkie-talkie with him, but…he's Four so she got nowhere… Ha! He actually lifted her hand off his shoulder and set it on the table like it was a bottle of ketchup… He's such a dick…"

"No… He would be a dick if he played into that shit…" _He loves his girl way too much…_ "I gotta call Shauna," I say.

"I gotta call Christina," Will says at the same time.

"I do not have to call my woman because I was _responsible_!"

"Fuck you," Will and I say…at the same time….again.

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

_"Hey, pumpkin… C'mere…." I swoop up a little girl with dark brown hair and piercing blue eyes._

_"Daddy… Why is Mommy so sad?"_

_"Well… She found out how bad of a daddy I am and how much I never wanted you…"_

_She seems to ponder that fact before she responds. "You didn't want me?"_

_"Nope. Not really. I thought I would. Turns out I was wrong."_

_"So you don't love me?"_

_"I don't think I know how pumpkin. You see my daddy was a horrendous piece of shit. So I never learned how to be a good daddy."_

_"Yeah. You really aren't a very good daddy. You're mean to me and sometimes you're really mean to Mommy, too. I don't even know why she loves you so much…"_

I wake up with my heart beating out of my chest and an utter sadness coming from a source that seems to be slipping away as the seconds pass by until there is nothing there…

Everything hurts…. Everything fucking hurts: my head, my stomach, my hand. I go to roll onto my side and groan because the right side of my ribs even hurt. I flex my hand to feel where the pain is coming from, and I feel something in my palm. Lifting my head, I watch four Ibuprofen fall out of my hand and onto the bed. Trying to sit up is a total bitch but I eventually accomplish it as I gather up the pills and look to the nightstand to see three full glasses of water. _My girlfriend is so awesome…. Speaking of which…_

I snap my head to the left and see that not only is she not there, but I am rolled up like a burrito in my bedspread, socks and dress shirt on. Everything….comes…flooding….back. Definitely not everything, but... _Ohhhh….fuck…._

_Period talk… Gin… Way too much talking… to the wrong person… Zeke and Will… Dancing?... Hangar's…. kicking some disgusting piece of shit's ass… Tris kicking my ass… Tris…. Ohhhhhh Trisssss..._

Flashes of last night come back more clearly. My mind is riddled with the expressions on her face and the inflection in her voice…

_"Glad you didn't quite make it there."_

_"…stop talking…can't take much more —"_

_"…very vivid details of past experiences…"_

_"…I'm going home."_

_"…detailed information…past conquests…lucky I'm still here…!"_

_"…you're so fucking proud…granting me my first orgasm...I suppose I should be honored—"_

_"…hadn't been with anyone else since Eric… Caleb's t-shirt… So smart…so stupid…"_

_"…keeping secrets!... think I'm going to fucking tell you…?! I…I kind of hate you right—"_

_"What?! No! Why would you even—"_

I swallow with the driest mouth I have ever had as I remember the last few things I said to her…

_"… I know you've been with other guys!..., you gave me some random motherfucker's t-shirt!... I wasn't mad at you—"_

_"I was the first one to give you an org—"_

_"Are you pregnant?"_

_"…thank God!...not sure there could be a worse thing…. for you and I…especially for you…"_

I try to collect myself and think, but my head is a mess of what feels like alcohol poisoning of the brain and guilt overload. I need to get rid of this fucking headache so I can think straight, or I'm going to do something really dumb… That seems to be my MO in these situations. Last night was proof yet again. _At least this time I didn't leave her… She left me… Not that I blame her. Okay… I need Ibuprofen. There's some in the kitchen… Or you could just take the four pills that are in your damned hand, you idiot!_

I toss back the pills along with guzzling a glass of water before making the valiant yet ridiculous effort to stand…. However, 'standing' is a huge stretch: it's more like a veer-to-the-right-with-an-overcorrection-to-the-left, thus knocking over all glasses of water. I just about catch one of them, but it slips out of my hand and crashes on top of the others, shattering. I don't even have the wherewithal to react. _Am I still drunk?_

My phone buzzes and I lurch for it, hoping to God it's Tris… It's just a text from Zeke.

**Zeke:** Dude…..

Do I even have to respond to that? No matter because I can't get my fingers to work properly. So I call him instead.

"Yo."

"What the fuck…happened…?" I ask slowly and with an entirely different voice than I'm used to hearing.

"Dunno… Uriah said—"

"Don't even finish that fucking sentence."

"Uriah said that Kirsten chick kept pouring us doubles… He doesn't even think she was charging _you_ at all."

"Damn…"

"Don't worry. You didn't fuck her."

"I wasn't worried about that!" _Not one bit, actually._

"But you were talking to her…like a lot."

"Yeah… I wish I remember what about." _How much did I tell her? And why her?!_

"Yeah well… You were being yourself…so she had no chance…. Is Tris pissed? Were you a dick to her, too?"

"Yes."

"What'd you do?"

I'm not going to relay any of that information to him.

"... Fine, don't tell me. I've got my own problems. Gotta go put out a fire at my place. Peace."

He hangs up before I even have a chance to respond. The realization hits me that I have no fucking clue what time it is. So, as much as it pains my eyes, I look at my phone and see that it's 9:00.

"Fuck!" Now I sit up straight as a board and force my aching fingers and my wandering mind to find the icon listing my 'Favorites.' It takes me a good minute. Once I find it, I touch Tris's beautiful face. It's the morning selfie shot she sent me. Then a shooting pain of fear hits me in the stomach...

_What do I say to her? "I'm sorry"?...Definitely not good enough. Oh yeah! Why don't I try, "I can't believe I tortured you with images that would drive me into the depths of utter wrath and jealousy, and then proceeded to try to justify it by turning it around on you…." Fuck! Oh yeah and then, "Oops… Sorry that I asked if you were hiding a pregnancy and showed complete relief when I found out you weren't…."_

I actually said, "especially for _you_." Those fucking words came out of my mouth… And if I know Tris, she took that as me basically telling her she is ill-equipped at being a mother… I have no idea what to say to her. Maybe she'll just yell, and then something come to me… Something aside from "I'm sorry." I need to get the ball rolling, and I decide to take the pussy way out…and text her…

**Me:** Hi.

_Dumb…dumb…dumb…_

I wait 10 minutes. I literally count to 60, ten times…

**Me:** I'm texting you because I'm too scared to call.

**Tris:** Too much of a pussy to talk when you're sober? No need to call. I've had enough talking for a while, thanks.

_Oh, shit….I'm fucked… Anger… Anger is better than sadness for her…right? Please, someone, tell me I'm right!_

**Me:** How long is a while?

**Tris:** Why are you suddenly so worried? Took you til 9 to 'text' me.

**Me:** I slept in.

**Tris:** Must be nice. I'm going for a run.

**Me:** Can I see you today? I really need to talk to you!

**Tris:** YOU need to talk?

**Me:** I'm so sorry… I said the dumbest shit last night...

_Fuck this._ I make the decision I should have made in the first place and call her. She doesn't answer…

**Me:** Please answer my call. Are you home?

**Tris:** I'm leaving. Just told Tori I'd work a double btw.

**Me:** Is that at 3 or 5?

She doesn't respond. She probably started her run, and she's ignoring me. I can just see her in her running shorts, sports bra, and a tank top, stretching her hamstrings. Then standing up straight, taking a deep breath and shaking her head to rid herself of shitty thoughts. Shitty thoughts that I put in her head…

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

_Let's see… What's more aggravating? The fact that I continued to cry like a baby over nothing for the last three hours? Or the fact that I didn't even hear from Tobias until 9:00. He fucking slept in? Well, glad you fucking slept in, asshole!_

I already know the answer to my internal questioning: I'm pissed at _myself._ I seriously cannot understand why what he said upset me so much. I mean, yes, he was a total ass at the bar. And I didn't need to hear that shit about other girls he's slept with, but that's not what's eating at me. It was the last thing he said: _"I'm not sure there could be a worse thing…especially for you…"_

Things with Tobias and I are still new…even though it doesn't feel new… It seems like I've known him forever… _But seriously? He's not sure there could be a worse thing? Especially for me?_ I know I have issues that I need to work through…and I plan on it…but I never considered myself to be unfit. The fact that he thinks I am is eating me alive right now.

It's not like having kids has been at the forefront of my thoughts. I never really pictured myself not having them…but I certainly don't want one at this point in my life. I have to push aside the pang of guilt that hits me in remembrance of another child I thought I didn't 'want'...

And then…I just fucking lied to Tobias. I went for a run hours ago! To be honest, I just didn't want him showing up here. I don't even know what I would say. It sounds like he doesn't either…which means he meant everything he said.

I hear Christina exit the bathroom after her 45-minute shower. _Good Lord!_ She's humming so she must be in a better mood.

"Did you talk to Will?" I shout as I sit cross-legged on my bed, unwilling to move right now.

"No… But he texted me."

"And…?" _She usually gives me way more details._

"He says he's sorry."

"You still haven't told me what he said!"

"It doesn't bear repeating."

"I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours…." In a matter of seconds she is sitting on my bed in her bra and panties, towel still wrapped around her head.

He…well, _they_ came into the bar and of course Four completely bi-passed me and made a bee-line for you, but Will scooted himself in between two guys who were there together… God!...Then he started mumbling to these guys about how I'm smart, funny and beautiful…" She pauses and looks down at her hands.

"And…"

"And then one of my customers butted in and told him I'm nothing but a tease and not to waste his time on me…."

"And…"

"And he proceeded to tell the customer how inaccurate that was…because "we screwed after only knowing each other for like a week and a half!" _Oh…that's….pretty bad…._

"Sorry Chris… That's _really_ unlike him…"

"I know." She shrugs her shoulders as if she doesn't want to discuss anything further. "What about you? You've been holed up in here since you got home from your run."

I take a deep breath of pure uncertainty. _How much do I tell her?_ "Well…after making a few dickhead comments and kicking the shit out of that guy—"

"That was cray!"

"In his defense, the d-bag called me an ankle-grabbing-cum-dumpster when he found out I had a boyfriend… Apparently I wasn't the only one being perceived as a tease…"

"Holy hell, he said that to the wrong guy! I can't believe Four didn't kill him!"

"Well… he may have if—

"You totally kicked Four in the ribs… It was fucking priceless. That kind of made my night…briefly. And hey… ankle-grabbing-cum-dumpster… That's a new one!" She looks up at the ceiling and repeats the completely offensive phrase under her breath several times. "Sorry… Just filing that one away!"

"Yeah, anyway…. So we get back to his place, and he starts comparing my apparent sexual prowess—"

"Get 'em girl!"

"Stop. I said 'apparent'. Anyway, he was giving me some interesting details about other women he has 'conquered'—"

"Tell me he did _not_ use that word."

I laugh out loud. "He didn't." _Yes! I'm laughing!_

"So basically he was saying you are a superior lay with a little TMI?"

"Yes….and…."

"And…"

"He asked if I was pregnant…," I mumble practically under my breath but somehow she hears it.

"Oh my God! What?! Why would he..? He knows you're on birth control, right?"

"Yes!"

"Does he think you're lying?"

"I have no fucking clue!"

For the first time, the question crosses my mind as to why he would think that in the first place. My mind was so clouded by his reaction to the possibility of it being true, that I completely looked past the reason for the question in the first place.

Christina and I both ponder that until she points at me and covers her mouth with her other hand.

"You!"

"What?!"

"You never get your period! You're on the shot!"

"So?!"

"So he's a guy and probably doesn't even know other forms of contraception exist outside of condoms and pills!...He just said the other night how limited his girlfriend experiences have been… He probably has no fucking idea how many options there are and that all pills are different…or what an IUD is, or a diaphragm…yech—"

"I get it! I get it!" I have to actually cover my mouth to hold back a laugh at the stupidity of it all.

"So—"

We are interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Which one do you think it is?" Christina asks. "My bet's on Four."

"He thinks I went for a run."

"You little liar!...I love it!...But my bet's still on Four. He would wait here and pace and be annoying until you got home."

"True…." Another knock. "I'll bet on Will just to make things interesting. What are we betting?"

"I get to dress you up the next time you go on a date!"

Tobias isn't really the formal date kind…. Thank God… "Sounds perfect!"

Christina gets up and goes to answer the door.

"Christina!" I shout. "You're in your—"

"Oh, hello…Four!"

"underwear…," I say under my breath as I look up and make eye contact with him. He shakes his head at me and walks right past her, not even seeming to notice that she is in her bra and panties.

"How was your _run_?" he asks sarcastically as he leans on my door frame, looking like total shit yet still pulling it off as hot. _What the hell…_

"Good. Got a sweet six miles in—"

"Let me guess… Two hours ago?...You didn't have to lie to me."

"I didn't want to talk to you."

"Past tense?" he asks quietly kicking at the floor.

I peek over his shoulder and see Christina pretending to occupy herself by moving dishes around in the kitchen.

"Close the door."

He sighs out a breath and closes it behind him softly, but stays standing.

"How is it that you still look beautiful even when you look exhausted?"

_How do you still look fucking hot with messy hair, red eyes and smelling like bathtub gin?_

"You can sit down you know."

"You sure?"

I nod my head yes, and he sits next to me, partially facing me with one leg off the bed.

"I said some…beyond dumb…things last night. And…I don't know why."

"Because you meant them."

He runs his hand down his face. "But I don't think I did…I mean. Fuck, it's so…I don't even know _exactly_ what I said…"

"Are you looking for me to enlighten you?"

He nods his head, glancing up at me.

"You showed up at the bar acting like a total prick, you beat someone up, so Tori made me take you home, you mumbled bullshit the whole cab ride to_ your_ place…." I purposely emphasized the _'your'_. "…you berated the doorman, getting you off the elevator proved to be a challenge, along with getting your pants off. You had some amazing things to say about me and the comparisons to other women you slept with were…incredible…"

"Oh, God…." He has his head in his hands.

"Then to top it all off, you asked me if I was pregnant…" I see his jaw muscles flex at the mention of that. "...and when you found I wasn't… I believe your words were—"

"I'm not sure there could be a worse thing…especially for you…" he mutters.

"Yep."

"That wasn't a lie."

I sit in silence as the realization of that comment sinks in. All this time I was thinking maybe it was the alcohol talking… but apparently it wasn't—

"It _would_ be awful for you…to have to raise a…a kid….with me. That's what…what I meant by that. It's not you, I promise… It has nothing to do with you. You would be an…amazing…"

I sit there in silence still as a strange relief floods me… But then an even stronger sense of sadness replaces it…

"Tris?" He lifts his head and reaches his hand over, tentatively starting to fumble with the hem of my sleep pants that hang loosely over my ankles.

"Mmm hmm?"

"What are you thinking?" he asks in a whisper.

"I'm thinking how completely full of shit you are."

"I'm not. I honestly did _not_ mean that _you_ would be a—"

"That's not why I think you're full of shit." I put my hand on his to hold it still and make him look at me. His eyes are bloodshot, but I can still see the beautiful deep blue irises hiding behind it. "It wouldn't be awful… I mean… I think you underestimate yourself. Why would you think—"

"This is a moot point, right?" he interjects quickly. Too quickly...

"Well…yeah, but I just want you to know—"

"So, why don't you ever get your period?" _Wow._

I pause, understanding that 'parenthood' is not going to be a discussion right now... I'm partially thankful...

"I'm on the shot," I answer laughing under my breath.

"The what?" He looks thoroughly confused.

"I receive…an injection…on my ass cheek…once every three months…a side effect is no period. That's the whole reason I'm on it."

"So you won't get your period?" Now he seems completely interested.

"Yes. I'm one of the lucky ones who turn into a psychopath, and my cramps get so bad that I would rather be stabbed with knives in the gut."

"I gotta pass this shot information on to Zeke….," he says as he stares at the comforter and blindly grabs for my hand, which I pull away.

"What?!"

"Well…he brought up Shauna in the sauna and—"

"Shauna in the sauna? Why were you were talking about Shauna in the sauna?"

I hear a snicker out in the hallway, so I know Christina is listening.

"Well…not like that! Those damned pictures she sent Zeke—"

"You saw the naked picture of Shauna?!"

"No! Just you!"

"Just….ME? When the hell did—"

"Fuck..Tris..let me finish!... Sorry…just…" Words are obviously failing him today. He rubs the back of his neck and continues talking, this time without my interruption.

"Zeke was being Zeke and saying Shauna is 'torturing' him with her sauna shots because she has her lady issues..." _What's he doing with his hands?…As if I don't have any clue what he's talking about?!_ "... and they can't 'bone'... His word not mine!… I would _never_ say 'bone' about you and-"

"Lady…issues…"

I hear another stifled laugh in the hallway.

"Well, Chris…you may as well join this humiliating conversation!" Tobias yells as Christina immediately whips open the door.

"This is too good to miss! So….continue… Can I video this shit?"

"No," Tobias deadpans.

"Yes," I say in jest at the same time. I'm kidding, but he looks straight up frustrated.

"This is all Will's fault, too!...He said with 100% certainty that you…girls…get your stuff once a month. I swear! He even told us that your take Midvil!"

"Midvil?...What the fuck is that?!"

"Oh my God!" I laugh flopping down on my back. "My ignorant boyfriend means Midol!"

"Jesus Christ…," he mumbles covering his face. "I don't know this shit! And it's fucking frustrating!"

I sit up and rub his back as he turns his face sideways to face me, giving me an embarrassed red-faced smile.

"Okay! Pay attention class!" Christina, who thankfully is now clothed, stands up and claps her hands at Tobias. "There are…many…types …of contraception." She is talking to him as if he were a kindergartner. "And they all affect…our…cycles…" She makes a circling motion with her hands in representation. "You…are a lucky SOB who never has to worry about 'lady issues' because Miss Tris is never on the rag!"

"On the _what_?!"

"I never get my period," I say patting him on the hand.

We hear a loud knock on the door as Christina rolls her eyes, knowing it's Will.

"Come on in buddy! This is so fucking fun!" Tobias shouts sarcastically, reclining his torso, so he is fully horizontal on the bed. I roughly plop both my feet on his stomach as I lay back vertically. "Ow! Don't think for one second I don't remember some sprightly little thing delivering a side-kick to my damned rib cage!" he grits out through a clenched jaw.

I give him a self-satisfied smile as he grabs my right foot and starts massaging it. _Okay, you're forgiven…_

"Oh, hey…guys…," Wills says nervously as Tobias gives him a quick flick of his hand in a wave but continues to stare at the ceiling. "Chris?"

"Mmm? Oh! Hey, Will! Please join us… This is an open book conversation! You were pretty comfortable with that last night!"

"Yeah…I was over-served and—"

"Over-served? Don't give me that—"

"We were seriously all _over-served_… As in, our server served us _well over_ what we ordered," Will exalts, throwing his hands in the air.

I glance at Tobias as he bites his lips between his teeth but continues to rub my foot.

"Why would he or she do that?" Christina asks in disbelief.

"Ummmm… _She_…."

"Four's _exish_-girlfriend was their server." I fill in the blanks with no inflection in my voice as Tobias turns his head and looks at me. "I'm assuming she wishes that particular prefix wasn't involved….I can only imagine the amount of attention she gave you." I still say this with no quantity of anger or sarcasm in my voice because it's entirely accurate. "Double Hendrick's and tonics all night? Probably added an extra lime in there to mask the gin. Lemme guess Will….Jack and Coke?….Bet she used Gentleman's…or Single Barrel if she was really good… Total waste of good whiskey, but hey….she kept her eye on the prize!" That last part was full on snark and sarcasm.

Tobias looks back up at the ceiling and switches feet.

"Yeah…okay…so did you guys need to talk or—"

"Yes," Tobias remarks but I beat him to it as I respond, "No."

"Well, _we_ have plenty of talking to do, William!" Christia walks swiftly to her room, and he follows like a dog with his tail between his legs.

"I think _we_ may _still_ have some talking to do, as well..?"

I don't respond.

"Nothing happened."

_What has the hell?_ "The thought never crossed my mind that anything did! Why? Did the opportunity present itself?"

"Fuck…" He runs his hand through his hair. "The only reason I said that is because one of the first things out of Zeke's mouth this morning was 'you didn't fuck her…'…" I scoff as he keeps talking. "…which I almost found funny because that possibility never even entered my brain."

"Good to know."

"Uriah said I talked her ear off about you…. And he's pretty sure she kept feeding me drinks to make me stop. But…" He crawls up and lies next to me, smiling out of the side of his mouth and running his thumb over my left cheek. "…apparently even an excess of good gin can't stop me from raving about you…"

"Mmm."

"Do I suck?"

"You suck," I state flatly.

"How can I make me_ not_ suck?"

"Don't be stupid anymore," I state even more flatly.

"There may come a time when you do something stupid, Tris Prior…and I'm waiting patiently…."

"Mmmm….doubtful." He pinches my side and grabs my hand bringing it up to his lips and kissing it.

"I spent a lot of time thinking about this as you were 'sleeping in'—"

"I didn't mean to do that!"

"Okay relax! Geez…. May I continue?"

"Please do…. Sorry…"

"Let me preface this by saying: I don't want kids right now. You shocked the shit out of me at the mere mention to be honest." I try to get a side glimpse of his face, but I don't have a great vantage point and I would bet it's pretty unreadable anyway. "But what I don't understand is why you had to get drunk to deal with the possibility…"

He clears his throat, and he seems to get the hint that it's his turn to speak. "Well…you heard Will… Kirsten was pouring doubles—"

"Who ordered gin?" He doesn't respond aside from scratching the back of his head. "I've never seen you drink gin, so I'm assuming it's your 'go-to' drink… When you only have one goal in mind: to forget about things…?"

"What do you want me to say, Tris? That Hendrick's and tonic is my 'special' drink?"

He knows full well that I'm not talking about the gin, but about the fact that he felt the need to drink it.

"No."

"Agh….." He crosses his arms and buries his head in the pillow next to my head. "I'm sorry… I'm acting like Zeke: deflecting and shit."

"What's really going on?" I roll onto my side and mirror his movements, giving him a small smile as he unburies his face and looks at me. We're both face down on my bed, looking at each other. Our hands are both by our faces, close enough to hold, but he laces our pinkie fingers instead. _He does the cutest shit sometimes. Why am I blushing? Because he's looking at me like….well…like that!_

"I've never thought about…kids…until… I don't think I'd be…" He doesn't finish his sentence, he just looks deep into my eyes, and I can see it. _He's afraid._

I just give him a small smile and uncross our pinkies, running my fingers over his forehead to smooth away some of his disheveled hair.

"I'm sorry…for everything I said….and everything I didn't say, that I should have."

I just nod my head and wrap my hand around his, kissing the top of it. I close my eyes in relaxation of being in my comfy bed and holding his hand. There are things we need to talk about… _But what the hell is the rush?  
_

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I never thought I would love watching someone fall asleep. Tris did it like a champ. I've never seen her fall asleep so fast and I am quick to take credit because I know my presence is as much a comfort to her as hers is to me.

She's clutching my hand, and I take this moment to look over every inch of her face. Her hair is falling over her shoulders, spilling onto the arm that's closest to me. She has the milkiest white skin, but if you look close enough, you can see small flecks almost resembling freckles. _I don't think I've ever seen longer eyelashes… I don't know, maybe I have… it's just not something I would have noticed before._ The only regrettable thing about this situation is that I can't see her incredible eyes. Aside from that, I'm pretty fucking content. Especially when she parts her perfect plump lips and a small seemingly, dreamy smile peeks out of the corner of her mouth. I can't help myself, so I lean in and kiss it softly.

I have no clue why I can't just tell her what's on my mind: That I'd never considered kids before her. Hell, I'd really never considered marriage before her. I always thought it was just something people did and that eventually I may just find someone I could tolerate, or someone who could tolerate me. I honestly never thought I would love someone or vice versa.

And now, thinking even further down the line is scaring the hell out of me. My father never loved me. I don't even know what that looks or feels like. _That shit's probably genetic!_ I'm not fearful of hurting them physically… I'm fearful of them growing up _without_ my love because I don't know how to fucking give it! Or what if I don't feel it? I can't do that to Tris….

_I'm now going to take a Saturday morning nap with my awesome girlfriend who seems to have forgiven me for being a douche-bag… That foot massage helped…Thank you, Zeke! You are worth something!_

I close my eyes and take a deep breath of Tris, which immediately starts to lull me to sleep until my phone buzzes in the pocket of my sweats.

"Fuck."

I have to awkwardly reach around into my pocket with my left hand as Tris is still holding my right. Once I get my rotator cuff back into proper alignment, I see a text from Amar.

**Amar:** Sorry to bother you on this lovely day! Do you have a copy of the plans for the museum lying around?

I try typing with my left hand, but fail. I have to disentangle my right hand from Tris's left in order to respond.

**Me:** I left them at the office. Got out of there in a hurry yesterday. Why?

**Amar:** I've been catching hell in a hand basket from our builder for not having the proper HVAC information. I'm in Wisconsin and have no access.

**Me:** Why didn't he call me?

**Amar:** Did you provide him with a cell phone number?

**Me:** No.

**Amar:** Not thinking clearly this morning?

**Me:** That's one way to put it. I'll go to the office and call him. Be there in about 45 minutes.

**Me:** Why Wisconsin?

**Amar:** Camping.

**Me:** Very funny.

**Amar:** Happy to provide humor, but I am indeed camping.

**Me:** Wow. Have fun.

Then I receive a picture of him holding up a Schlitz in cheers with a fishing hat on. I laugh out loud, which makes Tris stir and groan, "Whatttttt?"

I hold up the picture as she looks at it with one eye and then snorts out a laugh.

"Hot," I comment sarcastically in reference to her snort.

"Me or Amar?"

"Now that's a toss up!"

"Have you seen yourself today?! You look like you just escaped from the psych ward!"

"Did _you_, Tris Prior, just make a psych ward joke?"

"I'm allowed because my brother's in one."

"Does it really work that way?"

"Mmm hmm… For example, I'm allowed to call you an asshole…but others are not! I get truly offended—"

"Who calls me an asshole?" She looks at me with raised eyebrows. "Don't answer that." I try to think of a situation to top hers. "I get it. It's like I'm allowed to call _you_ an ankle-grabbing-cum-dumpster…but when others do…I get beat the shit out of them."

"Jesus Tobias!" she shrieks in offense as she smacks me on the back.

"What?! Not the same thing?"

"That is one of the most vile things I've ever been called…and then you decide to repeat it?!..." She covers her forehead with the back of her palm as she rolls onto her back. "I knew that guy was creepy. I should have had Al toss him after drink number three..."

"He is lucky to be among the living…."

"Thanks to me—"

"I hate your job so fucking-"

"Enough...about my job," she interrupts, crawling on top of me. "How is it that you make looking like an escaped mental patient extremely sexy?" she asks, softly flicking her tongue behind my ear. _Ugh…..I want this girl so bad…_

"You think I'm sexy right now? Now that's love…"

"Mmm hmm…," she hums, kissing me down my neck as I take a deep breath of her. Moving my hands down under the back of her sleep pants, I stop immediately and look her in the face.

"No panties?!"

"It's no-panty-Saturday. Didn't I tell you?" she asks jokingly as I sit us up quickly, cupping her naked butt cheeks with my hands. _Best ass ever…_ She places her hands on either side of my face and her hair provides us with our own little sanctuary from the world as she whispers in my ear that it is also no-bra-Saturday. _This is the closet I'm going to get to naked-Saturdays..._

"Fucking kidding me…" _Shit! Right or left hand? Right hand!_ I run my right hand up her rib cage to cup her breast as my cock springs higher and harder than it already is. I can feel her smile against my face. I love that she gets the same self-serving satisfaction that I do when I know I'm turning her on. My left hand makes its way quickly up her back and then, as if I'm a fucking professional…which if I could be a professional Tris Prior undresser, I would… her sweatshirt is off and then as expertly as me, she pulls my shirt over my head and immediately presses her naked torso against mine. I groan at the sensation. My right hand travels up the back of her neck grabbing her hair by the roots and pulling her neck back gently to grant me access to the soft skin of her neck, which I kiss greedily.

"Jesus Christ! What is with you two?!" Christina shouts as we hear Tris's bedroom door slam.

We both freeze and then snort out laughs, this time I join her, and then I flop backwards, taking her with me.

"My God… Do you have any idea what you do to me?" I ask shaking my head as she lifts hers and smiles widely. As if timing couldn't be more perfect, the room brightens from a random ray of sunshine.

"I have a clue," she says lightly as she gives me a soft kiss to the forehead.

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

Tobias lets me drive his car, which is hilarious because I'm an awful driver in city traffic, and Chicago traffic, in particular, is no joke.

"Stop looking at me, damn it."

"How do you know I'm looking at you? Your eyes are squeezed shut!"

"I don't fucking know! I just know!"

I slam on the brakes just to mess with him as his eyes go suddenly wide, and he lurches forward. "Beatrice! What…the…fuck!"

I laugh hysterically at his clenched jaw and frustration. "Why do you have a car this nice when you live in Chicago anyway? You should have a Corolla or something."

"Can you actually see me in a Corolla?"

"Good point. You look like more of a Prius guy." I smile as I look at him and see that he's smiling back. "Hey…maybe I'll teach you to drive a tractor sometime. Like a big one…a 7R series Deere!..." I hit the brakes a little too hard again as a cab cuts me off.

"Mmmmgggghhhhh….. I would actually love to see where you grew up… Someday… Maybe if you…" He trails off and looks out the window.

"Yeah…." _Only if someone pushes Eric into a grain bin…or runs him over with a combine…the possibilities are endless_… "I feel the same you know…about your place…" He stays completely silent probably at the mention of Winnetka. _You're an idiot Tris… He has very few good memories there. But then again…mine have all been tainted so is that the same?_

"Hey… We could go cow-tipping! If we ever make it up to… Wisconsin…"

"Is that a thing?!" He looks at me skeptically. "Eyes on the road, Prior."

"Oh, it's totally a thing." _It's so not a thing…. But I would die to see him try it. Youtube!_ I glance at him quickly and see that he's not looking at me. Good thing because he would totally know I'm lying. "Wow. The gas pedal is really sensitive!" I say after lurching forward.

"Yep!"

I laugh at how high-pitched his voice just got.

"Parking garage, parking garage, parking garage…" he coughs under his breath.

"Yes, Tobias I see it…." I utter, rolling my eyes as I just about scrape the front right corner of the car pulling in between the cement posts.

"Jesus Christ…" he mutters in torment.

I find a spot right in front because it's Saturday, and no one's really here. Throwing…literally throwing…the car in park I smile proudly because we made it! He's gripping his knees, and it looks pretty painful.

"Well… That's never gonna fucking happen again…," he states plainly as he gets out of the car and bounces on his toes.

"Come on! I wasn't that bad…" _Are you kidding? I was fucking terrible…_

He grabs my hand as I get out of the car and pulls me to him roughly, landing his other hand on my lower back. Then he kisses me hard and passionately, running his other hand down over the top of my head to cup my neck. It's the kind of kiss that leaves me breathless.

He pulls away as I just about lose my balance.

"I wasn't sure I was ever going to be able to do that again…" His eyes are scrunched together until they soften, and he starts to grin and then laughs. I join him until he suddenly stops and glances over my head. Craning my neck around, all I see a light blue convertible Miata. _That car's fucking obnoxious!_

"You okay?"

"Yeah," he smiles down at me and gives me a quick kiss on my forehead. "Let's get the plans and get out of here." He grabs my hand and leads me to the elevator. "I would really really like to pick up where we left off at your place…but maybe we go to my place…"

Walking into the elevator, I immediately see him tense up, so I wrap my left arm around his middle and look up at his handsome face. I place my hand gently on his cheek, and he does what he always does: turns his head and gives me a chaste kiss on my palm.

"Tell me more about what we'll do at your place? We have until 2:00…"

"Mmmm… Not enough time for all my plans…" He adds pressure to my back and whispers in my ear. "Why the fuck did you tell Tori you'd work a double?"

Running my hand down his thigh, I answer his question honestly. "At the time I would have rather subjected myself to bar patrons rather than talk to you."

"Boy did you fuck up," he responds as he lifts me up and kisses me softly on the lips. "…see you make mistakes, too…" His lifting me up makes my hand brush against his cock, which makes me moan… _Apparently I really really want this man…_

"Yeah…You know you fucked up don't you?"

"Can you please stop saying the word fuck?" I plead before I place my lips on his, grabbing the back of his neck and kiss him slowly…the kind of kiss that drives him insane and leaves him wanting more- _Wow! Listen to me!_

The ding of the elevator doesn't deter us as he keeps his arms around my torso and walks us off the elevator not breaking our kiss. He sets me down softly and lands his hands on my hips, pushing me against the wall right outside the elevator. A door closes down the hall, which causes him to pull away and look down towards it.

"Sorry," I eek out.

"Don't be sorry for that," he says linking our fingers and kissing them before heading to his office.

Once we're in it, I walk to the window. "I love this view… I know you probably don't, but-" I turn around and see him with a confused look on his face as he leans on the table. "What's up?"

"I left the plans right here…on the table."

"Are you sure?" He turns his head and looks at me as if that's a dumb question, which it is because he's the most organized person I know. "Sorry…"

"No… It's fine… It's actually a valid question in this situation."

He looks like he needs a minute to think, without me staring at him. "I'm gonna use the bathroom…"

Nodding his head, he stares at the floor in thought. I can hear him mumble to himself as I wash my hands...and then nothing. _He must have found them…_

Then I hear voices. I don't want to interrupt a work discussion, so I hang back a moment…then I recognize the voice….

Tobias's POV:

_I can't believe I can't find the plans. I know they were here. Maybe Matthew took them to browse? It wouldn't be a big deal, it's not like they're private. But a note or a call… Does he even have my cell—_

"Looking for these?" asks a voice that I was praying to God I wouldn't hear since I saw her obnoxious car in the parking garage.

I clear my voice to remain calm and collected as I glance at the bathroom. I can hear Tris using the sink. "Yes."

"Sorry… You didn't lock your office, so I figured—"

"I didn't think I had to."

"Was this okay? I just wanted to make sure you and I were on the same page as far as the—"

"It's fine. Just leave them there." I nod to the wall right next to the door, not wanting her to enter my office.

"Wow… I've seen this look before," she mentions in memory of the few mornings she's seen me. I realize I look hung over and tired, as I had each time before.

"Bye Nita."

"Did you sleep here again? I wasn't here to help you out this time…" I close my eyes and hang my head, knowing full well Tris is hearing every word of this. _This isn't happening…._

"I didn't sleep here, and that was an unwelcome gesture...as you know full well."

"Didn't seem so unwelcomed when you said, 'Good-night baby'." _What the FUCK?_

"I highly doubt those words came out of my mouth."

She laughs lightly. "With or without your high doubts…it's what you said. It frankly wasn't all that surprising—"

"Nita. Whatever you did that night—"

"What do mean? 'Whatever I did'? Pretty sure you know what I did, and you slept really well because of it! You're welcome for that by the way!" She says it as if we are friends and we are having a jovial conversation while my entire relationship with Tris is flashing before my damned eyes… "Did I say something wrong?" she asks innocently...too innocently. "...Why are you staring at me? I can't say I mind…but—"

"I'm staring…because I have no words…to provide you with…"

"Not the first time that's happened between us." _Psycho!_

"Nita. You have rendered me speechless…on many occasions…but not for the _fucking _reasons you think. It's a reflection of my utter disdain for you. _Nothing_ will happen between you and I..._ever._ Now you _will_ leave my office immediately, only to return upon invitation." My jaw is aching from trying to speak while clenching it.

"Sounds great! I'll be looking forward to that. Hey…really excited for next week… I was thinking Japanese maybe Monday or Tuesday night? PM me or something—"

"Get out," I spit, hoping the venom in my voice will infiltrate her entire body.

"Okay… See ya Four."

_That didn't happen. I'm still drunk. Having a nightmare. Please wake up!_

My eyes may be closed tight, but I'm not having a nightmare. This is actually happening. I hear no noise coming from the bathroom. So I sit on the couch with my head in my hands trying to find excuses and words, but none are coming…. I look over at the light under the bathroom door and see a shadow of two small feet still standing there, unmoving. Finally, they move away, and I hear the sink turn on and several deep, shaky breaths. It's what she does when she's trying to control her emotions. I can just picture her trying to cool off her perfect cheeks. I know they have heated up to a red color…not the beautiful pink blush she rewards me with when she's shy or embarrassed by my words or compliments…the red that represents anger, sadness, jealousy…any negative emotion.

"What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck…" I say in rapid succession, hopefully quietly.

"My words exactly," says a small quiet voice that doesn't suit her one bit. She books it for the door but I'm faster, and I stand in front of it.

"Don't go…please listen to me, damn it! She's a fucking psychopath! I fell asleep and—"

"Get the fuck out of my way!" she screams.

"No." I grab her shoulders. "Listen to me!"

She wrenches her shoulders free and stumbles backward catching herself on my desk.

"I'm sorry! Are you…"

She hangs her head between her shoulders shaking it…. "And this whole time…I felt guilty…. What a fucking joke!" she says laughing out loud. _Whatever that means…_

"Tris, it's not what you think." I'm pacing in front of the door. "I woke up in the morning, and the blinds were drawn, lights were off, I was covered up with a damned blanket! She turned my god-damned phone off! I didn't want you to worry… Fuck! Um… Shit… Nothing happened… I know how that sounded…but… She's a crazy bitch!"

"I don't give two shits about her! I'm not a fucking idiot! I know nothing happened! Stop fucking underestimating me! She knew I was in there the whole God-damned time!" She comes at me. _Oh shit_… "…It's you!" She smacks me hard in the chest and pushes me back at the word 'you.' "You're such a…!" She's yelling, but she suddenly stops…

I grab her hands and lower my head to be eye level with her. "Baby, I am probably everything you are about to say… So just say it… Please say it… Please…"

"I'm a hypocrite…." _Not…what I was expecting…_

"Wh… Why—"

"Well, Tobias…the night you were being 'comforted' by that sex-kitten slutbag…I was being carefully observed by…" _Continue…please…._

She stands up straight and defiant and tucks her hair behind her ears quickly and wipes under her eyes. "You're _fucking_ father…" she seethes, pointing at me with each syllable. _I didn't hear her...What…the fuck did she just say?_ "Research! He called me _'research'_! How's that for a fucking lie!? Top that shit Tobias!"

Tris is gone. At least I think she's gone. I'm not positive because I'm pretty sure I'm hearing things or at least imagining them. _So I am still drunk…. Thank God. Not looking forward to the hangover…but at least none of this happened…_

* * *

**Marcus's POV:**

Finally…I seem to have reached some semblance of a piece of mind. Now all I can do is wait. I recovered from Evelyn's death faster than it has taken me to reconcile this seriously unfortunate chain of events. And, in a similar fashion, I have come to the realization of what has to happen: acceptance. This is an inevitable situation.

I had underestimated Miss Prior by assuming she would have gone straight to Tobias upon recognition of my presence. Turns out she's more cunning than I thought; not running to him like a petulant child. I now find her the type to ponder her moves and weigh her options. It's mildly fascinating. Juanita, on the other hand, has seemingly inserted herself in his life in every way that would be completely off-putting to an Eaton male. I almost find her vile if I'm being honest. It's not her looks. She is…indeed quite the specimen. More so her revolting demeanor... it's borderline nauseating.

Seeing as Miss Prior has been unable to lure Tobias to me. Hopefully, Juanita was able to rattle his cage today. Since my last exchange with Carlos, I've had to tighten the reins on my son to the utmost of my capabilities.

**Flashback:**

"Hello, Marcus," Juanita says as if boredom is a hobby of hers as she sways into my office. I briefly appraise her appearance. Impeccably dressed as usual, but showing too much skin to be taken seriously. "You summoned me?"

"Lose the attitude, Juanita. You_ are_ getting the better end of this deal after all."

"It's Nita," she snarks. "Only 'Daddy' calls me Juanita."

"'Daddy' indeed. You really have him wrapped around your finger."

"Like plastic wrap."

"Hmmm. So your father and I had a discussion—"

"Yeah, yeah…I know everything. You want the Juares power and Daddy wants the Eaton name." _So what you're saying is…you know nothing._ "I couldn't care less about any of that. All I want is Four." She looks at her fingernails in indifference.

"That ridiculous name—"

"It's actually really hot. Seriously who names their kid Tobias? Are you Amish?"

"That was my father's name, and you would do well to respect that you little—"

"Call me whatever you want…_Dad_… Get used to that, by the way, seeing as you are my intended father-in-law."

I never even allowed Tobias to call me '_Dad'_, let alone this vapid tart of a girl.

"Yes…." I elicit slowly. "If you truly want that to come to pass we have work to do." I pour her a finger of scotch. "We need to lure Tobias."

"Marcus… Isn't it a little early for scotch? And why don't you just pick up the phone and call your precious Tobias?"

"It's never too early for good scotch my dear, and my son needs to know I have power over him. Enough power to make him come to me on his own recognizance."

"Hmmm… What do you propose?"

I take a long slow, shallow sip of the smooth bitter liquid. "Beatrice left his apartment in quite a huff last night—"

"Who?"

"Pardon me… 'Tris'…" _Stupid fucking name._

"Her _name_ is Trisha."

"I assure you…her name is Tris. Beatrice being her full name." _Equally as stupid._

"So bizarre…."

"Indeed…." I take another sip of scotch and sigh, staring out my office window. "He ran out of his apartment as if it were on fire this morning, which leads me to believe he went straight to find his little girlfriend."

"Marcus. How do you_ know_ all this? Don't get me wrong… I'm impressed, but—"

"My sources need not be revealed."

"Whatever." _Don't roll your eyes at me you spoiled little bitch!_

"I made a special phone call this morning…." _All it took was a bit of extra investing in GT Construction…and poof! HVAC info has disappeared!_ "Tobias _will_ be at the office sometime soon, and you will be there waiting."

"And?"

"Based on my accumulated information, all you will have to do is mention my name and his little Tris's in the same sentence, and that will be plenty to put him over the edge."

**End Flashback:**

Now all I can do is wait. A day? Two days? One minute?

The Asian markets have slowed for the time being, seeing as it's Saturday; the CME isn't trading, so I decide to indulge in a cigar. Seating myself in my chair facing Lake Michigan, I cut the tip off my now legal Cuban cigar toasting President Obama for opening up trade with Cuba. _Fuck that!_ His empty Senate seat could have ruined me—

I am lifted out of my chair by a strong fist to my shirt collar. A cold hard pain sears across the left side of my face before I am back in the chair, sliding into the wall.

"You fucking stay away from her you sick, demented son of a bitch!" Apparently I was right on the money with one minute. _I love being right._

I touch the side of my face where his fist connected with it. _Jesus!_ I haven't seen my son in three years, but he has grown into quite the man. It would behoove me to be wary. He could crush me, I'm fairly certain. And if he's anything like me, which by the looks of him right now, he is, he wouldn't hesitate to do so.

"How are you son? Been drinking? What's your weakness? Mine's a good scotch… How is Miss Prior by the way? Quite the scotch drinker herself I hear!"

I watch him do the math as to how long I've been observing the two of them. He's probably moving onto_ how_ I get my information…

"What…do…you want…with her?" he growls.

"Oh, Tobias… Not a thing, not a thing… Beatrice is somewhat irrelevant in the grand scheme… That is… if you follow protocol."

"What the fuck are you talking about?! I'm not doing a damn thing with you! Stay the hell out of my life and the hell away from my girlfriend!"

"...If only I could… I would love nothing more than to give you my well-wishes and let you move on with your ridiculous infatuation, but—"

"But nothing." He stands there stoic and glaring at me with fists clenched. I can see his tricep muscles flex in anticipation of delivering another punch. I am fully prepared to accept another before he exits. _That is one price I will pay._

Tobias is my son. He craves information. He won't be able to leave until he knows _why._ He's calculating, provoked by deep thoughts and, to his detriment…a conscience. It will be his downfall in this situation. So many strengths….ruined by most the most inferior one.

"Why…" I hear his voice falter. "…are you watching her?" _And there it is…_

I slowly rise out of the chair and walk over to the side table. "We have a problem, son…"

"There is no _we_."

"I'm afraid there is a definite _we_…" I say as I pour a finger of scotch for the both of us. "…in this situation… Let's start this conversation off right…" I offer him the glass, which he wisely accepts, knowing it may get him more information. "..by toasting to your mother! To Evelyn!" I raise my glass and take an even-lipped sip as Tobias pummels his into the wall and grabs me by the collar again.

"You don't get to say her fucking name! Never…ever…" He's breathing heavily, and I smell the remnants of gin on his breath. Suddenly I'm at a loss of breath as I'm thrown backward into the wall.

"_She_ started this! You ungrateful bastard!" I choke out trying to catch my breath. "She had an affair! She was fucking another man…and now because of her aspirations outside of our family, you and I will pay the price!" I barely rasp out the last words.

I can see that I've shocked him. But this is nothing compared to the next one.

"She was…" He furrows his brows as he attempts to fill in the missing pieces of his memories.

"Yes…" I try to stand up straight. "She was going to leave us—"

"She would _never_ have left me—"

"Ha! Really? The week before she died… Did she seem bolder? Defiant? Throwing caution to the wind? Took you to the lake twice? Extra time at the Pedrads'? Ice cream?... She was saying goodbye!...She didn't care anymore!...She gave up on us!"

"She gave up on _you_!...But….not—"

"I'm sure you remember my friend and associate Carlos Juares…"

He shakes his head in disbelief. "That's an interesting way to describe your relationship with the Mafia. But, yes… I've kept tabs on your bullshit business dealings making sure you keep me the _hell_ out—"

"_He_…was her lover…" I bend down and feel an excruciating pain in my tailbone, which I try desperately to hide. But I'm even more desperate for my rocks glass.

It seems my son has no response to this revelation.

"And now…he wants…to exact vengeance on you and I." I pour myself, and my ingrate of a son, another glass, two fingers this time, of scotch.

**Flashback:**

"Okay, Carlos… I'll bite… How do you plan to torture me?" I scoff at the idiocy.

"Put it this way, my old friend…" He takes a purposefully slow sip of his scotch. "I intend on being a part of the Eaton family for a very long time…. The Eaton-Juares name. I already know how Juanita feels about hyphenation… I've seen her notepads. _La futura Sra. Juanita Josefa Maria Eaton-Juares….Nita Eaton-Juares…Mrs. Juanita Josefa Eaton-Juares._ My personal favorite was _Carlos James Eaton-Juares I_. She named a grandchild after me! My precious girl!" He chuckles to himself at the idea. _Repulsive._ "God knows your son hates you. He may look at me a bit differently seeing as I'm the one who actually _loved_ his moth—"

"You think my son would want anything to do with_ your_ filthy family?!" I yell. Then thinking better of it, I collect myself. "You have far more blood on your hands than I do…"

"Yes… But I don't have _her_ blood on my hands: the only person the man, to whom you refer to as your son, loved in the world…."

"I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't_ kill_ Evelyn."

"You may not have put the pills in her hand, but you certainly drove her to take them!" he chokes out.

I can see that he is losing his resolve…. I need to wear him down… He's showing too much emotion. _This could either be to my advantage or my detriment…_

"Carlos…." I start calmly. "Why didn't you kill me, as you have done to many, years ago? Saved yourself the trouble? Then you could have had your happy little mob family."

"That is _none_ of your concern."

"Then tell me Carlos…what _is_ my concern?"

He walks toward the window of the box with binoculars in his hand and seeks out who I can only assume is Tobias. "You've informed me that your son is involved with someone… You are obviously correct. Which means, surprising as it is, Juanita is…as much as it pains me to say…failing."

"You didn't answer my question."

"Remove her."

"You want me to_ kill_ my son's…play thing? I may be many things…but I am _not_ a murderer—"

"No," he states emphatically. "I would prefer not to add any more pain to that boy's life than he has already experienced. Even if it would eventually fade into guilt, seeing as my Juanita can fill her shoes and more..."

"Why do you care about my son's pain?"

"Because it is the only way to honor _Evelyn_!"

"How _do_ you plan to make Tobias fall in love with your daughter? She may not be as desirable as you think, taking her progress into account…."

"No one said anything about love. And that is an aspect that is _not_ your concern, either… Your only concern is ridding Tobias of his current infatuation."

"And if I don't?"

Carlos laughs more loudly than is appropriate for this particular conversation.

"Marcus…" He puts his arm around me and smiles broadly. "No matter what…we will be family! Whether or not _you_ will be around to see it is another _concern_ all together…. Now let us toast… In remembrance of Thomas! I did finally find out his name… May he rest in peace!" He clinks his glass with mine… I don't return the gesture as I envision my formal business partner's frigid body. "…because he certainly didn't _die_ in peace…"

**End flashback**

A slight pang of guilt hits me that I have to lie to my son. Carlos holds no ill will toward Tobias. The opposite in fact… he practically wants _him_ for a son! I have to hold back the vomit.

My one and only job is to pave the way for Juanita. Full disclosure to my son will not provide for that. My telling him that Carlos Juares threatened to bury me alive in the cement of the addition to The Museum of Science and Industry (how fitting) unless Tobias breaks it off with his little distraction, will have Tobias walking out the door, laughing in joy because he would finally be rid of me!

In the end, I had to make a choice: go along with Carlos's plan to torture me by flaunting me and my son's name along with his…or death by brutality. I almost chose the latter.

"Exact vengeance? Do you even hear yourself? Old age must be setting in because you sound like a fucking lunatic!"

"Lunacy? Yes! This whole god-damned thing is insane!"

"Why the hell does he give a shit about me? You know what… Don't tell me! You deal with this—"

"You and I got in the way of his obsession with your mother…_you_ in particular… _You _were the reason she wouldn't leave me sooner…. And then she died before she had the chance."

"Then get to the fucking point! What…does he want?!"

"He wants Miss Prior out of the picture…and if I don't coerce _you_ to do it… He's going to kill me…."

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

"Out…out of the picture? What does that mean?" _Not...what I think it does... Please God no..._

"You do the math, son."

"He wants her…" _I can barely think it let alone say it. "...dead?"_

"I don't think he particularly cares… He really just wants to torture you… _You_ got in the way of him and your mother, and he plans on returning the favor…." He takes a sip of his scotch as if it's a reflex. "He was watching you two at the Hawks game..."

"He was...what?!" _How far has this gone?_

"He must have seen how you look at her? I don't know… I personally don't understand why you would even waste your time—"

"You shut up! You don't know a fucking thing about her! She's the...strongest, best person I know! _I'm _barely worthy of _her_ time..." Marcus is looking at me as if he's hit my weak spot…and he's on the fucking money. _What the hell am I...going to…? Breathe...breathe... _

"Son…you have two choices… Be done with her_ or_ he will step in… It will be torture either way… That's his plan…"

"You seem to be on the up and up. How does he plan to torture _you_?"

"By coercing me to do this…"

He walks over to his MacBook Pro and as if he had this all set up, I immediately hear a ringing noise.

"You may want to stay out of the view of the camera son. Wouldn't want to lure the rabid pit bull with your emotional outbursts..." _What the fuck is he talking about…_

"Marcus. Took you long enough." I hear a rough younger sounding voice.

"Yes. Eric, my boy!" I don't even want to know what I look like right now. My veins freeze but my face bleeds hot waves of heated anger and vile hatred. I storm to the computer, but I'm halted by my father's adamant finger. "My apologies…one moment."

He whispers severely as he puts the flat of his palm on my chest and roughly pushes me into the wall. The nine-year-old boy comes back in full force as I'm reduced to what feels like nothing under the hand of the man who's fist connected with my mother's face for years. I turn my head and close my eyes as to avoid his glare.

"He will _sense _your weakness for her and as of this moment he has no idea I have any information on Miss Prior! It would be in your best interest to shut…the…fuck…_up_ and stay out of the way of the God-damned camera!" He backs away and straightens his suit as I now turn to face him. "Don't let your emotions make you do something rash and stupid you fucking idiot!"

"Fuck you!" I say as loud and forceful of a whisper as I can. _Marcus is right...as much as I loathe the thought..._

"Marcus. I don't have time for this kind of bullshit!" His voice is rough and haggard-sounding. I close my eyes to memorize the inflection. "Do you know where Beatrice is or not?! Fuck! I've been patiently waiting….too patiently…can you fucking help me or not? She….I can't stop…She needs me! She needs me!"

I have no words as my jaw is clenched so tight I am unable. I need to see his face. So I inch my way to the screen and study every disgusting inch of the evilness that beat, raped and made my beautiful, strong, amazing Tris feel worthless in every way. My arms are burning from the pain of flexing my forearms repeatedly.

Once I see him, I am unable to move as my calculating mind transitions into first gear. Pale complexion, muscular build, buzzed hair, neck tattoo, hazel eyes... I make eye contact with Marcus…he knows. This is the Eaton side of me… Looking for his weakness and ready to file it away and exploit it at my earliest opportunity. The problem is…Tris is his weakness…as she is mine… Marcus knows my mother's qualities will win out in the end… He has me right where he wants me...coercion or not.

My mind starts to betray me_. I can't let Eric… He can't come near her… I'll kill him… I know I'll do it… I would not hesitate to commit murder…._ I make eye contact with the man I hate the second-most in this world, he knows I'm cornered. I can see it in his face: in the snide side smile he delivers me…. He looks at me to make the decision: tell Eric where she and makes her nightmares a reality _or_ the thought I can't bring myself to admit… I shake me head 'no': Marcus cannot tell him.… _I just sealed mine and Tris's fate… or lack there of…._

"Eric. I'm sorry. As of right now I am having difficulty locating Beatrice—"

"But…she's in Chicago… I know this. She was in one of my damned trucks!"

_SHE WHAT?!_

"Shit! Marcus….man…" He is pacing around and around his chair. I can see sweat built up on his forehead. "…You see…we have this connection, and I don't understand how I didn't _sense_ her presence! I failed her again! She was there looking for me…I know it! I swear if I ever get my hands on that little bitch I will fucking twist her until she breaks like a plastic straw. Imagine that visual? Can't you see it, Marcus? Can't you?"

"Ummm…Eric, you have me speechless…. Are you quite well?" I look at my father's face and see that he is genuinely surprised at Eric's behavior.

"Better than ever! I finally have a clear head! That shit…" He smacks himself repeatedly in the head. "…really fucked with me!... She always knew it! This time I'll make it special… That's all she ever wanted. That last time… it wasn't special… I'm sorry baby! I hurt her…her beautiful face, I held it right there…" he makes a gesture on the table as I feel blood infiltrate my mouth. " I fucked her right there, hard, bent over on the table…"

_ I don't know what to do with my hands…what the fuck…do I…stop, stop, stop, stop..._

"The screams…they haunt me…they haunt me… Do you have regrets, Marcus?!"

"Well…."

"Well?" he laughs maniacally and points his finger at the screen. "You're a lucky bastard!"

"Eric? I'm not sure…she's even in Chicago… My contacts run deep son—"

"What?!" I hear glass breaking, but my forehead is on the wall to relieve the pressure of my head imploding. "YOU SAID—"

"I said I would—"

"What about our deal?!"

"I'm in no need of your offer…anymore. You seem a bit…unstable."

"Fuck you!" I hear crashing again. "...I'm sorry…I'm sorry…I'm sorry… Just…help me find her. I'm begging you… She needs me…"

"I can see how much she means to you…. I will do my best."

"Yeah…_you will_…you fucking will!"

Silence.

"Tobias…?"

And that's when I lose it. I don't know how many times I punch him or kick him or for how long. All I know is he is writhing on the ground, and there is not much left in the room unbroken before I bring myself to stop. He's bleeding from the nose and mouth and who the hell knows where else.

"I hate you! I will hate you _forever_…until the day I die and beyond that. I…_hate_…you!" I yell or...screech or both. I'm not really what comes out of me as I stumble my way out of his office.

"Carlos will win…either way...," he chokes out.

_And I will lose…either way..._

* * *

**Bah! So what did you think...?**

**Long AN:**

**Guest reviewer:** I changed the description to fit the story better… It's actually a direct quote from the chapter entitled "Never." It's not intended to foreshadow.

**Guest reviewer:** Why do I feel people would get down on Tobias? Many readers prefer to think of him as abnegation Tobias….this one's not…and I have gotten some interesting PMs asking me if I hate him because I portray him as more jaded and with coping issues (the sex scene in "screwed" for example)…I just prefer to write him as a 25 year modern day guy who suffered abuse and embodies the more realistic effects of it. He just kind of "walked away" in VR world. _Yeah…no…._

**Imablackgirl:** I keeled over from laughter... I am a white girl, living in the white-ass suburbs of Chicago... I don't have many black friends, unfortunately..for demographical reasons only. But yes I have done dialectical research as to not offend..glad I can deliver!

**4.6.10:** You're awesome and I always remember your reviews! Up top to the meerkats!

**Misdiagnosed:** That makes it all worthwhile...

**Chelhall8:** I don't know if it's because I have a lack of vision or if it's because celebrity faces are so readily available...but I have a likeness for each character...

**Everyone else stop reading if you don't care about celebrity likenesses:**

**Tris:** (has changed for me) Blond Rachel McAdams (not Mean Girls) Go to google images - the picture where she's wearing green earrings and no make-up...fucking gorgeous

**Christina:** Zoey Saldana

**Zeke:** Anthony Mackie - (think Million Dollar Baby)

**Uriah:** Tequan Richmond (shamelessly used to watch General Hospital...yeek...and he was on it.)

**Shauna:** Chin-length hair Ginnifer Goodwin (I don't know why!)

**Marlene:** Blake Lively all the way

**Amar:** Irrfan Khan (Think Jurassic World)

**George:** Daniel Dae Kim

**Matthew:** Chris Messina

**Nita: ** Salma Hayek (in her 20s..) She's fuckin hot!

**Carlos:** The Most Interesting Man in the World...yes! LOL!

**Lynn:** No idea...

Everyone else is from the Divergent Movies! Phew!


	30. More Lies

**AN: If you are particularly attached to this story... You may not want to read it in public... **

**Sherrilynnleusink** and **BeccaSisalee** \- Your reviews...Wow...just wow...thank you!

**Guest** \- Loved the ATT reference

**LilacRed** \- Don't get fired

**geraldineblue** \- not a bartender but I've spent a lot of time in them! And I made out with my husband in a bar the first night we got together! LMK if I fuck up my Chicago references...I've spent a lot of time there, but I don't live there so...

**Mangomar** \- "Evil malignant fucking shitwad" - OMG I will use that!

**Rated - MA** \- duh

**Chapter 29 – More Lies**

(Simultaneous POVs in this chapter)

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I'm sitting on the edge of Tobias's bed: the one I attempted to sleep in last night and failed epically. My head is in my hands because I don't know what else to do with it and this is the only thing that is relieving the pressure.

I ran out of Tobias's office yesterday with a bitter mix of anger and shame. The only good thing that came out of that incident was that I got to drive my right shoulder into Nita's left as I passed her. I gave her a "Whoops!" as I looked back over my shoulder. The bonus was that it laid her out over the drinking fountain.

I got out of the building and just walked and walked and walked, heading North up the shoreline of the lake. I passed just about every touristy area possible. I found a bench to sit on and realized I hadn't thought of what came to pass between Tobias and me yet. I had literally thought about nothing. It's as if my mind was trying to protect itself from sifting through those particular thoughts. Then, of course, my feeble mind caught up to itself and everything came back in full force, exactly as it's doing right now.

I can't even be mad at him. But I really, _really_ want to be mad at him! He completely lied to me!

_"Yeah, I can't believe you fell asleep at work…."_

_"Well….I have a couch, and I laid down to rest my eyes and…the next thing I know..."_

_The next thing you know you woke up all comfy cozy in your office. What? Did you think the fucking custodian did that?! Rather than some demented bitch who did who-the-fuck-knows to you? Jesus…What _did_ she do? It's not like he would tell me if he knew anyway!_

_UGH!_…. But, the difference between what he did and what I did is...vast.

After thinking about it all night, I realized that what I did was worse. His father…one of the biggest psychological hurdles in his life…thrown in his face by _me. _I'm the only one in the world who he has _chosen _to pour his heart out to. I'm aware the Pedrad family knows…but that wasn't Tobias's choice.

_Why couldn't I have just listened to his explanation? Then_ not_ tell him that I actually understood why he did it, let him grovel, have great make-up sex and hold it over his head forever like a normal girl would? Nope! I had to one-up him!_

_And why didn't he tell me that next day? _

_Because I was running a deadly high temperature and he was too busy getting in a cold tub and pulling glass out of my head. Ohhhh…I'm a terrible human…_

_But…he_ has_ had plenty of time since then! Maybe I'm not such a terrible human…_

_Think like Tobias, Tris. Why wouldn't he tell me? _

_Because I would flip my shit! _

_So? I would get over it! _

_Really, Tris? With him working late in super close quarters? _

_Who cares? I trust him!_

_It's not him…it's her! She's obviously a certifiable nut job! _

_What did she do to him when he was sleeping? Softly kiss him… Oh my God! She must have if he said "Goodnight baby…" _

_I hope to God he said that because he was so tired that his subconscious thought it was me...  
_

_I need to stop…because I am literally having a conversation with myself!  
_

**Flashback:**

May as well do what I do after years of practice: clear my mind and distract myself. So, I catch a cab and go home. But, of course upon entering the apartment….

"Hey, Chris—" Before I even get the words out, I hear Will and Chris 'making up' in her room.

_Hey, at least they were smart enough to close the door! Tobias and I have serious exhibitionist issues…. Sigh…. _

So I decide to walk to Grounds, torture not being high on my list today. Getting through this day, however…is extremely high.

I order a coffee and a turkey sandwich and find a table outside. And…I just…sit there, wishing I was eating Jimmy Johns and drinking Gertie's coffee with Tobias. _So much for distracting myself… _So I take my phone out of my pocket, figuring I'll listen to music_. Maroon 5 just came out with a new album… perfect!_ Seeing as I still have the iPhone 4s, my screen freezes up on me…again. Upon restarting it…it still doesn't work. But, of course, Siri decides to make an appearance.

"I'm sorry…. I…did not…quite….get…that. How…can….I…assist…you?" she says in her trying-not-to-have-any-accent mechanical voice.

"Unfreeze my screen." _I had to at least try!_

"Would…you…like…me…to do….a web search….for—"

"No Siri! You fucking bitch!" I mumble through clenched teeth. "I don't want a God-damned web search. So fuck your stupid—"

"Tris?"

Someone has interrupted my embarrassingly embarrassing Siri-bitch-out moment. I look up slowly and see Mathew standing next to my table-for-two, looking at me appropriately: like I'm insane.

"Hi," I say in the smallest voice I have.

"Hey…do _not_ be embarrassed by that. I talk to my iPad… Ya know…those Saturday nights in a new city…" He uninvitedly sits down. "I'm actually jealous of the guy from the movie _Her…_ Have you seen it?"

"No."

"Neither have I… I just wanted to make you feel better… You actually look completely insane," he comments off the cuff as he takes a sip of his coffee.

"Wow! Thanks."

"Hey…I'm nothing if not honest!"

"You know… That's actually kind of refreshing right now…" _Don't be a hypocrite, Tris… _"Ummm…." _Why am I looking around like I'm trying to escape? _

"Sorry, I just kind of sat down. I was attempting to save you from further humiliation."

"Again…Wow! Thanks."

"Just lookin' out for ya." _Did he just wink at me?_

"Well." '_Well', what?...I don't even know._

"Do you live around here?" he inquires.

"Yeah… I actually live a couple blocks away."

"Me, too…. But I'm _that_ way…and I would imagine you're _that _way…" he nods his head in the opposite direction of my place.

"No… actually, I'm _that way _too," I say mimicking his directional nod. "Why would you _imagine _I'm the other way?" I ask at his strange insinuation.

He shrugs his shoulders and says matter-of-factly, "You just seem like a _that-way _kind of girl." He nods in the direction of our homes again.

I stare at him and laugh because he's just quirky and…I don't know, kind of funny.

"And there it is!...Got ya to laugh…. Mission accomplished."

"That was your mission? Aim big," I remark sarcastically.

"I don't know. When I see someone yelling obscenities at their phone…I automatically assume Tourette's. Have you ever tried to get someone with Tourette's Syndrome to laugh?"

"Can't say that I have," I answer laughing…again.

"Me neither. Who knows…it may not even be that hard…" He shrugs.

"Matthew… You are so—"

"So…I don't know if you know this, but your boyfriend's kind of a big deal."

I raise my eyebrows at that obvious subject change. "Yeah…I've been told he's up-and-coming at ALG…." He looks at me in disbelief. "Well, he's pretty modest so…I don't know…he would never_ say_ that…. I had to hear it from someone else." _Hearing things from someone else…._

"Nooo…I mean industry wide. Nationally…possibly internationally." _Wow…I…really didn't…and that sucks…_

"Uhhhh…" I sit back in my chair in a huff. "No. I didn't."

"Wow. He's _incredibly _modest." _Or I just don't show enough interest…. He's constantly asking about my photos…_

I sigh looking across the street at a little gallery. "Or, I'm just a self-involved person who apparently hasn't taken enough interest—"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa… Self-deprecation looks fucking terrible on you….like awful…you look hideous right now. In fact, I need to leave to get away from your face." He starts to get up.

My mouth is literally hanging open from shock. "Are you…are you fucking kidding me?!"

"Completely…." he laughs seemingly to himself. "I just need an excuse to leave…" Looking up at the awning as if he's talking to it, he adds without looking at me, "Because I'm pretty sure I could sit here all day with you. Bye Tris…" he says over his shoulder as he exits.

"Uh," is the short, surprised noise that comes out of my mouth at that particular exchange as I watch him walk down the sidewalk and quickly turn a corner. _Why am I smiling?..._

**End flashback**

I stand up, feeling minutely better for some reason and stretch my arms over my head. I walk over and pick up my phone that I had tossed across the room last night after I finally heard back from Tobias. Then while scrolling through my texts, the memories begin to come back of last night.

I worked 3:00 til close. Nothing eventful happened and for the first time I wish it had. A distraction would have been beyond welcome as my guilt got stronger and stronger. It still took me until 8:00 to text him…and at that point, I understood why he was afraid to call me yesterday morning. So, I immaturely made a joke about it:

**Me:** Hi.

_Dumb, Dumb, Dumb. _

I bypassed about ten people waiting to be served as I waited for him to get back to me…but he didn't. _God… _I put my phone in my back pocket and decided to wait on ten customers before I texted him again. I only made it to five.

**Me:** I'm texting you because I'm too scared to call.

I'm pretty sure I made a frowny face when he didn't get back to me immediately. Yesterday morning I was waiting by the phone…not really wanting to talk to him, but really hoping he'd call or text anyway. _Such a girl thing to do… _So that meant he was either so mad he wasn't texting me back or…. _I didn't even want know what else… _

I did wait until 9:00 to call…and it went straight to voicemail. _Out of battery or turned off his phone…? _Out of battery worried me more…

I left a message:

_Hi… It's me. I just wanted to talk. I wanted to say this in person, but I'll settle… Ha… Um… I'm really really sorry. I shouldn't have told you about your fath—about Marcus like that. Please call me. I love you. I hope you're okay…. Okay, bye._

I let another hour pass, chatting idly with Lynn. If that's what you call 'chatting idly': it's more like spitting snarky comments back and forth at each other. Anything is better than talking to Molly, whom I had to bartend with. She pretty much sucks at bartending and sucks even more as a person.

I sent him another text:

**Me:** If you get this can you please just tell me you're okay.

Then I left another voicemail, in case he was actually checking them:

_"__Hi again. Babe, I'm so sorry. Geez… I'm never gonna put you through this again… Ha! I hope you're getting these messages cause if you're not… Shit…I'm just really worried. Please get back to me…Love you."_

I let another hour go by and then I pulled out the big guns and texted Zeke, Uriah, and Will.

**Me:** Hi guys. Have you guys heard from 4 today?

**Zeke:** Talked to him this morning. Did you forgive him? Bet he was a huge cocksucker last night!

**Zeke:** He didnt fuck Kirsten.

_Gee thanks, Zeke._

**Will:** Not since I saw you guys this morning.

**Uriah:** No. Am I the responsible one again?!

**Zeke:** Hell no! I made my woman dinner and gave her a foot massage!

**Will:** I have been responsible…all day…very responsible.

_I'll bet…_

**Zeke:** Did 4 give you a foot massage?

I did laugh at that one. _I knew that had to have come from somewhere…_

**Me:** Thx guys. If you hear from him lmk. Even if he tells you not to…

**Zeke:** I'll call him.

The bar got really busy around 11:00, which is pretty typical because we have a DJ on Saturday nights and he's really fucking good. I felt my phone buzz in my back pocket and my heart jumped, until I saw it was just a text from Zeke.

**Zeke:** Not answering my texts and straight to VM all night. I'm on patrol on the N side so I can't check on him.

**Me:** That's ok. I have a key. I'll go over there after work.

**Zeke:** Lmk what's up.

**Me:** K

After that, I was borderline irresponsible as I tossed back a shot of Jack with every customer who ordered one… _Yikes._ I stopped drinking at 1:00…but, who the hell knows what kind of state I left the bar in. I probably put away the shitty booze and left the top shelf liquor out, or refilled the cherries into the olives… _Crap…I need to call Tori…_

I realized I was drunker than I thought after I found myself sitting in the back of a cab, chatting it up with the driver. That is until Gregory knocked on the window, asking if I was planning on entering the building. _Oops… _It was probably my subconscious, trying to hold me back from a difficult moment because at that point in time I had all but assumed Tobias would be there.

But, making my way to his apartment and very cautiously using my key (I almost knocked instead) I found the place to be empty, which was incredibly sobering….

And the shower I took…alone…even more sobering. Especially when the first thing my eyes landed on was that amazingly stupid shower bench. _ Or is it a misplaced twin-sized bed? _I basically just went through the motions: wash hair, conditioner, body, dry off, brush hair, brush teeth…. Still no return text or call.

At that point, my stomach felt like a game of tug of war was taking place and I was desperately trying to hold back tears. Physically, I was beyond exhausted seeing as the night before, I had only two hours of sleep…and at that point it was 3:00 am.

I felt hysteria setting in and I needed to relax so I went into the kitchen and searched through his pantry. I instantly saw that he had some chamomile tea, which I'm fairly sure he bought just for me. And then the tears came….and they didn't stop…especially not after I crawled into bed and wrapped my arms around his pillow.

I almost missed his text:

**Tobias:** Had a lot to think about. Sleeping at the office. We'll talk tomorrow sometime.

**Tobias:** And no… Nita's not here.

I jolt of anger hit me. Apart from the unnecessary Nita comment, he purposely had his phone off the whole night. _What the hell had he been doing all that time? He couldn't care so much as to send me one text saying he's okay. And when the hell is 'sometime'? …_

I tossed the phone across the room and rolled over, closing my eyes. This caused the now excessive build up of tears to spill down my cheeks, and that's the last thing I remember. _I know I fucked up…but…_

It's now 8:00 am and I have no idea what to do. Suddenly I hear a key in the door and I wipe under my eyes that had started watering on their own accord. I sit back down on the bed, cross-legged, and wonder what the hell I look like. _It can't be good._

I listen for what feels like an eternity. _Is he going to come in here? _Finally, he slowly wanders into the room, checking through his phone and smirking out the side of his mouth.

"Something funny?" I ask softly.

"Fuck!" He steps back quickly, apparently not knowing I was here. "You're here."

"Yes… I'm here," I reply with apparent confusion as to how the hell he didn't know that. I always seem to know when he's near. The first night we met… I didn't even know he was looking at me, or who he was…I just felt this presence_… Maybe it's not the same for him…_ "So what's so funny?"

"Um…just a text... From Zeke."

"Good. I forgot to text him that you were fine…."

I look down at my hands for a moment before bringing myself to look at him. He seems pretty well-rested actually. He's looking at me with furrowed eyebrows as his eyes quickly flit over me from top to bottom.

"So… You're okay…"

"Yeah."

"Why'd you sleep at the office? I was really really worried. I actually got a little drunk—"

"Like I said. I had a lot to think about." He sets his phone on the side table and I can see that it has a 60% charge.

"Care to share?"

"Well, you kind of dropped a bomb on me, so…"

"I know. I was…" I pat the bed next to me and he takes a quick step to sit…but apparently I misread that because he ends up facing away from me at the end of the bed, taking his shoes off. "…um…so wrong to throw that in your face. I was pissed so—"

"Pissed for no reason."

"Well… I wouldn't say for _no_ reason."

"You know this whole not-trusting-me thing is getting a little old."

"It wasn't about me not trusting you. It was about…. Wait? Is that what you think?...Hey…Tobias," I crawl over and run the tips of my fingers down his back. He flinches a little, which is strange, but…he's mad so…

"It's fine. I told you at the office what happened. Hopefully, you can at least get over _that._"

"What does _that_ mean?" I ask with a bite of anger that I'm trying to contain. _Tell me it doesn't mean what I think it does…_

"Nothing."

I laugh sarcastically under my breath. "Okaaaay… So…are you going to tell me why you didn't come home… Or at least talk to me about—"

"It's just like I said…I didn't come back to _my _apartment..." _Was I imagining that emphasis? And why won't he look at me? _"…because—"

"I know!" I exert in frustration. "You had a lot to think about..." I bring my voice down a little and wrap my arms around his shoulders, kissing the back of his neck softly.

He hangs his head down and shakes it a little. His chest isn't moving, as if he's holding his breath, but I can feel his heart racing. He stands up quickly and heads to the bathroom, still not looking at me. Sighing, I follow him in there and lean on the door as he splashes water on his face, taking extra care in drying it.

"Look, I know I fucked up. I'm sorry… I threw your father in your face and that was…wrong. But…what did you do all night?" I ask quietly looking at my toes.

"Is that another insinuation? Like when you asked about my extra toothbrush?!"

"What?! No!" I say now starting to get angry. "This is your girlfriend, who loves you…" He flexes his jaw at that. _He doesn't believe me?_ "…wondering what the hell you did for the last 20 hours! Especially after I…I left you like that…"

"It was better that you left."

"Why?"

"Because I went to see Marcus."

"Oh. Um…oh my God, Tobias. Why?" I take a couple steps and turn him to face me, trying to make eye contact. "I had no idea you would…What did you say? What did he say? That night he was at the bar…just the look in his eyes…scared me. He looked…I don't know—"

"Did you want me to answer _any_ of that?" he asks coldly, looking down at me.

"Yes," I murmur.

"Which part?" he asks incredulously as if my questions are stupid.

"Hey. Please don't shut me out," I say wrapping my arms his middle. He doesn't hug me back, which totally blows, but he rests his forehead on my head so I feel a little better.

"I'm not," he says as he takes my shoulders and backs away, turning the shower on and then walking past me back into his room. "It was a bullshit nothing conversation. He said he just wanted to keep tabs on me. He just wanted to rattle my cage. He's the same piece of shit he always was—"

"What happened to your hands?" I ask as I notice the injuries to his knuckles as he lifts his shirt over his head. "Jesus Tobias! Both hands...? What did you-"

"I punched him….many times in fact. It was quite…satisfying." He says it so matter-of-factly…too matter-of-factly.

"By the look on your face, I disagree."

"Well...whether _you _disagree or not, Tris….it _was_… It's almost shitty that you think that I _wouldn't_ take pleasure in beating the piss out of the man who pummeled my mother bloody for 12 years." _I can't even imagine the images that haunt his mind…_

"I'm not trying to be… I can just tell—"

"Maybe you're wrong."

"I'm not."

"Whatever." He shakes his head as he nonchalantly strips down to his briefs and walks past me as if I'm not even there. I can hear him step into the shower.

My cheeks are a raging inferno of frustration. Taking several cleansing breaths seems to help.

This is the side of him that he reserves for other people, _not me_. I need to get him to see me…to know that even if he doesn't want to talk about it now, I'm here for him. So, even though I feel as if I do have a valid reason to be pissed based on his attitude alone…I put that all aside.

Some of our most intimate moments have actually been in that shower. So, trying to be more confident for him, I take my clothes off quickly. He's always telling me how much he loves my body…it still baffles me, but maybe it's time I at least _try _to believe him.

Opening the shower door just a little, I see his head is completely under the water and his face is in his hands. So I slowly walk in and stand silently behind him, grabbing my body wash off the shelf. I've smelled it on him before, so I know he uses it every now and then and I kind of love that…although the masculine scent of his plain bar soap is all I need, personally.

I had to reach around him to get it so I know he saw me, but he still stands stoic. I lather my hands up and start running them up his back, paying special attention to his amazing tattoos, providing each with their own unique massage. I run the tips of my fingers along the flames that line each side of the symbols. Then taking the hand shower, I press the nozzle against his skin to rinse off the body wash while still giving him a relaxing massage from the water pressure. I see his shoulders heaving so I replace the shower head and wrap my arms around his middle, giving him several small kisses in a line before I rest my cheek on his wet back. He stacks his right hand on top of my joined hands, holding them there tightly as if he doesn't want me to let go.

Moving slowly around him we come face to face. But I'm distracted as I look down at him and see that he isn't at all turned on by me being in the shower with him. It deflates my admittedly fragile ego as I look up at him. It seems like he wants to say something, but he closes his mouth. _Great…._

I bend over tentatively to grab the body wash and as I stand up, I feel the tips of his fingers briefly run up the rungs of my spine before they disappear. _I know I'm boney…but…fuck…. _I glance up at him and see that he is actually watching me intently, but something is behind his eyes that I can't put my finger on. So I try my best to ignore it… _He'll tell me when he's ready… He'll tell me when he's ready… _I shake my head, hoping he won't notice how unnecessarily nervous I am as I soap up my hands and run them up over his pecks and down over her shoulders.

"Is this okay?" I whisper.

He swallows and shakes his head, yes. _Okay…good… _I absentmindedly trace lines all along his stomach thinking about his pain and what I can possibly do to make it better. _Am I making it better just by being here? _

I feel the tips of his fingers on my waist as I move my hands down his legs. I'm not trying to be sexual in any way at all. I just want to make him feel loved… Making my way back up I realize I need more body wash. _Maybe he wants me to stop? _I look up at his face and see pure sadness.

"Baby? Are you…? You can tell me…" I plead as I snake my arms up over his shoulders wrapping my fingers around the back of his neck, pulling him to me. He buries his head in my shoulder, clutching me to him hard. I feel the tears burning in my eyes in response to his pain. I pull my head away and look up at him, wishing I knew what to say or do. So I lean up and tentatively land a soft kiss on his lips. He closes his eyes as I go in for another one, lingering on his lips a little longer this time because I can't help myself.

"Tobias?" He clears his throat and makes eye contact with me. "I'm sorry…. I love—"

But before I can get the words out he captures my lips in his and grasps the side of my face in a vice-like grip. Not in a violent way, in almost desperation. He sucks in a deep breath and kisses my forehead and my cheeks and along my neck, running his hands through my hair and tugging on it a little rougher than usual. He has a look of almost agony on his face. I want to wipe that pain away so I shake my head free and glue my body to his, running my nails down his back while landing my lips on his eagerly and passionately. He returns the passion immediately and very intensely as he wraps me in his arms and lifts me off the shower floor. With my legs securely around his waist, he pushes me into the wall and kisses me fiercely, everywhere his mouth can reach. _Oh my God… _I grab the side of his head and run my fingers up through his hair, tugging on the roots, anchoring me to him.

I want to make love to this man immediately, so I grind my hips against his core as he emits a grunt of almost…frustration. I can feel the tip of him so I know he wants more.

"Tobias, please…?"

I look deeply in his eyes as he pauses. _Does he really need to think about this shit?_ I can't read the look in his eyes but he bites down painfully hard on his lip as he hikes me up higher on the wall and positions himself quickly and expertly. I can feel him enter me slowly as a guttural painful moan comes out of him. He stops and pushes his head on the tile wall next to mine. _He's…shaking…._

"Tobias? Are you okay? We can stop…"

He nods his head and lifts me off of him and sets me down in frustration.

"Sorry… I think I twinged a hamstring at the gym or something."

I laugh lightly. "Well…I can help with that… Turn around and I'll—"

"No, that's okay. I'll ice it or something." He turns around and starts to lather up his hair with soap, pretty much just leaving me standing there like an idiot. "Did you really need to shower? Or were you just…?"

I stare at him unable to form words for a moment. "Um…I showered last night so…" _Make a joke, Tris! Make him laugh! _"Unless you wanted to make a rat's nest out of my hair again," I comment smiling as I grab around him for my shampoo. "You could still use the practice so…"

I step closer to him, resting my hand on his stiff arm just as he turns off the shower and goes to step out. I stop in my tracks as he glances at me.

"Oh, sorry… I thought you were joking."

"Um…I guess I _kind of_ was."

"Did you want me to restart the shower so I can wash your hair _for_ you?" he asks sarcastically. But not with the glint of humor that usually comes with it.

_What the hell? _"No. I'll be fine."

"Okay." And then he's gone…

Because I really don't _need_ a shower, I follow shortly after. I forgot a towel so I tip toe to the linen closet and grab one, wrapping myself tightly and scooting past him quickly as he shaves with his towel slung around his waist. I sit on the edge of the bed and try to think about what to do. _What the hell was that all about? One minute he's…? And the next he's…?_

I change incredibly fast back into his T-shirt, which I wore as pajamas, and I grab a pair of his boxers out of his drawer because all I have are bar clothes and they reek. We had plans to lounge around and do absolutely nothing all day so I may as well get comfortable.

I think about how to go about the conversation we need to have. _We can't lie to each other… It starts there._

He comes out of the bathroom and looks at me as I roll his boxers several times to make them fit.

"What…are you…um….?" _Oh, fuck! Is this not okay?_

"Oh…sorry. All I have are my bar clothes so…"

"I'm meeting Zeke at Bar Louie so I'm not…shit… Did we make plans?" he asks scratching the back of his neck.

"Oh… I thought we were going to just… Now? It's only like 9:00…"

"Um…." He runs his hands through his hair and looks away. _He's fucking lying to me… _

"Just tell me, Tobias." He doesn't say anything. _That's my cue! _"Fine. Don't tell me where the hell you're going after being gone all night and still not telling me where the hell you've been!" I stop and give him ample opportunity to respond….but nothing. _Look at me for God's sake! _ "And that's not me _insinuating _anything!" _Fuck…where is my shit? Don't cry. Don't cry._

"You're…uh…stuff…You threw it in the corner." He tilts his head to where I must have thrown my clothes after stripping out of them, drunk.

Then the coldness of his words hit me. Not… "hey babe, don't go," or "I just want to be alone," or any other excuse. That was his way of telling me to leave...

I walk to the corner, feeling like a fucking fool as I gather my clothes. Moving past him, I make sure we don't touch even though I feel his knuckles accidentally make contact with my legs.

"Next time, you should just say, 'take your shit and leave.' It's a lot less syllables.…" I close the door behind me and turn the sink water on so he doesn't hear me sniffle like a fucking baby.

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I wake up feeling physically rested thanks to Ambien and scotch. Was that a particularly wise decision? No. Was it calculated? Yes. I knew Ambien alone wouldn't do it. My wandering mind wouldn't allow that, so I had to give the sedation a pick-me-up. My body cannot be a reflection of my mind when I see Tris.

I walk into the bathroom of the guesthouse of my childhood home and splash cold water on my face, pleased to see no dark circles. I didn't get a lot of sleep, but what I did get, was fitful.

I look across the pool toward the house I refuse to step foot in. My eyes breeze over my old bedroom window as goose bumps cover my arms in response to the last time I heard my mother's voice.

"_I'm raising him to be everything you are not! So you can just GO…TO…HELL…you son-of-a-bitch!"_

Then the goose bumps turn into burning piercing needles as my mind takes a fucking u-turn and reminds me of the only person I ever repeated those words to: _Tris…._ The look of understanding she gave me, knowing how memories can haunt a person…and change a person. All she did was lie on my chest, resting her cheek on my heart… We fell asleep like that….

Yesterday, I 'awoke' from my dreamlike stupor in my office with my head in my hands and confusion clouding my better judgment. _Why the hell was Marcus watching Tris? "Research"? What the hell did that mean? _Marcus doesn't do anything without motive. I needed answers. And I knew, I just knew…it was going to be bad.

He's an asshole so I figured he'd be at the office on Saturday. When I saw him swaying back and forth in his chair without a care in the world I felt like I was in the mind of The Terminator: everything else in the room became irrelevant, I zeroed in on my target; assessed body language; calculated the number of steps it would take to reach said target and produce life-threatening blow to the head. Of course, my conscience took over and I only got one good punch in before I threw him and his chair into the wall. I can't give my conscience total credit, I also needed answers.

But the ones I received were not the ones I was expecting….. _Carlos Juares and my mother? How? When? Why?_ Every interrogative went through my brain and I have yet to grasp the entire situation. I have a feeling I will _never _have the opportunity because it seems as if Marcus doesn't either.

But then the true curve ball: hearing Eric's voice, assessing his mental state, knowing what he's done to Tris in the past and what he seems capable of now… Even the mention of Eric's name sends shock waves through Tris… Let alone if she knew the extent of his continued obsession with her.

I had almost forgotten about Carlos until Marcus broke me out of my trace upon leaving:

_"__Carlos will win…either way."_

I take a deep breath through my nose that sounds more like I had snorted a line of cocaine. My tears have been threatening me, but I can push them back like a champ... I always have. I'll let myself go there…but not yet.

My main physical ailment, happens to be my heart. It's about three steps ahead of my mind at all times and it won't stop attacking my fucking body! It hasn't let up since I heard the words:

_"You do the math, son."_

I knew who Carlos Juares was. I knew Marcus had done business on and off with him for years. The man is beyond dangerous. Known for the disappearances of people who had wronged him and then when, in fact, those people were found…they had suffered an incredibly painful death. He is an illegal arms dealer with major ties to the South American market…if you call that a market. He prides himself on not being involved in the drug trade…as if that's a redeeming quality.

Chicago is the perfect place to maintain his operation. I don't know how the man lives with himself…I can only assume he doesn't follow the death toll in the Auburn Gresham neighborhood of Chicago. It's the 4th most dangerous area to live in nation-wide, rivaled only by the top three being in Detroit, no thanks to him.

After my apparent annihilation of Marcus's office and almost Marcus himself, I made it about five feet outside of the building before I dry-heaved into the side of it.

Beating the fuck out of him was a pleasure that only lasted incrementally. It left me feeling more like _him_ than ever…and it will never happen again.

**Flashback:**

I stumble around blindly, before I land myself on a bench looking out over the lake. I probably look like I belong in an episode of the _Walking Dead_. I still feel like this is some bullshit nightmare that isn't actually happening. _There is no way Carlos Juares cared enough about me to want me to join in his misery… To want me to give up…Tris. There is no way he was coercing Marcus to ruin my life…_

I now realize one of my main questions._ Why not just threaten me, himself? Why make Marcus do it_? I need more answers, and I desperately hope I didn't burn every bridge on that front_._

So I call Marcus.

"Son," he chokes out. "I've been waiting for your call."

"Don't call me son."

He laughs and coughs at the same time. "You want answers."

"Yes."

"Meet me at the house. I'm in need of some medical attention."

_I have to admit that is slightly satisfying… _

Knowing I have to drive, I make the decision to sit longer at the lake to clear the fog clouding my mind. A head-on collision isn't going to get me answers any faster.

_Sitting, sitting, sitting…. Breathe in slowly and out slowly…_. _This shit isn't working!_

I'm in my sweats, a T-shirt, and running shoes, so I decide to jog and jog and jog. Soon I see the museum in sight.

Crashing onto the benches that line the reservoir in the back, I look out at the area that had already been staked off for the addition. I remember thinking about how people get married out here. And at the time I didn't let my mind think about the possibility of Tris and I doing that. But now I have absolutely no problem because there's not as much fear involved. There is no fear in what won't occur….

I clear my throat, blink my stinging eyes and jog out to the front of the museum to catch a cab back to ALG.

* * *

Upon driving my car through the gates of Marcus's house, it takes some serious resolve to not drive it straight through the front window of that fucking ridiculous mansion. That is until I see Jack Kang.

I put the car in park in front of the house and get out, brushing the valet away while walking over to him. I'm a little embarrassed that I haven't kept in touch in years.

"Tobias." He shakes my hand and grabs my other arm in a congenial gesture.

"Jack." I shake my head and look up at the clear sky. "You're _still _working for him?"

"Someone has to. How have you been? You look…."

"Well…I'm here. So, what does that tell you?"

"Hmmm... Well, I know one thing. You need a shower. You smell…disgusting."

"Thank you for your candor… Add it to the list of disgusting things."

"I'm not sure I want to know what that means. Your father is inside being treated for a cracked clavicle, broken nose, cracked ribs and more stitches than I care to count…" _That should make me feel good… Damn it! "…_he also had Renee fix up the guest house for you."

"Why?" I ask crossing my arms.

"Tobias. If I knew why that man did half the things he did, I wouldn't have a job… Anyway, go take a shower." He looks me over. "Um…I'll send a maid down to have your _clothes _washed. Your father has requested you meet him in the study—"

"No. He can come to me."

"I'll pass that along."

I nod my head in thanks and walk to the back of the house past the basketball court, tennis court, and pool that probably never gets used, until I reach the guest house. It's easily three times the size of my apartment.

I undress quickly and toss my sweaty clothes on the living room floor, feeling sorry for the poor person that gets to wash them.

I turn the shower on as cold as possible and step under the stream. I haven't brought myself to think about Tris more than surface level and I need to keep that momentum. The piercing painful sting of the freezing cold shower numbs my mind along with my body. Who knew I would enjoy the feeling of glacial water pouring over my shoulders. I hang on as long as I can until my muscles convulse and my teeth begin to chatter. Even then I don't get out. That's just when I decide to remove my head from under the stream. Once my skin has acclimated to the temperature, I actually decide to shower.

Once I'm done, I stand at the sink, bracing both sides of it with my hands. I look at myself in the mirror and see that my lips are purple and my cheeks are bright red.

Tris scoots her frame under my arm and props herself up on the sink, swinging her legs on either side of my legs. I can feel the soft skin of her calves swish back and forth against mine. She moves my face to the left and right and laughs lightly. "Seriously, Tobias… I don't think I've ever wanted to make out with someone whose lips look like an oompa loompa's…"

"First time for everything," I comment as I pull her to me and her sweet laugh fades into nothing…..

I clear my throat and shake my head ridding myself of a memory that never even happened.

"Meester Tobias...?" I hear an older woman say loudly yet cautiously.

"Uh…Yeah?!" I walk out to the family room as I see a maid lay out a clean pair of clothes for me.

"Oh! _Dios Mío_!" She backs up several steps and knocks over a floor vase.

I look down quickly because the possibility strikes me that I may in fact be naked. But…to my genuine relief…I'm fully covered by a towel around my waist. I look back up at her as she tries to right the item while mumbling under her breath several choice comments on my physique in Spanish, not knowing I'm reasonably fluent.

"Gracias por la ropa. Ojalá que no sea una imposición?" _Okay, that was just mean…_

She looks at me with her mouth agape in embarrassment. I give her a side smile so she knows it's fine.

"Okay señor… No es un problema…" She backs out slowly and almost steps through the screen door. "Oh! Okay…bye bye…sorry…lo siento…"

I turn to grab the clothes, thinking to myself how fucked up it is that Marcus even _has_ these clothes.

"Should I add her to the list of women who's asses I'm going to kick if they lay a hand on you?" Tris asks in jest as she lounges on her back on the suede couch. She gives me a quick wink and a tinkling laugh and then she's gone….

"Fuck," I say under my breath as I head into the bedroom to change. I get as far as the boxers until a memory hits me:

_"__Hmm…boxers? Not my favorite, but at least you can walk around the apartment in them."_

_"…__not your favorite?! I didn't say that when I saw your underwear….three times…" _

_"__What do you mean three-?"_

_"__Hey, I've been meaning to ask you…Do you always shower in your bra and panties?" _

I remember Tris's mouth hanging open in embarrassment, having just found out I saw that whole scene. I wanted to kiss away that embarrassment but I couldn't bring myself to take my eyes off her lips…

"Tobias," asserts a stern assholic voice from the other room.

"Fuck," I say for the second time under my breath in the last minute as I put on the low-slung linen pants and walk out to Marcus. "Why do you fucking have these clothes?"

I take a step back as I look over Marcus's body. What I did to him registers and nothing but shame overcomes me… At that moment, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am truly not like my father. I feel remorse. He feels _nothing_….

"Proud of yourself?"

"No," I say noncommittally as I sit at the breakfast bar. "I don't enjoy injuring people."

"I've heard otherwise. Dauntless is it? Your gym? You're quite the fighter… I was told the whole gym halts to watch you take someone down. That's an Eaton for you—"

"Shut-up."

"What the hell is that mess of bullshit on your back?! What a fucking disgrace—"

I smack my palm on the counter. "You have no clue… No clue! What any of _this…_" I point to my back vehemently, "…means!" _No one does actually…except one person…_

I must have scared him because he flinches and takes a step back.

"Scared of me Marcus?"

"I think I have good reason to be…yes," he points to the soft neck brace he's wearing as I swallow and look away, feeling ashamed.

"Jesus, Tobias! I told you I would hand your girlfriend over like death-on-a-platter to the highest bidder… And I would imagine Eric Monroe would win the auction! Don't look at me with regret! It's fucking weak," he scoffs.

That name alone makes me bite down on my tongue.

"Start from the beginning," I say in a low and slow voice.

He sits down next to me, closer than I prefer. My irrational heart starts beating erratically.

"I received an invitation to a lunch with Carlos approximately six weeks ago. As he's not the type of man to turn down, I naturally acquiesced. Before I could even open a menu, he started in on a rant. I must tell you son—"

"Stop…calling me that."

He purses his lips in anger at my insolence. At least I'm assuming that's what's going through his mind. "I must tell you…_Tobias_… Carlos is unstable. He informed me that he has literally been laying in wait for the proper moment…the moment you have provided him with."

"What fucking moment?"

"Why the moment Miss Prior came into your life. You had never shown much interest in meaningful relationships with women before…excellent decision on that—"

"Stay on point," I growl.

"He must have seen that as his opportunity… I thought he was insane because, well…you and Beatrice—"

"Don't call her that."

"Hmmph… You and _Tris _hadn't been together, if that's what you would call it—"

"That's _exactly _what I would call it."

"Tobias, if you want answers, you must let…me…speak," he retorts sternly.

I don't react, so he continues. "You and Miss Prior had not been involved for a significant amount of time…" _That's because time doesn't seem to be at all significant for us… _"…but he seemed to have even more information than I thought… He had been following you for years. From UIC to your post-graduate work, to being scouted by Amar Ghadi, to where you purchased your vehicles, to the gym you attend... I would imagine he has a plant in your building seeing as he seems to have been aware of many of your comings and goings…. You actually tipped him off when you added her to your Approved Guests list… Seeing as she is only the second woman you have ever added before… How is Hana doing by the way?"

"Don't…you say her name either…. She's like a mother to me and her name will never pass your filthy mouth._"_

"Very attached to the women in your life, hmmm?"

"God knows I didn't inherit that from you."

"Well, it didn't do you any favors in this situation did it?! Carlos watched you and your developing devotion to your little girlfriend and decided that it was his time to strike!"

_I need a minute to process this…. This is all too coincidental. _"Why should I believe anything that…_you_…of all people say? Carlos doesn't seem like a fool to me, why would he trust _you_ with this? Why hasn't he come to _me_?! I'm your son for all intents and purposes. Does he think you hate me that much?"

"No! He knows you are my greatest weakness… Damn it! You're all I have left and he knows it!" It almost looked painful for Marcus to say those words…. Which means he's either lying, or too emotionally stifled to express actual feeling.

"What the hell are you talking about? You don't give a damn about me!"

"No?! If I didn't give a damn about you, I would have fed Miss Prior to the wolves already!" _What the fuck does he mean 'already'? "_Close your mouth, Tobias…Yes! Carlos came to me with information about Eric Monroe. I could have said 'to hell with it! Unleash the beast and watch it feast on her!' I bargained with Carlos! I got him to agree to the threat instead of the act! You should be thanking me!"

"So you're telling me you're nothing but a fucking puppet in all of this?!"

"As much as it makes me want to vomit…yes…apparently I am! He wants to see me tear down the remaining heir to the Eaton—"

"Enough with that bullshit."

"...Or else he will kill me!...And not a pleasant death…A gun shot to the head?…No…. Remember Thomas Carter?" I don't answer because I have a sick feeling that I think I know where this is going… "Yes….you were so fond of him! Ever find his death to be odd? Ruled a suicide?...Ha!...Carlos sunk his warm-blooded body into the frigid waters of the lake!"

I'm fairly certain the blood drains out of my face at this supposed revelation. I was kept in the loop about Marcus's comings and goings in the business world mainly because of his partner, Thomas. He had a conscience and a soft spot for me apparently. Not enough of a conscience to dissolve his partnership with Marcus, but I have to admit it was to my benefit. Hearing of his death…and that it was ruled a suicide…never felt quite right. I always thought Marcus had something to do with it…. Turns out I was right, albeit indirectly.

"Fuck!" I slam my hand on the counter and get up and pace trying to sort through this mess. _Something still doesn't make sense…. _"Why Eric? If Carlos is so capable of heinous acts…why not threaten me or her directly instead of letting a psycho ex-boyfriend on the loose?" _That is the least vile way I think of Eric. _

"I believe his exact words were the following:"

Marcus opens up his MacBook, which I hadn't even noticed was there. And brings up a video feed of a conversation between them. The video is grainy and the audio isn't entirely clear, but they are obviously at a hockey game. _If Marcus stooped to attend a Hawks game… _I watch Carlos grab Marcus by the collar and practically growl at him:

_"I…loved…her. I…worshipped…her. You thought, after all those years, that she was yours. No…. She was mine. You drove her soul into the depths of her own personal hell and I will reward you dearly for that…"_

He tosses Marcus back almost causing him to plummet over a chair. _"So… You were having an affair with Evelyn?... Impossible."_

_"As impossible as the fact that the morning she was found….dead. My limo was waiting for her…outside? Had she been acting strangely that week? Stronger? More defiant? I would bet some of her belongings were missing before you decided to throw the rest out like trash!"_ She was going to…leave me…

_"You…were having an affair…with _my_ wife!?"_ Marcus yells in fury.

_"No… That vile word doesn't do it_ justice_!"_ Carlos seethes back.

_"And what were you two planning to do anyway? Go off and raise a happy mafia family?... Well now, if you haven't noticed, that ship had sailed 16 years ago! So, tell me… What _do_ you want Carlos?"_

I watch Carlos look out at the crowd and take a drink out of his rocks glass. _"To torture you..."_

In the video this seems to throw Marcus off his game for a moment…and mine as the gravity of the situation actually hits me. _This shit is real… This shit is real…_

_"Carlos….Why didn't you kill me, as you have done to many, years ago? Saved yourself the trouble? Then you could have had your happy little mob family."_

_"That is _none_ of your concern."_

_"Then tell me, Carlos…what _is_ my concern?"_

I watch Carlos saunter toward the window of the box with binoculars in his hand and search out…. _Shit…. Tris and I… "…Your son is involved with someone…"_

_"You didn't answer my question."_

_"Remove her."_ And the Earth has stopped spinning on its axis…

_"You want me to _kill _my son's…play thing? I may be many things…but I am _not_ a murderer…"_

_"Marcus…Whether or not _you_ will be around to see it is another _concern _all together…. Now let us toast… In remembrance of Thomas! I did finally find out his name… May he rest in peace!" I watch Carlos reach in and cheers glasses with Marcus. "…because he certainly didn't _die_ in peace…"_

I sit in silence as I feel both the need to throw up along with the need to pass out.

"Is that all you have?" I ask in a trance, not understanding how I'm getting words out.

"Unfortunately, yes."

"It still doesn't answer my question… Why Eric? Why not just threaten her directly?"

"Tell me, son… Did Eric belittle her?"

I don't answer.

"Beat her?"

My heart starts to accelerate.

"Sexually assault her in various ways on many occasions?"

_Is this what it feels like to turn into The Hulk?_

"Cause the stillbirth of her unborn child?"

_Or the werewolf from Thriller?_

"... _Rape her?"_

Next thing I know I am outside on my knees, holding my head in my hands in remembrance of all that I have internalized: her fear, her pain, how much she has had to overcome… I can't breath and I feel as if my heart has stopped beating.

After an amount of time I feel a presence in the grass behind me. "She's your weakness…. And he is hers…"

"How….do you know all of that?" I glance behind me and see the screen door fall off it's hinges.

"Eric is….vocal…. I understood why Carlos chose him—"

"Watch your fucking mouth, Marcus." He backs up at my anger to his cavalier reference. I look up at him. "How does Carlos know about Eric? Last I heard…illegal arms dealing didn't have much to do with mid-western farming families!"

I see something flash behind my father's eyes. _Did I imagine that?_ My mind is a clusterfuck of bullshit right now.

"I don't know how Carlos comes upon his information…"

"Fuck…. There has to be something! I'll call the damned police—"

"For God's sake, Tobias! This isn't _Cops_! You don't just call the Goddamned police on these bastards and expect them to go up to his door and arrest him! You don't think he has cops on his payroll?! By the way… How _is _Captain Matthews? I'll bet she's as corrupt as ever!"

"Zeke can—"

"Ezequiel?! Is that a joke? The uniformed cop who only patrols the North side for parking tickets and drunk and disorderlies? Good Christ Tobias, he's drunk and disorderly himself half the time!...And you know the good 'ole boys in Kittridge won't do a damned thing about Eric!"

"Then I'll just tell her! She's strong, she can make the decision on what to do herself….. Start a new life somewhere else…"

"That easy, huh? You going with her, I suppose? Run off into the sunset like some bullshit romance novel?"… He runs his hands through his hair and walks in a circle, obviously frustrated. "She may get away, but you won't. You are going to lose her either way!" He starts laughing to himself. "Why would you succumb her to this shit anyway? If you care as much as you say you do!..." He faces away from me for a moment and takes a deep breath. "Let's say for arguments sake…you both disappear together. You want a family? I'm sure she does! You're going to put your children through a life of looking over their shoulders at every turn?!"

I slump my shoulders and he knows he's hit his mark…..

**End Flashback**

I make my way out of the bathroom and dress in my now cleanly folded clothes. _I'm not ready for this…. I'm not ready…. I'm not… I never will be…_

I kept my phone in hand, literally, denying every call immediately to make sure each call I received went straight to voice mail. Calling Tris would go against my incredibly calculated plan. I always say I'm nothing if not goal-oriented toward future endeavors, and answering her calls wouldn't do my endeavor any good. It was pure….torture.

And to top it all off, I listened to her voice mails dozens upon dozens of times throughout the night, just to hear her voice and cause myself further torment. I've never deleted any of her messages, so I went through the gamut from beginning to end. Listening to the evolution of Tris and Tobias from her end was like listening to a story. I pictured her face as she left those messages. All of her different expressions: nervous, excited, happy, sarcastic, embarrassed, pissed, beyond pissed, teasing, sweet, and then apologetic…

_Hi… It's me. I just wanted to talk. I wanted to say this in person, but I'll settle… Ha… Um… I'm really really sorry. I shouldn't have told you about your fath—about Marcus like that. Please call me. I love you. I hope you're okay…. Okay, bye._

_"__Hi again. Babe, I'm so sorry. Geez… I'm never gonna put you through this again… Ha! I hope you're getting these messages cause if you're not… Shit…I'm just really worried. Please get back to me…Love you."_

I only listened to the last two one time because I couldn't take thinking about what I was putting her through once I heard how worried she was. _Fuck! She blamed herself…she fucking blamed herself..._

Feeling physically ill, I caved and texted her at 3:00 am and then immediately turned my phone off and called up to the main house for Ambien and scotch.

_And now….here goes nothing…_ Literally, I will end up with nothing. I exit the guest house, making brief eye contact with Marcus, who is watching me from the study window. _Words can't describe my hatred._

Jack must have noticed my quick exit around the side of the house as he meets me at my car and gives me a brief hug…not the uncomfortable kind, thank God. As Tris calls it, "The man-hug." It's really more of a subtle chest bump with a firm pat on the back.

_Stop…thinking about her, Tobias…_

"Will I be seeing you soon?" Jack inquires.

"When he dies. If I decide to attend the funeral," I say with absolute sincerity.

"Well, I look forward to that day then," he replies with equal sincerity.

"Don't we all. Bye Jack."

"Tobias."

It's about an hour drive depending, back to my apartment. Last night, I allowed myself to listen to Tris's smooth sweet voice over and over again. Now I have to strategize. I won't let my emotions take over, yet.

_I have to ease into this…. Otherwise, she'll see right through me. This is going to have to be a process…. I'll have to distance myself more and more until… Fuck, don't think about _that_ exact moment yet._

The worst part of all of this is that I will have to turn it around on her… I have to make it about her...not about a particular situation. She would read into that like a book and she wouldn't buy it. But when it comes to herself, her judgment is totally clouded. I get to fucking roll over her self-esteem like a God-damned steam engine. _I hate myself... I hate myself… Stop it! Clear your mind. You have a job to do…_

The rest of the car-ride is pure disconnected strategy. I'm in work mode, trying to make a design work within the confines of the demands of the customers.

* * *

**These songs...!**

**Better that We Break – Maroon 5**

**Sad – Maroon 5**

* * *

**Marcus's POV:**

"Thanks for the video 'montage.' I must be getting old because I can't believe the shit these MacBooks can do!" I say to my assistant Jack Kang incredulously in reference to his editing skills. "How the hell did you do that?"

"It wasn't that hard. It's basically just cutting and pasting. You didn't give me much time… I could have added voice overs from all of your recorded conversations."

"Well…my apologies…. I wasn't expecting a call from my dear friend— Oh, scoff at me all you want Jack!" _Jerk!_

"I only scoff because…let's face it, you have no friends. Is Joseph cutting ties with you? I would imagine the boy couldn't control himself long enough to keep his mouth shut about your refusal…"

"Quite the contrary actually! Turns out, he wants his son out of the picture…. Not that I blame him… Christ, that boy should be locked up in an asylum!"

"Why doesn't he just have him committed?"

"Doesn't want the humiliation of having to hand-over his own son…. Apparently he would rather Eric get into a 'mess'….that's putting it lightly…out of state, so the local police have nothing to do with it."

"I'm still not understanding."

"The Monroe name holds too much power… They'll never put that kid away…especially when all he was doing was 'making up with' his ex-girlfriend…. That's how they'll spin it… They'd find a way to blame her. Christ! When he finds her, maybe he'll just kill her! Two birds with one stone! God knows he's capable—"

"You are truly a son-of-a-bitch," Jack says flatly.

"Ah yes! I am. But that comes with so many fringe benefits…. And the fucking fabulous part is my son thinks the _true _son-of-a-bitch is Carlos Juares!"

"Tobias is no fool… He has more information on you than I thought. Why he hasn't used it against you in beyond me. Are you sure this won't backfire?"

"I have to admit it was much harder to convince him than I had anticipated… He's cold, calculating and strategic one minute…borderline genius at his job, I must say…I could just _see _his mind work—"

"Watch out Marcus… Your pride in your son is showing…"

"I have nothing to hide on that front. Unfortunately my pride in him has been drowned out by his capacity for compassion and emotion."

"And you feel that's a weakness."

"It _is _a weakness."

"Some view that as a strength."

"Yes… Dumb asses…."

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

The car-ride goes way too fast.

Once I open the door to my apartment, I know immediately that Tris is there. I can't explain why. I honestly expected her to end up being mad, and staying at her place, particularly with my well-thought out Nita comment when I texted her. _God, that stupid bitch is so insignificant now…_

I close my eyes and take a breath through my mouth as to not experience the affliction of her scent. I already feel the pressure of emotional overload starting to build up as I try to be purposely loud. I want to wake her if she isn't already up. I don't think I could take seeing her beautiful face, sleeping.

I hear a sniffle so I know she's up but I take my time, leaning on the kitchen table. I need to seem nonchalant…as if I'm not particularly affected by the fact that I've gone 24 hours without speaking to her. So I take my phone and scroll through texts, walking slowly into my room.

The text I read is from her:

**Tris:** Thinking of you

"Something funny?" she practically whispers.

"Fuck!" I emit, feigning shock. "You're here." _Quick glances only, Tobias…._

"Yes… I'm here. So, what's so funny?"

"Um…just a text… From Zeke." _Or a sweet text from you that made me smile without even knowing it._

"Good. I forgot to text him that you were fine…." _She texted Zeke…_

I bring myself to look at her…and I just about lose it. She is sitting cross-legged on my bed in one of my T-shirts, one shoulder hanging out, blond hair in a tangled bun with soft tendrils falling down her chest, red cheeks and eyes…. _Where are those baby blues?_

"So… You're okay…?"

"Yeah," I answer quickly, not wanting her to hear any hitch in my voice.

"Why'd you sleep at the office? I was really really worried. I actually got a little drunk—"

"Like I said. I had a lot to think about," I answer curtly, setting my phone on the nightstand but getting the fuck away from her as fast as I can. _Did she say she got drunk…?_

"Care to share?"_ Lie, Tobias._

"Well, you kind of dropped a bomb on me, so…"

"I know. I was so…" She taps her hand softly on the bed next to her, signaling for me to sit and I instinctively lean in but I make a 90-degree-turn and sit on the end of the bed to take my shoes off, not wanting to look at her sad, beautiful eyes. "…um…so wrong to throw that in your face. I was pissed so—"

"Pissed for no reason."

"Well… I wouldn't say for _no_ reason." _You're right…_

"You know this whole not-trusting-me thing is getting a little old."

"It wasn't about me not trusting you. It was about…. Wait? Is that what you think?...Hey…Tobias?"

I feel her fingers slide up my back and I almost run out of the damned room at her touch.

"It's fine. I told you at the office what happened. Hopefully, you can at least get over _that._" _ I'm so so sorry baby… God…._

"What does _that _mean?" she asks with a bit of anger. _Good._

"Nothing." _She knew exactly what that meant. _

"Okaaaay… So…are you going to tell me why you didn't come home…?" "_Home." Here's your chance…_ "Or at least talk to me about—"

"It's just like I said… I didn't come back to _my _apartment," _Don't look at her! _"…because—"

"I know! You had a lot to think about..."

I feel her small soft arms around me. _Please stop…please…please stop…_ Then her even softer lips connect with the back of my neck_. I can't do it…. I can't…_. Her scent attacks me, warming me to the core until I'm smart enough to hold my breath, which only speeds up my already racing heart. _Abort. _

I get up and go right to the sink to cool off my face before she notices how red it is, taking extra care to take a few deep breaths in the towel.

"Look, I know I fucked up." _No…you didn't…_ "I'm sorry… I threw your father in your face and that was…wrong. But…what did you do all night?" _Make it about her…_

"Is that another insinuation? Like when you asked about my extra toothbrush?!"

"What?! No! This is your girlfriend, who loves you…" _Please don't say that shit to me!_ "…wondering what the hell you did for the last 20 hours?! Especially after I…I left you like that…"

"It was better that you left." _The first honest thing I've said._

"Why?"

"Because I went to see Marcus."

"Oh. Um… Oh my God, Tobias. Why?" _Please don't come near me… God….those eyes…._ "I had no idea you would…What did you say? What did_ he_ say? That night he was at the bar…just the look in his eyes…scared me. He looked…I don't know—"

_Stay strong_… "Did you want me to answer _any_ of that?"

"Yes." _Don't get quiet! Don't take that shit from me!_

"Which part?" _Get mad at me!_

"Hey. Please don't shut me out_." Don't touch me, don't touch me…. Please…stop…_. I realize I had rested my head on hers_. I_ _love you so much… Abort._

"I'm not." I have to literally move her away from me and the look on her face is…_breaking me!_

I turn on the shower and completely bypass her. "It was a bullshit nothing conversation. He said he just wanted to keep tabs on me. He just wanted to rattle my cage. He's the same piece of shit he always was—"

"What happened to your hands? Jesus Tobias! Both hands...? What did you-"

"I punched him….many times in fact. It was quite…satisfying."

"By the look on your face, I disagree." _Fuck… _

"Well...whether _you _disagree or not, Tris…. It was… It's almost shitty that you think that I _wouldn't_ take pleasure in beating the piss out of the man who pummeled my mother bloody for 12 years." _Real classy you fucking prick!_

"I can just tell—"

"Maybe you're wrong."

"I'm not."

"Whatever," I say sarcastically, trying to pretend as if she doesn't exist by heading into the bathroom and getting in the shower.

I immediately put my head straight under the water to transport myself to a world where this isn't happening…. A world where I don't have to break the best thing in my life, a place where my father never abused my mother, driving her to have an affair and die of a drug overdose. A place where revenge doesn't exist and Eric doesn't exist. _Fuck…even if Eric didn't exist….I still couldn't rope Tris into a life where I have to deal with irrational vengeance…fatal irrational vengeance. She deserves better…. She-_

I feel a chill gust of air and the delicious scent of lemongrass and whatever else that incredible smell is that is pure…Tris. I keep my eyes closed, praying this isn't happening until I hear her soaping up her hands with her body wash. I use it sometimes because it smells so much like her that I can't help myself… But today, it is the last thing I want on my body. It's going to be one of the first things I throw out when this is all said and done…

Her firm slight hands start massaging my back and it feels like hot pokers of guilt being driven into me. Then she runs the pads of her fingers superficially over each of my tattoos, and I'm taken back:

_"__Tell me,"_ she says trailing her fingers down my bare back. My breath hitches at the sensation.

_ "__They symbolize everything I strive to be; almost everything my father isn't. He is a coward, he is selfish, he is a liar, and he is cruel. Therefore, I know I need to be brave, selfless, honest, and kind. But I am a work in progress and I fail to fulfill my ideals often."_

I think to myself how much that conversation plays into this situation: _"I fail to fulfill my ideals often…. "_ _I get to be a liar and be cruel…_

I realize how thick my breathing has gotten and how my movements are going to betray me if I don't stop this shit. Then her arms are wrapped tightly around me and I can feel the heat of her loving body pressed up against me in comfort, along with soft sweet kisses trailing across my back. _I can't walk away…. I can't…. _I grip her joined hands at that moment, making the conscious decision that there is no way I can do this…. _I can't leave her… _

I'm brought back to reality as she breaks the connection… _Don't go…_ …and moves around in front of me. She immediately looks down at my length and bites her bottom lip between her teeth, sinking into herself a little. _ Oh, fuck… I'm sorry! It's not because I don't want you, baby… It's because I can't think of anything else except that I'm going to have to FUCKING LEAVE YOU! _She makes quick eye contact and then looks away ashamed.

I clench my jaw to the point of pain as she bends down to pick up the body wash to provide me with more agony. The longer stray hairs cling to her slick wet back. I can't help it as I reach down to run my fingers down her back as I have done so many times when she lays sleeping on her stomach, nude. _DO NOT THINK ABOUT HER NAKED! But she is standing in front of me….NAKED! I'll never get to make love to her again….ever… _Her doe eyes look up at me. _And she has no idea…_

I can't stop watching her now and the fact that I'm not hard as fuck is mind-blowing. My emotional attachment to her is beating the hell out of my physical attachment.

I watch her fluid movements that she is reserving only for me at the moment as if I'm going to attack her if she doesn't move slow. She shakes her head to rid herself of the nerves I am forcing her to have in my non-participatory state.

I close my eyes as her comforting hands run up and over my chest and shoulders and down my abdomen. And the most fucked up part is that she _is _actually making me feel better. _I have to break her heart and I'm taking comfort in her…comfort!?_

"Is this okay?" she whispers as I open my eyes, looking at her in wonder and nod my head, yes. _Wrong thing to do you piece of shit!_

She idly draws circles and lines across my stomach, briefly lost in her own thoughts. I watch the tips of her fingers at work until dewy drops of condensation catch my eyes as they run down her waistline. My hands are immediately drawn to her as my fingers follow their path. She runs her hands down my legs as a soft smile spreads over her gorgeous face…. I realize that may be one of the last times I get to see that lazy authentic smile.

"Baby? Are you…? You can tell me…"

The next thing I know, I am holding her to me, knowing full well it's the last time I'll get to. We'll be too far gone after this… I try to immerse myself in her so maybe at least part of her mind will hold on to this moment of pure unadulterated love. I have to leave _something_ behind… _She needs to know that I loved her... She has to know…that I…_

Then she pulls back…as a piece of my soul crumbles to ashes…

Now her lips are on mine. _Please…no…. _And then again. _Don't kiss her back… Don't…._

"Tobias? I'm sorry…. I love—"

_No!_ Taking her face in my hands, I kiss her with urgency because she's not allowed to say that me! But I soon find that it was just an excuse to kiss her without abandon one more time. Not soft and sweet, but with passion and desperation like so many times before… Although for me this is fucking tainted.

Now I can't get enough of her. My body is reacting to the sensation of her being wrapped around me, and how she feels with her smooth wet skin under my lips. Her skin, neck, hair, cheeks… I crave every part of this amazing woman. After a slight loss of contact, I feel the skin-tingling pain of her nails raking down my back and it's done…I can't hold back. She's wrapped so tight in my arms and her mouth is so warm and inviting along with other places I'm aching to be. Her breasts are smashed against my torso because I'm probably holding her too tightly as I heave her roughly against the wall and make her mine with my mouth…everywhere I can possibly reach… _Because she's mine…damn it!... and I'm hers…_

The agonizing feeling of my short hair between her fingers makes me crazy as she moves her hips in want… And if it were possible for there to be voices in my head…there are. It's almost as if someone is knocking on the door of my brain asking me what the fuck I'm doing. I feel the tip of my erection graze her as she looks at me in exasperation and confusion.

"Tobias, please…?"

_I can't turn her down…. I can't… Just one more time with her… Just let me make love to this incredible woman one more time… Please…._

My primal nature takes over before I can even think twice…. And I'm inside her…. A sledgehammer of despair hits me…hard…. _I can't move… I can't…. I can't do this…_

"Tobias? Are you okay? We can stop…"

_I hate myself… I hate myself… I hate myself…_ I pull out, which feels like knives, and set her down like a rag doll.

"Sorry… I think I twinged a hamstring at the gym or something."

She gives me an annoying tinkle of a laugh. "Well…I can help with that… Turn around and I'll—"

"No, that's okay. I'll ice it or something." _Now get out of this fucking shower, Tris! It is now my least favorite place on the planet..._ "Did you really need to shower? Or were you just…?"

She looks at me as if that wasn't a fucking valid question. "Um…I showered last night so…" _Good. Then I'm getting the fuck out since you obviously won't. _"Unless you wanted to make a rat's nest out of my hair again. You could still use the practice so…"

I turn off the shower and see that she is still standing there making some dumb joke out of my inability to wash her fucking hair properly. "Oh sorry… I thought you were kidding."

"Um…I guess I _kind of_ was."

"Did you want me to restart the shower so I can wash your hair _for_ you?" _Let's talk about what's not going to happen…_

"No. I'll be fine."

"Okay." I immediately start my regular routine and she gets out of the shower trying to cover herself with her arms to get a towel out of the closet. _Great… Cover yourself up…. Like I haven't seen that shit before or something… _Then she scurries past me like a damned mouse.

I leave the water running so I don't have to hear whatever the hell she's doing in there and when I emerge I see she's wearing one of my T-shirts and she is rolling my boxers like three times because she's so damned small. _Did I say you could wear my shit?!_

"What…are you…um….?" _Don't look at me all surprised! You're wearing my fucking clothes!_

"Oh…sorry. All I have are my bar clothes so…"

"I'm meeting Zeke at Bar Louie so I'm not…shit… Did we make plans?" _I am so not meeting Zeke… I just need her to leave!_

"Oh… I thought we were going to just… Now? It's only like 9:00…"

"Um…." In her defense, we did make did sorta plans…. _But none of that matters anymore does it?! Now leave._

"Just tell me, Tobias." _I_ _do not have to tell you a damned thing_… "Fine. Don't tell me where the hell you're going after being gone all night and still not telling me where the hell you've been!" _Please God….stop…looking at me!_ "And that's not me _insinuating _anything!"

I watch her look around the room frantically as I lean casually on the bathroom door. I can see that she threw her disgusting bar clothes in the corner, probably in her drunken stupor.

"You're…uh…stuff…You threw it in the corner." I signal toward the corner with my head as she looks from me to the clothes and back to me, latching her irises onto mine… _Painfully…. _She huffs to the corner, grabs her stuff and, trying to be strong and failing epically, walks past me. _Stop, Tobias. You don't get to touch her. She doesn't mean anything to you and she needs to fucking get out!_

"Next time, you should just say, 'take your shit and leave.' It's a lot less syllables…" _Good thing there won't be a fucking next time!_

Walking into the kitchen, I lean on the counter and run the water in the sink so I don't have to hear her fucking crying in the bathroom. _Medieval torture would be easier to bear right now…._

Soon enough she walks right past the kitchen and slips on the stilettos that look ridiculous on her. She looks to me to say something….anything… _What the fuck do you want me to say?!_

"Uh… I'll text you…?" I suggest. _See? I'm not a total prick!_

"Yeah," she says with no inflection or facial expression at all as she locks her stupid crystal blue ice eyes with mine. _I hate your fucking face! Get out! _And then she's gone.

_Sweet relief! Fuck! _I head back to the kitchen and glance in the corner at the counter top where, crowding up my counter space, there sits a Cuisinart Coffee maker and two entirely unnecessary mugs. _Two mugs…. _

Now I'm on the floor with my head in my hands….a broken mug in pieces next to me…. _I'm sorry… I love you…. I'm sorry… I love you… I'm sorry… I'm so sorry baby… I love you…_

* * *

**I'm sure you all hate me... Time to go drink a bottle of wine!**


	31. Just Do It

**Same disclaimer as last week!  
**

**This chapter was...really hard to write...like I'm fucking exhausted! And I cried every day...each and every day!  
**

**Rated - MA **– angry Tobias says 'fuck'…a lot. So do I!

**Chapter 31 - Just Do It**

* * *

**Tobias's POV:** Monday

I'm lying here...on my couch...because my bed smells too much like Tris. I'm unable to even close my eyes….because all I see behind my eyelids…is her, and the way she looked at me right before she walked out…scratch that…I _drove_ her out the door. She looked at me as if I were a stranger.

I check my phone for the trillionth time. It's 5:00 AM.

I tested the boundaries of my mind for about, oh….five fucking minutes yesterday. I actually had myself believing for about, oh….five fucking minutes yesterday that Tris was some crazy girl from a hook-up who seriously overstayed her welcome. Yep…five fucking minutes... Five motherfucking minutes of pure bliss… Then reality came crashing down, as it tends to motherfucking do, and it occurred to me that I just made the best thing in my life feel like total garbage. Which, un-fucking-fortunately means…._I SUCCEEDED!  
_

**Flashback to Sunday:**

I have absolutely no idea what to do with myself for the rest of the day…. _Didn't think that one through, idiot!_ So, even though I had just taken the worst most painful shower of my life, I throw on my workout clothes and go for a run. And because I live in a luxury apartment building in the fucking West Loop, and it's a summer Sunday in the fucking Windy City, there are people…people everywhere….in my fucking way!

I run through the Daley Center and make my way to Randolph. Then I jog across bullshit Millenium-bring-your-fucking-family-to-take-dumb-ass-pictures-under-the-bean Park, experiencing a breath of relief (_Wrong fucking word but whatever!)_ when I see Lakefront Front Trail in sight.

I pretty much just take off like a bat-out-of-hell and run North up the lake. Do I take out a few people along the way? Probably. And when I say probably…I actually mean, yes. I make it all the way up to Diversey and take a two-second break, in which I immediately think of how many ways I can apologize to Tris. Then I mentally smack myself in the face and continue on...

I end up on a bench on some street in Wrigleyville, watching college kids play beer pong in front of their brownstone. And they fucking suck at it! _Amateurs….. _

Tris and I would be awesome at beer pong… My girl has excellent balance and coordination and can drink like a fucking champion! _My girl? Is she still my girl? Not for fucking long!... _I stand up and just about go ass-over-tea-kettle onto the sidewalk.

"Whoa…dude! You alright man? Shit! Are you ripped?"

I shake my head to clear it and rest my palms on my knees.

"No," I say flatly to the college kid who made the unfortunate decision to try to talk to me. "I just ran 18 miles you fucking prick."

"Whoa….dude! Someone needs an adult beverage—"

"No."

"Oh, well….my friend!" He claps me on the shoulder as I push his hand off roughly and turn to look at him. "Shit!...by the look on your face I would definitely say the answer to my question is a straight up….yes!"

"Does the look on my face say I need a fucking drink?" I growl as I grab the little fucker by the shirt collar. "I would imagine the_ look_ on my face says—"

"Sir? Sir? …Please desist!" A nasally robotic voice from a loudspeaker comes out of nowhere. "Relinquish…the little…college…asshole…. Let him drink…underage…in peace." I turn around to see Zeke inching down the road in his cop car. "Now…., please… get your ass…in my police cruiser… And you…underage asshole…I would not mess with this man…he will wipe your ass with your face…"

I let go of the kid's collar, as he looks at me wide-eyed. "Dude… What does that even mean?"

"Not a clue," I say off the cuff as I walk past the beer pong table, grabbing two red solos of beer and nodding to Zeke to open the door.

He shakes his head 'no,' and grabs his mouthpiece. "You just…accepted…alcohol from a child…sit your ass…in the back."

"He _stole_ alcohol from a child!" yells one of the kids. "Wait….I'm not a-"

"Even worse….petty theft is…a misdemeanor…."

"Open the fucking door, dick."

"Harassment…to a uniformed…officer….a punishable offense…get in the back…mother….fucker…"

"Fucking shit," I huff under my breath as I do the classic chin-to-chest grasp of one of the cups, freeing up my right hand to open the door. _Tris would expertly balance both cups in one hand…somehow….Mmmmmggghhhh… _

"Hey," I grunt in greeting as I sit back and chug one of the beers before he even has enough time to pull away.

"Yo! Take a fucking breath, man… Here….I'm thirsty." He moves the metal cage screen aside and hands me an empty Nalgene bottle.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!"

"No! Fuck, Four! I'm on duty…I can't drink out of a solo! What the hell are you thinkin?"

"Yes…. _I'm _the one not thinking in this situation…." But seeing as I give a shit about very little today…I oblige and pour the beer into the bottle, passing it to my _fucknut _of a best friend….

'_Fucknut'…. _The first night I met Tris….:

_"Hey! Can I get a drink or what? It's like the fuckin' Hunger Games at this bar! Every man for himself apparently."_

_"__Well, then many the odds be ever in your favor!...Fucknut."  
_

_"Do people still use the word fucknut?"  
_

_"You heard me say that?"_

_"I read your lips."_

"Is English in your repertoire today?" _Thank you for interrupting the one thought that made me happy for .000005 seconds._

"Mmm."

"Damn."

"What'd you say."

"Is that a question? Because you said it more like an I-don't-give-a-fuck-what-Zeke-just-said statement."

"That's what it was."

"What the _hell _is wrong with you? Holy shit! Don't tell me…. You got drunk, passed-out, made your woman crazy and now she won't fuck you!"

"No." _I would take that alternative anytime…._

I just now realize that I'm going to have to convince more people than Tris of my wholly inaccurate lack of feelings.

"Uh… No comment on how I'm a dick and you and Tris don't 'fuck'…you 'make looooove'….?" he remarks using way too many air quotes.

"No," I say lightly, shrugging my shoulders. "Doesn't bother me that much….anymore."

"_Anymore_?"

I'm honestly taken aback that he noticed my add-on of the word 'anymore.'

"Yeah."

"Okay…." he says slowly. "So…where are we goin'?"

"Aren't you on patrol?"

"Done in 15. Call your girl and let's go watch the Cubbies… How about Riley's? Ha… Shit… Nevermind… Forgot about that Kirsten chick. Pretty sure Tris wants to drop kick her—"

"I actually wouldn't mind seeing her again." _I want to throw up…_

"Tris? Damn! I hope not!"

"No, Kirsten." _I want to throw up..._

"….Whhhhyyyyy?" I try not to make eye contact with him in the rear view mirror.

I shrug in my I-don't-give-a-fuck fashion. "It was cool talking to her again. I remember really liking her…." _I want to throw up… _

There really wasn't a single thing I _really _liked about Kirsten. She just wasn't terrible to hang out with.

Just then I notice that Zeke is speechless.

**End Flashback**

I run my hands down my face and rub my eyes. "Fucking bullshit couch," I whisper with no real reason to be quiet.

Swinging my legs over the side I sit with my face in my hands for several long drawn out breaths. Then I decide to scroll through my texts….again. I did end up texting Tris yesterday afternoon like I "suggested." As torturous as this is going to be, I need to be strategic….and me just cutting ties wouldn't be realistic.

(2:47) **Me:** Sorry I was in a bad mood this morning.

_And for a thousand other things…._

It took her 3 excruciating hours and 14 torturous minutes to text me back.

(6:01) **Tris:** Anything else?

I waited another excruciating hour to text her back.

(7:01) **Me:** Should there be?

(7:03) **Tris:** Have fun with Zeke today?

I couldn't wait a full hour….

(7:42) **Me:** Lol. So now u r checking up on me?

(7:50) **Tris:** Yes. It bothers me when my boyfriend lies to me. Im controlling like that. Goodnight.

_I'll be there in five minutes_…. _FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!_

(8:50) **Me:** Sorry… I didn't see your last text. Goodnight.

Then the worst…one…ever…

(4:15) **Tris:** I can't sleep. I hate this. I know you're mad. Can I come over?

_Yes…. Right now… Just teleport…way easier…._

And then she fucking called me….And I _answered_ because I just wanted to hear her damned sweet voice!_ How am I going to live without this?_

**_Flashback:_**

"Hello?" I answer groggily….which is bullshit because I'm wide awake….

"Hi." She's using her small voice that I fucking hate.

"What's up?"

"I can't sleep and I just wanted to… _Fuck_…. I just wanted to hear your voice…" The phone is muffled so I know she's crying as I break the skin on my knuckles from biting them.

"Well….here it is…" I sigh out.

"Can I…come over?" _No….you fucking can't…._

"Um… If you want… By the time you get here, it'll be like 5:00… You sure it's worth it?" _It would be worth every fucking second…_

She laughs lightly and sarcastically. "Guess not."

And then we sit in silence and I try desperately to psychologically remove myself from this planet.

"You okay?" I finally ask with 100% sincerity, even though I attempt to mask it, hoping she didn't hear the slight break in my voice.

_The break that was a reflection of my damned heart…._ She would have laughed at my cheesiness if I had ever said anything like that out loud… _Because I'm "the worst, in the best way"…. Now I'm just the worst in the worst way…._

She doesn't answer, but I know it's because she doesn't want me to know she's crying.

She finally gives in. "No."

I try to keep it light. "Well…what can I do for ya?"

"Tell me you're not mad and that you love me?"

"I'm not mad and I love you," I deadpan, communicating that I'm only telling her that because it's what she told me to say. Even though I mean _every…single…word._

"Um…okaaaay."

"Hey… I've got a huge week…and I didn't sleep that great this weekend. Are you, uh, gonna come over or…?"

The longest pause ever. _Please say yes….please…. _"No… I'll just see you…later on today."

"Uh… Sure."

"I love you."

**End Flashback**

Her "I love you" came out so sweetly and softly it almost seemed like she didn't really want me to hear it. And then she hung up immediately, as if she were scared I wouldn't return the sentiment. _Good… Because that's the fucking idea, right? She needs to second guess everything… Every damned thing!_

Standing up, I walk into the kitchen and decide to figure out the coffee maker situation.

It's fucking ridiculous that I grew up in a damned mansion where all I had to do was snap my fingers and whatever I wanted appeared. My mom hated that. I think it was part of the reason she, originally, latched onto Hana after she saw Zeke and I becoming close. They didn't have much in common, in particular.

My mother came from a wealthy family, raised by her grandparents after her parents, my grandparents, died in a boating accident. Her marriage to my father was practically arranged so she could live out the life she was accustomed to. Yet, contrary to how she was raised, she wanted me to be self-sufficient and hard working.

But as it turned out, Hana, being the doting mother of two boys…did everything for them. So, I learned _nothing _about laundry, coffee, or cooking… But I did learn the value of working hard. Hana…being a single working mother…epitomized the idea of hard work.

"Well, fuck you Hana for not teaching me to make coffee…" I mumble to myself, not meaning a damned word of it.

"And fuck you, Tris, for not getting me a damned Keurig!" I yell out loud trying to convince myself that what she did wasn't actually the coolest thing ever.

Grumbling nothing in particular under my breath I open the pantry to search for coffee, momentarily forgetting that I couldn't find it last time.

_Shit… She told me where she put it… Somewhere dumb… But she was distracting me so badly that I can't fucking remember! _

My mind wanders to Tris pulling me toward her by bunching up the neckline of my jersey. I can almost feel her lips. She gave me feather light kisses while whispering something….about Santa, elves, coffee….

"_Fuck!"_ _Fine! Gertie…you better be awake!_

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I was so pissed at Tobias that I fell asleep right after I texted him, "Goodnight." But 'pissed-off' sleep is not 'good' sleep. I didn't even give him a chance to respond to my text because I immediately turned my phone off. I think that helped me fall asleep because then the whole idea of waiting by the phone for a text or a call went out the window. Plus, I was physically exhausted and emotionally drained. I was certain he wouldn't come over. So, I actually slept from 8:00 til 3:00. And then I lied in my bed from 3:00 until now…6:00. Three hours of a wandering mind…automatically going to the worse case scenario: He wants to break up.

I ran the happenings of yesterday over in my head so many times, too many times….and nothing adds up!

He was distant when he first got to his apartment, but he was angry so I understood. Then when we were in the shower, it was like he was almost frantic. He's never held me_ that_ tightly before. It was as if he felt something was going to come and rip me off him… _Jesus….it was incredibly hot… _

But, then the second he was inside me, it was like a mix of relief and anger…_I think?_ I felt better for about one second because at least he was aroused…_.fuck_…. _Another hurdle I'm working past right now._ I know he said he hurt his hamstring, so that why he stopped... But…suddenly I was talking to a different person. His demeanor toward me…. It was like I was some annoying girl who wouldn't get the hint. He wasn't particularly awful to me… It was just as if I wasn't important.

_"Uh…I'll text you…?" _It was like I was talking to… _Four? _I've seen him act like Four. In my opinion, it's always been some tough guy persona he puts on. It's incredibly off-putting unless you take two seconds to dive deep into those strange heavenly eyes. Then he'll flash something behind those eyes to let you in, even just for a moment. Most people don't give him that chance. But it's so worth it. It's like slowly unwrapping a present with the most precious gift imaginable inside…

_Holy shit! He would laugh so hard at that mess of crap! I would definitely be 'the worst'… _A tear slides down my cheek at the thought of our stupid playful banter that isn't even that damned funny…or cute…. It's just…us….

Upon leaving _Tobias's_ apartment (_he made it very clear exactly whose apartment it was_) after being treated like shit, I usually would have just gone for a really long, or gone to the gym, or taken consecutive classes at The Studio. But instead, I did what I had been avoiding for the last few weeks:

**Flashback:**

I stop at the doors of The Kerrington Center…again taking a moment to debate which door to enter. I chose the most direct route this time because I am not in the mood for bullshit. _I've had enough of that for one day…._

I had actually hoped to bring Tobias with me sometime to visit Caleb. _I really should be thinking of that prick as 'Four' right now… Why can't I bring myself to do that? Because I still feel guilty about not telling him that his fuck face of a father had been watching me, and then I threw that at him in a fit of pitiful rage… Yep, and there it is!_ I don't know how that would have gone over on Caleb's end. But I feel like it would have been important. _What is this 'would have been' shit? _

"May I help you?" asks a receptionist with way too much cheer for 9:45 in the morning at a mental health care facility. That's probably part of the package… _Did I sign off on that crap? Checked a box or something? Well…I want to uncheck that shit!_

"Yes. I would imagine it's in your job description."

"Thank you, Christoph. I'll take care of Miss Prior," chimes in an even-toned, equally as annoying voice.

"Dr. Reynolds."

"You can call me Cara."

"Great."

"I can only assume you're here to see Caleb?"

"Nah," I shrug my shoulders, but my face probably reads 'no-fucking-shit'.

"Pleasant as always…Tris."

"You can call me Miss Prior." _Okay…that was….shitty._

She turns on in her high heels, which make absolutely no sense for her job, and crosses her arms giving me a if-you-want-to-see-your-brother-you-better-stop-being-a-fucking-bitch look. Just then I realize she definitely has the upper hand… _Yuck…_

"Sorry," I say looking down at my feet, which hurt like a bitch from the new pair of stilettos.

"Hmmph… You really ought to call first. He needs to be prepared—"

"Prepared to see _me_?"

"Especially _you._"

"_Why?_" I ask with anger and hurt both apparent in my voice.

"Well… _Tris…_ Anything familial related seems to, for lack of better semantics, 'set him off', lately."

I take a deep breath and ask guiltily, "Is it because I haven't seen him in awhile? Does he think I've abandoned him?"

She takes an equally deep breath. "Maybe..."

"What…the…fuck?" I whisper through a clenched jaw as a wary patient walks by us. "You didn't think to…call me?"

"I _did_ think about it."

"Yet…. Ya didn't do it!"

"I made the call to wait."

"Well, you made the wrong _call_. One over the phone would have been better!...Excuse me…."

I walk past her, purposely bumping shoulders. _Yes… It's immature…but it felt great! _She doesn't stop me and I realize why after it hits me that I have no idea where Caleb is…. _Fuck…._

"He's been moved back to the residences. Follow me."

With a huff of breath I do as I'm…_told. _

"So. Christina is growing on me…incrementally."

"Well…great. The way things are going for the two of them, I would say you need to up your incrementation." _Why am I annoyed by that right now?_

"Really? I didn't know things were—"

"Serious?"

"Precisely."

"They love each other."

"Well—"

"And Christina isn't the type to fall in love."

"So she's a slut?"

"_What?!_" I stop in my tracks at the utterly offensive word.

Christina isn't one to just jump in bed with a guy…not that it hasn't happened…but she is definitely not a _slut. _

"Calm down. I was just testing your reaction… It was…pleasing." _Pleasing? This chick is…weird. I wonder if she even knows what 'pleasing' is. Geez Tris…you're one to talk… _"Room 202… It's three doors down on the right."

"Thanks," I say emotionless as I start down the hall, unescorted this time.

"Tris?"

_Geez…. _"Hmmm?" I look over my shoulder at her.

"Please tread lightly on what you say to him."

I ignore her and knock on his door softly. _Is she kidding? He's my brother for Christ's sake! _"Caleb?"

"Yeah." I hear his voice. It's more of a response in recognition of his name, rather than a question inquiring what someone needs.

I open the door slowly and walk in equally as slowly, approaching the form that is my brother. It doesn't even look like him. Tears spring forth as I see nothing but a shadow of the boy I knew and loved. He's wearing a light blue robe and sleep pants that he seems to have to hold up. He has lost easily ten pounds since the last time I saw him, his hair is patchy, and his eyes are practically just sockets because of the dark circles under them. An awful word crosses my mind and I'm reminded of how much of a selfish asshole I am. _Zombie..._

"Bea?" he asks quietly.

"Yeah… It's me." I try to match his decibel level.

He lunges at me as I take several shocked steps backward in fear until he wraps his bony arms around me in a tight embrace. I leave my body for a moment and imagine Caleb walking toward me with loose fitting jeans and a Madison hoodie. He's laughing at me because I have burrs all over my corduroy pants and cuts up and down my arms from thistles. _"Really Bea? The tiger lilies were that important to you?" _He hugs me and rubs his hand all over the top of my head to muss up my hair. I can almost feel the warm Wisconsin summer sun on my cheeks as I smack him on the back while he laughs… I hang onto that for as long as I can….

He holds my shoulders away from him and appraises me. "You look awful."

"Ummmm….."

He wags his finger at me. "Aw, come on! I know you're dying to say it!"

_So true…. _"Have you seen _yourself_?!"

"Nope! I refuse to look in the mirror… But I know I don't look like me!" he exalts with sarcasm as he goes, or hobbles, over to sit on the small love seat in his room.

Caleb has never been one for bullshit so I don't give him any.

"No… you definitely don't… Ummmm… Is that the idea?"

"You sound like Cara… Sorry… Dr. Reynolds…"

"Ech!"

"She's not that bad."

"Hmm."

We sit in silence for a bit until Caleb breaks the ice.

"What's taken you so long? You know…to visit."

"Well..._Dr. Reynolds _didn't think it was a good idea for me to make my appearance for awhile and then she never called me to tell me you may have wanted your _sister_ to visit."

He slumps his shoulders and leans back against the couch with his arms crossed. I see a glimpse of the 'Caleb look': the one where he is trying to figure out a solution to a problem.

"She may have been right."

"How can you say that?"

"Let's just say you're here on one of my 'good' days."

I swallow, hoping that went unnoticed. I can't even imagine what one of his 'bad' days look like.

"Okay. Well, my timing has always been impeccable…" I say sarcastically.

"Yeah. Like when you walked in on Susan and I—"

"Ew!"

"What?!"

"I didn't even know you two were sleeping together! I think that was the bigger shock."

"More than my ass in the air?"

"Gross! I just puked in my mouth…"

"Just keepin' it real, sis…"

"Yeah… Real disgusting," I comment, thoroughly enjoying our banter as I elbow him...and hit nothing but bony rib cage. He winces and I mumble a "Sorry," as I run my palms up and down my legs.

"Hey, don't get all weird on me."

"I'm not. I just… What can I?... I'm sorry I haven't…"

"Beatrice…stop. Just stop. I don't want you to…to worry about me… I—"

"Caleb. You're my brother. I'll always worry about you."

"Yeah… I know…" He stares at the floor for a minute. "What about you? How have you been?"

He_ must_ be having a really good day because he hasn't asked me how I've been in almost a year-and-a-half.

"Um… Good. I uh…have a boyfriend…" I say in my Beatrice voice_. Puke…_

He clears his throat and sits up straighter. "Really?"

"Yeah. I'd like you to meet him sometime." I try to make eye contact with him, but he looks away.

"So, what's he like?"

"Well…some say he's an asshole—"

"Wow."

"Let me finish," I say chuckling. "He's just very guarded and that, mixed with a lack of social graces…can be—"

"Sounds like a dick. Man, you can pick 'em, sis!"

"Caleb." I turn my entire body to face him. "He's _nothing _like Eric. _Nothing. _He is fiercely protective, kind, sweet, funny… He's smart, like really smart… You guys would have an obscene amount of things to talk about. He just doesn't put himself out there for many people… Like there may be… _(Let's see…Me, Zeke, Uriah, Hana, Will, Shauna, probably Amar, maybe even Christina?…I'll add a couple extra just for good measure…)…_ten."

"Exactly ten?"

"Maybe less… Okay, I know I'm not being very convincing. Honestly, I'm not super pleased with him right now. But, I…love him…very much."

"Is he 'the one'?"

"The 'one'? Come on Caleb-"

"Is he 'the _ONE_'?!" he suddenly yells.

It scares the hell out of me as I almost fall off the couch. I had all but forgotten about his outbursts.

"Yes! Okay?" _Holy shit….I meant that…. _"…At least, I hope—"

He shakes his head and pulls down on his ears. "Sorry…sorry…sorry…sorry…"

"It's fine."

"I need to know that you're not alone. Tell me you're not alone… Please…. Tell me you're not alone… Please! Please!...Fuck… _Please_!" he screams rocking himself back and forth.

"Caleb!" I yell back as an orderly peaks his head in. "We're fine," I say curtly.

"Miss…I just want to—"

"Leave!" I shout.

I don't even look behind me to see if he's left, I just get on my knees so I'm eye level with what's left of his beautiful green irises.

"Caleb. Look at me…now." I put my hands on either side of his head.

He doesn't throw me off of him as he has done on so many occasions. He opens his eyes and I see him…for the first time in so long…I see him. I never knew the importance of eyes until Tobias. Caleb is in there.

"I see you," I say quietly.

He puts his hands on mine and grips them. "I…_don't._"

**End Flashback**

I'm jolted upright in my bed by a knock at the door. My mind immediately goes to the possibility of it being Tobias. _Maybe my 4:15 phone call wasn't a stretch!?_ I pretty much do a run-stumble to the door, pull the chain and swing it open.

"Dude! Did you even check the peak hole, ya fuckin' idiot?! I could have been a murderer!" _Chistina…._

"Not a lot of murders in our neighborhood…" I mumble as I head back to my room and flop down face first onto my bed. "Remember you're fucking key next time for Christ's sake!"

"Why are you so pissed?! It's Monday… You're usually getting ready for your '6 am run'!" She tries to say that in my voice and it's fucking aggravating. "Did I wake you?"

"No."

"Where were you all day yesterday?" she inquires as she walks toward my room with her hands on her hips.

"I visited Caleb, and then, I don't know… I walked around, got coffee—"

"Alone?"

I shake my head yes and stare off, hopeful that she'll get the hint…to _leave me alone!_

"Why?" _Hope sucks!_

"Mmmmmggghhhhh… Tobias is acting…weird and I don't know... I think it's just because he's mad at me, but…"

"Well…why do you think he's mad?"

"I brought up a very sensitive issue in retaliation to another issue..."

"Tris… Spill it… Come on."

I actually do want to tell _someone_ at least part of it…

"Remember when he 'accidentally' fell asleep at the office?"

"Tell me this is _not _going where I think it is—"

"He didn't_ cheat_ on me if that's what you're referring to!"

"Okay, okay! Sorry… Just checking… Lordy! Not that he would… He would chew his dick off before he would even go near someone—"

"Where _do_ you come up with this shit?!" Rolling my eyes severely, I flip over to lie on my back. "As it turns out, he did fall asleep…but the reason he _stayed _asleep was because Nita the deranged ding bat—"

"—Good one."

"Thanks… -snuck into his office and made it all nice and cozy for him. She supposedly shut the blinds, turned out the lights, turned off his phone—"

"Wha—"

"Listen!… She found a blanket and covered him with it. She, for real, tucked him in!"

"That broad is coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs!"

"Totally. And he whispered 'Goodnight baby,' which means—"

"Blech!" Christina exalts with an exaggerated shudder. "She had to have…_kissed_ him or something..." _Stomach pains! _"Don't look at me like that! You know you've thought about it!...Wait… Did he _tell_ you all this?"

"We went to the office and when I was in the bathroom, Nita came in and started spouting her mouth off… She knew I was in there."

"So…why the hell is _he _mad at _you_? Babe…I would have had Will by the balls if he kept that shit from me!"

"Because I was keeping something from him, too."

She pauses and whispers, "Well…what is it?"

I run through any part of this that I would be able to tell her. Tobias doesn't even want anyone to know there is any correlation between him and his father. All Christina knows is that they don't speak. _I don't even know any correlation!_

"I brought up his father and—"

"Why his father? Who the hell is his pops anyway? Will says—"

"What do you mean, 'Will says'?!"

"Chillax! I didn't tell him that you told me they don't speak… Will, on his own _accord_, said Four's dad is some hotshot businessman: he runs some fund thing or whatever…"

I put my hands over my face in thought for a moment. "Shit. I didn't even know that! His father has been such a taboo topic that—"

"Why?...Huhhhhhhhhh….." she breathes in an unnecessarily large dramatic breath. "Oh my God, Tris… I can't believe I forgot this. It was such a fucked up morning that I—"

"Forgot what?"

"The morning you left, when Four hi-tailed it after reading your journal…" She looks at me as if she's trying to jog my memory.

"Yes, Chris… I'm catching on."

"Good. Anyway…he told me…or he _tried_ to tell me… Frankly, I was too pissed to feel an ounce of pity… Well, I probably felt an ounce, but—"

"Christina."

"He told me his dad was physically abusive to his mom… Shit! And then you said she died from an overdose… Holy crap! Poor Four!... I didn't mean for that to rhyme…"

I sit silently as she puts the pieces together out loud and I attempt to put my own together. 'Hotshot businessman', I'm assuming when Christina said 'fund' she meant 'hedge fund.' _I need to talk to him about this…_

"…is that what you're saying?"

"Huh?"

"_Tris!_ Where did I lose you?"

"Rhyming."

"God, help me…" She shakes her head. "Recap! So, what you're saying is, you found out he was hiding something from you, and you wanted to make him feel equally as bad as you at that moment, so you brought up _something _to do with his father?"

"When you say it like that, it sounds horrible! Fuck… That was _not_ my intention!"

"Well, then tell me what you said to him so I can clarify your intention!"

"I… Look, the important part is that I'm sorry! He's pissed and acted like a jerk…which I clearly deserved… and now I don't know what to do to make it better!"

"Hmmmphh…" She blows her hair out of her face with her bottom lip. "I have an idea…"

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I have just about drowned myself with work today. Seeing as I have no idea what my next step is with Tris…I need to do my best to _not _think about her and maybe things will just play out naturally.

_If she texts me, I'll get back to her eventually… Or if she invites me over, maybe I'll stop by… Hey, maybe I can get in on a few group hangouts so other people can see my complete indifference to the woman I'm completely in love with… Great plan… Tobias, you are so fucking naïve... _

"Hey, Four."

"Matthew," I comment briefly acknowledging his presence as he comes and sits down at the table in the chair across from me.

"Hey… You wear those glasses really well. Is that weird coming from a dude?"

"Yes."

"Got it. So…did you get a chance to look—"

"Yes. I made some notes."

I pass him the 8 x 11 copy he gave me of the alterations to the topography. Did I make the notations in red, where usually I would use a pencil, just to be a dick? Yes.

"Shit! Yes…you did… So…did you want me to take these back and revise—"

"That's not how I do things."

"Okaaaayyyy…" he gets up to leave and I stop him before he can even straighten his legs.

"Sit down."

"Got it."

"We work as a team. You're a member of my team. Now look at my notes and tell me what you think... And take your fucking time. Do it right."

He let's out a nervous laugh and I immediately regret being a jerk. I continue to go over my revised proposal to the board on AUTOCAD.

"Okay… I know you told me to take my fucking time…but I have some fucking questions first." He dropped the f-bomb as if it had no meaning in the sentence and it actually made me grin. "Your notes show way less excavation than mine and your balance suggestions are...I don't even know. I'm not blowing smoke up your ass… It's borderline artistic. How did you even come up with the idea of natural water flow around the building? It maintains remarkable eastern exposure… I wouldn't have thought of that in a million years… Fuck. Fire me, will ya? Please don't fire me."

"Currently outside of my jurisdiction."

We both sit in silence as I erase the fluffy crap from my proposal. I'm going to have to have someone else look at this—

"Is it out of your jurisdiction to answer my question about where you come up with this stuff?"

"No." _If I give you five seconds of my time, will you leave?_

"Is this a staring contest?… If it is, I'm out… No contest—"

"I went to the site this morning and sat there for two hours. These are my notes." I pull out my A:LOG and hand it to him. It has 10 pages front to back of notations.

"You thought of nothing but the project for two whole hours."

"No. But the best ideas come to me in their own time and the best place to be is front and center."

For me, Tris was front and center…along with that fucking _Wildest Dreams_ song. I silently cursed Taylor Swift for writing such a fucking perfect song… I pictured Tris whispering the lyrics under her breath as she dipped her toes in the flowing water. She was walking toward the lake with her hair whipping around her face and the wind making her flowy dress cling to her perfect form just right. She turned around and looked at me, smiling out the side of her mouth as if she knew she just inspired a brilliant idea…and then she was gone. _I hate my mind…_

"Wow. That's kind of inspiring. Who knew you had it in ya, hey?! So—"

"Call Alterra Landscapes and set up an appointment for next week sometime. As great as _you _think my idea is…we need a landscape architect to concur."

"Will do." He stretches his arms over his head and then looks down at my notations. _Dude…leave… _He looks up at me once…then twice. "Oh, now?"

"Now."

"Okay… Got it. I'll just…uh...take these then—"

"Knock, knock." I hear a soft… _T__oo soft for her_ …sweet voice at my door and I immediately stand up, making the office chair wheel back almost to the wall before I catch myself and take it down several notches. "Shit! Damn chair…. Um…hi."

"Hi." She looks down at her hands. "Hey, Matthew," she says with significantly more confidence, which makes me want to jump out of my skin.

I look her up and down because I can't help it. She's wearing an adorably sexy one piece thingy with a belt that hangs loosely over her slight waist, accentuating her subtle curves. It's so Tris. _God, she's perfect_… _What the hell do they call those? Shauna would know. A one-sie rompie thing…. Shit…_

I glance at Matthew as he attempts to respond to her. "Hi," he practically croaks out.

I watch him intensely as he fucking checks her out right in front of me. _My girlfriend… She's MY girlfriend! _I clear my throat and look away, trying to make it seem like I caught him and didn't care. _She's not going to be your girlfriend for long... _

Then a flash of thought crosses my mind that I have to push aside or I may actually fire Matthew. _I can sign the partnership papers now! _I'm not even slightly ready to address the idea of Tris dating someone else…

"How's…um…how's Siri doing?" he asks her, smiling.

She laughs lightly and covers her face. "Ya know, I apologized and now things seem to be back to normal." _Siri? What?_

"Did I miss something?" I ask nonchalantly…at least I try to be.

"I ran into Tris at Grounds yesterday… She was yelling at her phone." _Stop staring at her! And what the fuck did you just say?_

"Tourette's," she comments. _Did she wink at him?! Stop it... You don't care… You don't care… This tie is killing me!_

I clear my throat and sit down at the table again. The fact that I haven't touched her yet is making me crazy, so I distract myself by pretending to give a shit about what's in front of me.

"Uh…Grounds?" I inquire because I'm irrationally upset that I don't know what they're talking about.

"Yeah… It's a coffee shop in our neighborhood," she answers.

"_Our_?" I accidentally said that like the jealous boyfriend that I am. _Fuck…_

"We both live in Bucktown," she explains, trying to capture my eyes with hers. _Well, fuck me ten times over!_

Matthew suddenly chooses this moment as his time to exit. "Yeah…okay. Tell Siri I say 'hi.' And Four…I'll call Alterra and look over the bloody mess you left on my plans."

"Sounds great. Thanks, Matthew," I say with a smile that probably looks idiotic on me. I need her to believe that whole thing didn't just scrape away at my soul.

He raises his eyebrows and gives me a confused look as he backs out of the room. _Maybe I flipped that switch too quickly._

Tris looks over her shoulder to make sure he's gone before she walks in slowly. "I was just sitting having coffee…thinking mostly about you…when he just kind of showed—"

I shrug my shoulders. "It's fine. Nice that you live in the same neighborhood." _Nope… Not fine! And not nice!... You were thinking about me?_

She narrows her eyes and looks slightly taken aback. "Oh…good. It was actually pretty funny—"

"So, what's up?" _I don't want to hear that shit! _

I look up and see that she had stopped halfway between where she was and where I am. She was obviously en route for a sweet kiss or hug… It's written all over her face and body language as she stands there frozen. She immediately steps back and tugs on her fingers.

"Well…you don't remember?"

"Should I?"

She stands there and her lips part briefly as if she doesn't know what to say.

"Miss Prior, my dear!" Amar swoops in as Tris's confused look disappears and she turns to face him as he extends a hand to shake hers.

"Hi, Amar… Miss Prior? Really?"

"You're here on business…You are Miss Prior. I am Mr. Ghadi. Pleasure to meet you." He extends his hand again and she grips it firmly and laughs. _I love that laugh and I will miss it every day of my life…. And what business?_

"You've seen me drunk and in my underwear and I've seen you hump a microphone. How are we _not _on a first name basis?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about, now onto business. I'm a busy man as is my 'future' partner, if he ever decides to hire a damned lawyer to look over the contract. Have you set up in the conference room?" _Her photos… Fuck, I forgot… I'm sorry! Do not second guess yourself!_

"As you instructed, Mr. Ghadi."

She follows him out of the room without so much as looking back at me, while I stay there staring at the floor, hating myself.

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

Amar turns to say something to an entirely absent Tobias as we make our way down to the conference room.

"Had I assumed too much in anticipating his attendance?"

"No. But apparently I had."

"Well, he's probably seen plenty of your work so—"

"Not really." _Fucking claustrophobia crap…. That wasn't nice… Good!_

We walk in silence until we enter the room where I have ten of my favorite pictures laid out. "Well…this is it…" I turn to see…no one. _Okay….._

I feel my eyes starting to gloss over…_again..._as the past few moments linger. For a split second, I thought he gave a shit I was here. He stood up and a brief flicker of a surprised, yet pleased smile spread about 1/8 of the way across his face, before he sat down and acted both huffy and indifferent to me. The severe kick in the gut is the fact that he made no move to…I don't know…greet me…? A hug? A kiss? Nothing…And he forgot the whole reason I was here…

I lean over the pictures and take several deep breaths trying to calm my nerves that are present for a plethora of reasons right now. _Don't think about him… Don't think about him…_

"I apologize for my disappearance, Miss Prior."

I sniff quickly. "That's quite alright, Mr. Ghadi."

He has his hands joined behind his back as he now leans over and inspects each picture. His face is completely unreadable. _Does he want me to say something? Explain any of them? What do I do? Where do I look?_

"Relax, Miss Prior. Breathing is necessary for survival."

"Oh…yeah. I'm just—"

"Nervous."

"Yes."

"As you should be… Tell me about this one…"

"Um…" _Of course, he'd pick that one! Why did I bring it!? Because it's awesome, it has meaning and I'm fucking proud of it. Confidence. "_That's a bridge in the town I'm from… I used to go there to pick flowers… Sounds cheesy—"

"Why is the water red?"

**Flashback:**

I hear the front door open and I know Eric is home.

"Hey… I'm in here!" I yell from the kitchen. "Sorry, I wasn't back earlier! I got this crazy weird shot of the bridge—"

Suddenly I feel lightning bolts of electricity shoot through my knees, but not before a pain like none other shoots through my jaw. A warm metallic taste infiltrates my mouth. I open my aching jaw and the pain of teeth separating themselves from skin sears through my bottom lip as blood drips down my mouth.

"Gee…sorry!" His voice slithers out of his mouth like a snake… "You were in my chair… You must have forgotten that, along with dinner with my father…"

I watch the blood drip, drip, drip, drip onto the picture that landed on the ground in front of me.

**End Flashback**

"Miss Prior? Tris?!"

I stare blankly at Amar as my heart races and I try my hardest to make it stop. I reach for the table that doesn't seem to be there, just as a strong arm wraps itself around my waist and holds me up.

"You okay?" Tobias asks quietly in my ear as I lean back against him to regain my balance.

I turn my head and look up at his face. It's etched with worry…until suddenly it's not and he acts like no more than a wall for me to lean against.

"Yes… I'm fine." I shake myself free of him although I can feel the tips of his fingers linger slightly along my waist.

Amar looks from Tobias back to me. "My apologies. Did I…? I'm not usually at a loss for words but—"

"It's blood."

"Blood?"

"Mine." I take a breath. I don't know why I feel the need to explain this but… _No. This picture has meaning… It needs to be explained._ "I'm not into morbidity. I took that picture and…and…I was working on it when my ex-boyfriend came—"

"Tris—"

"Shut up, Tobias," I spit out barely looking over my shoulder at him. "He was mad and he pulled out my chair…on purpose… I bit down on my lip and bled onto the…the picture… Here…" I signal Amar closer, showing him the subtle area where you can see the original drops of blood. "I had to add some acrylic paint but…that's…that's why. I loved the shot so much that I couldn't let a stupid thing like that ruin it."

Amar furrows his eyebrows at me.

"Don't pity me."

"Oh, trust me. You are obviously not one to pity, my dear. Now tell me about this one…"

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

"Four." I'm startled out of my hate-induced state by Amar. "My friend…I realize you lack in certain aspects as far as social interactions and basic manners. We all have our weaknesses… I'm not trying to insult you. You, as far as we have discussed, are my future partner. With that being said, we have a guest here who is showcasing some of her art. It would be greatly appreciated if you would show her the respect she deserves and join us."

I don't respond, feeling like a fucking fool, and follow him down into the conference room trying to keep my mind blank. Seeing Tris showing…_actually_ showing…someone her art… It's one of her most vulnerable states and I don't know if I'll be able to handle it.

I quietly slide into the room behind him. Tris's back is to me but she probably knows I'm in here. Actually maybe not, she's already starting to second-guess our connection. _And it's…crushing me. _

So I just lean on the wall and watch her shift her weight back and forth in nerves as he looks over her pictures with an unreadable expression. I notice she is wearing her hair down. What I wouldn't give to be able to run my fingers through her soft waves, brushing them off her shoulder….

_…Her hair cascades over her shoulders, covering her breasts. I prop myself up on my elbow and brush her hair off her right shoulder, then running my fingers along her collar bone to do the same with her left. I still haven't looked at her exposed torso. I back up slightly and take her all in. She is more exquisite than I thought..._

"Don't mind my wandering eyes Miss Prior… Please continue... Miss Prior…my dear. Miss Prior? Tris?!"

Suddenly the air is sucked out of the room as my body is drawn to Tris because something is…off. I make it to her just as she tries to grab the edge of the table. She would have missed it by a good five inches. I look down at her and see that she's clutching at her chest as she sinks into my right arm that is wrapped securely around her.

"You okay?" I ask as I bring my mouth down to her ear, resting my face on the side of her head as she tries to get her footing. She turns to look up at me. Time stops briefly as I watch the blue in her eyes slowly come back as her dilated pupils withdraw their assault on her irises. Her confused look brings me back and I straighten up as if I just did what any normal person would do if someone almost passed out.

"Yes... I'm fine."

Taking me by surprise, she frees herself from me as if she can't stand my touching her. My hand follows her as she takes two purposeful steps away from me. _And so it begins…_

Amar looks to me for an explanation, which I truthfully can't provide because I wasn't listening to a damned thing they were saying.

"My apologies. Did I…? I'm not usually at a loss for words but—"

"It's blood." _What is?_

"Blood?"

"Mine." She gestures toward the picture he must have been asking about as she takes a long drawn out breath.

I look over at the image. It's the one where the bridge is almost entirely obscured. I remember her telling me that's where the tiger lilies grow. The water is red. _Her blood? From…him…._

"I'm not into morbidity. I took that picture and…and…I was working on it when my ex-boyfriend came—"

"Tris—"

"Shut up, Tobias," she emits with spite. _I just wanted her to know she doesn't have to…go there… Or is it because I can't fucking bear to hear it? _"He was mad and he pulled out my chair…on purpose… I bit down on my lip and bled onto the…the picture…"

My eyes must be closed because all I can see is her kneeling on the floor as blood drips down her perfect lips from several embedded tooth marks. I can see her finding fucking beauty in it and it makes me sick.

"Here…" she motions for Amar, not me, to come closer to the picture where she points out the origin of her brilliant fucking idea to use her pain as art. "I had to add some acrylic paint but…that's…that's why. I loved the shot so much that I couldn't let a stupid thing like that ruin it." _Yep… Just add paint…and now it's not stupid!_ "Don't pity me," she adds hastily and bluntly. _That's the girl I love._

"Oh, trust me. You are obviously not one to pity, my dear. Now tell me about this one…"

* * *

_Well, fuck work. _I'm sitting in the conference room post-Tris.

She went through and explained each photo to a completely blank-faced Amar. I know she was about to lose her shit… I could see her finger tips shaking as she pointed to different angles and aspects and why she chose which medium to use as an enhancer. It wasn't until Amar started asking her about inspiration that she truly loosened up and became my Tris again. She started smiling and explaining how she finds the 'dumbest things', according to her, to be the most interesting. She likes taking ordinary things and making them… Amar finished her sentence for her as she delayed, "…extraordinary."

"Four," Amar says quietly as he pulls out the chair next to me at the conference table.

Apparently I was resting my head in my hands. I can feel my cheeks burn from the relief of pressure from my palms. _Could you be more unprofessional? Half the staff can see you!_

I clear my throat and sit up straighter. "Yeah?"

"She's incredible."

"Yeah," I say quickly without making eye contact.

"I made her an offer, but I wouldn't let her accept it until she thought it over."

"That's great. She's…um…talented."

"That's all?"

"What else is there?"

"Answering a question with a question isn't your style, my friend."

I run my hands through my hair and stand up. "You looked at her work. You liked it. You made her an offer. I'm happy for her. I'm happy for you. She's talented. Is there anything else?"

"Not at the moment… But I have a feeling there will be."

I walk out of the conference room and head straight to my office, closing the door, locking it, and turning the blinds down on the glass so there is no visual of me from the hallway. I am in no need of any more interruptions.

I begin to pace in circles…actual fucking circles. Similar to those I witnessed from that deranged bastard…albeit, slower, no chair involved and with coherent thought.

_Fuck… How do I leave this girl? How do I do this? You saw her face in there! She will hate you forever… Forever! There will be no second chances! Haven't you had enough of those as it is? This'll be it…. What the hell is the alternative? Hey, Tris… My fucking father knows the location of your psychotic ex and is being coerced to reveal your location unless you and I break up. Oh really? You can handle it? We'll work it out? Figure out something? Move? How about the mafia boss that is threatening to brutally murder you just to torture me because I got in the way of his affair with my mother who, by the way…was going to leave me! We'll leave? Ok… Because a mob boss with worldwide connections and a near lifelong vendetta is easy to escape from. Let's go live a long life of a thoroughly unhappy life!_

I feel my face start to burn up along with my eyes, which I have successfully controlled for the last 16 years.

I've been telling myself I'll wait out the week so it's more convincing. But, I can't wait. I'll lose my resolve. It's going to have to be tonight. She invited me over.

"Um... So…I think that went well," she commented as I walked her to the elevator.

"Yeah." _Seriously?_

"Can you come over tonight? 6:00?" _No dinner. No dinner. "_I just… Well, I made—"

"I have a self-defense class at 5:00…" _Nope…I don't. But I will be at the gym taking out every ounce of frustration! _"Um… Don't you work?"

She deflated like a balloon. "Tori is…well…I'll tell you about that later… Anyway, Molly's filling in for me. I just thought it would be nice if—"

"How about 8:00? Then I can shower and…whatever…" My neck was on fire so I knew I'd been rubbing it.

"Yeah…um…okay. Then I'll just…right...8:00." _She won't look at me…_

I lean in and give her a quick chaste kiss on the cheek with an even quicker, "Bye." She places the tips of her fingers right where my lips had been and looks at the floor before going in for a quick hug. Her scent violates my senses as I return the gesture lightly, while imagining myself putting forth the full effort. The elevator dings and she pulls away, getting on and not looking back…or maybe she did…I wouldn't know because I was half-way to my office after I heard the door officially close…

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I sit by myself at my kitchen table-for_-two,_ eating the lasagna I had made for Tobias and me. I wasn't sure what time I would be home and I was actually hoping he would be with me. I had everything...set...up. I had the automatic bake thingy on the oven set to start at 5:00. That way it would be all ready and amazingness to eat when we made our glorious appearance. I had the table set up dumb with candles and bullshit that I would otherwise never use. I flip over the note Christina left for me:

_I was feeling extra awesome so I made you guys a salad and bought some cannoli from Antonio's._

_Good luck! It'll go great! He loves you! XXOO_

_She's pretty dope… _Pouring myself the remnants of the bottle of red wine I had opened, I think to myself: What the hell am I even going to say at this point? I'm still sorry…very, very sorry. But…there's more going on here. I know it. _  
_

I get up…a little too quickly because I just about spill my newly refilled glass of delicious wine. It's our favorite reasonably priced wine, Apothic Red… And it's going down…mmmm…very fast. I toss my plate, silverware and napkin in the dishwasher and put the lasagna in the microwave so it won't go bad. May want some later...

"What the _fuck_ time is it?"

I look at my phone and see that it's 7:00. So I make my way to the couch and plop down on it. I put my feet up, resting the glass of wine on my lap...which I notice is empty.

"Where the fuck did it go?" I get up to find it, but I am completely unsuccessful in locating the lost wine. "Oooookkkkkay…That's weird."

So I grab another bottle and open it. This bottle is…very…difficult…to…open. I end up just pushing the cork into the bottle after it busted in half. It was probably a badly bottled…bottle. _Badly bottled bottle… Badly bottled bottle… I'm awesome… __This_ glass will not go to waste. But I'm not taking any chances, so I fill it up to the top in case some disappears…again. This time…when I go to sit on the couch…I bring the bottle with me… _I'm smart like that…_

A who-the-fuck-cares amount of time goes by when…out of absolutely nowhere…I hear a knock at the door.

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

It's 7:30, but I couldn't take it any longer. I had to get this over with. _Nice way to put it, Tobias. As if I'm checking it off my fucking to-do list. Cut all ties with the woman you cherish above all others… Check!_

I went to the gym right after work, and for the first time in...ever...I walked into the locker room, changed, worked the bags for about a minute…and left. Usually working out distracts me. But there is…not…one…thing…that could distract me from _this._

I knock on the door, trying to move past the memories we've made in this particular hallway, and hear nothing. So I knock again and wait just a moment… Then Tris swings the door open with just a little too much gusto.

"Hi, handsome."

She's wearing the same cute one-piece thing she was earlier, except there's…red wine spilled down the front. Her hair is in a loose ponytail and the tendrils are falling all over her shoulders. Her cheeks are significantly rosier than normal and her eyes are glossy. She looks at me as if she were testing to see if I would call her 'beautiful' like I usually do in response to that greeting.

"Hi." _And I don't disappoint…or I actually did disappoint._

"Come in… Come in…" She waves me in as if she's allowing an annoying unwelcome guest in for a quick cup of coffee. _Jesus, two days ago I would have had her in my arms already…_

The first thing I spot is the empty bottle of Apothic Red and I see that she is half way through the other…

"Sorry about the mess… I just...did _not _fucking feel like cleaning up."

"It's fine." I take a quick glance around and see unlit candles and an unused fancy table setting. _It smells fucking amazing in here…_

"Christina made dinner for her and Will… Lasagna… Want some?"

"No thanks… I'm not that hungry."

I actually hadn't had any dinner because I probably wouldn't have been able to keep food down. I would like nothing more than to light those stupid candles and eat lasagna with her.

She shakes her head and tosses her hands up. "Well…then. What should we do, Tobias?! Probably nothing where we need to _actually_ talk… How about a movie? Or—"

"Actually I think…um…we should—"

"Want some wine?" _Hell…yes…. Let's get drunk and have amazing make-up sex and move to Southeast Asia! I hear Burma is…. No clue!_

"No… I'm good." I try not to look at her beautiful flustered face as she walks back and forth.

"Tobias! What the _fuck _is wrong with you?" _Did she just slur her words?_ "Stop acting like a damned stranger." She grabs for the wine bottle and fills her partially-still-full glass. _Oh shit… _"I mean… I did something… I didn't mean to… I was mad… And I don't know how to make it up—"

"Tris—"

"No. You're going to make me talk!...I mean…I'm going to make you talk… _Fuck_…."

_She's drunk… _She takes a gulp of wine before continuing. "I don't…I don't know...um...Christina told me your father is some big businessman… It's weird I didn't know that, right?"

I nod my head yes. _Because I'm a closed-off prick and you're amazing for never pressuring me…. _

My not giving Tris information about my father wasn't calculated. But it must have been meant to be because now she'll have no real reason to assume any of this has to do with him. If she had even an inkling, she would march her stubborn ass right through the fucking glass doors of Eaton Funds, Inc. and hang Marcus off his office balcony by his balls until he talks. _(Well…she'd try… She'd fail…but…moot point…)_

"I mean…can you tell me…Um…I need to sit down," she sways and goes to sit on the couch, but trips over the ottoman.

Were it any other time, that would have made my fucking night. But right now it does nothing but frustrate me as I take the wine glass that she somehow held onto, and help her up. "Whoa," she deadpans, clearly just now understanding that she is drunk.

"Yeah…Whoa." I walk her over to the couch and sit her down as she reaches for the non-existent glass of wine on the ottoman and then looks incredibly confused.

We sit in silence for a minute as I try to figure out what to do. _Why did she have to drink so much fucking wine?! Because she knows…deep down…that something is wrong._ I can see it all over her face. And alcohol feels good to her right now. We are so alike in that way. _I should probably go home and clean out my bar. Hell….no…. _

"I'm sorry," she says meekly. I take sidelong glances at her face as she worries her bottom lip. "I don't know what else to say."

"Tris… It's fine… I'm not…mad."

"You're…not," she states.

"No."

"Then…" _Here's my in…. _

I close my eyes tight, bracing for impact and look toward the kitchen. "I'm just…Tris…I…" _My chest is on fire… Fire… Fire!_ "_Damn it!_" I grit out through my teeth as I get up to put some distance between the two of us.

I open the fridge and pour her a glass of water. Except I end up drinking it all, literally gulping it down and slamming the glass on the counter. Thank God for laminate counter tops. She's probably watching me right now because I'm acting like a crazy person. At least the sink is partly obscured from the couch.

I can picture her wide blue eyes and mouth slightly parted as she tries to put all the pieces together. Although, I think she already has…especially because I just told her I'm not mad. So she only has one thing left to blame my behavior on.

Before I bring myself to face her again, I rest my hands on the sink and hang my head.

_I need to be cruel… How can I do that? How? And how much of a dick would I be to do this when she's drunk? Isn't that the idea? At least then she'll get mad and throw shit. I've never seen mad drunk Tris… Christina said 'it's quite something…' Can't be worse than me….right? _

I fill up another glass of water, take a deep breath and push away from the sink_,_ resigning myself to the fact that this has to happen… But I turn to see one of my favorite sights... Tris has her head resting on her shoulder…asleep…or most likely, passed out…

I sigh out a deep breath in utter frustration and complete relief and make my way over to her and look down. There is a tear that fell out of the side of one her eyes. _She knows… _I reach my thumb to wipe it away, but I stop half-way because it's a fucking terrible idea.

"Tris…" I whisper. "Let's get you to bed." _I can at least help her get comfortable, right?_

"What?!" She sits up with a start and looks at me with confusion. She must feel a tear because she quickly wipes it away…trying to be inconspicuous. _Yeah…That's not gonna happen for you tonight, baby_… "No… I'm not tired!"

"You seem pretty tired," I comment gently.

"Well…I'm…not," she says stubbornly.

"Let's get you to bed anyway."

"No. I haven't… I just wanted to… I made…stuff… Then I fucked up and drank too much wine." She gives me a sad heartbreaking smile as her lip protrudes and she tears up. "I know it…because there are three of you…"

"It's okay." _She's so fucking cute…._

"Fucking Apocopthic Red." _Wow…_

"Come on." I help her to her feet as she looks up and tries to focus on me…unsuccessfully.

"Fucking _Tobias Eaton_, too."

"Yeah."

I walk her into her room as she shrugs me off her, which hurts, and goes right to her dresser to lean on it, facing away from me. I stand there not really knowing what to do.

I know what I _want_ to do… I want to help her into her pajamas, preferably one of my T-shirts or those two-piece satiny cami things she has. Then I want to lie in bed with her, holding her until she passes out... Then, I want to get Ibuprofen and water to set on her nightstand for the morning when she wakes up with a monster headache…Then I want to crawl back into bed with her, holding her again, all night long. Then in the morning, I want to sneak out and get her hangover breakfast, leaving it in the microwave for her while I go home to get ready for work… That's what I fucking _want _to do….

"Tris?"

"Hmmm?"

"Do you need help?"

"Depends on what you're referring to." I don't respond and she laughs lightly. "Don't trouble yourself." _What the fuck do I do now? Leave her? _"You can go."

"I can stay," I say at the same time as her. _WHAT!?_

She turns and narrows her eyes at me. "Really." She says it like a statement, not a question.

"Yeah…really." _Tobias…_

"Wow."

"I just want to make sure…you're—"

"Well… You know as well as I do that _I_ won't turn you down," she retorts sarcastically.

_Stop it… Tell her now… Just tell her… Jesus… She's in just her panties…and they're awesome…_

Her underwear is all lace, light yellow, and just barely covers her perfect butt cheeks. _Fuck…Tobias… Nope… Not an option! Not an option! Calm your dick!_

She slid out of that outfit expertly and whipped her bra at her closet. I watch as it spins around the closet knob until it sways and stays there. She kicks her outfit to the side and opens her pajama drawer, grabbing for one of my shirts. Her hand hovers for a minute and then she closes that drawer. _She cannot sleep topless! Break it off and leave! Break it off and leave! _Then she opens a drawer and pulls out one of her pajama outfit things and slides into it, immediately crawling into bed afterward.

"Stay or go… I'm too _fucking_…" She shakes her head as if to figure out what the hell she was going to say. "…just…." Then she closes her eyes and takes a deep, shaky breath.

_Time to go, Tobias. _I take one last look at her face and walk out of the room. I make sure to turn off the lights in the kitchen and TV room. Then I get the glass of water along with three Ibuprofen, I leave my shoes at the door and pull the chain closed.

Setting the water on her nightstand along with the Ibuprofen, I take one more look. She's not sleeping…but I'm pretty sure she's close to it. _Go home! It's not too late! _I switch off her lamp and walk to my side of the bed. _'My' side… That's a fucking joke! _I crawl on top of the covers and lay next to her.

She rolls onto her back and looks at me with an exhausted expression. "You don't have to stay… But I won't… ask you to leave…" I don't say anything, but I can't help but move a strand of hair out of her face. She smiles, not the warm smile I'm most accustomed to, and bites her bottom lip hard. "…but you already knew that, didn't you?"

Again, I don't respond. _Because I'm fucking selfish and apparently feel the need to torture myself…and her…for one more night! Go…home… _But I know I won't leave. I can't. I will… But right now…I can't.

She rolls back on her side and I wait… I'll wait all night if I have to… I know there's one thing I need to do before I can leave her… I need to hold her just one more time….

I knew it wouldn't take long for her to fall asleep. My 115-pound girlfriend… _'Girlfriend'…that's funny._ …just took down a bottle-and-a-half of red wine.

_Fuck, did she even eat dinner? She probably didn't want to bother Will and Christina… Why does she do that shit? Why does anybody do anything?_

When her breathing evens out, I roll onto my side and ever so slowly drape my arm over her, trying not to bear the full weight of my arm as to not wake her. I just need to feel her body close to me one more time, this time not in desperation. Which is funny because I _feel _more desperate than ever right now.

I look down on her face, which is pure perfection to me. It's slightly obscured because she is facing away from the moon…but it doesn't matter because I have every nuance, every curve, every feature…etched in my mind. _I will never get over this girl..._

I don't even make the conscious effort to do it, but soon my forehead is against the back of her head and I'm breathing her in as if it's the last breath I'm going to take and frankly that's how it feels…. And again, as if my body wills itself, I am holding her against me. She's my perfect fit, my missing puzzle piece.

I imagine the feeling I get when she leans into me, I could always wrap my arms around her and rest my chin on the top of her head… _I can't believe I'm not going to have that anymore… But this is better for her… She'll move on… She's too amazing…_ Men already line up for a chance with her. After hours of mulling that over in my head this afternoon, I have come to accept that.

Something shiny catches my eye and I see a tear that she must have been holding in before she finally let go and fell asleep. I brush it away lightly with my thumb. Then I lean in and place my lips on her warm cheek, ghosting over to her soft neck and moving on to her creamy white exposed shoulder like I did that first night in the back of Will's SUV. I don't kiss her… I don't deserve that… I just touch her skin with my lips.

I can't process how long I watch her…mentally sketching her face…not that I need to. The moon is higher now and I can see more of her.

I was deathly afraid of the dark as a kid… _Thank you, Marcus. …_I used to lie in my bed trying to talk the sun into rising early. Now, the dark is all I want… The rising sun feels like impending doom.

I am determined to not sleep. Shouldn't be hard, I've gotten used to not sleeping. _When was the last time I had a decent night sleep?_ _The night of the Hawk's game_… Tris and I woke up the next morning as if we had played drunk Twister:

_"Is this a joke.? Sorry… Thought that was a hand." _

_"Such a liar."_

I remember her tinkling laugh and the feeling of her breast under my hand and it feels like my palm has been burned.

_"That I am. How did we end up in this predicament?"_

_"I just remember getting home and passing out on the bed." _

A dagger hits me as I remember how great it felt for her to refer to my apartment as 'home.' Then another dagger follows…and it hits even harder and deeper as the rest of that conversation rears its head:

_"I can't….believe…I ripped your red panties…You were supposed to warn me…"_

The last time we were together, aside from that brief moment in that shit show of a shower yesterday, I fucked her from behind in a God-damned storage closet.

I roll onto my back in a huff as I run my hands down my face and sigh. I don't know how long I stay there staring at the ceiling, shaking my head and biting the inside of my cheeks… My face is on fire from rage at myself. _Real classy… _Did I even kiss her that whole time? I take a moment to reflect.. And my answer is a flat...no. Aside from a few chaste kisses on the back of her neck because I was…_taking her from_ _behind…_bent over a fucking table— _No…no, no, no, no, no…._

Eric's demented unhinged voice seeps it's way into my mind:

_"That last time… it wasn't special… I'm sorry baby! I hurt her…her beautiful face, I held it right there…I fucked her right there, hard, bent over on the table…" _

How did I _not_ make the connection that Tris had been in _that position…_with _him…_when he….?_ I can't even conjure the word…. _And now that's her last memory of us being together. The woman who I want to feel nothing but cherished…and I left her with _that-_

"Just do it…please."

My head snaps to the left to see Tris looking up at the ceiling, too. I must have roused her when I rolled over. _God no… This is not happening right now… I'm not ready… I was supposed to have all night… I'm not…ready…_

"Because you know I won't. And that wouldn't be fair anyway… You don't get off that easy. So just do it. Band-aid."

"Um." I can feel my heart rate at full throttle. I sit up quickly and balance my forearms on my knees, looking back at her. She's looking up at the ceiling with a blank expression. "You don't…uh…you don't want to know why?"

"No. I already know and hearing it from you may just kill me." _She thinks I don't love her… And that…just killed me…_

"Tris…" I huff out in a harried whisper. "I don't know…how. I've never..."

"Target practice."

"What?"

"Use me as target practice… You'll have to do it again someday so give it your best shot… You know, perfect it."

"Tris… God…please don't think—"

"Do it."

"I…" _This can't be it... _"Why do you… If you already—"

"Because I need to hear you fucking say it!" she screams. _I think my chest just collapsed..._

I look straight ahead, trying to control myself.

"What do you want me to say? 'It's _over_?', 'We're _done_?', 'I don't want to _be_ with you?' Tell me, Tris. How the hell am I supposed to say… How am I…supposed…to say, 'I don't want to be with you'?"

We sit still for a moment until she squeaks out, "You just did."

* * *

**Christina's POV:**

Inside my head, I'm thanking the hell out of Tori for letting me leave work early…but feeling shitty because I left her with Molly. Tori doesn't know that I know she's sick again. I need to ask Tris if we should approach that shit sooner than later…

I decide to skip down the street because I need to continue to break in my new heels…Working a shorter shift did me no favors! Then I see Four just about stumble out of our house.

"Hot dayum! Tris was right on about Apothic Red! It really_ is_ your favorite!... You're not driving home are you?" He looks at his car as if he forgot it was there. "Oh my God! Did you love the lasagna?! She spent _for_ever on it because it was like some homemade recipe and she wasn't even sure if you liked Italian, but I told her 'who doesn't like Italian?' Honestly though…I was a little worried about the candles and shit because…well…you two and red wine? Ya know, as far as safety and all!… And I do _not_ want to lose our security deposit!…Four...?" He stares at me as if I punched him in the gut. His eyes look glossed over. "Dude, are you high? Did you smoke weed and eat my canoli?!"

He just shakes his head almost so little that I can barely even tell he did it. Then, without even a fucking word, he gets into his car.

"Whatever," I huff under my breath as I walk toward the house. _What the hell is wrong with that guy? He seriously couldn't even have a five-minute conversation with me…again! WTF! _

By the time I drag my lazy ass up the stairs, I glance out the window and see Four still there in his car. He's literally slumped over the steering wheel. His shoulders are rising and falling like…crazy fast.

"What…the…hellllll?"

I watch him for a moment until he sits up, uses his dashboard as a substitute punching bag…and then screeches off.

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I feel…nothing.

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I walk into my apartment, close the door softly behind me and lock it. Then I go into my room, take off my shoes and crawl into my bed…The last person to sleep in it was Tris... I wrap my arms around the heavenly pillow she slept on. If this pillow were a person, they'd be dead by now based on how my muscles burn as I squeeze it.

Then I _allow _myself do what I haven't done since my mother's funeral. I close my eyes and let go. I don't open them except to wipe away the build up of moisture when it gets painful. Aside from that, I let my eyes soak the pillow that Tris slept on….

* * *

_Mr. Probst – Waves (the single…not the Robin Shultz mix)_

_Maroon 5 - Goodnight Goodnight_

_Maroon 5 - Daylight_

_Maroon 5 - Beautiful Goodbye_

_Rolling Stones - Out of Tears_

* * *

_Damn...Adam Levine must have gone through some shit!_

I hope to Holy Hell (an oxymoron, I realize) that I didn't really cause suicides, animal homicides and all around mayhem...I honestly can't even list all of the creative ways some want to take out their sadness/anger. I cried more writing this than I did upon skipping to the end of the plot-pushing book referred to as Allegiant. And I have to say I am not going to push the plot of this story... I don't think you would appreciate it as much if I did...

So many Tobias haters! I asked my husband what he would do if his power-grubbing asshole of a father threatened to divulge my location to a certifiable psychotic who raped and beat me while also being threatened by a mob boss who wants to makes him live in fear daily...

He thought about it and said "I would drop you like a bad habit," took a bite out of his apple and walked out of the room. (Mic drop...bam!)

I feel like some may be interpreting Tobias's actions as cowardly only because no one wants to read about a sad Tris... Am I right? Relax! Much more to come!

On to the Hendrick's! Not kidding...


	32. Aftershocks

**AN:** Has the song Wildest Dreams taken on new meaning for anyone? I hadn't listened to the song closely until after I published the story...and when I did...I lost it...in the store.

**In Nita's POV** \- She uses the word "retarded," which I don't condone in any way shape or form. But, she's an insensitive idiot with no regard to...well, anything. So, it's definitely a word she would use. Just wanted to preface...

**Rated MA** \- Drunk Tris swears like a truck-driver (WHAH WHAH!)... what the hell am I talking about? They all do!... and sexual content

* * *

**Chapter 32 – Aftershocks**

**Zeke's POV:** Wednesday

Shauna booked me for two self-defense classes in a row today. _What the hell, woman?! _According to her, she "just wants to be able to check out my cute butt for twice as long." I know that's total bullshit and she actually just fucked up the schedule. But I'll roll with it… Not that I will admit this…but I like it when my lady says shit like that.

I stroll through the locker room and just about walk right past Four. The dude is sitting on the floor leaning up against the lockers.

"What the hell are you doin', man? Let's go."

I start walking out to the gym thinking that I need to have a serious discussion with him. He said some shit on Sunday that even my less-than-perceptive mind picked up on. I look behind me and he is…not present. So I walk backward retracing my steps and lean my head back to see him in the same spot.

"I'm coming."

"What's up? What the fuck're you doin'?"

"I don't know." _Fuckin' great…_

I back all the way into the locker room and try to get him to acknowledge me on a level that is less than dickhead. "Are you gonna be a moody bitch? Cause I can't take that shit for two classes straight."

He doesn't answer, which is nothing new with this jackass so I just do _me_ and keep pissing him off.

"Damn. The last time you taught self-defense in a foul ass mood you about got Shauna fired, so pick your shit up and—"

"Fuck you."

"Whoa. I'm just playin'. What's your deal?"

He runs his hands through his hair and sighs out…hard.

"Whatever, man. Tell me, don't tell me, I don't give a—"

"Tris and I. We…broke up."

"What?!... She dumped you?!... You told me you did not fuck Kir-STEN!"

He runs his hands down his face that looks like absolute shit now that I am officially interested.

"…No…." He lets out a pissed-off laugh and looks up at the ceiling. "I broke up…with _her_."

He's shaking his head as if… I don't know… like he can't believe he did it.

"What the fuck!?" My jaw is clenched tight because… I don't even know. _Why am I so worried? So he broke up with his girl… He's Four. Who knows why he does anything? Tris seems to be the only one who knows why he does anything…. Fuck…_ "You gonna tell me why?"

"No."

"And why the fuck not?... I've gotta tell Shauna something!... She will hand your ass to you on a platter… And then somehow it will be my fault!"

The stubborn ass just shrugs his shoulders as if the wrath of Shauna Myers doesn't scare the shit out of him. The look on his face is just weird…It's a blank stare…not bitch-ass…just blank. He doesn't care. _He doesn't give a shit?_

"Lemme guess. You lost interest? She wasn't hot enough for you? She didn't live up to the standards of the mighty Four? You got bored? What the fuck man?!"

He snaps his eyes up at me and he stands, walking over to his locker and spinning the combo to lock it.

"Yep. All those things."

"Well, that's just fucking great! So all that shit you said about maturity and being in a committed relationship… Man, I _let _you punch me in the face for that chick!"

I'm getting nothing from him…not one damn expression…or even eye contact!

"You didn't mean any of it?!"

"I meant it."

"Oh… I see, I see… But it doesn't apply to_ you_."

"No. It doesn't."

"You're a dick and a hypocrite."

"Great. Are we done here?"

I laugh out loud at how much of a prick he's being. "Whatever you say, man."

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I had anticipated this week to drag on and on. Truth be told…it hasn't. I can't believe it's Friday already. But I _have_ been pretty busy so I guess it makes sense.

I've gotten to know my neighborhood and the city, in general, better than ever in just the last four days. Every day I seem to find a new route to run. They don't always lead me to the best parts of the city…especially when I get lost in the music I'm listening to… _But hey! No risk no reward, right?_

I have developed a particular affinity for 90s metal bands. Particularly, Rage Against the Machine ("Testify"… Hell Yeah!). I'm really enjoying Korn ("Freak on a Leash"). I have a serious appreciation for Metallica ("Enter Sandman" is my jam… "Unforgiven" is a little hard to run to, but I can get through it.) And, of course, Nine Inch Nails (_not _I "Wanna Fuck You Like an Animal").

Caleb would make some smart ass comment like, "90s much?"

_Damn you Caleb! If I could find good current metal bands, I would gladly listen to them! Okay… I'm talking to my brother, who isn't here, about a hypothetical conversation. What's wrong with me?_

I've finally made my way through Lincoln Park. I zig-zagged through the streets of the city quite a bit to get here. I even made my way through the zoo. _I could have just about given a giraffe a hi-five! Not really…but it may be a new goal!_

Now I sit on a bench right on the edge of the park, thinking to myself how I need to get one of those backpack water things. _What are they called? Hydration packs!_ Based on the amount of running I've been getting in…I need it.

I lean back on the bench and lay my head all the way back. It feels fucking fantastic on my neck, which reminds me of how I need to get back into yoga, which reminds me of the gym… _What time is it? 1:00. Shit! Didn't eat lunch… Oh well! At least it's safe to go to the gym!_

* * *

"Hiya, George!" I sing-song as I breeze past him.

"Good afternoon, Tris."

"Yes, it is! Excellent weather... Hey, what time is your next class?"

"In one-half of an hour… Same as always. And are you referring to the 90-degree temperature and 95% humidity?"

"Yep! I just sweat buckets out there. Felt…great!"

"Did it?"

"Yes." _Why wouldn't it?!_

"Uriah?"

I look over my shoulder as George signals for Uriah to come over here. He does a double-take and jogs over.

"Uh… Sup?"

"Would you be so kind as to take Tris to the training room and put some electrolytes in her body?"

"Is that code for, 'Get her some Gatorade'?"

"Yes."

"Um… Is that cool with Shauna?"

"Don't worry about it… I'm fine."

I give Uriah a bullshit side smile and give George a genuine one and make my way into the locker room. I spot Shauna at the end of the hallway talking to the annoying kick-boxing instructor. She gives me a small wave as I return the gesture and make my way quickly to the locker room because my face is on fire…and it's not from running.

Making it to the sink I immediately turn on the cold water and splash it several times on my face. It feels fantastic! Then, I feel a presence behind me as I grab a towel to dry off.

"Tris?" I hear Shauna, but she's talking to me in a weird quiet way. _Great._

"Yeah?"

"Um… How are you?"

"Fine. How are you?"

"Here." She hands me a Gatorade and shrugs her shoulders. "George says your eyes look like black holes... So…you're probably dehydrated."

"I don't have cash so—"

"Tris, seriously?"

"What?"

"You know I'm _your _friend, too. I know we haven't known each other _that _long but—"

"Then why are you tip-toeing around me? And what the hell is up with Uriah?"

"Uri? Who the hell cares?! And as far as me... I'm Four's friend too, and I don't know how—"

"Shauna. He broke up with me. I'm fine. He's _definitely_ fine. We're adults. Can we act like them, please?"

"Yeah…" She turns and starts to walk away, but then stops in her tracks and crosses her arms at me. "You know…you don't have to be such a bitch about it."

I laugh at her. "Please. Like you would have it any other way."

"Hmm. Good point. Drink the fucking Gatorade, will ya?"

I uncap it and take a huge exaggerated gulp for her benefit only. "Okay?"

"That is a very strange way to say 'thank you'… Maybe I _should _have charged you!"

"Not too late!" I say over my shoulder as I walk away.

"Happy Birthday…by the way!" she yells after me and I freeze in my tracks. "Yeah… You didn't think Christina was going to let you off easy did you?!"

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I knew this week was going to drag by, but _fuck. _A snail's pace isn't even how I would describe it! It's finally Friday. I say that like it's a good thing…but it actually takes sucking to a whole new level. All it means is I have a whole weekend of…nothing. It's not that I don't have options… I just don't want to explore any of them…not a single fucking one! _Just like old times, Tobias!_

_Tobias…my name...  
_

_"__It's seriously amazing Four—"_

_"__Can you not call me that?"_

_"__Okay… What would you prefer?"_

_"__Tobias. That's my real name… I never use it. It reminds me of my father. It was his father's name so my father forced my mother to pass the name on to me."_

_"__Tobias." _

_"__It sounds amazing on your lips. Almost healing… I'm sorry…" _

_"__Don't be. I'm glad. Thank you for trusting me…"_

I wave of disappointment takes over me as I realize I won't be hearing my given name anymore...at least not often. And not out of the person's mouth whom I crave the most right now.

"Hey, buddy…" Will sticks his head into my office.

"Hey."

"How are ya?"

"Fine."

"Good."

I look down at the contract Amar had drawn up. I hired a lawyer on Tuesday morning to look it over. Everything looks fine. I'm going to have a 5-year buy in, where basically my "would-be" profits from the business will go right to buying the shares of the company, until I reach 50%. But even upon my first purchased share, which will officially be next week… I will be .83% owner in ALG Architects.

Amar laid the financials for the company on my desk Tuesday afternoon. ALG had 149.4 million dollars in gross billing last year. Upon payout to all employees, reinvesting a good portion of the profits back into the company and satisfying Amar's philanthropic ventures…my part of the remainder after the buy-in is…more than I could ever grasp. Flashes of Marcus run through my mind as I picture mansions, bullshit cars, dinners, fundraisers and a thousand other frivolities… I need Amar to talk me through this—

"Do you want me to leave?"

"What?"

"Geez, man." Will pulls out a chair and sits down. "Look…I'm not gonna ask you what happened. " _Wouldn't tell you anyway… Plus, I don't even know what the fuck happened!_

"Good."

"Because—"

His phone buzzes before he can finish his sentence. I glance and see Christina's massive face on his phone as he denies the call and then starts to text her.

"Will. You can talk to Christina in front of me… Fuck…"

"Nah… It's all good!" _Why does he sound weird? _ "I'll see her tonight so…it's all good…"

"Good."

"Good. Very good…"

I lean back in my chair and toss my glasses on the desk, rubbing my eyes. "Spit it out, William," I grumble.

"Well…I didn't know if I should mention this, nor if you would care… Shit! I don't even know if this is a sensitive subject for you or not—"

"Hey, Four?" Matthew waltzes in looking down at the plans in his hands. "I just got these back from the drafters, but I see a lot of bullshit errors… Christ, now I know why you were such an ass to _me _when I rushed to impress- … You're looking at me… Too soon to call you an ass?"

"Yes."

"Noted. So…can you like…let me know when we're at that level—"

"No."

"Got it." Matthew tosses the newest copy of the plans on my desk. "Sup, Will?" He lifts his chin at Will in a serious effort to seem casual. _ This guy…_

"Matthew…" Will laughs and nods his head. _Dude… He's not funny! _

"You're girlfriend is raising hell out there by the way."

"Is she here?!" Will asks in disbelief. _Please no… I am not ready for the wrath of Christina yet…._

"One would think…yet, no."

Will and I look at him awkwardly, waiting for him to explain.

"Oh… Vague?…Right… Julia answered your desk phone and had to put her on speaker because Christina was causing her some serious auditory distress…. You know…making her ears hurt—"

"I got it, Matthew… Thanks for letting me know."

"That's what I'm here for… Not really. So, Tris's birthday today?... You guys—"

"What?" _As in WHAT THE FUCK?!_

"Um… Your girlfriend…Tris. Dude, how do you not know this...? Sorry, are we on the 'dude' level yet?"

"No." _It's…her…birthday… It's…her…fucking…birthday… It's…her…damned…birthday. _

**Flashback:**

We've been here for two hours and I still can't get enough of this girl. Plus she ordered breakfast for dinner, which is awesome! She has her arms folded, which totally pushes her boobs up and it's really distracting, especially because of the tight yoga shirt she's wearing.

"Shoe size." She leans over and looks at me seriously…as if this information is imperative.

"You want to know my shoe size?"

"Could be a deal-breaker."

"May I ask why?"

"Research… You know there's a direct correlation between a guy's shoe size and the size of his…"

"Um…uh—"

"Feet." She looks so proud of herself. Like she just told the best joke ever. _She's so cute…_

"Ha…ha…ha. Way to make me feel like a dick. No pun intended… Okay, my turn. Birthday?"

"Uh… June-23rd-what-about-yours?"

"Come again?"

"What about yours?"

"Do you…not like your birthday or something?" _Shit! What if something terrible did, in fact, happen on her birthday…_

"No… I'm just…indifferent."

"Indifferent?"

"Indifferent." _I'm going to wait five seconds for her to explain. And if she doesn't, we'll move on. _"My parents never celebrated birthdays."

"Really?" Fuck… Even Marcus threw ridiculous parties in my supposed honor. They were all for show, and I was sent to bed early… But it was at least an acknowledgment.

"Yeah. Too self-indulgent. But...I did get a special shout-out when we said grace before dinner!" she emits sarcastically, taking a deep breath and pushing her omelet around on her plate.

I appraise the far away look on her face. "Well then… I say we do something extra-indulgent for your birthday this year…"

I watch as her face instantly brightens and then suddenly her cheeks turn a shade of pink and she looks away.

"…I mean. If we still…"

She bites her bottom lip and looks up at me through long lashes…her blue eyes catching the summer sun just right. "I think… Um… I would love that." _Yes!_

**End Flashback**

"Ok… Things just got weird so I'm gonna go… See you at Hangar's tonight?"

My mind is too numb to respond until it registers… _Why the hell would he be—_

"Um…" Will makes eye contact with me, but I look down at my desk immediately.

"Sorry guys... Is…that okay…? Christina heard me in the background and invited me—"

"To _what_?" I ask still not directing my attention to anyone and trying to hide the fact that my tongue is probably bleeding.

"After hours party...? For…Tris… Seriously, man…or _not-man_… How don't you—"

"We aren't together anymore," I state flatly. _Therefore, I don't get to fucking celebrate her birthday with her!_

She probably wouldn't even want me to. When I left on Monday, she didn't even look at me. The image of her, upon my exit, is seared into my brain. I took one last look over my shoulder before I opened the apartment door. Her face was blank, relaxed and staring…at her ceiling.

"Oh." I was expecting a look of exaltation and joy to cross his face, but he genuinely looks— "Sorry, man. That's too bad."

I don't respond and look back down at the contract, trying to concentrate on a million other things that have nothing to do with anything that is actually driving me to the brink right now.

_…Any controversy or claim arising out of or relating to this Agreement, or the breach hereof, shall be settled by arbitration in accordance with the rules, then obtaining, of the American Arbitration Association, and judgment upon the award rendered may be entered in any court having jurisdiction thereof. In witness whereof…_

"Hey… Four." I glance up at Will. "He's gone. You can stop pretending to not give a shit now."

"Not pretending. Just trying to concentrate." _Or...pretending to concentrate..._ I sigh and shake my head in annoyance.

"Whatever you say," he responds, returning my tone with a version of his own. "Apparently Christina was right and I shouldn't have mentioned—"

"Here," I interrupt because I can't fucking take it anymore. The idea that everyone else gets to be there to wish the woman I love a happy fucking birthday is about to push me over the edge. I grab a $50 bill out of my wallet and toss it at Will. "Get her a thing of tiger lilies and don't fucking tell her they're from me."

He tentatively grabs the bill and looks at me with raised eyebrows. _Boy did I just open a fucking door… _

Resting my hands flat on my desk, I lean in and look up at him. "Will… Never once, have I said nor will I ever say I don't care about her. Ever."

"Four… You haven't said _anything._"

I just nod my head as he laughs sarcastically and turns toward the door.

"Get her chocolate-covered strawberries with the change," I add not looking up from the contract.

"Can I at least tell her _those _are from you?"

"No."

* * *

I've added what feels like a million new routes onto my running repertoire this week. I stick to the Loop and Near North areas, but I almost always end up in Grant Park or by the lake. Today I lost track of my route as I made it all the way up to Lincoln Park. I jog through the paths of the zoo and watch a kid be an idiot and lose a balloon into the trees. Then I pass the bear enclosure and a brilliant thought crosses my mind. _I want to punch a bear in the face! It wouldn't end well for me but fuck it... It's my new goal!_

I slow up and clasp my hands behind my head as I try to bring my heart rate down without passing out, thinking to myself how I really need to bring water. But I hate carrying water bottles and those hydration packs look so stupid. I envision myself wearing one…

_"Oh my God!" Tris exalts as she jogs over to me. I quickly check out her sexy legs in her extra short running shorts. She covers her face with her hands and shakes her head, peeking at me between her fingers. "You look like an idiot." She laughs and swats me on the butt. "Come on, handsome! Race ya to the giraffes!" _

She'd want to try and high-five one or something dumb…

Shaking my head at my imagination running away with me…again, I find a bench at the edge of the park and sit down. I rest my head in my hands, which feels terrible because it's 150 fucking degrees out here with 1000% humidity. Covering my face is doing me no favors, but it seems to be the only way to control my wandering thoughts seeing that everything I lay my eyes on appears to be reminding me of Tris.

_What time is it? 6:30. Fuck! Didn't eat dinner… Screw it! It's safe to go to the gym._

* * *

I nod to George as I enter the building and start walking to the locker room.

"Good evening, Four."

"Hmph," I grunt in acknowledgment.

"I start a class in ten minutes, it may behoove you to join in."

I narrow my eyes at him. _Like I'm going to take a fucking yoga class!_

"You're just looking rather stressed. It's a meditation class."

"No...thanks." _Not in a million…years._

"It really does help take your mind off things."

"What makes you think I have _anything _on my mind, George?" I ask like the prick that I am.

"Your face."

"_Fuck,_" I huff out resting my hands on my knees. _I really should have had dinner._

"Uriah?" I see George nod his head in my direction as he looks toward Uriah, who is walking down the hall. "Sustenance for our friend, please."

"Dude! I'm not a damned server."

"Just do it, Uri," I hear Shauna snark as she passes Uriah, walking toward me. _I do not want the runaround… Fuck… _"You look like shit," she comments with me now being her primary focus of attention.

"I_ feel_ like shit. It's hotter than balls out there. I just sweat buckets."

"So… You're an idiot on _several _levels these days."

"Yeah," Uriah chimes in practically shoving a Gatorade at my chest and walking past me.

"Anything else?" I ask as I open the bottle and take a large drink.

"Not now." _Wow! One thing goes my way! _She walks through the reception area and pushes her way through the glass doors. Then she leans her head back in. "But just wait…"

"God…" I mutter as I lean my back up against the wall in the hallway and lightly smack my head once on the drywall. _Was I a puppy murderer in a past life? Is this penance? Fuck… I'll pay it if Tris can be safe…and happy…_

Tris being happy… That's one place I keep deterring my mind from going: Wondering _how _she's doing. _Has she been able to sleep? I know I haven't. Does she hate me? She should. Does she really think I don't love her? Because I sure as hell never said it!_ And I came to realize, the night after I broke it off (if that's what you would call it), that there was no way that I could have. I would never…ever…be able to tell her I don't love her.

"Hey man," Zeke walks up behind me and claps me on the shoulder.

"Hey. Uh...what are you doing here?"

"Captain over-booked patrols."

"Hmm."

"Figured you'd be here and—"

"I really don't want to _fucking _talk about—"

"I'm saying sorry, fucker." _His apology is one of the lesser things I care about right now._

"Oh. Yeah, it's fine."

"I shouldn't have called you a dick and a hypocrite. You broke up with your girl cause you weren't feelin' it. It happens, man."

"Yeah." _Except it didn't happen…_

"So, Shauna's pissed and Uri's pissed, but they'll get over it. "

"Hmm." _I don't care…_

"Anything else you wanna tell me about it?"

"No."

"Should we box?"

"Yes."

* * *

**Nita's POV:**

_Yum. _It's the only word I can think of as I watch Four and his retarded friend box. With his lean, strong, tan, sexy-as-hell arms flexing, and his defined calf muscles holding the brunt of his weight as he bounces on his toes..._uggggghhhhhh... _They aren't wearing the stupid headgear, so I can see his chiseled face. He looks extra amped up and I can imagine, very clearly, him taking his pent up agitation out on me...in my bedroom.

_He's…..siiiiiiiiiinnnnnnngggggggllllllle!_

I can't believe Marcus's plan worked. I thought I blew it. I got so caught up in wanting to make Trini feel insignificant that I completely forgot my task at hand. All I was supposed to do was mention Marcus's name in relationship to Trini's and that would, supposedly, have set Four off. As it turns out…my little show on Saturday was the nail in the coffin anyway.

Marcus… He is truly…precious. He's an _idiot!_ I can't believe he bought into my father's coercion plan…

**Flashback: **

I walk up to the expansive doors of my father's home and I'm immediately greeted by one of his guards lounging his lazy ass on the front steps. He whistles loudly and immediately stands.

"What…can I…do for you, Señorita?"

He looks me up and down with his vile sneering eyes as I give him my best coy smile and walk closer to him. I lean in so my lips are right next to his ear as I trail my right fingers up his thigh. I feel his disgusting hand on my left hip.

"Dile a Carlos que su hija, Juanita, está aquí para visitarlo."

The guard immediately backs up at my admission to being Carlos's daughter. I stare him right in the eye and cock my head to the side, purposefully looking him up and down. Then I shrug my shoulders indifferently and walk right past him.

"Llámale…llámale!" I wave behind me and as they fumble with their phones to call up to my father's office.

Strolling purposefully out to the veranda, I sit in a chair and wait patiently, admiring the view of the lake from my father's home: the one I've never lived in. When I was a child, I never understood why. I still saw him several times a week when I was home from boarding school. But we've never lived together. Daddy always said he never meant to burden me with trying to hide who I am, he just didn't want to put me out there for the scavengers to eat up. I don't even know what hell that means.

Not many suspect me to be the daughter of Carlos Juares. Any time he talks about me he refers to me as Juanita. Everyone "on the outside", as Daddy calls it, knows me as Nita…his idea. And the last name Juares is a common enough Latino name…aside from the spelling. My grandfather changed it from Juarez to Juares at the last request of my grandmother, whom he left in Mexico. She wanted to cut all ties.

I went to boarding school from kindergarten through high school… Daddy paid cash. For college…Daddy paid cash. I have my own house… Daddy paid cash. I'm a member of the Turncourt Country Club and my Daddy isn't…but he pays cash for my membership.

Holidays were always celebrated a day or two early with him, my grandfather and me. Once when I was young, I asked why we celebrate early and all he said was, "Por buena suerte." _Really? For good luck?_ It wasn't until I was older that I realized my father has a string of enemies longer than the TSA no-fly list. Therefore _taking_ Carlos Juares _out_ on a holiday would be the cherry on top of a very delicious cake for many people.

I wonder what Four will think when he finds out…

"¿Juanita? ¿Qué estás haciendo? ¿Por qué no me llamaste primero?"

"¡Lo siento, Papá! I just needed to see you so badly I didn't even _think _to call." _Total bullshit. _

I go in for my token daddy's girl hug, which always seems to please him so.

"José… Mi princesa necesita una bebida." He turns his attention to me. "What's your latest indulgence?"

"Your finest tequila?"

"That's my baby girl… But I have to admit…we will _not_ be drinking my finest. I have yet to even try it!" He looks to whoever the hell José is. "José, el Gran Patrón Burdeos."

"Con hielo y limón." _Wait for it…._

"You plan to ruin a $500 bottle of Tequila with lime and ice? ¡A la verga!"

"Watch your mouth Papá! My fragile ears…" I say smiling and loving that I'm about to ruin a perfectly delicious tequila at his expense. _He has $3000 bottles in his cellar anyway. _

"So mija, ¿Qué quieres? You never just… how do you say it? 'Drop by?'"

Sitting back down I take a deep breath and close my eyes. _The sun feels fabulous..._

"I know you're working with Marcus."

"Why… Marcus and I have had business dealings for years—"

"This is different. Why do you want Tobias…" …_I fucking hate that name_… "…Eaton and I to be together?"

He sits in the chair next to me glancing warily in my direction. "Juanita… I think you misunderstand—"

"Don't try to deny it, Papá. You all but pushed me into applying at ALG…where Tobias..._Eaton..._just happened to be a new Senior Architect… The man is brilliant by the way—"

"As are you my darling—"

"Cut the shit, Daddy."

He scoffs at me and sits back in a huff. "Juanita…as happy as it makes me to see you. You will _not_ disrespect me in my own house."

"I happen to think it is equally as disrespectful for you to 'arrange' a courtship and not clue me in."

"As I said…you misunderstand."

"Then…Papá…_indulge_ me."

He grumbles and stands, walking with his hands behind his back over to the ledge. He leans on the railing and seems to be...choosing his words carefully or something. _He's bizarre._ "I was in love with Marcus's wife, Tobias's mother…Evelyn. I still am...quite in love. I always will be."

"She's dead."

I see my father grip the sides of the railing and watch as his knuckles turn white. "She was going to leave him...and I was going to leave the business."

Within an instant, I'm out of my seat. "What?!...When?!" _Did he ever think to 'leave the business' for his damned daughter?!_

"Habría tenido…let's see…ocho años."

"Eight! I would have been…eight?!"

I put a connection together that is…disturbing. I picture Four. _I think we're about the same age… But he does act older than most, so maybe I'm wrong… He's mature…not frivolous. He may just look older… In an entirely sexy-as-fuck way. He's a man!_… _I couldn't even imagine_..."Papá…what the hell was she planning to do with..._Tobias? _Surely she wasn't going to _take _him with!"

"Juanita, sometimes your selfishness is…overwhelming—"

"Uh!"

"Of course she was going to bring him. He was her _son! _He _is _her son! She would never have left him and I would never have asked such a thing!"

"¡Habría sido como pinche hermanos! ¡Qué asco!" I throw my hands up in the air in exasperation and land them on my hips for extra drama. _Thank God she fucking died!_

"Supongo que sí…" He shrugs his shoulders as if Four and I growing up as brother and sister isn't the most revolting thing he's ever said to me. "As I said, Juanita… You have misunderstood this situation… I never intended for_ you_ and Tobias to date or…lo que sea."

José shows up at the shittiest moment to deliver the fucking tequila as he takes his sweet time setting us up with the perfect presentation. _Leave... You fucking worthless piece of—_

"Gracias, José." My father takes a slow sip of his tequila…and I throw mine over the balcony as he growls at me. "You listen to me…daughter…" He grabs my wrist roughly. "I only wanted Marcus to _think_ that's what I wanted. I have no real interest!" He calms himself and tosses my arm to the side. "You see…_cariña_…he used Evelyn as his plaything for ten…long…years—"

"Plaything? What the hell does that even _mean?_"

He takes another sip of his tequila. "I don't have the capacity to explain to you the things he did to her."

Christ. If _he _can't even stomach it, then it must be bad. "Why didn't you kill him?"

"…I have never wanted to murder someone with my bare hands…until him. But she said she would leave me if I did. She wouldn't let me get rid of the father of her child—"

"Well…Papá…you know accidents happen," I say sarcastically as I cross my arms and look down the steep rocky drop at his speed boat where several women lay sunning themselves. "You still love her...huh?" I gesture to the women, testing the boundaries of my father's patience again.

I turn to watch him clench his jaw at my off-the-cuff comment about his love life.

"Until the day I die…"

"So, you want Marcus to…what?..._Think _you want Tobias and me to be tog-"

"I want him to _think_ that I will always be in his life, lurking around the corner…and I will be. But right now, this is just a way to make him my puppet. ¡Me disfruta mucho!"

"Well…Papá…I'm glad you have provided yourself with enjoyment at my expense!"

"¡Por favor, mija! You know as well as I do that Tobias is nothing but a conquest for you. He's indifferent to you—"

"He most certainly isn't!"

"-and you are your father's daughter… Therefore, you demand control of a situation."

"You don't know anything about _Four _and I… That's the name he prefers—"

"Evelyn would have hated that ridiculous—"

"We have a connection—"

"¡Princesa!... I will not be arguing with you about your love affairs. Good luck with that young man! Hell…if you _can _reel him in… ¡Qué suerte para mí!

I leave my father chuckling to himself on his balcony. Luck will have _nothing _to do with it…

**End Flashback**

Upon finding out that this entire scenario was a façade on my father's behalf, all to do nothing but drive Marcus completely mad, I, of course, was furious. I will not be a fucking pawn! However…upon further thought and some serious time spent at Dolce, I saw this as my in. Marcus was going to do everything in his power to break up Tobias and Trini and all I had to do was lay in wait. And every bit of patience was worth it!

My only fear is Tobias finding out the truth. He's smart and obviously duplicitous. He has no problem lying to get what he wants… And in my observations of him as a leader…he adds the perfect amount of bullshit to get results. But he doesn't seem to be looking at this situation objectively because of his irrational feelings for Trini….

Emotions are so stupid…such a weakness. Yet his obsession…scratch that…his minor infatuation with her does me no favors._ I'll just have to make sure she stays away..._

"Are you okay!?" The loud-mouth manager is suddenly standing in front of me. "You've been standing here, practically drooling. Are you sick? I think that's a sign of Ebola. Don't spread that shit in my gym."

I can honestly think of no response to that accusation.

"Can…I…help…you?" _Don't talk to me like I'm a fucking three-year-old you dumb bitch!_

"Just…observing." I look over her shoulder and see Four looking in my direction. He nods his head and gives me a small wave, which makes my heart race. _Yes! I knew it!_

"Well…at least wipe your mouth. You're making the other members nervous. Beginner yoga-lates is that way, FYI." She points to the ridiculous class of amateurs and smiles slyly.

After she walks away, I inconspicuously check my lower lip to see if I was indeed drooling. _Looking at that man…it would have been possible. _Then I make my way over to him and stand right at the ropes waiting for him to notice me. His stupid friend gets a punch in, but Four blocks it somehow and does some impressive kick into his side. It doesn't take Zeke …_I think that's his name…_ down, but it was forceful enough to elicit some choice words out of him.

Then Four notices me and it's like the world stops as we make eye contact. His stern expression is such a turn on. _Fuck… _I bite my bottom lip because that always seem to get guys going as he shakes his head, probably trying to rid the distracting thoughts that I'm sure are going through his mind.

_"Fuck…me…" _I hear him say as he walks to the other side of the ring.

_Well…my job is obviously done here!_

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I couldn't bring myself to wear the 'shirt' that I had on last Friday night…even though it brought me great tips. Instead, I took a chance and wore shorter shorts than I would usually wear. Not ass-cheek shorts… (Ever since Chris and Will started dating I have had to deter her from wearing those.) These are just black jean shorts... But they're about an inch shorter than I would like. At least I feel comfortable enough in my same short-sleeved V-neck cotton shirt. Christina made me tuck the shirt in and wear a belt because, "The shirt is tight and the shorts are high-waisted… Gah! Wear a fucking belt and show off your damn curves, idiot!" _What curves?! _

At this point in the night, I would give anything for my cut-off jean shorts and Hawks sweatshirt.

"Tris! I gotta tell ya… If it weren't for your face, I would wish you were a lesbian!" Lynn yells to me from her station.

"You're a bitch and I seriously considered _becoming_ a lesbian until I had to give your ugly ass a lap dance."

I feel a quick shooting pain in my stomach.

"Yeah… You okay?" She nods her head at me and I know exactly what she's asking.

I just shrug my shoulders because I honestly have no idea how to answer that question. I feel…fine…

"Hey Tris, can I getta Blue Moon draft, a Heineken bottle, and a Black and Tan?" I turn to see… _Shit, what's his name? David! …_David flagging me down.

"We're out of Guinness… But I can sub another stout if you want… Millstreet?"

"Never tried it. Sounds good... You look…really…great by the way."

I grab two chilled glasses and a Heineken, uncap the Heineken and pour the Blue Moon draft, passing the Heineken David's way. Then I set up for the Black and Tan while handing him the draft.

"Okay, you just uncapped a beer bottle with one hand and how the hell are you doing that?!"

I look down at the upside-down spoon I'm balancing on the edge of the glass so the pour of the ale is perfect and shrug my shoulders.

"Wow, Tris! You're good with your hands!" Christina pipes in from behind me.

"That's what s_he_ said," we both chime in.

David laughs. "You guys are funny together."

"Yeah…we try. 32 bucks."

"Can I start a tab? Matthew's coming and drinks are on me. I have some serious apologizing to do."

"Why?"

"He kept me from making an enormous mistake with the lovely Nita last week. And I pretty much told him to shut the fuck up and mind his own god-damned business and berated him for the rest of the night."

"Wow," I comment as I nod my head at a chick wanting yet another Makers Manhattan. _That's number five…_

"Yeah. I was wasted," he adds sheepishly.

"Hmm." I have absolutely nothing else to say on the topic of Nita so I get my shit ready for the Manhattan...reserving a shot of Makers for myself.

_But it was pretty sweet when I threw her ass over a drinking fountain…_

"What's with the shit-eating grin?"

I toss in the maraschino cherry and hand the drink…carefully…to drunk-whiskey-chick and then take the shot as I watch David's eyes go wide. _I never understand why guys can't believe women drink whiskey…_

"I dumped Nita over a drinking fountain last Saturday. It was one of the highlights of my life..."

"I would have paid to see that."

"You set it up…and I will gladly participate. I'll do it for free."

"I bet. She's all screwed up in the head about your boyfriend—"

"He's not my boyfriend." _Wow, that came out fast… Fuck! There's that pain again…_

I can feel him staring at me as I walk over and get Lynn's latest drink order.

"…Really..." he states as I return.

"Really," I repeat as I line up four martini glasses and get Tanqueray and vermouth.

"What happened?... Sorry, I'm just…he was ready to murder that drunk guy last week for calling you an—"

"Ankle-grabbing-cum-dumpster!" Chris yells as she starts laughing and leans over to kiss Will, who must have just gotten here.

"Wow. Ears of steel that one."

"Yeah... You all good here?"

"Uh…yeah. But, hey… This is probably shitty, but sometimes I'm kind of shitty…"

I raise my eyebrows at him, signaling for him to continue so I can move...on!

"Does Matthew know you broke up with him—"

"He broke up with me."

"…Seriously…"

"Yes."

"Last call!... Last call!... Last call!..." Tori yells, pointing at the stupid fucking clock.

"Too late to start a tab… Sorry."

"It's okay. Thanks, Tris."

I give him a small smile and dive head first into the mass influx of customers screaming drink orders at me. _FML…_

* * *

"Muchas gracias, amigo," I say to Juan Carlos as I tip him out before he leaves.

"My wife… She come…"

"Really? That's awesome! When?... Um… Fuck… Cuándo?" _I think that's the right word…_

"No this week… la próxima…" _He's pointing at something…._

"Oh! Next week?"

"Yes, amiga. Yes! For you! For you!"

"For me?" _What the hell?_

He looks up at the ceiling in frustration. "Cien dollars… You give me… Mucho dinero! Big big tip!"

"Oh." _Because _of me.

"I save money… mucho tiempo… She come… _Nes _week?"

"_Next._"

"_Nest."_

"Neck-"

"Neck-"

"-st."

"-st."

"Next."

"Nest-ck."

"Sí." _This should be an SNL skit!_

"Gracias, bella. Thank you… Thank you… Um… I Mexican…we…ah… embrazo…uh…" He's making an arms-wide hand motion—_Oh! He went in for the hug… Okay… This is happening…  
_

After the awkward beginning I do hug him back, which says a lot because I'm not a hugger.

He pulls away. "Sorry."

"No problema," I laugh. "Estoy feliz… for you…"

"Gracias." He looks over my shoulder and smiles wide at something.

I turn my body to see what he's looking at. _Fuck... _A group of people are looking at me in anticipation with a cake in front of them and Christina at the forefront. "Let her rip everyone!"

"Happy Birthday to you… Happy Birthday to you… Happy Biiiiirthdaaaaay Miss Triiiiiisssss… Happy Birthday to you!" they all sing.

"Now blow out the damned candles before we burn the joint down Oldilocks!"

I shake my head and blow all 24 of the candles out.

"What the fuck did you do?"

"Aw! I knew you'd love it!"

I look up and see everyone from the bar…even Molly, some of my friends from The Studio, along with Bud, Shauna, Marlene, Uriah, Matthew, David, Will and… _Shooting pain in my side…again._

"Um…" I laugh at how dumb this is. "Thanks, everyone… I can't believe Tori let you all—"

Will hands me a bouquet of Tiger Lilies…and a clear plastic box with chocolate-covered strawberries…

...

_"__You told me tiger lilies are your favorite."_

_ "__Thank you… No one has ever sent me flowers before."_

_"__Well, I have never sent flowers before, so…"_

_…__..._

_"__Please! I just want to try one! Stop. Please, can we go back…? You're seriously going to make me pass up a perfectly good opportunity to try a chocolate covered strawberry?"_

_"__Yes."_

_"__Come on… Don't be a jerk!"_

_"__I want to see the look on your beautiful face when you try one for the first time… And…to torture you even more… You'll have to wait for your birthday… Don't even look at me like that…_

_..._

"Um… Happy Birthday!" Will chirps. "Chocolate covered strawberries… Yum! Yum!"

"Aw, William! You're so sweet!... C'mere…" Christina grabs Will by the face and plants one on him as I hold the bouquet and look at the strawberries.

After they disconnect their stupid fucking faces, Will looks at me. "So… tiger lilies? I just thought they were pretty!... Kinda hard to come by though…"

"So…you were _specifically _looking for tiger lilies?"

"…Yessss… You just…wow…um… I saw them on your counter once! So I figured…"

And here it is… I knew the moment would come when it would hit me. I knew deep down that this week flying by was too good to be true and there was a slight impending sense of doom looming somewhere in the back of my head. The feeling of loss hits me like a crushing blow to the chest. Although I'm standing still, I feel as if I've been thrown back into the counter behind me.

"Trissy…? Come with me, please?"

"Mmm hmm."

She pulls me roughly into the backroom and grabs me by my shoulders.

"Okay… I've been waiting for the shit to hit the fan...all damned week. I can see that the shit is about to officially hit the fan. Is there any way to reign this in until we get home?"

My eyes are welling up as I see Shauna come up behind Christina, which doesn't help…one fucking bit!

"Move over," she orders Christina as she takes her place with her hands on my shoulders. "Look, I can see by the look on your face that the shit has just hit the fan—"

"Stop it with the shit and the fan crap and get me a God-damned tissue!"

"Got it!" I hear Marlene behind me. _Fuck… _"Here." She hands me a pile of paper towels from the bathroom about four inches thick. "Sorry…um…I don't know where the tissues are…"

"I got 'em…" Christina sighs out and walks to the kitchenette.

"Okay, Tris. Game face. Are we crying now? Or later?"

"My vote is that we cry later."

"Mar… You don't get a vote. Here…" Christina hands me two tissues.

"This is your fucking fault," I say to Christina, dabbing under my eyes at the tears that seem to keep surfacing. "You knew…I didn't want this…and…I hate tiger lilies…and…fuck strawberries…and chocolate… Stupid combination..." I'm trying to take short breaths in between words just to get my heart beating.

"I'll eat 'em!" _Don't touch my fucking strawberries, Marlene!_

"You can blame me later," Christina promises, grabbing her make-up bag. "Right now…there is a rather large group of people who want to celebrate the glorious day of your birth. So…are we crying now?... Or later?"

_Okay, Tris. Hold it in like you've always done. You're fine… You're fine… I'm ALWAYS fine…_

"Later."

"Get her a drink, ladies!"

"Tequil—"

"Hell, no!"

* * *

**Uriah's POV:**

I see Marlene slip into the back room, and I follow…casually, of course…wanting a little one-on-one time if you know what I mean…? I see a group of them barking at each other.

Tris is staring from one to the other. She's got some bad-ass eyes and they look all weird and… _Oh, wait! She's sad… That's definite sadness… I'm getting this emotion shit down! Woo! Okay, wait… Now she looks… Mad..?_ She stands up straight and wipes under her eyes as Marlene dabs some shit under them. Christina tries to draw on her face with something until Tris grabs it out of her hand and chucks it across the room. "Get that shit away from me!" _Woo! She's pissed..._

_She's sad… She's mad… Perfect combination… Four's out of the picture… This is my shot! And I'm gonna fuckin' take it!_

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

_When was the last time I told her I loved her? … Fuck this… Fuck this… Not Sunday, not Saturday, Friday?... Jesus…I was hammered… Would that count if I said it then?... Not in my book! Shit… I didn't even tell her when we FUCKED IN A BROOM CLOSET! Not even after she got my Toews jersey down… That was so…awesome… And good GOD… guess what I just rememorized?… She gave me head in my shower! I HATE THAT SHOWER! That's what I left her with? My cock in her beautiful mouth? I am the biggest piece of shit…ever… In forever on the planet…When was the last time I kissed her?…Like actually kissed her… One that counts… I can't even… I can't do this… How do I do this…? Happy Birthday, Baby…_

* * *

I barely remember falling asleep…thanks to Johnny Walker Blue Label… I knew the whole time I was drinking it (or pounding it), that I was wasting a perfectly marvelous bottle of whiskey. I planned to indulge in it slowly as an occasional nightcap with my awesome _ex-_girlfriend. _Cue lightning bolt to the heart…_

I feel a sudden rustling of the covers as soft fingers run up my back and I quickly roll over to see beautiful blue eyes staring down at me. My heart immediately starts racing.

"Jesus, Tris—"

She puts her fingers on my lips. "Tell me you don't love me… And I'll leave..."

_Fuck…is this real? _"I…"

"But only if you mean it… Don't fucking lie to me… You're better than that… And I'll know if you're lying… I'll know in here…" She points to her heart.

I have no words… She's so fucking beautiful with her bottom lip quivering in anticipation of my answer.

"I… I can't…"

She gets a small smile on her face as she lets out a shaky breath. "Then tell me you love me… Please, tell me… I can't—"

"I love you. I'm sorry. I'm so—"

Her hands are in my hair as she lays herself over me and our foreheads are glued together as I breathe her in. She runs her hands down the sides of my face as I sit up and wrap her in my arms, pressing my lips to hers. She allows me immediate access to the sweet taste of her tongue and I feel whole again. I know I'm holding her too tight, but I can't let go. My fingers are tangled in the roots of her hair, but I need her closer still. Lifting her shirt over her head and unclasping her bra, I immediately toss them to the side and hold her to me again...even tighter. I attack her with my lips and my hands and the pressure of my body.

"God, I missed you…" She tells me as I move on to her neck tasting every inch I can reach.

"Tris...I can't even tell you—"

She presses me onto my back and urgently pulls at my boxers, smiling. "Not my favorite…"

I laugh and help her take them off and then I push her soft panties down her legs as she kicks out of them. Then flipping us quickly, I hover over her.

I take this moment to look at her face and I run my fingertips from her forehead, along her cheek, and stopping at her chin as she smiles. The moon catches in her eye and it looks as if a star is reflected off of it.

"I love you," I whisper.

"I love you, too."

I push into her slowly…so slowly…resting my forehead on hers. Goosebumps travel down my entire body as she exhales in relief. She's just how I remember her, tight, warm…and fuck she just feels like home.

"Tris…I…"

She nods her head quickly as if there's no need to even finish that thought because she already feels it.

I slowly start moving in and out. I'm completely absorbed in how she feels and how she looks as she stares at me with her lips parted and small sweet noises coming out of her. She runs her hands under my arms and up my back over my shoulders. She moves her hips in perfect tandem with my thrusts as she pulls me down each time she lifts her core to meet mine.

I barely remove my lips from hers, kissing her tenderly…like she deserves. All to soon, I feel myself getting close. _But I don't want this…to end. Please don't…let this end…_

"Baby…I'm…God, I love..." I don't get the words out as I come…

My eyes open as fast as lightning as I sit up and a sick feeling travels through my body. Heartbreak, disappointment, shame, sadness, want and emptiness all pool together along with the mess under the sheets. I stay sitting, staring at the wall for what feels like an eternity before I can bring myself to actual coherence. I shake my head and as much as I want to punch something right now, my arms are too weak to do it. So all I can do is get up and go lay on the couch…until morning…

**(John Mayer – Dreaming with a Broken Heart)**

* * *

**Christina's POV:**

So I may have made the mistake of pouring Tris doubles all night…

She started the party with on and off tears that she was trying desperately to hide. Will noticed and seemed to be hovering a lot…_ What set her off?_ My sweeter than sweet boyfriend hands her flowers and strawberries and you would have thought he shot her. _I need to get to the bottom of this…_

"I fuckin' love dancing… I'm pretty good, ya know… It's s'one thing I'm good at… David's a grrrrrreat dancer… So is Matthew… He's sooooo funny…and weird… Al is…notsogood…"

"Yes, baby doll. Let's just get you…up…the…stairs…"

"Chris… This is paybacks… Will?… Hey… Lookatme… I have stories!"

"Tris." _Shut up! Shut up!_

"Will…you love my bestie…and I love that about…you. But I hate your flowers…and your strawberries… Sorry…I'm not nice… Just ask Tobias… S'prob'ly another reason… Add it to the fuckin' list!"

"Okay."

I look down at Tris's face because she's suddenly mute as she stumbles up the last step. I see one single tear fall down her cheek as she leans on Will. It makes my heart hurt for her. _What the hell happened between them?! What was that shit in the car last week?  
_

"And then Marlene ate all my strawberries… Whatta bitch!"

"Okay, Trissy. We're going to bed."

"Okay."

"Wow. That was easy," Will comments.

"I'm easy… No, I'm not… But maybe I should be…"

"No, you shouldn't," I reply in all seriousness. _She cannot turn into a post-breakup sex pot!_

She just nods her head as Will helps me walk her to her room and sit her on her bed. I ask Will to get her a glass of water while I open her pajama drawer... It's been totally cleaned out except for several of Four's T-shirts. _Oh…sweetie… _I glance at her not knowing if she's at the point where his shit makes her feel better or if it enrages her…

"Get 'em outta here." _That answers that._

"All of them?"

"Every…fucking…one." I see tears streaming down her face, but they aren't accompanied by heavy breathing and sobbing. That's so Tris. Even when her body works against her…she still fights back. She's just staring straight ahead, not even attempting to wipe them away as they drip off her chin.

"Okay." I lift the shirts and toss them out into the TV room as I see Will quirk his head wondering what the hell I'm doing. Then it seems to register as he nods his head, sadly. _He's been very quiet tonight…_

I rummage through her drawers and find her some pajama pants and a T-shirt. When I turn around to hand them to her, I see that she has wandered to her desk and is looking down at something.

"Tris?"

I walk over and see that she is looking at the picture she made for Four, her tears dripping onto it. She sucks in a quick breath and covers her mouth as she realizes what she just did. And then…she lets go of everything she was holding in as she covers her face and sobs into her hands.

"Come here." I hug her tightly as she rests her forehead on my shoulder and cries...finally. I make the mistake of trying to move us to sit on her bed but she pulls away from me and goes to open the window to the deck…and it's a definite struggle…

"Fucking bullshit window!" she yells.

"Tris, it's locked… Let's just get you to bed—"

"No. I'm going…to sit…out here…on my fucking deck!"

"Chris?... Is she—"

"She's okay," I say softly to Will.

Turning my head back to Tris I see that she had successfully opened the window and is climbing her tiny tush through the damned thing.

"Tris… Let me—"

I hear a loud thump and wait for some noise to signal that she's okay. I don't hear a sound, but I see the amber lights flicker on and off…over and over…

"Fuck… Will, can you get a blanket out of the linen closet, please?"

"Yeah, sure."

I stick my head through the window as I see Tris trying to mess with the plug for the lights as she grumbles and then sits down in defeat with her forehead on her knees. I climb out the window and reach over her to plug the lights in, then I sit next to her leaning my back against the house.

"I wish I never met him." She's rolling her forehead back and forth on her knees.

I nod my head in understanding. _I totally fucking get it !_ That's exactly what I would be saying. But I know better. Even though I fucking hate Four so much…he helped her in ways I never could.

She takes in small shallow breaths as she talks. "I feel…like…I can't…breathe. I was fine…and now…I'm…not. I don't know…what to do…"

"I know… But you will… You will…" _This is probably not the time to ask this, but fuck it_… "Did he say why?"

She chuckles and looks straight ahead. "I guessed. And he didn't argue… Nothin'...notta damn thing. Jus…gottup and left…"

"What did you guess?"

"He doesn't…love me… and…I get it." That was a hard sentence for her to get out through all those tears…and a hard sentence for me to decipher.

"You get it?"

She nods her head as I feel a blanket brush up beside me. I mouth a thank you to Will as he backs out of the window and I cover her with it.

"I think he…_thought..._he loved me… I don't think…he was lying…when he said it…"

"What do you think changed?"

She shrugs her shoulders and looks away… "He woke up…real fast…"

"What the hell does that mean?"

"Christina… I'm like a fucking suitcase! Neon sign on my back… _Baggage! Baggage!_ Then the stupid...non-existent pregnancy...scare that somehow...rocked him to the core! He's so fucking dumb!… Then how I reacted with his Marcus…pretty much sealed...the deal…" _His Marcus?_

"But what about everything else? It's just so sudden…"

"To us… But pro'ly not to him…" Then she covers her face and the tears come out in full force. "This…hurts more than…Eric…hurt me. This is…worse…"

_Well…now I officially hate him._

**_(Maroon 5 - Unkiss Me)_**

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

My phone buzzes at 4:00 AM… I've been lying here for three hours after falling asleep for a very brief time. I check the caller I.D. and I don't recognize the number…but I will take any distraction I can get right now. So I answer.

"Hello?" I probably sound like I'm actually_ dying_ from a cold.

No response.

"Hello…?"

No response again.

"Great…," I whisper as I toss the phone aside and roll over onto my side. I flip my pillow because it's soaked and then I take a deep breath and rub my swollen eyes. _This is ridiculous…_

I push myself up and grab my phone to go sit at my desk. I don't know why I take my phone… I think a part of me has been hoping Tobias would have texted me 'Happy Birthday.' Again…I don't know why… This was what _he _wanted. He probably feels relieved…

I see the picture I had done for him. My breath hitches and my chest feels like it's going to explode as it constricts.

All the good and all and the bad come to mind.

_Why did this happen? When did it start? Why would he have said this? And why would he have said that? Was it a red flag? What about that one time? Or that other time?_ _How could I have missed the signs? _

I think I always knew it was too good to be true. Not that it was all good… I'm talking about the amount of love I feel for him… How could that possibly be reciprocated?

_"__Fuck…stop it!" _

I catch myself crying again as pieces and part of memories spill forth. _Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it. _I clench my jaw and fist in frustration.

It helped a little, so I grab a photo I have been waiting to start. It's of the clock at the bar… I'm making it for Tori. Seeing as I poured my fucking heart and soul into the one I made for Tobias, I had put all the others aside. _What am I going to do with that one by the way?...Throw it out..._

Putting my ear buds in to try to drown out thought, I turn my iPod on and start mouthing the words to the song… It's pretty God-damned painful...but I come up with a brilliant idea. _Brilliant? That's a stretch…_

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I stare at Tris's beautiful smiling face on my phone as I bring up my favorites list. I still haven't had the heart to take her off of it…let alone delete her number.

_Fuck, I just want to hear her voice. It's been haunting my dreams so what the hell…_ I pick up the landline, which I'm fairly sure she didn't even know I have, and dial her number.

"Hello?"

I close my eyes and bring my lips between my teeth to prevent myself from saying anything as I process her voice. _God… _She's awake and she's been crying.

"Hello…?"

The sound warms my heart but crushes my soul at the same time as I try to hold on as long as I can before she hangs up.

Then I hear a soft, weak "Great…," along with a rustling of sheets, and several solid deep breaths. _She didn't hang up her phone…and I sure as fuck am NOT going to!_

I close my eyes and envision what she looks like… She celebrated her birthday so she probably drank quite a bit… I see her in her sleep pants and one of her T-shirts because I'm 100% certain she doesn't wear mine anymore. Her hair is piled on her head and I would imagine her lips are swollen from biting them…her bottom one in particular. The effect of bloodshot eyes infiltrate her irises and I imagine she has dark circles under them from drinking too much alcohol and not enough water. I wouldn't even care…she's always beautiful to me…

I wonder if she missed me... Because I sure as hell thought about nothing...else...but...her...all night...

I hope she smiled when she got the flowers, and that she tried the strawberries. I knew it was a risk…but I'm sure Christina knows her favorite flowers are tiger lilies so it would make sense for Will to get them for her. And it's not uncommon for people to get candy and shit for their birthday. _ Right? I'm right…,right?_

Muffled sounds are coming through again and suddenly I can hear her perfectly clearly. She sucks in a sudden deep breath and an unidentifiable sound comes out of her…a sound I am personally all too familiar with...but it bears no description.

Then rustling papers and utensils… _She's going to work on her photos… I hope she talks to herself. _

She doesn't know it, but I've listened in at her door before I've made my presence known, and heard her have actual conversations with herself.

**Flashback:**

Tris… This color is going to look fucking ridiculous… Hmmm… Not so bad… I can work with this… Who's gonna care anyway… I am… Maybe Tobias...

I smile to myself loving that she gives a shit what I think as I watch her twist her thick hair up in a bun and stick a pencil through it. I walk up slowly behind her and see that she is working on what looks like a picture of the lake. I pull the pencil out and watch her hair swoop down her back in just enough time for me to land a soft kiss on her neck before she screams and smacks the side of my face.

"Ow! Fuck!"

"Get away!... Back up...now!"

"Then you're coming with me," I say as I swoop her up and toss her on her bed, laying myself out over her.

"Hi," I whisper into her lips.

"Hi," she answers as she runs her thumb over my cheek and meets me half way for a slow kiss.

**End Flashback:**

I can't even think about what happened after that…

"Fuck…stop it!"_ Shit! Was I talking out loud? _Then the sound that breaks me every time I hear it…her soft crying… _She's even hiding it from herself…_

Then I hear a quiet voice whispering the words to a song:

_Well you only need the light when it's burning low_  
_Only miss the sun when it starts to snow_  
_Only know you love her when you let her go_

_Only know you've been high when you're feeling low_  
_Only hate the road when you're missing home_  
_Only know you love her when you let her go_  
_And you let her go_

_Staring at the bottom of your glass_  
_Hoping one day you'll make a dream last_  
_But dreams come slow and they go so fast_

_You see her when you close your eyes_  
_Maybe one day you'll understand why_  
_Everything you touch surely dies_

_But you only need the light when it's burning low_  
_Only miss the sun when it starts to snow_  
_Only know you love her when you let her go_

_Only know you've been high when you're feeling low_  
_Only hate the road when you're missing home_  
_Only know you love her when you let her go_

_Staring at the ceiling in the dark_  
_Same old empty feeling in your heart_  
_Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast_

_Well you see her when you fall asleep_  
_But never to touch and never to keep_  
_Cause you loved her too much and you dived too deep_

_Well you only need the light when it's burning low_  
_Only miss the sun when it starts to snow_  
_Only know you love her when you let her go…... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...  
_

_**(Jasmine Thompson - Let her Go)** _

* * *

_Some of the reviews...guys... Just, thank you thank you..._

_And shout-out to Fanfic1677 for inspiring a little piece of this chapter!_


	33. Run-ins

**AN:** **Shout-out to all of you guys! These aren't fun chapters to write and I am so happy that they affect you as much as me. Sounds weird, I know.**

**I love how much you all hate Nita! Pat myself on the back for that one!**

**And...I love that you are trying to guess what's going to happen… It's like you are talking to each other in your reviews!**

**Some of you may not want to hear it…. But I have gotten 12…again 12… PMs with some serious Matthew love! Ohhhh mannnnn! He's one of my favorite characters… I have a super clear picture of him…I hope it's translating to you guys.**

**My newest FDF jam: Stitches by Shawn Mendes (He's like 5 but whatever)**

**Rated: MA (duh)**

**Chapter 33 - Run-ins**

* * *

**Tobias's POV:** Wednesday

I make it to the 85th floor and slide down the wall of the stairwell. It's cement so it hurts like a bitch as it scrapes down my back. But I must be a damned sadist because I do the same thing every time.

I have gotten accustomed to taking the stairs up in the morning…and down in the evening. The day after Tris and I broke up _(Fuck… Will the pain of that phrase ever go away?!),_ I had a near panic attack in the elevator on my way up. I had to get out on the 21st floor before my head exploded.

Whereas before, I could just close my eyes and envision myself having mind-blowing sex with my girlfriend, the biggest problem then being an entirely inappropriate erection (that's why God made messenger bags, right?), now it just feels wrong and dirty.

So, the elevator is not going to be an option for quite some time. It actually works out pretty well, because when I get here in the mornings at 6:00, I have time to shower and change. And no one asks me about it when I leave around 9:00 PM because…well, not many are here. With the exception of the few senior architects who stay the night either because they have overnight "guests" or worked late enough where the commute home wouldn't be worthwhile. We seem to give each other the don't-fucking-ask-me-why-I'm-here-vibe… _Shit, maybe that's just the vibe I give off. _My ability to self-reflect has been seriously lacking lately.

At 12:32 AM tonight (or tomorrow, I suppose), it will officially be nine days since I have spoken to Tris. I have heard her voice twice though… I called from the landline at 5:00 AM this morning and she answered immediately…only for me to hang up immediately. I'm going to lose my resolve if I keep this shit up. Last Saturday morning her voice actually lulled me to sleep, which I was eternally grateful for. Hearing her softly singing the lyrics to the worst song ever (Although lately, that's how I would describe just about any song.) was comforting in an incredibly fucked up way.

At first I was just letting the intoxicating sound of her voice resonate…not paying the slightest amount of attention to the lyrics…until the words of the song clicked. Especially when I heard her say a soft "…yeah, right," after the reprise: _Only know you love her when you let her go_… It was indescribably disconcerting …_That's putting it lightly_… that she feels I never loved her…even when I _"let her go…" _

The last words of the song that registered were:

_Well you see her when you fall asleep, _

_but never to touch and never to keep, _

_cause you loved her too much and you dived too deep…_

_How fucking perfect is that shit?_

I woke up at 8:00 with the landline attacking my eardrums with its incessant beeping… But as thankful as I was that I actually slept, it hurt my heart to know that I may have missed out on hearing hours worth of her sweet voice, knowing how much she gets lost in her work. _Fuck… I'm a sappy son of a bitch… But, I don't even care anymore…_

I stand up and bounce on my toes for a minute, trying to shake up the lactic acid in my muscles. Then I push my way through the door and make the trek down the hall to my office.

I turn on the shower to warm it up and grab my tablet to check my natural gas stocks. I'm up $20,000 for the year, but the commodity has been unusually volatile in the last month, so I'm down $5,000 right now. _Something must be going on at a refinery… _I peruse the international markets just to keep an eye on exports… _China worries me right now… Fuck…. Their markets are sky-high. Shit, if they tank, our stock market will fucking plummet… _I move onto the U.S. agriculture commodities. I never trade them because they move too fast, but I like to stay informed.

"Damn…" I say as I mentally pat myself on the back for not speculating on the corn market. Prices fell $.30 per bushel yesterday…limit down…after the USDA released their crop report. "Fuck… Didn't see that coming…" I think about the farmers who were waiting to sell, expecting prices to go up…and then they tanked.

I don't know if it's God's will, but my mind goes to Monroe Agriculture and I click on WGN's website.

_"Excellent decision on behalf of Monroe Agriculture who sold their entire yield against the advisement of Exeton Brokerage at the close yesterday. The USDA crop report drove prices limit down…" _

_What the hell? _I slowly walk over to the couch and sit down, doing the math in my head. I've been watching the corn market all summer and I thought yields looked average… I never would have expected that drop. Why would an operation as big as Monroe Ag _sell _the night before a crop report…against the advisement of one of the best commodities brokerage firms in the country?

Most people would just say it was a wise decision on their operation's behalf. But I know better…

Joseph Monroe has been leaking information on their individual yield to my father before they report it to the USDA for years… Then Marcus would take that information and speculate on the markets. It's not technically illegal, it's just incredibly unethical… I wouldn't put it past them to take this shit to the next level…

_Insider trading… It has to be… They fucking knew it was coming… _

I immediately go to the USDA website to find out which division puts out the reports. The NAS…National Ag Services…. I click on the list of current board members and scroll through the names. I don't recognize any of them…

_God… What if I'm right? What I wouldn't give to exploit this shit… It would ruin that family… It would ruin Eric… But that operation employs a ton of people… Tris said jobs are few and far between up there…even with a college education. What would happen to the farmers who rent Monroe land? I hate my conscience! Fuck you, conscience!  
_

I need to take a moment to think clearly so I do the most clichéd thing: push-ups...wide arm, diamond and tri-cep.

I feel a completely imaginary weight on my back as Tris comes and sits down abruptly and I collapse onto my stomach, laughing. "Come on, tough guy. Seriously, how can you not handle another 115 pounds...?"

"Damn it!"I exalt in anger as I stand and head for the shower noticing that my face is now burning equally as much as my tri-ceps.

I let the hot water run down my back as I hang my head, like usual, and try to think. I don't allow myself much time in the shower anymore... Too many amazing memories, even if it wasn't in this one exactly. But right now it's providing me with a haven sans interruptions.

The Monroes _were_ at the forefront if my mind, but now I can't seem to shake Marcus... With everything that happened, why would Marcus get into bed with them so quickly? He didn't seem all too pleased with Eric's behavior... And with Carlos pulling the strings why would he...? Distancing himself from Carlos would be the smarter thing to do, right?

It's almost as if I can feel a puzzle piece being snapped into place...

Marcus isn't a man to give up. He would spend every waking minute trying to find a way out of Carlos's plan…or, more likely, find a way to somehow benefit from it. He wouldn't just roll over dead…well, more like he _couldn't_. I remember the life-altering conversation the two of us had about Carlos knowing about Eric…

...

_"How…do you know all of that?" _

_"Eric is…vocal…. I understood why Carlos chose him—"_

_"Watch your fucking mouth, Marcus"…"How does Carlos know about Eric? Last I heard…illegal arms dealing didn't have much to do with mid-western farming families!"_

_I see something flash behind my father's eyes._ Did I imagine that? My mind is a clusterfuck of bullshit right now.

_"I don't know how Carlos comes upon his information…"_

One thing Marcus hates: a lack of control...or in this case, a lack of knowledge. (I have to say, I, most likely, inherited that from him...as much as I resent the fact.) He wouldn't be able to stomach Carlos knowing more about me than him. And my father knew too much about _my_ happenings to _not-  
_

And there it is._ Marcus gave it to him… He knew where to hit me the hardest...and he provided Carlos with that information... _

**(AN: If any of you don't understand how the U.S. Commodities markets work... PM me and I'll explain.)**

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I got home and had actually started to drift off when I got another phone call…random number again…at 5:00 AM. This time, it was an immediate hang-up. I probably opened the floodgates when I answered the other night...or morning, whatever. Now solicitors officially know this number belongs to someone.

_Geez... I never answer calls where I don't recognize the number…_ _Holy shit… Holy shit… Holy shit_… The original reason I never answer unknown numbers comes flooding back: _Eric._

_I will always love you. And I will always find you. –E_

Jumping out of bed, I pace my room for a minute to calm my anxiety. It _was _weird the other night when I answered twice and no one responded…and then this morning a quick hang-up. Was it even from the same number?

_Relax, Tris… Relax, Tris… How am I supposed to fucking relax?! Ok… You're stronger than you've ever been, physically and mentally...not emotionally… You're a fucking train wreck when it comes to that! Fuck you, Tobias… _

But it's so true… Pathetically true… I can barely get a thought in these days. I try so hard…so damn hard, not to think about him. But somehow he creeps into my consciousness. I teared up on the spot when I heard a man laugh as I passed him on the street. I could tell it was a genuine laugh…not some bullshit laugh than anyone can produce at any time. I loved that I could make Tobias laugh when so many others couldn't… _Fuck, maybe his weren't as genuine as I thought… _

I spend every waking moment, trying to keep busy because the second I stop…I'm a goner. I've been picking up as many extra shifts as Tori will let me have, along with other extracurriculars. The upside is I am now working on ten different pictures. The downside is my fucking subconscious!

I completely zone out when I'm working so my creativity tends to lean more toward the deeper parts of my mind. Currently, I'm working on a 16 X 18…the biggest one I have ever done…of the Ferris Wheel. The entire picture is black and white…more black than white. The wheel was in motion when I took it, so it's a blur…except for one car where you can see a hazy image of two people. I leave the rest of the photo as is for now…but using a mix of charcoal and super fine-tipped marker, I highlight the couple. When I'm done…guess who the fuck it looks like? Yep! Dark brown hair, olive complexion, gorgeous blue-eyed man with a small, pale, dishwater-blond hair, grey-eyed girl. _AWESOME!_

Taking a deep breath, I notice I have calmed down significantly. _Good…now what? I can't go back to bed. Coffee and…breakfast…ugh… _Eating has not been a top priority lately... I didn't even notice it was a problem until Christina dragged me in front of my full-length mirror when I came home to change before work.

She pulled my robe off. "See these horizontal things protruding from your chest? Hmm? Those are bones! They seem to have replaced your tits. Eat something!"

I immediately went into the bathroom and stood on the scale. I was down eight pounds. I've always just eaten when I'm hungry…and lately I've had no appetite. I walked back to my room and stood in front of the mirror to take a closer look. And what I saw was…not pleasant. My appearance, which I've always considered to be scrawny...now took 'scrawny' to a whole new level.

"Tris… You have to—"

"I know! Just…I know…" She nodded her head and walked out of the room to leave me alone with my thoughts. I couldn't even remember the last time I ate…

_Christ! My mind is everywhere! _Collecting my random thoughts, I walk into the kitchen to make coffee—

"No coffee…and where were you last night…again?" I hear Christina whine from her bed.

I smile to myself thinking about Uriah. "So…you don't _want_ me to make coffee?...or we _have_ none?" I ask loudly, avoiding the topic of my whereabouts last night.

"We…have…none… And what the hell happened to you last night?"

"Damn it…"

"Mmmmmmmm...," she groans. "Just tell me… Did you see Four? You better not have…" _Quite the opposite actually… But that still stings…_

I stand there dumbly for a moment as if it's going to help my cause…and apparently it does…

"I'm going to Grounds."

"16…ounce…Americano…"

"Ha! Who said I was going to bring you—"

_…._

_I can't get enough of this man! Plus…his t-shirt pulls across his chest in the perfect way. Not in the meat-head way, where they can't even fit their arms in their shirt sleeves and you can see their nipples through the material. No…nope…nope… It fits him just tight enough where it leaves some to the imagination… _Maybe he'll just take it off—

_"Coffee of choice?"_

_"Huh?"_

_"Am I boring you already…?" He asks it in jest, but the way he's looking out the window as he scratches the back of his neck...I would say there's some truth to that question._

_"No!" Wow… Calm down, Tris. "Um…ha…no. I was just… Okay, coffee of choice…? Hmmm… Whatever it was you brought me the other morning… Please tell me—"_

_"Not a chance in hell. Like I said…you have to earn that."_

_"Oh…reeeeeaaaaally?" _Because you can take me right here on this table… Now!

_"Not…like…that…"_

_"Oh. Okay…" I look down at my hands as if my feelings are hurt because he's not using sex as bait for good coffee. _Tell me he's not gonna fall for this shit!

_"No! Jesus! I mean…fuck… You're gorgeous and…I WOULD… Wait, not that I would—"_

_"Oh my God, stop talking! I'm kidding!" He looks at me as his face turns an adorable shade of red and smiles out the side of his mouth. "Wow… You don't get messed with often…"_

_"Only by a choice few. Pretty sure everyone else in the world thinks I don't have a sense of humor… That was so…not…cool, by the way…." He laughs under his breath before he continues. "You know, you look sweet…but you're not."_

_"I can only be me." I shrug my shoulders and take a sip of water.  
_

_He sits back in his seat and narrows his eyes. "Yeah… I like that about you…" _

Wow... I think I might melt…right now. Stop looking at me like that! Okay…don't stop….

_"Um… Coffee of choice other than the one I have to 'earn'?"_

_He shakes his head briefly as if I interrupted him from some deep thought. _I wish I were a mind-reader…

_"16 oz. Americano…"_

_….._

"Tris…. Tris…. Tris…. I will keep saying your name…until…you…answer me…." Christina's groggy voice brings me back to reality.

"Yeah. I got it. 16 oz. I'll be back in a bit."

"Eat a donut!"

I close the door behind me and wipe under my eyes before heading out into the bright, beautiful, shitty morning air.

* * *

Immediately upon entrance, the place starts to get crowded. I suppose that's what I get for coming to a coffee shop at 6:30 in the morning on a weekday.

"This place is sooooo not Wisconsin. Not that that's a bad thing…way better coffee here." I look to my right and see that Matthew is standing diagonally in front of me and seems to be having a conversation with himself. _I can totally relate… _I lean closer to listen. "What the hell does all this mean? Like…what _is _a machiatto…for real? I need someone to just tell me. Lay it on the line."

I can't help but smile.

"Morning, Matthew."

He does a double take and turns the ultimate shade of red.

"And what the hell is a ristretto?" I ask, trying to calm his embarrassment.

"No…um…clue… Wow… I was talking to myself, wasn't I?"

"You were."

"Ha… Excellent. I mean…not that…that's excellent. It's actually pretty messed up."

"Well…I was the one yelling at her phone, remember?"

"Yeah…that was pretty ridiculous…"

I try to concentrate on the menu as I ponder the fact that he just called me "ridiculous" and honestly doesn't seem to care that I may find that offensive.

"So, do you come here every morning?" _Wow... I am definitely starting a conversation...  
_

"Just about. We have a barista at work…but I can't get past how fucked up that is…"

I give a sarcastic laugh as Lauren comes to mind...

...

_"But you always look at your coffee cup to see if I've left you my number…." _

_He groans and runs his hands through his hair looking extremely frustrated as he glances up at me._

_"And when we made the connection that we both come here on Friday nights you said that you plan on coming here a lot in the future—"_

_"Lauren, stop talking," he says sternly._

_I walk away not wanting to hear another word of this._

_..._

"Can I help you?" The cashier interrupts my thoughts as I hear Matthew still stumbling over his words about ALG having a coffee barista.

"Two 16 ounce black Indonesian blend," I answer.

"…So, I just come…here. Not that _she's _fucked up…just the idea. She's actually really nice and—"

"Yeah… Lauren." _Was that shit with her at the bar a red flag?_

"Oh. You've met?... Oh, well…yeah…I mean it makes sense because you and Four…"

_Fuck…_ I feel Matthew's eyes on me as I look the other way as to not allow him to see whatever expression has just crossed my face at the mention of Four's name.

The barista hands me the coffees as I pay for them and then pass one off to Matthew.

"Um… When did you order? And…I'm an asshole."

"You were rambling…so I ordered. I got you a black coffee. This seems to be a foreign language to you, so…" I reference the menu and give him a smile in genuine understanding. "…and you're not an asshole… I'm fairly certain right now I would see that shit coming from a mile away."

"First compliment of the day! Coffee and a compliment… Golllllll!... Sorry… I love soccer…or football depending on where you live…" _He definitely just yelled "Gol!" in the middle of the shop... _"Too much?"

"Um...too…early..." I peak over my shoulder at the other customers who are looking at him like he's nuts.

"Oh, them? Yeah…they're used to me. Anyway, I usually make an ass out of myself at least…four times a day." He looks at his non-existent watch. "Yep…it's about time. One down."

I chuckle as I walk over to a table and sit, kind of hoping he'll join me. He's actually pretty good company. Not a whole lot of participation necessary on my behalf and he is entertaining.

"You look…fucking tired…," he comments shaking his head as he sits down. _Okay…I take that back! What the hell?! _"Shit. Is it okay if I sit?... I said something wrong, didn't I?"

"You just told me I look _'fucking tired'_."

"Well…" he laughs lightly and shrugs his shoulders. "You do… It's not a_ bad _thing…"

I sigh and pull my hair out of my ponytail to literally try to hide some of my _'fucking tired'_ face. At least I'm wearing baggy clothes so he can't say I look _"fucking emaciated."_

"What are you doing?" He's quirking his head as he sits back in his seat.

"Trying to look less tired!"

"It's not working… How about you try to get more _sleep_?...Because hiding this…" He makes a swirling motion around my face with his hand. "…isn't going to do either of us any favors."

"Either of us?"

"Okay…well…ha…maybe just me." _What do I even say to that?_

"So…Umm…"

"You have severe disabilities when it comes to taking compliments," he remarks bluntly.

"Was that a compliment?"

"I basically told you I like your face…so...indeed, yes."

I take a deep breath and consider his comment and the fact he really did only say I looked 'tired'... "Okay."

"Okay?..." He looks at me as if there's a legitimate question in there. "I'm not gonna get anything else out of you am I?"

"Umm… Your compliment was…nice…?"

"Hmmm…" He takes a sip of his coffee as do I. "Modesty. I can dig it."

After a couple seconds of awkward silence pass, he asks a question. "So…your party was fun…?"

I suck in a breath between my teeth. As the cold air rushes past my gums I remember key parts of the night. Mostly a lot of drinking…and dancing…_Would I call that dancing?_ …and…crying…

"Is that a question?"

"Yes. Only pertaining to you… I had a great time! You, however, looked a little…torn… Not literally…literally, you looked amazing."

"Well…I don't love celebrating my birthday…" _And that's all I'm saying about that…_

"Hmm… I, on the other hand_…do_ love celebrating your birthday. Kudos to your parents for creating you!"

"Yeah…" _And that's all I'm saying about that…_

"Anyway, you really are an excellent dancer…relatively speaking…"

"Relatively speaking?"

"Well…when you were dancing with me…you know…you made me look like a fool. But, with David..." He takes an all too big gulp of his hot coffee and just about chokes on it.

"You alright?"

"Yeah...ahem. You and David dancing…didn't love it."

"Um…whyyy?"

"Tris…" He looks at me intently. "If you haven't been able to figure that one out, then I don't know what to tell you…." He shrugs his shoulders.

"Well…I—"

"I just don't like to see you make a fool out of yourself. He's obviously the superior dancer…."

He doesn't even crack a smile. But apparently I can't fucking help it because I catch myself trying to hold back a smile desperately trying to get out._  
_

"So, Tris…." He abruptly stands and starts walking backward, just about tripping over a chair as I stifle an awkward laugh. "I think I may have to start coming here more regularly…like same time tomorrow…right at this table. I may even buy an extra cup of coffee… You never know who may join me…"

I look out the window pondering his not-at-all subtle hint at having coffee and also thinking he makes the suit he's wearing look rather nice. "It's always good to be prepared…"

* * *

I walk back into our apartment in a weird kind of haze. I feel…not terrible, for the first time in a couple weeks. I open the door and walk right to my room, ignoring Christina's squawks as I sit on my bed, shoes on and all. _Why do I feel an irrational sense of guilt? Why? Why?! _

"Apparently, I have to come to _you_ for my coffee?" Christina hobbles into my room like an 80-year-old.

"Oh…shit. I…forgot…your coffee," I admit guiltily.

"How?! What took so long? Tell me you at least ate a donut! And where _did you go _after work last night? Why are you side smiling at me?..."

"Ummmm…I didn't eat a donut…?"

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I'm sitting at my desk staring blankly at the final set of completely finished plans for the museum. All we need is this last meeting with the fucking board and a proverbial thumbs up from the members and I can get this bitch off to the county for the final bullshit bureaucratic stamp of approval.

"Hey, buddy."

"Hey," I say to Will as I rummage through my desk drawer fucking everything up for no reason other than I don't want to see anyone.

"Those the plans?"

"Mmm hmm," I grunt in response.

"Good. So…uh…home stretch then, huh?"

"Yep."

He stands there for way too long before he starts talking. "Look… You're one of my closest friends…" _Jesus… _"…but you've been a fucking piece of work for the last two weeks."

He looks to me for a response, which he is definitely _not_ going to get.

"Fine." He turns to leave. _Fucking good! _And…then he stops. _Fucking shit! _"Just so you know, asshole. I lied to my girlfriend for you and I won't do it again."

"What are you talking about?" _I am mildly interested…_

"I told her those tiger-shit lilies were from me…and the damned strawberries!"

"And why is that such an inconvenience?" _Because I would give anything for mild inconveniences!_

"Well, Four. I handed Tris your bullshit flowers and strawberries and then got to witness the look on her face as I unknowingly twisted the knife." _Oh no…_ "Then…I got to stand back and observe Tris…my girlfriend's best friend and _my_ friend, in case you forgot…cry on and off all night!" _No…_ "And then I got the pleasure to watch her get very very drunk, very very fast and do other things incredibly out of character—"

"Wait, like what—"

"-and because I'm a _nice _guy…and the girls were of _no _help, _no help at all_, I made sure she didn't go home with any of the dudes that would have gladly escorted her given the chance!" _Don't lose your mind… Don't lose your mind… Don't lose your mind... _"Then…I got to spend the night at their apartment listening to…girl things!"

My fingertips are numb from gripping the seat of the chair. _Don't think about it… Don't think about it… _But, of course, I see Tris's face turn from a shy side smile from being the center of attention to a blank stare and then glassy eyes… And then I see her drinking excessively, aided by Christina, Shauna and Marlene,...and doing…_whatever_ else… _Don't lose your shit, Tobias!...At least not here!  
_

"Do you _seriously _have nothing to say to that?"

I had been avoiding the subject of the birthday I didn't get to spend with Tris for most of this week. I wanted absolutely no details…while also wanting each and every one. So I just detached myself…from everything outside of work.

"Will, I didn't mean… I…" _I DON'T MEAN ANY OF IT!_

"Yeah. Don't trouble yourself to respond _too_ much." He makes his way back into the hall, but before he could get too far, I ask something I know I shouldn't.

"How is she?" I keep my head down as he walks back into the room.

"Is that some kind of an apology?"

"No."

"Wow."

"Just… Please…"

"I don't know. Chris has barely seen her since Friday night."

"What? She's too fucking_ busy_ staying at your place than checking on her best friend?" _Great job, Christina!_

"Actually…no…dickhead. Tris hasn't been coming home."

"What do you mean—"

"At least not until around 5:00 AM. And for some reason, Christina refuses to wake her to find out why! Christina hasn't stayed at my place since last Thursday night." _What… What is she…? Who is she…? I thought I could handle this… I can't… I fucking can't! _"What the hell is this anyway?" he asserts.

"What?"

"You care now?"

"I told you… I never said—"

"Yeah, I know. You never said you don't care about her. But apparently you lost interest and a few other choice things I would like to forget."

"Choice things?" _I want to forget EVERYTHING!_

"The one I can't quite get out of my mind is the whole 'she wasn't hot enough' comment."

"Where the fuck did you hear that from?!"

"Zeke."

"He… He said… He fucking _told _you that?!"

"Was it a secret?"

_This shit-ass tie needs to go! Right now! _"Ah… Shit… Does _she _know that? Does… Tell me she _doesn't_…"

"So…you're saying…it's true?"

"Shit…" _Breathe… Breathe… Breathe… _"_Does she_ _KNOW_?!" I ask forcefully enough for Will to jump back a little.

"I don't know!"

I try to concentrate on something else…anything else. Anything to deter my mind from the possibility that Tris got wind of that. _That spot on the ceiling is pretty impressive, right now. _

"Good morning my 'work-only' friends!...Although maybe someday we can change that-… Did I walk in on something?" _Yes, Matthew… Now…GET OUT!_

"No, we're done here," Will says curtly and quickly exits as Matthew tries to hi-five him and is pitifully denied. _Come…back…I need…to know…_

"So… Wow! You're usually the scary one… Oh! And I can see you…still…are..."

I toss my glasses on the desk and rest my eye sockets on the heels of my palms as to disguise the redness probably creeping into the whites of my eyes. "Are you ready for the presentation to the board?" I practically groan, rubbing my eyes.

"Yes—"

"Be prepared to talk."

"I'm _always _prepared to talk—"

"No."

"Yes."

"Be prepared to talk to _people._"

"Versus…animals?"

"Jesus, Matthew. Just talk about the grading changes and make yourself seem way smarter than you actually are!" He doesn't respond and I realize I should explain myself better… The board just wants to hear that we have total confidence in everything we do. "Just—"

"Hey! I had coffee with Tris this morning… She looks great by the way!... See you in that meeting. I'll make sure I'm prepared to talk to humans."

And then he's gone. And I'm left alone in my office, trying to find that awesome spot on the ceiling, unsuccessfully…

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

_"Okay… I love you," he says as he lowers his soft lips to mine moving me closer by adding pressure on my lower back. _

_I meet his lips and run my left hand up through his hair, trying to control my other hand by resting it on his shoulder. I know I won't be able to let him go if I have both of my arms wrapped around him. I almost lose my control when he runs his hand up the back of my neck holding me completely flush to him. I reluctantly pull away. The right side of his mouth slightly smirks as he shakes his head._

_"I could kiss you all day." _

_I pull away giving him a kiss on the cheek and he holds my hand until I'm far enough away that just our fingers are touching..._

"Mmmm… Huuuhhhh?!" I suck in a deep breath in surprise as something vibrates against my face. Sitting immediately upright, my eyes dart around trying to figure out what's happening. Apparently...I passed out at my desk…and my phone is ringing. I check the caller I.D. _Amar… _"No…," I groan, knowing I have to take this call.

"Hello?"

"Miss Prior?"

"This is _she_…" I reply sarcastically.

"Yes, I'm calling in reference to our dealings in reference to art I would be interested in purchasing. Shall we meet?"

"You know, I've been thinking—"

"Miss Prior, if I may, before you continue, seeing as I have an inkling of where this is heading…this is business, so a meeting would be more prudent."

I pause and wonder what it is about Amar that just makes people do whatever he wants. "Sounds…_fantastic._"

"Would it fit into your schedule to come by the office today?"

"Um… Can we meet somewhere—"

"I have the final meeting with the board of directors for the Museum of Science and Industry addition. I assume you are familiar…"

"Mmm hmm." _I think I just broke the skin on my bottom lip..._

"I have a window of opportunity at 3:00. Can you meet in my office?"

"No." _Yeah… The office that is two doors down from Tobias's?...NO! NO! and NO! _"Any other ideas?"

I know I'm being bold but fuck it… _I'm turning him down anyway so who cares?! _

"How about in the café? It's to the left of the lobby as you enter the building. I feel as if this will be a short meeting. So…you should be in the clear."

I know he's referring to Tobias….

"See you at 3:00!" I say with crap enthusiasm.

"Indeed."

* * *

Christina wouldn't let me leave the house in my yoga pants so I'm wearig baggy cargo capris that hug my calves and an orange and white horizontal striped short-sleeved sweatshirt. She wants me to wear horizontal stripes until I gain five pounds. _Whatever... _It's your typical day in Chicago so it went from excruciatingly hot yesterday, to a mild 70 degrees and cloudy today. Which means I can get away with wearing a beanie to hide my appearance even more.

I slink…literally slink…my way into the ALG high rise, keeping my head down and my hair like a curtain over my face. I sit facing away from the lobby with my head down. I can already feel my hands get clammy and my cheeks warm with even the mere thought that Tobias is in this building right now, just floors above me. _Probably not even standing close to the windows because he's a fucking chicken shit! ...Yeah...that didn't work..._

A server comes over and asks if I have employee identification.

"That won't be necessary, Joaquin." Amar sweeps in and sits across from me. "Coffee, Miss Prior?"

"Just water, please." _And a shot of Jack._

"I'll take a small black coffee."

"Which blend, sir?"

"Joaquin, call me Amar. And whichever blend produces good coffee. Thank you." I watch Amar as he crosses his right ankle over his left knee and sits back, narrowing his eyes at me.

"Miss Prior…you came sneaking in here as if you were a cat."

"Well, Mr. Ghadi—Can I just call you Amar?"

"Not yet."

"Okay... I would rather not run into Four."

"Not calling him Tobias these days?"

I shrug my shoulders in entirely false indifference. Calling him Four wasn't a conscious decision, I seem to go back and forth… _Maybe that says something…_

"Well…you have just as much right to be here as he does, so you can do without the feline attributes. You're far too strong of an individual to get away with that behavior anyway."

I straighten up my shoulders at that painfully blunt yet incredibly motivating statement.

"Now _that_ suits you," he adds, nodding his head in satisfaction.

"Um…thank you."

"Shall we get down to business?"

"Okay."

"You have considered my offer."

"You didn't word that as a question, so you know I have."

"Yes. But I do have _one_ question… Are you going to take me up on it?"

"No." _Hell to the no…_

"What if I double my offer?"

"No." _Hell to the no…_

"Then my suspicions are correct…"

The server returns, handing us both our beverages. "Thank you, Joaquin… Will you be joining us for Happy Hour on Friday?"

"I didn't know I was—"

"My apologies! It escaped me that you are new to _our _employment… Soon to be 'our'...right, Miss Prior?"

I quirk my head in annoyance at his painful reference to Four _...there it is again..._ becoming his new partner…

...

_"…__You were the first person I thought of…"_

_"Really?" I ask as I trace shapes on his amazing abs, wondering why the hell he wanted to talk to me first… _

_"Really." _

_I notice he's being quiet as if he's trying to put words together…which I'm sure he is. "Are ya gonna tell me why?"_

_"Apart from being completely stoked to tell you about it…I wanted to talk to you…first…" _He's…pausing…again…_ "It could make my life really crazy for awhile…and I don't look at it as just my life anymore." _I…am…at a loss…for words… _"…Sorry, if that freaks you out—"_

_"It doesn't…. I…I love it." _

_..._

I shake my head, now hating the fact that I had to think about that confusing as hell conversation!

"So, as I said…I have my suspicions…"

"Suspicions?" I inquire.

"I suspect this is personal…not business. The fact that I just offered you double, and you turned me down, implies that you are basing your decision off of emotion rather than logic."

"It's my work. So, yes, it's personal."

"Not what I was referring to...as you are well aware."

"Okay…Amar—"

"Miss…Prior—"

"If the coffee dude can call you Amar…then _I _can, too!...What the hell?" I toss my hands up in the air, getting really sick of not having control over my life!

He sits back in his chair and laughs at me. Thank God he has a sense of humor because that was pretty rude.

"Fair enough…_Tris_."

"Thank you." He bows his head at me while I try to organize my thoughts. "Amar…I need to, not be tied to him…in whichever way I can control. And lately, that doesn't seem to be much. He's…everywhere… And I don't know how to make it stop… Jesus Christ!... Why am I telling you…out of all people…this?" I shake my head as my eyes show the beginning signs of betrayal. "We have the same friends, we belong to the same gym, he works only blocks away from where I work. Amar…he looks up to you…more than anyone else…and I just can't handle—"

"What if I took away the offer of a commissioned job and just purchased some of your already completed pieces? A one-and-done deal?" _Thank you for interrupting my supremely embarrassing rant..._

"Why are you so interested in _my _work?"

"Because you're exceptional…and I have an _exceptional_ eye for talent. Did you know I was the first person to purchase a photograph from Ruth Glint?"

"You're kidding."

"No. I was 19…and she was also..._exceptional._" _Did he just compare me to Ruth Glint?_

"Okay."

"So, we have a deal?"

"You can't double your offer. It wouldn't be fair."

"Tris…" He crosses his arms and leans back on the legs of his chair before gazing out the window and taking a deep breath. Then he grabs his phone and texts while he continues. "You may be smart, but you are not business savvy." _Well, I could have told you that! _"Whenever someone doubles their offer…you take it!" he retorts as we both laugh. "However, I admittedly only used that tactic to see if your heart was leading your head... And, as usual, I was correct."

"An apparent weakness?"

"Not in the least, my dear," he remarks as he smiles and rests his hand on my shoulder. "Now…I have a friend who owns a gallery, commonly enough, in your neighborhood. Dahlilah's… Are you familiar?"

"Wow…um…yeah. I have coffee right across the street." _Matthew…  
_

He looks at his phone as he talks. "…Would you be so kind as to bring as much of your work as you are willing to sell? She has quite the staging area in her basement and I would love some of her expert opinions. As, I'm quite sure…would you…"

"I…" _A fucking gallery?!_

"I absolutely love rendering people speechless. You have made my day as usual. Although, regrettably, it won't be as often as I would like anymore."

"Wasn't my call."

"Not at all?"

"_No._"

"Hmm." _What is that face?_

"Amar…please don't tell him I said… Or...can you-"

"I am discreet."

"…Thank you."

"2:00 on Friday?"

"I…will be there…" _And I can't fucking believe it!_

"Excellent, my dear. Alas, business awaits! Bud is waiting in the company car to escort you to wherever it is you need to go."

"That's really not necess—"

"He's right out front. Ciao!"

"Ooookaaaayyy…," I say to myself as I rise slowly out of my seat and leave the coffee dude a tip. _Do people tip here?_ Then I make my way out of the building in a serious daze, toward the company car. I'm torn between talking to Bud about Tori, or just relishing in my own nervous anticipation that is taking my mind off of the one thing it has gravitated toward for the last…mmmm…nine days…

I open the door and slide in, suddenly seeing another person out of the corner of my eye as they flash me an angry glare with deep blue cold-looking eyes. _Fuck… No,no,no,no,no,no,no…_… I immediately slide out and slam the door making a break for it toward the lake as visions of Tobias's angry face flash across my mind. The cool breeze feels almost painful as it whips against my burning face.

"Tris!...Tris!..." I hear him yelling stupid shit behind me as he closes the gap quickly. _Fucking long-legged people! _

I want to run away like a petulant child, but the stronger part of me suddenly comes out in full force as I whip around and slam into his hard chest, bouncing off of him. He moves to catch me as I grab his tie and pull him down with me. I land hard…hard, hard…on my tailbone and he tries to avoid crushing me by taking the brunt of the blow to his shoulder. Somehow he gets his arm around the back of my head before it smacks onto the pavement.

"Ohhhhh…fuuuuuccckkkkkk…." I groan as I try to move my hips but feel nothing but a shooting pain as things go blurry for a minute.

"Holy shiiiiiit…. Why did you stooooppppp?…" He rolls off his shoulder onto his back as he sucks in a painful breath.

"Why…were you…runnnningggg?"

"Because I was _chasing_ you!… That's…_fuck_…the idea…."

"Well…" I try to sit up, but I end up rolling onto my side in the fetal position. "…then you fucked up…not me!" _WHY were you chasing me?_

I close my eyes for a minute pushing the pain aside, until the fact that I'm laying in the crook of his arm, facing him, connects. I open my eyes and see him staring at me…the many many other times he has looked at me that way come flashing forward as I snap myself out of it and try to sit up. Pushing myself up on my elbows, I feel another searing pain from where the pavement scraped at my skin. The place where his hand cradled the back of my head burns at the short-term memory of his touch. Somehow I get my feet underneath me even though I wish my ass was disconnected from my body. I glance at him as he still watches me.

"What?!" I snap. _Stop staring or I'm gonna lose it and cry in front of you and I can't take the damned embarrassment!_

He shakes his head slowly. "Nothing…" _Of course..._

I shake my head in confusion as to why he would even run after me in the first place. "That's what I thought." I slowly stand as the shooting pain returns and I start limping like a fool toward the road to catch a cab before he sees my face.

"Tris...?" The strained inflection in his voice makes me stop as I look back and see him sitting on the sidewalk, staring at it. "Are you…okay?" Then he looks up at me as I read the meaning behind his words in his eyes. He's not referring to any physical injury... He knows I can handle that shit.

I shake my head no, not taking my eyes off him. _I'm not fine. I'm heartbroken and it makes me feel weak and you did that. So fucking congratulations!_ Then a cab pulls up and I, painfully, more emotionally than physically, get in. I allow myself to look at him as he still sits on the sidewalk. He mouths something to me and then quickly turns his head away… And the cab drives off.

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I lean against the wall, trying with all of my might to listen to Nita talk about fulfilling the board's requests for efficiency. She's good. She commands attention and she seems to get it, with the exception of mine. Too bad she's a fucking horrible human.

"…a process referred to as Cogeneration. It involves the production of two forms of power, electricity and heat, from a single source of fuel; in this case, natural gas. The chief benefits are high efficiency — upwards of 90 percent…" She pauses appropriately, waiting for that statistic to sink in before she continues. " …and significant savings on overall energy expenditures by generating electricity on-site and using the waste heat from the engine that drives the generator. It would produce electricity for lighting, steam for space heating and cooling, and domestic hot water."

I browse the expressions on the board members' faces as they all seem to nod their heads in approval because it sounds amazing. _And they probably have no idea what the fuck she's talking about..._

"Thank you, Nita." I avoid eye contact, which she greedily attempts. "Can we answer any more questions on this topic?"

Johanna Reyes, my father's scout, raises her hand as I nod in her direction.

"At our previous meeting, I had inquired about the effect this would have on the lake…."

I reflect back to her question that she admitted was total bullshit after our last meeting as I smirk at her, knowing she's testing us.

"One of our new junior architects, Matthew Rodgers, had an excellent idea. If you would…Mathew…"

He stands and I hold in a breath in both nerves and total pissed-offedness at him. _He had coffee with my girlfriend! Ex...ex...ex...  
_

"Thanks, Four. But as you know, I can't take total credit. This gentleman literally made this happen…." He leans in, in an attempt to tell them a secret that I'm not supposed to hear, and says, "He's kind of my idol…," tilting his head in my direction. They laugh congenially as I avoid the eyes I can feel on me. "We strive to protect and stabilize the property and the lake, however, new additions with the limited and sensitive upgrading of mechanical, electrical and plumbing systems…prove challenging. But by using a minimalistic approach, we are actually using the topography as part of the structure, thus decreasing the disturbance by 70%..."

I briefly zone out thinking about how I can totally see how Tris would really like him… I can see her laughing at his off-the-wall behavior… Shit, I _have _seen her laugh at his off-the-wall behavior. He's a good-looking guy so I can even see how she would be attracted to him… _ This just…fucking hurts…_

"Well then, do any members have questions or concerns?" Johanna's voice enters my thoughts. "Good." I smile, internally of course, because she didn't even give them a chance to ask any. "Let's get this project going, shall we? All members, please see me before you exit to formalize your vote... Thank you."

I stand back as the other members file toward her and I see Amar point toward the door signaling his exit. I nod my head wondering where the hell he's going. _The board is literally signing off on the plans…right now! _

"Tobias Eaton. Am I right?"

I'm taken aback at the use of my given name as I look into the eyes of a white-haired conservative-looking gentleman.

"May I help you?" I ask coldly.

"I wanted to introduce myself. I'm Michael Stoughton, a friend of your father's." _As if he has friends?_

He reaches out his hand to shake mine as I purse my lips and return the gesture incredibly reluctantly, then abruptly walk away leaving no room for further conversation. I catch Johanna's eye and I'm sure an extremely confused expression crosses my face as I try to piece things together.

When Marcus mentioned he knew someone on the board…he made it sound as if they were 'friends.' She definitely never referred to Marcus as her friend…

"Four?" A very ashamed Matthew approaches me as I wait for his commentary. "I'm sorry…that I—"

"You did well, Matthew. Thank you for your hard work." I cross my arms and direct my attention past him. I don't have the heart to be any more of a dick to him and I know my face will disclose too much information if I look at him.

"You're welcome—"

"Well?… How did I do?" Nita asks as she seriously invades my crucial interspatial boundaries.

"Excuse me, Four... Not trying to be awkward, but...Wow...Yep...let me just...here you go..." Matthew scoots in between Nita and I, moving her backward as if he's placing a mannequin on display. "Sorry... You were just really all up in his dance space..." He covers the side of his mouth pretending to talk to her only as he continues. "Look at his face..." He nods his head back in my direction. "I don't think he likes to be invaded."

_"_Ehhh... Four doesn't-"

"Trouble reading body language?...Totally get it... I think they have therapists for that shit! I know a guy..." He walks away and mouths the words "Call me..." to her, while pretending to hold a phone.

I have to practically bite my lips off from trying not to laugh. _I hate him so much..._

"Ha... That was...odd. So...how did I-"

"Good." I jerk my head back as her perfume fills my nostrils.

"Should we celebrate—"

"No."

"What?... Are you busy or something?" She laughs and puts her hands on her hips as if it weren't a possibility. She must know Tris and I aren't together anymore. _Yep… Still…hurts…._

"No."

"Well…then—"

"Four… Juanita…." Johanna approaches us and I'm slightly taken aback by Nita being referred to as Juanita.

"Um…hello, Ms. Reyes."

"Juanita. Cut the crap and call me Johanna."

"Ech… Fine. I didn't know I was _allowed _to." She uses air quotes and has completely changed her tone to one of complete disrespect.

"You're a grown ass woman. Act like one."

"Pleasant as always…_Johanna_," Nita remarks as she walks away swaying her hips as if she had a tail.

"Why_ does_ she feel the need to walk like that?"

I can't help but laugh out loud. "I have no idea."

"I suppose certain types of men appreciate that mess."

I shrug my shoulders, not giving a shit about what any other men think about Nita.

"You don't seem to be one of those men."

"Indeed, I am…not." I can feel my curiosity getting the better of me… "How do you know Nita?"

"Her father and I have been close acquaintances for years."

I ponder that for a moment, remembering a time when Nita had mentioned that… "Hmm. I actually remember shutting her down immediately when she attempted to name drop _you_ in relationship to her father."

She gets a mildly surprised and then astonished look on her face. "That is…exceptionally brave..."

"I don't tolerate nepotism."

"For good reason, I would imagine." I narrow my eyes at her. "Yes…_Tobias…_I know your father." I clear my throat, debating on whether or not I should ask _how_. I can't even stand the thought of the man right now. "And there is no one in this world I loathe more… Something we have in common, hmm?"

She quirks her head as if she is studying my face. All I can do is nod my head as my tie suddenly feels like it's strangling me. She must sense it as she starts to exit the room.

"Sometime…when you're ready…we can continue this conversation."

* * *

I take the elevator all the way to the garage, pinching the bridge of my nose with my eyes squeezed shut. It's the first time I've taken the elevator in weeks, but I have enough on my mind to keep my thoughts from wandering into the fear zone.

I realize Marcus has a plethora of people who hate him, but there was something behind Johanna's words. There was serious emotion, not just surface-level revenge for a business transaction, legal or otherwise, gone wrong.

_"Sometime…when you're ready…we can continue this conversation."_

I chastise myself the whole ride down for not being ready _that very second_. Instead, the room heated up to a blazing inferno and I felt like I was suffocating. _Why? What was different about any other time Marcus has been mentioned?_

The more I think about Marcus, the more I hate him. I had an epiphany this morning... The one I had been waiting for… I'd been so consumed in everything Tris, that I hadn't been thinking clearly. I need to distance my brain from her. It's funny because I loathe the thought. Who knew that_ not_ thinking about her can be as painful as thinking about her? _Enough, Tobias…_

I end up on the garage level, which isn't where I wanted to go seeing as I ran to work today and have no car. _I need to get to Marcus… _Bounding up the stairs to ground level I see Bud parked out front. _Thank God… _

"Hey, Bud."

"Four." He's been acting weird since I _"broke up"_ with Tris. I get it… Tori is his girlfriend and Tris's boss, whom she is close with. _Fuck… I'm never going to get away from this girl. _ I get a shooting pain at the thought anyway.

"Can you take me to Eaton Funds?"

"It's my job."

"Okay…thanks." He nods his head in acknowledgment, but no more. _Great! Add it to the fucking list of people who hate me…_

I see him check his phone, but he makes no move to put the car in drive. _Now this is just plain shitty!_

"Bud?... Are…we…going?" I ask as nicely as possible.

"Waiting for another passenger."

I breathe out through gritted teeth in frustration at my bull-crap luck that I have to actually have someone in this fucking vehicle with me. At least the waiting gives me a moment to organize my thoughts. I need to have an excuse for seeing Marcus. _A courtesy visit? He'll see right through it... Maybe that's the point..._ There's my answer. I can be just as calculating as Marcus…and I need to keep that in mind.

_What the fuck is taking this asshole so long? Jesus Christ!_

Finally, the motherfucking door opens as the person slides in next to me. I look over to see who it is…not that I really give a fuck- And…it's…_Tris…_

And then suddenly she's gone, and I'm running after her before my mind can even register why… _I must have looked- God I don't even want to fathom how I just looked at her… _

"Tris!...Tris!...Wait!... I didn't know…!...Fuck!" I grit out as my muscles kick my ass from doing too many stairs.

I know she's about to take off running to get away from me. _Fuck, I cannot let her think that I—_

Then I don't know how it happened, but she smacks into my chest and plummets backward as I grab for her. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I think about the awful thud that would be her head hitting the pavement. Then my neck is thrown forward and I'm about to crush her. Yet somehow…I don't. An acute pain rushes through the musculature in my shoulder and for a moment…nothing registers. Until I hear…

"Ohhhhh…fuuuuuccckkkkkk…." Her voice is like music to my ears...in a really screwed up way.

I shake my head against the pavement, which hurts like a bitch. _Jesus… How did this…happen? She fucking stopped!_

"Holy shiiiiiit…. Why did you stooooppppp?…." _Oh…my shoulder. Yep…damnit._ I roll off of it, which doesn't help because it's weighted down.

"Why…were you…runnnningggg?" _Why do you think I was running?_

"Because I was _chasing_ you!… That's…_fuck_…the idea…" _Oh yeah… It hurts…_

"Well…then you fucked up…not me!" _Jesus, she's so…mmmmmgggghhh! _Then I look to my left and observe her curled up on my arm trying to will the pain away. The many times_ I_ have wanted to take her pain away crash through my mind as I watch her bite her lower lip. _She's here…this is not ideal…but she's here… _She opens her eyes as my chest warms from being this close to her beautiful face again.

Then she's up and I can tell she's in some serious pain as a guttural moan comes out of her. I try to help her up, but she's too fast and I have to roll onto my other side to push myself up. I can't take my eyes off her and my hand tingles at where she was laying her head. _Come back… _

"What?!" she asks defiantly.

_I love you, and you need to know it so look at me…and fucking figure it out!_ "Nothing…"

"That's what I thought."

She stumbles away and I can hear her suck in a breath in more pain._ She may have cracked her tailbone… I want to help her...so bad...so, so bad..._ But she won't let me and I know she can handle physical pain better than anyone.

"Tris...?" _Please look at me…_

But when she does, I look down at the sidewalk in shame. Shame at my cowardice for not telling her how I feel and my cowardice for running after her in the first place when I should have just let her go and hate me.

But my eyes can't stay away. "Are you…okay?" _Please say yes… You're fine… You don't cry over me because I'm not fucking worth it… Tell me you're going to be okay…_

She shakes her head…no, as she looks right at me. _Because she loves me, and I broke her heart_… Then a cab pulls up, and she gets in. She looks out the window and gazes at me…

"I love you...and I'm sorry…" I know she can't hear me nor can she decipher what I said…but at least I put something out there. It's more than I did that night. I look toward the lake as the cab drives away.

* * *

**Marcus's POV:**

_Thank you, Joseph! Thank you, Joseph!_

I normally don't like to give credit to anyone for…well, anything. But I have to hand it to Joseph Monroe on his perfect execution of acquiring information from the NAS. I did my fair share of research on whom his contact is on the National Agriculture Services board, and I must say it is quite legitimate… _Poor wording on my behalf… There is nothing legitimate about this! _But…if it ever were traced back to Joseph, it sure as hell wouldn't be traced back to me. Why…"_I'm only trading on the advice of my farming friend… I didn't know corn would fall limit down! I'm just a businessman who speculates on the commodities markets. It's not even my area of expertise!" Bullshit..._

My personal cell rings and I know exactly who it is.

"Joseph."

...

"Your cash is en route. As you instructed, it's in a brown rucksack…of all things ridiculous!

...

Relax! I'm just trying to get a rise out of you. It will be handed to your driver at the Walworth stop."

...

"Yes… Well, I would like things to calm down a bit before we head down that road."

...

"You're just going to have to control him or I will renege on this deal and, to be honest, my hands look reasonably clean."

...

"I shall."

...

"Good-bye."

I hang up the phone and ponder his stupidity. _Does he really think I'm going to clue him in on Beatrice's whereabouts now? Tobias would point his finger right in my direction… Probably along with a gun!  
_

He seems to have followed through with the "plan", not that I've been paying much attention. I'm only basing my information on what the sniveling Juanita has clued me in. Based on my son's reported mood and the amount of time he spends at the gym and work…he is definitely _not _with Miss Prior. I'm sure Carlos is watching him on that front…That should satisfy him until things calm down enough where I can unchain Eric and then…well, I certainly don't give a rat's ass. Carlos can deal with Juanita and Tobias… Good luck with that!

"Marcus."

I practically reel around...which I rarely do...to see my son standing at the door. His mature stature and mannerisms still shock me. _But no one comes in here without proper announcement!_

"Tobias… How did you—"

"Your secretary is lovely."

_Christ... Mature stature and mannerisms... Animal magnetism for women..._ "You could have just called. Seducing my secretary seems beneath you—"

"It is."

"What are you doing here?"

"Clueing you in… Not that you need me to… It's more of a courtesy."

"Yes… I see you have ended things with Beatrice."

"As I was instructed…or more appropriately…coerced." He picks up and tosses one of my crystal paperweights.

"I'm sorry, Tobias."

He shrugs his shoulders. "No, you're not." _No shit._

"Seems you're having a tough time."

He meanders toward the window letting out a slow breath. "And how do you know that?"

"Son—"

"Don't…call me that." _Fucking bastard… _"Now answer my question."

I walk closer to him. I may just use this as a lesson. "Tobias…I always make it a point to know exactly-"

"For someone who's being 'coerced...', you certainly know...a lot." _Coerced... Shit..._

"Tobias…did you need something?"

"As I said, I'm here as a courtesy…"

"In regards to…?"

"I'm going to talk to Carlos," he remarks shrugging his shoulders.

_What the hell?_ "And why…would you do that?"

"I need to hear it myself… I must have inherited more than I care to admit… I, also, make it a point to know exactly what I'm involved with."

"You_ do_ understand—"

"Upon reflection, it seems as if my mind has been a bit…clouded. Now that some of the fog has dissipated, so to speak, I realize I need to know what it is I'm getting into... You know..._research._"

"Son…" _Don't make him mad!_ "...my apologies…Tobias. Carlos is an incredibly dangerous man, and I don't see the benefit of trying to hunt him down—"

"Hunt him down?" he questions with disbelief. "...I've found him to be relatively accessible."

"You have?" _Is he lying?_

"Yes."

"How?"

"The yellow pages."

"Sarcasm…in this situation…hardly seems appropriate."

"There is absolutely nothing appropriate about any of this!" he growls as I step back.

"Are you going to answer my question?" _Collect yourself, Marcus..._

"No." Then the bastard walks over to my scotch and pours himself all too much and drinks it down. _Idiot!_ "Congratulations on your recent financial 'luck-of-the-draw'!"

Then he walks out….

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck….. Was he testing me? Seeing how much I really knew? He didn't seem to be… I've always wanted him to be more like me…more duplicitous… Why now?! Why now?! I have to…_

"Tobias?! Tobias, damn it!"

The last I see is him rewarding my secretary with a genuine, at least to her, smile and tucking a white piece of paper in his suit pocket as the elevator door closes.

_If he's testing me, he'll try to do something to catch my attention and draw me out… I can't fall for that… If he's not testing me…then he really is going to Carlos! Please tell me I don't have to play the waiting game… Please!_

* * *

**Tris's POV: **Cab ride home**  
**

_I saw him. I can't believe I saw him. I touched him. I can't believe I touched him. Does that count as touching? Why did he run after me? I can't get the look in his eyes out of my head. Is this me making shit up? Or was he looking at me…like he has so many other fucking times...with…LOVE?! UGH!_

_I need to keep in mind that I don't think he ever lied about loving me. I think he thought he did…he just wasn't aware that what he was feeling…wasn't love. Yep…that's it! Okay…move on._

_I work until 11:00. Perfect. I need a distraction… I need to call Uriah. Don't feel guilty, Tris… You're not doing anything that any other girl wouldn't do! Okay...most girls wouldn't, but... Why do I feel guilty? I need to go at least one night without dreaming about Tobias..._

* * *

**I'll prepare myself for unhappy readers at my lack of FourTris... But it just wouldn't make sense at this point in the story, you know? And just like pre-breakup, I'm not going to push the plot post-breakup. You guys wouldn't love the story, for those that love the story, if I did. It would just be a means to an end...and...BORING!**

**And...one of my amazing readers...27daisies, is studying to be an architect and pointed out that, with the amount of schooling needed to be a high level architect, Tobias would be completing all necessary schooling by the age of 25. Therefore...I'm going back and making him complete his undergraduate work (bachelors degree) in 3 years, rather than 4. It was never really mentioned before, so I'm going to add it. Think about it, he is super driven and brilliant anyway so he could do it! Therefore, he graduated with all necessary degrees, training and experience by the ripe old age of 24...**


	34. Revelations

Okay so shorter chapters aren't happening, apparently. And I could have kept going on this one!

I only did one grammar run through so sorry about the errors. I'll check it tomorrow! Just wanted to get this posted!

**Rated - MA** for poor choice of wording and Tobias's sexual frustration.

* * *

**Chapter 34 – Revelations**

**Tris's POV:** Friday

This is the second…or third, I suppose…day I've had coffee with Matthew. It's been nice…he definitely makes me laugh…pretty hard, actually. And he's cute. I'm not ready for anything more than coffee… _Right? _I still can't imagine ever having feelings...at least not the take-your-breath-away kind...for anyone other than Tobias. But I do like Matthew, and he _is_ a welcome interference from my always drifting thoughts.

And lately…they have been _severely _drifting… Mostly when I'm trying to sleep but end up just lying there…panties frustratingly wet...thinking about amazing things I'll never feel again…at least not from Tobias. I haven't allowed myself to satisfy that particular frustration because it makes me feel...weak...or like I'm giving in. I refuse to believe there is no other man that can get me off just by thinking about his arms flexing as he rocks in and out of me, and how he squints his eyes shut when he's close-

"So… You have _officially_ joined me for coffee for two days in a row… although we have _had _coffee for three days in a row… Does this mean you _officially_ like me?... Just tell me. I can handle rejection…especially from you, seeing as you've done just that on…several occasions."

"Oh...What?"

"You didn't get any of that?"

"No...I did...Um... I never _didn't _like you," I answer laughing at myself for my wandering mind, and at his strange attempt to get me to admit feelings I'm unsure of.

"Okay…fair enough…. But you never _really _liked me. And frankly, I'm sensing progress on my behalf."

"Progress."

"Most definitely…. I've been keeping track of how many times I've made you smile and the numbers have been increasing…exponentially."

"Exponentially?..."

"Absolutely."

"I need solid numbers."

"Okay… Wednesday was four, yesterday was seven…count 'em…seven…times, and today is…mmmm…yet to be seen."

"I can always sit here and not smile for the rest of the time...to throw you off."

"Mmmmm…no."

"Mmmmm…yes."

"Impossible."

"Oh, it's definitely—"

"Look Tris, you need to just stop!" he exclaims with anger totally out of the blue.

"What?!"

"Christ… Will you please just collaborate with me and listen?!"

"I'm—"

"Ice."

"What!?"

"…is back with his brand new invention. You didn't know that?"

_Now I don't even know what the fuck to say! _

"Because something… obviously…grabs a hold of me…very very tightly…" _Oh…my…God… Tell me his isn't… _"…flow like a harpoon….whatever the fuck that means…daily and nightly…. Will it ever stop? Yo - I don't know… Turn off the lights… Pay attention, Tris! ...and I'll glow… To the extreme, I rock a mic like a vandal... Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle… Dance!—"

"Stop! Stop!... Oh my God!... Please stop!" I interrupt as he starts to dance to his awful rendition of Ice Ice Baby. I'm in near hysterical laughing as he starts in on his best Charlie Sheen impression.

"Winning!... Winning!"

"Sit the hell down!" I smack him hard on the leg…which is pretty fit, by the way…as my face turns 50 shades of…red.

"I think you just granted me the ultimate surplus of smiles and laughs…" He shakes his head and looks at me sweetly. "That'll get me through the day…"

"…Well…good…" _That actually does make me happy. _

He sits up straight and stretches his arms over his head as if he just woke up. "Ahhhh… So we should go out on a date." _Oh, good God…_

"Oh… Well—"

"Wait! Before you crush my soul, I just want you to know that…I am completely…nauseatingly aware…that you just recently broke up with Four… so I have no expec—"

"He broke up with me." _Why do I feel the need to correct people on that?_

"…Mmmm…no."

"…Mmmm…yes."

"Impossible."

I sit there and meet his confused stare for a moment before looking out the window at Dalilah's, trying to distract myself with the anticipation of this afternoon.

"Tris…aside from the fact that that is…mind-boggling…he does _not _act like _he_ broke up with_ you_." I shrug my shoulders still not meeting his eyes. "In fact, I thought he was going to throw me out the window…that is no exaggeration…scratch that, I just about jumped out the window on account of his face…when I told him we had coffee…" _What? Why would he- _"I had to scurry out of there like…an animal that scurries… Are you sure—"

"Are you really going to fucking ask me that?!" _Okay...that was harsh..._

He sits back and takes a sip of his coffee, the roles being reversed, as he is now not meeting_ my_ stare.

"Matthew, I'm sorry. I just… I don't really want to talk about—"

"So we should go out on a date."

"Okay." _Didn't think that one through..._

"Good. So, I'll call ya sometime… We'll set something up. Not ready to commit, yet." He looks at his imaginary watch again. "Ooooooo… Gotta go, Tris! Reality bites!... So did the movie, by the way… Ever seen it? Great soundtrack, though!"

He gets up, grabs his bag and quickly walks around my chair toward the exit leaving me with my mouth almost hanging open. Then I feel a swift soft kiss on my cheek. And surprisingly, I don't flinch away. I spin my head around in enough time to see Matthew look over his shoulder and wink at me. Turning several shades of pink, I immediately get back to my coffee. But I have to bite my lips between my teeth to not smile too much.

* * *

I walk into our apartment, fully expecting the third degree from Christina for not coming home until 4:30 AM… And she doesn't disappoint.

"YOU!" She comes stomping toward me and grips my arm dragging me over to the couch.

"Ouch! That hurts!" I yell as my tailbone burns in protest. "I ate breakfast! I swear!"

"Where…were…you…last…night?"

I meet her glare with my own as she stands over me. But, I begrudgingly disclose my location. "I took Tori to chemo."

"Oh." She ponders that for a moment. "That's all you did?" _Definitely not all I did. _"I mean…I don't mean 'that's _all_'…"

"Two of her survivor friends are still going through chemo. She doesn't want them to know her cancer is back."

"That makes…no sense."

"I think it makes perfect sense. She doesn't want to take away their hope…"

She gets a baffled look on her face. I understand why… It is incredibly unlike the Tori we see on the outside.

"So she goes at 2:00 AM and I drive her. Bud's a mess right now, so..."

"Um… How…How bad is it this time?"

"It hasn't spread. But that's all she'll tell me. We literally do not talk. I drop her off and then pick her up… That's it."

"What do you do while she's in there?" _Doh! _"Shit! What time is it?!" _Phew!_

"Uh…7:45, " I answer after glancing at my phone.

"I've gotta get ready… Damn it… Um… Keep talking! I'm just gonna shower!"

She heads for the bathroom and turns on the water. I take this as a sign that this is my chance to tell her about Matthew… She'll be otherwise occupied and I can walk away if I don't want to talk anymore…

"Mathew asked me out!" I yell, immediately putting a pillow over my face. I have no idea why…

I pull the pillow away in just enough time to see naked-Christina come bounding out of the bathroom. "WHAT?!"

"Bah! Put that shit away!"

"Ah! Who fuckin' cares? We've all had sex on this couch, anyway," she exalts flippantly as my stomach clenches at the thought of the fucking amazing orgasm Tobias gave me right where naked Christina is sitting. A collision of emotions hits me...epic sadness, epic desire and epic grossed-outness.

"Sorry… You told me about that on your birthday…"

"Great." _Cue the respiratory distress…._

"Anyway! Repite, por favor!"

"Matthew…asked me…afuera…"

"Yeah… Pretty sure that's not how you say that…"

"You're gonna correct me on my español, right now?"

"No! Hell no! … Ayeeeeeee!" She bounces on the couch several times.

"Okay… Ohhhh-Kayyy!"

Finally, clasping her hands together, she gives me her full attention. "So…what did you say? And when? And, what the hell…?"

"…Ahem… So…we've had coffee for the last…three mornings…and—"

"What?!"

"This cannot be one of those conversations where I repeat everything."

"Sorry… I just… well, why didn't you tell me that?!" She smacks me with a throw pillow that I grab and strategically place over her chest. "He's super cute by the way!"

"Yeah…he is." I look down at my hands as I think about how he really is cute… But not in the way…. _Fuck… _"And I don't know why I didn't tell you… It just feels…weird."

"But you like him."

"Well…yeah, I do. But I—"

"That's all I need to hear!" She gets up off the couch and runs into the bathroom. "Go out with him!"

I groan as I flop down on the couch and then yelp, momentarily forgetting my bruised tailbone... Uriah noticed right away that something was wrong because…well…how could he not…?

"…Tris…! …You said yes, right?!…..Tris!?"

"Yes…"

"What?!"

"Yes!"

"'_Yes,_ you said yes or _yes,_ you're listening to me?"

"I said yes…to him!"

"Yeeeee! …So, what are doing? When? Just the two of you? He should talk to me first!"

I walk toward the bathroom because I'm tired of yelling. "He didn't say."

"Oh... Well I gotta be honest…that's kind of a letdown."

"Yeah. Well…" I pause thinking of how he walked out on me in the coffee shop. It was strangely adorable. "It's fine. Anyway, I'm just keeping you in the know, so now you can stop asking how I'm doing every five minutes."

"I just want you to talk to me about it…and you haven't. Aside from when you were drunk on the fire escape—"

"That's because there's nothing to say."

"Well…"

"Well…what…?"

"I don't know. It's just weird… Four won't talk to Will about it and you won't talk to me about it and it's like _nobody's _talking about it!... And I hate that!...And Shauna doesn't know what the fuck to do. Uriah has been MIA and Marlene has been…Marlene…" I can't help but laugh to myself thinking about Uriah and Marlene.

"Gee, sorry, Chris. How can I make this easier on you?" I ask sarcastically.

"Stop it. I just wish people would…TALK!"

"Well…I told you what happened. I highly _doubt _Four cares enough to talk about it—"

"Calling him Four, again?"

"Yes… " _And that wasn't intentional… Which makes me irrationally sad… Well, it shouldn't!_

"Hmm. Well, Will says he's been acting—"

"Chris."

"What? Tris…come on. Aren't you at all curious—"

"I don't want to know how he's been acting! I don't want to know a fucking thing about him! I'm so tired of…"

"Of what?"

"Running _everything _through my mind! Literally from beginning to end… Torturing myself, trying to figure out where I went wrong—"

"Where _you _went wrong?"

"Yes!"

"Tris…you did nothing—"

"Not like that. This isn't about me feeling inadequate… Okay, maybe a little only because I never understood in the first place how he could possibly be with me—"

"Beatrice…"

"Don't fucking call me that!"

"Then don't act like her."

"Mmmmgghhhhh! You can be such a fucking—"

"Welcome back, Tris."

I sigh loudly, knowing she's right. "I just can't believe I didn't see it…sooner…. I'm just usually better at reading people… And I thought I…"

The look in his eyes when we ran into each other (literally) has weighed heavily on me… And leaving him sitting on the sidewalk like that… The expression on his face… It wasn't physical pain… _ Yes, it was! _

"So…can I expand my music playlist now that you are rebounding with Matthew?"

"I am not rebounding!... And no, you can't."

"And I am _not _judging." She turns the water off and starts drying herself…keeping the shower curtain closed, thank God.

"He's just…fun and a distraction…"

"You just gave the Urban Dictionary definition of a rebound."

I walk back to the couch and slowly sit down...before getting up and slowly sitting at the kitchen table instead. I sigh in frustration with the new revelation that Matthew may be a rebound. _I don't want a rebound! I don't want anyone! (else…)_

"Are you attracted to him?"

I shrug my shoulders because I'm kind of indifferent. "He's cute and—"

"I actually think he's kinda hot…"

"Really?"

"Mmm hmm. And he works out."

"And...how do you know this?"

"I've seen him running through our neighborhood… Did I check him out?... Yes… Are you to tell William that?... No… But, our friend Matthew has definite biceps and a cute butt!"

"Hmm." _I'm still indifferent… Fuck. _"Chris…I just can't picture myself with…"

"Well, then stop trying to picture it and just dive in girl!"

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

_"Mom?" I walk into her bedroom to see her leaning over the bathtub. _

_"Oh… Hi, baby. Are you okay?"_

_I didn't want to make her feel bad by telling her that I got splinters in my fingernails from clawing at the closet door handle._

_"Yeah… " I watch her lean over the water in the bathtub. "Why is the water pink?"_

_"Hmm?"_

_"In the tub. How come?"_

_"Oh… It's pretty isn't it?" She swirls her fingers in the water as it filters down the drain._

_I don't answer because I never really liked pink. But I walk closer anyway to try to see it. I shrug my shoulders and look at my mother before jumping back in shock. I trip over something and the visual of blood dripping out of her ear, down her neck, arm and fingers into the water of the tub flashes through me like a camera taking a picture._

_"Mommy... Your ear…"_

_"Mmm hmm."_

_"What… Um… Mom…?"_

_"It's okay…" She twists her wrist back and forth, watching the path of blood change direction.  
_

_"Tobias. Go to bed." I start at my father's stern voice as I try to get my footing and trip again. "Jesus Christ, boy… Get up!" He grabs me by my arm and pushes me into the hall. "And shut your damned door."_

_My heart is racing as I close my door and press my ear to listen._

_"What the fuck makes you think taking a nice relaxing bath was a good idea?! Do you want your son to see you in this...state? You're so fucking stupid, Evelyn!..."_

_"Josie! Josie! C'mere!" I hear whispers right outside my bedroom door. _

_"What?"_

_"We have to do something. He busted her eardrum and her nose! And she's too doped up to care!"_

_"Fuckin' rich people and the shit they get themselves into…"_

_"We should call the police!"_

_"Look, honey, I know you're new here, but we've tried that… He knows people! You need to stay the hell out of his way."_

_"Doesn't she have friends? Anyone we can call?..."_

_..._

"Huuuuuuhhhhh!"

I suck in a deep breath and sit up, hyperventilating in a way I haven't done in many weeks. I shake my head to dissipate the remnants of the very vivid nightmare of two weeks before my mother died. I lay back down on my side, groaning at the contact of what seem to be sofa springs on my shoulder, and the fact that my pillow is drenched in sweat. Going back to bed will not be an option for me anyway, so I sit back up as a half-empty bottle of scotch rolls onto the floor.

_Fuck…_ I know I drank… I drink every night, lately. But I didn't know I drank that much… I look behind me, surprised to see that I had pulled the bed out of the sofa in my office… There are no sheets, but apparently I didn't care. _Oh, fuck! Please tell me I was alone! _I don't remember anyone here…but I also don't remember pulling out the couch. _What is the last thing I remember? Looking through pictures on my phone at 1:00 am. Shit… _

My mind is diverted as a strange feeling comes over me. I realize it was less painful waking up thinking about my mother than waking up and immediately thinking about Tris_… I am truly…awful…_

Reaching for my phone, I see I left the screen open to the last night everything seemed truly okay with Tris and me: the night of the Stanley Cup game. Which was also the night we were being watched by Carlos from Marcus's United Center box. Christina had grabbed my phone and snapped the shot before we could actually smile, so all it shows is Tris looking up at me as I kiss her on the forehead. _I miss her…so much…_

Shaking my head, I rub the sleep out of my eyes and close out of the app to see that it's 6:10. _Time to get up and make sure this place doesn't look like I slept here…again. _So, I turn on the shower, go to the closet to lie out my suit, roll up the bed and fix the throw pillows. Then I quickly get in the shower where I immediately regret the fact that I just looked at a picture of Tris.

Getting myself off was something I had denied myself for about a week after Tris and I broke up…or I broke up with her…whatever. I don't know if it was subconscious punishment or the fact that I knew I wouldn't be able to climax without thinking about being inside her. But after a week, I couldn't help myself, especially after having a very explicit wet dream ending in embarrassment and shame. _What am I…14 years old? _So, I acquiesced and jerked off in the shower, thinking about _nothing _but the physical relief and semi-pleasure of my own familiar hands as I came without the vigor I had grown accustomed to.

When Tris and I were together, the few times I had to (well, let's face it… I never _had _to because we had sex like there was no tomorrow…), but the few times that I got myself worked up enough to do it, and if she wasn't at my disposal (for a serious lack of a better word), all I had to do was think about her legs wrapped around me in the shower as I thrust up into her and it would just about get me off.

I can almost feel her fingers in the roots of my hair and my forehead resting on her shoulder as my cock works her to the point where she's just about screaming for release. _Shit…_ The feeling of her perfect wet nipples rubbing against my pecs as she begs me not to stop (not that I ever had any intention to) when I hit the spot inside her that made her heels dig into my ass and her pussy get tighter than it already is. _Fuck_… _That,_ most times,…unfortunately… _Damnit! _…would put me over the edge as I would bite into her shoulder and bury myself inside her hard and deep only stopping when I hear her whimper and slowly relax…very slowly if I did my job right. _Fuck… _

Part of me knew I had started to maneuver my cock in my hand as I was thinking about her and I'm too far gone to stop now as I pick up speed and tighten my grip, not giving a shit that I'm envisioning my strong hand as her tight wet center. I grunt and feel the cold wall of the shower against my forehead as my forearm burns, reminding me that this isn't real, but it's the closest I'm going to get as I feel the welcome release and come harder than I have in weeks. I finish myself off as my brain officially catches up with my body and I stay there with my head resting against the shower wall thinking of everything I'll never have. I hammer the bottom of my fist into the wall not out of shame, but out of loss…

Then taking a deep breath, I try to reconcile myself to the confusing feeling of having more physical relief than I have had in weeks juxtaposed with the empty feeling in my heart. Once I have my brain wrapped around that mess, I finish my shower and get out, knowing I have to seriously be on my game.

_Am I on my game at all lately? No. Jesus… Is Amar making a huge mistake? _

I'm signing the papers for the partnership today. I get a ridiculously sad feeling, which isn't abnormal for me, but this feeling is for something that will never be, not something I have lost. I can't fucking believe I'm not going to be sharing this moment with Tris... Especially after I was the one to make a big deal about talking to her about it…

…..

_"…__You were the first person I thought of…"_

_"Really?" she asks tracing small figure-eights on my stomach._

_"Really." I stay silent for a moment, internalizing her expression._

_"Are ya gonna tell me why?"_

_"Apart from being completely stoked to tell you about it…I wanted to talk to you…first… It could make my life really crazy for awhile…and I don't look at it as just my life anymore.…Sorry, if that freaks you out—"_

_"It doesn't… I…I love it." Taking my hand, she smiles shyly out the side of her mouth. "I'm just so excited and proud and a million other things I can't explain to you!"_

_I shake my head in awe of her excitement on my behalf. "You're amazing." _

_"Pretty sure…right now…you're the amazing one." _

…..

I look at my face in the mirror...something I've been avoiding. My eyes are red, I have dark circles and I apparently have forgotten to shave for several days.

_Get your shit together, Tobias._

I don't have a lot of time, so I don't shave, I just make my facial hair look presentable and drop Visine in my eyes. I take in a quick side profile of my torso and notice more definition than normal. The kind that comes from working out too much and not eating enough… I'm not a fan… I've never been a guy to check himself out in a mirror. I've always just worked out to relieve stress and just because it feels fucking good. But looking at myself right now, this doesn't feel good.

"Fuck…"

I need to eat breakfast…like a real breakfast, not a damned protein bar. I put my suit on, which thankfully still fits me pretty well and I put away all evidence that I showered here. _Why do I care? These offices are set up for this shit! _Then I head down the hall to the break room to grab breakfast.

I seat myself in a corner with a muffin, apple and protein bar as company and pull out my tablet going straight to the Notes app. I look over all information I have compiled about Marcus. I am 100% sure he told Carlos about Eric. His reaction to my going to Carlos was…priceless. I've never seen his cage so rattled in my life. He's just going to have to play the waiting game to see what I'm going to do next. I'm sure he'll be watching me and I have now put two and two together as to how he has been accomplishing that. In the moments of clarity I've had, I recalled the few times he slipped up…

...

_"You and Miss Prior had not been involved for a significant amount of time…but he seemed to have even more information than I thought… He had been following you for years. From UIC to your post-graduate work, to being scouted by Amar Ghadi, to where you purchased your vehicles, to the gym you attend... I would imagine he has a plant in your building seeing as he seems to have been aware of many of your comings and goings…. You actually tipped him off when you added her to your Approved Guests list…?"_

_..._

For a man who says he doesn't know how Carlos gets his information…he sure knows a lot about how Carlos gets his information. _Because that fucking piece of shit gave it to him! _

Proving it will be easy…I have quite the 'in' with the owner of my building…or _her _building, as she would call it.

There are still things nagging at the back of my head that need to come forth. I can't stop thinking about the conversation I had with Johanna Reyes… Something is-

"Good morning, my friend. Quite the day we have ahead of us!" Amar claps me on the shoulder as I clench my teeth from the pain.

"Morning," I grit out.

"Well, I must say. You do look slightly better today," he comments tilting his head. "But only slightly. I can see you decided to clean your face up."

"Yeah." _I have absolutely no desire to make conversation with anyone._

"I realize you have no desire to make conversation with anyone as of late, but I do feel the need to give you my two cents for what it's worth."

"Sounds like it's worth two cents."

"Was that humor?"

"I don't know."

He sits back in his seat and props his feet up on the table crossing them at his ankles, which is so not cool with me, but…he's Amar, so…

"Bud mentioned he dropped you off at Eaton Funds. You went to see your father this week."

"Yes."

"Hmm." He looks out the window and squints at the sun. "I absolutely do not know nor will I ask you, at least not at this moment,..." _Of course..._ "...what has been affecting you so for the last few weeks... I would say it is the lack of a particular person in your life—"

"Amar."

"But, it's more than that. You don't hide things as well as you think, my friend… And I'm incredibly perceptive... I believe this 'lack' to be nothing but the fallout…" He takes my apple and bites into it pondering his next thoughts. "Tobias…" I smile slightly at his use of my name. "…some people will always throw stones in your path. What matters is what you choose to make with them: Wall or bridge?" He hands me the apple as he gets up and grabs my shoulder, which again..._hurts like a bitch!_ "Remember you are the architect of your life… How's that for a cliché?"... He chuckles as he rises and walks toward the door. But not before looking back at me. "Think about that before you sign our contract…Tobias."

_Well…fuck…_

"Amar?" I don't know what the hell makes me ask him this… "I need to get in touch with Johanna Reyes…"

"I'll message you her information… See you at 3:30." He exits the room but not before I hear him address Matthew.

_Don't, nope, please just do not come in here, stop, nope, don't even—_

"Hey, Four."

"Good morning," I say flatly as I direct my attention back to my tablet, trying to be as unapproachable as possible to the man who likes my…ex_(mghhhhh)_girlfriend.

He takes a deep nervous breath. "I asked Tris out and she said yes and we've had coffee for the last three mornings and I really like her and I think she likes me and I thought you should know because I respect you and I don't want there to be weirdness."

I slowly lift my head to look at him and see that his eyes are squeezed shut like a fucking coward. _You see that fucking window?! I want to throw you right fucking through it! Head first onto the damned pavement!_

"You respect me… Yet you still ask my ex-girlfriend out…again." _Or maybe I'll just jump out the window!?_

"Um… Sounds terrible when you say it like that… But, uh… Four, we are _not _friends… Sorry, man…but you have made that blatantly clear. So…it's not like we have guy-code or anything, right?...Unless I'm reading shit wrong…"

I clear my throat and nod my head, standing up. Then I exit the room, not making an ounce of eye contact.

"Four. She said you broke up with her… So...why do you care—"

I stop in my tracks and turn to look at him. "Is that what she told you?" I ask narrowing my eyes at him. _Is that really what fucking happened!?_

"Yes… Um…yes."

I shake my head and walk out of the room straight to my office. It takes every ounce of strength for me to not slam the door behind me. Honestly, I'm afraid I'd break it off the hinges. Instead, I rip off my jacket and do push-ups losing track after number 50. Pushing through the severe pain in my shoulder is the only thing that's keeping me from falling apart.

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I don't have any professional way to transport these photographs, which I found to be incredibly embarrassing, so I basically put wax paper in between each one and made five trips to and from my apartment. Christina was at class so she wasn't available to help. I thought about calling Uriah, but I remembered him mentioning he had a client. Plus, our relationship hasn't moved that far beyond the physical level yet so I wasn't comfortable with that.

One of the women who worked there knew I was coming so she kindly helped me set up in the basement. It really is nothing but an unfinished basement, but it's huge and has whitewashed concrete walls. She has art…everywhere. Just covered canvases leaning up against more canvases. It has perfect lighting and more easels than I would need…and I had 37 pictures.

"I'm Sofi, by the way," she reaches out and shakes my hand lightly.

"Hi, Sofi."

"No… Sofeee. Accent on the 'i'."

"Oh…got it. That's a pretty name."

"Thank you. It's French."

_She's staring at me. Why is she_— "Oh! I'm Tris… Sorry."

"Equally as pretty."

"Thanks. Um… I'm really nervous," I whisper.

"Why? You alluded you're just showcasing for criticism, correct? Constructive hopefully…but Dalilah can be unpredictable…"

"I've only ever shown three people any finished product..."

...

_"What do you see?"_

_"Wow…," he whispers resting his chin on my head as he breathes in and out heavily through his nose. _

_"Well?" I match his whisper desperately wanting to know what he thinks… and I'm fucking terrified…_

_I feel his Adam's apple as he swallows thickly. "Um…I see a picture of a barn…I think…"_

_"Mmm hmm." I try to soothe him by drawing light circles over his tattoos, whose exact locations I have memorized._

_"What else?"_

_"There's a tree…a fruit tree?"_

_"It's an apple tree… What do you like best about the photo?"_

_He clears his throat. "The light...There's a yellow light… I can barely see it…coming out the square window at the top. The rest of the photo is sepia…but I still see the yellow light."_

_"That's the barn at my old house."_

_"Really?"_

_"Yeah, I used to sit up in that room and work on my pictures. It was like my own private…I don't know, escape maybe?"_

_"Maybe someday I can see it?" That may be, surprisingly, one of the best things he's ever said to me…_

_"I would love that…someday."_

_He wraps his arms around me and sways us back and forth, a couple centimeters to the right and back to the left while leaving soft kisses occasionally on my head. I don't think he even knows he does that…_

_..._

"Well… We all have our own version of crazy…and that must be yours." _Ummm…._

A bell dings upstairs as she excuses herself and elegantly climbs the stairs. _I wish I could be classy…. Sigh…_

"Sofi, my lovely! And how are we today?" I hear Amar's booming voice.

"Wonderful, thank you. Your photographer is downstairs." _Did she just call me a photographer?!_

"Excellent—"

"Amar! You've come!" A brassy voice resounds from somewhere upstairs.

"You thought I wouldn't?"

"Well, I have to say I was pondering the idea that you were trying to force some mediocre work on me as a favor to someone… " _Please tell me that is not the case! I can just see Four pushing Amar into this to assuage his guilt!_ "It wouldn't be the first time…. Hmm?"

"Yes, well…Dalilah, my dear. We all make mistakes. This one, I assure you, will not be." _Okay, that makes me feel a tad better…but only a tad._

"Hmmph. We'll see."

"Yes, we shall… In fact, shall we…?"

"Lead the way…"

I hear them begin their descent down the stairs as I look down at what I'm wearing...jeans and a T-shirt. _Shit! Is this okay? Fuck it! I can only be me…_

"Tris!" Amar immediately rounds on me wrapping his right arm around my shoulder in a familiar embrace, contrary to the last couple times I've seen him. "May I introduce you to Dalilah Delacourtier? The owner of this fine establishment and art critic extraordinaire!"

"Amar, please. Stop blowing smoke." She reaches out and takes my hand equally as lightly as Sofi as I grab hers in a strong mid-western shake, my facing turning ten shades of red as Amar stifles a laugh. I glare at him as he quickly turns away from me and starts examining the pieces he hadn't seen before.

She gives me a small, awkward smile and flits her eyes over my face before she starts moving from picture to picture. Dalilah appears to be in her late 50s, with chin length jet-black hair in a severe straight cut. She's also wearing a yellow and black striped moo-moo. _What the hell? Hey…judge me on my handshake and I'll judge you on your fashion sense, lady—_

"Is Tris your full name?"

"No."

"What is it?"

"Not worth mentioning."

She does a double take and looks at me very confused. _What?! _I notice Amar smirking out of the side of his mouth. _Was that shitty? That must have sounded shitty. _

"Well, well, well… Well, well, well, well, well…. Well, well, well…" _Seriously? _ She makes a clicky sucking sound between her clenched teeth before she continues. "I'm going to skip over the following: color, shapes, forms and lines, texture, light, and shadow… Because, well frankly, I have to because there is absolutely no continuity—"

"That's because—"

"—in technical elements which would thus contribute to mood, meaning, and aesthetics. Honestly, you have an absurd amount of variance…"

She stands there tapping her toe and biting the inside of her cheek, scrutinizing my life work! _She just looks fucking mean!_ I glance at Amar, who has made his way to the end of the room and has his back to me. I really thought I was just here for _him_…not to be critiqued. _I'm an artist and a little emotional about my shit! Did I just call myself an artist?..._

_…..._

_"Hey, hey, hey… C'mere… " _ _He pulls me to him so my forehead is resting on his chest. "It was only a suggestion. You don't have to show anyone...anything… Okay?"_

_I nod my head. "Sorry… I'm not mad…. I appreciate it. I'm just not ready for criticism…"_

_"Babe…you're an artist. You'll never be ready for criticism… And you're kind of emotional?" he squeaks out at the end, which makes me pull away and give him a nasty look. "Don't look at me like that…You know I think you're sexy when you're pissed and I have to go to work…"_

_…..._

My eyes brim a little at the flitting thought that I can't believe Tobias isn't here. I'm freaking out and he seems to be the only person who would be able to calm me the fuck down. _But you're not together… He ended it… You need to get over it!_

"Tris…" Dalilah motions me over to her with the tips of her pointer and middle finger.

I clear my voice and hold my head high…probably too high…and walk over to her.

"Good thing I love absurdity. Frankly, if I have to see another artist who doesn't vary their brush strokes let alone their medium, I may just quit the business."

"Okay…"

"We need to talk. I'm trying to grasp the feeling you convey in your work…what it means to you… But I can't. What is your intended purpose?"

"Why do I need one?"

"How do you expect me to display something without a theme or a purpose?"

"I don't."

She narrows her eyes at me and turns immediately to Amar. "You use my space and send me someone who has no interest in using my gallery?! I swear if you waste my time again—"

"What?" I interrupt, not sure if I said it loud enough for her to hear me.

"Tris… Did I leave out some imperative information? My sincerest apologies! Dalilah believes you are here because you are interested in selling your work at her gallery. Did I not tell you that?" He quirks his head in complete and total mock confusion.

"No…Amar…you…did…not—"

"My dear, pack up and leave. I am eternally busy," she interjects.

"Eternally?" _Shit… That just slipped out. _"I mean…wow, that's pretty busy… I'm interested. I'm just surprised that _you _are."

"Please tell me you aren't one of _those_ who needs constant coddling and reassurance because I do not have enough minutes left in my life to deal with that nonsensical bullshit," she spits.

"No. I'm not and no, I don't need it." _I totally might! But I won't be asking you for it…_

"Hmm."

"This one is quite something…" I hear Sofi say off the cuff. "How did you do this?"

I walk over to see which one she is looking at_. Shit!_ She must have pulled it out from behind the photograph of the barn… It's the picture I made for Tobias. It probably had gotten mixed in with the others.

"That's not for sale," I deadpan meaning every word of it, but not knowing why.

"That wasn't my question," she retorts softly as she gazes at it. "Who is he to you?"

"No one." I make eye contact with Amar as his eyes soften.

"You're lying," Dalilah says flatly. "You scrutinized over every line and facet of his face… I can see you're mixed medium… This isn't what he really looks like, is it? You tried to bring out what's in here." She points to her heart. "Rather than what's out here." She encircles her face with her fingertips as I stare blankly at the picture I spent countless hours on to get perfect.

"Yes… I can see it…" Sofi comments. "I feel as if I can see _him…_ He's haunted by something… And his eyes look… I don't know how to put it into words. Look Dali…" She turns the picture to the left, which makes his eyes look softer and then she turns it to the right and they look harsher.

"You know this man," Dalilah states.

What feels like a mass amount of memories flash through my mind, but I just smile and say, "I used to."

Amar clears his throat and wanders away, shaking his head slightly. _Fuck… I shouldn't have said that about Tobias in front of him._

"Hmm," she tips her head in annoyance at my vague responses. "Well...Tris. How much time can you reward me with today?"

"...I have to work at 6:00."

"Good. Let's start from the beginning, shall we? And by beginning…I mean, Mr. Mysterious-Who-Means-Nothing-To-You…"

"It's not for—"

"Everything is for sale… And, it sounds like you need some closure, darling."

* * *

I walk out of Dalilah's in a daze or a haze or a fog…whatever noun works. She picked five of her favorites, or the ones she deemed "acceptable," and I signed a contract for her to display them at her gallery at a commission rate of 50%. I glanced at Amar, who nodded his head. I wasn't sure about splitting the profits 50/50 until I heard the amount of work the gallery actually does to sell the art when all I have to do is provide it. The framing itself, which I thankfully do not have to do, nor pay for, is crazy expensive.

Dalilah offered to store the rest of my pictures for me and depending on the turnover rate, she may want to display more. Whatever… I can't even think about that right now… All I can think about is handing over the photo of Tobias, which of course, was one of her favorites. It was like a fucking sitcom. Where one actor hands the other an object, yet still has it in a death grip as the other tries to pull it away. Except there was no laughing involved… Quite the opposite, as I am currently walking home with burning hot tears running down my cheeks. I basically make it there just about holding my breath as to avoid sobbing until I am in the solitude of my own personal space.

And sweet relief once I get there as I instantly start balling. I let the tears fall and they come fast. I haven't really let myself cry since last Friday night. I've shed tears, plenty, in fact, but I have fought them tooth and nail. But seeing as I'm alone, I allow myself to do the ugly cry as I crawl onto my bed and sit cross-legged. I've been so consumed with being mad that I haven't been able to be sad. And handing that photo over of Tobias brought me nothing but debilitating sadness.

The look on his face as he recounted to me the memories he had of his mother will now haunt me…probably forever…because I feel like I just handed over a part of him. It's almost as if I did it without his permission. I handed _him _over, my version of Tobias…accurate or not. It was who he was to me, and I just gave it away for profit.

The cramping feeling in my chest is causing shortness of breath, so I lie on my back and try to breathe deeply to calm my aching heart. It is insane how a heart can literally hurt. But this does absolutely nothing for me, so I sit up again and just decide to embrace the pain, like always…

I watch the tears drip down my nose onto my lap as I finally accept what I lost…or what was taken from me. No. I need to take ownership. Nothing was stolen. His feelings weren't equal to mine… But I still lost him… I lost the man I thought I knew…

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

Upon handing me the pen, Amar asks, "Did you consider my two cents?"

I give him a short nod because it honestly did resonate quite a bit with me, but that's a thought I'll tackle again when my head clears. I immediately sign my name on the proverbial dotted line.

I was expecting a relief… I didn't get it. I want to call Tris…to tell her about it…probably selfishly just so I can hear her voice. _I just fucking need her…_ I know it would just make her sad. Or maybe not seeing as Matthew seems to think she's interested...

_Fuck… Did I underestimate her feelings? Well, that shit just hit me in the face like a ton of bricks! Well…just…fuck! Save it for later, Tobias. Compartmentalize… Be a guy... Be Zeke! Okay…let's not go crazy. Be Four._

"Welcome, my friend."

Amar looks at me with utter pride as he grabs the wrong fucking shoulder again and embraces me. He is one of the few people who are allowed to hug me. We clap each other on the back and I have to admit I am experiencing a flash of pride… _And…it's gone…_

"Four, with your permission I would like to bring in our fellow architects to formally introduce you."

"Is that really necessary?" I ask rubbing the back of my head completely unsure of this. _Fuck… I need to get used to this shit. Can't I literally be the 'silent' partner?_

"Not at all… But it would bring your partner great joy!"

"Well…Amar…as long as one of us gets joy out of it…"

"Excellent!" He promptly walks out into the middle of the office floor and stands on a cubicle. "All architects please adjourn yourselves from your desks and make haste to my office!" He changes his targeted audience without missing a beat. "…And to _our_…" He looks at me as he says 'our'. "…incredibly integral support staff…I hope to see you at Hangars for happy hour tonight!... Don't worry… They're not invited…" He says this in a mock whisper, referring to the architects as the staff laughs under their breaths.

The support staff doesn't love us because most architects think they are somehow better than the people that actually make this place function. I fully hope I'm not one of them. I try to treat everyone the same. Which basically means I'm a total dick. _Great…_

I clench my jaw at the mention of Hangars, envisioning Tris serving drinks to ALG employees…and myself not being one of them… _Hell…at least her and Lauren will have a shit ton to talk about! Great… I loathe that word!..._

_…__..._

_"I had great sex with my boyfriend last night—"_

_"Great?" I ask inevitably with an annoyed face. Is she serious? There was nothing 'great' about that!_

_"Okay fine….It was pretty great…," she says smiling sarcastically as she crawls on top of me grinding her now wet self over my dick. She should never fuck with me about that! Ever! Ever ever! "Why? What would you call it?" She bites her lip seeming to really want to know my answer._

_"You want to hear me say it don't you?" I ask as I pull her chest toward me taking a nipple in between my teeth, teasing it with my tongue. "Would that turn you on?"_

_She immediately blushes as I feel her skin heat up under my mouth._

_…__..._

_Arghhhhhh…. Well, now I'm gonna have to jack off…again. And how fucked up is it that I'm actually looking forward to it? I cannot turn into one of those dudes!_

"My fellow associates. I'm not going to take roll, but I do hope the majority of you are here…," Amar begins as I calm my racing heart and slight arousal.

I lean against the wall behind everyone as I browse the crowd. I sense Nita's fucked up stare, as she looks over her shoulder at me, Matthew's nervous presence as he switches his weight from one foot to the other, and Will. I'm really glad he's here…for an entirely different reason. Then there are others I've worked with, some I've enjoyed and others not as much.

"As some of you know, I miss very much the creative side of architecture. I believe it to be the reason we are all here and the reason we have such an exceptional company... Our passion!..."

I see Nita roll her eyes. _She's just…fucking terrible…_

"…You see, my partner, George, had seen a change in me in the last year. I had a certain stress in my demeanor and he said some words that resonated with me… 'Working hard for something we don't care about is called stress… Working hard for something we love is called passion…' Upon reflection, I had been missing the passion. Yet, I still care deeply about the success of this company… So I had been searching for a business partner and one in particular caught me eye. He is hard-working, fair, forward-thinking, beyond humble, compassionate…although he won't admit that…and I must say it, sometimes slightly uncouth…?"

_And…they're all looking at me…_

Amar laughs as I smirk and shake my head. _What a dick…_

"Four, would you please step forward?" _No._

I stay leaning against the wall but raise my hand in a small wave as everyone surprises me and claps, Nita being the loudest as she bounces up and down on her toes. _Idiot…_

"…or not!" Amar remarks clapping along with everyone else.

I'm rewarded with a showing of handshakes and congratulations and I put on my best appreciative smile… _It's probably awful… _Most maintain an appropriate distance but others…mostly women, migrate several inches into my dance space… _I…just quoted...Matthew… Why does he have to be funny?_

As the news sinks in and people filter out, heading back into their offices, Matthew stays. _No… You need to leave…before I kill you…_

"So, I was excited to keep working with you… But, I guess you'll be…one of the _really _big dogs now! Like bigger than before!... Ruff ruff!" _He just…barked… _"Sorry… I don't know why I did that…"

"Because you're fucking weird." _And the first words out of my mouth to an employee as an owner of a multi-national company are: "…you're fucking weird." _

"Definitely. I live in my own world… But, it's okay… They know me here!" _Damn it, he played that off well…_

He reaches out to shake my hand. The physical response to my hatred of envisioning him and Tris together…her lips on his, his hands holding her flush to him…comes out in full force as I grab it way too roughly.

"Are you gonna fire me?"

"No." _But I want to!_

"Even if I date—"

"Matthew, my boy!" Amar must have been watching out of the corner. "I am acting as your life-saver. Now exit."

"Okay…got it. Congratulations…Four," he nods to me and backs away as if I'm the fucking Dalai Lama.

"Great start." Amar turns to me with eyebrows raised.

"Just living up to my confirmed reputation of uncouthness. Thank you for that by the way."

"My pleasure—"

"Four, Amar… You guys wanted to see me?"

Will is standing at the door with his arms crossed and a seriously pissed off look on his face. Amar and I exchange a glance as I communicate to him to give us a minute. He takes the hint and slips out of the room.

"Yes. But did you want to tell me what's on your mind first?"

"Yeah, you uncouth bastard. I'm supposed to be one of your closest friends and you couldn't share this news with me? I have to find out with every other asshole at this firm that you're going to own this damned company?...Is this because of Christina? Because she hates you?" _That surprisingly…hurt… _"Because last I checked…_we _were still friends… Even if you don't act like it anymore—Damn it! I sound like a chick!" _This is going to be awesome…_

He moves his jacket out of the way and puts his hands on his hips in frustration. _He does sound like a chick…_

"Are you done, William?"

"Don't call me William—"

"William, my young friend!" Amar's timing, as always, is impeccable. He closes the door and sits behind his desk, gesturing for Will to sit across from him. I stay in the back of the room and lean on the table. _I can't wait for this… If I could laugh, I would… But that has been near impossible these last few weeks. _"Four? Would you do the honors?"

"We're promoting you," I say without missing a beat.

"What?" He looks back at me, then at Amar and back to me.

"I'm sorry. Was that uncouth?" I ask sarcastically.

"Turns out, William, a new Senior Architect position has opened up!" Amar elicits happily.

"You're offering _me, _Four's position?"

"Yes," I answer although he directed his question at Amar.

"Unless you had someone else in mind," Amar adds.

"God, no! I mean…no. This is just… Thank you so much." Will turns and looks at me sheepishly.

"That's why I didn't tell you. Now who's uncouth?"

He nods his head. "Sorry, man. And that thing about Chris—"

"So you accept the position?"

He nods his head 'yes' in acceptance of the promotion and in understanding of not wanting to discuss anything related to Tris.

"Congratulations…_William."_

Will laughs at my use of his full name and rises, shaking my hand and Amar's as something catches my eye.

"Where did you…?" I breathe out unable to finish my sentence.

I'm looking at the artwork of the barn at the house Tris grew up in. It's Tris's work.

…...

_"Well?" she whispers._

_I swallow. "Um…I see a picture of a barn…I think…"_

_"Mmm hmm," she hums tracing circles around each of my tattoos._

_"What else?"_

_"There's a tree…a fruit tree?"_

_"It's an apple tree… What do you like best about the photo?"_

_I clear my throat. "The light... There's a yellow light… I can barely see it…coming out the square window at the top. The rest of the photo is sepia…but I still see the yellow light."_

_"That's the barn at my old house."_

_"Really?"_

_"Yeah, I used to sit up in that room and work on my pictures. It was like my own private…I don't know, escape maybe?"_

_"Maybe someday I can see it?" _

_"I would love that…someday."_

_…__..._

I don't know when it happened, but I've made my way to stand in front of it. As I look closer, I see an image of…her. She's sitting against the boarded side of the hayloft with her knees pulled up as she sketches on a notepad. I didn't notice it the last time on account of my fucking claustrophobia, but it's definitely Tris… _How? _Then I remember her telling me…

…...

_"…__Oh my God… It was so horrible that I wouldn't let him delete it!... It was totally by accident. He actually took the picture on my phone as he was trying to call Susan. He thought I was crazy…" She stares at her hands for a moment. "…You know, you and Christina are the only two people I've ever shown these to…" _

_…__..._

_That's why she asked me what else I saw in the picture…and what my favorite part was… Fuck… I can't believe I didn't see her… God, how much of her does she think I didn't see…? _

"Four, that picture hasn't been properly sealed yet. Kindly remove your digits from the image of the lovely girl…"

"Oh…sorry…" I mutter, fully aware that I'm serving my feelings up to Will and Amar on a damned silver platter.

"Wow... That's a really awesome… What is it? Is it a photograph…or a painting?"

"It's both."

"Yes. I purchased it today, in fact, by a local artist—"

"Tris. It's Tris's… This is hers…" _She deserves credit…and so much more…_

"You're kidding. It's amazing… I didn't know she did this kind of stuff. Is that her in the picture?"

I nod my head and I can feel Will's eyes burning a hole into the side of my face. But I don't even care because it's nothing compared to the burning shame I feel because fucking _Will_ even saw her before I did.

The next thing I know, I'm in my office on my couch, resting my head in my hands. I don't even know how long I stay that way.

"Did I overstep?" I hear Amar ask softly at my door.

My cheeks prickle from the loss of contact with my hands as I scrub them down my face and sit all the way back on the couch.

"In the respect that you purchased a piece from a local artist and wish to display it in your office…no. But, in the respect that you purchased it from my ex-girlfriend, and purposely displayed it to exploit my heightened emotions on the issue…yes. And we both know damn well what your motive was, Amar."

He sits next to me on the couch. "Exploit is a poor choice of wording."

"Exploitation is what it feels like."

"So, you are ready to talk about how you feel?"

"Am I ever ready to talk about how I feel?"

"No. But I couldn't care less if you are ready or not… What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Right now, everything… Everything just feels fucking wrong…"

"I hope we aren't talking about business."

"Even that feels wrong. I'm not giving you 100% and you deserve that—"

"I don't want your fucking 100%," he says flitting his hand in the air as if my effort is worth nothing to him. "I want your work and your leadership. The rest is yours, my friend. And I must say, your work hasn't faltered and how you have not even suggested doing something about Matthew is beyond me… That's professionalism and that's a leader."

"He has value," I mumble.

"Still…. I'm not even the jealous type, but what's mine is mine. End of story." _That makes no sense…_

"She's not mine."

"I'm fairly certain she is." He takes a frustrated breath and crosses his ankle over his knee. "Why did you end things?"

"Extenuating circumstances."

"Must you be vague about everything?"

"I think, with this…yes, I have to be. I just don't see any way around it." I shake my head staring off.

"Well, Tobias… May I call you that in private?" I nod my head in acceptance. "A negative mind will never give you a positive life."

"Easy for you to say." _That sounded absurdly childish…_

"My friend…do not judge my story by the chapter you walked in on…. And that is all I have for you today!" He jumps up and starts for the door.

"Oh, so _you _can be vague?"

"And by the way, you are under absolutely no obligation… Do you understand?"

"Not yet…"

"But, I, as an owner, take the support staff to happy hour once a month…sometimes we go longer…but I try—"

"Amar—"

"You are under absolutely no obligation… Do you understand?"

"Yes—"

"But, I find that supporting those who support us brings out something special in them. Call me crazy but I prefer them to know they are appreciated. How do you feel about that?"

"I agree, but—"

"I was hoping you would!... Maybe we try to put that crazy uncouth rumor to rest… Hmm?... I'm on my way… Ride with me?"

"Bud hates me."

"Bud, has other things on his mind right now… You are probably the least of his worries… Meet me in my office in five minutes. Oh…and fix your hair. You look insane."

I stay seated, running through my mind how fucking ridiculous this is. Tris works Friday nights.

_Am I really ready to see her? No. But shit… We're going to run into each other sometime… May as well get used to it. I never should have introduced her to my friends! Come to think of it… I didn't! Can she handle it? She's going on a fucking date with Matthew so she probably could! Fuck… When I asked her if she was okay, apparently her answer was in reference to her damned tailbone! _

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

"25, 26, 27...mggghhhhh…28, 29, 30…." I drop to the floor landing flat on my stomach as my arms burn from push-ups.

I'm up 2-and-a-half pounds since Wednesday. Water weight… Apparently I literally had none in my body. My chest still looks bony so I've been doing push-ups trying to gain muscle in my incredibly sparse pectoral region. Even though Christina has now told me about 1000 times that she was exaggerating in order to get me to eat…I still feel…not attractive. _Hell…That's nothing new! _

"Shit…."

I shake my hair out of the ponytail and look in my closet trying to figure out what to wear for work. I saw what Christina was wearing. _Yeesh… I don't know how Will can handle that..._ I end up choosing what I'm most comfortable in…my black skinny jeans a white T-shirt. And…then I look in the mirror. The shirt makes me look too skinny…. _And who the hell is too skinny for skinny jeans? ME!_

"Shit…."

I move the clothes in my closet to the side and see a pair of shorts Christina bought for me that I always thought were weird. They're black, distressed shorts. But they button at the upper thigh in the front and back. "They'll hug your butt perfectly!" she said. I never really thought about my ass until Four couldn't keep his hands off of it… _I don't get it, but it must be okay…?_ _See our relationship was at least worth something!_

Now that I got my crying binge out I am successfully moving on to the stage of I-want-to-forget-it-ever-happened! So…basically I'm back to square one.

I pull the shorts out and try them on. _Huh…_ They're actually cute. _Maybe I do have a butt..._ At least the shorts make me _look _like I do. I put on a sleeveless button down white shirt. It's pretty baggy on me. _But that's the idea, right?_

_Great! Now off to pretend I'm in a great mood just to make everyone happy and so Christina will stay off my back! Uriah better be available tonight!_

* * *

I walk through the back door and put my shit in my locker. I grip the handle and rest my head on my arm sighing to myself, allowing for one moment to realize that nothing is alright… It's a strange kind of relief. _And then back to my alternate reality I go!_

"Hi, Al."

"Up top, Tris." I hi-five him in passing…it's kind of our new thing… I don't know why…

Putting my hair up in a bun I walk out and am immediately attacked.

"Oh, no you don't!"

"What?"

"This shirt is not a pool!"

"Again…what?"

"Christ… You're swimming in it! Here… She undoes the bottom 4 buttons of my shirt as I look around nervously because my shirt is half way open. Then she ties them together like shoelaces making sure to double knot them. The shirt is now a crop top. "Perfect!"

"No."

"Yes."

"No." I roll my eyes and undo the knot, buttoning one more down and re-tying it. It's still short. So I repeat the process and now it just looks…dumb…

"Tris…that looks dumb…. One more button…. Come on! One more button…. You can do it! Come on!"

I give Christina the finger as she continues to talk to me as if I'm a dog and she's teaching me a new trick… But I fix the shirt anyway…

"Better?..."

"Mmm hmm…" She waves her finger as she walks away. "Stick with me girl!"

"Yeah…"

I nod to the chick in front of me who orders a Miller Lite draft and starts an immediate tab. _Excellent. Now if all customers would follow suit…that would be greatly appreciated—_

"Tris! Tris!Triiiiiisssss!" I hear the unadulterated screech that is pure Marlene. "Our song! Turn it up. Christina!"

"Why are you here so early—"

"Let's do it! Come on!" She's bouncing on her knees on a bar stool as I laugh at how much of a fool she is but loving it at the same time.

"Do what?!"

"Your choreo!"

I look at Christina as she shrugs her shoulders and turns the music up. I hear the song I had literally stumbled upon as I tripped over a rock and my Pandora station changed when I was running yesterday. I couldn't get this one part out of my head so I used it at The Studio. _It's just fun…not a big deal…._

All the sudden Marlene is behind the bar as I laugh and she starts to dance like an idiot (which is hilarious because she's an amazing dancer). I pass off the beer to the girl who ordered it as she looks at Marlene with raised eyebrows. She's dancing as if she has no rhythm or skill… I see that everyone is pretty much giving her the embarrassed eyes and shaking their heads at her.

"Aw! Come on Trissy… Help your friend! This…is…embarrassing!" Christina yells jokingly as she tips her head at Marlene, who is twerking…poorly. Christina mouths, "I'm so sorry…" to the bar patrons as I smirk knowing what's coming.

Suddenly the beat of the song changes drastically and Marlene and I seamlessly do the choreography as the shocked faces of the customers turn to cheers. It's a short count so when it's over, I switch back to work mode and walk to the end of the bar to help the next customer as if that never happened. _But I think I left my tailbone on the floor..._

**(YouTube – Tricia Miranda Choreography, Dawin ft. Silento – Dessert)**

I feel a slap on the butt as Marlene saunters by. "You know you needed that," she whispers slyly as I nod and smile because it's true. _I'm in a better mood now…_

"Did you eat?!" Christina asks as she reaches over me for the Patrón.

"Carrots and Celery."

She gives me a side-glance but doesn't laugh.

"I had a fucking turkey sandwich, okay!?" _Get off my back!_

She turns to me with her hands on her hips. "You know what?... I've been tolerating a whole lot of bullshit from you lately. Will you...at least…try to appreciate my _FRIENDSHIP?!" _she yells through her teeth as she storms away leaving me quite shell-shocked.

"Ten Jager bombs, Tris…." I hear Lynn say as if she's bored.

"Ten? Wow…"

"Yeah…"

I look around at the tables to see which one I need to keep my eye on for drunk asses. One of the tables is completely overflowing with people laughing congenially as a man stands up. The light that shines onto the bar obscures most of what goes on at the back tables, but I recognize the voice as Amar's.

"…cheers to my new partner…in crime if we don't stop drinking…" Everyone laughs as his meaning sinks in and my heart picks up the pace. _Partner…_ "…honestly, I couldn't be happier! Cheers, my friend." I look down at Amar's drink as he clinks it with…Tobias's. I can't see his whole face, but I can feel him looking at me. I momentarily smile for him because he deserves it after all of the things in his life he had to get past. Then misery hits me like a bolt of lightning as I realize I am _not _included in this celebration. The rest of the group nods their heads having a great fucking time while I stand there staring like an idiot.

"…Tris…?" I hear Lynn's voice and it's way too damned soft.

"What?"

"I'll get the shots."

I shake my head and turn around. "No. I've got 'em."

I grab the Jager, Red Bull and ten rocks glasses and shot glasses as I feel Christina's stare on me. I glance at her and mouth an apology as a tear escapes out of the right side of my eye. She nods her head and slides me a shot of Jack. I just stare at it and don't take it. _I don't know why…Probably because not a damned thing is going to make this pain go away… _

I feel more heat on the back of my neck as if I'm being stared at. Apparently, Lynn is still standing behind me, waiting way more patiently than she ever has, which is infuriating!

"What? No snarky remarks about my shitty bartending skills?!" I yell over my shoulder as I laugh wiping the tear away. _Great now she's not even answering me! _I pour the shots as I roll my eyes. "Fuck! At least tell me my ass looks way too skinny to fill out these shorts!"

"That would be dishonest."

I turn around to the penetrating stare of Tobias. It's as if his presence immediately draws me in. I have no idea what is happening around me. It could be the fucking apocalypse and I wouldn't know it. Shit, this is probably what every woman feels like around him. That's why they would pretty much spread their legs if he even glanced their way. _Well, not me…anymore!_

"Where's Lynn?"

"Thirsty patrons at the table." He tilts his head to the ALG table. I notice the facial hair he has let grow in. It makes him look so masculine and handsome. _Like, I want to put him in a sweater and decorate the Christmas tree and drink hot buttered rum and he can have me however he wants me..._

"Uh... Sounds like it's _your _table now."

"Uh…yeah, well—"

"Congratulations," I deadpan looking him dead in the eyes. _I mean it but I hate it at the same time…_

He nods his head ever so slightly not taking his eyes off me as I try desperately to avert mine. "Thanks."

"Did you need anything else?" _Maybe…me…for a fucking example!?_

He just looks at me with his deep eyes as I fidget wanting to jump out of my skin.

"Yeah," he breathes out. Then he looks away as he runs his hands through his hair.

"What, Four?! What the fuck do you need?!" I yell because I'm so pissed because he's here but so fucking happy to see him that I hate myself! "Time doesn't stop because you need a damned drink!"

"I…don't need—"

I'm quickly pulled to the side as I just about stumble over my feet until I find myself standing in the hall. I suck in a nervous breath as my eyes widen and see Matthew in front of me smiling. I shake my head in surprise as he leans in quickly and kisses me softly on the lips. I don't know why but I glance at Tobias, who is looking down at the bar top. I don't return Matthew's gesture and I'm in my right enough mind to know that that shit is not okay with me as I make an incredibly pissed off and swift exit to the back room.

"Tris?!... Um…shit."

I feel Matthew right at my heels as I turn around and slap him. _Wasn't planning that one… _He stops and closes his eyes…putting his hands up.

"Yep… I deserved that… And that definitely hurt…You have hard hands…"

"What the hell was that?!"

"I saw you...and it was like tunnel vision…because you looked…well, like you…which equals amazingness. So, I thought I would be spontaneous but apparently… I was stupid."

"Yep! Matthew…we barely know each other!"

"It doesn't seem that way to me…"

…..

_He swallows and I watch his Adam's apple bob up and down. Why is that so sexy? "I just kind of adore you and I don't want to just fuck after knowing you for a week. Shit! Not that it would be like that if we did…I mean I feel like I've known you a lot longer…but…" He runs his hand over his face sighing heavily._

_"Tobias. Slow down and stop trying to be so careful with your words around me. Just be you…tell me what's on your mind and I'll let you know if it pisses me off."_

_"Wow," he says with a partial grin as his eyebrows scrunch together. "Can't say a girl has ever said that to me."_

_"Well….you're welcome."_

_"Okay then. Here goes. I know it's been a week but I don't give a shit because it feels like a lot longer I really really like you and want to have sex with you constantly because I'm a guy but I want it to be perfect and not just because your vagina happens to be right by my penis."_

_…__.._

"Why…are you smirking at me?... Am I saying too much?... I am—"

"No, I was…thinking about someone—thing…ha…else."

"Some…one…thing?"

"Something."

"Okay. So… Does this mean you don't want to go out with me anymore?"

…..

_"__She won't go out with me," he groans into his hands._

_"__Huh? Who?" George asks._

_Four doesn't say anything._

_"__Or you can make random comments and act like an asshole," George remarks smiling while I stifle a laugh._

_"__Tris," he breathes out. "She saw me demonstrating self-defense with Nita. I didn't even want to do it. I shouldn't have."_

_"__I saw your class. That looked…compromising. Tris huh?"_

_"__Yes."_

_"__She was in my class today."_

_"__Yes…..she was." _

_"__She's very good. Tight core and incredibly flexible. Very fluid movements as well as—"_

_Four groans and puts his head in his hands. "Do you seriously think I didn't notice that? She's fucking gorgeous and she has no idea…none at all. And she's funny and smart and…fuck I don't know…"_

_"__And now she won't go out with you?"_

_"__No, she certainly will not." _

_"__What are you going to do about that?"_

_"__I don't know." _

_I peek around the corner. His hair is all mussed from running his hands through it. He is so cute! George sees me. Shit!...I make a texting motion to George hoping he understands me._

_"__Maybe you should just text her?"_

_Four doesn't answer._

_"__Or pout like a little bitch," George says calmly which earns him a scowl from Four._

_"__The last word she texted me was 'no.' And my response to that should be?"_

_"__Did you say please?"_

_"__Are you fucking serious?"_

_"__Yes."_

_"__You think I should text her the word…..'please'?"_

_"__She already thinks you're a prick, half the time you act like a prick, so you really have nothing to lose," George says as he enters information into a computer. _

_He exhales loudly and types on his phone. Mine vibrates._

**_Four: _**_Please?_

**_Me: _**_ok_

_The look on his face is priceless. He sits up as straight as an arrow, as his face breaks out into a huge grin and he fist pumps several times in the air._

_…__.._

"Okay… Now you just look…sad… I'm a little confused. Which isn't a foreign feeling to me, but—"

"Matthew…" I cover my face in frustration at…everything!

"I'm just asking for drinks… Just drinks… In fact, why don't we just have drinks here. I will keep you company while-"

"I'm done at 11:00, so let's just do it then."

"That's not convincing."

"I'm not in a convincing mood!" I exhalt.

"Okay! Okay! I will take what I can get…. And I promise to be more of a gentleman…"

"Tris! WHAT THE FUCK?!" Christina screams from the hall.

"I've gotta go."

"I'll pick you up at 11:00." I nod and turn away as he grabs my hand. "I really am…sorry."

I shake my head in acknowledgment and make my way back out to the bar trying to clear my head of a thousand conflicting emotions. _Mainly...Tobias._

"That was fast." I turn to see Tobias staring at the bar still. _He's still here..._

"What was?"

He looks at me with a mix of sadness and anger burning behind his eyes. "You. You move on pretty fucking fast, Tris."

_What…the…hell?_

"How can you say that—"

"How can you just…!" He runs his hands through his hair and storms back to his table. I watch in shock as the man who broke up with _me _storms away like a jealous...boyfriend! He grabs his drink and nods at Amar, signaling he's leaving.

I see a screen light up in front of me and even though I'm in a confused daze I see his phone with the name "Clare." I suck in a breath as anger, jealousy, and sadness course through my veins with the knowledge that he, even quicker apparently, has _been_ moving on.

I grab his phone and stride over to him shoving it at his chest. "You're a fucking hypocrite!" I yell hating him so much but at the same time wanting him to tell me it's nothing and he loves me and he fucked up.

The phone falls to the floor, which makes it light up as he looks down and it registers what the hell I'm talking about. He seems to think for a moment as I wait for an explanation… _Why am I even waiting?!_ But all he does is close his eyes and say…nothing. _And there it is..._

"Ya know what, Four? Somebody asked me today if I knew you. All of these memories flashed through my mind, but I just fucking smiled and said 'I used to'."

He shakes his head and looks down at his feet as he bites his lips between his teeth.

"Back at ya, Tris."

And then he walks out, leaving me with burning cheeks and a seriously unnecessary feeling of guilt for saying that in front of…everyone. I storm back behind the bar and down the shot that was still sitting there as Christina walks over to me."

"You okay?"

"No."

_Fuck Matthew… I'm calling Uriah…._

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I've been sitting here for about two hours making excruciatingly painful small talk and pretending that I give a shit about any of these people's lives. It has nothing to do with the fact that they are the support staff… Frankly, I probably have more to talk about with them than with the higher level employees. But, right now…at this point in my life…I couldn't give two shits about anyone. But…fuck…I am putting on the best façade I can.

"So, yeah I'm actually studying to be a CPA, but coffee is my life, right now."

"Coffee is good," I say nodding my head, thinking about the deliciousness that is Gertie's coffee and how much I miss drinking it with Tris.

I've been looking up to the bar every 30 seconds since I've gotten here in utter nervousness and equal anticipation of her arrival. I have literally been counting down from 30…every 30 seconds.

Then I hear it. A dopey "Up top, Tris." As a small hand connects with his doughy one and then she appears, putting her long beautiful hair up in a messy thing that causes tendrils to fall out just right.

"Oh, no you don't!" I hear a very loud annoying Christina shout at her.

I've purposely kept myself in the shadows so I don't have to deal with that mess. I don't know if I'll ever be able to deal with the wrath of Christina. Lynn is the only one who knows I'm here and we had a mutual eye raise which is basically me telling her to shut the fuck up.

"What?" Tris has her hands up in exasperation and my heart warms at just the sound of her voice.

"This shirt is not a pool!"

"Again…what?" _Fucking Christina, always dictating what she wears…_

"Christ… You're swimming in it!"

I quirk my head because she pretty much is…indeed swimming in that over-sized shirt.

I watch and my heart starts accelerating as Tris's bare midriff is slowly being exposed. _A job I should be doing!_ One button, two buttons, three buttons… _Oh, fuck_… four buttons…. _I lean over the table to hide my groin as it literally aches for her. _I glance at her face as she looks out at the crowd and I immediately look the other way hoping she won't see me because I have no idea what I would say to her. _Tris, I love you more than words, but I can't be with you because my father is a piece of shit and a mob boss may put a hit out on you. But, I'm trying to find a way out of this shit so please wait for me! Well, that last part just came out… Is that my subconscious telling me something…? _

I look back up at Tris as she has her hands on her hips giving Christina a blatant 'no.' Her abs definitely resemble more of a six pack than her usual fit yet softer abdomen. She's lost weight._ Fuck…_ She turns to the side and I deflate when I see how much she's lost. In reality, it probably isn't much. But five pounds on her would look like 20 on someone else. She doesn't look at all unattractive…she's still fucking beautiful.… It's just the knowledge that I have imposed _that_ on her that's killing me.

I roll my eyes and my face heats up as Christina starts talking to her as if she's a fucking animal. It is aggravating as hell that Tris goes along with it. _At least she flicked her off…_

I sit back and briefly find myself smiling as I take in every detail of her face. She looks tired…and she's trying to mask it. I can tell she's trying to mask quite a few things.

"Holy shit! Did you guys…? Kevin! This is our new…well, Tris's new routine…" Marlene jumps up from a couple tables over. I hadn't even seen her there.

"Get her, Mar! Tell her I want a lap dance later on!" _What the fuck did he just say? _"That girl's got skills!" He clinks his fucking drink with the other d-bags at the table.

My heart races at the thought… _Lap dances? I heard him wrong… I heard him wrong… I heard him wrong…_

"Tris! Tris!Triiiiiisssss! Our song! Turn it up. Christina! Come on!"

She's jumping like a two-year-old. But before I can even roll my eyes, Marlene is…dancing? But she's not dancing… It's more like having a seizure… The people close to the bar start laughing and pointing, and some are averting their eyes.

"Aw! Come on Trissy… Help your friend! This is…embarrassing!" I barely hear Christina as she turns up the music.

I see Tris smirk and I surprise myself by announcing to the table. "Guys!" The table goes immediately silent. _Whoa_._ Apparently I command attention? _I tilt my beer in the direction of the bar. "Watch the bartender on the right…and the other girl if you want…"

Completely on cue and shocking the shit out of everyone Tris and Marlene break out into choreography… It's definitely Tris's design…fast, not sex-kittenish, just pure talent. It's over before I can even sit back long enough to enjoy it. I close my eyes for a minute trying to replay the look of happiness I briefly saw on her face as it lit up while the rest of the bar cheers for them. I open my eyes and see that, of course, Tris goes right back to work without skipping a beat…literally.

"Hey! I know that chick! She was at the café the other day. She was with you, right, Mr. Ghad—Sorry… Amar?"

"Indeed," Amar nods his heads but completely avoids my daggers. That's why she was at ALG the other day… She was floors below me and I didn't even know it… _God…I miss her…_

"Is she…is she single?"

My grip tightens around my drink and I feel my jaw ache.

"I believe so," Amar answers with certainty as the need to throw Tris over my shoulder and get her out of here starts to take over.

"Ten Jager Bombs, my darling Lynn! Four? Shall I make it 11?"

"…try to appreciate my _FRIENDSHIP?!" _I hear Christina yell…at Tris, which pisses me off as I see the look on my girl's-...on Tris's face.

"Four?"

"Huh? No, thanks."

"Well…" Amar stands. _Shit, shit, shit…. _"I need to say something…" He pauses for a moment, contemplating…something. He's a little drunk. "…cheers to my new partner…in crime if we don't stop drinking…" The staff laughs at his corny joke as my eyes wander again to the bar and I see Tris looking this way with a confused expression. I lower my head but keep my eyes on her as he continues. "…honestly, I couldn't be happier! Cheers, my friend."

I clink glasses with him…I think. She sees me looking at her and she…smiles. _Jesus Christ… She's fucking happy for me…_ But then her gaze changes…drastically…as her eyes turn down and she frowns…like actually frowns. _She's supposed to be here…at this table…! Or behind the bar, smiling! Happy for…us…not just me…us! She and I. This isn't right…_

She turns around and shakes her head and I'm out of my seat. _This can't be my life. I don't accept it. There is a way out of this. We can figure it out—_

"What? No snarky remarks about my shitty bartending skills?!"

She turns her gorgeous profile toward me and laughs unconvincingly as I see a tear glisten off her cheek that she immediately wipes away. _She thinks I'm Lynn. _I always felt we were like magnets…always somehow migrating toward each other not giving a shit about the obstacle._ Maybe not as much as I thought… _

I longingly observe the inch of smooth pale skin between the waistline of her shorts and her shirt. What I wouldn't give to stand behind her and run the tips of my fingers lightly over that inch of skin just so I can watch the goose bumps form on her arms in anticipation of what would be to come after she gets off work.

"Fuck! At least tell me my ass looks way too skinny to fill out these shorts!" _Because your ass looks fucking amazing in those shorts and they need to go…right now!_

"That would be dishonest." And that is the most honest thing I've said to her in weeks.

She turns with wide eyes that instantly connect to mine. I hear no music...no people...it's just her and I. Until her eyebrows draw together and she breaks us back into a reality that I wish would fucking disappear.

"Where's Lynn?" she asks curtly as if I'm no one. _Who the fuck cares where she is?_

"Thirsty patrons at the table." _I'm guessing…_

She flits her eyes over my face. _Fuck... I know I look like shit.._. "Sounds like it's _your _table now," she says smirking sarcastically.

"Uh…yeah, well—"

"Congratulations," she interrupts before I can add anything else.

I can't take my eyes off her beautiful face as her cheeks turn pink and she bites her lower lip.

"Thanks." _I don't even know if I actually said that._

"Did you need anything else?" _Yes… You… now…._

"Yeah." _I need to tell her…something. Fuck…anything!_

"What, Four?! What the fuck do you need?!" she shouts, which surprises me. But I can tell by the look on her face that she doesn't know what else to do. "Time doesn't stop because you need a damned drink!" And it also registers that she just called me...Four. I think a part of me thought I would always be Tobias to her. _Damn...that really...sucks..._

"I…don't need—"

Suddenly she's yanked off balance as I reach for her thinking she fell. I lose my balance a little and as I right myself, I see her against the wall with Matthew putting his lips on hers. That's all I saw…his lips on hers. The pain is debilitating as I feel like I'm having a fucking heart attack. I look down at the bar, not able to watch but also not able to move because my muscles are on lockdown. I swallow knowing I need to be a man and tackle this head on…but all I see is him following her to the backroom.

…..

_"Not enough privacy," she says breathily as she unwraps her legs and pulls me back to the lounge. We get there in record time and she shoves me into the bathroom. She barely even gets the chance to shut the door behind her before I lift her up and set her on the sink._

_"Back to where I left off. I think I was right about…yep…here."_

_"No…you were a little…um…to the left…"_

_"Oh…my apologies…let me backtrack."_

_She laughs until she feels my left hand slide up under the back of her shirt. I can feel and hear her breath hitch._

_She pushes my suit jacket off running her hands urgently over my shoulders and down my arms. She grabs my tie to loosen it, but I'm too close to her seductive lips to not take advantage of them. She whimpers into my mouth, as I seem to lose myself in the feeling of her lips on mine..._

_…__.._

Just envisioning what they're doing back there is bringing literal tears to me eyes. I feel a glass hit my elbow as Lynn nods her head at me and I look down to see a full glass of whiskey, neat. I toss it back in record time.

"Wow! Hey, Four! How ya doin'?!" Christina leans over the bar in front of me. I don't answer because I have too much running through my head to care.

_I have been torturing myself…fucking torturing myself…_

"Well…since you won't answer me! Let me just tell you how I'm doing…. I don't have a God damned playlist!"

_How fucking long has she been…? Wow. Just…wow._

"Adele? Nope! Daydreamer? One of my favorite songs! Apparently it reminds her of your sorry ass! Which is such bullshit by the way…"

_I can't even picture myself with…anyone else… How can she…?_

"And don't even get me started on Maroon 5! I want to murder you in your sleep on behalf of Adam Levine!"

_They're still back there… Still back there… Fuck, this hurts worse… Worse than when I left her… _

"So fuck you on behalf of yours truly—"

"Chris."

"And fuck you on behalf of Tris and my iPod and—"

"Christina that's enough!" I glance over at Will as he nods and claps me on the shoulder leaving Christina speechless and glaring at him.

"She can be such a cunt." Lynn shakes her head as Christina marches away. She grabs my glass filling it with Knob Creek as I stare at her not even remembering what she just said. "I can get away with using that word."

I toss it back not even caring that it's good whiskey as I see Tris emerge from the back with flushed cheeks. She smoothes her hair down and walks down the bar toward me.

"That was fast." I can't even look at her.

"What was?" _It's like she didn't even know I was here…or she just didn't care…_

I bring myself to look at her. "You. You move on pretty fucking fast, Tris."

"How can you say that—"

"How can _you _just…?!" I stop myself because yelling through a clenched jaw isn't very effective. She looks at me with total disbelief. _If this is how it feels to find out or even suspect that someone doesn't love you as much as you thought they did…then…fuck…I'm out!_

Faster than I can compute I'm back at the table, grabbing my beer and finishing it. I give Amar the I'm-fucking-leaving look. He tips his head in understanding as I turn and feel a hard object thrust at my chest as Tris screams at me.

"You're a fucking hypocrite!"

As much as I want to grab her and toss her into the storage closet to take out our anger in less productive ways because she's so hot when she's raging pissed, I see a flash on the floor. It's the screen on my phone lit up with Clare's name appearing on the Caller I.D. I want to tell Tris everything at that moment…everything… That this whole thing is bullshit and nothing matters but her and I. But my anger and jealousy win out in a serious way as I revert back to who I was before I met…_her. _So, I shut down and say…nothing.

"Ya know what, Four? Somebody asked me today if I knew you. All of these memories flashed through my mind, but I just fucking smiled and said I used to."

_Well, that's just the fucking icing on the cake… _

I stare at her blankly, not believing she just said that. _The person who knows me better than anyone…_ A thought crosses my mind… _How is it she actually believed for one second that I didn't love her? Why wouldn't she question it? Confront me? Rip it out of me like every other feeling I've never wanted to share with anyone? Is this whole connection some made up fallacy in my head? Well then…_

"Back at ya, Tris."

* * *

**Zeke's POV:**

I check my phone again. _Damn it._ I pretend-drunk texted that asshole 45 minutes ago. He needs to get here to take my pretend-drunk ass home. _Not that that's what is actually going to happen…_

"Need another?" Kirsten the eager bartendress inquires.

"Nah. I'll wait for Four."

"Four's coming?" _I knew that would get her!_

"Yep. He's coming to pick me up. But he'll probably stay for a beverage…or several," I say raising my eyebrows.

I need to get my boy out of his funk and I know just how to do it. It's worked in the past… I can work my magic and do it again.

Shauna will_ not_ be happy… It may be a cold cold bed for awhile... But, she's gotten over worse. As surprised as I was when Four broke it off with Tris…who the hell am I to judge? Before Shauna…I thought I was in love… Like, maybe one time. And it ended up not being what I thought it was. I can relate!

"He broke up with his lady."

"Really."

"Yes, ma'am."

"He was talking about her as if she was Helen of Troy a few weeks ago."

"Well…" I wrinkle my nose at her. "He can be a little fickle. Plus, he was drunk. He didn't know what he was sayin'!"

"Hmmm. Why did he break up with her?"

"Said he wasn't feelin' it…lost interest I guess." I take a drink of my beer. "He's mentioned you a couple times." _Droppin' my bait..._

"Really?"

"You say that word a lot."

"I'm just surprised."

"Why? He was really into you when you guys dated." _Total bullshit.._. "And then when he saw you again…I don't know. But, you're not into him so—"

"Did I say that?"

"The last time we were here...yes, you absolutely did."

"Yeah…to save face! He pretty much just stopped calling me." _As usual... At least he broke it off clean with Tris!_

"Well… He's grown up since then."

"Hmm. Good to know… Be right back." _I bet you will!_

I take a nice long scrumptious drink of my wonderful brew before I feel something hit my shoulder.

"What the hell's wrong with you?" A crabby jack-ass just slid into the bar stool next to me. "Text Shauna next time you're fucked-up."

"Well, hello to you, too!"

"Let's go."

"Can I please enjoy a cocktail with my best friend?" He just about slides off the barstool as he tries to adjust his ass. "Dude! How were you planning on driving me home anyway?"

"I took a cab here… I'm not that fucking stupid!"

"You took a cab here…to take me home?"

He gets back on the bar stool and rests his head on the bar just realizing how dumb that it.

"Where were you anyways?"

"Hangars… fucking happy hour!"

"Well…it could be a Happy_ fucking_ Hour if you wanted it to be…" _Droppin' more bait..._

He doesn't say anything as he seems to be transported to his own special Four place up in the clouds… _But...he didn't shut me down! Yessss!_

"Hey, Four."

Kirsten shows up dressed a little more sexily than she was before. _Boobs out… Yowza…! Yesss!..._ Four lifts his head and scans her. _He's like the terminator sometimes…_

"Can I get you a drink?"

He sits back in his barstool and crosses his arms looking down in thought as he slowly shakes his head and laughs under his breath.

"Okay… I'll come back—"

"Double Hendricks and tonic."

"Sure thing," she nods as she turns to make his drink.

"Hey, Kirsten… Thanks." He nods his head and gives her his dumb side smile that just about knocks up every girl he rewards it with. _Such bullshit…._

She gives him a quick eyebrow raise and grabs the gin off the high shelf. I see him drag his eyes over her body. Her skirt is pretty fucking short and she's wearing those thigh high boots… _Awesome! Shauna would rock those things… I gotta buy her some!_ Then he looks away and does that dumb shit where he rubs his face with his hands. I notice he's looking down again, totally zoning out.

"Hey… You alright?"

He shakes his head, no, which I know is all I'm going to get out of him.

"Why happy hour at Hangars? Oh yeah… Amar does that shit. Lynn's always bitchin' about it. Bad night?"

"Here ya go… Double Hendrick's on the house. For old times…"

He quirks his head at her. "Not anymore," he answers me.

_Oh… It's on!_


	35. Signs

**Chapter 35 – Signs**

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

"Oh my God…Uri…"

"Fuck… I know… I'm so close… Damnit…"

"Ah...ah…ah… Don't stop… Please, please, please…"

"God… How are you so amazing at this?! Jesus…Tris… I can't…hold off… Ahghghgh!"

We collapse on each other in a sweaty mess of limbs, breathing heavily.

"Fuck, Tris…" he breathes out. I feel a bead of sweat drip onto my shoulder. "How many times was that for you…? Sorry…sometimes…I can't tell…"

"Ha!... I'll give you some credit…and say…_almost _three."

"Almost?! Shit! I am _not_ doing my job… This has _never_ happened to me!"

We turn our heads and smile at each other knowing that what we did was actually pretty fucking awesome… Suddenly we hear a door open and footsteps stomping down the hall.

"Holy shit! It's Marlene… Tris, get your shit! Get up! Get up!"

"Shit, Uriah!… I thought she was—"

"Stop talking! Just… Damn it!" he screeches. "Get your clothes—"

The door goes flying open and a very shocked Marlene walks in on us as her mouth hangs open taking in the scene.

"What…the…_fuck_!?"

"I'm sorry!... We're sorry!... Right, Tris?... I'm _really _sorry, baby…"

"I can't _fucking _believe you would do this to me!"

"Well—"

"How many times has this happened?!"

"Five," I answer not feeling the need to be dishonest anymore.

"Tris. I thought we were friends—"

"Look, babe. You were wasted... I didn't think you'd be up for a rendezvous!"

"A rendezvous? This doesn't look like just any old rendezvous?!"

"Jesus, Marlene! We were trying something new! If we sit back-to-back, we can get a good core workout along with legs."

"Yeah, babe! We call 'em back-sits instead of wall-sits. Get it?"

"Oh great! Now you guys have you own _special exercises?" _she asks like a pouty five-year-old.

"No, baby… C'mere… If it makes you feel better we didn't even make it to three sets…" _Not my fault!_ He attempts to wrap his arms around her and I stand there on the sidelines like a fool.

"Ew! You're all sweaty." _What I wouldn't fucking give for Tobias to give me a sweaty hug! Damn it… This was supposed to be a distraction!_

"Mar? How are you functioning? We had to carry you out of the bar... It's 6:00 AM!"

"I don't get hangovers!" she chirps with way too much cheer in my damned opinion. "And why have you done this five times…behind my back?"

Uriah looks at me to answer. I take a deep breath knowing I will have some serious explaining to do…and Tori may string me up, but...

"Tori has cancer. I've been taking her to chemo and coming here to train with Uri while she's there…" I watch Marlene's face contort in total empathy. _I wish I were more like that sometimes..._ "The only reason it was a secret was because I was honoring Tori's wishes. If you knew Uriah and I were here, you would have questions and I didn't feel it was my place to answer them."

"Wow. I'm a bitch."

"Jesus, Marlene. " I roll my eyes at her stupid self-deprecation. _Leave it to me to equate empathy to self-deprecation!_ "No, you are _not_. And for the record, Uriah was not thrilled about keeping this from you…"

"And pumpkin—"

_"Pumpkin?"_

"Shut-up, Tris. It's only been five times. You have been with us every other time. And we didn't spar without you, we just worked the bags. I just couldn't do that to you…" He shakes his head as he looks at the floor kicking at the mat. _Christ…_

"Oh…sweetness—"

_"Sweetness?"_

"Shut-up, Tris," they say at the same time. _Since when did I become the 'shut-up' friend?_

I watch them embrace in pure rom-com cheesiness and I almost puke in my mouth.

"Sooo…I'm gonna goooo…"

"Okay," they both answer, not taking their eyes off each other.

I walk out of the training room incredibly annoyed but realize halfway down the hall that it is actually complete and utter jealousy. Tobias and I used to tune the world out… At least _I _did… _But we did not have dumb pet names… Hell no…_

Once I'm outside, I go right to the bench at the bus stop to wait.

…..

_He sits down on the bench and pulls me onto his lap. "So…are we okay?"_

_"Yeah…we are," I say giving his head a sweet kiss._

_"You made me…very…nervous there for a minute."_

_"I'm sorry."_

_He shrugs. "Just a minor setback… Actually this whole day was one big setback!"_

_I laugh as his phone buzzes in his pocket. I see the muscles in his jaw twitch as he looks at the caller ID. _

_"Everything okay?"_

_"Yes," he states as he swiftly puts his phone back in his pocket._

…..

I remember that phone call being from Marcus. I didn't know it at the time. Tobias's swift change of behavior and the fact that he practically drowned himself in scotch that night showed how much of a hold his father still had on him… _Swift change of behavior_… Tobias is prone to moodiness, but that was more than moodiness. The only other time he showed erratic behavior was when it came to…_me_. _Marcus and I… Swift change of behavior… Tobias went to see his father and came back a totally different person… What the fuck?_

I quickly sit up straight. _Why do I do that? Does it help blood flow?_ After running it through my head a million times, that is the moment I had pinpointed to be the turning point. The day he came back to his apartment after our argument at his office. But, not for one second did I attribute his father to be the cause. I just figured I pushed him over the edge by throwing it in his face, which just solidified and brought to reality every doubt he must have been having… After all, he does have the uncanny ability to cover up his feelings. And he can more or less make people believe what he's saying to be true just by looking at them… Duplicity at its finest... I assumed he had been doing just that and my infatuation (That's what I'm calling it today… It's easier.) with him caused me to completely miss it. _Did I miss something else entirely?_

I laugh out loud and thankfully no one is on the bench with me or I think I may have scared the hell out of them. _Jesus, Tris! You are seriously drawing at straws!_

My phone buzzes and I check it and see a picture message of a cup of coffee and an empty seat. It's from Matthew.

"Fuck…"

I do like Matthew. I can't deny that had I never met Four, Mathew's goofiness and upbeat personality would have completely drawn me in. Although so far they have been few and far between, he does get a semi-passionate comment in every now and then… It almost makes it more genuine. _Hmmm… _Maybe Tobias was _too_ forward with his comments…therefore they were less genuine. Fuck, they still took my breath away… And Mathew's don't... _Damn it…_

I receive another text.

**Matthew:** It's lonely.

**Matthew:** And I'm pretty sure it won't try to make out with you.

**Matthew:** You know, not without your permission, of course.

**Matthew:** Too soon?

**Matthew:** Cuz I can stop….

**Matthew:** Ok. I'll stop.

I find myself grinning at his texts. But, oh… I was so fucking pissed at him last night…

I canceled drinks with him to spar with Uriah, but Marlene ended up getting so inebriated with all of our friends from The Studio, that Uriah and I had to carry her out of the bar. So, being the dutiful boyfriend, he took her home and didn't want to leave her. _Fucking nice guys… My how the tables have turned… _

So, I contemplated calling Matthew to see if the offer was still on the table, but it would only have been to stave off having to go home alone, knowing I was going to be plagued by shitty thoughts all night. So I stayed until close to help out and then went home and…barely slept because I was…plagued by shitty thoughts all night. Mainly, the look on Tobias's face when I came out of the backroom. He looked…heartbroken. He had to have seen Matthew kiss me…_ Why would he care? God, I need therapy…_

The bus pulls up, and I get on, riding it to the Damen stop as my mind plays an amazingly confusing game of leapfrog from one thought to another… … …. …

My gaze catches the familiar boutique in front of the stop in my neighborhood as the bus starts to pull away.

"Crap! Wait!... Sorry… Excuse me…"

I book it to the front of the bus trying not to trip over people as the driver stops before pulling into the busy Saturday morning traffic. I honestly can't believe he stopped.

"Sorry," I mumble trying to give him the best smile I'm capable of right now. It's probably a shitty one because he doesn't smile back.

I get off the bus, stopping on the sidewalk trying to figure out how I lost the last 20 minutes of my life… It's like I fucking time traveled…

…

_"Tris Prior…do you promise you aren't super drunk?"_

_"I will even pinky promise!" I answer cheerfully as I run my pinky over the outside of his swollen jeans. "But I may be…a little drunk…not the time travel kind…" I add as I run my hand up his chest to pull him towards me._

_He takes a deep breath as his abs flex. "I don't know…what the hell that means."_

_"It's when you blackout and don't know how some ho ended up in your bed!" The cabbie yells back to us. "At least in my experience…." he comments more to himself._

_"So no time traveling?" Tobias reiterates as he pulls me to him by my lower back with one hand and runs his other hand up through my hair making me look at him._

_…._

I take a completely unnecessary breath immediately after the one I just took and then I cough to cover it up as a man passes giving me the are-you-okay look. I just smile in yeah-I'm-fine-ness and keep walking. Up ahead I see the sign for Grounds and their chalkboard easel with the coffee specials written in colored chalk. It always has cheesy encouraging sayings and mantras written on it in bubble letters. _Who the fuck has time to do that shit? Me… Ugh!_

I can easily jaywalk across the street…to the comfort of my home and the discomfort of my mind. Or…

I find myself opening the door to the shop and I see Matthew shaking his leg, his heel hitting the floor at a rapid pace as the person at the table next to him looks on in annoyance. He picks up his phone and looks at it, but then quickly sets it, screen side down, on the other side of the table and points at it mouthing the word, "no."

"Wow, I thought I was bad," I comment sitting down in the opposite seat. "But you look like you're _actually_ going to have coffee with your phone…"

He looks over his shoulder as if I were talking to someone behind him. "Wow, you're here? I, uh, didn't think you'd come… I'm glad you did! I just didn't think you…would."

"Well…I'm here."

"I thought it was a long shot, to be honest."

"It wasn't exactly in my plan, I just kinda…showed up, I guess."

"Maybe it was meant to be…"

…..

_"Patience is a virtue," he says quietly while softly touching his lips to my cheek. "How about a quick bite to eat around the corner? Duke's diner?"_

_"I love that place. How have we never met before?"_

_"Maybe this is how it was meant to be?"_

…

"Um—"

"Sorry… That was cheesy and corny… Pretty much totally sappy… I'm the worst when it comes to that…"

….

_"Did someone say cheesy?" Tobias leans over._

_"You're girlfriend just said something that sounded like it was straight out of a Hallmark movie."_

_"Wait… Does that make you the worst?... I thought I was the worst!"_

_I laugh. "You are the worst!"_

_He leans in and looks at me close. "But in the best way?"_

….

"…well, at least you're smiling… I think. Okay, now you're not."

"Sorry… I have a lot on my mind."

"Am I possibly one of those things?" he inquires squinting his eyes.

"Well—"

"And, not in a good way… At least I wouldn't think it would be in a good way…"

I shrug my shoulders because honestly him kissing me caught me off guard, yes. But he wasn't invasive or forceful. It actually would have been kind of cute if I hadn't been talking, or yelling, at Tobias right then. Either way, I probably wouldn't have returned the gesture. I'm not at that point with Matthew. But I have to say my slapping him had more to do with my elevated blood pressure on account of a certain ex-boyfriend rather than Matthew himself.

"You definitely had poor timing."

"Yeah… I'll totally work on that… If I get the chance to work on that, I mean… We could put a different spin on it if you want?"

"Can't wait to hear this."

"I saved you from losing your voice box... Pchooo!... Mind blown!"

"How?"

"You were screaming at a customer and I got worried about your voice box so I swept in and saved the day!... That's my new spin… What do you think?—"

"That was Four."

He pauses and looks away. "No," he says in denial.

"Yes."

"Will you tell me 'no'?... For preventative purposes. Because digging a hole in the ground to bury myself in seems pretty awesome right now…"

"No."

"Fuck!" For the first time since I've known Matthew, he seems genuinely upset. "Sorry… I'm really sorry. This is just, very bad news for me."

"Why?"

"He is now my boss."

"Wasn't he your boss before?"

"Not the I-can-fire-you kind. Now he's like, the-buck-stops-here guy…as in the buck literally stops right at his chiseled face…" _I do not want to picture his chiseled face! _

"I doubt he cares _that _much. Definitely not enough to fire you."

"Tris… I am a firm believer in the fact that he cares…a whole lot."

I shake my head in disagreement. The only inkling I have of Tobias's feelings is the few looks I've seen on his face at choice moments along with random memories that just don't seem to add up…. _Random memories…. Not adding up… _

"Tris? See these faint purple marks on my hands?… Yep… Right here on the bottom?"

I nod my head at the slight discoloration.

"Well…that's from the handshake of the man you claim doesn't care that much."

"So, he shook your hand hard?"

"I think he wanted to crush my bones. It was after I told him you said yes to go out with me—"

"Why do you tell him this shit?" I ask seriously not understanding.

"Because I didn't want him to find out…from someone else…and then think I'm being shady. Plus, you said he broke up with you, so then I _really _thought it wouldn't matter… And is there some confusion about that fact?... It's not my business, but…because I'm way too forthcoming…always…and my curiosity gets the better of me…always…I basically asked him why he cares seeing as he's the one who broke up with you…"

He stares at me for a moment and I can tell that he is testing my reaction…wanting to know how curious I am about Four's response. _And I'm dying here so tell me!_

"Do you want to know what he said?"

"I am curious…yes!..." I exalt. "And that's your fault, by the way."

"He asked 'Is that what she told you?'…As if you were lying or something… And...well... Are you?" he asks firmly.

I pause and take in this brand new information while reflecting back on the night when I looked over to see Tobias scrubbing at his face in frustration. I have the firsthand visual of how trapped he felt, being in the same bed as me and wanting desperately to find a way out of it...and then not even being man enough to say it.

"No! I can't even believe you asked me that, Matthew!"

"I'm sorry! This has all just… Geez… I just did _not_ think any of this through." He shakes his head and swirls the remaining coffee in his cup. _Well, that's just fucking great!_

"Well, Matthew. I'm going to help you think this through," I remark snidely as I get up and walk toward the exit. _What the fuck?!_

I make it out the door and about a half-block down the street, ignoring Matthew as he fumbles after me the whole way until I can hear him gaining on me.

"What?!" I turn around and look him in the eye.

"I… I really really hate… Tris, you don't even…" he closes his eyes. "I'm…sorry…"

It's not an I'm-sorry-for-being-a-jerk sorry. It's the I'm-sorry-I-can't-go-out-with-you sorry.

"Don't be." And then I turn and walk away, not toward my house, where I really should go. I head in the complete opposite direction with no intention of having any destination.

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I wake after a solid hour-and-a-half of sleep to a searing mix of accomplishment, guilt and heartache. I sit up and swing my legs over the side of the bed. I don't have a shirt on, and I'm still in the pants I wore to work yesterday. I hadn't slept in my bed since the night I woke up after dreaming about Tris and me together. A strange part of me wanted to hold onto that memory…even if it was only a memory of a dream, and I think I felt that sleeping in my bed would somehow erase it. _Yep! I'm all fucked up! _However, last night, I_ wanted_ to erase it…all of it. But guess what? It didn't fucking work… I had another woman in this bed, and it didn't erase a damned thing. I can still smell Tris and see her when I close my eyes…even though Kirsten was lying in Tris's rightful place….

The guilt makes my cheeks burn as I get up and go into the bathroom. I feel like I cheated on her. My mind tells me how dumb that is…but my heart seems to fucking disagree. Normally I would splash my face with cold water but today I choose scalding hot. Maybe then I can attribute the burning of my face to something other than shame.

I do have one thing to be thankful for…my transparent, misguided best friend.

**Flashback:**

Once I'm out on the street, I turn around to go back into the bar realizing that I need to explain…at least something to Tris. I can't tell her everything…but there may be something. As much as I want to vomit about the mere thought that she has feelings for someone else…it's my fault she does. And I can only imagine how she's feeling about seeing Clare's name on my phone. But fate intervened as a firm hand plants itself right at my chest, hard. I look up into the heavy-lidded eyes of Al.

"Let me in," I growl.

I see his breath catch in his chest as he takes a quick step back, and I go to shove past him. But he gets some last ditch resolve as he re-plants himself in front of me and pushes me back. I look him up and down, knowing I could lock his wrist up behind his back and knee him in the chin thus throwing him entirely off balance. Then I could follow up with a quite unnecessary yet utterly satisfying punch in the…well, anywhere I want.

I can't explain why…but something stops me. It's like a fucking tap on the shoulder, I swear. I back up still locking eyes with him, and turn just as my phone buzzes in my pocket.

"Yeah! And stay out…loser boy!"

I turn back around as he tips his chin up at me, crossing his arms at his peacocking chest. _Oh, Al… Al, Al… _I shake my head chuckling on the inside at his remark and not having the heart to say anything back to his comical insult. Instead, I go to hail a cab as I check my phone.

**Zeke:** cum giz jkjkjkj me. Im ghghujkppk drank. Shawnas mid. Im at Riley's.

His supposed "drunk text" has far too many spelling errors for it to be accidental. I look closer and see that the "wrong" letters in the words he purposely misspelled weren't even close in proximity to the correct ones on the keypad.

He did it on purpose_. Fucking amateur. _

A cab pulls up and I lean my head in. "Are you going to talk to me?"

"Not if I don't have to," he replies in relief.

"You don't. Riley's on Clybourne."

I slide in back and enjoy a brief respite of not having to make conversation.

I've avoided Zeke, as much as possible, for the last two weeks. And when I have seen him…I've been giving him nothing beyond surface level to-the-point conversation for the sake of communication and nothing more. It was strategic on my behalf. He's known me long enough to be able to see right through me if we indeed did have the opportunity for a heart-to-heart. Uriah…not so much, but he hasn't wanted anything to do with me lately. _I'll have to get him in the ring and let him beat me. Yeah…no._

In the past, when Zeke doesn't know how to get me out of a "funk," as he calls it, his go-to solution is to get me laid. I have to admit…it has worked in the past, but only temporarily…

Another dead giveaway…meeting at Riley's. _Kirsten… _Abruptly, an idea presents itself, somehow, to my dazed and confused mind… _She'll be perfect... I'm a dick! But she'll be perfect…_

By the time we get to the bar, I was actually thankful that the driver took me the long way just to upcharge me.….

…..

_"Thank for picking up breakfast Will. I had a $1000 bar tab last night, so I'm kinda tapped out right now."_

_Christina snickers under her breath as Tris turns pretending not to hear that comment, knowing that she was charging me for everyone's drinks sitting around me. I rush after her grabbing her waist and pulling her back to me while walking us in tandem out of the restaurant whispering in her ear, "As I said last night, you're…not…nice."_

_"You just looked like you were enjoying yourself so much with happy-tits that I figured you wouldn't mind a few rounds on the house! You know…didn't you want to celebrate?" she comments sarcastically as I push the door open for the both of us._

_"Ow!" she yelps as I suck a hickey right onto her neck pulling her to me roughly as I lean against the brick of the building…._

_…_

"Fuck…." I can remember the feeling of her soft neck skin pulled taut between my lips and how she sucked in a breath of surprise and lust when I pulled her to me like that.

_Eyes on the prize…Four. Eyes on the prize._

I walk into the bar, pushing aside all events thus far this evening. I need to be on my game, and thinking too much about Tris has brought me nothing but a hazy mind and countless other indescribable feelings. I spot Zeke taking a sizable drink of his beer at the back bar, so I make my way quickly and slide into the barstool next to him, purposely running my shoulder into his. I need to play the part of being drunk. _God, how am I not drunk? Building up too much of a tolerance lately..._

"What the hell's wrong with you?" I ask in a pissed-off voice. "Text Shauna next time you're fucked-up."

"Well, hello to you too!"

"Let's go." _Yeah…right…_

"Can I please enjoy a cocktail with my best friend?" _Yeah… No motive involved at all, asshole!_ "Dude! _How_ were you planning to get me home anyway?" he asks in reference to my trying to sit properly on a barstool and failing. _Okay… That wasn't accidental..._

"I took a cab here… I'm not that fucking stupid!"

"You took a cab here…to take me home?"

I rest my head on the bar thinking about how much of a dumbass Zeke is that he is actually buying into this.

"Where were you anyway?"

"Hangars… Fucking happy hour!"

"Well…it could be a Happy_ fucking_ Hour if you wanted it to be…" _Subtle...real subtle…_

I don't respond for a moment thinking about how I'm going to make this work…logistically speaking.

"Hey, Four."

Kirsten appears, as expected, and boy does she look…as expected. Short jean skirt, tight black button-down shirt with the top four buttons undone and her boobs definitely…out.

"Can I get you a drink?"

I think to myself how Tris didn't want the bottom four buttons open of her oversized white button down and Kirsten wants the top four buttons open of her undersized black button down… _That is near poetic_…

"Okay… I'll come back—"

"Double Hendricks and tonic." _Dropping my bait…_

"Sure thing," she nods with a flirty twinkle in her eye.

"Hey, Kirsten… Thanks." I try to give her my best fake genuine smile. I used to break it out moderately often… Now it just feels wrong.

She turns around quickly to get the bottle._ Christ…_ Talk about leaving nothing to the imagination. Not that I need it… I've seen her naked before. She has a really nice body, not that I paid a whole ton of attention. Not like with Tris, with her I wanted to map out every peak and valley of her exquisite form.

Kirsten unnecessarily stands on her tip toes and sticks her ass out too far. I've seen Tris in four-inch heels reach bottles just fine, no need for the seductive bullshit, and dudes still can't keep their eyes off her ass…. _Mgggghhhhhh_….. And what the hell is with those boots? There is really only one reason to ever wear those boots. But…that reason suits me just fine right now. _Shit… Is this a good idea? How did I feel at the bar…watching Tris with her soft lips on Matthew's? AWFUL! So yes… This is a fucking good idea!_

"Hey… You alright?" Zeke nudges me in the elbow. _Do I really need to answer that?_ "Why happy hour at Hangars? Oh yeah… Amar does that shit. Lynn's always bitchin' about it. Bad night?"

"Here ya go… Double Hendrick's on the house. For old times…"

I see the look in Kirsten's eyes and realize this will be easier than I thought.

"Not anymore," I answer Zeke.

I notice he's rubbing his hands together under the table as if he succeeded… _He didn't…but I'll let him have it._

"So, Four. What have you been up to?"

"Been busy. Apparently Zeke felt that I needed a night out, and when he suggested come here… I don't know. I guess I just couldn't refuse." I purposely avert my eyes pretending to be nervous but also because I can't stand the look in hers. _Okay…now what? What did I do with Tris?..._

_….._

_"She went back to the lounge to change."_

_"Who did?" _

_"Christina." _

_"Okay, well…..great. Are you going to do the same?" I ask impatiently. "Wait!" Fuck! Not that you need to…I mean, you look great. Your hair, your pants—"_

_"My pants?" _

_"Yeah…well. Apparently, the best compliment I can come up with tonight is that your hair and your pants are great."_

_"Well, I've never been one to inspire compliments." _

_"Fuck. Ok...what I really want to say is…" I lean toward her, and she mirrors my movement. I can't help but take in her amazing scent. I've never wanted to kiss someone so badly. Her lips are perfection. I brush the right side of my lips against her right ear because I just can't fucking help myself, and I whisper, "…you're perfect." _

_…._

"What're you smiling about?" Kirsten rudely interrupts one of my favorite moments ever. I'm pretty sure my distaste is written all over my face based on the look Kirsten gives me. "Or not…"

"Sorry… Just thinking about how much work I have to do tomorrow."

"Hmm. Where are you working these days?"

I forgot Kirsten and I dated when I was finishing grad school.

"ALG Architects—"

"He's kind of a big deal," Zeke interjects.

"Not in the big picture." _There are way bigger things..._

"What big picture?... He's a Senior Architect… Instantly promoted because he's too smart—"

"Yeah… Why are we friends, again? I need to find people more at my level. I hear Mensa is taking friend applicants…"

"What the fuck is Mensa? Sounds like something more up Amar's alley."

I roll my eyes at Zeke's immaturity and address only Kirsten. "I'm not that smart…obviously."

"And how is that obvious?"

"Well…I stopped calling you, didn't I?"

She smirks and opens a beer for herself. "You're right, you are pretty stupid…" She takes a drink and winks at me before walking away.

I pretend to watch after her for Zeke's benefit where in reality I'm checking the clock. _God… It's only 8:00. Please tell me she doesn't work til close, I can't hold out for that long!_

"So… Kirsten's cute, huh?"

"Yep." _And it ends there._

"You like her?"

"Yep." _Not particularly._

"Like, how much?"

"Enough," I remark shrugging my shoulders.

That part is at least true. She serves my purpose.

"Enough is all you need, my friend!" _So...not...true..._

The rest of the night goes by fairly uneventful with me trying to be more chipper… _Ugh…_ and keeping Zeke far away from the topic of Tris. Keeping my own mind far away from the topic of Tris is getting easier as the cocktails go down smoother. I was smart enough to stop drinking gin, at least. However, I am slightly more buzzed than I wanted to be so I slow down towards 10:00 with the completely honest excuse of wanting to be in my right mind. This seems to satisfy both Zeke and Kirsten. Particularly Kirsten, who found underlying meaning in my response.

"So…what're you guys doing after this?" Kirsten asks leaning over the bar.

"I'm going home to my woman and Four here…is… Why, what _are _you doing, my friend?"

Kirsten looks at me expectantly. _Perfect. _"I was just going back to my apartment… What are you doing?"

"No plans… Where do you live now, anyway?"

"Um… In the West Loop, on Lake Street." _Cue the bullshit…_

"Wow! Those are really nice apartments! I've always wanted to see them…"

"I would be…_happy _to give you a tour sometime," I say not breaking eye contact no matter how bad I want to.

"I'm…um…free tonight…"

_You know what Tris would say to that comment? She'd say, "I'll tour myself, thank you." Damn it… I… Just, damn it…_

"Tonight it is. Should I…uh…call a cab?" The back of my head is tingling so I know I've been rubbing it. _Fucking nervous bullshit habits..._

"Already did."

Zeke stifles a laugh as I think of how assuming and shitty that is. I'm certain I give her some sort of an annoyed smile although I'm directing a more disgusted version at myself as well. I've put us in this situation so now I have to follow through…

* * *

The cab ride is uncomfortable, at least for me. I'm trying to play myself off as having fun and being carefree when all I really feel is guilty. I have to squeeze my eyes shut every time I look out the window, knowing the situation I'm getting myself into and hoping it plays out the way I want it to.

As the cab pulls up to my building, I look through the glass and thankfully…I see Gregory. I hop, literally, out of the car and yank Kirsten out as she laughs way too loud. Making it a point that she is here on my invitation, I sling my arm over her shoulders as she wraps her arm around my waist. I immediately tense up at the unwelcome contact until I see Gregory raise his eyebrows at me and I settle in…painfully.

"Evening, Gregory…"

"Good evening, Mr. Eaton… I'm sorry… Four." _Asshole…_

We head over to the elevator, and I can feel Gregory's eyes on us, so I pull Kirsten to me and do what makes my stomach lurch… I kiss her. Full on and passionate (outwardly so) on the mouth. The elevator dings… _Thank God_ ...after only a few seconds as I grab Kirsten's hand and yank her giggling self… _yuck ..._into the elevator, leaving no trace of doubt in Gregory's mind that my full intention is to sleep with this girl...even though that is the least of my intentions…

I instinctively move away from Kirsten in the elevator and clench my jaw at the fact that my lips were just on another girl's…and it was not chaste. However, a part of me feels like a sweet, chaste kiss with no motive other than affection would be a worse crime…

Suddenly Kirsten is right in front of me pulling me to her by the lapels of my jacket. I straighten up quickly.

"Ohhh… Sorry… Does that bother you?" she laughs.

"Um… I just have a lot of neighbors and PDA is kind of frowned upon in a building like this…"

…

_When we get in the elevator, there is another couple in there with us. But it doesn't stop me from pulling her to me from behind and creeping my hands up under her sweatshirt, running my thumbs under her breasts. The couple is standing in front of us, so they don't see anything. But they probably hear her hitched breath and small giggle and possibly my slight growl as she teases me with the tips of her fingers where I'm engorged. As they get off on the next floor, I continue my searching by reaching around her waist and forcing my hands under the waistband of her shorts into her underwear to tease her. I feel how wet she is, and I suck in an involuntary deep breath as my cock twitches lightly grazing her lower back._

_She must be feeling bold, because she reaches her arm behind her pulling on my neck saying, "That's all for you."_

_"Mmm hmm," is all I'm capable of saying as I remove my hand from her and bounce on my toes watching the numbers go up. If it were even slightly socially acceptable, I would be working her with my mouth, right now. "Fuck," I say under my breath as I rest my forehead on the top of her head. "I want you so badly right now…this is pure torment."_

_"Patience is a virtue," she hums as she turns around and unbuttons the top button of my jeans undoing to zipper partially, this time forcing her fingers into the front of my jeans._

_"Mmmmm… Must you do that right now, Tris?… Shit..."_

_….._

"Well, nothing like starting a new trend." She runs her hand down my thigh and it flexes out of discomfort, not out of want. But she ends up squeezing my leg, so…it definitely sent the wrong message.

The elevator door opens on my floor, and I quickly walk out, basically leaving her on it. I turn around realizing that was seriously rude… I'm the reason she's here. It's not her fault. Plus, I need to keep her here long enough for it to be believable that we slept together. My goal is to have an official confirmation that Gregory is Marcus's mole. Hopefully the phone call I'm sure he is making right now will appease Marcus, who will report to Carlos that I have in fact moved on.

I meet Kirsten's raised eyebrows as she slowly exits and I apologize. "I'm a little claustrophobic… I'm down here." I nod in the direction of my place as she follows me.

"Okay." She seems satisfied with that excuse.

I open the door to my apartment and she follows…._very _close behind. _Fuck… _So I head immediately into the kitchen.

"Can I get you something to drink? Coffee…?" _Really? Where are you going to get this magical brew?_

"How about wine?" _Shit…_

"I don't know how much—"

"I think you have plenty." She appears in the doorway of the kitchen holding two bottles of Apothic Red. "Wow, Four…not much of a wine snob I take it?"

"No, not really." _It just happens to be me and my ex's favorite reasonably priced wine and it holds sentimental value so put…it…the…fuck…down!_

"You had quite a few other blends, I can pick a different one…" She can obviously tell that her going through my shit bothers me.

"Sure… Just, um…yeah, pick whatever you want."

"Great!" She turns and starts invading my wet bar as I wander to the balcony window. _I hate this fucking view! _"You must be doing _really _well for yourself to live here. This place is just…wow! I mean, the view alone is awesome. I am still waiting for my tour by the way."

It's funny how Tris never made any comments about my income…ever. And she had every available opportunity. My apartment, my car, designer suits, expensive wine, and whiskey… She never even commented. She only ever equated my success to how happy my job made me. She was totally un-phased the first time she was here…

…

_"Jesus Christ! I'm coming, you fucking idiot!" I say as I open the door and come face-to-face with a very very pissed off Tris._

_"Oh, I'm a fucking idiot?!"_

_My brain is working at a snail's pace so I can't even get words out as she pushes past me and walks into my apartment._

_"Fuck... No… I thought you were Zeke," I say in a daze. _

_She must head straight for the kitchen because I hear a bottle of pills hit the counter. I shuffle after her to find her grumbling something to herself while rummaging through my cabinets._

_"Never been to your apartment before and it gets to be under these fucking circumstances?" She pours me a glass of water and hands me four ibuprofen. "Take them!"_

_Apparently I was standing there for too long so I quickly toss them back and drink the whole glass of water._

_"Tris…I'm sorry. I don't know what to say—"_

_"You never know what to say!" she yells as she practically stomps to the table and takes a cheeseburger and fries out of a bag. "Maybe you should first try…I don't know…using words! You know…those things that come out of your mouth in response to thought."_

_"I'm sorry…" I trail off as she just stares at me with her wide, albeit livid, gorgeous eyes._

_I notice her bruise has slightly faded. I kind of love that I can evoke such emotion in her._

_"Fuck, Tobias!" she yells as she slams a steaming Styrofoam cup of coffee on the table. _

_…._

"Here." Kirsten hands me a glass of whatever bottle she opened. "Cheers."

"Cheers," I respond tapping her glass lightly and then sitting on the couch as the memory of the first time Tris coerced me into talking about my father invades my mind.

"Sooo…how about that tour?"

"Yeah." I make no move to get off the couch. "Bedrooms and guest bath down the hall, kitchen, dining room, family room." I make a circular motion with my hand and stare into my glass before taking a rather large sip to calm my wandering cognition.

"Ya know…that wasn't quite the tour I was hoping for, but I can deal."

"Sorry… I just—"

A loud alert buzzes on her phone, so she pulls it out to check. _Good. I did not want to explain myself any further. _

"Sorry… I'm doing a unit on Chicago social issues with my students and we got into this big mafia discussion…" I clear my throat loudly, and my ears start burning. "… One student is particularly obsessed and emails me with _supposed _mafia activity— Wow." She stops as her eyes go wide, reading through whatever notification she got. "I will _not _be using this one in class."

"Why? What… What does it say?" _Why are you asking questions you don't want to know the answer to?_

"Well…this stuff actually really freaks me out because it happens here in our city—"

"_What_…does it say?"

"Um…" She narrows her eyes at me before she continues and I try to soften my face. "I don't know how familiar you are with all this, but…it says here a body was found in the Chicago River… Geez, it was a woman…" I just sit there as my eyes go out of focus. "…They suspect she was chained to something by her ankle because…oh, God…."

I sit there for a moment waiting impatiently for her to continue. "Oh...God...what?"

"It just…uh…says they believe she was alive when she was...sunk...in the river… They think she broke her own ankle...to get out of the chains…"

…...

_"...Or else he will kill me!... And not a pleasant death… A gunshot to the head?… No… Remember Thomas Carter?" I don't answer because I have a sick feeling that I think I know where this is going… "Yes… You were so fond of him! Ever find his death to be odd? Ruled a suicide?... Ha!... Carlos sunk his warm-blooded body into the frigid waters of the lake!"_

_…_

I take another huge gulp of wine. "Maybe it wasn't mafia related."

"If I didn't have an obsessive student filling me in, I would agree with you. The principal is aware of his situation, don't worry—"

"I'm not. What makes this kid think it has anything to do with the mafia?"

"Wow! Why so interested?" I don't answer because I just need her to tell me! Finally...she...does... "Well, technically, it doesn't. This isn't The Chicago Outfit's style… It's kinda weird that I know all this, right?" _FUCK!... _"Anyway…there's this other guy…not a team player…and _way_ more international than these other bozos… Geez, I sound like a conspiracy theorist…" _How does she not see that my head is about to explode? "_But anyway, this has his name written all over it… Well, you probably haven't heard of him—"

"Try me."

"Um... Carlos Juares? Sounds stupid, I know. But the guy is…very real…"

…..

_"Remove her."_

_"You want me to _kill _my son's…play thing? I may be many things…but I am _not_ a murderer…"_

_"Marcus…whether or not _you_ will be around to see it is another _concern _all together… Now let us toast… In remembrance of Thomas! I did finally find out his name… May he rest in peace!" I watch Carlos reach in and cheers glasses with Marcus. "…Because he certainly didn't _die_ in peace…"_

_…_

"Not stupid." I take another angry, emotional drink of wine, which empties the glass and excuse myself to the bathroom.

Once I'm in there, it takes every bit of abdominal strength to stop the vomit that is creeping its way up my throat. I gag a little and spit out whatever I couldn't hold down, bracing myself on the sink.

I'm struck with the realization that although I am able to do something about Marcus…I will not be able to do a damned thing about Carlos. I laugh at the ounce of hope I gave myself tonight after I saw Tris. I walked right up to her, prepared to tell her…something. Not the whole story…but, something…something for her to hold onto. Because selfishly that's what I wanted…for her to hold on…to just bear with me…until I can figure something out. Turns out holding on for me would probably lead to her holding onto a fucking chain while she sinks to the bottom of the river!

I gag again…literally vomiting in my mouth at the thought of Tris breaking her own ankle to free herself from a chain attached to a concrete block. Because that's just what she would do…work through the physical pain to get results. Results that would not reach fruition.

After spitting the contents of my mouth in the sink, I brush my teeth and use mouthwash to erase all remnants of the fallout from my thoughts. I blink several times to get my eyes back into focus as I exit the bathroom.

Before I can do anything else, a body wraps itself around me, pulling my neck hard and attempting to kiss me with fervor. I immediately pull back landing my hands on Kirsten's hips to lightly push her away. My eyes graze over her unintentionally, and I see that she is topless and in her underwear. I look away as my face heats up from frustration at a thousand things.

"Hey, Four… You can look at me… It's nothing you haven't seen before." _Four… _"You seem to have a lot on your mind… Maybe you just forget…for awhile…" _Forget…_

I look down at her face. Short brown hair, hazel eyes, olive skin. _Not Tris… Good. _I hastily wrap my arms around her lifting her up as she presses her breasts into my chest and lands her lips on mine. I only kiss her because it's basically part of the deal, not because I really want my mouth on hers as I walk us toward my bed. _I need to erase…everything… And if I can't do that… I need to make it so that Tris and I are at the point of no return… _We make it to the bed, and I'm on top of her before a second thought can even enter my mind. She pulls at my shirt, and expertly undoes the buttons as I move down her neck because kissing her isn't really doing it for me. I can taste her perfume, and it's nauseating so I begrudgingly move back up to her mouth as she slides my shirt off my shoulders and arms. She starts to run her hands up my chest, and I hastily sit back up on my knees and grab her hands because I don't want them on me. I hold them down on the bed above her head landing my lips on her neck again as she lifts her hips to meet mine. I feel her try to lace her fingers with my own, so I move my hands down to her wrists gently. She's making all the wrong noises, and I can barely stand it, so I kiss her again to prevent it. She shakes one of her wrists free and grasps my cock. A lightning bolt of shame strikes me as the burden of being a member of the male species hits me, and I become aroused. _What? Did I expect that not to happen? _Out of some fucked up instinct my hand makes its way to her breast and as much as I should love it because she has great tits…they're just…wrong. She starts unbuckling my pants and I lift my hips to let her, also moving my own hand to rapidly push her panties down. I swear I feel another tap on my shoulder as my eyes drift toward the sensation. Something red…catches my eye… On the shelf unit, tucked nicely next to a fake plant, is the orchid picture that Tris made….

**End Flashback**

The landline buzzes loudly, and I'm ever thankful for the interruption in the play-by-play of the events of last night.

"Hello?"

...

"I'll be right down."

I hang up the phone and huff out a breath. "Shit…"

Kirsten left her phone here. As much as I don't want to see or talk to her, this could be beneficial. Putting on one final show for Gregory…

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I have no idea where I am. I'm basically just taking right turns and left turns and left turns and more right turns and then I've been cutting through side streets and other bullshit paths between buildings. It's probably my body trying to mimic my mind.

Half of me was happy to have an easy way out with Matthew. I was never completely sold on going out on a date. _A date? What is that anyway? Fancy dinner and annoying shoes… Puke! _But the other part of me feels completely rejected…again! And it's Four's fault…again! That's my new thing today… I'm blaming people. And don't worry…I'm at the top of that fucking list! Why would I think it's a good idea to possibly date a co-worker of Tobias's? I technically didn't! We were just having coffee and then Matthew had to go and be cute and ask me out in a perfectly charming way! _Okay…maybe I am a little sad… Hmmm…. This is new…_

And why would Matthew question me on who broke up with who?!..._or whom? Damn you Tobias and your perfect grammar rubbing off on me! _And why would Tobias question the accuracy of that statement? This is infuriating! And I didn't even get my damned coffee!

I stop and lean up against a building in whatever-ville neighborhood I'm in. Four is the one who treated me like I was nothing, practically kicking me out of his apartment, not answering my calls and texts, acting like my presence at ALG was a fucking inconvenience and then the night we broke up…total lockdown!

…..

_"Tobias, you shut down on me and I blamed myself for the whole day. You drank yourself stupid and I was worried, sick. Now you won't tell me why. That is a problem."_

_"It has nothing to do with you," he says abruptly backing away._

_"Fine. All I can do is believe you on that."_

_"Thank you."_

_"But I still want to know what it was about."_

_"Tris—"_

_"We both decided to give each other time to really open up about what went on…you know…in our pasts…and I meant that. But I won't stand around while you put me through the ringer with your mood swings—"_

_"Tris!" he exclaims as he runs his hands through his hair. "You have no idea—"_

_"That's because you won't tell me!" I yell. "Is this going to be a habit? Everything is good, and then you go into total lockdown?"_

_"Probably."_

_I stop and try to make eye contact with him, but he stares stonily at the floor._

_"That's it?... Probably?..." I give him a long awkward moment to respond before I nod my head and look up at the ceiling, taking a deep breath. I make my way quickly to the door before he can see my tears._

_"Marcus called," he deadpans._

_…._

Goosebumps run down my arms suddenly, and I find myself hailing a cab to LaSalle…

Things are officially not adding up. Tobias has said in the past that he can't help wanting to protect me from things that may hurt me and that he has a tendency to want to shelter me…even from him. I know he lies… I just didn't think he lied to me…or I always felt that if he did…I would know. _Why wouldn't I have known? What if this whole thing is a bullshit lie that I didn't pick up on? And if it is, I don't know if that makes me feel better or worse. He couldn't trust me? How bad could it be?_

"You gettin' out? I can't pull up too far," the driver interrupts. _Shit that was fast. _

"…No… This is fine, thank you."

I get out and am hit by the largest influx of butterflies I've ever had, coupled with a racing heart. _Do I call first? I haven't had the heart to erase his number. Do I go right up and knock on his door? I may not even be on the visitor list… That would be kind of devastating… Do I have that Gregory guy call him down?_

I feel a hard shoulder hit mine. "Oh! Crap! I'm sorry… I didn't see anyone there."

I look up at a girl about my age who almost barreled me down and nod my head. "It's fine… I'm fine."

"Doesn't help that I'm a little eager… So… Okay, you sure?"

"Sure as shit! Sorry… Yes, I'm sure."

She is totally unphased by my rudeness. "Do you live here? I left my phone in this guy's apartment and…well, this place is just really fancy. Do I just go up in the elevator?"

"Um… No. You need to go up to the desk and that guy'll help you."

"So, you live here?"

"No… I just…no."

"Okay, well thanks!" She smiles cordially and walks into the lobby as I take a couple more breaths slightly thankful for the distraction she just provided me.

_Okay… I need to figure out what to do… Hey, Tobias? Are you lying to me about…well, everything? Yes? Okay… #1, Fuck you!... And #2, Why?... You can't tell me? Oh, you're gonna fucking tell me! You'll tell me everything, right after we have AMAZING sex? No, you asshole!... Okay, fine… _

I turn and open the glass door, still unsure of what to do. Maybe it'll just come to me… A fucking gift from the heavens—

And then I see him and can't help but smile a little as I take him in. Messy bedhead, sleepy eyes, suit pants and a white t-shirt… Must have passed out last-

All previous thoughts…lost… I watch him approach the girl. He laughs (_a fake bullshit laugh_) as she tugs on his pants, and he puts his hands in his pockets rocking back and forth from his heels to his toes. He glances this way, and I press myself up against the wall around the corner as the world starts to go blurry. But I've always been a glutton for punishment, so I peek around the corner again as he leans down and puts his lips on hers, kissing her slowly. I watch his hand rest on her hip, just like he used to do with me. My mouth goes dry, and my heart cracks in two as I stand there unable to move. She…_she_…pulled away smiling and practically skips in my direction, waving at me in passing. I wave back out of Midwestern habit and then look back at Four as he turns toward the elevator.

"Missy? Did you need a cab?" asks a doorman standing near me. I shake my head no. "Was that a no? Lady, you're tiny, and I'm old and partially blind so…"

All I can see is Four leaning down…initiating a kiss… His lips…and hers…

"Helllllooooo?"

"No! I don't need a fucking cab!" I yell back in anguish as I push my hands against the door causing an unnecessary crashing sound and take off running down the street.

I don't know why I'm running, except that…well, I'm running. _Where the hell are you going? And what the fuck just happened? Trying to rationalize shit! Always trying to rationalize shit! ? I can't think about it. Don't think about it. Do not think about that! Think about how much of an idiot you are! Yep, that'll keep me going! You're fine… You're fine… _

* * *

"Elastic Heart" by _Sia_

* * *

"Uh!" And I'm down. "Ow, ow, ow, ow…."

I look down at the heel of my hands. They are completely scraped and starting to bleed, and I'm too scared to look at my knees. Looking behind me I see that one of the grips of my shoes got stuck in a grate.

"Tris?... Tris!... What the hell are you doing?! Get up. You look like a fool."

I would recognize that voice anywhere… _Gertie… _I look and see that I fell right at her alleyway.

"Get up! Get up! Come inside, for Christ's sake…"

She leaves me…on the sidewalk…bleeding.

Knowing I could really use some cleaning up I push myself up off the sidewalk as a passerby reaches down to help me, and I nod in a seriously grateful thank you. Once I have my bearings, and I assure the man I'm fine, I hobble into the coffee shop.

She does a double-take once I get inside, and a genuine look of concern crosses her face until it leaves just as fast. "You're bleeding on my floor."

"Oh, you saw that?" I ask as I limp to the folding table and sit down gingerly.

I hear Gertie grumble something and go into the back room. But soon enough she returns with a bowl, rag and a cup of coffee.

"What the hell were you doing anyway? Picking up sticks?"

"Yes, Gertie…off the pavement…on a road with no trees."

"Why always such a smartass?! Drink my coffee and I'll clean up your horrendous mess!"

I'm assuming she means the floor until she grabs my left leg and props it on her knees to clean out one of my wounds. The pain is so searing that a tear escapes.

She looks up at me as she dabs at the exposed layers of skin. "High tolerance for pain, mon amour?"

I shrug my shoulders in indifference because at this point I'm just trying to keep my head above water.

"What's wrong with you? A little overly-dramatic today? Drink my damned coffee."

I look at the steaming cup as a tear escapes, then another, and another and they pretty much just keep coming as I sit there. All I do is blink and stare at the coffee…the bullshit coffee I had to "earn."

"Am I really the only one he's ever brought here?"

She glances at me un-phased by what Christina calls "my weird cry,"...the tears come, but not with all the ugly bullshit.

"Oui."

"He broke up with me."

"Hmmph." She seems satisfied with the state of my left leg, so she roughly switches to my right. "I was curious… He hasn't shown his handsome face here in over two weeks!" She tries to make it sound like she's mad at him, but it comes out as more relief to know he still resides on this planet. "Drink my coffee."

"I don't want your coffee."

"Everyone wants my coffee."

"I'm not everyone."

She rinses out the rag and seems to ponder something. "You associate my coffee with my Four, no?"

"Clearly."

She shrugs her shoulders. "That's quite a compliment."

"How?"

"My beans provoke emotion! That's better than payment."

I don't say anything because emotion is the last thing I want right now. I let out a long sigh as she puts my other leg down and grabs my hand to debris it. Then I see something that actually does bring a small smile to my face. It's a photo of North Beach. You can see the city skyline behind it, only one small building is lit up with yellow lights, a building that otherwise would go unnoticed. I know that because I used oil pastels to make the lights a dull yellow. Almost like when you walk by a house and you know people are home but you can't see anyone.

She notices my stare. "You like it?"

"Mmm hmm."

I look around and see that the serving area is bare of all decorations aside from my photo.

"I hate art."

"Then why did you buy it?"

"My niece works in a gallery. I brought her lunch, and she showed me because it reminded her of the beaches in Nice. So, I bought it. I'm rich. I can buy what I want."

"But...you hate art."

"Yes... But to me, it isn't art…it's home."

"That's quite a compliment."

"How?"

"The photo provokes emotion! That's better than payment," I say in my best French accent but meaning every word of it.

"Making fun of the old lady who supports your coffee addiction isn't wise," she comments wagging her finger in the air. "Stupid artist wanted to remain anonymous! That's so…un-French… We take credit for everything!... You've made enough mess of my café! Stay, go… I don't care."

I glance down and see her Palazzo pants are soaked through with blood.

"Thank you, Ger—"

"You know, mon amour. Crying isn't weak… It's the only way our eyes speak when our mouths can't explain how broken our hearts are. Or some shit like that…"

I nod my head in thanks as she strolls into the back, and I hear her light a cigarette. I walk out and leave the coffee behind…crying the whole way home.

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

Waiting to get on the elevator I go over the last few unpleasant, albeit very convincing, moments of performance that have now left me feeling like a shell of a man.

I saw Kirsten standing at the desk and instantly felt guilty because she really is a nice person. She actually reminds me of Tris the way she dresses when she's not working: jean shorts and a T-shirt with a scarf. They probably would be friends…

Kirsten immediately commented on how I'm still in my dress pants. She reached out for my hands, but I put them in my pockets before that happened. _Hand holding…nope. _She gave me the classic, "last night was fun," and, "we should do it again," etc. I felt Gregory's eyes on me, so I leaned in and kissed her…unplanned. She tried to bring her body closer to mine, but I held her at bay by her hips until she pulled away and gave me a slightly confused expression. Then she turned and left, waving at someone as she exited. _No more Riley's for me… Someday I'll have to apologize to her… _

Getting on the elevator I make sure Gregory sees me roll my eyes. Just as the door is about to close, I hear a crash, and I push the button to reopen it as Eugene looks at us shrugging his shoulders.

"Pretty little thing didn't need a cab! She's gotta mouth on her!" Then he continues to mumble something about just trying to be nice and other crap. _Kirsten must have been more pissed than I thought. That's probably a good thing…_

"So, I won't be adding your lady friend to your visitor list?... Four…"

"No. You won't…"

"Shall I be removing anyone?" _Um… Fuck… I'm not… I… I…_

"Yes, Miss Prior."

"Of course."

Seeing as the room has heated up to 1000 degrees, I decide a walk would be appropriate, so I exit the building. I feel like I just lost another piece of her... A part of me, I now realize, had held onto the fighter in her. My subconscious assumed that at some point she would plow through that door as defiant as ever and make me tell her the truth. After all she never returned her key… _That would have hurt like hell…_ But, as it turns out, Christina was right… She sees things differently when she feels it's a reflection on her.

I should add her parents to the list of people I hate…for never instilling one fucking bit of confidence in her. Maybe that's one thing I left for her… I'd like to hope I made her see herself differently._ Nope… Pretty sure I left her feeling completely inadequate!_ The memory of her embarrassed and ashamed face after she saw that I wasn't hard for her in the shower comes forth.

"Fuck!"

A man jumps away startled at my quick outburst, but I just keep walking. _It's better this way. She's safe. And shit! Not coming home nights... Coffee with Matthew... Going on a date with Matthew… Kissing him... She's moving on anyway… God, will that ever not feel like hot knives in the gut? Where the fuck am I going anyway? _

I make the decision to walk around the small block I'm on, which ends up doing nothing to help. Then a quick whiff of something delicious enters my nostrils as I hear a door slam shut in the alley in front of me. _Gertie's… _I look at my feet, kicking at the grate I'm standing on with my toes. A chunk of rubber from someone's shoe sticks out. _Fuck… Whoever that happened to probably ate it…hard… _

_I don't have my wallet, but maybe Gertie will let me start a tab?... I need to have a discussion with her about Gregory anyway..._

The bell dings as I enter the shop. I see the back of Gertie's perfectly quaffed hair as she gets scones out of the oven.

"Smells amazing," I comment sincerely.

She turns and narrows her eyes at me. "Hmmph. Well, isn't this just life! Ha!" _I have no idea what that means, but she says some crazy shit!_

"How are you?"

"Me? You don't come for two weeks, and you think we just pick things up where we left off? Psh!" She waves me off as I lean over the counter on my elbow smiling on the inside at her dramatics.

"I'm sorry."

"You should be. I never should have sold my beans to that little thing. If I had known you would abandon me, I would have thought twice! Unless you've been… No! Whose coffee have you been drinking?!"

"I drink the coffee from the café at work—"

"You wouldn't!"

"And aside from that… I have no idea what you're talking about."

"My beans!"

"We're talking about coffee beans, right?" _Or is "sold the beans" some weird French saying?_

"Yes! You're little Tris. She coerced me into selling her a bag of my finest," she says nodding her head once as she saunters around the counter towards me with a mop. "Clean this up." She thrusts the mop into my hands as I look at her probably dumbfounded.

"What?… When?... I don't know anything…."

"Yes. I would agree with that…assessment." She eyeballs me from head to toe probably realizing I look like ass. "And what do you mean 'when'?… Little miss attitude shows up begging me... What did she say?... Oh yes! Something about throwing you under a bus?... Ta petite says you drink too much work coffee. You know I can't have that! And then, mon amour… Do you know what she promised me?"

I shake my head unable to speak.

"She would come and drink _my _coffee with _me_. Psh! As if I need any of that…companionship. I'm fine by myself, you know!"

I nod my head, yet entirely disagree, knowing full well Gertie would love the company and the fact that Tris was perceptive enough to know that was all Gertie ever wanted… And she was willing to spend time with Gertie just to get me coffee… _Well… Fuck_…

"Did she… Does she… Does she come… Has she… Um…"

"Would Spanish be easier for you, mon amour? I'm not…fluent… But I get by just fine. My Colombian dialect…very different from Mexican—"

"For Christ's sake! Does she come here!?" _And if she does, tell me when and I…will…be…here!_

She shrugs her shoulders. "She was just here. Now clean my floor. You get to drink cold coffee today." She gestures at the cup of coffee sitting on the table. "Don't worry… No germs! Miss Thing wouldn't touch it!"

I stare at the coffee cup and the chair that Tris just sat in, and I immediately sit down just wanting to feel her body heat on mine. It's the closest I've come to touching her since she landed on my arm last week. She must have _just _left because the chair is still warm. She was probably the person exiting who sent the delicious smell of coffee my way. _God… She was just here…_

"Now clean my floor."

Finally, I take a moment to actually look at the floor and I see there are red droplets everywhere and pink water all by my feet.

"Gertie, what happened? Are you alright?!" I stand to look at her almost slipping on the floor.

"Me? Oh, _now_ you are worried about me?" _Jesus… _She sways around the counter, and I can see blood stains on her knees.

"What happened? Did you fall? Jesus…sit down!"

"Oh no, mon amour…" She smiles slyly. "_I'm _just fine. Mon petite, however…tried to fight the pavement and lost!" _Her English expressions are finally improving…sort of. _"I was sweeping away the trash and then… Poof! Onto the pavement!" _Poof? Really? "_She was running as if the gates of hell were opening behind her!"

"Well…was she okay? Did you help her? She obviously was _not_ okay! Why did you let her leave?!" I see her smiling like a satisfied…French lady. "Of course I helped your little thing!"

"She's not my little thing anymore…and frankly Ghertrude, she would hate it if she knew you ever referred to her like that because she never was my 'little thing!' Now tell me if she was okay, _damn it_!"

"Quite a pain tolerance on that one," she remarks as if commenting on the weather. "...Sat there and let the tears fall, one after the other… No blubbering or sobbing… just acceptance of…pain…" Now she's looking at me intently. "And you know as well as I do that I'm not talking about her injuries... Although she was…quite the tough cracker!"

"Cookie."

"Whatever."

_Why was she crying?… in front of Gertie of all people? She was running as if the gates of hell were opening?_

The scene with Eugene breaks into my processing mind. _That was Tris... God… She saw me kiss Kirsten… She came to see me, and she saw me kiss Kirsten…a slow, seductive kiss... Why else would she be in this neighborhood? Well, fuckin perfect! Of course! The day I basically take away her entrance rights to my apartment, she decides to show up! My Tris… The Tris I know…decides to fulfill everything I know about her! Why am I thinking like this? This is good. Hopefully, Gregory didn't see her… No bottom of the river…no bloated body and self-inflicted broken ankle… This is good… Is this good? THIS DOESN'T FEEL GOOD!  
_

"What are you going to do? Just give your tongue to the cat?"

"I have no idea what that means."

"Stupid Americans…," she mutters loud enough to purposely insult me. "Give up? Yes… Are you going to give up?"

"Gertie, you have no idea what you're talking about." I shake my head and take the coffee even though it's thoroughly counterproductive because I plan to drown myself in Ambien. _I should switch to Unisom… Over-the-counter… Less addictive... Yeah, no… _"And you don't even know what happened—"

"I don't care what happened."

I sit back and think how I just wish the universe, God, Allah, whoever…would send me a damned sign! I'm not asking for a fucking billboard…just a subtle hint that my flip-flopping thoughts aren't just me being unhappy with living an unfulfilled life. Just one fucking hint—

"Where…did you…get…that?" _Well…I can honestly say that's never happened…_

"Dalilah's. I hate art. Why? You like it?... I hate art."

"Where is Dalilah's?"

"A gallery in Bucktown. Why?... I hate art."

"You mentioned that."

I stand and walk over to a picture I've honestly never seen…but I know she did it. I can feel it. I can envision exactly where she stood when she took the shot, on the North end of the beach, where you can see the inward curve, and you can look Southbound and see the city skyline. "Perfectly shitty!" is exactly what she would say. Then she would take it home and spend hours with her charcoal pencils or whatever else she uses to make the picture…hers, to make it beautiful. I look closer and see a small _t _in the corner.

"Do you know who did this?" I ask trying to evoke my photographic memory skills in order to file this one away.

"Some idiot who decided being anonymous is the hip thing to do! Stupid—"

"Americans… Yeah, I know…." _Well, now what the fuck do I do?!_

* * *

**Marcus's POV:**

It's been three days of waiting_. _Waiting to see if Tobias does indeed go to Carlos. _And how will I know if he does? I am steering clear of that maniacal man! I have plans of my own!_

My greatest fear is that Tobias will uncover my duplicity. That he will find out Carlos truly never threatened Tris with death… He just wants her out of the way for Juanita. Tobias cannot find out that I'm actually the one he's trying to torture!

What do I do if I'm uncovered? _Shit! Carlos may not even care!_ Thinking twice about it…Tobias may not even care, anymore! He seems to be one for fair weather relationships based on the phone call last night and this morning from Gregory. Seems he's jumped back on the horse rather quickly. The most pleasing part was his removing Miss Prior's name from his guest list.

I am sure he loves or loved Beatrice, as much as an Eaton may be capable of…and that's not saying much. We are very prone to infatuation! Evelyn being cautionary tale number one!

Upon sending a secured text message to Carlos of this new development…his response was a small picture of applauding hands… A very odd response…

The not knowing is eating at my soul! Feeling out of control in a situation is contrary to everything…me. Not knowing what Carlos's reaction would be! Not knowing what Tobias's reaction would be! _I want to jump out of my damned skin!_

And then Juanita! How do I get this bitch off my back? Her daily calls of bullshit revelations are just that…bullshit. She doesn't have a snowball's chance in hell with my son!

My face did momentarily flush with pride for my son upon my learning his newfound role at ALG…too bad it was tainted by Juanita's empty excitement. I can hear her voice now. How she "always new 'Four' would be rich," and, "no need to be under Daddy's thumb anymore!" How is she so blind? Does my son put that much of a spell on women? _Hmmm…_ I feel another brief prideful moment at the thought of Eaton male virility…

The final thing I need to come to terms with… My son has rattled my cage…on purpose…

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

After a complete and total deflection of any more conversation regarding Tris, knowing I needed to clear my mind of her in order to accomplish my goal of outing Gregory, I inform Gertie of his double-dealings. That's probably a poor word to describe it.

In the end, Gertie wanted to fire him for "interfering with my Four." Gertie knows my father is a piece of shit and that he keeps tabs on me...and that's all she needs to know.

But my damned conscience reared its head again, and I talked her out of it. I guarantee the guy doesn't make a great living, and I'm sure Marcus offered to pay him an amount comparable to what Gregory would dream of. I also know he has a wife and kids… _Damn it, Tobias!_

So, she settled on letting me watch the surveillance camera footage…and it had audio. I almost broke my jaw from clenching it so tightly, listening to the two immediate calls he made to Marcus. I have to remind myself that keeping him behind the desk also allows control… Control of what kind of information makes it into Marcus's hands.

And then…the part that made my heart clench as much as my jaw… From the camera's perspective, I got a clear shot of Tris. I know I smiled as I looked at her nervous face. I could just see the gears turning in her head as she was wringing her hands and switching her weight from one foot to the other. Then a small smile crept onto her beautiful face as she saw me and I almost melted on the spot. But the awful look of shock and what I can only describe as suffering that took its place made me feel like ice. I watched her jaw literally drop and shoulders hunch in. Then I heard her familiar yell at poor Eugene and I couldn't tear my eyes away even as she took off as if she were the lead in an Olympic relay.

I instantly thanked Gertie and exited the room wiping under my eyes because…well…never mind.

Once in my apartment I now realize how hungry I am and needing instant gratification I grab a protein bar and eat half of it in one bite. But knowing I've lost weight...among many other things... _GOD! .._.I know I need to eat more. So I open the freezer to see what the hell is in it. And what the fuck do you know? An oversized bag of coffee beans plummets itself at me like a God-damned landslide… Coffee beans everywhere… All the fuck over my floor... I stand there like a dumbass with my hands up and the freezer open as my brain plays catch up. Gertie's coffee beans…in the freezer…

…..

_"There was new item in my apartment…"_

_"Mmmm... Santa came…really early…huh?" she asks quietly, assessing if what she did was okay as she wraps her arms around my neck._

_"He must have… He also must have sent extra elves to set up my awesome new Cuisinart coffee maker…," I comment as I kiss her on the forehead. "But…fail on Santa's behalf… No coffee to go with the coffee maker…"_

_"Well…fail of epic proportion on your behalf for not knowing where to look!" She fists the neck of my jersey pulling me teasingly close to her lips. "Any self-respecting person who drinks amazing coffee knows…" She kisses me lightly on the lips. "…that you keep the beans in the freezer so they don't mold…" She keeps giving me small sweet kisses as she talks to me and she's so close that I know she can feel my heart rate pick up. "Seeing as you're the…grab-and-go type…I bet Santa assumed…you weren't going to make coffee…everyday…so he kindly put it in the freezer for you…"_

…..

I stare at the beans as what feels like a million moments pummel me. A small piece of paper sticks halfway out of the pile. I pick it up and see the petite scribble of my favorite person in existence:

_Babe,_

_I stocked your damned freezer weeks ago. Put the damned protein bar down and eat the real fucking food! Jerk...  
_

_I love you, -T_

_I love you too, baby_… The protein bar falls to the floor and I crumple the note up sliding down the cabinets onto the floor. I'm crushing the coffee beans into the distressed hardwood floors and I don't even care. Faces start to flash in my mind: Marcus, Tris, Amar, Gertie, the woman sunk alive in the river, whatever Carlos looks like, Tris again, Johanna, and my mother.

I spend an undetermined amount of time assessing this situation from everyone's point of view. How much information this person may have and their interpretation or misinterpretation of it. My face starts to numb from the contact with my hands so I smack the back of my head against the cabinets.

My mother comes to mind again. _What would she think about this? Am I doing the right thing? What would she say? I never fucking got to know her enough to find out! Plus…she was having a damned affair with the man trying to ruin my life!_

From what I remember of my mother she was incredibly loving, understanding, and patient…almost to a fault. Whereas some may have embraced those qualities as strengths, she was taught they were weaknesses. It turned her into someone who may be considered meek and vulnerable. These are all things I've come to realize after being able to look back at my mother through a man's eyes, not a boy's.

This thought brings me to untread ground. There is one area I haven't explored yet... My mind has been unwilling to wrap its brain around my mother having an affair with a dangerous, ruthless man. _How the hell could she do that? Trade one son-of-a-bitch for another? _She always hated Marcus's vile tendencies… Not just toward her, but his affinity for watching people squirm...and his double-dealing, scheming, and fraudulent ways. _Yet, somehow…this was all kosher when it came to Carlos?! Along with it being totally kosher to leave me?_

"Damn it!" I chuck a handful of beans at the cabinets, making an even bigger mess than before. _My mother was going to leave me behind… _That's one thing I haven't come to terms with…and it hurts like hell. _Everything…hurts like hell…_

* * *

Two Ambien later and it's 6:00. I'm fucking wide awake and need a release like non other and because I can't have the release I _really _want I plan to take out every ounce of anger on the bags and Shauna better stay the hell out of my way!

Taking down the other half of that fucking protein bar in one bite, I open my T-shirt drawer out of habit…or what used to be my T-shirt drawer…and I'm hit in the nasal cavity by the most inspiring scent ever…Tris.

I haven't gone into this drawer since before Tris and I broke up. It wasn't on purpose. I've barely been in my apartment.

Folded neatly and nicely are a pair of Tris's cute pajamas. I recognize the yellow shirt and soft cottony shorts as I run the tips of my fingers over the material. And then right next to it…the sweetest, sexiest thing I've ever seen. A light blue and black bra and pantie set. 100% see through… As in…why is there even material? The panties really aren't panties because the thong is so revealing that it may as well not even be there. _When the hell did she…_

….

_"By the way…I found my other drawer… Santa may have left you another item…" I notice her cheeks become slightly more flushed. I think to myself how much I love that she's going to be leaving some of her "items" at my place._

_"So you found your drawer?"_

_"I did... And now that I have my own drawer…should I not get into yours?"_

_"No. No. No. That is not—"_

_"Because I can always find…other ways…to...ya know…"_

_I think about that for a moment as I rest my chin on my hands. Tris sprawled out on her bed with an embarrassed and coy look on her face as she slowly walks her fingers down her toned abs and lightly glides them over her sensitive clit. She sucks in a quick breath and then smiles proudly at herself as she goes back for more…_

_I turn and look at her. "Can I watch?" I grin and wink just in case she's offended, then I can play it off as a joke…but 100% sincere. I want in!_

_Her cheeks immediately flush as I watch her ponder that image for a moment. I wish her brain had a projector...just into my brain...no one else gets to see this shit...ever! Even if she loves the idea of me watching her…she'll never tell me. It's kind of adorable. I see her try to hold back a smile as she shrugs._

_I rest my arm around her shoulder pulling her closer to me. "That wasn't a no….."_

_"Nope… It wasn't."_

_….._

"Oh, come on!" I yell at absolutely no one.

I'm in bed with another woman and I notice, for the first time, Tris's photo that she snuck into my room! I'm at Gertie's and I see another one of Tris's photos! Then the coffee she bought me…from Gertie...spills everywhere! All fuckin' over the place! That's one of my worst nightmares…relatively speaking! Then her sweet shitty note in her sweet shitty handwriting?! And now this utter bullshit staring at me! I may be a guy and blind to many things…but this shit is smacking me in the face and it may as well be Tris's abnormally strong hands doing it!

I stand up straighter than I have in weeks and make a decision. I know I can't tell her. I have no idea the extent of Carlos's resources and if anyone ever confronts her, she is a _terrible_ liar. I will not allow her to suffer from the possible fallout of this mess. But I know I can't give up...

* * *

**I only read through once for grammar editing this time! So I probably missed some errors...**

**Patiently waiting for the lack of FourTris backlash...**

**The hashtagging in the reviews is funny and awesome, BTW. **

**And I may as well address the topic of PMs and reviews suggesting a Facebook page or a Forum. I most likely will not do it because I don't want the plot to be swayed by readers' opinions of how they want it to go. It's easy to do and I've deleted entire chapters because I tried to please the readers. This was a while ago... Anyway it made my writing suck! But I will post it in the author's note of the next chapter if anyone else wants to. I just won't be joining!**

**Many requests for Amar's POV: I kind of like to leave him a little bit of a mystery. I think it may take away from his character if you knew exactly what he's thinking and doing. He's kind of a big behind-the-scenes character and they can be some of the most important. Like when he says "Don't judge me by the chapter you walked in on." The best part of that statement is that we, as readers, don't know what the hell he means by that. Was he abused? Adopted? Homeless? Had a bad experience with deep dish pizza? Who knows!**

**And... I'm going to Mexico Saturday to Saturday sooooo... I'm going to have to play it by ear when I update. (Which makes me irrationally sad...) I may just upload the next chapter bit by bit? So you can just keep checking back for additions... We'll see!**


	36. Math

**AN: I'm alive! Mexico...super fun! Lots of Don Julio!  
**

**Rated: MA**

**Chapter 36 – Math**

* * *

**Tobias's POV:** Monday

Sunday was the best day I have had in weeks. When I say that, I mean I didn't run 15 miles and take down one-half of a bottle of whiskey that night. I ran 14 miles and only drank one-quarter of a bottle of whiskey that night. _Fuck, yeah for progress!_

Now that I have a goal in mind, I feel as if there is a ray of hope. The shitty part is that there may not in fact be a ray of hope because my conscience is getting the better of me…yet again! Currently, the plan I am mulling over is how I could possibly join forces with Carlos… I cannot, for the life of me, think of a better way to say that…. Yet, my nonsensical fear is that it would be the end of the man I hate to refer to as my father, yet he is, nonetheless, my father. And when I say end…I mean death.

If Carlos loved my mother to the extent he claims (or the extent my father _says _he claims), I have enough emotional and first-hand information to put Carlos over the edge. I know how I feel about Eric and I would imagine Carlos feels the same about Marcus. If_ I_ were to ever come face to face with Eric, I'm not sure I would be able to contain the part of me that is most akin to my father. That, mixed with my severe protective instincts with Tris…is literally the perfect storm for murder. As much as I hate my father, I'm self-reflective enough to know that his death, even at the hand of Carlos, would haunt me…and not just out of guilt.

Marcus has more to do with this than he was letting on, or he at least has more information… That was obvious based on his outburst at the mere mention of me paying Carlos a visit. His unnerving behavior alone showed that he's lying about something.

My hope is that I can bring this to Carlos's attention, possibly giving him enough information to decide to remove me as his target, and concentrate solely on Marcus. I can't believe I am even considering having a conversation with a homicidal criminal, let alone giving him information…about my father.

The most arduous part of this, however, has been trying to trick my mind into removing Tris as my motivating factor. This being exceptionally fucked up because my motivation does indeed revolve 100% around her. Yet, my head becomes inherently thick when she's involved so I have done my best to compartmentalize.

I had printed out everything I could find on Carlos Juares because preparation could be the secret to my success – or this may be my mind's way of instilling false confidence… It's happening either way. I have international and national news articles, conspiracy theories, suspected involvements, wikis, and I even found a fan page, which was revolting_. _But at least now I know what he looks like.

I left work early to take another look at all my compiled information. Having the freedom to come and go as I please feels very odd. Especially so when I accidentally asked Amar's permission. That…was embarrassing. He just laughed and shook his head_. I fucking suck…_

I have another blank sheet of paper in front of me now and I'm rereading everything I have on Carlos to see if I've missed something. I've even cross-referenced the paths he and my father took in search of patterns and communications.

I came to the conclusion that they met in their 20s. My father graduated from Brown University with a degree in Finance and was immediately taken under my grandfather's wing. Carlos emigrated from Mexico to open up 'business' here in the states on behalf of his father who was still in Mexico. The first time they met, I cannot pinpoint. However, they started appearing on guest lists for fundraisers and largely publicized events… I even found photos of them together.

I find it odd that an illegal arms dealer would appear in public as much as he had. But he all but disappeared from the public eye about 24 years ago, seemingly on account of the birth of his daughter.

Marcus then navigated toward the financial industry and Carlos was in line to take his father's place. Years later they had a monetary exchange on Marcus's advisement having to do with our embarrassing dickwad of an ex-governor. _But what else?... What am I missing?..._ I can't find anything else on Carlos that, as far as I can see, has anything to do with Marcus.

I run my hands through my hair incredibly frustrated and start pacing the room until I begrudgingly go back to the table. I brace my hands on it and close my eyes.

…..

_"Tris…come sit out here, please." For a minute, I don't think she will. Then I hear a reluctant sigh and she comes and plops herself down loudly in the chair across from me._

_"You worried me," she states plainly._

_"I didn't mean to."_

_"Drunk texts? Barely understood those! Drinking alone? I called you three times. You weren't even coherent enough to hear my phone calls. Zeke found you faced down and passed out on your living room floor with ¾ of a bottle of scotch gone."_

_She pauses and I'm not sure if she's finished. From what I know about Tris, she'll need to get it all out before I am allowed to speak. Turns out I'm right._

_"No more setbacks? What the hell happened to that? Why did you even want to go to dinner? I may as well not even have been there! I didn't realize my company was that much of an inconvenience!" _

_" I wanted you there…I just got distracted."_

_"Distracted."_

_"Yes."_

_She's sitting there staring at me…making me crazy because she looks so alive that I just want to wrap her in my arms and do things to her that would make her head spin and angry at the same time because of how she is challenging me. I need space. She needs to give me space._

_Her face softens...briefly. "Tobias…I'm not one to push…you know that…but you did a total 180...in my presence. Not 20 minutes before that, you gave me a speech about giving you a chance, a chance for me to tell you things I've barely told anybody. Then you pull this shit?!"_

_"Apparently that's exactly what I did," I say bluntly as I throw my napkin on the table in frustration._

_She is staring at me in disbelief. Then she gets up and slowly walks over to me. "Well, I'm not going to stick around long enough for you to do it again," she grits out quietly as she turns on her heel to walk away._

_…__.._

I open my eyes and stare at the seat she sat in, right across from me. Her comment hits me again. _"Well, I'm not going to stick around long enough for you to do it again." _

"SON OF A BITCH!" I shout in fury as I push all papers off the table. She meant that comment…and I did it to her…again. I shut her out, I closed myself off…for good reason or not…that will be the only way she'll see it. _Well fuck! That was the plan all along, right? Success! Always goal-oriented!_

Then Amar's voice… _"A negative mind will never give you a positive life…" _

I open my eyes and scrub at my face, looking at the floor briefly before bending down to pick up the mass amount of papers. I step on part of a stack and feel something small and hard under my foot, to which I find upon careful movement of said papers, to be a coffee bean_. I've been finding them absolutely everywhere and it's bullshit! _ Picking it up, I toss it into the kitchen sink. It, of course, as if my sink were a fucking slalom, slides right back out onto the floor. And because I'm a type-A asshole, I go immediately to the kitchen en route to pick the rogue bean up and put it in its rightful home—the garbage…so it won't remind me of Tris. The guilt wracks through me with every one I throw away.

Grumbling to myself, I see that it landed on a piece of paper equally as rogue as the bean itself. It references the first and last philanthropic venture of Eaton Funds- a.k.a. The Eaton Foundation. Marcus had attempted to allocate funds to help an impoverished village in Mexico—Churimilco…

I can almost hear the synapses in my brain firing as I rush back over to the pile of papers and find the eWiki I had printed out of Carlos and see that he was in fact from the village of Churimilco. The same village that Marcus was supposedly helping rebuild…

**Flashback:**

"Hello, Tobias." Thomas Carter sits down across from me at the coffee house down the road from my dorm.

"Thomas."

"How have you been—"

"What is Marcus up to now?" I ask impatiently. I hate discussing anything to do with my father.

"Quite a bit. However, before we head down that road I must tell you, this will be the last issue I correspond with you on."

"And why is that?"

"Marcus has been asking too many questions."

"Questions."

"Yes… He suspects."

"Suspects."

I look him in the eyes, as I've now grown accustomed to doing. I find it gives me near instant answers. Therefore, his lack of response tells me he'll give me no further information.

"He's funneling money into an offshore account under the façade of aiding a village in Michoacan."

"As in Mexico?" _Out of all the places in the world…. He chooses a small village in Mexico_… I stare off not understanding, but trying desperately.

"Because of me." Now it's his turn to stare off. "Your mother had a particular soft spot for that village… She sent cash there monthly. When Marcus recently went fishing for tax write-offs, I thought his effort was legitimate and I suggested Churimilco…."

I stay silent at the mention of my mother.

"And I had a particular soft spot for your mother—"

"And?" I interrupt with a mass amount of need to change the subject.

"I never did enough to help her… That, as you may have inferred, is why I have been helping you…"

"And you think what you've done is enough to help _me_?"

He doesn't answer, which is as revealing as words.

"Here are the financials." He hands me a folder. "With all of that information, you should never need me again…" He rises and throws his coat over his arm. "Take care, Tobias."

I watch him exit the coffee shop and turn the corner. Then I tentatively open the folder to find every account number, access code, email account with passwords, firewall protection destabilizers - the list goes on… I close the folder and leave the coffee shop in the opposite direction of Thomas.

**End Flashback**

Feverishly, I rustle through all papers in search of the financials for The Eaton Foundation. It's crumpled once I find it from my frantic searching. I see the only project it ever funded was for Churimilco. But the paper trail leads nowhere near any Mexican bank, relief fund, or resident whatsoever of that village. (However, the Swiss bank it went to was probably ecstatic with its newest client.)

My heart starts racing as I engage my rapid reading skills and find that suddenly $500,000 was wired to its proper place. This was about five years ago… _Strange… _$500,000 would be more money than God to an impoverished village, but for Marcus that's a drop in the bucket. That's barely worth the write-off! Then I flip to the next quarterly statement and see $5,000,000.00 still left in the account….

I swear if I had enough room in this apartment I would do a backflip. It's just a hypothesis, but I'm rolling with it… My guess is someone found out the village wasn't receiving funds and threatened to expose him so he transferred enough to appease and left the rest. The money that rightfully belongs to the village of Churimilco- Carlos Juares's village….

The smile disappears from my face as another piece of the conversation, the last conversation, in fact, I had with Thomas Carter reappears. My mother had been sending that village money- Carlos's village… The sadness that overtakes me comes as a surprise as it has been proven again that I never really knew my mother… Perception, interpretations, memories—all slowly losing meaning and some seem to be disappearing like smoke as I try, like a child, to hang onto them for dear life…

* * *

**Uriah's POV:** Monday

I think I went wrong…somewhere. I thought they'd be the perfect pair! What the fuck?! They are in excellent condition… Both at the physical peak of performance… Tris puttin' a couple pounds back on has helped her stamina. I have to admit a part of me was just excited to have two fine-ass women in the ring. _That's hot! _ However, I have now come to the seriously upsetting realization that having two tough overeager female tigers in the ring is hard as fuck! _There's a difference between sparring and fighting, women!_

My biggest issue has been my damned girlfriend! Who seems to have a ridiculous hold over my decision-making these days, and is insistent on me letting them brawl rather than teach skill!

Shauna warned me not to train Marlene…that it never works between people in a relationship. _Relationship… Still getting used to that word… _But I need to prove Shauna wrong… I can do this.

I'm getting in the ring with Tris today. Thank the Lord Almighty that everything between us is out in the open. I was not a fan of lying to my pumpkin!

But I must say, this is some shit that I thought would _never _happen! At least not without having Four all up in my business…. But, it seems that Four doesn't care about Tris in the least… That can only be my assumption seeing as he broke up with her because she "wasn't hot enough" and "he lost interest." _What…the…fuck…man? _Ever since Zeke told me about _that_ noise I haven't even been able to look at him. _That man has always been a fucking role model to me. I just…do not get it…_

"Ready, Uri?!" Tris yells across the gym looking way more amped up than I'm used to. _This will either be awesome or terrible… _

* * *

**Tris's POV:** Monday

"Let's _do_ this!" I say with excitement. But judging by the look on Uriah's face, it comes across more as unstable and psychotic. "Sorry…"

"Yeah… So, um…how about we go over more basics today—"

"Fuck, no!" And…there's the look again. "Sorry…"

"Yeah… Are you sure we should be doing this today?"

I reflect back to watching Tobias stick his tongue down the throat of the girl he just slept with and then smiling cutely as she backs away. I am now left with a crushed heart and it makes me want to crush EVERYTHING!

"Yes," I answer definitively.

"Okay. Let's- Tris?" Uriah tries to make eye contact with my suddenly cloudy eyes. "You okay?"

"Stop asking me if I'm okay," I snap meaning every word of it.

"Got it… Yep, will do… Will doooo…. Ooookkkkaaaayy. Let's do some 1-2 sparring—"

"No. Full on."

"You are…not ready for that."

"Fuck, Uri! You've taught me everything-Jabs, crosses, hooks, uppercuts—"

"Yeah, on the damned bags, Tris!"

"And you need to teach me some kicks—"

"Not yet I'm not!... And no cute pouty face by you or Marlene will make me do _that _so don't even try your girly voodoo on me!"

"Whatever." _Such a pussy…_

"Ground rules. All punches allowed—"

"Yesss!"

"Listen…to…me…woman… Again, 25% power and controlled pace. Do…not…use quick offense or quick defense. If you try to block and miss, just take my punch and worry about the next one coming because we are NOT...again…we ARE NOT doing this to injure each other! No flinch blocking allowed! We are not brawling!"

"I want Marlene."

"Hell…no." The stubborn look on his face as he crosses his arms makes me crazy. "Ow!... Mmmgghhhh… What the hell did I just tell you? Ow!... Stop punching me!"

"Just showin' you what I got," I remark as I dance around him. It was a shitty move, but I have my gloves on so it didn't hurt.

"Hmmph." He narrows his eyes at me and goes for his gloves shaking his head.

I think I've pissed him off a little… _Good! _

He claps his gloves together twice and we start circling each other. I try to mirror Uriah's movements and I go in for a straight punch, which he blocks easily. _Damn it!_ He chuckles at me and it completely pisses me off so I go in for the right hook, which he blocks again and gives me a ridiculously light cross punch followed by another. _Damn it, again!_

"Uriah!" I hear a screech from across the gym. "What the hell do you think you're doing?!"

"What?!" Uriah exclaims in an unmanly high-pitched voice.

I watch as Marlene stomps toward us looking exceptionally pissed.

"Don't go so damned easy on her! Jesus Christ! Why are you even teaching us this if you're going to treat us like—"

"Like what, Mar? Like two chicks who've _never _done this?"

"Do you have to say 'chicks'?!"

Knowing Marlene is about to turn this into a feminist rant, I turn around and hold onto the post at the corner of the ring and put my weight on my heels, pulling back and stretching out my aching shoulder muscles as the two of them bicker.

I know where Uriah is coming from, but I really need an outlet. I can't bring myself to talk to Christina about what I witnessed, running isn't working, the new class I'm taking with Kevin is doing nothing but remind me of Tobias and I can't for the life of me get past the fact that I gave away that fucking painting. And I have no idea why!

_He slept with another girl… And why wouldn't he!? He broke up with me!… I want to sleep with someone else! At least I want to want to sleep with someone else… But…that's not me… Is it weird that I wish I were slutty?_

I feel goose bumps run up my arms as a firm, purposeful tap on the shoulder resonates through my body. I turn and suddenly…I can't breathe, I can't move, I can barely…think…because I'm looking straight into the intense eyes of…Four. My heart picks up as he glues me in place with his glare. His scent assaults me, so I suck a breath in through my mouth to avoid it. The hard and cold look in his eyes reminds me of where I am as I recoil and back away with the ropes hitting me in the backs of the legs and under my shoulder blades. His look immediately softens and he seems almost regretful as I slide halfway through the ropes in immediate and instinctive escape—escape to get away from his cold eyes and escape from the thoughts that I have been desperately trying to hide from.

"Where the hell are you going?" he asks lightly as a shooting pain travels up my spine and the realization comes to me that he just fucking smacked me on my tailbone!

I see red as I slip back through the ropes and punch him in his shoulder—the one I know has to ache from the other day. I'm rewarded with the instant satisfaction of paybacks, triumph, and then regret as I see the physical expression of pain on his face as he sucks in a breath through clenched teeth. He definitely took the brunt of both of our weight last week and guilt hits me quickly.

"Are you—"

"Don't ask me if I'm okay," he emits harshly as he partially turns his back to me.

I don't answer as I take him in, in both confusion and longing… _Fuck…. _I feel like he's purposely not looking at me.

"What the hell do you want?"

He takes a deep breath and shrugs his shoulders still not looking at me.

"Awesome. Bye." I get halfway out of the ring again before he decides to use words.

"You really want Uriah teaching you this?"

"Yes."

"More than me?"

"Yes." _No._

"Because you hate me?... Or because you think he's better?"

"Which hurts more, Four? A girl hating you or a bruised ego?... My guess is a bruised ego. So…then yep… It's because Uriah's better." _Bam!_

"You really think that hurts me more?" I look him in the eye and watch as he tries to focus on the floor but flicks his eyes from the floor to my eyes.

"With 100% certainty." _Or 70%..._

"And that's what you want?"

I don't answer him because my answer is a yes-no. I _want_ him to feel what _I'm _feeling. But I refuse to reveal any of my emotions on this subject!

"Come on. Let me help." He tries to usher me back into the ring, but I sidestep his touch.

"Why?"

"Because Uri sucks at this."

"No, I do not! These women have…special powers!" Uriah yells from wherever the hell he is.

"Well…maybe Four_ is_ perfect for this job because he's pretty unaffected these days!" Shauna yells from wherever the hell she is.

Four narrows his eyes at her and shakes his head in almost defeat at her comment. _The truth hurts, asshole! _

He turns his attention to me again. "Please?" he asks smirking.

The memory of how happy he was when all he had to do was send me a text saying 'please,' in order for me to go out with him belts me and I feel…rage. Rage because I fell for that shit and rage because he thinks it would fucking work again. I observe the look he gives me as he smiles cutely- as if that would make me do whatever he wants.

"Fine." I take the gloves off and toss them to the side.

"What are you…doing?" He backs away with his hands up.

"Teach me, Four."

His jaw clenches. "Put the gloves on."

"No."

"Put the gloves on, Tris."

"No." I walk toward him as he comes to a standstill.

"I'm not going to—"

Before he can finish his sentence I deliver a roundhouse kick to his left side, then a switch kick round house to his right, subsequently throwing him off balance as I quickly lift his left leg and drive my weight into his gut landing us both on the mat. I am literally splayed out on top of him and I hear a masculine grunt in frustration as strong arms wrap around me rolling us over with me on the bottom. A jolt of fear hits me in a near debilitating wave as the full weight of a grown man attempts to pin me down. But I'm quickly brought back to reality as the familiar scent of comfort and safety seeps into my veins. So I immediately bring my knees into my chest before he can pin my legs down. Then spreading my legs with my knees verticle, lands Tobias right where I want him… He looks down at me in shock and then I instantly see the unmistakable look of longing in his eyes…

…..

_"I love you….and I'm going to make this right…okay?"_

_"I know," I nod my head knowing he means it. I can almost feel the apprehension running through his veins at the fear of last night assaults him._

_He doesn't remove his deep blue, desperate eyes from mine as he delves slowly inside me. I hold my breath and experience the full on pleasing thrust of him until he is completely inside me. I can't take my eyes off him as he clenches his jaw and swallows hard. I want to tell him how much this feels like complete love and how I feel so cherished…but I can't get the words out. The glazed over look in his eyes shows he seems to feel the same. I can feel his urgency as his muscular hips begin to grind against me and he rests his head on the pillow next to my head so our cheeks are touching…._

_….._

I shake my head trying to rid myself of my momentary memory, but the real feeling of his cheek against mine and his warm breath against my ear make me stop. I come to the realization that I have his shirt clutched in my hand as I feel him drag his thumb over my hipbone. I close my eyes, loving the current of electricity waving through my body… Then reality hits and I remember…everything… All the things he said to me, all the things he didn't say to me, Clare's number in his phone, his lips on…hers… Him being in this same position…with someone else. My eyes burn and go blurry as my purpose returns…

Wrapping my leg around him, I drive the heel of my foot hard into his hamstring. He grunts loudly in pain and rolls off me as I scramble up and try to collect my bearings. Then wiping under my eyes, I slide under the ropes.

"Hope I didn't reinjure your hamstring, Four! Wouldn't want you to drop anyone…"

"Tris…" he breathes out looking at me in shame.

"Plus those shower floors can get slippery, right?!" I assert in a shaky voice over my shoulder as I hear Uriah laugh and then cough loudly.

"Hey, Tris?... You should really get some sleep… Those late nights are starting to get to you…" he snarls back at me.

I stop in my tracks as my face heats up to a million degrees of anger and I storm back, sliding under the ropes wanting to punch him in the face so bad! But the glazed over look in his eyes is almost like looking into my own so I can't do it…

"I'll be mindful of that and make sure I get a good nap in while I take Tori to chemo, you fucking asshole!" I whisper roughly.

His eyes go wide and then he does what he always does when he has no idea what to say- he closes them and tightens his jaw as if that will make him disappear and not have to face reality or some shit. I stand up, but he latches onto my wrist and lifts his head to look at me.

"I…had no idea…" I'm glued to the spot as I see the sincerity in his eyes. "I'm sorry… I…" I can feel his hand slide from my wrist to hold mine.

It's at that moment that another feeling altogether crashes down on me. I miss my best friend… Not the one I can gossip with and talk about boys and crazy, irrational shit… The one I can pour out my heart and soul to, the one I can cry in front of and not feel the need to stop because I know they won't be content until I am. The one I can stay up until 5:00 AM with, talking about nothing and everything and not feeling judged or embarrassed because they accept everything about me and love me in spite of it. The one who knows the demons I fight on a daily basis and who helps me take ownership of them. I miss…that so much that it feels like my heart just broke again. I feel his thumb run over my knuckles as a tear escapes out of the corner of my eye and I pull my hand away in embarrassment because I feel half the gym staring at me.

I quickly slide under the ropes for the third time.

"Tris… We need to… I need…" I see him struggling with…I don't know because I can't fucking tell!

_Does he feel like he has to say something? Because I look like I may fall apart at this moment? Out of obligation? Does he feel guilty for sleeping with someone else?..._

Then I picture the sly smile on his face as he leaned in for a good-morning-can't-wait-to-do-this-again open-mouthed kiss and I probably turn green on the spot. I yank my hand free and make a break for the locker room.

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

The only thing I could think to do was pack my shit up and head back to the office… And when I say shit, I mean the essentials one needs to survive when they pretty much live at their office. It will be a lot easier now that I'm moving into an even nicer one. Now I won't have to pretend that a wall doesn't exist and that I didn't make Tris come in record time on that damned sink and that she didn't actually dominate me on that fucking toilet. Will can have all that! Not that he needs to know any of that ever took place…

I'm still trying to push away my high hopes for the outcome of the Carlos situation because I have yet to find my 'in.' How do I get to him? Can't just make a damned appointment! I really don't want to involve anyone else. I thought about asking Zeke to talk to one of the detectives, but I can't even fathom the conversation I would have to have with him… Plus, with Jeanine Matthews as the captain and taking into consideration her ties with my father- _Shit, it's just not going to happen…_

The last minute call from Shauna about possibly filling in a self-defense class was an entirely welcomed distraction. I hope to hell Tris isn't there… _Not really but I'm telling myself that… _

Christ! I almost took myself up on my own suggestion to sneak onto her fire escape last night just to watch her sleep. Until I was reminded that she hasn't been coming home nights. The crushing feeling that would take over if she weren't there at 4:00 AM, wondering what she's doing and knowing exactly where my mind would take me ended up changing my mind rapidly… Or what if she was there and she was awake?… I wouldn't be able to control myself, like usual when she's around…

I enter through the glass doors of Dauntless and nod at George, who has been looking less zen than normal these days. So I add on the best smile I'm capable of as of late. He nods his head back as if it didn't phase him, so it must have been awful. _Can't even be nice to George… Fuck…_

I stop faster than I ever have as my fear and hope pulverize each other and I'm left with a feeling I can't explain even to myself as I take in the very real image of…Tris. Her back is to me, but…Christ, I would recognize her ass anywhere so I am _sure _it's her. She turns to the side and I see that she has boxing gloves on and she's talking animatedly to…Uriah. My entire body stiffens as I begin to understand what's happening…

"Nose breathing, my friend…"

I turn to look at George as he gives me a smile in understanding. Of course, Amar told him…everything. And I'm cool with that knowing his discreet nature.

"It calms the heart, thus reducing anxiety, panic and, well, in your case, earth-shattering anger…"

I don't respond as I take his suggestion, closing my eyes and backing into the hallway.

"Relaxing your jaw will also help to—"

"George," I warn as nice as possible trying to enlighten him that now is the time to shut the fuck up.

He nods his head again as his eyes flit to the gym and I see him try to hold in a chuckle. This peaks my interest as I sneak a look around the corner avoiding the small smile that I know is creeping across George's face on account of my piqued curiosity.

Tris is bouncing around switching her weight from her heels to her toes and punching Uriah- more like smacking him, really hard. And he's not doing anything to correct her! _Maybe she's just antagonizing him… Sounds about right. _I can feel a small smile creep across my face at the thought.

I watch Uriah turn looking very flustered as he puts his gloves on. Then in a totally dumb, clichéd, macho move he claps his gloves together twice. They start to circle each other and Tris's balance is still awful. _Why isn't he correcting her?_

I try to calm myself again with the knowledge that Uriah wouldn't do any more than 1-2 sparring and only with her doing the punching. I watch as she goes in for a completely awful and utterly predictable straight punch. Then I get the pleasure of observing Uriah laugh at her…which pisses me off! _Don't fucking laugh at my idiotic, overeager, beginner boxer girl-…exgirlfriend! _

She gets as pissed as me and goes for another stupidly predictable hook. My cheek burns from biting it as I have the honor of watching him…PUNCH HER!

I swear I'm half way to the ring in two strides before I hear the token Marlene screech and I see Shauna start to walk quickly over to me.

"Uriah! What the hell do you think you're doing?!" _Thank God someone is going to stop this shit before I go…ape shit!_

"What?!" he exalts with his fucking stupid hands up!

I back up slowly trying to go unnoticed by anyone other than Shauna, who is already gripping my arm.

"I know that look!" she says forcefully in my ear. "Don't."

Marlene marches toward them as I watch Tris intently who looks completely aggravated at Uriah having punched her, while I think of how many ways I can beat the shit out of him…

"Don't go so damned easy on her!" _What the hell did she just say?! _"Jesus Christ, why are you even teaching us this if you're going to treat us like—"

"Like what, Mar? Like two chicks who've _never _done this?"

"Do you have to say 'chicks'?!"

I don't even know what the hell else they say. All I see is…Tris. I also see red because of how pissed I am that she wants to learn this shit! I know she's tough but what the fuck?! She took some self-defense classes but, again…what the fuck?!_ And there is no way…in hell…I'm going to…LET…Uriah…teach…her!_

"Four… … … …"

I know Shauna is saying some bullshit, but I couldn't possibly care less as I slide under the ropes and walk up behind Uriah and turn him around leveling him with my eyes and ripping the gloves off his hands. I'm assuming the look on my face tells him "if you protest I will lay you out."

Now my eyes are on her as she stretches her shoulders out. I can see the muscles in her arms elongate. The rungs of her spine are slowly exposed as her tight shirt slides up her smooth back while she puts her full weight on her heels. It takes every sliver of strength I have to _not_ look at her ass. I try to channel my want for this woman into anger at this bullshit she's getting herself into.

Then she turns and…nothin'… I've got nothin'…

Her enticing aroma reminds me of how close she is… I want to grab her and tell her everything that's happened in the last three weeks. I want to tell her not to be stubborn, don't say a damned word, just listen to me and do everything I tell you!

Her piercing eyes flit between mine nervously as she backs away. The ropes touch her backside and it startles her, which startles me… And then I understand… I'm looking at her like I do everyone else- like Four. This is the first time I've ever truly hated that part of me.

I shake myself out of my self-hatred as I'm reminded that I _am_ actually in this ring for a purpose. She's in fight or flight mode, and I need her in fight.

_It's obvious she didn't crack her tailbone, she probably bruised it…_

"Where the hell are you going?" I tap her on right on her ass_. Jesus… Can I just freeze time because I would give anything to_— "Mmmggghhhh….." Suddenly a shooting, near-debilitating pain radiates through my left shoulder. _She fucking punched me in the shoulder!... _I make eye contact with her and see the look of satisfaction. _On purpose! _Then I observe the near instant look of remorse and I have to look away not being able to handle it.

"Are you—"

"Don't ask me if I'm okay." _Because I'm not! And I can't admit that yet!_

I feel her assessing me and it's fucking unnerving.

"What the hell do you want?" she demands. _You!_

I try to practice my nose breathing…apparently through my mouth as I shrug my shoulders.

"Awesome. Bye." _She can't leave…_

"You really want Uriah teaching you this?"

"Yes." _Then you're an idiot… Sorry, babe._

"More than me?"

"Yes." _Still an idiot… _

"Because you hate me?... Or because you think he's better?" _Please…do not say you hate me…_

She puts her hands on her hips as if she can't believe I'm even asking her that question. "Which hurts more, Four? A girl hating you or a bruised ego?... My guess is a bruised ego… So…then, yep…it's because Uriah's better."

I look at the floor as that retort hits home. She thinks my ego is more important than her… _And why wouldn't she?_

"You really think that hurts me more?" I keep my eyes trained on the floor because I don't think I can handle the look in her eyes. But mine betray me and I glance at her. Something flashes behind her eyes and she stands up straighter.

"With 100% certainty." _Ow… Just, ow…_

"And that's what you want?"

She doesn't answer me, but I can see the look of conflict in her eyes. It gives me some hope.

"Come on. Let me help." I urge her into the ring, but she dodges me. _Damn…_

"Why?" _Because I love you and if you really want to learn this you have to be taught properly and-_

"Because Uri sucks at this."

"No, I do not! These women have…special powers!" _Shut the hell up!_

"Well, maybe Four is perfect for this job because he's pretty unaffected these days!" Shauna snarks from where I left her standing.

I turn my attention away from Tris for the first time since I've been in the ring and make eye contact with Shauna thinking how much she has no fucking clue what she's talking about…

_Back to Tris…_ "Please?"

It's my last ditch attempt at trying to help and possibly jog a happier memory… She tilts her head and takes her full bottom lip in her mouth. _That…back-fired… _I watch her take her gloves off and turn to me walking slowly.

"Fine."

"What are you…doing?" _Seriously…what…? _

"Teach me, Four." _Those are her crazy eyes…_

"Put the gloves on."

"No." _Mggghhhh…._

"Put the gloves on, Tris."

"No." _What the fuck does she think is going to happen here?!_

"I'm not going to—"

A sharp, swift pain accosts my left side and another equally sharp, swift pain to my right and before I can think, I'm on my back with the wind completely knocked out of me.

_WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?!_ _DID SHE JUST….? WHERE THE FUCK DID SHE LEARN THAT…? _

She's laid out on top of me, and my primitive instincts conflict thinking that was sexy as hell, but also not willing to accept defeat. She clambers to get up, but I grab her to pin her down. I feel her body immediately tense and a swift intake of breath sounding like a whimper comes out of her. I know I've scared her, but I also know she can take it. I was right because the fear is gone quickly as she forces her knees up to her chest raking them over mine which actually…kind of hurts. Then…I'm completely on top of her… literally right between her legs. _Holy shit…_ I'm closer to her than I've been in what feels like forever as I take in the moment… Because I know, I'll only have a moment…

…..

_"I love you….and I'm going to make this right…okay?"_

_"I know," she says shaking her head quickly and swallowing._

_Never taking my eyes off of her I enter her slowly from tip all the way to hilt letting her acclimate on the way as we both suck in deep breaths from the pressure and pleasure of it. I stay there looking in her eyes not even being able to put coherent thoughts to how good it feels to be inside her like this. The physical needs in both of us kicks in as I involuntarily start moving around inside her, feeling her walls with the tip of my shaft. I bend my head down so I can feel her soft cheek against mine. My thumb grazes over the sheen of sweat on the smooth skin of her hip bone…_

_…_

An excruciating pain charges through the back of my leg and I arrive back to my hellish reality. _Fuck… That's my cue! _I move onto my side and then my back taking in the pain of a heel strike to the hamstring. I sit up trying to ignore the searing pain and it dissipates quickly as I see Tris wipe under her eyes and head under the ropes._ Jesus… Too far, Tobias…_

"Hope I didn't reinjure your hamstring, Four! Wouldn't want you to drop anyone…"

"Tris…"

The memory of how much I disrespected her that day returns and I so want to give her an explanation of how it would have been even shittier if we would have had amazing sex during the worst shower ever!

"Plus those shower floors can get slippery, right?!" she yells sarcastically over her shoulder. _She has no idea how cruel she sounds to me_… I catch Uriah's laugh, which brings me to reality. _Who the hell is she to talk? Matthew?! They're probably fucking! _My eyes start to burn at the image and the hypocrisy of her insinuation.

"Hey, Tris?... You should really get some sleep… Those late nights are starting to get to you…" I retort in bitterness.

Faster than I can process she is in my face seething in anger and I look up at her fully expecting a slap and willing to accept it because I don't have the energy to fight it, nor to hide the blur in my eyes.

"I'll be mindful of that and make sure I get a good nap in while I take Tori to chemo, you fucking asshole!"

I don't think I've ever wanted to bury myself more than in that moment. I know how much Tori means to her. She's the only person who gave Tris a chance. She was practically homeless at the time and Tori gave her a job knowing nothing about her. I close my eyes unable to meet Tris's, but I can feel her retreat so I instinctively grab her.

"I…had no idea… I'm sorry… I…"

I loosen my grip as I search her eyes trying with desperation to sift through what she is thinking. It's a surprising look of realization and sorrow that seems to last longer than I can handle, but I don't dare take me eyes off of her until I see a tear slip out of her eye and I become conscious of the fact that she's letting me hold her hand. I want to cradle her to me and let her cry until she has no more tears to shed. My hand quickly feels cold as she pulls it away and seems to become aware of our surroundings… And I join her, now taking notice of our audience.

"Tris… We need to… I need…"

I see the struggle on her face as she tries to decide what the hell I'm doing. If I tell her everything, it would be for no other reason than because I can't take her not being in my life. I would be disregarding her fear, her safety and her peace of mind. She needs to be ignorant of this still. I pray that I will soon have my chance to explain...

Then she's gone and heading toward the locker room picking up speed with her head down.

* * *

**Shauna's POV:**

I love that Max gave Uriah the official go-ahead to start his sparring "club_." But, good God Uri! Could you have chosen two worse girls to start with?_

I sign off on one of the inventory forms our head trainer has been asking for and head into the gym to watch the shit show. Tris looks…insane and Uriah looks…scared shitless. I laugh to myself as she gives him wussy punches trying to rile him up. I love Uri, but seriously…Tris? He chose Tris? Angry and sad don't mix, and Tris is both of those. _Dumbass…_

I still don't know what the hell happened with Four and Tris. She's not chatting it up and he's dodging me at every possible chance- purposely working out when I'm not here, barely talking to Zeke… He was so damned different with Tris… And the excuse he gave Zeke for why he broke up with her would have flown with me…before. But now…I don't know, something seems off.

Zeke thinks I'm nuts…but he has learning disabilities when it comes to feelings. I love my man, but he is…not deep. Lately, Uriah has been one-upping him in that department. _Thanks, Marlene!_

I wave at Christina as she finishes her yoga class and turn my attention back to check out Tris as she tries to get some punches in. I glance at George who I'm getting very worried about these days and I actually see that he's smiling… Then I see the aim of his smile. _Four… _

He's not looking aloof and crabby. He looks like he's…trying to stay…calm? _What the hell? _He sneaks a look around the corner just as I hear Tris inhale hardcore. My eyes flit to the ring as Uriah gives her what I'm assuming is now a second punch. _Jesus… Why did you let her talk you into that?!..._

I look back to Four… _Shit! …_as he is storming toward the ring with the look that reads, "I will kill you." _What the fuck? What is he doing?! What is he doing?! _Thanks to Marlene yelling something he stops as I haul ass to see what's up.

I take his arm because, by the look of determination on his face, he was heading straight for Uriah. "I know that look!... Don't."

He glances my way but then becomes completely damned distracted and if I were to guess entirely confused by what's happening. _Why does he care anyway?... And he definitely does…care._

I'm too busy trying to figure out Four that I barely catch the tail end of the Uriah and Marlene show.

"Do you have to say 'chicks'?!" _Bring it, Mar!_

"I didn't mean like…ya know… chicks can't do shit… But… yes! Some shit…chicks can NOT do!"

"Are you fucking kidding me?! Tris and I are more than capable—"

I don't even know what the hell else they say because…Four's gone.

"Four… Hey!... Hey!... Don't be a dick to her!" I exert through a clenched jaw because I _do not_ want an emotional scene on my watch… Especially since we _just _got the certified okay to do these lessons!

"Hey! How are ya? Whatcha starin' at? I do not _love _your new yoga instructor by the way- What…the…fuck is he-"

"Don't say a damned word," I snap at Christina, who is now standing next to me probably ready to be all 'girlfriend power' and lay into Four.

I've never been the type of girl to have girlfriends. So the whole giggly giddy pump-you-up shit that embodies Marlene and Christina is completely lost on me. Yet somehow we've become close friends…most likely because of Tris. That girl speaks my language and I was pissed when Four broke it off with her! I blamed Zeke…automatically assuming he had said something or done something… I don't know _what_… I just figured it had to be his fault.

I watch Uriah give Four a surprised and confused look as he lets Four rip his gloves off. I can't believe my eyes as I watch Uriah _not _make a scene and observe quietly like a good little boy, tapping Marlene on the shoulder and sliding out of the ring.

"Whassup baby?... Mmmmmmwahhhh!" Zeke smacks a kiss on my neck as I reward him with a quick smack of my hand. "Ow!"

"Pay attention!" I whisper.

Four's just standing there…in the middle of the ring…watching her. He's probably checking out her ass. But…eh…can't blame him. Then she whips around and actually looks…scared. _Jesus, Four. Stop looking like yourself for once! _

"Where the hell are you going?" He nods his head and taps her on the ass to which she turns and punches him in the shoulder.

"Bah! That was awesome!" Christina remarks.

"Since when is Four such a pussy?" Uriah has made his way over here as I shrug.

"Busted his shoulder sometime last week… Wouldn't tell me how…"

"Yeah, he was favoring his right arm the other day on the bags, " I add, agreeing with Zeke.

"Don't ask me if I'm okay!" _Yeah, Four. Don't show weakness…. Idiot…_

"What the hell do you want!?" Tris demands.

We've all inched our way closer to the Tris and Four show.

"Awesome. Bye." _Don't blame you, girl… Don't put up with that silent shit! I know I don't!_

"You really want Uriah teaching you this!?" Four asks in disbelief.

Zeke doesn't even try to hide his laugh.

"Yes!"

"More than me?!"

"Yes!"

Now Christina doesn't try to hide her laugh.

"Because you hate me?!...Or because you think he's better?!" _Well, we all know the answer to that… Sorry, Uri…_

"Which hurts more, Four?!... A girl hating you or a bruised ego?!... My guess is a bruised ego… So…then yep… It's because Uriah's better!"

Four looks seriously…hurt. _Wow_… And I don't think it's because Tris thinks Uriah is better… She's lying…

"Guys and their egos…," Marlene quips.

"So, does that mean she _really _thinks I'm better?!" Uri asks me quietly. "I don't speak girl…let alone Tris!"

"Shhhh!"

"…because Uri sucks at this!" Four exalts.

Zeke laughs again at Uriah's expense.

"No, I do not! These women have…special powers!"

_Time to put him to the test._ "Well, maybe Four is perfect for this job because he's pretty unaffected these days!"

And there it is. That look of you-have-no-clue-what-you're-talking-about. That comment got to him.

"True that!" Zeke agrees.

"You're an idiot!" I seethe as he backs away from me. "How is it that I know your best friend better than you do?!"

"What the hell are you talking about?!"

"Open your damned eyes, Zeke!"

"Oh…shit… Shauna… Shauna… Shauna…."

"Stop smacking me! Jesus, Christina."

"She's got her gloves off!"

"Should I warn him?..." Zeke asks. "I should warn him… Why am I not warning him?!"

"Because this is going to be fucking awesome!" Christina is almost bursting at the seams.

"Wait… He doesn't know she knows—"

Then a resounding, "Ooooooo…" comes out of all of us as Four crashes to the ground. He was just taken down by a 5'3"…girl. _And I loved it!_

"Well, that answers my question," Marlene finishes. "Oh… He looks mad."

"He better not punch her."

"Christina… Do not ever allow that thought to enter your mind, let alone come out of your mouth, ever again."

"Geez…Zeke. Take it down a notch." _I know he's just being a good friend but, chill._

"No," Christina remarks checking out her cuticles. "I deserved that."

I watch a knowing look pass between them. Four has been through some shit…but I don't know _what _exactly. However…my suspicions were just confirmed.

"Um…guys?" Marlene leans her head to the side. "What are they…doing…?" Four is literally lying in between her legs on floor of the ring as she grips his shirt like she's going to rip it off. "Are they just gonna hump…like…right there?... Is that allowed?"

"Wouldn't be the first time… Right, baby?" Zeke wraps his arms around me from behind as I push him away.

"Wouldn't put it past 'em," Christina adds as she squints her eyes at them, trying to zoom in. "So…uh…is anyone else as confused as me—"

"Oh, shit!" Zeke and Uriah squeak as Uriah doubles over and continues to laugh his ass off and clap loudly.

I look back quickly enough to see Four roll onto his back and squinch his face in pain.

"Uri, shut up! That looked really painful!" Marlene looks at her dumbass in awe.

"Yep! Heel strike to the hammy'll do that, baby!"

"Hope I didn't reinjure your hamstring, Four! Wouldn't want you to drop anyone… Plus those shower floors can get slippery, right?!" Tris shouts walking away.

"I hear that… Babe? Babe?… 'member when I almost—"

"Shut up, Zeke!" I exert through clenched teeth as Uriah busts a gut right there.

"Hey, Tris?... You should really get some sleep… Those late nights are starting to get to you!" Four yells back as she freezes.

Christina, Uriah, and Marlene all suck in a deep breath and they all stay shockingly silent as the rest of the exchange plays out. _What did I miss?_

Tris rushes at him in a fit of crazy as she whispers something with serious anger and he hangs his head. She goes to walk away but he grabs her by the wrist and they seem to have some sort of…moment…? _I don't fucking know..._

_Now_ all these assholes finally decide to be quiet and we all watch him hold her hand… Then off she goes.

* * *

**Uriah's POV:**

I have officially had enough of this shit! Yeah, yeah… Watching Tris kick Four's ass was pretty funny… Okay, pretty fucking hilarious! But, I was…surprisingly enough…watching the entire situation with a new take.

The I-will-kill-you-mutha-fucka look in Four's eyes when he stole my gloves is one I'm pretty used to…although this one took on a whole new meaning. That man is holding some serious shit in and I will get to the bottom of it!

Four has bailed me out of jail (never paid him back), cleaned up my puke (in his own apartment…on his bedroom carpet), picked me up off bar floors, signed-off on my detention forms, beat the hell out of some dude for calling me a name no white man should utter, and in many ways has been more of a role model to me than my brother. He's just always been there- a crabby jackass, but he's always been there…

We can't just ask him what's wrong. That much…I do know. I also know this has a shit ton to do with Tris. Even a blind man can see that mess! Then a fucking crazy take-my-life-in-my-hands idea comes to me.

"Mar?"

"Yeah?"

"Disregard everything…. Every…fucking…thing…that I'm about to say!"

"What the hell are you—"

I waltz over in my best smart-ass walk. "So are you ready to tell us what the fuck is goin' on?"

He shrugs his shoulders and hops out of the ring not taking his eyes off the locker room. "No."

"You're not into Tris, right? You were just trying to one up my skills?"

"Mmm hmm," he hums quietly now checking out the floor.

I say softly, man-to-man, "Shit... Thank God! I was just checking." I add a nice wink on the end.

"What…exactly…are you _checking_?" _Okay… He's looking at me… Shit…_

"Nothin'." I shrug my shoulders as I see his cheeks start to turn…quite red.

"Uriah…" He says it slowly and almost softly.

"It's not a big deal…"

"_What's _not a big deal?"

"Well, Tris and I…I mean we kinda…" _Don't make me say it! Don't make me say it!_

"You…kinda…" _Take one for the team! Dig deep!_

"Fine. I fucked her… It wasn't a big deal, total rebound and well…you know I'm always there for a good rebound—"

A white light flashes before my eyes and I actually don't feel a damned thing for a minute except I hear a lot of screaming…then the pain of a serious punch in the face…punches me in the face. I find myself on the ground with Marlene saying some shit and Zeke and Shauna keeping Four back_. Success! Holy fuck that hurts!_

"I knew it!" I choke out.

I see Marlene get in his face waving her hands in the air as he flinches away and gets a damned grip of the situation.

"What the fuck, Uri?!" Shauna yells. "Why the hell would you say that?!"

"Wanted to see his…reaction."

"On your face?"

"So… You didn't…?" The man I just outed is actually looking at me with shock and awe for once!

"Hell, no!" _Twist the knife one…more…time…_ "Don't know why you would care so much anyway. What was the whole reason you broke up with her? You lost interest and she wasn't hot enough?! "

"What the fuck did you just say?!" Christina shrieks at me. "Was that…? Did you SERIOUSLY say that?!" _Oh man… She's all up in Four's shit!_

We all look to him as his eyes go wider than I've ever seen them and he goes racing after the slammed locker room door.

"Well… That'll get him to talk to her! You're welcome!" _I'm…awesome…_

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

My heart is racing and I have an icy feeling running through my veins as I watch Uriah writhing on the floor.

"Get the fuck off me!" I scream as I scramble to get to Uriah again, I have his shirt collar until a pain shoots through my shoulder as Zeke wrenches my arm up behind my back. _I can't…believe…he would… Uriah?... _I grab onto someone's shoulder trying to right myself and avoid passing out from pain both physical and emotional.

"Four! Four!" Marlene shrieks in my face. "He didn't, he didn't, he didn't, he didn't!" I notice she has tears in her eyes. _I'm gonna vomit…_

"What the fuck, Uri?! Why the hell would you say that?!" _Stop screaming…Shauna…_

"Wanted to see his…reaction." _Wait… What..?_

"On your face?"

"So… You didn't…?" I wonder at my idiot friend as it clicks what he was trying to do and my gag reflex slowly subsides.

"Hell, no! Don't know why you would care so much anyway. What was the whole reason you broke up with her? You lost interest and she wasn't hot enough?! "

That statement rains down on me like liquid shame. Then a flash of blond to my right catches my eye and I see a horrified and embarrassed look appear on…Tris's face. She turns on her heel and runs to the locker room as I race after her. I don't even bother calling her name. I just concentrate on getting to her. I can handle her hating me for a number of reasons- other women, a perceived lack of reciprocal feelings and being a fucking asshole being some of many… But I will not have her confidence torn down over some stupid comment because that is some fragile shit!

I can hear her wheeze when she runs—a cross between exertion from running and crying. I grab the back of her shirt as she sucks in a deep breath and pull her to me in a rather forceful bear hug…

"Pleaaaasssseeee…." she whines as she tries to lean forward in defeat. I feel a tear drip onto my forearm and I have to grit my teeth to hold my own back as I straighten both of us up.

"No."

I stand there for a moment and feel her body tremor beneath my iron grasp trying to control whatever emotion she's feeling. Her warmth and her scent overflow my senses and I lose myself for a moment, but not enough to let my grip slide. I swallow thickly as I try to gather my words, but our proximity is not helping things. Neither is the fact that, based on her performance in the ring, I know if she really wanted to get out of this position…she could. I feel her relax beneath my grip, but her heart doesn't slow down. It's pulsing rapidly, in time with my own, from where my fisted hand rests. I don't know if I imagine it, nor which of us is doing it, but she's pressed closer to me than before and I can feel the entire backside of her body flush with mine. Her hands, where before they were fisted like mine, relax and lay flat and tense on my thighs. I relax my hands and do the same, slowly and softly until my palm is resting on the flat expanse of her abdomen. I feel her swallow and let out a shaky breath then the slightest of movements of her thumbs on my inner thighs. My lower extremities begin to respond and I feel her soft hair against my forehead as I rest it on her head and she leans back into me. A wave of feeling home and feeling relief courses over me and I pull her in even tighter running my thumb over her stomach.

"Please, stop," she requests softly as she lifts her hands off my thighs.

Not being able to ignore the pleading in her voice, I let her go. She doesn't walk away…. She just turns and faces me. Inches away from my face she stands and I've never wanted to kiss her so badly. But the part of me that cares for her more than words can describe wins out…and I don't.

"None of that was true." I swallow and shake my head. "The reasons… What Uriah said—"

"It doesn't matter."

"It matters."

"Why? It's done. And it's nothing I haven't been telling myself anyway so it didn't come as a big fucking shock! So who gives a shit about the reasons?"

"Because the reasons…" …_are completely inaccurate!_

"Finish your fucking sentences! God—"

"Look…all you need to know is what he said isn't true! Damn it!"

"Well, he sure as hell got it from somewhere! Did he make it up?... You lost interest, you got bored, I'm not hot enough—"

"Fuck! Tris… That is...beyond untrue."

"Then what's the truth?!" she shouts.

I can't answer her…because I can't tell her the truth…yet.

* * *

**Zeke's POV:**

We all scatter away from the locker room and pretend to do shit as Tris makes a run for the exit and Four stomps past us. The asshole doesn't even bother to tape his hands as he starts to beat the shit out of the bags. I watch his stupid face scrunch each time he uses his left arm… But, of course, that doesn't stop him from working it equally as hard as his good arm.

Uriah gets up from doing push-ups in front of the water cooler as Marlene and Christina hop off the treadmill they were fighting over. I feel a burning hot fire raging on my neck as I turn, slowly meeting the glare of my girlfriend.

"So, I may have misread this situation…"

"Ya think?!... Everybody…my office…" She whips her hands around, demanding action…and she gets it. "Get your brother some ice, Ezequiel!"

"Fuck…" I huff under my breath as I head to the training room to grab some ice for my way-more-perceptive-than-me brother.

_How did I miss it?!_

…..

_I stroll through the locker room and just about walk right past Four. The dude is sitting on the floor leaning up against the lockers._

_"What the hell are you doin', man? Let's go."_

_I start walking out to the gym thinking that I need to have a serious discussion with him. He said some shit on Sunday that even my less-than-perceptive mind picked up on. I look behind me and he is…not present. So I walk backward retracing my steps and lean my head back to see him in the same spot._

_"I'm coming."_

_"What's up? What the fuck're you doin'?"_

_"I don't know." _

_I back all the way into the locker room and try to get him to acknowledge me on a level that is less than dickhead. "Are you gonna be a moody bitch? Cause I can't take that shit for two classes straight."_

_He doesn't answer, which is nothing new with this jackass so I just do me and keep pissing him off._

_"Damn. The last time you taught self-defense in a foul ass mood you about got Shauna fired, so pick your shit up and—"_

_"Fuck you."_

_"Whoa. I'm just playin'. What's your deal?"_

_He runs his hands through his hair and sighs out…hard._

_"Whatever, man. Tell me, don't tell me, I don't give a—"_

_"Tris and I. We…broke up."_

_"What?!... She dumped you?!... You told me you did not fuck Kir-STEN!"_

_He runs his hands down his face that looks like absolute shit now that I am officially interested._

_"…No…." He lets out a pissed-off laugh and looks up at the ceiling. "I broke up…with her."_

_He's shaking his head as if… I don't know… like he can't believe he did it._

_"What the fuck!?" My jaw is clenched tight because… I don't even know…."You gonna tell me why?"_

_"No."_

_"And why the fuck not?... I've gotta tell Shauna something!... She will hand your ass to you on a platter… And then somehow it will be my fault!"_

_The stubborn ass just shrugs his shoulders as if the wrath of Shauna Myers doesn't scare the shit out of him. The look on his face is just weird… It's a blank stare…not bitch-ass…just blank. _

_"Lemme guess. You lost interest? She wasn't hot enough for you? She didn't live up to the standards of the mighty Four? You got bored? What the fuck man?!"_

_He snaps his eyes up at me and he stands, walking over to his locker and spinning the combo to lock it._

_"Yep. All those things."_

_"Well, that's just fucking great! So all that shit you said about maturity and being in a committed relationship… Man, I let you punch me in the face for that chick!"_

_I'm getting nothing from him- not one damn expression…or even eye contact!_

_"You didn't mean any of it?!"_

_"I meant it."_

…..

_Oh, I fucked up… Real bad!_

Grabbing the ice pack out of the freezer, I head back into the office. I look at Four who I can tell is not desiring the presence of any human. So I hang my head in shame _(Yes! Like a dog with his tail between his legs!) _ready to face the one thing I fear most in the world- Shauna. I lean on the doorframe as she gets started.

"So are we gonna let this play out or interfere—"

"Interfere," everyone interrupts at the same time…including myself.

"And I volunteer as Will's proxy!... He votes 'interfere,'" Christina adds.

"Who has any information to add to this scenario?" _My lady is such a leader!_

"Me!" Christina raises her hand. "Just to clarify… I am on team Tris—"

"Me too!" Marlene agrees. _Shit… This is not good for my boy…_

"No. There is no Team Tris and no Team Four. There is only team…FourTris."

"Good one, baby." I smile and wink…which doesn't work.

"Fine… But she's my bestie. So…sorry, no guarantees."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"Shauna… I realize it sure as shit looks like he still…ya know…loves her in his weird 'Four' way… But if he fucked anyone else, I don't think I can forgive that!... And I know she definitely won't!"

Suddenly my throat feels exceptionally dry and I start coughing.

"Zeke…?" I continue to cough. "That's your nervous cough… What…did you…do?" Shauna levels me with her eyes.

"I may have…set the scene…?"

"Explain!"

"I pretended I was drunk and had him pick me up and he showed up drunk and continued to drink and then took Kirsten back to his place."

"Kirsten?... Ex-Kirsten?... ZEKE!" _Ooooohhhh…. The Shauna Shriek!_

"Team Tris!" Christina and Marlene pronounce with their hands in the air.

"Okay, stop!" Uriah yells looking fucking annoyed as he holds ice up to his seriously bruised face. "I'm on team let's-find-out-what-the-fuck's-wrong-with-Four. If it happens to be Tris…and if they happen to get back together…bonus!" _When did he get so smart?_

"So…are we all kind of on the same page? Christina? Mar?" _Please say yes to my lady!_

"I am willing to look at this situation differently…" _Thank you, Christina!_ "But honestly, if I found out _Will_ slept with someone else two weeks after we broke up when he supposedly still _loved_ me…I would not get over it!... So I will not defend him on that issue if it comes up!"

We all nod our heads.

"So now what?"

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I walk rather unsteadily from the girls' bathroom to our table at Callahan's. I really needed this. I've been drinking alone way too much. It feels great to just be with the girls. They haven't brought up Four's name at all so I'm assuming this is a let's-distract-Tris-from-the-daily-hell-she-lives in party! And I'll take it! I'm a little tipsy…but the feel-good kind.

By the time I get back to the table Christina has her selfie stick out and is using it…thoroughly.

"Do you have to take a selfie everywhere we go? Don't you know what the hell you look like?!"

"Shauna? Do you have any other flavor besides sarcastic tonight? Geez!"

I wrap my arms around Shauna's neck from behind. "I think you're funny!"

"Whoa! Hiya, Tris!"

"Sup?" I plop down and take a long drink of my tasty alcohol.

"You're looking extra cute tonight BT dubs!" Christina remarks.

"I do?"

"Yes! You're rockin' the boho look!"

"What the fuck is that?"

"Casual, trendy, hipster…"

"I was just going for casual… But, okay—"

"So… Is it just me?... Or was today pretty weird?" _Oh God_… "Why did Four react that way? Hmmmm… Sooooo strange… Don't you think, Tris?"

"Seriously?" Christina lowers her chin, directing her glare at Marlene in obvious annoyance at her non-sequitor.

"Nope!" I retort "It's called 'guy-code.' Ya know…bros before hoes and all that crapola!" _Whatever…_

"No. This was not 'guy-code.' I know that man and he looked like he was going to pass out from shock rather than beat Uriah to a pulp."

"Well, Miss Shauna! I thought I knew that man, too! But…hell! Things change! People change… I'm sure as hell gonna change!"

"No, you're not," Christina states…plainly.

"I know," I sigh out. "I'm all fuckin' talk. I _want_ to rebound… But, as it turns out, I even suck at that!"

"Alright, I'm just gonna ask!" Shauna interjects. "Why the hell did he break up with you?... I mean… Did he _tell _you? Did you _ask_?"

"_You…_ Shauna… Should ask…him…" I wink.

"He won't tell me…" She narrows her pretty brown eyes at me. "Something…is not…adding up. And…Miss Tris, you know it…" She sits back with a self-satisfied look on her face.

"Ya know what? If the words don't add up, it's usually because the truth isn't in the equation."

We all stare at Marlene in shock at her fairly profound statement that completely resonates with me. "_If the words don't add up, it's usually because the truth isn't in the equation." _

Christina interrupts our trance. "Wow, Mar—"

"Let's go up to the bar! Our server sucks! That is one benefit to having Four with us when we have a chick for a server—"

"Marlene!" Christina smacks her. _And the moment has passed…_

"What?! Am I wrong?"

"Nope! And turns out female servers are exactly his type!" I exalt.

"So, you know about the other night?" Shauna asks innocently. "I have to tell you, Zeke was the instigator! He knows Four and Kirsten have a sorta history so he... Anyway, my boyfriend is clearly on the douche bag list!"

I pause at this piece of information. I was definitely only referring to his drunken shenanigans the night of the never-actually-happened pregnancy scare. _That's just…great! Clare, Kirsten…_

"Tris? Oh God... You didn't-"

'Well, I do now! So, fuck… Maybe we _should_ just invite Four! He can bone every one of them and then we'll get great service!" I comment flippantly.

"I'm in!" Marlene exalts.

"Tris… You know he's not like that—"

"Anyway! Yes, Shauna! We should go up…to the bar." I get up and walk quickly to the bar to avoid any more conversation with Shauna about Four's sexual habits. _God… I can't believe it… It hurts like hell... Don't lose it, Tris… Don't lose it, Tris... _I picture Tobias looking at the girl from his apartment, who was apparently Kirsten, the same way he looked at me when we were making…sex.

"What can I get you ladies?"

"Four drinks!" I answer the nice bartender man as I sniff loudly enough that one would have thought I just did a line of cocaine.

"….of….what?"

"Oh…" I look down at my half empty drink. "What was I drinking?" I whisper.

"Your friend there got you a Crown and coke," he whispers back, smiling.

"Hmmm… Sorry… I'm used to straight whiskey. This just feels wrong…" I hold my glass up to the light…for no reason whatsoever. "Mixin' it and shit…"

"Straight whiskey, huh?"

"Ha…yeah. Lemme guess… You don't know many girls that drink whiskey… Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah… Because I have to tell you—"

"I was going to ask you which whiskey happens to be your favorite."

"Oh, sorry…"

"It's all good… Here…" He pours an inch of Knob Creek in a glass for the two of us and holds his glass up. "To cute girls who drink whiskey." _Was that a compliment? It was…yes... Right?_

"Um…yes. Okay…" I return his cheers as he shakes his head at me. "What?"

"I'll tell ya in a minute."

"O…kay," I answer as he goes to help Shauna.

"These drinks are on Zeke tonight, girls!... He kind of owes us, don't you think?" She starts a tab with a card that can only assume is Zeke's as Marlene and Christina both give a, "Hell, yes!"

"Well, _hers_ are on me," the bartender says, looking my way. "My name's Tre, by the way!" I look over my shoulder at who he's shouting at.

"Her name's _Tris_!" Christina announces way more loudly than necessary with an eye roll added.

He chuckles and walks away as I become instantly embarrassed.

"Dude!" She slides down and elbows me in the rib cage.

"Ow!"

"He's hot!"

I look past her and see that he is…yes…what she said…. Well-fitting jeans with a black T-shirt, messy blond hair, cute smile… _Shit…he smiled at me… Shit!_

"What?"

"He smiled at me."

"Yes, pumpkin…. People do that when they like you!"

"_Like _me—"

"So, Tris… The cute girl who drinks whiskey," the bartender quips. _I forgot his name._

"Yessss…"

"You have polished off the Knob. Regard me?"

"Huh?"

He laughs. "Can I pour you another?"

"Sorry… Sure."

"It's okay… You have a nice smile, ya know… Don't hide it."

I laugh lightly. "Thank…you."

"Shall I join you?"

"Sure!"

He smiles cutely as my cheeks turn red from my overeager response. "So… Here you go…" He adds more to my glass. "I was going to tell you something before…"

"Yes, you were." We cheers glasses and take a drink as he turns to grab a different bottle.

"I called you cute and I take that back!" he says over his shoulder as he grabs two shot glasses. I have nothing to say to that so I just…stand there. "It was disingenuous and I only said it because I was subtly hitting on you." I still just…stand there. He spreads his arms in a wide stance on the bar and leans in. "I am most definitely not hitting on you."

"That's fine… I was just—"

"You see the truth is, you're kind of, well, beautiful… And it doesn't count as being hit on if it's genuine—"

"It absolutely…counts," says a deep voice over my shoulder as a towering presence puts his hand down on the bar forcefully right next to me. _That voice is like butter I hate it so much…_

The bartender what's-his-face jumps back as Four brings his face right next to mine from behind and whispers, "Right, Tris?" _Goose bumps… They're attacking me!_

"I wouldn't know."

"Pretty sure you would." He slides into the seat next to me and pulls the one next to him out for me to sit on. I look away ignoring his gorgeous-as-fuck, sexy existence that I hate and love more than anything and _why is he torturing me_?! "I'll have whatever the fuck you just poured her."

What's-his-name looks at me and I don't respond with a yes or no look because I am CONFLICTED! But he grabs a rocks glass and pours a Knob Creek neat putting it on the bar harder than necessary in front of Four.

"I hit on her the first night we met," he addresses…Tre. _Yes, Tre! _"It was genuine…and successful I might add. Indeed…successful…"

"Not as successful as he thinks." I retort as he stiffens next to me in discomfort.

"Sorry, man. I didn't know she had a boyfriend—"

"I don't." I watch Four's adam's apple move as he swallows. "And genuine isn't a word I would use."

"I don't give a _shit _what word you would use, Tris!" _Great! He's a drunk asshole... Shit... I might be drunk... Bad combo._

"Look, you don't have to be a dick," Tre announces. "And I sure as hell don't have to serve you!"

"Oh…he's not being a dick!" Christina leans over the bar on her crossed forearms. "He's just being himself… This one here," she nods toward me, "is one of the few who speaks 'Four.'"

"Speaks 'Four'?"

"Yes. It's practically a dead language- like Latin!... Right, guys?... Come on, Trissy! Translate!... It's like a game, Tre. Come on, Four… Say something awful…and Tris will—"

"Christina… Thank you, that'll do," I say trying to defuse a rumble.

"No problem! Just gave myself an idea for a new drinking game… Thanks, Four!"

"I aim to please."

An awkward silence passes between us as Tre goes to help someone else. We haven't stood in awkward silence since the first night we met… Then he leans down and quietly tries to unnecessarily and rapidly explain himself.

"I only meant that it doesn't matter what word you use because it doesn't make it any less true—"

"Yeah, yeah… Enough! I speak 'Four', remember?... Christ!"

He takes a deep breath and runs his hands through his hair. _It's so damned adorable! _

"Did you want to start a tab?" Tre asks with an annoyed look.

"Yeah. Put hers on my tab."

"She's drinking for free."

"No, she's not."

"Yes… She is."

"Just upcharge him, Tre!..." I toss back my drink as he refills it. "So, what's the deal, Four? There are many other people to talk to in this bar… Look at all the _hot _women! And you never know…they may actually hold your interest—"

"You have _no_ idea what the fuck you're talking about." He takes his drink down in one gulp and turns his bar stool to face me.

"I know _exactly_ what I'm talking about… Unless you've already found someone to hold your interest… Cute girl, about 5'4", brown hair—"

"Tris…"

"Don't 'Tris' me! God! Why am I even talking to you about this?! Why are you even here?!"

"Well…this sure as hell wasn't my idea! Thanks a shit ton, Zeke!"

"Always gotch'yer back man!"

"Yeah… _NOT_!" Shauna yells.

I'm out of there at that comment and before I know it I'm on the sidewalk heading toward the bus stop until I realize I left my phone in the bar. I turn around and smack right into a rock hard torso and plummet backward…right onto my _damned _tailbone!

"Damn it!" Four yells. "Stop turning around!"

"You're an asshole!... Stop chasing me!"

"I wasn't chasing you!... I was walking…stealthily! Fuck!" He crouches down to help me up and actually tries to rub my butt. I smack his hand away as he stifles a laugh. _What a bastard!_

"What…is…your…deal? Tell me…now." He doesn't say a word. He just starts pacing like a fucking fool. "Tired of this conversation? Lost interest? Well…let me turn around because we know I'm not hot enough—"

"I never said that! Zeke said it!… And I just…agreed—"

"Why?!"

"Because I… Fuck! I can't talk about this shit…right now. Just trust me I don't feel… I didn't. Damn it!..." He puts his hands behind his head and faces away from me. My eyes migrate to his perfectly fitting jeans. _Oh… Oh…. Oh…._ "Just tell me you believe me… Please…"

Crossing my arms, I shrug my shoulders and say nonchalantly, "I believe you."

"Really?" He slowly turns and tries to read my expression.

"Really." _God… He never stops underestimating me!_

"Okay, so…" He narrows his eyes at me. "You knew the whole time, didn't you!?" he shouts while pointing at me.

"Yes! Those aren't your damned words! Oh… 'She's not hot enough… I'm not feelin' it.' Are you fucking kidding me?!... That has Zeke written all over it!... And as much as I can't stand your god-damned face right now…" I take a huge breath. "I know you well enough to know that you wouldn't dis-res-pect," I poke his chest with my finger, "…me like that!... And I can't fucking stand that you think I'm _so_ stupid as to buy into that!"

I feel the liquid courage setting in…real fast.

"You're an idiot if you think I think you're stupid!"

"That makes…no sense!"

"It makes perfect sense if you don't think about it!"

"That's an oxy-moron…you moron!" He pauses as if to assess his drunken semantics. "And…thank you so much for that snippet into your thoughts! Care to share any more?"

"Yes," he states quickly and matter-of-factly.

"What?!"

"Stop seeing Matthew."

I stare at him as my blood starts to boil. I'm pretty sure I'm shaking…or there's an earthquake. It sucks either way!

"Are you… !? That's what you… !? Oh… I get it. You don't _want _me, but you don't want anyone else to _have_ me… But you can go and _FUCK_ anyone—"

"_I NEVER SAID I DIDN'T WANT YOU_!" I've never heard him yell louder as he rounds on me.

"_You _broke up with me!" I push him away, which only makes me bounce back. "Right in my own damned bed! The bed I get to sleep in every night! So I think about it…every night! You did that! You broke my FUCKING HEART!" I scream equally as loud._ Bring on the damned tears!_

He stops pacing and looks at me…reading me… "Is that what happened? Is that how it played out in your head?" he asks quietly…too quietly. "Because I don't remember it happening like that!" he suddenly shouts. "You claim you know me well enough to '_know my words'._ Well, Tris…if that's the fucking case, then you would know I would _NEVER_ be able to tell you _I DON'T WANT TO BE WITH YOU_! Those were _your_ damned words—"

"That was your out and you TOOK IT! You did that! You walked out the damned door and drove off, no explanations-"

"You wouldn't _let _me explain!"

"As if you would anyway?!" I take exactly two deep breaths because I'm hyperventilating. "I've barely been able to _function_! And you…well_, shiiiiitttt_! We both know you're doing JUST FINE!"

"You know NOTHING about how I'm doing!" he practically chokes on his words.

With that, he turns and storms the other direction. I watch as he turns and starts walking backward, still yelling at me.

"Did you ever think maybe this has _nothing_ to do with you?! Go back to the beginning! Day mother fucking one! Every damned moment!... And do the math, Beatrice!"

"Don't fucking call me Beatrice!"

"Don't call me Four!… Beatrice!"

"Fuck you!"

"No, Fuck…mggghhhh!"

And he storms away. I watch after him, willing him to turn and look at me once more until he rounds the corner at the next block and disappears.

* * *

**The mass influx of PMs with concern over my safety from the hurricane was...insane! Sorry if some of my responses were short!**

**A guest reviewer wanted to know what time zone I live in. I'm outside of Chicago...so Central timezone...**

**Hope you liked the chapter!**


	37. Foolishness

Many reader's wanted Tobias's version of the fight scene from the last chapter… It wasn't in the plan but seeing things from both sides can be interesting…especially with these two yahoos!

**Rated: MA**

* * *

**Chapter 37 - Foolishness**

**Zeke's POV: **Tuesday

I crash onto our bed at 5:00 AM after being on duty for nine hours. Shauna is still only speaking to me in itty bitty sentences. It's driving me crazy because she usually screams, I apologize, and we're all good. This has seriously gotten to her.

I have my suspicions about why… She's never had a group of girlfriends, and my mind is telling me she was pretty excited it, and this break-up shit has put a wrench in things. She's pretty torn… I know that much. She is one loyal lady and blunt as shit, so tiptoeing around sensitive issues is _not _her style. And right now, we are all tip toeing the hell out of…things.

You see, Shauna's not the stereotypical girly type. I love that about her. She's straight forward, completely disinterested in drama, smart, athletic, funny…and so damned hot. I hit the jackpot!

I wanted Four's help with picking out a ring… He knows her better than most. But I suppose I could ask Uri… _Nah_… He can still barely say the word 'girlfriend.'

Sadly…Four is _not _ the prime candidate to help me. But I've been wrong about a lot of shit lately…

**Flashback:**

After witnessing the FourTris street brawl…

_Did they even know how many people saw that? And what they sounded like? Two drunk assholes! Stumbling like fools… He almost fell on her, and she pathetically tried to push him away… _

_ …_and hearing Four's words. _"Did you ever think…maybe this has nothin' ta do with you?! Go back…to the be-ginn-ing! Day…motherfucking…one! Every…damned moment!... And do the…fucking…math, Beatrice!" _

"Beatrice?" Shauna practically whispers.

"Must be her full name?" Will suggests.

We all just kind of stand there…silent, as Tris passes us to go back in the bar giving us an unpleasant "What the _hell _are you guys looking at?!"

It's a question better left unanswered.

"Jesus, Zeke! You were supposed to give him enough drinks to loosen him up a bit, not to get him drunk!"

"I tried! Just getting him to come out with us was a near impossibility!"

"How_ did_ you talk him into it?" She stares at me unsure of my role in this scenario.

"Guilt tripped him for trying to kill Uriah."

"Hmm…" She shrugs her shoulders. "Not a bad strategy… So you weren't feeding him drinks?"

"No need. He actually told the bartender to leave the bottle… "

"He's been drinking…a lot, lately," Will adds. "And…I'm not sure, but I think he's sleeping at the office…"

"What?" Shauna asks confusedly.

"The Senior Executive offices are equipped for overnights. They're almost like hotel rooms… He walks out of his office freshly showered and ready to…be Four, nearly every morning…. Yeah, and um…I had to put him to bed the other night…"

"Are you kidding?"

"Shauna, he was so hammered he didn't even know I was there… So, I pulled out the sofa bed and _urged_ him onto it… _That _was not an easy task."

"Been there." _Many times…_

"He dropped his phone… And uh… He was looking at pictures of him and Tris. The one on the screen… Yeah, I didn't need to see that…"

"What the hell, William? You didn't think to clue any of us in on this?" I ask in frustration.

"I am so sick of this shit! I am between a rock and a hard place! Four is my friend and boss, and my girlfriend is Tris's best friend…and I consider Tris a friend as well. I have no fucking idea what to do…or say… What's private?! What's public?! What's the truth!? What's a lie!? Son of a bitch!—"

"Will! Look at me. We are all in the same boat here and although Christina and Marlene have proclaimed themselves to be 'Team Tris…'" She rolls her eyes. "…the more rational of us have decided we are 'Team Get-to-the-bottom-of-this-shit.'… What are your feelings on this subject?"

"I'm on 'Team I'm-sick-of-this-shit.'"

"Good enough for me…" She nods. "Where did he go anyway?"

"Uri followed him." Marlene steps out onto the sidewalk ."They're at some random bar about four blocks down called Danny's. Chris and I are gonna take Tris home before the bartender does."

"Zeke?" Shauna looks at me with wide annoyed eyes as she tilts her head in the direction Four left in.

"Hmmm? Oh…yeah. I'll make sure he gets home—"

"WE…WE…will make sure he gets home. He doesn't get to sleep with any more bartenders!...Now let's go!... Will? You comin'?"

"I'm gonna go to Christina's place. Good luck with _that one!_"

Shauna and I head in the direction of the random bar and make it there in record time, thanks to Shauna's power walking… She doesn't really want to be around me.

"Oh…great!" Four announces when he sees us enter the small dive bar. "The gang's all here!"

"Not really," Shauna comments quietly.

"So," I clap my hands, "let's get outta here—"

"What the…_hell…_were you guys thinking?!... That I would see Tris with a fuckin' halo all swirlin' over her head and just toss her over my shoulder to go screw in a storage closet?!"

"That would have been the ideal outcome, yes."

"Well, Shauna…"_ideal" _is some made up word by some group of assholes! The ones whose writes the words for a living… Prob'ly sittin' in front of the Oxford English fuckin' Dictionary and just…bein' assholes…makin' shit up—"

"Okay, my friend. Time to go home. Where's Uriah?"

"Fuck if I know."

"Here," Uriah states flatly from a table in the corner. He doesn't lift his eyes from his phone.

Four turns in his bar stool. "When the_ fuck_ did you get here?"

"Followed ya."

"There's somethin' wrong with your idiot brother," he whispers in my ear…loudly.

"From my perspective, he's the lesser idiot among the three of you."

"Well, I don't give a rat's ass about your perspective—"

"Let's go, Four!... She _will _kick your ass…"

"Yeah," he agrees, Thank the Lord. "That would be twice in one day… Not up for it…"

We walk slowly out of the bar, making sure Four doesn't hit any tables.

"I have to say…Tris was pretty awesome—"

"-She was _completely _awesome! She's so…friggin' sexy. But then I hadta go an be a dick…. And make fun of cancer!—"

"You didn't make fun of cancer…." Shauna reassures him with a seriously annoyed expression.

"I tried to be mean…and I ended up being mean to cancer…"

"Again, you weren't mean to cancer."

"But…it was kind of a low blow to Tris… " I flag down a cab. "Sorry, man."

"Please for the love of God do _NOT _use the words 'blow' and 'Tris' in the same sentence…" he whines putting his head in his hands as Shauna pushes him into the back seat.

Turns out Shauna, myself and the cab driver can't hold it in and we bust up laughing.

"Yeah, yeah, assholes. Laugh at my expense…"

"We can't help it…sexual frustration has never been something you were inclined to bitch about!"

"That's because he's never _had _to experience it, baby."

"No thanks to you." _Shit!_

"Not entirely true… All this man has to do is look at a woman sideways and they come runnin'! In fact, that's probably your secret…you look at a woman, she has an orgasm and then she can't stay away!" Shauna is giving me a death stare. "What?!"

"Not Tris… nope… My goal was three times! Three times! Never achieved it… S'probly another reason she hates me… Big disappointment in the sack." _If not making a chick come three times is a disappointment…then I have some major prioritizing to do in the bedroom!_

"That's not the word on the street," Shauna quips.

"What the hell, Shauna?!" _Not cool!_

"Hey…I'm only repeating what some of his other less-wise choices have said—"

"I don't give a shit what they say…. Hey, Shaunie-Banauwnie… Did Tris ever say anything…? Ya know?"

"#1, don't call me that…ever. #2, no, she didn't."

He sighs "Cuz I pro'ly…sucked. Hey, that can't be all true… I got her to scream on several—"

"Enough! This doesn't feel right, Mr. TMI!" I say in all seriousness…surprising myself.

"Yeah, you're gonna regret this shit tomorrow!"

"Well, I've already joined the fucking club! The Regret Club… I _am _the president…"

"And what is it exactly that you regret, Four?" _Here she goes…_

"You're tryin' ta get me ta say I regret breakin' up with Tris. But, the fucking truth is…I don't! I _hate _that I broke…her… That I broke up with her… But regret…not the proper word. _Hate _it… I_ hate_ it…"

"If you hate it, why did you do it?"

He stares out the window…heading off into Four Land.

"Is it Marcus?" I straight up ask.

"Who's Marcus?"

"His fucknut of a father."

"Ha! Tris called some asshole a fucknut the first night we met…"

He stares out the window again, shaking his head. I can tell he wants to say something.

Shauna tries to aid his efforts. "Four?"

"That's what I regret."

"What?"

"Fuck, Shauna…I wish I had never met her."

"You don't mean that."

"Then she'd be fine… Because she never woulda met _me_! I am the _worst_ thing she has _ever _done! Fuck! Maybe she _is_ stupid!"

"Four."

"What?" he asks as if he didn't completely insult the woman he obviously stills loves. "She decided I was a good idea?! I am a _total _dick… I'm a type-A ass fuck… I'm not funny…-"

"I think you're pretty funny!"

"I agree… It's in you, man."

"I don't have a family—"

"Yes, you do… And I take serious offense to that."

"Someday…she'd want…midgets—"

"I think the P.C. term is "little people"…. And what the hell?! They're no different than you or I! Why the _hell _would Tris want a little person? They're not pets, man!"

"What the fuck're you talking about—"

"Jesus…Zeke! He's talking about kids!"

"Oh."

"Dude…are you drunk?!" _Is he seriously asking me that?_ "I don't care. Seriously…I would probably _hate_ my own smaller versions of me. And then my Tris would hate me—"

"Don't call her that."

"Well, Shaunie…that's what she is…" He looks out the window and goes off into his own world. "…to me."

Shauna gives me a pouty lip as we watch him plop his head on the window and pass out. We sit in silence until the cabbie pulls up in front of his building.

"I wonder how much he drank?" Shauna whispers to me.

"Evenin' Gregory, you fuckin' piece a shit…"

"Mr. Eaton."

"Yeah… A lot. But…I've seen him worse. At least he's speaking clearly-ish."

"I miss fun drunk Four."

"I can_ fucking _hear you…" He rips his arm away from my grip as we get on the elevator. "And I don't need your help. Especially not yours, Ezequiel!"

'What the hell did I—"

"Setting me up for a hook-up… Fucking bootie call bullshit… I saw it comin' from a 1000 miles away… I may as well have been in…Cambodia… Cuz I still woulda seen it comin'."

"You…_knew_?!"

"Yep! And it definitely worked out in my favor… Okay, there was a bit of a detour. But I handled it…like a champ, I must say—"

"I bet you did," Shauna spits. "So much for how much you love Tris, huh?"

"You have no _fucking_ idea what you're talking about—"

"Cool it, Four."

"I have said that exact phrase…_many _times tonight and I'll pro'ly say it a lot more…maybe forever… Cause it's the truth… Nobody knows…what the fuck they're talkin' about…"

"Well then clue us in and you won't have to say it anymore."

"Not gonna happen, Shaunie…" He lumbers off the elevator toward his apartment.

"Why?"

"Because as of right now…you guys are just about all I have left… I would fuckin' love to keep it that way…"

"You _could _still have Tris." Shauna is really startin' some shit. "Even though she definitely hates you…" He shoots her a sad glare and it actually makes me really fucking sad for him. "…she definitely love you, too. Wait…maybe you don't feel the same. Fuck! I guess I've just been assuming…"

He knows she's baiting him… _He's too damn smart!_ We watch as he wanders to his liquor cabinet and grabs a bottle, not even caring what it is, and sloshes the brown liquid into a glass.

"I'll take that, thank you!" Shauna rips it out of his hand.

"Give…that…to…me."

"Why?"

"Because I want…to drink it."

"Why?"

He stares her down, but my lady is tough as nails so his glare doesn't phase her. He ends up just shaking his head and wandering into his room. I hear him crash down onto his bed.

"Let's just go."

"I'm just gonna check on him."

I walk into his room and watch as he drunkenly pushes himself up and sits on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands.

"What's up, man?"

"I don't know where to sleep."

"Dude, just lie down."

"May as well… Fucked it all up when I had another chick in it, anyway."

"Yeah. Sorry about that."

He laughs through his nose. "Not your fault, man… Definitely mine…"

I have nothing to say…as usual when it comes to anything reassuring or emotional.

"I'll lock up."

He nods his head and closes his eyes. It's just then that I notice the dark circles under them.

"Stop fucking watching me sleep," he whines without opening his eyes.

I don't answer. I just walk out to his living room as Shauna turns the lights off. Then I lock the door and close it behind us.

Shauna looks at me with a serious look of upset. "So, you _really _thought getting him laid would be the answer?"

"You heard him! He knew my motivations the whole time—"

"It's not about _him_, Zeke! It's about _you_ and how you perceive and react to situations. It took Ur-i-ah all of 5 minutes to see what was going on, and I was right there with him! Did you one time ask him _anything?... _Dug any deeper?"

I sigh out the longest breath…ever. "No."

"So your best friend breaks up with the _one_ person who seemed to have changed him…who brought out the best in that asshole…and instead of getting to the bottom of it…you decide hooking him up with a bartender is the answer—"

"Shauna! _He _did that! As it turns out…_I _didn't!"

"But it's the fact that you thought it would be the answer!... Zeke! Grow up! How do you expect me to…to…?"

I know exactly what she's getting at, but I don't want to hear her say it.

"Let's go home," is all I can get out.

**End flashback**

I need to make this right with Shauna. The only way I can do that is by getting to the bottom of this…

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I do the math in my head as to the amount of sleep I got-three hours. That's one more than usual. _Bonus! _And now I lie here…in my bed…in the same place that Tobias broke my heart. Except now, I'm rethinking…everything. And being sober definitely helps…although the exact events of last night are slightly hazy.

Whereas, for the last few weeks, I had been cataloging all of the moments with Tobias I had perceived to be red flags-trying to figure out where I had gone wrong… Now I'm doing the opposite and cataloging all the moments I had perceived to be amazing and special and…many adjectives I can't possibly name. The good far outweighs the bad. Yes, he has debilitating disabilities when it comes to dealing with emotionally charged moments… That still doesn't seem to outweigh the good…

I literally started from the first moment we met and how I was drawn to him even before speaking to him…and he seemed to reciprocate those feelings.

I remember our first time together and the circumstances that prompted it… _God…_

_….._

_"Tris," he says turning my head and kissing me on the cheek. "I will absolutely treat you differently…because you are different…and because I love you. And I have every intention of making love to you…not just having sex with you."_

_….._

I can feel my underwear start to dampen just at the thought of that night. _I am seriously going to have to do something about this…soon!_

I remember how he took care of me…

…..

_I can feel him lifting me off the floor as I cling to him. Soon settling on his lap inhaling the soothing thickness of steam as it calms my throbbing throat._

_"I love you," is repeated like a mantra in my ear as I nod my head in agreement. I know he loves me as much as I love him._

…..

And how he took care of me…again…when I was burning up with fever_. He got in a damned cold tub…with me! He pulled nasty beer glass out of my head because I was too stupid to go to Immediate Care! _I run my fingers along the slight scar that is barely even there anymore thanks to him. I feel a tear of guilt slip out of my eye and I don't bother to wipe it away.

I think about how I don't have nightmares anymore… At least not like I used to… Eric is always present in the back of my mind… But Tobias, being a real man…made me stronger. He protected me but didn't handle me because he knew I could handle myself. I aimed high…because he thought so _highly _of me. And as it turns out…he was right!-when I was with him, I did feel special, I did feel different… I felt…whole.

The phrase…or near frantic scream…that won't leave my brain- "_I NEVER SAID I DIDN'T WANT YOU_!"

It has been reverberating throughout my mind… Probably because it's accurate. He didn't… He didn't say it.

…..

_"What do you want me to say? 'It's over?', 'We're done?', 'I don't want to be with you?' Tell me, Tris. How the hell am I supposed to say… How am I…supposed…to say, 'I don't want to be with you'?"_

_"You just did."_

_….._

_Shit..._ Maybe that was _my_ out_… My_ way of avoiding having to hear him say the actual words. The words that he may never have actually said had I given him a moment to get his shit together_. It would have taken way more than a moment…but, semantics._

_But wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! How much time could he possibly have needed?! I remember the look on his face! He was dying to leave! My bed was the last place he wanted to be… God… Nothing makes sense… Especially…. Especially…. Especially…. How he could sleep with someone else…? The idea of his lips, hands, any body part…in someone else's…on someone else's—_

A timid knock on the door breaks me out of my see-sawing thoughts. I look at my phone and see it's 6:15. _What the hell? _Will and Christina went back to his place after I made it very very clear I wanted to be alone… _Maybe she left her keys…again._ _Nope! She would knock on the door like a crazy person… What the hell?_

I step into a pair of sleep shorts and pull on a hoodie, walking tentatively to the door. I look through the peek hole and see a very nervous looking…Matthew.

"Shit," I exhale out as I walk in a quick, unnecessary circle.

I check the hole again and watch him bounce on his toes and mumble to himself. He looks…incredibly apprehensive. I start to tip-toe away hoping he didn't hear me come to the door and that he'll leave.

"Tris?... Yeah…or Christina, I suppose?... Or both?... Hopefully just Tris… Maybe no one, in which case I will feel like a complete ass…because your neighbor is looking…at me…funny… If you're…available…can you just… come to the door? At least take the warm cup of coffee I have? The perfect Malaysian blend… I would have gotten Indonesian, like that first time… Well, Christina doesn't know the story but—"

I swing the door open to prevent further torture to my poor neighbors and I'm greeted by the warm, broad, yet shy smile…if that's possible…of Matthew. My cheeks actually flush a little in response.

"I had a feeling you'd be here,"' he comments slyly.

"Giving my neighbors a show?"

"The audio version of a show…definitely. Um… Hi."

"Hi."

"Here." He hands me a 2-Go cup of coffee from Grounds. "So…that's it. Just…wanted to…give you coffee, even if I don't get to drink it with you. It had your name on it so I figured…" He points his finger to where he wrote my name on the coffee cup and I can't help smiling. "So, I'll see you later." He starts down the short hall until I stop him.

"Come on in, Matthew," I remark in semi-annoyance. _It's actually kind of sweet._

"Yesssss!" He hi-fives his coffee cup as if it's a person and enters the apartment.

Closing the door behind me, I set the coffee down and turn to look at him with the classic hands-on-the-hips what-the-hell-do-you-want stance. I watch as his eyes scan me and he smiles while I swallow in slight discomfort.

"Sorry!... I'm not trying to be creepy… You totally caught me checking you out, didn't you?"

I don't respond.

"Well, I was just thinking… I don't believe I've ever seen you look…bad... Tired, yes… But, I don't know. You always just look…like you."

"Well, that's because I _am _me."

"Beautiful. I mean…beautiful."

"I am so fucking _sick _of that word! Do men not have any other adjective?!"

I watch him purse his lips in confusion. "That was an…interesting reaction…to a serious compliment."

"Shit… I'm sorry… I appreciate…I mean, it's very nice… I just…" _Tobias used to call me beautiful as a noun and it has now lost all meaning when used as an adjective! _"That was…beyond rude. I mean…it has been pointed out to me on several thousand occasions that I am terrible at taking a compliment, but that just took the cake!"

"It certainly did."

"So, what are you doing here?"

"I came to…well, apologize… The thing is…I practically begged you to go out with me…actually I practically begged you to give me five minutes of your time…and when you agree to the best thing ever… which in this case, is a date… I puss out because I am threatened by your ex-boyfriend."

"He threatened you?"

"No. He is…just a threatening presence…"

"Oh…yeah, he can be."

"…and way cooler than me all around. He's the all-around Gold Medal winner of cool—"

"Matthew."

"—Anyway, I was thinking… I love my job…I really do. I respect Four as my boss… But I also need to respect myself and…well, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since…the last time I saw you and… I don't know. Is there any way you would at least, start having coffee with me again?"

"Matthew…"

"Okay…I recognize that as the I'm-about-to-reject-Matthew face… Is there any way you can think about it for a second and not answer me right away?... At least give me a few minutes to figure out if time travel is possible so I can go back to last Saturday morning?"

Every image of Tobias kissing Kirsten comes flooding back to my mind at the mention of last Saturday morning.

"Gladly," I answer truthfully as I begin to reevaluate my almost immediate rejection. "Now…give me a minute."

"Gladly."

I head to the bathroom and shut the door needing a moment alone with my thoughts. I am so conflicted. _I mean…it's just coffee, right? I have been enjoying having coffee with him. But it would lead to more than coffee, right? Damn it! How much do I want this? Do I want this at all?..._ I begin to brush my teeth as Matthew yells something to me.

"Huh?" I ask with a full mouth of toothpaste.

"Even cute…I didn't say beautiful…with a full mouth of toothpaste."

"Ha…ha…"

"Your phone's ringing."

I spit out my toothpaste. "Can you see who it is?"

"Yes, ma'am… It's an unknown number."

"Ugh… So sick of that shit."

"Shall I…take care of it?"

I laugh to myself and roll my eyes. "Sure." _Whatever he means by that…_

"Hello?... … Hello?... … Look, if you're not gonna answer, I'm cool with that… But can you please not call back? I'm trying to woo this girl who I'm kinda crazy about—"

"Oh my God! Hang up the damned phone!" I say laughing thinking about the poor out-sourced person who gets to listen to Matthew's antics. _Maybe they think he's funny… I do!_

"Sorry, sorry… Just trying to avoid further interruptions…for your sake."

"My sake?" I ask as I splash cold water on my face.

"Wouldn't want to mess with your thought process… But a piece of my soul is dying out here so…are you almost done?"

I take a deep breath into the towel as I dry my face and then walk tentatively to where he's sitting on the couch. I think of everything that happened last night with Tobias and as much as I am now entirely confused…I owe it to myself to figure out what's going on.

"I _want_ to say yes."

"Then do it."

I sit on the couch and face him. "It wouldn't be fair."

"Why?... I probably don't want to know the answer, but… Why?"

"I'm still in…love…with Four… And I like you way too much for you to be a rebound."

"I'm cool with being the rebound guy—… Okay, no I'm not. I'm more of the 'all-in' type."

"I know… And you deserve someone who is 'all-in.'"

He nods his head. "Can you be honest with me about something?"

"Sure."

"Should I wait?"

"I…I don't think…so…"

"That wasn't a 'no.'"

"But you should probably take it as a 'no.'"

He nods his cute head slowly.

"Hey…" I put my hand on his scooting closer because he really does look crushed. "I wish I had met you before him."

I wish I had never even known what true passion is… I would have been perfectly content dating Matthew. We may have even lasted…

"Me, too…" He sighs but then gives me a side smile. "Can we just…try one thing?"

"Maaaaybe…"

"Can I kiss you…once? Like an actual kiss? Not a spur of the moment…moment of…idiocy?"

"Uh…"

We're actually a lot closer than I thought we were and I find myself getting momentarily lost as I look at his genuine questioning eyes. They're hazel… I've never noticed… I feel my hand that had before taken charge and been laid on his has now been laced with his. It's a nice feeling…for someone to _want _to hold my hand. Not out of jealousy…but, just because they want to. I feel myself leaning in as my lips meet his gently. _His lips are soft… _The kiss is sweet and it doesn't move far beyond surface level even as he brings his hand up to rest softly in the crook of my neck. We lean in a little more and slightly adjust angles until he pulls away and I'm left looking at him.

"Sorry… I just had to stop…before it…got too difficult to stop."

"Yeah."

"So… Ya know what? That was a terrible idea!... Why did you let me talk you into that?!" he jokes as he abruptly stands.

I laugh. "I don't know… It didn't take much coercion, though."

"I kind of hate that."

"I'm sorry, Matthew. I just…wouldn't be able to give you what…"

"I know you wouldn't… Geez!… _Not_ being the rebound type kinda sucks!"

"It really does. Too bad Four doesn't feel the same…"

He narrows his eyes at me and I realize how insensitive it was that I just said that. I'm giving the guy who goes and sleeps with someone else another chance…or whatever this is…and not Matthew… _What's wrong with me?_

"I hope he's worth it… I mean that. I really hope he is."

I just shake my head because I don't know what else to say or do.

"Take care, Tris." He leans down and gives me a sweet kiss on the cheek and I can't help but close my eyes when he does because frankly…I'm fucking sad! I feel like I'm losing a friend! _A friend…_

"Bye… Hey, Matthew?"

"Yeah?"

"I'll miss coffee…with you…"

He nods his head and walks out. I sit on the couch and ponder what the hell just happened. _It was a nice kiss…_

…..

_I can feel his finger under my chin as he makes me look at him and I acquiesce because I can't resist. Then our lips collide forcefully yet in perfect synch. As if our mouths communicate for us we slow the kiss and I just relish in the feeling of him as he pulls me closer and I slide my fingers through his hair._

_I have never been kissed like this before. I have a momentary bought of sadness until I realize-that fact has made this moment worth it. It feels special…at least for me. We pull apart and rest our foreheads together unmoving, as I try to catch my breath. I notice he's doing the same. Then he pulls away and kisses my forehead. Feeling his smile against my head brings a jolt of contentment because now I know he feels the same. _

…..

I run into my room and bury my face in my pillow as a bought of emotions meet each other head on… And the collision isn't pretty. I'm fairly sure I make some sort of inhuman noise as I curl up onto my side and start sobbing.

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I wake on the couch…having nothing but a vague recollection of how I got there.

As has been my habit, I try my best to recall the events of the previous night. It's a usual occurrence, me attempting to remember how I fell asleep-on my office floor, the sofa, the sofa pulled out, and today…my couch. I remember Zeke and Shauna being here and then lying on my bed, hating it. So I ripped the sheets off the bed and finished the glass of whatever I had poured.

I can still feel the memory of my heart racing uncontrollably and I couldn't account for why… Or I didn't want to admit to myself why…. _It's because I was having a fucking panic attack!_

I had yelled, screamed in fact, at Tris right in the middle of the damned sidewalk on a busy road. Anyone could have heard us…and they did. I could have so easily put her in danger because of my fucking jealousy… I have no damned clue who's watching us…if anyone! God forbid they are because I may as well have put a nail in her coffin. That is if my father _isn't_ a total piece of shit liar and Carlos _is _intent on hitting me where it hurts. There is no other place that would hurt more than Tris.

**Flashback:**

I stare out the window of Will's Jeep. I had pulled Uriah out of the front seat, practically throwing him onto the street in the process.

"Sorry," I muttered, still feeling bad for punching him in the face. _He looks terrible…_

"Whatever," he whispered without making eye contact.

I need to stay as far away from the back of this vehicle as possible! Will gives me a side look and a small smile. He is definitely my most perceptive friend apart from Amar. I know I take him for granted and I hope to make that up to him someday. But right now I need to stay the fuck away from perceptive people!

"So fellas, where we headed now?" Uriah asks as if he doesn't already know the damned answer.

"Why did we even leave!?" I ask roughly.

"Change of venue."

"No, shit, Zeke… Why!?"

"Because we want to meet up with the girls." I sigh out and lean against the door. _Thank God Tris works Monday nights… Doesn't she? I suppose I don't even know anymore… God, that sucks… Wait… Oh, shit…_

"Will?" I ask quietly, hoping I won't have to explain myself.

"Yeah, she's there."

"Damn it."

I hear Zeke and Uriah arguing in the back.

"Want me to take you home?"

"Yes." _No! Fuck, no!_

"You got it. I'm gonna drop them off first. Is that okay?"

I sigh again and nod my head incrementally, now being fully aware that the temptation is real.

"You really don't want to be around her?"

"It seems that nowadays…" I turn to the back. "…what I want doesn't seem to fucking matter! Right, guys?"

"Four! If we did what you want…we'd be drinking alone in our apartments drowning our sorrows or some shit! So, yes…what you want doesn't fucking matter right now!... Plus, you tried to kill me today."

"Jesus! I didn't…try to kill you!"

"Oh, yeah?" He leans toward me. "Tell me! What was going through your head when you pictured Tris and I… goin' at it hardcore—"

"Fuck you." I turn and look out the window again.

"That's what I thought! You'll thank me someday!"

I'm silently hoping to God that statement is true.

I really did want to kill him today… But I have to admit…it did lead to me being able to have a private moment with Tris. So I am, in a fucked up way, indebted to Uriah for that, even if it was only for a moment. I got to hold her in my arms and she seemed to respond… I know she's seeing Matthew, but I hope she's still in _love_ with me. As much as it makes me ill to think of her being intimate on any level with anyone other than me…I'm willing to accept it as long as I get to have her after I find my way out of this shit- As long as I get to have her in the end!

_That sounded so much better in my head... This is in my head! I may be a little toasted… _

_And that is such bullshit! I would in no way shape or form be okay with her being with someone else 'in the meantime.' Fuck no! And…Christ!... She jumps into a relationship that quickly? HOW?! I know from her perspective, I did this- this is all, my fault... But, HOW can she do that?!_

"You okay?"

"Yeah," I answer looking across the street.

"Four?"

"What?!"

"The guys went inside."

I look behind us and see that, yes…100%...Uriah and Zeke went inside. _I time-traveled! Ha… God, I miss her… I just… Damn it… _I take a deep breath and look in the window of the bar and instantly spot her because, well… I always instantly spot her. She's laughing lightly and I can't help but smile—

"So…okay. Apparently we're going in?"

"What?" I'm standing in front of the vehicle as Will sticks his head out the window. "Oh, yeah… Sorry… Ah…"

"Four. Just go in… Sit in the corner or something if you don't want to talk to her… You'd probably be doing that whether she were here or not, right?"

"Yeah."

"Okay… Dude, I need you to move…so I can park and walk the ten blocks back… I'll be back by morning."

"Yeah… Bye."

I move out of the way and head into the bar, immediately finding a spot at a table behind Tris so I can observe. I'm almost instantly greeted by a way-too-chipper server.

"Hey there! Can I get you—"

"No."

"Then get out of my section," she deadpans.

_That's something Tris does—pretends to be the happy bartender until you piss her off and then she shows you how much she truly hates you…_

"Sorry…about that," I say looking up at her, trying to be nice. "Jack n' Coke…please."

"Let me get right on that for you," she emits sarcastically. Again, something Tris would say. Then I hear her say to herself, "…literally." Also something Tris would say… _Damn…_

I take a moment to myself…even though I sense Christina and Marlene's eyes on me…to observe Tris. She's wearing flowery shorts made out of some material I could rip off with my teeth. The waistline falls just below her hip bones- enough to reveal an inch of skin as she leans over the bar and her very fitted white shirt lifts up. Layered over the top of it is some see through loose fitting blousey thing which basically makes what would be a completely immodest outfit…incredibly modest and soooo sexy. She always leaves the perfect amount to the imagination. Her hair falls down her back in sexy waves and I watch her hook her thumbs in the back pocket of her shorts, which pulls them down just enough so see the white hemline of her lace panties. I feel the very familiar twinge of heat creeping into my groin—

"Hey…flirting with servers isn't going to get you anywhere—"

"I wasn't flirting." I meet Shauna's glare with one of my own as she leans over the table bracing her hands on it.

"You were smiling like a fucking tease—"

"No… I absolutely was _not_!" _Was I? I was thinking about Tris… Damn it!_

"Just…don't, okay?"

"Don't…what?"

"Well, I may have let some information slip and I'm not sure Tris can handle—"

"What…information?"

I don't even hear her answer because all I see is Tris and the bartender whispering some shit back and forth. They seem to be mirroring each other's movements…like the night _we _met_. It…makes…me…crazy!_

I'm up and standing behind her as she examines her glass in the light. _Why…is she doing that?_

"Straight whiskey, huh?" he inquires.

"Ha…yeah. Lemme guess… You don't know many girls that drink whiskey…blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…" _She's drunk…_ _Great!_ "…Because I have to tell you—"

"I was going to ask you which whiskey happens to be your favorite."

"Oh, sorry…" _I hate it when she gets all timid and dumb!_

"It's all good… Here… To cute girls who drink whiskey." _What the hell…did he…just say? No! Just…hell no!_

I lose track of the rest of their exchange as the gears in my brain are going to the worst possible scenario…

"These drinks are on Zeke tonight, girls!... He kind of owes us, don't you think?" I hear Shauna yell as Zeke looks on in guilt.

I know Shauna is referring to Zeke not being perceptive to my falsehood. I need to tell him he has nothing to be sorry about and Shauna needs to fucking relax. I was the one who took advantage of Zeke, knowing full well he would be…Zeke! But then that would open up the floodgates of questions and I can't have that. A depressing thought almost bowls me over as I realize I will never be able to be truthful with them about this. What kind of friend does that make me? _A protective one, damn it!_

"Her name's _Tris_!" Christina yells to the bartender in an obnoxious voice.

Then she looks over her shoulder and smiles semi-viciously at me. _Thanks, Christina. _

"Dude!" I watch her jut her elbow into Tris's ribcage. "He's hot!" _Again… Thanks, Christina._

Then I get the fucking fantastical pleasure of watching Tris actually check him out. I move my head to an angle where I can literally see her look at him from bottom to top as she smiles as then looks away. _Yep! Be coy and cute! That's catnip!_

"He smiled at me."

"Yes, pumpkin... People do that when they_ like_ you!" I get another look from Christina.

"_Like _me—"

"So, Tris…" he interrupts her denial. "…the cute girl who drinks whiskey." _Jesus Christ! She's MY cute girl who drinks whiskey. And 'cute'-not the right word, buddy! _"You have polished off the Knob. Regard me?" _What the hell does that mean?_

"Huh?"

"Can I pour you another?" _Who talks like that?! Shit! I think I do…_

"Sorry… Sure." _Again with the dumb apologizing!_

"It's okay… You have a nice smile, ya know… Don't hide it." _Hide it! Hide it!_

"Thank…you."

The fight or flight is starting to kick in for me… The flight definitely needs to win out!

"Shall I join you?"

"Sure!" _Flight… Flight, Tobias…_

He mumbles something probably total amateurish and fucking dumb that she's going to fall for as I inch closer to them. _Flight! Flight! What are you doing?_

"I called you 'cute' and I take that back! It was disingenuous and I only said it because I was subtly hitting on you." _Nothing…subtle…about it! _"I am most definitely not hitting on you."

"That's fine… I was just—"

"You see the truth is, you're kind of, well, beautiful… And it doesn't count as being hit on if it's genuine—"

"It absolutely…counts," I grunt out hoping someone understood me. "Right, Tris?"

She sucks in a quick breath as I see her clutch at her glass. I tilt my head just enough to inhale her and my pheromones practically light on fire.

"I wouldn't know." _Bullshit._

"Pretty sure you would."

I sit and cordially, because I'm feeling suddenly cordial—or because I want her close to me so no man will come within a mile of her—move out the bar stool for her. She completely denies my gesture…and it's pretty _infuriating!_

"I'll have whatever the fuck you just poured her."

I know very well he's trying to be a show-off dick and pour her decent whiskey, but I can't let my voyeurism show.

"I hit on her the first night we met," I state factually to the asshole. "It was genuine…and successful I might add. Indeed…successful…"_ Hell,…yes… Hell,…yes…_

"Sorry, man. I didn't know she had a boyfriend—"

"I don't." _And I hate it! How do you not see that?!_ "And genuine isn't a word I would use."

"I don't give a _shit _what word you would use, Tris."

"Look, you don't have to be a dick," asshole interjects. _I wasn't, you prick! _ "And I sure as hell don't have to serve you."

"Oh… He's not being a dick!" _Oh, this'll be good!_ "He's just being himself… This one here," she references Tris. "…is one of the few who speaks 'Four.'"

I glance at Tris and see that she's closing her eyes and clenching her jaw. _What did I say?_

"Speaks 'Four'?"

"Yes. It's practically a dead language. Like Latin! Right, guys?... Come on, Trissy! Translate!... It's like a game, Tre. Come on, Four…say something awful!" _Oh… Now I get it. Shit. "_…and Tris will—"

"Christina… Thank you, that'll do."

"No problem! Just gave myself an idea for a new drinking game. Thanks, Four!"

"I aim to please."

Now I don't even know what the hell to say. The effect this girl has on my tongue is mind-boggling… _Oh…Tobias. Really? Deep breaths. Maintain bodily control._

"I only meant that it doesn't matter what word you use because it doesn't make it any less true—"

"Yeah, yeah…enough, okay? I speak 'Four', remember?... Christ!"

I take a deep breath in both relief and frustration. _I shouldn't even be talking to her!_

"Did you want to start a tab?" The dickwad looks pissed. _Good! Now stay away! _

I realize I am pretty much marking my territory with my glare and he seems to be doing the same and he is not backing down.

"Yeah. Put hers on my tab."

"She's drinking for free."

"No, she's not."

"Yes… She is." _I will cause you serious…bodily…harm- _

"Just upcharge him, Tre!"

She takes her drink down in one gulp and I make no move to give him my credit card although I fully expect her to rip my wallet out of my back pocket and hand it over. But…she doesn't.

"So, what's the deal, Four? " _Stop calling me that!_ "There are many other people to talk to in this bar… Look at all the _hot _women! And you never know…they may actually hold your interest—"

"You have _no_ idea what the fuck you're talking about." I turn my barstool to point out her ignorance.

"I know _exactly_ what I'm talking about!" She interrupts me, of course. "Unless you've already found someone to hold your interest… Cute girl, about 5'4", brown hair—"

"Tris…"

I have a brief memory of my arms wrapped around Kirsten and it makes me nauseous.

"Don't 'Tris' me! God! Why am I…even talking to you…about this?! Why are you even here?!"

"Well…this sure as hell wasn't my idea! Thanks a shit ton, Zeke!"

"Always gotch'yer back man!"

"Yeah… _NOT_!" Shauna exalts.

Another twinge of guilt hits me as I reflect on the fact that_ I'm _the reason Zeke is in the shit house with Shauna. Then I notice that Tris is halfway out the door. _I fucked up again, didn't I? Good! Now order another drink!_

But…then I'm out the door and just about in reach of her, hoping she doesn't hear my long strides and take off. Faster then I can process a small face buries itself, hard, right into my chest… Tris falls backward faster than I can catch her.

"Damn it! Stop turning around!"

"You're an asshole! Stop chasing me!"

"I wasn't chasing you!... I was walking…stealthily! Fuck!"

I crouch down on my haunches to help her up and she lets me. _God! That had to hurt. I can help! _Before I can think twice, I'm actually trying to _rub _the pain away as she bats at my hand. I can't help it and I laugh at how stupid and amazing that was.

"What…is…your…deal? Tell me…now."

I have absolutely no idea what to tell her. _I can't tell her the whole truth! Maybe a tidbit? Stop tempting me, Tris! Did I just say 'tidbit'…or think 'tidbit'? What the hell is wrong with my words?_

"Tired of this conversation? Lost interest? Well…let me turn around because we know I'm not hot enough—"

"I never said that! Zeke said it!… And I just…agreed—"

"Why?!"

"Because I… Fuck! I can't talk about this shit…right now. Just trust me I don't feel… I didn't. Damn it!"

I face away from her because I have to or I'm going to throw her over my shoulder and find a closet! She's looking at me in the way that makes me ache for her! _Would it be that much of a mistake? It may send the right message if I really really make her happy…_ _Like three times happy?_

I must realize the ridiculosity of that and decide to speak with my words instead of my dick. "Just tell me you believe me… Please…"

"I believe you." _Mmmm...huh?_

"Really?"

"Really."

"Okay, so…" _What…the…hell?..._ "You knew the whole time, didn't you!?"

Now I'm officially pissed because this has been _killing_ me! _Slowly!_ I haven't been able to stand her thinking such superficial bullshit about herself…and that she thinks I would possibly even _think _that! _That is a lot of 'thinks'…_

"Yes! Those aren't your damned words!.. … …. …. That has Zeke written all over it!... …. ….. I can't stand your…. right now…. ….. you wouldn't dis-res-pect me like that!" Her poking me in the damned chest makes my hazy mind focus on her rant. _Can she repeat that?_ _Did she say she can't stand me? Damn… "_And I can't fucking can't stand that you think I'm _so_ stupid as to buy into that!"

"You're an idiot if you think I think you're stupid!"

"That makes…no sense!"

"It makes perfect sense if you don't think about it!" _God! How drunk is she?!_

"That's an oxymoron…you moron_!" It is? I suppose… How could something make perfect sense if one doesn't use their senses?… I get it! Good one, babe. _ "And… Thank you so much for that snippet into your thoughts! Care to share any more?"

"Yes."

"What?!"

"Stop seeing Matthew." _Forever and ever…starting…forever and now._

"Are you… !? That's what you… !?" _She…may…just…explode. For realskis…_ "Oh… I get it. You don't _want _me, but you don't want anyone else to _have_ me…but you can go and…" _Stop yelling!_

"_I NEVER SAID I DIDN'T WANT YOU_!" _And I never ever will, you idiot! Jesus… I'm dizzy…_

"_You _broke up with me! Right in my own damned bed! The bed I get to sleep in every night! So I think about it…every night! You did that! You broke my FUCKING HEART!"

_That-_hearing her actually scream it at me in utter pain. It's a new indescribable feeling. It tears through me like white, hot lightning. I picture her, every night, reliving the memory…or her perception of it… _Her perception…_

"Is that what happened? Is that how it played out in your head? Because I don't remember it happening like that!" I yell at her not meaning to yell at her. "You claim you know me well enough to '_know my words'_? Well, Tris…if that's the fucking case, then you would know that I would _NEVER_ be able to tell you _I DON'T WANT TO BE WITH YOU_! Those were _your_ damned words—"

"That was your out and you TOOK IT! You did that! You walked out the damned door and drove off, no explanations, no phone calls, no…."

I watch the tears stream down her face and this is the first time I've actually gotten a first-hand view of the damage I've done. The physical manifestation of the pain she's in hits me like a wrecking ball. I need to do something.

"I've barely been able to _function_! And you…well_, shiiiiitttt_! We both know you're doing JUST FINE!"

"You know NOTHING about how I'm doing!"

I walk away before I say too much. I'm furious at her for thinking I'm doing fine but wracked with guilt for making her _think_ I am.

"Did you ever think maybe this has _nothing_ to do with you?! Go back to the beginning! Day motherfucking one! Every damned moment!... And do the fucking math, Beatrice!" _That'll get her…_

"Don't fucking call me Beatrice!" _Yep_.

"Don't call me Four…Beatrice!"

"Fuck you!" _ She can be such a-gah! _

"No, Fuck…. mggghhhh!" _Fuck you!_

**End Flashback.**

I get up off the couch and walk into my room…or stumble…and see that unbeknownst to me I had knocked her orchid picture off the shelf, probably upon trying to tear my sheets to pieces. I pick it up and see that the glass is cracked, but the photo remains intact. A breath of relief leaves my chest causing me a moment of reprieve. Then staring at the sheets on the floor, I get dizzy and have to sink down onto them to ground myself.

Scrubbing at my face with my hands, I grasp not only the gravity of the scene but the way I treated her—I berated her in front of our friends and whoever else. I almost said 'Fuck you' to her. Granted, she said it to me…but from her viewpoint, I would have deserved it. She certainly doesn't deserve that from me.

The upside is that I definitely got to her. I may have said things I shouldn't have, but at least now hopefully her wheels are turning. I got to tell her that I never said I didn't want her and that I never would have been able to. The irrational and hopeful part of me hopes she holds on and reevaluates…everything.

"Shit!" I stand up quickly realizing I have no clue what time it is. I sway for a minute and place my hands on the bed hanging my head to stave off rapid blood flow. As hard as it seems to be, I lift my head and see that it's 6:12. _Good…. Not good!_

That does _not _leave me enough time to make it to work to shower. _Guest bath! _

I walk into the living room chastising myself for not thinking about _that_ two weeks ago… But then I admit to myself that it isn't just my damned shower that has kept me from this apartment. It's a mix of the good memories and the bad memories that keep me away… I try to keep them at bay at every possible opportunity, and being here just makes them come back in full force.

…..

_"Just tell me, Tobias_…_ Fine. Don't tell me where the hell you're going after being gone all night and still not telling me where the hell you've been! And that's not me insinuating anything!"_

_I watch her look around the room frantically as I lean casually on the bathroom door. I can see that she threw her disgusting bar clothes in the corner, probably in her drunken stupor._

_"You're…uh…stuff… You threw it in the corner." I signal toward the corner with my head as she looks from me to the clothes and back to me, latching her irises onto mine…painfully…. She huffs to the corner, grabs her stuff and, trying to be strong and failing epically, walks past me."_

_"Next time, you should just say, 'take your shit and leave.' It's a lot less syllables…" _

_Walking into the kitchen, I lean on the counter and run the water in the sink so I don't have to hear her fucking crying in the bathroom. Medieval torture would be easier to bear right now._

_Soon enough she walks right past the kitchen and slips on the stilettos that look ridiculous on her. She looks to me to say something…anything… _

_"Uh… I'll text you…?" I suggest. _

_"Yeah," she says with no inflection or facial expression at all as she locks her stupid crystal blue ice eyes with mine. And then she's gone…_

_….._

I stare at the floor as remorse seeps in liquid form out of my left eye, landing right on my foot. I lift my head pretending that shit didn't just happen and start to search for my phone...but I am unsuccessful in acquiring it. Landing myself on my couch I try to call it from the landline, covering the receiver so I can't hear the ring in my ear. I listen for the loud dinging of my cell phone and…nothing. _Son of a bitch… _I end the call and lay my head on the back on the couch.

"Nice try, drunk ass!" Tris flops onto her back on the couch plopping her feet on my lap as I grunt at the near junk shot she provides me with. She, of course, laughs at my expense… _The best laugh_… "You probably left it at the bar… You were in quite the state, I hear…"

"Yeah… I uh…"

"Don't even bother with the unfinished sentences and just rub my feet!" She waggles her eyebrows and bites her bottom lip. "Then make me coffee…"

I glare at the place on the couch where Tris should be…but isn't, and then I find myself going through the memory on the landline and selecting Tris's number. It rings three times and I sigh at the disappointment that it will go to Voicemail and I'll have to hang up. _Better this way anyway—_

"Hello?..." I freeze in place as I hear Matthew's voice…at Tris's apartment…at 6:15…AM.

"Hello?..." I'm still frozen in place as I feel like I'm being doused in ice water.

"Look, if you're not gonna answer I'm cool with that… But can you please not call back? I'm trying to woo this girl who I'm kinda crazy about—"

"Oh my God! Hang up the damned phone!" I hear Tris's laugh and it burns my eardrums.

I sit there for an indeterminable amount of time, with the receiver to my ear. Until I get up… go into my bathroom…and take a scorching shower…trying to burn their voices from my memory.

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I stop working on Tori's picture because my hands keep shaking. _The lack of sleep, overexertion, alcohol and coffee must be getting to me… Yeah, keep telling yourself that, Tris! It has nothing to do with Tobias…_

"Damn it!" I hurl the red fine-tipped marker across the room in frustration.

I have no idea what to do right now. I have now gone through everything…everything… Tobias all but told me he still loves me. And yes…whereas before nothing was adding up… Now it seems as if everything is adding up to some extent. His sudden change in behavior—no, his sudden change in personality, his mixed signals toward me, the strained glances practically begging me to figure shit out! How did I miss it?! Because I'm too caught up in my own personal anxieties about myself that I couldn't see that something was tearing him apart. _But…what?_

I was able to get a small amount of information out of Will. Apparently, Tobias drinks himself to sleep almost every night, sleeps at the office and has been avoiding his friends like the plague.

The one fact I can't get out of my thick head is the fact that he slept with someone else…maybe two someone elses. I shake my head knowing that I will have to address that at a different time. Right now, for my own sanity…I need to get to the bottom of this shit.

"Okay, Tris. You know what you need to do… So, just do it! Call him. You know he won't call you because he's a stubborn fucker… Yeah, a stubborn fucker who poured…or screamed…his heart out to you in the middle of the street last night!"

Phone in hand I see that it's 2:00. _Plenty of time for the dust to have settled, right? Right! I can't call… I'm a wuss… Next best thing…_

**Me:** Can we meet up to talk?

**Me:** This is Tris. Lol.

_LOL? Seriously?_

My heart starts to pick up speed as I can see his almost immediate response as the stupid dots blink, signaling he's responding. I get a flash of anticipation and excitement as I bounce on my toes and look up at the ceiling as to pass the time. It seems more productive than watching the dots.

**Tobias:** I was pretty wasted. Dont really remember much.

**Tobias:** Sorry about that. Lol.

_What…_

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I exit the elevator, deciding it's about time I start taking it again and make a quick left into the men's bathroom praying no one is in attendance. My prayers were answered as I find it completely unoccupied. I brace myself on the sink and slowly watch the color creep back into my cheeks and then I blink my eyes to bring them back into focus.

I need a new elevator strategy. This time, it was full and that is just the perfect recipe for a debilitating anxiety attack. I think the only thing that got me up to this floor today was my trying to distract my mind from migrating toward Tris in bed with Matthew-his hands on her breasts, touching her in ways that…I hoped only I could…

"God…" I emit in a staggering breath. I shake my head in complete defeat as I wet a paper towel and cool off the back of my neck.

I know I was drunk last night, but did she not hear _anything _I said? I all but told her I was still in love with her and that I never stopped. And although she was screaming… I could still tell—I saw it in her livid eyes…she still loves me. _Not enough… I guess…_

Pulling my shoulders back and straightening up I walk toward my new office. I see the back of Matthew's head and I have to stave off the need to grab his neck and slam his face into his desk.

He's bouncing his leg nervously-which he always does and it's annoying as shit-and as I come up behind him I see him staring at his phone…just staring at it. I'm walking slowly enough that I can see he has Tris's contact information pulled up and he is…still…just staring.

"Morning, _Matthew_," I say with an overexertion of nonchalance.

It comes out more forcefully than intended and incredibly sarcastic which is excellent because he jumps...mmmm…about 20 feet, conservatively, while knocking his phone off his desk. So, I, of course, politely walk over and pick it up for him placing it nicely (if you think forcefulness and niceness are synonymous) on his desk with the screen facing up, letting him know I saw whose name is on it.

"_Shit!... _Um…morning," he mumbles making small glances up at me.

A spasm…just a spasm…of guilt comes over me as I take into account that none of this is his fault. Was it a dick move for him to move in on her so quickly, particularly since we work together? Maybe. But to be honest, if I were in his shoes…it wouldn't have stopped me either. And I _did_, from his point of view, break it off with her, and he never really knew the extent of our connection. Plus, he does seem to really like her… _Nope! Not working! Fuck you, Matthew!_

I continue as Will steps out and tosses me my phone. "Thanks."

"I'm here for ya." _Yes, Will…I picked up on your underlying meaning!_

I continue en route to my new, scarier-than-hell corner office with 180 degrees of floor to ceiling windows providing a perfectly shitty view of Lake Michigan. It's like a fucking glass box. It has a walk-out balcony and even a small side room that serves as a bedroom if the need arises. And it will…unless I can push through and start using my apartment again. I only lasted for a minute in my damned shower this morning. All it took was one look at that…bench!

…..

_I take the body wash that I also bought and start massaging it into her back and shoulders, not because she needs it: she's rinsed off enough by now, but because I'm selfish and I need it. She hangs her head and braces herself on my legs as she sighs out my name in a question. I'm not answering her as my hands have a mind of their own and move down her sides to the insides of her smooth legs trying to wash away whatever filth I have left on her. She leans her frame back into me as I run my fingers over her chest avoiding her breasts, not even allowing myself to look at them. I feel her hands on mine as she guides them down her entire torso, but I pull back immediately as I feel the swells on her chest. I still my hands on her shoulders and lean into her for a moment as my throat constricts again._

_"I'm sorry…I can't…." I won't. _

_Even though I know she's frustrated as she leans into her hands, I'm not ready to let go of her yet so I try to consume her with my body without touching any of the places I don't deserve to be. Suddenly she swings her legs over mine and rests her wet head and hand over my racing heart. I move my leg up to cradle her body in mine as I try to comfort her…but it's mutually beneficial._

_Her throat constricts before she gets out the word, "I love you…so much—"_

_….._

"Penny for your thoughts?"

I jump slightly at Amar's entrance. I don't know how I'm still not used to that shit.

"First, you want to give me your two cents…and now you want to take my penny?"

"You still have one left, my friend." He leans on my desk as I put down my briefcase on the other side.

"That's communism."

"Whatever makes this a thriving partnership..."

He walks over to my ridiculously long table and starts to spread out numerous amounts of spreadsheets. I laugh to myself thinking how alike we are in that I also need print-outs to internalize information. There is something about looking at everything on a computer screen that clouds my memory. I don't know how some of our interns do it…and frankly it makes me nervous, not having hard copies. _I sound old…_

"Maybe I'm old, but I need hard copies still. Does that make me old?"

"Probably."

He shrugs his shoulders and moves on. "This, my friend, is every employee at ALG." He does a sweeping motion with his hands. "It is direct from our accounting department and it references all payroll information. I, of course, have it in a PDF if you prefer—"

"No."

He smirks at our commonality as he continues. "…But I wanted to give you the opportunity to go over some of the departments so we can work on our checks and balances."

"Checks and balances?"

"Yes. I need to make sure our employees are compensated appropriately. You are going to check and make sure they are balanced!... See what I did there?"

"Yes."

"I am most sensitive to gender bias…" He looks out the window for a moment. "You see, when I first started, I took a page out of a similar agency to ours' playbook…as far as salary is concerned. And…to my deepest regret…I ended up paying the female employees 21% less than their male counterparts."

He glances at me…only briefly…and I can see the quick flash of shame behind his eyes.

"It was pointed out to me in a way most unbecoming to a new company-in the form of legal consequences."

"Ah." I nod my head in understanding as I breeze over them briefly.

"I assure you it was a complete oversight and my naivety—"

"Amar. Enough." He would never do that on purpose.

"Always direct." He scans my face and smiles. "Anyway, can you please look over the employees and cross-reference their salaries? For the time being it may be easier to stick to the ones with whom you are most familiar."

"Of course," I comment as I continue to scan.

"Please, however, keep in mind…these salaries are still performance based—male or female. We need to be sure they are evaluated under the strict rubric of equality."

"Mmm hmm… I see that the names are alphabetical. Can accounting filter it into departments instead of…"

**_Jonathan Jaenke_**

**_Tricia Jones_**

**_Juanita Juares_**

**_Julian Juarez_**

**_Omar Juarez_**

**_Carlyn King_**

"Tobias? Are you still in present company?"

"Juanita…Juares…" I look at Amar, who gets an unreadable expression across his face as my mind starts to work at a pace faster than I can contain.

Carlos Juares had a daughter…20 something years ago… I can literally see it on the eWiki in Calibri Font—_Juanita._ I've seen Nita's name—_Nita Juares_\- hundreds of times…in print, writing and signature and I made no such connection. Juares is an uncommon spelling for that last name… _There…is…no…way…this is happening…_

"Amar… Juanita Juares?"

He doesn't respond.

"Please pay me the owed courtesy of a mutual partnership to either confirm or deny that this is indeed the daughter of Carlos Juares working under _our _employment."

"Indeed, it is."

All I can feel right now is the build up of fire on the back of my neck and I soon find myself ripping my tie off as oxygen is becoming an issue.

"You know of him." It's a statement.

"You _know _I know of him… Is that…accurate?" I say through a clenched jaw.

"I understand he has had business ties with your father. Is there more?"

I start laughing and I assume it sounds semi-maniacal based on Amar's expression.

"Why…did you hire her?"

He sighs. "Because I owe it to you to be candid… I hired her out of fear. I'm not proud of it… I believe she thinks it's because of some bullshit 'everyone-deserves-a-chance' excuse. I _can_ put on a brave face…an exceptionally convincing one at that."

"Can you elaborate, please?" _My mandible bone may just disconnect._

"Can you?"

"No."

"Then, no."

I glare at him. "This isn't a Mexican stand-off, Amar!"

"Is that a pun?"

"Do not…try to diffuse this—"

"He murdered my brother."

The silence is deafening as that statement sinks in on more levels than I can count.

"Amar—"

"My father…was no saint. He was greedy and selfish… Attributes you are familiar with in patriarchs…"

I nod my head in understanding.

"He got in too deep with Carlos over an arms deal in India that fell through. He was unable to compensate for his error."

He stops and I see the indescribable feeling of grief cross his face…I've never seen it on him.

Then he continues. "So Carlos took his own compensation…in the form of asphyxiation. We found him, Ravi, leaning up against a tree in front of our home. I walked past him several times because I thought he was being a lazy-ass and fell asleep… I tried to kick him awake…"

I close my eyes at the image and because of Amar's pain… Based on my reaction to emotional issues, I would imagine he doesn't appreciate attention drawn to him at this moment. But not wanting to ignore the issue either, I sit down on the couch and gesture him to join me. I'm thankful that he does, even as he wipes near frantically under his eyes.

"You know as well as I do there is absolutely nothing I can say to make this better. So, just know I'm here."

He nods his head in thanks.

I remember all the bullshit comments when my mother died. "Son, I'm so sorry,"… "She was a wonderful woman,"… "You're in our prayers." All I kept thinking was "Really?"… "Who _are_ you?"… "And where _were_ you?"…" Why didn't you _help_ her?" _Why didn't I help her? Why didn't…I…do…anything…?_

"The reality is that I will grieve forever… I won't get over it… But I've learned to live with it... I've healed and rebuilt myself around his loss... I became whole again, but I'll never be the same…nor do I want to…" He takes a deep breath as I nod my head agreeing with absolutely everything he said. "You're up, my friend."

"I didn't realize we were playing a game." _Jesus, Tobias… He just poured his heart out to you… _He looks at me almost coldly. "He's threatening…me."

"How?"

"Amar, I _cannot _involve you—"

"But, you will."

I stand up and walk over to the window crossing my arms… At the moment, my fear of heights is lost… My only fear is for Tris, and that outweighs everything right now.

"From the beginning, Tobias."

I rub the back of my neck and it feels glorious. "Carlos was having an affair with my mother. She was going to leave Marcus… Fuck… And me…"

He lets me pause as that fact sets in again because I have never said it aloud.

"But she died the night before she was supposed to leave… He…Carlos…blames Marcus, and me by default, for her not leaving sooner…"

"There's more…" he prompts.

"Turns out he has been biding his time…waiting and watching… He _supposedly _knows a hell of a lot about me… He sure as hell found out about Tris…"

"Tris." I look at Amar's face as it seems to turn pale before he deflects. "Why do you say 'supposedly'?"

"I'm getting my intel…from Marcus. And…I know he's lying… I told him I'm going to talk to Carlos personally and he flipped his shit."

"What do you think he's lying about?"

"I don't know…but I'm determined to find out," I say turning my attention back to Amar.

"You are many many things, my friend. Determined being at the top of the list…"

"Hmmph."

"So, Carlos Juares has been watching you."

"Yes."

"Why?"

"He wants Marcus and me to feel the same pain he did. As if I felt _nothing_ at the loss of my mother…" I shake my head at the bullshit rationale. "So, he has forced Marcus to do his dirty work…to keep Tris and me apart. If Marcus succeeds…he lives and I'm without Tris. If Marcus fails, he dies…and Tris dies."

"And you lose her either way…" I nod my head at that plaguing thought. "How is Marcus keeping you apart?"

"He has emotional leverage…about Tris. _That, _I will not be sharing with you."

He seems to know I'm serious, so he doesn't question it. Narrows his eyes at me he suddenly stands and walks swiftly to the door, locking it.

"By the look on your face you're going to try to find a way out of this," he states quickly.

"Yes."

"Tris cannot know…anything. That is how we lost Ravi. He asked too many questions and well…you've met Tris." He takes both of my shoulders. "It will be fatal… No, not fatal… That's some adage that seems to have lost it's meaning through sensationalized television programs… He will fucking kill her!"

"Amar. I have…to tell her…something—"

"No, Tobias…you don't."

"What if this were George?! What the hell would you do, Amar?!" I walk in a circle, which does nothing but make me dizzy.

"I would walk away—"

"That is such bullshit and you know it!... Fuck!... And I tried that…and I…"

"No… You gave up. Threw in the fucking towel! At least that's how it looked to me, my friend."

"I was trying to protect her!"

"Then protect her! But you need to find a way out of this without involving her!..." He stares at the floor. "You're going to hate what I'm about to say, Tobias."

"Say it."

"Strong people will automatically stop trying if they feel unwanted. They won't beg for attention, they'll just walk away… You need to make her walk away."

"And if I find a way out of this?"

"Then get her back."

"Tris doesn't work that way… Fuck!"

"My friend, the real question here is 'What if you _don't _find a way out of this?'"

"Then at least she's safe…" _She's not mine…but she's safe…_

"Precisely… So what's your next move?"

"This is not a team effort."

"That's why I said 'your' move."

"I don't want to further involve—"

"Tobias!"

"Fine! I need to get to Carlos!... " He looks at me with wide, disbelieving eyes. "I have some interesting information about Marcus. I'm hoping it'll be enough to sway him."

"That man is…sadistic. Do you have any fucking _clue_ what you're—"

"Do you know how I could get to him?" He looks at the floor shaking his head in more disbelief.

"Amar!"

"I have an idea…yes." I look in the direction he is nodding his head and I see Nita sitting on one of the poor temps desks twirling her hair and cackling.

"I am _not _going to sleep with her." _No…way…in…hell…_

"My friend," he laughs. "I wasn't suggesting that… I almost had a heart attack when I found out you had!... I am merely suggesting you play nice…befriend the little bitch."

"She is interested in _much more_ than friendship."

"Most women are when it comes to you, Tobias." _Son of a bitch!_

"So, then what? We become _friends." Vomit! _"Then she invites me over for tea with her father?"

"Doubtful."

"Then…what?! HELP me!"

"I'm afraid I can't. Improvisation is going to have to be your most precious tool… And you are an excellent bull-shitter…_Four._"

My phone buzzes in my pocket and I'm grateful because I need a minute alone and I'm hoping this draws Amar out.

"I can see you've had enough." I nod my head. "Tobias… Keep her safe… If everything is as you say it is…he won't hesitate."

"First, I need to find out if everything _is_ as I say it is…"

"Good luck. I'll come by later." _Can't wait… Shit…wait!_

"Amar… I can't tell you how sorry I am about your brother…"

He nods his head as he exits the room. I check my phone expecting a text from Zeke and I see that it's…Tris. Just seeing her name appearing on my phone makes my cheeks warm.

**Tris:** Can we meet up to talk?

**Tris:** This is Tris. Lol.

_As if I could delete your number…_

She wants to meet up to talk… We can't… I know we can't… But I'm dying to know what she would say. That she doesn't want me?… She did the math and it all added up, but it doesn't make a difference because she's moving on?… Or…another scenario, which may be worse—she now knows something is up and she's going to try to get it out of me… She knows I'm still madly in love with her and she won't give up…

**Me:** I was pretty wasted. Dont really remember much.

**Me:** Sorry about that. Lol.

I wait and wait and wait, boring a hole through the screen on my phone…but no response. And I suppose there's none needed…

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I get to the ALG building in record time thanks to a very swift cab driver. I have no idea how they get away with driving like that…

Shit, in Kittridge there's a cop just waiting to ticket you for going five over the speed limit! A strange twinge tugs at me at the memory of my hometown. Sometimes I do miss it… Not to live there-purely for nostalgic reasons. Then there's Eric… A shiver runs up my spine replacing the twinge of nostalgia.

I rev myself up, literally talking to myself, for the whole ride up in the elevator. I'm pissed…really pissed. There is no way in hell he is putting me through this again! That text was dumb and vague and purposeful! He's such a piece of shit… But damn it I love him! There's a place in me, that unexplained tug that I have been feeling on loop, that says this is worth fighting for. I have tried to rationalize EVERYTHING! And, I'm sick of it. So, I'm going with my gut…giving him a final shot.

I get off the elevator and jog to his office, hearing Matthew talking across the floor somewhere…

"Stupid human tricks!... I can pronounce Ashwaubenon, Oconomowoc and Mukwonago… I can even spell them… Bask in my Wisconsin amazingness!...Yeah, that was dumb…" I hear people laugh at his banter and it makes me smile.

Until I picture Tobias and how I ditched Matthew for him and now I'm mad…and excited and… _Fuck! _

I see his office door and I barge right in. "What the…hell was that text…"

"Um… What text?"

"Will."

"Tris."

"You're not…Four…"

"No."

"So, where can I find him?" I ask wringing my hands in slight embarrassment.

"I'll show you…" A soft sexy female voice lights my ears on fire as I turn to face Nita. "…He has a new office now… Don't worry, Trish. How would you have known? Follow me…" She gestures to me with her index finger. _Ech!_

"Will?" I turn to him for assistance.

"Straight across the floor, corner office on the left."

"Thanks." I start speed walking and I hear Nita following me. I smile as I hear her try to keep up in her kitten heels. "Don't need ya!" I remark forcefully.

"You…don't. But _he…_might."

"Doubtful."

"And how would you know what he wants these days? Because from my perspective…you're incredibly…out…of the picture. Trust me…I would know."

"Doubtful, again." _I see the end is near!_

"You think you know him better than I do these days?" _I've fucking had it!_

"Holy shit you crazy bitch!... I know him better than you do on _any_ fucking day! And do you know what else I know?"

"Can't wait to hear this." She crosses her slutty arms and tilts her head.

"He would _never _be with you—"

"Well, he has already been with—"

"Shut your fucking stupid mouth! You are a certifiable…" I count on my fingers knowing ten won't be enough. "…over-sexed….twit with—"

"Okay, Tris… Tone down the insults," Will, who had apparently followed me, coughs out behind me.

"I'm not insulting her! I'm describing her, damn it—"

"Tris!"

I hear the unmistakable angry tone of Tobias who, as I turn my head, is standing stoic, staring me down as if I'm the last person he wants to see…

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I'm trying incredibly hard but epically failing at going over the salary reports laid out in from of me. My eyes keep migrating to _Juanita Juares_…. _She's my in?! She's my in! In what kind of fucked up world do I live in? And…how the hell do I go about this?_ An effort of friendliness toward her will be misconstrued on her end as romantic advances and I cannot go down that road! _Please don't make me go down that road!_

Another issue—I need to keep Tris far away from this and the only way I can think to do that right now is to steer clear. No more Dauntless, no more Hangars…and most likely…no friends for a while. _Great… Misery loves company and I won't even have that! I just hope Tris stays away from that crazy bitch—_

"-you crazy bitch! I know him better than you do on _any_ fucking day! And do you know what else I know?" My heart races at her voice. Not the good kind… The get-the-fuck-away-from-the-woman-who-could-get-you-killed kind! I walk toward the door plotting my next move…

"Can't wait to hear this," Nita snarks. _And you will…hear this… Trust me…_

"He would _never _be with you—"

"Well, he has already been with—"

"Shut your fucking stupid mouth!" _Shit, Tris! _"You are a certifiable….over-sexed…twit…with—"

I see Will say something in her ear.

"I'm not insulting her! I'm describing her, damn it—"

"Tris!" I emit sternly even though I_ hate_ that I have to speak to her like that. But she needs to tone it down and I need to make it seem like….mmmmmgghghgh…I'm not fucking thrilled as shit to lay my eyes on her!

She looks at me with her piercing eyes and a look of shock appears on her face…then quickly shame (Because let's face it, she was screaming obscenities in the middle of my office.)…and now… _Shit….anger…_

I open the door with an annoyed face, gesturing her in so she can cool off and also I just really want to look at her face again…sober. I watch Nita storm to her cubicle and the support staff laugh and hi-five in Tris's favor. I close the door behind me but leave the blinds open. I know Tris is here for a fight and I need Nita to see my face and how un-phased I am… I know she'll be watching…

I observe Tris for a minute as she faces away from me looking out the window. Her hair is pinned-up aside from a few stray tendrils that never seem to quite make it when she has her hair up. She's wearing leggings and I would venture to guess a leotard of some sort under her long short-sleeved shirt tied together at the waist with a belt. She's definitely going to dance class… _Fuck…what I wouldn't give to see her dance again…_

"What's with the bullshit text?" she asserts not turning around.

"It wasn't bullshit." _It was complete bullshit…_

"Really?"

"Mmm hmm. I was drunk. I said stupid shit. I'm sorry." _Okay, that's accurate._

"Your text said you 'don't really remember' what you said. But apparently you do." _Doh!_

"Vaguely, I suppose."

"Tobias." She turns around and I get the full body version of Tris and it almost makes my knees weak. We are in a room together…with no one else. "There was nothing vague about what you said last night." I shrug indifferently. "Tobias?" _She's calling me Tobias…_ "What can I say to make you tell me what's going on? What do I have to do?" she asks softly with genuine concern. _Fuck…_

"Nothing."

"So there _is _something going on?" _Doh!_

"Don't twist my words."

"I…didn't," she grits out. "You… We… We were good…" She starts shifting her weight nervously. "Then you came back…from talking to your father…and…well, you changed. Fuck! I know he has some sort of hold on you—"

"You know nothing about my father." _And we will be keeping it that way!_

"I got more information from _Christina_ about the present whereabouts of your father than from you. You always made it sound like he was this non-entity and I _never_ wanted to push you. You told me…_nothing_!"

"And I'm not gonna start now," I state plainly.

"Yeah, I know… You have no reason to anymore."

"What does that mean?"

"I did a lot of 'math'…" She uses air quotes. "…last night and I came to the conclusion that you only ever told me things in response to _my_ admissions…as if you felt you owed me that much—"

"No, that's—"

"I told you…well, _started_ to tell you, about Eric…" She swallows at the mention of his name and I do the same. "…early on. And then about Caleb and my parents…at the pier, remember?"

I nod my head at the memory of her emotionless tears about her brother and how moved I was that she was telling _me _that. I never deserved that…

"The relief I felt…being able to tell someone that…to not try to hide shit… Shit! But you only ever gave me small pieces. Don't get me wrong, I cherished those small pieces… Those one-shots into your life—"

"They weren't just one-shots—"

"Tell me about where you grew up," she challenges.

"You know where I grew up."

"Tell me about it!" she yells as my eyes flit to the window. _Seem aloof! Seem aloof!_

"Tris…"

"Ha! Yeah… No need. There's not going to be an even trade of information because you sure as hell know_ I'm_ not going to let you in anymore!"

I stay as still and stoic as I can even as she spouts bullets out of her mouth.

"If it wasn't because you felt like you _had_ to clue me in on your life…then why did you?... Because from my perspective, you've held back_ so_ much…that it almost wasn't necessary in the first place!... So was it to make me feel better? Or just because it was something we had in common?... Tris's ex-boyfriend beat her to hell so I'll let her in a little bit—"

"A little bit?! I told you more than I've told anybody…ever!" _Don't lose it, Tobias. Disconnect…disconnect…_

"Why?"

"Because I trusted you and—"

"Then trust me…again!... Damn it! I told you everything! Everything! Even things I knew in my heart you couldn't handle…but I told you because you needed and deserved to know!... Stop staring and SAY something!..." _She's yelling…. She needs to stop…yelling…_

"I honestly…have nothing to say to any of this." _BECAUSE I CAN'T!_

She immediately calms down and walks close to me, but I inch back. "Can you say something for me? One thing in particular?"

"What?" She's gaining on me…

"You have to look at me." I look her straight in her gorgeous fiery intriguing eyes and my breath is about taken away. She's incredibly close…and again, we are in a room together…alone. "Say, what you couldn't say at my apartment…in my bed." _Please…stop_… "Say…you don't want me."

I look away at the last words she whispered and I lock eyes with Nita staring at us through the window.

"Please…" I don't want to look at Nita. I can't look at Tris… So I look up. But she grabs the back of my head and holds it like a vice. "Look at me…and tell me…" _Jesus… Please, stop… Please, stop…_ "Say it."

I try to flinch my head away from her iron grip as my face burns from fear and need.

"Tobias James Eaton, I need you to say it so I can…MOVE ON!" _Please… Don't move on… _"You know what? Let's take this shit up a notch. Tell me…you don't love me. Look me in the fucking eyes and TELL…ME!..." _I hate this! I hate you! I hate this! I…_ "Tobias!"

I rip my body away and storm toward the smaller room. Nita cannot see an ounce of emotion on my face. Tris is, of course, right on my heels as she slams the door behind us.

"There. Now we won't have to make a scene and ruin your professional reputation!" she seethes.

"Yeah! Because that's at the forefront of my thoughts these days! My professional reputation!" I rip my coat off and throw it, knocking the lamp off the desk.

"What _is_ at the forefront of your thoughts?!"

She gets up on the bed. She's now taller than me and she grabs the sides of my head making me look at her and I can't resist it. We are so close that we're breathing the same air. My chest starts heaving at the pressure of our proximity and how amazing it is to be here with her…right now. She loosens the grip on my face and runs her hands to the back of my neck, pulling our foreheads together. One upward angle of my face and my lips would be on hers and who knows where that would take us… Probably to the point of no return-that's where. It would come across as me using her for sex…and that's unforgivable. I glance up at her lips and watch them tremble as she waits for me to say something. It's almost as if her lips are asking for me. But, I can't disrespect her like that. _I love her_…

"I'm not going to beg you to tell me the truth…" She shakes her head still holding ours together and suddenly my hands are gripping her wrists pleading for her to not let go. "I'm done with that. You can take whatever the hell is _really_ going on here and shove it up your ass. I can even forgive you for that! But I've learned enough lessons in my life to know this—I won't hate you."

"You won't?" I ask incredulously and with very unmanly shaky breaths.

"No. I could never hate you… You saved me…," she moans. _God, please_… "Made me believe things about myself that I never had… and thought I never would…"

Then she pauses…and I just know…I anticipate…

"But I'll never get close enough for you to hurt me again… I can't let my forgiveness become…foolishness."

My breath picks up and I can't seem to stop it. She lifts her head and looks into my eyes with grief. I can see the tears about to spill over the soft skin under her eyes and I take a mental picture of this look...I will never forget it. Then she gently runs her thumb under my eye releasing a tear of my own that I didn't even know was there… She watches it run from the top of her thumb down to her wrist. I'm not even ashamed_. I grieve for her…and about her…_

She releases my head and wipes under her eyes stepping slowly off the bed and making her way out of the room.

"Tris…?" I choke out. "I never said it… Just remember… I never…said it. Please…"

"Said what?" she asks flippantly as she walks out the door as if she didn't just basically put the nail in the coffin of our relationship.

I take two deeps incredibly shaky breaths and walk out into my office in enough time to see her small body exit. She walks confidently down the hall just as Nita strolls by.

"Crazy bitch," I mutter under my breath nodding in Tris's direction as she waits for the elevator.

"Um…yeah. Did you _hear_ what she said to me? Ugh…"

"Yep."

I watch Tris and try to control my breathing and overall composure as she enters the elevator and turns toward me. She's far enough away, but I can still sense her flitting her eyes from me to Nita. We're standing close enough that it looks like we're talking about her. I see a confused look cross her face as the door closes.

"Excuse me, Nita," I excuse myself politely and head toward Matthew.

"Mmm hmm."

He has his head up looking toward where the elevator doors had just closed.

"You really like her?" I startle him out of his Tris-induced trance.

He laughs sarcastically. "Yes…I do…"

"Did you ever take her out…on that date?" _I'm going to lose my lunch…_

"Nope," he states as he looks down at his newest project.

"She hates fancy restaurants and formal dates," I spit out as fast as I can. "If she didn't…already tell you that…"

If she's going to be with anyone else, it's at least going to be a nice guy and someone I can keep tabs on…as torturous as that will be…

"No, in fact, she didn't. But let me file that one away!" he emits with exaggerated hands.

"Good."

He looks up at the ceiling and chuckles. "You must be out of your damned mind…"

"You have no idea…" He looks at me curiously as I walk away and back into my office.

Locking the door behind me, I enter the bathroom and turn the water on and for a moment I have no idea what to do… So I just start pacing until I get dizzy—her words repeating in my head- _"But I'll never get close enough for you to hurt me again. I can't let my forgiveness become foolishness."_

She meant…every…word of that.

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I meant…every…word of that.

**(Turning Tables - Adele)**

* * *

**Nita's POV:**

_And she called me a crazy bitch? She thinks she can barge into our place of work and make a scene! Targeting me? What the hell did I do? Just because I treated her as the miniscule individual she is? Whatever…I'll take one for the team—team Fournita… Oh, my God, I love it! _

I watch their interaction, very covertly might I add, and see the look of shock and anger on his face. _He keeps looking at me! God, she is probably being so disrespectful to him!_ Then she_… Ew!..._ She's grabbing his face and he looks… What is that look? _Desperate? _

"Oh! Hi, Nita! Workin' hard?" I hear the snide annoying voice of Matthew.

"Yep."

"FYI…you're obsession is showing…" he whispers as he pulls up a chair. _Get away!_

"What?!"

"Obsession… You're obsession with Four… It's oozing out of your seemingly non-existent pores…. Like, did you get a facial?"

"No… And I don't have an obsession. And why do you hate me so much!? Is it because of David?!" _David was an idiot… A hot idiot…_

"What are you talking about? I like you! People say I have no taste… But I like you!...and yes, it's because of David."

"Well…for your information. David…has a thing for little Trish in there…"

"David." _Ooohhhh…. Did I hit a weak spot?_

"Yes…Matthew. He all but told me…trying to make me jealous or whatever…as if."

"You_ really_…think he was just trying to make you jealous…?" he asks as if that's not possible.

"Why else would he be going on and on about her? Obviously…just to piss me off!..." I notice a worried look come over his idiotic face. "…Well, well, well…a little threatened by David? Your obsession is showing!"

"Nope, no obsession here…" he coughs out. "I have…begrudgingly…lost that battle on account of our fearless leader…who I fear. He gets the girl! Yay…Four!" _Shit! Shit! Shit!_

"Four will be getting…no girl—"

"God, you're twisted…" he interrupts. "…so back to David—"

"Relax, Matthew… He'll never ask her out… So have at her!"

"Yeah… Ya see, Nita… she's not the 'have at her' girl… Another thing you two don't have in common… And…Yeah so anyway… Why would David _not_ ask her out?"

"Because of you! Does stupidity run in your family?"

"Well…" he stands and stretches. "I will say this… Everyone has the right to be stupid!"

"I….guess…"

"I will say you abuse the privilege more than most… Bye, Felicia… I mean, Nita. Can't wait to work with ya on the Damen project! Sorry… Yikes… I'm allergic to stupidity… I break out in sarcasm!_"_

_Mmmghghggh! I fucking hate that guy! _Him not dating Tris… Tris showing up here… I may have to—

Quickly and quietly Four's office door closes and I see Tris half way down the hall and Four staring after her in a very very strange way…

"Crazy bitch," he mumbles surprising me as I waltz over…

Well, it's not entirely surprising seeing as it's true. It's just unlike him to say anything crass. _Hmm…_

"Um…yeah. Did you hear what she_ said_ to me? Ugh…"

"Yep."

I glance to the left wondering why the hell he is still staring at her. _Probably making sure she officially leaves! Right?_

"Excuse me, Nita."

"Mmm hmm."

_Do I need to make sure she officially leaves? I believe so... Yes, definitely. Fournita!_

* * *

**Just a Feeling – Maroon 5**

**Blood Stream – Ed Sheeran (perfectly describes Tobias's drinking problem)**

**Chandelier – Sia (describes Tris's)**

* * *

**I know it may not seem like progress…but it is, I assure you!… Look at the story as a whole...not just because we all selfishly want them to be together…**

**Please review! But...you're probably not thrilled...**


	38. Warnings

**AN:**** Wow…people actually enjoyed that last chapter way more than I thought they would!**

**I'm happy that you have realized that Amar is human and makes mistakes like everyone else. That's kind of the underlying theme of the story… Everyone is flawed… (I know ****_I _****would have hired Nita and been scared of Carlos…)**

**Your requests for more dancing have been more than answered in this chapter! I HIGHLY recommend you Youtube the choreography and watch the dances a couple times. It will seriously enhance the chapter!**

**Rated - M**

**Chapter 38 - Warnings**

* * *

**Christina's POV:** Tuesday (1 week later)

I used to have such an appreciation for Vogue and Vanity Fair…but now I'm all judgey and critical—constantly thinking how I could do better. My mentor calls it a "casualty of the industry,"—apparently designers all turn into competitive egocentric jerks… I really don't want to be like that!

"Shit…" I comment to myself out loud.

"You talking to me?" Tris droles from her desk in her room.

"No… Talking to myself…about myself, apparently!" _Shit…the change is already happening!_

"Okay," she responded disinterestedly. _UGH!_

_'Okay?'! Not gonna ask me what the hell I'm talking about? Nothin'?_

She has been acting… _Shit…_ As much as I hate to say this—like Beatrice. _Okay…too strong… Maybe like a more confident Beatrice. How do I explain this? _It's like she's been quiet, anti-social and…everything is always 'fine.' Yes! Okay, it's like she has closed herself off…like completely.

It started when she came to work Tuesday evening.

**Flashback:**

"I don't know…what's_ your_ favorite gin?" this chick in a pleather (yes…pleather!) skirt and matching top (so…apparently that's happening?) asks me as she smacks her gum in her mouth.

"I'm not much of a gin drinker, but—"

"Me neither!"

"Then why do you—"

"Is Beefeater a good gin? It is, right!?"

"Whatever works for ya." _Even a non-gin drinker knows that shit is garbage._

"Great! I'll have Beefeater and Coke?" _Lady, you may as well vomit now and get it over with!_

"You'd be better off snorting a_ line_ of Coke than mixing it with Beefeater gin… Why don't you try a Tanqueray and tonic with a splash of cranberry?" Tris suggests to 80s-pleather girl as she passes us by.

I look at her with what I'm sure is a super weird expression. She chuckles and just…walks away!_ Hmm… _

"I'll try what she said!"

"Sounds good!" I say in my very chipper voice as I make her drink and glance at Tris, who has a content look on her face.

_She came here right from dance. Maybe her endorphins are still running high? She's been working with Kevin a lot lately…but she usually comes home depressed after that… Hmmm…._

After handing over the drink, I scoot my way down to her.

"How was dance?"

"Good. Kevin and I choreographed this new Rihanna song. You would love it."

"Can you please…._finally…_tell me what you're working on?"

"Can you grab me the Red Bull?... Um… Mostly partner dancing…" she comments while biting her lips.

"What…kind…of partner dancing?"

"The kind where he needs a partner and I fulfill that role."

"Role-playing?" I ask waggling my eyebrows.

She sighs as she pours shots of Jager into five glasses. "I suppose it kind of feels that way…" _Now I'm officially interested!... "_Relax! Not like you think… Christ! You're already aware of his sexual orientation, are you not?"

"Kinkier things have happened!"

"What I mean is… I feel like I'm fitting into someone else's role… Ya know?"

"No… Do explain, my love." _I truly don't get it…_

"Well, the choreography is significantly more…" She nods at Lynn and puts the shots on a tray.

"What?"

"Sexual! Okay?... You know I don't do the whole sexy thing very…sexily… And it just feels weird. But, I _have _to and it just—"

"Why?! What do you mean you _have _to? And…why have you been so secretive?"

"It's for an audition…for him. It's a new dance company that he wants to get into and their style is very…um… not me…"

"Now I'm smellin' what you're steppin' in!... Sexy, huh?"

"Yep."

"So…can I ask a question?"

"You're seriously asking me if _you _can ask me a question?"

"Yeah… I guess that was pretty weird, huh?"

"Absolutely."

I follow her quickly down the bar until she stops at a computer to run a credit card. "So…okay… You've been coming home from dance all sad and depressed—"

"No, I haven't." _Is she kidding?!_

"Yeah, okay… Whatever you say! Moving past your denial… Yeah, roll your eyes, it doesn't phase me!..." …_Cue eyeroll #2!_... "As I said…you've been coming home…in a sub-par mood… Better?"

"Whatever." _I reworded it… Geez!_

"And today…you seem a tad bit chipper!"

She looks up at the ceiling and bites her lip—a sign that I'm going to get information!

"Okay, I'm just gonna say it. Before…when I would dance with Kevin… Fuck…. It would remind me of Four… And now…"

I look at her blankly because I still don't know how I feel about the whole getting-to-the-bottom-of-things-with-Four. I know he's a good guy...and I think he still loves her… But, dude!… He slept with someone else! How much_ could_ he love her? But then again, he's a guy...a member of the weaker sex…so do I give him a break?!

"Now…?"

"Today, it didn't."

"Why?"

"Because I confronted Four at work…and as far as I'm concerned…everything is all good."

"Really?!" _I need her to confirm this!_

"Really."

"Holy balls! Thank God! This has been torture! For all of us! Shauna actually held, like, a team meeting and Mar and I were Team Tris and Uriah and Shauna were team—"

"What the fuck…" she says all breathy and shit while staring at me all mouth open and everything…

"But it doesn't matter now! Are you mad?..." I can't read her expression so she must be… "Oh shit! Please don't be. We just wanted to… I mean you've been really unhappy and apparently so has he and… Well…boy! Men have different coping mechanisms, don't they!? Anyway…it's been shitty, ya know?"

"It's…been shitty?" She's speaking way too quietly…

"Yessss?... Way shittier for you! I mean—"

"Stop talking." She walks away as I realize I stuck my foot so far in my mouth it is about to come out my ass. "I didn't… I didn't know this was all so _hard _on all of you. I'll do my best to keep my discontent to a minimum from now on."

"Wait… Discontent?! I thought you guys—"

"Nope. We're done. I'm done. I went to his office to give him a…"

"Give him a what?... A chance?... A choice?... An ultimatum?..."

"It doesn't matter… He didn't take it and I'm done. I can't…do this—"

"Wait… He still loves you. I know it! We know—"

"Not enough!" She throws a bottle in the recycling and it shatters. "He doesn't love me enough! He may think he does…but he doesn't… Love is more than just a…a fucking feeling! It's trust and…"

"Tris!" I call after her as she makes a swift exit to the back room. "Shit balls…" I say under my breath. "Lynn watch the bar for a second!"

She's pacing when I get back there. "I don't want to cry about him anymore! I want to be done…crying! I want to be done thinking! Damnit… And five hours ago, I was! Thanks a whole fuckin' lot!"

"Jesus… I'm… I don't know what to say."

"There's nothing to say. I'm sorry this has been…hard on you guys," she comments laughing sarcastically.

_Be soothing_… "We know it's been harder on you… I just wanted you to know that you're not alone… We're all here for—"

"Enough of the 'we' bullshit! Have you been…_conspiring_?"

"No. Just…" _Actually…yes, we have been…_

"Yeah… Let's get back to work."

**End Flashback**

I am completely aware that I could have handled that situation differently. And I have apologized for my lack of candor many times… But I can't do it anymore! She forgave me and said, "Chris, you're just being 'you'!" Not quite sure how to take that so I just went along with it. But ever since that night, Tris has been in voluntary solitary confinement. Well, not totally solitary… She's been around people…just not around her friends unless necessary. She won't go out for drinks nor any other social activity, she hasn't been working out at Dauntless and…well… it seems like she's just… Shit! I don't know!

"Tris?" I sway into her room incredibly casually.

"Mmm?"

"Can we chitchat for a sec?"

"Mmm hmm."

"Can you put the paints down and look at me?" _For the love of God…_

"Sure."

After several seconds finally she turns in her seat and waits for me to say something.

"Get mad at me!" I just about yell.

"What?"

"Yell, scream, call me a bitch…whatever!... And then let's get on with things!"

"I'm not going to do…any of that…because I'm not mad."

"Then what is go-ing on?!... I can't keep asking you, Tris!"

"It just feels good to lay low. It's not like I'm not doing stuff." She picks at her nails and doesn't make eye contact. _Beatrice…_

"You're not doing stuff with me!"

"What do you want to do?" _Finally!_

"Let's go to the gym!"

"No."

"Why?... Because you don't want to run into Four?"

"I don't want to run into…anyone."

"So…you're cutting yourself off?"

"Look, I know it sounds crazy…but the last week has actually been kind of nice. Am I steering clear of everyone?...Yes! Does it suck ass?... Yes!" _Finally, she is giving me some emotion_!"But…have I been constantly reminded of Four?... NO!.." I watch her closely as she gets up and circles the room. "Don't you get it?... Every time I see Zeke, Uriah, Shauna… Shit!… Even George!... It's like I'm right back where I started."

"So…you're ditching your friends over a guy?" _Was that shitty? Yes._

"He wasn't just a guy and you know it... Is Will 'just a guy'?" she all but whispers.

I ignore that remark, but the answer is "hell no."

"I need to get over him, Chris… Can you please let me?"

I think about that for a moment…but, just a moment… "Sure… Just don't ditch me. Okay?"

She gives me a small side smile that doesn't reach her eyes. _I haven't seen that girl really smile in weeks…_

"Why don't we do drinks tonight after work?"

"Um… I can't."

"Why…?"

"Well… Kevin's audition is tonight."

"Oh! Where? Can I watch?!"

"You can…actually."

"Saweet! Where is it?"

"Hangars."

"Seriously?" _Well, that's a letdown. Tori's gonna make me work!_

"Unfortunately, yes. Kevin asked Tori…and she is all about free entertainment so… Tonight, Hangars is hosting an audition for the Urban Exibitors Dance Company."

"This is awesome! What time?... Can I call people?!... Will's gonna be there either way 'cause he's bringing me dinner so—Hey!" She is not listening to me! "Tri-is?"

"Mmm? Yeah, sorry…just thinking."

"You do that shit a lot lately."

"Think?"

"Zone out…" I go sit on her bed and talk to her more quietly. "You used to do that…a lot, you know? Like…B4…. Get it?"

"What is there to get?"

"B4… Before Four?"

"Chris… I don't know what to say when you make comments like that… Are you trying to make me feel bad? Worse than I already do?..."

"No!"

"You may not realize it, but…I know myself a little better than you think…and right now…I feel enough like my former self…whatever that means…and I don't need you pointing it out to me!"

"I said no such words…"

"You implied it—"

"No. I didn't… Okay, maybe I did… I'm trying to bait you and you aren't falling for it!"

"Bait me?! Out with it! Fuck!"

"I know you're having nightmares again and I want you to talk to me!" I look at the floor knowing she won't want me looking at her. "It started last Tuesday night to be exact…That's why I've been staying here…"

"Christina…please don't do that…"

"But, you are…having nightmares again…"

"Yes…They're different, but…yeah."

"Is there anything I can do?"

"Maybe just…don't have Will stay here. Until I get a handle on things. I think I just have to sort things out—to get through it. I did it before… I can do it again…"

"You're gonna hate me for this."

"Jesus! What now?"

"You need to see a therapist."

"I know."

"Oh." _That was…an unexpected response… _"Anything else?"

"Can I have my playlist back?! Adele has this new song and I need to listen to it…loudly!"

She doesn't answer.

"Sorry… It's fine I get it. What time is Kevin's audition tonight?"

"8:00."

"Okay, I'm gonna head to the gym… Didja wanna come with—"

"No."

"Okay..." I walk out of the room looking purposely saddened.

"Hey, Chris?"

"Yeah?"

"You can have your playlist back."

"Really?" She nods her head. "Yeeeeee! Thank you, thank you!" _Halle-friggin-lujah!_

I attempt to accost her, but she turns and goes to her desk too quickly so I do a smooth 360 and walk out toward my bedroom.

"Maybe just not…_Jar of Hearts_. Okay?"

"I will totally nix all songs Christina Perry…'cause let's face it…"

"Yeah… But I'm pretty good at facing things… So…"

I peek out of my room and stare at the back of her head. She turns to look out the window and I see a tear spill as the sun reflects off it. I think she's at the point that she doesn't even know she's doing it…

_My poor girl… She would hate it if I ever said that out loud…_

* * *

**Will's POV:**

I look over the new project I'm heading up. It's a new build in Wicker Park—a smaller project, but I appreciate that. It's Four's way of letting me get my feet wet. Although he never really had to get his feet wet… Amar tossed him into the lion's den head first with the design of the entire Commerce building and then the Museum of Science and Industry. _Yeah, but he is Four and he can pretty much handle any person and fears no confrontation whatsoever… Well, except for one unmentionable person._

I walk out of my amazing new office to go find Matthew and Nita to introduce them to the new Junior Architect…whom I've yet to meet as well. _Real professional, Will…_ _Did Four and Amar make a mistake? No. I realized it after all the amazing things Christina said to me when I told her…_

**Flashback:**

"Knock, knock!"

"You know you don't have to announce yourself… You can just let your beautiful self in the door." She launches herself at me and gives me a passionate kiss that I really want to turn into something much more…but…

"Hey, I have some news."

"This better be good." She wraps her arms around my neck and gives me the chance to look into her deep brown eyes.

"It is…. Um. I got a promotion today." _I don't know why I said that so quietly…_

"Really?! That's great, baby!... And what exactly does that entail?" She plops herself on my counter and looks at me begging with her eyes for every detail I can give her.

"I am the new Senior Architect!"

I watch her eyes widen and I can't help but smile.

"Ayayayayayayayayay! That's fantastic!... You work so hard!... You deserve this! Oh my God! I love you, I love you, I love you!" She practically smothers me with sweet kisses.

"I'm just not sure I deserve—"

She clamps her fingers over my lips essentially flattening them.

"You do. I see how hard you work!... Do you know why we never eat at this perfectly good dining room table?"

"Because you work nights."

"William… It's because it always has those papers…all over it!… What do you call those? "

"Renderings?"

"Yes, those. Spread out all over! You bring work home every night!… You are fantastic and brilliant and I don't know because I can't think of anything else right now… Except…we should _celebrate_…"

_I love this girl…_

**End Flashback**

I straighten up and take a couple deep breaths…thinking about my grandpa in his underwear…and then walk over to Matthew's desk.

"Hey. The new associate should be here in a few minutes… Why don't you have a seat in my office and I'll go get Nita."

"Sure thing new way-easier-to-talk-to boss!... Don't bother going to her desk…" He takes a deep breath and narrows his eyes… "She's in Four's office…again."

"What do you mean 'again'?..."

"They have been spending quite a bit…more time together than usual."

"And…you have a problem with that?"

"I have a mammoth…gargantuan…monumental…formidable…titanic…monstruous—"

"Matthew."

"—problem with that… Yes."

"Look, just please keep in mind that we _all_ have to work with Nita… I know you don't like her—"

"It's actually not her at the present time… I mean, don't get me wrong, when the Zombie Apocalypse happens and they come looking for brains…in my opinion, she'll be safe… But, I digress… I'm frankly, vastly and completely more upset with our boss… Whom I am trying desperately to respect… And why am I talking to you about this…?"

"You can stop now."

"Good call."

"Meet you in my office."

_What the hell was that about? It has to be about Tris. In that case, I don't want to know… _

I approach Four's door and although I don't want to eavesdrop… I eavesdrop.

"And, oh my God… After I got back from Bora Bora, I was just so disturbed. The people there… Four, they don't even bother to learn English! I mean, they _want _people to come to their country and they can't even bother to learn…like, the most important language in the world. They'll never get their shit together at that rate. No amount of beautiful beaches and water could get me back to_ that_ resort. So…awful!... You're awfully quiet over there… Four?... I know, it took me awhile to process as well—"

"Process? Sorry…what?"

I have to hold in a laugh.

"Am I _not _capturing your interest right now?" she asks as if that is some unbelievable fact.

He stays silent for a moment. "No. You are definitely capturing my interest, Nita. In more ways than you know…" _Was that a snide comment? Shit… I haven't been able to speak Four, lately. _"Do you have…a meeting or…_something…_right now?" he asks seeming desperate for an out.

"Yes! Sorry… It's just…you distract me so—"

"Excuse me, I have to get this… Hello?... I've been expecting your call, yes."

I turn my body as Nita exits and she thankfully walks in the direction of her cubicle while I immediately walk into Four's office. He has his phone in his hand and he's resting his forehead on his desk, shaking his head slowly. I sit quietly in the chair in front of his and listen to him grumble for a moment.

"…can't believe this shit…mgggghhhhh…burn my eardrums with hot pokers—"

"I don't recommend that."

His head shoots up and he opens his mouth to say something but either nothing comes to mind or he changes his mind because he indeed says…nothing—at least not what _is_ on his mind.

"Taking lessons from Amar?"

"Yeah. The art of magical appearance… They're really paying off."

He huffs out a laugh through his nose. "What's up?"

"Just came by to grab Nita. The new associate is here and I wanted to introduce them all."

"Well, you just missed her!" he says with mock enthusiasm.

"Yeah… I saw that. Lively conversation you two were having." He laughs through his nose again and just shakes his head. "Dude… I know you can't stand her. Why the lunch breaks together and sudden friendliness…relatively speaking."

"Because I have a higher position now and I need to have better relationships with my employees."

"Does that include me?... And refrain from twisting my words into some dumb joke."

"Not in the joking mood…" He sighs and tosses his glasses on his desk, rubbing his face. "I haven't been a good friend."

"No, you haven't."

"I don't know how to better explain it to you than to say I need to keep my distance right now—"

"You've kept your distance for the last however-many weeks."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Can you give me any reason or explanation at all?... Don't answer that yet… I want to know why you broke up with Tris! I feel like no one has really just come out and looked you straight in the eyes and asked you that."

"You're right." He nods his head in agreement.

"So…can you tell me?"

"No."

"Does _she _know why?"

"No."

"But you still love her."

I stare at him, not looking away as he nods his head just enough to provide me with a positive answer.

"Then why—"

He leans forward just like he did the day he told me he never said he didn't care about Tris. "Will. You're one of my closest friends… Therefore I don't want to lie to you, but I'm afraid I will have to if you continue to ask me questions."

"Okay." I get up to leave knowing I sure as hell am not going to get anything else out of him…except… "Hey...does Tris know how you feel?"

I watch him puts his glasses back on and open up his MacBook while he gives me a noncommittal shrug.

_She knows…_

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

_Please don't come upstairs, please don't come upstairs…. Shit! Shit! Shit!_

_"Beatrice?!... You up here?" _

_Don't answer… Don't answer… Stay in the closet and close the door!... Jesus…_

_"Yeah. Hey… I was—"_

_"What're you doing in…my closet?!"_

_"I was…uh…going to do some of your laundry… Thought I'd surprise you…"_

_"Really? Because from what I see…you were going through my shit!"_

_"Why? Why would I need to—"_

_"I'm gonna ask you again… What…are you doing…in my closet?"_

_…._

"Huuuuuuhhhhh!"

I wake to the searing pain of a suddenly dislocated shoulder and the memory of Eric's bloodshot eyes when he caught me searching for cash. I start to massage it to remind myself that it's not real—there is no pain…just the memory of pain. I close my eyes trying to think of things to chase the nightmare away while practicing my nose breathing (Thank you, George).

My nightmares have…evolved—for lack of a better word. I'm not participating… I'm watching…helplessly… They don't linger as long when I'm napping, thank God. But, the mornings are a different story. The only thing that calms me down is imagining Tobias's strong arms wrapped around me… And as torturous as that is, the images just about dissolve and a near instantaneous sense of comfort and warmth floods my body.

I hate it. No, I don't hate it… I resent it. I resent the fact that he still has this hold over me. It's been over three weeks and even his imaginary presence still soothes me!

I flop back on my bed and rub my eyes, gritting my teeth in anger at myself for falling asleep. _I got three hours last night! I'm fine!... Always…fine…_

I sit up in a cross-legged position and look over at the picture I am just about finished with for Tori. It's pretty damned cool. The whole picture is sepia, but I added some extra yellow hues to the digital numbers and I made sure I took the shot right at last call. And as a little inside joke, I added some brown to the bottle of Bunnahabhain scotch that you can barely see in the left-hand corner of the picture. _I wonder if she'll ever notice?…_

_…._

_I put about an inch and a half worth in a rocks glass and toss it back. _

_"Are you fucking shitting me?! Did you just shoot my Bunnahabhain scotch?!" yells Tori from half-way down the bar. "That is a 25-year-old bottle of scotch! A $385 bottle of scotch! You do not SHOOT 25-year-old…aged…scotch!"_

_My shoulders are scrunched up to my ears and my eyes partially closed when I squeak out, "I'll pay for it."_

_"No need," she says all of a sudden very calm as she saunters away. "I would rather you owe me a favor..." _

_I turn around and see Four with his head down and his shoulders shaking, so I walk closer._

_"Are you laughing at me?!"_

_"I am indeed laughing…at you. Did you even know what you were putting down your throat?" _

_"Ha, well… No, not really." _

_I find myself smiling at him. He stops laughing and looks at me…and just grins. _

_….._

I shake my head trying to clear it again. I have been trying, trying,_ trying_ to push him out of my mind since I walked out of his office last week. I have to… I have a life to live…and if he doesn't want me in it, for whatever reason…then I need to move on. I don't care if he never said he doesn't want to…be…with…me… He also never said he _does_…and I refuse to live a life of limbo_. I did that for the last three years…_

But nothing…nothing…really works… He's still with me… I still feel…everything.

I think about him running his fingers up and down my spine as I lay naked on my stomach, leaving soft kisses in his wake just because he loves the feeling of my skin on his lips.

I think about sitting at his apartment reading through Anne of Green Gables while he finished up some notes. He got up and walked across the room looking down at me and sighing deeply. Then he brushed my hair off my right shoulder so my neck was exposed and went back and sat at the table smirking slightly. "Sorry. I demand 100% neck access at all times..."

I think about—

"Stop it!" I yell at myself in fury. "It's done! You meant what you said!"

My phone beeps as a welcomed momentary distraction. I bend over and pick it up with shaky hands, seeing a text from Sofi.

**Sofi:** The studio is open if you want to use it.

**Me:** Now?

**Sofi: **Yes.

**Me:** Be there in a bit. Thx.

I've been waiting for a week to utilize the great lighting they have at Dalilah's…and here's my chance. I haven't gone back there since I signed the contract. I know three out of the five works had sold—one for $175, another for $200 and the third for $130. I don't know if that's good or bad, only that it's amazing my work is selling and that Dalilah wants more. I didn't ask which ones had sold… I don't think I want to… I _know _I don't want to…

I stand up and bounce on my toes for a moment as Christina barges through the door laughing her ass off at something.

"What's up?"

"George got in the ring with Uriah and won!... Shauna was just texting me. I had to leave! Damn it! I would have loved to have seen that!"

"Oh… Ha. That's funny."

Normally it would be undeniably funny but given the fact that I'm distancing myself from my friends…no story Christina tells me is particularly funny. Ever since I found out how difficult it is to be my friend when I'm not dating Tobias…I haven't been inclined to join in.

I know they didn't mean any harm by trying to figure out what was going on… Hell, I wanted to know what was going on! I still do! _No…you don't, Tris… No…you don't… _But I can't get Christina's words, "This has been torture! For all of us!" out of my head. I'm not trying to be immature or make them feel sorry for me… Because the truth is—I understand! I don't know how anyone can stand to be my friend right now. I'm like Eeyore for fucks sake!

"Well, I'm heading to Dalilah's to use her basement," I inform Christina as I grab my art case. I finally decided it was time I buy one.

"Okay! Hey…I walked by her window… Guess whose art is showcased?" she sing songs.

"No way."

"Way, girl!... Can you, for once, show more than a smile when you're excited?! Like, bounce up and down or…I don't know…something…?"

"Not yet… Um…which one?... Which one was in the window?"

"First of all—plural. There are two, in fact!... The one with the lilies and…the one with the clown by the pier… Why?... Hey! Have you sold any?"

"Yeah…three. She took five so…you must have seen the…remaining two…" I'm doing the math…both emotional and mathematical...

"Yes… You graduated the 1st grade, right?... Tris?... Babe, what's wrong?"

"I need to go check on something… I'll see you…tonight… Okay?"

I don't even hear her response as I throw open our apartment door and run down the stairs toward Damen. _Maybe she didn't sell it! She really liked it…so maybe she kept it and put a different one on display. Why do I want it back anyway? What the hell am I going to do with it? You're done, remember? You said it… You meant it… I meant it._

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

Good God! Someone get me a fucking gun! After Will left my office, I immediately went into the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face. I have an entirely irrational thought of washing my eyes out to rid the visual of Nita crossing and uncrossing her legs… I was so obviously on purpose based on the fact that it gave me a clear view…clear, clear…of her garter straps under her skirt.

She's been stopping by on and off ever since I invited her into my office for lunch last Wednesday under the premise of "getting to know my staff better." And, of course, the first thing she says is, "I think you know me very very well at this point…" in an all too suggestive manner.

I have been subtly asking about where she grew up and what she did as a kid and…frankly, I can't think of _any _other way to get information out of her without her thinking I want to date her…or whatever the hell is on her mind! And I can tell…she already thinks I do!

_Should I just come out and ask her? Soooo….Nita… Is your father the sociopathic illegal arms dealer Carlos Juares? What if she lies? Do I call her out? What if she admits it? So…uh…can you introduce me? I'm a huge fan of his work!_

The responses she has been giving me are surface-level and uninteresting. She usually goes off on some superficial story or tangent about nothing. _Fuck!_

"Four?" Matthew stands stoic at my door.

"Yes?"

"Were heading over to the job site. Will wants to know if you and Amar want to join us."

"Amar is…not in…the building…" I sigh and realize I sound completely shitty. "But, I'll meet you guys downstairs. Are you all going?"

"Yep." _Great. More time with Nita!_

"Call Bud and make sure he meets us with the Escalade."

"Wonderful!... Will do!" he comments sarcastically.

"Matthew?" He turns back to me and crosses his arms, looking at me in a way I don't think he ever has—seriously…almost severely. _What an ungrateful douche! You may not know it, but I basically handed over the woman I love, you piece of shit! _"Is there something on your mind?"

"There are many things on my mind… But, nothing I'm willing to share…at the moment."

"Let me know when you're ready."

"Oh, I _will!_" he retorts like an asshole. "…But…with much more respect…"

I don't respond as he leaves the office. I run through my mind what he could possibly be upset with me about. _He probably saw the way I treated Tris last week. I'm sure Tris told him…something… Hopefully not everything…_

_God, I need to let this shit go… It's fucking impossible! So just brace yourself for torture, Tobias. You get to watch her move on and do nothing about it… Until you're able to do something about it…in which case it may be too late…but at least she'll hopefully be fine…unless you fuck up!_

I walk over to the window one more time, trying to acclimate myself to this horrendous mess of bullshit that is my view. I close my eyes and revisit the feeling of Tris's hands wrapped around my neck holding our heads together.

"Four? You ready, handsome?" purrs Nita. _No one gets to call me that!_

"Why don't we just stick to 'Four'…mmm?" I retort smiling through clenched teeth.

"Sure… Maybe save 'handsome' for some other time…"

I don't respond because I'm afraid of what I'll say. So I swallow the bile in my throat and put my glasses in the case, nodding toward the door. I escort her out and she slows down enough that I know she wants me to rest my hand on her lower back. So…I…do…it… _Gah… _I watch her smile snidely out of the corner of my eye as we begin to walk down the hall with her _way _too close.

I hear Will addressing the Junior Associates and I smile proudly because I can already tell he's going to do an awesome job.

"Zoe, I know you just got here and I'm throwing you into a project right away but could you familiarize yourself with the clients requests on our way to the site?"

"Absolutely."

"It's a _girl?_" Nita inquires insipidly as we reach the room—as if she herself were the only woman qualified for this position…

"It is," I respond curtly. "Ready, everyone?"

"Oh… Mr... Um… Mr. Eaton… You're joining us?" she asks nervously.

"I am."

"Don't be intimidated… _I'm _certainly not," Matthew states comically as Will laughs.

"Zoe, just call me Four, please."

"Oh…okay," she replies looking more relaxed.

"Shall we?" I offer the group as hold the door nodding toward the elevators.

Once inside I see Nita practically push Zoe out of the way to stand closer as Will expertly turns his body so that's not possible. I smirk and nod my head in appreciation as he starts a conversation about how Patrick Sharp was traded from the Hawks and Christina's near fit of hysteria.

It blows my mind that he thinks it's funny that his girlfriend has the hots for another dude…however unattainable he may be. _But I'm a controlling, jealous piece of shit… Okay, maybe not controlling…but I want to be controlling! Thank God I don't say some of the shit in my head out loud_…

The conversation was distracting enough for me to make it all the way down without causing a scene_. And…now, time to avoid another scene. _I spot Bud and make an immediate beeline to the front seat, quickly getting in and slamming the door shut. Normally, I would offer up the front seat to someone else out of courtesy and this time it would have probably been Zoe. But I can't stand the idea of sitting close to Nita. _Even though close it exactly where I need to be!_

"Hey, Four."

"Hi, Bud." As everyone files in I look at him intently. "You doin', okay?" I inquire hoping he knows I'm referring to Tori without referring to Tori.

He nods his head. "It's been a good week...so far."

"Great, man."

"Thanks… Where to?"

It strikes me that I have no idea which project we're heading to… _So much for always being prepared! What is happening to me?_

"Wicker Park, 5611 Damen," Will answers as I nod sheepishly to him.

"So…since the site is right by my place, does that mean I can work from home, sir?... I mean…Four…"

"No."

"You live in _Wicker Park? _Isn't that like hipsterville?"

"Actually I live in _Buck…town_…" he replies mimicking her tone of voice. "Way more hipsters… And yes, Nita…they're everywhere!... Be careful, okay?"

"I wasn't trying to offend you… Geez…"

"Never said you were… And honestly, I couldn't care less either way!... So, Zoe… Where are you from exactly?..."

"What was that address again?" I ask Will resignedly. _Don't…tell…me…_

"5611…Damen…"

I swallow thickly and can feel Will's stare as it sinks in that this new job site is fairly close to Tris's place—right in the gray area where the neighborhoods of Bucktown and Wicker Park overlap. This is excitingly…shitty… The fact that I could run into her or at least catch sight of her while she goes for a run makes my heart literally skip a damned beat… What I wouldn't give for a quick, agonizing glimpse of her toned legs… I have to bite down on my knuckle and stare out the window to control myself from picturing those legs wrapped around me… _Too late… Messenger bag on lap! Ouch…._

"So, you live by the job site?" Zoe asks conversationally.

"Yes, in fact… Two blocks away… We have friends that live over here…right, guys?" He is being a total smartass.

"Um…Yeah… My girlfriend and her friend, well my friend, too...—"

"Have I met her? Your girlfriend?" Nita asks.

"I believe you did at the Cubs game… Her name's Christina."

"_Christina? _Trisha's friend?"

"It's Tris," Matthew and I both say. _Damn him._

"Yes, Nita. Does that cause you concern?" I have to bite my lips to stop myself from smiling at Will's comment that sounds exactly like something I would say.

"No," she answers casually. "She just wasn't particularly nice to me."

"Oh, Nita… Are you okay?" Matthew asks reaching back to pat her consolingly on the shoulder.

"Trust me… I'm just fine… So, Will? How is little Trish doing?" _Ask Matthew! He knows all about her!_

Nita isn't one to inquire about anyone…ever. She must have picked up on my distaste at her calling Tris, 'Trisha.' _Be passive, be passive…_

"I think she's fine."

"Didn't seem fine the other day… Right, Four?"

Suddenly I flinch as something grazes my ear.

"Sorry, Four… Hey, Nita? Here… I found your nose. It was in Four's business..._again_."

I can't help but look over my shoulder as Matthew actually _honks_ Nita's nose…sound effects and everything. Somehow, I contain myself…but no one else does. Will tries…and fails. Zoe doesn't seem to know what the hell to do so she just laughs and Matthew acts like that was a normal thing to do.

I continue to look ahead and think to myself how I need to have a discussion with Matthew about being professional…again. It's a conversation that needs to be shared with Nita…but I can't piss her off right now!

Will continues to monitor all conversation in the back seats for the majority of the ride to the site—controlling it to the best of his abilities. I can tell Zoe is completely thrown at the odd dynamic… I can't say I blame her…

"Four? I'm going to try to find a spot on a side street—"

"There should be two spots open down on Parkland," Will adds. "Tris and Christina don't have cars. Remember where they live?" He points Bud in the direction of their street as we all get out of the SUV.

"Thanks, Will. Text me when you're ready."

Will nods his head. _Shit… I should have suggested that…_

"Thanks. I didn't think about that—"

"Pshhhh! Why would you?!—"

"Can I speak to you, Matthew?" Will asks sternly as he pulls him aside hopefully for a verbal beat down while the rest of us all start walking toward the site.

Once we get there, I pretty much stand back and watch Will. This is the perfect first job for him. The building is a complete renovation and restoration. The customer wants the building brought back up to code (no shit) and completely renovated on the inside but restored on the outside. I walk the perimeter of the grand entryway and make notations of the molding and framing. I go closer and brush off the dust, inspecting the grain of the wood and it is surprisingly mahogany—very intricately beveled mahogany wood.

"Will?"

"Yeah."

"Make sure The Devonshires know the molding is mahogany…and if they don't care, then get a salvage crew in here and we'll store it."

I'm secretly hoping they don't want it. In Winnetka, Marcus's house had all white trim and I always felt it made the house feel cold. I'm sure it coincides with my emotions on that particular residence as well…

Then the first restoration I ever did in college was on an old brownstone toward the South side. It had all mahogany wood through the entire home. After clearing the place of all mold and asbestos, stabilizing the foundation, replacing the roof, refurbishing the floors, painting…and a myriad of other problems and hurtles which added quite a bit to my education—the place felt like home: warm, inviting. I have to admit that was the first time the thought of family ever crossed my mind…even though the thought was fleeting. The thought that _did_ stay with me was that _this_ was the type of house I would want to live in…most likely alone, but live in nonetheless. Seems as though that may just be the case anyway…

"Got it. Hey, guys? Why don't you all walk around and take a look. See what could be salvageable." Will suggests. "Meet back down here in 20 minutes."

The thought of my living a life alone causes me a momentary bought of vertigo…or maybe it's the mold, either way I need to get outside.

"I'll be…right back." Will nods his head with a worried look on his face. "I'm fine," I say curtly to which he rolls his eyes. _I deserved that…._

Once outside I take a deep breath of pure refreshing…city air. Okay…not totally refreshing, but a vast improvement. I start walking West down the street getting lost in my thoughts.

I know I need to contact Marcus…make sure he is keeping up his end of the bargain by keeping Eric at bay. Also, keeping him in the 'know' (at least the bullshit version) could be beneficial… But I can't be too forthcoming with my happenings…he would suspect something is up.

My phone buzzes in my pocket and I pull it out assuming it's Will…but it isn't.

**Clare:** Are you available next week?

I saw her at the gym a few weeks back and waved. She didn't even wave back, she just turned around and went back in the locker room and I haven't heard from her since. It still bothers me that I didn't go after her… But, Nita was standing right there and I did _not _want to cross paths. Plus, I had just broken up with Tris. I would have been absolutely no help to her… I tried texting several times. I even called her, which is weird for me…but I haven't heard back.

**Me:** Definitely. Lmk when.

_Shit… Does she know what LMK means?_

**Clare:** Wednesday? 4:00?

_Apparently._

**Me:** See you then.

I put my phone back in my pocket and wallow in my thoughts about how much of an asshole I am because I didn't go after her. I've been making a habit of not going after women lately.

_Fuck…it's hot out! _I decide I need instant air-conditioning so I walk toward the nearest shop and see some bullshit sign with annoying mantras and crap written on it. _"Slow down… Take a deep breath and open your eyes! What you crave may be right in front of you!" _

I shake my head at the ridiculousness of that. "Fucking dumb way to get someone to go into…"

I don't finish my sentence because I can't….

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I have my watercolors spread on the floor in front of me as I mix them with the hope of making them meld together, but not completely… And it's not working… _Damn it! _

Maybe I'm being an idiot. I realize the sane people in the world know that water and photo paper don't mix…but I am DETERMINED to find a way!

I reach over the paints to grab a paper towel so I can dab up some of the water. _Maybe I'm using too much… _Before I am even capable of having a second thought, I feel wetness pooling under my knee.

"Shit!" I screech as I look down and see I knocked over the small cup of water that I had just rinsed my blue brush with. The dark blue water spread quickly and had already reached the corner of the photo, which I stupidly left on the floor.

"More experimentation?" I look up and see Sofi standing half way down the stairs.

"Noooo….," I whine as I sit on my butt resting my forearms on my knees and hanging my head. "I'm a total ass and I spilled friggin' water on it."

"I'll grab you a cloth."

"Thank you," I reply as she glides back up the stairs. I have resigned myself to the fact that I will never 'glide.' It's truly not in me…."Jesus," I say to myself as I get up on my knees and appraise my fuck-up.

I purse my lips and see that the water has spread thinner and thinner and… _Hmm. _It's soaking in through the back of the photo…but it isn't distorting the image. It's just making the background color change…

"Tris?"

"Hmm?..." Sofi holds out a cloth for me. _When did she get here? _"Oh, thanks… Ya know… What do you think?" I gesture toward the photo.

She purses her lips but somehow makes it look sexy.

"Try to spread some more of the color…"

"I'd have to move it… It'll fuck up the—Yeah, okay." In response to Sofi's eyebrow raise because it's already fucked up, I slowly move the photo to the side and up.

"Wait! Keep sliding it…and then lift it gradually. Here…"

She stands on the other side of the 16 X 18 photograph and we both move it across the floor while slowly raising it. The water has spread enough where it doesn't drip off the paper and Sofi and I stand and watch the remainder soak through leaving a trail of dark blue from the bottom right corner to light blue in the top left corner. I glance up and see Sofi smiling brightly.

"I helped!" she emits excitedly.

I laugh out loud at her childish remark that makes me feel so damned comfortable.

"You did!... Now what?"

"Um…"

"We need to let it dry. But, I don't want to fuck it up—"

"Tris. This whole thing is one big fuck up," she says poignantly.

"Good point. Let's just lay it flat…over there—"

"What the…_hell _did you two do?" Dalilah exalts from the stairs denoting the mess of blue on the basement floor.

Sofi and I look at each other and smile.

"We fucked up," she comments dryly while starting to walk backward to lay the photo on the ground. _I like this chick…_

"You know… I've never named a photo before…" I comment winking which makes her smile.

"Just clean this disaster area up. I don't keep FEMA on speed dial, you know!"

I nod in acceptance. "Sorry about that—" And…my ass bumps right into a stack of canvases. "Shit! Shit! Shit!" _Dominos… Just…dominos… _

The three of us just stand and watch canvas after canvas collapse on top of each other. Once the last one has slid to the floor and we are left standing awkwardly staring at them…I decide to apologize.

"Dalilah… I'm…so…"

"Dali, you've been meaning to clean house for years… Here's your chance. Come on, Tris."

"Yes… I will help, yes," I say tentatively tip-toeing over to the canvases keeping my wary eyes on Dalilah.

She notices and rolls her eyes at me as she comes over to help as well. Sofi starts to sort through them, putting broken or unfinished work in one pile and finished work nicely on the wall for Dalilah to inspect. After we play an hour of _trash_, _donate_ and _save. _I sit back on my butt to uncover another group, sliding each gently over to Sofi.

Just as Sofi reaches to take a small 8 X 10 out of my hands…something stops me. It's the strangest feeling…almost like a tap on the shoulder. I turn my head in the direction of the sense and I'm met with immediate goose bumps. I yank the picture back roughly, surprising even myself as Sofi and Dalilah look at me probably wondering if I'm off my rocker.

My eyes drag over the painting. The entire thing is done in acrylic paint—dark blue, midnight blue, in fact. Except the left side is lighter… Large brush strokes are used and I can see small flecks of brown purposefully placed and woven into each stroke.

"There's another picture in there," Dalilah comments while gazing at another painting.

"What?"

"Hold it up to the light."

I do as I'm told and I see that indeed Dalilah is correct. There is a sketch…probably done in charcoal—

"The artist didn't want her husband to know she had talent…so she hid it. It always intrigued me… She epitomized the expression 'Art imitates life.'"

"Wow…" I whisper. "How did she achieve that?"

"Charcoal pencil…sealer…then acrylic paint." She holds up her glasses and looks through them from afar. "That's her son…"

I hold it up to the light again to inspect the hidden sketch. A chill goes through my body unlike any I've ever felt as my fingers involuntarily become glued to the edges of the canvas. My muscles tense up and my eyes burn as I realize I'm looking at a picture of a boy with dark hair and deep soulful eyes, he has an expression on his face that makes him look wise beyond his years…scrutinizing yet thoughtful. I know in my heart I would recognize this face even if I were half-way through senility—It's Tobias.

Suddenly I drop it and put my hands up in the air as if it had just burned them. I don't know why but I'm hit with an overwhelming urge to run.

"Tris?" Sofi asks softly as she reaches for the painting. "Don't touch it," I snap.

"I won't. But there's something written on the back… Look…"

With trembling hands I can't control I turn the canvas over and see an excerpt written lightly in charcoal pencil:

_My dearest Tobias…_

_If you ever fall in love…_

_Fall in love with someone who wants to know your favorite color and just how you like your coffee._

_Fall in love with someone who loves the way you laugh and would do absolutely anything to hear it._

_Fall in love with someone who puts their head on your chest just to hear your heart beat._

_Fall in love with someone who kisses you in public and is proud to show you off to anyone they know._

_Fall in love with someone who makes you question why you were afraid to fall in love in the first place._

_Fall in love with someone who would never ever want to hurt you._

_Fall in love with someone who falls in love with your flaws and thinks you're perfect just the way you are._

_Fall in love with someone who thinks that you're the one they would love to wake up to each day. -Anonymous  
_

_Promise me that…_

_I love you, my baby boy._

_Love, Mom_

"Tris! You're blubbering all over my art—"

"Evelyn Eaton," I breath out roughly.

"Her pseudonym was Evelyn Johnson. But, yes. You…knew her?"

"No."

"Then how—"

"Which photos sold?"

"Photos? What photos?"

"Of mine!… Which…which ones?" I exalt with clenched hands and closed eyes.

"The lights on the lake, the one with the old gas station sign—You really need to start naming your pictures, my dear—"

"And?!" I grit out in frustration at her crabby ass.

"And Mr. Mysterious. It was the first one to sell…"

My feet are asleep from sitting on them and suddenly my elbows are in pain as they hit concrete. But the wetness dripping down my arms cools them off quicker than expected…

**Flashback:**

_What could be so horrible that he can't tell me? Christ! Is someone plotting my murder or something!? Enough with the over dramatics!_

_Give him another minute…just one more minute… Maybe he'll tell me if I just stay here… Then he'll have to, right? No…he won't. It'll just make him be cruel to me and I can see it in his eyes—he doesn't want that…._

"I'm not going to beg you to tell me the truth…" I'm holding our heads together as if that'll somehow give me better insight as to what's going on in his brain. Suddenly I feel the weight of his strong hands clinging to my wrists and I think if he held on any tighter they would snap. "I'm done with that. You can take whatever the hell is _really_ going on here and shove it up your ass. I can even forgive you for that! But I've learned enough lessons in my life to know this—I won't hate you."

"You won't?" he asks thickly as if that's unbelievable. _This man has no idea how much I love him…_

"No. I could never hate you… You saved me…." I take a breath hoping he understood that nearly inhuman sound as words. "…Made me believe things about myself that I never had… and thought I never would…"

_This is it. This is going to be it. I need to get off this merry-go-round that is my life. Say it, Tris. _

"But I'll never get close enough for you to hurt me again… I can't let my forgiveness become…foolishness."

I feel his shoulders tense and his breathing becoming deeper as I lift my head to look into his eyes one more time. It surprises how much they…mirror my own. I dive deep into his irises. They look like a deep blue galaxy of black stars with the exception of one small flit of brown. His shoulders slump and I see the silicone-like build-up of a tear under his eye. I've never seen him cry over me and I wonder how long he would be able to hold that tear back in order for me to not see it…ever. I decide to take that chance away from him and I gently run my thumb under his eye, setting it free and watching it curl down my wrist and beyond. _Well…that's it…_

I step off the bed trying to stave off my soon-to-be-lost bodily control and move slowly out of the room.

"Tris…?" he breathes out wearily. "I never said it… Just remember… I never…said it. Please…"

**End Flashback**

_I didn't mean it… I didn't mean it… I thought I did…every word. But, I didn't… I didn't. I want to mean it… But, I didn't. I didn't._

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

_Dalilah's._

I see the sign from across the street. I look up at the sky and bite my bottom lip until it hurts, trying to fight the urge to rush across the street to experience just one small piece of Tris. I turn to walk back to the job site keeping my head down until I see the rest of the group. _Fuck…_

Matthew is talking animatedly and fucking annoyingly to poor Zoe, who probably thinks he's a total jackass. _Because he is!_

"Yeah…we don't have these great shops in Wisconsin. Pretty sure some diners use cow-shit for coffee beans!... Hell, I drank it for years—"

"Explains a lot," I interject as they get closer. It just came out and I couldn't help it_. It felt great!_

"Four. Welcome to _Grounds. _Remember the place Tris and I had coffee?"

"I remember it well, thank you, Matthew." _Dick!_

"Gross…. I hate coffee…" _What the hell did she just say? What an IDIOT! _"…They better have organic cranberry green tea—"

"Nita?...You _do _know complaining doesn't burn calories, right?... Wait, maybe…" Matthew stops and appraises her face. "Yes… You should detox. Green tea for Nita!"

They all file in and Will pulls me aside. "You stay out here."

"Why?"

"Because when your head explodes, I don't want your brains all over my newly tailored suit." He brushes down the front of his jacket. "Like it?"

"It suits you."

"Was…that…a…joke?"

"Fuck… I really want to take credit…but 'no.'" I get a closer look at his suit. _Hmm. _"It really does look nice on you."

"Thanks… I don't know how the guy does the inseam, but it fits like a dream…"

We stand there as we reflect on our awkward exchange.

"I'm just going to pretend I never said that…" Will finally says looking away from me.

"Yes, do that…. I'll do the same."

"Deal…." _Why are we still standing here?_

"Go inside, Will."

"Oh, right…" He finally opens the door to walk in but sticks his head back out. "That's Tris's work in the window… I know you're dying! I won't judge and I'm discreet."

I nod my head because that sealed the deal. I start across the street yelling over my shoulder. "Will, that suit fits you like a dream!"

"Thanks, buddy!"

_I did it! …I made a joke (kind of). _

I'm so excited to see her photography that I nearly run through the shop window. _Now that would be a site to behold… _I get an insta-grin on my face as I see the picture of the lilies…and then a bout of sadness as I see one I don't recognize next to it. That means I wasn't around to see it—to see her nervous face as she worries her lips, waiting for me to say something_. Shit… She may not even do that anymore._ This has probably given her quite a bit of confidence and I can't help but smile at that.

I enter the gallery and go right to the front window hoping others will be on display nearby, but I don't see them so I start to browse. _Some of this shit is really weird—_

"Interested in anything in particular?" A woman about my age approaches me.

"Yes… Uh…" _Do you have anything by Tris Prior? But she probably knows Tris and will tell her some dark-haired, tall asshole in a suit was here… What if Tris puts two and two together… Damn all of the BULLSHIT! I just want to see my girlfriend's art! She's not your girlfriend, dick._ "…I'm interested in photography."

"Well…we have plenty of that." Her voice is oddly soothing. I can tell she's nice. _That's an incredibly odd thought…_

I follow her to the other side of the gallery and see a woman with a large purple draping dress thing on, inspecting a picture quite precisely. She turns to face us and her eyeballs look three times as big because of some sort of glasses she has on.

"Dalilah, you're frightening the possible customers." _Apparently, that's Dalilah…_

"I can't figure out how she did this!"

"And you're too proud to ask?"

"Hmmph."

"Anyway…" The younger woman rolls her eyes. "…here we are. What particular style are you interested—"

"That one." I clench my jaw as I see that the photo the crazy lady is dissecting is the one Tris did of the bridge…with her own blood. "I want that one."

I bite my tongue so hard I can actually feel my own blood...again_. She is NOT allowed to sell her fucking memories!_ I hate with every ounce of my being that she went through that—more than words or even my own thoughts could even describe. But that shit brought her HERE! It brought her to me! _She can't erase me… She can't erase us! _

I mentally give myself a beat down for selfishly making this about me… But, I'm only human… I've learned a shit ton about humanity lately, and how flawed we all are.

I hear Hana's voice in my head_—"Moving on is not about forgetting, it's about learning."_

I know in my soul, Tris will regret selling this.

"I want that one."

The younger woman narrows her eyes at me and I can feel…literally feel…her examining my face. _OH, GREAT! Can I get through a fucking day without—_

"Dali?"

"I haven't even priced this one yet—"

"Dali?" she asks softly, again. "Come look, please."

Dalilah makes a grunting noise as she stands and takes off her strange glasses. She looks at my face in the same manner as the other chick. Then she puts her glasses back on and seems to focus on my eyes. I flinch and step back as the younger woman gently tries to put her hand on my face.

"Relax, love," she soothes.

"Impossible."

"Then look left and right…slowly, please—"

"No."

"Please? For the sake of art…" _What the hell does that mean? Oh… Fuck, no…_

"Look, I'm _not _interested in…modeling…or anything else…"

Both women look at each other and burst out in laughter as my face heats up to a color similar to purple.

"I'm a lesbian and you don't have to worry about Dalilah—"

"Hey!... You don't speak for me!"

I'm 50 shades of embarrassed right now…and still confused as hell!

"Just…please?" She asks nicely and I can't believe it, but I actually let her touch my face…and move it side to side. "Oh, yes. Definitely."

"Mmm…hmmmmmm…"

"Are you…finished?" I ask sternly.

"Quite."

"I want that one. I don't care how much it is."

$1000.00," Dalilah states.

"Great. Here." I pull out my wallet and hand her my credit card.

"I'll wrap it up for you…" _Jesus Christ… What the hell was all that about? _"Sir? You may be interested in—"

"No, thank you."

"Please, humor me."

"Not feeling particularly humorous."

"Hmm. Your loss… Thought you may want to look at some more of the artist's pieces."

"There's more?"

"Follow me."

She leads me to a stack leaning up against the wall and then walks away. I delicately look through them… None of them are Tris's. _What the hell? _Then, I hear something being knocked over accompanied by a frustrated growl that seems familiarly endearing. My body, by its own accord, creeps down the stairs to see Tris wiping up a spot on the floor furiously. She has a bandana around her hair and blue paint smeared on her cheek, which makes the side of my mouth twitch as if it wants to smile… But I'm not capable because the blue is being distorted by a steady stream of tears. I watch as she wipes under her nose with the back of her hand and shakes her head as if silently punishing herself for her emotions. _Shit… What if something happened with Caleb? Or… God, anything… _I'm not sure I've ever seen her more upset. Furious…yes. But… _Please, tell me I didn't do this…_ I walk down one more stair on my way to her when I feel a soft hand on my shoulder. I turn to see the younger woman.

"Will that take away her pain?"

I think about that as my face burns from anger because there isn't a damned thing I can do to help her. I am definitely capable of making things worse, though. I could be there to comfort her one moment and then be gone the next.

So I shake my head…no. "Not yet…"

She nods her head and I follow her up the stairs looking at Tris one more time. A tear drips down her nose onto whatever she's working on and I watch her rip the picture in half. I have to rip myself in half in order to get out of there.

"Will you…make sure she's—"

"Yes."

"Thank you," I practically say to myself.

"Tobias?" I narrow my eyes at her use of my given name. _Would Tris have told her that? She must have_… "Your art?"

It's the first time I didn't correct someone…and it felt right...even though nothing else is…

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I arrive at the bar for Kevin's audition with swollen eyes and a guilty conscience… I know I didn't do anything wrong…but I can't help how I feel in my heart.

Dalilah let me have Tobias's mother's painting. Part of me wants to keep it…to keep a piece of him. _Sure, Tris! You sell him for profit and then you get another for free?_ I know he needs to have it…but I don't know how to give it to him. _Maybe I'll mail it or drop it off with what's-his-face in the lobby of his apartment. But doesn't Tobias deserve an explanation? This is the only thing left of his mother. Would it hurt more for him to have it? Open up old wounds? Would it hurt more for me to give it to him personally? My brain is telling me I shouldn't care if it's harder for him if I give it in person…but my heart says otherwise… And I have no idea why!_

"God, Tris! Did you donkey-kicked in the face?"

"Fuck off, Lynn."

"I was just checking… Geez…"

"I get it…personal experience. Is Kevin here yet?"

"Yeah, he's in back."

"Thanks for covering for me," I say over my shoulder as I head in back.

"Yeah, whatever… I'm not doing it for you."

"Never said you were."

"What…the…hell, Tris!... You are supposed to be my sexy make-me-look-straight…partner! Did you get bitch-slapped?!"

"I think I just did…twice, in fact." I look down at the clothes laid out on the bleacher bench in front of the lockers. I'm currently immune to insults about my appearance. "Kevin! What the fuck…is that?"

"Your _costume!_"

* * *

**Christina's POV:**

_She might kill me for this…but she'll get over it… I know she will!_

"Okay…guys… She doesn't know you're here. Frankly, I may not be here tomorrow…because I may be dead…"

"What the hell do you mean she doesn't know we're here?!"

"English not happening for you today, Shauna?" _Breathe, Christina… Breathe… _"Okay, that was…really bitchy. I'm just… I'm takin' a risk here!"

"Explain." Shauna crosses her arms and leans back in her chair.

I think for a moment on how much I can explain without breaking Tris's trust… _She never told me I couldn't tell anyone… No. That's a bullshit excuse bad friends use so they can talk behind people's backs… Strategize…_

"Why do _you _think she doesn't want anyone else here…?" _Yes! Make them figure it out!_

"Because she gets embarrassed." _Shit! She's right…but not totally right. Damn you, Shauna!_

"Hey, guys!" Marlene bounds over. "Oh…my…God! Tris is gonna shit when she finds out _you _guys are here… Please tell me Four's not coming."

"Uh—"

"Hang on, Will…" I interrupt. "_Why _would you say that?"

"Because even though they're broken up…when he sees her dancing like _this…_ Wait, haven't we already gone over the fact that he still—"

"Yeah, yeah! But, why would Tris care if_ they're_ here?" I encircle my hands around the group in communication to Marlene.

"Oh! She's avoiding you…"

"What?! Why?!" Shauna demands. "Uriah?... Did you know that?"

"Yep."

"Why didn't you—"

"Wasn't my place." He shrugs his shoulders and leans back in his chair.

"What did I miss?" Zeke lands himself on a chair next to Shauna.

"Apparently…Tris is avoiding us!"

"Oh, yeah… Four's definitely avoiding me…" Zeke agrees.

"Probably for different reasons…" _God, Shauna… Get over it!_

"Here's the deal! No one really needs to know the reasons. Just be her friend! Because…she needs her friends, damn it!... Okay…I just sent her in back with a fifth of Jack—"

"That's not gonna be enough—"

"How bad is this, Mar?" I insist.

"On the Tris-o-meter?...Bad."

"Lesbian-lap dance bad?"

"No one said that was bad," Uriah adds.

"I know I didn't!"

I glance at Will who has his eyebrows raised in silent agreement with Zeke and Uriah. _Men!_

"Regular lap dance bad?" I offer in replacement.

"Well,…there's not a chair—"

"So guys!" Will suddenly jumps in with way too much cheer. "Who needs drinks? I do! Let's get drinks! Zeke? Shauna? Mar—"

"Nope! I'm performing!"

"What?! You're dancing tonight?!" Uriah sits up straight. _Bet that lap dance comment takes on a whole new meaning now!_

"Not just dancing! I'm auditioning! Thinkin' boutcha the whole time, baby!"

"Count your lucky stars I'm a bartender instead of a dancer!" I seethe as I turn to Will. _He's always bitching about my job!_ …"What are you looking at?!"

"Nothing! Don't you…uh…have to get back to work?!... Sorry! That sounded awful! I just…don't want you to get in trouble…or…anything." _He's hiding something…_

"Yeah… You're gonna tell me what's up later!" I point at him as I back away turning toward the bar.

"I will."

I look over my shoulder one last time as I skip to my post. Tori leans against the counter behind the bar and takes a large chug of Stella.

"Are you sure that's a good idea—"

"Shut up, Christina."

"Sorry." _Not gonna argue…_

The lights dim and people start to settle down a little. I graze the crowd and I see a large table set up with papers all over it. _They must be from the company…Exibitor-something? _The rest of the patrons, there aren't many because it's Tuesday night, seem confused.

I can't see much because the bar always has lights shining on it, but I see two people on stage. Then a sweet beat starts and I see Kevin and Tris. My mouth drops open as I see her outfit—low slung black cargo pants and a halter crop top… Straight up bare-midriff and she is rocking it!

"Get 'em, girl!" I yell as Tori hands me a beer and we clink glasses.

I watch the whole routine in awe. She has her hands all over Kevin and everything.! _She's awesome!_

**(JoJo Gomez &amp; Donovan Okimura - Breathin Like That)**

"Jesus… Thank God Four's not here," I comment to Tori.

"He is here."

"No fucking way!... Where?" I look all over in exasperation.

"In the corner." She points the neck of her beer bottle. "You were just over there. You didn't see him?"

"No. It's dark…and I wasn't exactly looking for him…" I crane my neck to try to spot him.

"He still wants her," Tori adds as she sniffs.

"Yeah. But…how do you know?"

"Between Bud and I…we know everything…"

I think about that for a moment… _Shit, she's right. _I think of all the connections… _Talk about access to information!_

Walking to the other end of the bar, I keep my eye on the corner. There is definitely someone sitting in a chair… _Mmmmghghgh... William… That's what he didn't want to tell me!_

I make eye contact with a customer who just sat down. "Grey Goose Martini, please."

"Sure!"

I grab the Vermouth and start coating the inside of the glass as I grab the chilled shaker from the freezer. I notice another song and see Tris and Kevin…again. This time I watch the choreography with fresh eyes—Four eyes. _Oh, God… Oh, man… He's gonna rip this bar apart…_

**JoJo Gomez &amp; Donovan Okimura - RUDEBOY (FEAT. Kaelynn "KK" Harris.)**

"Thank you."

"Uh…huh…" _Oh! That ending… This is gonna be bad!_

"You practically made my drink blind! Well done."

"Thanks… Been doin' this…a while… Sorry!" I bring my momentary attention back to the pleasant man. "Wanna start a tab?"

"No. I'll pay cash."

I nod my head and then sigh…because I know what I have to do…

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I'm sitting in the chair in my office…torturing myself by sitting way to close to the monstrosity of a view. I can't stop thinking about Tris. I realize _that_ is the reality I live in now…but this is more. There was something more going on with her in that basement and I can't get it out of my head.

I all but ignored Nita for the rest of the day because I was so distracted. And because I couldn't fucking stand being in her presence anymore. God… How are we _ever _going to be able to fire her?! She has crossed the line enough where I could.

She rubbed her breasts up against my back in the crowded elevator on our way up. Will saw and Matthew made a comment, so I have witnesses… _I should start documenting incidences with HR…Jesus, Tobias! She's Carlos Juares's daughter! Maybe when this is all over…_

I chuckle at my sudden bought of optimism. _'When this is all over…'_ It's laughable, but I pray every day for it to come to fruition. And I'm working…very hard…

"Laughing _and _drinking alone?"

I look up to Will leaning on my doorframe. "Drinking…yes…" I hold up my glass of Jack Daniels. "Laughing…no…"

"Well, I'm going. Thanks for today."

"For what?"

"For giving me a job I can handle so I don't look like an ass in front of my Associates."

"No problem… But, you can handle more. That was just the first job that came up." It's a little bit of a white lie… But based on what I saw today, he _can_ handle more.

"Thanks… So, Bud can drive me places now that I'm a _Senior Architect_…right?" he asks with a cheeky expression.

"That's his job."

"Can he do it now…as in, right now? I know it's after hours…"

"Call him. See if he's still down there… Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. Christina dropped me off at work because my car's in the shop so I just figured instead of taking a cab…maybe Bud could drive me."

"I'm heading out. I'll drop you off."

"Nah. You don't have to."

"Will." I stand and grab my coat. "I'm driving you home."

"No, you're not."

"Why?"

"Because I'm not going home… I'm going to Hangars."

"Then I'll drop you off…at Hangars."

"Are you sure—"

"Jesus, Will. Let's go."

* * *

Will is exceedingly quiet the whole ride there. _Is this what I'm like? God…if it is, I suck! _I'm assuming he feels bad because it's Hangars… But I'm just dropping him off.

_Will the temptation be there? Yes…in full force and I'm coping with that! Tris may not even be working tonight and I'm doing everything I can to not think about it!_

Pulling up in front of the bar, I'm actually humming along to the music to distract myself as I see Uriah and Shauna cross right in front of my car. _Hey, guys! Didn't see me?! Okay, fuck you!_

"Ummmm…"

"It's fine, man."

"It's not like an invite thing… I mean it _is…_but of course, you're totally invited—"

"Nope. I'm fine."

"Well…are your feelings hurt—"

"Will…let's not talk about my feelings." _Yes! They are…damn it!_

He releases a frustrated breath. "Look, Tris is dancing tonight and Christina thought it would be nice for everyone to watch her because Tris is awfully antisocial these days! So…that's it…. That's why they're here."

"Tris… Tris is dancing?"

"Yeah. She's helping out the male lead…he's auditioning for some group or a company or something."

"She's helping out…a male…dancer…?" _Well, Tobias! You did say you wanted to keep tabs on her! Here's your chance!_

"That's what Christina said…"

"You wanna get out here or park the car and walk 50 miles back with me?"

"Well, I feel bad… I'll go with—"

"Will, you don't have to walk with me—"

"I know, but…it's gonna take forever and I don't want you to be alone—"

"I'm fine, Jesus—

"Four! I want…to walk…with you… Unless you don't want me to—"

"Of course, I want you to walk with me!"

"You guys should hold hands, too. Maybe skip…?"

We both slowly look out the driver's side window to see Zeke standing there grinning.

I see Will lean his head closer to me. "So, I know how that sounded—"

"That's enough, William."

"Park around back, my friend!... I'll make the ticket disappear," Zeke adds with a wink wink at both of us as Will makes a swift exit out of the car.

"Thanks. Hey, Zeke?" He unnecessarily crouches down by the car. "I'm not here."

"What the fuck does that mean? You're definitely here."

"No! Christ…. I don't want anyone to know I'm here so keep your mouth shut."

"Oh… Now I got it! You're 'not here.'"

"Very good, Zeke." _Idiot._

Pulling the car away from the curb, I do an illegal U-turn because the timing was perfect and because I have a Chicago PD cop as a best friend, and drive around back to park. I'm hoping we're here early enough that Al isn't guarding the door or I'm pretty sure I won't get in.

I grumble to myself almost the whole way inside trying to make sense of what in the hell I'm doing!_ I'm gonna sit in the shadows and pine over the woman I love! Great idea! _But there truly is a reason—I need to check on her… I can't get the vision of her on the basement floor out of my head. I'm hoping if I see her… and see that she's okay, maybe… _God, I'm being selfish! _

I round the corner and see no Al at the door. _Excellent… _But I do see Tori. _Shit! Does she know I know she's sick? Do I ask how she's feeling—_

"Don't say a fucking word, I'm fine." _Okay then!_

"Good."

"Does_ she_ know you're coming?"

"_I_ didn't even know I was coming."

We both stare at each other mirroring our stony expressions and trying desperately to ignore the Freudian slip we both participated in.

"I'm gonna sit down now."

"Yep."

I zoom around Tori with a wide-eyed expression I'm sure because I catch Lynn's immediate attention and she strolls toward me.

"No one can see me."

"Chair… Left, back corner…"

"Fuck! I can't sit there…" I see all of my friends laughing it up right fucking there!

"They won't see you. It's totally obscured. I'm pretty sure people fuck in that corner."

"Perfect."

"Jack and Coke and a can of Lysol?"

"Just Jack, make it a double…and some hand sanitizer too."

I make my way along the wall to the chair in the corner. It's a plush chair… _God… _I sit down slowly on the edge until Christina tromps over and I have to seat myself all the way back. _God…_

"Okay…guys… She doesn't know you're here. Frankly, I may not be here tomorrow…because I may be dead…" _Good. I didn't mean that…at all…_

"What the hell do you mean she doesn't know we're here?!" _Excellent question…_

"English not happening for you today, Shauna?" _Fuck, she can be such a— _"…Okay, that was…really bitchy. I'm just… I'm takin' a risk here!"

"Explain."

I feel like I can watch the cogs turn in the clock that is Christina's brain as she tries to answer Shauna's incredibly straight forward question. My gut is telling me Christina is trying to find a way to relinquish classified 'bestie' information without actually relinquishing classified 'bestie' information. _In my opinion…-Bring on the information!_

"Why do _you _think she doesn't want anyone else here…?" _Well played, Christina._

"Because she gets embarrassed."

"Hey, guys!" _Cue the classic Marlene screech!_ "Oh…my…God! Tris is gonna shit when she finds out _you _guys are here… Please tell me Four's not coming." _Damn…_

"Uh—"

"Hang on, Will…" Christina interrupts, of course. "_Why _would you say that?"

"Because even though they're broken up…when he sees her dancing like _this…_ Wait, haven't we already gone over the fact that he still—"

_Rewind, please!? What does 'dancing like this' mean?! _I lose track of the conversation briefly as my imagination goes to places I don't appreciate.

"Lynn says they're outta Lysol," Zeke whispers as I move my head away. He puts a glass in my hand and catapults himself over my chair to land next to Shauna.

"Apparently Tris is avoiding us!"

"Oh, yeah… Four's definitely avoiding me…" Zeke glances over his shoulder at me and grins.

"Probably for different reasons…" _Let it go…Shauna…_

"Here's the deal! No one really needs to know the reasons. Just be her friend! Because…she needs her friends, damn it!..." _Christina's a good friend… I kind of hate it… But I love that Tris has her_… "Okay…I just sent her in back with a fifth of Jack—"

"That's not gonna be enough—"

"How bad is this, Mar?"

"On the Tris-o-meter?...Bad." _What about on the Four-o-meter?!_

"Lesbian-lap dance bad?" _Yeah…if by bad you mean awesome!_

"No one said that was bad."

"I know I didn't!"

"Regular lap dance bad?" _Yes… That would be bad…_

"Well,…there's not a chair—"

"So guys! Who needs drinks? I do! Let's get—"

_Keep it together…. Father, Son, Holy Spirit, Amen… Composure… Namaste… Wooo Saaaahhhh… Think…happy…thoughts… _

I don't know how long I sit there with my eyes closed trying to tune out all thought, but it was long enough for me to realize my glass has been drained and Lynn is handing me another. The lights have been turned down low and I look up at the stage to see some asshole and Tris…looking…disturbingly sexy. The music starts with a slow, steady beat. I can't take my eyes off her body. Her entire middle section is showing… She's always been incredibly fit, but she's on the verge of a six-pack. She must be working out as much as I have—_And…what…is…happening…? _

**_Breathin' like that – Jojo Gomez and Donovan Okimura_**

I don't even know how the dance ends because I closed my damned eyes after she started groping him from behind… _This was a very very bad idea! Fuck you, Will!_

I feel something cold hit me in the face so I open one eye to see Zeke tossing ice cubes at me. "Just trying to cool you off!"

"Cool who off?!..." Shauna turns her head in my direction. "Four?! When did you get here?"

"Oops." _Yeah… Thanks, dick!_

"I'm not here."

"No, you're definitely here."

"Told ya!" Zeke adds with a shrug.

"I know I'm here! _She…" _I point forcefully to the stage. "…doesn't need to know I'm here—"

"Oh, trust me… She _definitely _doesn't know you're here!... She seems a little distracted!"

I sit back in my chair and take down half the glass of whiskey then I close my eyes until I hear the last dancers file off the stage and the music change.

Out comes Tris for Round 2 with Mr. Sexy Pants who is definitely—

_Damn, he's a good dancer! …. … …..I can't watch, but I can't not watch!… She's so hot… And she's bouncing…and I didn't need to see that…and… …. and…and… or that… That was… Someone bring me an oxygen mask!_

**JoJo Gomez &amp; Donovan Okimura - RUDEBOY (FEAT. Kaelynn "KK" Harris.)**

I catch a hazy glimpse of Christina rushing over here and as much as I want to head for the hills I can't because she's right in my face.

"Look! We don't keep oxygen tanks in back so fucking relax!... And… Don't make me regret this…" She puts her hands on her hips. "Kevin's gay!"

"Who's Kevin?"

"_That's_ Kevin, idiot!"

I look at where she's pointing on the stage and it's right at the guy Tris is standing by on the sidelines while the other dancers perform. She's resting her forehead on his shoulder, moving it back and forth as he pats her on the back.

…..

_She pours us both full glasses of the scotch and then raises her glass. "What should we toast to?"_

_"Our first date?"_

_"Is this your idea of a date?" She asks as we both take a drink without actually cheering. _

_"Fuck. No. I don't know."_

_"Four, I'm kidding!" she says, laughing. "Who needs formal dates? I know I don't. Not when I have a 25-year-old bottle of scotch and am sitting on the lap of the most gorgeous man I've ever seen. I hit the fucking jackpot! I just…don't…get…why?" She takes another drink and licks her lips. "Out of all the girls…and then I was dry humping the stage...and Kevin…"_

_"Yeah...I hated that by the way." I take a large gulp of the drink._

_"I knew it... I'm so sorry. I was so pissed today about the whole Nita self-defensing you... And then on stage I... I did not want to… I'm a hypocrite."_

_"Yeah, maybe a little..."_

_I think she wanted me to disagree with her. _

_"But Kevin's gay! ...And...well, you and Nita obviously...you know…and probably other stuff—"_

_"Tris, wait…" I let out a deep breath. "Kevin's gay?"_

_"Ugh! Here drink the rest of this," she says as she pushes the glass up to my mouth while finishing hers as well. Then she looks at me with her sex goddess eyes and asks sweetly,"Will you please dance with me?" She grabs the bottle and pulls me out onto the floor. _

_…._

"Ring a bell?" she asks as if she just read my mind.

"You have rung a bell… Thank you," I state sincerely, making sure I keep eye contact. "Don't tell her I'm here."

"I don't tell her much these days… Only because she doesn't seem to want to hear it…" She crouches down beside me. "I don't know how to say this without being completely blunt—She _wants_ to get over you."

"I know. I want to get over her too." I shrug my shoulders. "It would make both of our lives a hell of a lot easier!"

"Do you see that happening anytime soon?"

I look over her shoulder at Tris who is now showcasing herself as she does amazing things to the stage with Kevin in places I should be… Although I'm not as threatened, I'm still _not_ enjoying it…

**BAD GIRL - JOJO GOMEZ**

"No. Excuse me… I need some air…" I stand up unsteadily.

"Whoa, Nelly. You okay?" Christina asks trying to make eye contact.

"Yeah."

A mix of two double-whiskeys and a raw set of emotions apparently went straight to my head. I walk along the wall in the shadows trying to find a place on the concrete with some privacy. I end up behind a stack of tables and chairs behind the stage. I rest my forehead on the cool interior of the wall and then do the same to my right and left cheeks. _Sweet relief…_

"I can't do it! I can't!"

I lift my head at the sound of Tris's desperate voice as my heart picks up the pace.

"Yes, you can—"

"Ask Marlene! She's better than me—"

"I'm not asking…Marlene. Because… Tris, look at me… This is _your _song—your choreo. It's not Marlene's. Is she an amazing dancer?…Yes. But she can't do _this _number justice and you know it."

I hear her take a few wheezing breaths and uncap a bottle, drinking whatever is in it.

"Is it because of him?... Your exboyfriend?"

"I choreographed this… God, this is so dumb…"

"What?"

"I did it for him!" _She…what…?_ "I wanted this to be…for him! It's funny because I never thought I would actually show him, but now that it comes down to it… I'm kinda pissed that I didn't get to…" _ME TOO!_

"Well…use me and abuse me, baby. Come on! I do it to you all the time!"

"Yeah… I don't know how I feel about that…"

"It only works because he's short too… Is he a good dancer? Your ex?..."

I hear Tris laugh. _That's not funny! _

"Obviously not like us!... Well…does he at least have rhythm?"

I wait for her response. _Why does she even need to think about this?!_

"Yes. He can definitely dance." _Yes!_ "He's even better when he's drunk…"

"See! You're laughing! Progress… No, no, no… No crying!"

I can hear her trying to take deep breaths again and I shake my head in agony.

"Tris. It's show time! Remember I'm him! I'm your drunk exboyfriend!"

"Okay…give me a minute."

I hear her pacing and talking to herself for a bit. And then she's suddenly closer. There's a thick curtain separating the two of us but she's practically right next to me along the wall. I stupidly peak my head in the small slit between the curtain and the wall and see that she's cooling her head off the same way I was. Her forearms are resting on the wall and I can see her pinky finger invading my side. I rest my hand right next to hers. This is the closest I've gotten to holding her hand in what feels like an eternity. She pulls her hand away startling me out of my trance of stupidity and for a moment I feel like she's going to rip the curtain open to expose my semi-accidental creepiness. _I'd almost be okay with that… _But I feel her walk away instead.

"I better not have a fucking orgasm on the dance floor," she mumbles as she walks around the corner.

I choke out a laugh because, well she has no idea I heard that… _But damn, I would love to see that. Alone! No audiences!_ Suddenly, I break out in an unintentional grin because I get to watch her dance knowing she's thinking about me… It's actually incredibly…arousing—sans Kevin.

I slowly retreat back to my sex chair and sit down quietly. No one seems to notice me because their eyes are on the stage where it's just Tris (and Kevin). The music starts slow and sensually and I can see the shy look on Tris's face that she gets when she's self-conscious about her body. The times when she knows I'm looking at her…worshipping her body with my eyes. I see her staring at the floor and smiling out of the side of her mouth, then she bites her bottom lip and I feel myself twitch in my pants as she starts to dance. _She choreographed…this…for me…_ I have the worst best case of tunnel vision ever as I see only her. I watch in awe as she puts her all into the choreography. The words of the song have incredible significance as well and it just contributes to the emotion on her face. I'm not entirely sure, but she seems to delve away from the original choreography…as if she's doing this for me only and who gives a shit who's watching. It's an overwhelming feeling of arousal (I'm definitely hard) and emotion as well. Now I understand the whole orgasm on the stage thing she was talking about because with Tris and I…it's always been the mix of lust and love that made our connection…exceptional. It's what I'm feeling right now and by the look on her face, she is too…

**JoJo Gomez - DANCE FOR YOU**

The bar erupts with clapping as Tris seems to be startled out of her trance. This is the first time people have applauded between dancers. Kevin reaches down to help her up and gives her a big hug, whispering something in her ear as he leads her off the stage. From where I'm sitting I can see what goes on side stage. Tris nods her head at something he says and he envelops her in a big hug, her burying her head in his chest. _Never thought I'd be grateful for Kevin…_

An entirely odd feeling crawls up my arms…as I realize I have five sets of eyes all trained on me.

"What?!"

"Dude…" Uriah says with a wary voice.

"What?"

"You…okay…with that?"

"Not really." _But not for the reasons you all think… _

"This next number is the last one." Christina addresses our friends while making eye contact with me.

I nod my head in thanks and stand, needing some air again. I go and lean back against the wall, still out of site but able to watch nonetheless. Five female dancers file out onto the stage, Marlene in the lead with Tris to the left.

"Tris should be the lead…" I say under my breath. _Oh God… That's so hot… _My eyes are completely glued to her ass in this routine.

"Holy…shit…" says a voice next to me.

I turn my head as we make eye contact.

"Whoops. I said that out loud, huh?"

"Yep."

"Sorry. I just haven't seen this girl in a while and… Whoa… She was the one who got away…"

"Tell me about it…"

"Oh, I could tell you all about her…" _That was sarcasm, buddy._ "But words don't do her justice so I'll just keep my mouth shut."

I nod my head because I prefer it that way. I wouldn't be able to respond anyway as I watch Tris's abs flex as she… _Good God…._

**Chris Porter ft Pitbull - The Water Dance | Choreography by _TriciaMiranda - Filmed by TimMilgram**

"I have a feeling that I'm alone in this…" He starts his sentence and then trails off.

"What?"

"…Uh… Ha… I'm incredibly uncomfortable watching…but I can't stop watching…"

"I understand."

"You gotta girl up there?"

"Mmm hmm… Well, no. It's…complicated."

We both watch and sigh out in relief as a group of guys continues the song.

"Never thought I be excited to watch guys dance! Ha! I mean… I'm not homophobic… I met a gay guy once. He was nice enough. Actually I'm not quite sure if he was gay…or just seemed gay—"

"Seemed…gay?"

"Damn! Was that offensive? Mom says I always stick my foot in my mouth… I was all amped to come here and it's Chicago so… Chock full of Liberals! I'm from Conservative-ville. Most people can't even look left!... Everyone's all watch-out-for-the-gays! It may rub off on ya!" He actually laughs at that.

I take a better look at him and see he's in very loose-fitting jeans and a plaid shirt…with a tie. I'm not incredibly in-tune with fashion…but some things just go without saying… I really have absolutely _nothing _to say to this guy so I look back up at the stage and see that it has turned into one big dance party with everyone taking their turn freestyle.

"Well… It's nice to meet you…" I realize this is his off-the-cuff way at trying to introduce himself.

"Four." He has a surprisingly firm handshake.

"Four…? Well, alright… I'm Robert. Time to get to work!"

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I exit the stage early because Kevin told me Exhibitor wants to talk to me and I have no interest. I make my entrance to the backroom as Tori and Bud come out of the bathroom. She was puking again.

"Take her home, Bud."

"Tris. _You _don't tell _him _what to do."

"Bud… Take her home or I'll call the hospital. Christina and Lynn can handle closing."

"Tris," she almost pleads.

I turn to my locker pretending she isn't here as tears well up in my eyes from seeing the toughest woman I know at her most vulnerable. I know how I must sound…but she wouldn't have it any other way.

"Come on, babe…." Bud starts to lead her out, but she rips her arm away.

He looks over his shoulder and mouths a "thank you" to me to which I nod in response. Then I wipe under my eyes and put my hair up in a ponytail, toss on a hoodie and go do a bathroom check.

"Too much make-up…"

But I leave it on because I'm just going home anyway… S_hit, unless Christina needs some help... I have nothing to wear! Ugh… _I rip off my sweatshirt and head behind the bar.

Christina is frantic as every dancer is now at the bar screaming drink orders.

"Damn…" I say under my breath as I see a gentleman with a kind face sitting at the corner with an empty martini glass. He holds it up to me signaling he would like another. "Let me guess? Hendrick's martini or Grey Goose?"

"Very good… Grey Goose, please." I give him my best pursed-lips smile and start making his drink. "You're Tris, correct?"

"Yeah…" I look him over. Olive complexion, brown eyes, black hair, mid-40s… "Sorry, have we met. I suck at remembering—"

"No, we haven't… You're dating, Four…Eaton?" He laughs, shaking his head.

"I…was…, yes."

"We've…worked with each other in the past… He spoke very highly of you! I'm sorry… Did you use the past tense?"

"Yes."

"Oh… I didn't realize…"

"Well, now you do. Here you go!" I pass him the drink with mock enthusiasm.

"I didn't mean to stir the pot."

"Nothing that hadn't already been stirred," I comment while nodding my head as Christina gives me the signal for 5 Cosmopolitans. _Kill me now… Fucking Sex and the City bullshit drink…_

"Nothing to be done?"

"Nothing to be done. Want to start a tab?"

"No, thank you."

I move on to the next person now severely aggravated even though the man was perfectly nice and surprisingly respectful. That was actually the frankest of conversations I've had about Tobias with a stranger.

"What can I getcha?" I don't make eye contact with the customer because I don't fucking want to and because I am trying to pull out spare martini glasses from under the bar.

"How 'bout a hug?" I look up to see the kind eyes of…Robert. A bolt of warmth hits me as I smile and run around the bar launching myself into his arms as he envelopes me with a bear hug. "Beatrice Prior! Look at you, girl… I barely recognized you!"

"I barely…recognized _you. _What is happening here?" I ask in reference to his outfit.

"My thoughts exactly!" Christina yells from the other side of the bar.

I roll my eyes at her as he grins sheepishly.

"I didn't know _what _to wear… Sorry… Is this embarrassing?" _Yes… For you…_

"Nah! You see everything around this town."

"You have just made that official."

"Thank you, Christina. Robert, this is my friend Christina. Christina, this is my friend, Robert… Susan's brother." I give her the be-fucking-nice look.

"Hmmph."

"She meant, 'nice to meet you,' right?"

"I hate your sister."

"I would imagine she wouldn't think too kindly of you either."

Christina narrows her eyes and shrugs her shoulders, moving on.

"So, what are you…" _Fuck…what is he doing here? How does he know I'm here? _My heart picks up like rapid fire. "Um… What… What are you doing here—"

"Wow, Trisha! Four, Matthew, now this poor guy! You sure know how to make your rounds…" _NAILS ON A DAMNED CHALKBOARD!_

"Who's Trisha—"

"I'm not sure you're one to talk about making rounds, Nita. Who _haven't_ you slept with at ALG?"

"Well… We know for sure who I _have_ slept with…don't we?... Which lay was more memorable?… Hmmm… Well, let's see… Oh, look at this cute picture…" She pulls out her phone and flashes a picture of Tobias…sleeping…and I almost vomit up the Jack in my stomach. _Aim for her! Aim for her! _"I'm sorry… Does that bother you?... Well, it shouldn't, seeing as—"

"You've gotta be a smoke detector because you won't shut the fuck up!" I look and see Shauna standing there with her arms crossed as Christina busts up in laughter.

"Okay, fine. I'll stop… He just texted me anyway… Left all kinds of cute emojis!" She turns to exit as my mind starts to put this information together. _Emojis?_

"You are a lying whore bag, Nita!"

"_Pardon_…_me_?"

"Four wouldn't send an emoji if his life depended on it!"

"Don't you mean…Tobias?"

I see red and I'm quite sure my face reflects my anger.

"People say everything happens for a reason… So when she punches you in the face, remember she has a reason!" Christina quips.

"Nah…" I retort lightly. "That would be animal abuse… Now just, please… Excuse me, everyone…" I pretend to cry and run for the stage.

Once I get there, I spot Marlene.

"Marlene!"

"Yeah?!"

"Put down the Tequila and get up here! We have a tribute to do!"

"A what?"

"Get your ass up here!" I yell semi-frantically as I grab the iPod hooked up to the speakers and choose my song.

Marlene makes her way tentatively to the stage creeping over to me.

"Remember when I came to The Studio, pissed beyond belief and I wouldn't tell you why…"

"That's all the time—"

"Just follow my lead!"

I grab the microphone and I have a moment where my brain is screaming at me wondering what the fuck I'm doing! But I ignore it and select the song. When it starts, Marlene nods her head giving me a huge grin of excitement as I grab the microphone.

"I would like to dedicate this dance to Nita… The bitch standing at the bar."

Everyone looks around at the chicks standing at the bar trying to figure out which one I'm talking about. _I'll let Christina handle that… _I back up as Marlene gives me a quick wink and the 8-count starts…

**IDFWU - BIG SEAN (feat. E-40) / Kaelynn "KK" Harris Choreography**

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I get to watch from the sidelines as Tris throws herself into the arms of the seriously-misguided-dresser. _Who…the…hell…is…that? _

I think back to the strange conversation I just had with him… _"The one who got away…"_ _She had a boyfriend in high school… I can't remember his damned name…. Oh, shit that has to be him._

I actually feel sorry for the guy now that I remember her luke-warm feelings about him. "Sorta-sex"… As much as I didn't love hearing about her first time, I felt for the guy. If I had Tris alone in a tent after prom, losing my virginity, I'm 100% confident it would have been "sorta sex."

On the plus side for him, I remember her saying how honorable he was….

It quickly crosses my mind that this could be terrible…for her… _Why is he here? How did he find her? _Then my mind goes to the worst possible scenario—Eric…in turn, possibly Marcus. I go into immediate overprotective mode and think about how I'm going to follow her forever without her or anyone else noticing._ I could hire a private investigator to follow her… Maybe someone from Seal Team 6 is available- _

"You've gotta be a smoke detector because you won't shut the fuck up!" Shauna practically yells as I see Zeke whip his head in her direction going into protective mode as well.

I crane my neck to see who she's talking too as I hear Christina laughing loudly.

"You are a lying whore bag, Nita!" _Oh…shit…_

"_Pardon me_!?"

The bar has quieted down significantly.

"Four wouldn't send an emoji if his life depended on it!" _Oh, God… How do I get Tris to stop without making Nita question my loyalties?… I'm still not sure if Nita is more dangerous than I thought… I'm trying to figure that out!_

"…So when she punches you in the face, remember she has a reason!..." _Jesus, Tris! Don't punch her in the face!_

I can't tell what they're saying, but I see Tris cover her face and run toward the stage, crying… But, then—_Oh, I know that look! Whatever you're going to do…don't!_

She screeches for Marlene's attention. "Put down the Tequila and get up here! We have a tribute to do!"

"A what?"... Marlene tosses back the shot as she hops off Uriah's lap.

"Get your ass up here!"

"She's such a crabby bitch lately…" Marlene mutters as she walks past me. _And she has every right to be!_

I observe a small rather frustrated conversation between the two and then…Tris, holding a microphone. "I would like to dedicate this dance to Nita… The bitch standing at the bar."

My mouth about drops open as I turn my head to see Christina pointing at Nita from behind her. Then the music starts… _This is not happening! It's hilarious! But tell me this isn't happening! _

**IDFWU - BIG SEAN (feat. E-40) / Kaelynn "KK" Harris Choreography**

I watch both Tris and Nita…moving my head back and forth between the two. Nita is enraged and Tris is… _Damn it_!

"Holy shit! That's awesome!" Uriah doubles over laughing as I bolt behind the stage and wait for Tris to exit.

Her and Marlene give a quick hi-five as she giggles incredibly proud at that amazingly idiotic show she just put on. I grab her arm as she sucks in a deep breath.

"What the hell are you doing?" I grit out not trying to sound angry.

"What the hell are _you _doing?... Let go of me!" She rips her arm away and turns around as I grab her by the waist and turn her to face me gripping her shoulders.

"Listen to me and listen to me…closely. Stay away from Nita! …Please…"

"Please? You sure say please a lot! And why the protectiveness about Nita suddenly? Hmmm?! Clue me in!"

"I'm not being protective of her! I'm being—"

"Get off me! Get off me!" she suddenly shrieks as people turn around and I immediately let go. "I can't take it!" she chokes out as she sidesteps almost falling over.

I lean in and grab her elbow steadying her as my heart starts racing watching her eyes dilate. "Tris? Look at me!... Are you okay?"

"I'm sick of looking at you. I see you in my damned sleep… Let me go…" she just about moans.

I release her arm as she looks at me coldly, her eyes going back to normal. She walks back to the bar and I stand in the hall biting the inside of my cheeks.

Needing a serious minute, I walk with my head down quickly to the storage closet and slam the door. I don't even care what the hell the two of us did in here. All I care about is… Is… I crouch down and put the crook of my elbow over my mouth and scream into it, knowing it's my best alternative. The walls are concrete and I don't want to damage anything else… Tori has enough to deal with… I stand up and run my hands through my hair walking in circles trying to figure out what the fuck to do.

_I need to talk to Christina… To tell her I don't think Tris is okay… Then make sure Nita's okay… VOMIT!_

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I give Marlene a hi-five and laugh lightly because that was one of the more awesome things I've done. I didn't see Nita in the crowd anymore so I'm assuming she made a run for it.

The high I'm experiencing is quickly gone as I remember Robert… _Why is he here? Maybe it's a coincidence… Maybe—_

"What the hell are you doing?" A memory I can't place flashes before my eyes as I'm gripped firmly by the arm and my heart begins to race.

My eyes focus on Tobias's face as he looks at me with a mix of anger and worry. I'm elated to see him and hating him for it…

"What the hell are _you _doing?... Let go of me!" I pull my arm away and start walking knowing full well he won't let me get far.

He wraps his hands around my waist and I all but let him turn me around, but he surprises me by holding onto my shoulders tightly, keeping me in place. "Listen to me and listen to me…closely. Stay away from Nita! …Please…"

_"Please tell me you don't believe it"… "I never said it… Please…"_ _I'm so sick of that word!_

"Please? You sure say 'please' a lot!" _Wait… Fuck Nita!_ "And why the protectiveness about Nita suddenly? Hmmm?! Clue me in!"

"I'm not being protective of her!" He grips me by the shoulders…not hard… He's trying to get me to listen… It's not a hard grip… I'm trying to listen…"I'm being—"

Suddenly I'm yelling something as another flash of a memory presents itself…but it doesn't stay long enough again… I didn't quite catch it…

"Tris? Look at me!... Are you okay?" I hear Tobias as if he's underwater.

I don't even know what my response is… As quickly as it started, my head clears and I stand up straight again. I need to walk away from him. Even though it's the last thing I want to do right now. I feel the almost irresistible need for him at this moment…and that's why I need to walk away. I feel him stare after me as I close my eyes forcing the tears back into the ducts.

Standing by the bar, I take in the scene. Christina hands the man who knows Tobias another martini, Marlene and Shauna wave to me as Uriah approaches. _Why the hell are they here?_

"Tris! You Michael Jacksoned that bitch! Dance fight! Whoop whoop!"

"Hi," I say to Robert, ignoring Uriah.

"You always were a spitfire!"

"Sort of… Do you want to sit down?"

"Yeah. I think we should. Or maybe we should find a better place to talk? I think you need—"

"Why are you here, Robert? I'm happy to see you, don't get me wrong… But…"

I make eye contact with Christina, who nods her head that she's fine as we find a table close to the bar so I can keep an eye on things.

"Susan told me where you work and where you live. I actually was just at your place. It's really nice! Well, from the outside…"

"Thanks."

"Maybe we should go there to talk—"

"Just tell me, Robert."

He looks at me with puppy dog eyes. "Beatrice…" He leans toward me. "I came to warn you… Susan didn't want anything to do with it…" He shakes his head in disbelief at his sister as I lose all equilibrium. "I thought to call you about this, but this is not a conversation to be had over the phone… Eric… I was in his house…. …. ….Pictures of you everywhere… high school yearbook, dance, newspaper, internet… …. …. new furniture… …..table was set… ….. ….. ….. expecting you home…. He's lost it… …. …. Beatrice? Beatrice?... Help!... … … …"

…. ….. … …. … Four!... ….. …..

...

_"If you ever go through my closet again I will gut you like a fucking Trout!"_

_Searing pain… Ripping… Tearing… Spreading… _

_"Aaaahhhhh!" _

_Screaming… Agony… Fire on my shoulder… It's inside my shoulder! It's burning… I'm on fire… My shoulder is on fire…_

_"Relax it… You'll be fine! Fuck, babe!"_

_I try… More flames… Worse flames…_

_"Then drive yourself to the fucking hospital. Be sure to tell the nurses I say, 'Hello!'"_

_..._

_…. _"Tris?... You're not on fire,… …. …. You're not… I promise… Tris?... Jesus, baby... Look at me, please. I miss your eyes so much…"

_I miss your voice so much…keep talking…forever…_

"Please, open them. Tris… There you are… Hi…" _I feel so cozy…_

"Stop saying…'please.'" _The never-ending depth of those eyes..._

"Okay… I'll never say it again. Someday you're gonna regret you ever said that…"

"I love…your face…"

"I love yours-... Fuck!… … Um... … … …Take her, take her, take her now!...… _… ….. _ROBERT! … She's gonna... … … with her tonight!... …. …. on the fucking couch!" ...

"Beatrice?" _These are not the arms I want... Oh God, Oh no, no, no... _"That big guy said you're gonna puke...but I think we're in the clear-"... ... ..."Or not..."

* * *

**Nita's POV:**

Well, that went not quite as expected… But, the outcome didn't surprise me… Except that ridiculous show at the end! _Who the hell was Four chasing!? He ran right past me…as if I was nothing! Why is he not chasing...me...?_

"Call…Marcus…" I say to my car. "Fucking no car cell phone usage crap…"

"To which…Marcus…are you…referring? Marcus Anderson, Marcus Dolby, Marcus Eaton, Marcus Fiennes, Marcus Sutherland or Marcus Tilsen?"

"Marcus…Eaton." _Is it weird that I'm embarrassed that my phone sounds like my 'little black book'?_

"Okay…Calling…Marcus…Eaton…"

I wait and wait and wait and wait….

"Yes, Nita?" _Of course, he picks up at the last ring…_

"We need to talk. I'm coming over."

"Can we keep this to a phone conversation, please?"

"Marcus… You underestimate me. I know you get annoyed with me and you think my obsession, as you call it, with Four is ridiculous… But, I see the look on your face when I mention Trista… I know you have something up your sleeve. For some reason that has nothing to do with me, you don't want them together either."

"Well, those are your_ father's _wishes—"

"Bullshit. My father never wanted to hurt Four and you know it. This is all about you… I don't know what you have planned and in all honesty I don't want to know one single ounce of your plan. But, if you truly need them apart…you'd better listen to me."

"Meet me at my office."

* * *

**Probably could have split this chapter up?... Nah...**


	39. Unedited

**Rated - MA**

**Chapter 39 - Unedited**

* * *

**Tobias's POV** \- Wednesday (5:00 am)

I've never been one to bite my nails. But I have successfully achieved the dubious task of doing just that, almost to the point of bleeding. My feet are sore from pacing for the last five hours, my scalp is on fire and I may be balding.

I spin the blue USB drive around and around on the dining room table. I can't bring myself to see what's on it. I know I need to…but the warning from Jack Kang resonates in my head. "This will change everything. I know you hate your father, but whatever you decide to do with what's on this drive…may make you hate_ yourself_ even more… You have a conscience…he doesn't."

The words that resonated in my head at that moment were something akin to—"Fuck you, you duplicitous prick. There's a special place for people like you and I hope you burn in it for all of eternity…"

After not even attempting to sleep, and more jumble-fuck in my mind than ever before (I didn't even think that was possible), Ambien with three fingers of scotch is calling my name.

_Calling my name…_

**Flashback:**

I'm back at my sex chair taking down the remnants of my drink, entirely prepared to make a seamless exit en route to the closest bar within walking distance. A bar fight is at the top of my list right now! _I'm in the wrong neighborhood for that… Where the hell do the South side Irish hang out?—_

"Four! Somebody find Four!..."

"Jesus, Zeke, go! Go!"

I trip over someone's body as they go down hard along with other things I'm sure. Until I arrive at Tris's limp form as Robert is trying to hold her upright in the chair. She looks near unconscious.

"What the fuck happened?!" I yell at whomever the fuck is listening as I pick her up supporting her head and under her knees."

"I was telling her about—Put her down! Who the hell are—"

"Robert, don't!" Christina shouts as the thought of a head butt crosses my mind if anyone fucking comes near her.

"She called once for some guy name Tobias…. …. …. …."

I slide us down to the floor with my back against the wall. I don't care who's talking or watching or whatever the fuck is happening outside of our space in this world. All I care about is the one in my arms and the suffering she's experiencing. I watch it play out on her face, knowing there's nothing I can do about it... I wipe the beads of sweat away with the sleeve of my shirt and sit her as upright as I can while still being able to have a full view of her face. All I can do is talk to her and tell her it's going to be okay and that I'm here. Suddenly she groans in pain and agony as her entire body seems to tense.

"There's a fire… It's… I'm burn…ing…"

"Mmm mmm…" I grit out unable to form words. "No, there's not," I say in her ear hoping my voice will break her out of whatever is going on in her head.

She opens her eyes and…_fuck…_they're so dilated that they almost look black. I feel a cold rag in my hand and I rest it on her forehead.

"My shoulder… It's….buuuuuuuuuurninnnnngggg…."

_Okay, that's enough of this._ "Tris? Tris…" I say as softly and purposefully as I can. "You're not on fire…"

She starts to squirm like she wants to get away, but I hold her tighter as Christina barks something to someone nearby.

"Hey! I'm here… You may not want me to be, but you don't have a damned choice!"

"I'm on fire… I can't… I need to go—"

"You're not… I promise… Tris?... Jesus, baby…. You're scaring the hell out of me…"

I'm officially in borderline freak out mode as I see her try to open her eyes again…and fail again. I haven't seen her like this since the night at The West. Even at my apartment after I… … … She still came to reasonably quickly.

"Look at me, please. I miss your eyes so much…" _Please open them… Please, please, please… _"Please, open them. Tris…"

I feel her body relax as she attempts to open her ice black eyes that almost look alien right now. This time, she succeeds and I slowly see the blue start to appear as the eclipse of black recedes. "There you are… Hi…" I whisper or choke…I'm not entirely sure.

"Stop saying…'please.'" _Of course, forget the fact that you're recovering from what I can only assume was a flashback of a seemingly terrifying incident… Let's talk semantics! This phenomenal stubborn woman is going to be the death of me._

"Okay… I'll never say it again. Someday you're gonna regret you ever said that…" _Because I plan on holding you to it! _

"I love…your face…" She reaches up with her fingertips and grazes my cheek as I relish in the visual I'm granted of watching her eyes slowly return to their rightful beauty and the physical sensation of her gentle touch that I have missed more than I realized…

"I love yours-..."

Something shatters, breaking me out of our bubble, which is beyond aggravating, and my eyes catch a man retreating from the bar. He makes one last glance over his shoulder and I instantly recognize the distinct face of…Jack Kang. _What the…hell? _

He quickly turns and makes a run for the door and I have to make the snap decision of what to do. I quickly slide myself out from under her Tris and yell for Christina, but I do it too hastily and Tris's head smacks on the floor.

"Jesus, Four! What the hell are you doing?" Shauna, I think, yells.

"Fuck!... Um…Zeke! Get him! Black hair black suit! Jack Kang!"

I can't believe he actually listens to me as he takes off like a bat out of hell with Uriah at his heels. Tris's ex-boyfriend is surprisingly close I now realize, he is crouched down almost beside me_. Jesus, throw me a bone here!?_

"Take her, take her, take her now!... ROBERT!" _I can't believe I remembered his name… _I grab him by his shirt to shake him out of his trance as he stares at her. _Mmmmmgggghhhhh…._ "Sit her upright! Christina get her a towel—she's gonna vomit!"

I stand up as I hear Tris say "Noooo…" and I almost keel over from the sound of her pleading as Robert lifts up her torso and leans her onto him. _I hate it, I hate it, I hate it…_ But I run for the door anyway.

Whatever he said freaked her out and I_ will_ find out what it is…from him! She'll try to brush it under the rug.

I turn with a groan and take a few strides back looking him straight in the eyes. "You stay with her tonight! Take her home and _don't…leave_!"

Then I bolt toward the door… _Oh, hell…no! _

_"_And sleep on the FUCKING COUCH!" I'm halfway out the door, and moderately confident that the Russian space station heard me yell that…

Once I'm in the street, I look right and left and don't see Zeke or Uriah anywhere. Al chuckles to himself behind me.

"Lookin' fer someone or someones?"

I realize this may either be productive or counterproductive, but I take my chances because it's going to feel awesome. So I turn around gripping Al by the t-shirt and slam him into the door.

"Does this look like my 'feel-free-to-fuck-with-me-face'!?"

"I don't think you've ever had that face—"

"If you give a shit about Tris you will _tell _me the direction they went in and if you lie to me I will come back here and beat the piss out of you and I will enjoy it beyond belief because I've wanted to do it since the moment I met you!" _It's a partially accurate statement…_

_"_They went that way…West, and turned down that next street…"

I take off running in "that way." "That's North, idiot!" I yell unable to contain any sort of control over my innate personality. I run as fast as my legs can carry me trying to hone my sense of hearing and sight.

"Four! Four!" I hear Uriah's desperate screech as I turn around to see him running after me. "Damn…I forgot how fast you are… They're…this…way." He waves his hand in the opposite direction.

"You got him?!" I turn and run "this way" unsure of how I missed them until I notice Uriah is not with me. I look behind and see him doubled-over behind me. "What the _hell _are you doing?!"

"I think I broke a rib… Go… I'll be right there. Next alley to the right and up the set of stairs to the left, Zeke has him in cuffs."

"I'm not leaving you, dumbass." I run back to him and put his arm around my neck, walking us slowly to the alleyway. "You ran after me with a broken rib? You truly are a dumbass."

"You're welcome, asshole."

We hobble in silence. "You know that was my fucked up way of saying thank you, right?"

"I speak Four."

"So, it's not a dead language?"

"Hardly… Marlene's catching on quickly. Ah! Fuck, that hurts."

"Sorry…" I grit out trying to go slowly, but it's agony! "How did you break a rib?"

"Jack…"

"Damn it…" I grit out.

Zeke's a cop… He can handle Jack…well, better than Uriah. I hate that Uri got involved… That's two more people I care about!

"Yeah. Coulda told me he's a Ninja."

"He's not… He's a brown belt in Karate… Who knows…maybe he's a black belt by now…" I adjust his shoulder under me as he grips his ribs.

"That's…Ninja…status to me."

"Wrong country… Ninja's started in feudal Japan when—"

"CAN YOU NOT CORRECT ME FOR ONCE?!" _That couldn't have felt good._

"Sure."

He snorts out a laugh at my immediate acceptance of his request as we round the corner. "They're right up there." He nods his head at a door.

"Stay here."

"I've gotta call Marlene—"

"And tell her _what?_"

"That you told us to run after a guy and he air-ninja-kicked me in the ribs."

"She's gonna want to know more—"

"Well, I'm not gonna tell her more because_ I_ don't want to know more. Whatever the hell is going on with you…you wouldn't keep it from us unless you had a damned good reason! So…just…fuckin' tell me when you're ready."

I take a brief pause. "When did you get smart?"

He shakes his head and looks up at the low-flying plane. "Women…"

"I hear that…" I mutter. "Thanks, Uri."

"Yeah, yeah… Go help my brother! Geez!"

I internally laugh while keeping a straight face as Uriah starts texting Marlene. _Alternate friggin' universe…_

I climb the stairs two at a time until I come face to face with Jack and Zeke. Zeke is smiling slyly and texting on the stairs and Jack looks quite fearful. He may be a brown belt, but Zeke is no slouch, particularly when it comes to diffusing an escalating physical situation. He has mastered the art of lock-grips. And with Uriah's decent boxing skills and fitness level they were the perfect pair. And now…there's me…

"Zeke? Can you give us a minute—"

"Hell…no."

I need information from Jack and Zeke does help with the intimidation factor. I have to resign myself to the fact that I need to let yet another person in on this…

"What…the hell is going on…Jack?" I crouch down in front of him, ready to strike if need be.

"I was…checking up on you."

"You were checking up on Tris!"

"I was making sure…it wasn't one and the same! But apparently it was! You need to stop slipping up, Tobias—"

"What do you mean 'slipping up'?"

"You know what I mean. Don't ask questions you know the answer to… You aren't stupid! What was the scene out in the street last week?! You think no one saw that?!"

"Everyone saw that!" Zeke adds.

"_You're_ the one watching me…apparently, us?" I ask as I grab his arm.

"Ah! Just you. Tonight…was outside of the realm of normalcy."

I glance at Zeke as he sits patiently, probably trying to figure out what the hell is going on.

"Why? I've known you for _years_! I know you work for Marcus…but you despise him! At least I thought you—"

"You know I do."

"Then why…are you doing this? This seems above and beyond your Butler-like duties anyway—"

"Butler? This is the 21st century—"

I grab him by the shoulders, squeezing as hard as I can. "What exactly…have you signed on for…Jack?!"

I can almost hear him grind his teeth. "Spying! I'm making sure you hold up your end of the bargain! And your father is paying me…incredibly well!"

I want to knock his fucking teeth out… But instead…I take a moment to think. Jack is smart…but I think I'm smarter. I need to find how much he knows…

My biggest mistake with Marcus was allowing him to get under my skin… He used Tris against me and it clouded my judgment. I was so worried about how all of this would affect her—Marcus being forced by Carlos to inform Eric of her whereabouts and her basically being stalked by Carlos for her whole life. Picturing her in that situation caused me to miss key behavioral signs in my father. Signs that he was lying… I was so blind-sided on that revealing day… I still feel like I'm missing key points. My guess is—Jack would act in a similar fashion if it came down to his family. _Family… Tris is my family…_

_Time to put on a show…_

"So you know…what's going on?" I ask urgently.

"I know as much as you know! Your father wouldn't trust anyone else to do this!"

I take a deep breath and walk away considering my next move and faking concern. I take another quick look at Zeke, who seems to be studying my every move.

"Fuck… Well, now I'm actually glad to see you… But, damn it, Jack. I wish I would have known that!""

"Why?" he asks in a worrisome manner. _Excellent…_

"Carlos is fully prepared to payback anyone involved…" I shake my head as if I care.

"Carlos who—"

"Zeke."

"Sorry."

I take the blank expression on the poker face Jack learned from my father to mean he's weighing his options—_Am_ _I lying?_ If I were…I highly doubt he cares as long as he gets a paycheck from Marcus…. _But, what if I'm not lying? _He may just get a hell of a lot more than a paycheck from Carlos.

"So, do you know what Marcus is going to do? What are you _both_ going to do? Run? I'm sure he's told you his plan… We sure as hell know Marcus would never clue me in!"

He still doesn't answer.

"Just…please God, make sure Kim and your kids are at least out of the picture… I was informed Carlos makes a habit out of using women and children as cautionary tales, to put it lightly."

"How did you find him?!" _And here it is!_ "What did you tell him—"

"How do you _not _know_ how_ I found him? You've practically been stalking me!" _Or not…_

"I'm not a damned private investigator! I can't watch you 24 hours a day! Again…how did you find him?!" he chokes out.

"I'm friends with his daughter," I quip nonchalantly.

"That lying bitch…" _What the hell is he talking about…? So Nita IS involved? _"I need to get home…now. Get me out of these things! I need to get my family out of here!"

I bite my cheek in guilt that I had to bring his wife and kids into this. _Game face, Tobias._

"Watch your mouth about my friends…"

"She's not your _friend, _Tobias! How blind are you?! She's been passing information about you to your father this whole time. Useless bullshit about what time you went to the gym and what you had for lunch and how well you look in a damned suit!"

"I know," I shrug. _ Or not… This is brand fucking new information!_

"You…what?"

"You think I don't know Marcus has been playing me this whole time? Nita and I have been working together...making sure he only gets whatever information we deem…appropriate."

"So… What does Carlos know about me?! I need to get to my family—"

"Damn it, Jack! Why would you get involved in this? Fuck…" I walk in circles pretending to wrack my brain for an out for him—not that he needs one. "Maybe I can help… Shit! It may be… What if it's too late?"

"How can you help me?! Tell me God damn it!"

"What kind of useful information do you have?! That's the only thing I can think of! Do you have anything to offer Carlos?..."

He looks like he wants to pass out from fear. I see Zeke shift uncomfortably as he observes Jack's disposition.

"Shit, Jack! Marcus holds no loyalties to anyone! You don't think he'd be the first person to throw you under the bus?! What do you have on him?"

He thinks about this for a moment…. "I have a flash drive…"

"I have about 100 of those."

"Don't be a smartass!"

"Is this the time to speak to me like that, Jack?" I ask sternly as I get in his face again. I still need him to fear me.

"The original conversation! Um… He can have it! Use it against Marcus?" _What original conversation?_

"Why would Carlos care so much about _that _conversation?"

"He may not… But at least it's proof that Marcus has been working against him! Can you help me?! Please, at least for my family?!"

"I promise…nothing."

"But you'll try?"

"I'll try." _…to not murder you!_

* * *

The entire car ride there, Jack is in thinking mode. Zeke is driving us in his police cruiser as to get us there faster and because I don't want Jack escaping if he figures out that I know…_NOTHING_ about Marcus's plan and haven't even spoken to Carlos.

So as of right now, Jack is locked in the vehicle behind the cage. Zeke tries to make dumb conversation—reminiscing and joking around with the both of us. Neither Jack nor I are interested. Zeke has known Jack for as long as I have. Jack started working for my father when I was ten. His job was to make sure the house and grounds were well kept and that all help did their jobs, etc. He allowed Zeke to come over when Marcus was out of town on business. I always thought there was some kind of loyalty between the two of us—but apparently there wasn't…

Zeke pulls into Jack's driveway and sighs, still frustrated about not knowing anything. As the three of us exit the vehicle, Jack must know by the way Zeke and I stay close to him that something is up—We aren't there to help him. Following him inside the house, his wife Kim greets us.

"Tobias? I haven't seen you in ages! You're so… I mean you've always been…but now you're just—"

"Kim? Can you give us a moment?" Jack interjects curtly.

"Okay…sure." She gives Jack a strange look and walks back into their family room.

"Yet again, your father underestimated you… You don't know anything do you?!" he whispers sharply. "You played me on my emotions you fucking asshole—"

He lunges at me, which was a little unexpected with his wife in the next room, but I quickly jab him in the throat as Zeke wrenches his arm behind his back. He tries to deliver a front kick, but I dodge it and return the favor with a swift low side-kick to the shin…both in fact. It's an incredibly effective albeit painful move. While he recovers, I take my belt off and wrap it around his ankles. _No more kicking… _And swipe his legs so he lands hard on his tailbone.

"What are you doing?!" Kim screams. "Tobias?! Stop! Stop!"

I turn and give his wife my best smile. "Can you ask your husband very very nicely to give me any and all information he has on—"

"Tobias," he grits out in warning.

"Wait, Jack! Don't tell me… She doesn't know you've gotten into bed with a murderer and illegal arms dealer?" I ask sarcastically.

"You really should have a more open marriage," Zeke encourages. Communication is the key!"

I give Zeke a "seriously?" look and he just smiles proudly.

"Jie Ke Kang! Does this have anything to do with Marcus Eaton?!... I gave you one more chance… I told you if you ever got into shady dealings with him again I'm leaving you! Now…does this have _anything _to do with that piece of dog shit boss of yours?!"

He looks at me wide-eyed… and shakes his head slightly.

"Yes… Does…it…Jack?! You never specified that it was…Marcus…"

I try to communicate that his wife needs to know nothing as long as I get my information…

"No… It has nothing to do…with Marcus… Now please assist me so I can get what you're looking for…"

I make eye contact with Zeke to stay close as I release my belt from around Jack's ankles and help him up.

"There you go…old friend," I comment dryly. _Fucking backstabbing asshole._

"Is anyone going to explain what's going on?!" Kim shrieks.

Jack yells something to her in Chinese that only makes her seethe more.

"I don't think that helped," Zeke quips to Jack in his ear.

"It's in the desk…top left drawer, there's a key. It opens the locked drawer under it. It's in the white envelope in the drawer."

I walk over to the desk and follow the instructions, taking the flash drive out of the envelope.

"Let's take a look!" I say enthusiastically trying to stave off my need to murder him.

"I would rather not," he retorts quietly, flitting his eyes to his wife who now has their two sons standing behind her.

Breaking up a family is not at the top of my list so I look Jack in the eyes.

"Did you ever give a shit about me?" I ask in a leveled voice.

"You know I did and I still do."

"Are you _lying _to me about the importance of what's on this drive?"

"No. That's everything you'd need." He swallows thickly and glances across the room at his family. _He's telling the truth._

"Tobias… This will change everything. I know you hate your father, but whatever you decide to do with what's on this drive…may make you hate_ yourself_ even more… You have a conscience…he doesn't."

_I don't give a shit! _I brush past him and Zeke follows.

"Evening, Kim, boys," I nod cordially as we exit.

Zeke starts in on me immediately upon exit. "You have some_ serious _explaining to do—"

"Tobias!" Jack yells.

I roll my eyes and look partially over my shoulder at him, not bothering to make eye contact with the fucking dickwad.

"I volunteered to follow you… and I withheld quite a lot of information from your father…Think about that before you judge me too harshly."

I don't bother answering, but continue on to the car and sit in the front with my mind in a crazed state.

"You ready to tell me what the _FUCK _that was all about?" Zeke demands upon slamming the driver's side door.

"No."

"But you're gonna tell me! Oh, yeah, motherfucker! You're gonna tell me…"

_Great…_

**End Flashback**

I'm going back and forth between two worlds and it's making me crazy—as in I need to check myself into Kerrington. _Wanted to meet Caleb someday… Here's my fucking chance!_

World #1 revolves around Tris. _What the hell did Robert say to her last night to make her pass out? It had to be bad… _I groan out loud thinking about the nightmares last night may have evoked…

_Why haven't I called? Because it's 5:00 am and she's probably asleep!_ _She may not even remember me holding her anyway… She probably thought it was Robert all along seeing that he's the one who was there when she was lucid—at least he better have fucking been there!_

World #2 (which should actually be World #1…if I was a rationale person) revolves around what's on this flash drive. I need to watch it, but I'm afraid of what's on it. I wish…for one God damned minute…I could detach myself from World #1! If World #1 didn't exist…I would throw the flash drive in the trash, not having any interest in my father's fucked up affairs! Also, if World #1 never existed…we wouldn't be in this situation anyway!

My eyes flit over to the photo Tris captured and altered forever of the bridge… (_Cue the Simon and Garfunkel moment_… …. …. …. _Yep, okay then_…) and I remember exactly what I thought of when I saw she had put it up for sale: _She can't erase me… She can't erase us! _

So, if she's not allowed to…then I'm not either…

_Back to World #2 after my brief intermission…_ I know exactly what Jack meant… This information is bad enough that if I somehow get it to Carlos (I still have no idea how to go about doing that) it may be the ultimate demise of Marcus…and I would have to live with the knowledge that I handed my father over to a murderer.

But if I have learned anything since meeting World #1, it's that the upside of painful knowledge is so much greater than the downside of blissful ignorance. As much as I hate knowing what she went through…and she hates knowing what I went through…our pain and the fact that we had the strength to share that with each other opened up a world that I don't think either of us ever knew existed.

_HOLY HELL… I'M DOING IT AGAIN!_

I stand up and walk to my bedroom looking down at the sheets still lying on the floor… Then I walk to the bathroom and stare at the place where I shared some of the best and worst moments… I run my hands through my hair and feel another bought of bullshit emotion come at me… _Bullshit emotion…_

**Flashback:**

"I take it you know my father?" I ask Amar Ghadi coldly.

"Indeed."

"Is that why I'm here?"

"Would that be a problem if that were the case?"

"Indeed."

"Would you not accept a highly coveted position at this firm on account of your father?"

"If I knew he had anything to do with this, then yes, I would walk out that door… Unless jumping out the window were a better option…and mind you, I'm severely afraid of heights."

"Tobias, if I may—"

"Please, call me Four."

"Of course…Four. A piece of advice whether you want it or not—We tend to be the master of our own thoughts. However, we are the slaves of our own emotions… Don't make a permanent decision based on your temporary emotion… Besides, your father's an arrogant asshole. If anything, the fact that you're his son works against you…"

"Good."

**End Flashback**

_"We tend to be the master of our own thoughts, however we are the slaves of our own emotions… Don't make a permanent decision based on your temporary emotion." _

_Amar… Where's my damned phone?!_

* * *

**Christina's POV: **(Wednesday 5:00 AM)

I wake to the sound of pillows being fluffed and patted. Rolling over I see Robert in the TV room nicely folding the blanket he used. I barely slept last night and when I did, it was stupidly light. I see that he must be on his way out and he's being too ridiculously polite about making the place look perfect.

"Damned considerate people…" I grumble as I sluggishly get up and shuffle my way toward him.

I clear my throat so he knows I'm right behind him.

"Oh, good morning," he whispers glancing to where Tris seems to be temporarily sleeping semi-soundly.

I walk over and gently close her door without clicking it shut all the way before turning around to ask him where the hell he's going.

"Where the hell are you going?"

"I have a farm to run. It's 5:00 AM and I'm late!... I wasn't planning on staying the night, but that Four guy scared the bejeesus out of me!"

I laugh lightly. "Yeah… He's quite a character."

"Are they…together or something?"

"Something."

He sighs in acceptance. "Well… She was my first love. I'm not sure I ever really got over her…"

"Yeah. You were great last night, I can tell you really care—"

"But I wouldn't come within a mile of her if I knew he was going to be around!" He laughs but then gets a sad look.

_He's a nice guy—soooo not for Tris… But a nice guy…_

"Can you tell him that I did right by her?... That I didn't leave her?"

"Yeah… Of course, Robert."

"Thank you." He bends down to fold up his ridiculous tie and starts toward the door. "Hey, why do you hate my sister?"

"You should ask her." He nods his head and turns. "But you may end up hating her too."

He doesn't answer and quietly leaves while I walk softly over to Tris's room and look in on her. She was up on the hour last night. Poor Robert didn't know what to do. I hope I made the right decision by telling him…the utmost condensed version…of what she'd been through—that Eric abused her for two years.

He tried to get more information out of me…

"What type of abuse?" he asked.

My response: "Does it really matter?" His response: "No." _That's how I knew I liked him…_

**Flashback:**

I'm idly chatting it up with Shauna and Zeke when out of the corner of my eye I see Tris go down like China Town—smacking her head right on the table. I immediately run around the bar as Robert stands up trying to shake her.

"Tobias… I just…want…" she mumbles.

"Four! Somebody find Four!" I yell in response as Robert grabs her shoulder to push her upright.

"Jesus, Zeke, go! Go!" Shauna yells as she pushes his shocked face toward the back of the bar.

Robert is trying to hold her head up as I watch Zeke go down, hard onto the floor as Four uses him as a bowling pin. _Jesus, he's fast. Does he have a sixth sense about this shit? Wouldn't surprise me…_

"What the fuck happened?!" he shouts as he picks her up like she weighs nothing. _She's small, but that's still 115 L-Bs. Add adrenaline and that man is unstoppable…_

"I… I was just telling her about—Hey, put her down!..."

Robert rushes in to grab Tris and I can see the look on Four's face. The one that says 'I will put to rest anyone who comes near her.' And he could probably do it and not even drop her.

"…Who the hell are—"

"Robert, don't!" I yell in warning grabbing his arm. "Please…just let him. He's… Just stay back…okay?"

"She called once for some guy name Tobias. Is Tobias her boyfriend!?"

"No."

Shauna, Zeke, Uriah, Marlene, Will and I stand back and watch, practically glued to the scene.

He's on the floor with his back against the wall, watching her face. He wipes her forehead as I shout to Lynn for a cold cloth.

"I'm dying to know what he's saying to her…" Shauna says while watching Four in awe. "Will she ever tell us what happened to her? Or what's happening?"

I can tell Zeke and Uriah are listening.

"Maybe."

I clench my jaw as Tris starts to writhe in pain saying something that only the two of them can hear. He's shaking his head as he closes his eyes and keeps talking to her. I think Lynn tries to hand me the rag, but I'm glued to my best friend…until Robert gets in my fucking way! _Move, asshole!_

Four holds the rag up to her head as she starts moving and pleading loudly. "My shoulder… It's….buuuuuuuuuurninnnnngggg…."

"Come one guys…" I signal them closer to blockade onlookers because no one else needs to see this. But they all stand, staring.

"Guys!" Shauna and Marlene come closer, but Zeke and Uriah don't seem very comfortable so they stay standing but blocking people's view. I don't really blame them…

"Hey! I'm here… You may not want me to be, but you don't have a damned choice!"

I almost want to smack him for talking to her like that…but if it gets her out of this then—whatever works…

"I'm on fire… I can't… I need to go—"

He leans closer to her and almost looks like he's pleading with her.

"Chris… Should we…do something? He looks panicked…" Will asks nervously.

"Maybe—" Before I can agree with her, Tris opens her eyes and the look of relief on Four almost overwhelms…me.

He just shakes his head at whatever exchange they just had and she reaches up to touch his face. He looks… What's the word?... Captivated…

Then some dumbass drops a glass of something. Lynn's behind the bar and Juan Carlos has the night off so I head in that direction.

"Jesus, Four! What the hell are you doing?" Shauna shrieks as I see Tris now on the floor by herself and Four looking confused and torn and angry all at once.

"Fuck!... Um…Zeke! Get him! Black hair black suit! Jack Kang!" _Who?_

I follow his view as the man who seemed very cordial and polite runs for the door. Zeke and Uriah take off after him with Shauna freaking out behind them.

"Take her, take her, take her now!... ROBERT!" Four exalts in desperation.

Robert, who apparently is_ not_ good in an emergency situation, stares at Four stupidly as Four grabs him hard by the shirt. "Sit her upright_!" He's practically grinding his teeth! _ "Christina get her a towel—she's gonna vomit!"

I run behind the bar to grab one, knowing full well that Four is correct.

"You stay with her tonight!" he shouts to Robert over his shoulder. "Take her home and _don't…leave_!"

_And he's out the door!... And he's back… _

_"_And sleep on the _FUCKING COUCH_!"

Shauna and I can't help it and we both laugh out loud until Shauna takes her phone out…probably to text Zeke.

"Beatrice?" _There's the puke face. _"That big guy said you're gonna puke...but I think we're in the clear-"

And…she vomits all over him before I can get him the towel…

"Or not..."

**End Flashback**

I'm shaken out of my night-in-review as I hear Tris sniffle and breathe in and out violently. She hates it when I rush in there so I count to ten or wait until her breathing normalizes—whichever comes first… This time…ten seconds came first.

"Hey," I whisper.

"I'm fine." She wipes under her eyes with shaky hands and sits up.

"I know. You're always fine."

Grabbing her phone, she sees that it's around 5:00 AM. "I'm just…gonna get up." She pushes herself up and swings her legs out of bed. "Is Robert still here?"

"No."

"Good."

"I figured you'd say that… Tris, what did he say to you?... He wouldn't tell me…anything. It was fucking aggravating."

"Um… Ya know…" She shrugs and rubs her ridiculously bloodshot eyes. "Just that Eric mentioned me and… I don't know… It just jogged some memories. I'll be—"

"Fine… Yeah, I know. Why did he come all this way?"

"Um… He's never been here and this was his opportunity…I guess."

"You're lying."

"I just don't want to talk about it…right now. Please… Okay?"

"Robert seems really nice."

"Yeah. He was always a great friend."

"I'm sorry I couldn't take you home last night."

"Someone had to stay at the bar and seeing as you wouldn't let me get back to work—"

"You're not seriously going to make me feel bad for that, are you?"

"I'm just saying I could have helped—"

"Mmmmm….no, ya couldn't have…"

I watch her closely as she checks her phone again.

"Four was, really something last night. The way he—"

"Can we just…not…?"

"Tris… He was almost panicking. You should have seen him—"

"Not panicking enough to stay. Apparently he just up and left!"

"Yeah. He ran after some guy! The seemingly nice guy at the end of the bar—Grey Goose-martini-man."

She rubs her eyes again and tries to focus. "He said he knew…Tobias… That they had…done business together in the past—"

"Must have ended things on bad terms… So…he's 'Tobias' again?"

"He'll always be 'Tobias.'…to me…"

"Aren't you dying to find out where he went?"

"No."

"You're kidding."

"Christina… He doesn't _want _me in his life—"

"I don't think that's the case—"

"I think he loves me…but I don't think he _wants _to love me. It's almost like he doesn't know what to do with it. Like it doesn't sit well with him or something. I don't fit. He can't make me fit— He's sleeping with other women, Christina! Who_ does_ that? It kills me…everyday, and I feel like I die a little…every day…"

She pauses and I realize that at that moment she put things together that _she _didn't even know…

I also momentarily forgot that Four screwed some other chick or chicks apparently. _Team Tris!_

"I sold the picture of him… I sold it and I felt…terrible… I still feel terrible. It's irrational! Everything I feel is irrational! And then…Nita… She had a fucking picture of him…sleeping!"

"Yeah… That was…bad and fuckin' weird. Who does that? Okay, well…one time I did get a really cute one of Will—"

"Not helping!"

"Sorry."

"And then he _defended_ her after Marlene and I—"

"That dance…was awesome… You should have seen the look on her nuttier-than-a-fruitcake face!"

She laughs sarcastically. "Yeah…awesome…"

Then standing up she gets a sudden burst of anger as she lands her hands on her hips.

"Clare, Kirsten… And who could forget Nita…who he supposedly loathed! God, I wanted to throw up all over her… Exorcist style! Green vomit…everywhere!"

"Okay, Reagan…relax. What can I do?"

"Just let me…do me."

"So leave you the fuck alone to figure things out with no help from anyone at all."

"Yes."

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

The minutes tick by and I wish I hadn't told Christina to basically leave me the fuck alone. Because now that I am _truly _alone, I think of nothing…but…Tobias…and Eric…

_It's probably nothing! So he has a few pictures of me up in his house? We were together for two years and he most likely… needs some closure! So he bought all new pink floral furniture? Who cares! Maybe it was his mom's… She loved pink! The table was set for two?! Maybe he was having someone over for dinner?! He told Robert it was "in case his girl comes home." He didn't say, "in case Beatrice comes home!"_

But Robert's words… _"He's lost it…", "He's lost it…", He's lost it…", _are the ones that resonate. Robert wouldn't have come all this way if this was just speculation…

My lip starts trembling and my hands start shaking again so I do the only thing that has been able to relax me… I look at Evelyn's painting.

The small 8 X 10 has been resting on my stomach and I have been holding it up to the light to see my own personal smaller version of Tobias every time my mind wanders to Eric. I think I could actually sketch it myself I have it memorized so deeply at this point. I can't help but feel like this was a gift for me… _Because I'm selfish! _But...honestly! What are the fucking chances that I get rid of a photo that I produce of my version of Tobias, only to come upon a painting that his mother produced of her version of Tobias… And the way it happened…haunts me.

Believing in signs was something I grew up listening to in my father's sermons—signs from God, etc. I'm almost immune to those kinds of religious clichés… It's sad that I think of them that way… But I swear to God (no offense, God), _some_thing made me look at that painting…

…..

_Just as Sofi reaches to take a small 8 X 10 out of my hands…something stops me. It's the strangest feeling…almost like a tap on the shoulder. I turn my head in the direction of the feeling and I'm met with immediate goose bumps. I yank the picture back roughly, surprising even myself…_

_….._

There was absolutely nothing stunning about the painting from afar. I would have probably put it in the trash pile because it looked unfinished. I am beyond grateful I didn't.

_And ya know what? I'm not FUCKING giving it up yet! For right now, it's mine and he doesn't get to have it!—says the petulant child in me…about the boy who never really got to be a child… Fuck you, conscience! I'm keepin' it!_

I jump off my bed and lose my balance as I do a right over left to my closet, landing hard onto the 80s style mirror that is my sliding closet door.

"Shit damn, that hurt!"

"Shit damn, huh?" Tobias asks from my doorway as he leans on it with his arms crossed. "Need help with that?" He nods at the painting that I have in an iron finger grasp.

My phone buzzes making me drop the painting and actually focus on reality—the reality that Tobias is a figment of my guilt.

I pick up the picture and place it on my desk…instead of hanging it in my Anne Frank room.

"I am capable of compromise," I say to…no one.

Then I remember my phone as it alerts me for the second time that I have a text.

**312-457-1456:** Hi, Tris! This is David. Matthew gave me your number… I hope that's okay.

_What?!_

**Me:** Sure.

**312-457-1456:** How bad is it if I ask you to have dinner with me over a text message?

**Me:** Pretty bad.

**312-457-1456:** So should I call you? Would that be better?

**Me:** I don't know.

_No!_

Then my phone rings and I groan, realizing that I totally asked for this! _God… I don't want to deal with this shit! I don't want to deal with anything! _

"Hello?"

"You don't sound thrilled."

"I'm sorry… You just caught me off guard. Matthew gave you my number?"

"Um, yeah. I hope that's okay."

"It's…fine… Just a little strange…"

"I sort of asked his permission to—"

"Asked his _permission?"_

"That came out…very wrong. Okay, here's the thing. All I'm asking is to take you to dinner, nothing more. It may be awful! And if it is…no hard feelings. okay?"

"Okay…"

"'Okay,' you'll go to dinner?"

_What's the difference between this guy and Matthew? Why was I so hesitant with Matthew? Because I knew he wanted more and this seems surface level. I can do surface level. A Distraction! A very welcomed distraction!_

I feel a stabbing pain of guilt as I remember Tobias holding me last night… I pull my phone away from my ear to check the time. It's fucking 10:00 AM!

_No correspondence from Tobias…at all…as expected. I've been lying here, memorizing a photo, and stupidly rereading my journal as if bringing the experience to light will keep the memories away in the dark…for five hours…without coffee! I'm scared out of my wits to be alone and I don't work tonight so I would ...be…all…alone…here…alone…by myself—_

"Tris?"

"Yes!" I bark out as embarrassment floods my face.

"Yes…what?"

"I'll…go to dinner," I mumble. _God! Does he really want to do this…with me?_

"Great! I'll pick you up at 7:00?... Oh, what kind of food do you like?"

"Food."

"Ooookay. Food…at 7:00. Text me your address and I'll see you then!"

"Yep."

After we hang up, I feel empty and my heart starts to pick up the pace. _What the fuck am I doing? What the fuck am I doing?_ My racing heartbeat brings back the physical reminder of the several panic attacks and constant revisiting of my most horrific moments last night. So I grab the painting and bury myself under the comforter of my bed. It makes no logical sense, but it soothes me nonetheless…

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

A loud knock on my door wakes me out of my slumber. _Slumber? That's fucking hilarious! _I sluggishly get up from the kitchen table and look through the peek hole to see an anxious-looking Amar. Taking a deep breath, preparing myself for the inevitable, I open the door.

I receive a very wide-eyed expression from Amar.

"Come in."

"Jesus, Tobias. Are you…quite well, my friend?"

"No."

"You sounded a lot more than sick this morning."

"H1N1 would be a welcome exchange right now, trust me."

"You've been drinking."

"Not enough."

"Borderline incessant?"

"I would prefer incessantly drunk right now…but getting to that point seems to be harder and harder these days…"

"Quite a tolerance?"

"Quite."

"Why am I here, my friend? Everything is well-attended to at the office—"

"Amar. Do you realize how hard it is for me to trust people?"

"Yes."

"And how hard it is for me to ask for…" I sigh out heavily and pour myself another inch of Crown. "…help."

"Yes."

I realize how fucking rude I'm being as I grab a rocks glass and pour some for Amar, which he accepts. _Good. Drinking alone sucks!_

"Well…take this before I burn it." I toss him the blue flash drive that seriously feels like it sets my fingers on fire when I hold it. "Apparently it will answer all questions!... Who the fuck knows… Area 51, who killed Kennedy, Tu Pac…it may all be on there!"

"Tobias…what are you asking of me?"

"I need you to tell me what's on it…. Or just stay…while I look at it. I know myself well enough to know I can't…do this alone."

"My friend, I need you to be a little more specific and maybe a little less…drunk."

"I can be more specific."

"Then we're halfway there."

"One of Marcus's…employees…was watching Tris last night and we chased…him down. And upon astute coercion, he gave me…that!" My drink sloshes out of the glass….and I don't even care…

"I take it, you're not going to give me the more detailed version of that exchange?"

"You take it right."

"You said "we"?"

"Zeke and Uriah."

He walks into the kitchen and opens my cabinets trying to find…something.

"Two more people are now involved?"

"It wasn't…intentional."

"Even so…" He hands me a glass of water that I didn't even notice he poured.

"Tobias…what do you think is on it?"

I shake my head in ignorance. "_You_…tell _me_."

"Very well." He walks over to the table and opens my laptop, inserting the flash drive.

I walk over to the window and gaze out at it, drinking the water Amar gave me. _I need to eat something… _Soon, I hear voices—voices I recognize. It's the surveillance footage of Marcus and Carlos from the night of the Blackhawks game…

_"I…loved…her. I…worshipped…her. You thought, after all those years, that she was yours. No…. She was mine…. …. …. …._

_"….You were having an affair... Impossible….._

_"…. …..the morning she was found….dead. My limo was waiting for her…outside? ….. ….. acting strangely….. Stronger?... defiant? ….. ….. …..her belongings were missing….. ….. ….._

I find myself practically drifting in and out while a conversation I've played over and over in my mind now plays itself out loud. It's torture…

_….. ….. ….. ….._

_….. ….. ….. ….._

_"And what were you two planning to do anyway? Go off and raise a happy mafia family?... ….. ….. ….._

_….. ….. ….._

_"…Your son is involved with someone…"_

_….. ….. ….._

_"Remove her."_

_….. ….. ….. _

_"Marcus…Whether or not _you_ will be around to see it is another _concern _all together…. ….. ….. ….._

My focus returns and I hear nothing more…

I hear Amar cough loudly and for a moment I realize how hard this has to be for him…to watch the man who killed his brother. He probably wants to reach right through the screen. _I hope he doesn't… That laptop was expensive…_

"Well, that was…quite revealing," he adds in a fucking incredulous tone.

"Only…to…you…" I say quietly trying to control the outburst that is about to happen. "That lying piece of shit son-of-a-bitch!" I yell in frustration as Amar jumps.

I silently berate myself for not having Jack show me the contents of the drive at his damned house. I can only imagine what my face looks like. But, I'd rather not…

"Tobias? If George were here, he would advise you on your nose—

"Fuck my nose-breathing!... I thought… I can't believe I'd be so _fucking dumb_ as to—"

"So you're unhappy with that?"

"Unhappy could be the understatement of the whole…God damned universe!"

"Well, there's another file, my friend. It's entitled 'unedited.'"

I swallow thickly and answer just as thickly, "Open it."

Amar rather hesitantly clicks on the file and I head straight for the couch.

_"Vengeance? For whom?"_

"_Evelyn." _

"_I beg your pardon?!"_

_"You will be begging for much more than my pardon if you fail to make this work."_

_"What do your daughter and my son have to do with Evelyn? And you barely knew her. Carlos, you are being absurd…."_

"Daughter…and…son?" _What the hell?_

_"I…loved…her. I…worshipped…her. You thought, after all those years, that she was yours. No…. She was mine. You drove her soul into the depths of her own personal hell and I will reward you dearly for that…"_

_"So… You were having an affair with Evelyn?.._

I now understand that I am listening to an entirely different conversation than before—

_"As impossible as the fact that the morning she woke up….dead…? My limo was waiting for her and your son outside? Had she been acting strange that week? Stronger? More—"_

"Wait! Go back…about…about five seconds."

Amar leans over the computer, doing as I asked…. But all I hear is, "_My limo was waiting for her and your son outside…" _

"She wasn't going to…leave…me…" I state completely to myself as I shake my head but continue to listen in shock at this very different version of what I originally heard…

_"You…were having an affair…with my wife_

_"No… That vile word doesn't do it justice!" _

_"And what were you two planning to do anyway? Go off and raise a happy mafia family? With a son whose not even yours? Evelyn would never stoop to raise our son to be a part of that—"_

_"I would have raised that boy as my own and loved him as my own! Because he was a part of her!"_

My mouth runs dry and I feel Amar's eyes on me. Part of me wants to jump out of my skin at the prospect of Carlos Juares raising me as his son…another part of me wishes he had…because anyone is better than Marcus. _How fucked up is that?_

_"Well now, if you haven't noticed, that ship had sailed 16 years ago! So, tell me… What do you want Carlos?"_

_"To torture you..."_

_"Okay, Carlos… I'll bite… How do you plan to torture me?" _

_"Put it this way, my old friend… I intend on being a part of the Eaton family for a very long time…. The Eaton-Juares name. I already know how Juanita feels about hyphenation… I've seen her notepads. La futura Sra. Juanita Josefa Maria Eaton-Juares….Nita Eaton-Juares…Mrs. Juanita Josefa Eaton-Juares. My personal favorite was Carlos James Eaton-Juares I. She named a grandchild after me! My precious girl!"_

"That's enough!... Stop!... Fuck…" I get up and feel the serious need to shower and then vomit and then vomit in the shower and then drink whiskey and vomit again.

I look at Amar, who is staring at me wide-eyed. "What the fuck, my friend?"

All I can do is shake my head and mirror his shock at this incredibly fucked up revelation. "I… This… How do I even… Jesus! Carlos wants…Nita…and…I…"

"To make babies," he states blatantly.

"Fuck… No!"

"Perhaps we should finish watching…or listening seeing as you seem to be keeping your distance…. I was going to take this from you…but I think you need it back." He hands me my whiskey and goes back to the computer to continue the recording.

I retreat to the couch and rest my head in my hands. I'm already starting to put small pieces together…and I feel myself about to go over the edge…

_"God knows your son hates you. He may look at me a bit differently seeing as I'm the one who actually loved his moth—"_

_"You think my son would want anything to do with your filthy family?! You have far more blood on your hands than I do…"_

_"Yes… But I don't have her blood on my hands: the only person the man, to whom you refer as your son, loved in the world…."_

_"I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't kill Evelyn."_

_"You may not have put the pills in her hand, but you certainly drove her to take them!"_

I groan out loud in mourning of the memory… Carlos is right—Marcus killed her, indirectly.

_"Carlos….Why didn't you kill me, as you have done to many, years ago? Saved yourself the trouble? Then you could have had your happy little mob family."_

_"That is none of your concern."_

_"Then tell me Carlos…what is my concern?"_

_"You've informed me that your son is involved with someone…"_

My head instantly shoots up at the mention of who I can only assume is Tris.

"…_You are obviously correct. Which means, surprising as it is, Juanita is…as much as it pains me to say…failing."_

"Failing?!...Jesus!" Amar shouts. "Tobias… Shit!"

_"You didn't answer my question."_

_"Remove her."_

I run my hands down my face as my mind conjures image upon image of what he could possibly mean when he says "remove her."

_"You want me to kill my son's…play thing? I may be many things…but I am not a murderer—"_

_"No. I would prefer not to add any more pain to that boy's life than he has already experienced. Even if it would eventually fade into guilt, seeing as my Juanita can fill her shoes and more..."_

I'm frozen in place—my hands on my knees, my eyes burning, my cheeks an equal raging inferno and my back aches from bolting upright.

_"Why do you care about my son's pain?"_

_"Because it is the only way to honor Evelyn!"_

_"How do you plan to make Tobias fall in love with your daughter? She may not be as desirable as you think, taking her progress into account…."_

_"No one said anything about love. And that is an aspect that is not your concern, either… Your only concern is ridding Tobias of his current infatuation."_

_"And if I don't?"_

_"Marcus… No matter what…we will be family! Whether or not you will be around to see it is another concern all together…. … …_

I know Carlos is still talking, but I'm done listening. He never wanted to hurt me. He wanted to hurt my father… Marcus… This is…all…Marcus…

Murderous rage…is all I feel… I need to put it to good use…

"Tobias. Tobias, look at me, my boy." I zero in on Amar's face who seems to be right in front of me, but all that I truly feel is hate fire… "You wanted me here so to prevent you from doing anything rash and from the look on your face…that was one of the wiser decisions you've made—"

"Play it again."

Amar purses his lips and starts the footage from the beginning and I listen…until the end.

"Again."

….. …..

"Again."

….. …..

"Again."

…. ….

"Tobias, I think that's quite enough—"

"I'm going…to…kill…him."

"No. You're not."

"He…did this…"

"I played a hand in it," he adds quietly.

"What?!"

"I hired Nita."

"Don't fucking tell me you knew!"

"Absolutely not! Jesus!... Yet, I acted out of fear…and now look at this mess!"

I shrug my shoulders at his misguided guilt and for the absurdity of it because-"She's insignificant."

"You think?"

"I know," I quip.

"How?"

"This is all a game to Carlos."

"I'm not following."

"My father's worst nightmare is tarnishing the Eaton name… As if it weren't already tarnished!… Fucking delusional bastard… Nothing would be more horrific to him than for the last remaining Eaton to marry into the Juares family. The mere thought of the two names even being in the same sentence is enough to put Marcus over the edge…"

_"The Eaton-Juares name. I already know how Juanita feels about hyphenation… I've seen her notepads. La futura Sra. Juanita Josefa Maria Eaton-Juares….Nita Eaton-Juares…Mrs. Juanita Josefa Eaton-Juares. My personal favorite was Carlos James Eaton-Juares I. She named a grandchild after me! My precious girl!"_

I shudder at the nauseating thought of that coming to fruition.

"So you don't think Nita has value?"

"Not to Carlos. Maybe at first…but not anymore… Not once he figured out that wasn't working… You heard him… "No one said anything about love"… All of that bullshit about Nita writing _our _name in her notebook… He was baiting Marcus. Torturing him most likely just to see the look on his face if I had to guess."

"Then why would he ask your father—sorry, Marcus…to 'remove' Tris?"

"To make me hate Marcus more than I already do… I am Marcus Eaton's proverbial Achilles Heel."

"It worked," Amar nods his head in Carlos's favor even though I'm sure nothing but disgust is going through his mind.

"It sure as hell did."

"So, on Marcus's end of things… Do you think he knows Carlos is playing him?"

"No." I stand and take a deep breath, suddenly very thankful Amar is here. "I'm certain he thinks Carlos will kill him if he doesn't break Tris and I up."

"Perfect! Let him think that! That's torture."

"Marcus's methods of keeping us apart are what worry me."

"May I ask what _are _his method's?"

"You may."

"Will you tell me?"

"No."

"So now what?" he asks chuckling.

"Time to turn the tables…on Marcus…"

"Aren't you forgetting something…or someone?"

"No."

* * *

Tell me your thoughts!

I opened a Facebook "Page"... You can "like" it to just comment or follow.

My Facebook account is more for people who want to correspond personally. I'm always logged in when I'm writing so it's been great so far!

** /KrisGregory4**

**or **

**nitewriter4 **For people without Facebook and FFN accounts...


	40. Sorry

Question about David's age… Tris is not into older dudes… I read Allegiant so fast because it was so….well, you guys know… That I completely forgot David was older. In this version he was a definite character in my head who existed before I figured out his name. Then I just used it because I remembered the name from the book. They have nothing in common…100% OOC.

Again... I did not get to the point I wanted because I kept adding shit! Damn it! I still plan to update later this week though!

**Rated - MA**

**Chapter 40 - Sorry  
**

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I sit on the floor of the shower tub with my legs pulled up to my chest, letting the hot water run down my shoulders and back. It flattens my hair down and makes me realize how long it's getting. My shoulders, for some reason, are still shaking and I can't quite stop the shock waves resonating through my body after waking up from my 'nap.'

In my mind, I woke up twice. The first time, I was at the bottom of the stairs bleeding from my head, with a wrist that was probably broken and an empty feeling that I couldn't quite put my finger on. Screaming didn't help… All that did was make someone's baby cry…it sounded like it was miles away. The second time I woke up, I was on my floor in my room with no idea how I got there.

I'm fairly certain I'm not dreaming anymore… Fuck, I've been wrong before…

"Triiiiiiissssssyyyyy?" I hear the shrill questioning voice of Christina peaking her head in the door. _Nope…not dreaming. _"What the hell are you doing? We have work to do!"

"Coming…"

"I have your clothes all picked out!"

"Great…"

"Aw! Come on! You're gonna love it—… Baby, are you crying?"

"No…" _I think I might be… _"Why are you dressing me up?"

"Because you're going on a date and I won a bet!"

"What bet?" She doesn't answer, but I still feel her presence at the door. "What bet?!"

"Ummmm… When Four and Will got really drunk and… Well, uh…remember when Four thought you were preggers and…"

…..

_We are interrupted by a knock at the door._

_"Which one do you think it is?" Christina asks. "My bet's on Four."_

_"He thinks I went for a run."_

_"You little liar!...I love it!...But my bet's still on Four. He would wait here and pace and be annoying until you got home."_

_"True…." Another knock. "I'll bet on Will just to make things interesting. What are we betting?"_

_"I get to dress you up the next time you go on a date!"_

_Tobias isn't really the formal date kind…. Thank God… "Sounds perfect!"_

_Christina gets up and goes to answer the door._

_"Christina!" I shout. "You're in your—"_

_"Oh, hello…Four!"_

_"underwear…"_

_….._

I remember how he had a mix of sadness and shame on his face as he leaned on my door frame kicking at the floor—hungover, tired…but still so damned cute. The sun caught his eyes in a way that made the blue brighter than normal…

"…sorry…to bring that up."

"It's fine…"

"Please stop saying everything is FINE! For fuck's sake…nothing is fine with you! What the hell, Tris?... What did Robert say to you?!... You've been on the fast track to Crazy Town since last night!... Seriously, how am I or anyone else for that matter supposed to—"

…..

_"I came to warn you… Susan didn't want anything to do with it… _

_I thought to call you about this, but this is not a conversation to be had over the phone… _

_Eric… _

_I was in his house…_

_…pictures of you everywhere… _

_High school yearbook, dance, newspaper, internet…_

_…New furniture…_

_…Table was set…_

_…Expecting you home…. _

_He's lost it…"_

_….._

"Tris?! Trissy? Shit!... Are you okay?"

Christina pulls the curtain away just as I rinse the vomit down the drain. Normally I would give her a piece of my mind for being an inconsiderate bitch along with crossing the privacy boundary…but I don't have the energy.

"Sweetie, are you sick?"

"No… It was…maybe something I ate."

"Okay, well… What can I do?" she prods in a desperate dumb voice.

"Just give me some… Just give me a minute…" _I'm miserable leave me the fuck alone!_

"Okay… I'm sorry… I'm kind of a bitch…"

"Mmm hmm…"

"Why did you say yes? It's a little...I don't know, random. I'm pumped! But-"

"I need random."

* * *

I take my time getting out of the shower, drying myself off gingerly because my skin seems to be vibrating. _Shit maybe I am getting sick…_

I stand in front of the full-length mirror on the back of our bathroom door. I don't know what makes me do it, but I drop my towel and wipe off the condensation on the mirror. I start at my toes and move my eyes up, fully inspecting my naked body. I look stronger because I've been working out like a lunatic, so that's kinda cool. But aside from that…I see, what I always did… Except now it's even more confusing. It's like, I always thought of myself as plain and then I finally started thinking of myself as not plain…and now…I feel as if the whole "not plain" thing was a lie. I see my legs…they're strong and fairly defined because I run as if I'm training for a marathon. I see semi-prominent hipbones, that lead up to a slight curve of what I would imagine is my waist and then up to my breasts. I run the tip of my right fingers from my clavicle slowly down to the small swells and over my nipple. It hardens immediately… _Bodies are weird…_

_….._

_He rests his hand right between the small valley of my breasts and then, slower than I want him to, moves the tips of his fingers over the hardened bud protruding through my bra. I suck in a breath as he squeezes and it almost shocks me at how that small gesture somehow provides a full sensation that shoots right to where I'm warm between my legs. Then he moves the material aside and runs his palms up and down which is…amazing torture._

_"Shit." _

_Oh my God! Did I just say that? Well, that's fucking embarrassing!_

_ "…Sorry…"_

_"Please don't say sorry for that ever. Hearing you say that….God, Tris." _

_Oh… Okay, sweet!_

_"Okay good," I comment softly trying to make nervous conversation because I've never been touched so gently. "Cause…you may be…hearing…a lot….of…."_

_He kisses me softly and continuously, making me feel like he's equally invested in me rather than just my body. He deftly unsnaps my bra and holds both of my breasts in his hands as he sucks in a quick breath. I want to tell him that I'm sorry they're so small… He's probably used to way bigger—Oh my God… He moves his thumbs over my nipples as I pretty much moan into his mouth. Then he pulls his lips from mine and I can see his eyes flit nervously down to my chest and back up as if he's ashamed. _

_That look alone—the one that tells me how badly he wants to see me…but doesn't want to pressure me…gives me a bout of confidence. So I do the unthinkable in my eyes—something I've never done for anyone… I pull my shirt and bra off tossing them to the side… But then realize how stupid that was because now I'm sitting here…exposed and he may not like what he sees… Then what do I do? Smile and say, "Sorry! I know I'm a bit of a letdown…" Thank God for long thick hair because I now notice, as my hair tickles my now incredibly aroused nipples, that I am still covered. _

_I watch him closely as he furrows his eyebrows and leans up on his elbows—as if he wants to study me. He slowly brushes my hair off my right shoulder, but trains his eyes on mine which is incredibly sexy, then he mimics the task with my left shoulder and suddenly I don't feel nervous because the look in his eyes tells me that no matter what he sees…I'm beautiful to him. He has the studying look back in his eyes as he backs himself up. It makes me feel like a picture or a painting. I watch him wet his lips with his tongue and a glazed look comes over his eyes. _

_"Tris….you are…"_

…..

"Dude…!" I suck in a swift, surprised breath as my heart does a flip from Christina's screech. "Get your tight ass out here! What the hell do you plan on doing with your hair when it's wet?!... Oooohhhh! I have an idea…" She swings the door open and frowns. "Tris Prior… Are you checking yourself out?"

I have a sudden bought of confidence, and serious horniness after thinking about the first time Tobias saw my boobs. So I shrug my shoulders and just say, "Yes."

"Hmm. I do it all time. You're pretty much in my spot." She looks me up and down which does freak me out a little. "You look great. Put that five pounds back on I see! But dude…the abs… Are you trying to be Jillian Michaels?!"

I look at my really toned abs. "I like 'em."

"That's my girl! Love confident Tris! Four loved 'em too!... Oh, fuck! Nevermind, nevermind, nevermind!"

I grab my robe and charge past her into my room mad at myself for not having asked the question as to _why _he was even at Hangars in the first place. _God…. Why does he have to keep doing this to me?_

"How much did he see?!" I emit through clenched teeth.

"Does it reeeeeeallly matter—"

"Yes… It does to me!"

"Why?… I thought you—"

"HOW MUCH?"

"Everything."

"Even the last one… the last one with Kevin and I… The song…um…_Dance For You_?" _Why am I breathing so heavy?_ "

"Yes… So what?"

"So…that was supposed to be… It was…private!"

"Do you hear yourself?"

_Damn, that did sound ridiculous! _"Okay… Let's just…" _Who cares what he saw? He's allowed! Free country and all that shit! God_… "What am I wearing tonight?!"

"Oh, my my my… You're gonna be hotter than the hinges of hell!"

"You are…insane."

"Crazier than a three-nutted billy goat!"

"Where do you come up with this shit?"

"I don't know."

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

Amar told me to sober up and then come into work. Listening to the recording was incredibly sobering… But then I drank some more with Amar… I'm grateful he is a friend along with a partner…and that he knows when I need him to fulfill one roll over the other.

I laugh at the thought of his sitting with me on the couch. He just let me talk… I told him about my mother and the abuse… I don't think I went into much detail… He asked about Tris, but I don't believe I went there because I'm still trying to sort out how to handle that… I love her…so much and I've hurt her…so badly… For good reason or not… I don't know how to make this all okay. I have no fucking idea…

I must have passed out on the couch because I woke to a note and a cup of coffee. _How did he make that? All I have are beans!_

_My friend,_

_Drink this, shower and come into the office. Let's present a front of normalcy, shall we? My sincerest apologies that you are in this situation, I can't help but shoulder some blame._

_Amar_

_Jesus… We are so alike in the blame game shit…_

We need to act like nothing is out of the ordinary because we have no idea what Jack has told Marcus, if anything. But someone may still be following me…or worse…Tris. The thought of someone watching her makes me sick.

At least I no longer have to worry about Nita. Seems that Carlos realized a while ago that her efforts were futile and her strange behavior toward me is nothing but a concoction in her own mind. _THANK THE HEAVENS ABOVE!_ I was getting the feeling I was going to have to take that shit with Nita up a notch—to pretend I wanted to be more than friends with Nita… And I hoped and prayed it wouldn't go any further… _How far would I have gone for the sake of Tris's safety…? I don't even want to think about that …._

My predicament lies in what to do now…

Part of me says to _still _find a way to get this information to Carlos. At this point, I could probably ask Nita to set up a rendezvous seeing as Carlos holds no ill will toward me whatsoever. Who knows, he may actually_ want _to see the son of his…whatever they were… The outcome of that could be Marcus at the bottom of Lake Michigan… _"This will change everything. I know you hate your father, but whatever you decide to do with what's on this drive…may make you hate yourself even more… You have a conscience…he doesn't."_

My other option… I bring the information to Marcus and threaten exposure to Carlos unless he stays the fuck out of my life… But where is the security in that? He could threaten me right back… But I still hold the Carlos card…

I decide to take the stairs when I arrive at ALG…at least until my legs burn and I feel the burden of sweat build up. I can't show up sweaty… I need to keep my cool literally and figuratively…

Walking through the office, I nod at Will who raises his hand at me from his desk as I pass by his door. _I really hope he doesn't try to get anything out of me today_… Then in the Junior Architect cubicles Zoe waves timidly as Matthew gives her the don't-even-bother-saying-hello face. _This is such fucking bullshit!_

"Matthew. Join me in my office," I deadpan, now completing unwilling to take any more of his shit.

"Okay, I'm just finishing up this—"

"Now."

"Now. Yes… I will come…right now… I mean I will come_ to_ your office…or go to your office…that sounds better."

If I reply to his stupid ass banter I will explode so I just bite my lips and duck my head en route to my office.

"You seem…unseasonably…aggravated—"

"Shut your mouth," I quip plainly. "…Please."

I hear him mouth a quiet, "Yes, sir," and I have to seriously control my fist.

Seeing my office in sight suddenly makes me fearful of what I may do once I have this jack-ass behind closed doors. _Self-control… Contain your anger. You have bigger fish to fry… _

Walking into my office, I head straight for the window trying to psyche myself out of punching him. After I feel as if I have successfully accomplished that task I turn around to see him lingering in the doorway.

"Shut the door," I say as if that isn't the most fucking obvious thing to do.

He timidly closes the door behind him but remains glued to it.

"Matthew… What are you doing?"

"You're looking scarier than usual so—"

"I'm_ feeling_ scarier than usual."

"And you're scaring me more than usual—"

"Jesus! Stop!... We need to talk." I cross my arms and take a few steps forward. "I have put aside your apparent disdain for me for quite awhile now. However I assure you, you're snide comments don't go unnoticed."

He closes his eyes and actually looks embarrassed when he opens them. "I apologize… I tend to say what's on my mind, to deflect… It's a flaw—"

"Work…through…it," I say softer than I should.

He nods his head and seems to relax as he walks closer to my desk.

"Matthew… We're going to speak on a personal level…right…now."

"I like personal levels with you."

I don't respond as I let his awkward comment sink in.

"Mmmmm… Why do I always say such dumb shit around you?" he whines.

"If I only had a clue as to why you say half the things you do—"

"I feel threatened," he interjects quickly. "Or I…felt threatened…and it was my immature reaction to that."

"You felt threatened?"

"You were sort of my competition…"

"No contest apparently," I shrug gesturing to him. "Aren't you two… You and her… You and Tris…" I sigh deeply knowing this is gonna hurt. "…dating?"

"Mmmm…nope."

"You're…not?"

"Like I said, 'Mmmm…nope."

"Since…when?" _Why did no one tell me this? Because I've been unapproachable and unwilling to listen to reason and pretending not to give a shit. Let's just start there…_

"Since…never. We never even went out on a date… Coffee five times… If you include humiliating coffee delivery."

"I don't know what that means." _But I'm fucking ecstatic!_

"It's when you show up at a girl's door at 6:15 AM to bring her coffee and you leave humiliated…like I did last Tuesday."

…..

_"Hello?..." I freeze in place as I hear Matthew's voice…at Tris's apartment…at 6:15…AM._

_"Hello?..." I'm still frozen in place as I feel like I'm being doused in ice water._

_"Look, if you're not gonna answer I'm cool with that… But can you please not call back? I'm trying to woo this girl who I'm kinda crazy about—"_

_….._

"So, last Tuesday…you brought her coffee?…"

"Well, yeah…" He looks at me as if he did something wrong…but he didn't. _Ugh…_ "And I then apologized and then re-asked her out… She turned me down."

A small smile must creep on my face.

"Thanks for rubbing it in…" he remarks laughing softly.

"I'm…sorry. I'm not trying to… I'm just confused and—"

"_What_ is so confusing?... And this is brand new territory for me…because you're not easily confused." _I put on an excellent show._

"I saw you guys…kissing…at the bar—"

"I got a nice slap in the face for that one. Not one of my finest moments... I just kinda grabbed her and tried to make out with her."

He laughs as he stares at the floor. Until he makes eye contact…with me.

"You tried…to kiss her…without her permission? What kind of man…does that? I kind of want to kill you right now."

"Please don't…. Uh…like I said, not one of my finer moments…" He looks as nervous as he should be. "She just looked alive and well…like _her _so…ya know… I'm assuming I don't need to explain her understated beauty to you—"

"No…you…don't."

"Ha…anyway… She ran in back and I followed like a fucking puppy and…she slapped me. Hard. It hurt… There may still be a bruise. Incredibly strong hands…"

"Truly," I deadpan. I can't help but picture her strong hands wrapped tightly around my throbbing cock along with the sting of them across my cheek.

"She turned me down because she still loves you."

My eyes flit up to his. I know she does…but I never understood how she could still love me and then date someone else...

"That was her reason. She told me…um… Ha… Yeah… She said I don't seem like the rebound type and I don't know…maybe that's all she has to offer right now."

"She said that?" I get out quickly.

"Well…not in those words—"

"Then _what…_were her words?"

"I believe she said she likes me too much for me to be a rebound."

"So… " I clear my throat in need of some immediate hydration. "You think she's, um…looking for a rebound?"

"Are we on this level?"

"We are right now!"

"You do know how much this conversation sucks ass for me, right?..." _I don't care!_ "I mean, put yourself in my shoes!... I really like this girl, we hang out and laugh and it's easy and she seems to really like me… I ask her out and she says yes… Then I back out because her ex-boyfriend scares me… And then I apologize and go to her apartment and she turns me down…we make out…it was awesome…and then she still turns me—"

"You _what_?"

"Do I have to repeat…all of that?"

"You made out…after she turned you down?" _Well, that officially…blows…_

"This time I asked!" he states quickly. "I literally _did _ask!"

"And that's supposed to make me…happy?"

"Chillax…" _He really just said that to me_… "I think she was…comparing… Gah!... I'm quite sure, in fact. And that, is the first time I have said that out loud…" He rocks from his heels to his toes unable to look at me.

_Now there's an image I can handle. I'm the superior kisser! Ha! Right? Maybe I wasn't… _

"But man, she may not have felt it, but I did… She does this thing with her—"

"Don't you fucking finish that sentence."

"Nevermind… Sorry…"

"Yeah." I stare at the floor and am suddenly at a loss…for everything. "I thought you guys were dating. This whole time…I thought… And I couldn't believe how easy it seemed for her—"

"Do you realize how confusing you are?"

"Yes," I sigh running my hand down my face.

"Look my brain is jumbled as fuck as it is and I can't add your bumblefuck into my jumblefuck… So I'm going now unless there's anything else and Jesus don't date Nita," he says as if it's one word.

"I have no intention of that…_whatsoever_."

"Coolio… Oh, hey… I don't know why I'm saying this seeing as you obviously don't have your shit together… "

"Please use your filter."

"Sorry, that was rude… Um… But, my friend David asked me if I would be upset if he took her out… He's liked her for a while but didn't want to steal my thunder… That doesn't make sense in this context, does it?"

"Not really."

"So…I said it's fine bye see you later."

"Matthew!" I yell as he just about makes it out the door.

"Mmmmmmyyyyessss?"

I stare at him because he knows exactly what's on my mind.

"She said yes. They're going out tonight."

"Fuck…"

"And, Four?"

I raise my eyes at him.

"He's a good guy…a really good guy, actually. But…he's the rebound type. As in the don't-waste-any-time rebound type… Get it?"

"Got it."

"Good."

He puts his hands in his pockets like he wants to say more but—

"Now leave."

"Thank you."

After he leaves, I feel the incredibly strange mix of total joy knowing that Tris isn't dating anyone coupled with the idea of her going out on a date with a guy who has no problem being the rebound guy. I can't blame him! I used to be the guy who has no problem being the rebound guy. In fact, I preferred it! Christina's words ring loudly in my ears… _"She wants to get over you…"_

Then the image of Kirsten underneath me comes forth and how much at that moment I wanted to get over Tris…and how I regretted even having my hands on her…let alone other places… "Shit! Shit! Shit!"

_I need to reevaluate the importance of today's events: Marcus… Now that I have a way out… Can I just explain everything to Tris? Maybe I'll leave out the Eric part until I find out what Robert said to her last night. I need to gauge her reaction before I freak her out unnecessarily. That's another lie by omission! I'll have to think about that one…_

_I pace the room nervously trying to sort out my feelings… I can't let my fucked up jealousy get in the way of a situation that may not play out as I had planned. Would I be able to get past the image of her with anyone else?... Someone else worshipping her body… Good God, Tobias! You've had way worse images in your head! And you don't even know if it would play out that way…_

_..._

_"…he's the rebound type. As in the don't-waste-any-time rebound type…"_

_"She wants to get over you…"_

_..._

I think to myself if it would really matter… _As long as you end up with the girl, right? But, what if I don't?_

_..._

_"But I'll never get close enough for you to hurt me again… I can't let my forgiveness become…foolishness."_

_..._

_Jesus… I need to tell her… I'm going to tell her… NOW!_

I get my phone out and before even thinking twice… I text Tris.

**Me: **What r u doing…right now? I need 2 talk 2 u…right now. Even if u dont want 2 talk 2 me.

_Damn! She hates it when I don't spell out the words!_

**Me: **Sorry I didnt spell all of that. I know u hate that.

**Me: **Shit! I did it again, sorry.

"You're a fucking idiot, Tobias—"

**VZW: **Delivery failed. Invalid destination or service blocked at destination.

"Hi, Four… Just wanted to see, although I'm certain you'll say 'yes', but do you have plans—"

"Get out."

I can't take my eyes off my phone, so I can only imagine Nita's face…and it makes my skin crawl.

"Did I…do some—"

"Now."

"Is this about last night? I can't believe your stupid little ex—"

"Nita!" I growl.

I realize I just had one of the most unprofessional moments of my career….with the woman planted here to lure me into a bullshit trap and has now developed a borderline insane obsession… But fuck all of that because Tris blocked my number. How is it that that is equally as painful as when I called her house and Matthew answered at 6:15… Which makes me think… _Maybe it's a mistake. I'm calling her!_

Going through my "Favorites" list, I find her beautiful 'sated' selfie…no thanks to me because she was flying solo on that one. So hot yet so frustrating right now because that face should have been put there because my fingers were buried inside her…not her own! Normally that would make me instantly hard…but now it just makes me angry…. I hold the phone up to my burning ear and….not even a ring—Just a digital voice recording, "_Welcome to Verizon Wireless. The number you were trying to reach has calling restrictions which have prevented the completion of your call."_

_I must drop the phone to the floor because it's not in my hand when Will comes to the door…_

* * *

**Will's POV:**

I have a new project sitting on the desk in front of me, but I know myself well enough to not even open it right now because I'm distracted. I'm worried about my friend.

I've never seen anyone look like that before. Her face was a cross between blank and pained, her hair was glued to her head from sweat yet she was shaking as if she were cold. I remember she fainted at The West, but I chose to steer clear of that incident because we had just met and I didn't feel it was my place to get into her business. Four had no problems with that, though. I swear that man is fearless and I envy that about him. He took that guy down with his non-dominant hand while still holding Tris up… Until she fainted and then…actually the look on his face can only be described as helpless. It makes sense—Tris would be his weakness. Chris is probably mine… _Women!... They're pretty awesome…_

My cell buzzes and I look down to see Cara's name.

"What's up sis?"

"Hello, William," she says in her professional voice.

"Hello, Caralynn," I respond completely mocking her knowing she hates her full name.

"Gross."

"I will not apologize. What's up, Caralynn?"

"Ugh… I have a very odd question for you… It's actually more of a favor."

"Shoot."

"What? You don't even know what it is yet."

"Cara… That means 'tell me.'"

"Oh…sorry. Well…I need Four to bring me flowers."

"Whhhhhhhhhat?"

"I would imagine I was quite clear."

"Cara… Why do you need Four to bring you flowers?"

"Tell him to bring them to the facility and I prefer Tiger Lilies…but if he can't find those, absolutely no carnations."

"What am I missing?"

"Just do it. Today, please. Now if possible… Make it possible."

"I don't know if he's—"

"I'll be expecting him. Thank you."

She hangs up before I can get another word in. I take a moment to connect the dots and it doesn't take me long… Tris's favorite flowers are Tiger Lilies and Caleb is at Kerrington… There is some kind of hint in there… My sister is probably the smartest person I know…this is her way of getting involved without getting involved…

I'm immediately out of my desk and in Four's office without even remembering how I got there. I walk right in and see him standing by the window…nope…he's leaning his head on the window.

"Four."

"What." _That definitely wasn't a question._

"My sister called and wants you to…bring her…flowers…"

He turns and by the surprisingly strained look on his face, I can tell this is a very bad time to ask him…anything. He looks at his hand and then down to the floor as he reaches down to pick up his phone.

"What the fuck is that about? Are you seriously…trying to set me up…with your damned sister?!"

"Jesus, Four," I whisper through gritted teeth as I close his door behind me. "Hell no!... Give me a little credit, asshole!"

"Will. Think about what you just told me to do…"

"Okay… I get it. Hear me out, though. And for the record, I have no answers to give you—"

"I don't have an ounce of time to spare for random-ass shit like this—"

"She wants Tiger Lilies! And she wants them…now. Can you bring her Tiger Lilies to the facility that Caleb Prior resides…right now—"

"Yes." _And he's out the door._

And again…I am left with no answers!

* * *

**Christina's POV:**

For once Tris actually lets me blow-dry her hair. I can tell she's not looking forward to going out with this David guy. But I think it'll be good for her! She could use a pick-me-up! They seemed to have great chemistry on the dance floor at the disaster of a birthday party I coerced her into attending… _Sorry, baby girl… That was pretty bad…_

While her hair is usually falling down her back in lovely natural waves, I have it blow dried straight and I put some nice shiny texturizing foam to keep it down… She looks awesome sauce!

"Okay, Miss Tris! Maaaaake-up time!" She shrugs her shoulders as if she has no fight in her left.

"You okay—"

"That was part of the deal, right?"

"Well, yeah… But I'm not gonna make you—"

"Just do it. I need to… I just want to be…someone else tonight…"

I sigh and give her the look she hates, on purpose…to see how she'll react—the pity look. She doesn't…react. _Geez… Okay, well this is your opportunity, Chris!_

I check out her face and instantly see what I think I've grown too accustomed to…-dark, dark circles.

"Yeeesh…"

"What?" she asks sans emotion.

"Not a thing, lovie!"

I take out my concealer and go to work under her eyes. She has been subdued beyond explanation ever since she got out of the shower. I found her staring at her phone…moving at a steady pace bottom right, middle, bottom right, middle, bottom right.

I asked her what she's doing and her answer was "freeing up my storage…I'm just about done…" Then she tossed a small painting…kind of ugly in my opinion…at me. Make sure this gets to Four. I don't care how… Just keep my name out of it."

"Did you…do this?" I asked.

"No."

"Can you please tell me—"

"No. Now…work your magic." She pointed to her face. _Goodness… For once, I wish I had received my letter from Hogwarts. I probably would have ended up in Hufflepuff or something. Will would have been Ravenclaw! Tris…total Gryfinndor! What about Four? Slytherin? Ugh… Even I have to admit he would probably be Gryfinndor…What about Shauna—_

"Chris?"

"Huh?"

"Are you trying to gauge my damned eyes out?!"

"Shit!... No… Sorry. Here…" I fix the blob of concealer that was dangerously close to her eyes.

Upon much effort and concentration—along with an arsenal of eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara, blush and lip tint… Voila!

"What do you think?!" I turn her around and bounce nervously and excitedly on my toes.

Her eyes go wide, which make them look crazy striking…like Storm from Avengers striking… Whoa!... Then she looks unsure and then holds her head up.

"Looks great, thank you. Now, what am I wearing?"

"Holy shit! You're gonna love this! It's like Tristina!"

"Tristina?"

"Yep! You'll see what I mean! Come on!"

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I enter the Kerrington Center pushing my way through the revolving door that is moving at a snail's pace until I push with serious force and then it gives in and swings forward catching the back of my heels as I almost trip. The receptionist person…administrative dude, secretary… _I cannot keep track of the PC term these days! …_raises his eyebrows at me.

"Um… I'm here to see Dr. Reynolds."

He gives me the look-up-and-down-you-look-like-an-asshole look. _Cause I am one, you dick! _"Does she know you're coming?"

"Supposedly."

"I don't speak vague so I'll just call her."

"You do that."

Holding the phone up to his ear and tapping his annoying pencil, finally she answers. "Dr. Reynolds? You have a guest…" He glances at me. "Name?""

"Mr. Vague."

"I have the power to escort you out."

"I have the power to do _many _things right now."

He shakes his head and chuckles... He probably deals with a myriad of shit here... _Who the hell do I think I am?_

"Let me find out, doctor."... "She wants to know if you are here to see Caleb Prior?"

"I must be, yes."

"He must be, yes."

He hangs up the phone. "He's in the residences… Room 5203. It's that way."

The motherfucker makes no attempt to explain any other directions to me.

"Thank you," I quip as if I'm unphased…but now I have no idea where I'm going and this place is fucking huge!

"My pleasure." _My pleasure? You work in a mental healthcare facility! Who says that?_

I start 'that way' and find that this place is a clusterfuck of a shitshow of bullshit hallways and turns…unmarked! I am sure as hell not going back to the front desk so I stubbornly wander.

It's fitting because that's exactly what my mind did the entire car ride here, thank God Bud drove me…pretty sure I'm not capable…,

All I heard out of Will's mouth after my buffoonish comment about him setting me up with his sister was Tiger Lilies and Caleb and I was out the door as if my legs had a mind of their own. Seeing as my mind is ill equipped to process anything… I'm fuckin' rollin' with it—following my heart and all that bullshit you read about on your Facebook News Feed.

Not that I ever go on Facebook. I have an account because Shauna opened one for me and then 'liked' all these dumb pages…on purpose most likely. She's funny in the shittiest way right now…

"Where the fuck am I?" I mumble upon reconciling myself to the fact that I'm as confused as a—

"He's probably as confused as a blind lesbian in a fish market—"

"Caleb, please tone down the offensive comments in my presence."

_So apparently I've arrived…_

"All I'm sayin' is this place is like navigating the damned Labyrinth and he probably couldn't even—"

"That was a great movie," Will's sister says quietly…almost shyly.

"You've seen it?"

"Don't tell anyone." _What the hell movie is that?"_

I knock on the door and more tentatively than I've ever been with anyone other than Tris…I literally peak my head in.

A shadow of a man sits up straight and clears his throat in as loudly and manly as he is capable of. I feel an instant pang of guilt as the first word that enters my mind is—pathetic. The only thing that tempers my guilt is the idea that Tris probably thought the same thing… She can be as much of an asshole as me sometimes_…. I fucking love that girl… Damn it…_

Cara immediately steps in. "Oh, hello. You must be Four. I'm Dr. Reynolds." She reaches out to shake my hand. "Thank you for taking the time to visit—"

"It's about damned time," Caleb mutters.

She laughs nervously. "Um… Wow, you brought flowers. That was very…thoughtful..."

"Yeah, you brought another dude flowers…"

I stare at her with a _what-the-fuck! _expression as I can see her try to hold back a laugh.

"Sorry…" she comments quietly in my ear, closer to me than I care for anyone to be, aside from Tris.

I nod my head with a pursed-lip smile as I walk past her and set the flowers down on the coffee table. My face heats up in embarrassment because I, in fact, just brought a dude flowers. Not just any dude…Tris's brother!

"Caleb," I reach my hand out to shake his, trying to match his attempting-to-be-macho bravado.

He takes my hand and squeezes it in as hard of a shake as he can muster.

"So, how am I supposed to be happy for my sister when she's dating a man who can't even find the time to meet her only _living _family member?... Sit your ass down."

"I... I'm…sorry…" I apologize but I'm not entirely sure of the reason…because I had _no idea I was supposed to meet him! _I can only assume Tris hasn't told Caleb we aren't together_… Why?_

"She says people think you're an asshole. And as of right now, I agree."

"Does _she _think I'm an asshole?" _You know the answer to this question…_

"No." _Huh?_

"Well…good. Because I highly don't give a damn what anyone else thinks."

"Obviously."

We sit in silence for a minute. "So, why do _you_ think I'm an asshole?" _Why would Tris say that? What the hell!... Why wouldn't she say that?..._

"I've been telling Beatrice for weeks that I need to meet you. But apparently you were otherwise occupied. I'm a God-damned mental patient and you couldn't even—"

"What makes you think I give a shit that you're a mental patient? I'm a busy guy. Why would I treat you any differently than anyone else?"

I absolutely_ do_ give a shit that he's a mental patient… But if he's anything like his sister, and he obviously is, he does _not _want to be pitied. I decide to continue, not knowing if this is the right thing to do.

"I can barely make time for your sister! Not because I don't want to… " _TRUST ME!_ "It's because I'm trying to balance my life!"

He laughs sarcastically. "Balancing life?" He waves his hand in a circling gesture. "What I wouldn't give for a _life _to balance!"

I study his face trying to decide what I should say next. What does he want out of this conversation? I see it in his eyes… He's testing me… He knows what he looks like, how he acts—and he's testing my reaction.

He narrows his eyes at me. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Do you want me to pity you?"

"Hell…no."

"Good. Because I don't."

He bites his bottom lip, just like Tris when she's thinking about something. I think my response surprised him. _"Why?"_

"Look… You got dealt a shitty hand. It happens…You deal… That's all you can do."

"What do you know about shitty hands? Aren't you some fancy, rich, architect—"

"My father laid his shitty hands on my mother more times than he didn't. She overdosed on pain pills, died and now I have nothing left of her… There's my raw deal… How about yours?"

"I killed my parents and overdosed on heroine all while having no idea my sister was being beat by her boyfriend."

I close my eyes and look away and I can feel him studying my face—most likely my reaction.

"What's her favorite color?"

I look at him sideways but make no eye contact.

"Not pink."

"How does she take her tea?"

"She hates tea."

"How does she take her coffee?"

"Black."

"Favorite Baseball team?"

"Brewers…but she settles for the Cubs."

"Hockey team?"

"She could name the line-up for the Hawks faster than she could say her own name."

"Football team?"

"She thinks football's dumb."

"Favorite food?"

"Food."

"Favorite thing to do in her spare time?"

"Do you _really _want to know the answer to that?" I ask snidely.

He furrows his eyebrows. "Hell, no." And then clears his throat. "Allow me to reword that—favorite hobby?"

"If you consider brilliant photography a hobby—"

"I don't."

"Then the answer is dancing… She's amazing."

"Favorite flowers?"

I nod to the tiger lilies… And as an add-on, "not roses," knowing full well those were Eric's "apology flowers."

I see him clench his fists and I follow his eyes to my fists…now realizing I'm also clenching mine.

"Tell me about her… Sometimes I feel like, I don't know her anymore…" he says as if he's ashamed. _Dude… Cut yourself a break!_

_Where the fuck do I start?_ "Well…" I scratch the back of my head wanting to make sure I get this right. "She prefers to be called, Tris."

"_Tris?_ Seriously?"

"She doesn't feel like the same person…anymore." _There's a little more to it…but… _"And…um… She's smart…like quick-witted and sarcastically amazingly smart, she's kind—not to everyone, but it's in there…" I chuckle at the thought. "She doesn't give a shit about anything surface level, she's stubborn…as…hell, hates to show weakness, she's strong inside and out… She actually kicked my ass last week—"

"Dude…"

"Yeah, I know… Ha… She's, um…the most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on…even when she looks awful… And I am…just, fucking lucky, man. I don't… Do I need to continue?!" I ask in frustration and semi-embarrassment at my rant.

"Nah. You could have stopped a while ago."

"Thanks."

"So… Is she it for you?"

"She is…_it_…for me."

"So… You'll take care of her?... You'll always…take care of her?"

I turn and look at him square-on. "Always."

He nods his head. "You should go now. Cara says I'm having a 'good day'." He uses air quotes and I notice his fingers don't curve easily. "But that could stop…any time now…"

"Nice to meet you, Caleb."

I reach over to shake his hand and he grabs mine almost desperately pulling me to him in a hug. Adrenaline must have hit because he is suddenly much stronger. He grips me with his thin arms and pleads with me. "You be…her family…" he whispers in my ear. "You swear to me… _SWEAR_ to me! You'll be…her family."

I reach up and do something I rarely do, I put my arm tightly around him because he seems to fucking need it and with a racing heart and a saddened soul I answer him, "I will…_always_ be her family."

He practically pushes me away as he stares out the window. I take this as my cue to leave as I slowly and without showing any sort of upset, leave the room looking over my shoulder only once…to see him wipe away a tear in aggravation.

I turn and exit, shaking my head and needing some serious time to process, but Dr. Reynolds is immediately in my face.

"I'm sorry," she whispers desperately with glossed over eyes. "I… I needed… Listen to me with the "I" talk...as if _I'm _the one with…" She wipes under he eyes in anger as I try my best to…say…something…which comes out as practically nothing.

"Dr. Reynolds…"

"Call me Cara…"

I nod my head at her request and study her face for a moment: blond, short hair, light complexion. She looks nothing like Will.

"I didn't want you to come because I outright asked you… I thought it was only right that you came, at least somewhat, on your own accord. So, I just left a trail of breadcrumbs, so to speak… I know you and Tris broke-up, but I couldn't bear Caleb to—"

"Were you listening?"

"I listen to everything…Caleb says."

"I meant every word of it… Excuse me."

I walk briskly down the hallway knowing…officially…what I have to do. And I have Caleb to thank for it.

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

After downing two glasses of red wine…not Apothic Red…I decide I am officially ready…mmmm….to get this over with. I look at the clock. 7:02. _Great, he's late! Bad sign! Date's off! Hallelujah—_

Then a nice firm knock on the door has me running into me bedroom like a fool. Christina saunters by with her arms crossed.

"Really? You're really doing that?"

"What?!... Just trying to find my shoes…"

"No, you weren't. Nice try, though!... I'll just…get the door…" she whispers the last words quietly as she heads to let David in.

I reach over and slide my shoes on. _I hate heels when I'm not working…and when I'm working! Fuck!_

"Hi, David! Well, don't you look handsome!"

I walk out of my room and he does…_indeed…_look very, very handsome. He's about 6' 1", dark jeans, collared shirt, thin navy tie, casual suit coat, mussed up light brown hair. _I should be drooling! …And I would be if I were a normal girl…not one immune to hotness... And if I didn't have someone else to compare him to. Shut up, Tris!_

"Hi," he says casually as he steps in the door. "Well, you truly look… I'm just going to say you look really nice. So I don't sound too cheesy…"

"Um… Thank you."

"She looks fuckin' hot," Christina quips leaning over the pass through into our kitchen. "Just sayin'." She shrugs and walks away.

"Shall we?" he opens the door behind him allowing me through first.

"Bye, Chris."

"Come by the bar if you want! I'll sneak you some drinks!"

"Thanks," I laugh lightly not anticipating this to go further than dinner.

I close the door behind me as I see him quickly look me up and down and look away when he knows I caught him.

"Sorry… But you're roommate is correct."

"Thank you—"

"We really _should _go to Hangars tonight!" He smiles at me and offers me his hand to help me down the stairs.

"Thank you for alleviating that moment… I'm not good at… Anyway—"

"Taking compliments… I've heard. You do look amazing, though. That dress is…tantalizing…" He opens his car door for me as I slide in.

"Tantalizing?"

"Yep!" He closes the door and jogs to the driver's side. "Couldn't think of a better word!" He sits and looks at me. "That one's pretty good, though." He puts the car in drive and pulls away. "Maybe we should have just stayed in and had dinner…"

"Fine with me," I say in total seriousness.

"Wow!... Well, _I _was joking… And it would only be because you will have many eyes on you tonight. We'll see how I handle it."

_Time to change the subject…_

"So, where are we headed?"

"It's a surprise."

"Great… I love surprises…" I mumble. _I fucking hate surprises!_

We chat about nothing in particular on our way to wherever, and I find myself being pleasantly distracted by him. Until we pull up to Alinea… _Oh…God…_

"Tell me you haven't eaten here…please!"

"I haven't eaten here."

"Truly?"

"Truly to the unth degree."

"Great… Are you ready for the ultimate fine dining experience?"

He says it as if he was unsure if he made the right choice. And as much as I want to tell him I do not desire to have the three to four-hour dinner experience at the nicest restaurant in Chicago… I can't…

"I'm…ready…"

"Thank God! You don't even want to know what I owe my boss for giving me his reservation…"

"Then don't tell me." I chuckle and exit the car. _I'm serious…don't fucking tell me._

The valet pulls away with the car and we are seated immediately. Thank God I'm dressed appropriately but kind of shitty that he didn't warn me! Unless…

"I called got Christina's number from Matthew, who got it from…is Will his name?"

"Yes…"

"Anyway, she knew we were coming here… I wanted her to guide you in the proper attire and I didn't aspire to sound like a jerk—telling you what to wear and all."

The host pulls my seat out and I sit feeling the seat of the chair hit the backs of my knees as he then pushes it in. I shoot him a distasteful look as he shrugs his shoulders in an "I-don't-know-why-I-have-to-do-that" manner.

"I hope that's okay."

"It's…fine."

"Good-evening, my name is Jonathan and I'll be your server tonight. I have you down for the 18-course meal—"

"The what the _hell_?!" I interrupt.

He clears his throat as David laughs. "18 courses, miss… That's the baseline experience."

I look at David with wide "what-the-fuck" eyes. "How about we skip dessert?" David offers.

I nod my head in complete agreement.

"Skip dessert, but double the drinks?" he suggests to the server and to me and I nod my head in complete agreement.

"Um…very well… Let me tell you about the experience… … … …" _This place is so fucking uppity and fancy… I almost want to puke just to see how they would handle it! Geez… This is total bullshit! 18 damned courses?_

"Sound good, Tris?"

"Yeeeeaaaasssss," I answer David having no idea what the fuck is going on.

The server leaves and David looks at me warily. "You hate this."

"I'm just… This is very nice and I—"

"Before you finish that sentence… You completely zoned out when the server was explaining the menu… It's Central American cuisine tonight and I ordered you their unique blend of Tequila. Can you tell me how you really feel about this place after you try it?…"

"I don't think I can wait that long."

"Damn it. Matthew told me you don't like formal dates and dinners… Honestly, I thought he was just messing with me…"

"_Matthew…_told you that?" I ask smiling at the thought of him. _I can only imagine how he would act at this place…_

"Yeah, he said it was…Four's advice. I guess I should have believed him—"

"What…did you...say?"

"I should…have…believed him?"

"Believed…who?" _It should be "whom" but fuck you, FOUR!_

"Four?... I'm sorry. Is that a sore subject? Well, I'm obviously very insensitive. I am tanking, literally tanking, here…."

My blood runs cold. _Four…is telling other men how to DATE ME?! As in handing out dating advice?! Jesus… I've spent so much time… I've wasted so much time…_

"Let's just go to the Capital Grille. It's still nice, but it's not too—"

"Nope, nope, nope. This is great. In fact, I fuckin' love this place! Pshhh! 18 courses… Bring on the Tequila! In fact, I think we should do more courses…"

"Really? So this is okay?" He looks at me unsure.

"As long as the other courses are Tequila… I'm great!"

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I went to the gym and hit the bags until my knuckles felt like they had disconnected themselves from their tendons and then ran on the treadmill until Shauna screamed at me to stop. Then I did enough push-ups to make my arms feel like spaghetti…which only made me think of lasagna—the lasagna Tris made on the night I broke up with her. I thought about how cool it would be if I made her lasagna…it could be the romantic way to make her sit her ass down so I can explain…everything. _That could be a fail of epic proportions, however, cause it may serve as a cruel reminder… _

I saw George enter the yoga room and hold the door open for me. I got half-way through the door and turned around hearing George chuckle as I wave him off walking toward the locker room. _I thought it may be a good way to clear my mind, okay? _

I'm now showered, shaved, dressed, and ready to—I have no fucking clue! Working out was supposed to help me sort shit out! It's like my body was on auto-pilot, pushing this exact moment aside…and now that it's here—Shit!

She's on a date… Do I find out where? Christina won't tell me… Will! Will! Will!

"Never wanted to scream out a man's name until this moment," I mutter as I text him.

**Me: **Where's Tris?

**Will: **I'm not supposed to tell you.

**Me: **Are you with Christina?

**Will:** Yes.

_Tell her to fuck off!_

**Me: **Is there any information you are willing to give me?

**Will: **I'm not supposed to tell you where she is… But I can tell you where she isn't…

**Me: **Yes. Please.

**Will: **She is not wherever she was before she got here…

**Me: **And where are you?

**Will: **Hangars.

**Me: **I…love…u…

I put my coat on and run out the door not giving a shit about what I just texted Will… Until I get into the elevator and check my phone upon a quick bout of embarrassment. No response from Will….

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

Having fun feels sooooo goooood! David is fucking hilarioso… but I think our server may track us down and murder us… Along with the owner of that 75-course restaurant of feelings and experiences like non-other who the fuck cares… I have never been asked to leave a restaurant! First time for everything!

"Now where we goin'?" I ask before I start to think about other "firsts" I have shared with "other" numbers and because I'm not fuckin' goin' home. _Hellz no!_

"I am un-drivable."

"Me, dos."

"Your Spanish has gotten so much awesomer, I must say, senorita!" He kisses my hand as I curtsey because it's funny.

"Christina said she would slip us some drinks...?"

"To Hangars?! Let's finds a cab that sells Tequila!"

"They have those here?" I ask sarcastically while seriously hoping they do.

"Nah… But one can dream. Come on, Tris!" He drapes his arm over my shoulder as we wave for a cab. It actually feels…okay for another guy to…well, drape his arm over my shoulder. _Hmmm…_

We try to give our best server inter-personalizations…the whole way there because that restaurant was…so dumb. I couldn't even pronounce half the tequilas and I definitely have no clue what the hell I ate…only that it went really freakin' well with alcohol.

"The flavor…oh, scuse me… the 'sabor' of the tequila brings out the refreshing lime in the guacamooooollaaayyyy…" he says trying to pronounce it like whatever our server's face was.

"That guacamole was non-fucking-existent… I smelled it…and poof!... It was gone… That's how much guac there was _not!_ It went up my nose…and I didn't even know it…"

"Ya know… I gotta tell ya… I'm a guy so—"

"For sers?"

"Yep! So, the first thing I noticed about you…was…I'm not gonna apologize for this one—your butt."

"Is there a point to this admission?"

"Yes! Then you turned around and to my delight—you were beautiful…and now I am pleasantly surprised that you are also a helluva good time!"

"Really?!" I ask in disbelief.

"Yes, really," he answers confidently. _Huh…_

"_Nobody_ ever says that about me." _I'm frowning… I feel it on my face…_

"Well then 'nobody'…is dumb."

"No… I'm a moody beeyotch these days."

"Not today…" he smiles nicely and for once I look him in the eyes. Dark Brown… _Not dark blue…_

"Not today."

It hadn't registered how close we were sitting until he reaches up and brushes my hair out of my face and kisses me quickly on the cheek.

He smiles. "Not gonna apologize for that either!"

"Good," I retort with confidence and nerves… _What?_

The cabbie pulls up to Hangars before shit gets real and I hop out with David on my heels.

* * *

**Christina's POV:**

I look up at the dumb clock and see that it's 10:30. I'm pretty surprised I haven't gotten any emergency texts from Tris, considering where she was going tonight. _Speak of the devil! _

I see her walk into the bar, escorted by David the hottie. She looks flippin' fantastic. Pat myself on the back for that one! That two piece number fits her like a glove and the cut of the high waist skirt accentuates her curves.

_They're both laughing… Wow… Tris is laughing? Is it weird that I kind of wish the date hadn't gone well? Christ…am I more Team Fourtris than I thought?_

"Whoa!" Will comments as he stares at her.

"Yep! I did that!"

"You did great! Up top, babe!" He gives me a high five as I lean over and plant a nice kiss on his sweet lips.

"Aaaawwww!" she sways over to the bar. "You guys are both so damned cute!" She pinches Will's cheeks like a baby as she says it. "_Puke!_" _Oh… No…_

"Will, David, David, Will…" she introduces with a semi-latina accent. _Oh… No…_

"Nice to meet you," Will responds politely.

"As it is equally nice to meet you, fine sir…"

Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dip Shit look at each other and start laughing at his awful attempt at a some kind of accent.

"Chrissy… You should have heard these servers talk! Holy fucking shitballs in hell it was awwwwwesommmmely… I don't know…"

"Yeah… Can I get you—"

"Tequila, yes you may."

"Your finest Tequila as our tastes are now quite refined!" David adds in a mockingly snobbish tone.

"Why, I must say they are! What kind of bullshit food pairings do you have, Miss?" She reaches over the bar. "What goes with pretzels? David, my dah-ling?"

"Why…I believe the El cuarto-cinco-seis-cito en el escuela biblioteca the third!"

"No! No! No! Sir, it was the donde-esta-mis-pantalones-uno-tres-to-the-third-power!"

"No no no—"

"Okay, guys! I get it. Tequila. How about some agua, primero?"

"Juan Carlos!" Tris screams as he walks by.

"Sí, bella!"

"El tequila… Um… fuck… favorite? Favorito-a?"

"Don Julio, bella!"

"20 Don Julios, por favor!"

"Hell, no."

"Bueno…cuartro…cuarto…cuatro?"

"Cuatro, amiga! Four es _cu-a-tro_" Juan Carlos chimes in laughing as he wipes down the bar. _Thank God Tori fired Drew. Juan Carlos deserves this promotion. He's easily gonna double his—_

"No me gusta…Four! He pinches!"

"Are you trying to say Four sucks…in Spanglish?"

"Just pour the fucking drinks, Chris."

"You can have a shot."

"I don't want just a _shot_."

"We must drink our ta-kill-yaz properly…in a chilled glass and it must be sipped!" David adds thinking he's fucking hilarious. _He's not!_

"Doesn't look like there was much sipping going on at dinner."

They both look at each other and bust up laughing. "Indeed not, Miss Chris! Now…do us the due diligence of allowing us to cocktail in pieces!"

"In peace?"

"S'what I said."

_If I don't serve her, she's going to turn into a huge bitch… _I look to Will asking him what to do with me eyes…

"I'll watch her," he mouths.

"Thanks." I give him a wink and pour two Don Julios on the rocks.

"Guys?... Hey!" They are awfully close and he is whispering something in her ear that she thinks is awesome. "Lime? Salt?"

"No, no! That would indeed ruin the—"

"Yeah, yeah…enough."

"Don't be bitchy… You tell me to have fun…and I'm havin' fun…with, Davidcito!"

"Davidcito better behave himself!" I emit very pointedly to him to which he just raises his hands in a 'it-isn't-my-call-but-I-won't-turn-anything-down" manner.

"Chris… He seems like an okay guy. They're just having fun. It's nice to see her having fun."

"This 'fun' won't last long…trust me, babe. And she's trying to forget…if you know what I mean…"

"Yeah… I don't even want to know how Four would—"

"What the hell, Will? He fucked at least one…possibly more than that…other girls—"

"It sounds really bad when you say it like that."

"Okay, princess…let me just pad your sensitive ears!… He made sweet passionate love with other women. Better, pumpkin?"

He looks at me and… _Oh shit, I'm in trouble…_ "I don't ever talk to you like that." Then he gets up and texts something to someone and walks away.

"Will! Will!... Shit!" I run around the bar, chasing him until I'm within grabbing distance. "I'm… I suck. I'm worried about Tris and sarcasm oozes out of me when I don't know how to…handle shit."

"Then learn how to handle shit, Chris. Is it my job to teach you?"

"Seriously? You're perfect? You always 'handle shit' with ease? I'm not gonna bring 'shit' up, but I could."

"I never…" He takes a deep breath. "I'm just gonna… Do you need me to watch Tris? Because I will…if—"

"Just go if you want to go."

"I'll call you later." He leans in and kisses me on the cheek. "Love you."

"Love you too," I answer quietly, hoping he heard me.

He must have because he smiles at me cutely and walks down the street. I hate fighting with him, but I love that he still says he loves me even when we argue. He says it's something his parents taught him.

_"Even when they had screaming matches… If one left or went to bed early or whatever… They always said 'I love you.' Even if it was forced…they still said it. I guess it sorta stuck with me…" _

_Jesus! How did I get so lucky?!_

"Will?! Will?! Hey!" I run after him and he turns slowly. Once I reach him, I lean up and give him a slow kiss on the cheek. "I love you."

"I know," he shrugs and smiles.

I smack him lightly. "Did you just trick me into chasing you down the street?"

"I'm sneaky like that…" He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me to him as I melt into his arms and then his sweet lips. "I wish you weren't working right now…because…_I Know Places…_"

"Mmmm….love it when you quote me some Taylor…"

"I love it when you do…many things—"

"Oh my God… You're getting me hornied up and I gotta go…" I whine.

"Fine," he huffs out. "Let's go."

"You're coming back?" I start jogging because I'm nervous about the show I'm about to walk in on.

He keeps up. _Yay! Thank goodness! _"I need to torture you all night."

"Ha ha…" We walk through the door as I hi-five Al. "Speaking of torture…"

"Yeah… She grabbed the bottle…" Al says taking a bite out of his apple. "Don't worry I'm watching her… So is he…" he nods in the direction of the wall and I see exactly who he's referring to. _Four… Speaking of torture… Oh no…_

I follow Four's sight lines to Tris…who has her arms wrapped around David's neck as they both talk and laugh. Seeing a crushed look on a man's face is not…pleasant.

"You did this, didn't you?" I ask Will without making eye contact.

"I may have…done this…"

"On purpose?"

"I'm sneaky like that…"

I can't help but smile a little because… Damn it… I'm Team FOURTRIS! I hate it…cause Four's a prick…but apparently I'm Team FOURTRIS!

"Shall we, William?"

"Yeah… No way in hell I'm missin' this…"

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I text Zeke to make sure he can make the ticket "disappear" if I park around back and his immediate reply is a 'yes.' I think he's happier with me now that he knows most of the story. I was hesitant to tell him at first seeing as he's a cop, therefore, a mandatory reporter for illegal acts. But…no illegal acts have been committed…yet. He, for once, sat still and listened to me speak without asking dumb questions or making bullshit jokes. He more or less shook his head and I think he was angrier at himself than at me, for not realizing something bigger was going on. _So now Amar and Zeke feel guilty for my shitty situation… I am a fucking casualty to these people…_

He doesn't know about Eric being Marcus's bargaining chip… No one does… It's not my story to tell…

Walking around the corner, I make quick eye contact with Al, who looks at me with genuine upset.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I ask.

"Why are_ you_ looking at _me_ like that?"

"Are we really doing this?"

He tries to give me his serious look, but it comes across all wrong. "Look, guy. She's in there with some dude… She's wasted and…I don't like it."

I have to look away or my face is going to reveal way too much.

"Yeah… You don't either. Get in there before I _make _you get in there."

"Yeeeaaahhhh. We wouldn't want that."

"No… We wouldn't!" I swallow my laugh as he tries to make me flinch by jerking his body forward. _Oh, Al…_

And I have to almost run by him so he doesn't see how stupid I think he is. He probably wouldn't catch it anyway…

Right when I walk in I hear her…but I don't see her…

"Molly! I don't care that you think I care that drinking is not cute! D'ya know why?! I'm not tryna be cute… I'm tryna get drunk!"

"Juan Jose! Where's…Christina?!" Molly snaps.

"You're the worst bartendress ever! That's not even his damned name… You're awful! Have I ever toldja that?... Gimme that bottle!"

_Jesus! What is wrong with her? And where the hell is she?!_

My eyes scan the bar, guy, guy, girl, girl, whoa she's hot, guy, girl… I feel instantly guilty for thinking another woman is hot…_ Why?! I can think that! _My eyes seem to wander over in that direction one more time—super tight tan skirt riding up to a slim waist…about an inch of skin showing and then a backless nothing of a shirt…also tan. Long long straight blondish hair and… _Don't look at her ass… Don't do it… Don't… And I did it_…

I freeze… _No…way… _That perfect rear end belongs to the object of my utmost affection who is leaning up against some asshole who looks familiar and I can only assume is David the rebound guy…

I know I need to do something, but my eyes are still drinking her in. Even while she waves her hands in the air like a crazy person… The skirt stops at the top of her waist and I see a zipper. _Jesus… _I can't even tell you how much I want to slowly unzip it until it falls to the ground. Then kiss her hard enough to make her head spin…while diving my fingers deep in her just because I can but not long enough to get her off because I plan on doing that with my dick right there on that bar. _Enjoy the show everyone! _

I back up against the pole behind me and hold my hands over my groin trying to think about awful things to make me go soft…but no need because I watch David fumble absentmindedly with the zipper of her skirt. _Yeah, right! Nothing absentminded about that shit!_ She moves away just a little…or maybe I'm just telling myself that.

I watch in complete frustration as she lifts herself up onto the bar and he supports her hips. _Her ass is right in his face and by the looks of things…he's loving it! I would be!_

"Got it!" she sing-songs as she holds up a bottle of…_Don Julio… Shiiiiittttt….._

_….._

_"Tequila drunk?"_

_"…Yeah… she only drinks it for one reason—to get herself plastered...basically to forget about things. She hasn't done it in awhile. The last time was when her dumb friend Susan called…like a year ago…I don't even know what she said…but it was enough for Tris to drink herself into—"_

_….._

She turns to pour the liquor into their glasses and I see her face for the first time. _Whoa… That is…not her. It's her…but not her… Seductively sexy as hell…but not her… That face is enough for every man to lose his load just by looking at her… But, It's not her… Fuck, baby… Why? You're so damned gorgeous…without…_

Then I understand… She wants to be someone else. She hates make-up and dressing up and shit… She doesn't want to be _her_ tonight. _Damn…_

"Lynn! Turn up the fuckin' music!"

"No."

"Why…do you always…have to be….such a—"

"Watch your fucking mouth, Tris."

"No… _You _watch my fucking mouth—"

"I'll watch your fucking mouth!" David adds laughing as I hold my breath trying so hard to remain calm while she slowly mouths the words "Do you always have to be such a bitch?!"…to _him._

_What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?_

Lynn walks away rolling her eyes looking seriously pissed as Tris hikes herself up onto the bar again and turns up the music. I get to watch David drag his eyes over her perfect behind again until she hops down.

**(The Hills – The Weeknd)**

"Let's dance, I need to dance, do you need to dance?" she asks quickly as if she'll change her mind if she doesn't act now.

"I do, m'lady!" _What an asshole!?_

She sucks on a lime and takes a drink out of the bottle as David looks on like wants to eat her face. _I've sooo been there… Fuck you!_

_What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? _

She pulls him out onto the dance floor and I get to see the woman I love more than anything wrap her smooth arms around the neck of the man I hate right now. I don't know why…but all I do is back up and lean against the wall. I made her want to be someone else… I did that… With a blank mind, I take it all in…him running his fingers down her sides to rest on her hips… Her resting her head on his chest… _Fuck… I can't… She doesn't want… _

_….._

_"But I'll never get close enough for you to hurt me again… I can't let my forgiveness…become foolishness…"_

_….._

I blink my eyes to stave off the burning as I back toward the door unable to tear my eyes away but knowing I need to… _She hates me… She should…_

Quicker then I can process she whips around practically smacking David in the face with her hair. I see streaks of tears and her fists are bunched up and shaking. I start toward her and we make immediate eye contact.

Goosebumps radiate up my arms as her mouth drops open. She blinks her eyes over and over and sways for a minute.

"Whoa, there! You, okay?!" he asks jokingly. _She's drunk and it's not fucking funny!_

"No. I need to go! Let's go! Right now! Like, now now… Right now!"

"Ummm… Let me pay the—"

"No, I got it. I'll pay sometime!… Let's just go!"

"If you're sure—"

"Now!"

She starts the other way, apparently trying to avoid me but my strides are one to her three so I grab her arm before she gets too far.

"Can I just talk to you—"

"No, I'm done!" she screams as she rips her arm away causing herself to back step twice. "Don't touch me!"

I stare at her as she stares right back with a cold expression that I absolutely do not recognize. Crickets through the whole bar…

"Tris… I have _so _much to—"

"I don't care! I don't wanna hear it! I don't wanna see it…you…I don't wanna see you! I don't wanna…be… Fuck! I just…hate you! Get out of my God damned life you stupid son of a bitch!"

"Tris," Christina says severely as she is suddenly right next to her. "Relax, now!"

"No, _you _fucking relax! I'm…fine! It's every other damned person in my life that sucks…ballz!"

She walks quickly to the back using the wall for balance as Christina and I follow. She takes a large chug of the bottle as I walk up to gently pull it out of her hands.

She must sense it because she yanks it back and turns glaring at me. "Get away…from me!"

"I need…to talk…to you," I beg. "I'll tell you—"

"I don't want to hear a motherfucking word you have to say!" She slumps her shoulders in exhaustion. "Just please…leave… I can't…" She puts her hand up and sways it in the air. "I don't… know who I am… I need to be…"

She shakes her head and I see the look of agony on her face…agony that I put there.

"I need to…" She balls up her fist and I feel it coming before she says it. "I need to hate you! Let me hate you!—"

"I'm _not _going to let you _hate _me—"

"You have to or I won't… I need to get…out of my head…" She loses focus and some sort of vocal ability and I slowly move in to touch her arm and she lets me.

"Tris, can I take you…home? I won't—"

"You won't what?! Stay?! Be there..for…me?! That much I already _FUCKING _knew!"

"I'll stay. I swear I want to…stay," I breath out in exasperation. "I—"

"You don't get to stay! I don't…want you…" She shakes her head violently and takes another drink.

"Tris—"

"Fuck you, too, Christina!... Reminding me of shit that I don't need reminding of… I'm done! Donesville! I'm finished! I'm finished with you!... And I'm finished with you!..." she points her belligerent finger at each of us.

"You're finished with _me_?" Christina asks with her arms crossed.

"Is that okay?"

"No."

"Stop staring at me, Four! I feel you're stupid eyes on me. Don't look at me, don't talk to me. Do you fucking understand me!?"

I nod my head as her bottom lip quivers…almost as if it's just registering what she's asking of me. I know I need to walk away, but that's impossible so I do the next best thing…and look away… I know she hesitates…but I don't look at her… Only when her heels click down the hall, do I make any effort of visual focusing.

"Four?... She's so so so drunk. She doesn't—"

"She meant it."

"She's trying to—"

"I…know…what she's trying to do."

"Are you just going to let her?"

"I don't want to hurt her anymore," I say slowly and resignedly.

"Four?"

"Hmm?" I stare at the floor because whatever is on my face right now is probably fucking embarrassing.

"She knows you love her."

"Mmm hmm."

"She thinks you don't want her."

"Fuck, Christina. I want…nothing…but…her," I say in a pathetically defeated tone. "All day…every day… She's there, in the back of my mind."

"You broke her heart."

"I did."

"You had a reason."

"I did."

"Will you tell her…that reason?... Because we all know, you aren't telling anyone else…"

"I will tell her…if she ever…let's me…"

"Not tonight."

"Definitely not tonight."

"Good. I'm gonna get Will to take her home."

"Thanks. Can you stay there tonight? And… Um… Did she have…? How did she fucking sleep last night?!" _Please give me good news…_

"She didn't…not really."

"Fuck!" I run my hands through my hair and pace for a minute breathing through my nose like a damned horse until I notice Christina has gone. I sit on the bench and rub my eyes in my palms until I hear footsteps again.

"Four?" Christina asks softer than…ever.

"Yeah?" I respond without lifting my head.

"She…um…took a cab back to our place."

"Okay…-"

"With David."

* * *

**Runaway – Maroon 5 (Oh my..this song is EVERYTHING!)**

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

"Are you sure you're alright? That looked like a pretty heated argument—"

"Well, he's a fucking asshole so that's how arguments go when you're dealing with fuckin' assholes!"

"I suppose."

"…never really loved Tequila before… But, it certainly has its benefits…"

"I've never really had _good _Tequila so… Tris…Did you have fun tonight?"

"I did…. …. …."

"….do it again? …. …. call you or something…?..."

"Sure…" _Fuck…my heart is beating out of my chest… I'm scared and it hurts so bad…_

"Want me to walk you in?"

"Yes…please."

"No problem… You have a nice place… …. Good neighborhood."

"Thanks. Hey, um… can you stay…for a bit?"

"Are…you sure?"

_I can't be alone, I can't be alone, I can't be alone… _"Yeah, please."

"Sure…"

"Want something to drink…? Water or…? …. …."

"No, I'm good."

_I'm so thirsty… This water tastes amazing… Focus, focus, focus…_

"I need to get these damned…shoes off…" _Oh that feels better!_

"Wow! …you a photographer? ….. …. is really interesting. How did you…"

…..

_"What do you see?"_

_"Wow…." _

_"Well?" _

_"Um…I see a picture of a barn…I think…"_

_"Mmm hmm… What else?"_

_"There's a tree…a fruit tree?"_

_"It's an apple tree…what do you like best about the photo?"_

_"The light...There's a yellow light…I can barely see it…coming out the square window at the top. The rest of the photo is sepia…but I still see the yellow light."_

_"That's the barn at my old house."_

_"Really?"_

_"Yeah, I used to sit up in that room and work on my pictures. It was like my own private…I don't know, escape maybe?"_

_"Maybe someday I can see it?" _

_"I would love that…someday."_

_…_

_I need to forget… I need to forget… I need to forget…_

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Um… Can I…kiss you—"

_It feels…nice. Strange…but nice…. … … God, I miss him… I feel arms wrap around me, keeping me safe and making me feel wanted. It still feels…odd… but nice… _I miss this…running my hands through his hair… I miss his hands behind my back and… _Jesus…that feels amazing… Strange…again… Cold air on my back…ahhhh… I miss him so much… Forget him, forget him… This feels…good… Do not feel guilty! Why would I feel guilty when he's right here…? Nope. He's not… This isn't who you want… But it's who I need… I need this… I want to be this person…for now… I feel him against me and in my hand…_

_"Mmmggghhhh…." not my favorite voice..._

_and sooo not the same… Bare legs… Bare everywhere… _

_"Is this okay?"_

_"Uh…yeah." … It feels…good…his…they feel good…just not-_

_….. ... ..._

_"Baby, it's okay. Talk to me. I need to know if this is making you feel good. Please tell me."_

_"It's amazing. I just don't know how…it's just so much…."_

_"Just let go. Look at me and just let go… Keep looking at me baby. It's okay, be as loud as you want. You are so amazing. I love watching you. God….Tris," _

_"Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God…fuck…Tobias…mmmmmmm….ohhhhhh." _

…. ... ...

"Stop, stop, stop, stop!"

"Shit! ….you okay? Did I…hurt you… I'm sorry… I thought… I'm sorry…"

… ... ...

_"I'm sorry, okay! I mean, come on! Like it fucking hurt or something!"_

_"It did…"_

_"Good fucking God, Beatrice! Get up! You're bleeding everywhere! Move… It's all over the damned carpet… People'll think I committed murder or something. Is that shit normal?!"_

_"I don't…know—"_

_"Well, at least now I know Robert definitely did not pop your fuckin' cherry!"_

_"Can you get me…something…to…"_

_"Oh, yeah! Sorry babe… I'll get you something to clean that up…"_

…

"Tris? Tris? Are you okay—"

"Get away, get away, get away!"…. …..

"Okay! Okay! ….. ….. …. … … …..

….. … Tobias… ….. Tobias…

"….. I'll call….. ….. ….. Matthew…."

"….. ….. Tobias!….. ….. ….. ….."

"….don't know….. ... ...keeps saying, Tobias!... ….Will's here…. …. Thanks…"

"….. ….. …..She won't let me… I tried…. …."

"… ….. …..did you do to her?! …. fucking…kill…you!..."

"….Jesus, Four!... Let him….go!... …. …. You help her!... Her!"

"Tris? I… Um… God…I—"

"I'm sorry…" _I hate loving you…_

* * *

So...the ending is supposed to be a bit ambiguous. How does one put on paper (so to speak) what goes through one's mind who is out-of-their-mind drunk, emotional, in need of therapy..., etc. It's kind of a mess... Okay, it's a total mess! There are several things playing out in her mind and she, herself, has trouble when the worlds collide. Make sense?

Holy Facebook friends! You guys are awesome and hilarious!

** /KrisGregory4** **(FFN won't let me write Facebook dot com before that login ID)** or **"like" the Fan Page** if you just want updates and to post public comments. **Nitewriter4 at gmail** is my email for people who don't have Facebook or FFN accounts... I am overwhelmed by the correspondence!

Again! Didn't get to the end game I wanted... Shit damn or shitballs as Tris would say...

Please review!


	41. Intruders

**Chapter 41 - Intruders**

**Rated - MA**

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

Will hums….actually _hums—_as in that awful noise that comes out of someone's face when they try to sing with their mouth closed…the whole damned car ride to Tris and Christina's house.

"Stop…humming…"

"Can't. Don't know what else to do."

"Don't do anything."

"Well, you're right about that… We definitely shouldn't be doing _anything_ right now. At least not the _thing _we're doing. Let's just…go out…the two of us! Will and Four…Fourlliam—"

"The fuck did you just say—"

"Everyone would totally ship us."

"What the _hell _does that even mean?!"

"I have no idea. Christina says it, and I just…pretend to understand…"

"Jesus... Seriously… What is with that?... I mean…damn it… You can't just take a noun and make it a verb…" I grumble looking out the window. _Add it to the list of shit that throws my world off its axis! _

"I know, right?... Fuckin' blasphemy…" he trails off.

The window is definitely cooling my forehead down… And Will is finally quiet… _Oh, sweet white noise—_

"Buddy, I feel like I should just say…one more time—"

"Are you shitting me, right now?!"

"Are you sure this is a good idea—"

"Hell no! This could be a terrible idea!"

"Do you really want to see what could possibly be the _worst _possible outcome of this scenario?"

The worst possible outcome is worse than what's on Will's mind… I know how Tris perceives 'certain advances'… _Jesus… My head may explode_… It could send her off into a tailspin and she can't be…alone..._ Oh my God! What am I doing?!_

"I'm staying in the car!… You will be checking in on her and if she is indeed fine…you will come back to the car and tell me nothing…not one detail!"

"Four… She's a grown woman. Why wouldn't she be fine? She may be _just fine_?"

I nod my head as if there's music on, Will's exaggeration of 'just fine' not being lost on me…

"I'm missing something here—"

"She reacts…poorly…in certain situations…"

"Like she did the other night?"

I don't respond because I feel as if I've already said too much…but Will needs to know at least something before he goes knocking on the door.

"So what the hell am I supposed to do? 'Knock knock! Hey, Tris… Are you by chance having drunk sex?... Why yes, Will, I am… And how are you reacting to that? No need for specifics, just—'"

"Do you want me to punch you? Like in the fucking face?! Why would you say this shit to me right now?"

"I'm preparing you for the worst… "

"You have no idea what the worst could be."

"That…is accurate. Because again…no one tells Will…anything! Not Christina, not you, not my sister—"

"I am so not in the pitying mood right now!" _Because I have REAL problems! _"Will, she's drunk…like drunk, drunk… I've never seen her like that. She could barely focus…let alone…" _I can barely focus…._

"Hey. I'll make sure she's okay." He pats my leg in Will fashion…

I nod my head slightly in thanks and close my eyes for the remainder of the car ride.

* * *

**Will's POV:**

I have to say I have never done a more awkward thing in my life… Except when Christina was giving Tris a shower… I had a boner… Pretty sure Four did too. What can I say? The girl I was near-infatuated with was giving another girl a shower…_ Come on! Oh, wait… _Then there was the time we walked in on Four and Tris…and then I saw Tris's butt and then her boobs…which was an accident! I still feel guilty for not owning up to the boob part… Pretty sure Christina knows and Four doesn't want to admit it to himself. _They were nice! What is with the awkward moments and Tris?! God!_

I look over my shoulder one more time to see Four resting the back of his head on the seat with his eyes closed. _Poor guy… Damn… This is…beyond the realm of normal love…_

I make it to the top of the stairs and immediately hear who I imagine to be David. _Okay…this is good. He's just talking… I don't hear any commotion…_ I listen one more time just to make sure before I make a run for it. Turns out I was wrong…

"Matthew! I don't know what's wrong with her! …with Tris! We were…_doing things_ and she lost it! She keeps saying 'Tobias'!... … …Of course not! What the hell kind of guy do you think I am?!"

I hear Tris scream something and I'm pounding on the door. "David!... David let me in—"

He swings the door open and I rush past him… It briefly registers he's in nothing but boxers.

"Will's here…. I'll call you back and let you know… Thanks…"

I look in Tris's room and see her curled up facing away from me…and she has no clothes on. _Shit… What do I do? What do I do?_

"Will! I don't… We were… She freaked out and she won't let me help her… I tried to help her I swear—"

Suddenly I hear a loud crash and David is no longer behind me.

"You fucking son of a bitch!" Four has broken out into a rage like I've never seen before. "What did you do to her?!..."

"Nothing! I mean, I don't know…maybe I did—"

"I will…fucking…kill...you!"

I rush around the corner as Four slams David into the wall for what I would imagine is the second time as David struggles for coherence and air.

"Hey! Hey!... Jesus, Four! Let him…" I try to pull him off, but it's like trying to prevent Hercules from smashing an ant. "…go! Damn it, Four! You help _her!… Her!"_

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I keep glancing toward the house trying with all of my might to not look through the window at the landing. I see the hue of Will's shirt out of the corner of my eye so I know he's at the door. _What am I doing? Seriously! What the hell am I doing?! Abort… I need to get out of here… Just jump in the driver's seat and drive off! I can leave Will, right? He'll be fine!_

Then I sense movement, erratic movement…and I allow myself one quick gaze….

….. ….. ….. ….. ….. ….. ….. …..

She's curled up on her bed and shaking and I don't even see red… I have perfectly clear tunnel vision and my target is in fucking 4D HD.

I slam him against the wall and it feels amazing…taking my anger out at my mind's carefully calculated source... I don't know what the fuck he did to her. I just know he won't live long enough to tell me—

"...help _her!... Her!"_

_Tris…_

With my tunnel vision in 4D HD still in full effect, my intended target has been altered…until I take in the full scene.

Tris is curled up into a ball on her bed, shaking and mumbling to herself… I sit down on the bed gingerly wanting to do nothing except shut out the world and hold her.

"Tris? I…" I lay my hand on her arm and she reaches up and rests hers on mine, making my heart melt.

Her mumbling isn't just any mumbling, it's my name… _She wants…me… _

"Um…"

I run my hand down and rest it on her hip to pull her to look at me until my mind receives the official alert that…she's naked. I knew it, but now it's screaming at me…

"God…" I swallow whatever is coming up my throat. "I—"

"I'm sorry…" she whispers shakily.

I graze her body looking for any other signs of distress while reigning in my emotions at what I just walked in on. She still has her shirt tied at her neck, but the bottom string has been untied… Then I catch sight of a pair of cream-colored panties lying on top of her skirt… I see no sign of coercion, which provides me with utter relief…and another feeling that I'm unwilling to admit…

"Tris?" I whisper as I watch her face scrunch up. "Are…are you okay?... Did he…? Or…was it…?" An inhuman sound comes out of me as I swallow again.

_She's not answering me… _

"Did something…happen?... I don't know how to—"

"I'm Beatrice Prior… _Something _always happens… That's why…I…"

"Did he hurt you?" I grit out. "Just tell me so I can…help… Please…"

"Fuck you and your 'pleases.'" Suddenly she sits up and wipes under her eyes, swinging her legs over the side of the bed facing away from me. "I was fine! He was fine… He was fun! I wanted to be…fun…"

"Looks like you had fun…" I say softly.

"I'm gonna…" she stands up suddenly as I look over my shoulder at Will and…_David…_still here but otherwise occupied. "…shower. I feel…gross…"

I launch myself over the bed to cover her from behind as she leans back into me resting her head on my chest.

"Will?! Get her robe off the back of the bathroom door!" I yell.

I stand straight as an arrow because I'm being pummeled by a mix of emotions… I want to rest my chin on her head and wrap my arms around her…but I can't…

A satin robe lands on my head accompanied by an "Oops, sorry, buddy."

I rip it off in a huff and help her put it on. "Come on, babe… I'll help you—"

"Don't fucking call me 'babe!' You don't get to call me that anymore," she snarks as she stumbles backward catching herself on the wall.

"I'm sorry," I state biting my tongue.

She starts sliding to the right and completely falls onto her hip in a semi-passed out state.

"Jesus… Tris…" I lift her under her arms to help her up. "Let's just get you…to bed—"

"I want a shower!" she shrieks. "I feel…_awful…. _I'm _awful…_ I'm so sorry…" She focuses on my face and then widens her eyes as she clutches me for balance.

"For Christ's sake! How much did she drink tonight?!" I shout to the fucker who won't leave.

I lift her chin as her eyes dilate. She's not going to bed until she sobers up…

"God, I hate this… I hate this… I hate this…" she moans stumbling again as she tries to walk away.

I grab her by the arm probably more roughly than I should and swing her up bridal style walking to the bathroom as she grumbles and squirms but then relaxes.

"Hey man, Four. I swear I didn't—… Shit! Is she okay?..." _He actually decides to come near me when I'm…holding…her…_

* * *

**Will's POV:**

I'm really trying to diffuse this situation as fast as I can, but David is not helping.

"I'm not leaving until I know she's fine," he states in a part frustrated part panicked tone of voice.

"Look," I have to push him back towards the kitchen again. "She will be. She just needs—"

"I'm not going to be the guy who takes advantage of a girl and then flees the fucking scene!"

"So you _did _take advantage of her?!"

"I didn't _think_ I did! But, I'm getting the feeling that I did! I am _not _that guy!"

"So, then what _did _happen?" I ask quietly but forcefully.

I need to be able to explain this situation to Four just in case he decides to go ape shit again…

He looks over his shoulder as to make sure Four isn't right behind him and he lowers his voice. "We were talking and she went into her room, I followed her and noticed some of her photos and when I asked her about them she got really quiet and then was suddenly right next to me and then she asked me to kiss her so I did and then…well…things got very heated…very fast—"

"For Christ's sake! How much did she drink tonight?!" Four roars from Tris's room.

"David, I will pass on the message that you weren't _trying_ to be a disgusting human, but you really should _not _be here—"

"What's his deal anyway? They aren't together. She can do whatever she wants with whoever—"

"For your own safety, keep that to yourself," I whisper quickly as Four walks out of the bedroom holding a barely coherent Tris.

David walks quickly over to them. _Oh, man… _

"Hey, Four. I swear I didn't—… Shit! Is she okay?—"

"She's out of her mind drunk! What the _fuck _were you thinking—"

"She seemed fine—"

"Does this look _fine _to you?!"

"Put me the fuck down…" Tris whines lifting her head.

"No. We're getting you in the—"

"I would say she doesn't want your help." _Shut up, David… Shut up, David… "_Hey! I'm serious!"

He grabs Four's arm and goes for Tris and honestly I have no idea how it happens except that suddenly Tris is over Four's shoulder and David is pinned to the wall with his hand twisted up between his shoulder blades as Four drives his shoulder into David's back.

"Touch her again. I dare you…" he seethes into David's ear.

"Fuck! I won't, I won't!"

"Oh, God… Leave him the fuck alone... He didn't do anything…wrong… You're a…god-damned…Neader…man…"

She drives her elbow into Four's back… _That's gonna leave a mark. …_and he tenses up closing his eyes and backs away. _She's the only one that can get away with that…_

"How much did she drink? I need to know," he asks, calmly collecting himself. _He's like a damned robot…_

David straightens up and softens his tone in shame. "…Five Tequilas at the restaurant and we…took down ¾ of a bottle—"

"Jesus!—"

"Tobias, I'm gonna…throw-up—"

_And…yep…all down his back…_

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

"Mmmmmggghhhh…." I close my eyes knowing she just threw up all down my back.

"Ohhhhhhhh…."

Hurrying into the bathroom, I put her down gently by the toilet as she lunges for it…and she surprisingly makes it...except her hair was a casualty. I gently pull it away from her face, holding it at the nape of her neck as I look around for a hair-holder thing, but I don't see one_. I wouldn't know what the fuck to do with it anyway… _She continues to heave her guts and I just can't help but think that _I _did this… I made her want to be someone else… To have sex with someone else… But, still…how_ could_ she…do it?

Some tendrils fall out of my grasp as she lurches forward again. "Ohhhh…"

"It's okay… You're gonna be—"

"I know it's okay!" she yells into the toilet as I hear Will snort out a laugh. "But I'm soooo sorry… You've seen so much of my puke…" she cries.

"Yes, I have."

"I'm so gross…"

"Not to me."

"Don't say that shit!... I hate it… Don't say nice things…. Ohhhh…. I hate your…nice things…"

"Okay."

She rests her forehead on the porcelain and all I can do is shake my head in disbelief.

_How is she even alive? Five tequilas and however-much of that bottle?! _

"I got David to leave," Will says quietly leaning on the doorframe. "He's really sorry—"

"She never throws up from drinking, Will… She could have… This could have been so bad… I did this…".

"I can fucking hear you, Tobias!... I'm a grown-ass woman… I did this… Arrogant ass… You're not…that special…"

"Tobias, huh?" Will asks with his eyebrows raised.

I just nod my head acknowledging my name.

"Babe, I'm sorrrryyyyy…. I just told Will… your…" Then she throws up…again.

I look up at Will, who seems like he may puke. "I'm gonna go… Unless she can move over…"

"No, just go…"

"You don't get to leave!" She reaches and grabs my shirt pulling me to her. "You did this… No…" she moans…. "I did this…"

"I'm not going anywhere," I reassure her. "Thanks, Will."

"Sure thing."

I wait until the door closes behind him before I sigh out a much-needed breath just happy to be alone, jealous, furious, worried and fucking heartbroken with her.

_Fucking drinks herself into a comatose state and then hops into bed with the first bidder!_

"I need a shower…sooooo bad…"

She…definitely…does. I twist her hair several times and lay it down her back to hold it in place and then reach over to turn on the shower so the water warms up.

"Come on," I say in as even-toned of a voice as I'm capable of as I help her up and turn her slowly, closing the toilet seat for her to sit on.

My shirt is sticking to my back so I peel it off and toss it in the sink.

"You're not getting in the…damned shower…with me."

"I know."

I pull the tie loose on her robe and let it slide off her beautiful shoulders, then I reach around and untie the back of her shirt at her neck and the shirt slides down her chest.

"Don't look at my boobs."

"I won't."

I help her up by her elbows and she grips my forearms and steps into the tub.

"Don't look at me!"

"I won't."

"Turn around."

I do as I'm told while a million expletives run through my mind. I hear her slip and I grunt out in frustration as she catches herself on the wall while dropping whatever bottle she tried to get ahold of. I hear nothing but silence and I look over my shoulder to make sure she's breathing.

She's staring at me with a pouty lip and Christina's make-up is now starting to run down her face.

"Can you please…help me now?" she eeks out as she holds onto the wall.

"Sure."

I strip down to my briefs and step into the tub not giving a shit if she doesn't want me in here.

"Close your fucking eyes…and don't look at my butt."

"Can't help it."

"Help it."

"You have a cute butt."

She stays silent while I reach down to grab the shampoo bottle guiding her to turn around so I can wash her hair. Part of me misses this so much…but another part of me is so numb that I'm just going through the motion. But I still check out her ass, twice, just to spite her… _It's still amazing. _…as I soap up her hair carefully, knowing I'm the one who's going to have to fucking brush it out.

"Turn around, please."

She actually listens to me but smacks my hand away as I reach over to help her rinse her hair out. "I can do it myself."

So I just stand and watch with my arms crossed as she lifts her arms and sways just about losing her balance. "Nope. You can't." I state as I rest my hands on her waist while she lifts her arms, successfully this time, to rinse out her hair.

_That's it…can't stand it… Worlds colliding!_ She is all beautiful body literally stretched out in front of me. One look down and I would see _everything… _Whereas before I wasn't hard because getting the image out of my mind of her naked and David in this boxers was providing me with enough anger to hold my dick off for centuries… Now I can't fucking help it because the object of the pornographic images I have been playing over and over in my head while substituting that feeling with my palm to the best of my ability in the shower…just about daily…is right here, right now—

"You don't wannna…to… to talk to me?" she asks with glazed over eyes.

"I don't know what to say to you, right now."

"You…never do!"

"She throws her hands up in the air and tries to step out of the tub."

"Get over here!" I exalt annoyed and grab her by the stomach, lifting her up and setting her down purposefully.

She looks up at me and crosses her arms, which just pushes her bare tits up and I'm _DYING! _ I turn her around so she doesn't notice my ridiculously erect member and then I make myself think about exactly what I don't want to think about…her having sex with David—him on top of her where I should be or her on top of him…which is worse for some reason…

I wipe away the physical reaction to my emotions with the back of my hand in frustration as my face heats up to an indescribable temperature. Shaking my head, I grab the conditioner and run my fingers through her hair with it. _It's gotten so much longer… I hate it_… _I should just leave this stuff in, put her to bed and walk out!_

She tips her head back and sighs out as rogue tears come out of her eyes… My heart melts as I remember the first thing she said to me when I got here_—"I'm sorry…" _I remember thinking the exact same thing as I saw the look on her face from the video footage Gertie allowed me to see…

The remorse I felt afterward was…inexpressible…

I turn her around by her waist and this time she lets me rinse out her hair.

"You're not looking at me…" she whispers groggily.

"You told me not to."

"No, I didn't…."

"You absolutely did."

She furrows her eyebrows as if trying to remember and this is the first time I let myself really look at her face…and it's barely recognizable on account of her ridiculous makeup. But those eyes… She could be Gene Simmons in full makeup (which she kind of is right now) and I would recognize those blues.

I look up at the ceiling before my innate need for her takes over again. "I'll get you a towel."

I step out of the shower tub and scrub my hands down my face breathing deeply before taking a towel out of the linen closet. Then I allow myself a moment to watch as she _tries _to get herself out of the tub. Then, of course, she slips as I jump forward and barely catch her by the waist, lifting her out of the tub with one arm.

"I'm…fine… Geez!"

All I can do it shake my head… because I refuse to argue with a toddler! _Maybe I wouldn't be a terrible father_… _Doubtful…_

I toss the towel at her, still not allowing myself to graze my eyes over her perfect form as she timidly reaches down and starts to dry herself off… But my subconscious mind seems to be on overdrive and won't let me tear my eyes away from her face.

I see her look down at the towel confused because the part where she dried her face is covered in black from the mass amount of makeup Christina dumped on her face.

"Why did I let her do this to me?" she whispers sadly to herself. Well…that does it for me… So I softly take her arm and pull her over to the sink, lifting her up to set her on it.

I make sure the towel is now _securely_ wrapped around her… _If only I had a pad-lock handy_! …and pull out a rag from under the sink. Then leaning her forward, I run it under the warm water then gingerly begin wiping the make-up off as she closes her eyes… I have to rinse off the rag five times. But it's not until I get under her eyes that I see the severe dark circles. _Is she sleeping at all?_

She blinks her eyes and looks at me through heavy lids.

"I found you," I elicit softly as she takes her fingers and runs them down my torso. _Stop it… _

I back away quickly and clear my throat lifting her off the sink. "Turn around, let's brush your hair—"

"I need...to lie down…"

"Okay."

She makes her way to her room successfully and I go right to her drawer to pick out a pair of underwear and pajamas. I angrily kick her clothes from her very successful "date" out of the way grunting in frustration while tossing her pajamas to her. _I need some air… _

Deciding to leave her to her own damned devices I go into the kitchen to pour some water, chugging it down wishing it were Jack Daniels.

I know I should be more concerned with what set her off…it was enough to leave her naked and shaking on her bed… But the asshole part of me is winning out right now… even though I am trying desperately to reign it in and just be thankful that I am even here in the first place.

I make the decision to allow myself to think about whatever happened between her and David one more time…then I will focus on her… So I allow it…in full force… trying to get it out of my system—him on top of her, her strong legs wrapped around him…the look on her face… I groan or make some sort of noise in agony and then push myself away from the counter, now fully prepared to help her. I pour two glasses of water, grab the Ibuprofen and walk around turning the lights off.

Putting the water and pain medicine on her nightstand, I gaze at her as she lies on her bed completely passed out in nothing but her underwear and her sleep shirt bunched up her arms… It never quite made it over her head. The look on her face isn't one of resting well—it's like she was fighting falling asleep and her expression is the aftermath of that loss.

"Jesus, baby… Why did you do this?…" I whisper to myself.

Type-A Tobias kicks in upon realizing she's asleep. So I pick up her towel and robe and hang it behind the bathroom door then start to clean up…well, everything…

Grabbing the plastic bag from under the sink once all is said and done to throw away the mass amount of paper towels accumulated… I find it to be heavier than expected. Then I see why—Through the bag I notice a stick of men's deodorant, aftershave, and a toothbrush…all brands that I use. I had no idea she even bought that for me…assuming it's for me... My eyes sting as the thought crosses my mind that she spent most of her day throwing _me _out like trash. I'll even bet she deleted all pictures of me…of us…from her phone, seeing as she blocked my number. I'm tempted to look, but I'm certain it'll crush my already crushed heart…

Shaking my miserable head, I sigh looking at my shirt still in the sink. It's completely unwearable… So I and slide on my jeans.

"Shit…" I breathe out knowing I can't go home shirtless…

I suppose I _could…_but it's not ideal. There is one possibility, though… I quietly walk into her room and open her T-shirt drawer to see if any of mine are _possibly_ still here. The entire drawer is empty…even devoid of her T-shirts. Then I grasp the fact that she probably cleaned that whole drawer out for me…

"Fuck…" _I hate this, I hate this, I hate this…_

_Oh well… Shirtless Four about to hit the streets! Great!_

I take one more look at Tris and see the goose bumps on her arms. She's practically naked and she's gotta be freezing…

"Damn it…" I growl.

Then crouching down I urge her up. "Come on, Tris. Let's get your shirt on…"

"Huh?!… You're still here?"

"Mmm hmm."

She nods her head giving me her unintentional pouty lip as I guide her head through her shirt and pull it down over her torso.

"Don't worry. I didn't look."

She doesn't answer me, but I can feel her eyes on me as I pull the comforter back and she scoots under it, letting me cover her up.

"Did I brush my teeth?"

"No."

"Did I brush my hair?"

"No."

"Oh, noooo…."

"What?" I ask chuckling because she's so fucking cute! _Damn it… I want to be mad… Even though I have no right to be mad!_

"Do you really have to ask me that?!... I smell…terrible…and my hair… s'gonna be… terrible… And I'm so dizzy… I feel like...a dizzy person…"

"A dizzy person, huh?"

She closes her eyes, which frees up a tear and I watch it trail down her cheek. Then she shoots them open again. "See what I mean?!" she pleads with me to understand as if I'm in her head.

I take a deep breath and open up her nightstand drawer to grab her brush, but lying in its place is her journal—not in _its_ usual place. I move it to the side trying to pretend it's not there, but my hand grazes the top and I feel that the cover is damp. _God…she's been reading it… Why? _

Suddenly, I have the unquenchable need for her to tell to me_ everything_—every moment I've missed, every feeling I haven't been able to take on as my own, everything she's kept to herself…

_I feel like I'm busting at the seams! But I can't tell her a damned thing right now because she's hammered!_

So instead, I roughly push the journal aside and grab her hairbrush. Then I stand up and walk to the other side of the bed lying horizontally in line with her body. I never helped her dry her hair so it's still really wet, which turns out to be a blessing. Because I've watched her do it so many times, I back my torso up and start from the bottom, working my may up. I take several unnecessary deep breaths for my pleasure only…not for survival. And I take my time… I owe her this much, I suppose, for the amount of times I've "botched her hair" as she called it.

**Flashback:**

I can tell by the look on her face that she's close… Her eyebrows furrow and she whines slightly from the back of her throat. So I stop and pull out slowly…knowing it takes her down from her high…but not mine. I feel very lucky to have a penis right now… Not having a g-spot nor a clitoris has its benefits…_everything _feels amazing. I relish the drag of her walls around me as I move in and out and she throws daggers at me with her sex-eyes.

"Not yet," I quip lightly.

"Mmmmmm…. But I was soooo close. I hate you-love you right now…" she whines.

"Not to worry, you'll be right back there in… I'm not sure, I'll watch the clock…" _1:26:22_

I hitch her leg over my arm and hover over her closely rocking my hips right along with hers, knowing that I hit the spot ever so lightly each time. But I swear I cannot take full credit because her grabbing my ass each time is my reassurance…and thank God because sometimes I need that from her… She's so fucking slick and her internal core is so taut that—

"OhmyGodohmyGod… Shit, Tobias…. Mmmmm….." _Fucking love it when she says my name…_

_Damn it! Forgot to look at the clock… Ummm….1:26:45…I'm subtracting 4 because I was distracted…. Jesus, she feels… Fuck… Sooo…. 1:26:41…. That's 19 seconds... Don't be an asshole, you know damn well it's 20—"_

"Ah, ah, ah… Jesus!" I just about cry out as I pound into her not realizing I was way closer than I thought as she braces herself on my shoulders and wraps her legs around me holding me close yet loving me going hard and fast over her clit.

"God, God, God, God, God…." And that's _my_ moment… _Yep, I will take credit…._

Her insides tighten practically taking my dick as their own as I can no longer move and release inside her, holding myself deep inside her as she rocks herself against me… I feel blood slowly reach other parts of my body as I come down from my peak, with a mouthful of pillow thank God because who the hell knows what I would have said.

We both seem to deflate like balloons as she groans… "Oh…my…"

_Incomplete sentences… I love 'em…_

"Damn it! What time is it?!" she quickly exalts.

I shrug my shoulders even though I know _exactly _what time it is…also because speech…not at the top of my list of things I'm capable of. _And why is she?!_

"I'm supposed to be…helping at the Studio…" I watch her get up and just about go ass over tea kettle as she grips the bed laughing… "See what you do to me?!... God, I love you for that…"

_Yes! _"Is that the only reason?" I ask smiling as if I give a shit about any other reason right now.

"Right now? Yes." _Damn… Such a jerk… I love her so much… _

I watch her as she tentatively makes her way to the bathroom giggling to herself; her butt cheeks peek out under her shirt. Before I can comment on my love and appreciation of them, she creeps back around the corner and leans on it.

"A sign of having _great _sex—botched hair…" She turns and points to the rat's nest that is the back of her head and laughs to herself rounding the corner back to the bathroom.

"I like it… Hey! You said 'great'… Why did you say 'great?!'"

**End Flashback**

I feel her jerk awake quickly and I realize she must have fallen asleep again. My abdomen is warm from the memory, but I'm not aroused… I'm just, sad… She reaches up and touches my hand as I drag the brush through her hair that I now notice has dried quite a bit.

"Sorry…" she whispers.

"Why?"

"Just…checking…to see if you…were…here for…real…"

I don't answer, I just keep brushing her long hair… I don't even know why… It's perfectly detangled and smooth…

"I hate that I love you…" she comments ever so softly and shakily.

_That was…rough… _

I still the brush as I bite the inside of my cheek as to not react even though I want to scream at her—that if I didn't love her so much…this shit…wouldn't be…happening! This whole situation! This moment—me brushing her hair, soothing her…wouldn't be happening… And I wouldn't have all these bullshit memories to hold onto and I would never know what real love was and… _I'm fucked in the head_…

"I feel that way too sometimes…"

"Well, that's a shitty thing to say to me! You're such an asshole sometimes—"

I can't even hold back a damned laugh as the hypocrisy rolls out of her and she goes off on a rant of how much I suck…at many things…that make little sense…and she finishes it with, "least…that…s'what…I…tell myself."

I pretty much take her berating me in stride because she's hammered and plus, I can't understand everything she's saying… Some of it does hurt quite a bit…but I'm just trying to equate it to when I was inebriated and saying whatever the fuck was on my mind and how it sounded awesome in my head… And—

"…but, you… and Eric…"

I freeze, gripping the brush begging her silently to stop because I can't hear my name and his in the same sentence and I'm fearful of what's about to come out of her mouth.

"…this hurts…you hurt me…more… It hurts more…than him…than he ever did…"

I've never truly known what an icicle to the heart feels like, but I would imagine it's something like this…and it's spreading quickly.

"I'm…" I can't even get the words _I'm sorry _out because they're stuck like glue in the back of my throat…like hot, slick, glue and it's chocking me… _I can't breathe… _

I may have thrown her off the bed as I jump over her and head straight to the bathroom, bracing myself as I've done so many times on many sinks as I to try to get the world back into focus…but this time it seems to make it worse as I look in the mirror and see a flash of myself, then Marcus, then Eric…then a montage of all three.

I know enough about abuse to know that emotional abuse is equally as damaging as physical and verbal and however-many kinds there are—

Now I'm bracing myself on an entirely differently kind of porcelain… Apparently clearing my stomach takes precedence over clearing my mind…

…..

_"…Christ, Evelyn… What kind of mother lets her son see her like this… Please, clean yourself up…"_

_"Tobias honey, your father is just a…he handles things differently than other dads… I'm fine…"_

_….._

_"Tris… Damn, just maybe if you'd just put on a few pounds… I mean… Fuck it! I don't even know if it would make a difference…"_

_"Tobias, at first…I mean, I stayed because he was suffering…he was diagnosed with Manic Depression and…"_

_…._

_"__"Are you pregnant?"... … "Oh thank God! Baby, I'm not sure there could be a worse thing…especially for you…"_

_"It wouldn't be awful… I mean… I think you underestimate yourself. Why would you think—"_

_"This is a moot point, right?" _

_…__.._

_The shower… That last…shower… Oh, my God… Oh, my God… I treated her…like she was nothing… She left my apartment…feeling like she was…no one to me… At ALG, showing her paintings…. When she called me at 5:00 AM… She needed me so badly… I could hear it in her voice…_

_I'm just as bad as them…. My mother made excuses for Marcus… Tris made excuses for Eric…she did the same for me… _

"Oh, God…" I plead into the bowl of the toilet.

"Four?"

I raise my head to Christina's worried face.

"Ahem… Yeah."

"Jesus… Are you—"

"I'm fine." I shake my head and stand up…too fast.

"Whoa. Hey there…" She rushes in and grabs my arm to steady me and gazes into whatever was leftover in my stomach. "Nice aim. You sick?"

"Yes."

"Can I get you something? How's Tris? She was soooooo awful to you! I hope you know she really didn't—"

"Please don't say she didn't mean it…"

"Say please all you want… She didn't mean it." She walks toward Tris's room and looks in on her. "Wow… She looks really peaceful actually… What'd you do to her?"

"Plenty."

"Ohhh….reeaaaaalllllyyyy?"

"Not like that."

"Yeah. I heard someone else took care of that for you—"

I don't even let her finish that sentence of purposeful torture as I walk swiftly to the door to put my shoes. I feel round two of puking my guts out starting to brew…

"Damn it! I'm sorry…that was… I mean… But seriously, Four… What? It's totally cool for you to sleep with other chicks, but when the tables are turned it's not kosher? What kind of bullshit reasons do you have for that?...Four?!... Geez, don't make me yell at you! I don't want to wake the little tequila worm in there!... What's with the hypocrisy?"

"I'm not a hypocrite."

"Really," she states.

"I didn't sleep with…anyone."

…

**Flashback:**

She starts unbuckling my pants and I lift my hips to let her, also moving my own hand to rapidly push her panties down. I swear I feel another tap on my shoulder as my eyes drift toward the sensation. Something red…catches my eye… On the shelf unit, tucked nicely next to a fake plant, is the orchid picture that Tris made…. I blink my eyes rapidly to makes sure my eyes aren't deceiving me… They aren't… It's there.

"Hey… Ya gonna make me do all the work here?" Kirsten asks laughing lightly as I notice my pants are at my knees and I'm not assisting her in getting them off. I also notice I've made no move to push her panties down any further than her mid thighs.

"Um…." I look at her face… _She's pretty… Not beautiful… At least not to me… Not Tris… Good…_ "Sorry."

I kick out of my pants and shove her panties down as I go for her lips again. I angle my head the other way as to keep that fucking painting out of sight. She forces her tongue in my mouth and I let her. I don't_ want_ anyone else's tongue in my mouth; I just _need _someone else's tongue in my mouth…

"God, I forgot how good of a kisser you are…" she moans. _Stop talking!_

Then she reaches her hand inside my briefs and starts to stroke my length… I hiss out something in response to both pleasure of having someone's hand other than my own on my dick and emotional pain because it's…just…wrong…

"But _that_ I could…never…forget…" _Seriously you need to stop…talking!_

As if out of habit, like it's the next logical step, not out of intense desire, but out of necessity, I reach down to feel between her legs. I pull away from our kiss trying to concentrate on acts less intimate…as she squirms in response. _Who knew kissing could be more intimate than other things?_… and the right side of my face lights on fire as my eyes are drawn to Tris's photo.

_This isn't right… It's not… I can't…_

I withdraw my finger and rest my hand on the bed feeling the serious need to chop off my index finger, Top Chef style…and she stills her hand.

"Four? Are you—"

"I can't…um…do this."

"Oh."

_Shit! Now, what do I do? My dick is in her hand…becoming quite useless…_

"I don't have any condoms." _Lies…_

"_You _don't have condoms?" _What the hell does that mean?!_

"No." _Now get your hand off my cock, please! Of all the things I'd never thought I'd want!_

"Well, I do. I can grab them… They're in my purse…" She relinquishes me and goes to stand, but I stop her by resting my hand on her waist.

"It's not just that. I don't want to take advantage."

"You're not."

"Trust me, I would be."

"Because we've been drinking?" _Nope. _"Wow. That is very…noble… Are you sure? Because I'm not that drunk—"

"I'm sure."

" Well… God… aaaaand I threw myself at you and now I feel like an idiot—"

"You're not." _I'm the idiot…_

"So, you know there are still _other _things…" She leans toward me grazing my cock with her fingers.

I gently still her hand and then move it to the side not wanting to send the wrong message. "There definitely are… But…" I try to give her the look that says 'that's shit's not happening.'

"Wow."

"Yeah… Wow." _Trust me… Wow doesn't even begin to describe it…_

"So I'm feeling like I should leave—"

"Okay." _I'm a total ass._

I pull my pants on and she dresses very quickly. _She shouldn't be embarrassed… I got us into this shit… Sort of…_

"So… It's kind of nice of you to stop. I mean it…" she comments as she slides her shoes on.

"Okay."

"So, should we get together again…soon? I just—"

"Yeah… Ah… I'll text or call or something…"

"Great!... Um, bye…" She leans in for an excruciating kiss that I have to put at least some effort into as to not make her feel horrible…

Upon closing the door, I shut off all the lights, grab that fucking orchid photo, lay on my bed…which no longer smells like Tris…yet somehow she's still there…and gaze at the photo… It's the last thing I remember…

**End Flashback**

"Oh, shit… Four, I—"

"So, yeah. I'll see you…around, Chris."

"Well, wait! Should I have her… I mean, how much do you think she'll remember…? You obviously helped her… Was she awful to you? She was, wasn't she?"

I nod my head in honesty at that one. Also knowing that I probably deserved it all based on what I put her through. I feel like I've been unintentionally destroying her…"worse than him."

The textbook effects of emotional abuse that I poured over, years after my mother died, in my desperation to understand her flash before my eyes:

**_Emotional abuse_**_ \- The manipulation of a victim's emotions. The victim may no longer recognize what their own feelings are; their self-concept and independence are systematically taken away…_

"How has she been…lately? I mean…not surface-level. But, has she been 'her'?"

"No. I mean she's in there… But it's like she doesn't know who she is right now… I don't know... I have my thoughts on that subject that I need to sort through." She pauses, which is weird. "Four, are you…okay? You look…"

"I'm…fine…"

"I'll have her call you when she gets up."

"No. That's okay. She deleted my…um…number…"

"Well, I have it so—Wait! Why don't you stay? I thought you were going to 'tell her everything?

"I was. "

"And…now you're not?"

"So she'll forgive me and then eventually I'll just hurt her again? You know what's not going to fucking happen?... _That…_"

"What do you mean…again?"

"It's what I do… I don't even mean to… It's just in me, apparently. I hurt her…worse than him…Christina. _I _did that… _Me…_-"

"No… Don't you dare say that—"

"And she definitely doesn't deserve that... And I sure as hell don't deserve her… So…" I sigh out a deep breath. "Take care of her, please…" I sigh and turn towards the door.

"Yeah—"

"See ya."

"Um… Four?"

"Hmm?"

"You can't leave."

"Jesus, Christina—"

"You look like a frat boy on X… The only cab you'll get is one straight to Boys Town. You up for that?"

"Not tonight."

"Lemme get you one of Will's shirts."

"Oh, thanks."

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I wake in a confundatory… _That's not a word is it? …_state of pain and comfort… I take a deep breath and the feeling of a hatchet breaking open my skull debilitates me while a wonderful scent filters in instantly placating the pain. I grab at my night stand hoping to God my phone is there_… It's…not… _

My heart is racing but I can't pinpoint why… I didn't have a nightmare… _Why…didn't…I…? _

**Flashback:**

_….Eric, Tobias, David…. Eric, Eric… Not again, please not again… Tobias—No, David…. Hmmmm… Fuck, that feels…good… Tobias, Tobias, Tobias… This isn't right… It's not… This isn't…_

"Get off me, get off me, get off me!"

" ….you okay? Did I…hurt you… I'm sorry… I thought…"

"I'm sorry…" _I'm so so so so sorry… I don't know why… But I'm so sorry…._

"Tris?" "Are…are you okay?... Did he…? Or…was it…?" _He sounds sooooo sad…. I hate it…. _"Did he hurt you?..." _AS IF I'D LET ANOTHER GUY DO THAT?_

"…He was fun! I wanted to be…fun…"

"Don't fucking call me 'babe!' _I miss you calling me that soooo much…._

"I want a shower! I feel…_awful…_ I'm so sorry…" _I wanted you… I only wanted you…_

_Oh God… I'm, I'm, I'm….in Tobias's arms…. Good…_

_Oh, please put me down, Oh God… Shut the fuck up and put me down…_

"Oooooohhhhh…." _That feels so much better..._

"It's okay…

"You've seen so much of my puke…" _I'm sooooo sorrrrrryyyy….._

"I'm so gross…"

"Not to me."

"… Don't say nice things…"

"… This could have been so bad… I did this…"

"…I can fucking hear you, Tobias!... …. … Arrogant ass… You're not…that special…" _JK! _

"…just go…"

"You don't get to leave!" _Please don't leave me, please don't leave me…_

"I'm not going anywhere." _I'm gonna cry…_

"I need a shower….sooooo bad…. You're not getting in the…damned shower…with me."

…..

"Don't look at my boobs."

"I won't." _He doesn't want to look at my boobs…. I'm gonna cry…_

"Don't look at me!"

"I won't." _He doesn't want to look at me… I'm gonna…cry…_

_Why isn't he helping me…? Everything is slippery and spinning and falling…_

"Close your fucking eyes…and don't look at my butt."

"… … …have a cute butt.." _At least he likes one thing about me…_

"Turn around, please."

_He's not allowed to touch me… Never stopped him before… He's right here… No way is he right here… If he is, he doesn't want to talk to me… I'm gonna cry… Okay, I'm crying…_

"I don't know what to say..."

_He's mad… He should be mad… I'm sorry… I only want him... Why doesn't he want me… I fucking hate him… He won't even… I'm naked and he won't even look…. I'm so sad…_

"You're not looking at me…"

"You told me not to."

"No, I didn't…."

_Why did he leave? Oh my God… The towel… Is this from my face? OH God… _

_That's warm… Hmmm…. So soft… I'm soooo…. He's looking at me like he loves me… I hate it sooo much…_

"I found you." _You also lost me…_

…. ….. ….. ….. ….. ….. ….. … ….. ….. ….. ….. …..

"Come on, Tris. Let's get your shirt on…"

"Huh?!… You're still here?" _He's here… Why? He hates me… I would hate me… I hate him… He needs to stay…_

"Don't worry. I didn't look." _He didn't look… Of course not… He's so handsome… He's here…probably gonna leave…_

"…I smell…terrible…and my hair… s'gonna be… terrible… And I'm so dizzy…."

_….. ….. ….. ….. ….. ….. ….. ….._

_I feel…loved… It's not gonna last…_

"I hate that I love you…" _I know your leaving and I'll be here with my fucked up hair and crying and a total weak loser…person…_

"I feel that way too sometimes…"

_What did I ever do to him?! What a… That was so hurtful… That hurt my fucking heart!_

_Check list of what makes you…Tobias…suck:_

_You're moody…_

_You're mean…_

_You probably hate kittens…_

_I doubt you can parallel park a tractor-trailer…_

_Amar hired you because you're hot and that's it... You're a terrible architect!..._

_Nita only fucked you for pity sex—dirty sloppy pity sex…_

_You make me so sad…all the time… _

_I can't even stand your face because of its sheer hotness… _

_Your eyes make me want to jump into the deep end of the ocean and swim with hammerhead sharks…but they would eat me…because that's their house—the shark's house… _

_You're mean…_

_And you're not funny..._

_And you're not cute…_

_You look terrible in jeans… _

_Your glasses are so dumb… You look like a….sexy dumb guy… _

_And you're just…terrible…_

_You talk like a five-year-old with a stutter…_

_You're such a dick… We won't even go there…how much I hate your penis!_

_I just…have to…_

_"…s'what…I…tell myself."_

_I wish he knew how much I love him… _

_How much I hate Eric and that he's so different… Tobias is…so different… _

_He needs to know I love him so much…_

_That whatever Eric did…_

_I didn't love him as much so it doesn't hurt my heart as much…_

"…but, you… and Eric…this hurts…you hurt me…more… It hurts more…than him…"

"I'm…"

…. …. …

"Tobias…?" _I knew he wasn't real… My pillow is very wet… ….. ….. ….._

**End Flashback**

"Oh, God… Oh, my God… No, no, no, no, no….." I roll over and cry out into my pillow both because my head is being squeezed like a vice and because I am an awful awful person….

"Trissy?" I hear Christina's barely audible voice, which still feels like a gong to my ears, and I roll over. "Did you…? Are you…?"

"I was so bad… Chris… I was so, so, so, so bad…."

"Yes."

"Was I terrible to you?"

"Yes. But with that being said…I still didn't get the brunt of your bullshit."

I try to sit up and I see glasses of water with Ibuprofen.

"Thank you… You're a goddess…"

"Oh, hell no."

"What?"

"Do you really think I would treat you like you're the fucking queen of Sheeba after treating me like that?... Fuck no… There's only one person in the world that would take that load of horseshit in stride… T-O-B-I-A-S… Did I go there?... Oh yeah… I went there!"

"I was so—"

"Do you think just because you drank a mass amount of Mexican hoola juice, you can treat the people who love you like dog shit?"

"No, I'm so—"

"Sorry… Yeah, I know. You're always sorry these days. And you should be!.. Now take the pills because we need to talk."

After doing as I'm told, I turn my attention back to Christina who is rightfully putting me in my place.

"What happened with David?"

"I don't know. My mind just went to… It just felt so wrong and—"

"Did you have sex with him?"

"No, I don't think so…"

"Will walked in and you were naked and shaking on the bed and David was having a nervous breakdown."

I swallow and take the heat that is ravaging my face right now…

"So…first thing's first… Did he take advantage of you?"

"No." I shake my head feeling very very sorry for David right now.

"Are…you…sure?"

"Yes. I mean, I'm fairly certain I asked for it—"

"Do _not _word it like that."

"What I mean is… I think I initiated it. He asked me about my photography…I think…and it reminded me of Tobias and… I rub my eyes with the heel of my palms trying to remember exactly what happened. "Anyway, I do remember David asking if it was okay…"

"If _what _was okay…? You were drunk… None of it was okay!"

I don't answer even though I know she wants more details of how far it went.

"Just cut him a break, okay?"

"I don't need to cut _anyone _a break! But _you _miss thing…need to be cutting some serious breaks! Starting with Four! You treated him like dirt at the bar, then the fuckin' idiot followed you_ here_ just to make sure you weren't having a panic attack when you were possibly having sex with David! What kind of man tortures himself like that?!"

"God…" I cover my face with my hands because it's the only thing that feels slightly better.

"And _then…_" _Holy shit make it stop… _"He sees you naked on your bed—that must have been quite the sight for him—and barely bats an eye… Just swoops in like fucking Super Man saving crazy naked Lois Lane! And…if Will wasn't here he may have legitimately strangled David!...Fuckin' A, Tris! You know how you handle 'sexy situations'… or how you _can't _handle 'sexy situations.' Why the hell would you—"

"ENOUGH! Please stop…please…. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I'm so... I don't even know what I am!"

"Yes, you do! You know exactly who you are or what you are… You just say that shit so you don't have to deal with your real feelings about Four… Look, I know I sound like I'm being harsh and that's because I know you can take it. I'm not gonna handle you because you've been through some shit. You're not a victim…but you're acting like one—"

"What the fuck does that mean?!"

"It means… You're putting yourself into situations that you _know_ you can't handle and a survivor…doesn't do that! They know their limits and they work through them. And the _worst _part of all this…is that, Tris Prior, you _do _know your limits. So what the fuck are you doing?"

"Being…stupid!"

"Are you mad?"

"Yes, I'm mad!"

"At who?"

"Whom."

"Jesus, really?!"

"I'm mad at myself! For putting myself in that situation! And for… I don't… I can't believe I spoke to you and…Tobias…" I choke out. "…like that."

"Good."

"Good?"

"Yeah. Now go find Four."

"You think he would want to—"

"Talk to you?! He's fucking desperate for you! I can't explain the look on his face when he left… I don't know what you said to him but—"

"I said he hurt me more than Eric." I fiddle with my comforter, not being able to look her in the eyes upon that admission.

"So…let me get this straight… You told the man who brought you back to life that he was worse than the man who almost took your life?"

"Holy…fuck…"

"Yeah. Holy…as…fuck. Go…now."

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

My shirt is _way _too fucking tight and that walk sobered me up way too much… Thank God for crazy cabbie's… I can't believe he actually stayed…while I drank myself until…whatever. I bet the $100 helped… I don't even know what bar I was at. Except that I left it with my arm around some chick…pretty much just for balance. I don't know what she was thinking because I'm fairly 100% positive I gave her minimal attention. Anyway…learned my lesson that no amount of one-night stands or attempted one-night stands will ever do me any good. _Or anyone for that matter_…. _Well, there was that one-time…_ Still, it's wasn't happening…

In fact, I told her, "It's not happening," and the rest of the 'conversation' was unpleasant and yet I _still _found her number in my pocket even after I informed her there is "no fucking way we are sharing a cab."

For some more extra cash the driver waited, illegally, by the pier while I pretty much just walked back and forth running everything and anything through my mind…

How much I love her… How much I also hate her right now… How much she obviously hates me…or hates loving me… Marcus and my mom… Eric and Tris…which gives me a strange sort of goose bumps when that crosses my mind… How much I crave her company and miss her more than I can stomach… How lost I feel without her… How she seems lost without me and how _I _did that to her… Even though she says I didn't…

It's 3:45 AM by the time I decide I've had enough and my floor is calling my name…an hours worth of sleep, maybe two if I'm really lucky…would be great.

"You're up bright and early this morning, Four," Gregory comments as I turn toward the outside of my building and see that indeed the sun is making it's way back into this hemisphere. I check my pocket for my phone to see what the fuck time it is…

"Fuck!" I left my phone…who the hell knows where…

"Problem, sir?"

"That is…accurate."

"It's 4:15."

I nod my head in thanks at his obvious understanding of my lack of phone as I push the button for the elevator.

"Have an _excellent _morning, Mr. Eaton." _Whatta jizzmonger…_

"You too, dick."

I take a seat right in the middle of the elevator for no reason that I can come up with until it dings on my floor and I stand…carefully… and exit as the doors almost close on me. I debate whether or not to pour myself another glass of whiskey, but immediately decide against it when I hear, "Hi…handsome…"

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I look like complete…ass, and feel like complete…ass, mentally and physically. I was so horrendously beyond terrible to Tobias. I had been running through what I could remember for the entire bus ride and I know…holy shit do I know…how much he helped me.

But many things are a jumble and don't make sense… Like how the hell I ended up in the bathroom in the first place, how I ended up under the covers, in pajamas nonetheless… And how my hair was perfectly tangle-free and laid out on the pillow when I woke up. That had to have been _all _Tobias…

I tried to hold myself upright for the whole bus ride… One time I did crash into the window… The embarrassment was worse then the pain.

I still don't know if I can forgive him for sleeping with anyone else. _Am I willing to work through that? _Even though we were broken up it still feels like such a betrayal… But Christina said he wants to tell me "everything," and I at least owe that much to him based on his performance last night…and mine.

So, here I am at 4:30 AM, armed with his mother's painting and praying that Gertie is awake. I think it would be rather fitting to show up with her coffee and scones. _Never really got that to be 'code' did we…? Maybe it's not too late…? Is it too late? It may be too late… Fuck… I hope it's not too late..._

I stop in my tracks at that realization… _I hope it's not too late… I…want him back… Yep! I do! I want to be with him… Jesus, he walked in on me naked with another dude and he moved past it—ohmyGod! _

I stop in my tracks….again…because apparently I had started walking again… _He totally thinks I had sex with David! How could he not? I mean…let's be honest…that was my goal, right? I don't think I would have ever been able to go through with it, but still… _

What if that was his goal?... To try to forget me? A part of me finds that to be heartbreaking and I just about lose my ability to breath, but another part of me gets it… That's when I realize I can forgive him for that…

_Wow! My cognizance is spot on for almost overdosing on Mexican delight… Maybe I should drink tequila more often—Nope! Nononononononono….._

Gertie's alleyway is in sight and my nose practically detaches from my body in glee as it picks up on the scent of dark Colombian roast. _Jesus… Is she always up this early?_

I scurry…yes, scurry…up to her door and find it locked so I knock, and knock, and knock, and knock…

"Mon Dieu! Mon Dieu! Mon Dieu!" Gertie appears flinging the door open.

"Hi!" I emit bouncing on my toes, which makes me…nauseous.

"What…the…hell…are you doing?"

"I'm here…for coffee…. Oh!... And scones…"

"It's 4:36 AM…"

"Is that a problem?"

She narrows her eyes at me and then opens the door for me to enter. _Phew!_

"It's not a problem for me… I'm cursed—"

"Cursed?"

"Narcolepsy… Now let me speak—"

"Are you sure it isn't because of all the coffee—"

"Ma Petite… Shut up."

"Sorry."

"Hmmph." She hobbles to the other side of the counter. "Now…you look like the love child of Charlize Theron and a zombie. What gives you?"

"You mean 'what gives'?"

"What does that mean?"

"Like…'what's the deal?'…'what's going on with you?'"

"Yes… Both of those things."

"Um… I'm probably still a little drunk off of Tequila, I puked my guts out last night and twisted the knife over and over until the fuckin' blade was dull on the man that I still happen to love very much and now I need your coffee and scones as reinforcements so can I please have some…?"

"And this man would be…?"

"_Your _Four."

I get a very coy smile out of Gertie at that reference.

"I believe you mean _our_ Four…"

I smile widely at the best compliment I have ever received from her...

"Enough with your face… You look like death on a plate—"

"—on a platter."

"Blah, blah… Two coffees and two scones…and the next time you come back… You bring our Four."

"Will do. I hope…"

"Do not hope… Just _do…"_

She pours the coffees and bags the warm yummy scones and even gives me a drink carrier this time… _That's a first! _…and walks me to the door… _Also a first_…

"Charlize Theron, huh?" _Who woulda thought…_

"Oui… Last time it was Chewbaca…" _Ugh…_

"Merci, Ghertrude…"

"Your accent is an embarrassment."

"Merci."

How that crazy lady puts me in a good mood defies all laws of nature, but somehow she achieved it as I run-walk…which is more like a very low to the ground powerwalk so I don't spill the coffee…to Tobias's building.

I walk confidently to the elevator and push the button…the door opens right away—

"Excuse me, Miss Prior?"

"Yeah?"

"Mr. Eaton has removed your name from the approved guest list so I'll have to ring you up."

I stand there partially speechless and partially heartbroken…

"Oh, okay…" _Don't cry, Tris… Don't cry, Tris_… "Can I ask when he…did that?"

"Quite a few weeks ago…"

I nod my head, not knowing why I asked that question… Probably because if he did it this morning, I would have understood… But, this I do _not…_

"Would you like me to ring you up?"

"Um… Just give me a minute…"

"Of course, miss. But, _only _a minute."

I stare at him with a purposeful look of hatred at his exaggeration of the word "only." Then I stomp over to him and place the coffee and scones roughly on the counter.

"Call Ghertrude."

"I'm sorry, Miss Prior but—"

"Call Ghertrude or I will scream every obscenity and expletive in the English Dictionary directed solely at you all while throwing this hotter-than-cow-shit-in-a-drought coffee in your God damned face!" _Oh yeah…don't FUCK with me today, buddy!_

He clears his throat and quietly dials an extension.

"Yes, ma'am, this is Gregory—"

"Mmm hmmm…"

"I have a Miss Prior at the—"

"Tris…Prior, ma'am."

"She has been taken off the approved guest list for—"

I now get the satisfaction of watching Gregory's face turn white from whatever Gertie is yelling to him as I waltz my way over to the elevator and get on…giving Gregory a nice friendly middle finger as the doors close on me.

_Okay, that was a little unnecessary… _

I've never wanted to jump out of my skin so bad in my life… I feel like a rattlesnake! _Can I think of no other analogies? And why did he take me off the visitor list? I'm so…fucking…SAD!_

_Edit. Clear your mind. Erase negativity. Exit the damned elevator! _I just about smash my body between the elevator doors and almost lose his mother's painting in the process as I clamber my way to stability in the hallway.

The walk to his door is blurry and slow… Until I get ten feet away and I stop and take some deep breaths. _Do I knock? Holy shit… I still have my key… Is that crazy?! That's kind of crazy… Don't use your key. Okay, no key…_

Taking one step forward, the door opens. _Am I this lucky—_

And out stumbles…Nita… She doesn't see me at first as she rights herself and laughs. Her long coat is wide open and she…is…naked… She lifts her head at me and doesn't even flinch at my presence. She just closes the door and stands right in front of me buttoning her coat slowly and then tying it at the waist.

"Wow, Tristi… _What're_…you doing here?"

_I have no words._

"You brought us…coffee?... That…was sweet. I'll pass… Gotta get to work…and all… Although…I'm a little sleepy. Got a bit of a…hard…core…workout this mornin'…" she tilts her head in the direction of the door. "…you know how he is…"

_I have no words._

"Anyway…want me to walk…you down?... He's…exhausted…"

_Still nothin'…_

"Speech not on the…top a yer list… Four's either… I do tend to render…people…speechless… Bye, Trista!"

Because I have no words…nor proper train of thought… I put down the coffee and scones and painting…and follow Nita to the elevator, riding it all the way down as she laughs giving me an account of how much fun they had and all of the things he does to make her head spin… I fiddle with my keys in my pocket and pull them out, absentmindedly running my fingers over the Blackhawks insignia…before taking it off the chain and dropping it on the elevator floor.

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

_Oh… Fuck, no! This is just…not happening!_

"What are you doing here?"

"Came to…see you…" She stumbles in my direction as I sidestep her.

She absolutely reeks of scotch whiskey and just awfulness.

"Leave."

"Who's gonna…make me?" she asks petulantly as she leans on my apartment door.

"You are."

"Why not you?"

"Because I'm not laying a damned finger on you."

"Then don't lay them_ on _me…put them inside—"

"Nita. You need to go. I will absolutely call security."

"Do it."

"How did you get up here!?" I ask sternly.

"Magical powers of persuasion…or maybe I just know the right people…"

_Gregory…_

_Do I use her drunken stupor to get information out of her? God, I hate this shit… No… There are better ways to get information than to let a psycho-bitch into your apartment._

"Well, how can I magically…persuade…you to leave?"

"Just say, 'please'?... Isn't that your and Tristi's thing?"

_How the fuck does she know that?_

"What? Don't think for a second, handsome…that I don't pay attention to …everything…you…do…" she taps my chest lightly as she says it. "Especially with _her…_ Yech… That day at the gym…. '_Did you say 'please'?'" _She makes air quotes and tries to impersonate George.

_She's nuts…_

"Fine, Nita…. _Please?"_

She moves to the side as I stare at her warily, putting my key in the door. I try to ponder a way to slam the door behind me before she can sneak herself in…assuming that's what she's going to try to do…

To my utter surprise…she doesn't. So I enter my apartment and close the door quickly behind me…and lock it.

"Holy shit!" I whisper having a feeling she's still lurking at the door. "She is entirely too fucked up… Why the hell did I ever…?" I shake my head vigorously at the mere recollection of memories past between Nita and I as I make my way to my room.

I whip my shirt off and quickly undo my belt, dropping my pants to the floor and kicking them away.

"Fucking shit…" I practically belly flop onto the pile of sheets on my floor thankful and hateful of the fact that there is absolutely no trace of Tris left. But at least the smell of her hair still lingers heady in my mind from when I brushed it for however long tonight…or last night… Whatever…. I take a deep breath and actually smile a little at the memory. Until I remember the rest of the shit she said… It was still kind of funny… I could totally parallel park a tractor-trailer… Given the chance… I…could…figure that… ….. ….shit out….. ….. … But am….I….really….that horrible of…a…person…? … … …

…. ….. ….. ….. …..

"Mmmmmm…." I groan aloud. _God, I miss her back rubs…. _

I'm halfway between sleep and awake…right at the part when you can still hold onto your dreams if you keep your eyes closed tight enough…

I feel Tris's weight on me as she straddles me and rakes her fingernails teasingly down my back… Now I know it's some fucked up dream because this Tris is definitely heavier, has way longer nails and her naked wet self does not feel like—

"So you like that—"

I flip over faster than I ever have as it registers that _NITA _is _FOR REAL _straddling me and was… HOLY OH MY GOD I HAVE NO WORDS…rubbing herself on me….NAKED!

"Get off me you psycho!" I shout as I flip over and grab her shoulders throwing her to the side and scrambling to my feet.

I can feel on my back _exactly _where she had seated herself and I can't believe I don't throw up_… I would totally aim for her if I could…_

"Get THE FUCK OUT!"

"Seriously, Four…why are you being so dramatic?"

"How did you get in here!?" I screech. Yes…I screeched!

"Toldja…I know…the right people—"

"GET…OUT!" I roar.

"Relax—"

"NITA! You are in my apartment...NAKED…!" I stare at her not out of lust just out of pure disbelief that this certifiable nut job is in my room NAKED!

She stands slowly as I back away needing to keep at least ten feet between us…hopefully more…

"Come on… Okay, I'm sorry I snuck in. But I just…thought…it would…be fun…if we—"

"NO! Not fun… Never was… Never will be! Get out!"

Now I'm in panic mode because this is some real shit! Like _Fatal Attraction_ real shit! _Call the cops! CIA! DEA! FBI! FEMA! National Guard! Coast Guard! SOMEONE FUCKING HELP ME!_

"Please? Well, what if I just…" She lunges at me and swipes like a cat at my dick. "…I'll make it so you _never _ask me to leave. In fact…you'll beg me to _come _over and over and over—"

"Holy fuck! What is wrong with you?!" I jump back as she grabs for me again.

"Is it because you're my boss? Because I…quit!"

"Good. Now…leave…" I grit out as the shock starts to dissipate and the anger starts to resonate….

I glance at the front door and see her jacket on the floor so I run to it, grabbing her by the wrist and throw it at her as she plummets forward.

"Get the fuck out before I throw your psychotic ass out of here…. And I don't give a shit if you quit because you're fucking fired!"

I've never wanted to hurt a woman before… But what would be considered self-defense here?

I try my best to strategize. She's crazy… Often times crazy people are desperate… She is definitely desperate… What do desperate people do? Place blame. She's gonna turn this shit around on me… Do not lay a finger on her!

Feeling my temper continue to flare the longer I look at her, I do the only thing I can think of… I run and lock myself in my room…and wait.

I wait and wait and wait as Nita continues to chat to no one in particular. I hear her go through my cabinets and drawers and I think she even pours herself a drink. I have no access to my landline and my cellphone is MIA!

"What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck?" I whisper as I pace back and forth, back and forth… Nose-breathing, nose-breathing… This seems to help….

Then I hear a soft click and I wait… _Is this a trap? What if I go out there and she's holding a knife? Or worse…what if she's still naked!?_

_Think, Tobias! _

_….._

_"Ya know… I know what'll get you out on that balcony…"_

_"Me too..." I agree. " Absolutely nothing."_

_"What if I was waiting for you when you got home from work…naked…out on that balcony?"_

_….._

I remember my mouth dropping open and salivating at the image of Tris sitting naked swinging her knees in and out just waiting for my tongue to devour her out on—

_the balcony! I HATE THE BALCONY! And the fact that I never had the chance to go down on Tris on it!… _

But, I reluctantly as hell open my sliding bedroom door and sneak along the wall to the sliding door of the TV room. I peak in—No sign of Nita…unless she's in the bathroom or kitchen…in which case, I'll be ready for her… So…back to my room I go.

Whereas before I was in panic-mode…which, is something I teach my students to _never _do, I am now in self-defense mode…

Which turns out to be completely unnecessary because upon stealthy investigation…she is nowhere to be found. Making a quick go of it, I hurl myself to the door and pull the chain, then slide down the door onto the floor…. It does nothing but remind me of the time I had just told Tris I would going to keep fucking her…until she came twice... It was awesome at the time and now it just…_SUCKS!_

"Okay…"

I rub my eyes and get up quickly, bouncing on my toes as if I'm in the damned ring. What's my next move? _She's insane! And I fired her! Now she may be vengefully insane!_

_I need to prioritize… #1 – Call Gertie to change the locks. #2 – Call Amar to update on latest former-employee stalker situation #3 – police…restraining order… _

_Am I seriously going to get a restraining order against Carlos Juares's daughter?! Gah!  
_

I exit my apartment not even remembering getting dressed and I all but trip over some shit that some asshole left right in the middle of the hallway.

Just as I'm about to punt it, the familiar scent of my favorite Colombian blend brings me back to Earth.

"What the...?"

I crouch down and see two steaming cups of coffee in unidentifiable 2-Go cups along with…scones…

"_Um…."_

I already know before I know… And I already put together the timeline before I even realized I had put together the timeline. I literally stand up and put my face in my hands not knowing what the hell to do…

Tris was here… Nita was leaving… Hungover, emotional Tris was here… Naked psychopath Nita was leaving…

And I'm running… And I'm waiting… Waiting… _This fucking elevator!_ Then something else catches my eye by the coffee and I squint to see what it is. A painting? One of Tris's?

"Mmmmghhhhhh!" Sprinting back to the door I see a canvas…it's just…dark blue… _She didn't do this!…_ "What the…?"

_Gah! _I hear the elevator ding and open as I jam the key into the lock and literally throw the coffee, scones and canvas into my apartment…and then just barely make the elevator in time.

"Oh, hello, Four," greets a warm unwelcomed voice.

"Mrs. Brown," I acknowledge, politely as possible, as I stagger into the elevator.

"Son, did you drop your key?"

"Hmm?" I clear my throat and look at up the ceiling_. I must have been a serial killer in another life…_ "No."

"Oh, well then just let me… Excuse me, dear…" She bends down to get it and I realize how shitty I'm being.

"It's okay, Mrs. Brown. Here…" I bend down and pick up…Tris's key… I clench my jaw and squeeze the key in my hand making what I can only assume is a permanent impression in my palm.

"So, it is yours!"

"No. But I'll make sure it gets back to its rightful owner."

* * *

**Zeke's POV:**

I turn right onto Damen, having finally tried the coffee that Will was raving about the other day. I'm not a huge coffee drinker… But I like myself a decent sized non-fat soy caramel machiatto with extra whipped cream and extra caramel every now and then… Especially when I'm in uniform so I often times get tasty beverages for free.

I take a nice slow sip, relishing the fact that I get to sit in a 2014 cruiser with air-conditioning while others are hoofin' it in their cross trainers heading to work in a stuffy office building. I always feel bad for chicks wearin' skirts to the office, but gym shoes on their way in so they don't get blisters… Why do they put themselves through that shit?! Don't get me wrong… It's hot—

"All officers on duty in the Bucktown/Wicker Park area report immediately to 4509 Parkland. Aggravated and possible sexual assault. First responders are delayed. Repeat, First responders are delayed."

* * *

**AN:**

Ay! Bring on the hate…

I really want to post early this week and I'm sorry that the Thursday posting day has now turned into a Monday thing…but, I really really hope to post earlier than Monday.

I hope the Facebook teasers are helping and not tormenting! And we have become quite the bitchfest cohort! Feel free to join in on our banter!

** facebook dot com/KrisGregory4** **(**or **"like" the Fan Page** if you just want teasers and to post public comments.)

**Nitewriter4 at gmail** is my email for people who don't have Facebook or FFN accounts...


	42. To Forgive

***Rated - MA**

**Chapter 42 - To Forgive**

* * *

**Zeke's POV:**

I check the GPS and see I'm only two blocks away from the altercation. Situations like this always make me nervous because the alerts from the operator are vague so we never really know what we're walking into. This one, I must say, sounded…pretty bad.

I show up to many scenes where assault has been committed… I patrol three college campuses for shit's sake… But aggravated assault is a different ballgame because there's suspected motive involved…and usually the use of a weapon of some sort...but not always... Don't even get me started on the possible sexual assault part of this particular call.

Speeding down Damen I quickly pull onto Parkland, 4503…4505…4509…, and I sprint out of the car as I'm immediately met by a frantic neighbor still in her pajamas.

"I, I heard screams…and I thought it was nothing...because one of them screams a lot…and then there was quiet… But, but, but, but…then more screams and crying… That poor girl—"

"Where is she ma'am?"

"My husband is with her and that guy…he's right there… He did this! I saw it! And she… I don't know how she did it—"

"Stay…here… Do you understand?"

"Ye, Ye… Yes…"

I run onto the bottom landing and see some jag bag lying in a heap on the floor, I check his pulse…still alive… "Damn it!" _I don't care how bad that sounds… _

"Sir?" I yell up the stairs as I grab my cuffs, roughly attaching them to this fucker's wrist and then the stair rail.

"Yeah, yeah!... She's up here and I don't know…how to help—"

I'm by his side quicker than he can finish his sentence and I see him leaning over a small body.

"Sir, please move."

He immediately moves to the side. And I see her chest heaving way faster than it should be. She's hyperventilating...

"Did you move her?" I ask trying to be even tempered and calm while I check for neck and back injuries.

"Yes. She was slumped over the rail—"

"Zeke, Zeke, Zeke…" I'm startled out of my problem-solving mode as I look right into the eyes of... _Is that Tris? Jesus Christ..._ She's breathing my name over and over.

"Oh, my God…Tris... Hey, hey, hey… You're gonna be just fine… We've got help on the way."

_Holy Mary Mother of God… This is Tris, this is Tris… Four… This is Four's…_

"Can't…breath…" she huffs out as she winces and cries from the back of her throat.

_Forget this is Tris... Forget Four… Do your job... She's not breathing well… Cause: Airway restriction or possible punctured lung... _

I lift her shirt and don't see any deep cuts or lacerations, but serious, serious bruising on her rib cage. I have absolutely no medical equipment aside from a First Aid kit in my car… I'm also not trained in first responder actions...and I cannot fuck this up for when they arrive…

She's now trying to take deep wheezing breaths that will do her no good if this is what I think it is…

"Tris… I need you to take small shallow breaths… Baby, can you do that for me? You're gonna be fine… But you cannot panic…"

* * *

**Flashback:**

_"Why don't you surprise her? Take her out to some fancy dinner or some shit! I don't know… Shauna's low maintenance! I never had to do this—"_

_"Are you saying Tris is high maintenance, dick?"_

_"Well, maybe if you would tell me more about her I would know this shit!"_

_He rolls his eyes but then smirks, which makes me believe he secretly loves talking about her. Ha! Yes!_

_"Look… She hates surprises—"_

_"Who the hell hates surprises?!"_

_"Are you ready to listen?"_

_"Yeah, yeah..."  
_

_"She just...doesn't appreciate not being in control of a situation. She likes to know all information and options—"_

_"You do know this is just dinner, right?"_

_"Jesus, Zeke! I just don't want to fuck anything up, okay? She's just a cards-on-the-table girl."_

_"Alright, alright… So she likes 'control', eh? I can be down with that!"  
_

_"You're an idiot."_

* * *

"Okay, Tris. Four told me once that you're a cards-on-the-table kinda girl… So I'm layin' 'em out for ya…"

She nods her head as I rest my hand on her chest feeling her heart race.

"O, o, okay…" she whispers haggardly.

"I think you may have a punctured lung…" Her eyes get crazy big at that admission. "Don't freak out, kiddo. It's not as bad as it sounds… It's easy to fix. I just need you to keep breathin' real light, Tris... Can you do that?"

She nods her head quickly and seems to calm down just a bit as her eyes dart left and right.

I lean down to listen to each side of her chest. There's a definite wheeze coming from the injured side while the other is quiet. _Sweet..._

I take this time to assess all other injuries. _Her legs look fine except for a large cut on her calf... Major stitches, but who cares at this point.  
_

It's just then that I become aware…that her shorts are—

"Officer?"

"Sir, please stay down—"

"I just need to tell you that… Um… I covered her the best I could... But I think he... Her under, underwear were… Um… I hope I did the right thing… I—"

"Thank you, sir. Please wait downstairs."

I push that knowledge aside and look Tris in the eyes again… Her breathing has slowed…too much… I can tell at this point that she's struggling...more than before.

"Tris? You're doing great. I can hear the ambulance…" _I hear NO FUCKING AMBULANCE!_

Suddenly a look of panic crosses her face and she takes a deep breath then cries out in pain…as she grabs for me again.

"Tris, Tris, Tris… You have to calm down…. I know it's hard, but—"

I watch her chest and see her breathing isn't shallow anymore…it's labored and slow… Making eye contact again, I see her face turning red… _Shit!_

She starts kicking her legs in sheer panic as she wheezes and I just pray to God the ambulance gets here…and then I really see it… A very, very distinct indentation on the right side of her head. Sunken in…not swelled out…

"Jesus…" I say under my breath as I look up to her face again. She's there, I see her…and then…she's not… "Tris… Hey, there… You're… Tris? Tris?... No, no, no, no… Tris! Tris!"

I can now say I have officially seen the light leave someone's eyes…just as I hear the ambulance sirens...

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I am in a cab. The kind where the driver doesn't shut the fuck up. And I'm bouncing my legs and silently playing the drums on my knees so I control my urge to rip out his loose tongue. I know just how I would do it—MacGyver style…with a shoelace!

"…I don't know who came up with this Pan-Asian shit! There ain't nothing Asian about puttin' food in a pan!..."

_Get me a gun…_

"Nah… I'm just makin' a stupid joke… I can tell you already knew that!"

_How do I make…him…stop…?_

"But, still…there 'bout 20 countries in Asia. Do these fancy shmancy places really think they can handle that much food! … "

_I am George, I am George, I am George…_

"These places'll go down real fast in my opinion… All a big fad… Like Disco and Rubik's Cubes!.."

_No… I'll take that gun, please…_

Same with those Mediterranean fusion restaurants… How many countries are in that continent?!"

"Please, stop talking."

"Hey, man… I was just trying to—"

"Try to stop talking."

"I get that a lot! I can't help bein' a happy person… I just like to say what's on my mind- "

"Well, stop."

This is usually the point I would take my phone out of my pocket and go through the myriad of emails that I know have accumulated over the past few days…but I don't have a DAMNED PHONE!

"Anyway…Bucktown, huh? There some nice stuff in that neighborhood! Great, great people! No offense but your neighborhood can be a little…well, you know… So anyway, you should try this coffee shop there… _Grinds…_. Best coffee West of the Mississippi! It'll change your life—"

"Holy shit! Can you control your ignorance and get my to my intended destination?! PLEASE?"

"Alright, alright, buddy—"

"I'm not your buddy."

"When you're in my cab…you're my buddy—"

"Already got a buddy."

"You can have more than one—"

"Let me out!"

"What, right here?" _Is he seriously surprised by this?!_

"Right here, right now."

"We only have three more blocks—"

"Yes. Three more blocks of hell. Stop the fucking cab!"

"Geez Louise… Okay, okay…"

I get out of the cab a steaming heap of annoyed and frustrated, feeling that my need for silence so I can sort shit out in my head has been robbed by this fucker!

"And just so you can curb your ignorance… There are_ 48_ countries in Asia…Russia and Turkey being a constant debate…The Mediterranean is _not _a damned continent…the Rubik's Cube is still quite popular—"

"Not in my neck of the woods—"

"And _Grounds _not _Grinds _does _NOT _serve life-changing coffee west of the Mississippi because we are EAST of the Mississippi and because it just DOESN'T!"

"Damn, buddy."

"I'm not your buddy!" I throw cash at him and slam the door, immediately starting to jog down the street.

"You know we fought the Civil War for freedom of speech!" _Is he STILL talking?! _ "So I can say whatever I want—"

I round the corner and scream with my mouth closed…right from the back of my throat with clenched fists, which makes me realize I still have Tris's key in my hand.

_Why does that make me smile? It's a sign of how much she hates me…misguided as it is… How am I going to explain this to her… Easy! _

_ Nita showed up naked…walked into my apartment and started grinding herself on me and I thought it was you…and I was in my happy place…until I figured out it wasn't you and that I was actually in Hell…._

_Oh, how did she get in? _

_The lovely ass munch at the front desk gave her a key… _

_Why did the ass munch give her a key?_

_Because he works for my father who for some reason that I have yet to figure out wants you out of the picture… Now, please just do me this one kindness and get back into the picture…_

_Will Naked Nita make another appearance?_

_Um… No guarantees…_

"Holy shit!" I yell in anger at some kids as I jog past them.

_ How am I ever going to explain this to her?_

I see her street in sight up ahead and I make the snap decision to just fuckin' wing it! Nothing has gone smoothly planned or unplanned for the last who-the-fuck-knows-how-long so what the hell have I got to lose?… _Oh, yeah…EVERYTHING!_

* * *

**Zeke's POV:**

_Tell me I did the right thing! Tell me I did the right thing! Tell me I did the right thing!_

"Move, move, move!" I hear one of our first responders shout to the neighbors as they quickly bring Tris down the stairs on a stretcher.

"Marco!" I yell to one of the EMTs. "Is she..?"

"We've got a faint heartbeat—"

"Zeke?... What the hell happ…?"

I look to my right to see Four slowing up a jog and then stopping in his tracks. I watch my best friend for the first time ever…lose his balance. He staggers backward and barely catches himself as he watches the woman he loves being rushed across the driveway on a stretcher.

"Four…"

"Tris..." he whispers as if he's making a connection his brain is blocking. And then all hell breaks loose…

"Four!... Four!—"

I'm on the ground before even realizing I had been pushed as Four rushes to the stretcher in more panic than I've ever seen him.

"Sir, move…NOW!" poor Marco shouts as he goes down equally as hard as me.

"Tris?! Tris!..." he stutters as I try to stand up, but stumble backward instead. _Real smooth, Pedrad..._

He leans over her trying to grab at her face. "Is she…? Tris…" It's a cross between and yell and then a whisper…

He takes her limp hand as his begin to shake and he loses speech. Then I go for his arm as Zaira, our resident badass, gets in his face. "Back away! Now!"

"Get out of my way," he growls as he tries to move her to the side while still gripping the metal of the stretcher.

"You want her to die?... Then you get the hell out _MY_ way!" _Yeah… You don't mess with Zaira…_

"Baby, I love you, I love you, I love you…" he says as he kisses her hand and finally lets go of the stretcher and watches helplessly.

After she's in he goes to do the same but is met with the fierce palm of Zaira. "No."

"What?!"

"Officer? More damage than good?"

I try not to look at Four as I nod my head in agreement. _He would rip that place apart..._ But I can't help myself so I glance up to see a look of what I can only describe as horror on his face.

"Need reinforcements?!" she yells as they start to pull away.

"No."

"We're going to Advocate!"

I nod my head, not taking my eyes off Four, who is looking at me as if I'm a stranger right now.

"Man, you cannot go in there…" I fiercely grab his arm so he understands. "You would rip an IV line out if you thought it was fuckin' tickling her! Now, sirens…let's go—"

"Pedrad? You knew that girl?"

I let go of Four's arm having forgotten we still have a perp on our hands and I answer Wilson. "Yeah, she's my friend. This is her…person."

"I'm sorry, man... Hey, this asshole isn't cooperating. We're taking him to the station and I'll come by to interview the victim… If…she's still…"

I look behind me, hoping Four didn't hear the doubt in officer Wilson's voice…but he's no longer there. Instead, I see him walking slowly into the entryway of the building. He looks down curiously at the intruder on the floor and tilts his head…

"Hey, Wilson?... Remember that beautiful butterfly we saw last week?" I ask about a non-existent butterfly…

"Oh…yes. After the attempted murder of a twelve-year-old?" He nods his head, pondering and thankfully catching my drift. "I remember the father looking rather upset with that neighbor…"

"And suddenly… Poof! A butterfly appeared and we couldn't keep our eyes off of it… Oh, wait! It's going this way…"

We both saunter away from the building, but not too far…just minding our own bullshit-butterfly business…

"How long before this one disappears?" he whispers out the side of his mouth.

"Mmmm… 10 seconds."

'That's it?"

"Or we could have dead perp on our watch?"

"Let's not."

_10….9.…8.…7.…6.…5.…4.…3.…2.…1... Those screams… Music to my ears… Ahhhhh…_

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

That yell wasn't totally directed at those kids, they just happened to be there. It could have been Pope Benedict XVI fuckin' up the sidewalk with his chalk and I still would have yelled.

_Saying "Holy Shit" to a Holy Man…probably frowned upon. _

I slow down knowing I'll need just a minute to at least think of an opening line…

_How about, "Hi?"_ _Yep… That'll do! … _

_Okay… _

_Channel Will—You got this, buddy! _

_Channel Zeke—Go get your lady, my man! _

_Channel Amar—Only you can make this possible… Now go, my friend, and do just that! _

_Channel Christina—You've got this girl! Go make shit happen!_

I'm afraid if I look up I'll lose my nerve but—flashing lights, police cars, neighbors…

_Zeke… I see Zeke…_ _Why do I see Zeke?..._

"Zeke?...What the hell happ…?" _No... No… No…_

"Four…"

"Tris..." I whisper because my vocal chords don't function properly. _She can hear me, right?_

It sinks in…and it doesn't take long because I see a body being pulled through on a stretcher.

"Four!... Four!—"

….. ….. ….. …..

"Sir, move…NOW!"

_Oh, my God… Oh, my God… Oh, my God… Oh, my God…_

"Tris?! Tris!..." I look down on her face and it looks…nothing like her. There are far too many bruises for that to be Tris. She doesn't resemble that at all. _ It's not her_… _Thank God…_ _Then who is this?_

"Is she…?"

Time stops as I look down at a hand lying limp off the side of the stretcher. I pick it up and smile, examining it... Small and soft. Their trickery is quite amusing—_these _hands are actually quite forceful. _These hands… Tris's hands… _

"Tris…" I squeeze her hand and she doesn't reciprocate—not even to pull away.

"Back away! Now!" something screams in my face as I grip the bullshit metal bed Tris is lying on.

"Get out of my way." _I pray I said that out loud…_

"You want her to die?" the whatever in front of me asks all too matter-of-factly as I tighten both my grip on the piece of shit bed and the soft hand.

The _idea _that _her death _is even an option turns my insides to concrete and I'm unable to move.

"Then you get the hell out _MY_ way!" _I…can't…_

I feel the subtlest of movement from the soft hand that I'm holding tightly…just a small flexion of fingers, but I know I felt it…

"Baby, I love you, I love you, I love you_…_" I kiss her hand as they try to take her away from me, but she's not going _anywhere _without _ME!_

"No." I hear that same voice with that same fucking hand blocking my way!

"What?!"

"Officer? More damage than good?"

I figure out, expeditiously and thankfully, that she's talking to Zeke…who will, of course, disagree with this roadblock, knowing that my rightful place is WITH TRIS!

My mind does 1521-and-a-half double takes before it computes that Zeke…just gave me the utmost Judas Kiss. And in my mass confusion, I completely miss my chance to clothesline my roadblock and take her place…next to Tris...

I swallow as the world goes out of focus for a moment and I'm left standing alone watching after a fucking ambulance…that I'm not on…and Tris is…and I'm not—

"Man, you cannot go in there… You would rip an IV line out if you thought it was fuckin' tickling her!" _Because they're probably doing it wrong!_

I don't even have any idea of what Zeke babbles on about because my eyes are again glued to an ambulance racing around the corner straight into awful Chicago traffic.

_That fucking ambulance better be a convertible monster truck! _

Her face flashes into my mind again…bruised and battered and swollen… Still not wholly convinced it was her… Maybe just someone with her hands, or something—

"Beatrice… Beatrice…" a scratchy, phlegmy, nails-on-a-1900s-chalkboard voice claws at my senses as my head turns in the direction of the disturbance.

Everything… I mean everything suddenly come into focus… And I apparently see things…very…very…clearly…

**Flashback:**

_It's way too late, but I'm still hopped up on Tris, especially after having to spend the day with Tweedle-dee and Tweedle-dip shit…_

_"I wonder what it would feel like to be Bella…and wake up after excruciating pain to complete clarity… Like super-human senses—"_

_"I can't believe you talked me into watching this shit—"_

_"You liked it… I saw your face when you thought Carlisle died! Mouth open and everything… There are probably flies in there somewhere…"_

_"So…you watch me a lot, huh...?" I ask as I push her down on the couch with the palm of my hand and fit my thigh right between her legs adding purposeful pressure._

_"You know I do…" she says softly biting her bottom lip. "…You know what else is awesome about Vampire Bella?"_

_"Don't care," I quip as I place slow kisses on her neck._

_"She develops amazing sexual prowess."_

_Then before my mind can even catch up, Tris is on top of me, my T-shirt securely in her grasp. _

_"Jesus…" I grunt out in surprise. "You're half-way there, Bella…" She smiles cutely and then surprises the shit out of me…again…as she very tolerably rapes my mouth with her lips—_

**End Flashback  
**

I swallow and stop in my tracks in shame at my mental verbage—knowing what she's been through… But it also reminds me of my targeted end game. So for that I'm grateful…

And a nonsensical smile crosses my face as my newfound appreciation of bullshit Twilight movies develops and I feel a sudden kinship with its characters.

I can see the fucking pebbles in between the cracks in the sidewalk—right where the roots of the Oak tree (I even know it's a damned Oak Tree) make the cement jut up as if mini-tectonic plates had shifted. As I get closer, I almost sense the splinters in the door jam where it needs to be repaired and the smell of the rust on the small screws that are stripped and basically worthless.

The scratchy, seething moans coming from the bottom of the stairs—uttering a name less-preferred by its owner…

I stop again…

…..

_"Marcus. I don't have time for this kind of bullshit!" _

_His voice is rough and haggard-sounding. I close my eyes to memorize the inflection. _

_"Do you know where Beatrice is or not?! Fuck! I've been patiently waiting….too patiently…can you fucking help me or not? She….I can't stop…She needs me! She needs me!"_

…..

The repellant noise, already yet embedded in my subconscious, presents itself in bodily form…right in front of me…

…..

…_I have no words as my jaw is clenched so tight I am unable. I need to see his face. So I inch my way to the screen and study every disgusting inch of the evilness that beat, raped, and made my beautiful, strong, amazing girl feel worthless in every way. My arms are burning from the pain of flexing my forearms repeatedly._

_Once I see him, I am unable to move as my calculating mind transitions into first gear. Pale complexion, muscular build, buzzed hair, neck tattoo, hazel eyes..._

_….._

"Where the fuck is she?... She did this… … But, she… She, she needs me… WHERE IS SHE?!"

I look down and focus in on the face of the man who has taken residence in the back of my mind like a parasite for as long as I'm capable of remembering at this moment. I don't see a man—I see something akin to a soulless mongrel writhing on the floor. A man striped of all worth and dignity… His obsession controlling his every move like a fucking marionette puppet.

His weakness being the only thing we have in common—the driving force we share.

"It's you..." he chokes out.

I crouch down as he tries to scramble backward.

...

_... I make eye contact with Marcus… He knows. This is the Eaton side of me… Looking for his weakness and ready to file it away and exploit it at my earliest opportunity. The problem is…Tris is Eric's weakness…as she is mine… Marcus knows my mother's qualities will win out in the end—I'll protect her at all costs. He has me right where he wants me...coercion or not._

_My mind starts to betray me. I can't let Eric… He can't come near her… I'll kill him… I know I'll do it… I would not hesitate to commit murder…. I make eye contact with the man I hate the second-most in this world...and he knows I'm cornered. I can see it in his face: in the snide side smile he delivers me…._

….

Marcus knew I would never go after Eric. I'm as self-aware as he is. I know my protective instincts cause my murderous tendencies—my mother's DNA constantly at war with my father's…

_Murderous tendencies… Murderous tendencies… Eric is right here…literally in chains…right in front of me… I could snap his neck and walk away… _

_…._

He backs himself up against the wall as I peer at him. "I just…want to see her… She's hurt and I just… Fuck, man! Help me!… She can't do things…on her own… She's like a fucking…helpless child!... I just tried to get her home! She needs to come home, she needs to come home, she needs to come home… She's mine and she needs to be with me…"

I watch him blabber on and on… I'm going to enjoy the shit out of this… To torture over and over the man who tortured my soul mate… The psychological damage he's done to her… I'm going to repay the favor… The initial effects won't last forever… But it'll be enough to leave an imprint of torture in his memory…hopefully buried deep in his subconscious…so deep its outside of the 10% we use so he'll never be able to put his finger on the source… It'll just be there…

I get right in his face. His erratic breathing through his teeth making my face wet with his saliva…

"She's dead… You killed her…"

I watch with blissful enjoyment the horror cross his face as he screams out in pain, despair, and misery—knowing he caused the imminent demise of his obsession. The object of his dreams and nightmares slipped right through his fingers and he was soooo close to attaining it. His neurosis and fetishes are now worthless in his mind.

It's all a fallacy, but this is one feeling…he'll hold on to.

I walk out with his wretched wailing ringing in my ears like La Traviata.

"That's her ex-boyfriend," I inform Zeke and whoever-the-fuck that cop is. "He beat her for years... I told him he killed her." Then I make my proximity closer to the other cop. "Let him believe it," I seethe in his face before turning my attention to a very shell-shocked Zeke.

"Take me to the hospital…now. And if she died…without me with her… I'll never forgive you. You will be nothing to me. Do you understand?"

He doesn't say a word as we run to the car.

* * *

**Zeke's POV:**

Advocate is the closest hospital and I have my sirens on, but there is still not a great way to get there. I keep my eyes on Four in my peripheral vision… _Wait… That's not right. _I'm watching him in my peripheral vision… _Still not right—_

"Enough with the side glances." _That works._

"Sorry."

"Tell me," he orders as he grinds his teeth... I can literally hear him grind his teeth.

"Tell you what?"

"Everything."

"Okay..." I take a much needed deep breath. "I got the call and—"

"What was the call?"

"Four—"

"What was _THE CALL?_"

"Aggravated assault…" I trail off hoping he won't pick up on that fact that I'm leaving out-

"Zeke…"

"Possible sexual assault…"

I watch him bite down on his knuckles and then he looks out the window shaking his head in small fits.

"Hey, man. We don't know—"

"What_ do_ you know?!"

"Look, man... She knew it was me!... That helped… She looked right at me and said my name and I just told her to relax—"

"You told her to fucking relax?! She was just…beaten…and…" he puts his face in his hands. "Fuck… I'm gonna throw up…"

"Feel free." _I know I sure as hell would…_

He seems to get some sort of resolve or energy or something because no puke exits his body.

"What else?"

"Man, I need you to let me get a sentence out this time."

He doesn't answer, so that's how I know I can proceed.

"She was having a tough time breathing… I figured out…uh…by looking at her rib cage…what happened…"

He doesn't look at me. He just states way too normally, "Her ribs were fractured or broken."

"Yeah."

"She was having trouble breathing." _Still not lookin' at me…_

"At first, I thought it was just panic, but—"

"She punctured a lung."

"I believe so…" I stop, unsure if I should continue with the play-by-play or if it'll just upset him more—

"I know there's more…so just fucking say it!" he shouts…very, loudly.

I take a deep breath knowing he may punch me for this response. "No."

"What the fuck do you mean…'no'?!"

"I'm not talking to you when you're like this. Because right now…it's not gonna matter what I say…it'll be wrong. I'm already second-guessing myself enough as it is and I sure as hell don't need you to—"

"What do you mean you're second-guessing yourself! What the fuck did you do?!"

"Look, Four. You weren't there…you didn't see her—"

"I know I wasn't there! Fuck! I wasn't there… I tried to… Oh, my God…" he groans putting his head in his hands.

I rush straight through the intersection…millimeters away from sideswiping a bus all while trying to make sure Four stays sane.

"Four… I won't pretend to know what you're going through—"

"Then don't! And get me to the damned hospital!"

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I know I'm being a huge fucker to Zeke right now, but it's what I need and he knows that… Plus he can take it. I didn't mean what I said before we got in the car, and by the look on his face, he knew that too. The truth is, I won't be able to forgive _myself _if she doesn't make it through this.

As much as I want to know everything Zeke saw and did when he found her…it'll drive me mad and that cannot happen right now. I was enough of a mess when I found her on the stretcher, I cannot be that person now.

Oddly enough, Eric was the one who brought me back to this Earth. I wanted to kill him…and that scares the hell out of me… But, the fact that I didn't, stirs a certain amount of confidence in myself as well.

We pull up to the curb and I jump out and run _at_, not to, the doors of the ER. I have to squeeze myself between the slow moving automatic entrance. _Why don't they make these things go faster, it's a damned ER!?_

"Excuse me, Sir? Sir!"

I rocket right past the receptionist toward a room where doctors are working furiously on someone... I stop and stare as I hear the worst sound ever… The long beep of what I can only assume is a flat line and all I can do is stand there and watch the woman that I would give up my life for—

"Dude! That's not her! Keeping going…she's five room-things down… Four, go!"

"Guh…" is the utterly shaky sound that comes out from under my breath as my heart restarts and I run down the hall.

"Never run past the front desk person, idiot! I don't have a shit ton of influence back here—"

"Shut-up."

We stop in front of a curtain that is wide open and I see Tris, lying there not looking like Tris and the doctors standing around…doing nothing!

"Is she…?" I ask one of the whoever as I rush into the small room, looking down at her lithe body. I softly yet urgently rest my hand on her calf just to satiate my need to touch her. It's clammy and hot at the same time and when I remove my hand…it turns out the clamminess was blood from a large laceration on her calf.

"God…" I say under my breath. "Somebody answer me—"

"Sir, you have to move."

A very curt petite doctor steps in front of me. Her tone of voice, how she doesn't do the hands-on-hip classic don't-mess-with-me move yet somehow still commands attention, and how my large presence doesn't intimidate her at all reminds me of Tris and I pretty much stand at attention like a soldier.

"Just tell me...something," I beg, in a voice I don't recognize, as I force myself to take my eyes off my girlfriend, who looks albino she's so pale. "Why are you all STANDING here—"

"Sir, are you family?"

I stand stoic flitting my eyes between her face and Tris's.

"Does _this_ have any influence—"

"No," she answers Zeke's question in reference to him flashing his badge.

"Again… I will ask you… Are you family?"

"I'm her… I…"

She leans up and I surprisingly don't flinch away but allow her to whisper something…in my damned ear...which is...VERY UNLIKE ME!

"Are you Tobias?"

I nod my head quickly as my heart starts to beat faster than before.

"Why—"

"Officer, does the patient have any siblings?"

"Uh…"

"She has a brother!" I exalt through clenched teeth at Zeke.

"Yeaassss! She has a brother… Whose name is…"

"Caleb," I cough out.

"It is…Caleb."

"Great. Are you Caleb?" the doctors inquires.

_Can I play the part of the incestuous brother? Yep!_

"I am Caleb."

"Caleb, they are assessing her various injuries and prioritizing which ones are life-threatening and if you must know there are several! Now, do you want mistakes made or lives saved?"

"Please… Just…help her. It doesn't even look—"

"She's breathing on her own now, we're assessing her lungs, heart and head injury. This isn't Grey's Anatomy, we don't crack chests and intubate as a first response."

I look on helplessly as I watch her heart beat on the monitor.

"Why isn't she awake?"

"Her system went into shock after coming to briefly in the ambulance—"

"_Jesus_—"

"And now she's mildly sedated. Her entire right lung had collapsed, and she has a severe head wound which depending on the trauma could have affected her body's natural impulse to breathe. It caused extreme distress to her respiratory system and she went into ventricular fibrillation… That's when the electrical impulses to the heart are irregular and—

"I know what it is."

"Whoever the first responder was, administered immediate CPR until the EMTs arrived with a defibrillator. That person…saved her life."

I make eye contact with Zeke as his shoulders slump in relief, making him look like a deflated balloon.

"Zeke—"

"Beers... Just...beers." And he turns and walks down the hall clearly needing a moment.

"Zeke?!..." He doesn't turn back around. "Lots of beers!" I yell. _I will bath you in beer till the end of days… _He fist pumps in acknowledgment at my payment and turns the corner.

"Can I just stay close…? I won't… I'll just stand at the…end of the bed… Please?…"

She narrows her eyes at me, and I can tell she's about to make very bad call… "Only for a minute… " _And there it is… _

She walks over to Tris's IV and checks it, then lifts Tris's shirt and I get a full view of her right ribcage that looks near demolished.

"So, Caleb…" she addresses me over the noise obviously trying to distract me from that horrific mess. "In the ambulance…after we inserted the chest tube…she asked for some guy named Tobias…over and over… Do you know who that is?"

I nod my head.

"Words are how we communicate around here."

"It's her…um…person."

"Like I said before—this is not Grey's Anatomy… Who is Tobias?"

I look her straight in the eye. "The man who loves her…more than he has ever told her…"

"That's near poetic. Write that down for when she wakes up, okay?"

That should make me feel great…the fact that she wanted me...but the image does nothing but intensify the dull pain in my gut. _I can't believe I wasn't there for her… I never should have left her last night…_

I walk tentatively to the end of her bed as the doctors check her reflexes… They nod their head and one of them kindly nods at me that she's responding. All I can do is reciprocate the action, hoping I convey gratitude.

"She's presenting rapid eye movement."

"Hmmm… Triiiis?" one of the doctors says loudly and slowly very close to her face.

I rest my hand on her bare ankle avoiding the gash that has still gone _untreated _on her leg. It gives me a brief moment of peace—just touching her. I could be holding her pinkie toe right now and I'd be just as happy. I always feel an allusive connection to her when we're touching…as if we share the same current or something. As ridiculous as that sounds…it doesn't make the feeling any less relevant…at least not to me…

"Tris? Can you hear me?"

I look up and see a small incremental nod and then her chest starts heaving from panic and I just about lose it. I push my way through the doctors to grab her hand, looking down at her.

"Tris…" I kiss her hand looking deep into her eyes, focusing on the one thing recognizable on her face. "Hi, baby. Can you please relax? She opens her mouth and then freezes up from the pain as her eyes widen again.

"Tris, don't talk too much—"

"Shh!" I brush off one of the doctors who actually tries to speak over me, roughly. "Hey, there. Please don't talk… No matter how much you want to… Okay? And I _know _you want to… But it'll hurt."

She nods her head as I feel her squeeze my hand… _Best feeling in the world..._ I squeeze it back as a tear of relief escapes from my eye and drops onto her hand and then I see a matching one come out of her eye.

"Tris, are you in pain?" the doctor asks way too loudly again as I turn to him ready to tell him to shut his fucking mouth. But Tris squeezes my hand and nods her head at the doctor.

"Okay, we're going to give you some medicine to make you sleep so we can make sure everything is okay—"

Suddenly she looks wildly around and shakes her head, looking at me in panic. I get closer to her face and I watch it scrunch up… _This isn't physical pain…_

And that's when I see it… Her irises disappear as the monitors behind me start to go crazy.

"Move, move, move!"

Suddenly I'm pushed back out of the way as the entire hospital staff starts to immediately fill up the room. I stand there…helpless as I watch Tris turn into some fucked up medical experiment on a table.

I feel a steady hand on my arm pull me back as a familiar voice resonates in my ear.

"Four, let them take care of her… They know what they're doing."

I look and see Cara standing next to me and then Will and Christina running down the hall. Christina immediately loses it and starts screaming nonsense while I'm still glued to the spot…watching with a dry mouth… All I hear is the word "coding" being yelled by doctors and I watch as they cut open her shirt and…and… A lot of beeping… and…

"Four, that beeping is good. Coding isn't bad… I mean it's bad but not terrible. They're going to restart her heart so it gets back into rhythm… The long beep…that's bad... Christina, does he hear me?"

"He hears you. Don't expect a response."

I watch her small body convulse after the word 'clear' over and over and I step backward or fall backward into something semi-solid.

Then a steady…long…high-pitched…continuous beep that doesn't stop…and it'll never stop… I know that sound will stay with me until the day I die…

I walk slowly as they remove the machine. _Why are they doing that? Why did they stop?_ Then someone idiot climbs onto the bed…pushing over and over onto her chest… She needs me…now… And that's all I remember…

Until it's over…

* * *

**Christina's POV:**

For once in my short life I am thankful for Cara Reynolds. I actually gave her a shout out in my prayers as Will drove to the hospital like a crazy person. Cara had an emergent patient in the ER and she overheard Four berating the doctors.

"Will?" I ask with my eyes closed, really wishing he was holding my hand but happy he's using both to drive.

"Yeah, babe?"

"Tell me she's going to be okay."

"She's going to be okay... I have a feeling she's been through worse."

"Why do you…say that?"

"You guys reeeaaally don't give me enough credit…"

"I don't mean to. I—"

"I'm sorry I said that. This isn't about me. Let's just…get to the hospital."

"Yeah."

The drive seems to be like traveling through Jell-O Jigglers as I almost lose my shit several times screaming at both Will and traffic. I don't know how he stays so patient with me…but he does.

We run through the ER doors, with Cara meeting us out front…looking like hell, I might add…ready to escort us—HIPPA and all that crap, I'm assuming.

"She's back here… Um, Christina?"

"What?!" I stop in frustration as she grabs my arm.

"Does Tris have any next of kin…um...besides Caleb?"

"No... Now please…" I widen my eyes to communicate that I'm not above laying her snotty ass out right here, right now, if she doesn't show me where the hell to go.

"You need to wait here for a moment."

"Jesus, Cara!" I exalt furiously.

"Christina… Wait…here…" she retorts trying to be as tough as me… _Mmmgghhghgh!_

She walks away…way too slowly…around a corner as I wait there biting my nails down to the cuticles trying to push aside the horrible thoughts going through my mind. _Broken nose? Fractures? Bruises? And what a waste of a robbery! We have nothing! Thank God I didn't say that aloud—_

"You actually just said that…didn't you?" Will asks. _Holy shit I did!_

"I… Uh… I can't wait anymore! I'm going!"

I take off down the hall with Will at my heels and as I round the corner I see Four, standing there with a look of disbelief and panic. Whereas his arms are usually crossed and he's pacing or just expressing disdain and frustration in general, right now his hands are at his sides and his usually impeccable posture is slumped… His mouth, which is often in a straight line is hanging open…

Then… I have an out-of-body experience and run at the scene as I hear the word "clear." I've seen enough Grey's Anatomy to know that is not good! That's the "people die" sound…

"Four! Oh, my God! What happened…? Will someone…? Who is..! Is she…?! OhmyGodohmyGodohmyGod!"

"Christina!" Will grabs me by the shoulders. "You're helping no one!"

"Okay… Okay… Okay…"

That fucking bitch Cara is already at his side… _Why didn't she come get us?!_

"Four, that beeping is good. Coding isn't bad… I mean it's bad but not terrible. They are going to restart her heart so it gets back into rhythm… The long beep…that's bad."

She looks at me and I hope to the Hades my face is communicating my hatred appropriately. "Christina, does he hear me?"

"He hears you. Don't expect a response." I don't mean that to sound shitty…just accurate.

"Whoa, buddy," Will catches Four as he stumbles back, the same expression still on his face and I'll never forget it… But it's worse when the beeping stops and all we hear is a flat, high-pitched noise. _And everyone stops!_

"What are they doing?! Why aren't they shocking her again?!" I watch some little bitch get on the bed and do fucking chest compressions. "Isn't that what… Isn't that what they do—"

"Not unless you want your meat well done."

My mouth drops open.

"Cara! You've never been funny a day in your life and you choose right _now _to evolve?!"

I think Will said that. I'm not entirely sure because I'm too busy gifting Cara a sucker punch to the face.

* * *

**Will's POV:**

Am I watching someone beat my friend in the chest to keep her heart going? Yes. Am I watching one of my closest friends wear utter misery and shock on his sleeve? Yes. Did my fireball just punch my sister in the face? Yes. Is there anything I can do about any of this? No.

I do the next best thing I can do. I stand next to Four, who is the one who needs someone the most right now. We can't see exactly what's going on and even if we could… I'm not sure we would really understand it…

"Four, their pushing Epinephrine right now—"

"Not now Cara," I deadpan. _She really needs to shut the hell up._

"Doesn't he want to know what's going on?"

"What's your expert opinion, Cara?" I gesture to Four's face.

He's just staring blankly at Tris… Or at the scene... If it's possible to plead with a blank face, then he is achieving that goal.

* * *

**Zeke's POV:**

I round the corner with two coffees fully ready to provide Four with a proper guilt trip on assuming I fucked up. Okay, the truth is… I was worried as shit that CPR was going to tear her lungs to shreds because of the puncture. But heart versus lungs? Glad I went with heart… But damn… She is going to be in some serious _pain _when she wakes up—

"Are you Zeke?"

"Yeah."

"I'm Will's sister Cara."

"Nice to meet you. You okay?" I ask because she has blood running out of her nose.

"No. But not for this reason." She points to her nose and then down the hall. "You should go be with Four. They're about to stop doing chest compressions. She's been under for 15 minutes, maybe more…and she has no next of kin to make the call, so—"

I throw the coffees to Cara who screams something and I'm racing down the hall before she can even finish that sentence. I actually slow down as I reach Four. His eyes are wide and wild, hands holding the sides of his head. I glance to the room as a nurse climbs off the bed and shakes her head. Four staggers forward and Christina, who is apparently there, screams and lands on Will.

I rush toward Four as he yells…his voice cracking from a dry throat.

"No!... No!... No!... Don't stop! Do…NOT…STOP!"

"Four," I grab my grieving friend by the shoulders as a doctor comes out.

"I'm sorry…" The doctor says. "You can go in in a minute—"

"No," he growls. "I want to see her! I want to see her! GET OFF ME! I want to SEE HER! I want to see her!"

Will and I try to pull him back but he kicks out and a C.O.W. goes crashing into the wall as the doctor closes the door to the room stopping anyone from coming in.

He yanks his arm away and rushes at the window smacking his hands on it. My damned heart actually breaks for him as he suddenly stops and rests his head on it. My best friend has never seen me cry…and I've never felt this kind of emotion myself—when you grieve for someone who is grieving. I walk closer and rest my hand on his shoulder which, as expected, he roughly pushes aside. Shauna lying in that bed flashes before my eyes and that's all I need for the tears to come. _Damn it, I need to be strong for him!_

He starts muttering something as if he's talking to her through the window. I don't pick up much aside from "I'm sorries…," "I wasn't there…," "I never should have…" And then a lot of "Pleases." This is the moment I back away because I know I would need a damned minute… Hell, I'd need a damned millennium to get over watching Shauna die right before my eyes.

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I walk up the steps to our shitty second-floor apartment… I barely remember how I even got here… Well, I know I took the El…torture being at the top of my list this morning apparently.

How could I have been so stupid? Of course, Nita was there… I mean she had a damned picture of him sleeping! He told me to leave her alone at the bar! When I left ALG, they looked like they were practically in cahoots about…I don't know…something!

And he did walk in on me…naked…last night. Can't say I wouldn't want to have some hate sex after that… But…Nita?! Really?! Nita?!

I briefly reflect on her bragging about their marvelous night of sex-tivities… How great he looked with his shirt off…which only reminded me of how he had his shirt off with me in my shower and how hot that was-

"What the hell, Tris?" I whisper to myself as I stop at the top of the stairs and reflect on Nita's timeline.

….

"Oh, Trista, seriously… That man… Ugh… I've honestly never been worn out before… But he succ—eeeeeded!... … … … … Well, I suppose an entire night of _making…love…_will do that to anyone. Even me, apparently!"

…..

Apart from really wishing I hadn't puked my guts out so I could projectile at her face for uttering the words "making love" in my presence, I hadn't paid any attention to the words "entire night."

"He was with me…" I whisper under my breath as I unlock my door…which I didn't need to because Christina didn't lock it after I left…again!

_Grrr…. Idiot! One of these days someone's gonna bust in…without needing to actually bust in!_

"How long was he here for...?" _God, I'm talking to myself all too much these days-_

"Two hours and 14 minutes…"

My entire body freezes up at the all too familiar, sleazy, vulgar voice that has haunted me for the last three years.

"Eric…" I breathe out in fear.

I take in his appearance the best I can with the part of my brain that's still functioning—incredibly bloodshot eyes, paler than before, hair shaved shorter and I notice some bald patches. He's put on weight…and not the kind that will do me any favors—it's muscle. The look on his face is almost deranged and I have to hold back the fear-induced urge to lose bladder control.

He stands up from the chair he was seated in at our kitchen table. My breathing immediately starts to become erratic and near-convulsive as I instinctively back towards the door ready to bolt if I were physically capable.

"I mean…I didn't count the seconds…but he was definitely here from…mmmm… 11:30 - 1:46… He left looking a little…upset… Even more so than the other ones. But then again…you had quite the revolving door of men last night. Soooo…which one are we talking about?... The guy who you came home with? The guy who left mid-party or the dude who stayed and got you…dressed and…brushed your long beautiful hair…? Grrrrrr!" He growls throwing a chair across the room and I jump about fifteen feet in the air as it slams into the bathroom door.

"How long were you watching me—"

"I should have been the one…to…do that… Ah…your beautiful body… Why? Why? Why would you let _anyone _else touch you like that?" He comes dangerously close and runs his fingers down my arms as I shiver and back closer to the door. "…I never got to…see it… Your smooth skin and Jesus, look at this babe…" he points to his groin and my eyes follow to where he's pointing. "I'm hard just thinking about it."

I close my eyes and accidentally whimper out loud because he is indeed aroused and I did lose some bladder control. _Oh, my God, Oh, my God, Oh, my God… Someone, please help me_…

"You were always so…shy and…"

I need to get out of here, but then a thought crosses my mind as my eyes flit to Christina's room… _What if he hurt her?_

"Oh, yeah, baby…" _Oh, God… Don't call me that… _"Your loud-mouthed roommate's fine. She left moments after you did this morning. Not the smartest one is she? Left the door unlocked! I mean who the fuck does that? Didn't the Chicago murder toll top fucking Afghanistan?! What a dumb bitch—"

"Don't call her that."

"Baby…," he soothes as I flinch away from his attempt at touching my face. "If you were here when she left…I don't even want to know what could have happened to you—"

"I'm fine."

"Ha!" He back away and walks in a manic circle. "You definitely are! I mean look at you, Bea! You're way hotter than before… If I knew moving to Chicago for a year would be all it takes… We could have come here months ago!" _He's off his meds…_

I need to calm down. Have a conversation with him…

"So, what are you…um…" I swallow having to think hard how to finish that sentence… "I'm just…uh…wondering… Do you want something to drink?"

"Nah, already checked your fridge. Since when do you buy organic shit? Supporting the organic farmer does _our_ family no favors, Beatrice!" he grits out in unnecessary anger… The worst part being his reference to _our_ famiy—as in his and mine.

"Sorry." _Now, what do I say? _I need to escape… but he's closer to the door than me.

"What else are you sorry for?..." he asks as if I owe him an apology. "Letting another man see you…naked? And…being in the same bed together! …And, uh… Jesus, Beatrice!... You let him dress you… That man is lucky I didn't have a gun! His brains would be splattered all over that bed…that tainted, disgusting bed—"

"How long were you watching me?!"

"Watch the attitude… Like I don't have a right to do that? We're in this together, Bea!"

"Eric, I-"

"But why, why, why did you leave me? Without anything… No goodbye! No explanation! Who the hell does that shit?!"

"Eric. You… You…" I don't even know how to speak to him because he is pacing and grunting like an animal and sweat is dripping down his face.

"Okay, okay… I can be a man… I can own up to things… I know I hurt you. I know I shouldn't have—" he stomps around in a circle like a three-year-old. "Gah!" he yells as I jump back. "I just get so…fucking mad! But, I want to be better, baby… I really do… " He comes closer and reaches for my hand which I immediately pull away. "Come on, Bea. Please…let me be a better man. We've both made mistakes… Let's just… Come on, babe. Water under the bridge, right? I just need to get you home so you can be happy again… You need to be happy again…"

_Water under the bridge…_

_….._

_A warm metallic taste infiltrates my mouth. I open my aching jaw and the pain of teeth separating themselves from skin sears through my bottom lip as blood drips down my mouth._

_I watch the blood drip, drip, drip, drip onto the picture that landed on the ground in front of me._

_…__.._

"Get out."

"What did you say?"

"Get out…of my…apartment." I walk toward him and I get the pleasure of seeing a look of shock cross Eric's face…a look I have never been able to put there until today.

"The only way I'm going anywhere is if you're going with me."

"I'm not fucking going anywhere with you! Now get out of my god-damned apartment! Go back to butt-fuck Wisconsin, stick some corn up your ass and jerk-off. Hell, there may even be some cross-pollination going on there. That would be great for Monroe Ag! 100% pure ass-corn!... Quite the hybrid!... Now get out!"

"Wow…" An unexpected look of desire crosses his face instead of the infuriated look I was hoping for. "You've…never…talked to me like that…"

I swallow thickly as he comes closer. I wanted to make him mad enough so he would attack me, hoping my self-defense training would kick in. I'm not an expert on offensive situations…at all… _They can't be all that different right?! A swift kick to the testicles, a knee drive to the chin and I'm out the door. But then what? I wait around for him to find me again? Living my life in fear…again! Fuck, no!_

"I'll say it again, baby…" he chuckles as his eyes rake me up and down. "Chicago has done you some good…" The words slither like a snake out of his mouth and it actually weakens me a little. _I need him angry… Not…like this…_

He grabs for my wrist, but I wrench it away as he laughs.

"Oh, come on! I haven't seen you in weeks or months… I don't know… I know you miss me… You're shaking. That means you're nervous… Nervous to be around me? Afraid of how I make you feel? In here?" He points to my heart. "And down…here…" And then he runs his finger down my abdomen.

I push him away roughly and try to reevaluate. _My phone, all I have to do is dial 911 and the police can do the rest._

"What?"

"What the hell kind of stupid question is that!? I haven't seen you in three years, Eric… Three years! And the last time I did see you..." _Get the words out... Get the words out..._ "You…raped…me… OVER A GOD-DAMNED TABLE!" I shriek as the emotions of the night present themselves unintentionally.

"It's not rape if it's your girlfriend… Don't be so damned dramatic, Beatrice! Always playing the victim card—"

"Do you hear yourself? 'It's not rape if it's your girlfriend?' Only rapists say that you unstable, inbred, piece of shit—"

"_You _don't get to talk to me that way. Now get your shit and let's go HOME!"

He grabs my arm and twists me around… _Finally, something I can handle_… so I drive my elbow backward into his abdomen catching him by complete surprise as he doubles over. I literally hip check him to the side as I run past him to the door. Until something large and awkward hits me square in the back throwing me into the door…

The black slowly moves across my line of sight—like watching the blue paint spread onto a canvas… It seeps until it covers the whole area with its own version of obscurity until you see nothing but…its darkness.

* * *

_My knees are shaking for this man._

_"Tobias…please."_

_I can see it in his eyes, he knows what I want…but it's more than that, it's what I need. I hate that he feels making love is some kind of right that needs to be earned… If it were just sex, then I might agree… But that's not what we do… We don't just have sex. With him and I…it's love and it makes me feel close to him and I need that. I know he sees it on my face as he slinks on top of me…_

…..

Slinks? Wait…this is…

….

_"I love you….and I'm going to make this right…okay?"_

_"I know," I mumble in understanding as I lock eyes with—_

…

"I'll make this right… Hey, Bea... You didn't mean to hurt me... We're the same like that, right? I never meant to...hurt you… Did I ever tell you how beautiful you are?…"

I feel an unwelcome weight on me…too much weight…as I try to open my eyes.

"I knew this would wake you up… When you slipped and fell backward… Oh, babe… You landed hard…"

I groan as I try to lift my head…not remembering falling… _Because I didn't…_

My eyes shoot open as I feel Eric grinding himself on me.

"We never really got the chance to do this foreplay stuff you know—"

I suck in a deep breath as I feel cool air from where my underwear should be.

"Sorry, babe…I couldn't really take it any longer. Got a little excited... I already had to get myself off once just by watching you sleep. Plus, this bed needed to be…mmmm….decontaminated if you know what I mean…"

I groan as I feel where he's wet through his boxers.

"Eric…stop."

"Why? I'm going slow…not rushing... Just like you always-"

"Please, stop. Please, stop. Please, stop." I breath out in panicked fits.

"No, babe. You're gonna like it this time." He reaches down and I almost pass out in disgust as he runs the tips of his fingers over my exposed center. I buck up my hips trying to make him stop. "I know I'm a tease... Don't worry… We'll get there…"

I groan in agony and near defeat as I relax in acceptance of the inevitable… Until…

….

_The feeling of Tobias's cheek against mine, his warm breath against my ear, the pungent smell of the gym and the hard floor of the ring…and my hate fire…in full force…_

…..

I close my eyes, biting my bottom lip as to hold back a tear as I shamefully allow him to enter me once with his fingers as he moans loudly.

Then some animal sound comes out of me and I bite into his shoulder feeling raw flesh between my teeth. And then encircling my strong legs around his hips, I drive my heel into his hamstring over and over and over.

"You fucking BITCH!"

Suddenly I feel a pull upward and I'm flying, all that registers is a smacking sound and I'm staring at my journal on the floor. Then I'm up again and I feel, this time, I actually feel a fist connect to my face…again…and again… Then I watch in wonder as my throat burns and a foot connects to my body, over and over until…nothing…

* * *

"Beatrice… Okay…" _Am I talking? Am I not talking? Something is coming out of my mouth… Not speech. _"We're going. Come on!"

"Ah!" _Did he stab me? I fee like I'm being stabbed! Focus, focus, focus, focus. Walk… Walk… _"What did you… Do to me?"

"You're fucking fine! Just keep your damned head down. And shut-up! Fucking ridiculous screams! If you're neighbors call the cops, I'll kill you right here, right now… Murder -uicide, you dumb bitch…"

"Gah! Ah! Oh, my God!" A searing pain rips through my leg as I trip over something.

"What the fuck, Beatrice?! And there she is everyone!... Beatrice is back!... Clumsy as fuck… The God-damned chair was right in front of you. Fuck! You're bleeding everywhere… Damn it! Peter's gonna be here any minute… Come on! Just fucking lean on me, so...we can... Mgh! Fucking stairs!"

_He can't take me… He can't take me… He can't take me… He's not gonna take me… He's not gonna FUCKING take me! NO WAY IN HELL!  
_

_Eye contact… Lots of it... Headbutt to the nose… Heal of hand to the chin… Swipe the wrist… Lift the thigh… and...we're over…_

* * *

"Karen! Call 911!...What's her name?!... … … …Gonna be okay…. …. …."

_I can't breathe, it hurts, he stabbed me… I'm dying… I'm dying…_

"…her shorts are ripped open… … …"

"Pull 'em up… Trent, just do it!"

* * *

"…. …. She's up here and I don't know…how to help—"

"Sir, please move."

_Oh, Zeke, Zeke, Zeke, Zeke, Zeke, Zeke, Zeke, Zeke, Zeke, Zeke, Zeke, Zeke…._

"Did you move her?"

"Yes. She was slumped over the rail—"

"Zeke, Zeke, Zeke…" _I heard that. I said it, I said it, I said it…_

"Oh, my God…Tris... Hey, hey, hey… You're gonna be just fine… We've got help on the way."

"Can't…breath…" _It hurts, hurts… I can't do this… I can't do this… I can't do this… It's stabbing me… Over and over and over…_

"Tris…I need you to take small shallow breaths… Baby, can you do that for me? You're gonna be fine…but you cannot panic…"

_No… Can't… Can't… Not enough… Oh, my God, help me… What's happening to me? What's happening to me?_

"Okay, Tris. Four told me once that you're a cards-on-the-table kinda girl… So I'm layin' 'em out for ya…"

"O, o, okay…" _GOD! That is… GOD!_

"I think you may have a punctured lung… Don't freak out, kiddo. It's not as bad as it sounds… It's easy to fix. I just need you to keep breathin' real light, Tris. Can you do that?"

_I can do that… I can do that… 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,12, 15, 7, 18, 19, 30…_

"Sir, please stay down—"

_Can't… Can't… Can't… No air… Need AIR_… "Aaaaghghhh!"

"Tris, Tris, Tris… You have to calm down…. I know it's hard, but—"

_Can't… Knives and fire…_

* * *

_White… Just white...  
_

* * *

"Tris?! Tris!..." I hear in my dream. "Tris…" I can feel his warm, strong hands… I love them so much… I hope he never stops holding them...or mine, whatever.

"Back away! Now!"

….. …. …. I am so thankful that he doesn't listen to this dumb bitch…

"You want her to die?" _Die? What the hell is she talking about dying for? I'm not fucking dying! _"Then you get the hell out _MY_ way!"

I crush his hand in mine because he is not leaving me. He isn't allowed to leave me again!

"Baby, I love you, I love you, I love you_…_"

"I love you, too," I say as I watch him kiss my hands over and over.

I sit up and give him a kiss on his lips… It feels imaginary but it's not. Then the bastard pulls his hand away. Of course! Yet again! He's gone… He fucking left me again. With a bunch of assholes I don't know...

"Hhhhhuuuuuhhhhhh….." I feel the innate need to breathe again and holy shit it feels…like someone is roasting my insides on a spit!

"Tris? Relax… I mean it… Yes… This hurts…a lot…" I automatically absolutely hate this motherfucker who is screaming in my face!

"Tobias…" _Why would he leave me again? Oh, my God… Eric… I let him… _"Ooooohhh… Tell…him… Tobias…" _Fuck me! That hurts! _"I'm sorry… Tobias… I'm sorry—"

"I'm not tellin' him you're sorry! You can tell him your damned self when you wake up. Because you're gonna wake up! Got it?!"

"Fuck…uh…you…"

* * *

"… Who is Tobias?"

"The man who loves her…more than he has ever said to her…"

"I love you… so much… Even though I can't see you…" I say as loud as I can. _Why can't I see you? What the hell?_

"She's presenting rapid eye movement."

"Hmmm… Triiiis?" My head is pounding and this guy needs to talk quieter…

I feel a hand my leg… The warmth spreads until I feel it all through my body like I'm being covered with a warm blanket—a warm blanket of love. _Ha! Listen to me!_

"Tris? Can you hear me?" _Ugh… Not this guy again…_

I open my eyes, which as it turns out, were not open and it's so damned bright, it burns my eyes and send bolts of painful lightning to my head. Everything is suddenly very blurry—

"Tris…" I feel the warmth now on my hand. _Oh, my God. He's here. _"Hi, baby. Can you please relax?"

"Ah…" I freeze up from the utter pain and fire that spreads throughout my upper body and I don't know why it's happening. I don't know what they're doing to me. I don't know what to do. I'm stuck in my head and no one seems to care—

"Hey, there. Please don't talk…" _Like I could, dick!_ "No matter how much you want to…okay? And I _know _you want to… But it'll hurt." _No shit! But…please don't leave me…_

I know he won't, I can see it in his tears… And it makes me so sad…

"Tris, are you in pain?"

"Please don't yell at the man who gives me drugs, Tobias!" _Why doesn't it hurt to talk anymore?_

**Flashback**

"Beatrice, are you in pain?"

I nod my head, yes even though it's not the kind of pain he's referring to. I overhear the doctors mumbling but my mind whereas a moment ago was experiencing pain…is now numb…

"Okay, we're going to give you some more medicine…"

"No. I don't want more."

"Are you sure? If you're in pain—"

"Just do it… I need to feel it."

"Okay, Beatrice…relax…"

Then I see forceps and a small hum of a machine…and suction…

**End Flashback**

"Oh, my God! Tobias, get me out of here! Get me out of here! I can't be here! I can't be here!" _Why is he just staring…at…me…? Those eyes…staring…_

* * *

White again… Lots of it… Bright, yet soft… It's weird…

"Hello, Beatrice," says a soft, always soft, familiar voice.

"Hi, Mom."

"What are you looking at?"

"Me." She doesn't say a word, per usual. Just waiting for me to continue. "Is that all a waste of time?" I ask as I watch a shit ton of commotion happen right below us. I just want to make conversation…to avoid awkwardness.

"Sometimes."

"Hmmph. And…what about this time?"

"Looks promising. In this case, it all depends on you. Do you want them to waste their time?"

I shrug my shoulders and watch as the doctors swarm me like ants on a cookie crumb. I'm nothing but a cookie crumb… I've been reduced to that…

"Do you really think that?" she asks quirking her head at me.

"Think what?"

"Your cookie crumb analogy… A strange one at that—"

"Did I say that out loud?"

"Not exactly. You don't really have to around here."

"Hmm. That's disturbing." I walk a little closer to the scene below.

"Takes some getting used to."

"Where's Dad?"

"Right here," says a familiar deep voice.

"Oh, hey."

I turn and look at both of my parents… They both look exactly the same as the last time I saw them. Mom in her jeans and a short-sleeved plaid shirt, and Dad in pants and a perfectly ironed collared shirt.

"Wow. No aging wherever we are?"

"This is how you want to see us," my dad states...ever vague as usual!

"Well…Mom and Dad. What do you think of that?" I give a grand gesture with my arm. "I look like a pig that's been beaten over the head by a meat pounder. Is that how you want to see me?"

"No," they both answer together like damned robots.

"Then why are you here?"

"Because you want us here," she answers calmly. _Ech..._

"No, I don't. I didn't ask you to be here. I didn't ask for this…"

I point to the doctors as they try again to shock me and I see movement in the hall. I crouch down and see Tobias and it's like something snaps inside me and I jump at the sensation. So I immediately stand up in order to avoid it.

"You want to forgive us," my father chimes in. _Great!_

"Well, I don't know how to do that! Are you here to explain it!?"

"No, sweetheart. We're here to give you the opportunity."

"Are you serious?! You want _me_ to forgive _you_ for sweeping under the rug the knowledge that I was being abused on every level possible?! Well, hell, no...to that!... And why aren't you…" I want to...so badly...ask why they aren't in hell!

"Our penance is none of anyone else's concern. And _we_ don't want your forgiveness, _you _want to forgive us…and yourself for that matter…"

"You're wrong. My forgiveness won't change anything… It won't change what happened… It won't change this…" I point in disgust at the mess that is apparently me on the table.

"Thank Goodness for that."

"How can you say that?"

"How can you not?" She gestures to Tobias as we walk right by him…

I don't have to crouch down anymore because he's right there in front of me. Pain is the weakest adjective to describe his face… And then Christina, leaning on Will unable to watch. I look over at myself and I can see the doctors have removed the paddles and one is pumping my chest.

If I hadn't gone through what I did… I wouldn't have them… I look back at Tobias and another kind of pain stabs me... I feel like my heart has been beaten to hell and not because of what's going on behind me…

"I don't know if it's worth it."

"So then stay with us."

"But then I'll never know."

"No, you won't… What if I told you your forgiveness may change your future?"

I look back at Tobias immediately upon hearing the word future and I walk over to him. He's the most infuriating, beautiful thing I've ever seen. I touch the corner of his eye and feel the wetness of a tear, but it doesn't fall.

Another woman is watching me. She's standing on the other side of him with her hand resting on his shoulder. She follows him as he staggers forward and I walk away with my mom when things start getting chaotic again.

"You know, some people have many soulmates…"

"Hmm…" I shrug indifferently as I watch Tobias at the window.

"But others only have one… Goodbye, my sweet girl."

"Bye, Mom."

I look down at myself on the bed and then walk over to the window, listening to Tobias.

"Tris, I love you. I'll never love anyone like I love you… I _know_ you don't want to leave me… I know this because I know _you… _Your favorite color is _anything_ that isn't pink… You like your coffee black… Your laugh is the best thing in the world and I want to hear it every day for the rest of my life… I love how you put your head on my chest…you say it's just to make sure I still have a heart…but I know better… It's because you just want to hear it beat…because you know damned well it beats for you… I love how we don't care who's watching when we kiss each other… We could do it all day in the middle of the El and not give a shit… I love having you on my arm and I secretly think it's awesome that other guys check you out because it makes me feel special because _I'm _the one who has you… I don't know why the hell I was so scared to fall in love… But I'm glad I was… That way I never have to share that pure feeling with anyone else besides you. I never wanted to hurt you…ever… I'll do anything to just get the chance to tell you that… The best thing about you is that for some fucked up reason you…love…me… I don't get that shit, but apparently you love _me_ for _me_…which is crazy but I'll take it any way I can get it… God…baby… Please, please, please… I want to wake up to you…everyday…every day of my life… For the rest of my life... Please, let me… Please, stay. Please, don't go… Please, please, please…

_I don't want to go…_

I look to my left to see the woman who was comforting Tobias. She has her hand on the window placed right where Tobias leans his head on the other side. She smiles at me and takes my hand in hers… A familiar warmth of electricity floods through me and I smile back at her…

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

"Please, let me… Please, stay. Please, don't go… Please, please, please… ... ... ... ..."

The world goes silent, except for Christina's sobs and the ringing in my ears. I open my eyes to give one last look at her. The fight in her is gone. She's gone…

Then a disturbance catches my eye as it moves across the flat line presented on the computer screen…

* * *

**Fix You (Javier Colon)**... The original is Cold Play, but this one is soooo much better!

* * *

The end of this was in no way shape or form inspired by VRs ending of Allegiant... At all... 0% to the umpteenth power...

Feel free to join our...it is definitely an "our" Facebook page!

** facebook dot com/KrisGregory4** **(**or **"like" the Fan Page** if you just want teasers and to post public comments.)

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**REVIEW PLEASE!**


	43. Because You Know

**Rated** \- Who the hell cares at this point!

**Chapter 43 – Because You Know**

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

Then a disturbance catches my eye as it moves across the flat line presented on the computer screen…and I'm thankful because it allowed me to drag my eyes away from Tris's soulless body. I blink my eyes and then rub them furiously…hoping the team effort of cleansing tears and rubbing knuckles will wash away the last image I have of Tris while living. A part of me thinks I would be able to handle having that last picture of her, being deceased…but as the last one of her living… I don't think I can fucking stand it… And guess what? I get to have BOTH! Because the last time I saw Tris alive…she pretty much looked dead…

I hear Christina sobbing behind me and I really wish she would shut the hell up! Someone's hand is on me…again. I pull my arm away making a huffing, grunting noise communicating to get the hell away from me because I have no vocabulary… All I really want to tell them is, "Fuck you! You didn't just lose the love of your life and nothing that comes out of your face will make any of this go away so YOU need to FUCKING GO AWAY… And everybody stop touching me!" There is only one person whose touch I crave…and they're not even a person anymore. Just a soul… Wherever the hell she is… she's probably laughing at me because she can be really fucking cruel! This whole thing…is just…cruel…and life is…nothing…

I'm trying to clench my jaw like an overprotective pit bull and it still won't stop shaking. I feel like my teeth are chattering like I'm at the Summit of Mt. Everest and my face matches the inevitable frostbite that goes along with it.

I hate everyone, I hate everything, I hate myself and you know what? I hate Tris! I narrow my eyes, realizing I've wandered half-way down the hall and walk back to that damned window to tell her exactly how I feel right at this moment…

I smack my hand on it again…enjoying the snapping current that travels through my fingers and then the coldness as I rest my forehead on the window and look right at her.

"Tris Prior!" I start with my pitbullesque jaw still in full force.

Then every doctor is on her like white on rice again as I back away immediately from the window with my hands up as if I'm about to be arrested.

I think I hear Christina? "Whatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhat—"

"Ummmm... Uhhhh..."

My heart is beating in my throat and I feel continuous pain in my scalp and dry, dry, dry eyes as I see the heart monitor move again…. …. …. ….and again, a little stronger…. …. ...and again…. ...again, even stronger….until…

I…don't…know…

A lot of blue people…swarming like ants…beeping…more beeping…

…. ….. ….. I am….. incredibly….confused…. …. ….

"… ... … Caleb… …. …. Caleb…Caleb …_TOBIAS_!"

"Huh…" I look to see the foggy outline of a person and I try to blink to make sure it's not like a crazy midget in a seriously fucked up dream… The blinking isn't helping it just makes the midget blurry…very blurry…

Then I feel a swift crack across my face and she comes into focus.

"We've got a heartbeat. A good one."

"A what?"

"The thing a heart does when one is alive."

"She's…"

"Now be a good big brother…and go be with your little sister—"

I'm in that room before my top lashes could even touch my bottom ones… And all I can do is stare… If I touch her, she'll disappear…or die again. That's what happened the last two times… I held her hand or touched her ankle and she was…just…gone…

But…she fought back… I small puny voice in the back of my head says, _"Maybe for me?"_

"She's a fighter." I nod to the doctor who must be somewhere nearby…but there are a lot of doctors nearby…still. "I've never seen that happen before… It's one of those things you hear about…but never experience."

I can't take it anymore. "Can I…um…?" I must make some kind of move to hold her hand.

"Yes. Personal contact is a very very good thing."

I take her right hand with my right and fumble with her fingertips… I used to do it all the time and then I would catch myself and wonder if she realized how natural that felt to me and how often I do it. I smile at how they feel like they start to warm under my touch. It's total bullshit, but I'm taking credit…

I can't believe…what is happening…right in front of me… Right now…in my hand….and in front of my eyes… This person… This….

"You in shock?"

"…I'm in…awe…"

"Good one… I like that… 'Awe.'… So, are you stable enough to hear some details?"

"…No..."

"Can you fake it?"

"…No..."

"Do you want me to tell you anyway?"

"…Yes..." _Tell me everything even if I retain nothing…_

"Her heart is in rhythm, but it's been put through the ringer and she seems very prone to panic so we pushed propofol, which causes a completely controlled sedation—"

"What?! Why?! I want to… I need to talk to… I want to—"

"Look…if she wakes confused or in pain…and she _will_ be both of those things right now…her heart may not be able to take it. It needs to rest… She needs to rest… Her head contusion and the state of her right lung is also a concern. We're going to take her up to the ICU shortly."

"Can I stay…with her?" _No matter what the hell your answer is… I'm not leaving so you can just—_

"One family member or next of kin has 24-hour access…_Caleb._"

"…Thanks. Uh…doctor..."

"Seriously?"

"…Sorry… What…?"

"Isn't it obvious? I'm a nurse. Definitely better than a doctor…"

I think I nod my head to her.

I feel myself messing around with Tris's fingers for a bit. I think I'm still nervous to touch her… I'm not sure this is real…yet. Plus I can't see her eyes… So I'm not convinced.

Yet somehow…as in everything involved with Tris…my body moves as if by a reflex and I feel the side of her face under one of my knuckles. Her skin crumbles off right before my eyes exposing dark flesh underneath as I stagger back. I hear nothing but ringing in my ears in reverberation of a loud crashing.

"God…"

"… … …Oh, don't worry about that…. …" _Someone is definitely talking to me…. _"…That's all just bruising under there….They'll get all the mud off when they debris her face… It's in there pretty deep, but we have great interns—"

"What… What did you…say?" _I'm not entirely sure which one of you said that. You should never work side-by-side with your identical twin…_

"We have great interns… I know 'intern' sounds like 'Kindergartner' to some, but—"

"No… The…the first part…?" _The part where I heard you wrong… That part. Right there. Start there, please._

"Oh… Um… Ha… Ya know…the doctors can—"

"Tell me."

"We think… Well, she may have been kicked…or something…um…in the face…several times… So that was…dried dirt from… Hey! Ya know what? She'll look great once were done!"

_My stomach… I'm choking…_ I take a step back and grab onto something.

"Thank you, Stephen… That'll do." The doctor-nurse comes back into the room and rolls her eyes. "Word vomit, that one…"

"Is that…true?"

"No, not in my opinion." _Oh… Thank God…_

"Okay… I'm sorry… I'm not following…anything… Why would there be mud on her—"

"If he kicked her, she would have a broken cheekbone, jawbone or nose. I think he…used his shoe…"

* * *

**Christina's POV:**

I know she's gone, but I can't believe she's gone. My throat is raw and I've never experienced this amount of hate in my life. Hate at the fact that my best friend is dead… Hate at whoever the hell did it! Hate that Will is holding me as if I'm gonna melt into the floor… I look up at Four as he rubs his eyes like a maniac and I just want to fucking scream at him—"It happened! You can't erase it! You're not in a dream! You're not in a God-damned alternate universe! She's fucking dead, you asshole!" But, I can't say any of that because I'm bawling like a…like…like someone who just lost their best friend!

I push Will away roughly and stand up as Zeke comes over to console _poor Four. _And Four's such a prick that he won't even let anyone help him—pushes Zeke right off him. Whatta dick! We lost her too! You're not special! Life isn't all about you! I'm so sick of Will talking about Four 'not knowing he needs a friend'… And don't get me started on what he did to Tris! He turned her into an anorexic drunk with undiagnosed manic-depression! And that's what I have left of her… My drunk, anorexic, bi-polar, dead best friend!

I'm so sad I could spit nails….

"Chis?" I hear Will's soft questioning voice.

"What!"

"Are you—"

I jump as I hear a loud crack against the window and see Four zone in on her with his "fuck you" face.

"Four." I walk towards him en route to smack him if he says anything disrespectful when he suddenly backs away as if someone is holding him at gunpoint.

"Will… Go help him before he hits the rock bottom floor of insanity!… I…need….a minute—"

"Christina."

"Please, Will! Fuck! Just let me—"

"Look in the damned window, woman!... Sorry…"

_Dick… _I walk closer…or float…I'm not entirely sure…and see doctors surrounding her like moths to a bug zapper.

_What are they doing? She's not a damned science experiment! What is coming out of my mouth?_

"Whatwhatwhat—"

A small lady doctor comes out and addresses us all. "We have a heartbeat…"

"Oh, my God," I heave out not quite sure how I did it. "Like—"

"The zombie kind?" _What the…?_

"What?" The doctor looks at Zeke as if he's an idiot…because he is.

"I'm just making sure."

"No. Like the I'm-a-human-with-a-brain-and-a-heart-who-doesn't-eat-flesh…kind."

"So…she's…? I don't… Can I…?" _Words, Chris! Use 'em!_ "God…! Can I see her?!"

The doctor totally skips me and goes right for Four. _Typical woman!_

"Hey, Caleb?—"

"Caleb?!" _What the hellfire?_

"Yes. Her next of kin…Caleb." She looks at me as if there's hidden meaning. Ooooohhhhh…. That's because there is… "But she was calling for some random _Tob-i-as_ guy in the ambulance…so…"

She looks Four square in the eyes and he is…not with us…

"Caleb… Caleb…?"

He is standing there in serious processing mode and he is not succeeding.

"Tobias!" I slap him across the face hoping the use of his actual name will bring him back into the realm where people dwell. _And because I needed to slap someone…_

I keep an eye on Tris out of the corner of my eye holding back the tears of relief that are about to spill… I touch my face… They're already there… _Fuck it! Bring 'em on!_

"We've got a heartbeat."

"A what?"

"The thing a heart does when one is alive."

"She's…" _That boy is…still not processing…. What is with him?…_

"Now be a good big brother—" I laugh aloud at the brother-sister image…knowing the lengths these two used to go for a little bitta penetration…"—and go be with your little sister—"

_And there he goes…_

I surprise myself suddenly and instead of throwing a fit because he 'gets' to go in first, I walk over to Will who is staying away…

I never thought I'd fall in love with an observer… I always thought it would be someone more like me… _THANK GOD I DIDN'T!_

He opens his arms wide and I lean into him. I don't hug him back because I need to be held…no reciprocation… He needs to be all in! And thank God he is because I lose it…hardcore…all over his shirt… The ugly cry to end all ugly cries…right there.

"Zeke?!" We hear a squeak at the end of the hall and it sounds a little bit like Shauna. "What the hell?! Why are you okay? Who's _not_ okay?! What happened?! I was so—WILSON told me you were in the ER!" she shrieks throwing her purse against the wall in a dramatic underhand swing.

Will and I both turn our heads as Zeke does a mad dash for crazier-than-a-shithouse-Shauna. We both stand and just…stare as Zeke practically crushes Shauna's bones to dust. As in…get a broom and a dust pan, stat!

"Is he okay?" I ask Will as we watch Zeke just about convulse, shaking his head and mumbling in Shauna's ear something that makes her eyes go wide and push him away briefly before he grabs her again shaking her and his head wildly.

"Yet…to be seen, I…think…" he answers slowly as we inch down the hallway trying to get closer to the very heated exchange.

I'm very thankful he's still holding me in a tight hug even though I'm sure we look like idiots.

"So, let me get this straight…" we lean our heads in as she violently whispers something in his ear. "…Am I right?!"

With the smallest most unmanly voice that's ever come out of Zeke, he utters a "Yes." Then she spins in a circle and tries to open the door behind them… It's locked… Then the door across the hall… It's locked… So is the next one…. And that one… And the one after that…

"She's just gonna keep going, isn't she?" Will inquires.

"Looks that way…"

"Ezequiel! Don't just stand there! Fucking help me!" she yells as he jumps and starts checking the doors on the other side.

"Ha! First try! How 'bout them apples?!" he shouts with his hands up.

"What a jackass…" Will and I say at the same time.

"You're a jackass! Now get in here!" She storms into whatever room they're going into pulling him by his jacket right along with her.

We keep staring after we hear the click of the lock, me resting my head on Will's shoulder. I notice he's still holding me tight and rubbing my back.

"Chris?" he whispers.

"Mmm hmm?"

"I don't know what I would have done…if that was you…"

I look up at him and see his eyes are red and just then I realize how hard that all had to be for him. While I was off in my own place of madness…and obviously, Four was too…he was here, watching _our _pain.

"Would you have demolished a C.O.W.?"

"No."

"Yeah… You hold yourself together a little better than Mr. I-lose-my-shit-whenever—"

"No... It's because my legs aren't as strong as his."

I pause trying not to laugh because now is not the time…but I can't hold it in… And it feels so good…as I laugh louder than I should in the middle of an ER after my BF almost kicked the bucket. _Life is good…_

Until I hear a retching noise coming from Tris's room. Will and I make quick eye contact before running into the room… I've heard Tris puke too many times so I know full well it's not her, but—

"Just give him a minute, okay?" The small doctor goes to bring him some paper towels as he crouches in the corner.

"No, not okay. He needs his friends!"… _Who am I?... _"Well...? Will!" I gesture to my boyfriend to go help knowing all too well Four won't let him… But sometimes you just need someone to be there, ya know?

"We have some _strong _personalities here."

"Damn right. Why's he pukin'?" I ask as I spot Tris looking…still slightly not human on the table.

"Christina," Four groans as Will helps him up and the doctor hands him more paper towels.

"Talk to me… I can multitask…" I say softly as I rest my hand on Tris's.

"It was…Eric." I can almost hear the razor blades scrap across Four's tongue as he utters that sick fucker's name.

I close my eyes and now this event has taken on a whole new meaning. The biggest psychological hurtle in her life…appeared right on our doorstep…

"Look at her face…" he moans as he crouches down on his haunches and holds his head in his hands.

I look closer and she does indeed look… _What is that?_

"He beat her…with a shoe… He…took off…his shoe and…"

"Oh…" I weep out or something. "Tris…"

I feel Four's presence behind me and watch and he runs the back of his knuckles over her pinky finger.

"Do you think she'll ever be able to…get over this…?" I whisper not sure if he heard me.

"No..."

"There's a but in there… I can tell…"

"Because she'll move past it. I know she will."

And I feel them coming on…quick…and before I know it, I'm embraced by…of all people…Four. Strangely enough…there was no hesitation on either of our parts. Misery _definitely _loves company… It's not a comforting hug, it's a hug saying "we're going through the same shit… So I totally get it… I don't want to talk about it so let's just hug it out and be done with it."

"Excuse me?" some guy in scrubs interrupts. "We're taking her up to the ICU now."

Four is immediately back to Four as he lets go of me and latches onto the metal sides of the bed as if he had magnets on his palms.

"Sir? She'll be in Room 205—"

"As will I…," he says slowly and clearly. "Shall we?" he gestures not removing his other hand from the iron grip it has on Tris's bed.

"There's no room on the elevat—"

"Make room."

"Yes, sir." The poor guy shakes his head as if he can't believe what he just said, then he pulls the bed out of the room with Four in tow.

"Bye, baby girl…" I whisper and blow her a kiss.

_"Jesus, Chris. Relax… I'm going to be one floor up!" _ I smile at her imaginary response.

"You alright?"

I nod my head to Will and take his hand. "She's gonna be okay."

* * *

**Shauna's POV:**

I can't get Wilson's voicemail out of my head. I'm not even sure if I heard him right because of the demonic screaming and moaning in the background. _The nut jobs they have to deal with… I'd need a tranq gun!_

_"Hey, Shauna! I'm on my way to the station…. Had to let you know… …. …. ….Zeke can't call you…. …. …. ….he's… the ER…. …. …. your friend…. … … … You should….go there."_

Zeke and I have had this talk many times… He is a police officer… This is part of his job… He is a police officer... This is part of his job… He _will _get injured… It's all part of it…. I need to come to terms with it…. It's all part of it… I fucking hate it… All of it… All of it… All of it…

I tackle the doors of the ER head on and squeeze myself between them with a rather manly grunt and then a straight-up powerwalk to the front desk.

"I need to see Zeke Pedrad."

"Are you family?" she drones.

"Yes."

"Relationship?"

"Girl…wife…"

"Girl wife?"

"Yes…"

"That's a new one… Lemme find out…" she sighs and clicks, clicks, clicks on her computer.

I drum my fingers on the tall desk as she takes her damned sweet time!

"I'm sorry… Hello?..." I snap my fingers to get her attention. "Um, how do you NOT KNOW who is in your ER?"

She takes a deep breath of pure exaggerated, unnecessary annoyance and keeps at her shit on the computer.

_Not gonna wait…_

I make a break for the hallway.

"Miss?! Please…. ….. … …. …. Ah… Screw it…"

_That's all it took. What the hell?!_

I stop at every damned door before rounding the corner and instantly zeroing in on the man I would recognize anywhere…. leaning against the wall…

_Holy shit… Thank God! No, God, I'm serious… Thank you!_

"Zeke?!" I realize that didn't sound anything like my normal voice, but I don't even care…

_Wait a minute…!_

"What the hell?! Why are you okay? Who's _not_ okay?! What happened?! I was so—WILSON told me you were in the ER!"

Suddenly I'm so angry because I HATE getting emotional…. And I'm being… EMOTIONAL! But as soon as I get a clear look at Zeke's face, my anger disappears. He looks desperate and confused and—

"Ugh," I grunt out as he both crashes into me and crushes me at the same time with the hardest hug I've ever gotten in my life…from anyone…including him.

"Zeke?" I whisper because my windpipes aren't working.

"Baby… I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you… You need to know that because I don't know if Tris knew that… I mean I think she knew it…"

"You don't think Tris knew that you loved her?...Wait, what?!" I push him away truly not fucking getting it.

"No, no, no… Four… I don't know if she knew… Baby, you should have seen him… I thought he was gonna die right along with her—"

"Wh, wh, wh, wh, what?"

"No, no, she's alive… She died and came back… I hope she comes back a real person… I've just never seen…. I've been so stupid, so so so so so so so so so so so fuckin' stupid. You're the love of my damned life, you're my queen, you're my WAY fuckin' better half, I want to marry you, I want to marry you, right now! In this hallway! I would do it right now! Please marry me… Don't ever leave me—"

"What the fuck did you just say?" I push him off me in a fit of confusion, anger, empathy, and… _Fuck, why am I HAPPY?!_

"I only remember half of it."

"So, you're telling me Tris died, Four watched, you watched Four, she came back hopefully not a zombie, and suddenly you got some FUCKING PERSPECTIVE?!"

"Yes," he eeks out like a damned church mouse!

I see Christina and Will being creepers and they're getting closer and this is a conversation not to be had in front of others.

_Plus, I just… Tris? Four? Zeke? Marriage? I don't even know where to start? What to say? What the fuck just happened in 30 seconds? _

_ Get your shit together Shauna!_

_I need a door, one that opens… I need a room, or a closet, or an office or a lobotomy… Right now! Zeke, help me find a lobotomy!_

"Ezequiel! Don't just stand there! Fucking help me!" I yell, trying to magically open the door in front of me with my non-magical powers.

"Ha! First try! How 'bout them apples?!" I turn to see the bastard bouncing with his hands in the air as if he just scored the winning overtime shot from half-court!

"You're a jackass! Now get in here!"

Once we're in the room…I don't know what to do… It's a hospital room… Very sterile…white walls…no window…lots of medical equipment…no bathroom—

"Shauna?"

"What!? What?! What?! What the fuck was that?! Don't say a God-damned word!" I walk back and forth…which helps…. "Now answer ME?!"

"Shauna—"

"What happened to Tris?"

I stop as he shakes his head and his eyes gloss over. "She… Her… Her ex-boyfriend…was at her apartment and he attacked her… Shauna… Baby, please come here…" he pleads.

I'm glued to the spot at this knowledge and unable to process much, but somehow I'm in front of Zeke with him leaning on my shoulder_. I'm not buying into this shit…yet…_

"It was so bad. She was… I thought I fucked up… I mean… I know what to do in…those situations. But…this was Tris…and… I thought I… She almost died right in front of me… Baby, I saw it… She was there and then she wasn't… And I have to admit…I panicked, but only for a second I swear! And only because I know my boy and he would NEVER be the same if she died… And I would never, ever, ever be the same if that was you… I just wanted to do right by him because he's…he's my brother…deep down in here. And if I—"

"Zeke…" I whisper as he rocks his head back and forth on my shoulder.

And now it's my turn to crush him until his organs no longer function because…he needs it…

"Baby… When she… Down there in that room… There was nothin'… Just some person pushin' on her chest… And his face… I felt… I almost died for him…right there…and…it's all because of you…"

"Me…?"

"You… You…make me feel… You make me better… What I saw in that hallway… That was love. Shitty, awful, worst situation ever…love… And I saw myself in his face!… That look… That would have been me!… If you were in that bed…that would have been me. You _have _to know that—"

"I know that! Babe...stop... Please… I know that…" I'm still trying to crush him.

"I love you, baby…"

"I love you too."

He throws his arms out and grips my shoulders before I can even retaliate. "I meant it."

"Meant what?"

"I want to marry you."

"Zeke—"

"Shauna…" He grabs my face and looks at me with his wide dark brown eyes. "This _moment _may have been unplanned… But that thought…that decision…I made a long time ago… I just haven't been man enough to do it yet. And, ya know what? I'm gonna fuckin' do it… Right...now! And you're gonna say yes, woman!"

_I'm… I'm…._

I look…DOWN…to see Zeke. Not on two knees begging my forgiveness for some bonehead move on his behalf…but only on _one _knee…

"Shauna Meyers… Will you do me the greatest favor—"

"_Favor?!_"

"No, no, no! I fucked that up… Um… _Honor!_ Will you do me the greatest _honor_…and …just…marry me. Baby, say yes! Because when you know… You just know! Because you know! Marry the hell outa me… Uh…_please_!"

He looks me in the eye…often. But this is…everything that makes up Zeke… Like he's trying to pour himself into me with his eyes. I know he doesn't even mean to do it. That's how I know it's real…

"Yes…"

He opens his eyes even wider. "You're serious?"

"Yes, I'm serious!" I scream.

"I just want to make sure!... Holy shit!..." I laugh like a giddy giggly…GIRL…as he spins around and fist pumps. "I love you—"

I can even respond because he lifts me off the floor and spins us around kissing me harder than he ever has… _God, I love his lips… _And because it's how we roll…our kisses immediately become something more…

"Baby…" I love how he talks to me between amazing kisses. "I'm gonna…impregnate you…over and over…"

"Uh-huh."

"Your girl parts… Aren't even gonna know…what…hit 'em…"

"Okay."

"But not…right now…right?"

"Not…right now. Zeke, stop!"

"Okay… Uh… Why?" He looks at me worried and confused because, well, I really never say that.

"Remember the first time you fucked me?"

"Hell, yeah…"

"Repeat performance?" I offer with raised eyebrows backing toward the wall.

"I will…repeat…and repeat…and repeat…and…"

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I feel like I'm sitting in the damned naughty chair. Just because I voiced my opinion very, very tactfully (if tact and curt share meaning) in reference to their carelessness…I've now been evicted to the hallway.

"Seeing a grown man pout…very unbecoming…" I recognize the voice of the nurse from the ER as she sits in the chair next to me.

"I'm not…pouting."

"Slumped back in your chair, chin to chest, arms crossed, the I-just-took-a-bite-out-of-a-sour-apple look. Totally not pouting…"

"Hmmph. I want to be…in…there."

"Well, trying to push the medical staff out of the room—"

"The nurses were undressing her. She's very…self-conscious and _he_ didn't need to—"

"_He's _the doctor."

"He's a _guy_ in his…20s…"

"I assure you, he isn't checking her out." She looks like she's going to laugh at me. _Please, don't laugh at me…_ "Look, you're no help to anyone in there right now. Do you really think she'd want you watching all of _that_?"

I already know the fucking answer to this… She would hate it.

"How did you even get in there? No one gets to be in the room when they're, for lack of a better laymen term, 'cleaning up' a patient."

"I had…words…with them."

"Yeah… I'll _bet _you did…"

"When can I go back in?"

"Give them about 20 minutes." She sits back in the chair even though I really wish she would leave. "Ya know… You could make yourself useful…?"

"How."

"Maybe try to round up things for when she wakes up? Not too much… It's the ICU. But, her pillow, or a favorite sweatshirt or blanket?... Insurance card?" she eeks out at the end.

_Oh….God…._

….

**Flashback**

"So, Christina's the one who gave you the idea to write down your…_experiences… _Sorry, I don't really know how to say that."

We're lying in my bed and I'm carding my fingers through her hair, as she lies naked on my chest. We've been up talking most of the night… I still can't believe some of the stories I've shared with the girl. I've never said them out loud…

"Yeah…she did. Why do you ask?"

"I meant to…bring it up the other day. I just didn't know if…you came up with it on your own or…if someone else…"

"Just ask."

"Ask…what?"

"You know what." _Damn!_

"Have you ever seen a…a…? Have you ever considered…? Or maybe you have but… Been to…therapy?"

She clears her throat…and I recognize the gesture as one I often commit.

"No. My insurance is horrendous and only covers five sessions with shrinks who advertise in the yellow pages… And based on how you can barely say the word 'therapy'… You haven't either…"

"No. I haven't."

**End Flashback**

_Fuck… How the hell is she…going to do this…? Not alone! That's for damned sure!_

"I'll um…yeah…see what I can do…"

"Okay. I'm not technically on the clock right now, but I wanted to make sure she's settled… I'm gonna head back in there." She stands and walks in front of me, clearly commanding attention. "Go for a walk. I won't tell her you left."

"Is that supposed to be funny?"

"Not to you."

"Just…make sure they're doing their jobs, please."

She laughs lightly, obviously humoring me. "Yeah… Ooookay."

"Oh and… she sleeps with her hair down because ponytail holders make her scalp feel weird in the morning… And… And she hates sleeping with socks on… So don't put anything on her feet…"

"Noted. Now go… Just, take a lap… It's one big square." She makes a square with her pointer finger as if I need help navigating the damned hallway. "There's the world's worst coffee at the vending machine down the hall. Snag me a cup. Here…" She reaches into her pocket.

"You saved her life… I'll buy you a coffee."

"Sounds like an even trade. Black. Oh, and because you don't seem like the inquiring type…" she quips over her shoulder. "My name's Evelyn."

I briefly bite my lips between my teeth and shake my head.

"Of course, it is."

* * *

**Christina's POV:**

Upon listening at the door to what Zeke and Shauna were up to…we decided to just let them be… _Yeeeeaaaahhhh…._

Will texted Four that we're on our way up to the ICU, but he got a response from a server at whatever bar Four hopped last night. So Will left to get his phone and also to call Amar…while I'm on my way up to Misery-Loves-Company-Inc.

I'm almost dreading seeing her…if I'm even allowed… I don't know how all this visitor stuff works. It's not flu season and I'm vaccinated and haven't had any tattoos or traveled abroad so they better let me in! Yeah…still dreading seeing her…

I'm not ready to admit to myself the reason…

I walk off the elevator and see Four sitting in a chair…just sitting… So I start walking and then stop in my tracks wondering if he sees me or not. He's not sitting all that straight, but he's not slumping either… His hands are rested sorta folded-ish in his lap. I do a little sidestep jig to try to get in his line of sight, but it goes 100% unrecognized.

"He's been like that for the last half-hour."

I look over to the long nurse's station to my right and I recognize the doctor from the ER.

"Did you sedate him?"

"No. They frown upon that here… Not that it didn't cross our minds… but, protocol and all."

"Totally get it." I nod my head and stare at him staring.

"They kicked him out… So I sent him on a coffee mission, which he did _not _accomplish… And now he won't go in…" She crosses her arms and seems to study him for a second. "He is…very, very protective."

"You have no idea…"

"Like a lion protecting his den…"

"Worse…the lady version… Mama lion protecting her cub… Don't tell him I said that."

"I don't think anyone can tell him anything right now," she adds stretching her arms over her head. "But he has no problem cracking out orders. The latest being—_I _am to make sure the room isn't too bright because she wakes up in a bad mood when the sun shines on her face…_ I_ must make sure she has enough stitches in her leg because she actually _likes_ her legs and doesn't need the constant reminder of a scar, and the IV_ has_ to be in her left arm because she paints with her right."

I chuckle quietly because that is so Four. "I'm Christina, by the way…the token best friend."

She looks at me as if she's in decision mode. It's a little unnerving… But I'm checking her out with equal female judginess. She's probably exactly Tris's height... Dark brown hair, brown eyes, fairish skin… Early 20s?… Really pretty… Dry sense of humor... Likes to make fun of Four. We can be friends…

"Yeah, okay. You seem normal. I'm Evey…"

"Dr. Evey."

"Don't insult me. I'm a nurse."

"I will remember that."

"Well, I'm out. Say good-bye to the lioness for me."

"Yeah… Hey, can I stay?"

"It's early…" she says over her shoulder as she grabs her keys. "They'll kick you out at some point. Caleb gets to stay."

"Do they _really_ think he's her brother?"

"Nah. But this is way more fun."

"Sick sense of humor?" I ask with purposely raised eyebrows.

"Was that a pun?"

"No..." _Was it?_

"See ya around."

With a deep exhale I make my way down to Four…stopping right in front of him.

"Do I have to pay the toll?"

"No."

"Are you okay?"

"No."

"Well! Is there anything…I can do?!" _I have my hands on my hips and everything! Pay attention!_

"No."

"Good talk."

I storm into the room unnecessarily and then feel super-fast guilt that I didn't take more time to talk to him. _Of course, he's not fine! And of course, there's nothing I can do! _I turn about a quarter of the way around to go apologize until I hear the beeps of the monitor, being completely drawn to their source.

My heart kinda melts a little as I see her… I have so many questions…

_Why is she still unconscious? What if she wakes up with that thing in her mouth? I would freak the fuck out! They better not have shaved her hair under that bandage! She better be hopped up on meds! No Xanax! Lol! Too soon?_

I pull up a chair and sit next to her. She looks way better now. Still not good… She's gonna hate that bruising… But she looks like her…

"Hey, Trissy…" I mumble. "I... Uh… Ha! Soooo…remember when we first met?... Thank God for me, right?... Although you did literally stumble upon me!... So, it was kinda your fault… Except my purse was ginormous, so tripping over it…totally understandable… Ya know I thought I was being kind of an idiot—posting my apartment on the board outside of the dorms… God!... I would have been so fucking pissed if I ended up with some undergrad sorority bitch! Yeah, yeah… Pot calling the kettle black… I hear ya... You just kicked my purse, rolled your eyes and yanked the entire paper off the wall… The whole damn thing and walked off like a huffy bitch… Do you remember what I said to you? You totally do… 'Hey, rude girl who dumped my bag yet said nothing!... You just grabbed my apartment listing!' You looked at me and shrugged your shoulders. 'Soooo…ya gonna show me the apartment, or what?' The rest is history…

I left the door open, didn't I!? I know I did! I did it! I did… It was me…You left…and Will called and…then I left and I didn't lock the door… You always tell me to lock the fucking door! I mean I know we live in Chicago…and yes…locking the door is a must…but our neighborhood is pretty safe and…well, that's what I always told myself…! But then this happened and it's all my fault and you almost died and I almost lost you and…it's my fault and I'm sorry… I'm so sorry. I… I love you… and I'm sorry—"

"It wasn't your fault."

I freeze and grab Tris's hand for some reason. It's warm now…except for her fingertips… Those are still pretty cold…

"Um… How much did you…? That's rude! You shouldn't eavesdrop—"

"Stop, Christina."

I let go of Tris's hand and wipe under my eyes before Four sees too much. _Ugh!_

"He would have stayed… Waited for her to come home. A locked door wouldn't have stopped him… What if _you _came home?... We don't need two of you in here—"

"Well, I would have deserved it—"

"Don't be stupid," he spits. "He'd been trying to find her…"

"Did she know that?"

"I don't think so."

"How do _you_ know that?"

"I need to have that conversation with _her_ first."

"Fair enough." _Because right now I can only handle so much information. _"How do you think he found her?" I ask quietly not understanding why I feel the need to.

"Can't bring myself to think about that yet."

"Too coincidental that Robert just happened to show up?"

"Christina. _She _is the _only _thing I'm thinking about right now. Okay?"

"Got it."

He runs his hands through his hair and I notice for the first time that he is not looking at her…nor is he coming near her.

"Can you…get some of her things…? Um… Her Hawks sweatshirt? Her phone? Uh… Sorry… I can't even think…clearly… Just stuff to make her comfortable…?"

"Underwear. I betcha it's no-panty Wednesday under there." I laugh lightly. "Come on… That was a little funny… She'd want us to laugh, Four—"

He turns and looks at me. "And why…do you think…it's no-panty-Wednesday, Christina?"

"Oh…" I cover my mouth as my face turns a shade, I'm fairly certain God didn't intend my flawless complexion to reflect.

"Nothing's been confirmed… But, when the neighbor found her… He…"

Suddenly he walks away scouring his face with his hands and stands at the window. I think for a moment how he _still_ hasn't looked at her…and he obviously doesn't want me to look at him.

"I overheard the nurse's talking about a…rape…kit… _Fuck, Chris… _And a window of _opportunity… _Fucking _opportunity…_ Is there _no _better word?!"

I need to change the subject to one more productive. "When will she wake up? I mean…thank God…'cause she's gonna flip with that thing in her mouth—"

"Mmmm…," he groans. "Doctor'll be here in a few minutes… She's under some kind of…anesthetic… As you and I know… she tends to be a bit prone to panic… So—"

"Precisely…according to my charts…" I turn to see a young blond doctor enter the room with his hands up. "Please, don't threaten me again…_Caleb_. You would definitely win a fight… But deprive your _sister _of a proper doctor. So…chose wisely."

"Hmmph." Four turns and gazes out the window as the doctor pulls two chairs toward the end of the bed.

"Care for an update?" he asks Four before he seats himself.

"Uh… Can I be here?" I interrupt, really hoping he'll let me stay.

"I think in this case it would be in our patient's best interest, at least until she is able to contest, for those closest to be here… With that said… You are..?"

"Her best friend."

"Best friend and _brother…_ Excellent combination. I'm Dr. Haynes." He motions for me…_ Ha ha! …_to sit in Four's chair.

"I'm Chris—"

"How old are you?" Four asks from the window.

"Irrelevant. So… _Caleb?_ Care to join us?"

"I'm listening."

I roll my eyes. "Showing emotion… Not his thing…" I whisper knowing Four can hear me.

"I completely disagree, my dear."

"You're in your 20s. What's with the 'my dear?'"

"So, she's under an anesthesia called Propofol… She's been through trauma—psychological and physical… I would like her body to rest and recover a bit… With that said…these are my observations. Starting from the bottom… She had a severe laceration on her calf muscle." I watch as he pulls up his pant leg and starts to air draw the injury. _It's weird_… "…we removed quite a few splinters, so it was from some type of wood—"

"Did you—"

"Yes... _Caleb…_" he interrupts Four's interruption. "We used an _appropriate _amount of stitches to reduce scarring… Now… She has two fractured ribs, one of them punctured her right lung, enough to cause it to begin to deflate—"

"Can you stop the fake-body-drawing? It's freaking me out—"

"—I was informed that CPR was administered…appropriately, seeing as she had apparently ceased breathing—"

"Why'd she…stop breathing!? I mean…don't we have like… two lungs—"

"I like to call it the trifecta."

"I'm sorry…" Four snarks from the window. "Did you just say you _'like'_ to call it the trifecta?"

"No emotion, huh?" Dr. Haynes asks with raised eyebrows as Four scoffs and turns back around. _Ha, ha… _"It was, in my opinion, a mix of respiratory distress, panic and severe pain—her body went into shock. I don't see it very often…especially among _young…healthy…fit….women_—"

"Mggghhh hhhmmm." Four clears his throat loudly.

"—but it happens."

I have to stifle a laugh as the doctor winks at me. _I like this guy…_

"She has a small skull fracture and concussion but, considering her lucidity briefly in the ambulance and before she coded I think we're in the clear… Do you know…_anyone…_by the name _Tobias_…by the way?"

He winks at me again and I have to cover my face as to not completely lose it because this is not the time. _But this guy is hilarious!_

"Okay… No Tobias, huh? Moving on then… Her EEG looks normal, but we'll have a neurologist do a consult…along with the other specialists…" He takes a deep breath and uncrosses his ankle from his knee, leaning forward. "I have to tell you both… _Caleb_?"

"Mmm?" Four grunts.

"You heard me when I said she has normal brain activity?"

"I hear everything about her."

"She was down for twelve minutes and 23 seconds with the bare minimum of oxygen being pumped to her brain. This kind of thing is nearly unheard of. This is what they put in medical journals and 60 Minutes. Thankfully, we have a very bossy nurse who kept interrupting the doctors when they tried to call time-of-death."

I watch Four's posture sag and him hang his head at the mention of "time-of-death."

"When will you…? I don't even know how to say it—"

"Wake her up," Four finishes for me.

"We'll wean her off slowly after we take out the respirator. It's only a precaution at this point, but the puncture was ideal—"

"Seriously? _Ideal_?" _I'm gonna smack that boy if he keeps inter-up-ting!_

"And when will that be?" I ask politely.

"After the consult with the specialists, we'll hopefully take out her breathing tube tonight…and if that goes well… We'll give her some extra pain meds and that'll be it."

"Okay…I know you're a doctor and all so this may be a stupid question, but…does she know we're here? Like if we hold her hand or—"

"There have been accounts of semi-consciousness, mild awareness of comings and goings. I'm not sure I believe it, but some lay claim… I'm always a proponent of human contact, though. I may be a doctor, but I know how much I love to hold _my wife's _hand and _my children's _hands…" he directs to Tobias. "…as well."

I see Four's eyes in the reflection of the mirror move downward at that comment.

"Thanks, doc."

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I hear movement behind me again…and I'm fully prepared to give the same response…again.

I feel a hard hand on my shoulder. "My friend." _Amar…_

I sigh out a deep breath and stand to greet someone for the first time today. My legs ache from sitting for the last however many hours. I have memorized the entire landscape of the outside of the hospital room. I could paint it…if I didn't suck at painting…

I nod to him as he appraises me…and I'm incredibly grateful that he knows me well enough to realize this is not a hug-Tobias day. So he just grabs my arm with his hand and nods his head back at me.

"I brought flowers, but they were confiscated."

"Hmm."

"How are you?"

I have no idea how to answer that question so I don't.

"That was one of the more ridiculous questions I've asked…" he pulls up a chair and sits. "I see the nurses have set up some space for you."

I look over his shoulder…not at Tris…but at the cot set up along the wall and nod in acceptance of its apparent existence in this hell hole.

"Sit, please…"

Knowing that is one thing I can definitely handle… I do it, facing my chair away from Tris.

"I hear you're not speaking much."

"Not much to say."

"Nor eating."

"Not hungry."

"Nor moving."

"No need."

"The woman you love…the one you have been dying for a moment alone with…is in this room. Have you no desire to be near her?"

"My desires are worth nothing."

"And why would you say such a thing?"

I sigh for the millionth time today. "It's not going to make sense…if I say it…aloud."

"I'm a grief expert… Say it aloud, please."

_And here comes…another sigh_… "I feel like…I need her to tell me…it's okay for me to hold her hand…or touch her. I need her to…hold _my _hand…in acceptance—"

"You want permission."

"I want permission." _Couldn't have said that in the first place, Tobias?_

"But, you aren't going to get it."

He stands rather abruptly and wanders over to her bed… I don't follow him with my eyes. I just listen to the beep of the monitors knowing they will be forever scrawled in the memoirs of my mind… I don't think they'll ever really fade… _Good. I deserve that._

"Her hands are warm…quite soft too—"

"Amar," I warn.

"It's strange. She's sleeping, but she doesn't look restful—"

"Amar, please…," I beg.

"She has bruising, mostly along the left side of her face… It's quite pronounced under her—"

"Amar!" I shout not wanting to here…ANYTHING!

"Tobias, I won't hesitate to describe every inch of her very beautiful face!"

"I know every inch of her damned face!"

I put my head in my hands again because I don't want to see ANYTHING!

"I know she has small creases…between her eyebrows because she narrows her eyes…all the time! Her nose is sloped…just the right amount. You know how I know?!... Because when I kiss her…it rests perfectly right next to mine! Her lips… When she sleeps they part just a little and the point right in the middle of her top lip just barely touches the bottom as she breathes… And during the day…her bottom lip is a shade dark because she bites it… She has really light freckles…that no one knows about except her and I… Just like no one knows about the brown fleck I have in mine… Because no one has ever looked at us the way we look at each other!… And her eyes… I could draw her irises and I have NO TALENT!... That's how well I know them!

But…right now… her eyes aren't narrowed… Pretty sure her nose is broken… She has a fucking respirator covering her mouth!… And bruises all over her face… And don't even get me started on her eyes because I will lose my fucking mind!"

"So you're being a coward."

"No. It's not cowardice!" I stand and walk back to the window. "I _want _to be next to her. I _want _to hold her. I _want_ to talk to her!... I'm not _scared_!... But… This… This… It's my fault!... I didn't do anything! I knew he was looking for her…and I…did…nothing! So… She needs to know that before I can—"

"What the fuck were you supposed to do!? Follow her around? Be like your father and hire a tail?"

"I should have—"

"What?... Confronted the sociopath?... Which one are we talking about, my friend?... Marcus, Carlos…the ex-boyfriend? Killing _three _bird with one stone these days? Impressive! You must be quite the shot!... Tobias…" He walks toward me as I back away. "You took a step back to find your way out of a situation!... Did you hurt her? Yes… But you knew that was going to happen… You knew, that _had _to happen… You think this is your fault? Let me tell you something, my boy… You do not carry the weight of the damned world on your shoulders! We're all responsible for that burden! But you…" He points to me with vigor. "…not being _here _for her…" I look away as he tries to entice me with his finger in her direction. "…isn't helping with _her_ share of the damned weight!... She needs you!"

"Um… Sorry… I'm just here to take out her…breathing tube…" I look fiercely at an intern who showed up at a fitful moment.

"That's fine we're done here," I answer as I look the other way, needing Amar to get the fuck out.

I count to 30, looking at the wall, and when I look back, I see that Amar has gone. _Good. I don't need that shit._

"_Caleb_… How are you?" Dr. Haynes inquires. _Fuckin' married-with-kids bastard…_

"I'm fine."

"I'm not sure if you heard the specialists—"

"Like I said before… I hear _everything _about her."

I heard the neurologist come in and gush about her brain, and the cardiologist look back at her echocardiogram in dry pleasure… I remember when they wheeled her out to get x-rays done on her lungs and how I leaned on the wall counting the dots on the pop-corned ceiling outside of the door as I listened to the pulmonologist talk about her _perfect _puncture and how breathing on her own will be a great sign! I heard _every…damned…word._

"Jones…turn off the machine…. ….. ….. ….. ….. ….. ….. ….. ….. …..wait just a few….. ….. ….. ….. ….. …. ….. ….. …..pull it out…. ….. ….slower, we don't want swelling…. … … …"

"Caleb?"

"Mmm hmm?"

She seems to be breathing on her own… We're going to start weaning her off the anesthesia now.

And then the room is silent. I know officially know why they say "silence is golden,'...even when it _is_ interrupted by a heart monitor.

Except now I'm getting really hot, like really really hot… This room is ungodly fucking hot! I pull at the neck of my T-shirt trying to stretch it out to at least the size of a child's hula hoop. _That should do. _But it ends up not helping in the least… Then I allow my mind to recognize the source of the heat—It's her. She's burning a hole into the right side of my body. I stand slowly unable to take any more temperature increase and turn away from her…

_Turn away from her… Why are you doing exactly what you said you'd never do again?_

And then it happens… I'm at the foot of her bed, still not looking at her face, but at her toes and how they are weighted down by the too-taut blanket and sheets…which she's gonna hate when she wakes… _I told them not to do that!... Idiots… _I run the tips of my fingers up her calf and her perfect thighs until I reach her hip. I take a brief pause there and run my thumb in a small circle like I used to do. I close my eyes and watch us as if we're in a movie—me biting my bottom lip and tilting my head trying to make eye contact while I gently cuff her hips and toy with her hip bones pulling her into me…. I smile at the thought as I open my eyes and trail my fingertips over hers then brush them back and forth back and forth with the back of my knuckles. They're warm…at least warmer than I expected…

…. …. ….. …..

….. ….. …. …. ….. ….. "Caleb?"…. …. …."Caleb?"… ….

"Mmm hmm?"

"It's been 45 minutes… We're going to pull some more meds okay?"

"Is she going to be in pain?" I ask as I count her fingers over and over.

"Hopefully, she'll be able to tell us."

"Hopefully…"

I trail my fingertips even further up her arm… I imagine goosebumps under my fingers, but I know its total bullshit… Hopeful bullshit…yet still bullshit. I feel the silky softness of her hair as I brush it off her shoulder exposing her collarbone, which I delicately trace with my index finger from where it dips in the middle until it ends at her right shoulder.

Then…her face… I close my eyes suddenly beyond saddened that I missed an entire day…a whole day…where I could have done nothing but stare at her exquisite face. I see the creases in her brows and note that Amar was right…she doesn't look like she's resting well… Her nose isn't broken…it's as perfect as it ever was… But I'm not close enough… She's not close enough…

….. ….. ….. ….. …..

"….. ….. …..Caleb?... ….. ….. …..taking her all the way off…"

I run my thumb along her bottom lip fighting the urge to pinch it just to see it a little darker than her upper lip… I'm still not close enough…

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

All the time… For years… People and more people... Talking and more talking…

….. ….. …..

I know you… I know you… Your voice is…not right…

….. ….. ….. …..

It's very bright… It's very foggy… It's very dark…

….. ….. …..

Over and over and over…

….. ….. ….. …..

I'm not alone… I know it… I'm not… I'm not alone… I feel alone… But I'm not….

….. …..

This is the fucking Never Ending Story… That creepy dog thing… Freaking me ou

….. ….. …..

Beeping and beeping and beeping and beeping….

….. …..

"Caleb…?"

….. ….. ….. …..

My toes are stuck. I hate it! Someone unstick my fucking toes! But they feel toasty…and it's spreading… Like a warm bath… Or a nice hot shower… Showers… Hot, hot, hot, showers… Ahhhhh….

….. ….. …..

Teeny, tiny shocks up my arms… Tickles… Best kind of tickles…

….. ….. …..

"Caleb…?"

….. ….. ….. …..

Love… It's everywhere… All over me… It hurts… Right in my chest… It burns… But I love it so much… Running softly down my nose and over my mouth… I can smell it… It's heaven… It's comfort… It's home… It's warm… Bottom to the top… Top to the bottom… Love…

…. …. …. ….

God, they're heavy… I can barely lift them… Everything is heavy and weighted… I'm weighted… I'm stuck…

"Mmm…" _Oh, my God. Don't do that again… _"Mmm…" _Why did I do it…again…?_

"Are you real?" I hear a soft groggy voice next to my ear that I would recognize anywhere.

"Are…you…?... Mmm…" _Burn…ing…_

"I hope so."

I turn what I think is my head until it touches the top of another.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"My eyes…are heavy…"

"Keep 'em closed... Mine are…" he comments sighing.

"Are…you leaving?" _My throat is made of charcoal… I'm sure of it…_

"No."

"How do…I know…?"

"Because you know."

"I know… But my feet are stuck...and I really hate it."

Tickling and rustling and funny grunting as my feet come back to life…

"I…love…footsy…"

"Me, too."

* * *

**Christina's POV:**

I have a bigger smile on my face than I have in weeks as I watch the way-less-sad 20-something version of the end of The Notebook play out right in front of my eyes. Sort of… Meh… Not quite the same position. Speaking of positions…he's gonna regret that when he wakes up…

"How long have they been like that?" I ask Evey.

"They haven't moved in five hours."

"Is she like…awake? I mean…not under…?" I cross my arms and try to zone in on her face.

"She's sleeping…and I don't know how…because I'm pretty sure, in his dreams, he thinks he's a motorcycle."

"Don't you have to…I don't know…take her like temperature or reflexes or—"

"We have checked her vitals…five times."

"She didn't friggin' wake up?"

"Dead as a door mouse."

"Seriously?" I give her an awkward side glance at her tasteless humor.

"Sick jokes, remember?" _Oh, yeah…_

"Well…" I sigh. "I brought some of her stuff. I'll be back later…"

"I'll tell her…or them, because we all know he's not leaving…you came by."

"Thanks."

I take one last look at two of the most frustrating people I have ever met in my life and again…can't help but smile.

* * *

**Let me know what you think!**


	44. Strength

**Chapter 44 - Strength**

* * *

**Tris's POV:** Saturday morning

I've never been so comfortable with such unbearable pain. If I move, it's over. If I open my eyes, it's over. The right side of my body will be cold, I won't feel a heart beat on the back of my palm and my fingers will be alone again. _Band-aid…_

I squeeze my eyes tight, hoping they'll spring open—like when you pull a rubber band back and let go… But it doesn't work. So, I have to deadlift them. Slowly so slowly… I'm on my way to my goal, but blurry isn't even the word I would use to describe my sight. It's more like muddy and distorted…

A familiar face… _I think it's familiar… Why is it familiar?_... is in my so-called line of sight. _Brown hair, fair skin…_

"Evelyn…" I whisper as the familiar image in my mind dissipates even though I try desperately to grab for it.

The face still in front of me doesn't respond, it just seems to be staring…questioningly…as my vision becomes clearer. _So…strange…_

I close my eyes as a very familiar sigh enters my ear and then a tightening hold—

"Ah! Ah! Ah!" The world comes into perspective or comes crashing down as a searing pain rips my right side open.

All I can feel is pain…and then my comfort is gone in a big crashing sound and my body is cold again… _I knew that would happen…_

I hear groaning but I don't know whose it is… It's mine… _And someone else's…_

"Tris?... How are you—"

"I'm fine," I say to whoever is asking me as I try to identify where someone stabbed me.

"No… She's not…" a groggy voice says. I try to follow it but there's nothing there…

"You okay, down there Caleb?"

"Caleb?—"

"She's gonna…say she's fine…no matter what." I look to my right again following the deep voice…

Trying to sort out the onslaught of confusion I zone in on the girl… _Yes, it's a girl_… as she leans over me looking at—

"Tobias…" I whisper as I follow her line of sight, staring at him in disbelief.

He's trying to sit up and when he finally does…I see a small smile.

"Seriously, Caleb. You hurt?"

"Why are you…calling him—"

Then I see the smile turn into wide eyes as he quickly scoots himself backward about a mile and rubs his eyes.

"Um... Yeah… Sorry… You just..." I watch him shake his head and widen his eyes again as if he can't believe what he's seeing.

I look at the girl, who is frowning at him as if he's insane… And it makes me nuts because I have no clue what's going on!

"Put the lock on the guard rail next time you decide to get in bed with your sister, okay?"

I'm still very, very confused…. I watch as a grumbling Tobias tries to stand upright sucking in a harsh breath.

"Um…" I feel my heart start to race as I try to figure out what the FUCK IS HAPPENING. _The incessant beeping isn't helping!_

"Okay, Tris…" I feel a firm hand on my left arm. "Hey, let's talk about something… Look at me…"

I nod my head zeroing in on her face.

"How do you this guy?" She nods her head in Tobias's direction.

"Um…"

"'Cause he won't leave… When I say 'leave'…I mean he won't 'leave' the _room. _Is he a stalker?"

"No!" I say suddenly annoyed.

"Just making sure… I must protect my patients. Are you in pain?"

I feel the very tip of my pinkie finger being messed with and I look quickly to its source. Tobias immediately pulls his hand away and looks toward the end of the bed. _Why did…?_

"Um… What?"

"Are you in pain?" she responds patiently.

"Yeah, but it's—" My eyes flit to Tobias's, and they're begging me to be honest. I close my eyes and take inventory. "My throat is...a little sore…and swollen…"

"You had a breathing tube down your esophagus, so that's normal."

"Why did I have a—"

"What else?"

"My right side… Um…" I sit up and move my hand down to find the source of the pain and-, "Ah… Ah… God, what happened? Why am I—"

"Tris. Sit back, okay?"

"I'm not gonna... I need to… Agh…"

I feel an intense arm around my shoulders coaxing me to relax and it immediately helps as I settle back into it… But it's gone too soon and I watch Tobias back up and look to the end of the bed again.

"You have two fractured ribs and a punctured lung… It's all going to heal just fine." I feel the bed inclining so I'm sitting more upright.

"I have a…? Um…" I look to Tobias for a _little help, please! _But, he's still keeping his distance from me… _Why…is…?_

_….._

_And out stumbles…Nita… She doesn't see me at first as she rights herself and laughs. Her long coat is wide open and she…is…naked… She lifts her head at me and doesn't even flinch at my presence. She just closes the door and stands right in front of me buttoning her coat slowly and then tying it at the waist._

….

"Um… She was…at your… Nita…naked-"

"Tris, it's not what you think. She just showed up—"

….

_…all too familiar, sleazy, vulgar voice..._

_….runs his fingers down my arms …._

_…lose bladder control…_

_"That man is lucky I didn't have a gun! His brains would be splattered all over that bed… "_

…

"….he would have…killed you…"

Tobias face-down in a pool of blood flashes in front of me… But then the real Tobias_ is_ right in front of me. "Tris, don't think about this right now—"

…

_…pacing and grunting like an animal and sweat is dripping down his face._

_Water under the bridge…_

_"Get out…of my…apartment." _

_…like watching the blue paint spread onto a canvas… _

_an unwelcome weight on me…_

_"We never really got the chance to do this foreplay stuff you know—"_

_…where my underwear should be._

_"Sorry, babe…I couldn't really take it any longer… I'm going slow… Not rushing... Just like you always… You're gonna like it this time." _

_runs the tips of his fingers over my exposed center. _

_…acceptance of the inevitable… _

…..

"Ohhhhh… He was…"

I know I'm groaning and it sounds so stupid in my head. What feels like a shot to my brain…a pain I hadn't realized until now…gets worse as I scrunch my face up not letting any more of the memories in… My face is soaking wet and I'm falling into myself…

"It's okay… It's okay…" _The rocking helps… The rocking helps…_ "Shhhhh… Tris… It's just you and me… Okay?"

"No… It was _him_ and me_…_ I didn't want it to be him… I didn't want it to be him… I only _ever_ want it…to be…me and…"

_Tell me it's okay, tell me it's okay, tell me it's okay, tell me it's okay…_

"Shhhh... Shhhhh… It's okay… It's okay… It's okay… Tris? You don't have to think about this now—"

"Yes, I do, yes I do... Because it's not gonna go away… It's not gonna go away…"

…

_…close my eyes, biting my bottom lip…hold back a tear…allow him to enter me once … … … … moans loudly._

….

"Oh…. I let him… I let him, I let him, I let him, I let him, I let him—"

"Look at me! LOOK AT ME!" I feel like my heart stops and my ribs shout at me as I snap out of my perceived reality looking into the scared eyes of Tobias. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I yelled… Mggghh… Okay… Shhhh… Shhhh… I just need you here with me… You stay here, okay?... You don't have to think about anything else. Okay?..."

I nod my head in aggravated relief—I need to think about it…to get it over with… But it's the worst kind of pain…and the momentary abatement and protective clinging is my oasis…

"I'm gonna talk to you..." I hear a hushed shaky breath in my ear. "Will you listen to me?"

I nod my head again, hoping he felt it.

"Okay…" He clears his throat. "Even if I babble?"

"You…do not…know how…"

"I can babble with the best of them."

"You can _stutter_…with the…best of them…"

"Touché…" he chuckles and the warm breath on my ears and my neck is better than any anti-anxiety meds. "Okay, I don't really know where to start so I'll just start with…the day I was born… It was glorious."

"You're…an idiot."

"That is…so, so…true. Okay…how about…I tell you what was going through my mind the first time I laid eyes on the most beautiful thing I've ever seen…?"

I don't nod my head but I bite my teeth between my lips as my cheeks heat up.

"At first, I don't know, it's strange… It was kind of an inexplicable attraction—like magnets…"

"If magnets were inexplicable."

"Enough…smart ass…" He sighs before he moves on. "Anyway…at least, that's how it felt for me… I was across the room, though, so I had to move closer because I felt deep down that I had this one chance…and I couldn't blow it because these are the kind of moments that come once in a lifetime, I swear…" He pauses in remembrance and I can just picture the shy grin on his face. "I was afraid my one chance…my one opportunity…would be gone if I didn't act fast but I was incredibly nervous at the same time because it was foreign territory for me. But then I felt it…that feeling deep down…in the pit of your stomach…ya know?"

He pauses and I nod my head.

"It ended up being way more amazing than I ever thought possible—warm, and soft." He takes a deep breath of my hair through his nose. "Smells like heaven…"

I swallow as my temperature continues to rise. _I am not ready for him to do this to me yet…_

But then he stops and I wait…_very, very, patiently!_ "…Um… Sorry… Words are…failing me right now…"

"You're doing…_just_ fine…"

"So…this isn't making you…uncomfortable?" _Yes! But keep going!_

"No."

"Okay, good," he whispers in my ear as goose bumps travel up my spine and my breath hitches. I notice he's running the tips of his fingers up and down my left arm… "'Cause I'm getting to my favorite part—when I got to…have my first bite of deep dish pizza…"

My mouth drops open in total embarrassment. _What a motherfucker!_

But I refuse to be the one who laughs first, so I hold my breath (which hurts like hell but I'm not giving up) and I know he's doing the same… Soon our upper bodies both start shaking until we can't hold it in any longer. I do the most amazing snort through my nose and he lets out a sound I never thought I'd hear again—his laugh.

And because the pain from holding my breath and then laughing is unbearable, I stop… And then…I cry…

And…he let's me…

"Tris..." he whispers. I can feel his breath on my hair. It wasn't a question asking what's wrong… It was just a way of telling me he's here. And, to be honest…that's all I want. I just want to know he's here… That's it.

"You laughed…" I whisper as I sniff and wipe under my eyes, trying to hold back the shout of pain that almost came out of me from the pain in my left cheek.

"I did."

I feel his chin rest on my head as we sit and I let the tears fall. That's when I realize he's somehow maneuvered most of his upper body behind mine and I'm reclining on his chest.

"I haven't done that since 12:32 AM—three weeks and four days ago."

That statement takes me by surprise. I want to know so badly…desperately…why he needed to end things between us. But, I think if we go down that road, my head may explode…and not just from the lightning bolt that rips through my head every time I scrunch my eyebrows… I still feel the need to shut out the world and I only want him and I in it…everything left out…all problems and baggage and issues out the window. I just crave some solace…with him…for now.

"We have a lot to talk about," I mutter.

"Yeah."

"But not yet, okay?"

I can feel his chin move against my head when he nods and I smile as his Adam's apple brushes against my ear when he swallows.

"Okay."

"But I do have one question…"

"Mmm hmm?"

"Why the hell did the nurse call you 'Caleb'?"

* * *

**Tobias's POV: **Saturday afternoon

I splash cold water on my face and take a close look at what's staring back at me. I swear I look like I've aged five years in a day. I reflect back to where I was 24 hours ago—ready to hand a cabbie's ass to him if he didn't shut the hell up because I was too busy thinking about how to explain Nita's unhinged behavior…having no clue that Tris was being loaded onto a God damned stretcher. I hold back a groan and feign coughing instead so Tris doesn't hear me. Then I splash more water on my face.

How fucked up is it that I actually wish I could go back to _that _predicament?

We've been binge-watching The Blacklist on her tablet for most of the day—Me sitting in the chair next to her bed. The guardrail is still down so I can get closer to her, but the bed's pretty high so not as close as I'd like.

Christ, I can't believe she's alive and she's letting me come near her… No, better than that—she's letting me hold her, comfort her… At least, as much as I'll let myself… I've only really gone near her when she needs me. I've still made no move to hold her hand or kiss her… That's not entirely true—I woke up clutching her hand to my chest. I was in such a state last night that I barely remember crawling into bed with her… It was the deepest sleep I've gotten in weeks…

But not holding her hand or kissing even the top of her head goes against everything instinctive in me. I swear…my physical need for her should be at the bottom of Maslow's Hierarchy. Now I completely understand the argument some have that there are truly only two fundamental human needs—food and sex. And not sex for pleasure… (_Never thought I'd EVER think this way…)_ or procreation—more like intimacy.

I let out a quiet laugh at the thought of the word 'intimacy.' Never thought that word would become part of my vocabulary… Tris would laugh…

I remember when we were first getting to know each other…how weird that word sounded. Welcome to the evolution of Tobias…and Tris for that matter… She's the one who initially pointed out that the word reminded her of her Adult Living class… But then later she was the one who convinced me that her and I experiencing the physical aspect of our relationship (the topic of conversation being sex at that time) showed love and the importance of that connection.

_Then why can't I show that now?! _

I already know the answer. It's gone from wanting her permission…to being afraid of getting it… Because going down that road could lead to heartbreak again. My biggest fear being—what if she doesn't understand why I did what I did…? What if she doesn't forgive me…?

I remember my and Amar's first conversation about this…

_"Strong people will automatically stop trying if they feel unwanted. They won't beg for attention, they'll just walk away… You need to make her walk away."_

_"And if I find a way out of this?"_

_"Then get her back."_

_"Tris doesn't work that way… Fuck!"_

_"My friend, the real question here is—What if you don't find a way out of this?'"_

_ "Then, at least, she's safe…" _

The difference being…whether I found a way out or not…she still wasn't safe. He still found her… My efforts—futile… And I know exactly how she'll see it…and it could be the end of us…if there is an 'us'…

**Flashback to the morning:**

I had been awake for a few minutes but I didn't want to open my eyes because I knew it would be over… I feel the entire right side of her body pressed up against me, our hands are glued together, the back of her palm against my chest and I could swear her pulse is in rhythm with my heart rate. Somehow…somehow…I had gotten under the covers with her and I even had the resolve to pull up the guardrail. I take a few last ditch inhales of her scent, although it is grievously masked by many other things I hate right now yet push completely to the side.

I feel myself drifting off again until sudden yelling halts my heart...and I'm off the bed, landing right on my shoulder as some other shit crashes. _And it's the same damned shoulder! _I groan as the awful light of the ICU hits my eyes and I hear mumbling…

"... How are you—"

And then I hear the best groggiest voice ever… "I'm…fine."

My mind immediately goes into Tris mode… _That's her go-to answer! There is no way she's "fine." _

"No…she's not…" I add even though it may piss her off.

"You okay, down there Caleb?" _Very fuckin' funny!_

"Caleb?—"

"She's gonna…say she's fine…no matter what." _Holy mother of hell… That hurts…_

"Tobias…" I can't help but smile at the way-less-groggy voice that I want to be close to post-haste.

"Seriously, Caleb. You hurt?" _Who is…talking?_

I blink my eyes…several times…because in front of me I see…dark brown hair, light skin, straight nose…my _mother… _And…I don't even know what I do because memory upon memory seem to instantaneously flash through my mind.

I shake my head, knowing this is all total shit and I try to focus, now understanding how fucked up that was because it is so plainly the nurse from yesterday. I obviously took no interest in her physical description…my mind being otherwise occupied…

"Um... Yeah… Sorry… You just..." _Hey! I thought you were my dead mother… So, yeah… Sorry…_

"Put the lock on the guard rail next time you decide to get in bed with your sister, okay?"

_Oh, yeah…'sister'… Well, that's fucking disturbing when you word it like that… Thanks a lot, Nurse I-make-stupid-suggestions…that I apparently went along with! _

"Okay, Tris… Hey, let's talk about something… Look at me…"

She seems like she understands as she gives the nurse her undivided attention. _She has to be confused as hell…_

"How do you know this guy?" _What was the nurse's name again…? _ "'Cause he won't leave… And when I say 'leave'… I mean he won't 'leave' the _room. _Is he a stalker?" _I definitely have those tendencies…_

"No!" she elicits, offended. _Aw… Thanks, babe…_

"Just making sure… I must protect my patients. … …"

Of course, being _me_, I need to have some sort of contact with her, so I find the most non-aggressive, non-invasive place that's not totally awkward—her pinkie finger… I take it and move it back and forth, testing the waters… But she almost instantaneously shoots me a look of disapproval…so I stop and look away.

"Are you in pain?" the nurse inquires as I get Tris's attention with my blatant stare.

"Yeah, but it's—"

_Be…HONEST!_ At least, that's what I try to get across to her… I don't want to bust into every conversation and be the overprotective, controlling type but—_What am I saying?!_

"…Um… My throat is...a little sore…and swollen…"

"You had a breathing tube down your esophagus so that's normal."

"Why did I have a—"

"What else?"

"My right side… Um…"

I watch as she tries to sit up like normal and I can immediately tell by the look on her face that she didn't know she was injured.

"Ah… Ah…" She grips her rib cage as her face turns pale through the bruises and I see on her face, panic is about to ensue. "God, what happened? Why am I—"

The nurse is saying something but…well, she needs to stop because I'M HERE. My arm is quickly around Tris's shoulder to calm her and have her lie back. Sitting up cannot feel great with rib and lung injuries… _Shit! Am I hurting her? _I quickly let go after she reclines and back up acknowledging my overeager behavior.

"You have two fractured ribs and a punctured lung… But it's all going to heal just fine."

I look the other way as Nurse What's-her-name begins to fill Tris in on her injuries, although I want to do nothing but gaze at Tris… I've been dying to do it—bruises and all… _Maybe when she falls back asleep… God… No nightmares, please, please, please…_

"Tris…?... You okay?" The tone of the nurses voice reverts my attention right back to Tris and as it turns out, I get my wish…but not in the way I had hoped because I'm watching her face intently as she begins to put the pieces together. It starts with a look of confusion as she narrows her eyes…

"Um… She was…at your… …Nita…naked…" _Fuck!_

"Tris, it's not what you think. She just showed up and walked in…completely uninvited and… Tris?..."

My eyes flit to the nurse who is giving me an oh-no-you-didn't look, which I ignore because being judged is not at the top of the list of things I give a shit about. Tris's well-being—different story… I quickly sit next to her as she grabs for anything…but she settles for gripping the sheets. _Fuck! If I had been closer…_

She's shaking her head in fits and biting the hell out of her bottom lip. _If Nita is upsetting her this much… God, how is she going to handle everything else..?_

"…he would have…killed you… " I rest my fingertips on her cheek, trying to get her to look at me. _What is she talking about? Not Nita… _"…he was watching…and he was… He said…he would have killed you… Oh, my God…"

_Nope. Because he would be dead…if I had walked in on… God… What did he do…to her…?_

"Tris," I plead quickly as I sit flush with her wrapping my arms around her slowly slumping frame, "don't think about this right now…"

I keep talking to her softly in her ear. I may as well be speaking in Tongues because I have no clue what I'm saying except that she's nodding along with me.

I make eye contact with the nurse because I need this chick to know that I've got this. That's not me being arrogant… That's me knowing_ I_ can help Tris. I'm thankful that she nods her head in agreement and then rests her hand on Tris's, squeezing it as Tris squeezes back. Then she nods for me to do the same…so I do…and Tris grips mine tightly bringing it up to her chest.

I can only assume she's reliving the nightmare…and I get to watch her do it… _God…_ I feel myself break out into a cold sweat as my mind starts to get carried away with vicious images of her being beaten, belittled…raped. I squeeze my eyes shut and clench my jaw willing away the onslaught of images for the both of us…

"Ohhhhh… He was…" She shrinks into herself which makes her suck in a deep breath of pain so I scoot my upper body behind her…I honestly have no idea how I manage it…and try to recline us back.

"It's okay… It's okay…" She fights me on it but it's a losing battle because she's wrapped fairly tightly in my arms…as I force her back and rock her side to side. "Shhhhh… Tris… It's just you and me… Okay?"

I close off the rest of the world and just try my best to 100% present with her. Finally, she gives in to me and lies back on my chest, I smooth her hair over and over out of her face… I don't even know why… Making up for lost time probably…

"No… It was _him_ and me_…_ I didn't want it to be _him_… I didn't want it to be _him_…" I have to swallow air to keep my stomach in check at whatever the hell that admission referred to. "…I…only _ever_ want it…to be…me and…and…"

_God, I hope in her mind my name was attached to end of that incomplete sentence…_

"Shhhh... Shhhhh… It's okay… It's okay… It's okay… Tris? You don't have to think about this now—"

"Yes, I do, yes I do... Because it's not gonna go away… It's not gonna go away…"

_Nope. I will not accept that._

Suddenly she stops and I experience a brief moment of respite. My hand is resting right over her heart. I can breathe and feel her breathing…as her heart rate begins to slow…

…Until…I feel it start to race like a prize horse let out of the gates.

"Oh…. I let him… I let him, I let him, I let him, I let him, I let him—"

"Tris, Tris, Tris… Look at me! Look at me! LOOK AT ME!" I grab her by the chin cocking her head up toward me. Her eyes go wide and I can't tell if it's from fear of me or fear of the workings of her mind. _Damn it, Tobias! _"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I yelled…" I blurt out grunting to myself to get it together. "Okay… Shhhh… Shhhh…"

_How do I make this stop…?_ Then it comes to me as I make sounds to her that grown men probably don't—at least not in my circle. I need to make it…_not_…about her!

"_I_ just need you here with me… You stay here, okay?... You don't have to think about anything else. Please, stay…right here with me… Stay… _I _need you… Okay?..."

I feel her nod her head…and then her heart rate slowly…painstakingly slowly… decelerates. _That was a risk… Good job, me._

"I'm gonna talk to you..." _Because I've missed it…so much. _"Will you listen to me?"

**End Flashback**

I enjoy a short-lived moment as I smile at the memory of her ridiculous laugh…and how _I _actually laughed… The greatest part being because _I _was the funny one. I hadn't realized how much I had missed our easy jesting and banter until I found myself participating so naturally. In seriousness, I was planning to tell her about the first time I laid eyes on her. But, I decided I selfishly wanted to keep that memory to myself…

_How the hell am I going to tell her—_

I hear a soft knock on the door and I open it on the spot to see Tris, being assisted by the nurse, standing clearly en route to the bathroom. _Why is she standing? No wheelchair? Stretcher?_

"Are you—"

"I'm fine."

"Can I—"

"No, Tobias. You are _not _taking me to the bathroom… Sorry, I meant _Caleb._"

"Very funny. Put my _real _name on the approved 24-hour-access-_at-all-times_ list and I wouldn't have to play the redneck brother," I emit sarcastically…with complete sincerity.

"Nah…" she retorts as the nurse smirks.

"Well…is there anything—"

Just then I understand that she is about to look at herself in the mirror, but before I can say anything…she has already arrived. I watch her lips part and her chest heave just once. I want to kiss her…tell her how beautiful she is…and that no matter what—

"I expected worse," she quips shrugging her shoulders.

But I can tell by the tone in her voice and the way she immediately turned away from the mirror…and especially me…that she was surprised.

The nurse closes the door behind them and I stand there for a moment sighing out a much-needed breath. I walk over to the window, granting Tris some privacy. Even though I've seen her in worse situations than going to the bathroom…

_How do I tell her? When do I tell her? I knew he was looking for her… I knew it… And I did…nothing…_

I can explain away all my actions: That I was under the delusion that Carlos Juares (she probably doesn't even know who that is) was watching our every move, lying in wait for me to slip up… That I didn't want to make her live in fear as she had done for so many years… That I fucking trusted my father's word! Apparently more than I trusted myself…

I hear quiet voices as Nurse Whoever-the-hell-it-is covertly albeit tentatively helps Tris to the bed. I can't help but smirk and bite my lips between my teeth as I get a quick butt shot and then she rips her arm away from the nurse chastising her for something. _Jesus… She's gonna be the worst patient… _But then I turn to the window ashamed at my slight amusement.

….. ….. …..

"What?" she whispers. "You don't want to look at me now?" She finishes that question with a bit of attitude…

I turn and give her the most confused expression of my life…because she's fucking clueless. I notice the nurse isn't in here and I must have zoned out for a minute.

"Of course not. Why would you say—"

"Why would I _not _say that? Have you _fucking _seen me?!"

"Yes…" I answer quietly as I walk over and lean on her bed.

As much as I want to bring up the fact that when I saw her yesterday, at first, I didn't recognize her…and then later she looked dead…so this is beyond a vast improvement…I don't. Instead, I push that thought away before I break down…again…because then I would have to hide it…again… I run my fingers up and down her calf feeling the bandage wrapped tightly around it.

"Then why…why won't you look at me..? And I don't mean a quick shot to make sure I'm still in the room!"

I can only shake my head and laugh to myself at my reason. "Because I don't think I'll be able to stop…"

She scoffs and crosses her arms… "It has nothing to do with the fact that I'm unrecognizable—"

"I would recognize you anywhere…without even having to look at you…"

"Well aren't you lucky."

"I agree."

I glance up at her as she turns her head because I know she took that comment wrong.

"Not many people can say they just know when someone is near… I can't exactly explain it myself… So…I, in fact, _do _consider myself lucky to have that connection with someone…even if it's one-sided…"

I desperately want her to say that it isn't one-sided… But her guard is up… And hell, maybe it truly _is _one-sided…

I allow myself a quick glimpse as she responds in an almost whisper. "Do you really want to talk to me about one-sided—"

"Hello, Tris. You're awake. Quite the slumber you took…and with minimal pain meds. Hope you're all hopped up now!" The way-too-jovial Dr. Haynes just busted into our very important conversation.

"Morning, _Caleb._"

I can, with 100% confidence, say I dislike this man.

"Did Evey give you your pain meds?" _Evey? That does not sound familiar…_

"Yes."

"Did you take them?" he asks crossing his arms and sitting on her bed. _Get off!_

"No."

"Why?"

She clears her throat before she brazenly answers. "Because it doesn't hurt that much." _God, she needs lying lessons…_

"Really?"

"Really."

"Well, that's excellent news. Let's check you out," he practically cheers.

I watch closely as the doctor moves her gown to the front so he can examine her ribs and I also see the look of discomfort as she swallows and looks my way. I don't even know what my face looks like as I turn from her and look toward the window, hating that she doesn't want me to see any of this. But I still need some kind of connection to her so I rest my hand on her leg and draw figure eights on her upper thigh.

"Shhhhhheeeee…" She sucks in a ridiculously large breath of pain as he pokes at her busted rib cage.

"Hey, easy…" I growl in the lowest tone possible. _That may be how Christina Bale sounds in Batman…_

I'm pleased to see a quick flash of apprehension behind his eyes at my reaction to his sticking his fingers into her severed ribs. However, it's quickly replaced by a smug smile on his face because he's proved his point.

"So, Tris… I barely put pressure on the fracture…"

I hear her clear her throat and feel the comforter shift as she sits straighter trying to feign pain tolerance.

"…and you were quite reactive. You need to take the pain medication… Nurse Evey said you could barely go to the bathroom…"

My eyes flash up to her face and I watch her cheeks flare up from embarrassment. The doctor must be able to tell because he softens his blatant tone.

"Tris. May I ask why you're disinterested in pain management?"

I wait for her response, hoping it's a good one because I'm not understanding…

"Because I can manage my own damned pain."

Just then it seems to click with Dr. Douche-bag what kind of patient he's dealing with…

"I'm aware of that. But…you need rest and it won't come easily if it hurts when you breathe."

"Tris?" I ask as I squeeze her leg. "Maybe just a—"

"No."

"Well, I can't force you," Dr. Dick says with his hands up, trying a new approach. "But it's against my very strong recommendation—"

"Noted."

"Tris?... Maybe just something to take the edge off?" I probe, praying she'll agree. "What's the difference if you take Ibuprofen here or at home?... And you know you take it often enough at—"

"You don't know_ what_ I do anymore!" _I know and I hate it! _

"And Ibuprofen could increase bruising, so it would be acetaminophen," Dr. Shut-the-fuck-up adds.

"Well then bring on the Tylenol! Because we know how bruising affects poor Caleb here."

The doctor looks at me concerned…and I know exactly the thought that's crossing his mind—he made the call to let me stay…but she never did_. Fuck…_

"Caleb?" He looks at me intently. "Do you mind if I talk to Tris alone?"

I look at her to respond but she just looks away… I know it's for no other reason than to spite me for not looking her in the eyes. Yet still I quietly excuse myself to go sit in my naughty chair in the hall.

* * *

**Zeke's POV:**

The crazy-ass screams coming from one of our holding cells is fucking mind-numbing. But I can deal, especially because I know right where it's coming from. We've all made a pact around the station not to tell him the girl he assaulted (I can't bring myself to think of her as 'Tris' when I'm at work) is actually alive and kicking. He got his one phone call…which he apparently used to call his pops… It seemed to do absolutely nothing. If anything, it made him worse…

"Wilson?" I lean over his desk in passing. "Who's gonna question him?"

"Captain said she handled it."

"Seriously?"

"Guess so."

I stare at Captain Matthews through the glass windows of her office. She doesn't like me. I know it. I'm cocky and I fuck around too much at the precinct. But I pacify the North side d-bags who tread the line between totally illegal and illegal but I'll-look-the-other-way acts—mostly college kids. The worst are actually the kids from the suburbs just out of college who think they're awesome and want to live in "The City" (to them that means Wrigleyville and Lincoln Park). They usually get some right-out-of-college bullshit job, immediately start to refer to themselves as locals, and get to know every North side neighborhood bar way too well… They only last a couple years and usually move back to the suburbs…get married, have kids and shit… And these lovelies are my clientele. _You're welcome, Captain!_

It's striking me as pretty f-in strange that the Captain would want to question him—Eric Monroe. I found out his last name and did my own Googling on him. The family sounds like just a bunch of hick farmers to me… But what the hell do I know…? I only know that I hate the man. _What he did to Tris… God damn…_

I immediately stand up to make that thought fly far, far, away and I find my feet taking me right to the Captain's office. Before I enter, I notice the psychotic screeching has stopped and I can see the crazy-ass through the bars across the station. He's sitting on the bench leaning his head against the bars…blood crusting up all over his head. He must sense my glare because he rolls his forehead along the bars just enough to look up at me through scrunched eyebrows… A chill goes down my back, not that I would ever admit that because there is something about that look… It's almost as if there's nothing behind it… I've seen a similar look in Four's eyes—when he has a goal in mind and nothing will get in the way of that… But the difference is the look I'm being delivered from this demonic dude is permanent…etched…tattooed… Whereas Four is many things…this guy seems to be only one…

"Officer Pedrad, can I help you with something?" she asks not even looking at me sideways from her desk.

"Yes, Captain. What's going to happen with King Dipshit on Turd Island over here?" _She'll think that's funny, right?_

She turns in her chair and rests her chin on her fisted hand. But I think she'd rather punch me with it at this moment. _Damn… I try so hard!_

"Are you referring to Mr. Monroe?"

"Um… Yeeeeasss."

"I interrogated him and now he is waiting to be escorted to a mental health care facility."

"Has the DA been here?" I ask because I'm…pretty shocked.

"No need. He admitted to everything."

"Oh. I didn't realize the victim had been questioned."

Captain Matthews looks down at her desk, starting up whatever crap I had interrupted her from. "She hasn't."

"I'm confused."

"I'm not surprised, officer." _I'm actually not confused at all you, dumb, corrupt bitch!_

"She's my friend," I deadpan. _And I'll be damned if her voice gets lost in this mess when it should be at the center. This shit cannot be pushed under the rug._

"Mr. Monroe has done the noble thing and agreed to admit to each and every one of, well, whatever she decides to _accuse _him of, and is prepared to accept the legal consequences—"

"_Legal consequences_…? He didn't cheat on his damned taxes… He—"

"We don't know _what _he did because he won't talk." She stops and stacks whatever papers are in front of her and stands, walking toward me. "Speaking of talking…he seemed rather confused when I informed him that the _victim _wasn't deceased…. Why would he think she was?"

"He saw her leave on a stretcher… Must have assumed…"

"Yet no one corrected him… Even when he was beating his skull bloody on the bars of his cell…" She looks over at him and purses her lips faking bullshit concern.

I don't answer, not wanting to give her the satisfaction of validating the information she already has.

"So! Officer Pedrad…with that said…and since you and the supposed victim—"

"_Supposed?_"

"—are friends. You can question her." She taps me on the shoulder like I'm a kid.

"Captain, isn't that a conflict of…something?"

"Are you telling me you can't be a professional and keep your biases in check?" _Yes!_

"No… I just…" _This is not my area of expertise!_

"Make sure you are very very _thorough…_in your questioning." She's so close that she's practically whispering. "That doesn't make you uncomfortable does it, Officer?" _Incredibly! And so are you!_

"No... But what about the victim? If she had been assaulted…in a certain way… Um… Would it be better if a female officer—"

"None are on duty. Can you handle this or not? I have to set up a transfer," she drolls lazily nodding in the psychopath's direction.

"Where is he going?"

"Not that it's any of your concern but… Masonic United Mental Health Care Center."

"That place is like a damned yoga retreat—"

"Take it up with the DA. Now we both have jobs to do…" She waves over her shoulder at me as she walks away.

"Captain?"

She takes a deep breath as if this conversation is causing her serious exhaustion. "Yes?"

"It doesn't even matter what she says, does it?"

"Do your job, officer."

* * *

**Shauna's POV:**

_I can't believe they stole my damned flowers! Ah, well…they were just carnations from the gift shop downstairs, but still… Ya think they could have warned me…?_

I walk to the nurse's station or desk area…whatever it's called…because I see Four sitting outside the door and I can't read the look on his face. I need to be prepared.

"Um… Hi." I get the attention of a younger nurse. "I'm a friend of Tris Prior's. Can I see her?"

"Does she know you're coming?"

"No, I um… I was here yesterday in the ER and haven't been back to see her yet."

"I'll walk you over there…"

"Thanks. Wait!" I grab her by the arm and she looks down at my hand on her arm with raised eyebrows. "Sorry… I'm aggressive."

"As you all seem to be."

"Yeah… So, what's his problem?" I nod in Four's direction.

"The doctor asked him to step out for a minute and I would say he hasn't been asked back in… He seems to be the type who needs permission…_her _permission."

"Ah. Yes, when it comes to _her_…he is. Anyone else he doesn't give a shit." I shrug at the accuracy of my statement.

"Hmm. My son would say he's a "scaredy cat."

"Well your son's wrong," I say matter-of-factly. "Four just doesn't want—"

"I never said I _agreed _with my seven-year-old. I actually think him giving her space and waiting for her to be ready is mature. Most men would just be all balls-to-the-walls and in her face."

"Hey, at least, he's not balls-in-her-face," I say laughing.

The nurse looks at me again with raised eyebrows.

"I make inappropriate jokes when I'm uncomfortable."

"Mmm hmm… Come with me."

I roll my eyes at myself for my awkwardness. _I mean, I have Lynn for a sister! We are not the comforting type! _

"And…what's with the 'Four'?" the nurse-lady asks out of the corner of her mouth.

"That's his name. Well, I guess it's a nickname. Why? …You didn't know that?"

"Thought it was 'Caleb.'"

"Huh—?" We're at the door before she can give me a proper explanation. "Hey, Four." I try to lower my body to be at eye-level but he's slumping in the chair and it's taking a lot of effort.

"Hey."

"Are you okay—"

"Is _she_?"

"Question with a question?…" _And that's my cue! _" I'll leave you alone then."

_No response from the Peanut Gallery…_

"Hiya!... Tris!" I say with exaggerated enthusiasm as I walk into the room. I know this because of the disgusted expression on her face…and the fact that she looks away.

"Is this okay, Tris?"

I cross my fingers as the nurse waits for Tris's response.

"If she takes the bullshit down a notch…she can stay."

"Well? Can you take the bullshit down a notch?" the nurse asks me.

"God, yes."

"Then I'll leave you to it."

I pull up the chair and sit down. "Alright, let's see your face."

She just shrugs her shoulders giving me a sarcastic laugh and then turns toward me, waving her hands around her head. "Take it all in…"

So I do…

"Hmm... I was expecting worse."

"Yeah. That's what I keep telling myself. It's total shit… I know exactly what I look like."

"Me too. Mostly bruising on the right cheek…technically your left… Your nose isn't fucked up so you didn't break it. You definitely have a black eye…but…besides that… Meh… Zeke made it sounds like Satan sat on your face. Sooo…all this," I wave at her face which truly isn't all that bad, "looks way better than expected."

Suddenly Tris grabs her side… _Ah, shit… She's gonna cry… Then what do I do?!_

"Oh, my God…" She's laughing…painfully. "That hurts so bad, but feels so good…"

I laugh along with her until we hear a chair scoot loudly in the hall. _Poor Four._

"He's dying to come in here, you know?"

She glances at the door and nods her head slightly with a sad expression.

"The doctor asked if I want him here. I'm…going to be moved to another floor, later on, tonight, but I still get one 24-hour visitor."

"Do you want him here?"

She flits her eyes up to mine before she answers. "Yeah."

"Then why is he out…_there_?"

"Shauna… Fuck! He won't look at me… He barely touches me unless it's in his…_fidgeting_ way—"

"I don't know what that means—"

"and I'm just so confused and… Ya know, I don't want to talk about this…"

"Well, I'm not good at making people feel better so whatever you say to me, I won't like 'handle' you or anything… I'm sincerely incapable…"

She nods her head after a moment, realizing I have no intention of leaving…yet. "I…don't know where to start with him… I'm still trying to remember what happened yesterday morning and he… He just fucking sits there! Close to me…but completely far away from me! It makes me crazy…"

"So all he's done is sit here…and just…be 'Four'?"

Now it's her turn to avert her eyes and 'fidget'… _Whatever the hell that means…_

"He's never 'Four' with me… Well, he was_ once_…and it kind of broke me…I think it was the start of what broke 'us'—the fact that he could switch gears that fast… It was…a wake-up call…"

"I've gotta tell ya… If he heard you say that…it would probably break _him_… And this isn't me being his friend or taking a side… This is me stating the facts and what I know about that man… I mean, something in _him _broke, after you two split. I don't know what happened or why he did it…but he had a reason…"

I had stopped trying to think about what that reason could possibly be. Zeke told me he knows, but he asked me not to make him tell me…

"Has he tried to tell you?"

"The other night… I think…" She laughs at herself. "I went on a rebound date…and ended up at Hangars…beyond wasted. I think he wanted to, but I wasn't having it."

"Why?"

"Because I was sick of giving him chances. I needed to be done with him…" She shakes her head seeming to not understand something. "And because I was under the influence of enough Tequila to tranquilize an elephant." _I hear that, sister!_

"Do you _want_ to be done with him?" _Please say 'no!'_

"No…" She says it so quietly that I barely heard her. "But it seems as if it's never been about what I've wanted…"

"Hmm…" I unabashedly look over her face again and something strikes me—something she may or may not want to hear. "So…this is unconfirmed on my end, I never thought it was my place to ask, but… Four's mom… Um…"

I watch Tris shift uncomfortably and not because of whatever injuries she has sustained…

"…I'm not asking you to divulge. I'm just saying if what I think happened to her…happened to her…I would imagine it is excruciatingly painful for Four to see you like this…"

She looks down at her hands and closes her eyes as if chastising herself for being selfish, which makes me feel like an ass because that sure as hell wasn't my intention.

"Hey, Tris? That wasn't meant to make you feel bad for him or bad about yourself. I'm an idiot because that is the last thing you need to be worried about right now—"

"Shauna, shut-up."

"Okay."

"That actually…helped. Thank you." _For real?_

"I helped?"

"Indirectly."

"Sweet." I push out my chair and stand. "Soooo…I'm not gonna hang around and be awkward but I do want you to know," I say backing toward the door, "I'm not going to ask what happened…yesterday…"

She gives me an expression I can only describe as quizzical.

"…because you'll tell me or us…when you're ready…"

She gives me an appreciative look as I open the door. "Thank you. Feel free to pass that along…"

"Will do—"

"Hey, baby…" I hear the deep voice of my fiancée (whoa…weirdly awesome) come up behind me.

"Hey, yourself… What're you doin' here?" I ask as I wrap my arms around his neck, loving the feeling of his build when he's in uniform. "Aren't you on—"

"I…uh…need to talk to Tris…" He kisses me quickly on the cheek and goes to walk toward her bed. _What…the…hell…?_

"Wait… _YOU'RE_ going to question her—"

"Shauna," he says in a way that is somehow warning and pleading.

I nod my head and give a last look to my friend. "Bye, Tris…"

She smiles and swallows as she flits her eyes past me into the hall.

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I love Shauna. The fact that she has no expectations is incredibly refreshing. I know at some point Christina is going to want me to "spill." Not that she'd word it like that… But reliving anything is the last thing I aspire to do…at least at this very moment. I know I'll confront it all…because…I just will… But, right now I just want to get better and go home… _Home… How can that be my home anymore? _

_No way! He's not taking that from me! _

"…you're going to question her—"

"Shauna," I hear Zeke…in a voice that I've never heard come out of him before.

My awareness suddenly kicks in and I understand _why _he's here.

_I hadn't thought this far yet. Holy shit… This isn't the first time Eric has done this… And before I never had to…look at the situation head on… I never had to talk about it… I can't do this, I can't do this… I can't do this…_

I see Tobias resting his head in his hands right outside the door and I wish he would just look at me…._ Please… I don't ask for help!… Please, please, please…_

"Hey, Tris."

"Hi." I watch Zeke sit way-too-carefully in the chair by my bed.

"So, I gotta…um…ask you some questions about…yesterday."

"Do I gotta…um…answer?" _Yes…that was childish!_

"Tris…I don't like this either—"

"Then leave."

"I need to take your statement—"

"I don't have one."

"Tris." He looks down and seems to be pleading with the floor.

"And you're not a damned detective!… So why are you—"

"A detective isn't needed…" Suddenly he looks me square on. "…when the assailant takes full responsibility."

"What?"

Resting his elbows on his knees, he leans in and speaks to me intently. "He signed a statement that he will plead 'guilty'…to everything you say happened. He…um…apparently will admit to everything and…anything you say."

I stare at the blanket and try to flex my toes, which irritates the shit out of my calf…and I pick at the little cotton pills on the worn blanket. I wonder how many people have used this blanket...? How many people have died in it…?

How I almost died…

I hadn't thought about that… Did I almost die? I woke up and I was here… That's not right… There was something in between… But…

"So, Tris...you need to make a statement."

"No, I don't." There are so many other questions I have—loose ends to be tied… How can I make a statement?

"Tris, the District Attorney will press charges with or without you. But your statement could make or break a sentencing—"

"Just stop it… Please? Can't you just use my shit-show of a medical record as evidence enough?"

"Yes."

"Great. Where do I sign?! Whatever the hell HIPPA has to say about it… I don't give a fuck. Just—"

"Tris—"

"Just make some damned copies, Zeke! I don't want to relive this! I'm sure there are all kinds of X-rays and EEGs and whatever the hell else has been attached to me—"

"Tris—"

"What, Zeke?! What the fuck—"

"It was written in my report that there was sexual abuse…" He looks away from my bed out the window Tobias seems to be so fucking fond of. "…And there needs to be a follow-up on that."

_A follow-up_… My pulse picks up at that thought… _I don't want a follow-up… I don't even know if… And I don't want to know! I don't want to know!_

"Well...just because it says it in the report doesn't mean—"

"Tris," I look up to the seething eyes of Tobias who all but growled at me…

He's looking at me, really looking at me, for the first time. But it's not the way I had hoped—It's the burning-a-hole-through-my-eye-sockets glare he delivers me when I've crossed the line… I've only seen it a couple times…

He walks toward Zeke and me, slowly and with purpose, never removing his eyes from mine and instantly, tears spring forth because I know what's coming…

"Zeke, give us a minute," he says calmly and intently as he takes Zeke's chair.

I bite my bottom lip to hold it still and his eyes soften and the fire dampens the closer he gets… Soon he's right up by my head. Keeping his eyes trained on mine, he takes my hand in his. As in he is actually holding my hand—not counting my fingers or tracing shapes…

He smiles out of the side of his mouth, which for the first time I actually look at and miss so, so, so, much. His lips are partially covered by his facial hair and before I know it my right thumb grazes his bottom lip and I feel the mix of softness and prickliness. He sucks in a quick breath and tightens his grip on my hand. I know he won't kiss me… It's almost bittersweet because I know how his lips feel on mine so I'm fully aware of what I'm missing…but the anticipation of a possible kiss in the future is making my stomach clench in the best way…

I'm assuming Zeke leaves but I'm not entirely sure because I feel the best familiar sense of warmth and electricity spread from where Tobias has linked our fingers, up through my palm and wrist. I feel the hairs on my arms stand up and then immediately settle. I actually smile a little at the goofy analogy that comes to my mind.

"What?" he whispers as he tilts his head so it's parallel with my reclining head on the pillow. It's the only position that feels okay, relatively speaking, right now.

"Now I know what a football stadium feels like when the fans do The Wave."

"Well, you think football's dumb. So…what does that say about me?"

"You can draw your own conclusions."

He gives me a brief closed-mouth laugh and sighs running his thumb along my cheekbone… A flash of something crosses his eyes as he blinks and pulls away just a bit.

"I almost just got very, very, angry with you…"

I shrug my shoulders as if that would have no effect on me…which is such crap. He's the first person I jump at in anger, but the last person I want to accept anger from.

"But I didn't and you're going to hate the reason why…"

"Okay…"

"You may think it's because I walked in and we made immediate eye contact and well…how could I be mad at these eyes? The ones I've been dying to look into…whether you believe it or not… And now that I'm actually holding your soft hand…and you're holding mine back…" He smiles a little and furrows his eyebrows bringing my hand up and kissing it softly. The feeling of his lips on my knuckles takes want and anticipation to a whole new level. "How could I be mad? I'm right where I want to be… But that's not the reason either…" He clenches his jaw before he continues. "It's because I didn't think you could handle it."

"You don't think I could handle _you _being mad?... That's _rich—_"

"How would you have reacted if I came barreling in here like a damned bull let out of his pen?"

"Well, it wouldn't exactly surprise anyone—"

"And told you how stupid you're being for not telling your side of things—"

"_Stupid_!?" _Is he…? Does he…?_

"—and how you're taking the easy way out—not facing things just so you don't have to think about them—"

"Taking the easy way out?! There is no easy way out!" _Am I hearing this shit? _

"Well, you're giving _him_ the easy way out."

I sit there as my mouth, that was literally salivating for this complete prick, goes dry because I can't fucking believe he's _saying_ this to me…

"Anyway…those are all of the things I _wanted_ to say…and not in my nice voice… So, at least, you get my nice voice…" He smiles his stupid, stupid, corner-of-the-mouth-make-a-woman-come-on-command smile and I want to rip it off his face and smack him with it…like a dead fish…to the face! _And I'm enjoying that visual to no end right now!_

"So…you…think…I'm…being _STUPID_!" I rip my hand away from his, welcoming the coldness that replaces it.

"Tris, relax… I'm just saying—"

"Just saying…WHAT?! So…you think it's easy…? You think I don't want to tackle this head on? As if that's so God damned simple, Tobias! Fuck! You know what?! _Fuck you_ for even thinking that!"

"I never said it would be easy—"

"Oh, but you don't think _I _can do it?!"

He's just sitting there twiddling his damned thumbs!

"... Answer me!"

"I never said you can't… I just feel like you won't—"

"You think he got the better of me! Holy shit… You know…I've never met anyone who underestimates me more than you, Tobias!...Yeah, yeah… You say I'm the strongest person you know… Well, at least, you used to! Who the hell knows _what _you're thinking these days? Shit! I know I don't!... Your friends don't! Do you even have friends anymore?" Then it occurs to me how this whole situation is foreign territory to him.. This isn't about me! It's about him! "Wait a minute… It's all coming together now… Now that you get a first-hand account, a full frontal—not some stupid bullshit journal—of the damage of Eric Monroe…suddenly I'm weak? Well, jokes on you because_ you're_ the weak one! You can't stand me being at my lowest… Especially now that I'm no longer living up to that high expectation you have of me. I fell right off that fucking pedestal…didn't I?!"

I watch his face as he moves his eyes back and forth between mine. I'm going to thoroughly enjoy this!

"Now get out!"

"Tris, I just…" He stands and leans over the bed trying to get eye level with me.

"I don't fucking need you here!"

He clears his throat and stands upright for a moment.

"I don't….need you…here…"

He just nods his head and walks out… I watch after him and wipe the tears away in anger… A part of me assumes he's going to go sit in the chair outside the door…but he keeps walking down the hall and turns the corner…leaving…

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

I'm craning my neck to the best of my ability and leaning on the two right feet of my chair trying to listen to what the hell Shauna and Tris are talking about, but the nurse closed the door behind her so I'm having a difficult time of it.

Then an instant smile crosses my face as I hear, for the second wondrous time today, Tris laugh. Not as loud as I made her laugh this morning…. _Ha ha, Shauna!..._ But still…she's laughing…

"Wow… You smiled—"

"Shit!" I tumble over the side of the chair…onto my shoulder…

"—must be a full moon. You alright?"

I think I growl like a puppy because it comes out as more of a whimper as I clutch at my re-re-re-injured body part.

"Good," she quips even though I didn't respond…with words. "You know…the doctor asked her if she wanted a different 24-hour visitor."

"Hmmph." I stand and right my naughty chair roughly pushing it against the wall and sitting down again.

"She said no." I look up at her as she gives me a shoulder shrug. "Just thought you should know."

"Thanks," I mumble as she turns back toward the nurse's station. "Anything else you can tell me?" I ask really hoping she'll give me some sort of inkling as to what the fuck I should do next…

_Go into the room? Brush her hair? Tell her this is my fault, I love you, please forgive me? Rub her feet? Anything…..!_

"No."

I sigh out and rub my eyes… But then a thought hits me right between the eyes…a very thoughtful thought, at that! _I should get her coffee… Good coffee…. Can she have that?_

"Oh, hey… Uh…" _What's her name? What's her name?_

"Evey…" she sighs as she turns back around.

"Sorry… I know you told me your name… I just…"

"I introduced myself as Evelyn so…no worries." _Ahhhh… Yes…_

"Ha…"

God, I must have been three shades of royally fucked-up because I have _minimal_ memory of _that_ being her name.

"Something funny?"

"Oh…no. Sorry… That was just…my mother's name."

She glances up at me from whatever she's doing on her tablet and frowns briefly but Zeke comes up quickly behind her before we can continue our conversation. _Was that a conversation? _

"Four."

"Hey." I stand to greet him feeling suddenly grateful for a distraction.

"She can only have two visitors at a time, guys."

"Um…" He looks right at me as if he's asking_ my_ permission to go in, which, of course, I'm fully prepared to deny. "I'm here to get her statement." _What the hell?!_

"_You're _getting her statement?" _Are you…fucking…kidding…me?!_

Zeke… Patrolman Zeke… Drinks-on-the-job Zeke… Pushes-the-limitations-of-his-job-daily Zeke…

"Yes."

"Isn't it a little early for that? And why are _you _doing it?" I stand up straight making it clear he's not going the fuck in that room.

"No, it's not too early. And I'm doing it because it's my job and I was first on the scene so I _know _which questions to ask."

I watch him shift his weight and I see his eyes actually dilate from nerves… I need to handle this better…

"She's not ready, Zeke. You should have seen her this morning—"

"She _has _to be ready…They're already prepping him for transfer to a…"

"A…what…?"

"A mental health facility. The DA wants her statement…now—"

"A _mental…health…_facility—"

"I cannot have this discussion with you… But I will be having it with her—"

"No female officers available?" Evey asks boldly, crossing her arms and looking at Zeke skeptically.

"I was told…there is not."

"Hmm…"

"Why would she need a female officer?" I look from Zeke to Evey and back to Zeke…

Zeke's entirely incompetent… But why should the fact that he's male matter? I'm feeling incredibly ignorant at this moment and I don't tolerate that well.

Evey answers in an aggravatingly soothing voice. "Sometimes it's easier to talk to a woman about some of the more sensitive…issues."

I close my eyes as her inferences connect. So…my best friend…one of the lesser perceptive and mature individuals I know…the one who couldn't even say that he "makes love" to his girlfriend…the one who tries to hook me up with a sub-par chick to get over my perfectly-par chick…gets to interrogate Tris about… _FUCK! _

"Four—"

"_Don't_," I assert as I walk a few feet away trying to collect myself. _Hands behind my head…always helps… _"Just…give me a minute—"

"I don't have a minute… Look, man…" He puts his hand firmly on my shoulder. "This is Tris. I will handle this delicately—"

"She's not _delicate_."

"Man, _nothing_ I say is going to make any of this okay—"

"No _shit_!"

"—but l assure you, my friend… Four…? Four!... "

With incredible reluctance…I turn to face him again.

"You can trust me."

There is not a damned thing I can say that will make any of this go away so I just nod my head and go sit down, resting my eye sockets in my palms again. I wish I could disconnect her from her head and plug myself in…so she wouldn't have to go through this…

I feel Evey's eyes on me and I feel myself panicking…

"Can I go…in…? Should I go…in…? I don't know what to do! Tell me what to do!... And you need to understand—I _never _say that!"

"Don't go far… She may need you." I glance up, acknowledging her comment.

"I'm not going anywhere."

Scooting my chair closer to the door, I resume my previous position and feel a slight shoulder squeeze and a "Bye, Four," attached to it—a voice that belongs to Shauna.

"Mmm…" I respond wishing I were mute for once so people would stop talking to me…even if it is just saying goodbye.

"Then leave." I overhear the blatant bossiness that is 100% Tris and my ears prick up like a German Sheppard.

"I need to take your statement—"

"I don't have one."

"Tris."

"And you're not a damned detective!" _She's fuming_… "So why are you—"

"A detective isn't needed…when the assailant takes full responsibility."

_He took full responsibility? Why? That's…too…easy… _

"He signed a statement that he will plead 'guilty'…to everything you say happened. He…um…apparently will admit to everything and…anything you say.."

_So he made a deal…before Tris was even formally questioned…?_

"So, Tris. You need to make a statement."

"No, I don't." _Is she serious? Stay calm and think… Stay calm and think…_

"Tris, the District Attorney will press charges with or without you… … …"

_I know she's scared… I know she's not ready to relive it… I know this is going to be…terrible… But he can't get off that easy… He can't get away with doing this to her, again… And if she says…nothing… Then—_

"Just stop it… Please? Can't you just use my train wreck worth of a medical record as evidence enough?"

"Yes."

_No. That is not good enough!... _

"Great. Where do I sign?! Whatever the hell HIPPA has to say about it… I don't give a fuck! Just—"

"Tris—"

"Just make some damned copies, Zeke! I don't want to relive this!... … …"

_Copies? Make some damned copies? She is not copy-worthy! She will not be reduced to "fractured true rib, pneumothorax, , concussion, gastrocnemial laceration." She's not some random casualty! She's a person… MY PERSON! _

"Tris—"

"What, Zeke?! What the fuck—"

"It was in my report…that there was…" He clears his throat and says more evenly than he ever has, "possible sexual abuse… … …"

I have a clear image in my head of the look of unnecessary shame that reddens her face…

"Well..."

And then I hear it—that hitch in her voice…that small pause right before she's about to lie…and her voice decibel rises about once notch… And I know exactly what she's about to say…

"…just because it _says_ it in the report doesn't mean—"

"Tris," I'm out of my chair and latching my eyes onto hers with intention before I can process my reaction.

The expression I'm giving her is what I can only assume would be construed as a mix of frustration, exasperation, and utter chagrin…which is an unnecessary way of saying 'anger.'

She gives me the bullshit deer-in-headlights look even though she knows exactly why I've found my way back into this room. But then I see the tears brim and spill forth over her captivating blue eyes that I have been…as appalling as it sounds…avoiding. Now it's a lost cause…

How can I be so selfish as to be angry with her? _Jesus, I'm a cocksucker… _

But I know…she needs to do this. It's going to be grueling…possibly horrifying for her. Seeing as none of us really knows exactly what happened—she will be doing this…entirely alone. But_ he_ needs to relive this—have this statement read to _him_… And I'm going to make sure that happens.

"Zeke, give us a minute."

I pull Zeke's chair out right from under him as I move my entire form as close as I can to her. I take her hand in mine…completely on purpose because I am sure she needs some sort of reassurance at this moment. And because I'm aware of the fallout of what I'm about to say and I need this too. I see a small ever so slight blush appear on the right side of her face…and I'm pretty sure it's because of me. _Yes!_ Especially when she surprises the hell out of me and brings her thumb up running the pad of it along my lower lip. _I've never wanted to put someone's thumb in my mouth before… God… I want this girl… _I can't even put into words how much I want to press my lips to hers…possibly giving her a moment's relief. But I'm still unsure as to whether or not that would be torture for her… For me, it would be heaven…that may just lead to torture…

"What?" I ask as I line my head up with hers. Three more inches and I could land my lips on hers. _Damn… I miss that…_

"Now I know what a football stadium feels like when the fans do The Wave." _What a goof… _

Yet I know exactly what she means…because her touch sends shockwaves through me…

"Well, you think football's dumb, so… What does that say about me?" I laugh lightly before tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"You can draw your own conclusions."

I can't help but put my hand up to cradle the left side of her face and lightly run my thumb along her bruised cheekbone—collecting a tear along the way.

_Fuck… I know what I have to do… I hate this…_

"I almost just got very, very, angry with you…" I state sincerely.

She tries to play it off as if she wouldn't care. _Nice try, Tris…_

"But I didn't and you're going to hate the reason why…"

"Okay…" _Here goes nothin'…or everything because I'm certain I won't be asked back…_

"You may think it's because I walked in and we made immediate eye contact and well…how could I be mad at these eyes? The ones I've been dying to look into whether you believe it or not… And now that I'm actually holding your soft hand…and you're holding mine back…"

I take a brief hiatus from my intended journey—to take her in…before she tries to murder me with her colorful vocabulary. I kiss the back of her hand and relish the feeling of my lips on a part of her body…

"How could I be mad? I'm right where I want to be… But that's not the reason either…"

_Get her done, Tobias…_

"It's because I didn't think you could handle it." _Such…bullshit… _

"You don't think I could handle _you _being mad?... That's _rich—_"

"How would you have reacted if I came barreling in here like a damned bull let out of his pen?"

"Well, it wouldn't exactly surprise anyone—"

"—and told you how stupid you're being for not telling your side of things—"

"_Stupid_!?" _Jesus… This is gonna be bad…_

"And how you're taking the easy way out—not facing things just so you don't have to think about them—"

"Taking the easy way out?! There is no easy way out!"

"Well, you're giving him the easy way out." _That's actually…true…_

I wait a moment and see the tension building behind those eyes.

"Anyway…those are all of the things I _wanted_ to say…and not in my nice voice… So, at least, you get my nice voice…"

I smile my best try-to-win-someone-over smile…which I know infuriates her because it's falsified. Plus, Zeke let it slip once that I used it to get women to sleep with me… _One time, dick… One time!_

"So…you…think…I'm…being STUPID!" She shakes her hand free harshly. _Shit…_

"Tris, relax… I'm just saying—"

"Just saying…WHAT?! So…you think it's easy… You think I don't want to tackle this head on? As if that's so God damned easy, Tobias! Fuck! You know what?! _Fuck you_ for even thinking that!" _Deserved that…_

"I never said it would be easy—"

"Oh, but you don't think _I _can do it?!..."

For some reason, I can't bring myself to break her on that one… I don't think I could lie about that either… I_ know _she can do it. Even my lies can only take me so far…particularly when she's involved…

"Answer me!" she shrieks as I look away trying to keep my resolve.

"I never said you can't…I just feel like you won't—"

"You think he got the better of me?!" _Is there anything further from the truth?!_ "Holy…shit… You know…I've never met anyone who underestimates me more than you, TOBIAS!"

_This is where I need to tune out… I'm not here… I am in orbit… Oh, look! The Milky Way is way better than the pictures… Nice try, Tobias… You know you're hearing every…word…of this…_

"… …Who the hell knows _what _you're thinking these days! Shit! I know_ I_ don't!... Your friends don't!... Do you even have friends anymore?"

_Well…that was…totally shitty! Because it's probably true…_

She looks at me with her ice cold stare as I bite my tongue. "Wait a minute… It's all coming together now… Now that you get a first-hand account, a full frontal…" She lazily moves her hands down the length of her body and I can envision the bruises I haven't yet seen. "…not some stupid bullshit journal…of the damage of _Eric Monroe…"_

_That name… Razors blades… Fucking razor blades to my eardrums…_

"…suddenly I'm _weak_? Well, jokes on you because _you're_ the weak one. You can't stand me being at my lowest… Especially now that I'm no longer living up to that high expectation you have of me!"

_What high expectations?! I love you for you…you fuckin' fool!_

"I fell right off that God-damned pedestal…didn't I?! Now get out!"

I find myself leaning toward her for no other reason then that I want to take it all back! "Tris. I just—"

"I don't fucking need you here!"

I close my eyes so they don't betray me. That hurt way more than I thought it would… Irrationally, I thought she wouldn't be able to say the words—

"I don't….need you…here…"

_God…_

I turn and walk out of the room glancing at Zeke… "She's all yours…" I whisper.

He bumps my shoulder before I can get past him and whispers jokingly, "Hey, bro. For the record… I'm your friend!"

"Hmm… Thanks." _Alright, that actually makes me feel a little better… Scotch would make me feel waaaaayyyy better… _

* * *

**Tris's POV:**

I'm embarrassed at my outburst and furious at Tobias and I can't believe I am about to relive this nightmare…alone…with_ Zeke_ of all people… I'm twisting the blanket in my hand and watching my fingertips turn white from blood loss.

"Tris? Would it make you feel better if—"

"Just ask me the damned questions," I say forcefully and quietly as the look on Tobias's face lingers…

I force the tears back as I reflect on how his eyes widened and then closed before he walked out.

_He was just worried I couldn't handle it… Why would he think otherwise?... But he said I was being…stupid and…God, I can't even think about it…_

"From what I saw there was no forced entry…"

I straighten up painfully. "No... When I got there…the door was unlocked…and…and he said Christina left without locking… Zeke, do _not _include her name in this—"

"Not necessary…" He writes some notes down and then looks back up at me seriously. "Any idea how long he was there for?"

"Who fucking cares?"

"If he was waiting for you…that goes toward a motive—it was calculated."

"Of course it was…calculated…" I comment confused as to why anyone would think otherwise.

Zeke blinks his eyes and averts them from mine.

"Zeke?" _He is definitely leaving something out…_

"How long, Tris… How long…do you think he was there…or um…waiting...?"

I can feel my heart rate—it's in my fingertips and it's starting to take over my body…as some of Eric's words find their way back to me…

…..

_"…I didn't count the seconds…but he was definitely here from…mmmm… 11:… - 1:..… He left looking a little…upset…. … … … … quite the revolving door of men last night. …which one are we talking about?... ….. ….. …..the dude who stayed and got you…dressed and…brushed your long beautiful hair…? Grrrrrr!" _

_….. growls throwing a chair…. …. ….slams into the bathroom door._

_"How long were you watching me—"_

_"I should have been the one…. …. …. …your beautiful body… Why? Why? Why would you let anyone else touch you like that?" _

_…. …. runs his fingers down my arms…. …._

_"…I never got to…see… Your smooth skin… look at this babe…"._

_…. points to his groin.._

_"I'm hard just thinking about it."_

_….._

"Tris?"

I shake out my hands trying to make the pulsing stop and the vision of his arousal leave my mind… "I don't know, I don't know, I don't know!"

"Okay, okay… Um—"

"He was watching us… Tobias and I…or um…Four—"

"Tris, I know his name is Tobias…"

I nod my head and actually laugh a small crazy giggle because it's funny that I would even give a shit about calling him Tobias at that moment…

"I need some…water—"

"So, Four was there?"

"That night…he…he—"

"I helped her…" I look up and see Tobias leaning against the doorframe. "She was sick and…I just made sure she was okay..."

Just then I take in his whole appearance—jeans and a T-shirt… The neckline looks like someone played tug-of-war with it. He's let his facial hair grow in more than I thought...and his hair looks crazy and unkempt… He's lost some weight I think… And the dark circles under his eyes look permanent… He's the male version of…me…the _me _from before all _this_… But I don't even care… He's still the best thing I've ever laid eyes on… And my heart rate normalizes under his gaze.

"I'm sorry," he mouths to me as he let's his head fall to the side resting it on the door.

I nod my head and let a _stupid _tear fall as he walks in slowly and tries to sit by me even slower, as if he's waiting for me to make him leave. But just the left side of his body touching my right, gives me courage.

"He was watching us?" he asks quietly as if Zeke isn't here.

I nod my head as the disturbing image of him at the window, seeing me…topless maybe…or worse seeing as I barely remember…

"He saw you…getting me…ready for bed…" I train my eyes on Tobias and watch him swallow as it registers—everything that Eric saw. I don't remember 90% of it… Eric filled in more of the blanks than anyone…

"So…I got there around 11—"

"He was watching…before that… He mentioned…David… So…"

I shake my head and clench my jaw tight looking away from Tobias for a moment in shame at that scenario… _I still can't believe he walked in on that…yet he stayed and… God, I'm awful…_

"Hey…" I feel a whisper in my ear. "Let's sit back, okay? You don't look comfortable."

I must give him some sort of unidentifiable look because he returns it until I nod my head and lean back sucking in a breath. _Take the pain meds, Prior! No. I need the pain…_

"It's okay…" he guides me back slowly by my shoulders and props a pillow under my lower back. Scooting closer to me, he wraps his left arm around my shoulder. "Is this alright?" he murmurs. I can feel his lower lip graze the top of my ear.

I turn and suddenly…I can't look away as I dive into the deep end of his ocean eyes… The apology in them says it all—He got me riled up on purpose…and in a fucked up way I'm grateful because he brought out strength in me that I couldn't.

"So, he was probably on her fire escape," Tobias states plainly to Zeke.

"Tris?" _Does he need validation for everything? Fuck!_

"Yes…Zeke."

"Upon entering your apartment…did he attack you right away?"

I close my eyes and flashback to his state of mind and behavior. "No… He was manic and pacing…and trying to talk to me…"

"What did he say?"

"I…I don't… Um… _God_!..." I feel Tobias's strong hand in mine and I take a deep breath…

…..

_…way hotter than before… If I knew moving to Chicago for a year would be all it takes… …could have come here months ago!"_

…..

"His…um…timeline was wrong… He was talking as if I had left only a year ago…but then…later he said three months ago… Uh… I knew I needed to keep him calm… Fuck! I offered him a damn _drink_!... God... I can't fucking believe I—"

"Tris, that was the right thing to do—keeping him calm. It could have been a lot worse otherwise…"

The visual of me baiting him just because he pissed me off presents itself…

"Well, Zeke…if _that _was the right thing…then I definitely did the_ wrong _thing after that!"

"Can you explain?"

I feel like my bottom lip is going to bust open and my palms are clammy. But Tobias tightens his grip all the same.

"He wanted me to leave with him... But he was getting too close… He was… I got angry with him, but it…made him… Jesus! Can I just..?" _Can I please stop?!_

"Tris…?" I look up to the certain steady eyes of Evey. "No play-by-plays."

I nod my head and take shaky breaths and I fell Tobias's hitch as well.

"Officer?..." She directs her stern face to Zeke. "No…play-by-plays."

"I wasn't asking—"

"This isn't a court case. Ask the pertinent questions and be done with it. Need guidance?"

"No."

"Want me to stay?" she asks me.

"Yes," Tobias and I say at the same time.

He squeezes my left shoulder and kisses my right softly in acknowledgment of our simultaneous answer.

"Guys, I'm sorry… I…"

_This is not a familiar task for him… Fuck… Why is he the one doing this?_

"Zeke…" He and Tobias have some sort of exchange because Zeke quickly sits up straighter and looks me dead on. But I can see behind his deep brown eyes how much he's struggling to keep his composure while also being professional and respectful… _Poor Zeke…_

_Breathe, Tris… Breathe, Tris… Put your friend out of his misery… Put YOURSELF out of misery!_

_….._

_"You don't get to talk to me that way. Now get your shit and let's go HOME!"_

_…grabs my arm…twists me around… … … … … … drive my elbow into his abdomen…. …. ….. ….. ….. ….. ….. …..run past him to the door. ….. something large….. ….. hits me….. ….. ….. throwing me into the door…_

_….. ….. ….. ….. …..blue paint spread onto a canvas… ….. ….. ….. …..darkness._

…..

"I tried to aggravate him so he would attack me and he did…and I ran…but something hit me…from…behind… God, um… And all I remember is that I woke…up and I was on…my bed and he was…on top...on top of me..."

I pause taking huge gulping breaths, not being able to get the next words out… My eyes are shut, my nails are digging into my palms to the point there is no pain and my face is wet…. I have no idea how long I've been crying, but I know the worst is yet to come…

The room is silent and I can feel all eyes on me…except for Tobias's. Those are staring off into some distant land… I can tell…because I feel no warmth on the side of my face. But I feel the all too tight squeeze of his fingers gripping my left shoulder. I have to squirm a bit to loosen his grasp.

"Sorry," he says under his breath as he loosens his grip and rubs my shoulder. He drops his right hand…which is still clutching mine…and I see teeth marks in his knuckles and bright red crescent marks from my finger nails…

"I'm sorry—"

"Shh," he shushes me and then rubs his thumb back and forth on my index finger.

"Tris?" Zeke asks more directly than ever. "Did he force himself on you?"

I feel like I swallowed a bucket of sand and I can't get words out… "I… I…"

_….._

_….eyes shoot open …. ….. feel Eric grinding himself on me._

_"We never…got the chance to… ….—"_

_….. ….. ….. ….. ….. ….. I feel cool air from where my underwear should be._

_"….. ….. ….. ….. ….. ….. ….. ….. had to get myself off once just by watching you sleep… ….. ….. ….. ….. ….."_

_….. ….. ….. ….. ….. ….. he's wet through his boxers._

_"Eric…stop."_

_"Why? I'm going slow….. ….. ….. Just like you always-"_

_"Please, stop. Please, stop. Please, stop." _

_"….. ….. You're gonna like it this time."_

_…..runs the tips of his fingers over my ….. ….. ….. …..I buck up my hips trying to make him stop. ….. ….. ….. agony ….. ….. defeat ….. ….. ….. acceptance of the inevitable…_

….

"…I don't know… He was on…_top…of…me_…" I know there are a mass amount of sobs and I don't think anyone can understand me…

"So, you don't remember?" I think that was Zeke…

"She obviously_ doesn't_!" Tobias chokes.

"He… He tried to… And I…. Oh, my God… I let him try… I let him try… I'm so, so, so, so, sorry… Tobias, I…"

"Tris…" I feel his breath haggard in my ear as he grips the side of my head…accompanied by a tear that gathers at the bottom of my right ear—not my tear.

I remember driving my heel into his leg…

"I… I wanted him to try… Oh, my God… So I could… But I didn't… And he did… And then I don't remember…until the end and I'm so sorry… I fucked up… I should have just walked out the door…I should have run… But I didn't… I let him—"

"Tris, stop."

I'm sub-sucking like a 3-year-old as I hear Evey's voice. I can't look at anyone because I feel dirty and…fucking humiliated. _I let him…do…something… I'm not sure…_

"We're gonna make quick work of this, okay?"

"Okay." _I don't even know if that voice came out of me._

"Can you tell the officer with 100% certainty that he didn't rape you?"

I look into the straightforward kind eyes of Evey and then up into the haunted, hurting eyes of Tobias as he nods to me and squeezes my hand. I close my eyes and feel his forehead rest on the top of my head.

"I love you," he whispers, not hiding any emotion. "You can do this…" _That's all I needed to hear…_

"No," I say firmly to Evey without opening my eyes.

"We need to find out, okay? Officer, Dr. Haynes will contact you when the results are in. We all done here?"

"No."

I hear Tobias growl under his breath as he lifts his head, then his lips on my forehead as I turn into his neck…his scent like an immediate sedative.

"Tris? We found your attacker at the bottom of the stairs. Did he fall or did you push him?"

"Neither," I murmur.

"Did he jump?"

"I threw him…over the railing."

"I actually believe that… Your woman's a bad ass…"

"Strongest…person…I know."

* * *

**Nita's POV:**

I walk…timidly… _(whoever thought that word would be in my vocabulary. Gross…_) into the offices at ALG. Four's phone is going straight to Voicemail and he's not at his apartment…so I figured I'd check the office. My sweet ass luck! His car is here!

Now I know I quit…and then, well, Four fired me…but I still need to save face. If Four and I have a chance…and I'm quite positive we do…I need to be a little humble (_Again…whoever thought that word would be in my vocabulary. Gross…_). It was semi-inappropriate to go into his apartment unannounced and I need to apologize (yet another word!) for that faux pas. Marcus gave me a God damned key and free reign... So, of course, I'm going to use it!

I exit the elevator and walk with my head high, stomach in, breasts out on my way to Four's amazing office. _God, having the office to ourselves…with him in a foul mood… Yum…_

But as I near the Senior Associates' offices…Will's in particular..I hear what I can only describe as rough and hushed language coming out of his office. Normally I would breeze right by, but I can't keep my keen ears from perking up at the mention of my target.

"What did Four do when he found her?… The dude has a temper the size of Mount Prospect!"

I've never heard Matthew's voice at that unbecoming decibel.

"Matthew!... If you can't keep your self together, then you need to go home… Man, I'm serious. This is why we have weekends—"

"Keep my self together!? I'll worry about keeping myself together… And… You just worry about yourself and keeping it together…and I'll worry about me!... But… So…. You're sure…she's okay?"

"She's okay now—"

"You're sure?"

"I'm sure—"

"This is my fault."

"This is not your fault."

"I gave David her number!"

_Of course… Someone would take my sloppy seconds… Who the hell are they talking about?_

"…and then he got her…drunker than a beer brat—"

"Don't ever say that again—"

"And I _know…_I _know…_I _know…_without a doubt…that he tried…things with her… And…"

_Well, of course he did… He's David… A good guy…but…kind of an easy catch. He tried plenty with me… Doubtful anyone would be able to top—_

"Math…_ew_…! Whatever happened between David and Tris…has nothing to do with what happened to her… She would have been at her apartment…David…or no David!"

_Tris…? As in Four's little itty bitty? What the hell—_

"But she wouldn't have been hungover and probably dehydrated…and in need of…coffee…which is dehydrating so I agree that's a ridiculous statement… But either way…she wouldn't have been either of those… Wait, that was three things—"

"Matthew!" Will yells. "Listen to me! Her ex-boyfriend attacked her… He had been looking for her… He found her… With or without you, David, and or coffee…he would have still found her… Now that is _way _more information than I should give you but seeing as you won't calm the hell down…I have to!"

"Fuck… Are you serious?.. Jesus, man! What the hell?!... I'm sorry I'm tweaking… I just… She's my friend who I would rather make-out with, but she's still…my friend… Damn…"

I start to head out until I hear Four's name again…

"How's Four?"

"Christina says he's…functioning."

"Functioning is good…very good… So…um…can she have visitors—"

"Erase that thought."

I back up slowly…not needing to hear any more of this… There's no need for me to stay, now that Four's not here… But… Damn it! That means he's with Tricia! _God! Why does this shit keep happening to me?_

"God!" I say in what I hope is a whisper… (_Who am I kidding?… It wasn't!)_… as I push the elevator button several times.

_"'He's…functioning'… What the hell does that mean anyway?!"_

When it finally opens, I walk in and turn around, taking the brief amount of time it takes to examine myself in the reflection off the closing elevator doors—I almost always look perfect_. And…yep…living up to my standards_…. I wink to myself then I look up at the mirrored ceiling at the perfect line of cleavage that runs down my chest. _Awesome…._ Then I check out my cuticles. _Perfection_… I look down at my shoes… _Brand new Jimmy Choos… Brand new Jimmy Choos… It rhythms! _

"Gah!" I chastise pointing to myself in the mirrored doors. "Oh, for God's sake, Juanita! Just let yourself feel bad for someone…for once!"

As much as I can't stand that little itty bitty annoying toy that Four dotes on… I still don't want her…dead or attacked. _Geez…_

**Flashback:**

I try to walk as casually as I can into Marcus's office, putting aside my horror and embarrassment at the show Trini put on for my benefit…and the benefit of the entire bar… I have had my fair share of people stare at me…longingly, enviously…and some awkwardly…but, never have I experienced full on humiliation. _God, that little bitch is a good dancer… I hate being one-upped! _Well, she may have one-upped me but _I _still have the upper hand.

"Evening, Marcus," I say in my most confident voice.

"Juanita." He doesn't even bother to turn around and look at me. He just stares out the window…

It reminds me of Four… But not in a masculine take-me-up-against-this-window-so-everyone-can-see-how-hot-we-are-when-we-fuck way… It's in the way he demonstrates his disdain for me. I'm aware Four doesn't exactly like me… In all honesty, I don't really like him. But the magnetic pull that the two of us have far outweighs the less important aspects of a relationship. We would be equals, partners, teammates…two alphas fighting for dominance—

"Juanita, I would really like to return to my prior engagements so_ do_ tell me what is on your mind…"

"I've had my suspicions for the last week…about your son…"

"Jesus…" he breathes out as if I can't hear him. "Allow me to guess… Does his suit need to be taken in a size?"

"Please… He's perfection… No, no, no, no… I think he's figuring you out…"

I watch his face, reading him, as he clears his throat and adjusts his tie… "I'm not sure what you mean—"

"He's been very…very…nice to me lately… It's disconcerting…" I run my finger along his desk. _Not a speck of dust…_

"Please, for the love of God, continue—"

"I think he knows who my father is."

"Of course he knows who your father is—"

"I _mean…_he knows _I'm _his daughter."

He straightens up at that. "Well…considering his wishes for the two of you…he was bound to find out sometime."

"Yes… True, true, true…" I check my lipstick in the reflection from a picture on his wall. "But not on his own… I think he…went fishing, so to speak. He knows something's up, Marcussssss…"

I spot the, I would imagine very expensive, whiskey on his server cabinet along the left wall and I decide to indulge. Pouring myself a quick drink, I continue.

"He's using me to get to my father…"

"Juanita, why would Tobias want to get to your father?"

"Cut the complete and utter mass of bullshit, Marcus. I know you find me naïve and spoiled and whatever other adjective that comes to your mind that I don't give two shits about… It boils down to this—I know my father is forcing your hand."

"I'm afraid you're misinformed, my dear. We're working together—"

"Shut-up," I quip lightly, watching his face in delight as it turns several painful shades of red. "Why_ would_ Four…" I watch Marcus's jaw twitch at the mention of his son's very much-improved name, "…want to talk to my father?... The man who would gut anyone who crossed him like a raw fish… The man who Four believes to have some sort of vendetta against him? Why would he do that?"

I observe Marcus's wheels turning… I see the similarities in him and Four…it's actually kind of hot…were I into older men… He's slowly figuring out that _I _know…everything…

"Maybe my son is just a brave soul."

"He is quite the man… That thought had crossed my mind…along with another—What if he found out there is no _real _danger…at least not to him?"

"Your father is the one who wanted them broken up! _He _wanted _me_ to be the one to do it! To ruin my and Tobias's relationship—"

"_Relationship_?" I scoff. "Seriously…Four hates the ground you tread on. How are you so delusional and clueless?"

"All to make room for…_you…_ You're a viper! And that's based solely on my observations of your contemptible and perverse behavior! You…as far as I'm concerned…are nothing but a filthy slut who uses her brazen sexuality to coerce otherwise mindful men to fall at her stilettos. You repulse me and I would rather swallow horse semen than have you for a daughter-in-law!"

I don't think I've ever in my life been left…speechless. _How…dare…he…? _He's referring to me as if I'm a toxin or a contagion—with such disgust that it puts me over the edge!

So although I was only here to light a fire under Marcus's ass—to get his plan, whatever that may be, in motion by informing him of Four's yet apparent devotion to Tricia, and let him know I believe Four is catching on to his plan… _Duh… Of course he is_… Fuck all that because now…I'm pissed…

"Oh, Marcus… You are ever so wrong… Please…my father doesn't give a care in the world about Four and I… But he sure enjoys watching_ you_ squirm in your pants…"

_I'll just let that little comment sink in…_

"What are you talking about—"

"He's the ultimate puppet master and you sir… Well, could you be more of a Pinocchio?" I ask quirking my head and tapping my cheek pensively.

_Ooh! That one was even better…_

"I'm no puppet, you little bitch!" He comes at me, slapping me across the face and throwing me backward into the desk.

It catches me off guard and I know I make some ridiculous yelping noise, but it's not the first time a man has laid his hands on me so I'm not incredibly reactive beyond that. Particularly when the look of horror crosses his face when he realizes he just slapped Carlos Juares's daughter.

"So, you're telling me…" he breathes raggedly, "…your father—"

"So, anyhoo…"I brush my cheek off as if ridding it of a speck of dirt and I keep talking, being more on guard this time. "…the latest is…Four still carries quite the torch for Trini… Not that I mind… She's annoying, but…I'll get what I want…" _Over and over and over…_

He scoffs as he walks toward the window, interrupting my moment…

"Why _do _you want them apart so badly? I know my reasons… I know my father's _hilarious_ games… But what is _yours _Marcus?... Your not the type of man to be easily _toyed_ with…" I laugh aloud at my play on words. "What's in it for you?

"Not…your concern…"

"Perhaps not… Hmm!..." I spin on my heal slinking my way toward the door. "Turns out my father had quite the obsession…_still _has quite an obsession…with your dead wife. I wonder how dear old Papá will react if confronted with his beloved _Evelyn's_…son… What do you think they'll talk about? The good 'ole days? Which, by the way…I would imagine...weren't so good…" I gesture to the red mark I'm assuming is plastered on my face as his eyes go wide. "You and Daddy have serious anger issues—"

"It's time for you to exit, Juanita."

"Anyway…just keeping you in loop. Hope your making progress on whatever little plan you have! Ta ta, Marcus…" I wave over my shoulder.

_Well, that…again…did not go as planned! HE just had to piss me off! All I wanted to do was tell him his stupid plotting was…failing! And…to toy with him a bit._

The elevator door dings open and I step on, ready to check out the wretched hand print on my cheek in the mirrored doors when I see my Swarovski earring lying on the floor between Marcus's office door and the reception area.

"Eghhhh…" I step off the elevator cursing myself for being so frugal… _They're only crystals…not diamonds! Why do I even care?_

All the same I run for it, scooping it up before Marcus senses my return… Then the ding of the elevator signals that I missed it. _Eghhhh…_

Not wanting to waste another precious moment of my life in the vicinity of Marcus Eaton, I decide on…the stairs.

_I swear…the things I do for Four's attention are truly unbelievable—_

"Joseph! Call off your son! Immediately!"

I stop in my tracks at the haggard voice of Marcus. _He sounds…frantic…_

"What do you mean it's too late?! When was the last time you spoke?!"

…. …. ….

Damn it! Fine… Then…just contact him and make sure he _does not _harm her… Do you understand me?...

... ...

"I don't give a shit about his…state of mind! Nor _your_ motives for that matter!"

_Motives…?_

"What's the _problem_!? What's the fucking _problem_?! Your son is a delusional head-case who still thinks he is the dominion of his ex-girlfriend! _That_…is the problem!

…. ... ...

"Well, it matters_ now_ and that's all you need to know! Rein in the repugnant wolverine and then amputate his limbs! Call it a 'farming accident!'"

_God… What is wrong with these people?_

…. ...

"Joseph… Do a web search on a man named Carlos Juares... Then you'll understand who we're dealing with..."

**End Flashback**

"Hiya, Nita!"

"Uh… What?! Yeah?!"

"You okay?" Matthew asks standing right in front of me. "You looked disturbing… I mean…my bad…disturbed…"

"No… I'm…fine…" I look around and find myself standing in the lobby at ALG, not remembering my heels even clicking on the floor to get here—a sound I usually enjoy and actually try to enhance.

_I wanted her out of…the way… I didn't want her…dead!_

"Are you sure you're—"

"What?! Yes!... Ugh…"

I storm out the front doors in a huff...

"Okay then! Have an awful weekend! See you Monday!" Matthew calls after me.

I'm annoyed, frustrated, embarrassed and…completely fired up that this is actually getting to me!_ It's all in my head! I can't have this disaster area in my conscience! Agh!_

I yank my cute pink cell phone out of my clutch… _This time… I'll call first, Papá._

* * *

**AN:** Sorry it took 2 weeks! Holiday time in the U.S.!

And I'm not going to be an author who "just wanted to get something out there" and then posts sub-par writing or a shortened chapter. Not that mine is par...but you get the idea.

You can friend or follow at /nitewriter4 for teasers, updates, pictures and camaraderie! Or "like" the fanpage **Kris Gregory**

**And as always... Please review!**


	45. You Knew Pt 1

**AN: Please read this chapter beginning to end...along with the next one that will be posted within the next couple days.**

**Chapter 45 - **You knew Pt. 1

* * *

**Nita's POV: Tuesday**

Patience is a virtue… What dumb Yoga-Hindu-Buddisty person made that saying up? Whoever decided being patient makes you virtuous is a total reject because the last time I checked, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. And I will be the squeaky wheel in this case! _What the hell is taking him so long?_

**Flashback: **Saturday

I must have sounded out of sorts to Papá, which was accurate, however whereas normally he has a pacifying tone to his voice when I call, followed by him usually fitting me into his schedule the next day…today I am allowed to come right over.

I stroll past his buffoons, smiling and looking at them over my shoulder after I'm several yards away...just to make sure they are still looking at me… Turns out I was right. _I do love that so!_

"Buenos días, Señorita. Su padre está—"

"Yeah, yeah…yo sé, yo sé…" I wave his errand boy, José, away and head straight out to the veranda.

_As if I don't know exactly where and what Daddy is doing! Pinche cabrón… _

Yet, because my life is a living hell today, once I arrive at the perfectly lovely location, I see he is…not there.

"Perdón, Señorita. Su padre le espera en el yate…ahí abajo…en el lago…"

José gestures grandly down to the lake, looking at me with a smug smile, speaking to me as if I'm five.

_Great now I'm being insulted by some stupid fence-hopper! What the hell did I do to deserve this day?_

"Well thank you for being such an insipid prick!" I turn on my heel and walk away proudly, yet with a little less lilt in my step, while yelling over my shoulder. "And by the way, this is America…we speak _English_!"

_Asshole probably has no fucking clue what I just said…doubtful he even made it past the primer grado—_

"My sincerest apologies. I'll remember that you prefer my second language as opposed to the other five for which my fluency qualifies me, the next time my luck bestows upon me the pleasure of your existence."

I stop in my tracks and whirl around but he is nowhere to be found. _Oh…my…God… Now even the servants are INSULTING me!? _

I can practically feel myself slumping as I walk the zig-zagging path down to the lake. Part of me thinks Papá made me walk all the way down here on purpose, knowing I'd go barefoot before wearing flats in public. And when I see his self-satisfied face as I hobble onto the yacht…my suspicions are confirmed.

"Ever think of installing a lift, Daddy?"

"When _not _having one brings me such joy? No! Ven, ven…"

He gestures for an embrace and when I don't approach him halfway, he makes the journey hugging me in jest and then turning us toward the house holding me tightly around the shoulder.

"Cariña, look at this lovely sloping landscape?" He makes a parabola-like sweeping gesture toward the house. "Why would I ruin such beauty—"

"Oh, so it wasn't to watch me lumber my way down?"

"How interesting is it that you think my _landscaping _is even about you! My darling, you are nothing if not predictable," he laughs shaking me tightly. "Now…sit and tell me your problems." He sighs deeply before settling himself in one of the swivel captain's chairs on the boat. "Because obviously…you have them."

"Oh, is it really _that _obvious?"

The look on his face tells me he's humoring me, and it's fucking sickening. But I smile slightly at how much I'm going to enjoy the look on his face as I shove his humor up his arrogant ass. So I sit slowly and quite ladylike in the chair next to him keeping my back as straight as possible and crossing my ankles.

"Papá?" I ask patting his hand. "When did you last speak to Marcus?"

"Juanita…" he groans. "Had we not put this discussion to rest?"

"No, we hadn't. In fact, I believe the last thing you said to me on the subject was how _lucky _you would be if Four and I—"

"Must you call him that _name—"_

"—ended up together." _Mental note—call him Tobias. Blech…_

"Pues…" I watch the sides of his mouth turn down. "It would be!"

"Not for my happiness!" I exalt getting angry at myself for already losing my temper. "Only because he would be a suitable replacement, verdad?"

"Mija, take your petulance down a few…eh…notches. Can I not just _enjoy _a few moments with you without—"

"Marcus knows your playing him like a fiddle," I state plainly as I break posture and lean back in the chair not feeling the need to play the polite daughter anymore.

"I believe that American expression to mean he is aware I am toying with him?"

"Sí." I roll my eyes at his lack of English fluency. _How the hell long has he lived here?!_

I watch my father run his tongue over his upper gums as if he's collecting leftover saliva from his cubano.

"I'm not sure which is more upsetting—the fact that my moment of indulgence is over…or the fact that you seem to be involved."

"If anyone_ involved_ me in this it was you, Papá. You planted me in the middle of this—"

"And, what?" he laughs turning toward me in his chair. "You've grown like a weed? What is your involvement in this? I thought I made it clear that you are—"

"A nothing? A non-entity? An innocent bystander?" I close my eyes and look the other way as I decide to go for the Blitz. _That's football, right?_ "As are so many when it comes to your business! You don't seem to care much about them! Am I to assume the same about your feelings for me?" I shake my head and sniff in pure bullshit embarrassment.

"No, mija." He pats my back awkwardly as I try to plot my next move. "And I am sorry if you feel that way."

_I need to milk this for all it's worth… This hasn't gone my way so far… Why am I letting people get to me so much?! Okay, Nita… What is your objective? I need to get this guilt off my mind! How do I do that without Daddy thinking I played a part in it? And seriously? Did I really? I mean, I want Four…and I don't have many qualms on how to achieve that goal…but I won't be a part in anything illegal!_

So I bite my bottom lip with emotion and look his way. Crying on command is something I used to do when I was 12. _Can I still do it?_

"Princesa? Are you…? Are you…crying? Por qué te llores?" _Apparently I can!_

"Lo siento, Papá. I just…I feel so terrible! That poor girl!"

"What…girl? Is this some expression I don't understand?" _For the love of God!_

"No, no, no… It's Marcus…" I put my face in my hands and rock back and forth. "This is so embarrassing… I can't believe I'm crying! I just care about Four soooo much that I can't stand anyone…purposely hurting him!"

"Purposely…hurting…him?"

"Well…yes, Papá. I mean…you wanted Marcus to break them up and… God, I just feel sooooo guilty! Oh, Daddy, what if I played a part in it? How would I _ever_ be able to forgive myself? And—"

"Juanita, calm down, calm down…"

Daddy comes close and…and…hugs me. Not in a father-daughter bullshit greeting, but in actual empathy. This is…very…odd. But, surprisingly nice! For once my father is being…comforting?

"My precious girl, now slow down and talk to your Papá. Your English causes me pause on a good day, let alone when you are sobbing… Now, tell me…tell me…"

I fan myself, making Daddy believe I'm trying to calm down before I speak again.

"Well, you told Marcus to break up Tobias and his girlfriend, verdad?"

"Sí…sí…"

"And, of course, _I_ know you only did it to make Tobias hate Marcus."

"Yes… That disgusting man deserves no part in that boy's life…ever!"

"Well…Oh, Goooooddddd! This is all my fault!"

I bury my face in my hands trying not to fuck up my makeup. It's waterproof but that's not always a guarantee…and I plan to go to the country club after this and you never know…if the mood catches me, I may just show off my diving—

"What is?! Juanita, Dios mío!" _Ugh… This charade is exhausting!_

"Well…" I clear my throat and take a deep breath. "You see, Papá, when I found out all you really wanted to do was _mess _with Marcus… I mean, I knew you weren't _trying_ to hurt anyone… So I figured since there was no danger to poor, poor, Tobias… I would try to push your plan along…" I trail off looking at the ground.

"What did you do…Juanita?" he asks lowering his voice to a dangerous level.

"All I did was give Marcus information about Foouuurrrbias… You know…making sure they were still apart—"

"You saw this as your…oportunidad, sí!?"

"Sí…" I keep my eyes down feigning shame. "Papá, I have_ real_ feelings for Tobias! But I didn't know the…_extent…_of his feelings for Tricia. It's been quite heartbreaking for me…" I take a moment to get a couple good sobs in there. "If I had even an _idea…_I would have stayed away, I swear—"

"Deja de hablar!" He smacks his hands on the armrests.

I jump a little in my seat but do as I'm told, which is so annoying, but I do love watching the wheels finally seem to start turning. I know for a fact he didn't realize Four's attachment to this girl… I still feel those feelings are nothing more than a sense of obligation to her because she's obviously unstable, based on her weird panic attack at the bar. Seriously! He was cradling her like a damned baby. I would never let a man treat me like that. It's so weak—

"What did Marcus do?" he asks in a controlled low voice.

"He had her…attacked," I whisper with a quivering bottom lip.

He abruptly stands up and walks to the edge of the yacht, bracing himself and hanging his head.

"I saw the way he looked at her… I should have known! I should have know! Dios mío, Dios mío, Dios mío… Su hijo…su hijo…"

I stand there and watch my father turn into a puddle of weakness—mumbling to himself and hanging his head in shame. It's a sight I've never seen…and it's fucking _disturbing_!

"How did you come upon this information?"

"I…had gone to see Marcus—"

My father whips around and growls in contempt.

"I'm so sorry, Daddy! If I had known…I wouldn't have! Oh…I've made such a mistake and I feel just awful!"

He narrows his eyes at me. "Continue…"

"I overheard a phone conversation. Marcus was talking to some man…and telling this man _exactly _where Tina lives… I'm not completely sure, Papá…but I think… Oh, God… The conversation was difficult to follow, but…" I take my voice down to a whisper. "It was her ex-boyfriend's father…and Marcus was making him sound violent and crazy! And then, and then…I found out she was attacked…before I could do…any…thing…a…bout…it! I'm so ashamed…so, so, so, so, so—"

"Juanita, basta ya!"

"No, it's not enough!" I stand and hug him dramatically, but he doesn't reciprocate. _Hmmph!_ "Daddy, I think he was trying to get rid of her…the _woman…_Tobias loves more than anything." _That should get him…_

"And then his hands would be clean because he can blame it on the unstable boy."

I watch warily as my father clears his throat and again goes to the rail of the yacht.

"Pinche granuja…No, no, no, esa palabra no sirve… Asqueroso! Repugnante! Vergonzoso! Quería matarlo con mis propias manos desde el momento en que vi los moretones en la cara de Evelyn! Es una puta vergüenza! Ese chico… Tobias… Yo sé, yo sé…cómo se siente… Lo que está pasando en su mente. He estado en aquel lugar…todavía estoy…cada día…"

I have absolutely no idea what my face looks like as Daddy turns around… I've never seen this side of him. Plus, it's almost as if he had forgotten I was here! _Whatever…_

"Tobias has been through enough," he comments as he takes a hanker chief out and wipes his forehead. "Did she survive?"

"Well…as far as I know—"

"What hospital is she at?"

"Daddy…I don't _know_!"

"Find out!" he yells as I step back.

"_Me_?!"

"Yes…_you_! You and your infatuation! Feeding Marcus Eaton information!" He flails his hands at me as if this is all _MY _fault. "My guess is _you _were the one who told him the extent of his feelings—"

"I did not!" I stomp. "And if it weren't for me _feeding_ Marcus information, Papá…you would have no knowledge of his involvement!"

I watch in satisfaction as this little tidbit sink in…

"Do you know that I stood by and watched Marcus Eaton treat the one person I love above all others…" (_Gee thanks, Daddy!)_ "…as if she had no value. As if she were a lesser person…garbage…refuse… And I couldn't do a God-damned thing about it!"

"Sounds to me like you _didn't _do a God-damned thing about it," I snark fully prepared for the smack across the face I would deserve.

But it doesn't come. All I see is the bright red face of rage of Carlos Juares and I know I need to speak quickly.

"But, maybe you can make up for that…now…"

He grips my arm quickly, turning me to look at him head on. "And you will help me."

**End Flashback**

And help him…I did… I honestly can't believe how much in my favor it worked out… It's like a breath of fresh air! Except now…here I sit…alone…and waiting…

* * *

**Tobias's POV: Tuesday**

How I arrived here, I have no idea. I remember apologizing profusely to the nurses, more than I usually apologize for anything and then I just wandered. At one point I ended up on my ass leaning against the side of a building. I have no idea which one. I couldn't sort my thoughts. Images assaulted my mind—real and imagined. I did nothing to help either of them… I knew…and I did…nothing. I see my mother limp into my room and sit on my bed. I would pretend to be sleeping because I didn't want to see the side of her face sliced open… I did nothing… Eric's voice is yelling at my mother as he pummels her with a shoe over and over and over… Marcus's voice while he strangled Tris… I hear her screaming as he holds her up against a wall… I see bruises on two faces as if I'm looking through a kaleidoscope…and I turn it and they become one... I made them become one…

But, there's always a dominant color in a kaleidoscope…

_"There is no WE! There is only ME… I'm alone… I was alone! I was all alone! I was alone when I walked into my apartment to hear his voice…that makes my ears bleed when I hear it… He was sitting there…right at my kitchen table as if he owned it—psychotic, bloodshot eyes, deranged look. I'd never seen him look like that—completely insane. Did you know he was off the deep end, Tobias? You did, didn't you?"_

I jump in my seat as a group of people passes by, nudging my chair.

"Sorry, man," I hear one of them say.

For once, I appreciate the interruption. Up until whenever I zoned out I've been pouring over the information Amar has sent me about a new venture he and I discussed a couple weeks ago. I made it very, very clear that I have absolutely no interest in doing anything mundane.

**Flashback: **Sunday

The phone rings once and I groan, seriously hoping I would have a good three to fours before I actually had to speak.

"Good evening, my friend."

"Evening I need you to send me some work," I get out in one breath hoping he picks up on my tone that I am desperate for a distraction but nothing would be more vile to me than a conversation.

I hear him sigh, a long, drawn-out sigh that lasts way too long—honestly, a painful…ten…seconds!

"Tobias, based on the sheer tonality of you voice, I can tell my questions will not be answered."

I clear my throat because I don't want him to hear the probable croak that would accompany my voice if I have to actually speak.

"Well, I must ask, are you absolutely sure, considering your temperament, that professional activities are in the best interest of our company?"

"Have I ever let you down?"

"Not once."

I close my eyes and run my hands down my face, needing this conversation to end.

"There are a few items I can send your way—"

"I implore you not to prompt my already fragile temper by sending me idle bullshit!"

"Trying to divert your mind?"

I didn't feel as if that stupid fucking question deserved my beyond obvious response.

"I must say, your friends are quite nervous. Our dear William checks on the ½ hour to see if I've heard from you… Care to disclose your location?"

"No."

"And seeing as she has barred _all _visitors, I'm assuming you told her."

"Turns out…I didn't have to."

**End Flashback**

I scoot myself out of my chair roughly and walk back and forth a few times, counting my breaths until I reach twenty. Then I look over my shoulder and seeing that no one is near, I drop and start doing push-ups…again—the burning in my left shoulder masking my anxiety and wayward thoughts.

"Um…hi?" _Son of a bitch!_

I stand quickly and can only imagine the extent of douche-baggedness I was demonstrating.

"Hi," I answer flatly to the girl who has now come back for the fifth time in the last, I'm not going to check my phone, but, maybe 49 minutes.

"I brought you some coffee. You…look a little tired."

"Um…thanks." I accept the coffee seeing as I really do need it.

Sleep hasn't been happening, which is purposeful. I haven't been trying much aside from the accidental nap here and there. The smacking of my head on the table usually rouses me. I think my body has just accepted the fact that sleep isn't at the top of my list of things I need to survive.

"What are you working on?" She leans over the table gazing at the mess of gray mechanical pencil and red ink all over the five A-LOGs I have laid out, along with the mass of post-its. "Are you an architect?"

"Yes." I sit forcefully hoping she'll get the hint that she needs to leave.

Message not received as she leans over the table even more and actually rests her palms on the particular project…the most important one…that I'm working on.

"You have amazing handwriting. Do you always write in all caps?"

"Yes."

I immediately sit all the way back in my chair in defeat and let out a deep breath.

"Sorry," she laughs. "I don't mean to be all up in your business. You've just been here for awhile and look like you can use some company." _Yes, you've said that several times…_

"I'm fine."

"Well…I could sure use some company, so you're stuck with me."

Upon that blunt remark, I take the time to look at her. She's sitting now so I have no idea how tall she is, blond short, short hair…I don't like it…brown eyes, olive skin, mid to late twenties.

"I'm Sarah."

I nod my head once and grab my glasses, putting them on and zeroing in on how much concrete slab would be needed… _Damn it! I hate not having access to this shit! I need a picture… Maybe Google Earth can give me a better—_

"This is the part where you tell me your name."

"Four."

"Four of…what?"

"Four…is my name."

_Maybe if I do some research… How old is this place? This is why I need a damned picture! Schematics would be a fucking dream come true…but those are most definitely non-existent—"_

"I'm a photographer."

My eyes flit up to her face but I don't see her…I see Tris. I see the look on her face the first time I saw her take a picture when I briefly watched her from afar on Navy Pier—her small smile and how a strand of hair got stuck in the side of her mouth and I almost ran over so _I _could be the one to pull it out and tuck it behind her ear. I see the picture she sent me on my phone of the Orchid in its beginning stages, and I remember regretfully thinking that picture kinda sucked… I see her stupid hidden closet and I can feel her arms wrapped around me—her wall of photos flashes before my eyes… I see her wringing her hands out of pure nerves as she shows Amar her work while I just stood there, staring and making her feel unworthy. I see her…in the window of the barn… I see her...on the floor in the basement of the gallery… I see a bridge with red blood running underneath it—

"Is this a staring contest? Because you're pretty damned good."

"No."

"I don't mind," she shrugs sitting back and pulling her knees up to her chest.

"I wasn't staring at you," I comment as I look back down at my A:LOG.

"Coulda fooled me."

"Then, apparently, I did."

"Alright, I'll bite. If you weren't staring at me, then you were definitely deep in thought—"

"Yep. And not about you."

**Flashback: **Saturday

I've been dozing in and out for the last hour. I'm trying to fight it but it's getting harder by the minute. I'm reclining in a seriously uncomfortable hospital bed but I haven't been happier in weeks. The only problem is (not that I'm exactly complaining) Tris's face is buried in my neck…so I can't see it. The perfect opportunity to lay my eyes on her without her shifting her face away from me or becoming self-conscious of her bruising and I'm missing it!

One of the doctors, there are too many to count, made the beyond insensitive remark as she was checking her bruising, "Aw… She has these sweet little freckles peppering her skin." Aside from the fact she was way too close to me, I was pissed that there is now another person on this planet who knows about those freckles. _Thanks for getting all up in our business!_

I think I've smoothed her hair down and softly kissed the top of her head about 100 times. And every time she nuzzles into my neck a fervent feeling of warmth travels through my body. I've had to stop myself several times from pulling her too close because I know it'll wake her and I can already tell she's not sleeping soundly. _I wish she'd take the damned pain meds… I'll have to get to the bottom of that… Whenever…she's ready to actually talk… … … … Maybe…we won't have to…. No… We definitely… have…too… Or maybe… … … …-_

"Why are you fighting it?"

"Mmm?" I lift my head quickly and look over at Evey. "What…? Fighting? What?"

"Sleep. You need your rest too."

"Oh. No, I'm fine."

"Your face says otherwise."

_Yeah, I really don't give a shit what my face looks like._

"You know…she called me 'Evelyn' when she woke up this morning."

I nod my head slowly, thinking about how odd it is that _that_ was the first thing I thought of when I saw Evey this morning. Probably because she introduced herself to me as Evelyn and my subconscious picked up on it. _ But, what's Tris's excuse?_

"Is that your 'I'm-trying-to-figure-things-out face?"

"I don't often stare at myself, so I have no idea."

She narrows her eyes at me as if she's studying me and it's pretty damned unnerving, but right before I say what's on my mind—something similar to "Why the fuck are you staring at my face?" she gives me a quick remark. "Yeah. I can tell. You definitely don't."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"Don't wake_ our_ patient." She smiles slightly…only slightly…in jest and walks out of the room, but not before peeking back in. "The specialists want to do one more quick check and then we'll move her upstairs."

"She's sleeping."

"I'm aware. They don't care…You seem like the type of guy who usually gets his way…"

"Not hardly," I remark as Tris moves her nose and takes a deep breath.

I watch Evey leave which is a relief because I seem to have some difficulty controlling my primal reactions to Tris every time she makes her damned noises right in my ear—her slight sighs, the way she breathes me in and her right hand and wrist continue to migrate dangerously close to my would-be-inappropriate erection. _What the hell is wrong with me? Be content that you're here with her. I am! I really am! It's not me… It's my penis! _

Right on cue, of course, Tris scoots her body closer to me and literally grazes the side of my cock with her pinkie finger…and…she leaves it there. And I get to watch her deceptive hand…and, of course, it's her dominant hand…sit there, flush with my now starting to swell groin. _Is she doing this shit on purpose?! _

I need to relax my face muscles and concentrate on my breath of fire. I've overheard enough of George's classes.

_I can do this! Force the breath down the back of throat…_ And…that only makes me think about Tris deep-throating me and—_No, Tobias…no!_ This is probably the only time I have ever wanted to have a name for my dick. I never truly felt like we were two separate entities until now_… Wait! That's not true…_ When I was with Kirsten, my mind was saying, "Hell no, this is not right," while the less–intelligent part of me was in game-on mode.

_This is helping… Think of Kirsten…_

The guilt of that moment comes flooding back as I remember feeling like I cheated on Tris… I still feel like I did and it makes me sad—sad because I tried to erase her. Looking back on it now, I think I was taking the easy way out… _Maybe not… Yeah, no. Nothing about any of that was easy—_

"You're deep in thought."

I smile before I even answer her, thinking how much just hearing Tris's voice makes me happy. Thank God other things that were inappropriately happy have gone by the wayside.

"I was trying to be…" I sigh.

"Trying to be?"

She moves her head back and looks up at me while I leave mine right where it is and look down at her, unwilling to put unnecessary space between our faces. She puts her lips between her teeth and I see the quickest hint of her tongue as it wets her lips.

"Mmm hmm."

"What were you _trying _to think about?" _Christ… How do I answer this one?_

"Anything not…you…"

Her eyebrows scrunch and I see her lines between them. Then quickly realizing I don't want to explain myself further nor pressure her into going to a place she may not be comfortable with, I go for the swift subject change.

"How are you?" _A want to kiss you so bad, it hurts… _"You…uh…I don't think you were sleeping well, because you… Anyway… Are you in pain? How's your shin? I just realized…ha…I've never asked you about that one… You don't have to tell me…about your…shin. I'm just curious and worried and…"

I stop and look down at my hands seeing that I'm messing with her fingers and mine are actually shaking… _WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME? What's with the nerves?_

"Tobias?"

"Yeah," I whisper acknowledging that she's addressing me, but knowing I'm not looking forward to whatever question she has in store for me.

"What the hell is wrong with you? You're acting like the day we first met."

"Sorry… It feels like that a little… Please don't take that the wrong way. I don't… I wish it didn't… I mean, it's—"

"Fuckin' weird."

"Soooo…weird." I lean down to her ear. "You make me nervous," I whisper, running the top of my nose on the top of her ear.

She nods her head in agreement. "I mean…you _feel_ the same, " she admits as she holds our entwined hands up and rests her head on my shoulder. And _I_ feel—"

"The same?" I inquire way too eagerly, hoping she was about to refer to her emotions not her physical connection to me. _I can't believe I just said that out loud!_

She pauses…for way too damned long in my opinion…and I anxiously glance down at her face as she opens her mouth—

"Well, someone's awake."

We both look up, startled, as Dr. Dipshit walks in with his chain gang of assholes behind him.

Tris bolts upright and gasps as she does. _How does this woman forget she is injured?_

"Jesus, Tris," I mumble as I try to support her lower back so she doesn't slump. I try to sit upright but am met with a pain in my left shoulder that makes me grit my teeth a little. "Slow down—"

She smacks my hand away but I'm unrelenting as she turns and glares at me. Yet I'm still undeterred and frankly, it only makes me hold her tighter, which I know actually provides some relief to her ribcage.

"Still opposed to the pain medication?" Dr. Motherfucker asks with smug sarcasm.

She doesn't answer him and I can only picture the annoyed glare she is delivering him_. Is she as pissed as me that we were interrupted?_

"So, we're going to be moving you out of the ICU but these guys wanted one more visit with you—"

"I have a headache the size of the damned Grand Canyon, breathing too deeply hurts like a bitch, along with the misery that is my ribcage that somehow doubles as a stabbing pain and a dull ache and my calf muscle feels like iron rods are cauterizing the wound every time I move my toes."

I'm practically biting my tongue off as all of the pain she's in hits me in the gut. And there I was…with my dick getting hard…disregarding it all.

"And you _still _feel that pain medication is _not _in your best interest?"

"Would I be able to give you all of those details if I was medicated?" _Hmm. Good point…_

"Certainly…not."

All of the doctors pause at that revelation… _Fuckin' pill pushing pieces of—_

"Look, I want to get the hell out of here as soon as possible… And I know myself well enough to know that I will give you nothing but…" She sighs and covers her face as if she can't put what's in her head into words. _I'll help…_

"A load of bullshit—she'll just tell you she's fine. And if she's on meds she really _will _feel fine. But if she's_ not_ on them, she'll be honest because she knows she can't lie for shit." At least know that's part of it. The other part I still need to get to the bottom of.

"Is that accurate, Tris?"

"Mmm hmm!"

"Your _brother_ doesn't mince words." _Jesus…_

"He's incapable."

"Well, Tris. Can you, at least, tell me your pain level? Zero being lowest, ten being highest." He points to the dumbest sign I've seen—a series of frowning and smiling faces supposed to represent the progression of pain. This is the damned ICU…no one points to smiley face 10—

"Smiley face 10!" Tris comments with utter dripping sarcasm. _God…_

"Tris…" I growl under my breath as I pinch her left side.

She flinches away as the doctors stand there staring at her.

"Fine. This morning, I was a 9…now I'm an 8…a 7? I don't know! That's the most stupid visual I've ever seen!"

"She's right," Evey comments as she breezes in and messes with Tris's IV and whatever the hell else nurses do every God-damned ½ hour interrupting…everything! Then she turns her attention to Tris. "These are the guys you be _nice _to…if you want to get out of here."

Tris looks back at me, most likely expecting a reassuring smile, but she doesn't get one—I bless her instead with the don't-be-a-pain-in-the-ass look, which she reciprocates with the don't-be-a-dick glare. _This is getting us nowhere…_

"Okay, Tris, I think we all have a decent idea of your pain. Thank you for your eloquence. But these guys will need a brief visit before we can move you upstairs."

"Fine."

"Caleb?"

I stare at him without acknowledging the bullshit name.

"We need to have physical contact with our patient."

"Okay."

"You need to let her go."

"Oh…sorry," I mutter as I notice my hands are still securely around her midsection.

I let go and Tris seems to deflate a little and I think I even see a little bit of a frown. So I lean forward and surprise even myself by giving her a soft kiss on the cheek. I watch her lips turn up a little even though she tries to hide it…but there's no hiding the blush that turns her skin my favorite shade of pink. _Yes!_

Then I feel my cheeks warm in response. _Damn it! Guys are not supposed to…blush! What the hell is wrong with me? I've kissed her many, many, many times! Why would this be different? But it is… Everything is…_

"Caleb…you also need to move…your whole body…off the bed."

I force a rough breath down the back of my throat and stand stiffly, walking even more stiffly toward the window. I roll my head from the right to the left and massage my left shoulder. _That hospital bed…sucks. God, I need a normal night sleep._ I'm not complaining too much because waking up next to Tris after actually sleeping…was fucking fantastic. Yet still, what I wouldn't give for an amazing night in my comfortable bed…with Tris, of course. Although we always slept the best in her bed… Which is insane because Christina is fucking obnoxiously loud and those walls are about as far from soundproof as possible.

_Why did we always sleep better there? Her huge down comforter that I should have stolen the night I left her lying there after supposedly breaking it off with her… Yep, that's it. Would it have been that shitty? "Hey, uh…Tris? Could you just…roll over or something? I feel like I really deserve this comforter. I truly hope it lives up to its name." _

_And her place is just cozy and feels like a home!_ _Shit… Her home… I wonder if she'll even want to go back there? Maybe she'll want to come stay with me? Live with…me? Jesus, Tobias! Could you get more ahead of yourself? She just may end up hating you! Well, she can't hate me more than I hate me, so at least, I have that going for me—_

"_Now_?!"

I immediately turn as Tris's panicked voice rings through my ears.

"Yes, Tris… The longer we wait, the less accurate the result. And you've already gone to the bathroom so _that _alone may make things more—"

I shoot the doctor a death look as I walk toward her and he immediately stops talking.

_WHAT THE FUCK?! Was he seriously going to make her feel bad for going to the bathroom?!_

I watch her quickly and purposefully grip the sheets and I'm at her side facing her before I can even think twice. I run my right knuckle up and down her arm as her chest heaves from nerves.

"Dr. Haynes, give us a moment," I say softly without taking my eyes off her. _By the way, fucker, that wasn't a question…_

"Tris—"

"Give us a fucking minute," she spits hastily in desperation staring ahead of her.

"I'll call down to Gynecology. They'll be up here with a wheelchair."

He excuses himself and I sit patiently. I have no intention of speaking…not until she does. I rub my palm up and down her right thigh until she jerks her leg a little.

"Sorry," I mutter, wondering how many bruises she has under there.

"It's okay," she whispers with a quivering lip that breaks my heart.

I nod my head, pursing my lips and then stand, walking to the other side of the bed and then dragging the chair around to my previous location. I may be crossing a line, but I need to at least make something better for her. Glancing up at her ever so often, trying to gauge her comfort level, I slowly roll up the edge of the blanket, exposing her bare right thigh. It has several very large purple marks on it—one of them in the shape of fingers. Pushing every ounce of hatred and disgust aside, to be addressed later, I instead put every ounce of love and awe I have for the woman—placing my hand under her leg, lifting it up behind her knee and then rest it back down, cradling her leg with my left arm. I start to massage the most-likely aching muscles in her legs with my thumbs on either side. I start right above her knee, being gentle because I know she's ticklish and this is not a laughing moment. I feel her eyes on me as I approach her first rather large bruise. It's closer to the inside of her thigh and I run my thumb lightly over it. I glance up at her face and see her lower lip protruding slightly as if she feels sorry for _me _that I have to see her this way. _Always soooo full of shit… _If only she knew how lucky I feel at this moment.

"Hey," I whisper. "Relax."

She nods and reclines back on the bed, closing her eyes.

I don't know why I do it, only that it's innate, but I lean down and press a gentle kiss onto the bruise, following it with a brush of my thumb and then moving on to an area without bruises, moving my thumbs in circles. I repeat the process, placing a light kiss on each bruise, and because I'm selfish, I leave a separate kiss on each fingerprint… I do break out in a bit of a nauseating cold sweat when I see the location of the forced fingers is fairly high up her inner thigh.

"Is this okay?"

"Mmm hmm…" It comes out as almost a whimper so I'm not sold.

"I'm not hurting you?"

She swallows and laughs lightly. "Mmmm…no."

"Good." I run my lower lip over her skin watching and then smiling a little, quite pleased with myself, as goose bumps form. "Because I'm on a mission."

"Hmm?"

"I'm replacing bad memories…with good ones." I massage her leg and see her try to hold back a smile…and fail. _Phew_… "At least…I hope these are good ones."

"They are. I just wish you…didn't have to." She's trying so hard to hold back tears and I really fucking wish she wouldn't.

"Me too."

I study her skin and massage a little deeper. Then I feel the best thing in the world—Tris carding her fingers through my hair. Now it's my turn to close my eyes as she scoots her body closer.

"Lie down." She pats her very enticing lap softly.

"I don't want to hurt you—"

"Shh."

Keeping my left arm cradling her thigh, I rest my head on her lap as she continues raking her nails over my scalp. _I really want to check that wound on her calf—_

"Your hair's longer."

I nod my head. I didn't grow it longer on purpose. I just stopped giving a shit. "You don't like it?" _I will find scissors immediately!_

"I didn't say that."

"Yours is too," I say with a deep sigh.

"You don't like it?"

"No, I hate it."

"Well…I didn't really—"

"Only because I wasn't around to watch it grow…"

We stay like that, me drifting off into my own thoughts and memories of the two of us, and how much I'm hating this and loving this at the same time.

"Do you even know you hum when you're relaxed?" _There's no way in hell that's possible._

"No, I don't."

"Don't be embarrassed—"

"I'm not embarrassed. I just…don't." _Well, that's fuckin' embarrassing._

We both laugh because I'm totally full of shit and completely unwilling to admit it.

"What if he did?" she interrupts.

It's almost as if she's been trying to get that comment out for quite some time.

"Then we'll deal with it."

"We?"

"Yes…we… " I turn my head, facing her abdomen as she goes to work on the other side of my head. I stare at the ridiculous designs on her hospital gown, fumbling with the string that hangs loose. "I know you think this is something you need to shoulder yourself…and if that's what you want…I won't push you…but I won't leave you."

"So much for not knowing how to act around me anymore," she quips, but I can hear the smile in her voice.

"There are certain things I'm sure of… How I feel about you, being at the top of that list."

"Tobias—"

"Please don't say anything back, okay? If you don't reciprocate, I don't think I could handle it…and if you do…I don't think I could handle it."

"Why?"

"Because you're going to push me away—"

"Miss Prior?"

I sit up quickly and rub my eyes, the words "Get the fuck out" teetering on the tip of my tongue until I see a rather timid-looking voice of a younger girl standing at the door with a wheelchair. So, I decide to throw a lasso around my impatience.

I feel Tris trail her fingers down my spine until her hand flops onto the bed and she inhales and exhales once.

"Okay…" she says under her breath, reassuring herself.

I stand and help her detangle her limbs from the blankets and then jog my way to the other side of the bed (_Yes…I jogged_) to help her up as she sucks in yet another breath in pain. Looking over at the nurse, I can she has wheeled the chair closer to the bed but is standing there…staring...at us. I look from her to Tris wondering if she is some nurse in training because she seems relatively clueless…until I recognize the look of humor on Tris's face. I glance back at the girl who I now realize can't be older than 15 or 16…and she is definitely checking me out. _Jesus…really?_

I look down, biting my lips between my teeth in complete discomfort as Tris whispers, "He's so totally hot!" to the kid. Then I see out of the corner of my eye, her give the poor little (_What do they call them? Candy Strippers? How inappropriate is that?!_) a thumbs up. _God…_

As I've seen Evey do, I grip Tris under the elbows and help her stand. And because the candy stripper is still a statue, I walk Tris over to the wheelchair as she tries her hardest not to laugh...without success. Unless sounding like a horse having a seizure as she breathes out fits of laughter through her nose is succeeding.

"I hate you," I lean over and whisper in her ear, bracing my hands on the arms of the wheelchair.

"Not what you said earlier," she mutters followed by some serious wide eyes as if she can't believe what she just said.

All I can do is smile…at least, I think I am…at her beautiful face as both happiness and nervousness collide. I hadn't even thought that through when I said it. It just jumped out as if it was the most natural thing to say…because it was.

I stand and back away as the high school stripper wheels her out the door. Then I watch her side profile as she scrunches up her face…it isn't until that moment that I realize she was holding back tears.

And then it really hits me… _Should I…? Shit! I didn't even offer… Does she…want me to go with?_ I pace for a few moments and it's not until the top of my thumb goes numb that I realize I'm biting it. She never led on that _that _was even an option. And if it were…I would be there…by her head… _Right? Is that how that works? Fuck…me!_

I run down the hall to catch up with her and the stripper hoping maybe she'll give me some sign as to what the hell I'm supposed to do here! But the last thing I see is Tris white-knuckling the chair, eyes closed, chin to chest…and the elevator door closing.

"No," says the blatant even-toned voice of Evey.

"No, what?" I ask as I stand and stare at the line that has now appeared where Tris's face was.

"You don't go in there."

"But what if she—"

"Nope."

I scrub at my face and turn to go back into her room, not knowing how I'm going to possibly distract myself for the next—

"Tobias?"

I turn slowly, unbelievably so because I don't want anyone to see my face right now.

"It's a two to four-hour process and it's…invasive…on more than just a physical level. She'll need stability and maybe some normalcy—she'll definitely need you."

"So…what do I do now?"

"Go home and get some rest—"

"Not a chance in hell."

"Then call her crazy friend to have her bring more of her stuff. Now that she'll be out of the ICU, she can have more personal items."

"Okay."

I turn and slump my way back to her room now being blessed with the thought of Tris in what I can only imagine is a virtual physical and emotional torture chamber for the next 7,200-14,400 seconds.

"There are visitor bathrooms upstairs. You are in need of a shower."

We make brief eye contact and her stern expression softens as she smiles—It's more of a down-turned smile with furrowed eyebrows. I'm hit by a completely unexplained moment of nostalgia, but no event, in particular, presents itself—an unexplained bout of déjà vu…

"Did you hear a word I just said?"

"Huh? Uh…no."

"Tris'll be in room 307. The visitor bathrooms are down the hall to the right. I'll have her stuff brought up."

"Will you be her nurse? I think you're the only person she likes…"

"I'll help her get settled tonight, but no, I'm strictly ICU. The fact that I was even in the Emergency Room was a fluke—"

"You saved her."

She looks at me with furrowed eyebrows as if I'm way off.

"You did. Dr. Fruit of the Loom—"

"Dr. Haynes."

"Whatever." I roll my eyes at his ridiculous last name. "He told us a very bossy nurse wouldn't let the doctors call—" I stretch to make it seem like getting the following words out doesn't take minutes off my life. "-Mmmmggghhhh…'time of death.' Why did you do that?"

"Tap on the shoulder."

I pause for a moment. "What?" I almost whisper it because I've described that particular feeling to myself with the same verbiage.

"Never mind."

"No, tell me."

She shrugs. "Sometimes you just have a feeling…like something or someone's—Ya know what? Just go take a shower. You smell like you were gang-raped by a herd of Alpacas."

I'm sure I look at her with a beyond offended expression asking if I heard her correctly.

"I tell sick jokes."

I think about that for a minute. _Tris would think that's hilarious… Okay…_

"Speaking from experience?"

"They can be predatory."

"And territorial, I hear…"

**End Flashback**

_Predatory and territorial… Nita… _

I shake my head, pissed that Nita's face or mere existence crossed my mind.

"Mmgh!"

I don't actually look, but I'm certain the nice but annoying girl left. _At least, she left me the coffee. I should be kinder to the person who brings me coffee… And it's pretty good coffee. Not that hospital bullshit! Oh, fuck… I just remembered she brought me a sandwich earlier, too. Did I thank her? Damn it! Meh… Moving on…_

I go back to how much concrete I'll need. _Shit! And if the foundation is weak…which…let's face it… Is this a terrible idea?! This is a terrible idea!_ Looking over the sketches in front of me I have come to realize that this is the best worst idea I've ever had!

"Ha ha ha ha!" I freeze and look all around hoping no one heard the fit of hysteria that just came out of me.

I see no such people. So I thunk my forehead down onto the A-LOG knowing I need sleeeeeeeep… _Nope! No sleep for me! Not if Tris isn't sleeping…and I know she's not… _I begrudgingly lift my head and rub my eyes looking down again at my rough sketches.

"What the fuck?" A squeaky voice comes out of me that I hope no one heard as I see a phone number…on my original sketch.

My first sketch of one of the most important things I may ever do…in RED PEN! My…original…plan… _Thunk _is the sound my head makes on the table again.

* * *

**Tris's POV: **Tuesday afternoon

_Eric squeezes Beatrice's face between his hands and whips her to the side. "God, that look on your face! Like you have no idea what you did… It makes me fucking CRAZY!" He storms into the other room, but I know he'll be back._

_"What're you doing here?" I ask Tobias as he looks on with furrowed eyebrows and a slack jaw._

_Beatrice wipes under her eyes and walks in a circle, stopping and staring at the front door._

_"She won't leave," I comment. "Why do you think she won't leave?"_

_Eric storms back in and sits on the couch, scratching profusely at the top of his head._

_"Fuckin' grain bin dust! You know your dumbass of a brother tried to talk to our elevator operator about improving the efficiency of our distribution. As if he has a God-damned clue—"_

_"Caleb's actually really smart," she says softly. "He may have some good ideas—"_

_"You fuckin' kidding me?"_

_"No."_

_"Yeah, okay. Lemme just take advice from the Pastor's son—"_

_"You do know you're dating the Pastor's daughter right?"_

_"Hmm… True… Hasn't been coming with many benefits lately."_

_"Benefits?"_

_"Yeah. I thought Pastor's daughter were supposed to be like crazy in the sack."_

_I look over at Tobias's face as he clenches his jaw._

_"Tobias, let's go. Come on." I try to pull on his arm but he's still like a statue._

_"Come here…" Eric gestures to Tris to sit by him but she stays standing._

_"Tobias," I whisper as I watch Eric get off the couch, walk over to Beatrice and start licking and nipping at her neck. "Now! Let's go…now! What the fuck is wrong with you?!"_

_I stand in front of him and grab his face, trying to get him to look at me, but it doesn't work. I watch the whole scene of the first time Eric forced me to have sex with him play out …on Tobias's face—running his hands through his hair, I watch his chest heave as he crouches down in agony shaking his head and shouting for me, feeling helpless. And then the look of disconnect—as if he can't believe what he just witnessed as Eric throws her off the couch and storms out of the room._

_"Tobias, she'll be fine, I promise…"_

_He walks slowly over to her and sits down next to her, just watching her face. Suddenly she's not crying…and I approach quietly seeing she has no head injury this time._

_"See, I told you so," I comment._

_But Tobias ignores me and tucks a stray strand of hair behind Beatrice's ear and nods to her. Then he stands, bracing himself on the edge of the couch…blood dripping down his face—_

My head shoots up and I feel the sudden dry burn in the back of my throat—the effect of sudden screaming, grunting or breathing heavy while dreaming.

"_God…_" I take short, shallow breaths trying to bring myself back to reality.

When my heart begins to slow, my mind begins to catch up. I dozed off again.

"Fuck!" I check the time on my tablet. As it turns out, I can't even take a 20-minute nap.

I have accepted the fact that my teeth have made permanent indentations on the inside of my cheeks and lips…and my bottom lip actually started bleeding. I'm suffering from more physical exhaustion than I ever have in my life seeing as I have nightmares each time I try to sleep. And not like I used to have…nope. These are worse…

As it turns out, the nurses sedated me after Tobias walked out and I had the longest most torturous dream I've had in years—I watched Tobias watch Eric torture me. I couldn't feel anything…because Eric wasn't doing it to me. But I felt the pain Tobias was feeling for me. No matter how many times I grabbed his face, telling him to look away or trying to distract him, nothing worked. Even though it was in a dream…the pain is real, I saw it painted on his face, myself being the artist.

I start picking at the blanket on my bed again. I have quite the pile of little cottony balls accumulated in a small pile. I still wonder if anyone died in these blankets. _How does the hospital clean them?_ I shudder at the semi-disturbing thought, even though I've had it more times than I can count since I've occupied this space.

The cardiologist has finally agreed to stop monitoring my damned heart seeing as nothing irregular has shown up since my quite eventful last Thursday morning. I'm breathing without feeling like my insides are being attacked by wolves, so that has appeased the pulmonologist to no end. I haven't had any more headaches, which satisfies the needs of the neurologist. And I am at full-walking capability…without aid. With all that said—I can finally go home tomorrow…

_Home… I don't know how I'm going to handle that one yet… _

A very, very, very, small part of me wishes I hadn't shamelessly shut down the psychologist that came waltzing in here uninvited and unannounced yesterday. These people are invading me in every physical way and they seem to think they control my decisions as well. I would imagine they now get the point to leave me the fuck alone. I understand it's probably part of the package, when you have a victim of assault, to talk to a psychologist. But…this isn't my first go at this shit! I've dealt with it in the past…I can do it again.

Well, there is another reason beyond that—I can't afford it. I called my insurance company and found out my "benefits." That's laughable…turns out I pretty much have none.

I get to pay a $2,000 deductible before coverage even begins on my emergent care along with the 20% co-insurance on any treatment I have received throughout my entire stay. This whole damned hospital is out of the network of my insurance company, so, technically, I'm paying 30% out of pocket. Turns out I'm gonna be as broke as a joke! _Except…it's not fuckin' funny!_

Grabbing for my tablet again, I wince a little as the small, now-familiar ache in my rib returns briefly. Not that it was my initial logic, but I made the right call by turning down pain meds! Evey grabbed my tablet from me a couple days ago and inconspicuously on purpose left an article open regarding the hospital mark-ups for over-the-counter drugs. _$15 for a 500 mg tablet of Tylenol! Fuck that shit!_

So, whereas before, my hatred of pain meds was because physical pain was quite preferential to emotional pain…now it's all about the Benjamins.

I look around making sure no one heard my awful 90s reference, then I quickly realize I didn't actually say that out loud…and that no one...is here. _Well, good! Because everyone's driving me fucking crazy!_

Sitting up straighter I pull my ponytail holder out of my hair, but I lifted my arms too quickly and the jarring ache in my side returns in full force.

"Damn it to hell!" I grit out between clenched teeth as I close my eyes and grip my right side. _Short, shallow breaths… Short, shallow breaths…_

Not being able to lift my arms over my head will be a problem once I get sprung. _What the hell am I going to do? Christina is going to have a major job to do! _

The only other person with practice on my hair is…Tobias. I swallow thickly as the memories invade—the first time…when he used soap, the second time…when he was holding me on his lap in his stupid boxers, washing vomit out of my hair… I remember he had gone out to buy my brand of shampoo. The third time…I was drunk…but I'm fairly sure he was again, washing vomit out of my hair. I remember waking up with perfectly smooth detangled hair spread out like a Pantene model on my bed… _God, stop it, Tris! Just…stop it…_

I sniff…loudly because I'm…_alone…_and don't need to hide _all_ my emotions. But I still prepare myself because you never know who's gonna make a grand entrance! I really only know who's _not…_going to make a grand entrance—

"I'll come back if you're gonna be a crabby bitch."

I look to see Lynn standing at the door. "Well, then I wouldn't come back."

Rolling her eyes, she grabs a chair and lugs it across the room to sit by my bed.

"What are _you_ doing here?"

She shrugs like an idiot. "Visiting you."

"Why?"

"Because you took everyone off the visitor's list…with the exception of moi." She points to herself proudly.

"Never thought in a million years you'd show up."

"Me neither. Honestly, this is not how I wanted to spend my Tuesday."

"No one's keepin' ya here, Lynn! Go wreak havoc in the gynecology wing or something."

"Been there…done that," she sighs propping her boots up on my bed. "Offered to sub-in for one of the doctors…see some patients…"

"Right up your alley."

"More like _their _alley."

I stare at Lynn's fierce face for a moment, realizing she has no intention of leaving and that I don't have it in me to boot anyone else. So I just shake my head and decide to laugh.

"So," she comments with raised eyebrows. "I hear you're crazier than a sidewalk cracker whore."

"Thanks, Lynn. You're always so pleasant!" I emit sarcastically. "And what the hell does that mean?"

"There's literally this slutty chick that sells crackers on my sidewalk…right outside my apartment."

"You need to get the hell outta there."

"Sooooo bad."

We sit in silence as that comment sinks in.

"What kind of crackers does she sell—"

"Yeah, so…what are you gonna do when you get out of here?"

"Go home." _Duh…_

"Who's picking you up?"

"The bus."

"You aren't going to let anyone help you?"

"What's there to help with? All I have is a duffel bag."

"You're not scared?"

"What's there to be scared of?"

I can actually think of more terrifying things than I will even admit to myself.

"Let's think about this like rational people for a moment… You're going back to _live _in the place you were attacked. That…is some scary shit."

I shrug my shoulders and go back to my cotton pill pile.

"Why are you acting like this?" she asks as if this is just a normal day and I show up to work in a grumpy mood. "You know I'm not one to give a shit, but Christina is a hot mess, more than usual, and Zeke has buried his head in the sand and Shauna's been trying to pull him out."

I look at her to see if she's going to mention anyone else…come to find out…she doesn't.

"What? So…_everyone's _talking about me?"

"Of course, everyone's talking about you. Well, I don't really talk to anyone aside from Shauna…Zeke by default…and Christina because I have to. But let me tell you, _that_ crazy head-case won't shut up." She plops her boots down on the floor and leans in. "So what's your deal?"

"Can the fact that I was attacked in my home, almost died, sustained serious injuries and have been stuck in a hospital since Thursday be enough?"

"Meh…I guess so..."

"But…?"

"Look, word on the street, and by street I mean your loud-mouthed, loose-lipped _bestie._" She tries to give me her best Christina impression_. "_You didn't start acting like this until Sunday morning."

**Flashback:**

The move up to my room was painful. I had no idea being pushed in a wheel chair would be so excruciating…and embarrassing. I hate been treated like an invalid, let along feeling like one. And the worst is the fact that I _am _an invalid…

But once I got here I immediately felt better because it looked more like an actual room—not like a space station. How I ever fell asleep in the ICU I will never know.

_Stop lying to yourself, Tris. You know exactly why you fell asleep—a cross between an aphrodisiac and sedative…AKA, Tobias. If I could bottle that shit… Seriously…who needs Hugo?_

I briefly close my eyes remembering how I tried to hold onto Tobias's scent and how warm I instantly felt when I woke up—his Adam's Apple was brushing the tip of my nose from ceaseless swallowing. I was dying to know what was on his mind. What the hell did he mean by "Anything…not you…?" _He was trying to push me out of his mind? Why? _A wave of anxiety washes over me at the thought of him leaving—pushing me away, until more of his words come forth…

…..

_"There are certain things I'm sure of… How I feel about you, being at the top of that list."_

_"Tobias—"_

_"Please don't say anything back, okay? If you don't reciprocate, I don't think I could handle it…and if you do…I don't think I could handle it."_

_"Why?"_

_"Because you're going to push me away—"_

…..

_He thinks I'm going to push him away?_ There are so many things I don't understand between the two of us. Before, I wanted to shut out all issues and discussions, but now the _not _addressing them is causing me more worry.

I didn't realize, until the moment Zeke started questioning me, how much I need Tobias. It defies…everything—I just need him.

He wants to be here. I can tell by the way he looks at me—by the way he doesn't seem to want to be more than three feet away from me, and the things he says…or wants to say but doesn't_. _

_Well shit! This now begs the question, "Do the reasons really matter?" Do I even care why we broke up or why he acted…how he acted? Is it that important? As of right now I would be great with just pretending the time we were apart never happened! Plausible solution?! _

_No._

"Sorry about that." Evey comes back into the room with some white…way too white…towels. "What did you say to Candice anyway? She ran out of here in near tears."

I shrug my shoulders, indifferent to the dramatics. "She was getting too chatty."

"And…?"

"I told her my vagina feels like it was invaded by an army of steel wool pads to see if I was raped and that my life feels like an episode of Law and Order: SVU, so she really shouldn't talk to me about her high school bullshit."

"Perspective. I like it. And you are…blunt." She crosses her arms standing in front of me. _God, I want to stand too…_

"Keeping things bottled up…has _not_ worked for me in the past…"

"It usually doesn't." She looks like she wants to say more about that, but she doesn't…thankfully. "Well you're brother-person _also_ had our little Candice in quite the state seeing as she forgot to restock your bathroom."

I smile to myself at her reaction to seeing my 6'3", brown-haired, olive skin, lean yet muscular build, blue-eyed, totally ignorant of her drool boyfriend. _Boy…friend… Is that…? That just sounds…wrong…_

"Even when he looks homeless…still gorgeous," I mumble.

"Not to worry. He called her a stripper and I think that may have gotten to her."

"He _what_?" I ask wondering if I heard her correctly.

"Yes. His exact words being 'Do I tip the stripper'?"

"What…the…fuck…is _wrong _with that _idiot_—"

"I think he meant…striper… As in candy striper."

"Oh…my God that's amazing… Did you correct him?"

"No."

"Good. I love it when his ignorance shows! Ah…" I sigh. "It makes my day."

"You are…somethin' else."

"Why?" I laugh lightly.

"That's all it takes to make your day? After what you've been through?"

I laugh louder at how bizarre and…well, pretty fucked up that is as she wheels me to the bed.

"Wow."

It's all I'm capable of saying as I take in two worlds colliding on my bed—my dance duffel bag stuffed to the brim with unfolded clothes and unnecessary junk, along with a toiletries bag, also stuffed to the brim with bullshit spilling over. But right next to it, lying out on the bed is my favorite pair of PJS and comfy cotton underwear, my brush, toothbrush and toothpaste, face wash, body wash, shampoo and conditioner in a perfectly parallel pattern.

"Yeah… Your friend and your person should either be a traveling comedy act or be checked into an institution."

"My brother's in an institution," I comment still staring at the bed.

"I know."

I can't help but smile at her unapologetic poor humor. "What were they doing?"

"Well, apparently your friend Christina didn't bring you the_ right _clothes and the expensive shampoo and conditioner she went out and bought you was also _wrong. _Oh, and his very strong opinion on your body wash—we won't even go there. But he was also insistent that you don't need make-up and her choice of reading material for you was _total bullshit. _What am I forgetting? Yes, I now know your favorite tea is Chamomile…not Chamomile Mint…because at one point in time, you said…and he quoted…'who wants their tea tasting like toothpaste?'"

I know I'm smiling like an idiot and very grateful I'm facing away from Evey.

"I bet that went over real well."

"She categorized his behavior as _clown fuck lunacy_, said something about a guilty conscience, apparently he suffers from Overprotective Asshole Syndrome and if it were up to her, he would be thrown off the crazy train he rolled in on."

"And I bet that went over equally as well."

"He actually held it in—a lot of grumbling, grunting and muttering under his breath. I can only imagine what he _wanted _to say to her."

"Yeah…but he never would." I laugh lightly as I run my fingertips over my pajamas.

"He sent her home with strict instructions to 'reevaluate the options.' I have to tell you it took everything in me not to laugh when she threw the bag at him, overhand, upon returning. And that is saying something because I don't laugh…much."

"Tobias laid this out for me," I whisper.

"How do you know?"

"Only a type-A weirdo folds clothes like a Banana Republic employee." I laugh at how much of a jerk I am. "It's just about the only thing domestic he knows how to do. He can't even make coffee! He doesn't use his dishwasher because he never took the time to figure out how to run it, which makes absolutely no sense because he's the smartest man I know and he could probably build a rocket launcher just by reading the manual…once. I'll bet, at some point, he shows up and will covertly read the hospital's entire HIPPA policy just to make sure you're all 'doing your job properly and maintaining professionalism.' I'll also bet you a million dollars he'll ask for nothing for himself… But Christina'll, at least, bring him clothes, because even though she says she hates him…she doesn't. And…" I do a double-take looking up at Evey as my face turns red. "Shit… Sorry, I'm rambling…"

"I've heard worse. And she did bring him clothes… Bag #2 also thrown at him." She points to the cot where I see his black gym bag with messy, unfolded clothes pouring out of it." _He has to be dying on the inside…_

"Where is he?" I ask suddenly really wanting to see him.

"Showering… Come on…"

Based on what I just went through, just the thought of sex repulses me. But the mere thought of Tobias naked in the shower—water streaming down his amazing tattoos as he soaps up his hair, the bubbles trailing down over the curve of his ass and… _Whoa! _Just goes to show the effect that man has on me—or maybe because "sex" doesn't describe it.

"You okay? You look really flushed."

"Oh, yeah… Just…never mind. Ha…"

She helps me stand by bracing me at my elbows and I look at her questioningly.

"You need to shower. And I'm going to help."

"I can—"

"No, you can't. And neither can your person. Although he vehemently disagrees."

"Well, he's seen me at my worst…and bathed me at my worst."

"Worse than this?"

"Different circumstances."

She stares at me for a moment and I realize how badly that may have come across.

"No, no, no… Nothing he did…ever…ever, ever… Let's just say he had a front row seat to the fall-out from previous…incidences."

"Hmm." She closes the door behind us and locks it, then carefully leads me to the walk-in shower and unties my gown helping me sit on the bench. "So…you guys have been together for a long time, huh?"

I pause at the word together…because we aren't.

"Or whatever you are."

"Actually, no. I mean I'm not a count the weeks or days kinda girl but…maybe six weeks? Could be more, could be less…"

"You're kidding."

"Not…kidding."

"You two talk about each other as if you've been together for decades."

I pause again at the word together…because we aren't.

"Or whatever you are."

"It always felt like longer… Like a lot longer. And I always just noticed everything about him—like I soaked him up. Wow, um… That sounds insane!... I can't really explain it anyway." _Because it's personal and, I don't want to! _

"Okay."

The rest of the bathing session is a mix of humiliating and amazing. _Who knew?! _The pain seems to be worse in the evening so I cannot participate…at all. But rinsing the filth off of me is like some strange healing step—a very surface level step, but I'll take anything I can get right now.

"I left your clothes on the bed. Hang tight, okay?" She opens the door and I hear a sarcastic, "Thank you, _Caleb_," followed by a masculine growl.

I hold in a laugh, which is painful but everything is, so…

"He brings hovering to a whole new level," she murmurs to me knowing Tobias is probably right at the door.

"Or just some girl-on-girl fantasies," I comment forgetting for a moment that I'm talking to a nurse. "Sorry… Not funny to you."

"No, it's funny. I've cornered the market on internal laughing. It's part of the job."

"Got it."

I look down at her stern yet kind face as she helps me step into my underwear, PJ pants and slide my feet into slippers. I realize, at that moment, how much she _doesn't _annoy me. There's something about her that's _familiar. _ She's probably just _that _good at her job…

"I'll brush your hair while you brush your teeth?"

"I can brush my own hair." _Pshh!_

"Okay."

"Shit!" I drop the brush as the pain shoots through my side after lifting my arm.

She patiently picks up the brush and starts on my hair while I begin the process of brushing my teeth, grateful she didn't make me feel like more of an asshole than I am.

"Ready?" _Wow… She's really good at that!_

"Yeah," I nod in sudden exhaustion as I sway.

"Want the wheelchair?"

"No."

Walking out of the bathroom, I keep my pace slow, denying Evey's steady hand. I quickly search the room for Tobias, suddenly really excited to see him…but he's nowhere to be found…

**End Flashback**

"Actually, it was Sunday night," I correct as Lynn rolls her eyes.

"Fine. Sunday night. What the hell happened?" She twists her eyebrow ring as she reclines in the chair.

"You don't really want to know, do you?"

"I sorta do. I mean, I'm at least curious."

"I found out why Four broke up with me, among other…unforgivable things."

"Unforgivable? Strong word." She quirks her eyebrow. "You sure about that?"

I stare out the window feeling the need to be both honest and dishonest. _No, I'm not fucking sure!_

"Do you plan on telling me what any of those unforgiveable things are?"

"No."

"Great. Why am I here again?"

I just shake my head and continue to stare into the oblivion of nothingness in front of me.

"Okay, then... Bye Felicia."

"Don't let the door _not_ hit you on the ass," I remark.

"Wouldn't dream of it… See ya."

"Hey, Lynn?"

"Mmmmyeeesss?" She swings around holding onto the doorknob.

"Have you…or has anyone…um…heard—"

"Ritz crackers."

"What?"

"The cracker whore. She sells Ritz crackers. Right out of the open package." She slides out the door. "Catcha on the flip-side!" But then leans her head back in. "Unless you fall on your ass… Then I'm out."

* * *

**Nita's POV:**

And here I still sit…waiting…and waiting. _At least I'm at The Club._ But I'm pissed because I forgot my sunglasses and am now freaking the fuck out about not attaining my lifelong goal of not getting any crow's feet until I'm, at the very least, 35 years old. _ Holy shit! Is this Karma? Has this whole situation been one big Karmic event?!_

**Flashback: **Sunday evening

Once we found out which hospital Tina was at, it didn't take much for Daddy to decide sending _me _there to do reconnaissance would be his best option. Especially since I just _feel so terrible_ for the cute little nitwit and I _care about Tobias_ (yech!) so much that I _just absolutely hate hate hate_ seeing him miserable_. Jesus, I'm awesome…_

Although I'm sure his misery is caused more by the fact that he feels trapped at the hospital. Knowing him as well as I do, he probably thinks he owes her or something ridiculous seeing as his father is the one who caused all this.

Marcus is so fucking stupid. One strategic phone call to one of Marcus's minions is all Daddy had to make. One strategic threat… _Although, it's probably not a threat_… My blood does run a degree colder at that thought. But I brush it off quickly always being a firm believer in the old adage 'Ignorance is Bliss.'

Anyway, my presence _does _provide me with the perfect opportunity to play the part of the sympathetic individual… _Yes… It most certainly does!_

Now that my conscience has been cleared I can enjoy hearing the click, click, click of my heels on the floor of the hallway.

"Can you tone the shoes down? We have patients sleeping." I pass by a very dull looking nurse person.

"Certainly."

I can feel her eyes on me as I continue down the hall, finally approaching my destination—Room 307. I do end up tip-toeing just a bit so I can see what I'm going to be walking in on. Right away my cat eyes land on Trina. She's looking away from me out the window. _Terrible view… _I take a risk and lean in even more—no sign of Four.

_Hmmm… I'm supposed to be reporting back to Daddy. Was I wrong in assuming he's here? Maybe he doesn't care as much as I thought he did? Oh, well! I can still make myself look good._

"Knock, knaaa-ooock!"

I don't think I've ever actually seen someone's mouth drop open… _Is she a cartoon character? Weird… _I stand there and it seems as if I need to let my presence sink in or something because she is still staring at me as if I'm the last person she expected to ever walk in here.

"Ummm… Can I come _in_?"

"Would I let the Anti-Christ in my room?"

"I should say _not_—"

"Then why the…_fuck…_would I let you in here?"

_Well, her demeanor is certainly nothing to write home about… I'll take note of that._

"Because I have information," I say cheerily as I walk toward her bed.

"Whatever you have…I have _no _interest in. Get out."

I purse my lips, not quite understanding how she's not curious as to why I'm here.

"Not even if it's about the man who put you in here?"

"What?… You…you know…Eric?"

"Who the hell is Eric?" I reflect back and no memory of that name comes forth. But I can guess… "Oh, is that the psycho-ex?"

_She's looking at me weird…_

"Well…he's obviously irrelevant," I state wondering why she would waste her times worrying about Marcus's pawn.

"What planet do you orbit? How is he not relevant?... And stop…staring!"

_She's right… I was definitely staring because she looks…God-awful! Bruises—covering the left side of her face! And could she have darker circles under her eyes? This lighting truly does her no favors… Jesus… Poor Four is subjecting himself to this shit show?! I should have brought some make-up just to put him out of his misery. The poor girl is actually pathetic. I would never let a man live long enough to tell the tale if he injured this face—_

"What are you doing with your hands?

I still my hand mid-air, realizing I had been encircling my face. _Whoops…_

"Oh…that's just how I think!"

She immediately turns her head from me, which helps because now I don't have to look at the horrifying disfigurations.

"Say what you came to say…and then go…please, Nita," she pleads. _Oh, she's desperate! Noted!_

"Hmm… Well, I'm happy to report that the Marcus situation is being taken care of—"

"The what?"

I need to be more patient with her because she has apparently suffered some sort of traumatic brain injury. _Should I speak slower?_

"Maaaarcus?"

She's looking at me as if… I don't know… _Did she burst an eardrum? Or have a stroke?_

"That's Four's…father."

"Yeah… But I…"

_How daft is this chick?_

"Listen, sweetheart—"

"Don't fucking call me sweetheart."

"I realize you may have gotten hit over the head a few times… But can you please focus?" I plead with my hands in prayer position. "Okay…my father…is taking…care of…Marcus…so_ we_ need…to tell…Four…not to worry—"

"You're father? Marcus? What the _fuck _are you talking about?!"

I'm sure I have a transparent look of pure annoyance because I can't possibly speak slower! I appraise her again and immediately change my chipper tune because she…knows…nothing… I can't believe Four hasn't told her a damned thing!

_Oh, my God… This is going to be great!_

"So…_Tobias_…didn't tell you anything?"

I thoroughly enjoy watching her narrow her eyes slightly when I said Four's ridiculous name that, frankly, should never exist outside of his birth certificate. Now, I decide, I'm going to watch her face a little more intently…even though she looks heinous.

But she's not answering me so I figure I'll start to fill in some blanks.

"Wow! That says a lot, Trisha—"

'Tris," she says quietly as if _that's _fucking important.

"You're in here because Tobias's father," I say evenly as I sit nicely on her bed. "Well, he told—I'm sorry, what was his name?…The unstable one?"

"Eric…" _Oh, God… I'm losing her!_

"He gave Eric's father…your address." I duck my head trying to make eye contact but really hoping it doesn't work!

"Why? Why would he… I don't even know…Marcus… Um…"

"I just can't believe Tobias didn't tell you any of this!"

"He knew—"

"He knew the whole time! Wow…this is soooo unlike the Tobias I have come to know… It's strange…"

"Can you please…um…back up a little? I'm not quite…and I'm really tired…and—"

"Yes, you do look…let's just say pushed to the brink…"

She actually nods her head agreeing with me. _So insecure! I would never let anyone talk to me that way!_

"Anyway," I pat her leg prompting her to stay with me here. "As it turns out my father and Marcus have a bit of a history. You know, a lot of back and forth…tit for tat…things like that! And Daddy was just nudging Marcus to break you and Tobias up. So..."

"Who is your…father—"

"Oh, they're just old business rivals… It's really no big deal! Anyhoo, my Daddy, well, I think he just assumed if he made Marcus break you guys up…that it would make Tobias hate Marcus. But Tobias went along with it so…easily that…honestly I would imagine my father was kind of disappointed that his plan didn't really work… I don't know, I'm just speculating…"

"So, Tobias…"

"Sweetheart, I can't tell if it's adding up for you or not, so I'm just going to guess it's not… I'll dumb it down. Marcus…told…Tobias that he…_Marcus…_would tell the psycho guy what's-his-name…where…you…are. Apparently he had been looking for you for…quite some time. I just can't believe Tobias wouldn't have…warned you… I was under the assumption that you knew all this!"

_She's crying…but she's not crying, crying. I had kind of hoped for sobs. Damn it!_

"And now here you are…like…well, like _this_…and what the hell is wrong with him—"

"Nita." I hear the manly angry voice I recognize anywhere and it makes my panties wet. _Meow…_

"Tobias, I was just trying to fill in the blanks for poor Tris." I run my hand up and down her undefined shin. "But it's more like a blank slate…"

"What did you do?" He looks wildly from her to me…and then back to…_HER._

"Well," I stand trying to get in between his line of sight. _Eye on the prize, Four! _"I came to tell you that _Daddy_ is handling the whole Marcus thing and—"

"What?"

I'm pleased that I can instantly divert his attention.

"Marcus! He's the reason she…looks like a corpse—"

"What the fuck did you just say?"

"She looks like a corpse—"

"Marcus! About...Marcus!"

I bite my lips so turned on. I so want to lick them but then my lipstick will rub off. _Maybe I should consider having them tattooed… Anyway…_

"Tobias—"

"Don't _fucking _call me that!"

"You _knew…" _

Suddenly I'm non-existent as he's immediately by her side, splashing water everywhere. _Pathetic… I guess if that's what it takes… _

"Tris I…I can explain everything… I just don't know where to start… I need a minute…" _He looks insane._

"Why are _you _here?" He comes at me and it does put me on my guard a bit, I must say.

"Daddy sent me to check on her! How is this a surprise? I mean, you knew Daddy was just messing with your father."

I see a flash in his eyes as his brilliant mind immediately switches gears to try to figure out how I know that little tid-bit.

"Didn't you find out—"

"Wednesday! I just found out Wednesday, Tris! Tris, Tris, Tris… That's what I tried to tell you that night! Baby, please look at me… I didn't… Tris?...Tris!"

He practically fell to his knees. _That had to hurt…_

"You knew Eric was looking for me."

I breathe out a long awaited hallelujah sigh of relief as she finally starts her grade school math!

"Yes… I didn't tell you because…" _Blah, blah, blah, blah! Yeah, okay we get it! _"I don't even know where to start—"

"Well, you can start by—"

"_GET OUT!... Get…the…fuck…out!"_

He grabs me by the arm which is actually sort of awesome but then he drags me into the hall and practically throws me like an off the rack blouse.

"_You are a disgusting excuse for a person…and are now at the top of my list of my worst regrets and mistakes…EVER! And that is very very telling! If I never see your caustic, hateful, ugly face it will still be TOO GOD-DAMNED SOON!" _

_Did he just call me…UGLY? I am so done! This is…just… Oh, my God!_

"Do you have any clue what you just did? Do you have a conscience? Do you know what she just went through? If it were up to me and if I had the ability I would chain you to a chair, duct tape your fake lashes to your eyebrows and make you watch exactly what happened to her you stupid, stupid bitch—"

"Tobias!... That's enough." The same plain Jane nurse from earlier comes to my rescue and stands in between us.

_I don't love being rescued but based on the look on his face I should thank her… Maybe a makeover?_

"Thank you—"

"Leave." _No makeover for you! Byee!_

"Gladly. Oh, and you're welcome, TO-BIAS! Now with everything out in the open…you both can…ya know…work it out! Good luck with that!"

**End flashback**

I am just so happy that's over with!

I can't believe I'm still here… I check my phone again for probably the 100th time. It's been forty-five minutes! I look left, shielding my eyes from the UV rays taking years off my life, and I finally see him walking toward me. _Yum… Yum… Yum…_

"You're salad, ma'am," the server says as he sets up a table next to me.

"Ma'am? Well, now you definitely aren't getting a tip! And I wanted croutons on the side!"

I flit the plate to the edge of the table as he scrambles for it, totally missing as it crashes all over the sidewalk.

_What did I do to deserve this?!_

* * *

**Because who doesn't love it when a chapter starts with Nita...and ends with Nita? Now I'll just go put on my bullet-proof vest and switch to a plastic wine glass!_  
_**


	46. You Knew Pt 2

**Chapter 46 - **You Knew... Pt. 2

* * *

**Tris's POV: **Tuesday

Thank God Lynn left. She didn't want to be here anyway and I sure as hell didn't want her here. I don't want anyone here! I've never felt so much guilt and so much betrayal in my entire life. How one can feel both of those emotions equally is beyond my understanding!

The unforgivable part is that he _knew. _He _fucking _knew for weeks. Not days…WEEKS!

**Flashback:** Sunday

I'm so tired that I feel like I've been drugged. I know precisely where it's coming from—it's not my ribcage, head or lungs. No, it's 100% pure emotional mind fuck. I went into Gynecology thinking I was getting something that was the equivalent of a PAP Smear…but no, that couldn't be further from the truth.

I close my eyes, trying to push the trauma aside, needing to concentrate on something else. Of course, I choose Tobias.

I had wanted to talk about…everything. But now I'm tempted to pretend to sleep, so he'll just scoot in next to me—my own personal sleep-aid. _Would he be stupid enough to sleep on the cot? Shit! He totally would…_

"Knock, knaaa-ooock!"

Well, that seals the deal. They slipped me something. _Motherfuckers! _Because there is no way in _hell, _I see Nita at my hospital door. _Unless this is hell…_

"Ummm… Can I come _in_?"

"Would I let the Anti-Christ in my room?" I ask sincerely.

"I should…say not—"

"Then why the…_fuck…_would I let you in here?"

She practically skips toward me…in heels. "Because I have information."

"Whatever you have…I have _no _interest in. Get out."

We have a brief staring contest. Well, for me it's more like profuse glancing because I really don't want her to see the left side of my face.

"Not even if it's about the man who put you in here?"

Now I don't give a fuck about my face because I can't feel it.

"What?… You…you know…Eric?"

"Who the hell is Eric?"

I relax as I realize she has no clue what the fuck she's talking about and has only come here to make my head explode.

"Oh, is that the psycho-ex?"

My moment is over as my poor heart tries to jump out of my chest.

"Well, he's obviously irrelevant."

"What planet do you orbit?" I exalt trying to reign in my panic. "How is he not relevant?...And stop…staring?"

The dumb bitch just stands there, scrutinizing me—my face in particular. Her tan, flawless face staring at my pale depraved one. She's flitting her hands back and forth as if she's trying to communicate through sign language.

"What are you doing with your hands?"

"Oh…that's just how I think!"

I turn away from her not wanting my pure embarrassment to show. I know I look like a side-show act and I really don't need this right now. _Fuck…_

"Say what you came to say…and then go…please, Nita."

I realize that sounded desperate, but that's how I feel and I can't hide it. The only reason she would show her face would be to torture me…or Tobias. Maybe I can get a head start and throw the bullshit flag about her sleeping with Tobias the other night.

_But she did have a picture of him on her phone… God, what if he did sleep with her at some point. Oh, fuck… At one point in time, I had wanted to spout vomit at her face, but I'm not up for it today…_

"…. …. ….. ….. ….. ….. Marcus situation is being taken care of—"

"The what?" I ask, missing the first half of her sentence and being very confused by the second half.

"Maaaarcus?"

The Marcus…situation. I flip through my brain like a Rolodex and come up with…nothing. Tobias hasn't mentioned his father once.

"That's Four's…father."

"Yeah, but I…"

I really do not want to admit to this chick that I have no clue what she's talking about and the fact that she decidedly knows more about what's going on with Tobias than I do, makes me want to snap her neck.

"Listen, sweetheart—"

"Don't fucking call me sweetheart." _Patronizing bitch…_

"I realize you may have gotten hit over the head a few times… But can you please focus?" she begs.

_The insensitivity of this dirty whore is beyond all human understanding._

"Okay…my father…is taking…care of…Marcus…so_ we_ need…to tell…Four…not to worry—"

"Your father? Marcus? What the _fuck _are you talking about?!"

She's talking to me like I'm a child and, frankly, I feel like one. My lack of understanding is starting to go to my head…and it's being expressed through physical pain—my head is throbbing…

"… …-bias…didn't tell you anything?"

_Did she just call him Tobias? Fuck…I missed it…_

"Wow! That says a lot, Trisha—"

'Tris." I know she knows my damned name and I fall into her trap every time. _Get on your game, Tris!_

"You're in here because Tobias's father… Well, he told—I'm sorry, what was his name?… The unstable one?"

I'm trying so hard to follow… It helps that she's closer. I can see her face. _Tobias's father told someone… Who is she talking about? Unstable… I only know—_

"Eric…"

"He gave Eric's father…your address."

"Why? Why would he… I don't even know…Marcus… Um…"

_Research… Research… Research… _Marcus's snide voice floods my eardrums as the rest of my surroundings seem to meld together.

"I just can't believe Tobias didn't tell you any of this!"

Tobias knew Marcus was watching me…because I threw it in his face. _But…_

"He knew—"

"He knew the whole time! Wow…this is soooo unlike the Tobias I have come to know… It's strange…"

I remove her comments about "the Tobias she knows" from the equation because she's lying—it's written all over her shameless face.

"Uh huh. Can you please…um…back up a little? I'm not quite…and I'm really tired…and—"

"Yes, you do look…let's just say pushed to the brink…"

I agree wholeheartedly with that statement, especially since I have a terrible feeling that I'm being pushed _over_ the brink…

"Anyway, as it turns out my father and Marcus have a bit of a history. You know, a lot of back and forth…tit for tat…things like that! And Daddy was just nudging Marcus to break you and Tobias up. So…"

_So none of this was…Tobias's…idea or doing? It was his father's… I knew something was going on…between them. I fucking…knew it…_

"Who is your…father—"

"… … just old business rivals… It's really no big deal… … … Daddy, well, I think he just assumed if he made Marcus break you guys up… … … would make Tobias hate Marcus… … Tobias went along with it so…easily … …honestly … …. …. my father was …. … disappointed that his plan didn't really work… I don't know, I'm just speculating…"

I pause trying to put together parts of what she said that I may have missed.

"So, Tobias…"

And it all connects…almost all pieces put together…almost all holes in the story…filled. Trying to read between whatever lines I could pick up from Nita…sifting through what is most likely spun to her benefit…sorting out fact from fallacy, I know the following:

_He ended things… Because of his father… So, that's that._

I feel a slight weight lifted off me because now I know.

I blink my eyes several times because they're burning, and for some reason, it instantly cools my cheeks so it's worth looking like a fool. But there's something I'm holding back…something my conscious seems unwilling to accept. I look at Nita's blurry face as she comes closer, mumbling nonsense through the thick air in the room and trying to get my attention.

"…. . …. …. .. … … .. … … .. … .. .. …. ….. .. ….. … … I'll dumb it down. Marcus…told…Tobias that he…_Marcus…_would tell the psycho guy…what's-his-name…"

_Eric…his name…is…Eric…_

"…where…you…are. …. he had been looking for you for…quite some time. I just can't believe Tobias wouldn't have…warned you… … … …"

_And there it is…and that was the truth—she's not lying. He knew… Tobias…knew… He did nothing… Nothing… How could he…do…nothing…? Nothing…_

I know she's talking but all I can do is run through moments in my mind—all of the times he could have told me. Starting from day one—the moment he walked in the door after he went to see Marcus. But instead, he treated me like I was some random slutty hook-up. I cried my fucking eyes out! I tried to make things better for…_him… _Because I thought _he _was…hurting. I blamed…myself…for…everything…

"Nita."

My eyes flit up in the direction of Tobias's shocked and livid voice, but I can't seem to move my head…so they don't make it further than Tobias's hands. He's holding two cups of something hot. I bet it would feel amazing on my throat right now…better than the sand storm that seems to be taking over…

"Tobias…I was just trying to fill in the blanks for poor Tris. But it's more like a blank slate…"

"What did you do?" _He sounds like a fucking idiot—a cross between psychotic and frantic and asshole._

"Well, I came to tell you that _Daddy_ is handling the whole Marcus thing and—"

My mind seems to stop at "the whole Marcus thing." I know they're talking or arguing, but I don't have the capacity to listen. It's almost coma-like…if this is how it feels to be in one. I know things are going on around me, but it doesn't seem to matter because I'm living inside my head and it's quite cozy. "The whole Marcus thing"—nothing but a back atcha business deal.

_ I have been reduced to a business back stab… _

I can feel the part of myself that I hate the most coming forward and it's unstoppable—I'm starting to feel sorry for myself. The words "Why me? Why me? Why me?" keep appearing as if written in hallucinogenic smoke by the caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland. _Through the Looking Glass was so much better. Why make books into movies? Always fucks up the characters… _

I pick up on Tobias yelling about his father.

_Makes sense that he'd be so worried about Marcus. I can't believe I didn't see it—how tied he is to his past… Maybe I'm the one who should feel sorry for him. At least, I chose to live my damned life—to do something about my situation! He fucking lives in the same town as his shitty father and he can't even look him head on without spiraling! _

_I trusted him… I trusted him… I trusted him…_

_He knew about Eric._

_Why didn't he tell me? How could he not tell me?_

_ I told him EVERYTHING about me—Things I've never even said aloud to myself! My…baby! My…fucked up life!_

I lift my eyes from the blanket, focusing on Tobias's stressed face as he spews hatred at Nita._ Is he seriously blaming her right now?_

"You _knew…" _I say it plain as day—a statement.

Normally I would add inflection to make a comment like that sound like a question—verbal punctuation. Holding out for that 1% chance for someone to say "No, no no…it's not like that!" But this time, it's exactly like that.

He stops mid-sentence as if he's just recognizing I'm in this fucking room too. It makes sense. Defending _himself_ being more important than I am. _And there's the' feel sorry for me' shit!_

"… Tris I…I can explain everything… I just don't know where to start… I need a minute…" _Please…take your time. Just pretend I'm not here._

He immediately directs his attention back to Nita as if he read my mind. I don't even care.

"Why are _you _here?" _And there he goes…_

Nita, Tobias, Marcus, whoever the fuck her father is. This is all just _too _much. I can't even…deal… I know this much because I'm cold but my legs are slippery from sweat where my knees are touching, the tips of my ears are burning but I have goosebumps running up my arms.

And for the first time, I don't feel safe in Tobias's presence…because it was made up in my head. He was never my _protector_ or my _savior_ or whatever delusional romantic fantasies I concocted. He was _never…ever…_actually that. I was soooo stupid…

"…Tris?... Tris?"

I look down at my right hand to see it lying in Tobias's clutching grasp. I feel my knuckles rubbing together painfully, as he crushes my fingers—bone slipping past bone.

"You knew Eric was looking for me," I quip as I watch my fingertips turn red.

"Yes… I didn't tell you because you worked so hard to… … … …"

I would imagine this is what is feels like to live in an aquarium—people trying to get your attention, and you know they're talking to you but all you can hear is energetic mumbling so you decide to swim on and ignore it because pretending no one is there is easier than realizing there is more to life than what's inside this tank.  
So, I decide swimming on is my best option and I do just that…

**End Flashback**

I choke out a brief laugh at how strange the human mind is…or maybe just my mind…and it's incredible ability to achieve self preservation—I literally passed out like a fuckin' damsel in distress. _Probably put the back of my hand on my forehead and everything!_

I laugh out loud again and shake my head. "I just don't get it…"

_He_ _couldn't divulge the minuscule detail that my #1 debilitating fear is savagely hunting me? I don't care what the hell his reasons are! And why is it that Tobias fucking Eaton always seems to have a fucking incredible excuse? Oh, wait… Does he really? 'Cause I've never heard it because HE NEVER TOLD ME! Just cut me out of his life! Seriously, what the fuck could have been so horrendous?! Oh, that's right, "Daddy made him do it." Such fucking bullshit… _

So, yeah that's one side of things. I present to you…the opposing view…

Tobias's…face—It had been at the forefront of my mind for weeks but now it haunts me. I see his shock, his agony, his sadness, his sorrow…then the worst…his acceptance—his complete acceptance of fault. And the amount of relief it brought me when he decided to carry the entire burden is now assaulting my conscience—making me CRAZY! Yes…me, _this_ horrible individual gave it away…the weight of burden and fault! I just threw it at him. And the stupid bastard caught it like a damned martyr and walked away with it—right the fuck outta this room!

"Stop, stop, stop!" I chastise with a clenched jaw rubbing my eyes with tightly fisted hands.

I have yet to let my mind meander any further down that particular path. I'm a professional at pretending things didn't happen. Although I usually address it once and move on from there, acknowledging that "I've dealt with it," giving myself bullshit credit (Up top, Tris! You thought about it once! You're healed! Fuck therapy!) and then proceed to have my nightmarish dreams…or just nightmares… same shit…

Well, except I refuse to sleep. _Haha! Fuck you, nightmares!_ My new reality is anger…straight up…misguided…anger… I hate Tobias. I hate the sickness that he purged when he left and the reactions that I put on his face that makes me want to react similarly. I hate what he did to me! _And I hate what I did to him… _

"Fuck," I growl under my breath grabbing the bullshit reading material Christina brought me.

I've busted through the YA crap that she always gets me hooked on. _Why do I always read this shit?! They almost always make movies about them that do NOTHING but piss me off! And what is with these authors? "Don't want smut on the page" bullshit? Last I checked…young adults were having sex… Lots of it… _

But I refuse to read any of my preferential reading material that I know is 100% Tobias's doing. Who needs Catherine and Heathcliff?! Fuckin' 1st cousin's getting married. GROSS!... I know I don't need Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy! Two of the most stubborn dumb fucks in the history of writing!... And fuck you Jane and Mr. Rochester you still-married-to-a-nutjob-philandering-dickhead!—Burns his God-damned house down… And the Dashwood sisters have absolutely NO sense nor sensibility! And that title is total asshat craptown! Redundant waste of syllables title!

Honestly…flawed, flawed, flawed characters! I, for once, need characters who fart butterflies and rainbows! And then the butterflies and rainbows can breed and have…butterbows!

I grab my tablet in search of such a story… _Probably only exists in that fan fiction shit Christina reads… God, help me! _

_I need sleep…_

* * *

**Christina's POV:**

Sitting at Callahan's on a late Tuesday afternoon is _not _part of my very busy schedule…but nothing seems to be lately. Watching Marlene and Uriah be gross is pissing me off and Shauna and Zeke are being weirdly participatory.

_I can't take it anymore!_

"What the shit, you guys?! You are _not _in high school!"

Both couples look at me like I'm the biggest asshole they've seen in a long time.

"Let's get it all out there… Mar, Uri—you guys have obviously, finally, boned—"

"Yes, ma'am!"

"Ur-i-ah!" Marlene screeches as she smacks his chest and scoots off his lap.

"And I don't know _what _the hell has gotten into you two, but I am about to projectile all over this table. You can all go and bump bellies after we hear from Lynn. As we all know there is a perfectly satisfactory storage closet in the back and you can take turns! Speaking of screwing in storage closets—has _anyone _heard from Four?"

"Nope!"

"Negative."

"Not a peep."

"Fuck, no…" Zeke sighs. "Pretty sure it'll be awhile…"

"Babe, don't be so hard on yourself," Shauna rubs Zeke's shoulders consoling him.

"Zeke, what the hell?" _This boy needs to take the dramatics down a notch or 50!_ "You questioned Tris, you had to, you're completely unqualified, you know this, we know this, Tris and Four know this. Now get your head out of your ass because I am sure as shit that _you _are the last thing on their mind!"

"Tone it down, Christina," Shauna all but growls at me. "You have _no _idea how hard that was for him—"

"Perspective! Perspective! Perspective!" I clap in rapid repetition. "Can we get some?!"

"Shut-up, Christina." Lynn plops down in the chair next to me. _Rise above, Chris… _She leans back in her chair. "Randall, can get a Stella?"

"Who's Stella…your new lady friend?" Uriah asks waggling his eyebrows. _And here I thought he had evolved… _

"Oh and a Heine for Uriah," she adds as Uriah's face goes blank.

"So, did you _see_ her?" I ask trying to get Lynn to look at me, damn it!

"Oh, yeah. That I did… Crackers, anyone?"

I scrunch my nose as she dumps out a plastic sandwich bag of old Ritz crackers.

"Yes, please!... I'm fuckin' starving!" Uriah reaches and grabs a handful.

"And…?"

"I got nothin'—rude, snarky sarcasm."

"You can't honestly tell me you talked about _nothing _of substance?"

She shrugs her shoulders. "Told her about the cracker whore."

"We need to get you outta that neighborhood, Madelynn."

"Don't call me Madelynn, Shaunie—"

"Don't call me Shaunie!"

"Christ in a can! What the fuck else?!" I stand scooting my chair back roughly as Will appears, catching it in perfect form.

"Don't you all work? I feel like I just walked into a drunk and way more fun episode of Friends." He leans down and whispers, "Relax, Chris," leaving a sweet kiss on my cheek as he gently scoots the chair back under me. My heartbeat regulates and I begin to see straight as Will pulls up a chair next to me and gently grabs my hand.

"Sorry, guys."

I'm met with a mix of "yeah, yeah, yeahs" and laughing. _Does no one take me seriously?! _But I sense Lynn's eyes on me as I beg for information with my own.

"She gets let out of hospital prison tomorrow morning," she sighs out in annoyance as she stands and walks to meets the bartender half-way for her beer.

"Who's picking her up?"

"The bus."

"Is she…moving back…to our _apartment_?"

**Flashback: last Friday**

Will holds my hand tightly as I make my way up the stairs to our home for the first time since Tris was attacked. I was expecting to see police tape and all the shit you see on CSI…but really, there was nothing out of the ordinary at all. I walked right up, unlocked the door…and immediately started crying because a realization just smacked me.

"Chris? What's up? What's wrong? I mean I know this is bad, but—"

"I left the door unlocked," I sob through a covered mouth. "I didn't tell you."

"Chris—"

"I'm so…fucking stupid and… Jesus, Will, she's…" I glance up at Will as he waits for me to continue. "She's…" I sniff and look him straight in the eye. "She's in the hospital because of me."

"No, babe… Hey, look at me. She's not… She's here because of him. He would have found a way in…no matter what—God…" Will chokes up.

"What?" I ask as he almost turns green.

"I'm about to say something awful."

"I do it all the time."

He laughs lightly but then gives me his very intent puppy dog eyes. "I'm so glad you weren't here. I mean I would never…_ever…_wish this on anyone. But, I'm a selfish son-of-a-bitch and am incredibly grateful that you weren't."

I walk closer and rest my hands on his heart, giving him a sweet kiss. "That's not awful… Four said the same thingish. God... He wouldn't let me blame myself." I shake my head unable to meet Will's eyes.

"He really is a good guy, Chris." He laughs slightly. "Shit, and if I know him, he probably blames himself somehow."

"Yeah, I definitely think he does."

Inhaling deeply, Will decides to rip off the band-aid. "You ready?"

"Yeah." _Actually, hell no._

We open the door and I stop before I can even enter, just to take in the scene. I glance to the right, seeing the kitchen undisturbed. But one of our kitchen chairs is in the middle of the floor, smashed to smithereens. Will rests his hand on my lower back, which gives me a little more gusto, and we keep walking, stepping around the chair. I look right and see a really large hole in the drywall by the hall toward my room. A very very distinct shiver shimmies up my spine at the thought of how that got there.

Keeping my game face on, I continue on my straight path, checking out Tris's room. I frown as I walk in there…and see that all bedding…has been taken.

"Oh," I whisper.

"Was she doing laundry?"

"No, babe."

Turning toward Will, I watch his fair complexion turn a shade of green for the second time.

"Jesus, Chris…I didn't even think—"

"Maybe it's nothing. Protocol, ya know?"

"Yeah…maybe. Let's um…just get her stuff."

"Okay—"

"Uh… Ya know what? I'm just gonna get my…um…wallet from the car…"

"Okay," I reply, respecting the fact that my sweeter than sweet boyfriend needs a minute to process the fact that Tris may have been raped.

He nods his head in thanks, knowing that I know why he needs to leave for a minute. I smile, noticing the small bump that is his wallet in the back of his jeans as he closes the door behind him. It's a good thing he stepped away because I need a minute too. Images of what may have happened here are threatening my sanity and I need to take solace in my independence right now—when Will is around, I feel like I lean on him too much. I need to be strong for Tris. So I wipe away my pity tears and go to work, first and foremost, on her clothes… She needs me in this department…

Several moments of silence pass along with several outfits and I hear Will come through the door. I give him a quick look and a smile. His eyes are red and my heart melts at his empathy…

"I'm just gonna…clean this up." He gestures to the beyond busted chair.

"Sounds good, hon. Hey?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you too," he responds not making eye contact.

My and Will's little exchange reminds me of something—a decision I'm now very happy I made as I go into my bedroom and open the bottom drawer of my dresser.

**End Flashback**

"And Amar heard from Four again," Will chimes in.

"Really?" I ask, desperate for information.

"He says he sounds worse, and this time, Amar refused to send him work."

"Like worse than normal?" Uriah asks.

"Yes…dick. He sounds, well, in Amar's words—'quite destitute.'"

"So where is he? And what is he doing? And why isn't he talking to—"

"I can't _believe _he hasn't talked to _anyone!_" _Thank you for finishing my damned sentence, Shauna! _"What the hell happened?!"

I can feel her eyes on me as I look the other way… _Damn it! The only reason I agreed to meet was to get info from Lynn about Tris… Shit! How did this come to be about Four? I brought it up, didn't I? Damn it!_

"You know something. It's written all over your freakin' face!"

**Flashback: **Monday morning

I stroll by the nurse's station waving at them all and trying to be as nice as possible. Seeing as they have Tris for a patient, they probably need a lot of that. This time, they all look at me with the same raised-eyebrow expression. It's like a mix of you-should-stay-the-fuck-out and Good-Lord-help-her. _Ooookay…_

I peek my head in and see her rolled onto her side, facing away from the door. There's no sign of Four, which is _unbelievable. _But he must be here because his duffle bag is still on the cot, right where he put it…after I threw it at him. _Hmm… _

I tip toe over to look at her face, assuming she's sleeping. But she's not. Her pillow is soaked, like soaked-soaked, with tears and her eyes are wide open and staring.

"Pumpkin?... Tris?... Are you…? What happened?"

I sit on the cot and face her but she stays staring out the window.

"Where's Four?"

All I get out of her is a small shake of the head.

"Did he leave?"

This time, I get a nod.

"Tell me he went to get you some decent food! Wait, what the hell did I do wrong now? Did I not pack you the proper toothpaste flavor? That boy is cray cray BTdubs. Seriously, he should come with a warning label! I swear he thinks he's like your own personal sentinel." I quirk my head, so it's horizontal to hers, and I see that she's laughing in a really fucked up way. "Trrrrriiiiis?... Babe? Ya'll…right?"

"No," she laughs almost maniacally. "No, no, no, no, no."

"Where's…Foooouuurrrr?" I ask because Señorita Coo Coo is starting to make me nervous.

"Gone." She says it like it's no BFD.

"Gone…where?"

"No clue." Same tone—like it's no BFD.

"Will you please sit up and talk to me?... Come on." I lean over and pull her up by her elbow as she screeches. "Holy fuckity fuck, I'm sorry!"

She starts laughing as she grabs her side and pushes herself up. "Hey, if it were up to me, I would have you do it again!"

"Are you nuts?!"

"Because _that _is the kind of hurt…I can handle."

"What happen—"

"He knew," she states with a spark in her eye. As if someone tried to start a flame with a lighter.

"I'm assuming we're talking about Four?"

"He knew." _Same spark._

"He knew…? Help me out here, kiddo."

"He knew Eric was looking for me." That time the lighter stayed lit.

"What?! How?! Is that why he's been acting insane for the last what feels like a million weeks?! But wait… What? I don't get it."

"Do the circumstances reeeeaaally matter?"

"I don't know… Maybe?" I think about that for a moment. He _had _to have had a good reason…right? _Fuck! Tell me I'm right! _"No, I take that back. Yes, they definitely do."

"They don't," she snaps. "He knew Eric was looking for me. He didn't tell me. So, open season for Eric!"

"Okay," I say looking her in the eyes trying to bring her down to plant Rational. "How did he find out? And why didn't he tell you?"

"His father. And I don't…fucking…care."

"His…father… What's the connection there?"

"Christina!" she all but spits at me. "I…don't…care."

"You don't care _how_ or _why_ his father had that information?"

"Nope."

I don't believe her line of shit for one second. I need to ask the right questions. _What are the right questions here? Suggestive questioning!_

"So…his father _warned_ him about Eric?"

"No…" She rolls her eyes as if that's information I'm supposed to know. "He _threatened_ him with Eric. That if Tobias didn't break up with me…he would tell Eric where the _fuck_ I am."

"Why would his Dad—"

"Don't call him his _Dad!_"

"Okay, okay!... Um… So why would his…_father…_" I pause to make sure the formal expression of Dad is an approved noun.

She nods her head slightly in acceptance.

"Why would _he _what want you two broken up?... I'm sorry, sweetie, this is all just so fuckin' bizarre."

"And it doesn't matter!" _Whoa!_ "Tobias knew…and didn't tell me! He broke it off, just like his father wanted and left me wide the fuck open!"

"When you say it like _that, _it sounds pretty bad—"

"_Sounds _pretty bad?!"

"I'm agreeing with you here, Tris," I reassure.

I see her getting more and more flustered by the minute. She seems totallly at war with herself and I don't know how far to push her, or even if I should.

"So _how_ did Eric find you!?" _Go for the Gold, Chris! Geez… Can I ever control myself?_

"Apparently Marcus disclosed my location anyway."

I can tell that her switch just flipped. I'm going to get nothing but quick unthought-out answers. _But I'm not tossin' the towel yet!_

"Why?!"

"Don't care." _Bullshit flag! I'm throwin' it!_

"Four must be out of his mind," I shake my head trying to bait her. I watch her eyes shift a little, but I receive no response. "Why didn't he tell you he knew?!"

"Don't care."

"Translation—You don't know…?"

"I barely remember the God-damned conversation! And I really really don't want to! But if you're sincerely curious, _Christina, _get a hold of Nita. Just keep me out of it! I'm done." _Oh, no you're not!_

"Nita…ech… What the fuck does she have to do with this?"

"Oh, yeah… Ha! She's the one who told me."

"What the fuck—"

"Oh, hells yeah! Showed up looking like Lucifer's fuck buddy… Just strolled right in!" She flails her arm out to the side and then does some crazy laugh-shriek, grabbing her side.

"She probably does breath fire out of her crotch…or maybe it's herpes."

"Don't try to make me laugh."

"I was serious."

"She knew. He knew. They both knew—a lovely secret shared between Tobias and Nita. Wow…saying that out loud actually causes me physical pain." She laughs at herself…a little too much.

"Okay…um… _How _did she know?"

"Christina! I don't want to talk _any more_ about the who, what and why or _any_ other "w" word. All that matters is the following: He knew…for weeks…and he never…told me."

"Tris…there has to be more to this. He wouldn't just—"

"It doesn't matter—"

"TRIS, HE WATCHED YOU DIE!" I yell before she can spout anymore BS.

She gives me the classic yeah-okay look. "I didn't die. Jesus—"

"Oh, no, sister! You've been seriously misinformed or kept very ignorant but you died. Flat-lined… Dones-ville! They pounded on your chest for 12 minutes and 23 seconds. And that was it! Fuckin' doctors washed their hands of you…straight up walked away. They gave up! Fuck,_ I _gave up!… Stopped watchin' after I saw the long line travel across the screen. But _he_ didn't…_he_ watched the whole damned thing. Never took his eyes off you! Talkin' bullshit to you the whole time—face plastered to the window because it was the closest he could get to you... Tris? He just about died with you! In fact, I'm pretty sure you'll outlive him for at least a good 10 years because that's how many years you took off his life!"

She looks completely blind-sided by that information. _How has no one told her this? This lady is not the type to be tip-toed around!_

But I speedily see her expression change from disbelief to anger.

"_I_ took those years off his life? You're saying…that was _my _doing?"

"Come on, Tris. You know I didn't mean it—"

"_He_ did that! I wouldn't have broken bones and head contusions and an apparently near-death experience—"

"Not near-death…straight up death."

"Whatever! I wouldn't be in this bed if he would have just—"

"Yes, you would_." I don't want to play the blame game here but that is straight up crap._

"What's your logic there, Chris?" She crosses her arms and tries her hardest to hide the fact that that probably hurt like hell.

"Robert."

"What…about Robert?" she asks with a hitch in her not-at-all-sweet voice.

"He told you. That's why you freaked at the bar, right?"

She looks up at me without raising her head. "He told you?"

"No, you just did." _But I knew it! I fuckin' knew it! Damn her! _ "So, Tris? Four may have known and _supposedly_" (_Extra emphasis intended!) "_did nothing about it. But neither…did…you."

"Get out."

**End Flashback**

"Hello?"

"Shauna!" I smack her hand away. "Get your snippy snappy fingers out of my face!"

"Well…?"

All eyes are on me and I have no idea how much information I'm allowed to give. I'm really only here to find out what everyone else knows. A part of me wants to not give a damn and just lay it all on the line seeing as Tris has not been friend-of-the-year. But that's the way-less mature version of myself coming out. She's dealing with her own version of hell in a hand basket and if Four really did play the integral part she's claiming…I can't be the one to disclose.

"Look, she kicked me out too! We're all in the same boat here!" I turn to Will. "So Amar knows nothing?"

"I only know that Four has called him twice since he went MIA Sunday night—"

"Maybe he's a POW!" Uriah comments laughing…and he's completely alone on that one.

"Unlikely," Will gives Uriah a look which rarely graces his handsome face—annoyance. "Apparently he wants Amar to send him work. The second time, which was this morning, Amar said he sounded drunk so he wasn't going to send him I guess Four was okay with it, relatively speaking, because he claimed to be working on a project of his own—"

"His project better not be some random chick!"

Everyone stays silent, even Uriah, as we all just stare at Marlene. I am fully aware of her current status in the dingbats anonymous club…but, really?

"What?! Isn't that like…his weird coping mechanism?... I'm sorry, but Tris named off some of Four's 'projects' when they were broken up—"

"He didn't sleep with anyone okay now drop it," I get out in one breath before anyone else can agree with this beyond irrelevant detail.

"Are you…? Are you for real?... Thank you, thank you, thank you, God!" Zeke exalts throwing his hands up. "Randall?! Six shots of Jack, please!"

"Just five," Will adds while Zeke holds up six fingers to the bartender behind his back.

"Zeke, you're still not off the hook for that non-covert operation…"

"And, I'm sorry…but, he's Four!" Marlene, who is apparently still Team Tris and has yet to move on, continues. "Women throw their panties at him just so he'll make eye contact!"

"That ever happen to you, Will?" Zeke asks mockingly.

"Thankfully, no."

"He fucked around, I know it!"

"Does it count as such if they were broken up?" Will asks, making a semi-valid point.

"He watched her basically die! So can we cut the asshole a break?" I'm about to lose my mind with the ridiculousness of this conversation while also trying to remember that none of them really know the full story.

"Oh, yeah! Like the many breaks _you've _cut him?" Shauna chimes in accusingly. _Am I hearing this?! _"You're the one who should go easier on him—"

"Wait! She almost _died_? What the hell? Uri, did you—"

"HEY, HEY, HEY!" Uriah yells as we all fall silent. "I say, we let Lynn speak."

All eyes on Lynn as she takes the last sip of beer and stands up to leave. "Meh. She said he did something unforgiveable."

"Toldja," Marlene remarks as I sit there hoping no one asks me for more information on that front.

"Then she _tried_ asking if anyone's heard from him when I was on my way out…but I cut her off."

"Why?" I ask.

"I didn't feel like lying."

"What the fuck? You know where he is?!... Lynn!"

Perfect timing as she chases after the bus that is pulling up down the street. _I fuckin' hate her sometimes..._

* * *

**Tobias's POV:**

And I know I shouldn't because it's just reminding me of a thousand horrific things, but I scroll through my texts anyway.

I don't know how, maybe Christina gave it to her, but Evey got a hold of my cell number and sent me a text saying she would keep me updated.

**(5:41) Me:** How is she?

**(8:02) Evey:** Don't ever text me that early and I don't know.

**Me:** Find out.

**Me:** Please.

**(11:34) Evey:** She's not talking.

**Me:** Has she had visitors?

**(12:01) Evey:** Yes.

**Me:** Who?

**Me:** When?

**Evey:** These are the kind of questions I will not keep you updated on.

**Evey:** She sent a no visitor request to the information desk with itemized names.

**Me:** WHY?

**Me:** Is it stupid of me to ask if my name is on that list?

**Evey:** Yes.

**(2:00) Me:** How is she?

**(2:30) Me:** How is she?

**(2:42) Me:** Did you get my last text?

** Me:** texts.

**(4:00)** Evey: Still not talking.

** Me:** Please text me when she talks.

** Evey:** No.

**(8:00) Me:** Is she eating?

**(9:17) Me:** Is she talking yet?

**(2:15) Me:** Is she sleeping?

**(8:02) Evey:** Do not EVER text me in the middle of the night.

** Me:** Did she sleep?

**Evey:** No.

**Me:** Why?!

**(10:00) Evey:** Stop texting me. I will not respond.

**(3:00:) Evey:** She ate a little, she refuses to sleep, the doctors are discharging her in the morning.

**Me:** Who's picking her up?

**Evey:** I'm done. And I will block your number if you text me again.

...

"Fuck!" I grunt through gritted teeth even though my mandibular feels like it may disconnect. _That would actually be pure relief! _

I look at my phone again—5:58.

Acceptance has taken over my body. I can't _not_ think about her—not after what she told me, But I have come up with a strategy: ½ hour on, ½ hour off. I set my timer on my phone and let my mind wander wherever it wants for a ½ hour and then ding ding! Times up! Back to work on my dumbest most important project ever… I'm two minutes away from Tris time and I'm not sure if thinking about Tris is more stressful than not thinking about Tris. Right now, I'm so screwed up that I don't even care.

5:59… T minus one minute…

**Flashback:**

Seeing as Evey all but kicked me out of the room because _she_ was going to help Tris shower (And then she didn't even bring her damned pajamas in the bathroom!), I decided that instead of fulfilling my temptation to listen in at the door, I would take more productive measures and get some hot water for tea. I'm not much of a tea drinker, but the coffee here is the worst I have ever had in my life so tea is beyond welcome. In fact, I think my taste buds may just high-five each other.

I'm sincerely nervous to see Tris because I don't have the slightest idea what to say. _So...uh…how did it go in there? Where are you on the smiley face chart? How can I make this all go away for you because I will do it—_

"—here you are…like…well, like _this_ and what the hell is wrong with him—"

"Nita," I snarl at a decibel incredibly lower than my relatively low decibel. My vocal chords responded before my mind could catch up.

_Nita Juares…is sitting on Tris's bed. Nita Juares…shows up within an hour after Tris endured a rape test kit. Nita Juares…is Satan's spawn._

"Tobias, I was just trying to fill in the blanks for poor Tris…" I watch with contempt seeing as she just called me _TOBIAS _and she is petting the woman I adore like a cat. "But it's more like a blank slate…"

"What did you do?" I ask desperately as I take in Tris's appearance.

She looks nearly as pale as when she almost died and she isn't putting forth much effort into looking at me. I'm hoping that's a conscious choice and not because she's too weak to lift her head.

"Well, I came to tell you that _Daddy_ is handling the whole Marcus thing and—"

"What?" I turn to stone at the mention of Marcus's name.

"Marcus! He's the reason she…looks like a corpse—"

"What the fuck did you just say?" _Please, no… Please, no… Please, no…_

"She looks like a corpse—"

"Marcus! About Marcus!"

"Tobias—"

"Don't _fucking _call me that!" Where I feel nothing but warmth as my name passes Tris's lips, the utterance of it as it passes Nita's vile mouth makes me want to rip up my birth certificate.

"You _knew…_"

Those words—"You knew." They weren't accusatory. There was almost relief behind them… As if she had been reaching for an explanation of why this happened to her…and she found it. I can understand how there would be a weight lifted off her, but matter can never truly be destroyed, it has to go somewhere. And I almost feel the same—It was Marcus. Now I know. Now I can react.

My anxiety must not be far behind my over-rationalization because I find myself spilling scalding water on my hands as I rid myself of the cups on the table and fuck up all speech.

"Tris I… I can explain everything…" I realize I'm standing there like an idiot clawing at the back if my head. "I just don't know where to start… I need a minute…"

And that's the God's honest truth because if I'm going to be of any use I need to figure out what the fuck is going on. Starting with the demonic plague…

"Why are _you _here?" I spit as I take a purposefully forceful step toward her.

She flinches slightly at my demeanor before she continues. "Daddy sent me to check on her! How is this a surprise? I mean, you knew Daddy was just messing with your father."

Apart from the fact that she called him 'Daddy'—only a Grade-A demented individual uses a term of endearment in the 3rd person—there are two things that stand out, and I have no idea which to address first: The fact that Carlos sent Nita to check on _Tris, _or that Nita seems to know everything!

The only people who knew I had figured everything out were Amar and…_Jack Kang_… Flashes of his family come forth and I say a silent prayer for their safety.

"Didn't you find out—"

"Wednesday! I just found out Wednesday, Tris! Tris, Tris, Tris… That's what I tried to tell you that night!" I slam down on my knees next to her not giving a motherfuck how crazed I look. "Baby, please look at me… I didn't… Tris?...Tris!"

I try to get her attention because her demeanor is beyond disconcerting. I have no idea if she's even listening or comprehending any of this. _Why can't you be hysterical!? Please, just lose your shit! I can take it!_ _And I'm not fucking leaving! _I groan because I can't even begin to understand what's happening inside her head—world's colliding, that's for sure.

"You knew Eric was looking for me…"

She says it so lightly, almost flippantly…and without looking at me. My hand feels suddenly wet. I don't even remember grabbing hers but tears are dripping from her chin onto my white knuckles as I squeeze her limp digits… _Maybe if I squeeze harder, she'll reciprocate…_

"Yes… I didn't tell you because you worked so hard to…move on and I thought… I didn't think Marcus would… I don't even know where to start—"

"Well, you can start by—"

"_GET OUT!... Get…the…fuck…out!" _My voice breaks like an adolescent as I shout at her.

I am all for…100% for…_not_ hitting a woman…ever. But throwing her out a window?! I'm on board! But this window isn't open… So the hallway it is!

I make the snap decision, not regretting it one bit, to toss Nita out of the room on her ass.

"You are a disgusting excuse for a person…and are now at the top of my list of my worst regrets and mistakes…EVER! And that is very very telling! If I never see your caustic, hateful, ugly face, it will still be TOO GOD-DAMNED SOON!"

The look I have been highly anticipating for the past several months, I have FINALLY been graced with—hatred.

"Do you have any clue what you just did? Do you have a conscience? Do you know what she just went through? If it were up to me and if I had the ability I would chain you to a chair, duct tape your fake lashes to your eyebrows and make you watch exactly what happened to her you stupid, stupid bitch—"

"Tobias!" I actually start at the sharp, angry voice of Evey. "That's enough."

I keep my eyes trained on Nita but I am thankful for Evey's interruption because I have no clue what else would have come out of me."

"Thank you—"

"Leave," she deadpans in her even voice that commands attention.

I watch Nita laugh lightly and bend down to fix the back of her shoe that slipped off her foot. She had evidently assumed Evey's was coming to help _her._ I know better—she's watching out for Tris. _Something I should be doing…right now. Tobias, you're a fucking piece of shit dumbass._

"Gladly. Oh, and you're welcome, TO-BIAS! Now with everything out in the open…you both can…ya know…work it out! Good luck with that!"

I squeeze my eyes shut hoping to wring the image of Nita out of them like a wet rag ridding itself of water. I don't open them until I can no longer hear Nita walking down the hall. I need to calm down before I go back into Tris's room so I walk to the end of the hall and back, breathing deeply the whole time. I have absolutely no strategy on how to handle this seeing as _I, _myself, have been presented with brand new information to deal with. There is nothing left to do but start from the beginning and pray to God she lets me, then pray even more that she forgives me.

I stand at the door and watch as Evey adjusts her blankets speaking softly to her. Tris's face is turned toward the window. Evey glances at me, grabs her tablet and walks toward me, stopping within inches of my face.

"I'll call security if anything like that happens again. Do you understand me?"

I nod my head in complete understanding and frankly, in agreement with her. Also reflecting on how much that sounds like something I would say.

"Is she—"

"She's asleep."

"She fell asleep?" I ask mind-boggled.

"It's called _emotional…exhaustion_."

"_God_…" I run my hands down my face and pace looking up at Tris every ½ second.

"She can't handle things like that right now."

"I _never_ would have allowed—"

"Yet you did anyway."

"I didn't—"

"Were you not just yelling at another woman at the top of your lungs in the middle of her room?"

"Yes… But this…_woman_," I growl. "Trust me, Tris would have been _right_ there with me if—"

"If she hadn't been attacked, almost died, sustained life-threatening injuries, and forced to revisit every detail of the experience while having a rape test performed on her then yes, _Tobias_, she may have been right there with you."

I stare at the floor in shame…literally hanging my head as Evey breezes past me exiting the room. Then I slowly walk to the side of the bed so I can see her face—it's still wet from tears.

"Tris," I whisper in desperation under my breath, not loud enough to rouse her.

I can't believe I even got her name past my lips. I pull up the lounger chair and quietly seat myself, laying my head on the bed right by her legs.

"I love you…so much." _And please don't let that be the last time I say it…_

**End Flashback**

"So…I see you're still here…"

I swallow, biting my tongue and look up with only my eyes at the blond girl, who is seating herself at my table…_again_.

"I didn't bring you anything because you never said thank you," she remarks as if I give a shit about her bringing me dinner. "And…I can see you drew, or intricately crossed out, my number…severely."

I clear my throat and lean forward, inspecting my labyrinthine design purposefully drawn as to mask the monstrosity that is her phone number on my A:LOG.

"Yep."

"Ya know, I didn't ask you this earlier and I suppose I should have. Do you have a girlfriend?"

"No." _I don't know if it makes me happy or sad that saying that aloud doesn't crush me anymore… I'll have to think about that…but not now._

I look down again at my notes as she continues talking. I take this chick's bullshit interruption as a sign from God that I don't have to relive the rest of that nightmarish event at this moment—because that's exactly where my train of thought was taking me. Although, I suppose it's ingrained either way—I wasn't there but it feels like I was. The few times I've dozed off, it feels like I'm watching it happen to her…just watching… My mind has filled in the blanks enough where I have a fairly clear visual of what happened—like with my mother. I saw the aftermath and my mind filled in the blanks. The difference with Tris being, I had a lot fewer blanks to fill—Maybe just the location of the chair as it slammed against the wall… Or where it landed after it slammed into her back causing her to slump down the door and land on the floor in a pile, probably dragging her beautiful face along the wooden paint-chipped door. I wonder if the nurses had to remove splinters. He had to have thrown the chair at her hard enough to hit a nerve on the back of her neck and make her pass out... Unless her head smashed into the door… That could be where she got her head wound. I'll have to think about that one… I don't really know which chair it was either—hers or Christina's? Also, when he was on top of her, I'm not quite sure if she was horizontal or vertical on her bed…so I'm guessing horizontal. It would make the most sense, seeing as she was unconscious when he put her there… Why would he take the time to properly lay her on the bed? Where's the need in that—"

"Uh… Are you…okay?"

I look up at her with only my eyes again as I furrow my eyebrows in confusion and nod my head at her before going back to work. Wiping the array of wet drops off my paper, I groan as the red ink smears and I see this idiot's phone number come through again.

* * *

**Tris's POV: **8:00 Tuesday night

I feel a presence at my door and I don't have the strength to do anything about it.

"Just wanted to say 'goodbye.'" The even keel voice and straightforward gait of Evey approach my bed. "I'm off tomorrow."

"Bye, " I glance at her sideways knowing I should give her a proper goodbye…but…

"Take care, Tris."

"Thanks."

But she stops half-way through the room and comes back. "There's something I wanted to ask you, though."

"What?" I turn my head. This is the first person I've made eye contact with since Tobias stumbled out.

"You called me 'Evelyn' when you woke up…the first time."

"Hmm." _No energy to figure that one out._

"I just thought it was weird. People say strange things when they come out of sedation all the time so I don't know why this stuck with me, but…"

I shrug my shoulders until something clicks. I'd really rather not discuss it, but—

"Well, that's Tobias's mother's name and…I don't know. Well, she had been on my mind quite a bit before I ended up in this hell hole, so..."

"It's actually my full name, too."

I nod my name, thinking about that. _Evelyn. _"It's a pretty name. I like older names…so… Except mine…my name sucks." _Conversation…this feels good._

"Tris is an older name?"

"Beatrice."

"That's pretty bad."

I like how Evey says things without feeling the need to smile just to make someone feel better. My name blows goats and that is legit.

"Well, _mine_ is actually my birth mother's name. I introduced myself to Tobias as Evelyn…which is strange because I've never done that. No one calls me Evelyn."

"Huh... You may not know this but it's also strange that he _let _ you call him Tobias." I laugh a little. "He usually cringes at the thought." I pause not wanting to keep talking about him but really, really, wanting to talk about him. "How _did _you know his name is Tobias?"

"You did that."

"I…did that?"

"You kept asking for some guy named Tobias in the ambulance. Apparently you wouldn't shut up. Well, that is, until you passed out from pain and shock."

We make eye contact and she seems to take that as it being safe to continue.

"I figured it out…real fast…who this mystery Tobias guy was just by the look on his face. He looked like he needed some kind of reassurance so I asked him who Tobias was… Want to know what he said?"

I nod my head.

"The man who loves her…more than he has ever told her."

I feel a tear slide out of my left eye that I quickly wipe away. Evey seems to get the hint to move past that total bullshit.

"Should I add fuel to the strangeness?" she prompts.

I shrug my shoulders. "Sure…"

"That's my son's name…Tobias. Well, we call him Toby."

"Wow." _That is pretty weird…_

"So one more thing, now that we've talked I don't feel like I'm _totally _overstepping. I…wanted to give you this." She pulls a business card out and sticks it in my duffel bag. "Our psychologist is a total phony… This lady's the real deal. When you're ready..."

"Thanks." _Can't afford it._

"Don't hate me for this. Well, you can if you want…we'll probably never see each other again, but…"

"What?"

"I see it all…being a nurse."

"Yeah…"

""But him—the way he is with you... I've never seen that." _Well, that's just fuckin' great._

"Bye, Evey."

I stare straight ahead as all the moments since last Thursday flood my mind. The small sheepish smile on his face when I first saw him on the floor, how he was afraid to touch me yet was always keeping some sort of contact—laying his head in the crook of his elbow while we watched shows on my tablet…his index finger moving back and forth on my calf. How he held me, finally… When he said he loved me, and the amount of strength I garnered just by hearing those words… The torn look on his face that he didn't know I saw when I was being wheeled away to Gynecology. Him gently kissing my bruises, making my left leg feel clean again. I've been running my fingers over my bruises because it's the closest I'll get to his lips.

His face…the look on his face when I—

My tablet dings, diverting my attention thank God, and I see I have an email from some fucked up spam address. I know better than to open shit like this based on the virus that infiltrated my last tablet. Yet my finger stops, hovering one millimeter above the trash button when I see the subject line—Beatrice – I owe him this much…

_No one calls me Beatrice… Someone from Kittridge? Owes who? Jesus…this is about Eric… Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Wait…what if it's about Caleb?_

I immediately click on the message and see several video files. And when I say several, I mean upwards of 20 to 30 files, all arranged by date ranging from what seems to be the last two months, accompanied by a briefly worded message—Web search: Carlos Juares

So, I do just that and I'm immediately met with information of all different types, disturbing types, cringe-worthy types, the my-skin-is-crawling types—articles, forums, conspiracies, blogs… They almost always have the same words in the description—illegal arms dealer, South America, brutality, murder, gun violence, suspected, death…just to name a few. And the crimes this individual has been linked to—brutal death, torture…men, women, children…

"Why am I…?" I whisper to myself as I scroll through the pages and pages of information.

When I think I have a gist of who, exactly, this guy is, I don't quite know what to do with the information. He's a repulsive individual. He's like the El Chapo of illegal arms.

"Okay… Now what?"

This obviously has nothing to do with Caleb. The next logical step—preparing myself for the possibility that this could be just a virus. _Hackers could easily get access to my given name… Jesus! Did I really just look up that guy for nothing? Am I going to be tracked as a sympathizer? Like how the FBI tracks pedophiles? Is that how that works? Jesus, Beatrice! Let the paranoia set in!_

I lean my head back and close my eyes…yet all I can see are the family members he supposedly murdered on behalf of a delivery of the wrong caliber gun.

_Fuck! I know I have problems but…having my family murdered? At least, I'm not involved in that shit!... Fuck… What if this does have something to do with Caleb? He was heavily into drugs…and maybe other shit I don't know about? Oh, my God… _

Right then, I go into semi-panic and fear mode and immediately select the first video and squeeze my eyes shut, hoping it's a virus and praying that it won't affect my iTunes account because I haven't back it up to the Cloud in awhile.

But that's not what I hear… I hear, laughing…

"Tobias…"

I open my eyes and watch myself pull him to me roughly in the lobby at Dauntless as Nita rushes by in a huff. It's so surreal… I remember with perfect clarity—the entire exchange. I watch his face as he pushes me away lightly by my hips and I smile at his shy disbelieving face. I remember him asking if that was for "our benefit or hers."

It was the first time he got a taste of my nastiness.

But not the last and definitely not the worst…

**Flashback:**

I open my eyes, although it feels as if I've just closed them to see Tobias laying his head on the bed, looking at me. My heart melts as I see the sadness in his red eyes…until something deep inside me flushes forward like bile in the back of my throat—betrayal, contempt, confusion being at the top of a long list.

He immediately sits up and jumps in upon my sudden change in expression.

"Before you say a word can I please explain or try to explain because I have been running this through my head and the only way I can figure out how to start is from the beginning so—"

"No," I say flatly because I have absolutely no desire nor the particular strength to digest whatever reasons he may have for not telling me my violent bi-polar ex-boyfriend was looking for me.

I cannot even fathom any excuse in the world that would make up for that.

"I don't know what to do because I don't want to add anymore…_unpleasantness_…onto you—"

"_Unpleasantness_?"

"Okay, that was a _beyond_ insufficient adjective to describe what you—"

"What I've been through?"

"Yeah," he breathes out through pitiful, sad eyes.

"You really think you know what I've been through?"

"I…only from what I've seen, but…no, I would never say—"

"Why don't I tell you?"

The shit I had to describe, in detail, to a damned forensics person all comes forth and I can't fucking wait to tell him all about it!

"Um… You don't have to. I mean, it's not that I don't want to hear it. Fuck! _Want…_again…very poor choice of word." He's scratching the back of his head like a mangy dog. "I just don't want you to—"

"Don't want me to have to relive it?"

"Yeah," he says softly, making me ill.

"Well been there done that!"

"I know, I wish you didn't have to do that…with _Zeke_ of all people—"

"No, no, no… Zeke was a cake walk!" I laugh "Ever heard of an Assault/Abuse History?"

He shakes his head no. _Didn't think so, asshole!_

"It's basically the most detailed description of an assault you can give… And guess what, Tobias? I _got_ to participate in one of those…and not with a _kind_ person who cares about me, like Zeke. Nope! I was treated like a science experiment."

"Fuck…" He puts his damned hand on my leg and I roughly push it off me. I want no part of his body touching me. "Um…" He looks at me like I've stabbed him, pathetic. "I _hate_ knowing you had to—"

"You hate _knowing _it? I'm _so_ sorry for you, Tobias."

"I didn't mean it like—"

"Yep, my body was reduced to nothing but words—extraction, DNA, sample, semen, vaginal wall, forced entry, tearing, bruising, STD. Oh and my favorite… Earmuffs, Tobias—_impregnation_…"

I see the very pleasing look of both embarrassment and shame cross his face.

"Tris…if you _are_, we—"

"Are you serious?! THERE IS NO _WE_! THERE IS ONLY _ME! _I'm alone… I WAS ALONE! I was_ ALL_ ALONE!" I know I'm shrieking but it feels amazing. "I was alone when I walked into my apartment…and heard his voice-the voice that makes me feel like my ear drums are being ripped out when I hear it… He was sitting there…" I point to nothing even though for a moment it feels like I'm in my kitchen. "Right at my kitchen table as if he owned it. Psychotic bloodshot eyes and fucking demented look. Don't get me wrong, he was always borderline, but I'd never seen him look like _that—_insane and…he was like a God-damned animal! Did you know he was off the deep end, Tobias?"

The look of horrific guilt on his face says it all.

"You did, didn't you?"

He nods his head.

"Then why…didn't you—"

"Because if you knew, it would have put you in more danger than—"

"DANGER?! Are you fucking_ kidding_ me?! Let's continue with the danger part of the story. Where was I? Yes…okay… Here's when I knew I was really fucked…no pun intended…"

I watch him close his eyes at my perfectly snide remark.

"He stood up and I was so scared, that I couldn't move… I just stood there like a statue! He could have done whatever he wanted to me right there and I wouldn't have been able to do a thing about it! But then he started talking about _you_…and he knew down to the _minute_ how long you were at my place and he gave me quite the account… Well, that was right before he threw a chair across the room in a jealous rage. But, there is one thing..." I shake my finger as he looks at me evenly. "I need to thank you for! Thank you for staying! Because, honestly, who knows what he would have done, considering the state I was in… Ya know, drinking myself into forgetfulness being at the top of my to-do list…along with David, apparently… But you knew that too… Walked right in on that shit!"

I glance at him as blatant pain flashes across his deep eyes. _Fucking good!_

"But as it turns out, the show _you _provided him with was quite arousing as he literally…pointed…out…to me…while running his fingers up and down my arms, telling me how smooth my skin is… Do you know what that did to me, Tobias?"

I wait for his response but all I get is a quick shake of his head and a lot of heavy breathing.

"I whimpered like a puppy and peed my pants. That's how fucking scared I was! But he was so deranged that he didn't even notice, and I certainly forgot about it real quick, particularly when the psychopath made it very clear he would have killed you if you were there. You see, _Tobias_, the difference between you and me is that_ I_ cared about your safety and the idea of you…dead…made me FEEL DEAD!

"Tris…," he whispers as he tries to touch me again.

"Get your fucking hand off me!"

"Tris… Just STOP and listen—"

"Nope! My turn!"

"Please..." he pleads like a fucking three-year-old wanting to stay up past his bedtime.

"Oh, no! Feel free to exit, though… I can only imagine how torturous this is…_hearing _it. Well, I got to _live _it!"

I try to make eye contact but he's too much of a pussy.

"Oh, you're staying? You're actually going to stick around for something?"

He nods and rests his head in his hands because apparently looking at me is too difficult.

"Glutton for punishment? Something we've always had in common, right? Unless you're otherwise unaffected? I can only assume you are, seeing as you _knew_…the _whole_ time—"

"I had _no _idea Marcus would—"

"Yep! Play the blame game!"

"I'm not blaming_ anyone_ but myself right now!" he grits through a clenched jaw that he seems to never be able to control. "_Trust _me—"

"I'll never trust you again!"

"Fuck, Tris… Please," he breathes out, "tell me you don't mean that."

"Ya know what? You're right. I trust you enough to tell you the _whole _story!"

He moans some bullshit covering the bottom of his face with his hands, resting his elbows on MY bed. _Go sit on the damned cot!_

"So anyway, after he complimented me on my apparent physical transformation… Oh, man, Tobias…" I pat his arm congenially as I add a little side note. "_You _would have hated what I used to look like…probably wouldn't have taken a second look at me! Kind of like you're doing…right now."

He lifts his head and meets my eyes...his deep, hurting, begging blue dumb fuck eyes.

"So yeah…Then I _really, really, _noticed how batshit he was—sweating, walking in circles, telling me he "wants to be better, baby," and I need to "_let_ him be a better man." Well, honestly, I had pretty much had enough so I decided to be _me_ and put on an act of being _way_ stronger than I actually am—"

"It's not an act."

"It _is _a FUCKING ACT!" I wipe my eyes because it's total crap that I'm crying. "So I yelled at him, screamed at him, made fun of him… And ya know what it did, Tobias? It turned him on. Just…like…you!" I point out with emphasis. "I mean, don't you _love _it when I get all mad and _fiery_? Hmm… Something you two have in common?... And you know what's great? Flesh memory! Yep! I can still feel the tips of his fingers trailing down my stomach coming to rest right where he seemed to want me the most."

I demonstrate that for Tobias so he gets the idea and judging by his severe lack of complexion, I think he does.

"But, eh…I wasn't really in the mood. Plus, the last time we were together, he raped me over a table and, well, you don't really forget that shit. So yeah… I elbowed him in the gut and ran for the door! But I'm not quite sure if I made it there because apparently he threw a chair at my back which supposedly caused me to pass out because the next thing I know…yikes…he's on top of me and it was no-panty Thursday for Tris! Ripped 'em in half...or so I was told. I know, I know...been there done that, though, right, Tobias? Wow…these are amazing coincidences…"

He looks at me with almost blank eyes and I just want to clap my hands and scream "WAKE THE FUCK UP!"

"Anyway again, who knows what he did while I was 'asleep'" _You're welcome for the air quotes, dick!_ "No, wait! I _do_ know because he was kind enough to tell me that he _jerked off_ while I was taking a nap…something about decontaminating my bed. Hopefully, I can get that shit out of my comforter… Oh wait, forensics took it…_for…evidence_. Damn it!" I snap my fingers knowing how much Tobias loved that comforter...because it smelled like me. "Uh...moving on...he was in his boxers while he was grinding himself on me, and as you know, those aren't my favorite. But I digress... He was talking about "making this right" and telling me how beautiful I am.

He was super pumped about foreplay, too! I couldtell—no panties , so I felt lotsa stuff! But, don't worry, don't get jealous, okay? I told him to stop-begged him in fact. Many times! You know, on carnival rides there's that one person screaming to be let off the ride, but the crazy carnie isn't having it and just ignores the panicked shrieks until the person vomits and then they have to stop? Well, that was me! Eric obviously being the carnie. Except, I didn't vomit. At least, I don't think I did." I pause pondering that for a moment. "Hmm. I doubt Eric would have held my hair back! Thanks for always doing that BTW. You're just the best!"

I reach to pat his arm again but find that it's not there. So, I clear my throat and pause for a moment hearing nothing but Tobias's labored breathing and seeing nothing but the ceiling. _Shit..._

"So, the screams just weren't doing it and I had a Beatrice moment and just lied there, waiting for it to be over…"

I swallow, taken back to the moment when I figured out how to get Eric off me—I remember thinking about Tobias and me in the ring at Dauntless and it briefly connects that _that_ was the maneuver that may have saved me from being raped. _MAY have?… We still don't know now do we?_

"So, Tobias, I had a brilliant idea! I was going to _let_ him have the foreplay he wanted… And I did it! I let him. Yep…index finger! Shit…I think it was his index finger... That's like foreplay 101, right? Index finger first? This is embarrassing…my lack of experience is…staggering!"

I feel a very, very, very, sharp pang of guilt come forth as I realize I just stomped to dust what was once a very personal experience for both of us—

….

_"Tris? Did I do something wrong? I can stop."_

_I shake my head in utter embarrassment as he removes his finger. I glance at Tobias's face, seeing the worry and guilt and I wish I could sink into this bed and disappear._

_"Tris? God…I'm so sorry…I don't know what to—"_

_"Please stop talking for a minute."_

_I need to somehow stop the impending tears that are coming forth. Maybe I should run… I'm naked from the waist down. That would be weird. There is no way out of this situation without extreme mortification and yep! Here come the tears! I'm still incessantly shaking my head, knowing I need to give him some sort of explanation._

_"I've never... It felt so good… I didn't know how to… Fuck, this is humiliating!"_

_He doesn't seem phased at all by my behavior. It's more like he's trying to put together an equation. And then it clicks…and it's horrifying._

_"Tris? Have you ever had an orgasm before?"_

_"No… It's so fucking embarrassing."_

_"Jesus Tris. It should not be embarrassing for you. But it should be for whomever you were with."_

_My mind starts to travel back in time—Eric never touched me tenderly, never even tried to do anything to please me first, it was always painful, painful, painful instant gratification for him._

_"Tris, can I ask you something?_

_"Yeah," I whisper, thinking how awful I look completely laid out, topless, in front of this man—_

_"Would you like me to give you an orgasm?"_

_I know I've stopped breathing. That's not a question you just up and ask someone. But the way he says it—as if it's a gift and he expects nothing in return…like it would make his life if he could. And it somehow makes it not at all awkward…_

_"Tris, you can cry. I need to know how you are feeling, don't be shy. It's just you and me."_

…..

_I need to stop this… Why can't I stop? Because it feels good!_

"And…um…" I close my eyes trying to remember where I left off. " Well, let me just tell you, he thought it was pre-tty amazing… until I bit him in the shoulder. Now that _really _epitomizes the term 'flesh memory' because I can almost still taste actual flesh if I really try to relive it."

I take a few deep breaths and feel…much better.

"Umm…I also…jacked him in the hamstring… You remember how that feels, right?"

_I couple more deep breaths, Tris._

"Well, I have to be honest, I don't remember too much after that. Ummm… Just being beaten in the face… I'm assuming it's this side." I tap the left side of my face. "Unless I have some crazy bionic right side of my face… Don't think I do! But, with whatever he used…yeah, definitely kicked the shit out of me until I was unconscious again. Wait, I think I may have hit my head. That part's unclear…

Let's see, the rest, the rest, the rest of the story… Yes, somethin' came from somewhere buried deep down in me! I'm actually kinda proud of this—lemons outa lemonade and all that! Yeah, I threw his ass over the side of the railing. That…was…awesome!" I stop and wipe my eyes profusely. "Anyway, that's all I got for ya today! Any questions?"

The room is beyond quiet… Except for me… I think it's me… I wipe at my cheeks again, rubbing them raw.

I feel so empty… I'm not mad… I'm… I should feel better… The room is still unreasonably quiet and just then I realize I hadn't been able to bring myself to look at Tobias for the last part of the rant that was supposed to make me feel better. It did make me feel better… And that makes me feel worse, the fact that it made me feel better…

When I garner enough strength to look at Tobias… I see the front of his shirt looks like he walked through the rain and the reason the room was so quiet was because I don't think he was breathing. His face is beet red.

"Tobias?"

He sucks in a deep, shaky breath keeping his eyes trained on the end of the bed. Then he shakes his head and blinks. I watch him wipe his eyes furiously and then let out a quick laugh at himself.

"Tobias…I…"

"Uh…" He opens and closes his mouth twice before he can speak. "I'm so…sorry… I…never did… I didn't…ever help you… And I… I, uh…" I watch him stand up slowly as he smiles briefly out of the side of his mouth and scratches the back of his head nervously and confused. "I won't… I…"

Then he turns and walks out of the room stabilizing himself on the door jam…he doesn't make it past the nurse's station before he vomits…

I turn onto my side, welcoming the stabbing pain and cry…at myself and myself only, I cry and cry and cry…until a nurse comes in and that's all I remember…

**End Flashback**

"Oh...oh, God," I sob as I clutch at my shirt…anxiety, guilt, and grief overcoming me yet again. "Oh, fuck..."

"Is everything okay—"

"Just do what you need to do and go!" I yell at the nurse that just walked in as I select the next video truly not giving a rat's ass if she sees.

It's a lot of partials of Tobias coming and going from his apartment and me with him, kissing in the elevator…almost doing more than kissing in the elevator…almost having sex in the hallway…

"What the fuck is all of this?" I ask gripping the sides of my head as if I'm talking to someone.

I glance up at the nurse as she ignores me, rightfully so. I have to take several deep breaths to calm myself because I'm about to lose it as I watch my and Tobias's public relationship appear in front of me like Big Brother.

I find myself doing a lot of, "Um," and, "Jesus," and, "Holy shit, " until I get to one in particular: The Blackhawks Game

I watch in such utter shock and confusion the first two times that it literally doesn't even register what's happening. I have to scroll back and rewatch about five times, stopping at different parts each time.

_I get that this guy had an affair with Evelyn and he wants revenge… This must be the guy… Okay…he wanted Marcus to break Tobias and I up… Well, up-top to both of you douchebags because the dumbass did just that so congratu-fuckin-lations!_

I cover my face, chastising myself for not allowing myself to sleep because I am so so so not getting this! I've barely made it half-way through the video until I finally connect the guy's name, Carlos, to Carlos Juares.

"Oh, my God… Tobias, Tobias, Tobias…"

My mouth is hanging open…as in catching flies hanging open…

I select the next few videos as I see feeds of Marcus in his office making and accepting various phone calls. I seem to have snapped out of my trance because things are connecting now. He's talking about the commodities market with some guy named Joseph…I groan realizing he's using this guy to get early info on the corn market. It's dumb though…there's only one operation that's even remotely substantial enough to make the market budge—Oh, my…

_Joseph Monroe, Joseph Monroe, Joseph Monroe…._

My hands are shaking as I select the next video, more conversations that I don't have time for… And then the next video—more bullshit conversation that I will revisit. Then…Tobias… I recognize his sweats and T-shirt as what he was wearing the day we ran into Nita at his office.

I suck in a strong breath and almost jump back if that were possible to do in a bed as Tobias lifts his father out of his chair, punches him hard and then throws him back into his chair sliding him against the wall. _I don't know how I feel about that..._

_"You fucking stay away from her, you sick, demented son of a bitch!" _

"Oh, my God…"

_"…is Miss Prior by the way? Quite the scotch drinker herself I hear!"_

"Did he just say my name?" I replay the last few seconds… "How the fuck does he know about the…scotch…?" I trail off.

The sheer amount of voyeurism that has been going on snaps itself into place in my thick, daft head.

_"…by toasting to your mother! To Evelyn!" _

I close my eyes and bite my lip as Tobias lands another brutal punch, leaving a twinge in my gut and my heart racing.

_"You don't get to say her fucking name! Never…ever…" _

I don't have the gall to open my eyes as I hear Tobias's strangled breath at the mention of his mother's name and then Marcus blaming her for everything. I don't need to open my eyes. I can see the look of confusion and torture on his face as his father goes on and on...

_"She was going to leave us—"_

_"She would never have left me—"_

_"Ha! Really?"_

My eyes shoot open at this as I watch the look on Tobias's face change from rage to disbelief to confusion.

_"… … Extra time at the Pedrads'? Ice cream?... She was saying goodbye!... She didn't care anymore!...She gave up on us!"_

_"She gave up on you!... But…not…"_

A wipe away a tear I don't deserve to shed.

_"I'm sure you remember my friend and associate Carlos Juares?"_

_"That's an interesting way to describe your relationship with the Mafia. But, yes…I've kept tabs on your bullshit business dealings making sure you keep me the hell out—"_

_"He…was her lover…" _

My mind takes a time-out as only my subconscious picks up on Marcus's admission and further explanation to Tobias… My jaw clenches as he discloses Carlos's complete bullshit idea of Nita and Tobias together. _Was her obsession all an act? She is an excellent actor if that's the case!... And did Tobias end up…going along with it? God, please tell me no…_

_"You and I got in the way of his obsession with your mother…you in particular… You were the reason she wouldn't leave me sooner…. And then she died before she had the chance."_

"What the fuck?!" I sit up straight as the dull ache in my side burns, and replay Marcus's last sentence.

_"You and I got in the way of his obsession with your mother…you in particular… You were the reason she wouldn't leave me sooner—" _

"He never fucking said that…"

I reflect back on the conversation Carlos and Marcus had at the Hawk's game. Carlos all but told Marcus he holds no ill will toward Tobias…

This is how Marcus did it. This is how he got to Tobias. He played him on his emotions. The best thing about Tobias…

_And his fucking father exploited it and I will murder him if I ever get my hands around his thick neck!_

And now I let the tears fall… They fall as I hear Marcus blatantly lie to Tobias about Carlos not caring if I live or die. They fall as Tobias defends me, looking like he may pass out—his pacing and running his hands through his hair and down his face in worry. I can see his logic and his emotions at war with each other…and I know which one will win in the end.

I shake my head and tap my finger to stop the recording but it just ends up enlarging the image so I tap it again to minimize it—

_"Marcus. Took you long enough…"_

I whimper at the voice as I tap frantically at the screen to make it stop but all it does it freeze up with the audio continuing…

I squeeze my eyes shut and wipe at my hot, wet face. I know I should just throw the tablet across the room to make it stop…but I don't. For Tobias's sake, I need to hear this.

I take what feels like many, many, many deep breaths before I can listen again. Throughout the recording, I go through the gamut of emotions-fear being at the top of the list. But anger at myself being a close second followed by shame, regret and then loss. Especially when the visual feed catches up with the audio and I watch Tobias's face reacting to Eric's vile commentary. I can't keep my eyes off him. _He's in pure misery…_

_"Better than ever! I finally have a clear head! That shit…really fucked with me!... She always knew it! This time, I'll make it special… That's all she ever wanted. That last time… it wasn't special… I'm sorry, baby! I hurt her…her beautiful face, I held it right there… I fucked her right there, hard, bent over on the table…"_

I break out in a cold sweat and have to close my eyes, again, as my mouth waters signaling the physical need to vomit. I cover my mouth but my mind is averted as Tobias's face goes slack as he turns his forehead into the wall, punching it over and over.

My senses catch up to me and I let out some groan-moan-sob as a nurse walks in, who I subsequently scream at before continuing to cry.

_I can't believe it… Oh, my God… What did I do? What did I do? What did I do?_

"I blamed…_him_… I did it… I…FUCKING did that!" I look around to find myself off my bed and pacing the room like a lunatic. "He knew… But_ I_ knew, too… He tried to protect me…in a _really_ dumb way… But…but…I knew and I _REALLY_ did nothing… Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit!"

I need to call…someone! I run, in pain, over to my phone and call Christina. She answers immediately.

"Tris!? Holy hell! You—"

"Where's Tobias?!"

"No one knows—"

"_WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN NO ONE KNOWS_?!"

"Tris—"

I hang up the phone before she can say anything else.

"Shit!"

I frantically select her annoyingly beautiful face again and she answers immediately.

"312-546-7808," reciting his number without me even having to ask.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

I hang up and my heart starts racing as I shakily dial the number, fucking up three times until I finally hit the green button…and it goes STRAIGHT to voicemail.

"Damn it!"

But I listen anyway relishing in the sound of his voice—I hear his deep sigh as if making his voicemail recording is the hardest thing he'll have to do. "This is Four… Leave a message."

"Um…hi. Please…call me. I'm… Please, call…me. Just…" I hang up the phone feeling like a fool.

"He fucking hates me… Jesus, I hate me…"

I think to myself how I should probably text him, but that just seems lame to me right now.

_I need to talk to him! I need to see him! But he definitely doesn't need to see me like...this! Calm down and sort shit out, calm down and sort shit out..._

"Okay, Tris. Nose-breathing…"

I take six-and-a-half nose breaths before I'm able to walk myself back over to my bed grabbing my duffel bag carefully and rummaging through it for my phone charger. _I mean, what if he calls and my phone dies? Fuck, he's not gonna call and you know it... Be prepared! _

I decide that I'm going to wait until it is at least 60% charged before I call again. _I can do that! 60%... Okay, 60%... Maybe, 30%... Yes, 30%..._ I continue to negotiate with myself until it hits me that my phone charger is nowhere to be found. I think about the sneaky nurses and how it would be _so_ like them to put my charger away where it didn't belong while I was dozing. So, I open the large side pocket and voilá! _T__here's the charger!_ _Bullshit nurses hiding my shit!_ Just as I rip it out of the bag, I see a white T-shirt. I recognize it immediately to be Tobias's—one of the shirts Christina supposedly had thrown away.

"Mother…fucker…" I cry as I pull it out and bury my face in it crying like a total fool. _It still smells like him... Ohhhh..._

_The pain I put on his face… He threw up all over the nurse's station! I did that! Holy Mary, I did that…_

Apparently I'm sitting on the floor in near hysterics sobbing into a T-shirt...but I stop myself when I almost blow my nose into it. Then I start laughing like a hyena because how fucking fitting would that be—I have the best thing ever…right in front of me…and I blow my nose in it! _I blew my nose all over Tobias!_

I rip my sweatshirt off, ignoring the ache in my side and pull the T-shirt over my head. It immediately almost falls off me and I curse myself for losing weight again.

"Fuck…you! You skinny ass bitch," I whisper through shaky sobs as I adjust his T-shirt.

"Tris?"

"What?" I ask the nurse without and gusto as my shoulders slump.

"We have a different coffee machine. Would you like a cup?"

"You don't have to be nice to me. I'm a terrible person." I wipe my nose on the shirt.

"I know."

I look at the floor and start doing the quiet laugh—where only your shoulders shake, but you make no noise.

"Okay, sweetheart. Go take a walk. This floor is just one big square. Keep making left-hand turns… You'll find the new coffee machine."

"Your coffee sucks."

"Yes, dear."

I nod my head and push myself off the floor then shuffle down the hall, keeping my head down and continuously lifting the hem on the T-shirt, wiping the tears from under my eyes. I do the ugly cry for about 10 steps before a candy striper comes at me with a box of tissues. I take one and then start laughing like a maniac because it reminds me of Tobias's candy stripper comment.

"What a fuckin' idiot!" I inform her, clapping her on the shoulder. "Thank you." I blow my nose and give her back the tissue.

I feel her stare as I walk down the hall trying to pick up on the scent of shitty ass coffee. After what seems like 10 miles and 80 turns, I come upon a small room with the faint smell of coffee. There are couches and chairs and-

"What…the…hell?" I whisper as I see the coffee machine has not been fixed, my sense of smell has failed me and that nurse is a sneaky, sneaky ass-faced liar—

"Coffee machine's broke."

I freeze as my mind plays tricks on me...but I decide to check anyway, just in case it's real. Spinning around, I see the most gorgeous, haggard, handsome, exhausted face ever, sitting at a table in the corner…and all I can do is stare… He's making notations in red but has a mechanical pencil behind his ear like a geek.

"I told you…" he sighs wearily as he switches writing utensils, erasing some scribbles on his notebook while I stand there like an ass. "…I won't leave you." Then he shrugs and squints his eyes at whatever the hell he just wrote. "…ever."

"Tobias…" I breathe it out as a question as he glances up at me, sizing me up, twice. "I…"

He scoots his chair back and takes his glasses off, tossing them on the table. I walk over to him, stupid tears streaming down my face. I'm absolutely dying to have a rom-com moment—the girl launches herself into the boy's arms, and they make-out like high schoolers with the worst movie score ever playing in the background. But number one—it's not our style and number two—we're more than cheesy romantic comedy status.

So I just walk closer as he leans back in the chair, crossing his arms. Once I get close enough where our knees are almost touching, he closes his eyes and shakes his head, takes a deep breath and slowly, bows his head, resting his eye sockets on the heels of his hands. The top of his head is pressed into my abdomen and I rest my hands on either side of his head. I inhale his presence because right now I equate him to oxygen.

It takes me a moment to find the words because I have absolutely no idea why the hell he's here. Why did he stick around after the way I treated him? He should be half-way or all the way to South-East Asia-just to get away from the images I planted in his head.

Then...snap...the puzzle piece.

...

_"He never hurt me,_though—not _ physically or even verbally. Emotionally, _yes—never _ showing me an ounce of love, but…" He takes a breath. "I can't believe I never did anything or told anyone."_

_"Tobias—"_

_"Don't say it's not my fault."_

...

He's been shouldering the guilt of not doing anything about his mother's abuse for 16 years. _He doesn't want that for me._

"You let me blame you…" I trail off closing my eyes.

I feel him nod his head against me.

"I needed that. And you knew..."

He nods again.

"Thank you," I whisper as I run my fingers through the curling ends of his hair.

I know he did that for me. He took on what I couldn't. I shake my head in shame at how fucking weak that is. He would disagree, but he would be wrong.

The tips of my fingers are wet and I look down to see Tobias's hair is as well. He reaches up, keeping his head where it is and grabs my left hand, kissing my knuckles quickly and then enclosing it between his two hands.

I have absolutely no idea what to say so I just stand there and run my fingers down his neck and up through his hair, welcoming the blankness in my exhausted mind.

"I love you..." It's a cross between a sigh and a cry, but I don't care. I'm so fucking glad I said it and that I didn't even think about it.

Lifting his head, he knits his eyebrows together. I see the redness in his eyes and I die a little on the inside. Then he leans back pulling me with him gently so I'm seated sideways on his lap. Our faces are within inches of each other and I nervously lean in to touch our cheeks-just a small sweet kind of reassurance, nothing mind-blowing. But he jerks his head back looking at me skeptically, making me instantly nervous. _Shit._

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" he quips.

"Uh, I said…I love you?" I again, have to choke it out and it almost sounds like a gurgle.

He turns his head and whispers in my ear.

"Yeah, that didn't help."

I smile briefly picking up on his sarcasm and then clear my throat as he backs his head up again, lifting his chin.

"I love you." I whisper it but it's clear, worded like a promise, solidified by my unwavering gaze into the depths of his softening eyes.

His hair is soft under my fingertips, I notice. I didn't even know I had placed my hands on either side of his head, and without thinking twice, as I run my thumb over his lower lip, smiling as his breath hitches a little and he tightens his hold on me. I feel his biceps tense on my right side, pulling me closer. Then the soft feeling of his knuckles running up the underside of my arm, coming to rest over my heart. He grins slightly, obviously pleased at how fast it's racing.

But that's all I've got because my lips are on his, resting there for a moment, just touching, not even kissing. Until I feel his tongue flit over my bottom lip and yeah…not slow and sweet…but urgent and making up for serious lost time. Our tongues practically meld together and my hands roam from the roots of his hair to the back of his neck as I grasp at him. I'm faintly aware of the pain in my side and he must be too as he pulls away a little and looks at me, smoothing my hair down with both hands but not moving further than a few centimeters from me. I smile and I'm so close that out lips touch.

"God, I missed that," he murmurs, puts his lips softly on mine again kissing me sweetly and slowly.

"My smiles or my kisses?" I ask running my tongue along his lower lip making him smirk and sigh.

"Neither," he responds in jest as he kisses my cheek softly keeping his lips millimeters from my cheek. "I missed you saying you love me."

I run my hand up the back of his head twisting his longer hair in circles with my fingers. "When did you turn into a sappy bastard?"

"Apparently," he ghosts my lips with his, "the moment I laid eyes on you—the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." He places his lips on mine, not kissing just lingering for a moment before talking again. "And if that accurate statement…makes me sappy…" This time, I lean in, completely interrupting, and kiss him for longer than necessary, sighing into his mouth and capturing his tongue as he runs his hand up through my hair, holding my neck.

It doesn't go unnoticed that he puts his hands in the perfect place to take the pressure off my ribs as he holds me, also allowing us to stay practically glued together. We talk about nothing in particular, not moving beyond inches away from each others' faces and kisses-Some kisses more urgent than others. But we mostly just chat in sweet jest—laughing at this and that. How the nurses took pity on him (I don't find that particularly funny, seeing as it's because of me that they even had to take pity) and allowed him to stay and how his mild flirting helped. Translation-he smiled at them.

"We have so much to talk about," I say softly running my thumb along his jaw, leaning into his ear.

"I _will _tell you everything." He leans back and looks at me intensely. "Even if I know you don't want to hear it. Okay?"

I nod my head. "Me too." I have more to tell him than he knows…and he will _hate_ it. _I'm worried._

I adjust myself on his lap but he tightens his hand on my thigh, "Nooooo… Nope."

"What?"

"The _only_ thing, keeping me from losing complete control is the fact that my legs are asleep, so please don't move."

He looks away almost as if he regrets that comment an I can help but try to hide my smile as I feel a slight swell under my legs.

"And don't bite your damned lip either," he grunts under his breath while leaning in and kissing my neck, humming against it as he breathes me in. He continues with sweet kisses while I close my eyes in comfort.

"Tobias?" I groan. "I'm sooooo tired."

He matches my groan in seeming relief. "Holy fuck me too."

"I wanna go home, or..." I swallow _really_ not wanting to go back to my apartment now that hopefully I won't have to. "…leave."

He leans back stating casually, "Then let's go."

"Now?"

"Mmm hmm."

"Can I—"

"Just don't try to sue for mal-practice," he laughs lightly.

"Pretty sure the nurses may try to sue me. Or you for that matter," I comment turning his very handsome albeit wrecked face from side to side.

"Why me?" he asks with offense.

"You look like a psychopath. They probably feared for their lives."

"Prior? You're the one…not wearing pants. I think I'm in the clear."

I look down at my legs just now realizing I had wandered down the hall...in my _underwear._"

"Oh, my God something is wrong with me! Holy shit! Why the fuck didn't you say anything?" I ask accusingly.

"_Me?_" He picks up his phone. "41 minutes ago…was _not_ the right time to tell you that you look nuts-beautiful, yet nuts. How exactly did you achieve this?" he inquires looking me up and down. "Nice shirt by the way." He pulls on the hemline of his T-shirt as his face reddens a little in warmth.

"Tobias Eaton, are you blushing?"

"No."

"Yes."

"I like you in my shirt, okay?" He sighs not making eye contact.

My eyes travel to his lips again. And because I can't help myself I lean in for another tasty kiss loving his immediate response.

"So much for not having a girlfriend?"

I turn as some dumb bitch interrupts my taste buds.

"Oh, her?" Tobias tips his head at me as I sadden a little at the fact he had to tell this idiot who I guarantee has been hitting on him for the last two days that he doesn't have a girlfriend._ Girlfriend... Doesn't sound right, anyway. _"She's my sister."

I stifle a laugh as he pulls me to him dramatically attempting to kiss me but laughing instead until the crazy chick leaves.

"So, can I take you home…now?" He kisses me leaving his lips on my cheek.

I know he's talking about his place. I don't even have to tell him the prospect of my apartment terrifies the hell out of me. _He knew…_

**_Maroon 5 - Won't Go Home Without You_**

* * *

**_AN: _**This is the end of the first story! If you are so inclined you may pass go (I don't have $200 to give you) and land on Forgive Don't Forget (Part Two).

(For those that haven't played Monopoly...#1-you should, and #2-you get $200 when you make it around the board.)


	47. Part 2

I meant to add a fake chapter just to point people in the direction of Forgive Don't Forget (Part 2). So here it is!


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